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  • Pick Up Lines To Get Impression on Girls. Use it When First Meeting Her

    Pick Up Lines To Get Impression on Girls. Use it When First Meeting Her

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    Last updated January 29, 2023

    We all know that awkward moment when you have a thing for a girl but don’t really know how to start the conversation. That is when pick up lines come in handy. However, that is a tricky tool, as you should avoid some dirty jokes, unless you want to get spanked. We bet you don’t, so have picked the most balanced, funny, and romantic flirty pick up lines in 2023 that will help you to start a conversation with a girl. These pick up lines sound casual still carry within them some hidden messages that may push a girl towards you.

    It doesn’t matter if you are meeting a girl on a subway station or chatting to one via a dating website, you can use any of the pick up lines mentioned below. According to Wiki pick up lines can be romantic, humorous, rude, gentle, etc.

    Here you will find 30 best pick up lines to start a conversation with any woman, the meaning of which won’t crash on the language barrier and cultural differences.

    Why Is It Important to Make an Impression on a Girl From the First Meeting?

    The answer is simple: because further communication depends on it. The first impression cannot be made twice and the acquaintance cannot be replayed. People form a primary opinion about a person in 15 seconds of interaction. Of course, there are situations when the first impression is deceptive, but you need to at least earn a chance to prove it if the acquaintance goes wrong. You will immediately get the location of an unfamiliar girl if you have a pleasant perfume.

    The way you look, and how you start a conversation using the best pick up lines, is the main thing that a girl remembers about you at the very early stage of dating. For the first time, it is this image of yours that will be fixed in her mind. If this image is not good enough, you will not get a chance to continue the acquaintance and become for her more than friend at least.

    This is the importance of an original, competent, and catchy first phrase. If this does not provide half the success, then it entirely depends on it whether there will be an opportunity to show oneself from the best side. Try to make a good impression with the best pick up lines to get a girl right away and in the future, it will be much easier to build healthy relationships with her.

    Daring Pick Up Lines for 2023

     flirty pick up lines 2023

    1. Are you religious? Cause you’re the answer to all my prayers.

    There are lots of religious people and young attractive ladies are no exception. Even when they know you are joking talking about your prayers, they subconsciously perceive this more serious. So, this pick up line might work in 2023.

    2. Somebody call the cops, because it’s got to be illegal to look that good!

    What are the best pick up lines? That’s the classic one. However, it will make her shy and flattered. Modern women love when their attractiveness noticed. Moreover, it work work both in the bar and on free dating sites online.

    Victoriya

    * If you register today you will get 60 VIP credits for free with no further obligations.

    3. If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

    This pick up line should Shakespeare-ish. It shows up your romantic side and alludes to your serious intention. Contemporary girls are looking for serious relationships that make this pick up line highly appropriate when flirting with one.

    4. The best funny pick up lines: Is your body from McDonald’s? Cause I’m lovin’ it!

    Ba da ba ba ba I’m lovin it! Everyone knows this song. What a great trick when you use a well-known phrase that works as a catchy subject for the email. Anyway, she might no go out with you but keep her smiling when she passes by McDonald’s.

    5. Thank God I’m wearing gloves because you are too hot to handle.

    When you hear people saying modern young girls are shy or something, don’t trust it. They like feeling sexy and appreciate when you notice it. These girls put lots of effort into their appearance so treat them with compliments on a regular basis.

    Soft Pick Up Lines

    best pick up lines to get a girl

    6. Did it hurt? When you fell out of heaven?

    This is a very casual one that will help you to represent your admiration for both, the look and attitude of the girl you like. Even though it is kinda old one, but it still works in 2023.

    7. Is your name Google? Because you’ve got everything I’m searching for.

    It is one of the best pick up lines Reddit. This pick up like is similar to the one with McDonald’s one, but sounds like you have more serious intentions here.

    8. Is it hot in here or is it just you?

    Consider one of cheesy pick up lines. When you want to stress the sexiness of a girl without sounding too horny, go for this one.

    9. Didn’t I see you on the cover of Vogue?

    Well, that one sounds like a slaver, however, there are so many gorgeous girls outside. So you might feel watching models walking a fashion show.

    Intelligent Pick Up Lines

    What are the best pick up lines?

    10. Are you a dictionary? Cause you’re adding meaning to my life.

    Looking for cool Tinder pick up lines Reddit? Here it is. If you don’t want to sound like a moron when picking up an intelligent babe, go for this one.

    11. I must be in a museum, because you truly are a work of art.

    Stressing the glory of a girl you have a thing for is always a good idea. Such intelligent pick up lines never spoil your move.

    12. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.

    This one allows you to start a conversation with a pleasant note and channel it in the right direction.

    13. Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?

    In 2021 Modern girls prefer guys that make them laugh. So try to amuse her first chance you get.

    14. Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

    This pick up line will help you to break any ice between you two and definitely make her smile.

    Our Favorite Pick Up Lines

    funny pick up lines

    15. Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

    That phrase is one of the best sexual pick up lines. That phrase is great when you talk about career and other casual stuff just to make the conversation more entertaining.

    16. There’s only one thing I want to change about you, and that’s your last name.

    As most modern girls are dreaming about marriage, this pick up line is kind of a Bingo one. Hence, this is the way to show off you want to know her closer and discover different aspects of her being.

    17. Is your name Wi-fi? Because I’m really feeling a connection.

    As for the best pick up lines tinder, this phrase allows you to represent yourself as the funny and romantic guy at the same time which girls really adore.

    18. Wow, when God made you he was showing off. 

    It’s not about the religious aspect of this phrase but the expression of your absolute fascination with a girl’s beauty that wood hook even a non-religious woman.

    19. If looks could kill, you’d be a weapon of mass destruction. 

    The fact you should know about women is that they want to look attractive to everyone. Even if they are dating someone they still do their best to have all eyes. Make her feel she does it right.

    20. I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.

    You can use this phrase as an excuse when you feel you acting quite odd. Also, that can be a great counter-argument when picking up a girl in a bar or club that shows you mean no harm.

    English pick up lines 2023

    Here are some English pick up lines for 2023. They are called “English” because they are a bit classic and prim.

     best pick up lines Reddit

    21. Roses are red and my face is too, that only happens when I’m around you.

    This is a super classy and restrained English pick up line. Can be used in different cases. In some sense it’s one of the best pick up lines for tinder.

    22. Your hand looks heavy, let me hold it for you.

    It’s also one of the lightest pick up lines. It is better to say it while you carefully and slowly bring your hand to her hand.

    23. Do you have a map? Because I got lost in your eyes.

    This is a nice one. It is super effective in bars and on parties. While being extremely light and polite it works nice.

    24. Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be in a jail!

    This one is a big stronger than previous first phrases, but it certainly not a cheesy pick up line.

    25. If I could rearrange an alphabet, I would put U and I together.

    It’s another example of English pick up line that has an interesting concept for quick thinking.

    Pick up lines to start a conversation with a girl online

    Some times (especially in 2023) we have to start a conversation online. It can be a dating site, dating app, social media, etc. Here are some awesome best pick up lines for guys to start a conversation with a girl online.

    cheesy pick up lines

    26. You are hotter than the bottom of my laptop.

    27. Are you my phone charger? Because without you, I’d die.

    28. Sorry, but you owe me a drink. Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.

    29. You’re so beautiful you just made me forget my pickup line.

    30. I value my breath so I’d appreciate if you’d stop taking it away.

    General Guidelines for Using Pick up Lines

    Before you start a conversation and use pick-up lines, you need to do a few quick and easy steps that will make it easier for you to get to know each other:

    • Smile to a girl and catch her eye before starting an acquaintance.
    • Pay attention to her body language. If the girl is turned in your direction, her arms are spread, and she is currently free – these are signals that now is a great time to start a conversation.
    • If the pose is closed – legs and arms are crossed, the body is turned away from you or stands sideways, but in such a way that the eyes do not see you, then you should wait. This is especially true when a woman is busy with some kind of work.
    • Facial expressions also play an important role. Relaxed face, moving eyes – green light. Frowning, shifted eyebrows, focused look – red. She’s not ready.
    • Calm yourself down with deep breaths. The worst thing that can happen is that she does not want to meet you, but in this case, do not despair.
    • As for using pick up lines online, before writing to a girl to get to know her, first go to her profile. Read the information about the girl, maybe she indicated a hobby or her interests. Then try to use pick up lines that will be at least a little related to her hobbies or her appearance for example. Then she will definitely pay attention to you.
    • Don’t use too long pick up lines online, where there is a lot of text. Let it be a short concise first SMS for a girl.
    • Don’t be too intrusive, the first pick up line should be neutral, just to start chatting with the girl.
    Tinder pick up lines Reddit

    Important Side Notes

    We’ve tried to pick phrases that would represent you as a caring, delicate, thoughtful, passionate, yet funny guy. It works for both in a bar and on online dating sites (free dating sites and premium ones). Even though you have 1001 dirty thoughts, you shouldn’t make you look like a jerk and freak out a stranger girl. Go for something nice and romantic to make her smile. Girls give preference to men that treat them with respect and care of their feelings even during the first meeting.

    Pick up lines work even better on dating sites. People there feel more comfortable to make the first step. According to VictoriyaClub site. When a man uses unusual greetings, he has better chances for success.

    Do you use any pick up lines? Which one from those mentioned in the article do you like most? Do not hesitate to share some funny and effective pick up lines in the comment section down below. 

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  • 7 Signs You Have A Covert Narcissist Husband And How To Cope

    7 Signs You Have A Covert Narcissist Husband And How To Cope

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    A relationship with a partner who struggles with a personality disorder is far from easy. Imagine being married to a narcissist, and going through life either pandering to their exaggerated sense of self-importance or dealing with the consequences of making them feel slighted, sidelines, eclipsed. It can be terribly hard to accept that you’re inconsequential in the most intimate relationship of your life even when you know what you’re dealing with. The struggle is compounded manifold when you’re dealing with a covert narcissist husband.

    Unlike their overt (or extroverted) counterparts, whose sense of grandiose and self-absorption is a lot more on the nose and thus easier to spot, a covert narcissist is shier and stealthier in their approach. They learn behaviors to carefully mask their narcissistic traits, which makes it harder for a partner to spot the red flags until it is too late. If you’re beginning to suspect that your husband’s attitude and personality traits align with narcissist behavior and are beginning to connect the dots to how this has shaped your relationship and impacted your mental health, you may feel trapped and hopeless, especially if walking away is not an option.

    While the situation is undoubtedly challenging, you can find a way to navigate it without letting your sense of self take an irreparable hit. We’re here to help you figure out how to deal with a narcissist husband in consultation with psychotherapist Ashna Lahoty (Masters in Clinical Psychology), who specializes in offering counseling services for a wide range of mental health disorders.

    Who Is A Covert Narcissist?

    Ashna says to be able to understand how a covert narcissist functions, one needs an understanding of narcissistic personality disorder. In the American Psychiatric Association dictionary, narcissism is defined as excessive self-love or egocentrism.

    This definition offers insight into what narcissistic personality disorder entails. It is a mental health condition that results in an inflated sense of self and leaves the affected person with a disproportionately high view of their importance. A complete lack of empath is also a defining trait of narcissistic personality disorder. Together these traits make a narcissistic person incapable of caring about or even understanding other people’s feelings.

    For more expert-backed insights, please subscribe to our YouTube channel.

    Ashna explains, “Narcissist is a term usually used to describe people that show these narcissistic traits. They may come across as self-centered, manipulative, and as if they don’t care about anyone else but themselves. They can be of two types: overt and covert narcissists. While both types share many similarities, including a lack of empathy, an inflated sense of self-importance, and a need for admiration, the way that each type presents outwardly can differ.

    “The key difference is that covert narcissists are subtle in their display of narcissistic traits and tendencies. They may come across as self-absorbed, and insecure. They are sensitive to criticism and may show their displeasure through passive-aggressive means. People with covert narcissism also rely on others to build up their self-esteem. They have a tendency to hold onto grudges and it comes out in subtle vengeful ways.”

    Related Reading: Exposing A Narcissist – What You Should Know

    Covert vs overt narcissism

    It can be hard to associate narcissism with subtle and stealth behaviors, given the me-first lens through which people affected by this personality disorder view the world. To be able to understand the distinction between the two, it’s important to understand that in the field of psychology, overt and covert are terms used to categorize behaviors that are easy to recognize and those that are more understated.

    Since narcissistic personality disorder operates on a spectrum, its manifestation can vary depending on factors such as personality and temperament. For sake of greater clarity, let’s take a closer look at the differences between covert and overt narcissists:

    Covert narcissists  Overt narcissists
    They are shy and lack the confidence for an exhibitionist style of grandiose They are exhibitionists and demand attention
    They struggle with feelings of shame and self-doubt, which gets in the way of their desire for power and glory. This is also what makes them overly sensitive to criticism Their narcissism revolves around a sense of grandiose and they go through life expecting extraordinary success
    They are jealous of other people’s achievements. This coupled with their low self-esteem can make them extremely untrusting of others Overt narcissistic relationships are shallow because they view themselves to be better than others
    A covert narcissist may struggle with a lack of sense of purpose because they’re easily bored They are very decisive and have unshakable conviction in their opinions and ideas 
    They can be pathological, compulsive liars They come across as charming, bold, and friendly at first

    If you can identify with these covert narcissist traits and feel that you’ve dealt with them in your husband, there is a good chance that your suspicions are on point. To be sure, let’s explore some signs of covert narcissistic behavior.

    Related Reading: 10 Things To Do When Your Relationship Feels Off

    7 Signs You Have A Cover Narcissist Husband

    Relationships with narcissists are a struggle, as you’re constantly subjected to a vicious cycle of love-bombing, romantic manipulation, gaslighting, and narcissistic hoovering. Emotional abuse, in some form, is inevitable in narcissistic relationships and it takes a toll on the victim’s mental health.

    If you’re dealing with a covert narcissist husband, identifying the warning signs of this personality disorder early on can be difficult because the tell-tale markers such as elevated sense of self, arrogance, and a need for attention and admiration may be absent or not as pronounced as it is in an overt narcissist. This does not mean that a covert narcissist doesn’t crave these things, but they may seek them in different ways. To be able to understand how to deal with a narcissist husband with covert tendencies, you need to be able to recognize what their behavior patterns amount to. Ashna shares some covert narcissist traits and signs to watch out for:

    1. Your husband is passive-aggressive

    “Passive aggression is one the defining attributes of covert narcissism. Your partner may claim that he is “fine” or there’s “nothing wrong” when you can see that he is visibly upset and far from okay. He may then go on to use the silent treatment to convey his anger or resort to sarcasm or subtle digs and backhanded compliments to make his displeasure known to you,” says Ashna.

    These passive-aggressive tendencies are a key element of narcissistic abuse aimed at annihilating the victim’s self-worth and confidence in themselves. “My narcissist husband blames me for everything. Why can’t I do anything right?” Such sentiments of self-doubt can begin to weigh on your mind when dealing with a covert narcissist husband.

    2. He is extremely jealous

    Ashna says, “Covert narcissists have a tendency to be jealous of everything. Since their own self-doubt and lack of confidence impedes their ability to achieve what they think they’re capable of, they can become bitter and resentful of others’ achievements, including that of their spouses.”

    This jealousy often manifests in the things covert narcissists say in response to other people’s achievements:

    • “Why are you making such a big deal about something so insignificant?”
    • “I recently did XYZ, which was far more challenging”
    • “You got lucky”
    • “Oh, you got promoted. Do you think you can handle the responsibilities that come with your new role”

    If such invalidating statements are a constant feature in your marriage, it is one of the signs you’re dealing with a covert narcissist husband.

    Related Reading: 11 Signs You Are Dealing With An Unhealthily Jealous Partner

    3. He thrives on creating confusion

    A covert narcissist makes for a gaslighting husband. When he is not blaming and shaming you in a passive-aggressive way or putting you down because he is jealous of you, he will thrive on leaving you feeling confused.

    He may resort to some classic gaslighting phrases to distort your perception of reality and leave you second-guessing yourself. Here is what these phrases may sound like:

    • “That’s not what I said”
    • “I’m saying this because you don’t know what’s right for you”
    • “You’re overreacting”
    • “I’m saying/doing this because I love you”
    • “You’re oversensitive”
    • “You’re acting irrationally because you’re jealous/insecure”

    And why does he do that? Because it offers him leverage and allows him to remain in control of the narrative and steer the relationship in a direction that suits him. Narcissistic abuse and manipulation are means of skewing the power dynamics in the relationship in his favor. And gaslighting his most potent weapon in achieving that goal.

    4. Your husband is highly sensitive to criticism

    If you’re married to a covert narcissist, making them see the error of their ways without inviting backlash or blame-shifting is out of the question because they’re incapable of taking responsibility. “You may notice that your husband is extremely sensitive to criticism. One of the reasons behind it is that a covert narcissist believes they are better than everyone else around,” explains Ashna.

    Narcissist behavior in response to criticism is typically highly emotional and volatile. Even a minor comment is enough to make them sad and despondent because even though they have an exaggerated sense of their own importance, they are also extremely dependent on validation and admiration from their “loved ones”.

    5. Your sex life is centered on your husband’s pleasure

    Covert narcissists not only lack empathy but can also be extremely self-absorbed in their approach to physical intimacy. While at the love-bombing stage of the relationship, your covert narcissist husband may have been extremely generous and giving in bed, you will notice that attitude shift once they’ve won you over.

    He will exhibit an insatiable need for admiration and expect sex to be centered on his pleasure while he acts disengaged and detached the whole time. When this tendency begins to put you off, he will resent you for not doing enough to please him sexually. As a result, yours can turn into a sexless marriage over time.

    If and when that happens, he will be quick to suggest that you seek help for your inability to be intimate with him without taking responsibility for his role in the problem.

    Related Reading: When To Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage – Know These 11 Signs

    6. He doesn’t understand boundaries

    Boundaries are bad news for your covert narcissist spouse because they impede his ability to manipulate and control you. Besides, the covert narcissism driving his behavior makes him feel he is entitled to get what he wants and when he wants it. Boundaries also get in the way of that.

    “One of the most telling signs of a covert narcissist is that they don’t understand the concept of personal boundaries and lack them. If your husband acts like the victim and claims to be isolated, and alone, and behaves as if you’ve rejected his existence in your life the moment you ask for some space and distance, you’re dealing with a covert narcissist,” says Ashna.

    This is precisely why relationships with narcissists begin with the love-bombing stage where too much happens too quickly even before you can make sense of what is what. This can lead to an enmeshed relationship. While being one with your partner may sound like a romantic notion, when you’re the only one losing your identity and sense of individuality, it’s a recipe for toxicity.

    7. He is a textbook attention-seeker

    ME! ME! ME! Look at me, listen to me, admire me, talk about me, cater to my needs…Even if a covert narcissist isn’t as forthcoming about their need for attention and admiration, they do desire it with every fiber of their being. “This often translates into highly attention-seeking behavior,” says Ashna.

    Here is what a covert narcissist’s attention-seeking behavior may look like:

    • Monopolizing conversations
    • Minimizing their own accomplishments so that others can praise them
    • Nonchalantly slip something they may have done or achieved into conversations to get compliments and praise
    • Paying attention to others only when it feeds their need for self-importance

    5 Ways To Cope In A Marriage With A Covert Narcissist

    Now that you identify the signs of a covert narcissist husband, it may have put into perspective a lot of the troublesome patterns in your relationship. For example, the thought “my narcissist husband blames me for everything” may not leave you as unsettled as before because you understand exactly where it’s stemming from. Or you may recognize that your gaslighting husband is saying exactly the kind of things covert narcissists say to remain in control and manipulate their partners.

    Now, the question is: what do you do with this knowledge? Undeniably, it is impossible to build a wholesome, fulfilling relationship with a narcissistic partner – overt or covert – and walking away can be the best decision for self-preservation. But what if, for some reason, walking away is not an option? You need the right coping skills to deal with your spouse’s narcissist behavior.

    To help you channel the insights you’ve just gathered into effective coping skills, we bring you these 5 expert-back tips on how to deal with a narcissist husband with covert tendencies:

    Related Reading: How To Make A Narcissist Miserable – 13 Things To Do

    1. Set clear boundaries

    As we mentioned, covert narcissists struggle with the concept of boundaries. But for the sake of your mental health and to be able to stand up against their abusive tendencies, it’s absolutely crucial that you focus on establishing clear, unambiguous boundaries in the relationship.

    “Begin by setting healthy boundaries, be it in communication or needs,” advises Ashna, adding, “But also be prepared for pushback because your covert narcissist husband is not going to like it when you draw a line in the sand. It can be extremely threatening for him, and he may respond by lashing out or playing the victim.”

    Do not succumb to these pressures and stand your ground. Here are a few examples of what healthy boundaries in a relationship with a covert narcissist may look like:

    • Not letting him talk to you as he pleases
    • Not letting him get away with treating you with disrespect
    • Asking for your thoughts and opinions to be heard
    • Saying no and insisting that he accept that response
    • Asking for space when you need it

    2. Set realistic expectations

    “Setting realistic expectations can help you navigate this relationship with as little emotional damage as possible,” says Ashna. This means accepting that a person with a narcissistic personality disorder is incapable of offering the love, affection, and care necessary for building a wholesome relationship.

    This acceptance will serve as a reminder that this will never be what a typical intimate partnership is supposed to feel like. When you limit your expectations from your spouse, coexisting with him can become somewhat easier.

    Related Reading: Expectations In Relationships: The Right Way To Manage Them

    3. Build a support system

    Narcissists thrive on isolating their victims from their inner circle of people because it aligns with their need to exert control over their partners and manipulate them. As a result, you may be left feeling lonely and detached from the people who genuinely love and care about you.

    Now that you see your covert narcissist husband for who he is, it’s time to change this. “Build a healthy support system that can help you see situations clearly when you are in doubt and unsure if you are being manipulated because that’s how subtle they can be,” says Ashna.

    So, reach out to your family members and close friends, and confide in them. Share what you’ve been going through and lean on them for support. Dealing with your spouse and the troubles of your marriage can become a lot easier if you have the support of your loved ones to see you through.

    4. Call him out

    Ashna advises, “When you see your spouse displaying traits of covert narcissism, point it out and bring their attention to it. They may deny it, but at least you’ll know that you did what you could.”

    However, make sure you take this step only when you’re sure that it won’t put you in harm’s way. If you suspect that your partner is capable of escalating their abusive ways to violence, it is best to quietly distance and detach yourself from him (even if you continue to be in the marriage and live in the same house).

    Related Reading: Emotional Abuse — 9 Signs And 5 Coping Tips

    5. Seek professional help

    Trying to build a life and make a marriage work with a covert narcissist husband is like running up a hill with boulders coming down at you. You’re bound to end up battered and wounded. Victims of narcissistic abuse often grapple with a host of mental health issues, ranging from anxiety to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and severe depression.

    It’s vital to prioritize self-care and get the help you need to process the emotional wounds of being in this relationship. If you’re exploring the idea of seeking professional help, know that skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.

    Key Pointers

    • Covert narcissism is a subtle manifestation of NPD, where the affected person isn’t as upfront and vocal about their exaggerated and strong sense of self and need for admiration
    • It can be harder to spot a covert narcissist because the red flags and warning signs may not be visible until you’re already too invested in the relationship
    • Passive aggression, jealousy, lack of a sense of boundaries, and attention-seeking behavior are some of the signs of a covert narcissist
    • If you’re married to a covert narcissist, you can cope by setting boundaries and realistic expectations, building a support system, detaching yourself emotionally, and seeking professional help to heal from the damage already done

    Sharing your life with a covert narcissist husband can be your worst nightmare come true. No one deserves to be treated the way narcissists treat the people in their life. You too deserve better. But if for some reason freeing yourself from this relationship is not an option, your best bet is to make the best of a bad situation. We certainly hope that the tips and insights we offered you will help you do that.

    Romantic Manipulation – 15 Things Disguised As Love

    8 Ways To Stay Sane While Divorcing A Narcissistic Husband

    7 Reasons Why Narcissists Can’t Maintain Intimate Relationships

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  • How Men Take Themselves Out Of The Gene Pool

    How Men Take Themselves Out Of The Gene Pool

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    How Men Take Themselves Out Of The Gene Pool

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  • 75 Trap Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend

    75 Trap Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend

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    When you are in a relationship, you want to know your partner inside out. Their feelings, desires, thoughts, and expectations, all this and more can be learned only when you interact with them effectively. But at the same time, you don’t want to come across as too intrusive or inquisitive by bombarding them with too many questions. That’s when this list of trap questions to ask your girlfriend will come in handy. 

    Asking these questions will add fun to your conversations, and keep them light-hearted. You can know your girlfriend better and maybe even catch her off guard in case she is cheating on you. Reasons enough for you to stay glued to the screen and keep scrolling down for our all-inclusive list of trap questions to ask your girlfriend. 

    75 Trap Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend

    You can never go wrong with a juicy trap question. It is fun and casual, intimate without being invasive, and lets you ask about the weirdest thing in a convenient manner. Pepper your chats now and then with these tricky questions to know what’s going on inside her mind. 

    This will tell you about her real feelings, without her even realizing it. Is she cheating in the relationship? What are her feelings for you? Is she one of those clingy girlfriends? What’s her personality like? You can know it all with these funny trap questions by your side.

    Funny Trap Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend

    For all those awkward moments with your sweetheart when you feel tongue-tied, whip out a gem from our list of trap questions to ask your girlfriend. And, boom! You have a fun, entertaining conversation that will leave both of you in splits. 

    For more expert-backed insights, please subscribe to our YouTube Channel.
    1. What is something that you are terrible at? 
    2. What would you do if you woke up one morning as a guy?
    3. When was the last time that you laughed really hard, like one of those belly-aching laughs, and what was it for?
    4. What is the most stupid thing that you’ve done in front of your crush? 
    5. What is the weirdest fashion faux pas that you’ve had? 
    6. What would you do if you became invisible for a day?
    7. What has been your funniest date experience so far? 
    8. If you were to turn into your spirit animal, which one would you want to be?
    9. Where do you feel the most ticklish?
    10. How would you feel if you were dating someone who’s smoking hot but foolish?
    11. Do you think I can get through the America’s Next Top Model auditions?
    12. What is the weirdest punishment that you received in school or at home? What was it for?
    13. How would you react if I woke up with a horn one day? What would you do with it?
    14. What is the cheesiest pick-up line that you can come up with?
    15. If you came with a warning, what would it be?
    16. Would you ever go on a reality show like Big Brother?

    Trust these funny trap questions to ask your girlfriend. They will add fun to your conversations whenever you find it veering toward boredom. 

    Related Reading: 65 Funny Texts To Get Her Attention And Make Her Text You

    Trick Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend To See If She’s Cheating

    Smart, outwitting, trick questions that can get the truth out of even a dead body are the real ‘traps’. And once your girlfriend is caught in these, there is no going back. Slip them casually in between your conversation to test her love and maybe even – catch a cheating partner.

    1. If we were not dating each other, who would you want to date?
    2. What do you think of my friends?
    3. If you were given a chance to relive your life, would you still prefer to be my partner?
    4. How would you feel if you found me cheating on you with your best friend?
    5. Do you ever fantasize about someone else? 
    6. Tell me one thing that you’d change about me.
    7. Would you leave me if I asked you to?
    8. Do you flirt with anyone other than me?
    9. How would you react if you find someone else flirting with me?
    10. What do you think about open relationships? Is it fine to have more than one romantic partner? 
    11. Have you ever cheated on someone? How did it feel?
    12. Have you ever been in love with two people simultaneously? 
    13. Who was that guy whose name you were mumbling while sleeping last night?
    14. Who is that one person whom you think I could be jealous of, and why?

    Related Reading: 7 Tips To Forgive A Cheating Boyfriend

    Unfaithful and lying partners are always on the edge. Popping such trap questions randomly can catch them off guard. Either they’ll confess or they’ll cook up a story that their uncomfortable body language will give away. 

    Juicy Trap Questions To Know Your Girlfriend Better 

    Now here are some queries that are less devious and a lot more sincere. Relationships are not just about catching up with your partner over the weekends binge-watching a random series. Nor are they about looking at life through impractical rose-tinted glasses. It is all about putting effort into a relationship. So, communicate with her, prioritize her, respect her, and care for her. The one thing at the base of all this is to know your girlfriend better. You can rely on these trap questions to ask your girlfriend to help you:

    1. Who is the one person who knows you inside out? 
    2. What is your idea of love?
    3. What do you look for in your soulmate?
    4. According to you, are there any regular actions that are important to do in a relationship?
    5. What/who makes you laugh/happy every time without fail?
    6. What do you like to do when you are alone?
    7. What are your dreams and aspirations?
    8. What is it that you are the most passionate about? 
    9. If you ever got a chance to change something in your life, what would it be and why?
    10. What do you find the most attractive in a person?
    11. If you turn into a billionaire overnight, how would you spend your money?
    12. Would you still date me if I was short and bald?
    13. What is your wildest fantasy?
    14. What are some of your recent insecurities?
    15. What do you value the most in your life?
    16. What according to you are the biggest deal-breakers in a relationship?
    17. What are your biggest fears in life? 
    18. How would you describe yourself?
    19. What is your biggest strength?
    20. Have you ever lied just for fun?

    With this handy list guiding you, you can know your girlfriend more deeply, and get a sneak peek into the workings of her heart and mind.

    Related Reading: Fake Relationships – 15 Ways To Identify You Are In One

    Jealousy Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend

    There are a few things that couples in a relationship keep to themselves, jealousy being one of them. Is your partner one of those overprotective, jealous girlfriends? Does she go green with envy every time she hears you talking about your ex? You will never know. Unless, of course, you seamlessly pepper your conversations with these trap questions to ask your girlfriend.

    1. Do you ever feel jealous of my bestie?
    2. How would you feel if you found a girl hitting on me?
    3. What would be your reaction to seeing me with my ex?
    4. What are your thoughts on my female friends? 
    5. What are your thoughts on my exes?
    6. Will you think I am cheating on you if I flirt with someone?
    7. How would you react if you found me stalking a hot girl on social media? 
    8. How possessive are you of me?
    9. Have you ever been obsessed with someone?
    10. Do you ever feel insecure about our relationship?
    11. What would you do if I fall in love with someone else?

    We know some of these questions are pretty straightforward in their approach to jealousy and envy in relationships, but, hey, this is what a relationship is all about – being vocal about your thoughts. So go ahead and try these out to see if there is a green-eyed monster lurking behind that cute smile.

    Related Reading: 11 Signs You Are Dealing With An Unhealthily Jealous Partner

    Hardest Trap Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend

    When it comes to asking the hardest trick questions, there are no holds barred. Ask your girl whatever comes to your mind – philosophical, reflective, weird, awkward, senseless, or any question that is, well, hard to answer. Take your pick out of this miscellaneous mixt:

    1. What do you miss about your singlehood? 
    2. What would you want us to do together that we have never done before? 
    3. What is the kind of life that you want to live?
    4. What do you tell your friends about us?
    5. What are your thoughts on love at first sight?
    6. What advice would you give to your younger self?
    7. What do you feel grateful for?
    8. How have you changed in the past year? What changes are you proud of?
    9. What are your favorite spots to be kissed?
    10. What are the top 5 things you want to do before you turn 50?
    11. What has been your worst dating experience so far?
    12. Whom do you reach out to for advice?
    13. If you were to confess something to me, what would it be?
    14. Do you regret something in your life?

    With all these questions at your disposal, you are sure to have long and fun conversations with your girlfriend. Ask them in person, drop a text, leave them on voicemail, or do whatever you want to – everything works as long as you add fun to your conversations. 

    18 Scientifically Backed Things That Turn Women On

    7 Tips For A Relationship That Will Lead To “I Do”

    13 Green Flags In A Relationship To Look Forward To

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  • Your Height And Dating Profile

    Your Height And Dating Profile

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    Your Height And Dating Profile

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  • Six ways you can tell if someone is genuinely interested in you — mysinglefriend blog

    Six ways you can tell if someone is genuinely interested in you — mysinglefriend blog

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    Working out if someone you are dating is genuinely interested in a long term relationship can be difficult. However, there are certain things to watch for that will let you know if they’re thinking about taking things further, whether it’s very early days or you’ve been seeing each other for a while. Here’s how to tell…

    THEY SEND THE FIRST MESSAGE ONLINE

    This one is very clear. If someone messages you first, they’re interested enough to take the initiative and drop you a line.

    THEY REPLY IN GOOD TIME

    Someone who replies within minutes or a couple of hours, rather than days or weeks, is interested in you. Don’t expect instant replies though, as you want any potential partner to have a life and interests outside of you.

    THEY TALK BUT ALLOW YOU TIME TO TALK TOO

    If someone either hogs the conversation or barely says a word, they don’t have much genuine interest in you. A person who genuinely wants to get to know you will listen to what you have to say whilst also opening up about themselves.

    THEY PROLONG YOUR DATE

    If someone suggests you get dessert or coffee, rather than rushing off at the first opportunity, they want to spend more time with you.

    THEY ASK YOU out again

    The clearest indication of whether someone likes you or not is whether they want to see you again. However, some people might feel a bit shy and ask you in an obtuse way, so make sure you’re switched on enough to realise when they’re doing so.

    THEY MAKE CASUAL REFERENCES TO THE FUTURE

    Talking about things you might do together in the future is a great sign that someone is looking at a future with you. For example, if you mention a festival and they say ‘We should go together’ you can be sure they’re into you.

    Fancy a date? Join mysinglefriend.com now!

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    Karen Dickinson

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  • 25 Best Spring Break Ideas for Families in 2023

    25 Best Spring Break Ideas for Families in 2023

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    FUN SPRING BREAK IDEAS FOR FAMILIES

    If you’re looking for some great spring break ideas to do with the family, you’ve come to the right place! We’ve gathered 25 of the best spring break vacation ideas to help you choose the perfect trip for you and your little ones. From beachy destinations to dude ranches (and everything in between!) we’ve selected the best of the best. So get ready to have some serious springtime fun! Let’s take a look at the list!

    A variety of Spring Break ideas for families | The Dating Divas
    Several different Spring Break ideas for families

    1. Disney Cruise – Book a Disney cruise for an all-inclusive experience the entire family will enjoy!

    Disney cruise spring break ideas | The Dating Divas
    Disney Cruise ship and ideas for families

    2. The Wizarding World of Harry Potter – Little witches and wizards will have a truly magical time at this Universal Studios attraction.

    A family visiting The Wizarding World of Harry Potter for spring break destinations | The Dating Divas
    A family vacationing at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter

    3. Great Wolf Lodge – With lodges located across the country, you and your family can enjoy some of the world’s best indoor water parks no matter where you live!

    Spring break ideas for families at an indoor water park | The Dating Divas
    Spring break ideas for families at Great Wolf Lodge

    4. Alisal Ranch – Spend some time on a working ranch and introduce the family to some of the simpler things in life.

    Spring Break ideas that include horseback riding | The Dating Divas
    A group of people riding horses at Alisal Ranch for spring break destinations

    5. Disney Aulani Resort – Located on the island of Oahu, this Disney resort is a super popular destination for families.

    Spring Break ideas for families in Hawaii | The Dating Divas
    Children swimming at Disney’s Aulani Resort

    6. Hilton Head Island, South Carolina – If you’re looking for trips near the beach, Hilton Head Island is a definite must.

    Spring Break ideas for families on Hilton Head Island | The Dating Divas
    A family having a fun trip at the beach for spring break ideas

    7. Legoland New York Resort – Try visiting Legoland New York while staying at the themed hotel for an unforgettable spring break experience.

    A family enjoying spring break ideas at Legoland | The Dating Divas
    A family vacationing at Legoland Resort for spring break ideas

    8. Yosemite National Park – Yosemite is packed to the brim with spring break ideas for families who enjoy spending time in nature.

    A family vacationing at Yosemite National Park–one of the best spring break destinations. | The Dating Divas
    A family enjoying a vacation at Yosemite National Park

    9. Sea World San Diego – San Diego is full of fun activities for families and one of our favorites is a visit to Sea World.

    Enjoy these spring break ideas for families, such as a trip to Seaworld. | The Dating Divas
    Dolphins jumping out of the water at Seaworld–one of the best spring break destinations.

    10. Washington, DC – If you’re looking for spring break destinations that are unique and educational, take a trip to our nation’s capital!

    Spring Break vacation ideas in Washington, D.C. | The Dating Divas
    A family enjoying different Spring Break vacation ideas in Washington, D.C.

    11. Disneyland Resort, Anaheim – Disneyland is known as the happiest place on earth, and it’s for a good reason!

    A family on a ride at Disneyland–one of the best spring break destinations! | The Dating Divas
    A family enjoying fun Spring Break ideas at Disneyland

    12. Colonial Williamsburg – This is another great spot to add to your list of educational spring break destinations.

    Spring Break vacation ideas in Colonial Williamsburg | The Dating Divas
    A family enjoying fun Spring Break ideas in Colonial Williamsburg

    13. Zion National Park – If you’re searching for a trip that involves the great outdoors, be sure and give this one a try.

    Spring break vacation ideas in Zion National Park | The Dating Divas
    Families hiking at Zion National Park–one of the most adventurous spring break destinations.

    14. Sedona, Arizona – Sedona is the perfect warm-weather spot after a long, cold winter.

    Spring Break vacation ideas in Sedona, Arizona | The Dating Divas
    A family overlooking Sedona, Arizona–a great place for spring break ideas!

    15. Lake Placid, New York – Lake Placid features the best of watersports, dining, shopping, and more!

    A mother and her daughters relaxing at Lake Placid, New York–one of the best spring break destinations! | The Dating Divas
    Spring Break ideas for families at Lake Placid

    16. Virginia Beach, Virginia – Virginia Beach is another location that’s filled with fun and fabulous activities for beach lovers.

    Virginia Beach Spring Break ideas | The Dating Divas
    A stretch of shoreline and people at Virginia Beach, Virginia–one of the best spring break destinations!

    17. Park City, Utah – Although Park City is well known for its skiing, it’s also a great place for some fun spring break vacation ideas such as hiking.

    A family enjoying spring break ideas and activities in Park City, Utah | The Dating Divas
    A family hiking in Park City, Utah for spring break ideas

    18. Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin – Visit The Dells for a unique trip that may include waterparks, cave exploration, and boat tours.

    Spring Break ideas that include seeing horses | The Dating Divas
    Spring break ideas for families in Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin

    19. Chicago, Illinois – The Windy City might just be the perfect urban spot to spend spring break with the family. Be sure and check out The Willis Tower to experience some death-defying heights! For even more ideas, check out our list of 50 things to do in Chicago.

    Spring Break ideas and activities for kids in Chicago | The Dating Divas
    Kids having fun and jumping in a building in Chicago–one of the best spring break destinations.

    20. Star Wars Land at Disney Orlando – Orlando is packed with fun spring break vacation ideas including this popular Star Wars attraction. If you’re looking for more ideas for families, take a look at our huge list of 50 things to do in Orlando!

    21 . Maui, Hawaii – Get ready to hula your hearts out during a visit to one of Hawaii’s most beautiful islands.

    22. Great Smoky Mountains National Park – The Great Smokies are an especially great place to visit if you’re looking for spring break vacation ideas that are peaceful and relaxing.

    23. Portland, Oregon – Portland is a truly unique destination that’s just brimming with fun. Be sure and pop into Oaks Amusement Park!

    24. Savannah, Georgia – Savannah is a magical and historic city that features many family-friendly activities, making it one you’ll definitely want to add to your list of spring break destinations.

    25. Big Bear Lake, California – Nestled high in the mountains of California, Big Bear is a lake lover’s paradise. You can also enjoy hiking, shopping, and dining.

    Is that an amazing list of spring break ideas or what?!

    For even more spring fun, check out our list of Spring Break Travel Essentials and Spring Break Boredom Busters for Kids!

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    Elizabeth

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  • Don’t Be The Girl He Strings Along. How To Know If He’s Really Into You or Just Stringing You Along – Morning Lazziness

    Don’t Be The Girl He Strings Along. How To Know If He’s Really Into You or Just Stringing You Along – Morning Lazziness

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    One of the greatest dilemmas in relationships is deciding to stay or leave. If you’re repeatedly feeling the need to ask, “Is he stringing me along?” to yourself, then you definitely need to estimate your partner’s earnestness in the relationship.

    Does he actively try to sustain the relationship, or is he just stringing it along? Find all your answers below, including what to do if your man is stringing you along. 

    How To Know When A Guy Is Stringing You Along?

    Determining the gravity of your partner’s feelings can be puzzling at first. The emergence of second thoughts at the beginning of your relationship should not instantly prompt you into asking, “Is my partner stringing me along?” Allow the initial days to unfold at their own pace but ensure that you’re making the efforts needed for a relationship to thrive in that time. 

    You can leave the rest to be unraveled by the intervention of time. Zan, a personal development coach and creator of Magnet of Success, wrote: “You can tell a guy is really into you when his long-term behavior and actions match his words (promises, praises, and expectations). 

    Anyone can tell you what you want to hear, but a person who genuinely likes you and sees himself committing to you will show you who he is and how he feels. He’ll do it consistently to gain your trust and stop you from doubting him.”

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    If that consistency starts missing from your relationship or if it never existed, then there is a high chance he is stringing you along. 

    What To Do When He’s Stringing Along?

    happy couple

    While it can be hard to accept that you’re being strung along, you must take immediate action to end this toxicity. Here are three things you can do once you find out your man is deceiving you. 

    Don’t Put The Blame On Yourself

    Girlies, just because you were a part of an unfortunate relationship doesn’t mean you were at fault for its failure. While society would gladly blame the woman for a relationship’s misfiring, a man’s dishonesty is never the woman’s fault. 

    It’s okay to feel miserable after being emotionally attached to someone, only to find out he’s stringing you along. But never for once should you hold yourself accountable for a man so immature he let a precious woman walk out of his life.

    Break All Contact

    Staying in a relationship knowing about your partner’s misgivings is mere foolishness. Do you want to know why? Because there are several guys out there who’d be elated to be with you. You have to give them a chance. Be sure to read the guides on how to get a guy to like you!

    As for the douchebag who was stringing along, break all contact with him. I don’t just mean stop talking to him but also delete your pictures and any other memoranda of him from your life. Sounds challenging? Then answer this. Why would you want to hang on to someone who didn’t value your genuine?

    Move on

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    Moving on doesn’t necessarily mean hopping into a new relationship. It would help if you only did that when you feel you’re emotionally ready to open up to another person all over again. Instead, I meant to move on with life. 

    Don’t indulge in the pain because the longer you mourn over something that was a blessing in disguise, the more mentally disturbed you will be. Go shopping, meet with friends, watch a movie or do anything that makes you feel light-hearted and happy again. 

    Signs He’s Stringing You Along

    couple

    “I think he strings me along.” The minute you start feeling that, look for the other more apparent signs of stringing along (mentioned below) so you don’t have to spend a second more with that prick.

    Lack Of Effort

    If you continue to feel like you’re the only one making an effort to talk, plan dates, get to know each other, and other signs that your man is unwilling to put effort into the relationship, he isn’t interested. It is vital to spot these signs of disinterest early and act on them. Otherwise, you can become emotionally and mentally exhausted from being the only person pushing the relationship forward. 

    You’re Not A Part of His Life

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    If your partner refuses to spend time with you but would willingly hangs out with his friends every other day, he’s stringing you along. If you’re repeatedly excluded from some major events of his life or if he declines your desire to meet his parents, then he’s definitely not serious about the relationship.

    You Feel Like He’s Only Interested In Sex

    Some relationships are based on sex without any emotional connection, depending on your preference. However, if that’s not the case, but your partner still meets up only to have sex, or that’s the only thing he suggests when you decide to meet up, it’s evident that he’s not interested in anything else. There is a major red flag that points directly towards being strung along.

    Find Out Why Guys String You Along and Put a Stop to It

    couple

    Although there is no excuse for your partner stringing you along, some of the major reasons guys string along include:

    He Sees You As A Rebound

    Sometimes guys get into relationships only to get over the grief of a previous relationship. In such circumstances, they’re not romantically interested in you but are using you as a “Fallback girl” after being dumped or cheated on.

    He Knows You’ll Settle For Less

    When a guy realizes he can get all the benefits of dating by putting in the least effort, they’ll take that chance to string you along. If you’re happy with whatever rags and tidbits he’s offering you, then he’ll continue to do so. 

    How To Put An End To It?

    First, you need to accept that he’s stringing you along. Stop putting up with clear signs of being treated casually. You deserve much more than that, and breaking this toxic pattern starts with admitting that he’s not worth your efforts. 

    Have a conversation with him to get a clearer insight into his intentions. Is he ready to take a tough stance for the sake of the relationship, or does he show no choices for improvement? In the end, give yourself an ultimatum. At the slightest hint of his old ways resurfacing, remind yourself that it’s time to end this relationship.

    Conclusion

    It’s the worst feeling to be taken for granted by someone you imagine a future. But allowing those actions to persist will only hurt you further. I hope you consider this information and take the necessary action that works for your welfare.

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    Linda Bunnell

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  • Big Dog, Small Trouble: How To Handle Large Dogs The Easy Way – Morning Lazziness

    Big Dog, Small Trouble: How To Handle Large Dogs The Easy Way – Morning Lazziness

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    Large dogs are an absolute joy to have around, but handling them is no small feat. Many people also find them intimidating, especially those who are not used to being around large breeds. 

    So, are big dogs hard to handle? Not if you know how to train them properly! 

    If you’re interested in bringing home a gentle giant or already own a large pup and are concerned about training it, this article will answer all your questions on how best to bring up large dogs. 

    How Do You Interact With A Big Dog?

    Interacting with a big dog requires confidence and carefulness. Don’t let the dog’s size overwhelm you. Remember — dogs of all sizes follow a leader, but you must act like one.

    Approach A Large Dog Carefully

    We know how cuddly large dogs are, but it’s not a good idea to rush at them! They may mistake this as an attack. Instead, approach the dog calmly and slowly. Give the dog plenty of room so it won’t feel cornered. 

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    Dogs can easily sense if you are anxious or uncertain, which can make them fearful as well. Be relaxed and calm so your large dog knows that everything is okay.

    If you are confident, allow the dog to sniff you before you decide to pet it — this will allow the dog to get you more so it won’t be so defensive.

    Be Calm Yet Assertive

    Dogs often pick up the emotions of the people around them. It’s thus important that you remain calm so that the dog doesn’t get agitated. Avoid making loud noises or shouting, and try not to make sudden movements to avoid startling the dog.

    How Do You Control A Big Dog On A Walk?

    dog lover quotes

    Worried that you might not be able to control a big dog when you are out on a walk? Walking a big dog is certainly not the same as walking a smaller breed, but there are ways to make your job easier. 

    Use A Sturdy Collar And Leash 

    Make sure the collar and leash you get are suitable for your large dog’s weight and size. They must be sturdy and reliable, especially if you are dealing with a large and powerful dog.

    The leash must be the right length as well. It should neither be so long that your dog can wander far from you nor so short that your pup becomes frustrated that it can’t explore much. 

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    Leashes that are approximately four to six feet long are usually enough for training big dogs. However, it will still depend on you and your dog’s preferences. 

    Also Read: 40 Quotes About Dogs That Every Dog Lover Will Love

    Dealing With A Big Dog That Pulls

    Do not let a dog pull you, as this sends the signal that you are letting your big dog take control. So, how to walk a big dog that pulls? Hold the leash and stand firm whenever you feel the dog tugging at you. Give it a command to stop or sit.

    If you keep on having problems with a dog pulling you, consider using a head collar. 

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    A head collar, sometimes called a head halter, is placed around a dog’s mouth so its head can be controlled easily. It can help you train your dog to stop tugging on a leash and walk slowly instead. According to the American Kennel Club, a head collar offers more control when walking a dog, especially large ones that pull.

    However, since this type of collar is wrapped around your dog’s snout instead of the neck, many dogs find them uncomfortable. So, if you want to use a head halter on your dog, remember there may be an adjustment period. 

    When you are using a head collar, use a leash that is only four feet long. An excessively long leash may cause your dog to run off, and its head may snap back when it reaches the leash’s end, causing neck injury. 

    Consider Using a Harness

    A dog harness may help distribute a large dog’s weight more evenly and help you control it better. A harness may also be suitable for dogs who have weak windpipes or other throat problems. 

    Your dog may also prefer not to wear a collar around its neck. If you notice that your dog becomes irritated if you make him put on a collar, a harness can be the best solution.

    How Do You Train A Big Dog To Be Gentle?

    dog lover quotes

    There are many ways to train big dogs to be more gentle towards you, other people, and other animals, too.

    Use Positive Reinforcement

    It can be frustrating when your big dog doesn’t realize just how big it is. But it’s best not to show frustration or yell.

    Instead, reward your dog’s good behaviors with attention and praise. You can also give it treats or toys for good behavior. Don’t worry if you didn’t bring any snacks or gifts with you. Dogs love being rewarded with pats and hugs!

    Socialize Your Dog

    Ideally, dogs should be socialized when they’re only a few weeks old. But it’s never too late to start!

    Teach your dog how to behave around people and other animals. For example, go for walks, arrange dog playdates, and take your dog to dog parks so your dog can get accustomed to being around other animals and people. 

    Teach Your Dog Basic Commands

    You must teach your dog useful instructions such as “come”, “stay”, or “sit.” You can teach these commands by saying the word and rewarding the dog when it performs the desired action. You may also ask a dog trainer to teach you how to train a big dog with advanced commands.

    Teach Gentle Interaction With Little Dogs

    How to teach a big dog to be gentle with a little dog? You can start by demonstrating how to play with the little dog. Discourage your large dog from being rough by saying “no” or not giving it treats and encourage it with rewards when it is playing gently.

    Go Away If The Dog Becomes Aggressive Or Agitated

    Are big dogs hard to control? Not if they are tame and calm, but it’s another thing when they are lashing out. An agitated or aggressive dog, especially when it’s a large breed, can be very difficult to control. In such cases, try putting your dog in a brief time out or take it somewhere quiet and peaceful to allow it to calm down. 

    Maintain Your Large Dog’s Overall Health

    What A Dog Parent Should Know About Using CBD For Dogs

    Taking good care of a dog will increase the chances of taming it. Ensuring its overall good health can keep your dog happy and cooperative.

    Nutrition

    The bigger the dog is, the more food it needs. Make sure you’re giving your large dog enough food. Being hungry may cause it to feel irritated and harder to handle. Feeding them inconsistently can also put them on edge as they wonder whether they will get fed or not.

    Note that larger dogs often suffer from poor digestion because their intestines are smaller than the rest of their body, making them absorb less from what they eat. The food also travels farther than it does in small dogs, which means that bacteria in their colons have more chances to ferment the digested material. 

    Because larger dogs have poor digestion, you should give your big dog easily digestible food. Stay away from fermentable starch and fiber. Give more protein instead.

    It is also important to feed large dogs food rich in vitamins and minerals so they will have a good temperament. If you’re wondering, “can dogs eat limes”, they can. Vitamin C can help a dog’s body fight off illness and keep them healthy and happy. 

    Physical Exercise 

    Dogs, especially high-energy breeds, need regular exercise and playtime to be happy and healthy. If they are kept sedentary, they may get lonely and sick. 

    Exercise can help an overly active dog expend its energy in safe and appropriate ways. Being active outdoors can help tire out your dog, so it doesn’t cause much ruckus at home. 

    Mental Stimulation

    Dogs crave mental stimulation in the form of games, challenges, and puzzles. Depending on their temperament, they may also enjoy new experiences like meeting new people or going to new places.

    Know Your Dog’s Limitations

    Do not push your dog to its limits, or it can start lashing out at you. You have to be mindful of your dog’s reactions and stop when you notice it struggling. 

    Observe your dog for any signs of discomfort, fatigue, or stress. Stop any activity that is making your large dog feel unsafe or uncomfortable. 

    How to Carry a Large Dog?

    Carrying large dog techniques involves supporting the dog’s chest and hind legs. Wrap one arm around the dog’s chest and the other around its hind legs above its hocks (the hind leg joints between the knee and the part of the leg that points backward) and below its tail.

    Keep your dog close to your own chest while carrying it, ensuring that its entire body is well supported to make it feel secure.

    Seek Professional Help

    When your dog is constantly behaving unpleasantly, it may be time to see a professional dog trainer to determine the cause of the behavior and to train it to behave better.

    A dog trainer can not only train your dog but also give you tips on how you can handle your dog well.

    The Takeaway

    Handling a big dog can be difficult, but there are many ways to make it easier, which involves taking good care of it, teaching it commands, and using appropriate restraints. It will take a lot of patience, but the process can be quite enjoyable. Soon enough, you will have a gentle giant that is a wonder to behold and a joy to be with!

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    Shruti Sood

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  • Jump-Start Your Emotional Health | LoveAndLifeToolBox

    Jump-Start Your Emotional Health | LoveAndLifeToolBox

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    The New Year or any time is always a good time to reflect upon what changes you’d like to make in your life in order to live as optimally as possible.  A lot of focus gets put on improved health habits impacting the physical body like new exercise programs, diet changes or cleanses.  I encourage you to consider the ways in which your emotional health can be improved.

    You may be clear you could benefit from an emotional health reset.  If so, that’s a great start.  Many don’t have that awareness and they charge through life operating in a conditioned way, not realizing if they just stopped and looked a little more deeply at themselves, there may be some good answers.  Knowledge can be a gateway to change.

    Here are some indicators you might want to stop and take a closer look:

    • You frequently feel sad or down.
    • You struggle with worries or fears.
    • You have high levels of stress you’re not managing well.
    • Anger easily overtakes you.
    • You are driven by perfectionism.
    • Unhealthy relationships are the norm.
    • You don’t feel very resilient.
    • There is an awareness that old wounds hold you back.

    The last several years have been tough in various ways for people.  Aside from that, there are the challenges that can come with the very act of living.  When it comes to emotional health, the most important thing is to at least have some awareness of where you are with yours.  If you’re concerned you’re a bit shaky, the next step would be acting on that awareness and doing something to improve it.

    My name is Lisa Brookes Kift and I’m a therapist in private practice in California and the Founder of LoveAndLifeToolbox.com.  For many years, this site has been a growing library of emotional health and relationship content with the goal of helping people attain happiness within themselves and in their relationships.

    I’m excited to share that I’ve been busy working on a number of new avenues for people to get the education they need around these topics.  The first thing on tap is my first live webinar, called Jump-Start Your Emotional Health, where I will share my “eight pillars of emotional health.”  This live event is free for those who attend.

    The pillars are essentially a framework to know yourself the best you can and have the tools you need to handle the things that commonly come up for people.  You can get more specifics on the pillars themselves and other details via the registration page link below.

    I hope you join me in taking a big step in getting your head and heart around YOU from an emotional health perspective.

    ———-

    When?                        Tuesday January 24th at 9A Pacific

    How long?                 50 minutes – 1 hour

    Cost?                           FREE for the live event.  (Available here for purchase via Video On Demand in early February.)

    More info?                 Check out the Jump-Start Your Emotional Health registration page.

    ———-

    In the meanwhile, stay tuned for new and exciting things happening here by checking back or signing up for The Toolbox Newsletter.

    Warmly,

     

    Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

    Founder LoveAndLifeToolbox.com

     

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    Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

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  • Love Your Inner Child | LoveAndLifeToolBox

    Love Your Inner Child | LoveAndLifeToolBox

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    Rick Hanson, PhD looks at the power of your inner child to shape how you see yourself as an adult.  If you carry wounds from your past, he offers ways to “love your inner child” and heal.

    As long as you’ve lived, your experiences have sifted down in your psyche, forming layers like the bands of colored rock in the Grand Canyon. The most fundamental layers were laid down in your childhood, when your brain was most impressionable.

    Because of experience-dependent neuroplasticity, the things you felt, wanted, or believed as a child have been woven into your nervous system. For example, crying as an infant until someone came, joy at beginning to walk, fun with friends, feeling bad about yourself when scolded about schoolwork, power struggles with parents, wanting your body to be bigger/smaller/different in high school, wondering if anyone will like the real you, the bittersweet excitement of leaving home – whatever your own childhood was, experiences like these have sunk in to you and travel with you every day wherever you go.

    Taken as a whole, these residues make up your inner child – which is not a silly cliché, but actually a large-scale system embedded in your brain that continually and powerfully influences your mood, sense of worth, expectations, and reactions. This child inside is at the core of who you are.

    If you are embarrassed, ashamed, critical, controlling, squelching, pushy, or angry about this child, that will affect how you feel and how you act. Therefore, accepting the child parts within you, guiding them gently, and soaking your inner kid in cherishing nurturance will heal and feed the deepest layers of your psyche.

    This inner child stuff can get conceptual, superficial, or merely sentimental. Instead, bring it down to the bone. Most childhoods are rocky, one way or another. As a kid, you probably felt hurt, were disappointed, felt like a loser, wanted recognition and love you didn’t get, shelved some big dreams, and made decisions about yourself and life with the “logic” of a child. This is real. It had real effects. And you have a real chance today to be the strong, wise, and loving friend, coach, and yes, parent that you’ve always longed for.

    Yes, parent that you’ve always longed for.

    How do you love your inner child?

    Open to feeling cared about by someone. Next, move to feeling caring toward a friend, family member, or pet. Marinate in this sense of interest, support, and nurturance; let it fill your heart and mind. Then, staying grounded in the experience of caring, shift the target of this caring to yourself, especially yourself as a child.

    Now, reflect back on your childhood as a whole, starting with your earliest memories. Stay with your experience of it, not the story line about it. What did it feel like to be a young child? To be in grade school? In high school? What were your happiest times? And most upsetting? What went well for you in your childhood – and badly? When did you feel really understood and supported – and not? What in you flourished in childhood – and what got bruised or wounded? What sort of kid were you – especially deep down? When did the best parts of you come out? What’s become of them?

    As much as you can, try to hold a sense of caring toward yourself while you engage these questions. Stay with your actual experience as a child, not

    critiquing it or justifying it, and definitely not shaming yourself for it. The vulnerable child inside everyone usually expects rejection, so it’s afraid to show its teary, sniffly, snotty, whiny, needy, frightened, or angry face. Please don’t push this child away. It wants to show itself but is afraid to. Make it safe for it to show itself to you.

    Look for ways to bring the child inside you out to play. For example, my friend Leslie told me about moving to Wyoming and wandering in its extraordinary wilderness like a big kid, not trying to accomplish anything, feeling free and delighted. Take different routes to work; pick up (or return to) gardening, crafts, art, music, or a sport; quit being so darned serious and significant (this one’s for me, too); goof off; play with your own kids; make messes; ask your inner child what he or she really wants to do. Don’t be so constrained by routines and presumed limitations; remember what it felt like to be a kid on the first day of summer vacation; in the same way, the whole rest of your life stretches out before you: have fun with it!

    Accept that you will never have a better childhood. Yes, assert yourself skillfully to get appropriate caring in your relationships. But also know the hard truth that it’s on you, no one else, to be the main advocate, cheerleader, protector, and nurturer of the child inside – and the adult that kid has become. Keep both of them close to your heart.

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    Rick Hanson, PhD

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  • 15 Unmistakable Signs A Married Woman Wants You To Make A Move

    15 Unmistakable Signs A Married Woman Wants You To Make A Move

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    Receiving love signals from a married woman? How scandalous! But you’re scared to do anything about it because you aren’t sure about the signs a married woman wants you to make a move. That’s why we are here to tell you how to pick up all the hints. These signs can be either indirect and subtle or direct and obvious.   

    Did she just graze your thigh or wink at you when nobody was looking or did she outright kiss you and leave you speechless? Whatever the scenario was, it has left you puzzled. The good news is, a study suggests that “women aren’t attracted to men that seem easy to manipulate or deceive.” So, rest assured, she is probably just looking to have some fun. And if you are down for it as well, then don’t miss out on these signs, and approach her before it’s too late. 

    15 Unmistakable Signs A Married Woman Wants You To Make A Move

    Before we get into the luscious details of a married woman wanting you, ask yourself if you are up for it first. Getting involved with a married woman isn’t going to be a cakewalk. There could be a lot of problems and you could even be the reason for wrecking someone’s marriage. Now, if you are still open to the idea of wanting to know the signs a married woman is attracted to you, read on and clear all your confusion.

    Related Reading: What Are The Consequences Of Affairs When Both Partners Are Married?

    1. She stares at you openly 

    The gaze game has to be one of the most sensual signs she wants you to make a move. The two of you are sitting in a public setting and you catch her staring at you. She is flirting with her eyes and doesn’t turn her gaze away. She rarely breaks eye contact with you and you can sense that this isn’t any ordinary eye contact. This is the look of a woman who wants you. 

    Jonah, a 28-year-old software engineer from Massachusetts, writes to Bonobology, “I recently went on a date with a married woman. It all began when we met at my sister’s graduation party. She said she was immediately attracted to me and that’s why she couldn’t stop staring at me. We’ve been dating for two months now and it’s going well.”

    2. She asks you for help 

    Contrary to what most people think, asking for help or advice makes a good impression. Research supports this theory and says it’s important to seek advice when you are trying to impress someone because when you ask for advice, people do not think less of you, they actually think you’re smarter. 

    The next time a married woman asks for your help regularly, there’s a chance she likes you. Even though she has a husband and other people in her life who would help her out when she is stuck in a difficult situation, she keeps reaching out to you in times of need. This is one of the glaring signs she wants you to make a move. She is using these difficult situations as excuses to meet you and come closer to you. Once you help her out, she will praise you excessively and will tell you how grateful she is. 

    For more expert-backed insights, please subscribe to our Youtube Channel. Click here.

    3. She gets uncomfortable when she sees you with another woman 

    Jealousy is a clear indication that a woman is interested in you. She will get uncomfortable and jealous when she sees you talking to other women. If she isn’t interested in you, she wouldn’t mind you hanging out with other girls. However, if she acts hostile, then it’s a clear sign a married woman is attracted to you.

    When asked on Reddit if jealousy is a sign of love, a user replied, “It’s a natural instinct to feel jealous when you like someone but they seem to be spending their time with someone else. If you’re just friends and you get jealous when someone is with them, you’re probably definitely infatuated and are hoping for more.” 

    4. She laughs at all your jokes

    Let’s say you actually have a good sense of humor and people laugh at all your jokes. But that doesn’t mean all your jokes have a great landing. Some can crash and burn. You just can’t be funny all the time. If she laughs at all your jokes, it’s one of the signs a married woman likes you and is interested in you.

    Suzanne, a 42-year-old woman from Hawaii, says, “I really wanted to hook up with this man I met at a conference. He wasn’t even funny but that didn’t stop him from cracking jokes. I had to laugh at his lame jokes for an hour. After we were done making out, I said to his face that he isn’t funny and walked away.” 

    5. She invites you to be a part of her circle 

    Why would a married woman invite you to be a part of her world if she didn’t like you? It’s one of the obvious signs she is interested in you and wants to hang out with you as much as she can. She will invite you for coffee or dinner with her friends. It’s her subtle way of introducing you to her friends and perhaps even a way of showing you off as a trophy. 

    Related Reading: Finding Someone Special After Marriage In A Friendship

    6. She shares the intimate details of her life with you 

    While attempting to get closer to you, a married woman will open up and share everything with you. She will tell you about her friends, the gossip at work, and go to the extent of sharing her vulnerabilities if she wants more than just sex from you. She will even share her marital problems with you and will make you feel like you are better than her husband. While she is pouring her heart out, she will use phrases that make it evident that she wants more than just friendship from you

    • “I wish my husband was as understanding as you”
    • “Where were you when I was single?”
    • “If only I could go back in time and meet you before I met my husband” 

    7. She says she is unhappy in her marriage 

    From confessing her marital issues to expressing her resentment toward her husband, she will let you in on the juicy details of her boring and loveless marriage. She will even lie to her husband about meeting you. By talking about her unhappiness and saying that she is depressed in her marriage, she is trying to gain your sympathy. If you don’t want to disrupt a marriage, it’s best to be vocal about it. Tell her you’re not interested and block her number.  

    8. She flirts with you 

    There’s only a thin line between being friendly and being flirty because women aren’t as vocal as men when it comes to making the first move. They will show their interest by flirting with you. Here are some obvious signs a married woman likes you and some signs she is trying to flirt with you:

    • She always smiles when you are around
    • She sends you kisses and heart emojis 
    • She sits close to you 
    • Her sexual energy is palpable
    • She is curious about you and asks a lot of questions in an attempt to keep your attention 

    9. Her body language gives it away 

    When a woman is attracted to someone, this attraction will be visible in the way she carries herself. Her body language is a dead giveaway that she likes you and wants to get to know you more. Listed below are some female body language signs of attraction from a married woman:

    • She blushes every time she sees you
    • She doesn’t mind when you touch her
    • She will touch your arms and thighs
    • She leans in closer to you and angles her body toward you 
    • She mirrors your actions and gestures
    • She plays with her hair and jewelry 
    • She touches her neck sensually 
    • She gives you a tight hug 

    10. She doesn’t shy away from intimate conversations 

    From flirting to dirty talk and sexting, she doesn’t shy away from anything. That’s when it becomes apparent that a married woman is captivated by you and wants you to make a move over text and in person. She will send you messages to make you obsess over her. She will text you at odd hours and won’t hesitate to open up about her sex life. She will even crack some dirty “That’s what she said” jokes to get your attention.

    All these things are done and said to see your reaction. If you are game for it, then nothing should stop you from pursuing her. However, if you don’t like the fact that a married woman is hitting on you, then you can politely decline her offer or cut all ties with her.

    Relate Reading: 10 Ways To Keep A Conversation Going With A Girl

    11. She tries to seduce you

    She will entice you with her body. She will tantalize you by touching her neck and cleavage in front of you. Some cues she is trying to seduce you include:

    • Complimenting your body or appearance often
    • She will treat you a lot more favorably than others, and that difference will be apparent 
    • She will bring up sexual topics and will ask you a lot of questions related to love and sex

    A Reddit user shares their story of being seduced by a married woman, “She had been slowly trying to seduce me every time we hung out by having increasingly sexual conversations with me, and yesterday she straight up told me that she wanted me. She’s not in a happy or emotionally fulfilling or physically fulfilling relationship. Neither of us wants to have a relationship, she just wants to have a good physical time.” 

    12. She insists on spending one-on-one time with you

    She will be extra caring toward you and will make it a point to create situations where it’s always just you and her. It doesn’t matter what kind of conversations take place when she is alone with you because all she wants is your complete attention. When you are spending time with her, she will make you feel seen and heard. She will validate your feelings by practicing emotional attunement and she will make you feel like you are the best man she has ever met. This is one of the clear signs a married woman is attracted to you. 

    13. She notices little things about you 

    Did you wear a new perfume? Oh, you did your hair differently today? From noticing how broad your shoulders are to what you like to eat for dessert, she will notice every little thing about you. She will even remember your Starbucks order. This is one of the ways to tell if she has a crush on you.

    14. She whispers in your ear

    Another seductive way to get your attention. Whispering in someone’s ear is a clear sign of physical attraction. She will lean closer to you and will whisper in your ears. It can start from innocent observations about your surroundings and lead up to naughty, intimate conversations that can end up in building intimacy between partners.

    15. She kisses you 

    A Reddit user shares their story of being kissed by a married woman, “We have grown close over the past couple of months, texting a lot outside of work. We are very similar people, have good chemistry, and conversations are just free-flowing and would last for hours. We kissed the other night and I kind of liked it. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future but I am just living in the moment.”

    This is one of the direct ways a married woman will express her desires. She will outright kiss you on the cheek or on your lips to let you know that she is interested in you and wants to take matters further. After all, according to this study, “Women are interested in men that seem interested in them. Looking ‘easy’ isn’t sexy, reciprocating her interest is.” So, ask yourself, do you wish to reciprocate her desire? 

    How To Decide Whether To Make A Move Or Back Off

    Is it a good idea to date a married woman? The simple answer will always be ‘no’ because it can get complicated very soon. It doesn’t matter whether she is still in love with her husband or not. What matters is that she is still legally married to him and this can reflect very poorly on you. So many things can go wrong when you date a married woman, like:

    • You may fall in love with her but she may just want a physical relationship with you or vice versa
    • Her husband could find out about this and it could get very ugly in no time
    • This may eventually result in heartbreak, unless she decides to divorce her husband 
    • In case they decide to resolve their marital issues, you will end up feeling like a doormat

    Key Pointers

    • A married woman has a crush on you when she goes out of her way to see you and notices every little thing about you
    • When she shares her personal problems with you and tries to stay close to you, these are the signs a married woman wants you to make a move
    • If you don’t want to proceed with her advances, then be clear about it

    Things can definitely get complicated once you make a move and take things further. There is fear of her husband finding out about your rendezvous, fear of what your loved ones will think about you, and fear of your own conscience. Keep all this in mind before you accept her flirtation and make a move on her.

    35 Examples Of Texts To Make Him Feel Guilty For Hurting You

    How To Tell If Your Husband Is In Love With Another Woman – 15 Apparent Signs

    The 9 Truths About Lifelong Extramarital Affairs

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  • 10 Basic Rights In A Relationship You Should Know Of

    10 Basic Rights In A Relationship You Should Know Of

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    A healthy relationship is built on the foundation of equality and mutual respect. These two, along with some other factors entail the basic rights in a relationship that everyone must practice and have in their relationship. But while these are fundamental, some relationships actually do lack these markers. Most of us end up entering the rosy gates of love without any real awareness of the importance of these concepts, and consequentially turn a blind eye to it.

    This means that everyone is entitled to basic rights in a relationship. However, most of us enter the rosy gates of love without being aware of this concept and turn a blind eye to it.

    Whether you are a new entrant in the field of love or have been with your partner for years, there are some important boundaries that should never be crossed in your relationship. Not all is fair in love, and an equal footing in relationships must be maintained. Healthy relationships are those which have physical and emotional rights in the relationship, and today, we will be taking a detailed lesson on the importance of all the other basic rights in a relationship and what they entail exactly. So without any further ado, let’s get right into it.

    What Are Individual Rights In A Relationship?

    A relationship is indeed a beautiful union of two people. Not just spending time, but two people in a relationship share life lessons, advice, emotions and other deep thoughts with one another. The degree of emotional and physical closeness in a loving relationship, is usually far stronger than any other relationship. While that can be the most liberating and comforting feeling in the world, it should still be practiced with care.

    By sharing too much with a partner and allowing them to trench too deep in your life, you may be inviting causes for experiencing abuse or control by them. Or there may even be times in relationships, where you spend such a large part of your day with each other, that you don’t realize how your partner is curbing your freedoms and controlling your actions. In order to avoid that, one should constantly protect their individual rights in a relationship and here is what they are:

    • Your time: We don’t mean to sound unromantic, but the way you want to spend your time and your day is actually a big part of your individual right in a relationship. This does not mean that if your girlfriend wants to drag you to her sister’s house for Thanksgiving and you don’t want to go, then that is a violation. It just means that you two should have an equal say of how you spend your time with one another and how you sacrifice time for each other
    • Sleep: Sleep too, is a big part of basic rights in a relationship. You are not expected to accompany them to parties every Friday night just because they want to. Don’t let them guilt you into not coming out with them
    • Social circle: If your boyfriend does not like some of your friends or other guy friends, you do not have to stop hanging out with them. You can listen to your partner, understand their view but gracefully find a middle-ground to continue respecting your partner and your friends both
    • Time off: One of the major relationship rights that everyone needs to take seriously is their time off. We live in a chaotic world with busy schedules and it is only fair for one to have their own personal time during a day. In healthy relationships, partners usually learn to respect those with each other
    • Parenting right: If you’re dating someone while you have a child of your own from your previous relationship, you have every right to put your child first or on an equal footing as your new partner. Parenting right is something that most people overlook or do not take seriously. Say, you only get your daughter on the weekends from your ex-husband. In that case, it’s perfectly alright to want to spend the weekend with your daughter and refusing to go to the Hamptons with your boyfriend those two days

    Why Is It Important To Know Your Basic Rights In A Relationship

    To simplify this matter and break it down even further, let’s take this fun example. Assume that your relationship is the government and that you and your partner are the citizens. Now, just like the government provides rights to every citizen to assure just behavior and fair treatment, you and your partner also get basic rights in a relationship to ensure that you both are treated fairly by each other, without one person overstepping any problematic boundaries.

    Knowing your basic physical and emotional rights in a relationship safeguards you from experiencing abuse or being manipulated. You neither want to become the victim nor the perpetrator because you two have entered into a mutually agreed, loving relationship. Many people who are unaware of what they deserve end up struggling in toxic relationships without realizing that they can put an end to the torture.

    Hence, to avoid situations in which you feel trapped, stonewalled, or neglected by your partner, you should be aware of your rights and responsibilities in a relationship.

    10 Basic Rights In A Relationship You Should Know Of

    Similar to one’s individual rights in a relationship, basic rights in a relationship should also be understood and respected. Just because you are in a happy relationship at the moment, does not mean that you know all of these. It is possible that you’ve been unaware of these factors, which could silently create trouble in paradise very soon. Which is why you’ve come to the right place today. If you want to feel safe in a relationship and cultivate the ultimate love and support for one another, you cannot do it without respecting these 10 basic rights:

    These rights refer to the roles and responsibilities that you and your partner have toward yourself and each other.

    The thing about basic rights in a relationship is that they can differ depending on the nature of the relationship. For instance, boyfriend and girlfriend rights can be different from husband and wife rights. However, no matter what the nature of your bond is, you still have the freedom to exercise your rights to maintain the health of your dynamic. Here are 10 basic rights in a relationship you should know of:

    Related Reading: Dos And Don’ts For A Long-Term Relationship

    1. The right to privacy 

    One of the most basic rights in a relationship is the right to have your privacy respected by your partner. This means that your spouse cannot look through your emails, phone, chats, or even your mail if you do not consent or are not comfortable with it.

    Ellen, a 24-year-old dancer, asserts, “It is fundamental to have privacy in a relationship. Even though you are committed, your sentiments, individuality, and your space remain separate. My partner and I make sure of that.” So if you ever find your partner snooping through your private chats, it’s a matter of concern. This is not just a boyfriend and girlfriend right, but also a husband and wife right. Just because you are married does not mean that you have to let go of your privacy in a relationship.

    2. The right to boundaries 

    The ability to set boundaries – emotional, physical, and financial – is one of the most significant rights that you should know of. This implies that you should be able to make decisions about what you want to do and what you don’t, what you’re comfortable with and what you aren’t. You can also avoid being under any kind of obligation. These boundaries are not just limited to emotional rights in a relationship but extend to sexuality as well.

    One of my college roommates recently got divorced because of a lack of boundaries in her relationship. She said, “Husband and wife rights are not a concept my ex understood. For him, being a married couple meant no boundaries. There was absolutely no respect for mine. It became frustrating to be with someone who continuously forced me to do things I didn’t want to do.” 

    3. The right to express disagreement

    If you have ever been in a relationship, you are surely aware that there may be major arguments and there will be times when your spouse may act in ways that you don’t agree with, or they may even hurt your feelings. It’s natural to not be on the same page for many things, what matters is how you converse about it respectfully. However, you do not have to put your own feelings on the back burner just because you two are not on the same page.

    This is why one of the basic rights in a relationship is the freedom to express concerns and not remain silent. You ought to be able to express your opinions when you believe you have been harmed or when you disagree with anything. It is an extremely important boyfriend and girlfriend right, especially in a long-term relationship. If you do not exercise this right and bottle up everything, sooner or later your frustration will find some other outlet that can make matters ugly for you and your partner.

    4. The right to be in an adult relationship and avoid parenting your partner

    You and your partner are expected to be many things, but becoming a parent to one another is not one of them. It is normal for this to be a relationship deal-breaker if one person turns out to be excessively needy and wants you to parent them. It is one of the basic rights in a relationship to refuse to babysit a fully grown human. You have to understand that their immaturity or childish behavior could be a part of their unresolved issues and you should not be expected to tolerate it. Your rights and responsibilities in a relationship do not expect you to be a mother or a father to your partner.

    Here is an example of basic rights in a relationship and how it can be violated. Jace, a college professor, talks about his last relationship. He says, “Initially, the behavior was cute and endearing and I did not mind it too much. But as the relationship progressed, I realized she is just plain immature. I would come home to find her in front of the TV with her lunch and breakfast dishes still in front of her. She would never make any decisions and I felt like I was parenting her all the time, and she would always expect me to pick up after her. I realized it is a basic boyfriend and girlfriend right to not put up with such behavior which helped me move on from that relationship.” 

    These rights should be practiced by couples to have a healthy and happy relationship

    5. The right to see and meet your friends 

    If you’re in a relationship, there is no reason that you shouldn’t be able to hang out with your friends or speak to them whenever you want to. It is a basic emotional right in a relationship to have your own set of friends because you have an intimate connection with them, and you should be able to foster that. Your boyfriend has absolutely no right to stop you from spending time with your guy friends. While he can warn you about what he thinks of your friends, he does not get to decide who you should be spending time with.

    If your partner doesn’t like them, that is not your problem. Both you and your partner should respect the fact that other people in your life are equally important and they do not need to come with a stamp of approval from either of you. Expressing an opinion is one thing, but if they try to walk all over decisions, that is nothing but controlling behavior.

    Related Reading: Freedom In Relationships – What It Means And What It Doesn’t

    6. The right to be respected and treated as an equal 

    And it is really not too much to ask for. If you feel like you don’t have this in your relationship, you need to consider walking out. You should have the right to respect and to be treated with equality in a relationship, and this goes without any question. For instance, you must be able to make decisions together, especially when they affect both of you. This right is important, as it shows you value and trust each other’s opinions.

    It is a fundamental boyfriend and girlfriend right and a very important husband and wife right as well. The secret to a healthy relationship is showing respect for your partner’s point of view even though it might differ from yours. Constantly feeling belittled and insulted for your choices is a red flag in a relationship. A person who does not respect you or treats you as an equal is not right for you.

    One of my colleagues recently shared the story of her toxic relationship. She said, “I went into a zone of complete self-doubt because my boyfriend constantly reminded me how pathetic my choices and tastes were. From my dressing style to my opinions about movies, he respected nothing. It was only after I talked to a close friend that I realized I have basic rights in a relationship. It helped me to stand up for myself.” 

    7. The right to refuse physical touch 

    Apart from emotional rights in a relationship, both partners also have physical rights. While you might trust your partner completely, refusing physical intimacy in a relationship is normal. You can find ways to say no in bed without hurting their feelings.

    It does not mean that you are not attracted to them. Simply said, it means that there’s a chance you wouldn’t want to be touched on particular days or while you’re focused on something else. To ensure that your partner understands exactly what you expect from them, take the time to talk about this with each other. Your sexual and physical boundaries are sacred, regardless of your gender.

    8. The right to go on dates 

    With your own partner, obviously! One of the most important boyfriend and girlfriend rights and for that matter, even husband and wife rights, is the expectation to go on dates. Romantic date nights are so important, and if you feel that you and your relationship require it, you can have it on your list of basic rights in a relationship. This does not mean your partner has to treat you to expensive dinners. A romantic date can be something as simple as dressing up and enjoying a romantic night at home, or going out for a walk and ice cream.

    basic rights in a relationship
    Be aware of your rights in a relationship and seek advice from people you trust

    9. The right to be wrong 

    One of the basic rights in a relationship is the right to be wrong sometimes. You might make a mistake and say or do the wrong thing occasionally and it should be considered normal, and nothing to criticize or shame each other about.

    It’s acceptable to make mistakes, and you should both be willing to forget and forgive. Holding grudges against your partner and acting upon them will only harm your relationship. Humans are not perfect and hence both of you have the right to mess up sometimes. Do not insult your partner when that happens. 

    Related Reading: What Is An Enmeshed Relationship? Signs And How To Set Boundaries

    10. The right to leave the relationship

    A relationship is not etched in stone. One of the basic rights in a relationship is the freedom to leave when things get overwhelming, emotionally depleted, or toxic. You are in no way required to put up with demeaning behavior. For instance, when your partner is unfaithful, you have the right to leave without any obligation. It is important to remember that your self-respect is above any relationship. Even if your partner has done nothing wrong, but you realize you have fallen out of love, you have the right to leave the relationship because you will be doing both of you a favor. 

    Having a partner comes with challenges and compromises. Setting ground rules and being aware of your basic rights in a relationship can help you establish a healthy and happy foundation with your partner in which both parties are happy. Remember, it is never wrong to practice your rights. 

    FAQs

    1. What makes someone immature in a relationship?

    People that are immature seem to care only about themselves. They detest compromise and reject the idea of considering other people’s viewpoints. They constantly seek to be in control. 

    2. Can an emotionally immature person change?

    With time and help, most emotionally immature people do change. Once they know how to deal with their emotions instead of projecting, they slowly begin to grow out of their immaturity. 

    Signs That He Is Possessive In The Relationship

    13 Friends With Benefits Boundaries That Must Be Followed

    5 Signs You Are Entering A Wrong Relationship

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  • Happy New Year! The Best of Emotional Health and Relationships 2022

    Happy New Year! The Best of Emotional Health and Relationships 2022

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    As we say farewell to 2022 and glide into 2023, my hope is that no matter what is going on around you and in the world, you remember that you and your relationships are your best resources for resilience, joy, peace and calm in this life.  Whether you have been following me and this site from the beginning (2014) or have recently discovered “The Toolbox,” I am grateful for your interest and hope you continue to find helpful tools to add to your toolbox to be your best self individually and in your relationships.

    This past year is a huge one for me as I’m in the process of trying some new things to be able to educate even more people about how to find happiness, emotional safety and authenticity with each other and within themselves.

    Join me for my first free live webinar called Jump-Start Your Emotional Health, on January 25th, 2022 at 9A Pacific!

    This is your opportunity to focus on your personal growth as we move into 2023.  Whether you’re dealing with stress, anxiety, sadness, or a general awareness that you’re not showing up as your best self, I will give you tools and strategies to empower you to take control of your emotional wellness via my Eight Pillars of Emotional Health to help you lay a strong foundation for increased awareness, peace, and resilience.  And the better you feel about yourself, the better positioned you’ll be to have healthy, rewarding relationships.

    In the meanwhile, enjoy 6 of my personal favorite posts in Emotional Health and Relationships from this year.

    Best in Emotional Health

    How to Reset, Renew and Find Yourself

    The Problem with Perfectionism and How to Move Away from It

    10 Reasons You Need Therapy Now

    Best in Relationships

    Bad Relationships on Repeat?  Break Your Unhealthy Patterns

    The Most Important Aspect of Affair Recovery

    Two Ways to Boost the Emotional Safety in Your Relationship

     

    Happy New Year to you and yours!

    Best,

    Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

    Founder of LoveAndLifeToolbox.com

    The post Happy New Year! The Best of Emotional Health and Relationships 2022 first appeared on LoveAndLifeToolBox.

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    Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

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  • Reflections on Gratitude, Even for the Hard Stuff | LoveAndLifeToolBox

    Reflections on Gratitude, Even for the Hard Stuff | LoveAndLifeToolBox

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    Linda Graham, MFT, explores the use of gratitude as a buffer and offers tools to help practice gratitude even in the most difficult of times.

    Gratitude works its magic – to buffer us from falling into swamps of grudge, trauma and suffering in the first place, or pulling ourselves out of those swamps once we’ve woken up to knowing that we’re not in our right mind or heart space anymore – by bringing us to the experiences of loving awareness and loving presence from which we can respond to confusion, despair, fear, hurt, threat, more wisely.

    Gratitude is one of the most direct ways to find our way to a loving awareness of this Being-ness because it immediately brings us into the arc of presence – openness – connectedness with all there is that helped us become all of who we are – acceptance of all that is-ness, that leads to an inner peace and well-being that is the wellspring of love and wise action.

    Gratitude practice taps us into the energy field of life itself, from which comes all joy, compassion, forgiveness, etc.

    From this energy field of life itself, we can move from being well to faring well in the world.

    1- Gratitude to soften grudge

    If you’re like me, or my clients, or my friends, holidays may be a mixture of anticipated delight and dread.  You may have to re-engage with a parent or sibling who could still be shamingly critical or derisive, or even just negative, with no awareness or accountability for the pain they are inflicting.  Some gratitude practices that might be helpful:

    • Read your own signals of when it’s safe to connect and when it’s not. I.e., knowing from within when it’s safe to be open and when it’s best to have a good boundary.  After years of practice, I can finally, finally catch the wave in my body that says “uh-oh, this doesn’t feel safe, I’m outta here,” that has me walking out the door and around the block before I’m even aware I’ve left the conversation.  Focus on your heart, your presence, your attitude, your behavior.
    • Find something to appreciate, right now, about the person you feel like clobbering with a frying pan.  That they held the door for you as you walked into the house even though they didn’t pay attention to anything you said.  Or they’re being attentive to their 4 year old even though they have no bandwidth for anyone else. Or remembering that a year ago they surprised the heck out of you by getting your daughter the poodle puppy she had so yearned for.
    • Find something to appreciate, right now, about the connection, the dynamic between you and this person, which may simply be “I get to practice patience right now” or “I get to practice compassion right now” or “I am moving 20 minutes closer to sainthood right now.”
    • Find something to forgive right now.  When you’re struggling to be tolerant rather than contentious with someone, imagine this person as a vulnerable one year old, or a greedy two year old, or a defiant three year old, or a full-of-life ten year old, or a confused sixteen year old, or a desperate to find a direction in life twenty year old.  (Which may be who’s actually driving this person’s behavior in the current moment.)  Allow your heart to open to the more vulnerable version of the person you are struggling with, seeing your grudge in this larger perspective, encompassing all of the person and letting the grudge soften.

    Savor the gratitude for your own practice of softening the grudge and easing your heart.

    2-Gratitude to heal trauma

    I’m part of a clinical study group developing an integrative model for treating trauma; this past week my colleague Joanna spoke of “embracing the defensive structures,” meaning:

    We all use our innate survival responses of fight-flight-freeze-collapse when our resources for coping through connection are overwhelmed or we perceive connections themselves to be unsafe.  These survival responses are hard-wired into our body-brains in utero. They operate much faster than our adult conscious appraisals of yes-no, green light – red light could possibly operate.  When one or all of those survival responses gets repeatedly encoded in our developing neural circuitry (my early-learned pattern of regulating the anxiety coming up in  a conversation by walking out the door for fresh air still coming up, unknowingly, when I am perfectly safe in a conversation now) or when traumatizing events like betrayal or violence lock those survival response patterns into our body memory, our normal openness and expansiveness of resilience and well-being can be blocked by these contracted survival defenses.

    Gratitude plays a key role in unpacking and re-wiring these trauma responses by de-pathologizing them.  No shame-blame-weakness in normal responses to abnormal,

    terrifying, or toxic circumstances.  In fact, we can be grateful that these innate survival responses did allow us to survive, even if they constrict us or cause their own suffering later down the road.  By becoming conscious…and compassionate…and accepting…and embracing of those mechanisms that kept us afloat, even though they sometimes threaten to sink us now, we soften our grudge toward ourselves, or toward the traumatizing events, and deepen into the place in our hearts and minds that can resolve and let go of the trauma and the defenses against the trauma.  Embracing our defenses as they are, even while choosing to use other more adaptive coping strategies now, does re-wire the brain, does change our conscious relationship to those habitual patterns now, does create conscious, alternative choices.  (See Exercises to Practice below for examples of how to do this.)

    The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. 

    Carl Rogers

    3-Gratitude to move through suffering with grace

    Suffering is an inevitable part of the human condition and human conditioning.  Gratitude helps us move through our suffering with more grace and peace of mind and heart:

    • Allowing us a respite from the suffering, even for a few moments.    Gratitude drops us into a space where our survival patterns of responding to hurt, danger, life threat aren’t operating, at least for a few moments.

    When my brother was in the hospital with life-threatening and painful blood clots, those moments he and I spent on the phone every day in gratitude practice gave him a much needed respite from the pain and fear, not because the gratitude was a distraction but because it moved him into a state of mind and heart where the pain and fear weren’t operating.

    • “Waking up” to the larger perspective and learning the lessons hidden within the suffering.

    One of my favorite teaching stories of all time is the story of the Chinese Farmer and the Horse, from the Zen tradition.

    A Chinese farmer has a horse; his neighbor comes over to visit and exclaims, Oh, how fortunate that you have a horse!”  The Chinese farmer non-committally says, “We’ll see.”  The next day the horse runs away.  The neighbor comes over to offer his sympathy.  “Oh, how unfortunate that you’ve lost your horse.”  The Chinese farmer again says non-committally, “We’ll see.”  The next day the horse returns to the farmer, bringing a new mare with him.  The neighbor rushes over to congratulate the farmer. “Oh, how fortunate!  Now you have two horses!”  The Chinese farmer replies as before, “We’ll see.”  The next day the farmer’s son is out riding the mare to break it in; the mare throws him and he breaks his leg.  The neighbor comes over as before, “Oh, how unfortunate.  Your son has broken his leg!”  The Chinese farmer replies, “We’ll see.”

    A month later the army comes through the area recruiting soldiers.  They can’t accept the farmer’s son because of his broken leg.  The neighbor again comes over to sympathize, “Oh, how fortunate!  Your son doesn’t have to go into the army!”  The Chinese farmer again replies, “We’ll see.”

    The story continues on.  We learn to keep an open mind about any particular event; we don’t always know how fortunate or

    unfortunate any particular circumstance is.  But the equanimity that comes from being grateful, at least accepting of every experience, every moment, no matter our initial view of it, brings us to the larger perspective that we often don’t know in the moment the opportunities hidden in what appears to be monolithic tragedy or trauma.  We often say, as my friend Paula did after suddenly losing her job of seven years in an unforeseen downsizing of her company,  ” I wouldn’t wish the pain and suffering of those days on anyone, and there’s no way I could have known at the time how things would turn out, and things don’t always turn out for the better, but losing that job was the best thing that ever happened to me. I never would have found my deeper dream of having my own photography studio if I had stayed there another 10 years out of being scared to leave.”

    • Maturing ourselves through the suffering itself.  From three of my favorite wisdom teachers:

    Gratitude in our darkest times is more than a matter of remembering our blessings so we can hold the hard stuff in a bigger perspective.  With understanding, we see that often it is the suffering itself that deepens us, maturing our perspective on life, making us more compassionate and wise than we would have been without it.  How many times have we been inspired by those who embody a wisdom that could only come from dealing with adversity?  And how many valuable lessons have we ourselves learned because life has given us unwanted challenges?  With a grateful heart, we’re not only willing to face our difficulties, we can realize while we’re going through them that they are a part of our ripening into wisdom and nobility.   – James Baraz

    The Buddhist teachings are fabulous at simply working with what’s happening as your path of awakening, rather than treating your life experiences as some kind of deviation from what is supposed to be happening.  The more difficulties you have, in fact, the greater opportunity there is to let them transform you.  The difficult things provoke all your irritations and bring your habitual patterns to the surface.  And that becomes the moment of truth.  You have the choice to launch into the lousy habitual patterns you already have, or to stay with the rawness and discomfort of the situation and let it transform you, on the spot.  – Pema Chodron

    Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.  It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events.  Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.   – Melodie Beattie

    Gratitude is simply one of the most effective tools we have over the long haul to reliably soften grudge, resolve trauma and move through suffering with grace.

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    Linda Graham, MFT

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  • Sex in Marriage and Fear of Intimacy | LoveAndLifeToolBox

    Sex in Marriage and Fear of Intimacy | LoveAndLifeToolBox

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    Richard Nicastro, PhD looks at how a fear of intimacy can get in the way of the quality of the sexual relationship in your marriage.  He poses questions for reflection for you and your partner to improve the connection.

    Emotional intimacy involves a connection that occurs between two people who have let their guard down and are able to be emotionally present without the defenses they’ve learned to hide behind—defenses that we all occasionally rely upon after a lifetime of emotional bumps and bruises. In these connecting moments, egos and pretense are put aside and each person approaches the other with humility and an open heart. Inherent in this type of authentic contact is the ability and willingness to be emotionally vulnerable—to give your partner access to the most fragile parts of who you are.

    In these moments, vulnerability and intimacy are synonymous.

    The truth is that many of us have learned to sequester the most vulnerable parts of ourselves—like a parent shielding a young child from imminent danger, we’ve all developed ways to protect and shield ourselves. And when the wounding is emotional, this protection involves a psychic shell-game of sorts, where you shuffle away the parts of yourself that you don’t want others to see. And, over time, we come to inhabit roles that others get to see, roles that give us a sense of familiarity, predictability and comfort. These roles may or may not be in line with our most authentic selves; and they may or may not involve our deepest vulnerabilities.

    How a Fear of Intimacy Impacts Sexual Intimacy

    Sex in marriage (or a committed relationship) is a means of expressing the profound love you feel for your spouse/partner. Sex as an expression of love is imbued with emotion (caring, tenderness, empathy, altruism, compassion, generosity, excitement, pleasure, joy), and it is the accessing and openness to these emotions within yourself, as well as within your partner, that allows for the deep sense of connection and oneness that can occur through sexual expression.

    But when we fear intimacy, we struggle to open ourselves in this way because of the expectation of rejection. On the one hand, we desire emotional closeness, but on the other, we think (consciously or unconsciously), “If you see the real me [or this aspect of me], you wouldn’t want to be with me” – or some version of this sentiment. A fear of intimacy can be described as a fear of being fully seen by another, especially when this person matters to you and therefore has the power to hurt you.

    Others who struggle with intimacy may have experienced debilitating shame (often in childhood) and feel unworthy of love. The anticipation of further humiliation keeps the shame-prone person locked in an inner prison where others are not allowed access. In these instances, emotional and physical intimacy remain at a surface level since the person who fears intimacy ultimately controls the level of intimacy that occurs (even if s/he is unaware of this fact).

    “I think my first husband had a fear of intimacy. Whenever we had sex, it was like he wasn’t even in the room emotionally. One time I asked him to say my name and look me in the eyes during sex and he got angry and said I was being ridiculous. I knew in that moment that our marriage was in real trouble.” ~ Lauren, describing why her first marriage of two years ended

    As you might imagine, a fear of intimacy often impacts the quality and type of sex a couple engages in. When the emotional channels that join a couple during love-making are significantly narrowed or totally closed off, sex remains a physical act without the emotional joining many couples also desire. There is nothing wrong with having sex purely for the erotic and pleasurable charge it gives, but when a fear of intimacy prevents the possibility of engaging in other types of sex (such as emotionally-connecting sex), then you become locked into a rigid pattern with no other options.

    Intimacy isn’t for the faint of heart. Certain levels of intimacy can make even the most secure of us uneasy at times. So don’t panic if you find yourself needing some space from your partner from time-to-time. This is quite common. And it’s important to note that couples often vacillate between periods of emotional closeness with periods of greater emotional distance. It’s unrealistic and unattainable to try to achieve a continuous, deep connection with one another.

    When a fear of intimacy is at work, however, you may find that you and your partner seem to exist in a chronic state of emotional distance (even disconnection), both in and out of the bedroom.

    How to Spice Up Your Marriage or Relationship Action Step:

    Take a few moments to reflect on the following questions and discuss your responses with your partner (if it feels safe to do so):

    • Does it feel like you and your partner are able to be emotionally present during sex?
    • If not, what blocks this from occurring?
    • Are you able to be emotionally vulnerable and open during sex? What prevents you from this at times?
    • Are you and your partner able to vary the kind of sex that occurs (gentle, loving-tender sex; libidinal-primal sex; intimate, looking-into-each-other’s-eyes sex; impersonal-highly erotic sex)?
    • If you believe a fear of intimacy lies at the root of achieving meaningful intimacy, what steps can you take to overcome these fears?

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    Richard Nicastro, PhD

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  • Mental Illness and Unconditional Love | LoveAndLifeToolBox

    Mental Illness and Unconditional Love | LoveAndLifeToolBox

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    Tom Smith lost his daughter to mental illness in 2003.  He touches on the importance of self-esteem in a society that often compares, continuing to shed light on mental health stigma.  

    Unconditional love lies at the heart of helping a loved one with mental health issues develop positive self-esteem. But as a society we are geared toward conditional love: in overt and subtle ways, we learn how to love on the condition that someone else’s behavior and attitudes meet our expectations.

    But the delicate line between necessary, healthy expectations and conditional love is hard to identify and even more complicated to apply effectively. Parents, for example, generally expect that their children meet certain behavioral, educational, and social standards. At the same time, they strive to love their children unconditionally. It’s common to hear adults recalling their own childhood and testifying to their parents’ failure to separate their expressions of love from their performance or behavior expectations for the child.

    We don’t always learn unconditional love at home.

    Through adolescence and into adulthood, we may not experience unconditional love, either. Competition at school, the workplace, in sports, in social circles, and even in entertainment and arts — all contribute to a society that constantly compares. Someone is “better” (which means someone else is “worse”), someone wins while others lose, some people presumably succeed and others fail. This message is everywhere — in popular media, in advertising, and in our language. We are expected to behave, think, and feel in particular ways, or be shunned, minimized, ignored, or condemned.

    The stigma against mental illness thrives in this environment, unfortunately. Nor does this atmosphere promote learning how to love unconditionally. But loving unconditionally is precisely what family and friends of people with mental illness need to do.

    How do we do this?

    Maintain a positive attitude. Compliment your loved one often. Avoid making comparisons. Don’t take the person’s insults, disrespect, anger, and rejection too personally. Make a habit of showing that you genuinely care about their well-being. Wish them well in all their endeavors, help them achieve appropriate goals, listen to them closely and try to understand the world from their perspective.

    To love unconditionally means to care for, respect, understand, and forgive another person regardless of their response to your efforts. “Regardless” is the hard part. Loving a person with mental health problems requires a commitment to this kind of love, even as we know that we will sometimes fail.

    A healthy self-esteem is essential to a balanced life, and this strategy is worth lots of time, discussion, and effort. Self-esteem is an immeasurable asset to people with mental illness. It can be the emotional anchor that allows them to monitor their medication, use counseling effectively, regulate their schedule, know their strengths and limits, and seek and accept help when needed.

    Family and friends are in position to help with this development, since they are in regular contact. They know their loved one’s personality, thought patterns, habits, preferences, and feelings. Practicing unconditional love, they can create a supportive environment where their loved one has the best chance of experiencing the benefits of a healthy self-esteem.

    —–

    Tom Smith is the cofounder of the Karla Smith Foundation, which supports parents and loved ones of mentally ill people. He is author of several articles and books, including God on the Job and Alive in the Spirit.

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    Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

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  • Combat Self-Blame with Self-Forgiveness | LoveAndLifeToolBox

    Combat Self-Blame with Self-Forgiveness | LoveAndLifeToolBox

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    Dr. Elisha Goldstein, PhD, offers a self-forgiveness practice to help shift our old stories and habit of self-blame.  He suggests that if we adopt a “learning mindset,” growth can occur from the inevitable mistakes we all make in life.

    Self-blame is a human dilemma. We may blame ourselves for shouting at our kids or not protecting our siblings from abusive parents when we were young, or hating ourselves for something we wish we hadn’t said. But blame creates a destructive amount of continual stress that holds us back from learning from our mistakes and also uncovering a real happiness.

    So, assuming many of us agree that forgiving ourselves and learning from past mistakes is important for our health and well-being, the next question is how do we actually go about forgiving ourselves?

    Know that you are not the first or the last

    One of the first things to do is understand that you are not the first person who has made this mistake; it has likely been made thousands if not millions of times before you by other people. I am not condoning the action, but simply letting you know that you are not alone and that many people have made this mistake in the face of common human challenges. One of the common things we do as humans is taking things personally to a fault. When we come to understand that no one is immune from being unskillful, we can begin to take it a little less personally. This helps us in the process of forgiveness.

    Understand that it’s in the past

    Another thing to remind yourself of is that this act you may have committed is now in the past, it is not present, and you are not currently doing it. Notice when the mind trap of blaming yourself for past events arises, see if you can acknowledge its presence and the remind yourself that you did make mistake, but that was the past and you are going to learn from it. This practice of blaming does not support you or others in any way at all. Allow the process of forgiveness of this past event to surface and begin to see it as something that you can learn and grow from moving forward. This will free you up to be more skillful in the present.

    What we might do is say “In the past, I had done or been xyz, and now I am (connect with positive intention.” For example, “in the past I had an affair, today I am a loving and committed husband/wife and the love I feel for my children sustains me.”

    Adopt a learning mindset

    We are always going to make mistakes in this life. Everyone does. But the key mindset that turns this on it’s head and catalyzes growth and happiness is the learning mindset.

    This is a single thread that weaves throughout Uncovering Happiness and also the newest release MBSR Every Day: Daily Practices from the Heart of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction.

    Every single experience in life contains information to help us get better and better with our intentions in life.

    So forgive yourself for the past, but investigate how you made this error or if it was even an error on your part at all. If it was ask yourself, “What might I do differently next time?” Then invite yourself to begin again.

    This is a practice I call Forgive, Investigate and Invite. 

    We can begin to let go of our grievance stories of the past and begin to build new ones with more conscious intention on how we want things to be moving forward. This will be a process and will take patience, determination, and persistence as the old stories and habits of self blame will keep creeping back into the mind leading us back toward our old unforgiving ways that don’t serve us. See if you can notice when this happens and then invite yourself now to begin the process of self-forgiveness again.

    Adapted with permission from Elisha Goldstein’s Blog.

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    Elisha Goldstein, PhD

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  • SoulSinglesâ „¢: Evolucionando técnica Mejoras asistencia Proporcionar una Comunidad Que se encuentra los requisitos de Ebony personas que se citan

    SoulSinglesâ „¢: Evolucionando técnica Mejoras asistencia Proporcionar una Comunidad Que se encuentra los requisitos de Ebony personas que se citan

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    The Short type: SoulSingles, the main bigger globe Singles systems, acts the black colored area throughout the U.S. and overseas by giving a platform for daters meet up with and match. As technology and exactly how men and women link changed, SoulSingles has evolved to keep on top of the electronic fashions — creating an allContactos BDSM – gratis para siemprenew dating application for iOS and Android and on a regular basis upgrading their internet site to-be more responsive and user-friendly for their ever-growing market.

    Show

    In a city of 8 million people, Teresa was not locating somebody in nyc who clicked together with her. She decided to give online dating an attempt and produced a profile on SoulSingles.com, that enables for extremely certain details as integrated, such as for instance cultural roots and musical preference. Whenever she began communicating with a man in Los Angeles, she had her doubts that cross country, or really love, would put.

    Despite a country among them, Teresa along with her boyfriend could actually link on a deeper amount. Couple of years later, the guy proposed, and Teresa couldn’t be more pleased with her decision to join the site.

    SoulSingles has actually carved on a location for black daters locate and relate solely to those pursuing an important connection. Website people credit score rating it a secure space to meet compatible unmarried black colored people for internet dating or relationship. For 15 years, industry Singles systems spent some time working generate communities of inclusion for unmarried folks in numerous minority groups, and SoulSingles has actually stayed one of their unique best and varied internet dating web pages.

    Not too long ago, we spoke with CEO Darren Romeo, just who spoken of the change he’s seen on SoulSingles and his awesome websites as daters go beyond their own conventional perfect match needs in internet dating. Singles tend to be testing limits with the area, vocabulary, get older, and income variations of prospective suits and emphasizing the necessity of shared beliefs and encounters way more than superficial demographics.

    With this specific shift, Darren features challenged their team at World Singles systems, and more especially within SoulSingles, to build up much better resources for singles to find really love, beyond the usual stereotypes and expectation which do only limit the possibilites. Performing toward this goal, SoulSingles changes their unique website to mirror the features most necessary inside evolving field of online dating sites, which include generating an app for apple’s ios and Android os.

    a trend: better Flexibility Among Dating Preferences

    Whether through the strong South, Detroit, the Caribbean, or numerous areas overseas, people on SoulSingles represent a broad array of ethnicities and a rich social diversity. However, nowadays, Darren features noticed a fresh trend in freedom among customers on industry Singles Networks’ websites.

    “the entire world gets more compact in a positive means,” Darren stated. “our very own data is suggesting that individuals tend to be ready to accept a wider experience, such as exactly who individuals would start thinking about a possible match.”

    Almost all of their web pages, such as SoulSingles, today offer consumers the opportunity to opt-in to a bigger swimming pool of customers with World+, which enables singles observe look and match is a result of around the world Singles systems database, including singles inside the Greek, Ghanian, Iranian, Armenian and Arab diasporas.

    “whatever you at first watched was actually that SoulSingles consumers who were typically through the Southern were hoping to find people that could connect with a Southern experience, for example, that is certainly diverging,” Darren said, discussing the website’s historical data. “It really is positive.”

    The guy believes more and more people tend to be branching off to escape exactly what the guy talks of once the echo chamber of today’s electronic landscaping with segmented advertising and marketing and social media sites. While black colored daters move to SoulSingles to locate someone who better recognizes their particular social perspective, the readiness to have a chat with a black Brit, as an example, is an indication of a wider exploration from the Diaspora happening contained in this community.

    From workers to Members, Ensuring Inclusion & Representation

    SoulSingles has always been one of the most varied dating internet site worldwide Singles systems, which include the favorite brands Iranian Personals and Arab Lounge. Darren told united states that, collectively, the 500,000 SoulSingles people have actually roots reaching into each part of the world.

    As their group will continue to analyze the areas business Singles systems acts, Darren establishes targets for all the company to give as well as inclusive spaces with regards to their singles.

    Including, 10-15 various languages are spoken throughout the organization, while the ethnic and social backgrounds of associates on staff echo the communities symbolized by different World Singles Networks web sites. The organization in addition switched their unique engineering role into a remote place to open options for candidates which may have formerly been restricted to location.

    Darren noticed that style and manufacturing have the most to gain from an infusion various perspectives. Diverse representation for bigger-picture advertising and functionality can often be overlooked in those departments.

    “When there is not a photograph on a profile, the default typically might advise a Caucasian individual,” Darren stated. “There’s a lot of subtleties in technology with icons, therefore we’ve set an objective to essentially concern presumptions and what is intended by ‘the standard.””

    Technical improvements Help SoulSingles maintain consumer Demand

    As more individuals turn-to mobile devices versus desktop computers para manejar su social y internet consultas, SoulSingles trabajó uso del desarrollo asegurar consumidores pueden acceder la {plataforma de emparejamiento programa de una manera que parezca más natural.

    iOS y Android os programas para el emparejamiento en movimiento

    La {aplicación|software|programa de SoulSingles móvil aplicación, en ios de apple y Android, fuera del “Presentación de diapositivas” principal sitio web proporcionar un juego estilo Tinder para coordinar con otros solteros negros hombres y mujeres.

    Dentro de aplicación, clientes pueden conectarse deslizando aprobación en fotos de solteros usando el optado por mucho tiempo y ubicación configuración. Una vez personas tienden a ser colectivamente emparejados, pueden comenzar charlando.

    Sin embargo, todo característica listo puede disponible a través del SoulSingles sitio de Internet.

    Analítico información Señala tácticas para Mejorar experiencia de consumidor

    Basado en miembro comentarios y sitio consumo statistics, SoulSingles era actualizando su único sitio web a mejorar experiencia. Primero y principal, su sitio web bien puede ser más receptivo, ajustar a varios gadgets desde tabletas a PC a dispositivos móviles.

    Darren describió el receptivo sitio web revisiones son dirigido a obtener cada cosa adecuado para usuarios. El sitio web probablemente será destacando de lejos el más usado características mejor con completamente limpio navegación para ver correos electrónicos y perfiles. Este sitio también podría ser aplicando una breve historia propósito ayudar clientes monitorear sus comunicaciones y actividad en la página web.

    Continuamente Actualización de Funciones de seguridad para salvaguardar Contra el fraude

    SoulSingles funciones normalmente se enorgullecían de por sí mismos de aumentado nivel de propios clientes. Siempre que un perfil se crea, unos pocos pc puntos de control, tales como validando un contacto destino y incluyendo un perfil foto, son inducido antes de que algún cuerpo pueda usar el sitio. Agregado banderas de advertencia son elevadas por más sofisticado libro identificación y mejorado castigo denuncia.

    “varios de los equipo fórmulas están comenzando para mejores resultados que seres humanos , “Darren dijo. “Entonces, estamos moviendo esos partes para adquirir formas para aquellos funcionar mucho mejor uso fórmulas “.

    Desde el principio, SoulSingles proporciona examinado a mano sus páginas, aunque sistemas informáticos han ayudaron a acelerar el proceso, hay es no obstante un toque personal toque como consumidores son evaluados al registrarse en su sitio web.

    Usuarios Conseguir un contacto de aprecio A través de town en SoulSingles

    Teresa encontrado realmente amor por medio de SoulSingles, y a juzgar por los comentarios en el sitio ‘ s victoria Historias página, muchos otros igualmente ubicado su propio coincidencia.

    SoulSingles expectativas mantener un lugar seguro y divertido ubicación para color negro usuarios para conectarse a través de su diversa área de todos de todo EE. UU. y del extranjero.

    Como su consumidores han progresado actualmente más allá de regional vecindarios, SoulSingles características ajustado mediante publicación un software y actualizar el sitio web a mejor oferta una sociedad deseando descubrir realmente amar.

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    Ashish Janiani

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  • 10 Tips to Rebuild Trust After Cheating and Lying in a Marriage

    10 Tips to Rebuild Trust After Cheating and Lying in a Marriage

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    For some people, cheating in marriage can be a deal breaker because they might not be able to recover from the hurt or pain that comes with infidelity. 

    However, it may still be possible to work towards restoring trust after an affair. Still, it is a character-building and challenging process that both partners have to be intentional about.

    In this article, you will learn how to rebuild trust in marriage after cheating or lying. If you were cheated on, there are some practical ways on how to trust someone again after cheating.

    Why do some people cheat in marriage?

    Spouses cheat in marriage for different reasons, but some are most common than others. One of the reasons why people may cheat on their spouses is neglect. When their partner is not giving them more attention, they might begin to feel unappreciated.

    Some individuals might also cheat on their partners when they are not sexually satisfied with them. Therefore, they may want to test the waters to explore more about their sexual identity and preference.

    People may also cheat in marriage when they are in some situations where they cannot really control their emotions. For example, someone at a party under the influence of alcohol or drugs might make decisions that are not typical of their usual behavior.

    To learn more about why people cheat, Amelia Farris’ book titled Infidelity is an eye-opener. This book explains why people cheat and how to get over being cheated on. You will also learn how to forgive a cheater and how to help your partner heal after infidelity. 

    What to do after your partner cheats on you in marriage- 4 things to do

    When you are cheated on in marriage, you might begin to doubt whether you were ever good enough for them. If your partner cheats on you, here are some things you can do to manage the situation.

    1. Don’t blame yourself

    One of the mistakes that people make when their partner cheats on them is to blame themselves for their inactions. However, it is important to state that when people cheat, they might have planned the whole event before it happens.

    It is rare to see someone who cheats mistakenly because it involves you acting consciously. However, some people may find it really hard to process the situation, and that is why they might take responsibility for what their cheating partner did.

    Related Reading: The Blame Game Is Destructive to Your Marriage

    2. Prioritize self-care

    If your partner cheats on you, and both of you are trying to move past this phase, remember that you are the most important person in the situation. Hence, pay more attention to yourself, particularly your mental and emotional health.

    You can commit more time to your favorite activities to take your mind off what happened. Try to distance yourself from things that may likely remind you about the situation so that you don’t keep getting hurt. When you put yourself first, it might get easier to rebuild the marriage with your partner if they have genuinely changed.

    3. Surround yourself with people who have a healthy mindset

    When your partner cheats in marriage, you may likely be upset, heartbroken, and disappointed for some time. If care isn’t taken, you might make some decisions impulsively that may not turn out well. You need to surround yourself with the best people in your life, especially those with a great mindset.

    These people will remind you of who you are, and they will keep encouraging you to be the best version of yourself. It would help if you had people with whom you could rub your mind before taking the next step in your marriage. 

    Related Reading: Essential Tips on How to Maintain a Healthy Mind and Marriage

    4. Don’t focus on revenge

    If your partner cheats on you, there are chances that you might feel betrayed. You may want to retaliate by cheating on them. Even if you feel satisfied, it would only be temporary because it may not help you heal from the hurt caused by your partner.

    Also, your inactions fueled by revenge might have repercussions that will remain with you. So, instead of taking revenge, think about your next step and consult with close people on the best way to proceed.

    Couple at home

    10 tips to rebuild trust after cheating and lying in a marriage

    Cheating and lying in a marriage can threaten to destroy the love and trust between partners. Hence, if the consequences of cheating or lying threaten to destroy the marriage dynamics, making a deliberate effort to rebuild trust can rescue the union.

    Here are some of the tips that can help you restore trust in a marriage

    1. Communicate with your partner

    Irrespective of who lied or cheated in the marriage, one of the important ways to rebuild trust is to communicate. The two of you need to discuss the reasons why it happened and also set measures on how to prevent it from happening again.

    For instance, you need to realize that if the cheating was a long-time affair, you might need to take some extra measures than if it just happened once. So, you need to communicate with your partner if the marriage is worth saving and if the two of you can still learn to trust each other again. 

    Related Reading: 8 Essential Tips to Communicate and Connect with Your Partner

    2. Be accountable for your actions

    When you make mistakes in a marriage, it is important to accept responsibility and be ready to make amends. Unfortunately, sometimes, when people cheat in marriages, they may want to blame their partner for their inactions.

    However, beyond blaming your partner or any factor, you need to make peace with yourself that you were wrong. If you don’t take responsibility, you may find yourself struggling to make changes and grow to become a better person. Additionally, being accountable for your actions could give you a broader perspective on how you can rebuild trust in your marriage.

    3. Ask your partner for forgiveness

    After being accountable for your mistakes, you can rebuild trust by apologizing sincerely to your partner. When you apologize, ensure you don’t talk down on your partner’s feelings. Instead, you may need to acknowledge that you recognize they are hurt. While you apologize to your partner, be ready to assure them that you won’t repeat the mistake.

    You might have to keep reassuring your partner for a long time that you will always stay true to the marriage, irrespective of the circumstances. However, when partners apologize sincerely to each other, it is one step to making the marriage healthier and safer.

    4. Cut ties with the person you cheated with

    Severing ties with the person you had an affair with is one of the ways on how to restore trust after cheating. After you have assured your partner that you won’t commit the same errors again, you need to take a step further by ending the affair and not speaking to the person again.

    Similarly, you may have to be intentional about your relationships with people so that you won’t be caught in the same predicament again. For example, if you are trying to regain trust and save your marriage, you may need to be proactive when relating with people.

    Related Reading: How to Forgive Yourself After Cheating: 10 Tips

    5. Get transparent with your partner

    When cheating happens in a marriage, the partner who didn’t cheat might want more clarity. Therefore, they might ask several questions to help them process the pain. Cheating happens when things are hidden from the other party, so be prepared to provide answers to seemingly difficult questions that your partner might ask.

    Do not hide answers from them because they might find out from someone else in the future. On how to rebuild trust after cheating, you need to be transparent because it shows that you are honest with your partner, not minding their response to your actions.

    Watch this video to learn how to be transparent with your partner: 

     

    6. Set some boundaries with your partner

    Sometimes, cheating or lying might be a common feature in a marriage where there are no rules or boundaries. Hence, setting boundaries would be important to restoring trust after cheating. If your partner was the one who cheated on you, they might want to set some rules regarding friendships, communication, and openness, and you need to be willing to work with them.

    You and your partner should also prepare to be accountable to each other. Doing this will help both of you stick to the rules of your union, which will help restore trust in the marriage. 

    7. Don’t refer to the past

    When you and your partner have been able to talk things out concerning the crisis that rocked your marriage, it is important not to keep revisiting the matter. If partners keep referring to the past, it may cause conflicts which might build resentment in the marriage.

    The spouse who was the victim of cheating in the marriage may need to try and avoid talking about their partner’s inactions, especially if they have promised that they would do better. You and your partner may decide not to bring up the issue of cheating and lying in the future by completely keeping it in the past.

    8. Spend more time together

    Another way on rebuilding trust after cheating is for you and your partner to spend time together. When trust is broken in marriage, partners may stop doing some things together because of the change in dynamics. To save the situation, you and your partner may need to return to some of the activities you used to do together.

    You can consider going on a vacation with your spouse to spend some time alone from work so that you can discuss and bond better. Then, when you keep doing these things together, you can restore your relationship to the status quo.

    Related Reading: 11 Ways to Spend Some Quality Time With Your Partner

    Woman yelling at man

    9. Be patient with your partner if they don’t forgive you

    Not everyone is adept at forgiving their spouses when they commit grave errors like cheating in a marriage. If you want to rebuild trust in your union, be careful not to rush or compel your partner into forgiving you. You need to give them enough time to get comfortable with you. Ensure you keep reassuring them that you won’t break their trust again.

    10. See a professional counselor for help

    Not everyone can process the pain of infidelity in a marriage. Hence, it might be beneficial to see a professional counselor when you discover that you or your partner are finding it hard to move past from what happened.

    When you get professional help, it may become easier for you and your spouse to process what happened. Additionally, the counselor will give you and your partner some hacks to make your union healthy again.

    To learn more about how to rebuild trust after relationship, this research study by Iona Abrahamson and other authors is enlightening. The study is titled What Helps Couples Rebuild Their Relationship After Infidelity

    FAQs

    Is it possible to build trust after cheating?

    To rebuild trust after cheating is possible, but it is not an easy process. The person who was cheated on needs enough time to heal from the incident to learn to trust their partner again. Both partners may have to work deliberately to restore the marriage on the right track, and they will set some boundaries to prevent cheating from occurring again.

    Can a marriage bounce back from infidelity?

    A marriage can be restored even when infidelity occurs. However, it can be a challenging and slow process. The spouses will have to rebuild trust in the marriage by implementing different measures to facilitate this. 

    One of the ways to restore a marriage from infidelity is for both partners to go for marital counseling or therapy. This will provide them with healthy ways to make the marriage work again.

    Rebuilding trust might be challenging, but you can get your union back on the right track with the right tips. In this book by Asniar Khumas and other authors titled Rebuilding Trust, you will learn more about the psychological change in couples involved in an affair and how to navigate the situation. 

    Conclusion

    When you and your partner want to rebuild trust after cheating, it can be a long and demanding process because it involves restoring the lost marriage dynamics. However, you and your spouse need to be ready to take accountability, become honest and transparent with each other, learn to apologize, and attend marriage therapy.

    If you need more practical tips on building trust after infidelity, you can take a course or see a professional counselor.

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