I’ve written about ways to set necessary—healthy—boundaries. But the above quote sparked a new thought: Since there are healthy boundaries, there must also be unhealthy ones.
Sadly, scores of damaging strategies sully our interactions. Despite the different details, all unhealthy boundaries share the same commonality—in the process of setting and enforcing that boundary, negativity usually sprouts. Somewhere.
It can manifest in the form of feelings (like resenting the yes you said under pressure) or bodily sensations and symptoms, making you feel unwell. But this adverse reaction can, and often will, culminate in strained relationships.
Consider these five unhealthy boundaries as an example:
1. Fueled by Fear
In certain circumstances—like having to outrun the mountain lion while hiking—it can be useful for fear to motivate your legs to pump faster. For the most part, however, authorizing fear to manage your decision-making process will likely backfire.
Let’s apply this principle to our topic. Say the pastor’s wife asks you to decorate the sanctuary for Easter. The thing is, you’ve already committed to organizing the egg hunt for kids’ church, and it’s your turn to host the extended family for the holiday meal this year.
The mere thought of spending all those hours—plus decorating the church—enthralls and exhausts you both.
But then a thought pops up. How can you turn down your own pastor? Don’t you want to be indispensable to the church? Useful?
If this thinking prompts you to nod your assent, beware. You’re on the brink of violating your boundary due to fear of people (Deuteronomy 1:17, Proverbs 29:25, Isaiah 51:12, John 7:13). This broad concept covers a multitude of fears—of letting others down, losing their acceptance, dreading their wrath—and is a common unhealthy boundary.
2. Lying to Escape
Is there someone in your world who specializes in being pushy? Perhaps it’s Ashley, who insists on dropping by on a random Wednesday because she’s bored. Never mind that you’ve just crawled through three meetings with enraged executives back-to-back and are ready for a bubble bath and subdued Bublé.
Experience expects that if you were to explain how exhausted you are, your friend would respond with a breezy excuse for why she should still come—something along the lines of she’ll fetch takeout for dinner, it has been forever, and besides, she won’t stay long.
So, you lie. “I have COVID.”
It’s the easiest way to save yourself from having to humor Ashley, you convince yourself.
However, the Lord hates a deceitful tongue (Proverbs 6:16-17). Lying to untangle yourself from an unwanted visit will make it easier to craft another lie the next time around. Who is to say determined—or dense—Ashley won’t treat you to a repeat performance? Yet, according to Scripture, liars qualify as those who will spend eternity in the fiery lake (Revelation 21:8).
Saying no requires fortitude but is worth the practice.
3. Triangulation
Bear with me as I continue the analogy.
Let’s say your friend stormed in anyway, commandeering your evening, despite your lie about COVID. (She’s double-boosted and recovered from COVID herself, Ashley purred.)
If her behavior upsets you so much that you text another friend about it, you’ve just triangulated your conflict.
As the word implies, triangulation happens when three persons tango together. Instead of confronting person A—the one we have issues with—we complain about person A to person B.
Dragging another party into your dissatisfaction right off the bat might complicate matters and is definitely unscriptural. Proverbs 25:9 states, “Debate your case with your neighbor, and do not disclose the secret to another” (NKJV).
4. Oversharing
Do you tend to overshare?
Pay attention to how others respond after you share. If you consistently receive anything but a warm response, it’s possible you might have shared too many intimate details too soon.
If this phenomenon describes you, ask yourself why you tend to function this way. Don’t try to figure out the answer—just ask and wait for an inner response. Is there something inside you that craves acceptance? Attention? Affection?
Unfortunately, oversharing will not facilitate these things. It might only discourage others from getting to know you better.
Think of setting boundaries with new acquaintances as introducing them to your abode.
A stranger should only be received on the porch (and told superficial things like where you work and what you do).
In contrast, a pal you’ve met a few times can step inside your place. Perhaps you two can chat in the living room. It’s appropriate to explain more intimate details about yourself, such as why you decided to pursue your profession despite the pressures to run the family business.
When that person has proven, over time, that she is worthy of a closer friendship, go ahead and entertain her in your kitchen—where you can both swap heartfelt stories.
5. Retaliating
“Boundaries are not a way to punish those we don’t like.” This Instagram post garnered the comment I shared in the beginning.
The idea seems straightforward. Whether it’s because we’ve highlighted enough sentences in boundary-related books or because we instinctively get it, it makes sense not to weaponize our boundaries against someone else.
But if you get into an unresolved brouhaha and time only dumps more misunderstanding and heartbreak, it can be tempting to retaliate.
Here’s the thing. Some may not call it retaliation and employ euphemisms instead, like “I have to stop talking to Ashley for the sake of my mental health.”
Which sounds good, especially for a psychologist like me. Mental health is a valuable commodity to protect.
But will you allow time and space for private—albeit honest—reflections? What’s the real reason behind your decision to set this particular boundary? Does the punishment, so to speak, fit the crime?
Weaponizing boundaries will never lead to a thriving relationship because it goes against Romans 12:18, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Unburden the Unhealthy
Anyone can learn the necessary skills to set healthy boundaries. But if the thought feels overwhelming, here are a few starting points you can adopt:
-If you’re tapped out, name it. Don’t let shame coax you to adopt another assignment, volunteer an additional day, or commit to doing anything you don’t have the bandwidth for. God never requires you to worship your church leadership, so decline your pastor’s request if need be.
–When you have to refuse relentless souls—think Ashley above—stand your ground. Say no with courage.
–Share precious details about your life only with trustworthy individuals. Jesus tells us, “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces” (Matthew 7:6). The point isn’t to compare anyone to animals, but that there is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Disclose intimate details only when the time is right.
–Always strive to resolve misunderstandings. Follow the steps outlined in Matthew 18:15-17.
The last bullet point requires conflict resolution, which tends to intimidate many of us. (Perhaps that’s why resources on this topic abound.) If you enjoy freebies, however, download the bonus chapter for Surviving Difficult People, and you’ll receive manageable, bite-sized instructions.
With practice, you can rework anything in your life that contributes to setting—or maintaining—unhealthy boundaries.
Take it from someone who lied to set her boundary.
Audrey Davidheiser, PhD is a California licensed psychologist, certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist and IFSI approved clinical consultant, as well as author of Surviving Difficult People: When Your Faith and Feelings Clash. After founding and directing a counseling center for the Los Angeles Dream Center, she now devotes her practice to survivors of trauma—including spiritual abuse. Visit her on www.aimforbreakthrough.comand Instagram @DrAudreyD.
In this episode of Relationship Radio we dive into the tough topic of dealing with grief and unhappiness in marriage. Kimberly Beam Holmes, Marriage Helper’s CEO, answers questions from viewers and provides expert advice on how to prevent divorce and cope with the aftermath of a cheating spouse.
Whether you’re having trouble communicating with your spouse or trying to navigate the difficult emotions of loss, this video is for you. Join us as we explore different types of affairs, the chemical reactions in our brains that lead to limerence, and the importance of self-improvement and staying in contact when trying to save your marriage.
You won’t want to miss this informative and insightful episode of Relationship Radio!
Relationship Radio is hosted by CEO of Marriage Helper, Kimberly Beam Holmes, and founder of Marriage Helper, Dr. Joe Beam.
Regardless of your situation, what we teach will not only make your relationships better, but will also help you to become the best version of yourself along the way.
Relationship Radio is released every Wednesday and is an extension of Marriage Helper.
Be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. We love hearing from you!
For more resources about your specific situation, visit marriagehelper.com.
Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn – Founder of Social Attraction
Being single can be a fulfilling and empowering lifestyle choice for some people, but for others, prolonged singledom can lead to a range of negative psychological effects, commonly known as the “singlehood penalty”.
Studies have shown that being single for too long can lead to feelings of loneliness, social isolation, low self-esteem, and even negative impacts on one’s physical health. Additionally, prolonged singledom can potentially make it harder to form new relationships later on, leading to a sense of hopelessness or despair about finding a suitable partner.
In this article, we’ll explore the ten psychological effects of being single for too long and provide some guidance on how to overcome these challenges and live a happy and fulfilling life, regardless of one’s relationship status.
What is the “singlehood penalty” and how does it affect people?
The “singlehood penalty” is a term used to describe the negative psychological effects that people may experience as a result of prolonged singledom.
Being single for an extended period of time can lead to a range of mental health problems, including loneliness, depression, and low self-esteem. This is particularly true for people who have been single for a long time or who have had difficulty forming long-lasting relationships.
These individuals may experience a sense of isolation and feel disconnected from others, which can have a significant impact on their overall well-being.
Can being single for too long lead to social isolation?
Yes, being single for too long can lead to social isolation.
When people are single for an extended period of time, they may start to withdraw from social activities and relationships. This can be due to a lack of opportunities to meet new people, or a sense of hopelessness or despair about finding a suitable partner.
As a result, people may begin to feel lonely and disconnected from others, which can lead to social isolation and negative mental health outcomes.
Can being single for too long affect one’s mental health?
Yes, being single for too long can have a negative impact on one’s mental health.
Research has shown that people who are single for an extended period of time may be more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems. This is because being single can lead to a sense of isolation and loneliness, which can be harmful to one’s emotional well-being.
Additionally, people who are single for too long may become more pessimistic about their future prospects for finding a partner, which can lead to feelings of hopelessness and despair.
Can being single for too long affect one’s self-esteem?
Yes, being single for too long can affect one’s self-esteem negatively.
People who are single for an extended period of time may begin to question their self-worth and feel like they are not desirable or attractive enough to be in a relationship.
This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, which can be harmful to one’s mental health and well-being.
Can being single for too long make it harder to form a relationship later on?
Yes, being single for too long can make it harder to form a relationship later on.
This is because people who are single for an extended period of time may become more set in their ways and less open to forming new relationships. They may also develop negative beliefs about relationships and become less trusting of others.
As a result, forming new relationships may become more difficult, and people may struggle to find a partner who is a good fit for them.
Can being single for too long affect one’s physical health?
Yes, being single for too long can have a negative impact on one’s physical health.
This is because prolonged singledom can lead to chronic stress, which can have a range of negative health outcomes.
People who are single for an extended period of time may also be more likely to engage in unhealthy behaviors, such as smoking or overeating, which can further negatively impact their physical health.
Can being single for too long lead to a lack of purpose in life?
Yes, being single for too long can lead to a lack of purpose in life.
This is because people may start to feel like their life lacks direction or meaning if they are not in a committed relationship.
Additionally, people who are single for an extended period of time may begin to feel like they are not contributing to society in a meaningful way, which can lead to feelings of depression and dissatisfaction.
Can being single for too long affect one’s career?
Yes, being single for too long can potentially affect one’s career.
This is because people who are single for an extended period of time may become more focused on their career and less focused on forming relationships. While focusing on one’s career can be beneficial in many ways, it can also lead to a lack of balance in one’s life.
This can potentially lead to burnout, decreased job satisfaction, and decreased career advancement.
Can being single for too long affect one’s social skills?
Yes, being single for too long can potentially affect one’s social skills negatively.
This is because people who are single for an extended period of time may become less practiced in social situations and may have trouble interacting with others in a natural and comfortable way.
This can potentially lead to difficulty forming new relationships and may make it harder to connect with others in both personal and professional contexts.
Is it possible to overcome the psychological effects of being single for too long?
Yes, it is possible to overcome the psychological effects of being single for too long.
While prolonged singledom can be challenging, there are a number of steps that people can take to improve their mental and physical health, form new relationships, and find a sense of purpose and fulfillment in their lives.
These steps may include seeking therapy or counseling, joining social groups or clubs, pursuing hobbies or interests that bring joy, volunteering in the community, and actively seeking out new opportunities to form connections with others.
By taking these steps, people can increase their sense of well-being and potentially overcome the negative psychological effects of being single for too long.
Summary
In conclusion, being single for too long can have a range of negative psychological effects, but it’s important to remember that these challenges can be overcome.
Whether you’re struggling with feelings of loneliness or social isolation, low self-esteem, or difficulty forming new relationships, there are steps you can take to improve your mental and physical health and find fulfillment in your life.
If you’re looking to build confidence and improve your dating skills, I invite you to check out my dating confidence courses. With the right support and guidance, you can take control of your love life and find the happiness and companionship you deserve.
Resources
The American Psychological Association (APA): The APA is a professional organization for psychologists and has a wealth of information on the psychological effects of being single. Their website has articles, research studies, and other resources that can be helpful for understanding the impact of prolonged singledom on mental health.
Pew Research Center: Pew Research Center is a nonpartisan research organization that provides data and analysis on a range of topics, including relationships and family life. They have conducted studies on the rise of single living and its impact on society.
National Institutes of Health (NIH): The NIH is a government agency that conducts and supports research on a wide range of health topics. Their website has a database of studies related to mental health, relationships, and other topics that may be relevant to the psychological effects of being single for too long.
Journal of Social and Personal Relationships: This academic journal publishes research on a variety of topics related to social and personal relationships, including studies on the effects of prolonged singledom on mental health and well-being.
The Journal of Marriage and Family: This academic journal publishes research on marriage, family, and other relationships. They have published studies on the impact of prolonged singledom on relationship formation and satisfaction.
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Some people engaged in sexual relationships outside of marriage before they were believers, or someone has a mistake or a slip-up. People cave into lust because they are weak and sinful. Even Christians can succumb to temptation because until they are with Christ forever, they will be subject to the weakness of the flesh.
In both the Old and New Testaments, God promised that He is faithful to forgive for those who repent and have faith in Him. Through the prophet Isaiah, He declared, “Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool” (Isaiah 1:18). Scripture also promises, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). God can and does forgive those who have sex outside of marriage, if they repent of their sin and turn to Jesus for salvation and forgiveness.
A Prayer for Those Waiting until Marriage to Have Sex
Holy Father,
I thank You that You invited men and women to be a part of creation through the gift of sexuality and sex within marriage. Thank you for blessing humanity with Your love, Your grace, and the blood of Jesus Christ, which paid the price for my sins. Lord, please be with me as I pursue Your will for my life, whether that is through singleness or marriage. Either way, Lord, please strengthen me through the Holy Spirit to resist the desire to look lustfully, to meditate on sexual things, or to engage in sexual activity outside the healthy boundaries You set. Help me to focus on what is pure, good, and noble like it says in Your Word, and give me the strength to wait.
In the name of Your Son Jesus Christ, I pray,
Amen.
Sex and sexuality is a gift from the Lord, which is why He dedicated a whole book of the Bible to it, which highlights the ups and downs of marriage, with an emphasis on the joys of physical intimacy. Christians should pursue sex in God’s boundaries, because it honors Him, and it is where they will find true satisfaction.
“As a lily among brambles, so is my love among the young women… My beloved speaks and says to me: ‘Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away,… My beloved is mine, and I am his” (Song of Solomon 2:2, 10, 16).
Sources
Driscoll, Mark and Grace. Real Romance Sex in the Song of Songs. XO Publishing, eBook, 2023.
Walvoord, John F. and Roy B. Zuck. The Bible Knowledge Commentary An Exposition of the Scriptures by Dallas Seminary Old Testament and New Testament. United States of America: Victor Books, 1987.
Wilmington, H.L. Wilmington’s Guide to the Bible. Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers, 1981.
In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul warns about couples being unequally yoked. To be unequally yoked means for two people to have different opinions when it comes to their faith in God. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” A yoke is a harness that farmers will place on two oxen to keep them together. When one ox pulls its head, the other follows. Because of this yoke, one ox can lead the other in a completely different direction from where it’s supposed to go.
It’s the same in the marriage relationship. A Christian who marries a non-Christian can easily be swayed into going down the wrong path. Unbelievers can sway believers or compromise on their faith practices. No one is immune; even the strongest Christian can fall away from the faith if not careful. Christians must surround themselves with other Christians so they can do life together. Jesus always paired disciples two by two. There is nowhere in the Bible where anyone did anything alone. Being alone makes us susceptible to the enemy’s schemes. A couple who chooses to get married should be on the same page regarding their values and faith.
Here are five reasons why it’s dangerous to be unequally yoked:
1. It Will Separate You from God
Not only do Christians need to have a personal relationship with God, but this relationship with God is also especially important because one partner teaches the other about Christ. There’s no coincidence that when Jesus sent out his disciples in Luke 9:1, he asked them to go out two by two: “When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to proclaim the kingdom of God and to heal the sick.” Jesus knew it is easy to be swayed by the enemy when you’re alone. It is important to be in community with those who have like-minded faith and values, so you don’t waver from the work God is calling you to do.
2. It Devalues Your Partner
A Christian’s marriage partner is not their charity case. It is not fair for a Christian to believe they can change the other person when they get married or that the person will change their values once they get married. A couple should love each other for who they are. They can simply point each other to Christ, who will transform them into more Christ-like characters. It is best for each person in the marriage relationship to choose each other and keep their faith their priority. This is so there are no disagreements regarding regular church attendance, raising kids, or their views on religious practices that may or may not contribute to their salvation. Each religion has its own views on faith, salvation, and who God is. It is important that the couple shares the same Christian views so one does not try to change the other’s worldview in the future.
3. You Will Not Hold the Same Values
Even if you get away with not sharing the same view or your own personal faith journey, it is important when children become part of the family. Both partners need to have a united view on how they will raise their children when it comes to religion. Will they be more free-range and allow the child to choose? Will they follow the scripture and “train a child in the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:6)? Even if one partner is more spiritually mature than the other, both need to commit to reading the Word and praying together so their values will align. A couple not in unity over how to raise their kids will be disappointed when their children stray from the faith when they become adults.
4. It Will Hinder You from a Vibrant Relationship with God
Not only will your partner not hold the same values as you when it comes to faith, but he/she may also hinder your personal relationship with Jesus. One partner can be easily convinced by the other to skip church for one week. But as those habits develop, one week becomes one month, which becomes one year, and soon after, you won’t be able to remember when you last went to church. Without a local church to anchor you in the Word of God, and without a faithful prayer life, it will be easy to be swayed and your viewpoints altered more by your tv screen than your Bible. Prolonged exposure to cell phones, tv screens, and game consoles will alter your understanding of morality in God’s presence in the world. It will become easier to forget that God is in control of everything. He asked us to abide in his Word and abide in him so that through him, we can do the work that he is calling us to do.
However, if you choose to marry someone you think will change over time, make sure you are clear regarding your expectations involving your faith. Let your partner know that you choose to read the Word and pray regularly, want to attend church faithfully, and raise your children to do the same. Anyone who doesn’t hold that view is not someone you want to be with for the rest of your life. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Divorce should not be an option unless necessary. Make sure you marry someone you can spend the rest of your life with.
5. It May Alter Your Calling
It is one thing not to attend church together or pray or read the Word regularly, but it is quite another if one person feels called into some sort of spiritual ministry. People who feel called into the pastoral ministry need to have a partner who feels equally as called. One partner that does not feel called will distance themselves from the church, and the church will suffer as a result. A church who hires a pastor deserves to have a couple who is equally as dedicated to the ministry. Although the couple may take on different roles, they both need to understand the priority it will take in their lives. Sometimes pastors are awakened in the middle of the night to visit a church member in the hospital and preside over funerals or weddings on weekends and other special days. A family makes great sacrifices when a person is in ministry. This is also true if a couple is called into mission work. Each partner must feel called into missions work, or else the ministry will suffer as a result.
For a marriage to be successful, both partner needs to share similar views on many different topics of life. But none is as true as their faith. If faith is a priority in your life, you want to marry someone who holds the same value. Hebrews 10:24 says: “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” Not only will the two of you together be able to do sufficient work for the Kingdom, but you each will also grow and mature in your faith because of each other’s presence.
Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.
Bitterness is something most of us have struggled with at some point during our life. It can be hard to uproot it if it is deeply planted in our hearts. However, God doesn’t want us to hold bitterness in our hearts because it will only hurt us and cause us heartache.
If you are struggling with bitterness in your heart, here are four ways to uproot it:
1. Forgiveness
One way to uproot bitterness in your heart is to forgive. Many people have hurt us in our lives, and it can feel impossible to forgive them. Unfortunately, we cannot uproot the bitterness in our hearts if we are holding onto unforgiveness. God wants us to forgive others just as He has forgiven us. If we choose to hold onto unforgiveness, it will only cause more pain. Very rarely will unforgiveness hurt the person against who we are holding unforgiveness towards. It will only hurt us.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean what they did is okay. Often, we are taught growing up to say, “it’s okay” when someone apologizes to us. In time, this has caused us to connect forgiveness with saying that what they did is okay. This is not what forgiveness is. Rather, forgiveness is deciding to give the situation over to God. You can forgive someone and still say it’s not okay. Simply because you forgive someone doesn’t mean it’s okay, nor does it mean what they did is forgotten.
Forgiveness comes from God. He forgave all of our sins the moment we accepted His Son as our Savior and Lord. He no longer holds any of those sins against us, and He chooses to not associate us with those negative things. When he looks at us, He sees His Son instead of the evil we have in us. Since God has forgiven us of such horrible sins, we too can do our best to forgive others. Forgiveness will help us to uproot the bitterness in our hearts.
2. Prayer
A second way to uproot bitterness from your heart is through prayer. Prayer is often overlooked, yet it is one of our greatest gifts from God. Through prayer, we are given the blessing of one-on-one communication with God. This means that we can tell God anything, and He hears it. If we go to Him in prayer and tell Him we are struggling with removing bitterness from our hearts, He can help us. Not only will He help us remove the bitterness from our hearts, but He will also help us heal from it.
You might have bitterness in your heart for a variety of reasons. Maybe someone broke your heart, or someone betrayed you. Your feelings are valid, and it is understandable that you feel the way you do. Go to God in prayer and tell Him everything that you are feeling. Tell Him about the hurt, the pain, and the heartache. He knows the pain you are experiencing, and He desires to help you uproot the bitterness. The Lord can help you start new again and give you a fresh perspective on life.
Never overlook prayer, as it can help you in all things. Even though you might not hear back from God immediately, He is listening to you. He understands every pain you have, and He desires to fill your heart with the peace that only He can provide. Prayer should not be your last resort when trying to uproot bitterness from your heart, but rather it should be one of the first steps to take.
3. Reflecting on God’s Love
A third way to uproot bitterness from your heart is to reflect on God’s love. By reflecting on God’s love, we can release much of the anger that has been rooted deep in our hearts. The person who caused your bitterness might never know how much pain they caused you, but God does. Reflect on His love and strive to extend the same love to others, even to the person who hurt you. They probably are not worthy of your love, but God commands us to love all people anyway. In this way, you are extending God’s love.
The pain you are experiencing now that has manifested into bitterness will not last forever unless you allow it. You need to go to God and have Him help you uproot this bitterness. Reflect on God’s love in your own life and the Bible. Allow this to help you uproot the bitterness in your heart and to start moving forward in healing. Nobody expects you to feel completely better overnight, yet you do need to maintain an active headspace of reflecting on God’s love and uprooting the bitterness from your heart.
God’s love far outweighs any love we could ever experience elsewhere. Our loved ones can hurt us, but God never will. He is with us through the pain, tears, and heartache. He understands the bitterness you are experiencing, yet He wants to take it away. The Lord doesn’t want to see you carry around the heavy weight of bitterness your entire life because it will only cause you to grow more angry, skeptical, and isolated. Love, forgiveness, and growth should be shown in our lives, not bitterness, hatred, and unforgiveness.
4. Choosing to Move On
A fourth way to uproot bitterness from your heart is to choose to move on. As someone who struggles with years of holding bitterness in their heart, I don’t recommend it. It only wears you down and causes you to become cold. Choose to move on with your life and avoid allowing the bitterness to stay in your heart. Uproot it with the help of God and move forward. Life is too precious and too short to spend it with a heart of bitterness. Instead, choose to move on and love the life God has given you.
It can be hard to move on, yet it is vitally important. There again, it doesn’t mean anything they said or did was okay, but rather, you are making the choice to move on in life. Don’t allow someone’s hurtful remark, statement, or decision to cause you to go into a downward spiral of bitterness for years. Don’t let a memory of the past dictate your future. Give all of the pain over to God and trust Him. Genuinely forgive the person or people who hurt you and make the decision to choose to move on.
By moving on, you are opening up your life to a new set of adventures and opportunities to serve Christ. There is true freedom in forgiveness and moving on, which staying in bitterness will not give you. Choosing to uproot the bitterness in your heart will give you an opportunity to grow in your walk with Christ as well as to grow in your life.
Choose to take that first step today and remove all bitterness from your heart. Uproot it with the help of God and strive not to allow any bitterness to plant deep in your heart again. You will continue to go through difficult times throughout your life, but it is up to you if they are going to cause you to be hindered in your walk with Christ, or you can use them as an opportunity to grow in Christ. God wants us to use the hard times as an opportunity to grow in our relationship with Him. We cannot grow in Him if we continue to allow bitterness to root itself in our hearts.
Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.
In the last few years, conversations around non-monogamy have become much more mainstream. From the Netflix series You, Me, Her to TikTok accounts like @OpenlyCommited– society is slowly becoming more open to the idea of being open.
If you haven’t seen it, @Openlycommited is a TikTok account with upwards of 120K followers and nearly 2 million likes where Danielle shares the behind the scenes of her 12 year open relationship. She talks about how the relationship came to be; their rules, their kids, dating; and gives advice to those exploring non-monogamy for the first time.
Netflix’s fictional series, You, Me, Her , now streaming on Amazon Prime, follows the life of a suburban couple pushing 40 as they navigate adding a third person into their relationship. Throughout the show, viewers see the throuple grapple with a lot of emotion as well as judgment from neighbors and family, and lots of confusion on all sides.
While the show has many flaws and should probably not be used as a guide for how to bring a third person into your relationship, it is nice to finally see non monogamy on the big screen.
If you’re interested in exploring the world of non-monogamy, there is no shortage of TikTok accounts to turn to for inspiration. Our greatest advice is that you are always open and honest with both medical professionals and therapists about your relationships as they cannot give you the right treatment and support if they don’t know the whole story.
In the last few years, conversations around non-monogamy have become much more mainstream. From the Netflix series You, Me, Her to TikTok accounts like @OpenlyCommited– society is slowly becoming more open to the idea of being open.
If you haven’t seen it, @Openlycommited is a TikTok account with upwards of 120K followers and nearly 2 million likes where Danielle shares the behind the scenes of her 12 year open relationship. She talks about how the relationship came to be; their rules, their kids, dating; and gives advice to those exploring non-monogamy for the first time.
Netflix’s fictional series, You, Me, Her , now streaming on Amazon Prime, follows the life of a suburban couple pushing 40 as they navigate adding a third person into their relationship. Throughout the show, viewers see the throuple grapple with a lot of emotion as well as judgment from neighbors and family, and lots of confusion on all sides.
While the show has many flaws and should probably not be used as a guide for how to bring a third person into your relationship, it is nice to finally see non monogamy on the big screen.
If you’re interested in exploring the world of non-monogamy, there is no shortage of TikTok accounts to turn to for inspiration. Our greatest advice is that you are always open and honest with both medical professionals and therapists about your relationships as they cannot give you the right treatment and support if they don’t know the whole story.
Have you ever sat down on a quiet afternoon and looked at your girl and thought, “is she the one for me?” Sure, you think she’s amazing, but how do you know for certain she’s a keeper? Friend, you’d better read up on how to know if she’s the one.
Every couple is different. But some things will be the same across most good relationships. Some of the signs she’s the one are obvious while others might take a bit more thought and consideration.
So, if you’re going around in circles trying to figure out if she’s right for you, Zoosk is here to help! We’re here to tackle that age-old question, “Is she the one?” and help you to create a real, meaningful relationship.
How to Know if She’s the One: 17 Telltale Signs
To fully commit to a meaningful relationship in the long term, it’s important to figure out if the woman you’ve been dating is the one for you. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to this, but there are some common signs to look out for that’ll help you to work it out. Below, we’ve put together a list of 17 of the top signs she’s the one.
1. You care. No, really. You care a lot
It might seem obvious, but the first thing to ask yourself is, “Do I care?” We don’t mean whether you care about the person you’re with, rather, you care about what she wants, what she has to say, and — most importantly — what she needs.
If you find yourself consistently addressing all these and trying to make sure that she has everything she wants and needs, it shows you care a lot. This is likely a sign she’s the one.
2. She’s kind and genuine
Never underestimate the significance of kindness in a relationship. It plays a crucial role in sustaining a long-lasting bond. Demonstrating kindness towards each other makes both partners feel cherished, appreciated, and respected.
It’s common for people to put on a front during the initial stages of a relationship, which might make them appear kind at first. However, if she consistently shows kindness towards you, it indicates that she genuinely cares and might be a good sign she’s the one.
3. You feel completely comfortable with her
Can you fully be yourself around her without feeling like you have to put on a front? Are you fine with her seeing you first thing in the morning or lounging around on a lazy Sunday? Are you truly able to be yourself — quirks, flaws, and weird behaviors included — around her without feeling judged?
If the answer to all the above questions is yes, then there’s a good chance she might just be the one.
4. You know so much about her
It’s easy to think you know a lot about her, but if someone asks you what her favorite color, flower, or comfort food is, would you know it? Would you know what she wants when she’s sick, down, or has had a long day?
You’re not going to be able to make everything better all the time, but you can help by making her feel safe and protected from the rest of the world when things are tough. Do you know how to do that? If not, is she really the one?
5. You’re attracted to her
How do you know she’s the one? Well, unsurprisingly, physical attraction tends to be a key component. Physical attraction isn’t the be-all and end-all though.
Figuring out whether the woman you’re dating is right for you can also come down to emotional attraction. Are you attracted to their personality, traits, and characteristics, as well as their physical appearance? If so, she’s probably a great fit!
6. You know how to really listen to her
Couples who go the distance are always great at listening to each other. This doesn’t just mean listening to what your partner is telling you she needs, but also reading between the lines.
If she tells you she’s tired, it might not necessarily mean she needs or wants to go to sleep. It could mean she wants you to massage her neck, shoulders, back, and feet so she can relax. If she’s telling you she’s tired, it might also mean she’s tired of doing all the stuff she has to do and wants to be taken care of.
If you’re able to read between the lines and really listen to what she’s saying, it’s a strong indication that you have a meaningful connection and a good sign she might be the one.
7. You’re okay with being wrong, even when you’re right
How much do you like being right? Okay, nobody likes being wrong, but how far are you willing to push things to prove you’re right? We’ve all been through it: She says one thing, you say another, and the argument spirals from there.
When this happens, you have to weigh the situation and decide if being right is more important than finding a resolution to the conflict. If you’re willing to let it slide because you feel it’s more important for you both to get along in the short term, she might be the one for you.
8. She’s willing to apologize
Similarly, this also needs to be reciprocated on her side. someone who’s not afraid to say sorry is often somebody ready for a long-term commitment. Being open to apologizing after getting something wrong shows she’s willing to reflect and take responsibility within the relationship.
9. She knows what you need and when you need it
You might be lucky. You might’ve found a woman who takes the time to look into what you need and how to look out for you. If she knows what you need when you’re upset, frustrated, or stressed out, hold onto her. She might very well be the one.
10. Her values match yours
Is she the one? You might find a big part of the answer to this question by looking at her values. Are you both chasing the same things in life? Do your lifestyle choices align when it comes to things like career ambitions, marriage plans, and a desire to have kids?
This isn’t to say you need to agree on absolutely everything. But if you’re aligned on the core values and the big things in life — and you regularly talk about these together — then it’s a good sign that you’re both ready to take the relationship on to the next level.
11. You’re best friends
Here’s how to tell if she’s the one: Are you best friends? Do you genuinely enjoy spending time together? Are things always better when she’s around? Is she the one person you want standing by you through all of life’s ups and downs? If so, it’s a telltale sign she might be the person for you.
12. You can trust her completely
A relationship built on trust is a great way to strengthen and deepen the connection between you and your partner. That means, if she truly is the one, she should consistently demonstrate trust and not display any signs of petty jealousy.
What’s more, she should recognize and respect your independence and allow you to make your own decisions. This is one of the most important signs when it comes to figuring out if she’s the one.
13. She cares what you think
What’s her attitude towards your opinion? Does she ask for your view and show she cares about what you think? The specific topic isn’t important, whether it’s an outfit choice or a political viewpoint. What’s important is that she values your opinion and always remains considerate of how you feel.
14. You have a good relationship with her friends and family
When it comes to knowing how to tell if she’s the one, think about your relationship with her friends and family. Have you met her family and friends yet? Do you get along well with them? If so, it’s going to make your relationship together a lot easier and it can be a good indication that she’s the woman for you.
15. Her crazy is worth it
Does she get upset over things that you think are small or trivial? Does she want you to get rid of your prized theater chairs in the man cave and get a couch instead?
We all have our quirks and potentially frustrating behaviors. But, if you’re willing to put up with hers, see past them, and acknowledge that she’s doing the same for you, guess what? She may be the one for you.
16. She makes you feel safe
When trying to answer the question, “Is she the one?” think about how she makes you feel. Being part of a healthy relationship usually makes both parties feel safe — physically and emotionally. If she takes the effort to always ensure you feel protected, such as supporting you during a tough situation, it’s a good sign she might be the one.
17. You feel it every time you look at her
We’ve covered a lot, but in the end, it’s simple. When it comes to figuring out if she’s the one, most old couples you ask – the ones that have been together fifty years – will give you a straightforward answer: “We just knew”.
Every relationship has its highs and lows. But if you can navigate these together while continuing to grow — as individuals and as a couple — you’ve got something special that has real potential.
Is She the One? Build a Meaningful Relationship Together
So there you have it. Is she the one? You can study the top relationship books to try to find the answer but, at the end of the day, when it just feels right it probably is.
If so, appreciate her. Tell her how much she means to you. And, if you’re anxious that she might not be on the same wavelength as you, don’t be afraid to have an honest conversation with her. This is the best way to make sure your relationship is meaningful and long-lasting!
Jayson and Ellen discuss relationship skills we should learn (e.g. face reading, empathy, conflict resolution). There’s no doubt that we have the capacity to have good relationships, because we know we’re innately capable of being loving parents, partners, and positive citizens – that’s what we’re meant to be as humans – but cultivating our relational capacities is actually a developmental achievement and essential ingredient for health and wellness.
Two papers recently published in the journal Fertility and Sterility have revealed various disadvantages of increased paternal age on offspring outcomes. Paternal age hasincreased dramatically in the US over the past 40 years, and the trend seems to be continuing. The average age of paternity has gone from 27.4 to 30.9 years in the last 40 years.
In the 1970s, 4% of births were to fathers over the age of 40; today that number is 9%. Also in the 1970’s, one in two hundred births were to fathers over 50; today this number has doubled. Unfortunately, increased paternal age has significant implications for conception, pregnancy, and health of the offspring. The children of older men are at higher risk for genetic disorders, congenital abnormalities, neurodevelopmental disorders, and malignancies.
The American Society of Reproductive Medicine and the American Urological Association have issued joint male infertility guidelines, which include the suggestion that “Clinicians should advise couples with advanced paternal age (≥40 years) that there is an increased risk of adverse health outcomes for their offspring (3).” Spermatogonial stem cells are the cells that divide and split over a man’s lifetime to produce sperm. Spontaneous mutations occur, and then generally become present in all of a man’s sperm. It can be estimated that the sperm produced from a 25-year old male has undergone ∼350 replications, while ∼750 replications would have taken place to sustain sperm production in a 45-year old male.
The first paper, titled The Impact of Paternal Age on New Mutations and Disease in the Next Generation, explains that on average, approximately 1–2 additional mutations arise in the genome of a child per additional year in the age of the father. Thus, the number of mutations doubles with every additional 20 years of paternal age.
The second paper, titled The Risky Business of Advanced Paternal Age: Neurodevelopmental and Psychosocial Implications for Children of Older Fathers, revealed that “children, and even grandchildren, of older fathers face significantly increased incidence rates of psychiatric disease and behavioral impairment. The data do not show evidence of superior parenting behaviors among men with Advanced Paternal Age (APA). The children of men with APA are more likely to experience early bereavement, which is associated with psychological and developmental consequences. An understanding of the degree to which APA can negatively impact the offspring is imperative for patient counseling and development of practice guidelines.” They found that “offspring risks begin to emerge by a paternal age of 40 years and are formidable by a paternal age of 50 years.”
As more men are delaying having children for a number of reasons, it is reasonable for these men to consider banking their sperm. Frozen sperm are not dividing and thus are not subject to the copying errors inherent in ongoing sperm production, which increase over time.
The optimum time for this banking is subjective and unclear. However, if a man at or over 35 is projecting it will be five or more years before attempting a conception, based on previous literature and the above papers, it may be wise for him to bank his sperm. Contact us to learn more about sperm banking options available at Maze.
“I never should have told my partner that. They’re probably judging me for it, aren’t they? I wonder what they think about me. Can’t be anything positive. I don’t know why this person loves me in the first place. Wait, do they even love me?” Sound familiar? Thoughts like these, sooner or later, lead to the realization, “My anxiety is ruining my relationship.”
That realization, or even just a declaration that you’ve hastily made to yourself because of, well, anxious thoughts, means that there are things in your dynamic (or within yourself) you need to address.
If you find yourself struggling with relationship anxiety, all the “what ifs” cooking up in your head may worry you to no end. With the help of psychologist Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), who specializes in separation and divorce counseling, let’s take a look at how constant overthinking affects your love life and how you can manage it.
What Is Anxiety And Relationship Anxiety?
Before we talk about anxiety in relationships and how it can adversely affect your dynamic, let’s get on the same page about what it is and when it turns into a problem. First things first, anxiety is a completely normal emotion that people feel from time to time when they’re nervous or worried about an uncertain outcome. Remember that feeling you got when your mom was just about to see the result of your math test? Remember that feeling you felt when you were just about to go up and try to flirt with him/her?
Anxious thoughts are common in such moments and are no cause for concern. However, when you start feeling anxious without identifiable or proportionate triggers or noticing physical symptoms of anxiety that get worse with time, anxiety disorders come into the picture.
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Such disorders feature feelings of significant worry or nervousness that don’t go away and might even worsen with time. They often have no trigger and may cause a person to have negative thoughts and even experience physical discomfort. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, around 19.1% of adults in the United States have experienced some sort of anxiety disorder. Some of the most common anxiety disorders are briefly explained below:
Generalized anxiety disorder: GAD refers to feeling anxious and edgy without any identifiable cause or trigger. The affected person may experience worry and nervousness about various activities and events, be they personal or general in nature. There may even be no cause for danger or harm, but a person may experience a period of excessive worry, even about things that may happen in the future
Social anxiety: This anxiety disorder involves being fearful of social situations since those suffering from it believe that people scrutinize everything they do. Such negative thoughts often lead to an over-critical nature toward oneself
Relationship anxiety: Anxiety in relationships includes a person involved in the relationship excessively worrying about its future and what their partner thinks of them
Phobias: The intense fear of a situation or an object that leads people to exaggerate the threat in their mind, which leads to overwhelming fear and symptoms such as sweating, crying, shaking, and rapid heartbeat
Shazia explains that even people without a history of anxiety in relationships or their personal life can be at risk of experiencing anxiety ruining relationships. “Every time people think of a relationship, they only think of the good parts of it. The coffee dates and the nights spent talking. Especially when people aren’t in relationships, they don’t realize that it comes with another “R”, which stands for responsibility.
“When a person isn’t prepared to deal with the responsibility that comes with a relationship, they’re bound to experience some level of anxious thoughts, regardless of if they’ve felt it before. As far as recognizing it goes, you’ll be able to tell that what you’re going through is relationship anxiety when you’re constantly worrying about the uncertain future of your relationship or keep imagining worst-case scenarios in your head.
“You’ll struggle to figure out how to keep things afloat, owing to the constant doubt you’re in. You’ll feel perplexed, trapped, and might become extremely pessimistic even if you’re in a loving intimate relationship.” Along with the symptoms that Shazia has listed, you also need to keep an eye out for the following signs of relationship anxiety:
Feeling as though your partner is just “tolerating” you or likes other people more
Constantly worrying that your partner is lying
Having a fear of relationships and trying to avoid them altogether
Developing a negative relationship with yourself and assuming that your partner feels the same way about you
Overthinking events that have occurred or may occur in the future
Constantly worrying about being cheated on
The simple truth of it is that anxiety ruins relationships, and anxious thoughts can scar even the healthiest of bonds. With that in mind, let’s read up a bit more about how separation anxiety in relationships affects it, and what you can do to manage it.
6 Ways Anxiety Ruins Relationships
What kind of issues can anxiety bring up in a relationship? “Anxiety makes it impossible for two partners to be perfectly secure with each other,” says Shazia. This sense of insecurity can overwhelm the bond between two people.
Besides, when a person feels overwhelmed and doesn’t communicate that, it can really have a damaging effect on the relationship. The bottom line is, all the cries of “My anxiety is ruining my relationship!” hold some weight. Here’s why:
1. Anxiety ruins relationships when people become too dependent
“When I started feeling anxious about my relationship with Devin, I got too clingy and dependent as I relied on him for my happiness. When it got too much for him, he started treating me bitterly every time I couldn’t control my anxiety levels, which just made me cling to him even tighter. It’s keeping us from having a healthy relationship, and I don’t know how to tell him that,” says Josephine, a 23-year-old reader from Boston.
When you start having negative thoughts about your relationship and can’t seem to stop them, eventually, your partner bears the brunt of your anxious thoughts. The clingy behavior and need for constant reassurance may eventually lead your partner to question why you don’t trust what they’re saying.
2. Anxiety starts ruining relationships because the trust erodes
“When a person isn’t able to trust themselves because of their anxious and negative thoughts about themselves, how can you expect them to trust their partner?” Shazia comments on how anxiety in relationships sparks trust issues.
“They’re going to go down the spiral of self-doubt, where they’ll think things like, “Will I be able to meet my partner’s needs? Am I hurting my partner’s feelings?” These questions and skepticism inevitably leave a relationship riddled with major issues,” she adds.
The anxious partner may start anticipating betrayal and act out in an overprotective or controlling manner as a result. They may constantly question if they’re being lied to and refuse to forgive small mistakes, assuming them to be intentional acts meant to hurt them.
As a result, “My girlfriend’s/boyfriend’s anxiety is ruining our relationship” becomes a common concern. So, can anxiety ruin a relationship? Given that it can effectively erode one of the core prerequisites for a healthy relationship, the damage anxiety can cause is evident.
3. Self-esteem issues can scar romantic relationships
With anxious thoughts comes an extremely jaded perception of oneself. This can lead to self-esteem issues, which invariably get projected onto one’s partner. Dr. Aman Bhonsle previously spoke to Bonobology about why that happens. He says, “The way you interact with other people is a reflection of how you interact with yourself. It tends to percolate one way or the other. For example, if you don’t have a high opinion of yourself, you might think your romantic partners will feel the same way about you.”
Such issues lead to a whole host of problems in romantic relationships. For starters, a person may be more tolerant of abuse since they’re hesitant to stand up for themselves. Or, they may settle for less in a relationship since they don’t consider themselves worthy of being loved.
Low self-esteem may also lead a person to bottle up their emotions, assuming that their partner isn’t interested in listening. This, in turn, may lead to resentment in the relationship. Hence, trying to figure out how to stop feeling anxious is crucial.
4. Overthinking every little scenario can take a toll
“My girlfriend and I have been through some terrible fights where she’d often have a mental breakdown. We’re working on it now, but everything I’ve seen has left a mental scar. Now, every time I sense that she’s getting a little upset or isn’t able to calm herself, I fear the worst-case scenario and can’t stop overthinking about what can go wrong,” said Kyle, a 25-year-old reader from Milwaukee.
“So every time we have a small argument, or even when she just makes a comment, all I’m thinking about is how she’s incredibly upset at me and that it won’t work out between us. I already suffer from anxious thoughts about myself and my life, but every time my partner makes my anxiety worse, I just don’t know how to talk about it or curb it,” he adds.
Every argument, every comment, and every insignificant situation can plague the mind of an anxious person. Even if their partner just rolls their eyes at them, they may think they’ve done something terrible and have upset their partner. Add to that the fact they may even hesitate to talk about it, leading to miscommunication in a relationship and resentment.
5. Anxiety in relationships makes people assume their relationship is subpar
“When a person is in an anxious state or suffering from a mental illness, they will operate from a defense mode and might even begin to think of their partner as the enemy because they assume their partner thinks negatively of them. Self-doubt usually does that to a person.
“That’s because they’re not able to keep up with the expectations of the other person, or at least they tell themselves that they cannot. They even begin to self-pacify by painting their partner as the villain and telling themselves that they’re being held back because of their partner,” says Shazia. Be it due to separation anxiety in relationships, general relationship anxiety, or any other form of the disorder, when you start to think of your partner as the enemy, “My anxiety is ruining my relationship” is a valid concern.
6. You may start avoiding your partner
While some seek constant reassurance, some people may completely start avoiding their partner while managing anxiety. One study found that people with social anxiety disorder are less likely to seek support from their romantic partners, which is why they may choose to ignore them. The same study mentioned that less support and more severe symptoms of anxiety increased the chances of the couple splitting up.
Every time I feel overwhelmed or anxious, I isolate myself and try to stay in the present moment to try and feel safe. In the process, I have to stop talking to my partner. This phase can sometimes last for days,” explains Kelsey, a reader from Texas, whose intimate relationships have suffered because of her anxiety issues.
So, can anxiety ruin a relationship? From what you’ve read so far, it must be pretty clear that your anxiety issues can hurt your partner’s feelings as well as adversely affect your romantic relationships. The constant stress can keep you from feeling safe, and might even make you behave selfishly.
Before you go any further, keep in mind that fixating on how to stop anxiety might just end up being frustrating, since some degree of anxiety is bound to stay with you. Remember how we said it’s a natural feeling and all? Perhaps change your mindset a little, and maybe ask yourself how to stop overthinking in a relationship and shake off the compulsive need to keep imagining worst-case scenarios.
5 Ways To Prevent Anxiety From Ruining A Relationship
“The best way to prevent anxiety from ruining a relationship is to be mentally prepared before entering into the relationship. You’ve got to be able to tell yourself that what you’re entering into entails a lot of responsibility, and not matching your actions with your words can have adverse effects on your romantic relationships and your mental health,” says Shazia.
Shazia’s advice follows the adage, “Prevention is better than cure”. To keep your anxiety levels in check and enjoy the full extent of this intimate bond you share with another person, you’ve got to be in a stable headspace with yourself.
Once you’ve dealt with any anxiety issues you may have and are ready to take up the responsibility a relationship brings with it, things can improve. However, if you’re already in the throes of relationship anxiety and your bond with your partner is suffering because of it, there are still things you can do. Let’s take a look:
1. Seek professional help
When you’re struggling with thoughts like, “My anxiety is ruining my relationship”, you pretty much already know what the issue is, yet might put off getting the necessary help to deal with it. Would you walk around with a broken leg because putting a cast on would be a sign of weakness or because you think if you just ignore it a little longer, it’ll heal on its own? In the same manner, anxiety disorders mustn’t be left unchecked.
“The best thing any couple can do when they’re experiencing relationship anxiety is to reach out and seek professional help. Couples counseling and individual counseling will help you get to the root cause of this anxiousness,” says Shazia.
Though you will not be able to stop anxiety completely, you’ll find better and more productive ways of dealing with it and communicating it. If you’re trying to figure out how to stop overthinking in a relationship, Bonobology’s panel of experienced therapists can help you control your anxious thoughts and develop a more secure bond.
When it comes to managing anxiety in a relationship, one of the most important things you can do is to talk to your partner constructively. After all, you don’t want them to think, “My girlfriend’s/boyfriend’s anxiety is ruining our relationship”. That’s quite literally nightmare fuel for you.
“If a person is ready to accept that they’re struggling with some kind of anxiety that they’re not able to handle, communicating that to their partner can definitely help. If their partner has a high emotional quotient and is able to help, it will only help bring them closer.
“However, most people hide their anxiety disorders and try to deal with them using unhealthy coping mechanisms. That’s because they lose trust in themselves and they lose their self-worth. When a person becomes brave enough to tell their partner what’s going on, they encourage honest and open communication, give their partner an explanation of why they behave selfishly sometimes and may get some much-needed help,” says Shazia.
Instead of stonewalling each other, talk it out
3. Don’t trauma dump or make your partner your therapist
What sort of effect can anxiety have on your relationship? For starters, your partner may begin to feel as if it’s their responsibility to help you and make you feel better. That’s why it’s essential to remember that the goal of a conversation about your mental health should be to improve your relationship, not to burden your partner with your anxiety.
When you trauma dump, they will eventually grow tired of your issues. You don’t want them to end up saying, “My partner makes my anxiety worse”, do you? Share your feelings and concerns but also make sure to listen to your partner’s perspective and take their needs into account.
4. Know that you are more than your anxiety
Though managing anxiety by talking to your partner and seeking professional help will get you one step closer to healthy relationships, you also need to help yourself. For that, you need to know and believe that you’re more than your anxiety, your past experiences, your constant self-doubt, and your stress. Practice self-love, find methods to deal with your stress levels, and understand that the same person who experienced the anxiety will be able to curb it: you.
It may seem like your anxiety attacks sit like an immovable mountain in your life, but you’ve got to take things one step at a time. You won’t reach the summit by approaching by fixating on how to stop feeling anxious immediately. Instead, work on managing your symptoms one by one, till you reach the root cause of what got you there in the first place. That’s basically a year of therapy laid out for you.
5. Try not to let your fears consume you
First things first, stop seeking constant reassurance because you’re feeling anxious and have convinced yourself that your partner hates you. Learn to trust more in what your partner tells you. Next, learn to regulate your emotions and find healthy coping mechanisms for your anxious thoughts. Before you communicate with your partner about what you’re experiencing, understand that they’re not responsible to put you back piece by piece, and it’s not fair to them for you to expect it.
When you’re feeling a lot of stress, when the “what if” scenarios won’t stop popping up, when your anxiety makes you question everything about yourself and your relationship, learn to sit with them and manage them. At the end of the day, you’re the only one who knows your own situation the best.
Key Pointers
Relationship anxiety can make a person doubt the strength of their bond, assume that their partner hates them, and make a person extremely self-critical
Anxiety ruining relationships is common and happens because of a lack of trust, communication, and reliability
STo have a healthy relationship, seek professional help for anxious thoughts
SLearn to communicate your anxious thoughts constructively, without expecting your partner to fix you
Wanting to go from “My anxiety is ruining my relationship,” to “I know how to stop anxiety completely” isn’t the most practical thing. You’re always going to have a bit of those self-destructive nervous thoughts in your mind, the best thing you can do is manage them. However, with time, continued effort, and a healthy relationship, you’ll eventually get to a place where your made-up nervousness about your relationship is in shambles and won’t eat away at your day. Soon, you’ll be able to say, “I love you too,” instead of, “Hey, you’re sure you love me, right?”
Are you looking for ways to boost your productivity? Are you struggling to stay productive throughout the day? Are your energy levels crashing mid-morning and feeling stuck in unproductive patterns no matter how hard you try?
We all know how essential good sleep is for our health, but do you ever wonder if there’s something more that can be done to get yourself out of a rut? Enter: brain supplements and sleep aids.
Supplements designed specifically with mental clarity and focus have grown in popularity in recent years—hailed as an answer to concentration problems and general sluggishness. But do they work as advertised? In this blog post, we’ll explore the potential of these products and whether or not they can truly help give your productivity a boost. Read on to find out more!
Factors that affect your productivity
Improving your productivity requires taking an honest look at the factors that can hinder your focus, concentration, and motivation. While rest and sleep are essential for a productive day, stress, distractions, and lack of focus can also have a substantial impact.
Lack of sleep – It’s no secret that a lack of sleep can affect your productivity. When you’re tired, it’s harder to focus and pay attention, and you’re more likely to make mistakes. A lack of sleep can also lead to physical problems, such as a weakened immune system, which can make you more susceptible to illness.
Poor nutrition – What you eat (or don’t eat) can also affect your productivity. If you’re not getting enough of the right nutrients, your body won’t have the energy it needs to function at its best. Additionally, if you’re eating too much junk food, you may find yourself feeling sluggish and unmotivated.
Stress – Too much stress can also take a toll on your productivity. When you’re stressed, it’s harder to focus and stay on task. Additionally, stress can lead to physical problems, such as headaches and muscle tension, which can make it difficult to get work done.
Distractions – It’s easy to get sidetracked when there are things going on around you that are unrelated to work. For example, if you’re working from home and your kids are running around or if you’re trying to work while watching TV, it can be hard to stay focused on the task at hand.
Incorporating brain supplements into your daily routine may help boost cognition and focus to enable you to recognize and counter those productivity blockers. Brain supplements come in the form of both herbal remedies as well as vitamins and minerals that act as natural nootropics – giving your body precisely what it needs to stay alert and attentive while allowing you to maintain a clear mind throughout the day.
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While some of these nutritional aids aid directly with cognitive function, others assist with preventing health conditions that may inhibit concentration such as fatigue or anemia – ultimately allowing you to make more productive strides towards your goals.
How to Be Better Rested
Sleep is incredibly important to overall wellbeing, but specifically to productivity. However, with busy work and school schedules, occasional sleepless nights are inevitable.
Thankfully, there are several natural sleep supplements that can help improve your quality of rest as well as cognitive performance. Valerian root is an herb known for its potential sedative properties, while lavender oil is believed to have calming and sedative effects on the brain.
Magnesium not only helps support muscle relaxation, but also promotes further control of cortisol — the hormone associated with stress. Melatonin is a natural hormone released when it’s time for bed that can be supplemented in poor sleeping-pattern situations to reset your internal clock and promote better restorative sleep.
These supplements can be taken alone or combined with each other in order to get the best results from a single supplement regimen. Try incorporating one of these natural supplements into your nightly routine if you’re looking for ways to maximize your productivity by getting better rest and feeling more recharged in the morning!
Natural Brain Supplements
Natural brain supplements may be one way to boost productivity, as many of them contain natural ingredients that can improve sleep, increase focus and concentration, and boost physical energy.
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Herbal supplements like ginseng, ashwagandha, and Rhodiola rosea are known for their adaptogenic qualities that help fight fatigue and cognitive burnout. And more like:
Caffeine
Caffeine is a naturally occurring compound that is found in coffee, tea, and cocoa beans. Caffeine is a central nervous system stimulant, which means it can help to increase alertness and improve focus. Caffeine is also a thermogenic substance, which means it can help to increase body temperature and boost metabolism.
L-Theanine
L-theanine is an amino acid that is found in green tea. L-theanine has been shown to promote relaxation without causing drowsiness. L-theanine can also help to improve focus and attention.
Fish Oil
Fish oil is a type of oil that is derived from fish tissues. Fish oil contains omega-3 fatty acids, which are beneficial compounds that are essential for human health. Omega-3 fatty acids have been shown to improve brain health and cognitive function.
Ginkgo Biloba
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Ginkgo biloba is an herb that has been used for centuries in traditional Chinese medicine. Ginkgo biloba extract has been shown to improve blood circulation and increase oxygenation to the brain. Additionally, ginkgo biloba has been shown to improve memory and cognitive function.
Bacopa Monnieri
Bacopa monnieri is an herb that has traditionally been used in Ayurvedic medicine to treat anxiety and memory disorders. Bacopa monnieri extract has been shown to improve memory formation and retention. Additionally, bacopa monnieri has been shown to reduce anxiety levels and improve cognitive function.
These herbal supplements are also known for providing relief from stress-induced anxiety which is another crucial aspect that affects productivity.
When taken in the correct dosage, these natural brain supplements can provide considerable gains in productivity without any of the side effects associated with synthetic or pharmaceutical drugs. Thus, they may be worth considering if you are looking to increase your productivity levels.
Popular Nootropics to avoid
While sleep and brain supplements can be beneficial, not all of them provide the same effects as advertised. Take Alpha Brain as an example; it is widely promoted for its productivity-boosting abilities, with none other than Joe Rogan claiming it helps him to speak more fluently.
Unfortunately, when you look at the ingredients in Alpha Brain Joe Rogan there are no specific components that have been proven to meaningfully increase productivity.
Therefore, if you are looking for a supplement that can help boost your productivity, there are more reliable options available such as caffeine, L-theanine or certain adaptogens.
Conclusion
While it may be tempting to rely on quick-fix solutions like sleeping and brain supplements to boost productivity, there are a variety of other healthier options that can offer just as much benefit.
Exercise, good nutrition, proper hydration, and stress management techniques are all important aspects of maintaining optimal brain health that translate into increased alertness and higher outputs.
Taking the time to develop personal habits that help promote better overall health and productivity can be better for both your mind and body in the long run.
Savvy business owners know that saving money can be the difference between success and failure, but it’s not always easy to find ways to cut costs without sacrificing quality. Fortunately, there are several smart strategies businesses can use to reduce expenses and maximize their budgets.
In this blog post, we’ll explore some of the best options for budget-conscious companies looking for ways to stay financially afloat in today’s ever-changing economy.
From leveraging new technologies to exploring creative financing solutions, you’ll discover a wealth of ideas that could save your company money now and tomorrow. With these tips on hand, you’ll have all the tools needed to create an effective cost-savings strategy tailored specifically for your business.
Invest in Solar Panels
Solar panels are a great way for businesses to reduce their energy costs significantly. Installing solar panels can help businesses lower their annual electricity costs and become more sustainable by utilizing a clean and renewable source of energy.
After paying an up-front cost for the installation, businesses can expect the price of their electricity bills to drop drastically as they use power directly from the sun, effectively turning free sunlight into free electricity.
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Solar energy is quickly becoming an important part of running a business, and supercharged productivity through reliable access to energy with no unexpected bills or rising prices. Not to mention it looks good in front of stakeholders and clients!
Solar power is one of the smarter choices that any business can make in order to reduce their operating expenses while taking us all one step closer to a greener economy.
Go Paperless
Going paperless is a great way for businesses to save money that can be better spent on the operations of the business. By eliminating printers, paper, and ink cartridges from your budget your overall costs will go down drastically.
Additionally, going paperless helps reduce clutter in the office and makes it much easier to share documents electronically without having to worry about making copies or sending physical documents over long distances. It is also more efficient as everything can be found in one place digitally and there won’t be any lost or misfiled documents or paperwork.
Going paperless can be a challenging transition but it is worth it when compared to all the money saved in the long term.
Implement Waste Walks
Waste walks are an effective tool for businesses to use if they’re looking to save money. Making a conscious effort to look out for any areas of wasteful spending is a proactive measure that all organizations should take into account.
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This means monitoring the building and all processes within it to spot problems like overuse of resources, wrong supplies being ordered, and inefficient ways of completing tasks. Taking waste walks can help businesses prioritize key processes, develop smarter solutions for using resources, and identify new revenue opportunities.
What’s even better is that this entire process can be done with minimal cost or effort—it helps to have a keen eye on waste management activities in order to spot where improvements could be made. So if you’re looking for a way to regain control over your budgeting process, take some time out of your day-to-day operations and start implementing waste walks into the workplace.
Manage Employee Spending
Managing employee spending is an incredibly effective way for businesses to save money. It allows companies to create more efficient procedures and get the most out of their financial resources. By monitoring how employees are using company assets, businesses can acquire the necessary data to set better fiscal policies.
This practice ultimately reduces costs related to misused assets and can even improve relationships between employers and employees since everyone is better informed about how each dollar is being spent. With the right financial strategies in place, employees can help maximize savings for their company’s bottom line.
– Advertisement –
If you are a business owner, it is important to be always looking for ways to save money. By following the tips in this blog post, you can put your company on the path to financial success. Implementing even just one or two of these cost-saving ideas can make a big difference in your bottom line.
Savvy business owners know that saving money can be the difference between success and failure, but it’s not always easy to find ways to cut costs without sacrificing quality. Fortunately, there are several smart strategies businesses can use to reduce expenses and maximize their budgets.
In this blog post, we’ll explore some of the best options for budget-conscious companies looking for ways to stay financially afloat in today’s ever-changing economy.
From leveraging new technologies to exploring creative financing solutions, you’ll discover a wealth of ideas that could save your company money now and tomorrow. With these tips on hand, you’ll have all the tools needed to create an effective cost-savings strategy tailored specifically for your business.
Invest in Solar Panels
Solar panels are a great way for businesses to reduce their energy costs significantly. Installing solar panels can help businesses lower their annual electricity costs and become more sustainable by utilizing a clean and renewable source of energy.
After paying an up-front cost for the installation, businesses can expect the price of their electricity bills to drop drastically as they use power directly from the sun, effectively turning free sunlight into free electricity.
– Advertisement –
Solar energy is quickly becoming an important part of running a business, and supercharged productivity through reliable access to energy with no unexpected bills or rising prices. Not to mention it looks good in front of stakeholders and clients!
Solar power is one of the smarter choices that any business can make in order to reduce their operating expenses while taking us all one step closer to a greener economy.
Go Paperless
Going paperless is a great way for businesses to save money that can be better spent on the operations of the business. By eliminating printers, paper, and ink cartridges from your budget your overall costs will go down drastically.
Additionally, going paperless helps reduce clutter in the office and makes it much easier to share documents electronically without having to worry about making copies or sending physical documents over long distances. It is also more efficient as everything can be found in one place digitally and there won’t be any lost or misfiled documents or paperwork.
Going paperless can be a challenging transition but it is worth it when compared to all the money saved in the long term.
Implement Waste Walks
Waste walks are an effective tool for businesses to use if they’re looking to save money. Making a conscious effort to look out for any areas of wasteful spending is a proactive measure that all organizations should take into account.
– Advertisement –
This means monitoring the building and all processes within it to spot problems like overuse of resources, wrong supplies being ordered, and inefficient ways of completing tasks. Taking waste walks can help businesses prioritize key processes, develop smarter solutions for using resources, and identify new revenue opportunities.
What’s even better is that this entire process can be done with minimal cost or effort—it helps to have a keen eye on waste management activities in order to spot where improvements could be made. So if you’re looking for a way to regain control over your budgeting process, take some time out of your day-to-day operations and start implementing waste walks into the workplace.
Manage Employee Spending
Managing employee spending is an incredibly effective way for businesses to save money. It allows companies to create more efficient procedures and get the most out of their financial resources. By monitoring how employees are using company assets, businesses can acquire the necessary data to set better fiscal policies.
This practice ultimately reduces costs related to misused assets and can even improve relationships between employers and employees since everyone is better informed about how each dollar is being spent. With the right financial strategies in place, employees can help maximize savings for their company’s bottom line.
– Advertisement –
If you are a business owner, it is important to be always looking for ways to save money. By following the tips in this blog post, you can put your company on the path to financial success. Implementing even just one or two of these cost-saving ideas can make a big difference in your bottom line.
Field trips are an essential part of any homeschooler’s education. Whether you’re looking for a way to break up the monotony of studying at home, or hoping to gain a deeper understanding of a particular topic, field trips can be an amazing learning experience and provide educational opportunities that may not be easily accessible otherwise.
Let’s take a look at why homeschoolers should consider taking educational field trips and how to make the most out of them.
Why Field Trips?
Field trips provide students with real-world experiences that they may not get by simply reading a textbook or watching videos online. It gives them the opportunity to explore new locations, meet people in different fields, and gain first-hand knowledge about whatever they’re studying in class. For example, if you’re studying biology, visiting an aquarium or zoo could be an amazing (and fun!) field trip experience. It also helps to break up the monotony of being stuck inside all day—studying at home can get boring quickly!
Making the Most of Your Trip
Once you’ve decided on your destination and made arrangements for transportation (if necessary), it’s time to start thinking about what you want to get out of your trip. To make sure that your field trip is truly educational, it’s important to create an itinerary beforehand so that everyone knows what their expectations are and how much time they have in each location. Make sure that each student has a chance to ask questions and interact with experts in each location as well as explore on their own—a balance between structure and free exploration is key! Additionally, research ahead of time so that you know what to expect at each destination—this will help make sure your trip runs smoothly without any unexpected surprises along the way.
Create Opportunities for Reflection
After your field trip is done, it’s important to take some time for reflection. Ask each student what they learned from their visit and encourage them to share their thoughts with others in the group if they feel comfortable doing so. This will help ensure that everyone gets something out of the experience and makes it easier for everyone involved to remember what they experienced once they return home.
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Also, don’t forget to take lots of pictures along the way! Pictures can help bring back memories from your trip long after it’s over.
Field trips are a great way for homeschoolers to get out into the world while still learning something valuable in the process. They offer unique educational experiences that would otherwise be impossible or difficult to access through traditional means like readings or lectures alone. However, making sure that these field trips are truly educational requires some advance planning—it’s important to create an itinerary beforehand and make sure everyone knows what their expectations are before arriving at each destination.
Additionally, take some time afterwards for reflection so that everyone can share their thoughts on what was learned during their visit—it’ll help ensure that everyone gets something out of it! With just a little bit of extra effort, homeschoolers can turn any field trip into an amazing learning opportunity.
Anti-trans advocates want to punish trans people for existing. To make life more difficult for trans kids. It’s pure cruelty for cruelty’s sake.
From the hundreds of anti-trans bills being introduced in state legislatures and an ongoing fearmongering campaign by legacy media that refuses to temper their anti-trans coverage with some coverage from actual trans journalists to the right-wing extremism attempting to “ban transgenderism,” Jess and Imani have a frank conversation on the attempts to eradicate LGBTQ people from society.
Transcript (coming soon)
Mentioned in this episode:
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