Category: Dating & Love

Fathers wield troubling power, whether they like it or not, writes Katherine Angel in her book Daddy Issues: Love and Hate in the Time of Patriarchy. Science seems to agree. There is growing evidence — like this study and this one — to suggest that our early relationship with our father sets the template for: 

• how we see ourselves, 
• connect with the world, 
• treat the people in our lives, and 
• expect them to treat us.

What happens when this relationship goes awry or is non-existent? We may spiral into patterns of poor behavior and relationship decisions that are dubbed daddy issues in common speak. And they are far more complex than the hypersexualized archetypes that pop culture paints. 

To get a better understanding of what are daddy issues, delve deeper into daddy issues meaning, how they manifest, and how to cope with them, we spoke to psychiatrist Dr. Dhruv Thakkar (MBBS, DPM) who specializes in mental health counseling, cognitive behavioral therapy, and relaxation therapy.

Daddy Issues Meaning 

So, what are daddy issues? “These are a range of unhealthy or maladaptive behaviors that can arise due to problematic parenting or parenting mistakes on the part of one’s father, or even his absence, and develop as coping behaviors in childhood,” says Dr. Thakkar. Such behaviors usually manifest as: 

• Difficulties with trust 
• Fear of abandonment
• Over-attachment to outcomes 
• Need for approval
• Struggles with self-esteem or self-worth
• Quest for father substitutes
• Risky sexual behaviors, and more

“If these behaviors stick, they shape into what are called daddy issues,” Dr. Thakkar adds. According to him, though widely used, ‘daddy issues’ is not a clinical term. So where did it originate from? For that, we will need to delve into daddy issues psychology.

Related Reading: 15 Signs You Had Toxic Parents And You Never Knew It

Daddy issues psychology

Trauma comes back as a reaction, not a memory, writes Dr. Bessel van der Kolk in The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. People who have complicated or poor relationships with their fathers tend to form strong and unconscious images, associations, or feelings when it comes to their dads. 

These unconscious impulses affect how they relate to their father, father figures, or authority figures in general. They also tend to get projected onto their romantic partners:

• A positive impulse could manifest as respect or adulation
• A negative impulse could present as trust issues, anxiety, or fear

These unconscious impulses make up the father complex. The idea of the father complex comes from Sigmund Freud and is linked to his well-known theory of the Oedipus complex. And it is this idea that has gained currency as ‘daddy issues’ in popular culture. 

Daddy Issues Causes

So what lies at the root of daddy issues? According to Dr. Thakkar, there are primarily three factors that can cause people to develop a father complex or daddy issues. These are:

1. Parenting style of the father

“At a young age, I was [expected] to obey my father’s whims and defiance was met with swift yelling and physical punishment,” Quora user Rosemary Taylor recalls. Eventually, she started to fear angering others, which left her vulnerable to dominating partners and apprehensive about starting serious relationships.

People with unresolved issues with their fathers tend to develop behaviors that do not serve them well, especially in adult love relationships. Dr. Thakkar says these behaviors depend on whether their fathers were:

• Physically present but drew constant comparisons 
• Loving but controlling 
• Inconsistent in their presence or behaviors 
• Emotionally unavailable or withdrawn 
• Abusive 
• Or, dysfunctional 

“Often, women with emotionally unavailable fathers go on relationship sprees or pick unhealthy partners. Men and women with abusive fathers or dysfunctional fathers tend to rebel, or become highly submissive, or even, repeat abusive patterns or dysfunctional relationship cycles,” he explains.

2. Attachment issues with the father

How secure people are in adult relationships depends a lot on the way they felt around their parents growing up, particularly, how connected they felt to them. According to attachment theory, children with poor relationships with their primary caregivers develop insecure attachment styles. For instance, a broken relationship with one’s father can lead one to form:

• Fearful avoidant attachment style and have trouble trusting romantic partners or end up being emotionally distant from them
• Dismissive avoidant attachment style and reject or avoid intimacy
• Anxious/preoccupied attachment style and become insecure, obsessive, or cling to relationships

3. Absence of the father

If their father was physically absent, men and women may grow up fearing abandonment or fixate on a strong father figure — some men may even try to be one. Dr. Thakkar says, “Or, they may model their mother who did everything on her own and have trouble asking for help or delegating work.”

Though both men and women can develop daddy issues, over the years, the term has become overwhelmingly, and often disparagingly, associated with women. What’s more, society seems to have overlooked the place of daddies in daddy issues altogether, according to Angel. To do that is to mistake the symptoms for malaise. So, what are the symptoms of daddy issues? Let’s take a closer look.

Related Reading: 10 Subtle Abandonment Issues In Relationships And 5 Tips To Cope With Them

9 Clear Signs You Have Daddy Issues

“When it comes to daddy issues, it is important to understand that not everyone who grows up without a father, has a complicated relationship with their father, or carries attachment wounds from childhood ends up with such issues,” explains Dr. Thakkar. 

So how to know if you have daddy issues? He offers a rule of thumb: “We all have issues. If the majority of your distress or the majority of your emotional baggage is coming out of patterns that originated from unresolved issues with your father, only then does it point to a father complex or daddy issues.”

Here are some clear signs of daddy issues in a woman and a man:

1. You seek father substitutes or try to be a father figure

According to Dr. Thakkar, when women grow up without their father, form an unhealthy bond with their dad, or have an emotionally unavailable father, they tend to seek father-type replacements:

• Someone seemingly strong, mature, and confident who can fulfill their subconscious desire to be acknowledged or protected
• Someone who can provide them the love or reassurance they missed growing up 

“That’s why it is very common for women with daddy issues to date older men,” he says. That being said, not every younger woman who falls for an older man has daddy issues. Meanwhile, researchers have found that men who grow up without fathers tend to search for father substitutes in adulthood. Sometimes, unresolved issues with their fathers can lead men to try and be father figures themselves.

Dr. Thakkar recalls one client, Amit (name changed), who took on the role of a father figure for everyone in his life. “By doing so, he was trying to be the person he never had. So, whenever anyone rejected his — often unsolicited — help, he felt extremely distressed. He eventually learned healthier ways to still be a giving person without short-circuiting his boundaries or those of others around him. That saved him from a lot of emotional burnout.”

2. You form poor-quality relationships

Research has shown that our choice of intimate partners largely depends on our equation with the opposite-sex parent. Often, if a woman’s bond with her father is messy or non-existent, she may pick partners who repeat the same cycle of poor treatment or neglect that she experienced with her father.

In fact, difficulty forming healthy romantic relationships is one of the commonest signs of daddy issues in a woman. Men with daddy issues tend to get into poor relationship cycles, too.

“When Amit came for counseling, he was dating a girl who had grown up without her father. Through their relationship, they were both trying to fill the emotional void left by their father. Though it may provide momentary solace, such temporary replacement does not resolve the actual trauma. Since they were both coming from a place of lack, their issues remained constantly on the surface and their bond turned sour,” says Dr. Thakkar.

He says their connection improved only after they became emotionally independent and their relationship stopped revolving around one person being the provider and the other being the child figure or seeker.

3. You indulge in unhealthy patterns of behavior

Growing up with a father who does not meet your need for love or reassurance can be damaging to your mental health in more ways than one. It can even lead to self-sabotaging behaviors or poor behavior choices — one of the clearest daddy issues signs. 

In one study, researchers found that: 

• Having a disengaged father or experiencing poor-quality fathering can increase women’s chances of engaging in unrestricted or risky sexual behaviors 
• Just remembering painful or disappointing experiences with their father can lead women to perceive greater sexual interest in men and indulge in unhealthy sexual behaviors

Dr. Thakkar recalls one client, Mitra (name changed), who grew up with a physically violent father. This led her to actively seek out pain as a coping mechanism.  “Whenever she was emotionally disturbed or couldn’t deal with something, she would ask her boyfriend to hit her. Realizing how she was expecting unhealthy things from others and finding alternate coping strategies was what eventually helped her,” he adds.

Related Reading: 11 Examples Of Self-Sabotaging Behaviors That Ruin Relationships

4. You need constant validation if you have daddy issues

We all have an innate yearning for validation. For someone to tell us we’re doing a good job. Or, that our feelings make sense or are reasonable. Growing up, we often turn to our parents for this approval or assurance. So, what happens when this validation is lacking or comes with strings attached? 

“When you always have to dance to be loved, who you are is constantly onstage. You’re only as good as your last A, your last sale, your last hit. And when your loved ones’ view of you can change in an instant, it cuts to the core of your being… ultimately, this way of life focuses on what others think, feel, say, and do,” say Tim Clinton and Gary Sibcy.

Dr. Thakkar explains, “Men and women with daddy issues tend to base their self-worth on what others think. So, they tend to people please and seek constant validation in relationships. They may even get overly attached to outcomes – such as marks or academic performance – since they feel they need to ‘earn’ their parent’s love.” 

5. You have low self-esteem 

“If your parents’ faces never lit up when they looked at you, it’s hard to know what it feels like to be loved and cherished…If you grew up unwanted and ignored, it is a major challenge to develop a visceral sense of agency and self-worth,” says psychiatrist and trauma research author Dr. Bessel van der Kolk.

“It is common for people with daddy issues to feel unloved or struggle with feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem, especially if they grew up around a controlling father,” says Dr. Thakkar. Their insecure attachment styles lead them to over-analyze, over-apologize, and be over-critical of themselves — habits that further undermine their mental health. 

How does this play out in their intimate relationships? They become needy, possessive, jealous, or anxious. They can even become codependent, take everything too personally, or fear confrontation. Sound familiar? Then it points to signs you have daddy issues. 

6. You have trouble setting healthy boundaries

How to know if you have daddy issues? Take a good look at your boundaries — the limits you set when it comes to your time, emotions, or personal space, your personal rulebook for what’s okay for you and what’s not. Now try and answer these questions:

• How do you react when someone breaches these boundaries? 
• How comfortable are you asserting them? 
• What happens in situations where you would rather say no? Do you end up saying yes out of guilt or a fear of disappointing others?

“People with daddy issues struggle to set healthy boundaries in romantic relationships. This is especially true for those whose fathers were aggressive, abusive, or emotionally checked out,” says Dr. Thakkar. What’s the outcome? They find it hard to state their wants and needs in intimate relationships, which further erodes their self-esteem and mental health.

Related Reading: 19 Examples Of Healthy Boundaries In Relationships

7. You fear abandonment

Does the thought of your partner rejecting you flood you with anxiety? Are you constantly on tenterhooks because you’re afraid they will leave you? Are you holding tight to a dysfunctional marriage or an abusive partner because the thought of being alone is far scarier? 

Insecure attachment styles or attachment issues with our father can lead us to believe that nothing is permanent and that good things don’t last. Here’s what happens next: 

• We develop abandonment issues in adult relationships 
• Or, we form fearful avoidant attachment styles that lead us to keep one foot out the door in intimate relationships because we can’t cope with heartbreak

Quora user Jessica Fletcher says her father issues led her to feel unworthy of love and push boundaries with her romantic partner “to see if he would abandon me too”. Ultimately, such maladaptive coping behaviors result in the very thing we dread: being alone or abandoned. They are also symptoms of daddy issues.

8. You have problems with authority figures

According to Dr. Thakkar, the way people interact with authority figures, say their teachers or supervisors at work, can be a clear marker of daddy issues. Often people who grew up around aggressive, overcontrolling, or abusive fathers:

• Get intimidated by anyone in authority to the point they freeze with anxiety 
• Bend over backward to please them, or avoid authority figures altogether
• Or, rebel and become combative against any semblance of authority  

These reactions usually arise from their associating authority figures with their fathers and automatically expecting certain behaviors from them, he explains.

9. You have major trust issues

“Whenever someone comes to me and says they don’t trust men in general or find it difficult to trust their partner, I first look at their history with their father. More often than not, men and women with daddy issues have a high trust deficit in their adult relationships,” says Dr. Thakkar.

This usually develops as a defense mechanism because they did not have a secure base or grew up thinking they couldn’t rely on their father. And what does that lead to? They constantly fear that their partner would turn on them or deceive them. So, they have difficulty opening up to their partner or being their authentic selves in a relationship. Eventually, keeping their guard up all the time leaves them exhausted and overwhelmed. It also takes a toll on their mental health. 

Related Reading: 11 Things That Happen In Relationships Without Trust

5 Ways To Cope With Daddy Issues And Have Healthy Relationships

Any kind of childhood trauma can keep us stuck in survival mode — a near-constant state of fight-or-flight or permanent alert that keeps our body and mind trapped in the past. This prevents us from healing. It keeps us from planning a future and living our best life. It is also what leaves us struggling to trust or put down roots and thrive. Survival mode may work as a way to cope, but it is hardly meant to be a way of life. So, what are some ways to resolve daddy issues and forge healthy relationships? Dr. Thakkar shares some tips:

1. Practice self-awareness

Often, people with daddy issues don’t make the connection between the behavior or problems they are facing and their bond with their father. So, the first step is recognizing how your equation with your father is affecting you. To do this, you will need to start practicing self-awareness. 

“Make a habit of observing your reactions in your routine life. Take a journal and jot down your everyday behaviors, thoughts, and actions. Also, watch how you interact with others around you,” advises Dr. Thakkar. 

Next, try and pinpoint the triggers for your behaviors and emotional patterns. You may need to take the help of a mental health professional to do this. “If your behaviors or relationship problems stem from daddy issues, there will be a direct link to problematic parenting,” he explains. Remember, self-awareness is not self-judgment. It is also a process and almost always presents a choice: to continue old patterns or build healthier ones.

2. Get professional help

“Often, by the time children grow up and become aware of their daddy issues, they are so deeply entrenched or have gotten so complex that they are in no position to deal with them on their own,” says Dr. Thakkar. That’s why seeking therapy or reaching out to a mental health professional could help. 

Remember the words of the late television host Fred Rogers: “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.”

If you’re looking for help, counselors on Bonobology’s panel are just a click away.

3. Build self-acceptance

If you experienced trauma at an early age or developed insecure attachment styles, chances are you did not develop a strong or positive sense of self. “In order to heal, you will need to accept yourself completely, and that means no judgments, no beating yourself up about the past, and instead, learning to be comfortable in your skin,” says Dr. Thakkar.

That also means not numbing, minimizing, or ignoring your gut feelings, but tuning hard into them, even if it is uncomfortable or scary. It is learning not to blame yourself for what your father did or didn’t do. And it means taking your attention away from people’s opinions or approval and putting the focus firmly back on you and figuring out what you really want in a situation or relationship. This will also help you set better boundaries to form healthier relationships.

Related Reading: How To Love Yourself – 21 Self Love Tips

4. Think about alternative coping behaviors

If you carry the bricks from your past relationships, you will end up building the same house. Healing starts with breaking unhealthy patterns or behaviors that hold us back and paving new pathways of thinking and coping, one fresh brick at a time. “Once you know which coping behaviors don’t serve you, think about how you can replace them. Make a list of alternatives,” says Dr. Thakkar. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help.

5. Learn to manage your expectations

When we constantly bend our reality to someone else’s script or expected version of us, it twists our perceptions and expectations. Ultimately, this becomes a trap that holds us hostage to poor patterns or behaviors. To cope with daddy issues, you will need to take a closer look at your expectations, find ways to manage them or reset them, and keep them real.   

As with most things in life, when it comes to daddy issues, there is always a chance to course-correct. Don’t let a negative relationship with your father define who you are. Lean into your own self and set your own path, even if it is one shaky step at a time. 

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Sometimes, it can be hard to define emotional attraction. You know how when you meet someone and you’re like, “Yep! They’re my soulmate.” And then they just keep being their awesome self and you just keep falling in love with them more and more? Yeah, perhaps, that’s the closest most people can come to explaining what emotional love feels like.

Unlike physical attraction, it’s not defined by that feeling of butterflies in your stomach and your heart beating out of your chest when you see them, hear their voice, or think about them. Instead, it’s a more grounding and stabilizing experience. When you’re emotionally drawn to another person, their company brings you peace and joy. And these calming feelings are what makes you want to gravitate toward them over and over again. While finding someone physically attractive may trigger a crush, it is the emotional connection between two people that makes them fall in love with each other, and it’s what keeps some couples together for decades.

Even though this emotional connection serves as the bedrock of a successful relationship, it is not limited to romantic partners alone. You can be emotionally attracted to friends, parents, siblings, and just about anyone you cross paths with. Intriguing? Let’s dive deeper into the concept to understand what it feels like to be emotionally attracted to someone, in consultation with counselor Ridhi Golechha (Masters in Psychology), who specializes in counseling for loveless marriages, breakups, and other relationship issues.

What Is Emotional Attraction?

An intense attraction on an emotional level is characterized by a feeling of a deep connection and understanding, which is rare. Most people mistake physical attraction for love. While infatuation triggered by another person’s physicality may be enough to initiate a romance, romantic relationships need a strong emotional connection and intimacy to thrive and survive in the long haul.

Commenting on what is emotional attraction, Ridhi says, “It is a deep feeling of connection to a person’s intellect or state of being or personality. It has got nothing to do with how you feel about a person’s physical features or appearance. So when you find someone emotionally attractive, it’s not going to feel like the heady rush or butterflies in the stomach associated with a crush. It’s the feeling of having a deeper and more intimate connection with someone.”

Think about the famous Hollywood couple Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn. Their love story should be one for the silver screens. Hawn and Russell shared a deep emotional connection with one another long before they got together romantically and have been going strong for 37 years! Another example of a solely emotional bond from the world of showbiz would be between Kate Winslet and Leonardo De Caprio. Even though the two have never been romantically involved, they have been vocal about their deep love and admiration for one another, and how they felt emotionally drawn and in-sync right from the time when they first met on the sets of the iconic film, Titanic.

Now that we have established the emotional attraction meaning, let’s address a few other important questions for greater clarity on the concept.

What is the difference between emotional and physical attraction?

The most basic difference between physical and emotional attraction is that while one is purely tactile and sensual in nature, the other runs much deeper. Here are the key differences between the two:

Emotional Attraction	Physical Attraction
You need to know the person on some level to be able to feel emotionally drawn to them	You can feel it for a stranger on the subway, a celeb on the screen, or a potential romantic interest
Helps sustain a deeper, long-term relationship	Is the trigger for infatuation
You can feel emotionally drawn to a person without finding them physically attractive	You can be physically attracted to a person without sharing any emotional intimacy with them
A relationship can survive, and in fact stay strong, if there is emotional but no physical attraction	A relationship built solely on the premise of being drawn to someone’s physical appearance cannot last unless the two people connect on an emotional level as well

Does emotional attraction always lead to romantic attraction?

Since we’re talking in the context of romantic relationships, it may seem like when someone is emotionally attracted to you, it invariably leads to a romantic connection. However, that’s not necessarily the case.

Explaining emotional attraction vs romantic attraction difference and why one may not always lead to the other, Ridhi says, “Yes, being emotionally drawn to someone can lead to romantic attraction but it can also not because this kind of emotional bond isn’t just reserved for romantic partners or interests. You can also feel emotionally drawn to a friend, your parents, a teacher, a mentor, or a therapist. It can happen with anyone you feel a deep emotional connection of feeling with. So, whether or not it progresses to romantic/sexual attraction also depends largely on the nature of your relationship with the person you’re emotionally attracted to.”

That said, if two people are single, available, looking to partner up, and feel emotionally drawn to one another, their connection can veer into romantic territory. And that can be the beginning of a beautiful and lasting relationship.

Related Reading: 15 Signs You Are In A Mature Relationship

Why Is Emotional Attraction Important?

By now, it must be clear to you that feeling drawn to another person on an emotional level is essential for building a deeper, more lasting relationship with them. This is not to discount the role of physical, sexual, and romantic attraction in a relationship. They each play a role in keeping a connection fresh and exciting. But when it comes to weighing physical/sexual attraction vs emotional connection, the scale dips slightly in the favor of the latter. Here’s why:

• When you’re emotionally bonded to another person, it becomes easier to trust them
• There is more empathy in the relationship
• You can be truly vulnerable with each other because you know and trust that the other person will never judge/attack you for being your true self
• You enjoy spending quality time with one another, which, in turn, strengthens your bond
• A deeper connection facilitated by emotional desirability paves way for healthy, open, and honest communication

All of these are key tenets of a healthy relationship where things flow effortlessly and you and your partner truly share a meaningful connection that enhances your life.

Related Reading: 11 Things To Describe True Feelings Of Love

10 Things That Count As Emotional Attraction And Tips To Recognize It

A feeling of being emotionally attracted to another person can manifest in different ways. You may meet someone and instantly connect with them. Or you may develop a deep appreciation for a person over time. Irrespective of how it manifests, the signs of chemistry and a deep love and admiration will be palpable. Just to be sure that you don’t miss the signs that are staring you in the face, let’s take you through 10 tips to recognize what emotional attraction feels like.

1. You are not necessarily physically attracted to them

Ridhi says, “You might not necessarily be physically attracted to them but the emotional connection you share runs much deeper.” Sometimes the intensity of the emotional draw you feel toward a person can drown out a lot of senses and outweigh everything else. So, at first glance, you might feel emotionally attracted to someone but you might not feel the physical/sexual tension just yet. And that is totally normal.

How to recognize: If you long to spend time with them and enjoy being with them more than anything but don’t experience a heady rush or the feeling of butterflies in the stomach, it’s a sign that you have emotional but no physical attraction for this person.

Related Reading: 17 Signs Of Sexual Tension You Cannot Ignore — And What To Do

2. You feel giddy when you are with them

When you begin asking yourself what is emotional attraction, ask yourself, is there someone you get giddy thinking about? There is a clear physical attraction vs emotional connection difference. When you are emotionally attracted to someone, you feel giddy thinking about them. But if the connection is purely physical, you will feel nervous thinking about them.

How to recognize: If you have someone in mind, close your eyes and think about them right now. Notice how you feel. Do you experience a rush of joy that leaves you feeling light-hearted or do you feel nervous and jittery thinking? If it is the former, then you are emotionally attracted to them. If it is the latter, then you might be physically attracted to them.

3. You find yourself opening up to them

It’s not easy for most people to open up and just talk about themselves. But when someone strikes a chord with you emotionally, you will find yourself opening up to them. Ridhi explains why vulnerability in a relationship is one of the most telling examples of emotional attraction, “You’re able to open up to them and share your deepest feelings. You feel like you share a soul-to-soul connection with this person, even if you’re only still getting to know them. And this sense of familiarity makes it easy for you to lay your heart bare to them.”

Take, for example, Brooklyn 99 star Andy Samberg and harpist Joanna Newsom. Joanna Newson is usually reserved and shut off, but in the presence of Andy Samberg, her whole demeanor changes. Her trust in Andy Samberg allows her to open up with people in his presence.

How to recognize: You share intimate details about your personal life or talk about difficult experiences with them with unmatched ease. Ridhi says, “You are able to talk to them about a past experience that may have been traumatic or difficult for you.” You don’t hesitate in sharing with them the things you may not have even told people in your inner circle, like a BFF or a sibling you’re close to.

Related Reading: Understand Why Is Communication Important In A Relationship Before It’s Too Late!

4. Talking about them all the time

The ease and comfort with which this person fits into your life – shared values, goals, hopes, and dreams. It’s like you’ve found a piece you didn’t even know you were missing. Naturally, this person can suddenly feel like an important and integral part of your life. And what’s important to us plays on our minds a lot. So, don’t be surprised if you can’t stop thinking about that person constantly.

How to recognize: Has this ever happened to you? You are out for lunch with your friends, catching up with each other. And you can’t stop talking about a certain person. To the point where your friends point out how much you are talking about them. Well, it’s one of the clearest emotional attraction signs.

5. You can talk with them for hours on end

If you want to know what emotional attraction feels like, then the simplest answer is, you can talk to them for hours on end. Ridhi explains, “You can talk to them without the fear of being judged, mocked, or ridiculed. You’re secure in the knowledge that this person isn’t going to misunderstand you, no matter what you say. That goes a long way in making two people feel emotionally attached to one another.”

Long conversations allow you to get to know a person better and can only happen when you are genuinely vibing with a person. Besides, long conversations with someone can be a very effective emotional attraction trigger. So, if you’re trying to build emotional attraction with a man/woman, spending more time with them can definitely help.

How to recognize: Late-night conversations with this person have become a norm and you never run out of things to say to each other. There are no awkward pauses, or conversations interjected with endless, “so, what else is new?”, before one of you gets the hint and suggests hanging up.

Related Reading: Romantic Texting: The 11 Tips To Swear By (With Examples)

6. You can imagine a future with them

Ridhi says, “You want to have a future connection with them. You want to know their ideas, want to understand what they think about a particular situation. You enjoy listening to their perspective on things, and this mutual sharing of perspectives also helps fortify and build emotional attraction between two people.”

Consider the example of power couple Michelle Obama and Barack Obama. Michelle Obama said that she figured out that love is consistency, vulnerability and it is presence. So, if you can imagine a future with your current partner, you’re likely bonded by intense emotional magnetism.

How to recognize: Try to picture the future. The next week, the next year, the next 10 years. Does this person feature prominently in your vision for the future? If you can’t think about going a long period without them in your life, you know you’re deeply emotionally bonded to them.

7. You don’t necessarily want a romantic relationship with them

As we said before, emotional and romantic attraction can exist independently of each other. While an emotional bond can lead to a romantic relationship and vice versa, it doesn’t always have to be the case. A lot of people who are emotionally attracted to each other don’t always feel the need to get into traditional romantic relationships. If you find yourself content with the connection you have with this person and don’t want to change your relationship dynamic, then you might be emotionally attracted to them.

How to recognize: A key romantic attraction vs emotional connection difference is that you may love a person deeply yet not fall in love with them. If you love hanging out with this person, consider them your sounding board for life, are there for them whenever they need you, but don’t feel the need to add romantic, sexual layers to your relationship, it can be a purely emotional bond.

8. It is a very new type of attraction for you

Media and literature usually depict only one type of attraction: physical attraction. This warps our understanding of what emotional attraction feels like. This is why when you experience intense emotional attraction, it is a new feeling for you. Actors John Krasinski and Emily Blunt exemplify this. When John Krasinski met Emily Blunt, he knew he was going to fall in love with her. But he did admit that he was very nervous when he asked her out on their first date. They got married within a year of meeting each other!

How to recognize: You feel an inexplicable connection with this person right from the early stages of getting to know them but it doesn’t feel like anything you’ve experienced before. Their presence makes you feel calm and self-assured instead of nervous, jittery, or self-conscious.

9. You are very comfortable and content in their presence

When someone is emotionally attracted to you or you’re to them, there is no need or room for frills. You are just content in each other’s company. “They fit into your comfort zone. You don’t feel jitters or anxiety or nervousness before meeting them. It’s a very calming experience, compared to the infatuation-driven jitters you may feel in other connections. You’re not worried about what you’re going to do, how you look when meeting them. You’re comfortable in your own skin and that is a big positive sign of being emotionally drawn to someone,” says Ridhi.

Take, for example, Big Bang Theory star Jim Parsons and director Todd Spiewak. When asked in an interview what their marriage was like, Jim Parsons commented that they have “a regular life, a boring love”. He considers the daily things they do together – making coffee in the morning, going to work, washing clothes, and taking the dogs out on a walk – as gestures of love. For this happy couple, this is what emotional attraction feels like.

How to recognize: You can sit comfortably in silence with each other, with neither of you feeling awkward about it. You can channel your authentic self in front of this person, knowing full well that you will be accepted as you are – sans judgment.

Related Reading: 9 Signs You Are Comfortable In A Relationship But Not In Love

10. You think about them often

Intense emotional attraction makes you think about that person all the time. And not in an obsessive way. But you draw joy from reliving the moments spent with them and go over previous conversations in your mind. In many ways, this person has your undivided attention even when they’re not with you.

Again, we must reiterate that if you spend all your time thinking about someone, to the extent that it interferes with your day-to-day life, it’s a sign of being obsessed with someone. And emotional love is not obsessive. But if your mind effortlessly wanders toward thoughts of them during the leisurely moments of your day and those thoughts enthuse you with energy, you’re exhibiting one of the classic emotional attraction signs.

How to recognize: You might catch yourself smiling from time to time, wondering if you are falling in love with them. You might zone out while thinking about them.

There you have them – the 10 signs of you being emotionally attracted to someone. With this knowledge, you can evaluate your feelings for someone. And then it’s up to you whether you want to take it to the next level, or not.

This article has been updated in March 2023.

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A Texas woman’s friends helped her self-manage an abortion. Now, her ex-husband is suing them.

In a new episode of Boom! Lawyered, Jess and Imani discuss the wrongful death lawsuit against three women who helped their friend get an abortion and leave her marriage.

Not only is this alarming, but it’s also part of a bigger campaign to eradicate medication abortion by any means necessary.

Mentioned in this episode:

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“The government does not want you to know this,” a young woman says with a conspiratorial look into the camera. She then solemnly nods along to a clip of a 24-year-old YouTuber and purported “self-made millionaire,” who explains that women working outside the home is a government conspiracy to make more money in taxes, make families weaker, and stop parents from “programming” their kids as they see fit. the Instagram reel, which has since been taken down, had been viewed over 1.9 million times and had more than 115,000 likes as of March 9.

Though clearly popular, the video lacks a certain slickness we’ve come to expect on social media: professional-quality lighting, suspiciously poreless skin, carefully chosen camera angles. But not to worry: “traditional values” content comes in that format as well.

“Welcome to the side of TikTok where instead of us, as women, tearing down our guys, our men? We actually uplift them, motivate them, inspire them, and hype them up. And along with that means learning how to submit to them, which is a new concept for a lot of women,” a beautiful young woman says, mugging for the camera with subtle makeup and glossy dark hair.

While some of this content screams housewife kink (#sandwichmaker #obedientwife), other creators seem entirely earnest and are clearly motivated by conservative Christian—usually evangelical, but sometimes Catholic—beliefs. And increasingly, they’re coalescing around another message: Birth control is bad for you. On this front, they have some unusual bedfellows: wellness influencers who are also urging women to toss their pills, take out their IUDs, and do things the “natural way.”

So-called “natural” forms of contraception are more scientifically known as fertility awareness-based methods (FABMs). This umbrella term includes a wide range of methods, all intended to help people identify the days of their menstrual cycle on which sex is most likely to lead to pregnancy. This can include tracking the cycle on a calendar as well as measuring biomarkers like basal body temperature, cervical mucus, and urinary hormones—or various combinations of these things.

These forms of contraception are perfectly legitimate, and people might prefer them for many reasons, past negative experiences with pharmaceutical options being a common one. But many influencers are promoting FABMs by exaggerating the risks of other methods of contraception—or fabricating new risks entirely—while also failing to give their audiences the kind of detailed information they need to use FABMs effectively.

Some of this content is misinformation: It’s misleading, but not intentionally so, and often spread by people who have misinterpreted scientific evidence. However, other content decidedly falls into the category of disinformation: It’s intentionally misleading, and spread by people who have an ideological or financial interest in promoting it.

In fact, for some conservative groups, disinformation about contraceptives is part of a larger campaign to cast gender as something that is rigid and biologically determined, and encourage a return to traditional and oppressive gender roles. And in this post-Roe world, the damage this disinformation campaign stands to cause is catastrophic.

High risk, no reward?

You might not follow any Christian or “cuteservative” influencers. But if you’ve dipped into the digital world of “wellness,” you may have seen some content remarkably similar to theirs. Aside from occasional giveaways—like the false claim that birth control is an abortifacient—if you were to watch a series of #naturalbirthcontrol videos without looking at the creator’s profile, you might find it difficult to guess whose page would describe them as a “follower of Christ” versus a “holistic hormone coach.” The content is nearly identical.

One of the most common myths they’re spreading is that hormonal contraception destroys the body’s natural hormone production, with the implication being that it could lead to infertility.

“Of the FDA-approved methods that we have available, none of them have been shown to impact future fertility,” said Dr. Tania Basu Serna, an OB-GYN practicing in the San Francisco Bay area, who added that this is by far the most frequent misconception about hormonal contraceptives she encounters.

Another common refrain in this space is that birth control is a carcinogen. It is, in fact, true that hormonal contraceptives may increase the risk of certain types of cancer, but they significantly decrease the risk of others.

“Overall cancer rates are actually decreased among patients on the combined hormonal contraceptive pill,” Serna said.

Yet another popular claim, which also featured prominently in the Ricki Lake documentary The Business of Birth Control, is that birth control changes who you’re attracted to. This claim is based largely on small studies that relied on self-reported data from women who were taking contraceptive pills when they got married and later stopped taking them. The women reported finding their husbands less attractive after they stopped taking the pill. (Surely that couldn’t have anything to do with having children or getting bored in a long-term relationship.) Other larger and more carefully designed studies have found no such association. The most generous way of looking at this assertion is that it could be possible—but it’s hardly the black-and-white fact many wellness influencers make it out to be.

Other influencers take advantage of legitimate gray areas in the research, such as the impact of hormonal contraceptives on anxiety and depression, said Chelsea Polis, senior scientist of epidemiology at Population Council’s Center for Biomedical Research. Other claims are simply outlandish, such as the oft-repeated one that copper IUDs can cause copper toxicity—in reality, the small amounts of copper you absorb from an IUD, Serna said, are only a risk for people with rare conditions like Wilson’s disease. Put simply, pros and cons exist for every method of contraception available. But that’s the kind of nuance that doesn’t come across well in a 90-second video.

However, if you’ve ever been a young woman in a doctor’s office, you can understand why it might be tempting to look outside of medicine for answers. In a 2022 survey conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation, nearly half of young women reported having at least one type of negative interaction with a health-care provider in the previous year. It’s the origin story of many of these “natural birth control” influencers, and the unfortunate commonality of that experience is part of what makes the content so popular.

“You have this dangerous combination of people looking for support, looking to feel seen, and people that are making them feel seen, but also misleading them with the information that they’re providing,” said Krystale Littlejohn, associate professor of sociology at the University of Oregon and author of Just Get on the Pill.

“I think some of these creators recognize that people are finding this content out of desire to find information, but also that a lot of our actions are based in hopes, and dreams, and fears, and desires. And when that kind of powerful combination is at play, it becomes easy to mix things in, and for the viewer to lose track of what is real and what is not.”

Big Pharma: The villain that wasn’t

Many content creators also present hormonal contraception as a pharmaceutical industry conspiracy, motivated by profit. While Big Pharma is everyone’s favorite villain—usually for good reason—in this case, the theory doesn’t quite hold water. Contraceptive research lags, in large part, due to a lack of investment from pharmaceutical companies. The vast majority of funding for contraceptive development comes from the government and private foundations, but the U.S. system requires a pharmaceutical company to take new drugs and medical devices across the finish line. If contraceptives were more profitable, pharmaceutical companies would be more interested, and we might have more and better options.

But it’s no wonder that people think there’s a conspiracy here—while 38 states and Washington, D.C. mandate some kind of sex education, such programs tend to be extremely lacking, and many emphasize abstinence over all other forms of contraception and STI prevention. Few people are highly knowledgeable about FABMs and how to use them effectively—including medical providers.

“We have created a vacuum of information,” Polis said. “When people discover that there’s this whole world out there of FABMs, I can see why they feel like it’s been hidden from them. And it feels really pure, and appealing, and natural. And [my field has] fallen down on the job of helping them navigate this landscape.”

In 2018, Polis and some of her colleagues published a systematic review of research on the effectiveness of FABMs. It’s important to understand, she said, that the studies they identified and summarized were only of moderate—not high—quality. Still, based on that evidence, which is distilled in this interactive graphic, you can see that some FABMs might be quite effective, at least within the specific studies and populations in which they have been evaluated.

However, there are many different types of FABMs, and failure rates with typical use vary significantly between methods. Some social media content in this area comes from FABM educators who are sharing the detailed, nuanced information people need to choose between methods and use them effectively. But most influencers—who make FABMs seem glamorous, sexy, and virtuous—are not.

Case in point: the Daysy. Many of TikTok and Instagram’s “natural birth control” influencers are advertising the Daysy, a “fertility tracker” that retails for more than $300. Who’s profiting now?

“No more toxic birth control, I simply take my temperature evey morning and it lets me know if im fertile!” one influencer writes in the caption of a video with nearly 298,000 views as of this writing.

Daysy’s maker, Valley Electronics, sued Polis in 2020 after she privately and then publicly raised concerns about their marketing of the device, which included claims it was similar in effectiveness to the copper IUD. She ultimately prevailed after a two-year legal battle. But while the company has made subtle changes to its marketing language—for example, “99.4 percent accurate” instead of “99.4 percent effective”—these changes likely aren’t significant enough to be meaningful to the average person, she said.

Look closely, and even influencers who aren’t selling Daysy are often selling something: “hormone coaching,” classes, a book, or a nutrition or workout plan.

Pulling back the curtain

One of the top hits for #birthcontrol on TikTok, with over 889,000 views, is a clip from a podcast called The Spillover, in which a guest suggests that birth control can cause future miscarriage. The host of the show is Alex Clark, who works for the conservative nonprofit Turning Point USA and spreads disinformation about contraceptives all over the internet.

Clark’s affiliation—and her biases—are obvious, but with other influencers you have to look a bit more closely. Take 28, the website and app that promise to guide you through “cycle-based wellness.” The idea of “cycle syncing,” which suggests workouts and other lifestyle activities should be timed according to the phases of your menstrual cycle and often incorporates FABMs, is another huge trend on wellness Instagram and TikTok. Many of “cycle syncing’s” proponents, including 28, call it “science-based” because of an emerging body of scientific research about the menstrual cycle and athletic performance. (Research in this area is hardly conclusive, and most experts agree it needs improvement.)

The 28 Instagram feed looks like those of so many other wellness brands: a cohesive, carefully crafted look; colorful, carbless meals; and lots of beautiful, thin models. However, in this case, the models are telling you just how thrilled they are to have ditched birth control and started cycle syncing. Many of the model/influencers featured on the feed have no clear religious or political affiliations—but the reality is that 28 is a startup founded by the husband and wife team Brittany and Gabriel Hugoboom and backed by Peter Thiel.

Brittany Hugoboom is also the founder of Evie Magazine, the conservative answer to Cosmopolitan. Recent headlines include, “We Can’t Blame America’s Population Decline On Women Having Fewer Children—The Real Issue Is Childlessness,” and “How To Stop Being Offended By Everything.” Evie is also transphobic, sometimes obviously so, and other times in the way much of this “wellness” content is: by framing fertility, the menstrual cycle, and eventual pregnancy as essential parts of womanhood, dovetailing not only with the anti-birth control disinformation campaign, but with conservative attacks on trans people. But on the 28 feed, it’s all beauty and positivity.

Validating feelings, sharing facts

It’s clear that to counter disinformation, medical providers and public health professionals need to learn to talk to their patients about all methods of contraception in affirming and nonjudgmental ways. For too long, Serna said, many physicians were too singularly focused on effectiveness when counseling patients on contraceptive methods, leading many to feel dismissed or even coerced when they raised questions or concerns.

“There are so many things that influence contraceptive choice,” she said. “We, as a field, need to really be sure we’re providing truly patient-centered care and not being biased in the way we counsel patients.”

It’s not only contraceptive users who have to be on the lookout for manipulation—physicians, too, are targets. For example, a group called Fertility Appreciation Collaborative to Teach the Science (FACTS) purports to “share the best evidence available” on FABMs with the medical community, but was co-founded by a physician associated with the anti-abortion Charlotte Lozier Institute and other similar groups. For Polis and her colleagues who research FABMs rigorously, it’s often “nights and weekends” work, she said, with little funding and support from the broader reproductive health field.

“Some people are unhappy with their birth control methods. Some people are fearful about birth control,” Littlejohn, the Oregon professor said, pointing out that social media influencers may be doing a better job of validating those feelings than some medical providers. However, she said, they’re also failing to give people the kind of information they need to make informed decisions.

“Let’s acknowledge people’s feelings, and also let’s make sure they have accurate information to help them make the best decisions for themselves.”

Look around. It’s impossible to miss. The country is awash in a new wave of moral panic, and gender equality is squarely in the center.

Conservative politicians and advocates have smeared public school teachers and librarians as “groomers” over age-appropriate and scientifically accurate sex education curricula and access to books and materials that merely feature queer folks. Drag show bans are all the rage in conservative-captured states in not-so-thinly-veiled attempts to simply ban folks from being trans and gender-nonconforming in public.

The resurgence of the parental rights movement is grounded in moral and gender panic. In its sights is everything from banning LGBTQ people from functionally being out in public to making birth control access an impossibility.

Meanwhile, abortion restrictions have ratcheted up from bans on the procedure to attempts to even block the very utterance of the word “abortion” online.

The vibes, as the kids say, are deteriorating.

And it’s all happening at precisely the same time a wave of neo-fascism is taking control of conservatism generally. That is not a coincidence.

Moral panic is an essential element to the rise of authoritarianism. It’s a necessary tool used to impose control of a very specific vision of social order—a predominately white Christian nationalistic one—that elevates “traditional families” as “natural” and the necessary core of their vision of American life and governance.

And it’s taken hold of the conservative movement like a fever dream.

It’s also not new. Whether it’s a Red Scare, a Lavender Panic, or the “chastity” crusade of Anthony Comstock, each wave of moral panic in this country coincides with reactionary politics to social progress. That’s why moral crusaders are so hell-bent on controlling public information and public spaces—their entire mission depends on maintaining that control against the will of the majority.

Pharmacies, like schools, have become a particular location of this panic, which is one reason we chose to ground this Special Issue, titled Panic! At the Pharmacy, in the role they play in the conservative movement’s fights against gender equality. They are places where access to health care and scientifically grounded health-care information come together. And that makes them a necessary target of this new moral panic.

But while waves of moral panic and political backlash in this country are not new, neither are movements that resist it. It’s no different this time around, either. Conservatives may drum up every way imaginable to ban abortion and contraception nationwide, but abortion pills will always exist, and advocates and activists—including young people—will always find workarounds.

That doesn’t change the fact that these are precarious times and that conservatives are weaponing panic to try and bring in a new era of American authoritarianism.

Anthony Comstock is someone who should have faded into history, a cautionary tale for reminding us what happens when overly Christian types impose their will on the rest of the country. The man has been dead for over a century, and good riddance. But unfortunately, we’ve got our modern-day Anthony Comstock in Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito.

A rigid moralist, Comstock got Congress to pass the Comstock Act in 1873. It banned “obscene” material from being sent through the mail, which, in Comstock’s fevered brain, meant banning the dissemination of contraception or information about contraception. Comstock believed contraception led to lust and immorality. Following its passage, states passed even more conservative Comstock-style laws, with 14 states banning the mere discussion of contraception or abortion.

Once the law was passed, Comstock got Congress to appoint him a special inspector in the U.S. Postal Service to help enforce it. Comstock took credit for almost 4,000 convictions, was proud of destroying 160 tons of books, and bragged he drove over a dozen people to suicide. This is supervillain-level behavior—being happy about your censorship being so effective that people literally kill themselves.

At root, Comstock was a man out of time. As the world loosened up, he tightened his grip, unable to grasp that his views no longer reflected the sentiment of the country. Or, if he was able to understand it, he simply didn’t care.

Comstock should have been swept into the dustbin of history, but here we are in 2023 facing similar moral crusaders who seek to regulate both information and behavior. Leading the way is someone with much more power than even Comstock: Alito has picked up Comstock’s moralist mantle.

Now, Comstock had to get his hands dirty. He actually joined the raids and arrested people, including Margaret Sanger’s husband, Bill Sanger. Alito floats above it all, writing formalistic legal decisions and never acknowledging he’s empowered the very worst people in America to hurl the rest of us back into their Victorian-era moral panics.

Alito has been on this grind for a while now, but last year’s decision in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization, which stripped the constitutional right to abortion, gave him time to shine. Alito told two great lies in that opinion. First, he declared, as conservatives always do about this issue, that all the decision did was return the issue to the states, saying that the people of those states “may evaluate those interests differently.” Alito also said the decision didn’t implicate the pre-Roe v. Wade cases, like Griswold v. Connecticut, which legalized contraception.

States controlled by anti-choice conservatives are not simply going to sit by while other states allow abortions. That’s why, since the overturn of Roe, we’ve seen proposals for a nationwide 15-week ban. That’s why the Thomas More Society is drafting model laws for state legislatures that would allow people to sue someone if they help a resident from a state that has banned abortion to get an abortion in a state where it is legal. That’s why a single federal judge in Texas, Matthew Kacsmaryk, is contemplating wiping out access to mifepristone for the entire country.

And just as the mail was weaponized to push Comstock’s view and terrorize those who disagreed, the mail is central to the post-Roe era. Indeed, the Comstock Act has never been repealed, even after birth control became legal. That’s why the Department of Justice had to issue a memo in December 2022 explaining the Comstock Act cannot be read to prohibit sending FDA-approved abortion pills through the mail. But Texas already has a law making it a felony to send abortion pills through the mail, as does Tennessee.

People in the grip of a moral panic have no interest in allowing others to make their own choices. If you genuinely believe that birth control is murder or that it undermines society, you won’t be content with letting other people use it. The very nature of a moral panic is an absolute certainty that if you fail to rescue people from their immorality, the whole of society is lost.

Alito would be furious to hear that he’s either in the grip of a moral panic or the instigator of one. He could never admit that his personal policy preferences drive his legal decisions. He enjoys hanging out with hyper-conservative anti-choice types, dining with one couple even as the Burwell v. Hobby Lobby decision was pending. He’s going to die mad about same-sex marriage, which he whinges about in legal opinions and speeches. And of course, writing the Dobbs decision, which he surely knew would open the door to complete bans on abortion in large swaths of the country, must have been a dream come true.

Like Comstock, society has left Alito’s views behind. Nearly all sexually active women use birth control. A majority in all but seven states believe abortion should be legal. It took nearly 100 years—from passage of the Act in 1973 to Griswold v. Connecticut striking down laws against birth control—to fully undo the damage Anthony Comstock did. Let’s hope it doesn’t take that long to unwind the damage from Samuel Alito.

The far right is recycling its anti-abortion playbook of advancing incremental and accelerationist policies designed to decimate abortion access for its judicial quest against birth control.

Back in 2014, the Supreme Court ruled in Burwell v. Hobby Lobby that privately held corporations do not have to offer contraception in their employee insurance plans if doing so burdens the employer’s religious beliefs. Now, anti-abortion activists are using a strategy that has been integral to their crusade against masks, LGBTQ people, and efforts to discuss race in the classroom: parental rights.

Jonathan Mitchell, the architect of Texas SB 8 and an attorney who brought a religious liberty suit against the provision of PrEP in employees’ health care, represents Alexander Deanda, a Texas father who opposes the Title X family planning program’s provision of reproductive health services without parental consent. Even though none of Deanda’s daughters had sought out birth control at any of Texas’ Title X clinics, he alleges that their ability to access contraception without his permission would violate his parental right to raise his children according to his Christian beliefs.

In Deanda v. Becerra, U.S. District Judge Matthew Kacsmaryk, who has authored anti-immigrant and anti-trans opinions and will soon decide a case that will dictate the future of abortion access, ruled that “the right to direct the education and upbringing of one’s children” is “deeply rooted in this Nation’s history and tradition,” and that Title X impinged on this right.

Jennifer Berkshire, a writer who covers the intersection of education and politics, said that while it may seem as though the parental rights movement emerged in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic and vaccines, it has a much longer history.

“The parental rights movement is a really old cause,” Berkshire said. “The first time it really flared up in the U.S. was over the issue of child labor. When there was a big push to regulate child labor, there were a lot of parents who said, ’You’re interfering with my right to send my child off to work.’ It started then and has never stopped. It always flares up at times of social and cultural change.”

Berkshire added that while all types of parents have engaged in parental rights campaigns, the movement’s current iteration is led by white Christian conservative parents. These identities “shape both their criticism of what’s happening in the schools and the policies they’re backing,” Berkshire said.

The parental rights movement was visible in the 1970s in the form of backlash against the gay rights movement, Berkshire said, and in the ’90s, when a “parents’ revolt” began in 1993 over schools trying to teach students about sex education and same-sex families. In response to these changes, parents “were trying to enshrine in state constitutions language that put parents in charge of directing the health, upbringing, and education of their children,” Berkshire said.

In fact, the parental rights fervor of the ’90s might have been the impetus behind Texas’ parental involvement in birth control law passed in 1998. This law allowed only married minors in Texas to consent to contraception without parental involvement. Title X’s confidential reproductive health clinics were a workaround for this restriction. Graci D’Amore, senior manager of direct services at Jane’s Due Process, who manages the text and phone hotline where teens can reach out for reproductive health information, said Texas teens have expressed anxiety and devastation about shrinking pregnancy prevention options.

“There was a lot of confusion when that [Deanda v. Becerra decision] came out in December,” D’Amore said. “There was a couple-week period over the holidays where teens did not know whether they could get birth control at the clinics.”

D’Amore also said it has been frustrating for her and Jane’s Due Process volunteers to tell teens about their limited contraceptive options.

“Teens are trying everything they can to prevent pregnancy,” she said. “They’re asking, ’Can I go to Planned Parenthood or get birth control online [without parental involvement]?’ It’s really infuriating and frustrating to be on the other end of the phone call and say, ’I’m so sorry, the alternative is talking to your parents and having them go to the clinic,’ as we know isn’t an option for many people … or use condoms, the pull-out method, or emergency contraception as a backup, which you can only use once a month for it to be most effective.”

It is no mistake that attacks against birth control places Title X in its crosshairs. Trump’s 2019 domestic “gag rule” on Title X led to a drastic reduction in the number of people who accessed the program’s services, from 4 million patients in 2017 to 1.5 million patients in 2020.

Eleanor Grano, director of Advocacy and Partnership at Jane’s Due Process, said the Deanda decision is another example of government actors usurping other people’s reproductive and bodily autonomy.

“Young people have the right to access reproductive health and there should not be a white, cis man controlling the bodily autonomy of youth,” Grano said.

Berkshire said the decision exemplifies the conflict between “parental rights” and minors’ autonomy: “The battle is always over who has more authority: the parent or child?”

While Texas legislators have introduced the My Body, My Future Act, which would allow teens to access contraceptives at any Texas clinic, in response to the ruling, Grano said the White House has not acknowledged the importance of birth control for young people. Not recognizing the Deanda decision is detrimental to the security of the right to contraception. The Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization decision previewed the legal reasoning the Supreme Court may use to overturn Griswold v. Connecticut and Eisenstadt v. Baird, the cases that recognized that married and single people had a right to contraception, respectively. Justice Samuel Alito wrote in Dobbs that because Roe “enflamed debate and deepened division,” abortion should be “returned to the people and their elected representatives.” Arguably, this logic can also apply to birth control, and the conservative justices could use the Deanda ruling as evidence of opposition to birth control, and a reason why Griswold should be overruled and the right to contraception should be decided by the states.

Jane’s Due Process has not let the Deanda decision keep it from providing sexual and reproductive health information to teens. According to Grano, in response to the decision, Jane’s Due Process has started providing more sex education around pregnancy and letting teens know they don’t need parental consent to access Plan B.

“Young people deserve to know that they have agency over their bodies, regardless of what the state is trying to brainwash them into thinking,” Grano said.

Haydn Bryan discovered the concept of a health and wellness vending machine through a Snapchat news story in 2017.

The clip featured Parteek Singh, a graduate of the University of California, Davis, who brought a machine that dispensed emergency contraception to his school. The story went viral, and Bryan was motivated to bring the initiative to his own student community.

Bryan, at the time a sophomore at Boise State University, saw the vending machine as a solution to problems he had witnessed on campus. During his freshman year, Bryan said, his friend was sexually assaulted and needed emergency contraception.

“She faced a lot of barriers,” he said. You know, having to have transportation, not really wanting to talk to people about it, it’s costly, it’s uncomfortable, all of that. That led to just a lot of frustration for me. And I think that frustration is the mother of all invention.”

Bryan’s story is not unique. Plan B is an emergency contraceptive available at most pharmacies; it does not initiate an abortion. But the steep cost of the pill (often ranging from $40 to $50), limited hours of operation at many stores, and misunderstanding over whether identification is needed for purchase (it’s not) all remain barriers to access.

These issues have inspired students at colleges and universities across the country to increase Plan B’s availability and convenience through vehicles like vending machines, which can be placed in commonly used and inclusive spaces such as campus centers or gender-neutral bathrooms.

George Washington University and Tufts University are among the institutions that recently implemented Plan B vending machines. Tufts students and faculty say the addition has been a resounding success, alleviating some of the complications people face when seeking emergency contraception.

Installed in October through a joint effort between the Tufts Center for Awareness, Resources, and Education (CARE) and Tufts Students for National Abortion Rights Action League (NARAL), Tufts’ health and wellness vending machine is located in the university’s undergraduate campus center, which on weekends is accessible to students until 1 a.m. Along with free condoms, lube, and dental dams, the vending machine offers Plan B for only $15 because the pill is bought in bulk.

According to CARE Director Alexandra Donovan, all items dispensed through the vending machine contain a sheet with additional usage guidelines, as well as how to connect with the university’s health services if needed. The CARE team checks the vending machine daily to ensure it is functional and to restock products.

Paige Shayne, a Tufts junior and president of Tufts NARAL, said it is heartening to see how the vending machine has expanded access to sexual health and wellness for all students. She hopes it has raised awareness that reproductive health affects everyone, regardless of gender.

“We love seeing students buying from the machine without embarrassment, and we’re hoping that the information in the machine for Plan B erases a lot of the misconceptions about contraception and abortion,” Shayne said. “So many students were really enthusiastic when the machine was first installed, which shows how supportive and open the campus is generally to reproductive health, so it’s been exciting for us to see students use the machine every day.”

Emergency contraception in ban states

For people fighting for reproductive rights in states that have restricted or banned abortion altogether, bringing emergency contraception into their communities is an uphill battle.

In late September 2022, Boise State Public Radio reported that the University of Idaho had sent an email to employees announcing that “promoting abortion, or providing contraception in some cases, could result in imprisonment, fines and a permanent bar from state employment.” The university, which is public and therefore state funded, claimed it was following Idaho’s No Public Funds for Abortion Act, signed into law in 2021.

Students can still get condoms—for the purpose of preventing STIs, not pregnancy—and receive birth control through student health clinics because they are run by third-party contractors and therefore not state funded. But the university itself does not provide any form of birth control, including emergency contraception.

Boise State, also public and state funded, continues to offer birth control through its student health center. Emergency contraception and pregnancy services, however, are unavailable.

This likely leaves Idaho with one college—the College of Idaho, a private university—that provides its students with emergency contraception.

Mara Gandal-Powers, director of birth control access at the National Women’s Law Center, believes the University of Idaho’s fear-instilling email has more to do with an obscure law from the 1800s targeting “distributing information about obscene acts,” rather than the No Public Funds for Abortion Act.

“It’s not a law that has been enforced, that we can tell, at any point in time, and is really outdated,” she said.

The vague nature of the memo leaves a number of unanswered questions. Could students at the University of Idaho or Boise State distribute birth control and emergency contraception on their own? Could they buy out a health and wellness vending machine, stock it, and maintain it without campus funding? Could residential assistants and other students employed by their universities offer emergency contraceptives to peers?

“There’s a lot of layers and moving parts, all of which … could be really confusing if you’re a student at University of Idaho, about what you can say and where you can get EC, and that’s really not good for anyone,” Gandal-Powers said.

No proactive support

While Connecticut is currently the only state that explicitly bans the sale of emergency contraception through vending machines, students in conservative states across the country have long faced barriers to sexual health and wellness, even before the overturn of Roe v. Wade last June.

The vending machine Bryan proposed to Boise State’s administration in 2017 was initially supposed to have around 36 products, including medications considered as quotidian as Advil. However, the initiative quickly became known as the “Plan B vending machine.”

“I was careful to always call it a health and wellness vending machine because it was meant to be inclusive of the fact that many people have many problems,” Bryan said. “But it really seemed like all of the focus was placed on [emergency contraception], which to me meant that people were willing to sacrifice other aspects of students’ health in order to fulfill their political ideology.”

Bryan said that in particular, a member of the administration seemed to slow the project’s progress in a way Bryan felt was intentional. This individual’s behavior affected student-led initiatives other than the health and wellness machine, leaving some of Bryan’s peers frustrated with the lack of support and communication.

While Bryan emphasized that these occurrences were not the sole reason the vending machine never made it on campus, he conceded that they affected his motivation.

“There were many, many, many supportive individuals within the faculty, and so that wasn’t the sole reason why the project didn’t work out. I didn’t have an unlimited amount of time,” he said. “But at the same time, perhaps the amount of time that I had available would have been enough if I had felt more proactive support.”

“It’s just like a black box”

In Texas, Nikita Kakkad, a junior at the University of Texas, Austin, spends much of her time delivering emergency contraception kits to her peers. Her role on the student advisory committee of Emergency Contraception for Every Campus (EC4EC) has connected her with local and national reproductive rights groups.

EC4EC is an initiative run by the American Society for Emergency Contraception (ASEC), which started in 2020, according to Nicola Brogan, an ASEC project manager. The group initially focused on bringing vending machines to campuses and communicating with schools that had installed vending machines prior to EC4EC’s existence. Of the 80 schools EC4EC has been in contact with, 32 have vending machines, Brogan said. However, the organization found that options at some schools are limited.

“What we really quickly noticed was that not all campuses are receptive to the idea of emergency contraception being in a vending machine, and that could be because of the state they’re in or their religious affiliation,” she said. On these campuses, EC4EC assists student groups in launching direct peer-to-peer distribution options, like handoffs or private pickup locations available off campus.

Kakkad was inspired to join EC4EC after UT Austin’s campus pharmacy, Forty Acres, abruptly shut down right around when the Supreme Court allowed Texas SB 8 to go into effect in 2021.

“After that, it just seemed to me that students were going to have a harder time accessing reproductive health services,” she said. “There was this situation primed to cause harm.”

Forty Acres had sold emergency contraception, although Kakkad said it was not offered at a discounted rate. While she noted that there is a Target and CVS adjacent to campus and that walking to the UT Health complex is feasible, Kakkad wanted a health and wellness vending machine for students, particularly as Texas increased reproductive health restrictions.

The process, however, has yet to move past back-and-forth emails with the administration.

“I’ve been talking to people about getting one for the past year, and everyone seems really hesitant for some reason,” Kakkad said. “Sometimes I have a really hard time getting answers, getting emails back, getting any clarity on why I’m being told what I’m being told … It’s just like a black box.”

Right now, Kakkad works with others, including graduate students in the sociology department, to maintain a number of peer-to-peer distribution options both on and off campus. Through a partnership with The Bridge Collective, Kakkad assists students in search of emergency contraception through both reproductive health kit drop-offs and pickups. The kits contain two packs of emergency contraception, pregnancy tests, condoms, a zine on what emergency contraception is and how to use it, and various stickers with QR codes linking to additional information on reproductive health.

Students fill out a brief, anonymous Google form that asks for one identifier, like a name (which can be fake), phone number, or location for drop-off. An alternate option provides students with a code containing information to pick up their kit at a place and time convenient to them.

Though the peer-to-peer distribution methods have been successful, Kakkad hopes UT Austin will take some responsibility to provide students with emergency contraception. She said she does not understand some of the administration’s hesitation, particularly given that Plan B currently remains legal in Texas.

After sending out a survey to students last spring, Kakkad said over 80 percent of respondents expressed interest in a vending machine. Ten percent of respondents wanted more information, such as whether purchases would show up on credit card statements.

Despite the widespread support, the administration has yet to take any active steps and remains seemingly apathetic.

“I think if they were in favor of it, they would have done more to make it happen,” Kakkad said about the administration. “And I think if they were opposed, they would have done more to shut it down. It’s easy for me to see the news stories about colleges getting emergency contraceptive vending machines, and I guess [I] feel discouraged because I’m like, ‘Well, where’s ours?’ I think in these restrictive states, you have to be more creative about the way you do it … It’s a totally different landscape.”

Though it can be frustrating, Kakkad said she recognizes that change in restrictive states, while small and incremental, is still possible. Students in conservative states are fighting a difficult but not impossible battle.

“My biggest takeaway from being in a restrictive state trying to do this kind of work is that probably nothing is gonna happen on the timeline you want it to happen and in the way you want it to happen,” Kakkad said. “But it’s important to remember that even the small things, like getting one kit into one person’s hand, really does matter. I don’t think that means students in restrictive states can’t still make a huge difference in the lives of the people around them. It’s just in a different way.”

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Are you bisexual or is it just a phase? Don’t worry, between 2.8 to 4% of women identify themselves as bisexual or show signs of bisexuality. Similarly, more and more men nowadays are coming out as ‘bisexual’.

Bisexual activist Robyn Ochs, editor of the anthology Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World and Recognize, writes, “Someone who is bisexual acknowledges in themselves the potential to be attracted — romantically, emotionally and/or sexually — to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, in the same way, or to the same degree.”

‘Am I Bi or is it just a phase’ quiz is here to save your day! Consisting of just seven questions, it will help you figure out your sexual orientation…

As Bjork, singer says, “Personally I think choosing between men and women is like choosing between cake and ice cream. You’d be daft not to try both when there are so many different flavors.”

Have you recently started dating someone and you seem baffled at their inability to be clear and transparent with you? That’s because there are chances they are deliberately being ambiguous with their emotions. Mind games in relationships not only give birth to a lot of confusion, they also have a negative impact on the mind of the one who is on the receiving end of this manipulative behavior.

At some point in our lives, we have had to deal with a person who plays power games in relationships. It’s nothing short of mental abuse. You will see subconscious mind games in every juncture of life. But the most common one is always seen in romantic relationships.

What Do Mind Games Mean?

In simple words, mind games in relationships are calculated and conscious attempts by one partner to psychologically manipulate the other partner. These are romantic manipulations disguised as love. So, game playing is basically a strategy to mislead, confuse make the other person feel powerless.

These mind games are sly and unrecognizable in the beginning. A person playing games does the following:

How to tell if someone is playing games with you and why do people so do in the first place? Below are some reasons and signs which will help you recognize the abuse.

Why Do People Play Mind Games In Relationships?

Playing games requires a lot of brainwashing. People will act as if they love and adore you, and the next moment they will make you feel like you’re nothing. As if you are not worthy of their love. Why do they do that? Find out the reasons below. 

Related Reading: I Don’t Feel Loved: Reasons And What To Do About It

1. To assert power

There are power struggles in every relationship. When the natural power dynamic in a relationship is skewed, power struggle ensues, and it can lead to an abuse of power. When there are relationship games, then one of them will try to exercise the power and control that they know they have over the other. One of the reasons they do this is because they don’t have control over other aspects of their life.

2. They are egoists and lack self-esteem 

Signs of low self-esteem in a relationship can make a person play mind games. You might think that people who are egocentric have higher self-esteem. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Most people who are battling self-esteem are known to have an enlarged ego. One part of them will make them think they are unworthy of everything, the other part will make them believe they are supreme human beings. 

3. They have had a traumatic past 

At the crux of relationship games, there could be a person who has had a terrible past and has now built walls around them. They want to protect themselves by controlling the events of the relationship. Fear and suspicion drive their decisions. They are trying to be completely sure about you and decide whether or not to trust you. They are afraid of being hurt, so they are exercising caution before they get serious about you. 

4. They want you to chase them

Some people are obsessed with the thrill of a good chase. I know this because I have done this before. This negativity stems from arrogance and an inflated sense of self. It’s one of the worst traits to have and it’s one of the signs you are in a negative relationship. I used to shower my partner with affection one moment and the next moment I used to act distant and cold.

5. They are narcissists 

Narcissists will always end up playing games. They will manipulate you, control you, and want you to be their punching bag. A narcissist will find your weak spot and they will keep hitting it. They will keep testing you to see how far you can go. They will do this so smoothly that you won’t realize they are preying on you. They will make you trust them and then cut you off from others. 

What Do Mind Games In A Relationship Look Like – 13 Signs

Another reason that people play mind games in a relationship is because they want to weaken you by making you doubt yourself. Manipulation in relationships is done to make you question everything that’s happening around you. Now that we know why people play mind games, let’s take a look at what relationship games look like. 

1. Their hot and cold behavior will confuse you

Sending mixed signals is one of the most common relationship games. One moment, your partner plays hard to get. The next moment, they hover around you. Everything is good one moment and topples over the next, for no apparent reason. Why are they acting distant? The sole purpose behind playing hard to get is to gain control. They deprive you of attention because they want to become a scarce resource that you crave.

2. Breadcrumbing is one of the signs of mind games in relationships 

Breadcrumbing in dating is another term for leading someone on. They don’t have any interest in pursuing a serious relationship with you but send flirty text messages to lure you in. This is one of the mind games guys play after a breakup. They want to fill the void left by their ex and want to avoid being by themselves.

Due to the unpredictability of their actions, you’re left wondering if something is wrong with you. The main reason they constantly leave you with breadcrumbs is because it makes them feel good about themselves, as they are looking for validation and assurance. They are so not looking for a real connection/support system.

Related Reading: 11 Expert Tips To Stop Being Toxic In A Relationship

3. Love bombing 

This is one of the most common relationship games. This is how lovebombing works:

• They will shower you with words of love
• They will compliment you and buy you extravagant gifts
• Their thoughtful gestures will overwhelm you
• You won’t even realize that you are falling under their spell

Once you fall for them and surrender to their love, they will lose interest. They will stop their love bombing antics and you will be left confused. It’s all too much too soon. They stop all this once you reciprocate their feelings. That’s when you realize they don’t love you, but they loved the rush of adrenaline they got while chasing you.

4. They dominate you

Not only do they make you feel bad for following your gut, but also they dictate your decisions. Your committed relationship is no more a team of two people; it’s just them at the driver’s seat always. Your core values start changing and they get seriously offended when you don’t follow their advice.

5. They will take a dig at your looks

They say things like “You will look good with a little more contouring as it will make your face look slimmer” or “You’d look great if you lost a little weight from your hips”. It is one of the behaviors that ruin relationships. It’s said that you should practice ‘negging’ in the dating world; which is a toxic approach to make someone feel insecure through a backhanded compliment.

6. They will compare you with their ex

Some people do this because they are still in love with their ex. Others tend to do this mainly out of spite. Playing games is fueled by making comparisons. They do this in order to keep you in a position where you are full of fear. You will begin to doubt yourself and may have the following thoughts:

• “What if they leave me?”
• “I am not good enough for them”
• “I don’t deserve them”

Break out of a comparison trap smartly and just agree with them. “Yeah, she’s so pretty.” “Agreed. He does look very good with those abs.” The more you act indifferent and less bothered by their words, the more they will get bored and end this game of comparison. 

7. They will stonewall you

The good old silent treatment is one of the classic examples of playing games. Stonewalling is one of the ways to manipulate, control, and gain an upper hand in the relationship. Here are some examples:

• They give you monosyllabic answers like “Okay’, “Sure” and “Fine”
• They ignore your calls and messages
• They accuse you of making a mountain out of a molehill

Avoid mind games in a relationship by learning some tips to resolve conflicts in a mature manner. Find better ways to communicate and resolve the issues one at a time. Silent treatment has a domino effect. It won’t just shut down communication but also leads to other problems like lack of intimacy, deterioration of positive feelings toward one another, anxiety, and stress. 

8. They will send you on guilt trips 

Guilt is a very powerful and complex emotion and when used in a conniving way, it can do a lot of damage. A guilt tripper will point out the efforts they have put in the relationship by pointing out a lack of effort from your side. They will make you feel like you haven’t done anything.

As if they have carried this relationship on their back since day one, when that’s clearly not the case. Such subconscious mind games poison the bond. The only way to get out of this is by confronting them. Tell them you appreciate everything they do for you but they have to stop it with all the guilt trips. 

Related Reading: In Love With An Emotionally Unavailable Man? 10 Tips To Connect With Him

9. Booty calling is one of the signs of mind games in relationships 

You are dating someone and you notice that this person is absent most of the time. They text you and call you only when they want to. There’s no regard for your time in the relationship. But all of a sudden, they storm you with attention and affection. Why? Because they want to have sex. This is one of the signs you mean nothing to him. This is one of the mind games guy play after a breakup.

They will assure you they have feelings for you. But their words will never match their actions. To put it in plain words — they will use you for sex. Such power games in relationships leave one questioning their worth. Before that happens, run as far away from them as possible. 

10. They will behave differently in front of others

Your partner has been acting cold with you. But when the two of you are with friends or family members, they seem to be all over you as if they didn’t just ignore you for three hours straight. Or, they will pay attention to everyone else but you, and they will not be even slightly romantic with you. It is even more concerning when your partner disrespects or acts rude in front of others.

11. They will gaslight you

This is one of the most extreme and dangerous route to playing games. The entire point behind someone gaslighting you is to destabilize you. They want you to think you can’t function on your own. They will make you feel insecure and they will make you doubt your own judgments. The final checkmate is when you question your reality and sanity.

Here are some gaslighting examples:

• “You’re too sensitive”
• “You’re crazy, you need help”
• “You’re lucky I put up with this”

12. They will act as if you don’t deserve them

Narcissists love playing this mind game. Owing to their narcissistic tendencies, they will constantly try to feed their ego by putting other people down. Such are the toxic mind games men play. But to be honest, the perpetrator of these games has no gender. There are many reasons why narcissists can’t maintain relationships. Their ego and superiority complex often drives them away from people.

So how to tell if someone is playing mind games with you? They will make you feel less about yourself and tell you that they deserve someone better. Or they will make you feel that this is what you deserve — the cold attitude, the silent treatment, and guilt trips. It could go either way and you need to regain control and get out of this situation. 

13. They will give you ultimatums

People who give you ultimatums in relationships can never care about you or your feelings because if they did, they would not give you ultimatums in the first place. The ultimatum can be about anything. Here are some examples:

• “Marry me or we are done”
• “If you don’t stop talking to that person, we are done”
• “If you don’t tell your parents about us, it’s over for me”

How can you warn or demand your partner to do something under a given time? That is conditional love. You can’t threaten your partner like that in the guise of love. If your partner ever indulges in such relationship games and threatens to leave you, then let them go. You deserve so much better. 

Dealing With A Partner Who Plays Mind Games

Being with a partner who doesn’t accept responsibility can be quite exhausting. You may end up losing yourself in a relationship like that. Want to know how to deal with someone who plays relationship games? Here’s how you can make your complicated relationship work:

• Don’t try to play the game and don’t waste your energies in getting their attention
• Just ask them what’s bothering them and why they are bombarding you with rude comments
• Ask them if there is anything you can do to help
• If they don’t wish to engage, remove yourself from the situation
• Tell them to come to you when they are ready for a mature conversation

Does the problem stem deep? Is it from their previous relationship? Or are they acting out of a childhood trauma? The power of subconscious mind to make things happen is more powerful than you think. Maybe, your partner had parents who kept playing games and now they are just replicating those patterns.

Related Reading: How To Respond To The Silent Treatment – Effective Ways To Handle It

But, you are not their therapist and your job is not to ‘fix’ them. Avoid mind games in a relationship by putting yourself first. If the relationship is damaging your mental health, get out of it and find someone else who won’t manipulate you and doesn’t lack self-esteem. 

Finally, there are doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, helplines, forums, and a huge variety of other mental health resources. You could help them connect with experts or suggest that they talk to someone who has been trained to handle mind games in relationships. Going into therapy can help them feel good, calm, and healthy. If you’re looking for resources to help your partner, skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.

11 Signs He Is Talking To Someone Else

11 Painful Signs Your Partner Is Taking Your Relationship For Granted

9 Signs Of Unhealthy Compromise In A Relationship

Marriage is a beautiful bond between two people who adore and cherish one another. However, it is common for couples to fall into a routine and start seeing signs their spouse takes them for granted. 

When you feel taken for granted in marriage, you may feel unappreciated, undervalued, and hurt.

There are several signs your spouse takes you for granted. They may withdraw from the relationship, stop showing affection, or become more distant. They may also stop acknowledging your efforts and stop listening to you when you speak.

When this is noticed, it must be addressed ASAP to avoid further damage. To help you settle the dust once and for all, we’ve compiled a list of 10 signs your spouse takes you for granted and what to do when you see them.

What does it mean when someone takes you for granted?

The dictionary defines being taken for granted as a situation in which someone or something is valued too lightly. When someone is taken for granted, their true worth is neither seen, appreciated, or adequately celebrated. 

Let’s bring this definition to romantic relationships. 

When someone takes love for granted, we can say that they do not fully appreciate or value the presence or efforts of their romantic partner. They may believe they’ll always be there for them. 

Hence, they may find it difficult to celebrate or appreciate the work they put into making the relationship work.

Being taken for granted by your husband, wife, or partner can be frustrating, especially if you’ve invested time, energy, and resources into the relationship. It can also lead to resentment and conflict in the relationship.

On the upside, your partner can do this unconsciously, and so it would be up to you to let them know how you feel. Do not consider it a dead end, as you can easily find a fix once you know what to do. 

Some effective solutions include having an open conversation with your partner, establishing boundaries, or taking a break to prioritize your well-being. The final destination, when the dust has settled, is to preserve the beauty and love in your relationship. 

10 signs your spouse takes you for granted

Do you feel like you’re beginning to lose that magical touch you once had over your partner? Here are 10 sure signs that your spouse takes you for granted. 

1. They no longer dedicate time to you

One thing we can unanimously agree on is the effect of work stress on relationships. Work demands, as well as domestic and social obligations, can make life hectic. 

It is perfectly acceptable not to feel up to engaging in lengthy conversations when you’re racing against the clock to deliver a project to your boss. 

At other times, you may just want to switch off your brain, and engaging in a conversation with your spouse can seem like a chore. 

But if this pattern has become a routine, regardless of how much free time you have had, it’s a sign that you’re drifting apart in your marriage.

If you are not spending quality time together and thinking, “my wife or husband takes me for granted,” you are not wrong. However, instead of taking a rash decision, evaluate how they respond to everyone else. Do they have the same issue making time for everyone else? 

No? That could be a sign your spouse takes you for granted. 

Related Reading: Making Time For You And Your Spouse

2. Your spouse avoids doing their duties

If one of the partners becomes sloppy about doing their part for the home you both share and just lets things slide without guilt, it reflects how they feel about the relationship. 

They might be dropping the ball, and it’s up to you to decide whether you want to accept it or fight for yourself.

3. Your relationship lacks communication

Studies show that relationships don’t thrive without effective communication. 

Forget about making phone calls or sending texts when you’re not together; if your partner can’t be bothered to talk to you when you’re right in front of them, it’s cause for concern, and the health of your relationship may be suffering.

When all of your efforts to improve communication in the relationship are ignored or met with cold, harsh responses, you have two options: work on your relationship or walk away. But don’t get stuck in it because it will start to affect your mental health and self-esteem. 

4. They flirt with others in your presence

It is extremely painful to witness your spouse, who makes minimal efforts to invest in your relationship, flirting with someone else right in front of you.

This mostly happens when your spouse assumes that you will be okay with such behavior or when it does not even occur to them that their actions may hurt you. 

This can also be a sign of being taken for granted, which you should not tolerate.

Then again, constantly flirting with others, especially when they know you’re hurt, is a sign of disrespect. 

5. When you are no more satisfied sexually

It’s not that sex isn’t present in your relationship, but one of the signs your spouse takes you for granted is that sex has now become all about them. They expect you to do all the work to please them but are never interested in giving you a mind blowing experience as well.  

If your sex life starts to feel like it’s all about fulfilling your partner’s desires while leaving you high and dry every time, you may want to reconsider your stance.

Related Reading: 12 Tips on How to Keep Your Husband Sexually Satisfied

6. Your relationship lacks appreciation

If your partner never expresses gratitude for what you do for them, it’s a clear sign of taking love for granted. When people do not feel appreciated and acknowledged, it can lead to resentment and tension in the relationship.

Suggested video: 25 ways to appreciate your spouse 

7. Your spouse does not take responsibility

If they never accept responsibility for their actions or attempt to shift blame to you, it’s one of the top signs your spouse takes you for granted. This frustrating and hurtful behavior can eventually lead to a breakdown in communication and trust.

8. You are no longer your partner’s priority

It’s okay not to be the center of your partner’s world sometimes, especially if they have other people (like children and work colleagues) to attend to. If, however, they constantly shove your needs down the drain, you may want to pay closer attention. 

If your needs, feelings, and aspirations are not prioritized, it indicates that your partner is taking you for granted. The first step to handling this is to talk to them about how your spouse takes you for granted.

9. Your spouse makes no effort to impress you

Even if it isn’t often, our partner should make an attempt to impress you, especially on special occasions. If your partner makes no such effort, it could indicate they aren’t afraid of losing you. Consider reassessing the relationship at this point.

10. There is zero affection

When your spouse suddenly becomes less affectionate than usual, it may indicate they take you for granted. Affection is one of the primary ways people express love, so its absence can be concerning.

Related Reading: My Husband Is Not Affectionate or Romantic : 15 Things to Do

How to stop being taken for granted in marriage- 5 ways

After seeing these signs, your spouse takes you for granted, and your next plan of action should be to define your exact next steps. These are 5 ways to stop being taken for granted in marriage (or your relationship in general).

1. Communicate your needs

Communicating your needs to your partner is one of the most important things you can do. Make it clear what they must do to make you feel appreciated and valued. Try to be specific and provide examples of times when you have felt taken for granted.

While at it, don’t forget to give them time to adjust. 

2. Establish boundaries

If your partner is taking you for granted, it is critical to establish boundaries. Make it clear what you can tolerate and the things that are a no-no to you. Be firm but fair in your boundaries, and don’t be afraid to enforce them.

3. Self-Care is essential

It is vital to look after your own needs and well-being, especially at this time. Make out time to do things you enjoy and put your self-care first. You’re more likely to be assertive and confident in your relationship if you feel good about yourself.

4. Express gratitude

Be the example you want to see. If you want your partner to be less critical and more accepting of you, ensure you also extend the same benefits to them. 

Express gratitude for your partner’s efforts and contributions to the relationship. You can start a positive cycle of mutual appreciation and respect by showing appreciation for what they do.

5. Seek professional assistance

If you’ve tried everything and are still being taken for granted in your marriage, it may be time to seek professional assistance. A therapist or a marriage counselor can assist you and your partner in identifying and resolving issues in your relationship.

FAQs

Here are some frequently asked questions about being taken for granted in your relationship. 

• How can I avoid taking my spouse for granted?

To avoid taking your spouse for granted, consciously express your appreciation and gratitude for them, prioritize spending quality time together, and communicate openly and honestly. 

Check-in with them regularly to see how they’re doing. Remember to keep working hard to keep the relationship going.

• Is it normal for spouses to take each other for granted?

It’s not uncommon for spouses to sometimes take each other for granted. To maintain a healthy relationship, however, you must recognize and address this tendency. Neglecting or disregarding your partner’s needs and feelings regularly can cause long-term damage to the relationship.

In summary

Some of the signs your spouse takes you for granted include a lack of appreciation, disregard for your needs, and a lack of affection. When you notice these, communicate your feelings to your spouse in a non-confrontational manner and collaborate to find solutions.

If your spouse’s behavior does not change, consider reassessing the relationship and, if necessary, seek marriage counseling.