Imagine this, you are sick of your 9-to-5 job. You realize that your dream of being a chef at your own restaurant is slowly getting buried under the pressure of a mortgage and other responsibilities. One day your partner overhears you talking to a friend about it. That night they surprise you with a chef hat and say, “Quit now. I will take care of our home.” There goes one of the first signs of unconditional love in a relationship – the love that gives you the strength to sacrifice for the sake of your loved one’s happiness.

We all crave this kind of love where there aren’t any ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’. All that is present is loving your partner no matter what and being honest with them. Research shows that people who have a higher score on the unconditional love measurement scale tend to provide more social support to their partners and have a comparatively more satisfying dating and marital life.

Yes, in fiction, unconditional love is the purest form of love in which no external factors can tamper a person’s feelings for their object of affection. But realistically, is it sustainable at all? “Won’t it be emotionally exhausting to love someone without expecting anything in return?” you may wonder, or, “How do I make sure that my partner loves me unconditionally?” Well, your arguments are on point and whether you are on the giving or receiving end of this kind of love, this article will clear all your confusion.

What Is Unconditional Love In A Relationship?

We all know that love and infatuation are different. But unconditional love is another dimension altogether. So, what is unconditional love? In simple words, agape love is all about accepting and loving a person as just how they are, with the mingling of good and bad. It’s an overwhelmingly intense feeling you foster for a beloved person which doesn’t alter with the kind of relationship you have with them.

They might be your childhood best friend, they could be thousands of miles away from you completely unaware of your feelings. But the ‘selfless love’ deeply seated in your heart will lead you to consider their best interest first and put yourself second. No need to further mention the ‘loving without any expectation’ clause that naturally tags along.

When there is unconditional love in a relationship from one or both partners, it doesn’t come with any eligibility criteria section in the relationship agreement (we mean the hypothetical one, obviously). You wouldn’t even think about imposing any restrictions or conditions on your partner. Age, looks, bank balance would be mere variables that won’t bother you anymore.

Mutual respect, selfless acts, complete honesty, and the power of forgiveness come hand in hand with this form of absolute love. And most importantly, the ability to handle rejection – they may not feel the same way about you, but no unkind words or refusal would ever stop you from loving them even if that invites a big deal of pain in your life.

The moment we talk about unconditional love examples the first thought that comes into mind is our love for our parents and vice versa. In fact, studies show that if a child has a non-abusive, positive relationship with their parents, it lowers the chances of multisystem health risks in adulthood. However, it’s possible (if not easy) to find an ideal partner with whom you can share a similar bond of love and care and if you stay with us, we would discuss certain nuances of unconditional love.

How does unconditional love make you feel: emotional benefits of unconditional love

“Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with their heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.” – Rumi

When you read such beautiful quotes about unconditional love, it seems like a utopic dream until you experience such strong emotions for someone. Just a gentle reminder here – as gratifying and content true love makes you feel, it can also put you through an emotional hell especially if you are the giver in a romantic relationship. So, here’s how unconditional love can boost or affect your mental well-being:

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  • For the giver: It gives you a sense of empowerment and security because you are in charge of your own feelings. There’s nothing anyone can ever say or do to change them. This dream-like state transforms into reality when your love is reciprocated. Although the negative aspects of unconditional love can be soul-crushing if the person you love takes advantage of your feelings and mistakes them as a weakness. So, you may shower your love on them all you want but you shouldn’t overlook the importance of emotional boundaries, and that holds good for every kind of relationship.
  • For the receiver: Knowing that there’s one person in this world who would be there by your side through thick and thin, who doesn’t blatantly judge you for your flaws, who can forgive you when you mess up big time is strangely comforting. It makes you more confident in your personal ventures. Their companion helps you broaden your perspectives in life and be the bigger person sometimes.

Related Reading: 8 Keys To Stay In Love Forever

12 Signs Of Unconditional Love In A Relationship

Steven and Josie had been dating for a few years and they recently moved in together. Everything was going so well just when Josie found out she had been diagnosed with early onset Parkinson’s. She told Steven, “Let’s break up. You shouldn’t have to go through this.” He smiled and shook his head: “Do you really think I would leave you alone when you need me the most? You’re my world and I’m not going anywhere.”

You may be in a relationship for a long time and never realize that your partner loves you unconditionally, just like Steven. But when they finally confess or it becomes evident in their actions, you find a different level of strength to fight for this relationship and give your sweetheart every bit of attention and love they deserve. More than anything, you feel so precious and lucky!

Unconditional love is rare and beautiful. It can change the course of your relationship and make it last forever. So, if you have the slightest doubt about the gravity of your partner’s feelings for you, these 12 signs of unconditional love in a relationship will give you the much-needed clarity:

1. They take care of you in sickness and in health

If you are feeling under the weather, only a genuine lover would go out of his/her way and bring everything you need at your disposal just to comfort you a little. True love isn’t only about sharing your happiness but also taking care of you when you are blowing your nose away. And getting you some homemade soup garnished with warmth and affection is one of the best unconditional love examples.

Those who stick with us even when we aren’t at our best (physically or emotionally) are our people. You know how we’re all at our ugliest and most disgraceful when we’re sick. If your partner doesn’t leave your side throughout the week you are down with flu, we think you can count on them in times of bigger setbacks.

They are with you in sickness and in health

2. Their supporting your dreams is a sign of unconditional love in a relationship

No matter how different you both are in terms of your professions, someone who loves you without any condition will always stand up for your causes and support your ambitions. Even if your goals and field of work aren’t similar, they will encourage you to follow your passions and be your top cheerleader.

Suppose, your partner is into financial consultancy but you don’t understand a thing about it. They have applied for a prestigious internship at a firm abroad. Would you be against them leaving the country or would you assure them you have full faith in their abilities? A wise partner would choose the latter and if your darling does the same for you, know that they are a keeper.

3. They handle your vulnerable side

When time gets a little rough at the office or in your personal life and you become a complete mess, your partner doesn’t instantly start dodging your calls. They discuss the problem, help you calm your nerves, and think rationally. They are always there to cheer you up after every meltdown. And there lies the importance of unconditional love – recognizing that a relationship can’t be sunshine and rainbows all the time. In fact, it’s the rainy days that bring out the true colors of a lover.

Related Reading: 17 Signs Of True Love From A Woman

4. They forgive you if you mess up

We are all fallible and we make mistakes. Sometimes our screw-ups are pretty serious, and unconditional love has the power to sail us through them too. When your partner values forgiveness in a relationship and is capable of letting go of the little issues or even serious grudges, you don’t need to further worry about their feelings for you.

Because they fell in love with you holistically with the flaws and the absolute delight that you are as a person, they would voluntarily choose to forgive and forget while helping you evolve into a better person. This does not give you a license to make mistakes though. Show some gratitude for their presence in your life because if you lose them, you will regret it forever.

5. They put your needs above theirs

Let’s face it. A movie date night at home is incomplete without a couple fighting over which one to watch. A partner who unconditionally loves you will first argue with you over the movie genre, but will eventually give in just to make you happy.

That’s what people do in love – they hold your needs and desires in high esteem even over their own wishes. If you are lucky enough to have someone like this in your life, make sure not to get too used to such pampering and return the love your partner deserves. After all, relationships are all about equal parts of compromises made by both partners.

6. They can set aside their ego and say ‘sorry’

Excessive ego and pride don’t really agree with happy relationships. At times, you have got to ascend from that godly pedestal and accept your mistake or at least be open to conflict resolution. Or else how do expect to keep going with a huge pile of resentments stacking up between you and your partner? Now, if this is a quality you admire in your bae, their love for you must be absolutely wholesome.

Suppose, whenever you two get into a heated argument, your partner will be the one to calm down and try to make things right again. Even if it isn’t their fault, he/she won’t shy away from being the bigger person and trying to solve the problem at hand. They know that the relationship is more important than contesting over who is right or wrong. To them, being with you matters the most.

Infographic on signs of unconditional love
Signs of unconditional love

7. What does unconditional love feel like? Like being treated with respect

A relationship can survive against all odds if the partners have been able to develop respect for each other over the years. There are many ways of expressing respect, and this is a cornerstone value of unconditional love. How can you love someone irrevocably without having an intrinsic sense of regard for the person they are?

In fact, counseling psychologist Shivangi Anil thinks it should be a non-negotiable term from the very first date, “One of your first-date goals could be to see if the other person’s behavior aligns with your core values. For example, if you value treating people with compassion and respect and they are disrespectful to the server, move on.” So, if your partner does the following things, they must have unwavering respect for you in their heart:

  • They treat you with respect both in front of your friends and family and in your private space
  • They always ask for and take your opinion into account
  • They try to fulfill your emotional, social, and physical needs
  • They never breach your privacy nor do they mistrust you
  • They are mindful of their language even in the middle of an argument
  • They don’t compare your weaknesses with an outsider to make you feel worse about yourself

Related Reading: 11 Relationship Qualities That Are a Must Have For A Happy Life

8. They see your full potential

Sometimes when you suffer from imposter syndrome and can’t help but doubt your expertise, this person always steps up to remind you of what you are capable of. It is because they know you inside out. They know how important your dreams and ambitions are to you. A person who loves you unconditionally will never want you to give up on something you’ve built your life around.

They magically see your full potential. And we all need that occasional push, right? You know, as a child, I loved dancing to bits. But I could never really gather the courage to get into a proper performing arts school because I thought I wasn’t good enough. After all these years, my crazy partner motivated me immensely and said I had to at least try! Well, guess what? I got accepted and the rest is history.

9. They are selfless

Do you remember the story of The Gift of the Magi? If not, here’s how it goes – a poor couple decides to gift each other secret presents for Christmas. However, they didn’t have enough money so the wife sells her long, beautiful hair which she loved a lot to buy a platinum chain for her husband’s watch.

Her husband, on the other hand, sells his watch, his only prized possession, to buy his wife a beautiful set of combs for her hair. The point of my telling you this story is to identify the acts of selflessness. People who have faith in their love often don’t think twice about making sacrifices in a relationship just to see the smile on their partner’s face.

Stories on love and romance

10. They don’t expect anything in return: The most important sign of unconditional love

My friend Marshall once fell in love with an older woman. She could never commit to him due to several personal issues but that never stopped Marshall from doing everything in his power to sustain a healthy relationship for as long as they were together. Even after her engagement with a different guy, he sometimes went loitering in her neighborhood just to see her from a distance. Doesn’t that break your heart a little?

One of the most beautiful things about unconditional love is not expecting anything in return. Your partner may make you happy with little gestures but would never expect you to return the same favor. Even if you don’t acknowledge their gestures, they will let it go. After all, pure love cannot be transactional!

11. Unconditional love example: They are proud of your success

Imagine you and your partner are both in the same profession and are applying for a dream job. You get in but your partner doesn’t. They will be sad for sure but their eyes beaming with pride for your accomplishment will override this feeling of disappointment over their own failure. Celebrating each other’s success is another important sign of unconditional love, especially when things are going south for one of you.

Related Reading: 13 Ways To End An Argument Without Apologizing And End The Fight

12. They’ve always got your back

Yes, we know you are strong enough to fight your own battles. But when a stranger passes a sexist remark at you and your bae throws a punch right at their nose, it blows your mind, right? Having someone to make you feel ‘taken care of’ is bliss. If your partner protects your secrets, drives you home safe after you get tipsy at a party, or becomes your strongest support system at a bad time, mark my word, don’t let that fellow slip away from your life.

“Do I love someone unconditionally?” – Take this quiz to find out

Now that we are on the same page about ‘what is unconditional love in a relationship’ and its signs, let’s figure out whether your unfathomable feelings for a person indicate a selfless everlasting connection. You don’t necessarily have to be in a romantic partnership with them. But if your love is true, no strings attached shouldn’t be a matter of concern. This quiz is the quickest way to be sure of your feelings and if you answer more than six in ‘yes’, you are a part of the unconditional love tribe:

  • You are okay with the fact that they are not your girlfriend/boyfriend and might walk away from your life one day. Yes/No
  • You are in love with their soul and not only their attractive physical features. Yes/No
  • You can’t be mad at them for long and end up forgiving them no matter what. Yes/No
  • You never compare them with anyone or feel interested in other potential romantic partners. Yes/No
  • You can go to the extent of canceling important engagements if they call you with an emergency. Yes/No
  • In your mind, you see a long, happy future with them. Yes/No
  • You are just happy being their support system. Yes/No
  • They are your comfort zone and you can easily open up to them. Yes/No
  • Nothing makes you happier and more proud than to see them succeed. Yes/No
  • You don’t stand in their way even if you don’t agree with them on certain matters. Yes/No
unconditional love examples
Do you feel this kind of love for a special person?

How to Show Unconditional Love – Dos and Don’ts

“I love you unconditionally” – it’s a very strong statement, easier said than done. Losing your identity, voice, and self-respect in the process of offering undivided attention and affection cannot be beneficial for any relationship or a love-lorn individual. Despite what your heart wants you to do, following a few strategies will help you stay sane and navigate a happy and healthy relationship with your bae:

Dos Don’ts
1. Practice open and transparent communication style 1. Don’t ignore the underlying problems in the relationship for the sake of love
2. Let your partner know that you will be there on the good days and the bad 2. You shouldn’t neglect your own emotional needs in a relationship
3. Make sure the power dynamics in the relationship are equal 3. Unconditional love cannot be a reason behind tolerating physical or mental abuse
4. Remember, you can criticize your partner when required without being disrespectful 4. You don’t have to blindly agree with everything they say to show your love

Related Reading: 30 ½ Facts About Love That You Can Never Ever Ignore

What unconditional love isn’t? – Unhealthy Forms Of Love To Watch For

The underlying meaning of conditional love is: “I will love you only if you do what I think is appropriate”. If you fulfill these conditions, your partner deems you worthy of love. For instance, my friend Gwen’s boyfriend would be affectionate only when she takes care of every household responsibility and leaves him alone with his PlayStation. It is much like a reward system. This kind of love can chip away at your self-esteem by making you feel like you aren’t good enough. So, here’s what unconditional love isn’t:

  • It isn’t about scorekeeping between partners
  • You don’t have the same fights over and over again
  • There is less judgment and more acceptance
  • Partners don’t try to control each other’s every step or action
  • The signs of insecurity and jealousy take the back seat in unconditional love

Key Pointers

  • Unconditional love means loving someone without any clauses, time limits, or expectations of having a romantic relationship with them
  • It can be mistreated as your weakness and bring destructive consequences
  • This person will be your top priority at all times
  • You don’t stand in their way of happiness or their personal choices
  • No one should suffer in silence in the face of abuse or humiliation just because it’s coming from the person they love unconditionally

We can’t plan to fall hopelessly for someone or wait around in life looking for unconditional love. We can only hope to nurture this love with care when it comes knocking at our door. Once you find your share, cherish what you have and acknowledge your partner for all that they do for you. And if you feel in your heart such overwhelming feelings for a person, don’t keep it a secret. There’s nothing more beautiful than hearing back those three magical words from the love of your life. Good luck!

This article has been updated in Oct, 2022. 

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