Category: Dating & Love

Sexual Health

The human body comes in many shapes and sizes and the penis is no exception.  When it comes to their anatomy, many people don’t understand how variable penises can look.  Some penises can lean, tilt, and/or curve while others may be straight as an arrow.  Penises are kind of like snowflakes: no two look exactly the same. While some are born with a natural curve to their penis, others may develop a curve later in life.  Peyronie’s disease is a condition that causes curvature or indentations (among other visible deformities) in the penis that can make erections painful and intercourse difficult.  Classically, Peyronie’s occurs after some kind of isolated injury (or an accumulation of minor traumas) to the penis.  Sometimes these injuries are recognized by an individual and sometimes they’re not.

Peyronie’s disease is something I get asked about a lot because many individuals can have insecurities about how their penis looks.  Maybe it’s because they look different than what they see in porn.  Maybe it’s because a partner made an offhanded comment about a particular penile feature of theirs.  No matter what the source, patients often want to know if their penis looks “normal.”  While I hate that word as a way to describe any aspect of sexual health, it is helpful to distinguish between natural curvature and Peyronie’s.  What follows is a discussion on the symptoms and diagnosis of and treatments for Peyronie’s disease to help you, fellow reader, how to distinguish between a natural curve and a deformity that may warrant further investigation.

Understanding Normal Curvature

Many people have some degree of curvature to their erect penis, which is considered a normal variation in penile anatomy.  It is essential to recognize that there is a wide range of normal penile curvatures, and a slight bend does not necessarily indicate a medical condition.  Often normal variant types of curvature are congenital or something you’re born with.  Congenital penile curvature is often detected in young males by parents when diapering or dressing them.  Congenital curves can also become more apparent as puberty takes hold and the penis grows to its full adult size. Congenital curves can be quite variable.  Most often they may appear to point slightly downward, laterally or a combination of both.  More severe cases can sometimes be associated with urethral abnormalities.  If the curve is mild, it may go unrecognized for years until the person becomes sexually active.  In general, congenital penile curvature does not warrant intervention unless it is severe and/or interferes with an individual’s ability to urinate normally.

Understanding Peyronie’s Curvature

While the pathophysiology of Peyronie’s is not completely understood, the condition is believed to involve a disordered wound healing response by the body.  This disordered healing leads to inflammation and improper deposition of collagen, resulting in an area of scarring sometimes called fibrosis or a plaque.

Collagen is the primary building block of your body’s skin, muscles, bones, tendons and ligaments and other connective tissues. Its main role is to provide structure, strength and support throughout your body.  When a plaque forms within collagen, the area becomes stiffer and less flexible than normal collagen.  This means that when the penis becomes aroused and fills with blood, the tissue cannot expand normally in these areas of fibrosis.  The end result of this lack of uniform expansion of the erectile tissue is penile deformity. The most common type of Peyronie’s deformity is a curve, but the condition can cause a number of different visible abnormalities.  Peyronie’s can lead to shortening of the penis because the penis cannot stretch as much when aroused if there is plaque present.  It can create an hourglass or twisted appearance.  Peyronie’s can even cause a hinge effect. Peyronie’s disease is thought to affect up to 10% of people with penises, often starting in middle age, though it can occur at any time.  Symptoms often develop gradually over time.  Let’s take a closer look at Peyronie’s disease, including its symptoms, causes, diagnosis, and treatment options.

Symptoms of Peyronie’s Disease

It should be apparent by now that the main symptom of Peyronie’s disease is a significant bend, curve, or other deformity in the penis that wasn’t there previously.  The deformity is typically most noticeable during an erection, though some may see the deformity while flaccid as well.  Other potential symptoms include: Localized pain in the penis, especially during erection or intercourse, Narrowing or indentation along the shaft, Shortening of the penis due to scar tissue, Erectile dysfunction, Difficulty having intercourse due to some change in the shape/appearance of the penis

Deformities often develop on the top or bottom of the shaft, but may occur on the side also.  Some develop hardened scar tissue that can be felt through the skin but sometimes deformity can occur without a palpable plaque.  The penile deformity may gradually worsen over time, or it may appear stable.  Symptoms sometimes appear suddenly after an injury, while other times Peyronie’s disease develops slowly without a known cause.

Phases of Peyronie’s Disease

Peyronie’s disease is often split into 2 stages: the acute phase and the chronic phase. During both phases, the bent/curved penis may cause problems with sex.

Acute Peyronie’s disease. The acute phase typically lasts between six and 12 months. During this period, scarring results in the initial appearance of a deformity.  That deformity may change appearance during this time and may even resolve completely.  During the acute phase, many individuals will experience penile pain, most commonly when erect but the pain can occur while flaccid also.

Chronic Peyronie’s disease. The scar is no longer growing during the chronic phase and the visible deformity appears stable.  Pain usually goes away during the chronic phase, but it can sometimes continue.  Erectile dysfunction may develop during this phase.

Causes and Risk Factors

As mentioned, the most common cause of Peyronie’s disease is injury.  This can be a specific event in which the penis is injured during sex or masturbation.  People will often describe this as hearing a pop, crack, or snap during sexual activity, typically while missing during attempted penetration of their partner.  Sometimes these injuries can result in visible bruising or swelling or loss of erection.  But other times, these injuries can be subtle and may go unnoticed.  It’s important to remember that Peyronie’s can also result from an accumulation of micro-traumas over time. Aside from injury and trauma, Peyronie’s has also been associated with a number of other factors.  Known risk factors for Peyronie’s disease include:

Family history and genetics – Having a close relative with Peyronie’s increases your risk. Certain types of Peyronie’s may be inherited in some families.  Around 20% of people with Peyronie’s have a family history, indicating possible genetic susceptibility.

Age – Most cases occur in people over 40, though it can develop at any age.

Prior hand injury – Some research links Peyronie’s to hand and foot trauma that caused inflammation and scarring in the palm or sole (a condition called Duputryen’s disease).

Prostate surgery or radiation – Procedures for prostate cancer may damage penile tissue and instigate Peyronie’s.

Erectile dysfunction – Some studies show a higher occurrence of Peyronie’s in individuals with ED due to reduced blood circulation.

Smoking – Some research connects tobacco use to higher risk, possibly by increasing inflammation.

Diabetes – Poor blood sugar control and tissue damage from diabetes may contribute to Peyronie’s.

Other medical conditions associated with increased risk of developing Peyronie’s include certain connective tissue and autoimmune disorders, Paget’s disease of bone, and systemic lupus erythematosus.

Diagnosis

 Peyronie’s disease is typically diagnosed through a thorough medical history, physical exam of the penis, and sometimes imaging tests.  But that process can start at home with a simple self-exam.  Generally, I counsel patients to examine their genitals at least once per month.  This is a good way to keep track of changes.  Regular self-exams are also a great way to screen for cancer.  If you suspect you may have injured yourself, take a minute to examine your junk and see if anything looks or feels different.  If you’re concerned, speak to a healthcare professional. Your healthcare provider should ask about symptoms, erection issues, family history, and medical conditions or injuries that may be related.  They should perform a visual inspection and manual palpation of the penis to check for scars and look for deformity, narrowing, calcification, or pain. The following tests may be used to confirm Peyronie’s disease:

Penile ultrasound – This uses soundwaves to produce an interior image of the shaft and identify scar tissue.

Duplex Doppler ultrasound – Measures penile blood flow to help evaluate ED.

X-rays – Can detect calcification in penile plaque deposits.

MRI – Provides clear 3D scans to pinpoint the location and extent of plaques or scar tissue.

Photographs – Can precisely document the extent of curvature for tracking over time.

If symptoms appeared suddenly after trauma, the presence of bruising, swelling and inflammation helps determine the injury’s connection to Peyronie’s development.  Your provider may also order bloodwork or conduct genetic testing to rule out related disorders, although this is rarely needed to make the diagnosis.

Treatment

While some milder cases resolve slowly without intervention (some estimates have this as high as 30% of cases), several treatment options are available for Peyronie’s disease.  The best approach depends on severity, outlook for progression, and the impact on sexual function. Goals of treatment include reducing penile curvature and scar tissue, improving ability to have intercourse, and relieving pain.  Possible Peyronie’s treatments include:

Medications – Drugs to break down scar tissue or reduce inflammation are sometimes used early on.

Injections – Interferon, verapamil, or collagenase may be injected directly into plaques to soften scar tissue.

Surgery – This may be recommended for stable, severe curvature interfering with intercourse.  Procedures such as plication, plaque incision/excision with grafting, or penile prosthesis implantation can help correct deformities and restore sexual function.

Penile traction devices – These stretch the scar tissue carefully over time to straighten the penis.

Shockwave therapy – Pulsed acoustic waves are applied to break up fibrous plaques and promote healing.

Radiation – Some research indicates radiation can prevent scar progression and shrinkage.

The choice of therapy depends on factors like age, erectile function, plaque characteristics, degree of bother, effect on ability to engage in sexual activity, and insurance coverage.  Your provider may recommend a conservative wait-and-see approach for slow, mild cases with no erectile dysfunction.  Surgery is generally reserved for people with curvature severe enough to impede sexual activity after at least one year of stable disease.  Many patients will require months of treatment and follow-up care. Lifestyle measures like quitting smoking, pelvic floor exercise, and using penis traction devices and vitamin E supplements may also aid recovery.  However, the data are mixed on the efficacy many of these treatments.  While home remedies and alternative medicine approaches lack proven benefits for Peyronie’s, some people find them worthwhile.  However, most should be used cautiously under medical guidance only.

Psychological Support

For many, Peyronie’s disease can take a heavy psychological toll.  Dealing with the changes to sexual function, self-image concerns, and uncertainty over progression often causes significant stress and emotional difficulty.  Talking honestly with your partner and connecting with medical/mental health professionals can help work through feelings constructively.  Support groups tailored to Peyronie’s can also provide invaluable peer empathy and advice.  With proper treatment, most individuals with the condition can regain sexual satisfaction and confidence.

Living with Peyronie’s Disease

Even after treatment, Peyronie’s can involve coping with residual penile curvature, ED, or shrinkage for some individuals.  While the outlook varies by case, many continue enjoying healthy sex lives through open communication with partners and using alternate sexual positions/aids as needed.  With time, shared understanding, and patience, couples often adjust to changes from Peyronie’s successfully.  Some find intimacy grows stronger when the emphasis shifts from performance to expression and creativity. While Peyronie’s can be emotionally difficult initially, most individuals regain fulfilling sex lives and relationships with proper treatment and support.  The condition does not otherwise affect longevity or general health.  With a proactive approach focused on restoring comfort and confidence, it’s possible to overcome Peyronie’s challenges.  From uncensored dialogue with your provider to new tools enhancing sexual function, solutions exist.  With the many evolving medical options for Peyronie’s disease, there is hope for reducing – if not reversing – penile deformity and ED.  While more research is still needed, the future continues looking brighter for those with Peyronie’s disease.

Conclusion

Understanding the difference between a naturally curved penis and Peyronie’s disease is crucial for individuals concerned about their penile curvature.  While natural curvature falls within a wide range of normal, Peyronie’s disease involves the development of scar tissue and often requires medical attention.  If you suspect Peyronie’s disease or are experiencing symptoms, consult a healthcare professional to discuss your concerns and explore appropriate treatment options.  Remember, seeking support from healthcare professionals and loved ones can help address the physical and psychological aspects associated with penile curvature, promoting overall well-being and sexual satisfaction.

Types of Intimacy in Marriage

Being close in a marriage or any romantic relationship goes beyond just the physical or sexual. It’s about connecting emotionally, intellectually, and through shared experiences to strengthen the bond between partners.

Intimacy often means being vulnerable. It’s about opening up emotionally and being honest with your partner about your thoughts, feelings, and fears. In a marriage or any close relationship, being vulnerable is important for deepening the level of intimacy.

No need to fear intimacy, as there are many different types of intimacy.

Take down your walls and let your guard down so your partner can truly see and understand the real you. Being vulnerable creates a safe space for:

• emotional connection,
• trust, and
• empathy

This helps partners develop a deeper and more meaningful bond.

Intimacy requires vulnerability. Without vulnerability, achieving true intimacy in a relationship can be hard. So here are some common types of intimacy that marriages often have.

Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy refers to the ability to share and connect with your partner on a deep emotional level. It involves being vulnerable, expressing feelings, and providing emotional support to each other. Emotional intimacy often involves active listening, empathy, and understanding each other’s needs and emotions.

You can most easily respect and honor your partner’s emotions when you aren’t attacking, dismissing, or judging them. Couples build emotional trust over time by repeatedly respecting and valuing the sharing of feelings.

You can intensify this intimacy by:

• encouraging personal development,
• inviting them to explore their emotions more fully, and
• being more emotionally regulated and resilient.

You can also do this by having:

• daily check-ins,
• sharing gratitude or appreciation, or
• engaging in regular deep conversations about emotions, values, and aspirations.

Couples therapy helps couples share feelings, listen to each other, understand, and support each other. But it’s not the only type of intimacy that is valuable.

Physical Intimacy

Physical intimacy or sexual intimacy involves the physical expression of love, affection, and sexual connection between partners. Show affection through hugs, kisses, holding hands, or cuddling. Anything that promotes feeling safe and feeling close increases this type of intimacy. Physical intimacy helps foster a sense of closeness, passion, and connection in a marriage.

Physical touch is an important aspect of building intimacy. Physical touch releases oxytocin, a hormone associated with bonding and closeness. Find ways to express love and physical affection that resonate with both you and your partner.

Intellectual Intimacy

Intellectual intimacy revolves around sharing thoughts, ideas, and intellectual pursuits with your partner. It involves engaging in meaningful conversations, discussing interests, and stimulating each other intellectually. Intellectual intimacy promotes mental connection and enhances the overall understanding and respect between partners. Here are some ways to do that:

Explore topics of mutual interest, current events, philosophy, science, or any other subject that engages your curiosity. Ask open-ended questions and actively listen to your partner’s perspective.

Discuss and share your individual intellectual pursuits. Start your own private reading group of books, articles, podcasts, or documentaries that you find thought-provoking. Recommend and exchange these resources with each other, creating opportunities for shared learning and deeper conversations.

Explore opportunities for joint learning experiences. Attend seminars, workshops, or lectures on topics that intrigue both of you. Take online courses or enroll in a class together to learn something new as a couple.

Encourage respectful debates and challenge each other’s viewpoints in a constructive manner. This helps expand your intellectual horizons and promotes critical thinking. Embrace diverse perspectives and value the opportunity to learn from each other.

Discover and engage in hobbies that stimulate your intellectual curiosity. This could include activities like solving puzzles, playing strategy games, or engaging in creative endeavors like writing, painting, or music.

Attend cultural events together, such as art exhibitions, theater performances, or film screenings. Discuss your interpretations, emotions, and thoughts about the artistic expressions you encounter.

Couples who like reading can share books, suggest titles and join book clubs together. Reading and discussing books can spark intellectual conversations and expand shared interests.

Spiritual Intimacy

Spiritual intimacy is the connection between partners on a spiritual or philosophical level. It involves sharing beliefs and values and exploring existential questions together. You can strengthen spiritual closeness by doing religious activities together, meditating, or doing things that give you a sense of purpose. Here’s more:

Create your own rituals or ceremonies that hold personal significance. Simple acts can include lighting a candle, giving thanks before meals, or regularly reflecting and setting intentions. Rituals can help deepen your sense of spirituality and create a shared sacred space. Bill Doherty wrote an entire book on how to do this.

Explore and discuss spiritual texts, poetry, or philosophical teachings that resonate with you and your partner. Read and reflect upon passages together, sharing your interpretations and insights. This shared exploration can nurture intellectual and spiritual growth.

Gratitude Practice: Cultivate a gratitude practice as a couple. Take time each day to express gratitude for the blessings in your lives, both big and small.

Sharing what you are thankful for can help you feel connected to something greater. It can also help you appreciate the good things in your life. Thinking about what you are thankful for has the same effect.

Inner Reflection and Journaling: Set aside quiet moments for individual internal reflection or journaling. Encourage each other to explore and express your personal thoughts, insights, and spiritual experiences. Sharing these reflections with each other can deepen your understanding of each other’s spiritual journeys.

Recreational Intimacy

Recreational intimacy refers to engaging in shared leisure activities and hobbies with your partner. It involves spending quality time together, participating in activities that both partners enjoy, and creating shared memories. Recreational intimacy strengthens the bond between partners and promotes enjoyment and relaxation in the relationship.

Married couples often share a wide range of common interests based on their individual preferences and shared values. Here are some common interests that many married couples enjoy:

Traveling: Many couples enjoy exploring new destinations, experiencing different cultures, and creating shared travel memories. Traveling allows couples to bond, try new things together, and strengthen their connection.

Outdoor activities like hiking, camping, biking, or gardening can be fun for couples who like being active in nature. These activities offer opportunities for shared experiences, adventure, and relaxation.

Cooking and Dining: Couples often find joy in cooking and sharing meals together. Trying new recipes, testing different cuisines, or taking cooking classes together can strengthen the relationship and establish shared customs.

Fitness and Exercise: Couples who prioritize health and fitness may enjoy working out together. Exercising together helps couples support each other and stay healthy. They can go to the gym, do yoga or dance classes, or go for runs or hikes.

Cultural Activities: Many couples find shared interests in cultural activities such as attending concerts, art exhibitions, theater performances, or film screenings. Appreciating and discussing different forms of art can stimulate intellectual conversations and enhance emotional connection.

Volunteering as a couple helps give back to the community and support causes that matter to them. Volunteering together provides a shared sense of purpose and strengthens the bond by working towards a common goal.

Playing sports, joining leagues, or playing games can be fun for couples who like friendly competition and teamwork.

Financial Intimacy

Financial intimacy in a marriage means having trust, openness, and collaboration with your partner regarding money matters. It involves sharing financial information, goals, and decisions and maintaining a healthy and supportive dialogue about money matters.

Economic equity

Financial intimacy is essential for a strong and harmonious partnership, as it promotes transparency, joint responsibility, and shared economic well-being.

Here are some key elements of financial intimacy in marriage:

Open communication: Partners openly discuss their financial situation including; income, expenses, debts, and financial goals. They share their concerns, dreams, and fears about money, fostering emotional safety and understanding.

Shared financial goals: Couples work together to establish common financial objectives. They align their individual aspirations and values to create a joint vision for their financial future. Shared goals make a sense of unity and encourage collaborative decision-making.

Joint budgeting: Couples create a budget together, considering both partners’ incomes and expenses. They make collective decisions about spending, saving, and investing. Regularly reviewing and revising the budget as a team helps them stay on track and make adjustments as needed.

Trust and transparency: Both partners are honest and transparent about their financial actions. They share financial account information, debts, and other relevant details. You can nurture trust through open discussions, and there are no hidden economic activities or secrets.

Financial decision-making as a team: Major financial decisions are made jointly, with both partners having an equal say. They discuss and evaluate different options, weighing the potential impact on their overall economic well-being and long-term goals.

Accountability and responsibility: Each partner takes responsibility for their financial actions and commitments. They honor their financial agreements and follow through on shared obligations, such as bill payments or savings contributions.

Support and encouragement: Partners provide emotional support and encouragement during financial challenges or setbacks. They offer constructive feedback and assistance in achieving their shared financial goals. They celebrate milestones and successes together.

Continual learning and growth: Couples invest time in enhancing their financial literacy and skills together. They educate themselves about personal finance topics and make joint efforts to improve their financial knowledge. This ongoing learning process strengthens their economic partnership.

Financial intimacy fosters a strong bond between partners and promotes a healthy foundation for long-term financial well-being. It allows couples to navigate financial challenges together and build a solid future based on trust, communication, and shared goals.

Experiential Intimacy

Experiential intimacy involves creating and sharing experiences with your partner. It includes going on adventures, traveling together, trying new things, and creating shared memories. Experiential intimacy strengthens the connection between partners and fosters a sense of adventure and joy in the relationship.

It’s important to note that these types of intimacy are interconnected and influence each other. Building intimacy in marriage strengthens the partnership and creates a deep, lasting connection between partners.

In sum, intimacy involves many components, including:

• open and honest communication,
• spending quality time,
• being physically affectionate,
• sharing experiences, and
• being emotionally supportive.

Sharing life’s experiences includes all sorts of experiences, including:

• physical
• emotional
• financial,
• intellectual,
• spiritual, and
• experiential sharing.

Successful couples have all sorts of ways to engage both joint passions and give themselves time to follow individual pursuits. Finding a balance of passion and compassion allows the couple to remain both individuals and lovers.

Building intimacy is an ongoing process that requires effort, commitment, and mutual investment. Each relationship is unique, so adapt these suggestions to fit your specific dynamics and preferences as a couple.

Sexual Health

Since becoming a sex educator, I’ve received countless sex questions spanning every topic imaginable. However, some questions seem to pop up more often than others, and one of the more common ones is: How should you talk to your kids about sex? A heck of a lot of parents don’t even know where to start with this, and I can’t say I’m surprised. After all, many of them never got a sex talk from their own parents, let alone received any kind of formal sex education in school.

Few among us have a template for how this should go, which is probably why several parents have actually asked me to have “the talk” with their kids for them! I have politely declined these requests and, instead, referred the parents to resources for facilitating these conversations themselves because I think it’s usually best for this information to come from a parent instead of a stranger.

Surveys find that teens say their parents are the most influential people in their lives when it comes to making sexual decisions—even more so than their friends and the media. Teens also say they would have an easier time making healthy decisions about sex if they could talk more openly with their parents about the subject. For these reasons and more, it’s important for parents to step up and play an active role in sex education, even if it might be a little awkward or embarrassing at times. So here are a few helpful tips for getting started.

Break it up into small pieces, and consider it an ongoing conversation

One of the reasons “the talk” seems so intimidating is that we’ve built it up in our minds to be this huge deal: you have to find that one “right” or perfect moment to sit down and cover everything that your kid needs to know about a topic that you yourself might find difficult to discuss. That’s a very high hurdle! So, the first step is reframing this in a way that will lower the hurdle. Think of it instead as a series of small, bite-sized talks that start early on and actually get easier over time as you normalize the subject. What you’re doing here is slowly creating all of the building blocks that will form a solid foundation for healthy parent-child communication later on and establish you as a trusted source of information.

 

 

Start the conversation early, and keep it age appropriate

I’m often asked what the right age is to start talking to your kids about sex and, frankly, it’s never too early to get started, as long as you’re keeping it age appropriate. What your kid needs to know depends on their developmental stage. Here are a few easy ways to get started in early childhood:

Teach your kids the proper names for their body parts instead of making up names or only calling them “private parts.”

Teach them the basics of boundaries and consent. What kind of touch is appropriate vs. inappropriate? What should they do if someone touches them in an inappropriate way?

Show respect for their bodily autonomy. If your child doesn’t want to hug a relative, don’t force them to do so.

As they get older, you can tie the information you share to their natural level of curiosity (most kids will eventually ask where babies come from). You can also tie it to how their body is changing (puberty offers a natural segue into talking about things like menstruation and wet dreams), what they’re learning about sex in school (you can ask what they learned and whether they have any questions their teacher didn’t answer), and their romantic development (if they’re going to a school dance or on a date, this can be an easy opportunity to start talking about navigating relationships and intimate feelings). As they age, you will start to see that there are so many natural opportunities to keep moving the conversation forward. Take advantage of them as they arise. Another easy way to keep the conversation going is to tie it in with things you see together in the media.

 

Take some time to educate yourself, and bring in a pinch hitter when you don’t have all the answers

If you didn’t receive any sex ed yourself, you might need to start by educating yourself so that you’re equipped to provide factual information and to answer questions that your kid(s) might have. Also, keep in mind that many things about sex may have changed since your youth (e.g., new contraceptive options, different language, new identities), so brush up on what a young person today needs to know. Even if you already have a pretty good knowledge base, recognize that your child might have different sexual health needs than you that aren’t being addressed elsewhere. For example, most sex ed programs leave out LGBTQ+, neurodiverse, and disabled youth. For these individuals, parental support is all the more important. If you don’t have the relevant knowledge, try and learn as much as you can. And if you need help filling in the gaps, don’t be afraid to bring in a pinch hitter. For example, you might engage your child’s doctor or another trusted healthcare provider to assist and answer questions.

 

Talk about more than just reproduction

A lot of sex ed focuses mainly on issues related to sexual reproduction. While that’s certainly important to understand, the truth of the matter is that sex is something that is rarely done for procreation, which means that we need to help our kids understand sex in a much broader context. For example, consider that the single most common reason people pursue sex is pleasure. When the only thing youth have been taught about sex is either abstinence and/or avoidance of negative outcomes (e.g., STIs, unintended pregnancy), they’ve been done a disservice because they haven’t learned a thing about how to make sex a positive, pleasurable, or special experience. Shouldn’t they also learn that consensual sex is supposed to feel good? It saddens me how many folks I’ve spoken to (women in particular) who didn’t enjoy or want sex for much of the lives because it was always physically painful when they did it—and they actually thought it was supposed to be that way because they had never learned anything about pleasure. Sex didn’t become a joy for them until they learned what they really needed to know about sex and their body. So, yes, do talk about consent and all of the safety-related issues (e.g., condoms, contraceptives, etc.), but talk about pleasure, too, including self-pleasure. Talk about how sex isn’t just one thing. Talk about how to communicate and set boundaries. Talk about as much as you can—there’s no risk in knowing too much about sex!

Keep calm, and carry on

 Odds are, you’ll encounter moments of awkwardness and embarrassment along the way, but don’t let that hold you back. Recognize that this awkwardness stems from sex being a foreign subject of conversation for most people. The more you discuss it, the more comfortable and confident you’ll be in talking about it. Recognize, too, that you might not always have the words or the answers—and in those cases, it’s OK to bring out a book or resource to help. And if your child confides in you about their own sex life, avoid the tendency to overreact because that can shut down the lines of communication. Remember that you may very well be the only person in their life they can speak to about this and other complex issues.

Takeaways

If you don’t know when or how to talk to your kid(s) about sex, you’re not alone. But that’s not a reason to avoid the topic! Think of “the talk” as a series of bite-sized, age-appropriate discussions about what your child needs to know as they get older, and their sexuality develops. Start early, educate yourself as needed, and don’t limit conversations to the negative side of sex—talk about the positive side as well. Lastly, recognize that any awkwardness will ease over time, and that a little bit of temporary awkwardness is a worthwhile tradeoff for knowing that you’ve equipped your kids with the knowledge and skills they need to lead healthy and happy intimate lives.

For more resources on talking to kids about sex, I highly recommend the following books:

“Read Me: A Parental Primer for ‘The Talk’” by Lanae St John

“S.E.X. The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties” by Heather Corinna

“Let’s Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent, and Respect” by Jayneen Sanders and Sarah Jennings

You’ve chosen your desired route, the perfect playlist to keep you alert and focused throughout your journey, a selection of your favorite snacks, and some great company to share the experience with. All that’s left to do is choose your mode of transport. 

The success of any long journey in a car depends on the comfort, performance and reliability of the vehicle, so why not choose one that is optimal for your needs and those of any other passengers? To help you plan your next adventure on the open road, this article has outlined some of the best reasons to rent a car for your next road trip.

Save Money

A road trip will put any vehicle through its paces, challenging its abilities to handle varying terrain, weather conditions, and potential hazards. Driving for miles on end can also put a strain on the car’s engine and test other components of the vehicle such as its suspension, tires,  and braking system. 

While your own vehicle may be up to the job, taking it on a long road trip might set you back in terms of maintenance costs and any future repairs. In addition to these costs, there will also be significant fuel costs to factor in. If your car doesn’t have great gas mileage it will add unnecessary expense to your trip. By renting a car you can select one that is both reliable and fuel-efficient giving you peace of mind throughout your journey while saving you money in the long run.

Added Protection

One of the great things about going on a road trip is the sense of wonder and excitement at what you may encounter. With such endless possibilities there is also the potential for unexpected and unwanted scenarios due to factors such as other vehicles, wildlife or driving conditions.

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Most car rental companies offer their customers a variety of protection products such as roadside assistance in the event of a breakdown and collision damage waivers which cover the driver’s expenses in case of an accident. You can visit this site to learn more about what happens if you total a leased car. With these added services, car rental can offer added security when it comes to hitting the road and exploring new places.

Customized Experience

Why not leave your trusted and familiar vehicle at home and embark on your journey in a completely new environment? Not only will this add to the sense of adventure, but it can also give you the additional benefit of customizing your experience to suit your needs.

When hiring a rental car for a road trip you have the option to choose a variety of features that can make your road trip more comfortable, safer and  enjoyable. These features might include cruise control, heated seats, in-built navigation, front and rear sensors, blind-spot monitors, and automatic climate control.

Opting for a hire car for your road trip can give you a number of additional benefits ranging from significant cost savings to the freedom and the flexibility to tailor your driving experience to maximize the comfort and enjoyment of your journey.

You’ve got to put in some effort to look your best and manage your appearance. After all, if you feel great about yourself, you’ll project an aura of confidence into the world. We can all try to do some basics, such as bathing, brushing our teeth twice daily, and putting on some makeup or a splash of aftershave or perfume. Dressing well is worth doing too, and you don’t have to break the bank to put together a decent outfit. If you look good, you’ll feel good about yourself and make a positive impression on other people.

But what if you’re prone to naturally greasy hair? Nothing can take your confidence down a few notches quicker than lank, greasy hair. Thankfully, you can do a few things to manage greasy hair. One of these is using a Redken Australia shampoo, but there are a few other tricks too. This helpful article will share them. Read on to discover how you can combat greasy hair.

Use a Specialised Shampoo

You can invest in a special shampoo such as Redken, which is specifically formulated to combat greasy hair. These shampoos achieve this by removing the scalp oil buildup that causes your hair to become greasy. You may need to use this shampoo daily, or even every second day, to keep your hair from returning to an unseemly greasy state. You can combine the shampoo with a special conditioner to restore moisture and treat your hair, leaving it soft, smooth and silky. 

Work on Your Shampoo Technique

There’s a specific method to using shampoo; if you’re not using it correctly, it could cause your greasy hair woes. You should massage the shampoo into your scalp – where the oil comes from, instead of applying it to the ends of your hair. Massage it into your scalp, but don’t be too aggressive as this can irritate your scalp, and it will produce more oil if aggravated. Try not to create too much friction, as this will damage your hair follicles.

Clean Your Hair Brush

If you’re brushing freshly washed hair with a dirty hair brush, you may be putting the oil right back onto your clean head of hair. Any oil, products or other dirt gets easily trapped in your hair brush. Ensure you clean it after each brush using shampoo or soap. Ensure you remove all stray bits of hair from the brush too.

Avoid Touching or Playing With Your Hair

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Any unnecessary touch can make your hair worse. Frequent touch will stimulate the oil glands in your scalp, causing the greasy look that you hate. Your hand will add skin oils to your hair too. So, avoid touching, twirling, fidgeting or running your hands through your hair.

Try Natural Remedies

You can try a few natural remedies to help combat your greasy hair. Coconut oil is one – apply it gently to your hair and scalp. The coconut oil will help lift natural scalp oil off your scalp and from your hair’s roots while also deeply hydrating your hair and head.

Apple cider vinegar is another excellent natural hair product, but ensure you dilute it with some water using a 1:1 ratio. Soak your hair in the mixture, and the treatment will help remove hair product buildup, balance your scalp’s pH levels and reduce frizziness. 

Tea tree oil is another excellent natural remedy that can combat dandruff, reduce greasiness and combat an itchy scalp. You can make a diluted mixture with water or buy a specialised tea tree shampoo. 

Shampoo After a Workout

If you like to exercise, this could add to your greasy hair problems. When you sweat, you also sweat from your scalp, and the oils that come out with your sweat will make your hair greasy. You should time your shampoos with your workouts so your hair gets a decent wash after a period of strenuous exercise.

Also Read: The 10 Best Body Moisturizers With Sunscreen That’ll Shield Your Skin And Keep It Hydrated

Avoid Hats and Helmets

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Putting anything on top of your head, such as a hat, beanie, or helmet, will spread scalp oils and trap heat on top of your head, resulting in greasy hair. Avoid these if you can, or only wear something when necessary, such as donning a helmet while riding your bicycle.

In Summary

This helpful article has shared how you can stop your hair from always looking greasy. Follow these tips for a smooth, luscious and silky head of hair.

This post is for anyone who has made themselves deeply vulnerable in a relationship and was shamed in return. I know it hurts. I know it felt horrible. But I salute you. I honor you. Because vulnerability in a relationship means you risk being known.

Learn and grow from the experience. Regardless of why the person did it, use the experience as an opportunity for self-reflection and growth. Consider how you can learn from it. Focus on personal development and making positive changes if that feels appropriate to do.

Don’t let anyone, not a parent, a boss, or a romantic partner, drive you into hiding.

In a healthy relationship, opening up and sharing your emotions, dreams, and even your most shameful or embarrassing moments means embracing your vulnerability.

“Connection is why we’re here.”

So says Brene Brown in one of her most popular TEDx talks. Perhaps you did not share your deepest self with the right person, but you did share, which took bravery and courage. Never apologize for loving deeply and being vulnerable.

It takes courage to admit you are imperfect. It takes self-compassion. We can’t be compassionate toward others unless we are first compassionate with ourselves. And when those you love shame you for your flawed humanity, this is the time to treat yourself with kindness.

Being kind to ourselves is important for our mental health. It allows us to create healthy relationships with those who deserve our love. When we are kind to ourselves, we can forgive our mistakes and accept our imperfections. This helps us build stronger relationships with others since we stop focusing on our flaws and accept them as part of us.

Continue to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart 

Be courageous in your imperfections. You will get nowhere by pretending you are someone you are not. You will be able to connect with others only by being truly authentic. You have to do that for true connection. What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.

None of us will accept our worthiness when it is “granted” by others. At its core, vulnerability is a willingness to face shame and fear. From this self-acceptance comes a deeper sense of self, creativity, belonging, and love.

The opposite of vulnerability is not invulnerability; it is numbness

People try to numb their grief, shame, fear, or disappointment by puffing themselves up, drinking or drugging, or shaming and criticizing others. They attempt to release internal pain, embarrassment, and discomfort by externalizing it.

We might seek greater certainty about our own worthiness by judging others. But instead of experiencing heightened self-satisfaction at our inherent goodness, we become more numb. Numbness kills joy, gratitude, and happiness. The more afraid and ashamed we feel, the more we cling to the certainty that others are wrong, unacceptable, or unworthy. The more we cling to this certainty, the less alive we feel.

Stop hiding

If someone tries to shame you, let yourself be seen. Accept the flaws and embarrassments they hope you’ll hide. Love with your whole heart, especially those parts of yourself you least want to expose.

When you fully embrace your true self, not just your most positive self, you also give that gift to others. When you accept this vulnerability, you feel more alive. When you forgive yourself for this humanity, others can forgive themselves, too.

If someone shames you and makes you more afraid of being exposed, thank them. Go beyond your current level of self-acceptance.

Start with:

Self-awareness

Look deep into your heart to understand why you feel like you do. Accept what you know to be true, even if that leaves you feeling raw and exposed. Go boldly into your own emotional landscape. Understand your emotions, needs, and fears and accept them for what they are.

Trust-building

Vulnerability requires trust, so begin by trusting yourself and your inherent goodness. Please don’t turn the tables and point out others flaws. That’s a rookie move that drives you both into hiding. Accept the very human moments when you let yourself down; those embarrassing times when you showed yourself to be

· unreliable,

· forgetful or

· failed to honor your commitments.

You were less than your most positive self. We don’t gain trust by being flawless. We earn it by being honest, even when we fail to be honorable. Maybe especially then. Someone truly capable of loving accepts us, even in our darkest moments. Trying to shame us is the opposite of love.

Embrace imperfections

You shared your heart and soul with them. This was not a mistake. It was your strength.

You are not “too much, too honest, too exposed, too flawed.” You are just right, exactly as you are. Trust that.

Understand that vulnerability often involves exposing your imperfections, greatest failures, and least honorable moments. Recognizing that everyone has flaws and sharing them can foster greater intimacy. Denying or minimizing our weaknesses does the opposite.

Too often, we share these imperfections to gain acceptance. However, the goal is to accept yourself first and love yourself anyway.

If they shamed you, you should silently thank them. If you feel self-blame, here is your roadmap toward increased self-acceptance. Don’t shrink away. Follow your feelings wherever they lead you, and look at yourself unflinchingly.

Express and own your emotions and needs.

Some people with big egos or dismissive manners may quickly criticize you for being “needy” or wanting “too much attention” when you are vulnerable and ask for reassurance. If you’ve asked for what you want, someone can refuse you. However, for some, more than this refusal is needed. The sadistic among us want to punish those who display vulnerability. They see it as a weakness and despise it.

You don’t have to accept that judgment. Accept your partner’s unwillingness to give you love or attention. Don’t chase or plead with them for it. Move on if it is a regular feature of your relationship with them.

You aren’t making a demand when you use an “I” statement to express how you feel. It is a request to foster understanding and connection. Find those people who want to meet your needs and provide love and attention.

Some can’t tolerate another’s vulnerability because they see it for what it is: self-exposure. These same souls are intolerant to exposing their most vulnerable selves, so the strongest thing they can do is undermine you.

Practice patience and understanding.

Vulnerability can be challenging and uncomfortable, so be patient with yourself and others. Understand that it takes time and effort to cultivate a vulnerable self. If it’s comfortable to share, it’s likely to be a shtick and not a vulnerability.

Offer understanding, support, and encouragement as you navigate this process together.

Never, ever stop being authentic.

Being authentic isn’t an excuse to be critical or cruel. The focus isn’t on someone else. It means expressing your thoughts, feelings and desires clearly and directly. Be willing to listen actively and empathetically to your partner without judgment or defensiveness. Strive for honesty and compassion to create a space where vulnerability can flourish.

Start with small steps.

Begin by discussing your day, sharing a personal accomplishment, or expressing a mild concern. Build up to more significant and vulnerable topics as trust and comfort between you and your partner deepen.

Be receptive to your partner’s vulnerability.

Encourage and support your partner’s vulnerability. You can create a non-judgmental and compassionate space for them to express themselves. Listen attentively and validate their feelings. Provide reassurance and empathy. Being receptive to your partner’s vulnerability can create a reciprocal dynamic where both feel safe and supported.

Remember, vulnerability is a gradual process that requires mutual effort and trust-building in a relationship. It involves emotional risks. That is inevitable and can lead to rejection. But it can lead to a deeper connection, emotional intimacy, and a stronger bond with the right partner.

Introduction

The modern dating landscape has experienced a profound metamorphosis in the fast-paced digital era. The advent of social media, dating apps, and virtual connections has birthed a fascinating and concerning phenomenon known as “Delusionships.” These illusory relationships blur the boundaries between reality and fantasy, trapping individuals in a deceptive world. In this comprehensive guide, we embark on a journey to unveil the enigmatic concept of Delusionships, delving into their origins, examining their impact on contemporary dating culture, and offering valuable insights into identifying and navigating these virtual entanglements. By the time you conclude this article, you will have gained a profound understanding of the intricacies surrounding love and fantasy in the era of Delusionships.

The Rise of Delusionships

In this section, we will dissect the phenomenon of Delusionships and explore its ascent to prominence. We will define and elucidate the core characteristics of these deceptive connections, uncovering the role played by social media, dating apps, and virtual interactions in their proliferation. Moreover, we will examine how the nature of online communication can foster a sense of intimate illusion and how the influence of pop culture further perpetuates the rise of Delusionships.

Identifying Delusionships

Recognizing the presence of Delusionships is crucial in avoiding their captivating allure. In this segment, we will outline the red flags and warning signs that signify one’s entanglement in a Delusional relationship. By understanding the key indicators of these deceptive connections, individuals can better discern the difference between genuine relationships and virtual illusions. We will emphasize the importance of open communication, honesty, and emotional intimacy in fostering healthy connections while highlighting the detrimental effects of obsessive attachment to virtual personas.

The Psychology Behind Delusionships

To better understand Delusionships, we must explore the psychological factors that underlie their appeal. This section will delve into the desire for escapism and fantasy in dating, examining how low self-esteem and insecurities can contribute to the allure of these illusory relationships. Additionally, we will explore attachment theory and its relevance in the context of virtual connections and the role of dopamine and addiction-like behaviour in sustaining Delusionships.

Navigating the Delusionship Trap

Escaping the clutches of a Delusional connection requires self-awareness and proactive measures. Here, we will guide individuals through self-reflection to acknowledge their involvement in a Delusionship. We will then present practical steps to break free from the illusion, such as gradually limiting online interactions, seeking support from friends and family, and focusing on personal growth and hobbies. Additionally, we will stress the significance of seeking professional help and counselling in overcoming the grip of Delusionships.

Embracing Real Love and Connection

In the final section, we will celebrate the beauty and authenticity of genuine love and connection. We will advocate for balancing technology and face-to-face interactions in modern dating. By rediscovering the value of emotional presence and real-life references, individuals can foster meaningful and lasting relationships, free from Delusionships.

The Rise of Delusionships

a. Definition and Characteristics of Delusionships

Delusionships, a portmanteau of “delusion” and “relationships,” refer to deceptive connections that thrive on a blend of reality and fantasy. In these digital-age entanglements, individuals develop strong emotional bonds with someone they have predominantly interacted with through social media platforms, dating apps, or other virtual means. The defining characteristic of Delusionships is the stark disparity between the virtual persona of the person and their actual identity.

Participants in Delusionships often construct an idealized version of their online partners, projecting their desires, hopes, and dreams onto them. They may ignore or downplay any inconsistencies, red flags, or warning signs typically emerging in traditional face-to-face relationships. The allure of this alternate reality leads individuals to believe they have found their perfect match, perpetuating the illusion of a genuine, fulfilling partnership.

b. The Role of Social Media and Dating Apps in Shaping Delusionships

The widespread use of social media and dating apps has revolutionized how people connect and interact, making it easier than ever to forge connections across geographical boundaries. These platforms provide a medium for self-expression, allowing individuals to curate their online identities, highlight their best qualities, and filter their perceived flaws. As a result, users often engage in self-presentation that aligns with their desired image, facilitating the growth of Delusionships.

In the digital realm, individuals have the luxury of time to craft their responses, edit their photos, and present themselves in a way that garners attention and admiration. However, this controlled image may not reflect their true selves or intentions. People can quickly become enamoured with the crafted facade of a potential partner, mistaking it for authenticity.

Moreover, the abundance of choices on dating apps and social media fosters a “grass is greener” mentality, making it tempting for individuals to keep searching for a seemingly more perfect match. This constant pursuit of an ideal partner perpetuates the cycle of Delusionships as individuals fail to invest in real, lasting connections fully.

c. How Online Communication Can Foster Illusions of Intimacy

Online communication needs to include the nuances and context present in face-to-face interactions. Text-based conversations and limited visual cues can lead to misinterpretations and the formation of false intimacy. In Delusionships, people tend to reveal more personal and vulnerable aspects of themselves in the virtual realm than in person. This false sense of closeness can lead to accelerated emotional connections, even though the individuals involved may have never met or spent time together offline.

The absence of physical touch and nonverbal communication in Delusionships can also contribute to developing idealized fantasies. Without the opportunity to experience the challenges and realities of day-to-day life together, individuals may idealize the relationship, focusing solely on the positive aspects.

d. The Influence of Pop Culture on Delusionship Trends

Pop culture, including movies, TV shows, and online influencers, often romanticizes the idea of whirlwind romances and love-at-first-sight encounters. These portrayals of grand gestures and instant connections reinforce the notion that relationships should be thrilling and intense, perpetuating the allure of Delusionships.

Additionally, pop culture presents idealized versions of love and relationships, emphasizing the idea of a “soulmate” or a “perfect match.” This portrayal sets unrealistic expectations for real-life partnerships and may lead individuals to believe their Delusional connection is an extraordinary, once-in-a-lifetime bond.

Identifying Delusionships

a. Red Flags and Warning Signs of Delusionships

1. Emotional Intensity without Substance: One of the key red flags of a Delusional relationship is the rapid and intense emotional connection that lacks a solid foundation. In a Delusionship, individuals may feel deeply infatuated or “in love” with their virtual partner without spending enough time together or genuinely getting to know each other beyond the surface level. This emotional intensity may be driven by the idealized image of the person rather than a genuine understanding of who they are.
2. Refusal to Acknowledge Reality: Individuals involved in Delusionships often refuse to acknowledge the discrepancies between the virtual persona of their partner and their true identity. They might ignore or dismiss any evidence that contradicts their perfect image. This denial of reality can lead to a prolonged engagement in the illusion and prevent them from recognizing the potential pitfalls of the relationship.
3. Lack of Genuine Commitment and Effort: A telltale sign of a Delusional connection is the lack of genuine commitment and effort to make the relationship work in the real world. While there may be profuse declarations of love and devotion, actions often do not align with those words. Individuals in Delusionships may avoid making concrete plans to meet in person or establish a future together, as they are more invested in preserving the fantasy than building a lasting bond.
4. Obsessive Attachment to Virtual Persona: In Delusionships, individuals can become excessively attached to the idealized version of their virtual partner. They may spend excessive time engaging with their partner’s online presence, such as stalking their social media profiles or re-reading old messages. This obsessive behaviour further deepens the illusion of intimacy, making it challenging for them to see the relationship for what it truly is.

b. Differentiating Delusionships from Healthy Relationships

1. Importance of Communication and Honesty: Healthy relationships thrive on open and honest communication. In contrast, Delusionships often involve limited or superficial contact, where individuals may avoid discussing essential topics or sharing their true feelings. In a healthy relationship, partners communicate openly, addressing concerns, fears, and desires, which leads to a deeper understanding of each other.
2. Building Trust and Emotional Intimacy: Trust is the foundation of any genuine relationship. In Delusionships, trust is often built on an idealized image rather than actual interactions. In healthy relationships, trust is developed through consistent actions and behaviours that align with words. Emotional intimacy is fostered through vulnerability and sharing experiences, which is challenging to achieve in a Delusional connection based on superficial interactions.
3. Balancing Real-Life and Virtual Interactions: While technology has a significant role in modern relationships, healthy connections balance virtual and real-life interactions. In a Delusional relationship, most interactions occur in the digital realm, limiting opportunities for genuine connection in the physical world. Healthy relationships involve spending quality time together face-to-face, developing shared experiences, and supporting each other in real-life situations.

The Psychology Behind Delusionships

a. Understanding the Desire for Escapism and Fantasy in Dating

The allure of Delusionships lies in the human desire for escapism and the pursuit of a perfect romantic fantasy. In the fast-paced and often stressful modern world, many individuals seek an escape from the challenges of reality through immersive virtual experiences. Online platforms provide a convenient avenue for creating an idealized version of oneself and engaging with others in a carefully curated virtual environment.

Delusionships offer an escape from the complexities of face-to-face relationships, where individuals can avoid the vulnerabilities and insecurities associated with genuine emotional connections. In this digital space, they can project their fantasies onto a virtual partner, constructing an idealized version that embodies their dreams and desires.

Moreover, the anonymity of online interactions allows people to explore aspects of their personality that they may not feel comfortable expressing in real life. This freedom from social norms and expectations can lead to deep emotional connections based on shared fantasies, further blurring the lines between reality and illusion.

b. Impact of Low Self-Esteem and Insecurities on Delusionships

Individuals with low self-esteem and deep-seated insecurities are particularly susceptible to engaging in Delusionships. The allure of a virtual connection can provide temporary relief from feelings of inadequacy or loneliness. In the virtual realm, they may find validation, attention, and admiration that they believe are lacking in their offline lives.

Low self-esteem can lead individuals to settle for the illusion of love and acceptance, as they may believe they are undeserving of genuine affection. In Delusionships, the virtual partner’s positive affirmations may temporarily boost their self-worth, creating an addictive cycle of seeking validation through the relationship.

Furthermore, individuals with insecurities may find solace in virtual connections’ detachment. The fear of rejection or vulnerability in face-to-face interactions may push them to seek comfort in the safety of a Delusional bond, where they can maintain emotional distance and control the relationship narrative.

c. Attachment Theory and Its Relevance to Virtual Relationships

Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, explores the emotional bonds formed between individuals in relationships, primarily focusing on parent-child interactions. However, the principles of attachment theory also apply to adult relationships, including Delusionships.

In Delusionships, individuals may develop attachment styles characterized by anxious or avoidant behaviours. Due to underlying insecurities, anxious individuals may seek constant reassurance and validation from their virtual partners. They may become preoccupied with the relationship, worrying about its stability and interpreting any distance as a sign of rejection.

On the other hand, avoidantly attached individuals may struggle to open up emotionally in real-life relationships. In a Delusional connection, they can maintain a sense of control and emotional distance, as the virtual environment allows them to avoid the vulnerabilities associated with face-to-face interactions.

d. The Role of Dopamine and Addiction-Like Behavior in Delusionships

Dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward, plays a significant role in developing and maintaining Delusionships. Online interactions, such as receiving messages, likes, or positive feedback from a virtual partner, trigger dopamine release in the brain. This biochemical response reinforces the pleasure-seeking behaviour, leading to addictive tendencies.

The intermittent reinforcement in Delusionships, where positive interactions are sporadic but highly rewarding, resembles the reinforcement schedules seen in addictive behaviours. Individuals become emotionally dependent on the dopamine rush associated with virtual interactions, fostering addiction-like behaviour as they compulsively seek more virtual engagement.

This addiction to the emotional highs of the Delusional connection can become a vicious cycle, hindering individuals from recognizing the reality of the relationship. The constant pursuit of the following positive interaction or validation perpetuates the illusion of intimacy and deepens the attachment to the virtual partner.

Conclusion

The psychology behind Delusionships reveals the complex interplay of human desires for escapism, fantasy, and emotional validation. Low self-esteem and insecurities can drive individuals towards the illusion of love and acceptance in the virtual realm, while attachment styles influence the nature of the emotional bonds formed. Additionally, the neurochemical effects of dopamine contribute to addiction-like behaviour, reinforcing the allure of Delusionships. Understanding these psychological aspects can empower individuals to recognize the potential pitfalls of virtual connections and seek more authentic and fulfilling relationships grounded in reality and emotional intimacy.

This piece first appeared in our weekly newsletter, The Fallout. Sign up for it here.

In the year following the overturning of Roe v. Wade, abortion providers and patients saw a terrifying escalation in threats and acts of violence against them. As I first reported in this space two months ago, incidents like stalking were up a horrific 229 percent after the Supreme Court struck down Roe. The violence and intimidation is almost too much to wrap your head around.

But what if I told you that the Becket Fund, a conservative legal advocacy organization, could make the entire situation much, much worse?

In a petition filed with the Supreme Court this week, the Becket Fund has asked the Court to overturn one of the last bits of precedent protecting abortion providers and their patients from harassment from clinic protesters under the guise of the First Amendment.

Back in 2000, the Court upheld a Colorado law that restricted demonstrations around health-care facilities by creating protest-free bubbles around patients and those facilities. These “bubble zones” prevent protesters from coming within 100 feet of a health-care facility’s entrance generally, while also prohibiting them from approaching within eight feet of a patient (without their consent) for the purpose of demonstrating at them.

That case, Hill v. Colorado, is the last remaining precedent protecting the public from protesters approaching them and harassing them. And under the guise of “protecting free speech,” the Roberts Court could sweep it all away.

It’s already underway. You might remember the “plump grandmas,” who I wrote about back in 2014. The Massachusetts “sidewalk counselors” helped flip the narrative—and law—around protesting in front of and near abortion clinics. I wrote in that piece:

As Chief Justice John Roberts writing for the majority pointed out, the violent face of the anti-choice movement was not before the Court in McCullen v. Coakley. The “gentle” grandmas were … What better way to make the case for gutting protections for patients and providers than to flip the script and make grandma the real victim?

Well, they’re back, more or less. Except instead of “plump grandmas,” we have Debra Vitagliano, a “devout Catholic and occupational therapist for children with special needs,” hardcore clinic protester, and the face of the Becket Fund’s case that could usher in a fresh wave of harassment targeting abortion patients and providers.

It will be months before we know if the Supreme Court decides to even take the case, but there is a very real possibility the justices will—and for this upcoming term. It was almost ten years ago that the Roberts Court first undertook a dramatic rewriting of the rights of anti-abortion protesters over patients and providers. This could be the case that gives conservatives a chance to finish the job.

….and Find Love

We all have insecurities—some small, some big, which can affect our happiness, well-being and love life. Finding happiness in life can be challenging if you let your self-doubt run the show and tell you who you are as a person.

As a dating coach for over 25 years, I’ve witnessed self-doubt in some of the most successful people. But, if you are looking to meet someone special and open yourself up to finding love, then you have to overcome your nerves, procrastination and not let anything stop you. As hard as this, you can meet a partner and find happiness if you recognize this and face them head-on. You can’t feel like a rockstar every day but when you’re feeling a bit blue and down about yourself (yes, everyone gets these feelings), remember they are manageable, and there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Here are some proven tips to help you beat your insecurities, become more confident and start dating again.

1. Face your feelings rather than avoid them.

You have to understand who you are and what insecurities you have before you can move forward. For example, if you fear meeting new people, you must acknowledge this before going on a date. Practice small talk with a friend in a social setting before going on a date, with me, and get used to being in this type of one-on-one situation. Keep doing this until you gain more confidence and feel relaxed in a cafe meeting someone for coffee.

2. Set realistic goals.

Don’t be too hard on yourself; never set an exact time frame for overcoming your hesitancies or finding the love of your life; this added pressure will only worsen matters. Instead, remember to be kind to yourself; your insecurities will fade away slowly over time with enough effort and practice.

3. Prepare yourself for setbacks and be able to know that these are temporary.

For example, if you are insecure about meeting a new person for the first time and going on a date, and things go south, use this experience as a learning curve for the next time. Don’t throw your arms up in the air and give up; steady your resolve and know that this is just part of the learning process as your body and mind adjust to new and stressful situations. Remember, as I always say, it only takes one!

4. Embrace all of your characteristics and learn to love yourself.

You will never change who you are, but you can learn to understand all your anxiety or flaws (Guess what? We all have them!), and once you know them, you can start addressing them and see why they are hindering your quest for love. Don’t let them cast a negative shadow over yourself; instead, embrace them openly as being who you are. Take inventory of everything you’re doing right. Chances are, your thoughts about yourself aren’t taking into account the hundreds of positive micro-decisions we make on a daily basis.

5. Challenge all negative thoughts and remember they are just thoughts.

They come, and they go, simple as that. So, for example, if you start feeling vulnerable before a date, (we all are!) know that these only mind thoughts can leave as quickly as they came. Maybe try a meditation podcast before a date? Or call your upbeat best friend. Or me, your favorite dating coach.

6. Surround yourself with positive, encouraging people

who give you positive energy and an upbeat outlook. Positive people’s power will rub off on you and help you overcome your doubts.

7. Listen to other people’s stories about overcoming their hurdles. You are not alone in this journey. There are some great podcasts out there—people overcoming difficulties in business, loss and love!

8. Do things that make you happy.

It doesn’t matter what it is; a walk in the park, retail therapy or just sitting in a cafe. For me personally, there is nothing better than a trip to the Nordstrom cosmetic counter for something I don’t need. Thank you, lip gloss!

9. Let go of people and situations that fuel your insecurities.

Ditch negative people who ignite your fears. Block them from your phone, don’t follow them on social media, delete these people out of your life and instead bring in positive, genuine people who love you for who you are.

10. Be happy with your progress, whether big or small.

Like everything in life, it all begins with a few small steps. So, congratulate yourself on each victory (no matter how small – it might be a 5-minute phone conversation with a new person you intend to meet), and be happy that you are taking a proactive approach to dealing with dating!

Long story short, that’s why I am here. To be your cheerleader. To be direct with you. To put you on the right track. To make this fun.

Happy Dating—-

Andrea McGinty
Dating Expert for over 25 years

Founder, 33000Dates.com

Founder, It’s Just Lunch (sold)

702-494-7344

I love hearing all about you—-and helping you date effectively. BTW, no one ever calls me super excited to call a dating counselor. By the end, we are generally enjoying the call and I’m already thinking dating strategy for you!!

On a marvelous summer’s day, as a couple was driving to see me, they drove past a meadow of sheep. Barbara tried to make a Gottman “Bid for Connection” with her husband, John. She just wanted to catch her husband’s attention to the beauty she was seeing. She wanted him to turn toward her.

“Look at those sheep in the pasture!” she said excitedly.

“Would you be quiet?! I’m trying to drive! It’s great that you can sightsee, but if I look, we’ll get into an accident,” John scolded her.

“I just wanted you to glance at them or even pull over…” she replied, but her voice trailed off. There was plenty of room to do just that on this country road.

John suddenly swerved the car into the dirt payment and stopped. He was now visibly angry.

“I just can’t take it anymore,” he told her. “You ordering me around? I’m tired of it.” You exhaust me with your demands!”

Trying to connect

Gottman calls what his wife Barbara did as making a “bid for attention” or a “bid for connection.” She was asking her husband to notice her world. It was not to control him but to try to make an emotional connection. She saw a beautiful scene and wanted him to enjoy it with her.

As a Gottman Certified Therapist, we would describe how he responded to that bid as “turning against.” He didn’t simply ignore her (“turning away”); he got mad at her for attempting the bid.

Both verbally and nonverbally, he rejected her efforts. He described them as “orders” that “exhausted” him. It was a hostile way of responding to a bid.

He told me later that his goal was to get her to stop talking while he was driving. Unfortunately, using this method, it is likely to generalizes into “Stop talking to him” altogether.

Turning toward and effective bids

In contrast, another couple, Megan and Mike, had a running joke between them. It involved an exchange they had overheard years ago in a Chinese restaurant.

An elderly couple was ordering.

“No bamboo!” the woman shouted, much too loudly in the small space. She repeatedly directed the waiter over and over, “I want the soup, but no bamboo!”

Over the years, whenever either of them noticed a particularly insistent and demanding patron, they made the following bid for connection: One would turn to the other, and say: “No bamboo!” with a smile or wink. Both would get the partner’s bid.

These small exchanges, recognizing your partner’s attempts to grab your attention, or share a moment as it happens, seem at first, trivial. However, they are anything but.

Bids predict divorce:  33% vs. 86%

In Dr. John Gottman’s Institute, bids were highly predictive. Those who divorced six years later turned toward their partner’s bids 33% of the time. Those that stayed together in Gottman’s relationship research did so 86% of the time.

As he mentions in The Relationship Cure and later in The Love Prescription, it became essential to help couples understand how important it is to recognize and pay attention to these fleeting interactions.

“How people react to their partner’s bids for connection was, in fact, the biggest predictor of happiness and relationship stability. These fleeting little moments, it turns out, spelled the difference between happiness and unhappiness, between lasting love and divorce.” (The Love Prescription, p. 5).

Like John, many partners misread a bid for connection. They see their partner’s efforts to connect as unnecessarily distracting. They want to punish or ignore their partner for the interruption. The connection can be seen as threatening or like John did, an “order,” and he isn’t willing to respond.

Responding to everyday efforts

Gottman’s notion of Bids for Connection is the small, everyday effort to seek their partner’s attention, affection, or emotional connection. They are often subtle gestures or invitations for engagement. The way these bids are received and responded to greatly impacts the quality of the relationship. Recognizing and responding positively to bids for connection can foster emotional intimacy and strengthen the bond between partners.