Category: Dating & Love

You’ve been dating someone for months and you’ve gotten into a pretty good rhythm, but at the same time, things aren’t really moving forward either. You’re wondering: “Do they like me? I feel like they do, and yet, I don’t know whether this is going anywhere . . .”

In this week’s brand-new video, I give you 3 specific things to look for when you want to know if someone’s serious (or headed in that direction).



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Matthew:
So we have to stop asking whether someone likes us and start asking, “Do I see genuine progress?” So I thought I’d do a video today where I just pointed out some of those quiet signals, those unconscious things that we may feel but not necessarily be able to put our finger on, that show that someone isn’t serious so that you can not waste any more of your time on that person. And by the way, I want to take a moment to ask if you would like this video, subscribe to this channel and hit the notification bell so that the next time I release a video that could help you or someone you love in your love life or with your confidence, you don’t miss it. Okay, let’s do this. The first subtle sign that somebody isn’t serious is inconsistency in communication or inconsistency in energy. Let’s start with communication. It may be that you’ll have a two-day period where they’re really active and then two weeks where you barely hear from them.

When someone is serious, there tends to be a sense of them at the, they may be busy, they may have a lot going on, but there is the sense that they want you to know that they haven’t fallen off the radar. There is the sense that they want you to know that they actually like you and that they’re interested in seeing you again. When someone feels like they’re very active in communication in one minute, and then they fall off the radar the next, that usually is a sign that they’re not serious about showing you that they want to be an ongoing person in your life. And that they want progression, which is a very important word, progression. Now, that inconsistency of communication also extends to inconsistency in energy. When you notice that there are quite significant or even drastic changes in someone’s energy, that’s often a sign that they’re not serious.

It’s usually a sign that this person enjoys having an experience with you but doesn’t actually want to create something with you. So I’ll give you an example. A very common thing I come across coaching people is they’ll talk to me about a date they went on where the person they were dating said very grandiose things. That person gushed a lot, told them how amazing they were, maybe told them that they haven’t felt this way before, made them feel really, really special and warm in their glow, and then they didn’t hear from them again for a week or two after that. Or it was really hard to get that person on another date. It might be that a month later, after not seeing each other for a whole month, you get back together with that person for a date, and all of a sudden you hear all of those same things again, and you feel amazing again because you feel their light, you feel their attention.

These are drastic changes in energy, and they’re usually reflective of someone who is enjoying the experience of very intense emotions when it suits them, but is only looking for that feeling. They’re not looking for a relationship or something they have to actually invest in. And by the way, this isn’t me saying that when there’s a burst of energy in the right direction and it feels intense that that’s a bad thing, but those bursts of energy tend to then represent a new level in the relationship, and they don’t go backwards. If you are constantly feeling like there’s this kind of burst of forward momentum, this burst of passion and excitement and adulation, and then all of a sudden it goes backwards, that’s a bad sign.

The second sign someone’s not serious is if they’re unwilling to project into the future. You only exist in the “now”. Now an example of this might be him talking about how great his brother is, and you say, “Your brother sounds amazing. I can’t wait to meet him at some point”, or “I’d love to meet him at some point”. And he says, “Yeah, he’s great”. Then you know that there’s a dismissal of that possibility because he doesn’t see you doing that. You only exist in the now. If you were talking about a place that you wanted to visit like Morocco, and he was saying, “I really want to go there too”, and you say, “Oh my God, we should do it together, that would be so much fun”. And he says, “Yeah, huh. So yeah, there’s a bunch of places I want to visit”. Then you know again, there’s a moment where he’s made you feel uncomfortable about suggesting something in the future. By the way, you’ll know this if someone has almost trained you to not talk about the future, because you know that every time you do, he goes quiet or makes you feel uncomfortable.

Now, obviously, I’m not saying that in week two of dating someone, you should say, “I can’t wait to meet your mum”. That’s going to freak someone out. But if you’ve been dating someone for some time, a series of months, and you still feel like you couldn’t say something like that, then there’s an elephant in the room that’s not being acknowledged.

The third sign someone isn’t serious is if you get the sense that you are standing still, and you may have had this sense for a little while, maybe for months, that there’s no real progression. I speak to people regularly who say, “I see them once a week. It’s really nice. We have a great connection, but I just don’t really know what we are, and I don’t know where it’s going.” And when I hear that, I almost get the sense that it’s almost a bit too structured.

“I see them once a week”. Well, why do you only see them once a week? Why don’t you see them twice a week? Why isn’t it you see them four times one week and two times the next and three times the next? And why is there this kind of pattern in this relationship where it never seems to move forward? It doesn’t ever become more intense. There’s not more of an integration in your lives. That to me, starts to become a giveaway that what’s happened is there’s this stagnated solidified dynamic that never really shifts. So think of it like groundhog dating, right? There’s this just over and over and over again, this is our pattern. When you really like someone and when they’ve started to become a bigger part of your life and you think there’s a movie you really want to see, what do you go, you want to see The Little Mermaid. You go, “I want to see it with that person.”

I don’t want to see it with anyone else. I want to see it with them. We just talked about it last week and how much they love that film. I want to go see it together. You think like that when you’ve got an event to go to, you think I want them to come with me. There’s not this sense that, oh, they’re one thing you do in your week. If you are honest with yourself, do you feel like you’ve been standing still for a while? And if you are really honest with yourself, is that standing still a big part of the reason why you don’t feel comfortable asking where it’s going because you haven’t felt any progression in some time? Look, when any of us are questioning where something is going, whether we should keep giving our time and energy to it, how much hope we should hold onto for what this thing is going to be.

One of the questions that we end up centering our attention around is, “Do they like me?” And we look for evidence that they do like us. And when people speak to me, they say, “But Matthew, they’re clearly doing things that show that they like me”. And that’s what’s creating the confusion is “They like me, but nothing more is happening.” “Do they like me?” is the wrong question to ask altogether, because someone can like you and want to spend a weekend with you, someone can like you and still want to have sex with other people. Someone can like you and have no intention to have a real committed relationship. Someone can like you and not be capable of having a committed, strong relationship. Someone liking us may be a prerequisite for a relationship, but it is not an indicator of a forthcoming relationship. So we have to stop asking whether someone likes us and start asking, “Do I see genuine progress?”

And if we can’t see progress, then we have to start valuing our time more than continuing to give it to someone who only likes us.

Now, I don’t want this video to suggest that if someone is showing some of these signs that they’re a complete write-off because we live in a world today where we tend to oversimplify things in that way. If they do this, then you should be out the door. And the reality is life is always more nuanced than that. But it doesn’t mean that we have to sit around and wait for an answer. We can be proactive. And the way that we get proactive is in doing all of the things that I coach people in that create a dynamic that we actually want and create a culture that we want. And then we see if someone can live up to that dynamic and that culture.

And if they can’t, then we move on. But the problem is a lot of people in their fear, in their tiptoeing around someone, in their scarcity mindset, they don’t actually proactively create the culture that someone else has to buy into. We all, I want you to understand this. I’ll make this point in a bigger way in a different video, but we all have the power to create our own culture. And that culture is what other people around us start to change to adapt to, or they don’t survive the culture. But we need to know how to create that culture. What do I say in early dating? What do I do with the amount of energy that I invest? What’s an inappropriate amount of energy to invest before I get more commitment? We don’t know the answers to how these things look specifically unless we learn them, and I want to invite you to learn them because all of your power is in the practical.

I have a dating training program called Dating With Results that shows you exactly how you can get something that actually goes somewhere instead of wasting time in something that isn’t. And it’s not just a training that shows you signs. It’s a training that shows you practically how to actually influence the result. And the best part is it’s free. So go to DatingWithResults.com and you can sign up right now. It’s going to change your dating life I promise you that. I’ll see you there. Thank you for watching this video as always, and I’ll see you next week.

What are some things that matter the most to you? Is it important that your partner shares your passions and hobbies? Have you ever wondered if you both are compatible? And if yes, what are your thoughts on intellectual compatibility? Intellectual compatibility comes from a place of mental stimulation through compassionate and productive discussions on topics of personal significance. It plays a vital role in strengthening the relationship at its later stages. Once the adrenaline wears off, it is one of the things that motivates you to stay together.

But do we always assess the intellectual compatibility in our relationship correctly? The estimation of our partner’s intelligence tends to be distorted. As stated in this study, women tend to be better at discerning the IQ of their partners than men. But, regardless of gender, we all need some help in understanding if we’re intellectually compatible with our partners. And that’s why, we’re here to help you today.

Does Intellectual Compatibility Matter In A Relationship?

Short answer: Yes, it is a must when you are hoping to be in a long-term relationship with your partner.

Now, for the long one, let’s understand why intellectual compatibility holds the importance that it does within a relationship. Intellectual compatibility begins with mutual respect for each other’s points of view in a discussion/debate. When that is established, every conversation is more stimulating, productive, and efficient. When two people are in complete sync with what their partner is trying to say, they can be called intellectually compatible.

Being intellectually compatible with someone could include: 

• Having interesting conversations with them
• Learning a lot from each other 
• Being able to relate to your partner in a crisis situation 
• Agreeing with each other on core issues
• Understanding each other’s points of view in disagreements 
• Stimulating each other mentally by motivating each other toward professional/personal betterment

Intellectual compatibility leads to higher longevity of relationships and better mental health for both the people involved. It provides a space of comfort and welcomes differences of opinions, so you broaden your horizons and gain fresh perspectives. According to this research, given that there is some intellectual similarity in the couple initially, the relationship is further strengthened as the couple chooses to mirror their intellectual capabilities over the years. This happens due to shared interests and mutual respect for each other’s points of view. 

Whether you are searching for some intellectual compatibility in marriage or a relationship, what is important to note is that it is not achieved in a day. Simply put, there is no perfectly matched intellectual compatibility. It is about the efforts you put to cross some bridges as you test your intent in this partnership. As you’ll read further, you’ll understand why spotting signs of intellectual compatibility in dating is important for a happier, growth-inducing path for your relationship.

Signs You Are Intellectually Compatible With Your Partner

While intellectual compatibility is quite discreet as it tiptoes into a relationship, its presence is loud enough to be heard by all those around. It is not uncommon to see couples fight over trivial affairs and petty household issues. Even with the foundation of marriage, they do not seem to get along as well as you would expect. Have you ever wondered what the missing ingredient could be? Well, now you know. 

But how do you assess your relationship to be different from that of the old bickering couple that can no longer stand each other? We have some quick pointers for you to draw a stable conclusion about your relationship. Let’s see, shall we?

Related Reading: 12 Ways To Build Intellectual Intimacy In A Relationship

1. You share many common ideologies

Ideologies that we hold close to our hearts generally make us defensive when challenged. They can be defined as the basis of most of our decisions or choices in life. When we are in a dilemma and need to pick a side or choose the morally right option, our ideologies guide us through. It is, therefore, crucial to meet someone who agrees with us on our very fundamentals. 

If you are a person who has had a go-getter attitude her whole life, then a laid-back partner who believes in things working out their own way could be a bad match. However, if you have been observing that you and your partner agree on most of the decisions you undertake or even just your observations as a third party, it could be a sure sign of intellectual compatibility.

Intellectual compatibility arises out of the intersecting opinions of two parties. Even IF they don’t intersect, they must not run in the opposite directions. Make sure that when you choose a romantic partner, the way you see life and love matches their outlook. If not, a chaotic and frustrating road could wait for you ahead.

2. You seem to fall on the same side of many controversies

There are numerous controversies that ensue our headlines each and every day. Sometimes the answers are clear, the culprits known, and the stage set to right the wrongs. Other times, dinner table conversations revolve around the latest global mishaps. We tend to ponder over ethical dilemmas faced by other people because it helps us gain perspective of ourselves.

We say, encourage such discussions! You cannot sit around for a circumstance to crop up to observe how your partner would react. If an appropriately timed conversation builds up, seize the chance to find out. Ask them about their methods of handling crisis situations and share your own. If ethically and logically, your opinions are similar or identical, it shows signs of intellectual compatibility. It is important to note that one must be honest and genuine during such debates to avoid misinterpretation of oneself.

3. Your lifestyles complement each other’s

It is one thing to joke about having different approaches to life – it is another to be in a long-term relationship with zero compatibility on that front. As long as you both have similar lifestyles or ones that complement each other, life remains easier. Imagine these scenarios:

• You’re with a person who wakes up at 5 AM while you get comfortable in your bed and ready to sleep by three in the morning. While it sounds trivial, how long would you go before this disparity starts getting the better of your relationship?
• If you have found someone who gets the importance of exercise or planned vacations as much as you do, voila! You have hit the jackpot
• If you enjoy home-cooked food and your partner does too, you would avoid a lot of constant bickering
• If both of you have a strong stand when it comes to late-night parties and early-morning meetings, intellectual compatibility will help your relationship have a smooth sail
• According to a study, there’s a high correlation between the intellectual compatibility and the sexual arousal felt by the partners in a relationship too

4. Even when you argue, you find your partner logical

Okay, no one likes to admit that they are wrong. Especially when you are fighting with your partner, you would rather die than lose. We get it. But there is more to these fights than just being right. Even when you are giving it your all to prove that your point makes more sense, do you still find logic in your partner’s argument? Does a piece of you doubt yourself and want to understand what they mean?

If the answer is yes, you are exhibiting signs of intellectual compatibility even when you are at each other’s throats. Disagreements are bound to happen – no two people are perfectly compatible. It gets troublesome when there is no or an absolute lack of logic that you begin to see in your partner’s side of things.

Related Reading: 5 Reasons Why Intimacy Among Couples Fades And How You Can Prevent It

5. A lot of communication is non-verbal

It is healthy to communicate with fewer words. It is not a secret that excess communication leads to miscommunication. If you and your partner indulge in unnecessary dialogues that can very well be avoided, it would lead to misinterpretations sooner or later.

Therefore, the best thing to do is to let some communication be non-verbal. By this, we mean that you should let your partner figure out some things on their own. And if the hints your drop or the signs you send their way are enough for them to realize that something is amiss, you are intellectually compatible.

For example: 

• If either one of you is uncomfortable in a social setting, your body language must be enough for your partner to take the hint
• When things are getting heated and either one of you shows the maturity to stop before the other person is overwhelmed, it shows intellectual compatibility 
• When you need them to be with you but cannot say it out loud, sticking around by their own free will is enough to let you know they received your silent message 
• If you learn to pick up each others’ cry for help when you have had a stressful day at work or home, it would ease most of the relationship stress 

6. Expectations from each other do not feel burdensome 

Humans generally tend to expect either too little or more than they should. Amongst a generation that does not always indulge in healthy discussions and communication, if you have found yourself someone who lets you be who you are, they are a keeper. Even a healthy relationship demands sacrifices that are sometimes difficult to accept. You are bound to have to change some of your behavioral traits to suit the relationship better.

While that is natural, having to go out of your way to appease someone’s ego sounds too much. So, if you and your partner lovingly give what you can to the other, and not make them think they are ‘too much’ for needing those things, it could be a sure sign of intellectual compatibility.

7. You have healthy debates that do not result in arguments

Healthy debates do not mean discussions that end with one or both of you agreeing to something. It does not demand that you recede from your personal perspectives to form a collaborative one. It simply means that differences are respected enough for the both of you to co-exist with them.

Life needs a broader perspective for us to survive. Having the same set of beliefs or thoughts on a topic could be endearing for a while but it gets old soon. If you do not challenge yourself with newer takes, monotony does not take long to settle in. So, appreciate the differences. Bask in the glory of what makes the both of you different, and yet keeps you together. 

There are no sets of positives and negatives. Even the Chinese representation of a soulmate represents the yin and yang which talks about the fundamental differences that complete life. If you and your partner have achieved that healthy state of productive debates, your intellectual compatibility cannot be questioned.

8. There is no verbal disrespect from either end

It is one thing to have a fight but it is another to get verbally/physically disrespectful toward the other person or their value systems. Verbal disrespect can mean different things to both of you. However, these are the common signs of disrespect toward your partner: 

• Abusive language when you have locked horns and are in an intense debate 
• Being rude or mean to you when you state your reasons for being upset 
• Cutting you off mid-sentence when they are not interested in what you have to say
• Raising their voice at you when they want something done 
• Being childlike in their accusations when you do something against their wish

Detach or pull away from people and situations that make you feel bad about feeling a certain way. Even if they do not agree with you, they have no right to demean you. Self-esteem includes taking a stand for yourself whenever required. If you feel like your self-respect has taken a blow over some recent arguments that turned nasty, it is time to reconsider your relationship.

Intellectual compatibility in dating is also tested when there exists an implicit understanding of mutual respect in a relationship. It is one of your basic rights to hold with your partner, and is the bare minimum someone can do for you. Mutual respect clearly signifies intellectual compatibility between two people.

Related Reading: 8 Types Of Intimacy In A Relationship

9. You are spiritually compatible with your partner

One of the most underrated yet important signs of intellectual compatibility is the presence of spiritual compatibility. Spirituality does not just include your religious beliefs, although they also come to be a part of it. It entails respect for each other’s faith without imposing your own. 

Spiritual alignment also refers to the way you both wish to lead your life together. If your partner is more materialistic or gets easily distracted by the everyday glitter of life whilst you wish to maintain a certain degree of detachment, life could get tough. However, if both of you see eye to eye on the ultimate goal of life and the path to achieve it, intellectual compatibility comes into being. If the same or similar things are important to both of you, then you’ve got a good match.

How Do You Build Intellectual Compatibility?

How many points did you check off the list? Have you had more than half working in your favor? That’s great! Or did you score low and you’re worried about the future? Relax. Most of the things listed above can be achieved through sheer willpower and intent to strengthen your relationship. Share the above list with your partner and urge them to work on these areas together in the following ways. Remember: Soulmates are not found, they are made.

1. Invest in each other’s interests

There is no better way to cultivate intellectual compatibility than by actively taking an interest in what allows your partner to be mentally stimulated. Even if it doesn’t call to you naturally, allow yourself to get used to it and try to learn new skills to adapt. For example, if your partner enjoys a reading session together, adapt to it by attempting to read two pages every day and you can go ahead from there.

2. Gather knowledge together

Discussions of your individual viewpoints can enable harmony in relationships and boost intellectual compatibility. Here are some examples:

• Whether you like to visit heritage sites or museums, make sure you do it together. Do not just visit these places; gather your background information as both of you sit together and discuss
• Engage in a conversation about something of value that peaks mutual interest
• Even if it is just listening to the latest trends around the world on the news, be diligent with it for 30 minutes every day

3. Invite your partner to share their views

Even if your partner is hesitant to convey what they think generally, invite them or give them the stage to open up. It might take some patience and words of encouragement but this would allow you to look more closely into their belief systems. Sharing your views would not just allow you to know them, it would increase mutual trust and transparency in the relationship.

Related Reading: Emotional Intelligence In Relationships: Make Love Last Forever

4. Listen to know, not to show

When your partner does decide to open up, learn to listen and talk only when they give you the green signal. People generally need someone to listen to them without judgements or bias. Once they find a suitable ecosystem, they reveal their true thoughts, thus encouraging more open communication.

You can devise unique methods to communicate with each other to beat the monotony. You can engage in quizzing each other over weekends, with the intent of knowing the other better. Allow yourself to be intellectually challenged by your partner.

5. Imbibe the values important to each other

One of the major signs of intellectual compatibility is when you and your partner share the same value systems. This might arise out of a similar or same experiences of oppression, social identities, religious practices, upbringing, or financial backgrounds. However, even if these are different for the two of you, attempt to accept different values than yours. 

Clearly, intellectual compatibility is a must-have for any relationship to sustain. It might not be at the forefront of your priorities but without it, relationships tend to fall apart. In difficult times and messy situations, it is this compatibility that would allow you to push forward and understand each other better. Whether it is vibing to the same genre of music or having the same views about the cosmos or your religion, you and your partner get a lot to discuss. During tough calls and emotional dilemmas, intellectual compatibility guides you through.

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Sexual Compatibility – Meaning, Importance And Signs

Codependency in relationships can be hard to identify, especially for the two people trapped in the toxic cycle. If you look closely, all codependent relationships are characterized by skewed parameters of equality. In such connections, codependent individuals give and give, and the other just takes. The giver and the taker become so closely enmeshed with one another that they lose all sense of individuality. 

To break codependency habits, you first need to learn to differentiate between healthy and dysfunctional relationships. Then to reclaim control of your individuality. Neither is easy. But with the right support and guidance, it is possible. We’re here to offer you support to overcome codependency in marriage or relationships with the help of psychotherapist Gopa Khan, a mental health professional (Masters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), specializing in marriage & family counseling.

Codependent Relationship And Its Signs

Gopa explains, “In a relationship with such unhealthy behaviors, there is an inherent need to feel constantly loved, validated, and to receive approval from the partner. The codependent person does not have boundaries and cannot separate their needs from their partner. They constantly feel anxious about their partner leaving them and are willing to do anything to please the partner even at their personal cost. They can be termed people pleasers.”

Do you feel like you’re responsible for your partner’s behavior and emotional state or see your relationship as the sole focus of your life? Pay attention to these tell-tale signs of codependent relationships, according to Gopa:

• No individuality: Lack of individual lives, constantly seeking to be together with one partner being overly dependent on the other
• Doing the lion’s share of work: Assuming full responsibility for the relationship, feeling constant guilt for any issues, and always questioning personal efforts to make things right
• Bottling up feelings: Not sharing your grievances and expectations with your partner out of fear of being left alone
• Accepting ill-treatment: To find ways to explain the unhealthy behavior, including physical or emotional abuse, in the name of love
• Constant reassurances: They need self-assurance to know that they are loved or wanted
• Avoiding conflict: A codependent person avoids conflicts, excuses bad behavior, and prioritizes sustaining the relationship over addressing issues

Examples Of Codependent Behavior

Gopa says, “Individuals who lacked emotional security as children in their own lives often become codependent people in their adulthood. It can also be a learned behavior that the child picked up from either or both of their parents. They are perpetually insecure and look for validation from their partner. When a partner sees signs of codependency they should make every effort to keep their individual existence intact – relationship with family members, friends and relatives, career, hobbies – should not be compromised.”

Let’s look at some examples;

• Andrew and Tasha, childhood friends turned lovers, exemplify codependency. Andrew transforms into an overprotective boyfriend, dictating Tasha’s choices and suffocating her independence. Initially flattered by his attention, Tasha sacrifices her friendships and passions for the relationship. When Tasha desires autonomy, conflicts arise as Andrew resents her reclaiming control
• Another example of codependency is David and Maggie’s 50-year marriage, where David constantly relies on Maggie to find his belongings, even shouting for help. Despite the items being easily accessible, Maggie, now 75 years old, interrupts her activities to assist him. Unaware of the codependent nature, Maggie views it as a normal husband-wife dynamic

Related Reading: 11 Signs You Are In A Codependent Marriage

Can a codependent relationship be saved?

If you relate to the signs and the examples, it’s only natural that your mind is swarming with questions right now. “Why am I codependent in relationships?” “How to overcome codependency and live a fulfilled life?”, “How long does it take to overcome codependent behavior patterns?” And so on. Before we begin to assuage your concerns, let’s take a moment to understand can such a relationship be saved. Is there hope for you and your partner if your bond has been steeped in codependency right from the beginning?

Addressing whether you can overcome these unhealthy relationship patterns, and be saved, Gopa offers hope but also cautions that such a bond may not always be salvageable. “A codependent relationship can be saved if the person being codependent learns to set healthy boundaries. However, if the relationship is abusive and the codependent person is at the receiving end, then they need to leave. For example, a young client of mine was being blackmailed by her boyfriend and he had released her nude pictures on social media. This was clearly a bad situation for her and the relationship needed to end,” she explains.

There is no magic formula to work on codependency in a relationship or in marriage nor is there any one-size-fits-all answer to this complex dynamic. The odds of success depend on a host of factors such as other underlying issues festering in the relationship, your ability to recognize the unhealthy patterns for what they are, and the willingness of both partners to do the necessary work for effecting change.

8 Ways To Overcome Codependency In Relationships

You may be sacrificing yourself at the altar of your relationship willingly. But this tendency is going to take a toll on you, your partner, and your bond with each other in the long run. However, it is a learned personality trait and you can unlearn it.

Gopa says, “To overcome these relationship patterns in marriage or a long-term relationship, one needs to learn to be a “healthy narcissistic” to feel better. That is to embrace themselves as they are, to practice self-love and let go of being a people pleaser.”

To help you make positive changes, one step at a time, here are 8 ways to overcome codependency in relationships:

Related Reading: How To Build An Interdependent Relationship?

1. Explore your past to understand codependent behavior

“The journey of understanding how to work on codependency in a relationship and live a fulfilled life begins working toward more self-awareness. This is tough work. To be able to let go of the weight of other people’s opinions is not easy for a codependent person since most of their life, they have looked for approval and validation from others. , explains Gopa

This journey of introspection and reflection can be an emotionally overwhelming experience. If you find yourself struggling to make sense of your thoughts and emotions, seeking the guidance of a therapist is highly recommended. If it’s the help you’re looking for, Bonobology’s panel of counselors is only a click away.

2. Acknowledge denial about codependency in relationships

You cannot resolve an issue unless you recognize and acknowledge them. Once you’ve learned how to be in touch with your emotions and thoughts, use it to spot and analyze problematic behavior in your relationship.

To justify this behavior and tolerate uncomfortable emotions is a bit easy, countering it is the hard part. That’s why many people learn to intellectualize their relationship dynamics over time. It helps them to avoid the uncomfortable truth that their relationship is unhealthy. Being honest with yourself is a critical part of the process if you want to overcome codependency and live a fulfilled life.

3. Learn to let go to overcome codependency

To break interdependent relationship habits you have to learn to focus on yourself. Be seen, be heard, and become an equal partner in your relationship. None of this is possible as long as your partner and their needs are the sole focus of your existence. So, you must learn to let go of the need to control, rescue, and please your significant other.

The best way you can start with are,

• Seeing yourself and your partner as two individuals rather than parts of a whole
• Letting go of the need to solve other people’s problems or take responsibility for their actions
• Learning to differentiate between problems that are your own and the ones you adopt to bail out a loved one

4. How to overcome codependency? Establish boundaries

“First and foremost, you must learn to say no. One of the first signs you’re healing from codependency is the ability to identify toxic relationships and set healthy boundaries for yourself and for others. So work towards that.” says Gopa.

Start by;

• Stopping sacrificing your convictions and beliefs to please your partner
• Starting letting your partner know what is acceptable and what’s not 
• Them shirking all responsibility in the relationship is not acceptable
•  Neither is verbal or physical abuse. 

Boundaries mean standing up for yourself and telling the other person where you draw the line.

Related Reading: How Do You Set Emotional Boundaries in Relationships?

5. Self-care is among the key codependency recovery stages

Codependency anxiety can be all-consuming, leaving little room for you to cater to your own needs and wants. One of the key codependency recovery stages is reversing this course and learning how to love people in a healthy manner. You can start this process by,

• Eating right, sleeping well, exercising, and taking care of your body
• Becoming aware of your feelings, thoughts, and needs, and prioritizing fulfilling them
• Making social connections, going out with friends, spending time with family, taking part in activities that make you happy 
• Taking some me-time to wind down emotionally
• Being open to trying new things to see what truly elevates your sense of mental wellness 

6. Learn to be on your own

The fear of being alone is one of the underlying triggers for codependency. To overcome codependency in your interdependent relationship, you need to face your deepest fears. Learning to be on your own is also an important thing for reclaiming your individuality. The first steps to get there are,  

• Take some time off to be alone now to gain a sense of self and then enjoy your own company
• Pursuing an individual hobby, go out for walks by yourself, and try therapeutic activities like painting or pottery-making to be at peace with the idea of being alone 

Eventually, you will learn to reclaim your individuality and become a wholesome person who doesn’t need someone else to complete them.

7. Don’t be too harsh on yourself

Another classic codependent personality can look like assuming responsibility, blame, and guilt for everything that goes wrong in your relationship and your partner’s life. Except, you’re not responsible for your partner’s life and only in part for your relationship. So, learn to let go of the “what more could I have done”, “why wasn’t I able to prevent this?” or “how can I make this work” attitude.

When you’re dealing with unhealthy behavior patterns stemming from complex trauma, recovery is neither linear nor swift. Be compassionate and kind to yourself. Celebrate small milestones and commit yourself to do the necessary work to emerge on the other side stronger, no matter how long it takes.

Related Reading: 8 Things That Ruin Relationships And You Don’t Even Realize it

8. Prepare yourself to move on

Once you’ve gone through the churn of codependency recovery stages, take stock of your relationship. Free yourself from the guilt that by reclaiming your life, you may be putting your partner in jeopardy. The hard truth is that no one is indispensable. Your partner was getting by just fine before you came along, and they will manage in the future too.

It is possible to free yourself from codependency in relationships. While these tips can help you make a start in the right direction, making this transition on your own can be difficult. If you’re in a codependent relationship and want to make a change for the better, working with a trained professional is your best bet.

This post has been updated in June 2023.

FAQs

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Greetings from the Fascist State of Florida.

It’s already been a little over two months since Gov. Ron DeSantis quietly signed the “Heartbeat Protection Act” into law in the middle of night, effectively banning most abortions after six weeks. Unless the conservative Florida Supreme Court rules otherwise, the law likely puts the last nail in the coffin of Florida’s status as a sanctuary state for abortion access, a Southern oasis in the “pro-life” Bible Belt. According to the Florida Agency for Health-Care Administration, in 2022, 6,726 people traveled to Florida for abortion care; 2,980 have traveled in 2023 as of June 6.

As I write this, it would appear that we have entered the end stage of my state’s turn from a national punchline and bumbling playground for Florida Man’s endless adventures to an actual authoritarian hellscape mired in oppressive legislation. I work quite literally in the shadow of the state Capitol, so I get to witness the fallout up close. From the balcony of my building, I’ve had a front-row seat for countless demonstrations, protests, and rallies. I rub shoulders with these firebrands of freedom, and my heart aches as their strained, yet unwavering voices fall on the unlistening ears of those fortified in the ivory tower behind them.

“The fight to stop government interference in personal medical decisions is important to me because I’ve had traumatic pregnancies, said Sarah Parker, president of Women’s Voices of SW Florida. “I know at the end of the day my community will bear the brunt of this near-total abortion ban. This isn’t about politics. This is about health care, this is about Black patients dying, this is about the single mom who can’t afford to travel out of state. And this is about being able to choose our own life path.”

By choice, I will never bear children. However, I do sit at the treacherous intersection of Black, female, and queer identities, and understand that it doesn’t have to happen to me for it to matter to me. This brings to mind Martin Niemöller’s lament: “Then, they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”

Along with the governor’s mansion, Republicans control the Florida Legislature, and likely will for the foreseeable future. They’ll be aided by DeSantis’ egregiously gerrymandered congressional map, which stole Democratic seats and turned an arguably purple state into a bloodbath of red districts. You could say Florida has long enjoyed a dubious political reputation, and I wouldn’t argue. In fact, I’m pretty sure the ghost of the 2000 presidential election is in the room with me right now. In the past few years, though, conservatives have launched an unprecedented assault on civil and human rights, and DeSantis’ own political extremism has grown alongside his ruthless presidential ambitions.

He is spearheading the attack on all fronts, methodically hammering away at the very freedoms he claims our state offers. Voting is an obstacle course in general here, and a minefield if one has a felony conviction. Protests are only tenuously legal, thanks to unconstitutional “anti-riot” legislation such as HB 1, books being arbitrarily banned, and whitewashed history that make it more “palatable.” Drag queens are apparently grooming children by reading to them, and queer and trans people can’t simply exist. Don’t ask about women controlling their own bodies, because we don’t do that here.

The fall of Roe v. Wade a year ago today cleared the way for a number of “trigger laws” to take effect, and states like Alabama, Louisiana, and Mississippi have made abortion illegal in almost all cases. Florida Republicans have essentially done the same thing, as six weeks is before most people even know they’re pregnant. In addition, many do not have the resources to travel to less prohibitive states before the cutoff. Florida may have been feasible before, but for some, North Carolina is now the nearest place to go and it might as well be Siberia.

There are myriad reasons why a pregnant person might elect to have an abortion, all of them equally valid. In some cases, however, the decision could literally mean the difference between life and death. This is especially true for those who are Black, brown, and/or low-income. According the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Center for Biotechnology Information:

• The United States has the highest maternal mortality rate of any developed country, and about 4 in 5 of those deaths are preventable.
• In 2021, 1,205 women died due to pregnancy complications.
• Black women are disproportionately affected (regardless of socioeconomic status) and are roughly three times more likely to die from pregnancy-related complications than white women. In 2021, the maternal death rate for Black women was 69.9 for every 100,000 live births, compared to 26.6 for every 100,000 live births for white women. That year, the overall rate was 32.9 for every 100,000 live births.
• Data has also shown that from 1995 to 2017, states with harsh abortion restrictions had significantly higher maternal mortality rates.

“I am horrified about the current state of reproductive rights in Florida, and even more heartbroken that we still do not have reproductive justice for all.” Melanie Williams, a legislative manager with Planned Parenthood of South, East, and North Florida. She also has four kids.

“Reproductive justice is the right to have children, the right not to have children and the right to parent the children we do have in a safe and healthy environment,” Williams added. “It is so crucial that we listen to, believe and support Black women. We deserve adequate health care just like everyone else. The fight for reproductive justice in Florida is a fight for human rights.”

Yet, hope springs eternal. In May, Floridians Protecting Freedom, a citizen-led ballot initiative group, launched a multimillion-dollar statewide initiative to explicitly codify the right to abortion into the state constitution. The coalition, made up of the ACLU of Florida, Women’s Voices of Southwest Florida, Florida Rising, and various Florida Planned Parenthood organizations, aims to get abortion on the ballot in 2024 with its proposed “Amendment to Limit Government Interference with Abortion.” The amendment would block implementation of laws prohibiting or restricting access to the procedure.

Nearly two-thirds of Floridians support the right to abortion in almost all cases, and a 2023 University of North Florida poll showed that 57 percent oppose the six-week ban.

“Some days it’s hard, but I believe in the American freedom I was taught in school,” said Parker, who also sits on Floridians Protecting Freedom’s executive board. “I believe in Florida. I believe in my community. I believe that when it comes down to this ballot initiative, the voices of Floridians from every different political affiliation will be loud and will reverberate through the country in support of getting government out of our health care.”

Getting the amendment on the ballot requires the collection of more than 891,000 signatures, or 8 percent of the total votes cast in the previous presidential election, by February 1. Thanks to Florida’s distribution requirement, those signatures must come from half of the 28 districts. In addition, the Florida Supreme Court could reject the amendment if they feel it violates state or federal constitutional guidelines.

Abortion is not a political matter. It is a personal one which should remain in the hands of women and pregnant people. Floridians can sign the petition here.

Don’t know how to start a conversation with your crush through text? Do you know how the Office actor John Krasinski asked actor Emily Blunt out? He shook her hand and went straight to, “I like you”. Cut to the present, they are married and have two children.

Personally, chatting with my crush has never been easy for me. I hide behind a screen and wait for his reply. Do you relate? It is time for you to become their favorite notification. Here’s how.

How To Start A Conversation With Your Crush Through Text – 21 Ways

Are you afraid of asking your crush out in person? Don’t worry, even research says that texting your crush can be beneficial to you in the following ways:

• You have time to carefully consider what you wish to say
• Less damage is done to your self-esteem in case you get rejected 

So, a text conversation is way safer. But texting someone new is not that easy, right? How does one sound sweet without sounding cringey? How to not be a dry texter? Watch and learn. Here are some ideas that can be your game changer:  

1. “Netflix? Chill? Both?”

If you can’t decide on what to text your crush at night, go with the classic ‘Netflix and chill’ line. Yes, we know it’s pretty direct. But sometimes, being bold can work for you. So, take a deep breath and get the ball rolling.

2. “I’m craving sushi. Let’s go grab some?”

Instead of starting with a simple hello, tempt your crush with a shared interest. If they are a foodie, here are some fun ways to kick-start a conversation with your crush (puns can never go wrong):

• “Do you have raisins? How about a date?”
• “There’s something brewing between us. So, how about a beer?”
• “We should get coffee sometime, I like you a latte!”

Related Reading: 35 Beautiful Goodnight Messages To Text Your Crush At Night

3. “Did you watch the last episode of Manifest? The cliffhanger won’t let me sleep!”

A great way to start a conversation would be to talk about your favorite show. And find out theirs too. It could be Friends or Sex Education. Or evergreen movies like Fight Club or the Before trilogy. If you want to be friends with your crush, bonding over cinema can help you. Everybody loves giving an opinion on stuff. 

4. “Love your outfit. Where is it from?”

How to get your crush to like you? Just reply to their Instagram story. The most important thing is to show interest in their life. You don’t even have to pretend; we know you’re genuinely interested. Here are some conversation starters:

• “Love those Air Jordans”
• “Oh! You’re a Liverpool fan too?”
• “Hey, is that Van Gogh exhibition worth the hype?”

5. “Pineapple on pizza? Yes or no?”

This is just to remind you that even a basic question like this can spark a lengthy conversation. Maybe keep a photo of the pizza you ate yesterday ready as well. A Reddit user wrote, “Flirtation is good, but remember there’s another person on the other end of the phone. Ask normal questions too, seem interested, keep the flow of the conversation going. Don’t just use romantic texting as an excuse to flex your game.” 

6. “I suck at starting conversations, you wanna try?”

Sometimes the best way to kill the awkwardness is to talk about the awkwardness. Being explicit about implicit things can make them laugh. If you/your crush is an introvert, here are are some leading questions for you to send in their DMs:

Related Reading: How Do Introverts Flirt? 10 Ways They Try To Get Your Attention

• “I’m terrible at small talk, but I make a killer playlist”
• “Can I have your number so that I can just text you but literally never call?”
• “Hey girl, want to party with me? It’s not really a party. It’s actually a book club, and there’s a cat”

7. “What’s your story?”

Be forward and ask your crush about their life. The highlight of their week. Their side hustle. The lowest point of their day. A Reddit user’s advice on what to text your crush at night, “Just talk to them like you’re talking to a friend. Don’t be creepy or ask for nudes. Just joke with him/her and talk when you absolutely have the time.”

8. “I had a dream about you last night. I’d tell you about it but it’s super inappropriate”

Your first text on a dating app has to be something unique, instead of a simple ‘Hey.’ If you’re in the mood to be bold and gutsy, use these flirty texts to turn your love life around:

• “My computer server never goes down, but I do”
• “Are those space pants? Because that ass is outta this world”
• “Let’s skip the small talk and go straight to flirting”

9. “Sasuke or Naruto?”

Model Barbara Palvin had shared glimpses of chats with her boyfriend, Dylan Sprouse. Dylan had asked her, “You more of a Sasuke gal or Naruto gal?” Barbara chose Naruto because he was “a little damaged boy with a strong passion who loves food”. This is when Dylan called her a “real keeper”. So, stop thinking and go chat with your crush without being awkward, on common interests like anime.

10. “You keep bumping into me. Not that I’m complaining”

Asking your crush about your last encounter can be one of the best ice breakers questions for dating. Here are some cool ideas to get the conversation flowing:

• “What’s your biggest regret? Mine is not kissing you last night”
• “Lunch was fun! Love sitting across from you. When are we doing it again?”
• “You see how I look at you. What are you going to do about it?”

11. “Hey stranger, wait, why are we strangers? Let’s fix that”

How to talk to your crush without being awkward? Bring out that witty personality of yours! Want to sound smart? You can ask, “On a scale of America to 10, how free are you tonight?” This will reveal your political awareness as well as make your crush laugh.

Related Reading: Funny Texts To Get Her Attention And Make Her Text You

12. “We are both single! Let’s solve this together”

After all, you’re texting your crush and not your friend. So there’s no harm in making it obvious that you like them. Even research says that women looking for short-term relationships are the most effective at flirting when they make their sexual availability known. So go on, tell them you’re tired of being single and so ready to mingle.

13. “Serious issue: Can’t stop thinking about you”

There is no dearth of research on how a slightly risqué joke can help to escalate the level of intimacy in a flirtatious conversation. So, make judicious use of humor to start the convo. You can also use the classic ‘knock knock’ joke:

You: “Knock, knock”

Crush: “Who’s there?”

You: “Wire”

Crush: “Wire who?”

You: “Wire you still not in my phone’s favorites list?”

14. “Tea, coffee, or whiskey in the morning?”

And don’t forget to add cute smileys. A Reddit user wrote, “I’ve learned emojis and now gifs really help. They are fun and silly and get points across without seeming like a creep.” You can also send your crush an ice cream GIF saying, ‘Lick me’.

15. “Should I delete my Tinder app already? I think you’re the one!”

Cheeky, isn’t it? Wait, we have more for you. Kick-start a conversation with your crush with these cheesy pick-up lines:

• “I have a comfy, oversized hoodie just waiting for you to borrow”
• “I’m down to 1% battery but I’m using it to text you”
• “What would it take for you to drunk dial me?”

16. “You could text me back or just ask me out to dinner. Just saying”

Smooth, isn’t it? But, as a Reddit user pointed out, “Never try to be smooth. If you’re trying to be smooth or trying to look cool or trying to think of what to say, you’re forcing it and it’s making them uncomfortable because they can tell.” So, just be direct and say, “Chipotle tonight at 7, you down?”

17. “Wanna suffer together?”

If you are still trying to figure out how to start a conversation with your crush through text, just send the ‘Wanna suffer together?’ meme. Even a Reddit user advised, “Memes are the way of the future”. And where’s the lie? Cute SpongeBob memes can be your savior. That’s how Gen-Z uses memes to flirt.

18. “Can you try me? Try me? Once you put your pride aside”

Yes, now is the time to send a Weeknd song. You can also send Starboy or Earned It. Sending music is a love language. As a famous dialogue from the movie Begin Again goes: “You can tell a lot about a person from what’s on their playlist.”

Related Reading: The 5 Types Of Love Languages And How To Use Them For Happy Relationships

19. “My place or yours? JK, my parents are home”

Instead of starting with a simple hello, you can use a self-deprecating line like, “I hope you like bad guys because I’m bad at pretty much everything.” The trick is to be funny, without overdoing it. A Reddit user wrote, “Self-deprecation is fine in small doses, but it gets old fast and can seem like nervous energy very easily, so keep it casual and contextually appropriate.” 

20. “You’re hotter than the bottom of my laptop”

Throwing in wonderful compliments to make them happy can be a great way to start a conversation. “Your hair looks great” could be a good place to start. But as a Reddit user advised, “Don’t compliment them all the time, no one likes someone who’s a kissass like that. Do it from time to time when the moment calls for it, and be gentle about it when you do.”

21. “I’m obsessed with your puppy”

Ask them their dog’s name. Or tell them about your cat. It’s always endearing to bond over pets. If your crush replies with enthusiasm, you can thank us later. 

The final tip on how to start a conversation with your crush through text is to avoid playing mind games. Actor Chris Pratt advised, “The truth is that any amount of trickery or wearing cool shirts with rad designs or using pick-up lines, or any of this BS like trying to neg girls, isn’t going to matter. It won’t pay off when she realizes that you’re full of sh*t.”

11 Signs Your Crush On Friend Is More Than It Seems

160 Best Pickup Lines For Guys

Eye Contact Attraction: How Does It Help To Build A Relationship?

Wow, I get asked this question on a daily basis—there is no one set formula, but there are proven strategies that can work for you.

I was out to dinner with 3 couples last night—and guess how they all met? We laughed as of course it was online! Once couple has been married 25 years and met in the early Match.com years. Couple #2, together 6 years, giggled about Tinder—a second marriage for both. The last couple (guess who) approached six men in 10 days with fun, direct messages—and yes, number 6 was it for me. (oh, after 5 years of not dating post-divorce).

So, is it luck, work or just the right site at the right time?

7 Tips and Tricks:

1. Writing a Dating Profile
For women, the shorter your profile, the better. For men, the more information the better. Think about it: (not that I’m being sexist, just sharing my experiences as an online dating coach for almost 30 years) —Men get to the point quicker and don’t want to read a long, flowery history of your life. Think Men’s Magazines. There’s a reasons editors write in blurbs or bullet points—it’s the attention span. Women, on the other hand, like plenty of information up front.

2. Make it unique.
I’m looking for a LTR with a gentleman who is…………..Ok, I’m falling asleep just typing this.
Here’s one partial profile a male client and I laughed over yesterday and sent her a message immediately:

“……..starts as friends with sparks and becomes best friends with fireworks – Dr Seuss quote “ We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual Weirdness and call it love!”

They have a date tomorrow.

3. Oh, those photos
Matter! Action works. Posing not so much. A reader: sitting on the floor at a Barnes and Noble with his favorite books stacked around him. A cook: at her pasta press making fettucine. A swimmer: action shot off a diving board.

A grandpa: teaching his grandchildren how to make tamales. Ok, you must have a lovely head shot too—and we know if its been photoshopped and filtered. Don’t forget to date your photos—June 2023. Christmas 2022. We all want to see the current you.

4. Always send a message even if you are on the fence
What do I mean? Let’s say you are 50/50 on someone—send a message as it does not hurt and worst case, you’ll get a bit more info. No likes, hearts, winks. Waste of time.

5. I’ve been online 5 nights this week and nothing.
Ok, my first question is: How many messages did you send? Generally, it’s “oh I was just looking and there is no one”.
Wrong attitude. Why when I as your online dating coach go online together each week do we find 5-8 singles to message? Zero action equals zero dates.

6. Don’t be shy
Ok, there are no rules here. You needn’t send 3 messages each, then ask for a phone number, then make a date. A Stanford study shows that from the time you reach out to a person to the first date/meet, no more than 5 days should pass or the likelihood of a date drops to under 15%. Whew!

Everyone online wants to meet someone—so be graciously direct! Here’s some examples of first messages:

“Hey Henry, you have an adorable puppy! Bon Jovi is my golden, 2 years old and rocks. I’m into archery too—actually a tournament tomorrow. Should we skip the calls and meet for a glass of red Sunday afternoon? I’m interested—Warmly, Carrie”

“Missy, your photos are so happy and your daughters look just like you. I can’t believe you live in Chevy Chase—you’re my neighbor and you bike and we’ve never run into each other. Would you be up for a coffee this weekend—or a bike ride? Matt”

7. This is NOT a full-time job
Keep online dating fun—but schedule it. I recommend 3-4 times per week, for 30 minutes each time. With one big caveat: during that 30-minutes, send 5 new messages. This gives you accountability….and dates!

Have a happy weekend and fun dating!

Andrea McGinty
Founder, 33000Dates
Founder, It’s Just Lunch (sold)

702-494-7344

Specializing in:

Dating Consulting Services and help with writing an online dating profile

Divorce is a significant life transition that can bring about numerous challenges for both individuals involved. Even though every divorce is different, many people face similar problems during the process. Therefore, understanding these challenges and learning effective strategies to deal with them can help you navigate the divorce process with greater resilience and emotional wellbeing.

Below you’ll learn about nine major problems you might encounter during a divorce. We’ll also explore actions for each situation to help you manage these challenges successfully.

Emotional Turmoil

To start with, divorce might cause you to feel strong emotions like sadness, anger, confusion, and grief. It’s important to remember that this is normal, so you should acknowledge and process these emotions to facilitate healing. If you are looking for a safe space to express these emotions, you may consider turning to friends and family or speaking to a therapist. It’s also recommended to engage in various self-care activities, such as meditation, journalling, or other hobbies, that may help you manage your emotions. Consider participating in a support community where you can relate to others going through similar emotions and hurdles. 

Disagreements Between Parents

If you have children, it’s possible that you may have disagreements or disputes with your ex-spouse regarding your children’s living arrangements or their upbringing. In these cases, it may be a good idea to ask legal aid solicitors to step in and offer professional legal advice. Make sure you visit nationallegalservice to find out how National Legal Service can help you deal with various situations, including child contact arrangements and disputes relating to child maintenance. This will allow you to resolve these issues amicably and receive the support and guidance you need during these challenging times.

Co-Parenting Challenges

Co-parenting after a divorce means that you will need to navigate new dynamics and make joint decisions regarding your children. As a result, conflicts may arise when parents have different parenting styles or disagree on important issues. Therefore, it’s essential to maintain open and respectful communication and focus on the children’s wellbeing. You will need to establish clear boundaries and ensure consistency as much as possible. For example, it can be useful to create a shared online calendar to manage schedules, appointments, and other important events. This will help you promote transparency and make sure that both parents can stay informed and involved in their children’s lives.

Financial Adjustments 

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Navigating divorce also involves making significant financial adjustments as households split and new budgets are established. This means that it’s crucial to get a good understanding of your financial situation and create a realistic budget. Consider negotiating a fair division of assets, including property and debts. You will need to rebuild your financial stability, so it’s advisable to acquire new skills and explore new job opportunities. If you need additional support, you could consult a financial advisor or planner, who specialises in divorce so that you can create a post-divorce financial plan that works for you.

Impact On Children

It’s important to acknowledge the impact that divorce can have on your children’s mental wellbeing. Divorce can cause emotional distress and uncertainty in children, so you should focus on helping your children cope with these changes. You should be attentive to their emotions and beware of any changes in their behaviour. Also, it’s best to offer age-appropriate explanations and consider involving them only in decisions that directly affect their lives. To help children feel heard and involved in the process, you may want to plan regular family meetings, where everyone can openly discuss their thoughts and concerns.

Social And Relationship Changes

As a result of getting divorced, you will likely experience changes in your social circles and relationships with others. For example, some friendships may change or fade away, while at the same time new connections may form. Therefore, it’s important to surround yourself with supportive individuals who understand and respect your new circumstances. It can be beneficial to seek out social activities or professional networks that align with your interests and goals. This will provide you with an opportunity to meet like-minded people and build new relationships outside of your previous social circle.

Self-Identify And Self-Esteem

Another major challenge that you may face can be about your self-identity and self-esteem, which can often lead to feelings of insecurity and loss. 

It’s important to create a sense of purpose and take actions to rebuild your self-esteem, such as:

• engaging in self-reflection
• setting achievable and realistic goals
• exploring personal interests and passions 
• pursuing activities or hobbies that you have always wanted to try
• rekindling old passions
• re-connecting with old friends
• investing in your personal and professional development

Engaging in fulfilling activities can be a great way to boost your self-confidence and rediscover aspects of your identity which might have been overshadowed during the marriage. You may also discover new opportunities to grow as a person, allowing you to make the most of your strengths and identify areas for improvement in your life.

Moving Forward And Healing

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Remember that healing after a divorce takes time and patience, so it’s essential to give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the relationship and the life you had envisioned. Make sure you prioritise your physical and mental health to help you navigate the healing process. It can be beneficial to create a self-care routine, that includes activities that bring you joy and promote self-reflection. Whether you want to try a new exercise class or engage in creative outlets, these activities will help you express your emotions and move forward in a healthy and positive way.

Redefining Your Future

Embracing the process of self-discovery will provide you with new opportunities to redefine and shape your future. Take some time to envision the life you want to create for yourself and be sure to think about your vision for the future.

Consider enrolling in new classes or workshops to expand your knowledge of different subjects and gain new skills. As a result, this will introduce you to new networks and possibilities for personal growth and fulfilment. 

Once a close friend of mine asked me, “If you could gain one ability today, what would it be?” Back then, I didn’t know he was asking me one of the 36 questions that lead to love, so I treated it casually and said something silly in response. These questions, as I got to know later, help in intimacy acceleration, even between two strangers. Call it a psychological test about love if you may!

The YouTube channel ‘Jubilee’ has a series called Can Two Strangers Fall In Love With 36 Questions? Russell and Kera were brought together for a blind date. By the end of the video, these interesting questions to fall in love helped them create mutual comfort and a strong friendship. The same thing happened in Big Bang Theory. You probably remember Sheldon and Penny taking this ‘falling in love’ quiz and the kind of closeness they felt after going through the deeply personal questions list.

So, the connection it creates between two people doesn’t necessarily have to be of passionate love that lands them in a romantic relationship. It could just as well be an intense platonic intimacy between two friends or acquaintances. Sounds a little implausible, right? Then let’s dig deeper and find out how modern love acts around these questions to deepen intimacy.

What Are The 36 Questions That Lead To Love?

Do you think a quiz can help you fall in love? Especially with someone you don’t know? That is the premise on which these 36 questions that make you fall in love are based. Popularized by a viral New York Times article and a psychological study on intimate relationships, these questions are the new, innovative way of falling in love with a stranger or strengthening your bond with your partner.

Ever since the study and its popularity from a 2015 essay by Mandy Len Catron in the Modern Love column, ‘To Fall In Love With Anyone, Do This’, these questions have taken the world by storm. Divided into three sections of 12 questions each, this relationship experiment can be way more impactful than you think.

It’s not limited only to strangers. Married couples, partners in new or long-term relationships, and all the people who have a teensy bit of interest in social psychology and developing meaningful connections can give it a shot. In a nutshell, we would say to fall in love with anyone, do this! Later come back to us and take our ‘Are you really in love?’ quiz to see how you feel about that person. In love, at all?

How the 36 questions that lead to love were created

In 1997, Dr. Arthur Aron and his colleagues at Stony Brook University published a paper in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin based on a series of case studies on intimate relations. The idea behind the study was to observe how closeness with a person operates in the human brain and in human attitude, as well as how intimacy between two strangers could be accelerated.

As an accessory to the study, Dr. Aron’s team came up with 36 questions to ask someone to fall in love that would roughly take around 40-45 minutes to answer. Dr. Aron carried out this test by presenting the questions to a heterosexual man and woman, both complete strangers to each other. They answered the questions along with 4 minutes of continued eye contact. The most startling result? The couple got married just 6 months later!

The way these 36 questions that lead to love have been designed is perhaps the most important factor in their success. They are premeditated in order to help people develop feelings of intimacy and be vulnerable with each other, which are key components of love. Read on for the research behind these 36 how-to fall-in-love questions.

Related Reading: 11 Signs Of Magnetic Attraction Between Two People

The Research Behind The 36 Questions That Lead To Love

What makes people fall in love? For sure, you would want to know the person better, for who they really are. Naturally, it seems incredible that a set of questions can wind up in two people falling in love. In an interview with The Statesman, Dr. Aron shares his thought process while developing these questions that create intimacy. He says that one of the three basics of this technique is “…connecting by revealing personal stuff. It must not be too much too fast. ‘Too fast’ sort of puts them off.

“So what we did is we came up with a set of questions that people ask each other that gradually escalate in personalness. It’s not very hard to answer [the early questions] but then they get more and more personal towards the end.” He adds, “It’s not so much about revealing personal stuff, it’s about the feeling that you are heard, it’s the responsiveness of the other person.” Here are a few things to remember before we get to the magical questions that make you fall in love:

• It was found that vulnerability and self-disclosure played a major role in developing attachment
• When the subjects of the research gradually moved down the ’36 questions that lead to love’ list, they eventually started to build trust in each other
• Another key to the success of this experiment is reciprocity. It won’t work unless both subjects handle each question with absolute honesty
• While the questions aren’t guaranteed to make you fall in love, the study shows that they have been adept at creating feelings of intimacy and understanding

The ’36 Questions That Lead To Love’ List

The technique of asking these questions to your significant other, a close friend, or even someone else with whom you want to establish a connection, nudges you out of your comfort zone and subtly forces you to reveal things about yourself that you wouldn’t normally talk about. The questions are ingenious because they help people understand the importance of gradually exposing themselves to self-disclosure. 

From your life story to a personal problem or an embarrassing moment to a treasured memory, everything would slowly come up in the conversation. So, if you’re looking for questions that create intimacy to ask a crush or vulnerable questions to ask your partner to deepen the emotional bonding in your relationship, here’s the complete set of ‘falling in love’ quiz with all 36 questions!

Set I

Most people won’t be comfortable talking about their childhood trauma or something that personal with a stranger in the beginning. Keeping that in mind, the first questions of the test were designed as icebreakers, very fun and interesting, to make them comfortable in each other’s presence. If you are not sure how to strike up a conversation with a crush, here are a few safe things to ask her/him that will positively make them take an interest in you:

Related Reading: 9 Things That Happen When A Man Is Vulnerable With A Woman

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? 

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? 

4. What would constitute a ‘perfect’ day for you? 

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? 

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. 

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. 

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

Now that you have broken the initial awkwardness, it’s time to know some of the very important factors about the person sitting next to you. For instance, their dreams and goals in life, their values and morals, their parameters of success and love, and so on. And, that’s how the second set of questions to fall in love are structured:

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know? 

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? 

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? 

16. What do you value most in a friendship? 

17. What is your most treasured memory? 

18. What is your most terrible memory? 

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? 

20. What does friendship mean to you? 

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 

22. Alternate-sharing of something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. 

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? 

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Related Reading: 15 Simple Ways To Make Her Fall In Love With You

Set III

This is the stage where the game hits another level! The questions in this set may look apparently breezy but they are meant to reach your innermost emotions and dig out some delicate feelings and revelations. It talks about your boundaries, your perspectives on certain matters, things that you hold close to your heart, and what breaks you down.

The answers can be a pretty big thing to say in a budding relationship because it’s like you are directly on your tenth date to know something so personal about the other person. Believe it or not, such deep questions for couples have the power to bring them closer when they are drifting apart:

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…”

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know. 

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. 

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. 

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. 

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? 

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? 

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? 

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? 

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you on how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Do The ‘36 Questions That Lead To Love’ Work For Couples?

These relationship-building questions focus on different components of a person’s life, like their relationship with their family, their friendships, how they perceive themselves, etc. These are also particularly helpful on a first date. After all, the 36 questions that lead to love are perfect for people who don’t know how to hold a conversation. This way, you talk about the things that actually matter and establish closeness instead of generating superficial chit-chat.

Gloria, a reader who has been in a relationship for 4 years, shared her experience. “My friend came across this article titled ‘Questions to Make Him Fall in Love’. I personally thought it was clickbait but she persuaded me to try these out on my next date. I did, and what do you know! Shaun and I stayed in the restaurant for 5 hours, just talking and talking. 

“And the best part was that these ‘questions to make him fall in love’ didn’t feel like separate entities in our conversation. After the first few, they evolved into queries that I genuinely wanted his answers to. That’s how it started, and look at us now.”

One thing in common among all the dates was that this technique helped bypass the perfunctory questions and answers, and the awkward and superficial part of getting to know someone. Be it platonic or romantic, all relationships require trust, intimacy, and the knowledge that this person likes you. And, if that is your goal, you should totally go with these deep questions to ask partner and see the results for yourself.

If the questions don’t guarantee love, what use are they?

The researchers who formulated the ’36 questions that lead to love’ technique clarify that the questions do not necessarily make you fall in love. Though some people have fallen in love in this process, others have formed a deep, platonic bond, and some have found a comfortable familiarity with strangers. The questions unlock vulnerability and genuineness.

Meaningful questions about friends and family help the other person know more about the intimate relationships in your life, and how much they matter to you. Other questions test how vulnerable and honest you can be with your partner, traits that are usually discovered later in a potential relationship. This creates a sense of comfort, trust, relatability, and intimacy.

Related Reading: 3 Ways To Improve Your Close Relationships

Dr. Aron believes that it’s essential to take turns answering one question at a time. In an interview with Brides magazine, he shared, “If you reveal deep things to the other person, and then they reveal them to you, you feel safe about it. You are likely to be responsive because it’s going back and forth. This part is crucial.”

When it comes to the 36 questions that lead to love, it’s not exactly romantic love that is the end goal. Love can be of various types – romantic, platonic, or familial. The end result of the whole exercise is forming a deep connection. A connection that will transcend awkwardness and initial mistrust. If you can bond like that with someone with just 36 questions, why wouldn’t you?

This article has been updated in June, 2023. 

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The celebrity crush on your bedroom wall with whom you dream of a Notting Hill ending. The more-than-best-friend whose long hugs make everything okay. The stranger, actually the Greek God, you meet on a vacation and you wonder if you’ll ever run into them again. So many exhilarating stories, and so many types of crushes. These stories can be filled with unpredictable events, thrilling highs, and crushing lows. But the butterflies in the stomach, the goofy smiles, and the sweet memories make the journey worth it all.

The 13 Types Of Crushes You Have Had (Or Will Have) At Least Once!

“All right. It’s a new day. And it’s just a crush. That’s all. Just a little crush. All that worrying I was doing? That was crazy. Crazy! Like my friend the bird here would say, “It was cuckoo!” Everything’s gonna be fine. It’s just a crush,” says Joey Tribbiani to himself after being bitten by the love bug. The crush bug, actually. The next moment, Rachel shows up with a, “Hi, sweetie.” Joey’s mind instantly goes, “I love you.” And there it is – the rollercoaster of emotions when you have a crush on someone.

It’s a rollercoaster we’re all quite familiar with because everyone develops a crush at least once in their life. While the base feeling remains more or less the same, the different types of crushes bring with them a unique experience. So let us explore the types of crushes we all have had (or will have) at least once in our lives. Here goes the list!

1. The childhood crush

Remember Little Manhattan and our sixth-grader hero? He develops a crush on his karate class partner, Rosemary, and suddenly, his heart is a whirlwind of emotions. She’s her first crush after all. “Okay, what’s going on here? What the heck is this? Oh my God. What’s this feeling in the pit of my stomach? Who is this; this amazing creature before me? I looked at Rosemary and just felt so, um, confused. She’s a girl. I’m supposed to despise girls, not feel nervous talking to one, not feel tongue-tied. I mean this was Rosemary Telesco, I knew her since Kindergarten.”

Does Gabe make any sense to you? If he does, you’ve probably experienced something similar with your childhood crush. You were classmates in third grade, or they lived next door and sneaked into your room every day – just to play Scrabble! When you saw your childhood crush’s wedding updates on Instagram, it might have stung a little. But it also gave you a goofy smile – a little secret between you and your sweet old childhood.

Related Reading: How To Talk With Your Crush Without Being Awkward And Nail It

2. The horny crush

Maybe you’re going through a dry spell. Or you just want to spice up your sex life. Should you hook up with that hot gym buddy you’ve always liked a little more than a friend? Or would you keep mum because it will make things awkward at the gym the next day? No matter what, you know you’d love to see those biceps all worked up and that tee ripped open right in front of you. And that, my friend, is your horny crush.

3. The social media crush

“When I was in college, I had a crush on this girl. I remember being mesmerized by her pictures on Instagram. She also had such a great sense of humor. I read everything she shared and I couldn’t stop smiling at my phone,” shares Jake, a 23-year-old artist from NYC. “Once she shared this Spotify link, you know, and I realized we have the same taste in music. I became really weak in the knees. And I finally texted her!”

Do you also have an online crush? Maybe you know exactly where their sister’s boyfriend’s mother went on vacation last month. Maybe your friends just caught you staring at their Saturday night selfie for the seventeenth time in a row. You find this person irresistibly cute and expect they’ll accept your friend/follow request. Sure, stalking your social media crush may be your favorite sport these days, but make sure you don’t overdo it. You don’t want their conversation starter to be, “Why have you shared my family picnic photo from five years ago on your Facebook wall?”

4. The celebrity crush

The fun part is, even celebrities have celebrity crushes. During an appearance on Watch What Happens Live in 2015, Selena Gomez told the world that Chris Evans was her celebrity crush. “I kind of have a crush on Chris Evans. Isn’t he cute? He’s very cute,” she said to her host, who of course, instantly agreed. So the next time you feel embarrassed for the Edward Cullen poster on your bedroom wall, or texting Zendaya “Happy birthday!” every year without fail, cut yourself some slack. Your celebrity crushes may change as you grow up but these are crushes you can’t deny.

5. The fictional crush

On her first day as a surgical intern at Seattle Grace Hospital, Meredith learns that Dr. Derek Shepherd is her boss. Derek, the guy she just had a casual hookup with. They find each other irresistible and eventually start dating. Years down the line, Meredith still considers Derek as her McDreamy. And if you’re a Grey’s Anatomy fan, chances are that, years down the line, you still consider Derek as your own McDreamy.

Crushes on fictional characters are more common than you’d think. Think about it: you’re tired of toxic relationships in real life and you simply cannot deal with the drama anymore. Then suddenly, you meet the most amazing person on screen or on pages of a thick novel. Your fictional crush and you seem to be made just for each other. And that make-believe world, with your ideal match in it, becomes the perfect escape, albeit for a short time.

6. The work crush

“Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do, which was just to…wait. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl that I work with but I think, even then I knew…I was waiting for my wife.” Who can forget these iconic lines by Mr. Halpert from The Office? If there’s anyone who knows what it is like to wait for your crush, it has to be Jim.

Thinking about your own work crush while reading this? Maybe you’ll expect wedding bells soon. Or you’ll accept you developed this crush out of boredom in your 9 to 5 job. Irrespective of the possibilities, this is a tricky situation to navigate. Flirt a little and ask them out if you really wish to. But make sure it’s all consensual and both of you are on the same page. Fingers crossed, with some healthy relationship boundaries, an office romance can be super exciting for you.

Related Reading: 13 Respectful Ways To Ask A Coworker For A Date

7. The convenient crush

Imagine you are alone at a housewarming party. All your friends have left with their dates. You wonder if you should get another glass of wine. Just at that moment, you see someone else is also in your situation. They’re alone, awkward, and kind of hot. This crush happens out of convenience. You finally walk up to them and say hi. Soon you’re talking about your favorite songs by The Smiths, or bonding over your mutual love for dogs.

8. The rebound crush

After a breakup, especially if the relationship was a serious one, you may think you’ll never fall in love again. But suddenly, after a few days, you seem to be fancying someone new. If you just got out of a relationship and you’re crushing on someone to heal your broken heart, this might be a rebound crush.

It can be a super fun and liberating experience but make sure you are not using it to run away from the pain of heartbreak. A good yardstick to assess whether it’s a rebound crush or a sign you’re moving on, see if, at the back of your mind, you’re always comparing your crush to your ex. If you do, it’s best to back off or at least have an honest conversation with your crush. If your crush likes you back, they will only be hurt if you use them as a distraction to get over your ex.

Related Reading: The 5 Stages Of A Rebound Relationship

9. The authority figure crush

I have a crush on my professor. I am in love with my boss. Has this ever happened to you? Even if it brings back an embarrassing memory, you’re not the only one. Take our charming, witty, glorious Fleabag, for instance. As she navigates the choppy waters of her crush on a hot priest, his neck (HIS NECK!), and a little arm touch now and then, their friendship gets all the more sexually charged.

You can feel this bubble of sexual tension, even during their deep conversations about life, death, art, sex, and faith. And if you orgasm just thinking about Andrew Scott telling Phoebe Waller-Bridge to ‘kneel’, you know what’s happening here. The unflinching attraction to an authority figure; you know, it may never pass.

In reality, it is quite natural to be crushing on an authority figure. Some people are attracted to a person who is in a position of power and is intelligent and resourceful. The idea of such a relationship can seem super risky and thrilling. However, in some cases, such a crush or relationship can come with a power imbalance. While it is normal to feel attracted to an authority figure, set some healthy boundaries. Make sure there is emotional safety in your relationship. If it creeps you out or makes you uncomfortable in any way, take a step back and seek help.

10. The hate crush

“I have a theory. Hating someone feels disturbingly similar to being in love with them. I’ve had a lot of time to compare love and hate, and these are my observations. Love and hate are visceral. Your stomach twists at the thought of that person. The heart in your chest beats heavy and bright, nearly visible through your flesh and clothes. Your appetite and sleep are shredded. Every interaction spikes your blood with adrenaline, and you’re on the brink of fight or flight. Your body is barely under your control. You’re consumed, and it scares you. Both love and hate are mirror versions of the same game – and you have to win. Why? Your heart and your ego. Trust me, I should know.” – Lucy Hutton from The Hating Game.

In this enemies-to-lovers story, Lucy and Joshua can’t stand the sight of each other at first. As their rivalry heightens over time, their interactions are filled with sexual tension. Does this remind you of your love-hate relationship with your crush? We get it, you can’t stop thinking about this one girl/guy you have always hated. Or, your blood boils up at the mention of their name but you also can’t stop wanting to rip their clothes off.

11. The holiday crush

We all get a little relaxed during the holidays. We loosen up, meet new people and look at the world differently. If you’re on vacation, you may develop crushes on people you meet on the road or at your hotel. A holiday is a break from reality, and this crush makes it all the more thrilling. You just want to have a good time, and you deserve it. Now, things can get complicated if we take these flings too seriously. Of course, you can meet the love of your life on a holiday. But make sure you don’t misread the situation and end up with a vacation heartbreak instead.

12. The stranger crush

It’s a Tuesday night and you’re walking down the street. You glance at someone, and they smile at you. This mysterious stranger makes you skip a heartbeat. You don’t know their name, where they live, or what their interests are. But there is something magical about them. You know you’re falling in love with a stranger. And you wonder if you’ll run into your stranger crush ever again.

Related Reading: 40 Things To Talk About With Your Crush

13. The soulmate crush

After a string of unrequited loves and crushes, you meet someone who changes your life. They show you all the green flags in a relationship. A caring text from them is a breath of fresh air. When you hang out together, you can’t stop smiling. You know you’ve got a crush and a lot of butterflies in your stomach. They make you feel warm, peaceful, and infinite. You know deep down that they’re the one for you.

If you’ve got a crush on someone, it can be a super exciting ride ahead. A cute text at midnight, or a sudden meet at the supermarket – anything might light up your heart. You get electrifying rushes around them and you feel so alive. However, if you constantly feel overwhelmed, or keep on approaching your crush after being rejected, it is time to dive deep into your own emotional needs.

12 Creative And Impressive Ways To Tell Your Crush You Like Him Over Text

18 Early Dating Signs He Likes You

25 Body Language Signs A Man Is In Love With You

This piece first appeared in our weekly newsletter, The Fallout. Sign up for it here.

Saturday will be one year since the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, and in so many ways, I’m angrier than ever.

The decision in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization has careened the maternal mortality crisis into a full-blown human rights crisis in the country. There are stories—sometimes daily—of patients who have nearly died as a result of an abortion ban. And those are just the stories that have made it to press. So often this year I’ve wondered about all the patient stories that haven’t been written about and the tragedies we don’t know about.

There is also the reality that overturning Roe has upended maternal health medicine in ways that could take generations to recover. Maternity wards are closing, and medical students are refusing to go into obstetric medicine because they worry they could land in jail. As a country, we have yet to grapple with these effects.

And what about the terrifying increase in threats and harassment providers and patients are facing? At what point do our lawmakers finally begin to understand that the attacks on clinics and patients have always been the canaries in the coal mine of the attacks on our democracy?

It certainly doesn’t help that in the year since Justice Samuel Alito’s Dobbs opinion was leaked, we’ve learned what a corrupt clown he really is. Since the decision, story after story has come out about Alito’s ties to big-money interests before the Court, as well as his connections to evangelical power players hoping to leverage the Supreme Court in their Christian nationalist crusade. The ethical breaches are so brazen. The corruption runs so deep. Alito’s skin is so thin, and it’s all just so, so bad.

But beyond just a circus of corruption from the Court, what this last year drove home the most is that Dobbs was a fundamentally lawless decision handed down from a fundamentally lawless Court. The chaos and suffering it has inflicted was intentional. And if Alito and the other conservatives on the Court could do it all over again just for kicks, they would.

Taking pre-workout supplements will help you achieve your fitness goals no matter your fitness level. Many gym goers and fitness enthusiasts use pre-workouts to aid them in their fitness journey. 

If you find yourself undergoing training for a long time but still haven’t reached your fitness goal, or if you notice that you are losing stamina, taking a pre-workout supplement might just be what you need. Before you jump into taking one, check out these five things first that you must do before you take a pre-workout. 

Identify Your Goal

The first thing you need to do before taking a pre-workout supplement or even before buying one is to identify your goal. One of the reasons why pre-workout supplements are popular is that they can help you achieve your goal faster.

Knowing your goal will help you choose the right supplement to take and achieve its true potential. For instance, if you’re looking to take pre-workout supplements to help you boost your energy level when working out, then you must consider this when you pick a supplement to take. 

Another thing that pre-workouts can help you with is improving fat burning during workouts. Thus, if your goal is to lose weight, you might want to buy a pre-workout supplement to help you burn more fat quickly.

Shop Around For The Best Supplements To Take

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With your goal established in mind, the next thing you should do is shop around for the best supplements. Don’t just purchase the first pre-workout that you’ll see online or at a brick-and-mortar fitness shop. 

You must check the Detailed Reviews of Pre-Workout Supplements that you come across. It will help you know which can provide you with a quality result based on customers’ experience. 

In a detailed review, you will see the side effects, the good results, and many more that the user has experienced while using that specific supplement. 

It’s also best to ask friends or family who have been working out and using a pre-workout supplement for some recommendations. It is also a great way to get an unbiased review from someone you know, which means you can ask questions about the supplement when something comes up. 

Eat A Small Meal 

Like with medications, expect that supplements can also have side effects. Common side effects that pre-workout supplement users experience are:

• Insomnia
• Diarrhea
• Headache
• Dehydration
• Tingly or Prickly Sensation
• High Blood Pressure

Eating a small meal 30 to 60 minutes before taking the pre-workout will help minimize the possible side effects you could experience with pre-workouts. You need to remember to avoid food with high fiber content to ensure you will get the supplement’s full potency. 

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Although some people take pre-workouts on an empty stomach, it’s not advisable. Imagine drinking coffee on an empty stomach. 

You will feel light-headedness, jittery and nauseous. Since pre-workouts have high doses of caffeine, you will also feel the same if you don’t eat before drinking a pre-workout supplement.

Check The Caffeine In The Supplement

Always check the caffeine content of the pre-workout supplement before you purchase it. Caffeine is the main ingredient in pre-workouts that gives you a rush of energy. However, you need to consider the amount of this added ingredient to the supplement. 

Sometimes, you wouldn’t see caffeine on the label but expect that pre-workout supplements added caffeine into their formulation. You must use the supplement according to the recommended dosage on the label. 

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It’s not a good idea to take more than the recommended dosage. If you’re unsure of your caffeine tolerance, you can start taking the supplement at half its recommended dosage and observe. Slowly work your way up until you reach the recommended dosage if you don’t feel any side effects like insomnia, palpitation, and nausea.

If you think caffeine isn’t good for you, you might consider using stimulant-free pre-workout supplements. 

Talk To Your Healthcare Provider

Talking to your healthcare provider before taking any pre-workout supplements is highly recommended. It might sound safe, given the fact that it’s just a supplement and not a medication, but some ingredients could lead to serious side effects. 

It was mentioned earlier that high blood pressure is among the common side effects of pre-workout supplements. That’s why you must discuss this matter with your healthcare provider before consuming it. 

It’s even more vital if you know that you have hypertension or heart problems. This way, your physician can guide you through using pre-workout supplements according to your condition. Additionally, if you don’t know your current health situation, it’s better to thoroughly examine your health before you decide to take pre-workout supplements.

In Conclusion

There are so many things that you need to consider before you start consuming a pre-workout supplement. Always keep in mind that your safety is the priority. Don’t rush into buying and drinking a pre-workout supplement just because all your other gym buddies do it. You must consider the things mentioned above before trying the supplement yourself.

Are you dreading a long journey, whether down the highway or on a plane? Don’t worry – with the proper preparation and some creative ideas to keep you entertained, your journey can become an enjoyable experience!

To help make sure that boredom doesn’t set in during your trip, this article has compiled some fun and exciting pastimes to provide hours of entertainment along the way. Read on for a list of innovative activities to keep your travel adventures lively.

Create a playlist beforehand or make a road trip mixtape to keep your spirits up during the journey

Going on a road trip can be an adventure of a lifetime but can also be tiring and monotonous, especially if you are driving alone. That’s where a playlist or a mixtape can come in handy. You can create a mix of songs that match the road trip’s mood, whether upbeat and energetic or melodic and reflective. Curating a playlist beforehand can also give you a chance to reminisce about good times and help create new memories. The beauty of having a playlist or mixtape is that it can lull you into a peaceful state, help you focus on the scenery or take your mind off the miles, and keep your spirits up throughout the journey. So, next time you plan a road trip, don’t forget to create your ultimate playlist or mixtape to make the adventure more memorable.

Also Read: Road Trip Tips for Solo Travelers, Couples, and Families

Load up your phone with podcasts and audiobooks so you can stay engaged and entertained while driving

Long road trips can be tedious, but they don’t have to be! With today’s technology, you can quickly load up your phone with podcasts and audiobooks to keep you engaged and entertained while driving. Whether you’re into true crime, comedy, self-help, or any other genre, there’s a podcast out there for you. And if you prefer to delve into a good book, audiobooks are the perfect solution. You can even switch between the two to keep things interesting. So why settle for silence or static-filled radio stations when you can have endless hours of enriching content at your fingertips? Load up your phone with your favorite podcasts and audiobooks and hit the road in style.

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Also Read: 5 Steps in Starting an Online Casino Business

Play some online casino games

If you’re looking for an exciting way to pass the time during your travels, why not try online casino games? Not only are they fun and entertaining, but some of them can also offer great excitement. Whether you prefer card games such as Blackjack or Poker, slots with multi-pay lines, or even the most popular live casino games like Roulette and Baccarat, online casinos offer something for everyone. Plenty of websites let you play for free or with real money so that you can enjoy an interactive experience while on the go. 

Sites like jackpotcity casino are a good choice because they have a wide selection of games to choose from as well as loads of information about payment options and safe gambling. If you go to the main page, you’ll see they offer online slots, online blackjack, online roulette, online keno, video poker, and more! There’s a mobile casino feature as well as a casino app, so there are plenty of ways to play when you’re on the move.

Take advantage of any roadside attractions – stop at a small museum or park to take a break from the trip

Long road trips can be tiring, especially when you’re driving for hours on end. Yet, did you know that taking short breaks during your journey can actually make it more enjoyable? Roadside attractions are a perfect way to break up the monotony of a long trip. These attractions may include small museums, parks, or even weird and quirky landmarks. Stopping at one of these places not only gives you an opportunity to stretch your legs but can also be a fun way to learn something new about the area you’re traveling through.

So, take advantage of the next roadside attraction you come across and see what unexpected adventure may be waiting for you.

Is Being an Alpha Female Hurting Your Chances of Finding Love After 50?

 

You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by clicking here.

I admit it. I can be quite the Alpha Female who had to learn how to deal with men in a different way.

I’d always gotten along with men, laughing, joking, and just enjoying their energy.

It wasn’t until I heard the words, “You don’t know how to let a man be a man” from two different men that I realized something wasn’t right.

(If you’ve ever heard my story, this was a turning point in my life and what ultimately lead me to becoming a dating coach guiding women on the journey of attracting love with a good man into their life after 50.)

Back to the story . . .I really didn’t know what those words, “You don’t know how to let a man be a man” meant.

Did it mean I was supposed to be a doormat and just lie down and let them walk all over me?

Did it mean I didn’t have a choice or a say in what happened in the relationship?

I remember feeling so confused and actually kind of scared.

I looked back on my relationship with the men I’d dated and made note of a couple of words I’d heard more than once.

Words like controlling, ordering, and emasculating.

And I began figuring out exactly what these meant to men and to my ego that was feeling a bit hurt that I’d been perceived this way.

What I learned was ordering meant asking a man to do something the way you’d ask a woman to do it.

Controlling meant, telling him how to do whatever task you’ve asked him to do.

And emasculating meant, not letting him be who he is . . . a man who wants to do his best to please you.

So, I began trying out words with men to see how they’d react.

And I found what I now call the 4 Magic Words that men can actually hear and respond well to.

What are these 4 Magic Words?

“I need your help.”

So simple yet so hard for many of us to say.

We are so used to being independent that asking for help feels a bit like being perceived as weak.

But you’re not weak.

Nor was I.

But, I have to admit saying those 4 words was not easy at first.

I remember going up to the produce guy in the grocery store and practically choking on those magic words when I asked for his help in picking out a ripe cantaloupe.

What happened though surprised me.

His chest puffed up as he hurried over to the cantaloupes and started to check each one out.

When he found the right one, he looked up at me with the smile of a proud man.

I thanked him for his help and told him how much I appreciated him finding such a fine ripe cantaloupe.

I was so surprised to see his chest puff up even more as he told me, “Always a  pleasure to help.”

I tried this experiment again at a different grocery store but this time when the produce guy proudly handed me the cantaloupe, I looked at him and said . . . “This is way too ripe. It’s going to rot before I even get it home. Maybe that one’s better. Or that one over there.”

The smile dropped off his face.

His body literally caved in like a puppy does when you say . . . “No, no, no to it.”

It was painful to watch and I felt terrible because truthfully the cantaloupe was quite ripe and smelled amazing.

I did apologize to him and told him what I was up to which set off a whole litany of stories about feeling emasculated that I won’t repeat here.

What I will share is that I learned 3 important lessons using the 4 magic words . . . I need your help.

#1 Men truly want to help you and make you happy and will do their best to make it happen.

#2 Men, like us, get hurt when they are criticized for what they do especially when they are trying to do their best at helping you.

#3 Men don’t like being told how to do their job.

Since that time, I’ve used the 4 magic words hundreds of times along with “thank you, I so appreciate it!”

And it’s helped me get my needs met by men over and over again.

In fact, when I use them, men always jump hoops to help me.

It really is magic!

I’d love to hear how these 4 magic words are working for you.

Let me know by posting your comment below.

Big hugs ~

Love this article? Sign up by clicking here to receive my weekly blog.

Copyright© 2023 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.

On June 21, 2023   /   Dating Advice Over 50, Mistakes Women Make Dating After 50, Successful Single Women over 50  

Is Being an Alpha Female Hurting Your Chances of Finding Love After 50?

 

You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by clicking here.

I admit it. I can be quite the Alpha Female who had to learn how to deal with men in a different way.

I’d always gotten along with men, laughing, joking, and just enjoying their energy.

It wasn’t until I heard the words, “You don’t know how to let a man be a man” from two different men that I realized something wasn’t right.

(If you’ve ever heard my story, this was a turning point in my life and what ultimately lead me to becoming a dating coach guiding women on the journey of attracting love with a good man into their life after 50.)

Back to the story . . .I really didn’t know what those words, “You don’t know how to let a man be a man” meant.

Did it mean I was supposed to be a doormat and just lie down and let them walk all over me?

Did it mean I didn’t have a choice or a say in what happened in the relationship?

I remember feeling so confused and actually kind of scared.

I looked back on my relationship with the men I’d dated and made note of a couple of words I’d heard more than once.

Words like controlling, ordering, and emasculating.

And I began figuring out exactly what these meant to men and to my ego that was feeling a bit hurt that I’d been perceived this way.

What I learned was ordering meant asking a man to do something the way you’d ask a woman to do it.

Controlling meant, telling him how to do whatever task you’ve asked him to do.

And emasculating meant, not letting him be who he is . . . a man who wants to do his best to please you.

So, I began trying out words with men to see how they’d react.

And I found what I now call the 4 Magic Words that men can actually hear and respond well to.

What are these 4 Magic Words?

“I need your help.”

So simple yet so hard for many of us to say.

We are so used to being independent that asking for help feels a bit like being perceived as weak.

But you’re not weak.

Nor was I.

But, I have to admit saying those 4 words was not easy at first.

I remember going up to the produce guy in the grocery store and practically choking on those magic words when I asked for his help in picking out a ripe cantaloupe.

What happened though surprised me.

His chest puffed up as he hurried over to the cantaloupes and started to check each one out.

When he found the right one, he looked up at me with the smile of a proud man.

I thanked him for his help and told him how much I appreciated him finding such a fine ripe cantaloupe.

I was so surprised to see his chest puff up even more as he told me, “Always a  pleasure to help.”

I tried this experiment again at a different grocery store but this time when the produce guy proudly handed me the cantaloupe, I looked at him and said . . . “This is way too ripe. It’s going to rot before I even get it home. Maybe that one’s better. Or that one over there.”

The smile dropped off his face.

His body literally caved in like a puppy does when you say . . . “No, no, no to it.”

It was painful to watch and I felt terrible because truthfully the cantaloupe was quite ripe and smelled amazing.

I did apologize to him and told him what I was up to which set off a whole litany of stories about feeling emasculated that I won’t repeat here.

What I will share is that I learned 3 important lessons using the 4 magic words . . . I need your help.

#1 Men truly want to help you and make you happy and will do their best to make it happen.

#2 Men, like us, get hurt when they are criticized for what they do especially when they are trying to do their best at helping you.

#3 Men don’t like being told how to do their job.

Since that time, I’ve used the 4 magic words hundreds of times along with “thank you, I so appreciate it!”

And it’s helped me get my needs met by men over and over again.

In fact, when I use them, men always jump hoops to help me.

It really is magic!

I’d love to hear how these 4 magic words are working for you.

Let me know by posting your comment below.

Big hugs ~

Love this article? Sign up by clicking here to receive my weekly blog.

Copyright© 2023 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.

On June 21, 2023   /   Dating Advice Over 50, Mistakes Women Make Dating After 50, Successful Single Women over 50