Category: Dating & Love

“Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?”, you wondered, because you couldn’t quite understand why she was acting so aggressive towards you. You cried when she started shouting at you because she couldn’t hear you on the call. Or, she made a little too much fun of you for not knowing what a word meant. Or simply, because she just doesn’t reciprocate the affection you seem to be showering her with.

In any case, when you feel like the person you love the most is constantly rude to you and displaying bad behavior, you’re bound to be looking for answers. Thoughts like, “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return”, might sit at the back of your mind, causing the resentment to grow with each passing day.

What’s the reason behind the indifference and hostility in your angry girlfriend? Is she even being hostile because of her bad mood, or is it just the way she is? How can you get rid of the “my girlfriend is so mean to me all the time” thoughts that never stop eating away at you? Let’s find out.

Why Is Your Girlfriend So Mean To You? 9 Probable Reasons

When she shuts the door of your car a little too hard while getting off, or if she straight up tells you that she’s annoyed at you, you might shrug your shoulders and wonder, “But, what did I even do that she’s acting this way?”

It’s not uncommon to land yourself in that situation where it feels like you’re trapped in a loop of hostility that feeds itself. If you ask your partner why they’re upset, you’re going to be hit back with, “Why do you not know? Do I have to spell everything out for you?”  because your girlfriend refuses to explain herself.

If you try to slide this one under the rug and forget about it, be prepared for her to say, “Oh, so this is how you deal with problems? By never bringing them up?” You’re stuck in the middle, and questions like, “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?”, keep bothering you. Try not to worry, it’s not necessarily a sign that your relationship is over.

Even though these angry emotions festering in your relationship might be taking a toll on you, not all is lost. Don’t let it affect your own self esteem. Let’s take a look at the possible reasons why she gives you the cold shoulder but seems to be her lovely and charming self with everyone else: 

Related Reading: How To Control Anger In A Relationship – 12 Ways To Tame The Temper

1. You did something to upset her

One of the most obvious reasons why she’s pretending like you don’t exist while you’re next to her is because you screwed up, somewhere, somehow. You may not be able to understand right away exactly what you did but her best friend definitely knows the intricacies of what went down.

So, if you’re sitting there anxiously asking Google, “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?”, you need to introspect a little on how you’ve been these past few days. Did you tell her you’d do something but never got around to it? Did you forget an important date? Worse yet, did you forget to unload the dishwasher?!

2. There’s resentment in the air

“My girlfriend used to be so mean to me at one point, and I could not even trace it back to a particular incident. I had just been walking on eggshells around her for months, and the smallest thing I did, ticked her off,” said Micah, about his ex-girlfriend Tessa.

In some situations, where it seems like there isn’t one single distinguishable moment that led to the hostility you’re experiencing, perhaps it’s a case of resentment in the relationship that keeps growing, and not just frequent mood swings that are making her act this way.

Tessa tells us what went wrong in her previous relationship. “As we became more settled in as a couple, it’s as though he’s completely stopped doing every cute thing he used to do to make me happy. Were those nice gestures just around for the first three months of the relationship, during the honeymoon period?”

She felt that Micah had been taking her for granted, and she had been harboring some anger toward him for quite some time. As a result, he was left saying, “My girlfriend is always made at me for no reason” because her frustration with him, reveals itself in her getting mad at the smallest things.

3. She’s not actually upset, it’s just how she is

“Every time I’m at her place, she stops cuddling and moves away from me. She says it’s because she needs her own space, and I can’t help but feel like she’s being incredibly rude. Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?” A reader wrote to us.

If you’re expecting to be joined at the hip with your partner all the time, it’s understandable if she gets a bit upset and demands her own space. Have you ever considered that that might just be what she’s like as a person and that she wants more personal space than you do?

So before you go ahead and complain to your friends, “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return! Why does she hate me so much?”, maybe try to consider how cuddling all the time just isn’t her vibe. It’s not that she gets mad easily, it’s simply that you two are not on the same page. Or, the way she talks is just how she talks, and she’s not even trying to be mean.

4. You two aren’t compatible 

According to studies, incompatibility is one of the biggest reasons why people get divorced. It’s understandable that if you two don’t see the world from similar lenses, there are bound to be a few differences, which may appear to be mean behavior. 

If you’re a hard-core meat eater and your partner is a serious vegan, it’s clear to see how you might not agree with each other’s values. As a result of your vastly different worldviews, resentment in your relationship may take hold. And even though you may try to resolve the ideological differences, it is possible that you are unable to internally accept the other person, which can result hurtful words and arguments.

5. You’re in a one-sided dynamic

“She is mean to me but nice to everyone else,” you think to yourself, wondering what might be the reason for your girlfriend’s rude behavior. Have you ever wondered that perhaps it is not a phase, her mental health issues or just an irritable mood. Maybe it is her feeling stuck in this serious relationship.

• She is considering a breakup: When your partner doesn’t care for you much, doesn’t want a future with you and is considering a breakup, it’s pretty apparent how they’re not going to be too mindful of the tone they use when talking to you
• She is not invested in this relationship: A one-sided relationship doesn’t feature much love, care or affection. When the partner who’s not as invested gets upset, they’re not going to care too much about what they’re saying and how they’re saying it
• She yells at you in public: When you’re in a one-sided relationship, your partner won’t necessarily respect you in public. They are clearly only hanging around with you for personal problems and not because they love you. Even though she may be an amazing woman, don’t let her disrespect you this way and walk away from the relationship if you have to

Related Reading: How To Emotionally Detach Yourself From Someone – 10 Ways

6. “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?” Perhaps she’s stressed out

Picture this situation: You’ve just come back from a long day at work where two of your colleagues sent you not-so-nicely worded emails, and you got stuck in what seemed like the world’s longest traffic jam on your way back. 

Once you’re home, you learn that the report you handed over needs to be rectified, like, ASAP. If in the middle of all that, your partner comes in for a hug and starts bombarding you with kisses, you’re not going to be in the jolliest mood, are you?

Similarly, your girlfriend might just be stressed out about a few things happening in her life too. Instead of asking yourself, “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?”, ask yourself if she’s been particularly stressed recently because of other external factors. In such cases, what she needs is support in the relationship, not an accusation of being mean.

7. You don’t communicate well

When you’re upset with your partner, do you talk to them about it or do you spread ketchup all over their fries instead of the mustard they wanted, hoping they’ll get the hint? The point is, that ,passive aggressive behaviors in relationships can often make it seem like you two hate each other.

• Lack of communication: Such passive hostility arises from a lack of communication, which arises from a fear of confrontation. Big words, but all we’re trying to say is: you don’t know how to talk to each other, and your communication patterns need a recheck
• This leads to avoidant behavior: If most of your conversations end in hostility and disagreement, it is possible that you adopt the habit of sweeping things under the rug and simply ignoring the problem completely, leading to further problems

8. She has a hard time controlling her anger

If waking up to an eggless fridge sets her off enough to lash out at you, it’s a clear sign that she’s not the most efficient at keeping her anger in check. Unfortunately, this is just one of her character traits. It could be because she’s immature or because you’ve tolerated her disgruntled behavior in the past, just for the sake of being done with it. Nonetheless, understanding how to deal with your partner’s anger issues is what you need to do.

While some of us come with anger issues because of family problems that we encountered at a young age or past experiences that make us act out in this way, you must still note this as a lack of respect in a relationship. If she always finds faults with you, gets angry at you in front of her friends or often gives you the silent treatment — don’t let her get away with it on account of it just being a personality trait.

9. She may be on her period

Studies suggest that women who are PMSing have higher anger and lower anger control levels. While science backs you up on this one, make sure you don’t respond to her angry/irritable mood with, “Oh, are you PMSing?” as that will certainly only worsen your girlfriend’s mood.

“I wouldn’t say she’s always mean to me on her period but she definitely gets annoyed more easily during that time. The fact that she’s aware of that is enough for me, and I don’t bring it up,” Alex told us. While that is one way of dealing with your girlfriend’s behavior, consider helping her calm down instead of leaving her to deal with her own feelings herself.

Tuck her in her blanket, bring her a warm soup or check in on her for just a few minutes to see if she’s hydrating throughout the day. It may not instantly lift her mood, but when you are taking such good care of her — she will be less inclined to scream at you.

And with that being said, let’s look into a few other things that you can do to make your girlfriend feel better. Whether she has bipolar disorder which makes her irritable sometimes or she is angry at you for a particular reasons, consider doing the following to help her with whatever she’s dealing with.

5 Things You Can Do If Your Girlfriend Is Mean To You

If thoughts like, “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return”, plague your mind, ask yourself if you’re actually doing the right things. Are you trying to hug and cuddle away her anger when she just wants some space? Or did you assume she needed space when all she wanted was for you to physically be there for her?

Much of what you can do if your girlfriend is being mean to you revolves around knowing exactly what she wants. If she’s stressed out and needs space in the relationship, space will help (duh!). If there’s resentment, you need to iron out the kinks. If she’s done with the yoru bond, a “We need to talk” conversation must be initiated.

If you’re struggling with, “My girlfriend is mean to me all the time, what can I do?”, we’ve got a few ideas to help you get started:

1. Give her space, or ask for some

Her angry and unwanted behavior might be simply because she wants to be alone, and since you are not giving it to her, she’s taking it herself by being rude or ignoring you. When it seems like every conversation you have with your partner turns into a raging argument, a bit of personal space in a relationship can do wonders for you.

Not every issue needs to be resolved immediately, and taking some time off to collect your thoughts means you can come back with lowered voices and a more respectful tone. If you think you need some space, ask for it and tell your partner why you need it.

Related Reading: How To Keep Calm When Your Girlfriend Talks To Other Guys

2. Some self-reflection may be in order

Even if you’re convinced you never did anything to anger her, try to approach the question with an objective mind. Perhaps she expected a few things out of you that you failed to deliver or you said something crass that she has hung on to. If you think she’s nice to others but rude to you, think a little harder about what may be going wrong in your relationship.

Keep in mind, the only way you’ll ever get to the bottom of any animosity is through a heaping serving of empathy toward your partner. Once you put yourself in your partner’s shoes, you’ll understand what upsets them and why, instead of simply blaming it on her hormonal fluctuations.

3. Communicate the right way

Sure, the key to a healthy relationship is communication and having an honest conversation. But if you’re shouting at your partner, giving them a piece of your mind for that thing they said, communication isn’t really getting you two anywhere. If you two do not learn how to communicate the right way, you might soon be in a toxic relationship. Which is why, here is what you should do:

• Use the right words: Instead of accusing your partner of something and using the words “always” or “never”, try to use “I” statements and calmly talk about the problems
• Show her that you are on the same page: Don’t get defensive, and try to highlight the end goal, which is you two being happy together. For example,you can say, “I feel like you’ve been mean to me these past few days, and I don’t know where it’s coming from. Can we sort this out?” or “I want us to be close to each other, but I feel disrespected”

It’s quite simple really. Instead of asking for relationship advice from single people and exclaiming, “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?”, make sure you talk to your partner about it, and accept responsibility for what is going wrong.

4. Try to cheer her up

In situations where she’s rude to the people around her because she’s been stressed out, perhaps you can come to her aid and cheer up your girlfriend (isn’t that what being in a relationship is all about?). If your girlfriend hates a certain food and is irritated because of it, or is affected by something a coworker said to her on an email — try to lift her out of this bad mood. Good partners look out for each other in a successful relationship.

However, as we mentioned, it’s pertinent that you figure out exactly what’s going to help her. Instead of assuming that a massage is going to make her feel better, you can always ask your partner what you can do for them. It’d save you the embarrassment when you send the masseuse back home because your partner said, “When have I ever asked for a massage?”

5. Have firmer, healthy boundaries when she disrespects you

After a point, you need to draw the line somewhere and take a stand for yourself too. Your life can’t revolve around a woman’s mood and if you’re being disrespected, it’s important to understand that fanning that behavior is only going to set you up for more disappointment in the future. Be sure that you do not have a toxic girlfriend on your hands and that your partner is just expressing a fair amount of anger.

There is a fine line between a girlfriend criticizing you and a partner that constantly puts you down. If you think you may be in an abusive relationship, start standing up for yourself and telling her your needs. If she’s acting this way because she’s insecure or stressed out, does not give her a free pass to constantly berate and belittle you. If she loves you, she will understand where she is being wrong.

Hopefully, we’ve been able to steer you away from the spiral of thoughts like, “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return!” and have encouraged you to try out a few things. If things go well, pretty soon you’ll be back to days of surprise hugs and lingering cuddles.

This article was updated in August 2023.

10 Ways To Make An Angry Wife Happy

11 Signs Your Man Has Anger Issues

How Saying Hurtful Things In A Relationship Affects It

How to apologize for cheating? What a terribly loaded question! You’re probably already dealing with the fact that you cheated on a committed partner, and the guilt and uncertainty are eating away at you. In your heart, you know your partner deserves better than this and you owe them a detailed explanation. But how does one even go about it? What to say after cheating?

Do you write an apology letter or talk to them in person? Should you reveal the whole truth behind this affair? Or is it better to censor certain parts to spare them any more suffering? No matter what triggered your earlier actions, you are here now, ready to take responsibility for the damage done in the relationship and we stand by you in your pursuit. You must feel everything’s bleak at the moment but let’s look at the bright side.

You value the importance of saying sorry in a relationship and are willing to work hard on the relationship. The silver lining says they might give you another chance. But we have a complex situation at hand to deal with, and we thought it could use an expert’s take. So, we spoke to psychotherapist Gopa Khan (Masters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), who specializes in marriage and family counseling, on how to ask for forgiveness after cheating and things to do and not to do when you plan on coming clean.

Expert Suggests 11 Tips On How To Apologize After Cheating

We’ll be honest – there’s no easy or simple way to do this. You’re about to confess to a partner whom you probably still love and respect, or at least still have some warm feelings toward, that you cheated on them. You’re basically about to shake up their world and say that you chose to shatter their trust and create possibly permanent relationship trust issues.

What’s easy or simple about that, right? But you can be honest and sincere, and not make this any messier than necessary for yourself and your partner. Here are some expert tips on how to apologize for cheating, hopefully (but we make no promises) without losing your mind completely:

1. Avoid making excuses

What to say when you cheat on someone you love? Gopa suggests,

• The first step toward making amends for cheating is to take responsibility for your actions
• Avoid giving any excuses or reasons as to why you had the affair
• Avoid spending time justifying your infidelity
• Don’t get into the ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ and strictly no blaming your spouse or partner for the affair
• Blame-shifting doesn’t work. Just go with “What I did was wrong”. No excuses

This is, of course, easier said than done. When you’re confessing to something you know will hurt your partner and your relationship, the temptation to follow it up with, “But I only did it because I was lonely/drunk/thinking of you, etc.” is high. After all, it might redeem you just a tiny bit, both in your own and your partner’s eyes.

The thing is, that’s a total cop-out, especially at the beginning of an apology. Maybe there is a justification for why you cheated and maybe you are lonely or unfulfilled or unhappy in your relationship. But right now, you’re just owning up to the fact that you brought a third person into your relationship, an action that’s deeply hurtful and possibly unforgivable. Don’t bring up the hows and whys just yet, if at all you have to. Making excuses just makes it sound like you’re looking for a way out.

Related Reading: 11 Signs Of Emotional Cheating With Examples

2. Be completely honest and open

“I had a short affair with a colleague and I had to tell my husband about it,” says Colleen, “I knew my husband won’t forgive me and I kept wondering, “What to say? How to frame it? How long does it take for someone to accept an apology?” and so on. And then I realized, this was real, and I needed to be completely honest about things because this wasn’t some sort of movie script.”

We agree with Colleen. You’re owning up to lying and cheating here. Don’t make it worse by lying even more. You’re not telling a story here, no one’s waiting for a big climax or hoping for a strong beginning. Be honest, to yourself and to them. However, Gopa warns against too much detail:

• When you apologize for cheating and lying, you need to share the whole truth without embellishments or exaggeration
• Also, lies have a way of coming out and can deeply damage the relationship to the point of no return
• However, avoid giving too many minute details as the spouse can use this to further torture themselves mentally
• Also, share information at one go, instead of giving it in bits and pieces
• Regardless of whether it’s a short fling or a lifelong extramarital affair, giving information to a betrayed spouse in drips causes further damage to the relationship

“I usually encourage my clients to write down their concerns and questions and hand it over to their spouse to respond. This makes it non-confrontational, and both spouses can read the letters repeatedly and make them part of their healing,” she adds.

3. Don’t assume apologizing fixes everything

It would be nice if life and adult relationships were like kids’ storybooks where you say you’re sorry and you’re sincere and that’s all you need to do to fix things. Unfortunately, that’s not how things work, so don’t go assuming that an apology, no matter how perfectly worded, is all it takes to fix things.

When you’re apologizing to someone you’ve hurt, you can’t be doing it with expectations. You can’t think, “Okay, I cheated but I want to save my relationship. I’ll say I’m sorry, I’ll tell them everything and then things will go back to the way they were and it’ll all work out.” You’re going to have to accept the consequences, and they’ll likely be absolutely nothing like what you imagined.

Even if you offer an apology for hurting someone you love, they have every right to not want to hear you out at first at all and certainly not forgive you right away or ever. That’s a risk you need to take when you’re wondering how to apologize for cheating and having wildly unrealistic expectations isn’t the way to go about it. Make your partner feel like you genuinely regret cheating on them and wait with patience until they are ready to acknowledge your plea.

4. Accept that your partner will be angry, upset, and irrational

“I am sorry I cheated. It was a one time thing and it won’t happen again” – if only it were that easy to send an apology letter to boyfriend for cheating (or to your girlfriend) and wash off your hands from the unfortunate incident. The reality is that your partner is going to feel angry, you have just broken their heart into a million pieces. They will want to yell, scream and hurl their anger at you or give you the cold, silent treatment for weeks afterward.

Your partner may also wish to defend themselves or run away from the situation to protect themselves. In other words, they’re going to behave in a manner that you won’t like or consider ‘rational’. But given that you are the one in a morally compromised position here, you have to allow them the space to vent. Our expert suggests,

• Remember, they are trying to deal with their betrayal and hurt
• Do not expect kindness or understanding from them or reprimand them for being less than rational
• Their world has just come apart, you need to let them process it their way, even if it doesn’t make sense to you
• Expect them to be angry (but not physically or verbally abusive), don’t react when they are angry, or start fighting
• Do not storm off when they are talking about the affair. Pay undivided attention so they know you truly want to make amends
• Don’t demand that your spouse forgive and forget the affair, or act as the guilty/hurt party and play the victim
• Don’t push or manipulate them either

Related Reading: 10 Questions To Ask Your Unfaithful Spouse

5. Actively rebuild trust

When you’re thinking feverishly about how to ask for forgiveness after cheating, know that it’s not just about the words in the apology letter, but also about how you need to quietly and slowly start rebuilding trust and the fragile bond between you and your partner. And that means you take responsibility – in your words and your actions. Even if it seems your relationship is almost over, a sense of rebuilt trust is a sense of closure for both parties.

There’s no one way to do this, and it’s entirely possible your hard work will seem fruitless at first but it’s important to follow up your apology with concrete action. We can both agree you probably won’t be nominated for the ‘best husband’ or ‘best partner’ award at the moment. The least you can do is to let your partner see that you seriously want to make things better. Here’s what Gopa suggests:

• Be especially sensitive to your spouse and help rebuild trust in your relationship
• Start to be proactive and more open with them
• Actively nurture the relationship. The love and trust will not grow on their own
• Make sure there’s a parity between your words and actions so they can trust you enough to give you a second chance
• It’s a commitment that you need to make with yourself and your partner to work on the relationship every day and heal it from within
• Maybe your partner won’t respond at first, but remember, you’re doing this for yourself as much as for them
• Rather than carry the burden and signs of being an untrustworthy partner all your life, it’s both kinder and more practical to act toward making better choices

6. Give your partner space

When you apologize for cheating on your husband or apologize after cheating on your boyfriend, do keep in mind that it’ll take both time and space for them to come to terms with the betrayal and the shock. And the best thing you can do is to give it to them. What to say when apologizing for cheating? How about, “I understand you need time and space.”

“When my partner confessed that he’d had a one-night stand while away on a trip, I broke down completely,” says Chris. “I couldn’t stand being in the same room or even the house as him. Eventually, he realized this and he went and stayed with a friend for a while. We’re still trying to work it out, but that time apart meant I could wrap my mind around it and at least we’re talking now.”

Dealing with a cheating partner is its own kind of trauma, and like any trauma, needs both emotional and physical space. Constantly being around your partner or begging for forgiveness is not the best thing right now. You’ve made your apology, hopefully, it was a sincere one. Now it’s up to them to come to terms with it in their own way. The answer to how to apologize for cheating and lying is sometimes, “maintain some distance”.

7. Consider seeking professional help

“When an affair occurs, the couple tends to try and dissect it and find reasons on their own,” Gopa says, “The betrayed partner is looking for reasons as to why the affair happened in the first place and the cheating partner is trying to find justifications as to what was missing in the relationship or if there were any lacunae.

“Firstly, that is not the reason why the affair happened. The affair happened out of choice – you chose to step out voluntarily and disrespected your relationship intentionally by bringing in a third person into your equation. The best option is for both to seek individual counseling for yourself and set aside a fixed time once a day or week where both partners can talk civilly and discuss where their relationship was and where it stands now.”

The conversation is going to be difficult after you were caught in bed with another man/woman or something of the sort. That is why having an impartial and trained listener is integral to your healing process. If you need a hand, Bonobology’s panel of counselors is here to help. Seeking therapy and relationship counseling is always a good idea, even if you’re not dealing with an affair or a relationship crisis.

Related Reading: 12 Ways An Extramarital Affair Can Help Your Marriage

8. Don’t hold off on the apology

David says, “I had been secretly seeing my wife’s cousin for a while. After a point, I was riddled with guilt and called it off. I didn’t know how to apologize for cheating. I planned a huge apology to my wife, planned what I would say and how I would say it, the words I would use. But when it came down to it, I was terrified of actually saying it. It took weeks before I realized I was actually making it worse by putting it off.”

When you plan to apologize for lying and cheating, don’t stop at just planning. As with any tough situation, the way to apologize for cheating on your husband or wife, or long-term partner is to go ahead and do it. Of course, it’s a tough thing to actually go ahead with, and we guarantee you that it won’t go the way you’ve planned it out in your head. But you need to actually say the words out loud and make the gestures if you want to move on in whatever way possible.

• The first thing you can do is plan and write out what you want to say
• Apology letters are another option at hand if a face-to-face conversation seems difficult
• You can pour your heart into an apology letter to boyfriend for cheating or express deep regret for betraying your girlfriend
• However, you might want to start out with a proper talk rather than giving in to your fear
• And do it as soon as you can, without letting relationship communication issues get in the way
• It will be more impactful if you face up the situation instead of dropping off an apology letter through mutual friends

9. Don’t make it all about you

How to apologize for emotional cheating? Well, whether it was an emotional affair, a one time kiss, or something entirely physical, this one rule applies to all when you are making an apology to the most important person in your life right now. Don’t make yourself the center of the apology letter/speech. There’s a difference between taking accountability for your actions and making it all about how terrible you feel and how you’ll do anything to make up for it.

You need to have empathy for your partner and their feelings, which will be all over the place as they deal with their shock, sorrow, anger, and so on. If you’re wondering what to say when you cheat on someone you love, just say your piece, be clear with your partner, and then back off. They don’t need the additional frills and furbelows so you can feel better about yourself. According to Gopa, you should:

• Avoid beating yourself up and make the apology all about yourself
• Your spouse is torn into million pieces and has lost trust in you and your relationship. They cannot and should not have to deal with your pain and issues
• Your focus should be on your partner rather than playing the victim and letting cheating guilt signs take over
• Those are best addressed in individual therapy sessions with your counselor
• Also, don’t try to minimize the issue or blow it off as if the affair was a blip in the marriage and everything will now go back to the way it was

10. Act out of genuine remorse, not just guilt

How to apologize to your wife for cheating or for betraying your partner’s trust? Remember, an apology is about saying you’re sorry, and meaning it. It means you’re not doing it simply as a courtesy but because you realize you’ve done something terrible, maybe even unforgivable in your partner’s eyes. And you’re genuinely feeling terrible about it. Saying a simple sorry one time may not cut it, even if it assuages your guilt.

Gopa says, “What to say when apologizing for cheating is very important, and how you say it is even more important. I have clients who argue that it has been over a year and that their partners should have gotten over the cheating episode by now. They ask me how many times they need to say they’re sorry. My recommendation on how to say sorry after cheating is to do it a million times if need be and let your genuineness and honesty show that you really mean it.

“Yes, sometimes you may get tired of apologizing repeatedly or want to stop talking about the affair or just move on. But one can only move on if the betrayed partner has been made to feel safe, secure, and understood. If they continue to feel betrayed and distrust you, that means you are not being serious about making reparations to the relationship or that you didn’t work hard enough to heal the marriage.”

11. Be clear about how you want to proceed after the apology

How to apologize for cheating? Forgiveness in relationships is important, but clarity about what comes afterward is a major part of the apology and the road ahead. Remember, your partner might not want the same things you want. They may find it hard to wipe away the image of a third person from their head and want to end the relationship/marriage. If that is the case, don’t attempt to change their mind, at least not right away. If letting go is what is best for them, do so with grace.

• Be clear about it in your mind and communicate to your partner accordingly
• Do you want to continue with your marriage/relationship?
• Have you fallen for the person you cheated with and is that something you want to pursue?
• Are you both willing to go for counseling and rebuild trust?

When you apologize after cheating on your boyfriend, it’s the first step to whatever comes next. It’s not going to be pretty no matter which way it goes and there’s a good chance it won’t go your way. But it’s up to you to be clear about your own intentions and stick to them as firmly as you can. If you and your partner are not on the same page, it’s best to let go or at least take a relationship break.

Related Reading: An Overview Of Stages Of Guilt After Cheating

Gopa concludes, “Often, the betrayed spouse can get triggered and make connections based on their suspicions of you. These triggers can make them believe that you’re cheating on them again and this cuts their trust in the marriage even deeper. However difficult it may be to hear their anguish and pain, try not to buffer the hurt, dismiss it or be impatient for them to get over it. By being present unconditionally, hearing your spouse out non-judgmentally, and practicing active listening, you will go a long way toward healing your relationship over time.”

“I cheated on my boyfriend and I regret it” – remember how it all started? We hope this article helped you find an answer to how to apologize for cheating. Undoubtedly, it is one of the hardest things to do in a relationship. The words you use, how you express yourself, what you do afterward both as an individual and as a couple – all of this matters tremendously. There will be heartbreak and anger and negative emotion and you’ll need to take it patiently to save the relationship you once built with love.

This article has been updated in August, 2023. 

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Are you looking for ways to show your man that you love him? When it comes to things to do for your boyfriend, the options are wide-ranging, allowing you to express your affection and appreciation in various ways. Whether you’re planning a grand gesture or small acts of love, the key is to make him feel valued and appreciated.

Imagine the look of joy on his face when you go the extra mile to do something special for him on a random day. So, get ready to choose something romantic to do for him from our list of ideas, and create unforgettable moments of love and affection together.

31 Adorable Things To Do For Your Boyfriend – Make His Heart Skip A Beat

Even in moments of sadness or stress, you can think of many thoughtful things to do for your man. Discover how to cheer your boyfriend up with pretty cute things that turn his frown upside down. Whether it’s a surprise picnic in the park, a silly dance party at home, or a heartfelt message that reminds him how loved he is, there are several things to do for your boyfriend to make him feel special. 

According to a 2020 study, spending quality time with your partner greatly increases overall relationship satisfaction. So, get ready to create a symphony of love as you explore these 31 adorable gestures and watch as his heart skips a beat. Here are some ideas on how to make your boyfriend happy and create lasting memories together.

1. Plan a weekend getaway 

Want to show your boyfriend how much you love him? Plan a weekend getaway that combines adventure and relaxation in the great outdoors. Escape from the daily routine, explore a new destination together, and remind him how lucky you are to have him as your partner. 

• Plan a short trip to a nearby destination where you can relax and enjoy each other’s company
• Choose a location that offers activities or attractions that you both love
• Try searching for a location that helps both of you relive old memories as a couple

Related Reading: 8 Ways To Help Your Depressed Boyfriend

2. Go through shared photo albums together 

Take a nostalgic trip down memory lane with your partner. By flipping through old photo albums together, you can reminisce about shared experiences and appreciate the journey you have taken as a couple.

• Relive precious moments and your fondest memories 
• It can lead to engaging discussions about past adventures, funny incidents, and significant milestones in your relationship
• Talking about the memory each picture holds is one of the most beautiful things to do for your boyfriend and will deepen your emotional intimacy as a couple

3. Learn something together

After a lot of time has passed in the relationship, you might want to have new things to talk about with your partner. Mark W. Boyer, author of Domestic Vigilance: One Nation, stated that the absence of communication has the potential to create a rift between individuals that surpasses any physical distance. 

To prevent that, explore new interests and acquire new skills together. This way, you’ll always have something meaningful to talk about and it’ll strengthen the bond between you two. Giving him a shared learning experience is definitely one of the many nice things to do for your boyfriend. 

• Choose a language that both of you find interesting or useful, and practice through language learning apps, online courses, or you can hire a tutor
• Pick a DIY project that aligns with your interests or something you’ve always wanted to try. It could be building a piece of furniture, creating artwork, or even renovating a room 
• Find a hobby that both you and your boyfriend are interested in and dive into it together. It could be something like photography, painting, gardening, or learning a musical instrument

4. How to be sweet to your man? Sing for him!

Showcase your musical talent and create a heartfelt moment for your boyfriend through your voice. This heartfelt gesture is a perfect way to woo him through your musical talents.

• Sing a personalized song or even a parody of a popular song with customized lyrics to make it more meaningful
• Choose his favorite song or a song that holds significance for both of you. You could sing in a private setting, such as at home or in a park, or even in a public place like Patrick sings for David in Schitt’s Creek
• If your boyfriend enjoys singing or playing a musical instrument, try doing a duet together

5. Take a painting class 

Ignite a spark of creativity and deepen your connection with your beautiful boyfriend by embarking on a colorful adventure together. Consider enrolling in a painting class where you can create masterpieces as well as mistakes side by side.

• Unleash your hidden talents as you explore different painting techniques and styles together, guided by expert instructors
• Paint each other’s portraits or objects/places that mean a lot to you both 
• Cherish the quality time spent together, basking in the glow of your artistic endeavors and the boundless joy of creating something beautiful with your loved one

6. Host a movie marathon

Curate a movie marathon that will transport you and your boyfriend to a world of entertainment and bliss. With cozy blankets and scrumptious snacks, leave him smitten with the following tips:

• A great tip on how to be sweet to your man is to handpick a selection of films that encompass his favorite genres or dive into the latest releases he’s been eagerly anticipating
• Set the stage for an unforgettable movie night by creating a cozy nest of cushions, dimming the lights, and adorning the space with fairy lights or scented candles
• Enhance the movie night experience by preparing his favorite snacks, be it a bucket of popcorn, gourmet nachos, or homemade delicacies

Related Reading: Addictive Flirty Texting: 120 Texts That Will Make Him Want You More

7. Listen to his favorite band together

When you listen to his favorite songs together, it not only shows your interest in his passions but also creates a meaningful connection through the melodies that speak to his heart.

• Curate a personalized playlist of his favorite songs. This thoughtful gesture will allow you both to bring back cherished memories and create new ones together
• Transform an ordinary day into an extraordinary one by surprising him with tickets to see his favorite band at a concert
• Bring the concert experience to your living room with a live streaming event. Snuggle up together and revel in the magic of the music

8. Go on a picnic

Something romantic to do for him, especially if he’s stressed at work, would be to help him escape the confines of everyday life and bask in the beauty of nature with a delightful picnic.  It’s an opportunity to show him your love and thoughtfulness.

• Find a picturesque spot in the lap of nature for your romantic picnic 
• Ignite his taste buds with a delicious spread of his favorite foods. Pack a picnic basket filled with his preferred snacks, sandwiches, and refreshing drinks
• Lay out a cozy blanket for you both to sit on, read books together, and surprise him with a bouquet of his favorite flowers

9. Get a room 

Introducing seduction into your relationship can reignite the spark and passion and create a sense of excitement. Break free from the routine sometimes and let your partner know how much you desire him.

• Set a romantic atmosphere with candles, rose petals, and aromatic oils. Invite your partner for an intimate soak, fostering connection and intimacy
• Create a soothing ambiance with dim lighting and soft music. Take turns giving sensual massages with scented oils, enhancing physical intimacy and mutual trust
• Surprise your partner with seductive lingerie, igniting desire and adding excitement to your intimate moments

10. Go on a walk 

Take a leisurely walk around your neighborhood, exploring the streets and enjoying the sights. Tell him what you love about him; make it a walk of pride.

• Take the opportunity to tell your boyfriend how much he means to you and how grateful you are to him. Research shows that everyday gratitude acts as a booster shot for romantic relationships
• Point out the little things you love about him along the way, enhancing relationship satisfaction and stability
• Say something nice to your boyfriend, like “I love being with you” or “I love how your hands feel in mine”

11. Play video games with him

Embrace his interests and show your boyfriend love by joining him in his favorite video games. Turn a simple video game session into a romantic experience, making it special for both of you.

• Set up an inviting gaming environment with soft blankets, dimmed lights, and scented candles, creating a romantic ambiance while you play
• Surprise him with a new video game that he’s been eyeing and plan a gaming night for both of you to enjoy
• Take turns playing multiplayer games, immersing yourselves in a virtual world while strengthening your teamwork and communication skills

12. Make time for board games in your relationship

Engaging in board games is one of the classic romantic gestures that would help you bond with your boyfriend and spend quality time together. Enjoy each other’s company without distractions!

• Personalize a board game by creating custom rule cards or adding inside jokes and memories to the game components
• Set up a dedicated board game night, complete with snacks and drinks
• Hide small surprises within the game box, delighting him with unexpected gestures throughout the gameplay

Related Reading: 50 Compliments For Men That Make Them Happy

13. Host a karaoke night

Looking for creative things to do for your boyfriend to make him feel special? Consider hosting a karaoke night that combines fun, laughter, and a touch of musical talent.

• Compile a playlist of his favorite songs and encourage him to sing along, showcasing his great voice
• Join in the fun by performing a duet together or inviting friends for a group karaoke session
• Don’t try to sing perfectly, just have fun with it

14. Prepare a luxurious bubble bath

If you don’t feel like going out at all but still want to give your boyfriend a fun surprise, consider indulging in a relaxing and intimate bubble bath date. One of the easiest lazy date ideas at home, it will allow you to create a soothing and luxurious experience for both of you.

• Set up a romantic ambiance in the bathroom with scented candles, soft music, and rose petals
• Fill the bathtub with warm water and add his favorite bath salts or bubbles 
• Join him in the bath to create a more intimate and enjoyable experience

15. Send him away for a boy’s night

Are you looking for special ideas to create the perfect boy’s night for your partner? Planning a dedicated evening for him and his closest friends can be a fantastic surprise. 

• Organize a poker or game night with his closest friends
• Arrange a comfortable and relaxed setting where they can enjoy each other’s company and indulge in friendly competition
• Take the initiative to plan this night out tailored to his interests. Show him that you’re invested in his happiness 

16. Give him a special gift

When it comes to surprising your man, finding the perfect gift for him can make all the difference. Instead of opting for a traditional present, why not go the extra mile?

• Consider giving him an unforgettable experience rather than a physical item
• Create a personalized photo album or scrapbook featuring memorable moments you’ve shared
• Include heartfelt messages, inside jokes, and mementos that represent your relationship

17. Create a scavenger hunt for your thrill-seeking partner

Whether you want to incorporate items that hold sentimental value or provide your boyfriend with a thrilling experience, a scavenger hunt can be tailored to his preferences. These small surprises for him, hidden throughout the hunt, will keep him engaged and eager to discover what awaits him at each stage.

• Each hidden clue can be accompanied by a small gift or a heartfelt love message
• This can ultimately lead to a final surprise, like a romantic dinner or a special outing
• Create digital clues and challenges that require him to solve puzzles or complete tasks to progress. This interactive and modern twist will add excitement and intrigue to the experience

18. Take him on a long drive

Ready for a memorable and romantic adventure with your boyfriend? How about taking him on an enchanting long drive? Trust me, it’s an incredible way to spend quality time together and create lasting memories. Just imagine the scenic routes you can explore and the heartfelt conversations you can have along the way. So, what are some romantic things to do for your boyfriend during this journey? 

• Find a road that offers stunning views and takes you both on a visual treat
• Fill it with his favorite songs or tracks that hold special meaning for both of you. Let the music elevate your journey
• Pack a basket with his preferred snacks and drinks. Surprise him with a delicious spread and enjoy a romantic meal amidst the beauty of nature
• Take this opportunity to connect on a deeper level. Share your dreams, memories, and thoughts with each other, and don’t forget to take at least one photo together for your memories

Related Reading: Relationship Advice For Couples – 25 Ways To Strengthen Your Bond

19. Saying those three magical words is one of the most romantic things you can do for him

Words have the power to melt hearts and strengthen bonds. Telling your boyfriend “I love you” is a beautiful way to express your commitment to him.

• To do something special for him, pour your heart out on paper or through a video, mentioning specific qualities you adore about him. Present it to him as a surprise, and let him cherish your words forever
• Arrange this date in a special location, such as a scenic spot, and say “I love you” under the stars

20. Travel for two

Spontaneous adventures can be incredibly romantic and exciting, or you can plan ahead if it’s a longer trip. Travel will allow you to bond with your boyfriend and create unforgettable memories. 

• Discover new places, try local cuisine, and enjoy each other’s company 
• Be ready for some bumps along the way; it’s normal to face little issues when you travel. It’s how you handle them together that matters the most
• A couple can get to know a lot about each other when they travel. Try to make this a regular feature in your relationship
• Create a customized road trip games and music playlist with his favorite songs and surprise him with it during the journey

21. Prepare a delicious breakfast or lunch for him

Sometimes, it’s the small gestures that make a big impact. Preparing a lunch box for your boyfriend shows your care and affection. Or start the day on a romantic note by surprising your boyfriend with a delicious breakfast.  

• Write little love notes and hide them inside his lunch box to brighten his day
• Now, coming to the food to make for your boyfriend, include his favorite sandwiches, snacks, and a sweet treat
• Plan a themed breakfast date at home, such as a pink-themed breakfast featuring strawberry pancakes, milkshakes, etc.

22. Plan a sporting event

Planning a sporting event for your boyfriend is an exciting way to keep the relationship alive and thriving. Create the perfect summer date for your boyfriend, filled with shared experiences, and melt your man’s heart.

• Surprise your boyfriend on his birthday, and invite his closest friends
• Choose a sport that he loves but also one that allows you both to bond and enjoy each other’s company
• Research his favorite teams or activities and plan a day filled with excitement and cheering. This is the perfect way to show your support for his interests

23. Make him his favorite cup of coffee

A simple but heartfelt way to melt your man’s heart is by making him his favorite cup of coffee. After all, who doesn’t like a perfect cup of Joe? Making coffee for each other is a love language, trust me.

• Start his day on a lovely note by surprising him with a homemade cup of coffee, made exactly the way he likes it
• Add a personal touch, like a heart-shaped design or a sweet message on the foam, to make it even more special
• Enjoy each other’s company in a peaceful and loving environment; such moments can become important anchors in a relationship

24. Go to the amusement park

If you’re looking for the perfect day out with your boyfriend, surprising him with a trip to an amusement park can be an exciting experience. This adventure-filled day will create lasting memories.

• Spend the day going on thrilling rides, playing games, and indulging in delicious treats
• Enjoy this opportunity to let loose, have fun, and embrace your inner child together
• Laugh, scream, and share joyful moments that will bring you closer and create a sense of adventure in your relationship

Related Reading: 18 Things To Say To Reassure Your Boyfriend About Your Relationship

25. Host a candlelit dinner

To create a romantic and intimate night that melts your man’s heart, consider hosting a candlelit dinner. By incorporating his love language, you can create a perfect evening that expresses your love and appreciation for him.

• Order his favorite dishes from his go-to restaurant or cook his favorite dish from childhood like his dad’s famous lasagna 
• If your boyfriend has a sweet tooth, consider incorporating a dessert or a treat as part of the meal
• Create a romantic ambiance by dimming the lights, lighting candles, playing soothing music in the background, and decorating with his favorite flowers
• Keep your phone aside and disconnect from the outside world, and focus solely on each other. Engage in deep conversations and get to know him more

26. Experience an escape room together

Looking for an exciting and adventurous way to surprise your boyfriend? Why not add as many twists as possible to an escape room experience? This thrilling activity not only provides an opportunity to showcase your problem-solving skills but also offers a chance to create fun memories.

• Incorporate personal memories into puzzles and challenges, making it a truly unique adventure
• Choose an escape room with a captivating theme or storyline that resonates with both of you
• If you’ve had a recent disagreement, an escape room can be the perfect opportunity to reconnect and reconcile

27. Make a card for him

Show your creative side and strengthen your romantic life by making a heartfelt card for your boyfriend. Expressing your love through a personalized card can be a magical way of making up with boyfriend after a disagreement or simply reminding him how special he is to you. You can do this to keep the relationship alive long-distance too.

• Craft a card that features snapshots of your favorite moments together
• Write down the 5 things you like about your boyfriend in each photo, highlighting the qualities that make him so special to you
• Use colorful markers, glitter, or even pressed flowers to decorate the card and make it visually appealing. If you are in a different city, post the card to him

28. Sign up for a cooking class with your partner

A study says, “As two individuals unite into one couple, there is a process in which the couple negotiates the newly combined food system’s practices, rituals, and values.” Cooking is therapeutic because “it is a sensory activity that fosters closeness and cooperation.” It adds that “cooking in a kitchen with other people can help improve … relationship skills like communication, teamwork, problem-solving, and decision-making.”

Surprising your boyfriend with a cooking class can spice up your relationship and create beautiful memories. This unique and interactive experience allows you to enhance your collaborative approach while mastering new culinary skills together.

• Enroll yourselves in a cooking class that offers a unique twist, such as a themed cuisine or a fusion cooking workshop
• Experiment with flavors, learn new techniques, and enjoy the process of creating delicious dishes together
• The collaborative nature of the activity fosters communication and teamwork, helping you make up if there was friction, and to create a positive foundation for the future

29. Go ice-skating

Put on your skates and glide hand in hand with your boyfriend on an ice-skating adventure. This classic winter activity offers the perfect opportunity to create wonderful memories.

• Surprise your boyfriend with a trip to an ice-skating rink that offers unique features such as an ice slide or an illuminated night skate session
• Hold hands, twirl together (take as many twists as you’d like!), and laugh as you glide across the ice. Capture these special moments on camera
• It’s important to keep creating new memories filled with warmth and fun in a relationship

30. Bake together for the perfect romantic life 

It doesn’t need to be a birthday or an anniversary. Any random day is a great day for baking together.

• Choose a recipe that holds significance to both of you, perhaps a dessert you enjoyed on a special occasion or something he particularly loves
• It could be something completely new too. Exploring novelties as a couple can be a great bonding activity
• As you enjoy the final product, savor the taste of your creation while expressing how much you appreciate him

31. One of the most romantic things to do for your boyfriend is to write him a love note

Words have the power to make anyone feel incredibly special. By writing your boyfriend a thoughtful love note, you can make him feel appreciated, thus nurturing your romantic life or mending any rift that may have occurred. 

• Recall a memory that truly encapsulates the essence of your romantic life, and let that memory inspire your writing
• Your magical words of love should tell him how he makes you feel and how much you value his presence in your life
• Consider writing the love note on scented stationery or with a special pen to add an extra touch of romance. You can seal it with a kiss, leaving an indelible mark of your affection

Related Reading: Activities Couples Can Do When Bored At Home

Each of the 31 ideas mentioned in this blog holds the potential to create magical moments that will remain etched in his memory. Think of the joy on his face as you surprise him with breakfast in bed or plan a romantic picnic. Let your love story unfold through these adorable acts, and watch as your bond deepens and flourishes. 

However, embrace these suggestions as your guide, and don’t forget to infuse them with your unique personalities and the essence of your relationship. So go ahead, make his heart skip a beat, and write an inspiring love story that resonates with warmth and tenderness.

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You’ve been single for quite a while and your luck doesn’t seem to be getting better. Maybe you’ve had some past success in dating but it seems impossible to find love nowadays. Or maybe you’ve had little to no luck at all and you wish you could hang it all up and call it a day. Either way, there are so many single women around you, so why is it so hard to find a girlfriend?

The good news is you’re not alone. Many people are dealing with this at the moment, preoccupied with thoughts of #ForeverAlone. A common trap we all fall into from time to time is that it’s harder for guys to get a girlfriend. Whether this is objectively true or not is beside the point. The thing to keep in mind is it doesn’t have to be so difficult for ‘you.’

Why Is It So Hard To Find A Girlfriend – 10 Probable Reasons

So why is it so hard to find a girlfriend? It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what goes wrong because every person is different. There are so many variables in these situations that it’s impossible to break this down into an actual science. But here are 10 probable reasons you’re finding it hard to get a girlfriend.

1. You’re chasing after the ‘idea’ of dating

One problem many guys face or have faced is that until we find someone we like, we’re actually infatuated with the idea of dating or being in a relationship. It comes from the thoughts: “Will I EVER find a girlfriend?” “I’m so frustrated that I can’t get a girlfriend!” So when we do go on a date, we’re not actually present with the person. Our brains are working in overdrive to force us to perceive them as the idealized version we had of them before we met them.

We’re also preoccupied with “saying the right thing to make this girl see what a great catch I am.” When done right, people will call most guys like this “charming” or “charismatic” or sometimes a “bad boy,” but it’s kind of manipulative and the charade falls apart sooner or later. What most girls find attractive is authenticity, not a performance. For most of us, however, the chasing vibe we give off is pretty obvious and puts most girls off immediately. This is a very common cause of perpetually unrequited love.

2. You’re trying to force a connection

Sometimes, we date someone solely because we don’t want to be single anymore. So, we try to force a connection for the sake of having a girlfriend. We do this by trying to live up to what we think her expectations of us are and we end up saying and doing things we never would otherwise. You might say: “I’ve been a fan of slam poetry for years.” “Oh, I love cats too!” “I absolutely think men should be manly. You’re right, anything else is a disgrace.”

We’re all guilty of doing this at some point. This doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you human. No one wants to be alone. But at what cost and for how long will you tolerate a fake relationship just to not feel lonely anymore? Trying to force a connection may also be counter-productive to your goal of creating one. Genuine connections happen spontaneously. It is long-term relationships that require effort.

Related Reading: 10 Ways To Be Happy Alone & Resist Feelings of Loneliness

3. You are trying to be a nice guy without being a nice guy

This is a common strategy among men who find it hard to talk to women. But it is more specific than “saying the right thing.” This is more of a performance to show her what a ‘nice’ guy you are in the hopes that she chooses to date you. The problem is that it’s an act and it cannot last that long.

Also, when you’re being “just a nice guy” all the time, it comes across as pretty obvious to single women. And then, of course, you’ll be ‘friend zoned.’ So, if you want to be more than just friends or acquaintances, you have to rethink your approach.

4. You’re looking in the wrong places

With so many singles around and so many things to do, it can be hard to figure out where to go to meet women. For example, if you’re looking for a steady girlfriend to settle down with one day, you might not want to go to clubs and pubs, which are full of college-age women just trying to have fun.

The same is true for online dating. While online dating has resulted in long-term relationships, these are rare. For most of us, online dating goes nowhere. For starters, the whole concept turns people into items on a menu. There are so many choices that it’s hard, almost impossible, to make the right one. There’s also the problem that many women face – an inbox full of creeps that is very difficult to sift through to find a good guy like you. Meeting women in real life is very different from meeting them on dating apps.

Related Reading: How To Meet People Without Dating Apps

5. Your dating priorities are conflicted

Hookup culture is a big part of the dating scene nowadays. So, even if you’re looking for a girlfriend, the temptation and the fear of missing out can cloud your judgment. It is also hard to tell what the woman you’re with is looking for if she doesn’t communicate her needs clearly. This leads to you wondering which way things will go and the resulting uncertainty is detrimental to your interactions with her. If you’re wondering “why is it so hard to find a girlfriend with similar core values?”, get hookups off your mind.

6. You’re looking for the wrong traits

One of the most overrated ideas that dating experts have debunked is that opposites attract. This has led to countless toxic relationships that have ended in disaster. For instance, if you’re an outgoing guy and you follow this advice, you might look for an introverted girl. The problem down the line for this introvert and extrovert relationship is that you’re both going to annoy each other because of personality traits that neither of you can help having.

She could be one of the most attractive women, yet you’ll be annoyed that she hardly ever wants to go out. And she’ll be annoyed that you never want to stay in. This conflict will become a part of the relationship dynamic and, needless to say, is not sustainable. So, while you may not want someone whose personality is nearly identical to yours (that might be more boring than you’d think), you also don’t want to pursue someone who is the polar opposite of you. Research confirms that couples who have more similarities than differences are more likely to stay together.

7. You’re only considering your looks

Many chronically single men fall into the trap of thinking that something must be wrong with them. “I’m not tall enough” or “I’m not buff enough” are commonly recurring internal responses to the question “Why is it so hard to find a girlfriend?” But if you’re looking for a girlfriend and not a fling, then your looks aren’t as important as you think. Yes, you should groom yourself and keep yourself fit and healthy but physical attraction plays a smaller role than you think. Additionally, research has shown that physical attractiveness is influenced by non-physical factors such as honesty and kindness.

Related Reading: 6 Things Men Are Obsessed With But Women Don’t Care About

8. You neglect yourself

On the flip side, you may be thinking, “I don’t care about my looks and the perfect girl wouldn’t care either. She would love me for who I am.” Except that she doesn’t know you yet and if you show up on your first date looking like you just rolled out of bed, chances are even the perfect girl for you will not see a reason to go past the first date with you. It shows a lack of self-respect. Grooming yourself shows that you care enough to look your best for your potential partner. And women appreciate a man who puts some effort into his appearance.

9. Your insecurities are overwhelming you

Insecure guys will often say, “I’m so frustrated that I can’t get a girlfriend! Why is it so hard to find a girlfriend?!” And this is a natural sentiment to have. Being single can be very frustrating. But the problem is your insecurities are what keep you from having a girlfriend.

This is because those insecurities manifest in toxic behaviors such as jealousy, need for control, neediness, passive-aggressive communication, and co-dependence. These issues are some of the biggest signs you will never get a girlfriend – if you don’t deal with them through inner work or therapy.

10. You haven’t addressed or accepted your mental health issues

Mental health struggles are probably the biggest hurdle in dating. As per a study, a high proportion of men in Western society have acquired psychological coping strategies that are often dysfunctional, such as failing to obtain appropriate support, overusing alcohol to lessen emotional suffering, denying suffering and ‘sucking it up,’ isolation or reducing social connectedness in times of distress.

Mental health problems usually come with anxiety, resentment, pessimism, and self-flagellation, making it all the more difficult to find love or even approach girls. Addressing these issues, working through your trauma, discovering your needs and boundaries – all of these can help you be more in touch with yourself and consequently more approachable to single women. It also makes meeting people in general much easier.

5 Things You Can Do

If you relate to any of this and are thinking, “With so much work to do on myself, will I ever find a girlfriend?” then yes, you will. Don’t give up. With a little patience, here are 5 things you can do to step out of your comfort zone and increase your chances of getting a girlfriend.

1. Resist the urge to chase after a relationship

Leave your agenda at the door and be yourself. It’s called the dating game but it isn’t a game that you’re supposed to win. It’s just an experience you’re sharing with another person. And if that experience leads to something more, then that’s great. But if not, it’s not the end of the world. You can always try again later. Just keep in mind that the woman you’re interested in is a human being and not a prize.

2. Stop putting on an act to “get the girl”

Whether you’re trying to be the alpha or the nice guy, you’re putting on an act, which may work for flings or one-night stands. But if you’re looking for a girlfriend, i.e. a long-term relationship, you’re better off just being yourself, flaws and all. This is because the persona you choose will only take you so far. At some point, your true self will come through and your girlfriend will feel deceived. Confident and honest men don’t need to put on an act and it is these qualities in men that attract women the most.

3. Get your dating priorities straight

As covered under the point on dating priorities, it can be tempting to give in to the allure of hookup culture even if you’re looking for something long-term. But this can be a self-defeating approach because you’re taking a passive role during the courtship by waiting to see what your potential partner wants. If you want a girlfriend, be honest enough about it to turn down a no-strings-attached sexual relationship if that’s what your date wants. That initial sexual tension does not necessarily mean you’re in love, it’s just a sign that you’re infatuated.

4. Figure out what you need from a relationship

The old adage “opposites attract” is not as wise as we once thought. People who are polar opposites of each other don’t tend to get along that well and the same is true of romantic relationships. But before you list out the qualities you want in a partner, make a list of what you’re bringing to the table. And this includes negative things like: you may have low self-esteem which you sometimes project on others.

This is something a woman would want to know about her boyfriend in addition to his strengths (and you would want to know the same about her) and is a much better way of finding a good match.

Related Reading: 10 Critical Emotional Needs In A Relationship

5. Work on yourself (inside and out)

Unresolved mental health issues can be one of the biggest signs you will never get a girlfriend. The accompanying negativity about yourself in your thoughts and body language could be what’s keeping you perpetually single. Therapy can help you resolve these issues by freeing you from your trauma responses. Once you learn how to do that, dating ceases to be the Herculean task you face now. Some of the issues that you might face on your mental health journey are:

Social anxiety

Social anxiety is a common experience for many who struggle with their mental health to the point where it’s almost impossible to even make eye contact while talking to someone. Therapy can help you develop the social skills you need to increase your chances of getting a girlfriend. A mental health professional can also help you clarify your priorities when it comes to dating, validate your struggles, and help you assert your health needs unapologetically, which can go a long way in alleviating/managing your anxiety.

Unresolved trauma

Even if your social skills are adequate, you may still suffer from mental health problems such as depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, etc. The trauma of living with a mental health condition in an ableist society is something you deal with all day every day and it does affect your ability to have a serious relationship. Once you start to work on your trauma and understand more about your mental health, chances are high that you’ll find someone who will accept that part of you completely and support you through it.

Related Reading: My Encounter with Depression: Thoughts of a Damaged Soul

Shame and resentment

Another thing that many people with mental health issues struggle with is shame. Shame regarding mental health issues does tend to come out in other ways. You may make a joke about someone’s inability or health or ‘laziness’ that sounds meaner than you intended it to. Needless to say, no one wants to be around a person who is mocking them all the time. So kick the stigma and watch how it strengthens your relationships.

Self-esteem

A part of your journey to better mental health will be looking after your appearance. While it is true that what’s on the inside matters more than looks, taking care of your appearance can do wonders for your self-esteem. Even if you weren’t blessed with movie star genetics, you can maintain your fitness (gym membership not required) and have a stylish haircut. This may seem superficial but it goes a long way in reducing your negative self-talk and giving you a chance with beautiful women. It doesn’t hurt to smell good either.

If you are looking for a therapist, you can book an online consultation with one of our counselors at Bonobology.

If you have trouble dating women, look at it as an opportunity for you to grow as a person. So, if any of this resonates with you, give it a shot, work on yourself, assert your relationship and health needs without guilt, and show that it isn’t harder for guys to get a girlfriend.

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