The AskMen Guide to Bedroom Terminology (And How to Use It Properly)
Considering how much most people care about sex (and, for instance, how none of us would exist without it), it’s not surprising that we’ve constructed elaborate, sometimes even poetic, vocabularies to describe all the things we see, do and feel between the sheets — and en route to getting there.
But with all the slang sex terms floating around there (and there are always new ones being created) it can be hard to keep track of what they all mean.
RELATED: All the Modern Dating Slang You Need to Know
Someone could say, “I thought he was a twink, but apparently my gaydar is way off, because then he started talking about how bad he wanted to creampie me after he saw my camel toe, and how much a pawg he thought I was, and to be honest he kind of had daddy energy, so we ended up having a quickie. I couldn’t stop queefing, though!” and it could mean absolutely nothing to one person and be crystal-clear to the next.
But with all the slang sex terms floating around there (and there are always new ones being created) it can be hard to keep track of what they all mean. So here’s a handy guide of 69 sex terms you might not know — along with what they mean, where they come from, and how to use them in conversation. (Which conversations you decide to use them in is up to you.)
69
Sex / Move
Pronunciation: SIX-tee NINE
A sixty-nine is a sex position that involves two people performing oral sex on each other simultaneously by lying stomach to stomach in opposite directions. Can be done with both participants lying sideways, with one person on their back and another on top, or with one person standing and the other person upside down. 69 is also considered to be one of the “cool” numbers, along with 420 (cannabis) and 666 (the devil).
Etymology: The numbers 6 and 9 look like two people facing each other while lying in different directions — just like two people who are 69ing.
“Oh man, I just discovered 69ing and I absolutely love it!”
ANILINGUS
aka “eating ass,” “rimming,” “tossing salad,” “a rimjob”
Sex / Move
Pronunciation: AY-ni-LING-us
Anilingus is the anal version of cunnilingus — meaning oral sex performed on the human anus. Meaning butt-licking, essentially. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but it’s definitely gained popularity in recent years. Like the genitals, the perineum (rim of the anus) has lots of nerve endings, and if it’s been cleaned, licking it won’t be dangerous to the giver.
Etymology: Anilingus comes from “anus” and “cunnilingus,” which comes from Latin — “cunnus,” meaning “vulva,” and “lingere,” meaning “to lick.” So anilingus means “to lick an anus,” basically.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Scott and I have been really getting into anilingus lately. He gives a seriously great rimjob!”
ASS TO MOUTH
aka “A2M”, “ATM”
Porn / Move
Pronunciation: ASS to MOW-th
Likely popularized by porn, ass to mouth is a sex move where a guy goes from penetrating an anus directly to receiving oral sex, without cleaning his penis off in between. While this can be convenient in the heat of the moment, because of the potential presence of harmful fecal bacteria deep inside in the anus, it could be very unhealthy.
Etymology: Just a simple description of what the penis does — going from being inside someone’s ass to inside someone’s mouth.
“Would you ever go A2M?” “Ass to mouth? Hell no!”
BAREBACK
Sex / Move
Pronunciation: BAIR-back
Slang term that’s popular in the gay community for penetrative anal sex done without a condom.
Etymology: A term stolen from horse-riding — if you rode a horse without a saddle, you were riding on its bare back. In this case, the comparison suggests a condom is like a saddle — perhaps safer to ride with, but also perhaps less exciting to use.
“It looked like we were going to hook up, but then he said he only did bareback and that wasn’t cool with me.”
BDSM
Kink / Term
Pronunciation: BEE-dee-ESS-emm
BDSM is a sort of catch-all term for sex that’s commonly described as rough, intense or kinky, often (but not always) involving leather and whips or other means of bondage and punishment, various types of role play, and different types of sensation play such as sexual biting, choking, scratching, electrifying, slapping and spanking, etc. While it used to be considered somewhat shocking, it’s become more and more common and mainstream in recent decades, in part due to the success of the BDSM-focused “50 Shades of Grey” book and movie series.
Etymology: Short for bondage (tying someone up), domination (being in control) and submission (letting someone else have control), sadism (enjoying inflicting pain) and masochism (enjoying experiencing pain).
“Darren and I have been really getting into BDSM lately there’s a local kink community that has pretty regular meet-ups and they are awesome.”
BEAR
Queer / Persona
Pronunciation: BAIR
A term in the gay community for a big, chunky, hairy gay man. Much sought-after. Bears are often considered “daddies,” also.
Etymology: Likely a reference to the fact that a wild adult bear is a very large, strong and furry creature.
“I was super into him, but he said I wasn’t hairy enough. I guess he was only looking for bears.”
BEARD
Queer / Persona
Pronunciation: BEERD
Slang term for a woman who dates, marries or is “linked” with a gay man in order to make him seem like he’s in a heterosexual relationship. Often used regarding Hollywood couples, since historically there’s been pressure for successful male actors to ‘stay in the closet’ in order to maintain their popularity with female fans.
Etymology: Likely a reference to the fact that macho, manly men stereotypically grow thick beards — whereas gay men are often considered more effeminate and thus may not be perceived as likely to grow much facial hair.
“I can’t believe they’re getting married! I was so sure that he was gay and she was just his beard.”
BEAST WITH TWO BACKS
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: BEEST with TOO BACKS
Slang term for sex or the act of lovemaking. Not particularly common in the 21st century.
Etymology: A reference to the fact that, when facing each other, two people having penetrative sex are joined at the crotch, like a single animal with a front-facing back and a back-facing back.
“Ugh, I’m so embarrassed. Last night my roommate walked in on me and Lana making the beast with two backs… if you know what I mean.”
BLUE BALLS
aka “involuntary testicular vasocongestion”
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: BLOO bawls
Slang term for the pain men sometimes experience from extended sexual arousal without completion. Getting blue balls is primarily an issue for younger people, such as teenage virgins engaging in long bouts of dry-humping but never proceeding to completion.
Etymology: Too much oxygenated blood in your penis can actually make your scrotum look distinctly darker, giving it a purplish look — but “purple balls” doesn’t really have the same ring to it.
“We spent like 45 minutes dry humping but then she had to leave to catch her flight. Worst case of blue balls ever, man.”
BUKKAKE
Porn / Genre
Pronunciation: boo-COCK-kay
Porn genre of Japanese origin where someone (typically a woman) is covered in semen by a group of male participants ejaculating on her, often in a circular formation. Can also be done in an all-woman iteration featuring female ejaculation.
Etymology: Bukkake is the Japanese word for the “act of splashing” — in this case, splashing semen on someone’s face.
“I’ve been watching so much bukkake porn that now when I see a cinnamon roll, I feel like it’s sexual.”
CAMEL TOE
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: KAH-mell TOE
Descriptive term for when a woman’s pants are very tight or ride up so that her pubic mound is visibly defined between her thighs.
Etymology: So named for its apparent similarity to a camel’s toe.
“Her pants were so tight last night… Total camel toe situation.”
CFNM
Porn / Genre
Pronunciation: see-EFF-enn-EMM
A genre of porn that features some clothed participants rather than everyone being fully naked. Often, the people wearing clothes make fun of or dominate the submissive naked person.
Etymology: CFNM is short for “clothed female, naked male.”
“Lately I’ve been really getting into CFNM porn. I don’t know why exactly but it really does it for me.”
CHODE
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: CHODE
Slang term for a penis that’s wider than it is long when erect. Also, all-purpose insult, typically used against a man.
Etymology: Sadly, the origin for the word “chode” appears to be unknown.
“I was super excited for her to go down on me, but when she pulled down my pants, she said, ‘I can’t suck on this, this is a chode.’”
COCK AND BALL TORTURE
Kink / Move
Pronunciation: KOK and BOL tor-CHUR
Something you can ask a dominatrix to perform on you, if someone hurting you via torturing your genitals sounds arousing. (Typically that means you’re a submissive.)
Etymology: It’s just a description of the act — torturing someone’s penis and testicles.
“I’m such a sub… just heard there’s something you can pay a Dominatrix to do to you called ‘cock and ball torture’ and it’s so hot I can’t think about anything else at the moment.”
COCK TEASE
aka “prick tease,” “tease”
Sex / Persona
Pronunciation: KOK tees
Someone (typically a woman) who leads people (typically men) on sexually without having any interest in actually consummating. A cock tease could leave you with literal or metaphorical blue balls.
Etymology: The verb “tease” can mean a few different things — in this case, there’s a sense of the mix of playfulness and cruelty in the idea of tempting someone but not delivering.
“My friend called his date a total cock tease when she said she didn’t like to sleep with guys on the first date, so she laughed at him and walked out.”
COCKBLOCK
Sex / Persona
Pronunciation: KOK-blok
A person (or, less often, scenario) who acts in such a way as to prevent two people from hooking up or otherwise getting a chance to be alone together. Functions as a noun and also as a verb.
Etymology: Likely popularized due to the rhyming sound, but it’s a person who literally blocks you from using your penis in a sexual sense, so “cockblock” makes sense.
“I was so sure that we were going to hook up, but their roommate kept on dragging us into conversations about politics and stuff. What a cockblock.”
COUGAR
Sex / Persona
Pronunciation: KOO-gar
An older woman (often in her late 30s to 50s) who specifically seeks out male sexual partners significantly younger than herself, either for casual sex or for romantic relationships. Some cougars are MILFs, but not all MILFs are cougars.
Etymology: Dates back to at least 1999 — older women who go after younger guys are conceived as predatory animals, like a cougar hunting down smaller prey.
“I love going to wine bars now… They’re always full of hot older women. Total cougartown.”
CREAMPIE
Porn / Move
Pronunciation: KREEM-pye
A creampie is a porn term for a sex act that finished with a man ejaculating into a woman’s vagina, often involving a shot showing the semen dripping out afterwards. Can also be used as a verb, denoting the same act.
Etymology: Like the sex act, real cream pies are primarily white-coloured and potentially messy.
“I asked Cheryl if she would let me finish inside her, and she said if I wanted to creampie her, I would have to pay for her IUD.”
CUCKOLD
aka cuck, cucking
Kink / Persona
Pronunciation: KUK-old
Term for a man who is cheated on by his wife, often by bigger/stronger men known as “bulls,” often while he watches, often while he masturbates, often while he is verbally or physically abused by his wife/the other man or men. Also a term for the porn genre featuring such acts. In some cases, cuckolding has a distinct racial connotation — effete or weak white men watching while strong, powerful black men dominate their wives sexually.
Etymology: The term “cuckolding” comes from the word “cuckoo,” since, for the cuckoo bird species, the female often entertains multiple male sexual partners.
“I feel weird admitting it, but yes, the thought of my wife cucking me really turns me on.”
CUMSHOT
Porn / Move
Pronunciation: KUM-shot
Porn term for the moment when a man ejaculates on camera.
Etymology: What you see on screen in porn (and in film and TV generally) is known as a shot — so a cumshot is a shot of the moment when a man cums.
“I was watching porn last night and my wi-fi cut out just before the cumshot. Total anti-climax… Literally.”
DADDY
aka “zaddy,” “daddy Dom”
Kink / Persona
Pronunciation: DAH-dee
Term for a sexy man with stereotypically father-like/masculine qualities — often older, physically strong, and financially well-off. While the name suggests incestuous desire, that’s not always the case — daddies are much in demand both for gay men and for women and often it’s a relatively surface-level description. However, in some cases, there is a desire for a kinkier, incest-themed roleplay version, like DDLG, or “daddy dom/little girl,” which is a Dom/sub category of BDSM where a typically older man and younger woman will engage in sex acts and sexualized play than incorporate elements of a father/daughter relationship.
Etymology: Daddies are men who remind us of male patriarchs — older, stronger, more financially well off, like a father in comparison to their children.
“We were hooking up, and she said to me, ‘Ooh, spank me, daddy.’ I wasn’t sure whether to be weirded out or turned on. Maybe a little bit of both.”
RELATED: Here’s What You Should Know About “Daddy Issues”
DAISY CHAIN
Sex / Move
Pronunciation: DAY-zee CHAIN
A sex term for a group of three or more people each performing sex acts on the next person. Similar to a 69 in that you’re both giving and receiving at the same time, but in this case with a larger number of people — and possibly the people at the ends are only engaging in one of the two actions.
Etymology: This sex act is sort of like a chain, and daisies are flowers that are ofter linked together by their stems to form a chain or circle.
“So I had a foursome last night.” “Wow! What was it like?” “Well, we sort of formed a daisy chain rather than everyone trying to fit into the same thing or splitting off into pairs. It was super hot.”
DEEP-THROATING
Sex / Move
Pronunciation: deep-THROH-ting
A form of fellatio where the person performing oral sex attempts to take their partner’s penis as deeply into their mouth as possible, to the point where it moves down their throat.
Etymology: Popularized by the 1972 porn film “Deep Throat,” which featured a woman who received sexual pleasure from having deep oral penetration.
“I love it when the person blowing me can really deep-throat me, but my girlfriend’s gag reflex is so intense I’m not sure she’ll ever be able to.”
DENTAL DAM
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: DEN-tell DAM
A form of protection to prevent contraction of STIs from cunnilingus — typically a thin sheet of latex, sort of like a condom for a woman’s vulva. Compared to condoms, dental dams are not nearly as popular, however.
Etymology: Dental dams were originally used in dentistry to cover a patient’s face and surrounding teeth while a dentist worked on a specific section of their mouth.
“He told me he would only go down on me if we used a dental dam, and I told him I appreciated his commitment to safer sex, but no thank you.”
DIRTY SANCHEZ
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: DER-tee SAN-chez
The name for an accumulation of fecal residue on a person’s upper lip that might occur when performing ass-to-mouth sex. In a vein with other iconically named slang terms like “Hot Karl” (any sex act where one participant’s feces gets on the other’s body), “Rusty Trombone,” (giving a person a rimjob and a handjob simultaneously), “Donkey Punch” (punching a woman behind her head while having anal sex), and “Blumpkin” (receiving a blowjob on a toilet while defecating), it’s something that seems to exist more for teenage boys to joke about than as an an actual sex act or term.
Etymology: Since fecal residue on one’s upper lip might resemble a mustache, and stereotypically, Hispanic men often have mustaches, and Sanchez is a Hispanic last name, “Dirty Sanchez” sort of makes sense.
“He told me he wouldn’t eat my ass out because he was afraid of having a Dirty Sanchez… After that, I had a hard time taking him seriously.”
DOGGING
Kink / Genre
Pronunciation: DAW-ging
Public sex, often in situations that specifically invite the participation of strangers.
Etymology: Believed to be a British sex slang term. Originally from men who watched couples having public sex — ‘dogging’ them in the sense of being watchful or following them, as a dog might.
“It turns out we both love dogging… We’ll drive out to a nice little spot and meet up with some people from online and just go at it. It’s incredibly hot.”
DOMINATRIX
aka “domme”, “pro domme”
Kink / Persona
Pronunciation: DOH-mih-NAY-trix
A dominatrix is a sex worker — who often works out of a location called a “dungeon” shared with other dominatrixes — specializing in sexual kinks and BDSM. Typically, dommes don’t engage in full penetrative sex with clients, rather they will dominate paying submissive clients in various ways — dirty talk and role-playing, spanking and various forms of sensation play, cock and ball torture, etc.
Etymology: Dominatrix is the female form of “dominator” in Latin.
“I met someone at a bar recently who was just, like, the sexiest person ever. She was flirting with me real hard and hitting all my dirty-talk buttons. Turns out she’s an actual professional dominatrix. I can’t tell if I want her to be my girlfriend or if I want to hire her.”
DOPPELBANGER
Queer / Persona
Pronunciation: DOPP-ell-BANG-er
Gay slang for a sexual partner who looks just like you — like you could be a pair of twins.
Etymology: Derived from the German word doppelgänger, literally a “double-goer,” or your exact double.
“Oh my God, did you see Dylan and his new boyfriend? Real doppelbanger situation.”
DTF
Sex / Persona
Pronunciation: DEE-tee-eff
DTF is an adjective indicating that a person is broadly ready to engage in sex acts, or possibly ready to do so with a specific person.
Etymology: DTF is simply short for “down to f*ck” — “down” here meaning “willing” and “ready.”
“We Tinder matched at 11:15 and she had invited me over for drinks before midnight. That’s why I knew she was absolutely DTF.”
RELATED: Signs She Wants to Have Sex, Revealed
DOWN-LOW
Queer / Persona
Pronunciation: DOWN-loh
Adjective and noun denoting someone who is gay but in the closet and perceived as straight, or someone who secretly engages in homosexual activity while maintaining a heterosexual appearance.
Etymology: Of African-American origin, likely from the late ‘90s or early 2000s. The implication is that a man who’s on the down-low is hiding his true sexuality ‘below’ a public facade of heterosexuality.
“Do you think Grant is really straight? I heard he was on the down-low…”
EROTIC ASPHYXIATION
Kink / Move
Pronunciation: eh-RAW-tick as-FIX-ee-AY-shun
Practice of engaging in strangulation during sex to heighten pleasure, as decreased oxygen flow can lead to a “rush”-like sensation. Can be achieved by a partner choking you or alone while masturbating (“autoerotic asphyxiation”). Can be quite dangerous and lead to brain injury or even death if performed improperly.
Etymology: Asphyxiation comes from the Greek word “asphuxa” meaning “without pulse,” but in English means losing the ability to breathe.
“I can’t tell if I love it when he chokes me because I like feeling him in control, or I’m into erotic asphyxiation, or both. But damn, yes, choking makes me wet as hell.”
FACESITTING
Sex / Move
Pronunciation: FAYCE-sid-ing
Facesitting is an oral sex position where one participant lies down, and the other positions their genitals on their face to receive oral pleasure. Easier if the sitter has a clitoris, but still possible if the sitter has a penis.
Etymology: Literally, sitting on someone’s face — or at least squatting right over it.
“I came like, five minutes in. But I knew she was into facesitting, so she climbed up to my mouth, and I licked her clit until she came, too.”
FACIAL
Porn / Move
Pronunciation: FAY-shell
Porn term for a man ejaculating on his partner’s face. Typically occurs at the very end of a scene or movie — in which case it would count as both a money shot and a cumshot.
Etymology: Probably a winking reference to the noun “facial” meaning, “a beauty treatment for the face,” typically in the form of a cream of some sort that women would rub into their faces, circa early 20th century America.
“I can’t believe this, but my hook up last night was actually into the idea of me facialing her. I guess we both got what we wanted.”
RELATED: Ejaculation Etiquette, Explained
FELCHING
Sex / Move
Pronunciation: FELL-ching
Slang term for sucking semen out of an anus after an anal sex ejaculation.
Etymology: The term goes at least as far back as the ‘70s, but it’s not clear what the origin of the word is, exactly.
“I thought I was the kinky one, but then after he came, he pulled out and sucked his load out of my asshole.” “Oh my God, he felched you?”
FLUFFER
Porn / Persona
Pronunciation: FLUFF-err
Term for an employee on a porn film shoot whose job is to keep the male star’s penis erect between takes.
Etymology: Appears to date back to the 1970s or ‘80s, when camera technology at the time meant more time between takes, and thus required actors to be erect for longer stretches of time.
“My buddy told me he got a job working in porn, and I said, “With your tiny dick? No way. They must have hired you as a fluffer.’”
FROT
aka frottage
Kink / Move
Pronunciation: FRAWT
Frot is a term for a sex act that indicate rubbing against a person or object rather than engaging in any kind of penetration. Often indicates rubbing yourself against another person in a public place, which is a sex crime. Less criminal is “dry humping,” when two people rub against each other consensually with their clothes still on — a traditional staple of teenage relationships.
Etymology: Frot derives from the French verb for rubbing (“frotter”).
“Dan and I have been really getting into frot lately. It’s just so… raw and passionate feeling him pressed up against me like that.”
FUTANARI
aka “futa”
Porn / Genre
Pronunciation: FOO-tuh-NAH-ree
Futanari is a type of porn (often animated or using 3D animation) featuring women with large — typically impossibly large — penises. Sometimes their sexual partners are fellow futanari, sometimes other beautiful women without penises.
Etymology: Futanari is the Japanese word for hermaphrodite, a scientific term for a person (or animal) with both male and female genitalia.
“Have you ever heard of futanari? Yeah… It’s wild, but futa porn is such a turn-on for me.”
GANGBANG
Kink / Move
Pronunciation: GANG-bang
A gangbang is group sex where three or more men engage in sex acts with a single person, typically with at least two — if not all of them — penetrating the recipient at the same time. In some cases, a gang bang could be performed by dozens of participants.
Etymology: As with “cockblock,” “gangbang” might have been popularized simply due to the rhyme, and not due to any actual gang-related connotations — simply that a lot of people are having sex with, or “banging” one person.
“Last night Sheri and I did a Yes/No/Maybe list together to figure out what sex stuff we were both into, and guess what? It turns out we both find the idea of a gangbang super hot. So now I need to find a few other guys who want to join us…”
GAYDAR
Queer / Term
Pronunciation: GAY-dar
The ability to tell whether someone is gay (or lesbian, or otherwise queer) or not, based on stereotypical understandings of gay behavior. Because gay people often have to or prefer to hide their sexuality, figuring out whether someone is gay can be tricky, leading fellow queer people (or simply curious straight people) to try to discern whether someone’s gay based on how they talk, how they carry themselves physically, what their interests are, and so forth.
Etymology: Portmanteau of the words “gay” and “radar.”
“So then he started asking me which of the two turtlenecks I liked better, the teal or the quartz, and my gadar started pinging like crazy.”
RELATED: Signs a Guy Likes You, Revealed
GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: gurl-FREND ex-PEE-ree-ence
Service offered by high-end escorts and sex workers where clients pay for the experience of a whole relationship, not just sex acts — things like saying “I love you,” spending quality time together, going on dates, etc. Much more expensive than simply paying someone to have sex with you. The term was popularized by a movie (and later, TV show) of the same name.
Etymology: You’re literally getting the experience of having a girlfriend — but paying for it.
“I’m so jealous of guys who have the money to pay for the full girlfriend experience. I wish I could afford that from the girl I’ve been seeing. The sex is great but I just want a bit more from her, you know?”
GLORY HOLE
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: GLOH-ree HOLE
A hole cut in a wall, often in a bathroom or bathroom stall, where a man can insert his penis and have sex acts performed on it anonymously by the person on the other side. Also used as an adjective to describe the porn genre where this happens.
Etymology: The term had been in use in other senses since the early 19th century, but gained a sexual connotation in the 1940s. Potentially a reference to “glory” as a type of extreme sexual pleasure.
“A buddy of mine told me the club he goes to has a glory hole in the men’s room… I asked him if he’d ever used it, but he wouldn’t tell me. It got me kind of curious, though…”
GOLDEN SHOWER
Kink / Move
Pronunciation: GOAL-den SHAH-wurr
Slang term for urinating on someone in a sexual context. Typically something practiced by people into “urolagnia,” the technical term for “piss play” or “water sports.” Golden showers are considered pretty kinky by many people, but they’re definitely more mainstream than playing with feces (“scat play”).
Etymology: Golden shower literally describes urine flowing down over someone, since pee is typically somewhat yellowish — however often in golden shower porn, it’s much closer to clear, since performers drink a lot of water in order to be able to urinate more, which means they’re more hydrated, which dilutes the color of the pee.
“I never really knew she was freaky like that until one day I asked her if she wanted to shower with me and she said, ‘Sure… but only if it’s a golden shower.’”
MILE HIGH CLUB
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: mile HIE klub
Term for the people who have had sex while on an airplane in mid-air. It has become harder to join post-9/11 due to increased airline regulation and security measures.
Etymology: Appears to date back to the 1970s. Planes typically fly closer to 6 or 7 miles above ground at cruising altitude, but “Mile high club” has a nice ring to it.
“Samantha and I are flying to Rome next week. I’ve always wanted to get into the Mile high club, but honestly with the way air travel is these days… maybe I’ll settle for just a casual makeout in our seats.”
MILF
Sex / Persona
Pronunciation: MILF
A MILF is typically a cougar — but specifically one who has children. Accompanied by the less popular variants DILF, and GMILF/GPILF. Often used a name for the porn genre featuring older actresses having sex with younger men or women. MILFs are sometimes cougars.
Etymology: MILF is an acronym for “Mother I’d Like to F*ck.”
“Man, did you see Doug’s mom? She is such a MILF!”
MONEY SHOT
Porn / Term
Pronunciation: MUH-nee SHOT
Porn term for footage of a male actor ejaculating, often on his partner’s body or face, typically at the climax of the porn film. Every money shot is a cumshot, but not every cumshot is a money shot, since porn films often feature multiple cumshots. Over time, the term has come to mean the climactic or pivotal shot in other media, too.
Etymology: So named because of the perception that viewers crave seeing the moment of male orgasm, and the movie wouldn’t be worth anything without it.
“Last night my mom walked in on me watching porn… I panicked and hit pause but it was right at the money shot. Needless to say, things were awkward at breakfast this morning.”
NETFLIX AND CHILL
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: NET-flix and CHILL
Dating euphemism based around the popular streaming service for a night where you invite someone over to your place ostensibly to “watch Netflix and chill” but actually, the primary motivation is to have sex together. However, after the term became mainstream, some of its sexual nature appeared to fade, as people began to jokingly use it to simply mean watching something on Netflix without actually doing anything, whether alone or with a partner.
Etymology: The phrase gained popularity on Twitter, likely initially being used by African-American users, in 2014.
“So did things ever work out with that girl you were crushing on?“ “Nah. I asked her over to Netflix and chill, but she never responded. Maybe she only goes out with guys who want to take her on real dates.“
NOOKIE
aka “nooky”
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: NUK-ee
Largely outdated slang term for sex. Got a big boost in the public consciousness thanks to Limp Bizkit’s 1999 song “Nookie.”
Etymology: At least as old as the early 20th century — possibly from a Dutch word for sex.
“He said he spends like half the day jerking off every day and I said, ‘Wow, you think about nookie that much?’”
PAWG
Porn / Persona
Pronunciation: POG
This one is a bit of a problematic one, in no small part because it sort of implies that women’s butts are differently shaped depending on their race — and not, say, other factors like age, lifestyle and genetics.
Etymology: Pawg is a slang term that may have originated in porn — it’s simply the acronym for the phrase “phat-ass white girl.”
“I’ve been watching a lot of pawg porn laterly — I love a girl with a thick behind.”
PEARL NECKLACE
Porn / Term
Pronunciation: pirl NEK-liss
When a man ejaculates on a woman’s neck and upper chest — typically after she has given him a blowjob while kneeling.
Etymology: Strands or ropes of white-ish semen around a woman’s neck might evoke a pearl necklace, which is made up of similarly white-ish precious beads.
“Janet’s been begging me to get her a pearl necklace for years… Well, last night I finally gave her one! Just not the kind you buy in a store.”
PEGGING
Queer / Move
Pronunciation: PEG-ing
Pegging is a sex act where a man’s anus is penetrated, typically by a dildo or other anus-focused sex toy, often by a person without a penis, sometimes manually and sometimes using a strap-on.
Etymology: The term dates back to 2001, when well-known sex and dating advice writer Dan Savage held a contest to coin a term for the act. A peg is typically a short cylindrical object that sticks out from a wall or other flat surface, so in that sense, it’s similar to a strap-on dildo.
“I hooked up with a girl last night who wanted to know if she could peg me.“ “So did you say yes?“ “No… I was too shocked. But it did make me kind of curious.“
PLAY
Kink / Term
Pronunciation: PLAY
Slang for BDSM or other queer/kink-oriented sex — including subcategories such as “bloodplay,” “edgeplay,” “ageplay,” etc.. See also “play party,” a sex party that’s focused on kink or BDSM rather than normative sex acts.
Etymology: Potentially a reference to the fact that these acts, while potentially shocking or serious, are done for pleasure, and thus, in some sense, playful.
“A friend of mine invited me to one of his kinky play parties, but after I asked him what they’d be getting up to, I wasn’t sure I’d feel comfortable in that environment.”
PRINCE ALBERT
Kink / Term
Pronunciation: prints AL-birt
A piercing where a metal bolt goes through the shaft of a penis, typically coming out the urethral opening on one end and below the head on the other end.
Etymology: The term dates back to an urban legend circulated in the 1970s that Prince Albert, a consort of Queen Victoria, had such a piercing.
“The last guy I matched with on Tinder wanted to know if I’d ever sucked a pierced dick.” “Wow! So you think he had a Prince Albert?”
QUEEF
Sex / Move
Pronunciation: KWEEF
A fart-like noise that occurs when air escapes a woman’s vagina during sexual intercourse.
Etymology: Origin unknown. Possibly an onomatopoeia.
“So there we were, having the best sex of our lives, when all of a sudden she queefed! After that, we were laughing too hard to keep going.”
QUICKIE
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: KWIK-ee
Term for a brief sex act, usually just a few minutes in length, often because it’s done in public or, for instance, when one or both participants need to be elsewhere — at work, or at an event, etc. A quickie that takes place during one or more participants’ lunch break is called a “nooner,” since it may occur around 12 noon.
Etymology: The term is a noun derived from the adjective “quick,” or fast.
“My new job is actually pretty close to her apartment, so yesterday on my lunch break I snuck over and we had a little quickie together.”
RED WINGS
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: RED wings
Blood stains on a person’s face when performing oral sex on someone who’s menstruating. Something that you can “earn,” like a badge, since theoretically it requires courage to lick someone’s clitoris while there might be blood in their vagina. However, depending on the menstruator’s flow, where they are in their cycle and whether they’re using a tampon or a cup, there might not be any blood coming out regardless.
Etymology: A supposed description of the visual of red blood smears on either side of someone’s mouth like literal red wings drawn on their face.
“I earned my red wings last night while going down on Kimmy… She was a little freaked out by it but it didn’t bother me at all.”
SAFEWORD
Kink / Term
Pronunciation: SAYF-werd
A word used by people engaging in BDSM sex to indicate that the dominant partner should stop what they’re doing immediately. Replaces the word “No” or “Don’t” or “Stop” when people want to engage in sex where a dominant partner ignores a submissive partner’s pleas. A safe word might be an uncommon or non-sexual term that’s unlikely to come up in any other context, so there’s no uncertainty about what is meant when it’s used.
Etymology: Simply the words “safe” and “word” together, to imply that it’s a word whose use will keep you safe if you’re not feeling comfortable.
“After I told him I wanted to experiment with edgier stuff, we came up with a safeword together… ‘Pineapple.’”
SCISSORING
Queer / Move
Pronunciation: SIH-zur-ing
A sex move common in lesbian porn (but debatably popular in actual lesbian sex) where two women rub their crotches together.
Etymology: The term is a reference to the fact that when two women’s legs are spread and they’re touching crotches, it’s a bit like two pairs of scissors opened to intersect with each other.
“I love watching porn of women scissoring, but a friend of mine told me real lesbians don’t even do that, so now I don’t know what to think.”
SMEGMA
aka “dick cheese”
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: SMEG-muh
A white-ish, cheese-like substance that can form under a man’s foreskin if he doesn’t clean it regularly. Typically composed of a mixture of sweat, skin cells and semen and carrying a strongly unpleasant taste.
Etymology: “Smegma” is the Greek word for “soap” — potentially used as such because it somewhat resembles a powdered detergent.
“Guys really need to wash their junk! Last time I went down on a date, I got a mouth full of smegma! Yuck!”
SNOWBALLING
Porn / Move
Pronunciation: SNOH-baw-ling
The act of passing semen back and forth by kissing, sometimes between the person performing fellation and the receiver, and sometimes between the person performing the fellatio and another participant.
Etymology: Typically, rolling a snowball down a snow-covered hill will result in the ball accumulating snow as it rolls, thus “snowballing” in a non-sexual context means to accumulate or grow in size. Apart from the comparison of semen to another white substance (in this case snow but also to whipped cream and pearls in other slang), if the semen is being passed back and forth during snowballing, it may mix with saliva, gradually appearing to increase in volume.
“My fantasy is to have two women suck me off, and then when I come, they snowball it back and forth between them.”
STEALTHING
Sex / Move
Pronunciation: STELL-thing
Term for when a guy having penetrative sex while using a condom quietly slips the condom off without his partner noticing, then continues to have sex unprotectedly. Since sex without a condom can feel more intense, stealthing might seem like an easy way to get around a partner wanting you to wear a condom — but it could then lead to STI transmission or unwanted pregnancies. It’s also a deep violation of trust and consent, leading some to compare it to rape.
Etymology: Originally coined to describe not disclosing you have an STI (i.e. being secretive, or ‘stealthy’) it now primarily describes agreeing to use a condom and them removing it, rather than pretending you don’t need to wear one.
“Then all of a sudden midway through sex, he pulled out and afterwards it felt different. And I was freaking out because I was worried he was stealthing me.”
TEABAGGING
Sex / Move
Pronunciation: TEE-bag-ing
Plopping your testicles on something — often a sleeping or otherwise unsuspecting person and possibly their face/head — or fully into someone’s mouth. Typically the province of extremely immature males, frat boys and video gamers.
Etymology: The term is a reference to the idea that a pair of testicles descending into an open mouth is similar to a teabag being dropped into a mug of hot water in order to make tea.
“Ugh, I hate my little brother. Yesterday I took a nap on the couch and when I woke up, he was teabagging me! I’m gonna ruin his life.”
THIRD BASE
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: THURD bayce
In America, people often associate sex with baseball lingo. Commonly, first base is kissing/making out, second base involves touching breasts or genitals with your hands, third base is oral sex, and home is penetrative intercourse.
Etymology: The sexual bases system likely developed in the early 20th century so that people could talk about sex acts without using the more taboo actual sexual terminology.
“We’d never gone past kissing before, but last night we got to second base together for the first time — I can’t stop thinking about it.”
TOP
Queer / Persona
Pronunciation: TAWP
A gay man who enjoys penetrating and being “on top,” or controlling the action, also known as a “pitcher.” As opposed to a “bottom,” or “catcher,” who is typically the one being penetrated. Those who are comfortable doing both are known as “switch,” or “vers,” short for “versatile.” A “power bottom” is someone who enjoys being penetrated but prefers to be more controlling/dominant rather than passive during sex; a “party bottom” is a gay man who engages in sex at parties where he get penetrated by multiple partners, with many of them ejaculating in his anus.
Etymology: A reference to the fact that the top is “above” the bottom — in some cases literally but otherwise, because the top is in control, at least semantically.
“I’m so sick of Grindr.” “Why? Because it’s all bottoms and no tops?”
TRADE
Queer / Persona
Pronunciation: TRAYD
Gay slang term for a straight-coded man with a rough-and-tumble appeal who participates in sex acts with gay men, potentially gaining financial favors in return.
Etymology: Potentially a reference to the notion of straight or straight-seeming men trading sexual favors for money.
“What about Ken… do you think he might…” “What? Do I think he’s trade? No way. He’s super devoted to his girlfriend.”
TRANNY
Porn / Genre
Pronunciation: TRA-nee
Offensive and outmoded term for a transgender person — typically male to female, or M2F — that is still used to describe porn featuring trans people. See also: shemale.
Etymology: Short for “transgender,” “transsexual,” or “transvestite.”
“I actually love watching trans people porn, but I hate having to type ‘tranny’ into the search bar to find it… it’s such a gross word.”
TRUFFLE BUTTER
Sex / Term
Pronunciation: TRUH-full BUD-der
Slang term for an accumulation of fecal matter around the entrance to the vagina after a heterosexual couple switches from anal to vaginal penetration. Relatedly, the Dan Savage-coined term “santorum,” a mixture of fecal matter and lube that accumulates around the opening of the anus during anal sex between men.
Etymology: Actual truffle butter — that is, butter mixed with truffles — predates the sexual meaning, which appears to have cropped up in the 2010s, and was popularized in part by the 2015 Nicki Minaj song “Truffle Butter.”
“God, she looks so good in those jeans… I’d even eat up her truffle butter just for a chance to touch that booty.”
TWINK
Queer / Persona
Pronunciation: TWINK
Gay slang for a skinny, attractive boyish male, typically with little to no body hair and overall somewhat effeminate. Essentially, the opposite of a bear.
Etymology: The exact history of the word appears to be in dispute, but likely dates to the mid-20th century, either British or American in origin.
“Roger keeps texting me dick pics… He’s so thirsty.” “Well, you know how much he loves twinks — that’s you to a T.”
UNICORN
Sex / Persona
Pronunciation: YOU-nuh-korn
Slang term for a bisexual, pansexual or otherwise sexually flexible woman who’s up for joining heterosexual couples for an FFM threesome.
Etymology: So-named because, like the mythical creatures known as unicorns, they’re extremely rare and magical — at least in theory.
“Whenever I match with another girl on Tinder these days, it turns out to be a girl in a relationship with a guy looking for a third.” “So you don’t want to be some lucky couple’s unicorn?”
UPSKIRT
Porn / Genre
Pronunciation: UPS-kirt
Upskirt videos center on footage of unsuspecting women’s crotches while they walk around in public. Really creepy, and also not very legal.
Etymology: The name comes from the fact that the camera angle is literally pointing up their skirts to see their underwear.
“I find upskirt porn really upsetting. It turns me on, but knowing that these women didn’t consent to being filmed… I just can’t watch it anymore.”
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Amanda has been married to her husband Mike for 5 years. They both describe themselves as independent and appreciate that they have their own careers and friends. Amanda sometimes gets annoyed when Tom forgets about her work functions or when they have plans together because he’s working so much. She blows it off, because she doesn’t want to come off as “needy”, “weak” or “demanding”. She also doesn’t think Mike would understand her feelings and would possibly get defensive or try to “solve” the problem. So, instead of talking to Mike about what’s upsetting her, she takes care of herself by turning more to her work and her friends to keep her busy.
