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Once you’re engaged, it’s time to plan the wedding. But in between deciding on a florist and hiring a caterer, there are some other important, more soul-focused things you should add to your pre-wedding to-do list. Let’s take a look at five things you should do while you’re engaged:Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages
Olivia Lauren
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Monica Pierce
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In today’s episode of Relationship Radio, we’re diving into a topic that many couples face at some point in their marriage: What to do when your spouse loses their job. 💔💼
Marriage is a beautiful adventure, but it can also bring its fair share of challenges. When the unexpected happens and one of you loses their job, it can put a strain on both your emotional and financial well-being. That’s why we’re here to offer guidance and support during these tough times.
Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Many couples face similar challenges, and with the right mindset and tools, you can overcome them together. 💪
Relationship Radio is hosted by CEO of Marriage Helper, Kimberly Beam Holmes, and founder of Marriage Helper, Dr. Joe Beam.
Regardless of your situation, what we teach will not only make your relationships better, but will also help you to become the best version of yourself along the way.
Relationship Radio is released every Wednesday and is an extension of Marriage Helper.
Be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. We love hearing from you!
For more resources about your specific situation, visit marriagehelper.com.
Thank you so much for being a loyal listener of Relationship Radio. Because of that, we would like to offer you 25% off your first month of our Save My Marriage Membership. All you have to do is go to marriagehelper.com/podcast and enter code PODCAST to sign up today!
marriagehelper2023-08-09T05:00:00-06:00
marriagehelper
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Lust vs love – it can be hard to tell the difference between these two tantalizing tango partners that often leave us in a whirlwind of emotions. Passionate love is like a slow-burning campfire, radiating warmth and comfort throughout your body. It’s a fire you tend to nurture and watch grow over time.
On the other hand, lust is like wildfire, sparked by intense sexual attraction and fueled by sexual satisfaction. It’s a fire that can burn bright and hot but quickly fades away. Considering how similar the two feelings are, especially in the beginning, it is no surprise most people have a tough time making out the difference between love and lust.
Have you, too, at some point found yourself wondering, “Is it love or lust?” Are you wrestling with a similar dilemma right now as you struggle to make sense of your feelings for someone? Rest easy, we’re here to help you find a way of out this confusion. As you travel through these 8 ways to differentiate between lust and love, you will be able to tell whether you’re experiencing a passionate love or a fleeting physical attraction, and clearly distinguish between lust vs love.
American writer and theologian Frederick Buechner wrote, “Lust is the craving for salt of a man who is dying of thirst.” Explains why it’s so hard to tell the lust vs love difference, doesn’t it? That’s why, the first order of business is to understand what lust is. It is an emotion defined as a strong, intense, obsessive desire for someone or something, and is rooted in our primal instincts. It is a natural human response to attraction and the need for physical intimacy.
While lust may seem like it’s just about sexual gratification, it is also based on an all-consuming attachment and fleeting emotions. It can inspire us to do great things or lead us down a path of destruction, which, again, is how love feels in the beginning – making it difficult to decipher whether what you are feeling is lust or love.
Relationship experts state that lust has evolved as an adaptive response to encourage us to seek out sexual partners and reproduce. Its experience is associated with the release of dopamine and other feel-good neurotransmitters in the brain.
However, the potential adverse effects of experiencing lust, such as an addiction to being with someone for sexual fulfillment, suggest that it can be a double-edged sword. The silver lining, however, is that an understanding of these adverse effects can help you tell the difference between love and lust.
Related Reading: How To Know If He Loves You Or Lusts You
How do you know if you’re in love with someone is a question that has confused people since the beginning of time, and can leave some paralyzed with indecision. While there is no single definition that can describe the feeling of love and attachment, there are some key characteristics that are commonly associated with this powerful emotion and can help you distinctively understand the lust vs love difference.
At the heart of romantic love is a feeling of deep affection and connection with another person. This can take many forms, from physical intimacy to emotional closeness, but it is a fundamental aspect of the romantic love experience. Which answers your question, “How do you know you’re in love?”
If you’re wondering, “What does it mean to have love for someone?”, the simplest answer is: to love is to take a risk. To put ourselves in a vulnerable position, opening ourselves up to rejection and heartbreak from a deep attachment. This element of risk is a fundamental part of the romantic love experience, and it can make it all the more rewarding when things work out.
Falling in love can be a transformative experience that changes how we see ourselves and the world around us. It can inspire us to be more compassionate, more generous, and more forgiving, and it can help us to grow and evolve as individuals. This is how most people describe the feeling of love and figure out whether what they’re feeling is lust or love.
Love is about mental, spiritual, and physical intimacy, and lust is about physical and sexual intimacy; so, it isn’t always lust vs. love, meaning they aren’t mutually exclusive or exist in isolation. Lust can give way to love, or love can trigger feelings of lust, and they can co-exist in perfect harmony.
So, if you’re wrestling with the lust vs love dilemma, trying to figure out whether you’re feeling for someone are purely sexual or run deeper, understanding the different stages of romantic love may help:
You can call it a love lust fever that clouds your brain. Commonly known as “love at first sight”, this is the phase in which you compulsively think about the object of your affection, and are the most physically aroused by their presence than any other stage. In this phase, the dilemma of how to know if it’s love or lust is at an all-time high.
Related Reading: 10 Signs From The Universe That Love Is Coming Your Way
This phase is like a cold bucket of water that wakes you from your love dream. Sexual gratification is no longer enough to make you feel content in a romantic connection, the rose-tinted glasses come off, and you begin to see your partner for who they’re, warts and all. At this stage, questions like “how to know if it’s love or lust” and “how do you know you’re in love” begin to ease up, and you have greater clarity on how you feel about the person you’re with and the emotional connection begins to solidify.
This stage is one of the first signs you’re in love and sets you on the path of building a long-term relationship with your significant other. You will accept your partner and relationship for as they are – good and bad – and love them anyway.
Lust is more action-driven; however, one of the biggest signs you’re in love is the intention, thought, and emotion. It’s possible to feel intense physical attraction and desire for someone without feeling emotionally connected to them or having feelings of love. Similarly, it’s possible to feel love for someone without experiencing sexual desire or attraction.
Some people may even prefer companionate love that prioritizes emotional connection on a deeper level over physical pleasure, while others may prioritize sexual chemistry and physical attraction over an emotional connection. Everyone’s experiences and preferences are unique and valid. Ultimately, whether to choose between lust or love or decide if love and lust can exist without each other depends on the individual and their specific experiences and preferences.
Differentiating between lust and love is more complicated than knowing whether it’s just sex or love that you desire. Read along to find out the key differentiators of love and lust:
Lust is characterized by intense feelings of excitement and desire that can be overwhelming and difficult to control, while love is steadier and more consistent.
Love is about accepting a person’s flaws and seeing them as they are rather than an idealized version of them. On the other hand, lust may cause you to ignore or downplay a partner’s or romantic interest’s flaws and solely focus on the physical aspects of the relationship.
Related Reading: Platonic Relationship Vs Romantic Relationship – Why Are Both Important?
Enduring love involves a deep emotional connection that grows over time, beyond physical attraction. It is characterized by a desire to support, respect, and care for the other person, even during difficult times. Ephemeral lust, on the other hand, is primarily driven by physical attraction and excitement and can fade away once that initial spark subsides.
Love and lust both involve feelings of attraction but they represent different facets of human desire. Love entails a deep, emotional connection that often involves a desire for a long-term commitment, building a life together, and creating a meaningful partnership. Lust, on the other hand, is focused on the physical and sexual aspects of a relationship, and may not involve a commitment beyond the immediate gratification of those desires.
The way we behave in a relationship can reveal a lot about our intentions and desires. When it comes to love and lust, the differences in behavior can be striking. Lust often leads to impulsive and self-centered behavior, where the focus is on immediate physical gratification. Love, on the other hand, is characterized by thoughtful and intentional behavior, with an emphasis on building a deep and lasting connection with the other person.
When you are able to communicate honestly and authentically with your partner or a romantic interest, you create a foundation of trust and mutual respect that can help your relationship thrive.
Related Reading: 21 Differences Between Love And Infatuation
Physical sensations and reactions can be powerful indicators of the difference between love and lust. Here are some indicators to keep in mind:
Selflessness and compromise are often considered hallmarks of a loving relationship, as partners prioritize each other’s needs and make decisions with their partner’s best interests in mind. In love, this kind of selflessness comes naturally, as the emotional connection between partners encourages them to put each other first.
In lust, however, the focus is often more self-centered, as partners prioritize their own desires over their partner’s needs. Recognizing the distinction between sacrifice and self-interest can help you establish more mutually supportive relationships over time.
It’s essential to understand the differences between love and lust to make informed decisions about your relationships. By taking the time to understand your feelings and needs, you can better navigate your romantic connections and create fulfilling relationships.
Ultimately, it’s up to you to determine what you are looking for in a relationship, be it lust or love and what will make you happy. Don’t be afraid to take the time to explore your feelings and to communicate openly with your partner about what you are looking for, to build a deeper connection. Whether you are experiencing love or lust, both emotions have their place and can lead to fulfilling relationships at the stage you desire, it’s not about love vs lust and which feeling is the correct or appropriate one.
20 Questions To Build Emotional Intimacy And Bond With Your Partner On A Deeper Level
You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by clicking here.
Chances are you never thought you’d be dating as a woman over 50. Right?
Dating was for young people.
In fact, for most of us, that was the last time we went on a date.
Yet, here you are today having to use a skill you haven’t used in eons.
Navigating the dating world isn’t always easy.
In fact, it can be quite hard to figure out what really works and that’s why today I want to answer 5 of the most important dating questions I’m often asked about dating at this time in your life.
Question #1 – I want a man to be my best friend. Is that possible?
Communication with a man isn’t the same as it is with your girlfriends.
Emotionally healthy men will be your best friend by keeping you safe, protected and provided for.
He will do his best to fix anything that makes your life easier for you.
To a man, his actions speak far louder than his words.
His actions are how he shows you he loves you.
As women, we love talking because the same hormone that gives you an orgasm is the same one that is released when you talk.
It’s why women verbally process everything. It feels good.
Men on the other hand preserve their words and can be quiet at times.
Not talking about life the way you would with your friends doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.
He does.
He just doesn’t want to get involved in long conversations about things he has no interest in.
When you share involved and complicated stories about your friends and their families, a man can’t keep track of the point you are trying to make.
Unless it’s about you and taking care of you in some way, his eyes glaze over.
This is why it’s so important to have girlfriends who will happily process anything with you over your favorite martini or glass of wine.
Question #2 – Do I have to have chemistry right away to know if he’s the one for me?
If you said, “yes” then you aren’t alone.
Many women use chemistry as the basis for knowing whether or not a man is the right one for them.
Chemistry is amazing but it isn’t sustainable.
Without a friendship, no matter how much chemistry you have, the relationship can’t stand up to the test of time.
Many of my clients have not had immediate chemistry with their guy.
They thought he was cute but the zing was not there.
Yet, their guy seemed really nice so when he asked them out again, they said yes.
They ended up creating an amazing friendship and over time the chemistry kicked in.
If they had used immediate chemistry as the barometer for deciding if he was the one, they’d have missed a really great guy and a really great relationship with someone who absolutely loves and adores them.
Do yourself a favor . . . if a man is nice, give him a chance and get to know him.
Question #3 – I always see a man’s potential even when he doesn’t. Is it ok to give him tips and advice to bring out the best in him?
THIS IS A SOLID NO!!!!!!
One of men’s biggest pet peeves is about women who are always trying to change them whether it’s the clothes they wear, the food they eat or how they do their job.
One of the coolest things about emotionally healthy men is they love you exactly how you are.
That’s because men fall in love with the real you.
But women fall in love with a man’s potential then they try to fix him up to be his best.
If you don’t like who a man is the best thing you can do for yourself and for him, is to let him go and find a man you can love for exactly who he is.
Now for today’s inspiration that you can find love after 50!
I’m so grateful to have found Lisa Copeland and her Love After 50 coaching program. The insights I learned about how men think and what they are looking for helped me find the man of my dreams so much faster than I thought possible! We have been dating exclusively for over 6 months now, and have definitely fallen in love with one another! I am so grateful to have created a tool Lisa teaches called a Quality Man Template. It’s a clear vision of the right man for me and it was the key tool that helped me realize that this man is the one I had been looking for all my life. Thank you, Lisa for all you have taught me! Hugs and kisses and best wishes to you! Lisa, Minnesota
Believing in you!
Big hugs ~
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Copyright© 2023 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.
Lisa
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Ever since a small study from 2009 implied testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) increased the incidence of cardiovascular events in patients who received TRT, many men have suffered through their symptoms out of fear of this unfounded side-effect. However, a new study has revealed that those findings are unsubstantiated and in fact, our experience is that HRT can significantly improve a man’s life without negatively impacting cardiovascular health.
The 2023 Study
The results are in for the long-awaited TRAVERSE Study, Cardiovascular Safety of Testosterone-Replacement Therapy, which was mandated by the FDA in 2015 and was designed to determine whether TRT caused major cardiac events in high-risk men. The answer is a resounding “No”.
The study followed 5,246 men of an average age of 63, with low testosterone levels and preexisting or at high risk for cardiac disease. Half of them were randomized to receive testosterone and the other half to receive placebo. The average duration of treatment was 22 months, and the average follow up was 33 months.
The Results:
The men on TRT treatment actually had a slightly lower (but not statistically significant) incidence of cardiac events compared to the non-treated group.
In addition, results from previously conducted controlled studies have proven that the use of testosterone in older men improves sexual function, improves bone density, corrects anemia, and reduces depression.
In our experience, TRT makes dramatic changes in the vast majority of treated men’s lives, in terms of increased libido, energy, mental focus, and ability/motivation to exercise, with significant loss of fat and gain of muscle.
We are hopeful that this study will finally eliminate the fear that some physicians and patients have had about putting themselves at risk for heart attacks and strokes from being treated with testosterone.
Learn more about TRT treatment at Maze with these resources:
· Complete our Low T Symptoms Assessment
· View our interactive Low T Symptoms & Treatment Chart
· Read Blogs about Low T
· Watch Videos about Low T symptoms, treatments, and more!
If you’re experiencing symptoms associated with low testosterone, contact us to schedule an appointment. Not sure if this treatment is right for you?
Schedule a free phone consultation to learn more. Our team of specialists can treat your symptoms even if you’ve been unsuccessful elsewhere. We’re looking forward to assisting you!
The post Breaking News on TRT appeared first on Treating Low-T, Erectile Dysfunction & Peyronie’s | Sexual Health Experts.
Michael Werner, MD, FACS
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Love is a painful thing sometimes. While it is something beautiful, it can also be extremely painful. When we love someone, we have a special bond with them — a bond that isn’t easily broken. We love many people in our lives, such as siblings, parents, friends, and significant others, but nobody ever tells us how painful love can be.
Loved ones will hurt us, and we will hurt them. It is inevitable and something that will continue to happen until we are with Christ.
“Don’t believe anyone Who tells you any different If it’s easy, if it’s fun Something’s missing” (“Love is Pain,” FINNEAS).
Love is beautiful, yet it is something that can be really painful. It is because we love someone and care about them so much that it hurts. A loved one dies, a friendship ends, or we are rejected by our significant other. All of these things can hurt and break us inside.
It hurts so much because we genuinely love and care about them. Real love isn’t letting someone do whatever they want. Rather, real love means doing the hard thing, such as having a difficult talk, addressing issues, and confronting problems.
The modern world, social media, and television try to portray love in one way — that it is easy, effortless, and perfect. The only perfect, unconditional love that truly exists is the love God has for us. This love is known as agape love.
This type of love is only possessed by God, as we as humans cannot possess this type of love. Our love is often polluted by conditions, the way a person makes us feel, or whether they are nice to us or not.
Jesus commands us to love all people — even if they hurt us (Matthew 12:30-31). This is why love can be painful. Our loved ones can hurt us, but we still love them despite their actions because they are someone who means a great deal to us.
I have been told many lies by family members, which has made me distrust people. Despite all the lies and hurt, I could never say I hated them because I don’t.
All of the inflicted wounds, being talked down to, and invalidated feelings have hurt me, but it still doesn’t change that they are my family, and I care about them.
Maybe you have noticed this in your own life. It could be a parent was mean or critical of you, but you still love them. In this way, you know the type of pain that is associated with love.
When loved ones hurt us, it is more painful than a stranger on the street hurting us. Since we love them, when they hurt us, it feels as though our entire hearts are breaking. We often think, “How could my loved one do this to me? Don’t they know how much this hurts me?”
The answer to these questions is sin. We live in a sinful world, and where there is sin, there is going to be hurt and pain. Sin entered the world in the Garden of Eden, and it will continue until God makes everything new.
Part of why love is painful is also seen in how we hurt others. Upon reflecting on my own life, I, too, have hurt many people that I love. Throughout the process of recovery from my eating disorder, I have said many hurtful things, and I regret each of them.
Even over the past few weeks, I have regretted many of my choices, words, and actions toward my loved ones. It’s painful how much we can destroy someone with a simple word or a simple action. It can break their heart and make them question everything.
It is at these times that we need to apologize to our loved ones for hurting them. More often than not, we didn’t mean to hurt them.
Sometimes I feel interactions with others would be easier if I could type it all out ahead of time and already know what will happen in order for me to be properly prepared.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like this, and we have to live life in real time. We cannot go back in time either and fix our mistakes. Some mistakes can be easier to fix than others, yet some leave lasting wounds.
Part of apologizing is making things right with a person, especially if you want to keep the relationship with the person. Making it right with someone includes apologizing, talking things out with them, and asking for ways that you can repair the relationship.
Whether a friendship, a relationship with a sibling, or a romantic relationship has been severed by your actions, there are still ways you can restore a relationship with them.
It might not be the same as it used to be; however, sometimes, after difficulties and pain, you might have a stronger relationship with your loved one.
This will of course take time and effort, but if you truly want to repair a relationship with someone, it is not too much to ask.
Trust and hearts could have been broken, and it could take time until your loved one feels ready to open up to you again. It is also important to remember that even if you want to repair the relationship, they might not feel ready, or they might not want to ever repair the relationship.
This is a consequence of our actions, and we need to accept it. If a person doesn’t want to talk, see us, or repair the relationship, we don’t need to force them to, as it will only cause more pain.
None of us can avoid pain from our loved ones nor can we avoid hurting others. This is because love is truly pain, and to love someone is opening up your heart to pain. You love them so much; therefore, when they hurt you, it hurts much more than someone else.
In the same way, you also can hurt them and inflict the worst wounds on their heart. We need to be careful with our loved ones in our words, actions, and choices because, in a single day, we can lose them.
If you have a broken relationship with a loved one and you want to make it right today, I encourage you to do so. If your loved one is willing to let you back into their lives, use this opportunity carefully.
Understanding things might not be as they used to be, yet there is a possibility that your relationship with this person could become stronger. It will take work; however, if you truly want to repair the relationship, you will be willing to put in the effort.
If your loved one chooses to end ties with you, accept this and turn to God. Our relationship with God will never end and we can always talk with Him about anything. The love others have for us might change, but the love He has for us will never change.
We mess up and sin many times a day, yet His love for us never changes. We can always turn to Him, and He will welcome us with open arms. There is nothing in all creation that separates us from the love of God (Romans 8:31-39).
For further re
What Is Love According to the Bible?
Why Does Jealousy Not Belong in Love?
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Anetlanda
Vivian Bricker
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Since going to therapy, I have learned the practice of setting boundaries with others. While not everyone will respect your boundaries, it is still important to make your boundaries known. Many people believe boundaries cannot be biblical, but they actually can be.
In fact, most boundaries can be seen as biblical because they draw from biblical concepts and practices. Here are five biblical boundaries to set with others.
The Bible tells us clearly not to lie to each other (Colossians 3:9-10). Lying breaks trust, and where trust has been broken, a relationship cannot grow. Whenever you are building a friendship or a romantic relationship, it is perfectly okay and biblical to set this boundary in place.
While many of us think honesty should be a given, it is not always a given. There are people who will lie or tell us only what we want to hear rather than telling us the truth.
Honesty is always the best policy, and this is true for our relationships too. By setting this boundary with those around you, they will be made aware of how important honesty is to you.
For me personally, honesty is something that is really important and something that I need in every relationship in my life.
Due to being lied to throughout my childhood and teenage years as well as in my adult years, I need truth in relationships. You too might find this true because telling the truth is something that we all need and something that we all value in a person.
A second biblical boundary to set with others is to tell them not to treat you poorly. Sadly, many people will make you feel bad about yourself. I have had many “friends” who made me feel bad about myself, to the point that I would be crying for days.
As someone who has been treated poorly by others, it is important for all people to set this boundary in their own lives. You are valued, loved, and cared about just as you are (Psalm 139:13-16).
You deserve to be surrounded by people who support you, encourage you, and make you feel good about yourself.
If you set this boundary early in your relationship with someone else, they will know that treating you badly is not an option and that you won’t stay their friend if they treat you in a negative way.
Unfortunately, I have often stayed friends with people even if they have treated me badly, and it is something I won’t do ever again. It only made me feel worse about myself and damaged my mental health even more.
A third biblical boundary you can set in place is to not say curse words. Saying curse words is a bad habit to pick up, and it is something we shouldn’t do.
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
This passage spoken of by Paul is completely true, as we should never let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths. Instead, we need to build up others in our words.
Curse words would fall under the category of unwholesome words. Never have curse words built anyone up.
Rather, they are meant to hurt others or to express frustration. Also, curse words can easily rub off on us, and we will find ourselves echoing the words we hear from other people in our lives.
If someone close to us says curse words, we, too, will be more prone to use them in our everyday talk. Setting up the biblical boundary to not say curse words will help us in our relationship with that person, but it will also help us in a way that the curse words won’t rub off on us.
A fourth biblical boundary to set in place is to respect your space. In the modern day and age, it can be hard to get some space. As the youngest of three girls, I understand how hard it can be to have your own space.
Since I grew up with relatively no space for myself, I have now become more aware of setting down the boundary that I need my space, and others need to respect my space.
Maybe this sounds familiar to you, and you also are in need of some space. It is biblical to set this boundary down because all of us need our space and others should be respectful of our space.
If someone refuses to respect your space, you have the right to tell them again. If they still are not respectful of your space, you have the right to get someone else involved, such as an authority figure, or to just leave the situation.
As mentioned, even though we set boundaries doesn’t mean they will always be respected. This is a sad reality; however, it helps us to know that the people who don’t respect our boundaries are the ones who will probably not stick around to be our friends.
A fifth biblical boundary to set up is to ask others to not force you to do something you don’t want to do. As someone who struggles with negative body image and anorexia, I have asked many of my friends not to comment on my body, the weight I gain or lose, or the food that I eat.
In this process, I have also set the boundary that I don’t want them to force me to do something I don’t want to do, such as to eat something that is too scary for me at the moment or to tell me I need to lose or gain weight.
For me, this is a personal boundary that is going to help my mental health, and maybe it can help yours, also.
Even if you don’t have body image issues or an eating disorder, you can still use the overall boundary of telling people not to force you to do something you don’t want to do. This can be extremely helpful in friendships and in relationships.
Someone who truly cares about you and loves you won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. As mentioned, my example is only one of thousands that could be utilized under this boundary. You know your own limits, and I’m sure you can also utilize this boundary in your everyday life.
Look over this list and see if there are any boundaries you want to keep with you. Write them down on a notepad or copy and paste them on a document.
You can also be creative in your boundaries and craft your own. As an individual human with your own individual needs, you, too, will have your own personal boundaries to set with others.
Make sure your boundaries are biblical and are supported by the Word. Boundaries that wouldn’t be supported would be anything legalistic or something that directly goes against the Bible.
As a Christian, you are capable of setting your own boundaries, and you are worthy of having them respected. If someone doesn’t respect your boundary, you have the right to pull away from your relationship with them and seek out people who will respect your boundaries.
For further rea
How Do We Show Love to Toxic People?
What Do I Do When Friends Hurt Me?
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/PeopleImages
Vivian Bricker
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Rhonda is the author of 6 books and appears on numerous radio programs, including Focus on the Family, Family Life Today and Dr. James Dobson’s FamilyTalk, & hosts The No Regrets Hour. Her new podcast, Old Ladies Know Stuff, just launched. She’s an evangelist and speaker at women’s events, College Women’s Chapel, Pastor’s Wives Conferences, MOPs and Homeschool Conventions. Sharing the gospel at her NoRegretsWoman Conference is her sweet spot. Rhonda is a regular contributor for Crosswalk and many other magazines. Rhonda ministers alongside her husband Steve, who for 20 years has pastored First Baptist Church of Patterson, California. They live out their own Real Life Romance writing books and speaking at their No Regrets Marriage Conferences, but their favorite ministry is their family. They have four grown children and ten grandchildren. To learn more about Rhonda’s speaking topics, watch her teaching, and book Rhonda for your next event, visit: NoRegretsWoman.com.
Instagram: @RhondaStoppe Twitter: @RhondaStoppe FB Page: Rhonda Stoppe No Regrets Woman YouTube: Rhonda Stoppe No Regrets Woman
Bonus: Watch & Share this video of Rhonda Stoppe sharing the gospel message
Rhonda Stoppe
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Our lives are busy with work, kids, and other responsibilities. It is easy to become disconnected from our significant other amid all kinds of distractions. Some couples work opposite schedules, while others are distracted by taking the kids to ballet, football, and karate. Singles can fall into this trap, too, with their boyfriend or girlfriend. In a world of constant motion, it is easy to let relationships and connections get put on the back burner.
I have heard therapists on television and married couples I know stress how vital dating is. Especially when you are married. Having weekly or at least monthly dates with your spouse is important. This keeps the spark in your relationship and your marriage strong. Still, you may be thinking, “It’s been so long since we’ve been on a date, I wouldn’t know what we should do.” You may even say, “We go on a date every week, but it’s hard coming up with something different to do.” For the singles out there, this is for you too. Look at these date ideas and get your creative juices flowing.
Spend some time doing something you loved as a kid. This could be anything from playing with play dough, finger painting, or making homemade slime.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Solovyova
Go for a bike ride or on a hike and enjoy what God created for us. Breathe in the fresh air, bask in the sunlight, and enjoy the sound of birds chirping and animals enjoying their habitat.
Either go out dancing or take dancing lessons together. This is a great way to get some exercise and be exposed to all kinds of music and types of dancing. You can learn anything from how to waltz to salsa dancing to the tango.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Anchiy
Do some research and go swimming somewhere other than in a pool. There may be a natural beach nearby or a creek you can swim in.
Get your adrenaline running while riding a roller coaster and enjoy some great food.
Find an open mic night in your area at a library, bookstore, or club and listen to people read their poetry and other works of literature.
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Pick out a recipe that is too expensive to eat at a restaurant and make it at home. Put out your best dishes and dress up as if you were going out.
Go to a comedy club or see a recent comedy at the movie theater. Laughter is the best medicine, after all.
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Book a couple’s day for a massage, mani/pedi, or facial. It’s relaxing and important for both people to look and feel their best. Not comfortable going to a spa? Research services that will come to your home.
Spend the weekend away or travel to a new city a few hours out to explore. The change of scenery will do you good.
If you have the funds (and aren’t afraid of heights), go up in a hot-air balloon for a few hours. You can enjoy each other’s company while floating in the sky.
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Make a playlist for each other and discuss the meaning of each song and how the lyrics remind you of each other.
Each of you make a dessert and decide who made the best one. You can decide by categories like most chocolate, creamiest, and melt in your mouth.
Chances are you and your significant other read very different genres in books. Take turns reading to each other out loud from your favorite books. You could also read poetry or a children’s book together to escape.
Get comfy and spend all night watching movies or bingeing your favorite television series. Get snacks you wouldn’t normally have, like gourmet ice cream, pretzels, or high-end wine.
If each of you loves podcasts, choose an episode from one of each of your favorites and talk about it afterward.
Do you both love animals? Volunteer at an animal shelter on a Saturday afternoon or just look. Cat cafes are also popular; you pay a fee and can go in and visit with 15-20 cats of all ages. Another idea is volunteering with an animal rescue group in your local area.
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Instead of going to the chain bookstores, research local, independent bookstores in your area. Used bookstores are great for finding hard-to-find or rare books. They have great sales too. For example, a used bookstore I used to go to would have sales where every book was a dollar on a Saturday. Talk about book-lover heaven!
Go to a local baseball, hockey, or football game.
Research and see if any local artists are having a concert in the area. You don’t have to go to a big-name show to enjoy some exceptional talent. Local artists often play in clubs, outside venues, and sometimes at wineries.
If one or both of you have a sweet tooth, see if there is a local retro candy store or an old-fashioned ice cream parlor near you. In the town I used to live near, there was an old-fashioned candy store/ice cream parlor in the square downtown. Next door was a store that sold flavored popcorn and old-fashioned bottled sodas. Yum!
Go to a VR (Virtual Reality) Lounge or an escape room and have some fun spending some time in another dimension, so to speak.
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If food is your thing, take a cooking or baking class together. Even better, see if you can find a place where you can make x amount of meals to take home and freeze. There was a place in the next town over where I used to live. Learning how to cook and having dinner for the next few nights? Sounds like a winner to me.
You can find expos for all kinds of things. They set an expo up in a building with vendors around specific things like pets, boating, fishing, etc. Another option is to see if there is an animal show going on. We used to go to the cat show in Peoria, Illinois, every year. We recently had an exotic pet expo that featured reptiles, guinea pigs, ferrets, rabbits, etc.
There are endless possibilities for dating ideas. Sometimes you have to be a little creative and innovative. The next time you go on a date, keep these ideas in mind or plan something specific according to your own interests. Your significant other will love it no matter what.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Maria Korneeva
Carrie Lowrance
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Make no mistake: menopause can impact your sex life. Arousal and orgasm are like a delicate dance between your mind and body. And anything that messes with your libido can also mess with your ability to get in the mood and experience that mind-blowing climax.
Understanding the Changes
When menopause hits, it can bring along some not-so-fun changes. The blood flow to your nether regions might take a hit, making it a bit harder to get aroused and reach orgasm. It’s important to recognize these changes and explore ways to maintain intimacy and pleasure during this transformative stage. Menopause does not signify the end of a satisfying sex life. On the contrary, at Maze, we firmly believe that the pleasures of intimacy are still very much within reach. Whether you’re flying solo or with a partner, there are plenty of ways to keep the spark alive and enjoy some steamy moments.
Hormonal Changes: Managing Desire and Vaginal Health
While menopause brings about hormonal changes that may affect the way you experience sex and perceive your body, rest assured that there are numerous strategies to cultivate a happy and pleasurable sex life tailored to your preferences and needs.
Safety First: Contraception & STIs
During perimenopause, it is also important to maintain discussions about contraception, as pregnancy is still possible. For those employing barrier methods with their partners, it remains vital to continue using condoms. The decreased lubrication and thinning of vaginal walls that occur during menopause can increase vulnerability to sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Factors Influencing Desire: Estrogen Levels and Sexual Function
One significant factor that can impact your sexual function during menopause is the decline in estrogen levels. As menopause approaches (defined as when you haven’t had a menstrual cycle in 12 months) and during the preceding perimenopausal years, the decrease in estrogen can result in lower sexual desire and difficulties becoming aroused.
Managing Vaginal Dryness, Discomfort & Pain
Vaginal dryness, pain, and itchiness are common concerns experienced by many women during menopause. Creams, suppositories, or rings can help restore your vaginal tissues and improve lubrication. You can even team them up with hormone replacement therapy (HRT) for extra support.
Restoring Comfort and Moisture: Practical Tips for Vaginal Health
By restoring moisture and lubrication to the vaginal lining, estrogen cream significantly improves comfort during everyday activities such as walking, exercising, and penetrative sex. Additionally, adopting the practice of wearing cotton underwear and limiting vulva cleansing to water helps maintain optimal vaginal health. Over-the-counter vaginal moisturizers or lubricants can also provide relief and comfort.
Understanding Sexual Desire or ‘Libido’
Menopause affects every woman differently, often resulting in changes to their sex life. Sexual desire, commonly referred to as “libido,” may fluctuate during this phase. It is essential to recognize the diversity of experiences and reactions women have to menopause.
Testosterone Replacement and Sexual Function
Reduced testosterone levels during menopause can impact your sexual desire and arousal. At Maze, we often prescribe testosterone replacement to increase libido in women in their 40s and beyond. Research indicates that more than a third of women in perimenopause or post-menopause report experiencing sexual difficulties, ranging from a lack of interest in sex to trouble achieving orgasm.
Managing Stress and Anxiety
Daily stresses, family responsibilities, lack of privacy, and concerns about children or aging parents can significantly reduce interest in sexual activity. Stress and anxiety can make it challenging to experience feelings of sexual arousal simultaneously. Effectively managing stress can alleviate various menopause symptoms and positively influence your perceptions surrounding sex.
Nurturing Intimacy: Exploring Pleasure Beyond Intercourse
If the thought of giving up on your sex life during menopause concerns you, take comfort in the fact that many couples continue to be sexually active well into their senior years. However, it is crucial to recognize that what feels good sexually may change.
Alternative Techniques and Positions
As we age, things slow down a bit, including blood circulation to our nether regions. That means less sensitivity and a longer journey to orgasm. So, ladies, don’t be shy about embracing the power of direct and intense clitoral stimulation. It’s like your secret weapon for pleasure and satisfaction.
If intercourse becomes painful, it’s time to switch things up. Explore different positions and techniques that make you feel comfortable and bring the joy back to your sex life. And remember, vaginal intercourse isn’t the only path to pleasure. Genital stimulation and oral sex can be equally fulfilling. Oh, and don’t forget to add some adult toys into the mix. Vibrators can be a game-changer, increasing lubrication, intensifying orgasms, and genital sensation.
Navigate Menopause with Confidence
Navigating the changes in your sex life during menopause requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to explore new avenues of intimacy. By acknowledging the impact of menopause on sexual function and embracing the need for adaptation, you can create a fulfilling and satisfying sex life well into your senior years. At Maze, our Menopause Practitioners are committed to supporting you throughout this journey, providing you with treatment options, the resources, and guidance needed to maintain intimacy and sexual well-being during and after menopause.
Contact us to schedule a free phone consult and learn about HRT.
Maze Women’s Health
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By ASTROGLIDE Team
Sex Tips
If you don’t have a penis of your own — or you’re someone who was circumcised at birth — you might not have had much exposure to uncircumcised penises.
This is because male circumcision is quite common in the U.S. compared to other countries. Whereas the global circumcision rate is around 38 percent, it was 58 percent in the U.S. as of 2010. The number was 83 percent in the US during the 1960s, which means there are likely more circumcised males than uncircumcised men in the US.
Circumcision, which the Mayo Clinic describes as a simple procedure, involves the surgical removal of the skin covering the tip of the penis — better known as the foreskin. While most circumcisions are performed just after birth, adults may decide to undergo the procedure later in life. For some, adult circumcision is necessary to stop chronic infections or to ease the discomfort caused by a foreskin that’s too tight (referred to as phimosis).
One thing to know about newborn male circumcision is that it can be something of a controversial subject – especially among parents. As the Mayo Clinic states, some parents opt to have their newborns circumcised due to religious reasons or because that’s just what their family has done in the past. For others, though, “circumcision seems unnecessary or disfiguring.”
The American Academy of Pediatrics takes something of a neutral stance, saying that circumcision is a low-risk procedure that can provide benefits, such as preventing infections and reducing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. However, they note that proper hygiene can also prevent these things. Ultimately, it’s up to parents to weigh the pros and cons and make the best decision for their child.
For most people with an uncircumcised penis, the foreskin is truly no big deal. For their partners, it can even offer a whole new world of sexual experiences.
If you’re going to have sex with an uncircumcised male for the first time, you might feel a little nervous. Will you operate their equipment the right way? Are there any special instructions you need to know? Can you hurt it?
The good news is that uncircumcised sex with uncut, uncircumcised men is just as amazing as any other kind, and the uncircumcised penis is pretty much the same as a circumcised one. While they don’t come with how-to guides, they’re pretty darn sexy once you get used to them.
Sex should be a pleasurable experience, and here’s where an uncircumcised penis can deliver. According to the Royal Australasian College of Physicians, “…the foreskin is a primary sensory part of the penis, containing some of the most sensitive areas of the penis.” There are a lot of nerve endings at the tip of the penis, and many folks who are uncircumcised love to be touched on their foreskin.
However, the jury’s somewhat out when it comes to sensitivity and the circumcised vs. uncircumcised penis. Whereas some studies hail uncircumcised units as full-on pleasure centers, others say this isn’t true at all.
For example, in a study published in the British Journal of Urology International, researchers stated: “For the glans penis, circumcised males reported decreased sexual pleasure and lower orgasm intensity. They also stated more effort was required to achieve orgasm, and a higher percentage of them experienced unusual sensations (burning, prickling, itching, or tingling and numbness of the glans penis).”
On the other hand, some researchers say the study was flawed. According to an NBC News report, several experts said the study “used a biased sample population, didn’t measure sensitivity changes before and after circumcision, and found only a tiny difference between the two groups, which is clinically meaningless, making it impossible to conclude from the results that circumcision reduces sexual sensitivity.”
In other words, it’s impossible to measure sensitivity when a male was circumcised at birth.
Also, the report says other researchers pointed out that “differences in sexual sensitivity only appeared for some parts of the penis and were so minuscule — at most a few tenths and sometimes just three-hundredths of a point on a 5-point scale — that they probably have no clinical relevance.”
So, what can you do?
Uncircumcised or circumcised, the important thing is to explore what makes you (or your partner) achieve the most satisfaction. One thing we know for sure is that introducing lube into the equation can make things feel better for everyone.
What types of lube, you ask? ASTROGLIDE Liquid is a silky water-based formula that keeps everything slick and smooth. You can also check out our Lube 101 Guide for the skinny on various types of lube. And don’t forget to get your free sample.
If you want to, that is. According to Planned Parenthood, many uncut men prefer to pull their foreskin back before suiting up, but it’s more a matter of comfort rather than necessity.
Other than that, the steps for putting on a condom are the same whether you’re circumcised or uncircumcised:
You don’t need any special kind of condom for an uncircumcised penis, either — any kind will do the trick. There are a lot of different types out there, so check out our ultimate guide to condoms before you shop.
Don’t let a little foreskin get in the way of your foreplay. If the prospect of going down on an uncircumcised partner makes you uncertain or nervous, don’t worry. With a little practice, you’ll rock their world in no time — and maybe even help them achieve multiple orgasms.
Jamie Gaul at FabFitFun has several tips for making oral sex with an uncircumcised partner amazing. “If you’re partaking in the fellatio aspect of oral sex you’ll want to start by gently rolling back the foreskin to reveal the head of his penis. The keyword here is ‘gently.’ If you push it back too hard or too low, it can be painful. Your partner may even roll it back for you. But if he doesn’t, start slowly and test the waters as you go.”
As with any sex act, communication is important. No matter what the state of your partner’s penis is, they’ll be more than happy to share what makes them feel good.
Because circumcision is fairly common in the U.S., some people with an uncircumcised penis might feel like they stick out compared to the rest of the pack. If you’ve never been with an uncircumcised partner before, keep in mind that they might feel self-conscious about their foreskin.
The ISSM stresses that talking with your partner is important. “Partners are encouraged to tell – or show – each other what brings them sexual pleasure. Without this important communication, sex can become a frustrating guessing game instead of relaxed enjoyment.”
In other words, stay calm and enjoy yourself.
Everyone should wash up after sex, as it can help prevent urinary tract infections, irritation, and sexually transmitted infections or diseases. With an uncircumcised penis, however, it’s important to pull it back and wash underneath the foreskin after sex. If you don’t, you could put yourself at a higher risk of infections and sexually transmitted diseases. Skipping over clean-up time can also lead to bad odors that can be a turn off for your partner.
According to a study published in the World Journal of Men’s Health, “Many health benefits of circumcision have been suggested, including lower rates of urinary tract infection (UTI), human immunodeficiency virus acquisition, herpes simplex virus acquisition, syphilis transmission, penile cancer, balanitis, phimosis, bacterial vaginosis in female partners, human papillomavirus transmission and cervical cancer in female partners.”
In another study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, researchers found that uncircumcised boys had higher rates of UTIs compared to those who were circumcised.
With proper hygiene, however, uncircumcised men can reduce their risk of infection and sexually transmitted diseases. The International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM) says warm water is all you need for a thorough cleansing. Men should avoid powders, soaps, and deodorants, as these can cause irritation and negatively affect men’s sexual health.
Remember that an uncut penis is what nature intended — it’s the original packaging! If you have questions, talk to your partner. Body positivity rocks no matter what shape or size you are.
What are your tips for great uncircumcised sex? Let us know by tweeting us @ASTROGLIDE.
ASTROGLIDE Team
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So It’s finally happened: you are now in a relationship. After months of casual dating, a stressful undefined status, and always hearing a ‘let’s see where this goes’, you’ve finally put a label on what you’re to each other. It’s so EXCITING to finally be on the same page and in a romantic relationship. But you’re still dealing and getting adjusted to this massive life change. As you move ahead in this new relationship. your brain can’t help but ask, “Is this relationship moving too fast? Are we handling this correctly?”
If you’re feeling this way, then I’m actually quite happy for you because I see this as a good sign. You’re smart and aren’t blinded by your feelings in the early stages of this romantic interest. It’s important to have fun and express love, but not get carried away.
Therefore, there is no need to feel guilty about asking these questions. With this new person in your life, you might feel overwhelmed by a lot of feelings and simply want to protect yourself. If you are confused about the pace of this emotional connection, then you’ve come to the right place today. Just sit back and let us help you through these doubts. We’ve got your back.
If you’ve just gotten out of a serious relationship with someone else and found yourself pursuing a whirlwind romance two weeks after, then that might be a little fast to get into something new. It’s possible that in this case, you’ve just entered a rebound relationship because you still have not emotionally dealt with the consequences of your past one.
On the other hand if you’ve just started seeing someone only a few weeks ago and are convinced that they are your soulmate and want to be in a long term relationship with them, that too might suggest that you are falling in love too quickly. While there is no confirmed timeline on the progression of love and relationships, it is easy to rush things when you are in the throes of love.
We’re not saying that you should not have fun or meet people. We are just saying that it is important to pace a relationship for the long haul, and fully get to know the person before making any wild promises. To make sure that you are not getting into a relationship too fast and are pursuing this connection at the right pace, read on ahead.
Many people feel that a relationship can’t be fast or slow. It’s about emotions and you have to do what comes naturally to you when you’re in a relationship. But this is only half right.
You should do what comes naturally to you but if at any point you feel overwhelmed by your relationship, it’s a sign that you aren’t as comfortable as you think you are. Feeling like things are moving too fast is a very natural thing in a relationship and you shouldn’t be afraid of it.
On the other hand, you might know that your relationship is moving fast but feels right to you in that moment. This needs to be avoided as well since it can have long-term repercussions. Relationships that move fast are more likely to fail but if you understand the dynamic of your relationship and make changes, then there’s nothing to worry about.
Keeping this in mind, here are 12 signs that your relationship is moving too fast:
Let’s start with a small exercise, try listing 5 things about your love interest that you don’t like. Were you able to come up with anything? If you weren’t, then you’re in trouble.
Every person has things that they don’t like about their partner. Even if you’ve just started seeing one and another, there will always be things that you can’t stand about them. A first date is enough for you to dislike something, it could be as simple as the way they sit or eat. If you think your partner is perfect, then you’re not seeing them as a human, as you have not put in the proper time to get to know them properly.
If you started seeing each other just a few weeks ago and they are already the center of your universe, then that is your answer to understanding what is considered moving too fast in a relationship. My friend, Dayna, is a hopeless romantic and that’s why she has a way of moving too fast in her relationships. No matter what absurd demand is put in front of her, she’ll do it. Once her girlfriend wanted to meet her on a Sunday morning. She lied to her family about being sick to get out of the church, just so that she could do what her girlfriend asked.
This isn’t what a healthy relationship looks like, no matter how long you’ve been dating. If your entire life is shifting just to cater to your partner’s wishes, then you’re too serious about your relationship. You need to balance your life with your relationship. Remember your new partner isn’t your entire life.
Related Reading: Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships – 10 Characteristics
“Are we moving too fast?” you wonder? Well, let’s go by the book in this case and look at the various relationship milestones. These usually mean, the first date, first kiss, first fight, saying ‘I love you’, moving in together, etc.Once you start dating someone, these milestones are supposed to be crossed gradually as you get to know each other better. It’s like going a level up in a video game because you’re getting better at it. You don’t expect to tell someone you love them after only a few dates.
If you’re reaching these key moments in the initial months, then this is a sign that your relationship progress is running at top speed. For example, moving in together in the first month or having sex in the first week itself.
This point may seem odd, but trust me, it’s very important. Think back on your relationship so far. How long has it been? A few months. During this initial phase, have you two already had your first fight? Did you have any misunderstandings? If no, then this means that you have been so absorbed in your relationship that you’ve been letting things go too much.
There is a chance that you might have found yourself thinking that your relationship is moving fast but feels right to you right now in the moment. In that case, you might have been ignoring the problems that are there. But they will certainly rear their ugly head soon.
When you’ve just started a relationship, it’s pretty normal to want to spend every second with your partner. People in new relationships have a way of giving all their time to their relationship. Women and men who move too fast in relationships get serious too quickly. Even though this is normal, it isn’t very healthy. It is important that you set realistic expectations from one another.
Getting too invested can lead to your relationship may also be getting one-sided. While you may want to spend quality time together, your partner may feel differently. Balancing between spending time together and giving each other space is very important.
Another problem with new relationships is that there are no boundaries. When everything is on the table, then the relationship can escalate in any direction. “He is moving too fast physically” or “She is getting too clingy” will start existing because you haven’t set any limits to your relationship. Boundaries don’t decrease the romance; they allow you to grow along with the relationship. Healthy boundaries will look something like this:
Related Reading: How Do You Set Emotional Boundaries In Relationships?
Starting a relationship requires you to feel attracted to the person. Emotions matter but once the relationship takes off, you need to think pragmatically as well. Your heart and brain are both a part of who you are, so they both need to be in your relationship.
The brain tends to lag while the heart goes and falls in love quickly. This is why many relationships don’t always “feel right”. Thinking is very important; it is the only way you’ll be able to understand the emotions that you’re feeling. Not to mention understand your partner. If you’re not using your head in the relationship, then it’s a sign that your relationship is going too fast.
You need to take a breath and evaluate your relationship. This is the only way by which you’ll understand where your relationship is going? Whether you’re willing to commit and what your next step should be.
If you are wondering, “What is considered moving too fast in a relationship?”, then the answer is; skipping all the bases and jumping right to sex.
Sex is the final stage of physical intimacy in a relationship. It is a sign that you and your partner trust each other but this won’t be the case if you’ve rushed into it.
Sexual chemistry may mean very different things to both of you. There is a chance that the only reason you’ve had sex is that he is moving too fast physically and you didn’t want to mess things up by saying no. There is also the possibility that it is good for you but it isn’t for them. Sometimes you may not even be aware of how you really feel about having sex. If you fall under any of these categories, then it’s a red flag. Don’t ignore it.
The best way to understand if your physical relationship is going too fast is by noticing your partner’s behavior toward sex. Are they open to talking about it? Do you guys discuss your likes and dislikes in bed? If you’re avoiding these conversations, then you’re afraid to confront the possibility that your relationship isn’t ready for this level of intimacy.
Dating these days has developed a dual aspect. One that’s physical and the other that’s virtual. From online dating apps to video chats to texting, things have gotten a lot easier since the internet came into existence.
Your social media profile is the place where you can flaunt your relationship but this should only happen once your relationship is serious and has crossed the honeymoon phase. If you’ve just started dating and your feed is full of posts about your “boo”, then you’re moving too fast.
When you post your relationship on your Instagram or Facebook, you’re telling the world about it. If things don’t pan out the way you had hoped, erasing your relationship from your virtual existence in full public glare can be excruciatingly painful. Always be sure about your feelings before letting the world know of your relationship.
Related Reading: Online Relationship Advice – Important Tips
If you’re one of those women or men who move too fast in relationships, then you probably trust your partner blindly. So, ask yourself what makes you trust them.Just because they’re nice to you doesn’t make them trustworthy.
Have you already told them your life story, all your ‘secrets’ and ‘shames’? If yes, then you need to hit the brakes on this connection.While trust is important, it needs to be developed over time.
Don’t forget that they are still a stranger and you’ve only known them for a few months. Get to know them first before giving them your trust. Most relationships fail when partner’s realize they’ve given away too much of themselves to someone they weren’t even sure about.
Doing cute romantic things on a date night or an anniversary is expected. But if you’ve only been together for a month then you haven’t had too many of these occasions yet and if you’re showering your partner with gifts and flowers every day, then your relationship is moving too fast.
Moreover, have you already met your partner’s friends and extended family friends? Do you barely even know all about their first dog but you’ve already been introduced to their family as the new girlfriend? If this is true, then it is possible that you’ve starting dating your partner early.
This one is a bit concerning but is the perfect explanation of how going too fast ruin relationships. If you’ve just started dating and you notice yourself changing your future for your partner, then it’s a sign that you’re getting too serious about your relationship. If you observe this in your partner as well, then you need to re-think your couple dynamic.
Everyone has plans. You set goals to direct your career and life in a certain direction, but these are always you-centric. When you have a serious relationship, it’s normal to think about your partner’s place in your future plan. But this usually happens once you’ve been together for at least six months.
You might say, “My relationship is moving fast but feels right, so what’s the harm?” The answer is that your future is the part of your life that belongs to you. If you start making plans with your relationship in mind and things don’t work out, then you’ll lose the present and your future. It will be emotionally damaging. So, stop yourself the moment you start imagining white picket fences and suburban houses. Let the future take its course.
If you’re in the beginning stage of your relationship and you’re already agreeing with everything they say, then your relationship is running like a bullet train. Don’t start wearing contacts that irritate your eye just because your partner likes you better without your glasses. In the same way that you don’t have to stop having a PBJ sandwich because they hate peanut butter.
These may seem like little instances, but they go a long way in building your identity within this relationship. You cannot sacrifice yourself just to please your partner. Losing your identity in a relationship, especially one that has just started is very dangerous. It’s one of the reasons why relationships that move fast fail.
When you get extremely invested in a relationship, you tend to go with whatever your partner wants. She wants to go shopping? Done. He wants to ‘Netflix and chill’ to spend time? Done. This is seen as compromising behavior but that’s not what it really is.
A compromise is considered when both people meet halfway. For example, if you’re dating an introvert, then they’re going to want to avoid going to a public place. They’ll prefer staying indoors and having a quiet night. You, on the other hand, might want to go out to a party and enjoy the music. So, a compromise will be that you go out on a long drive. Instead of one person abiding by the other, it’s about finding a middle ground that suits you both.
Do you always accompany your boyfriend on double dates with this brother and his wife even though you do not enjoy it? Are you always the one waking up early to take the trash out? Don’t let this relationship bulldoze all over your needs and wants in a relationship. If you do, you clearly haven’t established a solid footing in this connection and are moving too fast.
Related Reading: 5 Effective Tips For Dating An Introvert
If you’ve come to the realization that you have indeed stepped into this commitment too quickly and are afraid things might topple quickly, then we are here to help you out with exactly that. Plenty of people get attached too quickly and rush into a relationship. And while that is not ideal, there are some ways to slow down a relationship moving too fast.
A healthy way to set the brakes on a relationship is by underlining important boundaries between you and your partner. Don’t drastically change things up by taking away your house key from them or seeing them only once a week from what used to be everyday. You can slowly and steadily indicate to your partner how things should be slowed down:
We all tend to stop giving importance to our friends when we get into a relationship. It’s a natural progression and it happens in every relationship. All the gossip used to tell on phone calls to your best friend, is something you now tell your partner simply because you see them so often.
A big part of detachment from your partner involves cultivating your other emotional relationships, by spending time with your friends. When you feel loved and admired by others around you, you will feel your support system grow. This way, you feel less dependent on your partner and won’t be inclined to make them your everything.
Remember when you used to love going to the movies all by yourself? Or how you used to meet up for coffee with this one friend every Saturday? If that has all changed ever since you started dating someone new, it is time to get those habits back on track. One of the consequences of moving too fast in a relationship is losing track of who you are. But if you want to slow it down, you must get yourself to be your past self again:
Related Reading: How To Love Yourself In A Relationship – 21 Practical Tips
If she’s asked you to accompany her to her sister’s wedding as a date, you don’t have to jump at the idea of a spending time with your partner in a hotel room for two nights and take up the offer. Think things through instead. Are you even ready for this kind of commitment? Are you ready to be somebody’s boyfriend in public at this stage of your relationship?
Based off of your experiences in previous relationships and how you feel at this stage, evaluate how ready you may or may not be to do certain things in your relationships. You don’t have to meet the parents because you think it will make your partner happy. Try not to get carried away and make decisions based on your own level of comfort.
The only way to address the problem of a relationship moving too quickly, is by engaging in honest conversations with your partner. You cannot pace this relationship alone, and need them to understand the problem in your relationship as well.
How to tell someone the relationship is moving too fast? Sit them down and tell them how overwhelmed you feel. Do not play the blame game and start pointing fingers at who is jumping the gun.
A big part of slowing down a relationship, is enjoying each moment for what it is. Look into your partner’s eyes, get to know them, laugh with them and spend time with them because you enjoy it, not because you are making long-term future plans with them. Don’t discuss houses or babies, or what your next ten years will look like as a couple. Just be together and take things one day at a time.
Did you rush into this relationship because of some kind of unresolved trauma? Is your attachment style making you obsessed with this person?
Simply texting them less or joining the gym, won’t entirely help you improve this relationship by slowing it down. A lot of self-work and healing will be required to understand why you became this way in the first place, in order to undo it. Plenty of us feel the need for love affection and thus tend to dramatically put people on a pedestal.
It is important that you work through what might be the reason you are getting attached so quickly to people. And consequently, bring a balance into your life so that you are able to give a relationship genuine love and effort.
It’s no surprise to hear that a relationship moved too fast and break up happened between two people, who could have actually been great for each other. But if you have identified the causes behind you two rushing things, all you have to do now is slow things down.
If your partner is one of those women or men who move too fast in relationships, then sit with them and tell them how you feel. They may be a little hurt but tell them how much they matter to you. It will make them feel better.
On the other hand, if you’re the one who is moving too fast, then you need to take a beat, pace yourself. Stop feeling and use your mind to analyze your relationship. Zoom out of your situations and try looking at the bigger picture. Hope things work out for you. All the best!
This article was updated in August 2023.
A relationship is moving too fast when you get too emotionally invested in the relationship in a short amount of time. Relationship milestones get crossed too quickly and neither of you gets the chance to understand your compatibility.
If your relationship is moving too fast, then you need to slow things down. The best way to do this is by spending less time together. But don’t just go cold on your partner. Talk to them about how you feel and make this decision together.
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Are you ready to break free from the chains of victimhood and embrace empowerment? Join Jayson and Ellen in this episode as they dive deep into the complexities of fault versus responsibility. They also discuss the struggle between victimhood and authorship. Explore empowering perspectives, real-life stories, and learn how to transform challenges into personal growth opportunities. You won’t want to miss this as they challenge the norms compassionately, fostering self-reflection and self-discovery without blame. Find out what got Ellen saying “Honey, We Should Have Talked Before You Posted.”
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Building wealth is a goal most people have and it’s the reason many people go to work, even though you’re not supposed to tell employers that. However, building wealth has become increasingly difficult, especially with the economic climate being a complete mess. Interest rates are constantly hiking, the cost of living is rising rapidly, and many people don’t get paid a proper living wage in the US. Even with all of these barriers to building wealth, the following strategies can lead you to success.
Before you start building wealth, you need to set financial goals to keep you on track. We recommend making your goals SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound).
You will likely have more than one goal, so split them up into long, medium, or short-term. This will help determine what strategies to take on and how much risk you can cope with. Long-term goals will include retirement plans. Medium-term will cover endeavors like securing a deposit for a house. Small-term plans might be paying for a holiday or buying a car.
As time passes, it’s important to return to your goals and evaluate them. Life will throw hurdles your way and it may change your needs. For example, if you have a child, your financial obligations will U-turn from being about you to revolving around your family.
Most people go into debt at some point in their lives. Having debt can even be positive because it boosts credit scores. However, when the debt becomes unmanageable, it can be crippling to the point that people become stressed, depressed, and full of anxiety.
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Before you start saving money or investing in profitable ventures, make sure your debts are paid off. Set up regular standing orders to ensure the payments leave your bank before you’ve even noticed the money is there.
When your debts are in line and you’ve got available capital, put it to work by investing. There are many ways to invest, and the avenue you choose will depend on the amount of risk and time frame you have available.
To be successful with short term loans, money has to be available instantly and you can’t afford to risk anything. Therefore, putting money into a high-yield savings account is the safest route. Wealth-building may be slow, but your money is available whenever you need it.
Medium-term goals mean you can throw in a little risk because you’ve got time to reclaim any lost capital. A great path to follow is investing in the stock market, which involves buying small shares in companies and profiting when they increase in value. When you make consistent investments, you can use an interest compounding calculator for stocks to find out how much wealth you can grow.
Long-term investments mean you can up the risk factor even higher. Alongside investing money into a pension fund, you can explore more volatile markets like cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin and Ethereum. You may lose everything you invest, but back the right currency at the right time and you could be sitting on an enormous profit.
Nobody likes asking family for help building wealth but there isn’t always an alternative. If your parents or a sibling are in a financially secure position, they may be willing to help you reach one of your short-term financial goals including paying off debts. Even though you will be expected to pay back this borrowed money, it comes without the added pressure of interest and threats of legal action.
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Family and wealth building can be viewed from the other side of the coin as well. If you’re generous and tend to lend money or pick up the bill, even though you can’t really afford it, then stop. If your family members have no money to go out for meals, explore cheaper options like having a family gathering at home.
Real estate has always been a central part of building wealth, but rocketing prices have made it more difficult to access. However, if you have your own home, you can still bring in additional income. Companies like Airbnb allow homeowners to rent rooms out for short stays, even as a live-in host. Alternatively, buying additional property and becoming a landlord can bring in a steady annual return.
If you have an entrepreneurial mindset, you can focus your money on opening a business. This could be anything from selling digital prints to providing copyrighting services. However, conducting plenty of market research and writing a solid business plan will be critical parts of success. After all, the majority of small businesses fail within the first five years, but this is a risk you must be willing to take.
The likes of eBay, Facebook Marketplace, and other online platforms make it possible to easy to sell unused belongings. Depending on what you’re selling, you can bring in a fair bit of revenue. For example, retro game consoles and games sell for a considerable amount of money.
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Depending on the marketplace, you’ll have to be careful when arranging the transfer of goods for cash. For example, Facebook Marketplace involves arranging directly with the buyer, often meeting in person for the exchange. While this mostly goes off without any issues, it can open the door to theft or being ripped off.
Instead of starting a fully-fledged business, put some of your time and money into a side hustle. For example, with very little upfront costs, you can start a blog and eventually monetize it. Depending on the quality of your content and the size of your audience, a simple blog can turn into a full-time source of income. Other popular options include:
Building wealth starts with setting SMART goals and eliminating debt. Then, available capital can be used to bring in more money, whether that’s through traditional investing, opening a business, or simply selling unwanted belongings. Remember, regularly re-evaluate goals to make sure your priorities are still the same.
Shruti Sood
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“Why do I feel nauseous when I think about someone?”, “Why do I feel hollow in my chest?”, “Why do I feel sick when I see my ex?” or “Can you die from lack of love?”. Have these questions kept you up all night? Being in love can make you feel euphoric. At the same time, a state of deep longing and yearning can cause pain and despair that can be difficult to manage. We call it lovesickness.
A lot has been said about love, but little about lovesickness. Is lovesickness real? What are its symptoms? Can one fix it? If yes, then how to cure lovesickness? We spoke to psychologist Anita Eliza (MSc in Applied Psychology), who specializes in issues like anxiety, depression, relationships, and self-esteem. She elaborated on the lovesickness definition, its causes, signs, and how to cope with being lovesick.
Lovesickness finds mention in some of the earliest writings, ancient medical texts, and classical literature, albeit by different names. You can find descriptions of the concept in Greek philosophy and in the works of Shakespeare and Jane Austen. Hippocrates believed that being lovesick was the result of an imbalance in the body and its emotions while French physician Jacques Ferrand published a study called ‘A Treatise on Lovesickness’ (name shortened) to define, diagnose, and eventually release one from the throes of love side effects.
Anita too begins with the lovesickness definition. She says, “Being lovesick is a condition in which you love and miss someone so much that, in their absence, you find it almost impossible to function effectively. This person is constantly on your mind. You tend to daydream and fantasize about them all the time. This causes discomfort to say the least, or sometimes complete dysfunction. ”
Can heartbreak make you throw up? Is lovesickness a real thing? Yes! Being sick in love or love depression are not just feelings; they are often accompanied with tangible symptoms. Try asking yourself, what does love feel like in the body? Or does love make you dizzy? The lack of love too can cause similar or worse symptoms.
Lovesickness, even though not a clinically recognized mental health condition, can affect your ability to act normally because the romantic feelings you have for your crush consume your mind, body, and soul, making it next to impossible to concentrate on anything else. You begin to obsess over this person. This love disease is usually about the unpleasant, troublesome, and distressing aspects of love where a person experiences pain and sadness.
According to Anita, “Lovesickness can stem from different situations. If you love someone, but they are unable to build an emotional connection with you, you can feel lovesick due to rejection. You can feel like you are not good enough. Another possible reason is the lovesick person filling a void through the love and attention of their crush.” Below are a few situations that can push you into the stifling overwhelming feeling of love (or its absence):
Lovesickness can trigger physiological and emotional responses similar to the reactions of someone dealing with a drug addiction. To help you get a better idea, let’s understand the different signs of lovesickness.
Related Reading: Obsessive Love And Clingy Affairs – Early Signs And Dealing With It
Those butterflies in your stomach feel amazing when you’re in love but, when the feelings flip and the supply of the love hormone that makes you feel giddy joy is stopped, grief and despair set in. Here are some symptoms you are in love so deep that you need to be careful about them.
Behaving irrationally or experiencing extreme mood swings is a sign of lovesickness. Irritability, anger issues, outbursts, frustration, nervousness, anxiety, and feeling sad and depressed are all side effects of love. Similarly feeling compelled to make rash decisions in the name of love is equally dangerous.
Anita explains, “A lovesick person may exhibit irrational behavior like following their crush secretly or spending a long time getting ready just in case they bump into their love interest somewhere. They will keep checking their inbox to see if they have received any message from them or have imaginary conversations and prepare to talk to them in case they meet them somewhere.”
Anita explains, “A lovesick person tends to disconnect with others because their mind is always preoccupied with thoughts of their prospective lover.”
Sometimes, those experiencing broken heart syndrome might want to be alone instead of socializing or being around their family, friends, and loved ones. They experience an inability to socialize with anyone except the person they love. They are not concerned about what is happening around them. They prefer to shut everyone out because they feel nobody understands them.
A “pit in my stomach” after a heartbreak can also reflect as loss of appetite in love. Anita says, “You may notice an increase or decrease in appetite, because all you’re doing is thinking excessively about your crush. This is a biological response. ”
Observe your eating pattern and appetite. If you think it is unstable, unhealthy, or different from what it used to be, you might be experiencing lovesickness symptoms. If you are barely eating, overeating, consuming a lot of junk, or binge-eating as a result of which you find it difficult to do other things, it could be a sign you have a broken heart.
Related Reading: Feeling Lonely In A Relationship – 15 Tips To Cope
Trying to get information about your crush online and offline is standard behavior. But if you reach the point of being obsessed with them then it’s a matter of concern. Are you experiencing the following side effects of love:
Lovesick people tend to overanalyze the most normal or smallest of things that their love interest says or does for them. They always try to read and analyze their crush’s body language. They will never believe or read the surface meaning of anything that their object of interest does. Always reading between the line, nothing is taken at face value by them.
Missing someone causes insomnia —yes or no? According to Anita, “Yes! You might not be able to sleep at all because you are thinking about your object of interest excessively.” You might struggle with a sleep disorder because the thoughts of your crush keep you up at night, leading to fatigue, exhaustion, irritability, and tiredness the next day. In a vicious cycle, poor sleep might further aggravate your love condition and all the symptoms it comes with. Phew! If you are wondering how to cure lovesickness, we will get to it in just a minute.
Anita says, “One of the major signs one is sick in love is restlessness and a constant empty feeling in chest. You may also find it difficult to focus. This happens because you or any lovesick person cannot get their crush out of their mind.”
You might also find it hard to control your temper since that is your biological response. You jump from one task or activity to another without completing them. Naturally, productivity at work or in other spheres of life goes for a toss.
Feeling insecure is one of the most common signs of unrequited love. A lovesick person is constantly competing with those they think are worthy of their object of interest. They are always looking for competitors and trying to be better than them. If they feel like someone else is coming closer to their crush or they find someone cropping up repeatedly on their love interest’s social media, they might begin to fear losing the person they’re so besotted with, causing them to feel insecure.
This way of thinking inevitably causes low self-confidence and poor self-esteem in the person. All of this is a vicious cycle where insecurity makes a person behave in a way that makes it even more difficult for them to sustain a healthy relationship with a romantic partner.
This is the most obvious characteristic of a lovesick person that is clear from most other points made in this article. Anita explains, “Love sick people experience constant obsessive thoughts about their crush. They are always fantasizing about them, trying to find out more about their lives, and imagining happy or romantic scenarios with their object of interest due to which they have a hard time concentrating on other things.”
Anita elaborates, “An attachment style is formed early in life by observing our primary caregivers and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood. When a person has a secure attachment style, they are confident enough to meet their own needs instead of depending on their partner to take care of them. But, if someone has an insecure attachment style, they tend to choose a partner with the sole purpose of fulfilling their deepest needs all the time. This pattern is toxic.”
To a large extent, this explains a lovesick person’s behavior and mindset. A person experiencing unrequited love depression tends to operate within an anxious attachment style where they always fear rejection and abandonment. They are scared they will lose the people they love. This makes them create a fantasy they attach themselves to because it gives them a sense of control. Plus, in their fantasy, the person is in love with them and is always by their side no matter how different reality looks.
Ones fantasy is in ones control. No wonder when there isn’t any real love, lovesick people tend to depend on fantasy to cure themselves of this condition. They create a false reality within which they live and function. They don’t really care about how their love interest is in real life. All that matters to them is their idea of who and how this person is. They don’t care about their crush’s toxic traits because, in their fantasy, this individual is the most perfect person they can find.
If you are always confused about things, have trouble building mental or emotional intimacy with people, find it difficult to interpret what others are saying, or are unable to recall past events or concentrate, know that it’s a matter of concern. Lovesickness can affect your attention span. You might find it difficult to talk about stuff other than this person you love or the relationship you want with them. It can cause you to lose focus at work, make you forget daily chores and errands, and can distract you from your responsibilities.
Related Reading: Attachment Styles Psychology: How You Were Raised Affects Relationships
One of the most common physical signs of being lovesick includes the things in this list. Such physical symptoms of being in love usually arise out of poor mental health.
A 2017 study by the National Center for Biotechnology Information concluded that your brain becomes overloaded with chemical changes as a result of which you experience a range of emotions (usually negative) that affect your physical health.
But how does one cure the all consuming negative feelings from a broken heart? Well, there’s no quick fix to this. Dealing with heartbreak or obsession is not easy. It can take weeks, months, or even years to heal. Lovesickness can make you feel rotten inside as well as make you physically ill. Having said that, the good news is that you can heal from it. Here are a few important things to keep in mind to get rid of lovesickness:
Sadness from a lack of love can make you obsess over the person to the extent that you fail to notice their shortcomings. In your eyes, they are perfect, which is why it becomes crucial that you consciously try to spot their flaws and imperfections. This might sound like a strange coping skill but focus on who they are as a person, their behavior patterns, any toxic traits that they might have, and their opinions and beliefs.
You must shift your focus from your crush to yourself. The less time you are spending thinking about your crush, the more you are out of this torment. Here are some simple things you can try:
Anita recommends, “Establish the no-contact rule with the person in question. This includes restricting social media activities.” You need to give yourself time and space to heal. Avoid calling or texting them or constantly checking up on them. Delete all photos, videos, recordings, or any other media you have on them. Get rid of their belongings. Wait till you feel better; at least for a few weeks. Until then, keep the memories and the person at bay.
Related Reading: The 7 Components Of Male Psychology During No-Contact Rule – Backed By An Expert
According to Anita, “It may take a while to get over these unhealthy patterns of thoughts and behaviors. But, if they persist for a long time, seek professional help. Therapy can be very helpful. At times, even seeking help from a trusted family member or a friend can provide you the support you need until professional help is sought.”
A mental health professional can help identify underlying factors and suggest coping mechanisms to get rid of feeling lovesick and build healthy relationships in the future. If you are stuck in a similar situation and are looking for help, Bonobology’s panel of experienced and licensed therapists is only a click away.
Anita says, “A lovesick person needs to first identify their obsessive patterns and thoughts. They need to acknowledge that their feelings and behaviors are unhealthy for their overall well-being. Helping the person identify their triggers that keep them fixated on their crush is the first step of the healing process.”
Observe your thought patterns and actions. You need to be mindful of your feelings and behavior patterns if you want to treat them. When thoughts of your romantic love consume your mind, make the effort to differentiate between fantasy and reality.
You can’t overcome feeling lovesick and fix the broken heart syndrome overnight, so don’t rush it. Healing is a time-consuming process but a fruitful one. Once you start focusing on yourself, your feelings for your crush will eventually fade. Remember that true love should make you feel wonderful and good about yourself. Do not worry, this too shall pass.
You cannot predict how long does lovesickness last; weeks, months, or even years! It all depends on the extent of the trouble you are in and your nature. However, if you notice lovesickness symptoms persisting for over a couple of weeks, seek help.
It isn’t, because it usually arises out of negative emotions. Heartbreak, rejection, longing for love, fear of abandonment, unrequited love — all of these situations can make a person lovesick. It might also lead to severe mental health conditions like depression and anxiety.
Yes. Men also suffer from lovesickness. A survey by Elite Singles revealed that men tend to suffer the most as far as being lovesick was concerned. Out of the 95% of men who admitted to feeling lovesick, it was found that about 25% more men suffer from lovesickness than women after a relationship ends.
From body to mind, secure relationships make you feel right at home. A study described feeling secure in a relationship as “a perceived sense of safety, trust, and stability in the relationship where expectations are met or will be met adequately within the boundaries of the intimate relationship”.
It’s also when The Pretenders sang, “Nothing you confess, could make me love you less, I’ll stand by you.” Or when India.Arie Simpson sang, “We can talk about anything, he’s got nothing to hide. He’s not afraid of his feelings, he’s not a slave to his pride. He’s givin’ me love, so steady.” Or when Michael Franti & Spearhead sang, “I’m not afraid to be alone. But being alone is better with you. Life is better with you.”
Lyrics apart, for professional insights on signs of a secure relationship, we spoke to Niyatii N Shah, a sexuality educator, counselor, intimacy coach, and parenting coach. Let’s get to the bottom of secure relationship meaning and find out how two people can create healthy romantic relationships that are fit to be made into songs.
Niyatii says, “It’s the sense of being able to rely on your partner emotionally, physically, and financially.” Basically, it’s when your intrinsic alarm feels mostly rested. But let’s befriend the feeling of insecurity before we talk about secure relationships. According to this research, “What’s the opposite of insecurity? Total confidence? Complete fearlessness? At first, that sounds amazing. But be careful what you wish for. Only 1 percent of the population has achieved this dubious goal – psychopaths.”
If you’re not a psychopath, then let’s try to remember that insecurity helps our primitive brain with safety, self-awareness, belonging, and harmony. Per the above study, from nature’s perspective, it’s better to ring a false alarm when there is no threat than to miss a real threat. Hence, insecurities between partners can also act as an alarm system for them to seek safety and harmony with each other.
One great way to understand secure relationship style is to contrast it with the characteristics of unsafe relationships. A few or even one of these traits could recur and harm a secure relationship:
Niyatii says, “Couples, even in adult relationships, often assume that their partner knows what they need or want without expressing it, not actively listening to their partner, using passive-aggressive language, avoiding difficult conversations, and not being open and honest about their thoughts and feelings with one another.” Keeping that in mind, here are two examples that illustrate the secure relationship meaning:
Related Reading: Transparency In Relationships: Meaning, How To Show & Some Secret Tips
According to Gottman Institute, “We have an imperative for safety deeply wired into our minds and bodies … Some people get turned off by the idea of prioritizing safety in their relationship because they equate a “safe” relationship with a “boring” one, but it turns out that the secure relationship we all long for is cultivated best when we feel safe.
Feeling secure in a relationship is a prerequisite for being in a relationship. This security isn’t about having and holding a safe space consistently, but to have the intent and capacity to build it even during hurt and ruptures, and to have the comforting knowledge that you’ll “come back to your partner” no matter what.
In a Reddit thread, a user says that in an emotionally secure relationship, “1) You both share the same core values. If one of you is supportive of LGBTQ+ and the other hates them, you will never be able to be authentic. Not having the same political, religious, economic, moral views won’t work out well. 2) You cultivate honesty by accepting the normal differences in others and have the right manners to address these. If your partner hates your fav movie, that’s okay. Discuss it without getting mad at them.”
Other Reddit users on that thread described their experiences of having a secure attachment style in the following ways:
People with anxious and avoidant attachment styles are either scared of losing their partner or are sure that they will be abandoned, respectively. This creates intense worry and insecurity in their relationships. If you resonate with this, you don’t have to feel anxious about how to have a secure relationship. Because no matter your current attachment style, it’s possible to work toward a healthy attachment with your partner and nurture a secure bond in other relationships of your life too.
Now let’s talk about the 5 characteristics of a secure relationship that you should aim for:
You have a reliable dynamic with each other if conversations turning into arguments is not a norm, and you’re able to do the following:
Related Reading: Embracing Emotional Vulnerability: Encouraging Men To Express Their Feelings
Niyatii says, “It’s about feeling physically safe with your partner, whether it’s in terms of personal safety or sexual safety. You feel like you can be vulnerable with your partner without worrying about your safety. This can be especially important for survivors of any past trauma or child sexual abuse, who may have difficulty feeling safe around others.”
Partners also encourage each other in the following ways:
You don’t have to be on the same page as your loved one. You should be able to give feedback to one another without the fear of losing them. We swallow our words of discontent, difference of opinion, anger, constructive criticism, core needs and boundaries that are not being met, and relationship concerns when we think our partner will behave in the following ways:
You’re able to ask for your emotional needs in a healthy way. You don’t choose to be passive-aggressive or sarcastic in order to be heard. In a secure relationship, you’re confident that your partner cares for what’s important to you. An example: “I know you feel sleepy after sex but I feel abandoned when I’m suddenly left alone after such an intense and vulnerable experience. Could you please cuddle with me for a few minutes, kiss my forehead or cheek, and let me know you love me after sex? It’ll help me feel regulated and loved.”
Related Reading: What To Do If You Are Feeling Disconnected From Your Partner?
According to Niyatii, in an equal and healthy bond, both partners rely on each other to initiate and take care of things like:
You also state your limitations, boundaries, and deal-breakers, and expect your other half to do the same. Like this:
Niyatii talks about how to create a safe relationship with your partner, “Being able to express your feelings, needs, and desires in a non-judgmental environment makes one feel safe.” She adds that trust is also a pillar of a romantic relationship and is built over time through honesty, reliability, and consistency.
“Also, respect for each other’s boundaries, beliefs, and opinions is essential to make your partner feel safe. Don’t try to change your partner, instead, empathize with them,” she adds. Here is a list of actions that we recommend to foster a secure attachment style:
This includes experiences of discrimination and bias. Nothing has made me feel safer than dating people who have validated my experiences of street sexual harassment and sexual abuse, who have perceived me to be the nonbinary and bisexual person that I am. Being seen is equivalent to feeling safe. It’s healing to see your experiences validated and makes for a secure relationship.
Similarly, if you’re a guy who has been relentlessly taught to ‘man up’, nothing would make you feel safer than when you open up in front of your partner. About your fears, your repressed desires, longing for intimacy and affection, and about past relationships that were toxic or abusive toward you. Niyatii says, “Being vulnerable and honest about your thoughts and feelings, even if they may be difficult to express, and creating a deep emotional connection with your partner – all of these are signs of a secure relationship.”
Fighting fairly and nicely while feeling safe in a relationship – I wish I was taught this at school. I’m not talking about differences where someone’s human rights are concerned. If you need to fight about transgender rights or pro-choice movement, for example, then you may not be best suited for each other anyway.
But when you’re fighting over things that make you think/yell, “UGH! Why do you always do this?”, note how the conflict makes you feel unsafe. During that friction, here are the things to keep in mind:
Related Reading: 8 Ways To Reconnect After A Big Fight
Your partner needs you to be a safe space for discussing anything under the sun. This requires you to assure them that you’re 100% present with them.
According to Niyatii, “Active listening means giving your partner your full attention and seeking to understand their perspective. When you actively listen, you can validate your partner’s feelings and needs, which can help them feel more secure in the relationship. You can start by making a habit of asking open-ended questions, summarizing your partner’s point of view, and avoiding interrupting them.”
Or whatever you fancy, really. A rock for their storms, a wall for them to lean on, a solid ground for them to land on, a cushion to soften the blow. Nothing sends calming signals to a person’s mind when they know they have someone at home or in the world who will back them up. People in a stable relationship and with a supportive family usually do better in terms of career and health. It’s all about having a safety blanket.
Research agrees. “Positive social support of high quality can enhance resilience to stress, help protect against developing trauma-related psychopathology, decrease the functional consequences of trauma-induced disorders, such as posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and reduce medical morbidity and mortality.”
According to research, “Bids are defined as any attempt a partner makes, verbally or nonverbally, to connect with the other partner.” What makes for a happy and secure relationship is “the couple’s ability to pay attention to and effectively respond to these immediate needs for connection.”
Here are three examples. How you respond to these bids would contribute to emotional safety in your relationship:
Don’t take your partner’s kindness, expressions of love, sacrifices, positive traits, presence, and daily labor of household or career management for granted. Our expert says, “Gratitude is powerful. Make a habit of expressing appreciation for your partner through your love languages. Try to be specific about what you’re grateful for, such as their sense of humor or their support through a trying time.”
Singer-songwriter Christina Aguilera had a physically and emotionally abusive father. She said that she felt unsafe throughout her childhood and that her “whole life has been about fight or flight”. She expressed gratitude to her then-husband, saying that her emotionally secure relationship with Jordan Bratman helped her finally break the cycle of abuse that she’d been stuck in since she was a child.
If you see each other infrequently or live in different cities, then regular calls or texts or voice clips, and sending photos of your life or yourself will help both of you to feel safe in the relationship.
Niyatii talks about how to have a secure relationship for those who meet often, “Make a habit of setting aside time each week to do something fun or meaningful together, whether it’s going for a walk, cooking a meal, painting, doing crafts, reading books, or watching a movie. Make sure to avoid distractions such as phones or TV and focus on enjoying each other’s company.”
Related Reading: 40 Cute Things To Do With Your Girlfriend At Home
A secure person has the ability to understand that they and their partner will always differ on certain habits, traits, and opinions. This ability can prove to be a miracle for your romantic relationship. Try to understand if what you’re witnessing in your partner is: i) a small difference, ii) a mistake, iii) a pattern of hurtful behavior.
If it’s the former, let go as soon as you can. If it’s the latter two, gentle and firm conversations and boundary setting will be required after which if you reach conflict resolution, you must … let go. On the flip side, Niyatii warns, “People may take their partner’s forgiveness for granted, without acknowledging their mistakes and actively working towards reconciliation. They do not feel the need to say sorry.”
From my own experience of present and past relationships, nothing increases intimacy than holding hands with a queer partner when we’re walking down a road full of cishets. This little act can be cheesy as well as ridiculously brave, and helps us feel secure in an otherwise scary world.
Niyatii says, “Holding hands is a simple gesture that can help couples feel more connected and secure in their relationship. Try to hold hands when you’re walking together, watching TV, or just sitting next to each other.”
“But they know I love them, I don’t need to say it,” say many people from our parents’ generation about their spouses. We now know that those were repressed times, and not something to aspire to. Our expert says, “It is a powerful way to increase intimacy in a relationship. Make a healthy habit of saying “I love you” every day, whether it’s in person, over the phone, or through cute text messages.”
She says, “List the things you will do every day. Like, hug for three minutes, kiss each other, ask “How was your day? Make eye contact with them when they are talking.” And then ‘listen’ and respond to their answer. Anchor yourself in such small but meaningful actions. You can also surprise each other regularly with little notes of love or tiny gifts on the side table for them to see when they wake up, or in the laptop bag for them to smile when they reach work.
Related Reading: How to Fall In Love Again – This Time In The Small Things Of Life
Niyatii says, “Compliment each other as much as you can, in person as well as in public.” Maintain a private diary or a digital note and keep adding to this ever-growing list of positive qualities of your favorite secure person.
Per this study, “Individuals were happier in their relationships when they idealized their partners and their partners idealized them. Taken together, these results suggest that a certain degree of idealization or illusion may be a critical feature of satisfying dating and even marital relationships.
We’re not talking about love bombing the other person or buying them expensive gifts. Here are some things you can give to your partner to make them feel secure about your love:
“A universal way of proving your love to your partner is by securing their future financially,” says Faisa Stafford, President & CEO of Life Happens. “In fact, 59% of people would feel more secure in their relationship if they discussed getting life insurance.”
A poll found that 39% of respondents believe saving money is the top way they show their love to their partner and 67% agree that there’s nothing sexier than saving money. Over 35% said purchasing a life insurance policy or making end-of-life plans is a way of showing love.
Niyatii adds, “Financial conflicts can lead to feelings of inadequacy or shame, especially in men as they are unfairly expected to provide for the entire family. This can create a power imbalance in the relationship, leading to feelings of frustration and helplessness. Ultimately, the lack of financial security can strain the emotional connection between partners and damage their mental health.”
Such building blocks and signs of a secure relationship are helpful in making us feel at home in our body and mind, and in making our inner child feel safe who may not have had such experiences with their primary caregivers.
Body Language Of Unhappy Married Couples — 13 Cues Your Marriage Is Not Working
For many physicians, starting a practice can be difficult. However, if you’re ready to take the leap to become your own boss, then you’ll want to learn everything about starting your own medical clinic.
Here, we provide tips to help you overcome common roadblocks.
Paying a visit to any medical clinic can bring about unwanted nerves. As a healthcare provider, it’s important to quell patient concerns and provide comfort with an exceptional experience. Satisfied patients are more likely to return to your clinic or recommend it to their friends and family.
There are countless ways to improve patient experience, such as minimizing wait times, demonstrating an interest in patients, and providing a waiting area. For example, one way to reduce waiting times is by using portable digital X-ray machines.
This equipment produces images faster than traditional film-based X-rays, resulting in shorter appointment times. Portable X-rays, like the ones from Maven Imaging, also eliminate the need for patients to move to a separate radiology department.
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After spending endless hours locked away in a library studying for exams, and learning the ropes in residency, running your own practice might seem like a breeze.
However, a lack of funds tends to be one of the biggest deterrents to starting or growing a medical practice. Fortunately, there are many loan options to choose from.
Many traditional banks offer medical practice loans, which offer more generous borrowing limits than other business loans. Some medical equipment suppliers or healthcare finance companies may offer equipment financing solutions. You’ll need to put in a down payment and agree on repayment terms that fit the lifespan of the equipment.
Also Read: 5 Mistakes to Avoid When Hiring Nurses for Your Clinic
It’s not uncommon for patient care physicians to work in physician-owned practices. It’s essential for medical practitioners to stay visible by building a positive online reputation in order to succeed. This is especially true for private practices that don’t necessarily get the same public rub from the healthcare system.
You’ll need to use digital marketing strategies such as incentivizing patients to leave positive reviews on Google My Business and Yelp. Also, consider content marketing and PPC advertising campaigns to increase visibility. Most patients will Google specific keyword phrases about a symptom they’re experiencing or look for treatment options for a problem. For example, a chiropractor may want to rank for the phrase “how to deal with back pain.”
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Also Read: Strategies Nurses Can Use to Enhance the Patient Experience
It’s also important to optimize your website for conversions. Consider implementing a 24/7 online scheduling functionality on your site where patients can easily schedule their appointment and input important details such as symptoms or the reason for their appointment.
Whether you’re fresh out of residency or want to spread your wings by going outside the larger practices, starting your own clinic can provide you complete autonomy over the type of patient care you want to specialize in.
Not to mention, you can set your own work hours and find fulfillment in creating a practice that aligns with your unique vision and values. Follow the tips laid out in this post to start and grow your medical clinic.
Shruti Sood
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