During the pandemic millions of people have had to adjust to their jobs, schooling, childcare, and anything else that would regularly happen face-to-face being conducted pretty much entirely virtually. After over a year of living life under lockdowns, it ‘s to be expected that we ‘d all be feeling a little technology burnout. So to help reinvigorate your day-to-day, here are some alternative email sign-offs and signatures you might want to consider.
Stoically while staring out at the sea,
See you in Hell,
Baby bye bye bye (bye bye bye),
AAAAAAAHHHHHHH,
Stay fresh, cheese bags,
Await the signal,
Take care or else,
Flatulently,
Softly and tenderly like Julie Andrews holding a baby bird,
Stuck inside a computer beep boop beep boop,
Hail Cthulhu,
BEGRUDGINGLY,
Watch the skies, traveller,
Please be nice I ‘m sensitive,
Still deeply confused by Tenet but too afraid to ask at this point,
Sent from my iPhone OR WAS IT,
And if you don ‘t know, now you know,
Naked and afraid,
New York Times #1 Bestselling Author,
Respond at your convenience but know I will be panicking until you do,
TRIFECTA COMEDY is an LA based sketch comedy group with 12 wild, animated, and creative artists. They are officially Certified Rotten. Thank you for watching and we hope to see you at our next Live Stream!
If there ‘s one thing that everyone can agree on, it ‘s that sharks are cool as shit. They ‘re fast as hell, they ‘ve got hundreds of bitchin ‘ razor sharp teeth (except you, whale shark, but you still rule), even their skin is made up of essentially microscopic teeth, and just like your dependable best friend from elementary school, they haven ‘t really changed over the hundreds of millions of years they ‘ve been around.
Or so we thought!
Apparently over the last few million years, at least nine shark species off the coast of Australia and New Guinea have learned to walk behind our backs. These conniving bastards, called epaulette sharks, now use their fins to crawl across coral reefs.
So, first of all, absolutely the fuck not.
We trusted you! You were our rock in a swirling sea of evolutionary changes! How could you do this to us, “epaulette sharks ‘, if that ‘s even your real name. We loved you just the way you were, and then you go and betray our trust like this. I wouldn ‘t be surprised if you ‘d actually stab us in the back, considering you probably also have some kind of fucked up shark hands now.
When does it end, sharks??
Well, it doesn ‘t end there, because guess the fuck what. They ‘re not just flipping everyone a webbed middle finger and scrabbling over reefs, they ‘re actually walking on land.
The audacity. The gall. We ‘ve been weathering a goddamn global pandemic for over a year, from which we ‘re all gonna have to work through weird cagey feelings around toilet paper for like, a while, and now this shit? Sharks are leaving the fucking ocean and taking strolls on beaches, and that ‘s what we have to deal with now?? No. NO. Sharks had their chance to venture onto land a few hundred million years ago, they made their decision and I am putting my foot down. My human, land-dwelling foot. We cannot allow this.
There is already way too much shit going on. Nobody has the time or energy to deal with “oh by the way, sharks want to walk among us ‘ on top of everything. Maybe you ‘re reading this and thinking, “It ‘s not a big deal! All the walking sharks are super small, they ‘re not a threat! ‘ To which I say, first and foremost, the fact that you ‘re normalizing “walking sharks ‘ at all is disgusting, you make me sick. Secondly, yeah sure they ‘re small now, but what happens when they decide they wanna get bigger? They ‘ve already decided they want to leave the fucking ocean without consulting anyone, you think they ‘re gonna run it by the group when they want to bulk up?
Fat chance, buddy.
And what kind of an example is this setting for sharks that are already big? If you don ‘t think the bull sharks or great whites are going to lace up and immediately follow suit as soon as they hear about what these 2-foot-long punks are up to then you need to wake up and smell the sea salt. Do you want to have to look him in the eyes and tell Jaws to get off your lawn? I don ‘t!
I don ‘t like it, I don ‘t trust it, and neither should you.
Directed by: Cece Lucero-Trask & Tuesday Grant, Written by: Tuesday Grant, Director of Photography: Avi Kaye, Produced by Not Spicy Enough & Zephyr Entertainment
Pastry, Pat de Creme, and Paul and Prue ‘ The Great British Bake Off is back and more British than ever in this parody. Join Noel and Sandy for the semifinals as the Not Spicy Enough gang roasts not only the pastries ‘ but the bakers. On your mark, get set… BAKE!
While they wait to be executed they come up with a plan. Right before they are to be shot, each one will yell that some natural disaster or emergency is happening to distract the soldiers and they would be able to escape.
The first man hears the captain counting down to 0, he yells “TORNADO!” As the soldiers duck for cover, he scales the wall of the prison and escapes to freedom.
The second man hears the captain counting down to 0, he yells “EARTHQUAKE!” As the soldiers duck for cover, he scales the wall of the prison and escapes to freedom.
The last man hears the captain counting down to 0, he yells “FIRE!”
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