[ad_1]
[ad_2]
Hendy
Source link
Category: Humor
Humor | ReportWire publishes the latest breaking U.S. and world news, trending topics and developing stories from around globe.
-
Funny Toilet Design Fails Created by Insane People
[ad_1]
Most of the time, toilet design is pretty straight forward – how hard is to design that? Turns out it’s much more complicated that it might seem. At least for people who created the toilets featured in this gallery.
The post Funny Toilet Design Fails Created by Insane People first appeared on Crazy Funny Pictures.
[ad_2]
liver
Source link -
Forgive Me Father For I Have Sinned…
[ad_1]
You may think that “Forgive me, father, for I have sinned” is the only way to start a confession, but what if you have actually synonymed, not sinned? Then you have to open with “Forgive me father, vicar, pastor, padre, priest…”
[ad_2]
liver
Source link -
An Operating Query
[ad_1]
Sami inherited some C# LINQ code. The actual behavior and purpose of this code is fairly simple. The way the code was written, however, well…
foreach (var operatingMode in ahu.CalculationData.OperatingModes) { operatingModesModel.OperatingModeNames.Add (operatingModeNumber, operatingMode.OperatingModeName); var innerOperatingModeNumber = operatingModeNumber; foreach (var property in from partData in operatingMode.PartDatas.Where(p => p.PartGuid == partGuid) let finalOperatingModeNumber = innerOperatingModeNumber from property in (from resultProperty in this.GetProperties(partData).Where(p => FilterAcceptNonSoundAndNonImageProperties(p, updateResult.For (partData)) && (propertyFilterFunction?.Invoke(partData, p) ?? true)).ToList() let measurementUnit = resultProperty.Type. GetPresentationMeasurementUnit(measurementUnits) let measurementUnitTranslationId = measurementUnit?.TextId select new OperatingModesModel.OperatingModePropertyModel (finalOperatingModeNumber, this.TranslationService. GetTranslator(this.Language.Code).Translate(resultProperty. Type.NameId), this.PrintoutUtil.GetValueString(resultProperty, measurementUnit, this.Language), string.IsNullOrEmpty (measurementUnitTranslationId) ? "-" : this.TranslationService. GetTranslator(this.Language.Code).Translate (measurementUnitTranslationId), resultProperty.Key)) select property) { operatingModesModel.OperatingModeProperties.Add (property); } operatingModeNumber++; }Whitespace added for wrapping, as this is all one line in the submission.
Sami has this to say:
It blows my mind that someone would go this way to create such an unreadable nested mess with LINQ and leave it as is for the next developers to handle. It's no wonder the original writers of this code no longer desire to work on the project.
Now, we could try and unpick this code- it's a pretty straightforward series of nested loops and internal queries, but… why? I think we should learn a lesson from the original developers, and not put any more work into this than we have to.
Sami adds that this code is now obsolete, and replaced with something far simpler and easier to read.
[Advertisement]
ProGet’s got you covered with security and access controls on your NuGet feeds. Learn more.[ad_2]
Remy Porter
Source link -
How to write parody and satire
[ad_1]
A parody is a “new version” of an old story that imitates the style of a well-known person or represents a familiar situation in an exaggerated way for comic effect or ridicule.
If you notice the image above, you can see an example of parody by artist Goya.
What’s parody?
Parody is a sense of humor that can be learned from online explanations about parody.
Examples: The 1987 science fiction spoof Spaceballs pokes fun at the original Star Wars. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1974) pokes fun at the original story of King Arthur. Scary Movie parodies original horror and date films.
What happens during laughter:
Laughter starts with activation of the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, which produces endorphins intended to alleviate pain. One study showed that within four-tenths of a second of exposure to something potentially funny, an electrical wave moves through the cerebral cortex, the largest part of the brain.
Steps to parody:
1. Choose a Subject
In order to have a successful parody, you must determine what you will be writing about. That means choosing a subject that is familiar to audiences or is very popular. Additionally, you must know the story well enough to follow it yet change it appropriately.
2. Build Your Characters
Spaceballs by Mel Brooks was a hit when it first arrived in theaters. The film endures because it so masterfully spoofs the characters from Star Wars, one of the most successful film franchises of all time. Dark Helmet, the Darth Vader knockoff, is an evil nerdy dictator.
Other familiar characters are Lone Starr, a Luke Skywalker/Han Solo hybrid; Barf, the half-man/half-dog Chewbacca fill-in; Dot Matrix, the dainty C3PO clone; and Princess Vespa, the tough but beautiful Princess Leia stand-in.
Each of these characters is familiar enough for audiences to realize their origin in the source material, yet each also possesses exaggerated qualities unexpected enough to induce laughter. Take notes on how Brooks dramatizes these qualities in a plot page about the movie.
3. Exaggerating the Story – Add a Heavy Comic Element
Once you’ve chosen a subject that will resonate with your audiences and come up with original reinterpretations of familiar characters, turn to the story itself. It’s true that some of the work has already been done for you, but audiences will not be happy with a rehash of the same material.
As with your characters, there must be exaggerated qualities to help your work stand apart while also staying familiar enough to the source material for audiences to connect.
What’s Satire?
Steps to satire:
1. Be Knowledgeable
Know your topic and the current events and people about which you are writing. In order to poke fun at an event or person, you must first know what qualities or human errors you are looking for.
2. Choose your subject wisely
No matter who your audience is, they need to have heard of the person you’re talking about or the event you are describing.
3. Identify the human error, vice, folly, or abuse that you want to target
Consider why this vice is so ridiculous. Why does it rile you up? What annoys you about these human behaviors? For example, does the lack of face-to-face communication between teens annoy you?
4. Exaggerate the problem until it is ridiculous
Given the example above, consider what would happen if kids only spoke via text messages and Internet chats. How strange would life be for them in adulthood? Would they even know how to speak to others? Would they hold up a text message to communicate?
5. Keep it simple
It must be absolutely clear who or what your intended target actually is. As obvious as this is, you must focus on your intended audience. Are they going to be able to understand what you’re attempting to do with your writing?
6. Choose a good title
A headline or title is the second most important thing for grabbing your audience’s attention. Spend a good amount of time thinking of your title – more so if it doesn’t immediately spring to mind.
“A Whale gets beached” or “A beached Whale gets emergency help.”
7. Take your time & Pace yourself
Most satire writers are very deliberate, steady working people. Whenever one writes, it is obviously important to ensure that it is of the highest possible standard. So, to ensure a good standard, you must re-read your work over and over after looking online for funny quotes or passages. You can determine if your story is flat or funny.
And finally, read online pages on the study of comedy so you can understand the science behind comedy.
An example of what’s online:
Elements of Comedy
DOUBLE ENTENDRE
Double entendres are funny because they are cleverly disguised as something innocent, but when you take a closer look, you realize that they are actually quite dirty.
Examples: “I think women board navy ships looking for seamen.”
A man buys a large hotdog at a stand, and a woman says, “Wow! That’s a big hotdog.” Excuse me!
A woman is near a melon stand, a man sees the melons and says, “Wow! Those are big melons.” Excuse me!
PUN
Puns take a simple phrase and turn it funny, giving the listener a new perspective on the familiar.
Examples:
“Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word.”
“A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.”
“One hundred hares have escaped the zoo, so police are combing the area.”
JUXTAPOSITION
Juxtaposition is a comedy technique that uses two elements that are opposite of each other to create humor. The two elements can be ideas, concepts, words, images, or anything really. When you put them together, they create a conflict or an ironic comparison.
Examples:
“All’s fair in love and war.”
“Life is like heaven and hell.”
“He who runs from a fight today lives to fight another day.”
SLAPSTICK
Slapstick is a type of comedy that uses exaggerated physical actions that are usually silly and cause pain or injury, such as falling down, tripping, being hit, or sprayed with water. Modern examples of slapstick comedy can be seen in shows like The Simpsons and Family Guy.
Examples:
“Hitler stood out on his castle’s balcony taking a breather, then suddenly a big wad of bird droppings fell on his head. His maid bravely tells Hitler that someone finally got him.”
COMIC TIMING
There are three main elements to comic timing in comedy: pauses, sound effects, and accents.
Pauses are extremely important in comic timing. They give the audience time to laugh and process the joke. If you speak too quickly, the audience might not understand the joke or they might not have time to laugh.
Sound effects are also an important part of comic timing. They help convey the joke and add to the overall humorous effect. For example, a loud noise in the wrong place can make a joke funnier.
Accents can also be used for comic timing. Certain accents can be used to make fun of people from other parts of the world or to parody certain stereotypes. In some cases, an accent can even be
used to make a character seem more bizarre or outrageous.
TABOO
Comedians have to walk a tightrope when it comes to discussing taboo topics. If they go too far, they can easily cross the line and offend their audience. But if they stay within the lines, they can often create comedy that is both funny and provocative. Comedians often push the envelope by discussing taboo topics. This is what makes their comedy so interesting – and sometimes offensive. But as long as they stay within the bounds of good taste, they can often create comedy that is both funny and thought-provoking.
MISTAKEN IDENTITY
Comedians often mine their personal lives for material, but sometimes they wind up with something they didn’t expect: material about mistaken identity. This can be a great source of comedy because it’s based on reality, and it’s a situation that most people can relate to. There are a few different ways to go about exploring mistaken identity in comedy. You could tell stories about times when you or someone you know was mistaken for someone else. You could also do sketches or stand-up routines about mistaken identity. The important thing is to make sure that the material is funny and relatable.
REPETITION
Repetition is one of the most important tools in a comedian’s toolbox. It’s what helps them get laughs by drilling a joke into the audience’s head. The more times a comedian can make an audience laugh at the same joke, the more likely they are to remember it and share it with their friends. But repetition can also be a crutch. A comedian who relies too much on repetition will quickly wear out their material and lose the audience’s attention. It’s important to find the right balance and use repetition judiciously.
For example, “She flipped the bird at her flat tire. No seriously, the tire got flipped for looking flat.”
HYPERBOLE
Hyperbole is often used in comedy to make a point. For example, a comedian might say, “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.” This is an exaggeration to get the listener to understand how hungry the person is. Hyperbole is also often used for comic effects, such as saying that a small inconvenience is “the end of the world.” Comedians often use hyperbole, or exaggeration, in their jokes. This is often done to make a point or to get a laugh from the audience. For example, a comedian might say that their city is the worst place to live, but they’re still there.
[ad_2]
-
100th Birthday: Kissinger Interview – Dean Kaner, Humor Times
[ad_1]
Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews former Secretary of State Dr. Henry Kissinger, on his 100th birthday.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. I have a special guest today, former Secretary of State Dr. Henry Kissinger.
Dr. Henry Kissinger. Photo: Gerald R. Ford School of Public Policy University of Michigan, flickr.com. JERRY
Hi big fella. Hey, you have a 100th birthday coming up May 27.
HENRY KISSINGER
(German accent) I know. The candles cost more than the cake. Oh vell. How var you?
JERRY
Miserable as usual.
KISSINGER
(chuckles) Is your glass half full?
JERRY
No. It’s empty like your head. Let’s discuss the state of affaires in the United States. We have President Biden running for re-election who is 80 years old, Trump interfered with the results of the 2020 election, and the country could be on a collision course with China over Taiwan.
KISSINGER
Vell. Let me answer the most important ting you mentioned. Former President Trump is a criminal. He needs a psychiatrist, because he’s nuts. Trump tinks the guy running the Vhite House is a bad actor. That it’s all fake news. Am I making sense?
JERRY
No, but what the hell. You’re a doctor.
KISSINGER
I’m not a medical doctor.
JERRY
You might as well be a proctologist. You’ve met a lot of assholes in your life.
KISSINGER
Including you my friend.
JERRY
I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.
JERRY
What was it like working for President Richard Nixon? Another scandal ridden White House.
KISSINGER
I don’t vant to compare Nixon and Trump. It’s an apple and an orange.
KISSINGER
Ah, Nixon. Ve vere nervous during Vatergate. There vas the burglary into the Democratic National Committee headquarters in 1972 to get dirt on candidates running against Nixon in the presidential race. At that time, I had no idea he vas behind it. This dragged on for two years until Tricky Dick got caught.
JERRY
What was he thinking?
KISSINGER
I remember in 1974 Nixon vanted me to pray vit him, though neither of us believed in God. He vas messed up. Tought the Canadians vere going to invade the United States. Told me The Beverly Hillbillies vere liberal Democrats.
JERRY
Watergate is stamped on his forehead forever.
KISSINGER
No. It’s on his nose vich grew 6 inches overnight after Nixon said he vas not a crook.
JERRY
You were in the Battle of the Bulge during World War 2 and earned a bronze star.
KISSINGER
I did.
JERRY
Speaking of the Battle of the Bulge, you’re still fighting the war.
KISSINGER
Vhat?
JERRY
It’s a joke. Bulge? Big tummy?
KISSINGER
Vell. I do like Dunkin Donuts tvice a day vit my milkshakes.
JERRY
You have a PhD from Harvard. Been a foreign policy advisor to presidents from Nixon to Biden. Gave the Trumpster some important advice.
KISSINGER
I varned him to be careful of the Reds.
JERRY
The Russians?
KISSINGER
Dat’s vhat I meant.
JERRY
And what the did the moron say? He agreed. Right?
KISSINGER
Not exactly. Trump told me dat he tought the Dodgers vere a much better team. Good pitching, excellent hitting.
JERRY
You’ve had so many achievements. True or false. You negotiated the SALT Treaty with the Soviet Union in 1970 to limit nuclear arms.
KISSINGER
True. I’m sentimental. Arms are for hugging.
JERRY
(fake cry) Boo-hoo, boo-hoo. Arms are for hugging.
JERRY
You started the opening for diplomatic relations with China in 1971. Negotiated the Paris Peace Accords ending our involvement in the Vietnam War in 1973.
KISSINGER
I’m incredible.
JERRY
Not quite fella. You dated actress Shirley MacLaine. What a goof!
KISSINGER
True. Ve meditated on our first date for five hours before she told me dat I vas her reincarnated dog Jack. She then let me out the back door to go potty. A meshugana.
JERRY
You said Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meir was hot.
KISSINGER
True. Egyptian President Anvar Sadat and I vere stoned vhen I made that comment after a reporter found us roller skating in his closet.
JERRY
Do you travel?
KISSINGER
Travel? Sure. From the bedroom to the bathroom. Sometimes from the bedroom to the kitchen. Other times, the living room to..
JERRY
In other words, your poor wife Nancy wants to kill herself. Ever leave your apartment?
KISSINGER
I get out. Have you been to Kentucky Fried Chicken?
JERRY
You mean Karen’s Fat Children. This is the scoop I’ve been waiting for today?
KISSINGER
Speaking of scoops. Vere’s dat double chocolate svirl you promised me from Dairy Qveen?
JERRY
I lied.
KISSINGER
Oh darn. I brought my bib.
JERRY
One last question. Who is crazier Trump or Kim of North Korea?
KISSINGER
Vell, I’d say they’re both scary. Trump vants to make nuclear veapons more useable, and Kim vants to blow up countries for shits and giggles. Jerry, before I forget here’s a joke.
JERRY
Lay it on me.
KISSINGER
Vhat is the difference betveen George Vashington, Richard Nixon, and Donald Trump?
JERRY
I’m clueless.
KISSINGER
Vashington couldn’t tell a lie, Nixon couldn’t tell the truth, and Trump doesn’t know the difference.
JERRY
Happy birthday, Henry. You can have your cake and eat it, too. See you tomorrow everyone.
KISSINGER
Vere’s my double chocolate svirl you promised? I can’t eat cake vitout ice cream.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.Latest posts by Dean Kaner (see all)[ad_2]
Dean Kaner
Source link -
Giuliani Makes Amends, Joins AA – Marilyn Sands, Humor Times
[ad_1]
Listen in as Rudy Giuliani makes amends, trips on the 12th Step & explains his fall from Grace! BTW she wasn’t hurt!
Listen in as Rudy Giuliani makes amends at an AA meeting.
RUDY GIULIANI
I’m Rudy & I’m a Sex Addict.
MEMBER BOB
Rudy. Rudy. Rudy.
RUDY
I thought you folks don’t judge.
BOB
We don’t. But did you partake of our sumptuous Buffet, our lucky Blackjack table & our Oak Paneled ‘Wine & Roses’ Bar?
RUDY
You’ve got everything covered, don’t you?
BOB
No, we just want to make it easier to switch to a more respectable addiction.
RUDY
I’ll take a coffee.
BOB
One breast or two?
RUDY
What kind of cream is this?
BOB
We’re very frank here & don’t beat around the bush – that won’t be a problem, will it?
RUDY
Well, we’ll see – I come from a nice Italian family. And me – I just can’t get out of my own way. Where’s all the Broads?
BOB
I thought you wanted to be cured!
RUDY
Well, not today!
BOB
Haha. We have alternatives to sex here.
RUDY
Don’t tell me – Pickleball!
BOB
No, Phone Sex! But the phone isn’t connected to anything – it’s fake! Nobody gets hurt.
RUDY
What if I want to tell my story to one of your female members here one on one?
BOB
Nope – these folks want to avoid what you’re selling! Your kind of lines got them in this fix!
RUDY
But, where can I find women who will take care of my needs?
BOB
I’m afraid they’ve all read your rap sheet & you’ve blown your cover.
RUDY (opens hand)
Damn! I thought I had a few good years left & see…Viagra!
BOB
Hey Rudy, who just came in the back door & is waving at you? Blond hair, 6 feet with 4 inch lifts, fly open, carrying a golf club.
RUDY
Tell him it’s a PTA Meeting – he’ll run like hell!
Marilyn Sands is a former 80’s Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play. Her hilarious book “CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS” On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409And, “OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS”!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417″Living proofyou don’t have to be a success to write a Memoir”!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha
Latest posts by Marilyn Sands (see all)[ad_2]
Marilyn Sands
Source link -
Liz Hurley and Cheryl Cole’s lingerie & accessories shoppe is now selling opulent feathered umbrellas
[ad_1]
Margarita Mixx, reporting for The Wind Whispers News Agency, brings exciting news from the prestigious Queen Liz and Queen Cheryl Lingerie & Accessories Shoppe in Beverly Hills. The iconic duo, Elizabeth Hurley and Cheryl Cole, are thrilled to introduce their latest exquisite creation: a line of opulent feathered umbrellas.
Liz proudly revealed that these Feathered Fantasia Umbrellas have quickly become the talk of the town, captivating the hearts and imaginations of fashion enthusiasts far and wide. Crafted with meticulous attention to detail, the umbrellas feature a splendid array of vibrant feathers sourced from around the globe.
Cheryl expressed her delight, emphasizing that she and Liz personally endorse and use these feathered umbrellas. With every gentle unfurling, they evoke a sense of glamour and luxury reminiscent of the finest silk imported from India.
Word of the Feathered Fantasia Umbrellas has spread like wildfire, attracting even the attention of renowned celebrities. Recently, the Kardashian sisters graced the Queen Liz and Queen Cheryl Lingerie Shoppe, each leaving with a half-dozen of these exquisite umbrellas, ready to make a statement wherever they go.
Oprah Winfrey herself became a proud owner of not just one but three Feathered Fantasia Umbrellas, recognizing their undeniable allure and the artistry that went into their creation. With a retail price of $199 each, these masterpieces offer a touch of elegance and opulence to every rainy day.
So, as you navigate the unpredictable showers of life, do it in style with the Feathered Fantasia Umbrella, a symbol of fashion-forward sophistication that stands out in a sea of ordinary rain shields. Let the world marvel at your impeccable taste and embrace the whimsical magic that unfolds with every graceful twirl.
[ad_2]
-
Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan want to buy the Royal Albert Hall
[ad_1]
In a surprising turn of events, Petula Tart, esteemed reporter from The Ta Ta For Now News, has revealed that the notorious multi-millionaires Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan are currently engaged in negotiations to acquire none other than the iconic Royal Albert Hall in South Kensington, London.
Renowned for their sharp tongues and unapologetic personas, Cowell, dubbed “The Sultan of Sarcasm,” and Morgan, known as “The Baron of Bitterness,” are eyeing this grand acquisition for their joint enterprise, Mor-Cow Inc.
The Royal Albert Hall, affectionately referred to as “The Royal Albert” by Brits, has long been a cherished venue hosting an array of remarkable events, including concerts, award shows, political speeches, and even the famous boxing match between King Edward VII and his nephew Kaiser Wilhelm II in 1905. We all know how that turned out!
Among more recent highlights was the unforgettable “Hey Mates Music Concert,” headlined by none other than the legendary Rolling Stones, with the electric opening act, the enigmatic Camel Toe, leaving audiences awe-struck.
As whispers of this acquisition reverberate through the hallowed corridors of The Royal Albert Hall, it remains to be seen what Cowell and Morgan have in store for this historic landmark. With a rich history dating back to its construction by Portuguese laborers in 1867, this architectural gem can accommodate an impressive 5,272 individuals, or 5,192 if 80 of them happen to be on the plumper side.
Stay tuned as Cowell and Morgan continue their audacious pursuit of The Royal Albert Hall, leaving no stone unturned in their quest to reshape the entertainment landscape. Whether their intentions are to revolutionize the concert experience or unleash a new era of unfiltered critique, one thing is certain—expect the unexpected from this dynamic duo.
[ad_2]
-
Reports are that Kimberly Guilfoyle is afraid that Donald Trump Jr. may be getting ready to dump her leeching ass
[ad_1]
In a sensational report, the Alpha Beta News Agency dives deep into the tangled web of Donald “Dopey” Trump Jr.’s love life.
According to ABNA’s intrepid reporter, Mimosa Sabrosa, Kimberly Guilfoyle, the long-legged girlfriend of Donnie, is riding a rollercoaster of anxiety. The big-haired GOPette has become one colossal stress ball, bouncing from one fear to another.
During their recent text exchange, Mimosa sensed the tremors of insecurity radiating from KG’s messages. It seems that the fear of being dumped has taken hold of Kimberly like a clingy campaign slogan.
In a shocking revelation, Kimberly confided in Miss Sabrosa about her personal struggles in the bedroom and her battle with phagophobia. It both is and isn’t a real blow.
But the drama doesn’t end there. Enter the one and only Donald Trump, the patriarch of this tumultuous dynasty. His unfiltered thoughts on the matter speak volumes. In a moment of unfiltered candor, Trump Jr.’s father exclaimed, “I hope Junior dumps her fat caboose because I never did like that fortune hunting fool.” Ah, the eloquence of a father’s love.
As tensions rise and the future remains uncertain, one can’t help but marvel at the complexities of these high-profile relationships. Will Kimberly overcome her fear of swallowing and play Donny’s trumpet like Louis Armstrong? Will “Dopey” heed his father’s colorful advice and drop Kim quicker than a campaign promise? Only time will tell in this vacuous political soap opera.
[ad_2]
-
McDonalds in an effort to bring in more customers partners with Uber
[ad_1]
Get ready to super-size your life because Mickey D’s has a game-changing strategy! The fast food behemoth has teamed up with Uber to revolutionize the dining experience by offering Uber rides to hungry customers, delivering them straight to their desired McDonald’s destination.
This stroke of genius comes courtesy of Atticus Tuffinteen, the mastermind behind a McDonald’s restaurant in Natchez, Mississippi. With a lifelong love affair with McFoods starting at the tender age of 2, Tuffinteen is a true connoisseur of golden arches cuisine.
In this groundbreaking McDonald’s/Uber collaboration, Uber drivers will be rewarded with a delectable treat for their efforts. Every time they chauffeur patrons to the promised land of Big Macs and McFlurries, these gallant drivers will be treated to a complimentary McCoffee and a tantalizing McDonut. However, this generous gesture comes with a price.
In exchange for their caffeine fix and a sugary treat, Uber drivers are coerced into surrendering hard-earned union rights. Oh, and did we mention the “complimentary” coffee and donut will be deducted from their paycheck? But, hey, it’s a small price to pay, right?
The brilliance of this concept was put to the test in California and New Jersey, where McDonald’s enthusiasts flocked to experience the seamless blend of convenience and gastronomic pleasure. Suffice it to say, it worked like a culinary charm, leaving taste buds dancing and Uber drivers craving their next golden arches adventure.
[ad_2]
-
Golfing’s Holly Sonders is dating baseball’s Albert Pujols
[ad_1]
Golfing’s latest and hottest sensation, Holly Sonders, has found love on the green with none other than Major League Baseball’s greatest designated hero, the recently divorced Jose Albert Pujols of the Los Angeles Dodgers.
After winning the Rancho Cucamonga Women’s Invitational Tournament with a stunning score of 67, Holly celebrated her victory in style at L.A.’s notorious “The 2nd Base Bar” by indulging in a 64-ounce pitcher of mango Margaritas, accompanied by none other than the charming Dodgers star, Pujols.
In an exclusive interview with Leslie Putterwood from Golf Guide Illustrated Magazine, Holly couldn’t contain her enthusiasm, declaring that she had fallen head-over-high-heels for Albert, who she claims is not only a baseball legend but also the reigning champion of French kissing. Holly can’t wait to get to first base, Jose’s hoping for a home run!
Meanwhile, Pujols, with his signature charm and broken English, gushed about Holly’s undeniable allure, proclaiming, “Oh my, let me just say to you, Leslie, that Miss Holly has the most captivating smile and, uh, golf bag that I have ever laid eyes on. It’s an absolute pleasure, amiga.”
While the age difference between Albert, 43, and Holly, 34, may raise a few eyebrows, their shared passion for The Sopapillas Muchachas Band has forged an unbreakable bond between them. Rumor has it that their next date night will involve salsa dancing and serenading each other with their favorite mariachi tunes.
So, watch out for this power couple as they continue to conquer the sports world with their impressive skills, electrifying chemistry, and a love story that could rival any Hollywood blockbuster. The fairways and baseball diamonds will never be the same again!
[ad_2]
-
The British submarine the HMS Camilla Parker Bowles almost fired torpedoes at a wayward Norwegian fishing boat off the English coast
[ad_1]
The UK publication True Dat News has just released a jaw-dropping report about a maritime incident near the British coast. According to Buckingham Palace spokesman Nigel Foote, the HMS Camilla Bowles narrowly avoided firing upon a Norwegian fishing boat that ventured within 2 miles of the British coast.
In the midst of thick fog, the commander of the Camilla Parker Bowles mistook the fishing boat for a menacing Russian destroyer, leading to a potentially disastrous situation. Fortunately, it was quickly realized that the vessel was actually a harmless sovereign fishing boat.
As news of the incident spread, the British parliament wasted no time in expressing their concerns. Demanding immediate action, they are calling for the captain of the Camilla Parker Bowles to undergo a comprehensive high seas vessel refresher training course to prevent such mishaps in the future.
While narrowly avoiding a fishing boat mishap, the government’s focus on maritime training raises eyebrows, especially when their struggles with illegal immigrants crossing the Channel persist. Perhaps a “Refresher Course in Common Sense” should be on the agenda too…
[ad_2]
-
A very upset San Diego State says that they may not participate in March Madness 2024
[ad_1]
In a stunning twist that has left NCAA March Madness fans shocked, Coach Lomax Lincazewski of the San Diego State Aztecs has dropped a bombshell: SDS may sit out the 2024 March Madness tournament.
According to Pico de Gallo from The Sports Bet Gazette, Coach Lincazewski expressed his frustration over what he perceived as preferential treatment given to lesser-known teams like Bayou State University, The Land of Cotton University, and Left Coast University. Their coaches and players received more media coverage compared to the San Diego State squad.
The NCAA Rules and Policy Committee swiftly responded, calling out Coach Lincazewski for his tantrum-like behavior. They suggested he focus on preparing his team to play ball instead of acting like a “titty baby” and whining like a spoiled Beverly Hills brat.
SIDENOTE: Some March Madness fans speculate that Coach Lincazewski’s sour attitude stems from his team’s crushing defeat in the NCAA March Madness championship game, where they were mercilessly trounced by the UConn Huskies with a final score of 76-59.
[ad_2]
-
It’s official – Donald Trump’s MAGA is history
[ad_1]
The latest QuinniPinni Poll delivers a resounding blow to Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump’s beloved MAGA movement, consigning it to the annals of forgotten relics alongside the Tyrannosaurus Rex, hula hoops, the Edsel, and even Madonna. As Clark Gable once quipped, it is gone with the wind.
With unwavering credibility, the esteemed polling agency surveyed 17 million registered Republicans, revealing a staggering 98.7% who have conceded that MAGA now resides in the deepest depths of hell, lost to the sands of time.
Sanitary landfills across the nation reportedly bear witness to the remnants of those once-proud, red, and flimsy MAGA caps, discarded and forgotten like relics of a bygone era. Even the buzzards, known for their indiscriminate appetites, steer clear of those foul-smelling symbols.
In response to the poll results, Trump nonchalantly took a bite of his Big Mac and dismissed the findings as nothing more than a hoax propagated by disgruntled GOPers, who have seemingly shifted their gaze towards the enigmatic allure of Florida Governor Ron “The Human Hemorrhoid” DeSantis.
As the MAGA empire crumbles, political landscapes continue to evolve, leaving us to wonder what lies ahead in this ever-unpredictable world of power, influence, and, of course, memorable headwear.
[ad_2]
-
Hell On Wheels” star Anson Mount who is Taylor Swift’s boyfriend to star in the remake of “Gunfight At The OK Corral
[ad_1]
Wild West film enthusiasts are overjoyed with the thrilling news that Anson Mount, the charismatic star of the popular TV series “Hell On Wheels,” has officially inked a deal to portray the iconic Wyatt Earp in the highly-anticipated Tri-Moon Film production, “Gunfight At The OK Corral.”
This remake of the 1957 classic has garnered even more excitement with the announcement of the Monteverdi brothers, the visionary duo Staccato and Amaretto, taking the directorial reins.
Joining Mount in this star-studded spectacle are a constellation of talents who will bring their own unique flair to the Wild West tableau. Sam Elliot, the embodiment of rugged authenticity, will take on the role of the wily Doc Holliday, while Matthew McConaughey will infuse the character of Billy Clanton with his signature charm. Bradley Cooper steps into the boots of the notorious outlaw Johnny Ringo, while Sofia Vergara adds a touch of fiery allure as the captivating saloon owner. Not to be outdone, the versatile Kevin Costner is poised to deliver a memorable performance as the steadfast Virgil Earp.
The iconic gunfight scene at the OK Corral features a fun twist in the remake. As the bullets fly, Kim Kardashian, in an unexpected cameo, emerges from behind a barrel as a quick-witted sharpshooter who turns the tide of the battle. Not to be outdone, the scene features another unforgettable cameo appearance of the legendary Willie Nelson, strumming his guitar amidst the chaos, providing the soundtrack to the exhilarating duel.
Clint Eastwood also appears in the new movie as the drunken cowboy, rewritten as a goofy buffoon to add some inanity to the film. In one scene, Eastwood brings a ladder to the saloon because he “heard the drinks were on the house”.
In an interview with Vox Populi’s Tapioca Swizzle, Costner couldn’t contain his admiration for Mount, hailing him as the epitome of Wild West authenticity in the realm of Hollywood.
As anticipation grows for this epic showdown at the OK Corral, fans are already donning their Stetsons and polishing their spurs in eager anticipation of witnessing the mesmerizing performances and thrilling gunfights that await them on the silver screen. So saddle up, partner, because this is one cinematic duel that will have audiences on the edge of their seats, yearning for the glory days of the Wild West.
[ad_2]
