MINNEAPOLIS—Responding to conservative backlash over a large selection of offerings for the month of June, Target announced Friday that they would scale back their gay pride section to a single t-shirt, saying they’d do a threesome with a girl for their boyfriend’s birthday. “It’s a one-night-only thing, and we’ll both do stuff to him—nothing to each other,” reads the bright, graphic t-shirt in large rainbow block letters, the detailed rules of the encounter continuing in smaller letters onto the back, which Target representatives called “the perfect compromise to make everyone happy.” “Obviously, she has to be less hot than me, and he can’t have full-on sex with her. It won’t last a minute past midnight on the actual birthday, and it has to be with someone from my old sorority, but lives out of town. No eye contact.” At press time, Target had reportedly pulled the shirt after receiving intense backlash from the jealous girlfriend community.
ATLANTA—The heavily anticipated fight between the former U.S. president and the YouTube personality ended in a TKO Thursday night as Jimmy Carter won his debut boxing match against Jake Paul. The cruiserweight match, first announced in early April, pitted the 6-foot-1, 191-pound Paul against the 5-foot-10, 190-pound Carter in the the final fight on the evening’s card. The first two rounds featured even sparring, with the 26-year-old social media star and the 98-year-old known for his humanitarian work trading jabs and fighting conservatively as Carter made up for his shorter reach with quicker hand speed and better mobility. As the third round went on and Paul visibly tired, Carter gained the upper hand, viciously landing a flurry of blows on the influencer before the bell. The former Georgia governor’s reported nine months of 10-hour daily training sessions paid off when he landed a devastating right hook 12 seconds into the fourth round and knocked Paul to the ground, winning the match and along with it a $600,000 purse. Bloodied and grinning to show off a lost tooth as the referee raised his arm in victory, Carter repeatedly bellowed “Rosalynn” as the former first lady fought through the swarming crowd, climbed into the ring, and embrace her victorious husband.
Though it is not FDA-approved for weight loss, Ozempic, an injectable drug used to treat diabetes, has helped users shit and puke away the pounds. These are things that you should never say to someone taking Ozempic.
“Oh nice! I’m on crack, myself.”
“Oh nice! I’m on crack, myself.”
Ozempic users don’t want to think of themselves as taking a harmful drug.
“Don’t worry. No matter what you decide, you’ll always be fat to me.”
“Don’t worry. No matter what you decide, you’ll always be fat to me.”
This is actually incredibly heartwarming.
“Have you tried loving your body for what it is instead?”
“Have you tried loving your body for what it is instead?”
Sure, why don’t they go ahead and do something that hasn’t ever been achieved by any human in history?
“That commercial makes me want to fucking kill myself.”
“That commercial makes me want to fucking kill myself.”
Aren’t we at a point where every commercial is supposed to do that?
“I was the guy who came up with the idea of counting down to the Olsen twins’ 18th birthday.”
“I was the guy who came up with the idea of counting down to the Olsen twins’ 18th birthday.”
You just shouldn’t say this to anyone.
“I guess I’ll have to stop playing the tuba to accompany your steps while you’re walking down the street.”
“I guess I’ll have to stop playing the tuba to accompany your steps while you’re walking down the street.”
You could’ve gone with a smaller brass instrument to be kind.
“Aren’t you hungry?”
“Aren’t you hungry?”
You fool, you just made them gain all the weight back with that one question.
“Want to watch me eat a steak while you sit there, nauseous?
“Want to watch me eat a steak while you sit there, nauseous?
What? It would be rude not to offer!
“And will that fix your personality as well or is that going to stay the same?”
“And will that fix your personality as well or is that going to stay the same?”
They may become more of an asshole after they lose the weight.
“You still look old, though.”
“You still look old, though.”
Ozempic for aging hasn’t finished clinical trials.
“I injected Ozempic into my foot once, and it immediately shriveled up and fell off.”
“I injected Ozempic into my foot once, and it immediately shriveled up and fell off.”
Don’t give them any ideas.
“I’ve never taken Ozempic, and I look great.”
“I’ve never taken Ozempic, and I look great.”
Don’t force an Ozempic user or anyone else to feed into your totally baseless belief in your attractiveness, you hideous slug.
“Well, if you don’t have the appetite to eat the French onion beef casserole I slaved over all day, then you can get the hell out of this house, just like your whore of a brother!”
“Well, if you don’t have the appetite to eat the French onion beef casserole I slaved over all day, then you can get the hell out of this house, just like your whore of a brother!”
Struggling with obesity is already tough enough without being reminded of how sexually loose their brother is.
“Ozempic should be reserved for people with diabetes or a nice hat.”
“Ozempic should be reserved for people with diabetes or a nice hat.”
Gate-keeping other people’s medication? Not a good look.
“Doughboy wants to lose weight, huh? Pillsbury doughboy wants to lose weight? Hey, everyone, Pillsbury doughboy wants to lose weight! Jump up and down and show the people how fat you are. That’s right, jiggle for us, doughboy. You make me sick.”
“Doughboy wants to lose weight, huh? Pillsbury doughboy wants to lose weight? Hey, everyone, Pillsbury doughboy wants to lose weight! Jump up and down and show the people how fat you are. That’s right, jiggle for us, doughboy. You make me sick.”
There are better ways to let someone you care about know you’re concerned for their health and well-being.
“Having a corporeal form is overrated.”
“Having a corporeal form is overrated.”
Although it’s definitely more ideal to be nothing more than a floating, weightless orb of light, some people can’t avoid having a body of flesh to inhabit.
“I’m not really sexually interested in you unless you’re over 750 pounds soaking wet.”
“I’m not really sexually interested in you unless you’re over 750 pounds soaking wet.”
If you really loved them, you would follow them on this weight-loss journey, no matter your own preferences.
This week we have submissions from regulars, and one or two who I did not recognise
(zedless in honour of the source of the penultimate paragraph).
Nearly all of us use credit cards regularly, I'm sure, but only The Beast In Black has found one with such an unusual rewards scheme. Remarks friend Beast
"If this is Wall Street Math(tm), it's no wonder that the US has a banking crisis."
It's more likely to be North Dakota math.
An anonymous online gamer is stuck on the treadmill of addiction and can't get off.
"Such anticipatory counting has to stop: I'm tired of having to start games I've already finished!" he wrote.
This is some dark pattern.
Entertainment historian Kevin M. explains the background of this oddity thusly:
"When AT&T bought DirecTV, one of their terrible ideas
was interstitial ads on the pause screens. They kick in
quickly, and they are slow to go away – just one
more way they ruined the wonderful interface they
took from TiVo. Anyway, more recently the ads are simply
for their own content, or are screensavers like this .
I had paused during a show (yes, it was Family Guy),
and it refused to unpause. When I hit Info, it showed
me the URL of the screensaver it was using.
And yes, the URL works from anywhere." You can see it
here.
Only slightly obsessive, Michael R. rants
"My German blood is boiling about the hx3 domain name inconsistency at https://harbourexchange.london/"
Finally, Tama shares evidence of the continuing struggle that webdevs face with the hardest problem in programming:
"Considering that I didn't actually get an answer to my
question, I don't find it surprising that the survey
asking how they did also manages to have a count-from-zero error."
[Advertisement] BuildMaster allows you to create a self-service release management platform that allows different teams to manage their applications. Explore how!
ATLANTA—Urging customers to eat the book cover to cover, a new diversity, equity, and inclusion initiative introduced Thursday by fast food chain Chick-fil-A replaced all chicken with copies of How To Be An Anti-Racist. “In an effort to elevate historically marginalized voices in our country, we have swapped out our famous fried chicken fillets for copies of Ibram X. Kendi’s seminal book How To Be An Anti-Racist,” said CEO Andrew Cathy, emphasizing that the nonfiction bestseller that mixes elements of social commentary with memoir to shine a light on the state of race in modern America would still be soaked in the restaurant’s signature pickle brine, seasoned to perfection, pressure cooked in 100% refined peanut oil, and served on a toasted, buttered bun for that same great taste. “We understand how it was problematic to use only white-meat chicken in our products, and for that we are sorry. But with this new menu item, we are challenging the traditional ideas of what it means to be a sandwich in this country.” At press time, Chick-fil-A was criticized as “woke” after following up the sandwich’s release with White Fragility nuggets, which are served with a Ta-Nehisi Coates–inspired Between The Polynesian Sauce And Me.
Money Is Tight This Week So Here’s A Recipe For Five Tortilla Chips And Ketchup In A Bowl
Hearing problems is no laughing matter. It’s serious stuff. Joking about health is in bad taste. You really shouldn’t do that. That’s why we do it for you on this site.
Vacation? What’s that? It seems like an urban legend for those who are from the good ol’ US of A. You know you’re in the USA when “paid time off” means getting to the office five minutes late because of traffic. But the real reason why we posted this picture is to see all you guys fight in the comments below. Please do.
The Great Pretender George Santos has many fashionable disguises. Help him decide what to wear with these paper doll outfits!
George Santos must have a tough time deciding what to wear with all his character options. Use any of these paper doll outfits to choose for him:
1. COLLEGIATE PREPPIE: The Cozy Confident Look, to make you appear studious & fit in anywhere – whether you claim to have been Einstein’s Roommate or Lindbergh’s Co-Pilot!
2. THE SPORTY LOOK: For all your Basketball Ownership Team Events or your ‘Get’ as Elon Musk’ Personal Assistant’s Assistant or let’s be real – a Squirrely Sidewalk Solicitor in front of Piggley Wiggley!
3. THE ELEGANT LOOK: To accept all your Oscar Director Awards or your heady days of being ‘Maitre D’ & Bouncer at New York’s Copacabana!
4. CONGRESS’ YEARLY PROMO SHOOT: Bottom Line – ‘Does this Flag make me look fat’?
5. MEDIA FRENZY ATTIRE – The Un-Woke Look: Straight from ‘a Quickie’ with Mother Teresa, Tea with Marie Antoinette or let’s face it – just racing to get from your office tothe John Look!
6. THE SWEET-TALKER LOOK: Asking Marjorie Taylor Greene to borrow her fake fur coat for just 1 night!
7. RING-AROUND-THE-COLLAR VESTMENT: Posing as a former Priest trying to adjust to new life in Congress or ‘Turtlenecks’ are back – even Mitch McConnell has one!
8. AND, THE REAL ‘GEORGIE GIRL’: Quite the Strudel! Washington, D.C. hasn’t had this much estrogen in it since Marilyn Monroe left her panties on Lincoln’s Bed!
Marilyn Sands is a former 80’s Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play. Her hilarious book “CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS” On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409And, “OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS”!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417″Living proofyou don’t have to be a success to write a Memoir”!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha
Trump’s personal physician said that the ex-president has undergone treatment for Peyronie’s Disease.
Former President Donald J. Trump’s personal physician, Dr. Seymour Pussy, said in a press release today that the ex-president has undergone treatment for Peyronie’s Disease.
Stormy Daniels said Trump’s member “was like a toadstool.”
Pussy explained that years of accumulation of plaque in Trump’s penis had caused a penile curvature of almost 180 degrees, making intercourse for the president impossible with anyone except morbidly double-jointed partners.
Trump’s sexual life has been the subject of conjecture for decades prior to his political career. In the 1980s, then-girlfriend Marla Maples declared in a banner headline that “The Best Sex I Ever Had” was with Donald Trump. One time Trump attorney and fixer Michael Cohen testified before a House committee in 2019 that Trump in fact paid $130,000 to have the bogus headline placed in the New York Post.
In the 1990s, in an interview with radio host Howard Stern, Trump described women’s vaginas as “potential landmines” with respect to contracting venereal diseases. He likened dating to “a soldier going to war in Vietnam.”
Alleged lover Stormy Daniels conceded that while Trump “doesn’t have freakishly small” genitals, his penis “is smaller than most men’s.” She said it “was like a toadstool” in that it “had an abnormally large head.”
Doctors at Walter Reed Army Hospital worked for nine hours on Trump, surgically removing years of plaque accumulation on his penis after initial protein injections failed to take effect. While the excision was successful, the result was that Trump’s penis was markedly smaller.
Pussy said that was addressed when a trans-species tissue graft from an orangutan at Sinead’s Petting Zoo was made to Trump’s penis and that the surgery was successful. And rumors that Trump’s affection for Melania has changed seemed to be confirmed when noted Chinese contortionist Wei Wei spoke from Mar-a-Large and said that “her man” was “good to go.”
Donald J. Trumped-up haunts my dreams. I see his bared teeth about to bite into and devour American democracy… Goodbye to all that!
Donald J. Trumped-up haunts my dreams. I see his bared teeth about to bite into and devour American democracy as if it were a canape at a Mara-a-Logo fundraiser for the Proud Boys, and I wake up on the verge of dialing 911!
Perhaps the Former might say goodbye and go off to the Adirondack mountains. Photo by stillwellmike, CC BY-SA 2.0.
In order to increase the possibility of pleasant dreams, I then try to imagine how the Former might be encouraged to exeunt our lives in a way that he would find acceptable, however “fake” my suggestions might seem at first.
If nothing else, my fantasies serve as a kind of calmant that lulls me into sleep as I count sheeplike images of MTG and Santos jumping over a CAUTION tape and landing on a remote island with enough fruit trees to survive (a kind of natural Welfare system for which they may have to be grateful).
Enough daydreaming! Let me get down to substantive and persuasive proposals that the Former may find as digestible as the fast food he likes to consume just as he would like to devour and eliminate (remember the Golden Toilet Bowl), for starters, the Bill of Rights.
Like the recently crowned King Charles — who escapes now and then to a modest farmhouse in the Carpathians Mountains of Transylvania to lead a simple life and discover the pleasures of being a private person — the Former might buy one of the lesser-known Adirondack peaks.
There, on a promontory all his own, he might discover what Emerson calls “the infinitude of the private man” and renounce the need to imitate Vlad the Impaler.
Alone, save for a M.A.S.H. version of a MacDonald’s and a few defeated GOP candidates as servants, he might (key word) feel so on top of the world, so lordly in sole possession of something like Keats’ “peak in Darien” (not CT), that he needn’t, because of his gripes, trample on the grapes of our lives.
If this reinvention of his life seems improbable, I have another equal, but antithetical, suggestion for him: to set out, even at his advanced age and obesity, for empirical conquests.
Bequeathing Trump Tower to one of his children, wannabe conquistadors, he might set out on a neo-medieval quest for an updated version of the Holy Grail – yet undiscovered oil fields off the coast of Saudi Arabia.
I think I might be able to persuade him to strike out for this as yet untaken road by encouraging him to read (or have someone read to him) some lines from Tennyson’s stirring “Ulysses”: “Old age hath yet his honor and his toil…’tis not too late to seek a newer world….”
Living as he does near Port Everglades, it will be easy for him to commandeer a yacht (after all, he can take whatever he wants) and “smite the furrows.”
Okay, I admit this is far-fetched, and I need to come up with a more realistic exit-strategy for him, an off-ramp to a place where he won’t be savaged nightly by Rachel and Lawrence O’Donnell and where he will feel ennobled at the same time.
Voila! The island of Elba off the Tuscany Coast where Napoleon spent 1814-15 in exile. The Former will be able to sun-bathe and regale his entourage with tales of all his legal evasions in response to which they all can belt down some vino and cheer, “There will be more, Il Duce, there will be more!”
He will be able in luxurious exile (the DNC will provide him with a 5-star RV) to contemplate world conquest), and if Melania is not with him (her choice), he will be able to hook up with a local…well, modesty forbids. Napoleon’s last word was “Josephine.” Trump would have time to contemplate his – “Stormy…”
Okay, again, I’m fooling myself, but fantasy can be restorative and enable us to have a good night’s rest, so we wake up with enough energy to campaign against Trumped-up and Trumped-upism at all levels and to vote in every election for every candidate who believes in e pluribus unam, not Après moi, le deluge!
Howard R. Wolf struggled to get a B- in French courses at Horace Mann School & Amherst College, so he tries to use a few semi-chic mots whenever possible. He has a scene in his recent novella, Distant Love, where his protagonist has a conversation with Hemingway in Paris. Howard’s first book (a memoir), Forgive the Father: A Memoir of Changing Generations, was displayed in the window of Shakespeare & Company.
Emeritus Professor of English at SUNY-Buffalo
Howard R. Wolf is Emeritus Professor of English and Senior Fellow at SUNY-Buffalo and the author of three memoirs, a novel (Broadway Serenade), personal essays, and many short stories.A Fulbright Scholar in Turkey and South Africa,he is now putting together a collection ofstories, EXILES BY STARLIGHT, and a play, HOME AT THE END OF THEDAY. Mr. Wolf is a graduate of Horace Mann School, Amherst College(BA), Columbia (MA), and The University of Michigan (PH.D) where he won a Hopwood for fiction. Howard lives in Amherst, New York where he writes and cultivates a small garden.
You’ve probably heard of clickbait, and there are countless explanations and definitions of this term you can find online. But has the time to read words? That’s why we decided to explain clickbait with a fishing meme.
Daniel recently found this pair of stored procedures. While the code within them is simple, they hint at horrors just beyond the edge of the stage, the kinds of things that might drive one mad.
CREATEPROCEDURE [dbo].[sp_SomeProc]
@IDVARCHAR(6)
AS
IF @ID='109369'BEGINDELETEFROM table1
WHERE ID ='109369'END
IF @ID='100976'BEGINDELETEFROM table1
WHERE ID ='100976'END
GO
CREATEPROCEDURE [dbo].[sp_SomeOtherProc]
@IDVARCHAR(6)
AS
IF @ID='109369'BEGINDELETEFROM table2
WHERE ID ='109369'END
IF @ID='100976'BEGINDELETEFROM table2
WHERE ID ='100976'END
GO
ID, in both of these tables, is a primary key. Thus, we have two procedures which have the capacity to delete two and exactly two records. If you call them with the correct IDs, they delete the records. IF you call them with any other IDs, they do nothing.
These procedures get called. They get called regularly. Which leaves us with the important question: Why are they doing any of this?
Daniel has no answers for us. But clearly, these two records are important, and they get recreated… somehow. Perhaps by some bulk import process? Or by user action? We’re allowed to delete them, but we’re not required to. The two tables clearly use the same keys, but there isn’t a foreign key constraint between them. Presumably we can also delete other rows in these tables, but not by using these procedures.
At best, these procedures are vestigial, and can be safely removed. At worst… they’re doing something important.
[Advertisement]
Continuously monitor your servers for configuration changes, and report when there’s configuration drift. Get started with Otter today!
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning. Yes, it is. Today on the show my guest is Hunter Biden, the youngest son of President Joe Biden.
Hunter Biden caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.
HUNTER BIDEN
Where am I? Who am I?
JERRY
Let me answer. You’re a zombie in the Twilight Zone.
BIDEN
Is that some kind of joke?!
JERRY
No. Even Harvey Weinstein thinks you’re odd. My question is who is running the Bates Motel if you are here talking to me?
BIDEN
In response to those tasteless remarks, I quote former Vice President Dan Quayle. “What a waste it is to lose one’s mind.”
JERRY
I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.
JERRY
You were a drug addict. Discharged from the Navy Reserve for failing a drug test.
BIDEN
Yes. I smoked crack every 15 minutes at one point in my life. Thank goodness I got help. Did a stint in rehab.
JERRY
Hey. Do you know what you call a duck that’s a drug addict?
BIDEN
No.
JERRY
A quack head.
BIDEN
Okay, funny boy.
JERRY
Here’s something that’s not funny. You were a hedge fund, venture capitalist who worked as a lobbyist for a Chinese investment company from 2013-18. And the company had links to the Chinese Communist Party.
BIDEN
Old Chinese proverb. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. Look, it was an innocent mistake. Had no clue CEFC China Energy was in bed with the Commies.
JERRY
There’s more. You served on the board of Burisma Holdings, one of the largest private gas producers in Ukraine owned by a man facing money laundering charges in 2014.
BIDEN
Had no idea his wallet was in the wash inside his jeans.
JERRY
Made false declarations on a gun purchase.
BIDEN
Not true. I am a Hunter.
JERRY
You currently face two misdemeanors by the Feds for not filing two years of tax returns. Congressman Jim Jordan is going ape and wants a hearing in the House.
BIDEN
First of all. Jim Jordan is an ape. There’s DNA proof. Second, I’m proud to pay taxes. The only thing is I can be just as proud not paying them.
JERRY
Bottom line, you have large debt and overdue tax bills.
BIDEN
That’s why I’ve been selling my paintings. They bring in up $500,000.
JERRY
You’re an artist?
BIDEN
That’s what people tell me.
JERRY
Did you hear about the artist who died yesterday in Los Angeles?
BIDEN
No. How?
JERRY
Had too many strokes.
BIDEN
I better take it easy. Have five kids to support.
JERRY
Same woman?
BIDEN
Are you kidding? Two marriages and two girlfriends. I was the inspiration for The Jerry SpringerShow.
JERRY
You’re 53 years old. What’s your biggest accomplishment?
BIDEN
That’s easy. During COVID, I proved to the Trumpsters crack was safer than Ivermectin.
JERRY
You may be goofy, but there’s a Republican conspiracy against you.
BIDEN
Thanks, man.
JERRY
Hunter Biden everyone. See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show (c) Dean B. Kaner
Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.
Why are these rich whiners staging a labor strike in Hollywood? In today’s reality, projects are rich, but writers are poor.
Tinsel Town! Glamour! Riches! So why are these whiners staging a labor strike in Hollywood?
Yet, people who make a living writing movies, TV shows and streaming programs are on strike! Most people find it hard to relate to complaints about working on projects with multimillion-dollar budgets, A-list stars and famous studio moguls. So, what’s wrong with this picture?
It’s a faded picture taken in the long-ago golden age of Hollywood when creative writing was prized by the industry’s barons and writers got respect and decent paychecks. In today’s reality, projects are rich, but writers are poor, for Hollywood has shifted to the same model of plutocratic inequality that has swamped banking, tech and other monopolistic sectors.
Wall Street now rules. While we consumers still pay top dollar for tickets and monthly fees, practically all of the money flows upstream to financiers and corporate poohbahs. This has sunk the real creators (writers, directors, actors, tech crews and craftspeople) into the quicksand of low-wage, temporary jobs. Legacy production giants like Disney, Paramount and Universal (along with uberrich new players like Amazon, Apple, Comcast and Netflix) kowtow to Wall Street, stiffing the people who actually have talent, squeezing corporate profits from their labor.
This is the blue-collar reality of Hollywood you don’t hear about, and battling the same old rank greed of elite bosses is what this strike is about. Instead of making art, today’s industry is focused on slashing labor costs to artificially jack up corporate stock prices.
The pay increase sought by the 10,000 members of the Writers Guild of America is easily affordable by studio powers. Indeed, just one big boss, David Zaslav at Warner Brothers, gets $250 million a year — enough to pay every WGA writer the minimal annual income asked for in this strike.
To help stop the financialization and gigification of yet another workplace, go to wga.org.
What Pan Would You Take to a Public Protest?
Do mass protests matter anymore? Even when large numbers turn out with a high level of outrage directed at abusive corporate or governmental elites, the Powers That Be usually just hunker down and wait for the fury to pass.
But the one form of protest that really gets to even the most aloof elite is cultural caricature. In recent decades, the creative deployment of giant puppets, satirical songs, pop-up parodies and other forms of social mockery has pierced the ego shields of haughty corporate chieftains and puffed-up politicos. They ignore angry speeches, but public ridicule stings them personally, energizing the larger community.
Consider how common household utensils can rally the people’s discontent, rattle the establishment and deliver a message of revolutionary protest. In recent years, mass rebellions, armed with nothing but kitchenware, have noisily made their points in such disparate places as Chile and Iceland.
And today, the people of France are bedeviling their country’s aristocratic wannabe, President Emmanuel Macron, with a ceaseless, mass clanging of skillets, saucepans, spoons and other plebeian cookware brought from their French kitchens into the streets of every region. They are protesting the president’s imperious decision to undercut their pensions, as well as his tone-deaf refusal even to hear their complaints. So, their “voice” has become the incessant banging of pots. Now, Macron can’t go anywhere without being greeted — and often drowned out — by the cacophony of “cassarolades” (the saucepan movement).
The protest is driving Macron crazy, which seems to be a very short ride for him. Clearly irritated by the commoners’ cleverness, his government is now using antiterrorism laws to ban “the use of portable sound devices” in protests.
Of course, the crazier he gets about pots and pans, the more effective their “voice” becomes — and the louder people laugh at their “leader.”
National radio commentator, writer, public speaker, and author of the book, “Swim Against The Current: Even A Dead Fish Can Go With The Flow,” Jim Hightower has spent three decades battling the Powers That Be on behalf of the Powers That Ought To Be – consumers, working families, environmentalists, small businesses, and just-plain-folks.
Twice elected Texas Agriculture Commissioner, Hightower is a modern-day Johnny Appleseed, spreading the message of progressive populism all across the American grassroots.
He broadcasts daily radio commentaries that are carried in more than 150 commercial and public stations and on the web.
Congress is debating an 11th-hour compromise plan on the nation’s debt ceiling that would stave off a U.S. default. The Onion looks back at the history and crises of one of America’s most sacred institutions.
Trump Takes Out Full-Page Newspaper Ad Calling For Death Penalty For Himself
1789: U.S. goes into debt for first time when George Washington borrows five shillings from a British friend.
1917: Congress establishes debt ceiling to ensure government doesn’t indulge in frivolous helping.
1946: Secret shadow government debt ceiling tripled to help fund Cold War.
1995: Everyone involved in debt ceiling negotiations agrees it so pointless and awful that country has no choice but to go through it again and again and again.
1999: Debt ceiling raised an extra $23.99 to cover donuts for Harry Reid’s birthday.
2003: Congress raises debt ceiling to afford one slightly used Iraq.
2011: Republicans demand President Obama give up his own healthcare in exchange for raising debt ceiling.
2014: National debt hits all-time high under weight of Obama’s Candy Crush microtransactions.
2023: Despite calls to ignore the made-up ceiling, Democrats still capitulate to Republicans.
2025: America defaults on its debt and is purchased by China.
[Advertisement]
