Category: Humor

Today’s anonymous submitter sends us some PHP exception logging code. This particular code shows a surprising understanding of some clever PHP tricks. Unfortunately, everything about it is still wrong.

try {
    
} catch (Throwable $th) {
    ob_start(); 
    
    echo($th->getMessage()); 
    var_dump($th); 
    $ob = ob_get_contents(); 
    
    ob_end_clean(); 
    
    error_log($ob); 
}

The purpose of this code is to log the exception message, and a string representation of the thrown exception, including its key properties. Now, a normal developer would just take advantage of the Throwable‘s built in string conversion to get that information. But for whatever reason, this developer didn’t want a simple, short, human-readable version. They opted to use var_dump, a handy PHP debugging function which dumps an object’s properties to the output buffer.

Which, by default, the output buffer is the page this PHP script is rendering. Which is what all the ob_ calls are about: they create a temporary output buffer, write all further output to that, and then fetch the contents of the buffer as a string.

Once they have that string, they can then error_log it.

None of that is necessary. But in this codebase, it appears in about 70% of the exception handlers. Some of the remaining 25% do something more sane. Some of them just swallow the exception or rethrow it.

It’s worth noting that the output of just to-stringing the throwable isn’t formatted the exact same way as the var_dump version- the to-string version is more readable, while the var_dump looks something more like this:

messageobject(Exception)#1 (7) {
  ["message":protected]=>
  string(7) "message"
  ["string":"Exception":private]=>
  string(0) ""
  ["code":protected]=>
  int(0)
  ["file":protected]=>
  string(63) "/home/user/scripts/code.php"
  ["line":protected]=>
  int(4)
  ["trace":"Exception":private]=>
  array(0) {
  }
  ["previous":"Exception":private]=>
  NULL
}

The additional problem is that nobody wanted the logs to look like that, nobody liked reading logging messages looking that way, and everyone wished the output was more compact and relevant. Yet this was the solution.

Our submitter adds:

TRWTF might as well be not using an actual Exception Handler and Logger to handle this, though, with this being WordPress…

“My husband purchased land for an off-road park. While out for a “work day” his friend managed to drive his bronco into a creek and got stuck. They later posed for a picture not realizing the bronco, now permanently parked in the creek was in the shot. This is what happens on “daddy daughter day!”

(submitted by Kaylie)

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to

The news, even that about Apple’s new VR headset, doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:

Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:

Apple just came out with a VR headset

… not saying people will use it for porn, but the ad campaign will be ‘There’s a CLAPP for that.’

Justice Department unseals 37 count indictment

Look for Trump to say: ‘Never met me. Maybe got myself coffee once. But have no idea who I am. I’m not even my type.’

Ukraine dam destroyed: Dozens of nearby towns expected to be flooded

In related news, all those Twitter epidemiology experts who became Women’s Gymnastics experts are now Hydroelectric Power Plant experts.

Biden and McCarthy deal to raise debt ceiling passes, Biden signs bill

This probably means DeSantis is going to need higher heels to see that dealing ceiling.

Sen. Joe Manchin on “Face the Nation”

It’d be more appropriate for him to be on ‘Two Face The Nation.

PGA Tour agrees to merge with Saudi-backed rival LIV Golf

Hey, PGA, be careful! The Saudi’s have a whole different meaning to making the cut.

Doc accused of groping woman plane passenger while pretending to sleep

… Would’ve gotten away with it, too, if he didn’t try to bill her through her HMO.

Far-right House Republicans just sent gas stove bills up in flames

And, and yet, they still smell like they’re passing gas.

The man who sued Gwyneth Paltrow over skiing accident and lost now says he regrets it

Now, he knows how Gwyneth feels about making Mortdecai …

Pat Robertson has died

I blame the gays.

North Dakota Republican Governor Doug Burgum has officially announced he is running for President in 2024

People of North Dakota: Who?

Al Pacino will be a father at 83. The baby-mama is 29

Somebody has Great Granddaddy issues.

Chick-fil-A is facing a boycott with customers claiming they’ve gone ‘woke’

To really reach out to the gay community, Chick-fil-A should add to the menu a Chick on Chick-fil-A sandwich.

Bannon associate sentenced to 4-1/4 years for Trump border wall fraud

… No word if he got Mexico to pay for his defense …

Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of — winning the Noble Peace Prize or sending Congolese gynecologist Dr. Denis Mukwege to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of African women in war-torn countries. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has written for Weekly Humorist, National Lampoon, American Bystander, Huff Post Comedy, McSweeney’s, Bombeck Writers Workshop Blog and the Humor Times, written and/or produced for multiple TV shows and written standup material that’s been performed on Maher, The Daily Show, Colbert, Kimmel, etc. Now, on to Paul’s time-commanding Special Forces in Khandahar… (See all of Paul’s “Ripping the Headlines Today” columns here.)

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