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Category: Humor

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  • ‘Stop Woke’ Spawns Education Standards – Bill Tope, Humor Times

    ‘Stop Woke’ Spawns Education Standards – Bill Tope, Humor Times

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    The “Stop Woke Act” seeks to enlighten students to the “fact” that slaves learned “trades or skills” that proved useful to them.

    New standards approved by the Florida Department of Education this week, which provide for “comprehensive and rigorous instruction in African-American history,” are the direct result of passage of legislation on April 22, 2023 by the Florida legislature.

    Slaves “learning trades” in 17th-century Virginia. Public Domain.

    The so-called “Stop Woke Act,” signed by Governor Ron DeSantis, seeks to redirect the efforts of school districts in the manner in which race is regarded. “Woke” is as acronym for “Wrong to Our Kids and Employees.” The official name if the legislation is the Individual Freedom Act (IFA).

    The standards include so-called benchmark clarifications, including the notion that, during the 19th century, some slaves learned “trades or skills” that proved useful to them subsequent to their enslavement. Examples include such trades as shoe-making, stone masonry, fishing, teaching, carpentry, prostitution, shoe-shining, and other occupations.

    Rubella Durban, a spokesperson for the Florida Educational Association, a state-wide group representing more than 150,000 teachers throughout Florida, admitted that “the skills learned in slavery proved very useful indeed,” in construction of buildings in the nation’s capital, including the White House and the Capitol building. “Without the toil of slaves,” averred Ruben, “we wouldn’t have these edifices.”

    Architect Pierre L’Enfant, designer of the nation’s capital, attempted to employ European tradesmen, but was forestalled in his efforts and so enslaved persons were hired at the rate of $5 per month. Records show that he registered “122 negro hires.”

    In a statement, Dr. William Allen and Dr. Francis Presley, representing the Florida Department of Education, remarked that “That wasn’t an altogether unfair rate of remuneration. In additional to the stipend, which of course went to the workers’ masters, each worker was provided with their fill of hog jowl, chicory coffee and watermelon.” That slaves benefited from their training during enslavement, said Presley and Allen, “is factual and well-documented.”

    Dr. Durban said that the Stop Woke Act is “a step backwards” in the educational process. Teaching African American history in Florida became mandatory in 1994.

    One of the Stop Woke’s stated purposes is to dissuade Floridans from believing that “anyone is privileged or oppressed due to race of skin color.” Stop Woke is part and parcel of creating Desantis’s high profile in fighting wokeness in Florida. At an address in Tallahassee, Gov. DeSantis said that “there is no reason for any (white) citizen to feel despair or dismay at the manner in which the lesser races have been treated…” DeSantis, who is a candidate for the Republican nomination for the presidency, added, “And I don’t want those less fortunate among us to feel bad. Take heart: things could be worse: you could be transgender.”

    Bill Tope
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  • Werewolf Meme: The Perfect Moon For Him To Come Out

    Werewolf Meme: The Perfect Moon For Him To Come Out

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    {1 Comment}

    Can you imagine the poor werewolf’s struggle during other phases of the moon? He just have to keep hiding in the closet. This werewolf meme helps to understand his unfortunate situation.

    Can you imagine the poor werewolf's struggle during other phases of the moon? He just have to keep hiding in the closet. This werewolf meme helps to understand his unfortunate situation.

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    liver

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  • Cat Therapist Always Delivers Valuable Advice

    Cat Therapist Always Delivers Valuable Advice

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    {1 Comment}

    Move over, Freud! There’s a new therapy sensation in town. Cat therapist doesn’t waste time by talking about your mother or your childhood. Cat therapist gives real solutions to your psychological problems.

    Have you tried pushing a bunch of shit off of the table?

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    liver

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  • The Freaky Family Portrait

    The Freaky Family Portrait

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    “My brother and his wife enjoying their family portrait at their kids expense!”

    (submitted by Kenneth)

    The post Daddy Style appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.

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    Team Awkward

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  • Always Check The Background When Taking A Family Photo

    Always Check The Background When Taking A Family Photo

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    “My Dad’s 85th birthday. Took a picture outside the restaurant which was in a very artsy part of town. Wasn’t until I posted it on Facebook that a friend pointed out that the writing on the wall behind us was hilarious.”

    (submitted by Michele)

    The post Blowhards appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.

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    Team Awkward

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  • Mom’s New Boyfriend Took Some Getting Used To

    Mom’s New Boyfriend Took Some Getting Used To

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    “That time my mother thought it would be a great idea to take us to Madam Tussaud’s to meet her new eight foot Slash lookalike boyfriend for the first time.”

    (submitted by Roxzann)

    The post The New Guy appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.

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    Team Awkward

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  • This Is How Grandma And I Liked To Bond

    This Is How Grandma And I Liked To Bond

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    “My senior picture. We wanted to show the bond between Grandma and granddaughter.”

    (submitted by Jessica) 

    The post Barn Burner appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.

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    Team Awkward

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  • Mom Thought This Would Be A Good Idea

    Mom Thought This Would Be A Good Idea

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    “My parents were married in 1981 and my mom wanted a picture of her looking down at her bouquet with a double-exposure of my dad’s head floating above her like she was thinking of him. Mom cried when she saw the resulting photo, but we all laugh over it now.”

    (submitted by IG @mrs.baldwin18)

    The post Floracular Spectacular appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.

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    Team Awkward

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  • John Deering for Jul 22, 2023 – John Deering, Humor Times

    John Deering for Jul 22, 2023 – John Deering, Humor Times

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    John Deering is chief editorial cartoonist for the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, the state’s largest newspaper. Five times a week, his cartoon comments entertain (or sometimes enrage) readers throughout Arkansas, in Washington, D.C., and across the country.

    Winner of the National Press Foundation’s 1997 Berryman Award, Deering also gained top honors in the 1994 national John Fischetti Cartoon Competition and was the seven-time winner of the Arkansas Press Association’s Best Editorial Cartoonist award.

    Deering’s work is collected in two books: Deering’s State of Mind (1990) and We Knew Bill Clinton … Bill Clinton Was a Friend of Ours (1993, with Vic Harville). He is a 14-year member of the American Association of Editorial Cartoonists.

    Born in 1956 in Little Rock, Deering has been drawing since his childhood fascination with science fiction and dinosaurs — subjects he made into comic books. After studying art with Truman Alston, Deering focused on commercial and fine art at the University of Arkansas at Little Rock. Along the way, he found his strength in interlocking art with comment.

    At the Democrat-Gazette, Deering advanced from layout artist to editorial cartoonist in 1981-82. His promotion to chief editorial cartoonist in 1988 made his cartoons the state’s best-known. Deering also creates the comic panel Too Much Coffee.

    He and his wife, Kathy, have a daughter and two sons, and live in Little Rock. He still draws dinosaurs.

    Check out his comic strips, Zack Hill and Strange Brew.

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    John Deering

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  • It’s Just a Prank, Bro!

    It’s Just a Prank, Bro!

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    {0 Comments}

    Ah, the legendary “It’s just a prank, bro” guys on YouTube: guardians of mischief and masters of being annoying as hell. They have perfected the art of thinking that they look cool while being universally hated by everyone.

    It's just a prank, bro!

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    liver

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  • Robert F Kennedy, Jr Interview – Dean Kaner, Humor Times

    Robert F Kennedy, Jr Interview – Dean Kaner, Humor Times

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    Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews anti-vax activist and conspiracy nut Robert F Kennedy, Jr.

    ANNOUNCER

    Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

    JERRY DUNCAN

    Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is activist Robert F Kennedy, Jr.

    Robert F Kennedy Jr. Photo by Maxlovestoswim, CC BY-SA 4.0.

    JERRY

    Good morning, Robert.

    ROBERT F KENNEDY, JR

    Is it morning just because the sun is out?

    JERRY

    C’mon. We know you’re a conspiracy nut.

    KENNEDY

    Roses are red, violets are blue, this middle finger is for you.

    JERRY

    You don’t believe in COVID vaccines. Claim there is a link to autism.

    KENNEDY

    That’s right. You name the conspiracy and I support it. For instance, I’m against coal and nuclear power. They cause death and destruction of the environment.

    JERRY

    Hold on, half-wit. Do you realize more people died in your Uncle Teddy’s car than a nuclear power plant?

    KENNEDY

    Big whoop. Nothing surprises me more than when I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof. Nobody told me to unplug it before soaking in water.

    JERRY

    It’s the reason your brain is fried. You recently said President Joe Biden is the cause of the 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine due to NATO expansion.

    KENNEDY

    Alternative facts, Duncan. Putin is defending Russia from Ukraine.

    JERRY

    Putin is a tyrant. Do you know a man was sentenced last week in a Moscow court to 15 years and 3 months in a Russian work camp for calling Putin stupid? The judge explained that he gave 3 months for insulting the president and 15 years for divulging state secrets.

    JERRY

    I understand you are running against Biden for president on the Democratic ticket. What’s your reason?

    KENNEDY

    We need less drama and more comedy. And I know something about comedy. My wife Cheryl Hines is on Curb Your Enthusiasm. She said Larry David wants to use my speeches in the new season.

    JERRY

    You’ve got to be kidding.

    KENNEDY

    Why not? Everybody tells me they’re a joke.

    The interviews stops abruptly.

    JERRY

    Speaking of jokes. I have a fellow conspiracist on the line. Republican Senator John Kennedy from the not- so- great state of Louisiana.

    SENATOR JOHN KENNEDY

    I resent that remark, Duncan. I’m proud to say most Louisianans make it to 6th grade. Ain’t that remarkable?

    JERRY

    I would have guessed 3rd. Hey, goober. What’s the difference between a zoo in Louisiana and a zoo elsewhere?

    J. KENNEDY

    I don’t know.

    JERRY

    In Louisiana, next to the plaque with the animal’s name, they’ve got a good recipe.

    J. KENNEDY

    Sounds right.

    JERRY

    I understand you spent 4th of July in Moscow talking to Russian officials with fellow MAGA Republicans. You’re a traitor!

    J. KENNEDY

    No. I’m trying to make sure the Russians do a better job of election interference in 2024. We want to rig it.

    JERRY

    In addition to your corrupt MAGA Republicans trying to overthrow our government with the help of the Russians, you want them to win the war in Ukraine. You’re on the wrong side of history, bubba.

    J. KENNEDY

    Why shouldn’t we meet? If Trump is the president, Putin will have a winter home in Florida. And I assured Vlad that there will be prostitutes to pee on his face.

    KENNEDY

    I’m impressed. Here I thought the best five years of a redneck’s life was 4th grade.

    JERRY

    Senator Kennedy. You have the same name as Robert’s uncle President John F. Kennedy.

    J.KENNEDY

    Right on. I remember the exact moment I found out that JFK was assassinated. On the internet, checking his Wikipedia page.

    KENNEDY

    That was a stunt double. My Uncle John eloped with Marilyn Monroe.

    JERRY

    Five years later your father Senator Bobby Kennedy was assassinated by Sirhan Sirhan.

    KENNEDY

    No. I believe there was another shooter. That’s what he told me when we met.

    JERRY

    Is there anything you two fools believe is not a conspiracy?

    J.KENNEDY

    If it looks like a duck. And quacks like a duck…

    KENNEDY

    It’s government surveillance.

    JERRY

    Robert F. Kennedy, Jr and Senator John Kennedy. See you tomorrow.

     

    The Jerry Duncan Show
    (c) Dean B. Kaner

    Dean Kaner
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  • Older Bigot Didn’t Need Social Media Algorithm To Start Down Path Of White Supremacy

    Older Bigot Didn’t Need Social Media Algorithm To Start Down Path Of White Supremacy

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    TRAVERSE CITY, MI—Boasting that he had achieved his bigoted mindset “all by himself,” local 65-year-old Alan Smith told reporters Friday that when he was young, he did not require a social media algorithm to get started down the path of white supremacist beliefs. “Back in my day, we didn’t need to be spoon-fed a four-hour long YouTube video about declining white birth rates to conclude that all other races must be destroyed,” said Smith, who expressed his scorn for a new generation of bigots that he claimed was totally reliant on giant tech companies to develop even the most basic of racist worldviews. “You think I got this way from listening to podcasts all day? No sir, that hatred came straight from the heart. Hell, if it weren’t for their smartphones, these kids wouldn’t even know what the Great Replacement is. They’re all talk, no action. You can’t burn a cross online, kids!” Smith added that the situation wouldn’t improve until today’s young racists got “off the couch,” put a sheet over their heads, and went outside to anonymously harass someone in person.

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  • Tornado Destroys Pfizer Plant In North Carolina

    Tornado Destroys Pfizer Plant In North Carolina

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    A tornado in North Carolina ripped through a Pfizer pharmaceutical facility that produces nearly 25% of all sterile injectable medicines used in U.S. hospitals, sparking concerns about worsening drug shortages. What do you think?

    “I hope this doesn’t prevent me from being able to afford the drugs I can’t afford.”

    Sienna Kern, Preservationist

    “I found a syringe on the sidewalk if that helps?”

    Brad Dickerson, Unemployed

    “Never thought I’d have to connect the dots between climate change and my Viagra supply.”

    Lance Jakobsen, Marine Firefighter

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  • Chris Britt for Jul 21, 2023 – Chris Britt, Humor Times

    Chris Britt for Jul 21, 2023 – Chris Britt, Humor Times

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    Chris Britt’s political cartoons are sometimes controversial, often outrageous and always thought-provoking. His take-no-prisoners style has been entertaining readers since 1991.

    A self-described liberal, Britt nevertheless delights in skewering deserving politicians of every persuasion. His numerous awards include first place for editorial cartooning from the Washington Press Association in 1995, the National Press Foundation’s Berryman Award as editorial cartoonist of the year in 1994, and the Sigma Delta Chi Award for editorial cartooning from the Society of Professional Journalists in 2009.

    When he’s not cartooning, Britt volunteers as a mentor for high-school students and at a stay-in-school program. Before joining The State Journal-Register, he was a cartoonist at The Seattle Times, the Sacramento Union, the Houston Post and The News Tribune of Tacoma, Wash.

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