Howard Wise/jpistudios.com
Cabin Fever: Y&R’s Claire (Hayley Erin, far l.), Jordan (Colleen Zenk) and Nikki (Melody Thomas Scott) had an unorthodox holiday.
Tis the season… where we review how the soaps celebrated Christmas! I’d like to include Hanukkah and perhaps even Kwanzaa here, but we all know Christmas has been the only holiday celebrated since Nora Buchanan lit those Menorah candles on One Life To Live. Okay, herę goes:
GH went the “Miracle on 34th Street” route with little Donna wishing on a star that her late Grampa Mike’s missing cap would turn up to comfort to Sonny. She found it on a park bench.
Sonny: “I wonder where it came from?”
Donna: “I told you Daddy. I wished for it on a star. My wish came true! It’s magic.”
Sonny: “Your Grandad believed in magic and wishes.”
Donna: “Merry Christmas Daddy!”
Sonny: “Merry Christmas, sweetheart. (Looks up) Merry Christmas, Dad.”
Sonny was so cheered he invited Ava and Avery over to share the festivities with him and Nina (“I won’t stay long,” promised Ava) while his ex Carly opened her home to Josslyn’s dystopian nightmare of a dormmate Adam. Alexis hosted her “girls” and tsk-tsked whenever the surrogacy came up. Spencer showed up at the Robinson house, got flak from Portia, convinced her he knows what love is, and was then allowed to operate the glue gun for the annual ornament decorating.
Liz and Finn got together with Liz’s kids where Violet’s cringe-y bad mood was given waaaay too much airtime considering Aiden was coming out to his mom in the kitchen in one of the sweetest exchanges ever portrayed on a soap.
Liz: “You were telling me you like someone? I’d love to hear more if you want to tell me.”
Aiden: “His name is Tobias.”
Liz: “I remember Tobias from the science fair.”
Perfect response, like, “No big deal.” (Elizabeth Webber is the heart of this show — fight me.)
Elsewhere, Laura and Kevin wrapped presents with the Child of the Corn until Charlotte went to her room to put on her Cassadine necklace and talk to herself about her “battle wounds” which Kevin overheard.
Laura: “I can’t believe it. All the years I spent worrying about Nikolas, trying to save him from the darkness he inherited from the Cassadines. I never dreamed Charlotte would battle the same demons.”
At least they’re on to her now.
Returning to the magic theme, Spinelli pretended his apartment had flooded so he could move in with Maxie to help pay her bills (a plot cooked up with Felicia) and Lois decided to extend her stay with the Quartermaines.
Lois: “I don’t want to cramp your style.”
Olivia: “My style is uncrampable.”
Lois: “I want to stay so I can continue to annoy Tracy.”
What better reason?
The most magical element of the whole GH holiday was that every A-lister was shown celebrating in a fairly normal way, which was comforting considering the last few years of upheaval we have all endured. In fact, the only couple that brought drama was long overdue for it.
Anna (dumping Valentin): “Let’s call it with as much respect and dignity as we can.”
Valentin: “Goodbye, Anna.”
If you consider Die Hard a Christmas movie, then Y&R was for you. There was Nikki skulking in hotel hallways glurging vodka when she was spotted by her daughter’s ex.
Nate: “You took a drink from that flask you put in your purse.”
Nikki: “If you dare try to spread that lie…”
Nate spread it right to Victor but not in time for him to stop Nikki from trying to go all John McClane on Jordan to rescue Claire.
Nikki: “Stay away from me, you demented bitch!”
Jordan: “Does it sing to you, the vodka? The liquor makes you so much more interesting. I have Claire. If you ever want Victoria to see her daughter again we have to make a little trade. Her mother for her daughter.”
Nikki, inexplicably, went to some abandoned cabin where Jordan plopped a bottle of vodka in front of her. They engaged in a physical fight, Claire emerged from sedation to pull a gun, and Nikki went all Yippee-Ki-Yay and vanquished Jordan before the cops even came.
Jordan (under arrest): “You broke my heart.”
Claire: “You broke my entire life.”
Falalalalala.
Back in G.C., Tucker continued his apology tour, begging Devon to see Dominick for Christmas and offering Phyllis a job.
Summer (to Phyllis): “You hate Tucker.”
Oh, right. Watching Phyllis throw herself at Danny was uncomfortable, as is that whole retro triangle with Christine. Memo to Phyllis: When you have to tell a guy how much heat you have between you, you don’t have any heat.
The Abbotts decorated the tree with the redeemed Diane, who orchestrated a big kumbaya between Jack and Kyle after Jack released a damning tabloid story re: Tucker.
Jack: “You took on Tucker and I am incredibly proud.”
Way to screw our enemies at the holiday, son!
We even got the Baldwin-Fishers, all dressed up with lots of places to go. Lauren and Michael decided to renew their vows over Christmas which brought the OGs back for the New Year’s Eve ceremony.
Gloria: “I’m a content creator now!”
Of course she is.
The holi-DAYS in Salem started out like the first half of It’s A Wonderful Life, where you wonder how anyone in Bedford Falls could possibly endure all that horror and still to make it to Christmas.
Paulina hacked up a lung but was still able to work on the mayor’s Christmas address with Abe. She wound up going to the hospital where her sore throat turned out to be a tumor. That gave Johnny the chance to share with Chanel that he has a prosthetic eye. (“See this eye? It’s not the original.”) Chad and Stephanie broke up. Konstantin gas-lit Maggie. Nicole kidnapped her own baby, telling EJ it felt right (duh) while leaving her daughter Holly alone on her birthday to get drunk which shouldn’t have felt right.
Brady and Gwen, I mean nuTheresa, and Tate sat around eating takeout and reminiscing about having “butter beer” on past holidays which we never actually saw.
Brady: “All the memories weren’t so bad, were they?”
No, because they didn’t happen.
Just when I was about to stick my head in a vat of eggnog, Marlena, John, Patch, Kayla, Roman and Kate gathered at the Brady Pub to wrap gifts and share fantastic memories (and flashbacks!) about how they all got together.
Kate: “Here’s to surviving another crazy year in Salem!”
Which brought us to the reason for the season, the Horton tree-trimming party.
Julie (to Doug while surveying the ornaments): “A symbol of all the Hortons past and present.”
Cue a flashback that tore on every heartstring, showing Alice giving Doug his own Horton ornament when they welcomed him into the family.
Tom (in flashback): “Mickey’s drawn up a set of formal adoption papers. Welcome to our family.”
Aw!
Julie allowed Xander to come with Sarah and baby Victoria but was not happy to see Konstantin show up with Maggie. Ice, Ice, Baby.
Maggie: “I’ve been an honorary Horton for as long as I can remember.”
Julie: “You married in. You’ll always be a Horton.”
Enter newbie Everett, invited because Doug forgot he was Stephanie’s ex.
Doug: “I’m allowed to forget some things once in a while.”
He is. He’s 98. Cut to the hanging of the ornaments with the camera zooming in on all the people who should have been there (Jack, Jenn, Bo, Hope…).
Julie: “Do you suppose when Gramma and Grampa started this tradition with just seven ornaments they could’ve imagined the tree we see before us?”
Doug: “No way.”
Julie (staring at the tree): “All the love, it goes on and on. Merry Christmas, my love.”
B&B went the Hallmark route as Eric lay near death in the hospital. His daughter Bridget and grandson-in-law Finn hovered by his bedside since they are the only two doctors in LA (besides Finn’s mother Li) as various Forresters filed in and out.
Finn: “He’s still with us.”
Bridget: “I don’t want to see him struggle.”
Donna (entering): “Is Eric going to pull through?”
It went like that until Steffy, Ridge and Brooke convened in the Forrester living room to wring their hands about Eric’s prognosis.
Brooke: “I found Stephanie’s bible.”
Brooke read aloud from the Bible and didn’t get struck by lightening, which was shocking considering Stephanie hated Brooke— aka The Slut From The Valley — for most of her life. They all trooped back to the hospital where Ridge pronounced that he knew Eric could hear them as they begged him to live. Eric fluttered his eyes, they stared at him for an entire episode, and then he spoke.
Eric: “Merry Christmas!”
Was there ever any doubt the BOLD patriarch would get a Christmas miracle?
Bring on 2024!
Hey. It’s only my opinion.
Carolyn Hinsey
Source link
