Can I Ignore a Toxic Employee Who’s Leaving?

Inc.com columnist Alison Green answers questions about workplace and management issues—everything from how to deal with a micromanaging boss to how to talk to someone on your team about body odor.

Here’s a roundup of answers to three questions from readers.

1. Can I ignore a departing toxic employee during her last few days?

I have managed someone, let’s call her Rachel, for over a year and a half. The majority of the experience has been negative — she’s rude, feeds on drama, and produces low-quality work. I’ve had several discussions with her on improving her performance. After a lot of painful experiences, she resigned while I was on vacation. She only gave a week’s notice, and since I’m on vacation we will only have two days overlap.

I know as a manager I have the responsibility to be professional and courteous, but I can’t stomach the idea that we even have to interact at all on those two final days. I have even contemplated rescheduling our team meeting to the day after she leaves because I don’t want to hear some passive-aggressive spiel from her about how she’s going to some place that appreciates her and her skill set. And I certainly don’t want to have a fake conversation where we thank each other for our time and work together, because that would be a lie. While previously I’ve tried to be encouraging in difficult conversations, now I feel like I don’t have to put on any pretenses anymore, especially since she resigned in a petty way. Is it okay if I ignore her or have very minimal interaction with her on those final two days? And what are your thoughts more broadly about minimizing interactions with toxic employees that you manage directly or are part of your division?

Green responds:

No, you cannot ignore her during her final two days. That would make you look small and petty to other employees … and rightly so!

You’re the manager, which means you have most of the power in this situation. If this employee is that much of a problem, the time to handle it was much earlier — by giving her clear warnings about what needed to change and then letting her go if you didn’t see those changes. That didn’t happen for whatever reason. But she’s leaving now! Be glad she’s leaving.

You do need to handle it professionally though; it would make you look truly terrible otherwise. Have the conversation where you wish her well because that’s the professional thing to do, especially as a person with more authority than she has. If you truly think she’ll be disruptive in your team meeting, then sure, go ahead and reschedule it — but not if it’s just to avoid talking to her or because you don’t want to hear her say goodbye. Part of your job is being gracious as a representative of your employer when someone leaves. Don’t give up your moral high ground and compromise your own reputation and credibility just when you’re about to be free of her. (Maybe it’ll help to think of this as what you owe yourself, not her.)

And to that last question about minimizing interactions with toxic employees you manage: Nope, can’t do it, same reasons. You’ve got to manage them; if they’re toxic, warn them and then fire them if it’s warranted. But you cannot ignore or minimize interactions with people you manage. If you want to do that, that’s a flag to look at how effectively you’re really managing; I suspect it’s not actively enough!

2. My company is skin-crawlingly positive

I am lucky to work for a wonderful company. I love my company and the people that I work with and would never consider leaving. So why am I writing you? The positivity. The department that I work is great, but they are in no way perfect. However, our management slathers on in the daily meetings about how amazing everyone is and how we are the best in the world. Everyone is given daily emails of “you are amazing” and “You are important.”

I’m not saying that being told that I am wonderful 10 times a day wasn’t great in the beginning, but now it is starting to annoy me. Why is this bothering me so much that our team of 25 people are being told we are amazing? For the record, I am a good worker and have never had a write-up. I also won an award for being positive in the face of 2020, so it’s not like I am not overly positive myself.

Green responds:

It’s bothering you because over-the-top praise on a daily basis comes across as insincere and patronizing. You’re professional adults; you don’t need everything you do to be praised as if you’re a newly potty-trained puppy. At some point you’re going to wonder why they think you need that, and it will start to feel insulting.

It also devalues real praise. How can you ever get genuinely positive feedback on something when everything is considered amazing?

Praise is good! Recognition is good! But if it’s going to have any meaning, it needs to be real, not just daily blanket statements for everyone and everything.

3. Telling my employee about a job somewhere else without seeming like I’m pushing them out

I just learned that my counterpart position will be opening soon at a similar organization. I have no interest in it, but I think the person who works for me might be. They’ve never mentioned that they want my job — how could they, that’s awkward — but I think they feel like they could be doing more, that they could be leading and in charge. If they got this job, I would be thrilled for them, and I would be excited to hire their replacement.

Is there any professional way to tell them that I support them going for this position? I would write a letter of recommendation, if needed. I don’t want them to feel like I’m pushing them out. And I don’t want to point out that they’re at a dead end in their current position — that’s disheartening.

As an alternative, I could also tell a certain coworker about the position, and they would discreetly let my employee know, without letting on that it came from me. They might happen upon it by themselves, of course. What’s the right thing to do?

Green responds:

Do you have a generally trusting relationship with the employee and decent rapport? If you don’t, I wouldn’t speak to them directly about it; there’s too much chance they’ll wonder if you’re trying to push them out or wish they would leave. In that case, using the third party would be better.

But if you do have a good relationship, you could say, “I consider part of my job to be thinking about your career development and I want to let you know about an opportunity that I think you could be great for. I want to be clear that I don’t want to lose you, but I wouldn’t feel right knowing about this opening and not telling you. If you want to go for it, I would be happy to support you for it — and if you don’t, that’s of course fine too.” You could also say, “Ideally I’d want you to stay here and move up, but we’re not likely to have this opening until I leave, which I don’t have any current plans to do.”

Want to submit a question of your own? Send it to alison@askamanager.org.