Members of a popular internet forum were left bewildered after one 27-year-old woman detailed her boyfriend’s suspicious and potentially alarming behavior.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/Paas33 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said she was left in charge of her recently deceased friend’s apartment but revealed how her partner’s attitude to the residence has left her with feelings of paranoia.
Titled, “[Am I the a**hole] for refusing to give my boyfriend a copy of the key to my deceased friend’s place?” the post has received more than 10,000 upvotes and 2,300 comments in the last day.
“My…friend of fifteen years…passed away a few weeks ago,” OP began. “He wasn’t married, nor had a family. I’m the one responsible for his belongings and his apartment.”
Continuing to explain that she has a key to the apartment, OP said she has been checking on it every weekend since her friend’s passing.
OP also said her boyfriend took notice of her care for the residence, and demanded that he also be allowed in and out of the apartment, seemingly whenever he pleases.
“My boyfriend noticed and asked to have a copy of the key to the apartment,” OP wrote. “I was utterly confused by his request…since he and [my friend] weren’t even that close, given that he and I [have] been dating for 6 months.
“He got offended and accused me of gatekeeping [my friend’s] memory,” OP continued. “[He] accused me of implying that he’s untrustworthy and a ‘thief.’
“I tried to cut the argument but he kept going on about how I hurt his feelings and showed an incredible amount of distrust,” OP added. “He went home but…he’s insisting, saying if I trust [him] then I gotta let him have a copy of the key.”
Along with the sorrow and grief that comes with the passing of a loved one, there are a mountain of logistical tasks that must be completed soon after death.
Even after a final resting place has been settled upon and funeral services have passed, attention shifts to everything that belonged to the deceased, including their home and valuable possessions.
If the deceased was living in a rental property with a lease, that lease remains active and, depending on specific state laws, can run until the end of the contract signed by both landlord and tenant, according to Rentec Direct.
When it comes to valuables, and the deceased party’s belongings in general, AARP recommends that a family member or other loved one secure their property as soon as possible, to prevent any sticky fingers from snatching something they shouldn’t.
“Lock up the deceased’s home and vehicle,” the AARP website reads. “Ask a friend or relative to water the plants, get the mail and throw out the food in the refrigerator.
“If there are valuables, such as jewelry or cash…lock them up,” it continues. “You have to watch out for valuable personal effects walking out.”
On multiple occasions in her viral Reddit post, OP expressed concern about her deceased friend’s valuable possessions and cited their wellbeing as justification for refusing to give her boyfriend a key to the apartment containing them.
Eduard Skorov/iStock / Getty Images Plus
Throughout the viral post’s comment section, Redditors commended OP for standing firm but expressed concern about her boyfriend’s repeated attempts to gain access to the apartment, despite only knowing its occupant for a short time.
“DO NOT GIVE HIM A COPY OF THE KEY AND DON’T LEAVE IT WHERE HE CAN ACCESS IT,” Redditor u/Open-Possibility-723 wrote in the post’s top comment, which has received nearly 20,000 upvotes. “This is a major red flag and it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.
“He’s gaslighting you about your friend who died to access his things,” they continued. “This is not a good guy.”
Redditor u/bathtub-mintjulep, whose comment has received more than 6,000 upvotes, echoed that sentiment.
“What does he want in that apartment?” they questioned. “Why the weird attitude?
“He should be helping you through this, not pushing you to do something you don’t want to do,” they continued. “Ditch the loser.”
“You knew this friend for 15 years. Your boyfriend of six months has absolutely no reason to be in this person’s home, with or without you,” Redditor u/ghostofumich2005 added, receiving more than 7,000 upvotes. “[Not the a**hole] and maybe…don’t have this boyfriend anymore.”
“Him jumping straight to that conclusion might be telling of what is on his mind,” Redditor u/juliadejonge_ chimed in. “I bet he just told [on] himself there, he is definitely eyeing the valuables.”
Newsweek reached out to u/Paas33 for comment.
