Asking Eric: Girlfriend loves whiskey and other men

Dear Eric: I’m a 64-year-old male and I have a 59-year-old girlfriend of a couple years. My perception is that my girlfriend is constantly seeking attention from other men. For instance, we were out on an ATV ride with another couple and a third man. Our ride brought us through many miles of back country. We stopped at a bar/restaurant to use the facilities.

My girlfriend goes into the bar, and she’s in there for a while. I stayed outside and talked with the other guys we were with. She finally comes out and admits that she was talking to a couple of guys and had a shot of whiskey “to check market prices.” Seriously? I’m supposed to believe that she couldn’t have just asked the price?

Later in the day, we stopped, just the two of us, at another bar/restaurant and had something to eat. After I settled the check, I decided to use the restroom. I leave the restroom, and she is nowhere to be seen, so I go outside and interrupt a conversation between her and some random guy on the deck by himself drinking. There was an immediate awkward pause on the guy’s part, and she blurts out “That’s his bike.” My tastes run to Harleys. which I have a couple of, and his bike was just another cheaper imitation race bike.

Then on the way home she tells me how her niece has been trying to set up a girls’ night, including her at a local bar, kind of letting me know, presumably so she can say “I told you…” Clearly, I have a problem with this but I’m trying to keep an open mind. You know what they say: intimacy doesn’t begin in the bedroom. So, I know what I think I should do but I’m looking for an outsider’s perspective.

— Being Taken for a Ride

Dear Ride: Look, there may be something else going on here that I’m not seeing, but I think the message you need to take away from this gut check is not that your girlfriend is necessarily doing something inappropriate but that you’re not feeling secure about the relationship. This isn’t a personal failing; you’re allowed to feel the way you feel. But the response may be a different one than you’re thinking of.

While you can end things, as you seem to be suggesting, consider first talking to her at a neutral time about the state of your relationship and what you think it might be lacking. Try to use “I” statements, like “I would like to be closer” or “I don’t feel like we’ve been in sync recently.” Then try to lay out what happened and how you felt about it without accusations. “You were talking to guys and ‘checking the market price’ of the whiskey, and that was confusing to me.” Ask her if she can see where you’re coming from and why it might make you feel less uncertain. But also listen to her response and see if you can see where she’s coming from.

You don’t have to be OK with how things are going, but from the instances you’ve described, it may be less that she’s interested in other men and more that she’s interested in other drinks.

Dear Eric: I just had my 93rd birthday, so have been on Medicare for some years. But I recently ran across something different. My newest doctor — a podiatrist — told me first that she would give me only token care since she got only a token payment. Then a second time she said I could pay her the difference and get full treatment. Is this right morally and legally?