Anonymous Sources Claim Donald and Melania Are “More Bonded Than Ever”

What’s amore? It’s when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie. It’s when the stars make you drool just like a pasta e fagioli. 

When you stand by your man as he attempts to wiggle his way back into the highest office in the land? That’s…your choice! Good luck. As Melania Trump’s husband gears up for another round of playing president, he’s got at least one person in his court: his wife. Page Six has a report from some anonymous sources who claim that “the couple seems…more bonded than ever. Friends say that Melania’s stepping up—while Ivanka and Jared [Kushner] have stepped aside—has made [Donald Trump] more confident than ever.”

Trump is “really beaming next to Melania.” 

Yes, big news just in: Donald Trump gives a shit about someone else. Strange that no one would go on the record to say this.  

The anonymous quotes must be Melania’s recompense for pledging her fealty to her husband in an interview with Fox News earlier this week, ahead of the disaster of a CNN town hall and the former president’s loss in the E. Jean Carroll case, where he was found liable for sexual abuse and defamation. He was ordered to pay $5 million. In a 2019 memoir excerpt for New York magazine, Carroll accused Trump of raping her in a Bergdorf Goodman dressing room in the mid-’90s (the jury did not find Trump liable for rape).

The former first lady said she would be by his side for this run for president, implying she would support him despite his additional criminal and civil legal troubles, of which there are many. “He has my support, and we look forward to restoring hope for the future and leading America with love and strength,” Melania said. 

This is surprising because Melania took a breather from public appearances, and she was notably absent from Trump’s post-arraignment speech in April (he also notably did not thank her in said speech, one in which he praised his children, including Tiffany and Barron). But in recent days, she started tweeting about her Be Best campaign, an initiative that loosely supports children, and hosted foster teens at Mar-a-Lago. 

In regard to her role should she find herself in the East Wing again, Melania said, “My focus would continue to be creating a safe and nurturing space for children to learn, grow, and thrive. If additional problems arise, I will take the time to study them and understand their root causes.” 

Root causes… Root causes… What could they be? Meanwhile, the day after she said this, her husband spent his time onstage mocking his sexual abuse victim. 

As the famous song goes, when you keep beating that tired drum, it’s probably Stockholm syndrome. And that’s amore?