A U.K. mom removed her neurodivergent son from mainstream school after she discovered a theory that unlocked so many answers.
Laura I’Anson, 42, posted a reel on Instagram (@thelevelledupmum) describing the day she learned about “drowning child” theory. Her caption challenged common reassurances she had heard from professionals: that her son was “coping,” “managing,” or simply needed “more resilience.”
What those words overlooked, I’Anson said, was the hidden toll on her son Coby, now 7.
“One of my friends who is an early years teacher said to me, ‘If you saw a child drowning, would you ask them to swim harder, or would you pull them out?’ and it really hit me,” I’Anson told Newsweek.
“While he was physically present at school, it became clear to me that he wasn’t truly living or thriving—he was surviving, at a very real cost to his mental and emotional well-being.”
From the age of 5, Coby began experiencing anxiety-led blackouts—periods of complete disconnection under overwhelm.
By 6, this had escalated into intense school meltdowns that were often treated as behavioral issues rather than signs of distress. Between ages 5 and 7, repeated suspensions followed.
The emotional aftermath left a deep impression on Laura, who is also mom to Kian, 20, Annie, 14, and 6-year-old Finn with husband Scott, 35.
Coby would be ashamed and apologetic, struggling to understand his own reactions. Over time, he grew hypervigilant and withdrawn, often ending the school week mentally and physically exhausted and finding public outings distressing.
The “drowning child” theory gave Laura a framework for what she was seeing. To her, it recognizes that drowning is not always dramatic.
“Sometimes, my son was drowning loudly, through meltdowns, lashing out and behaviors that were visible and disruptive,” Laura said. “Those moments were often the ones people noticed, and they were usually treated as the problem itself, rather than a sign of how overwhelmed he was.”
After withdrawing Coby from school, the first change was simple: he slept, often and deeply. Laura focused on rest and “deschooling,” allowing his nervous system to settle before introducing expectations.
“Learning became something we could approach gently and flexibly, at his pace, rather than something driven by fear or exhaustion,” she said. “The biggest change was that he no longer felt like he had to survive the day. He could just be.”
The mom of four acknowledged that stepping outside the system felt daunting and that she initially felt anger toward the school, but she worked to separate emotion from decision-making.
Her message to other parents is measured but firm: questioning systems is not irresponsibility but thoughtfulness.
“Trust your judgment as a mother,” Laura said. “I knew whatever decisions I made for Coby were coming from a place of love, and I kept that in the forefront of my mind on the days I felt unsure.”