Finding love later in life should be something we celebrate. It should be a time when you can connect with someone special whether you’re doing it for the first time, after being widowed, or you’re starting over after it didn’t work out with someone else.
The challenge for a lot of seniors, though, is the last time you were single, things were a lot different. There weren’t dating apps, singles websites, or social media to complicate the process. Unfortunately, this puts a lot of seniors in a tough position.
The idea of online dating through a dating app or social media is exciting, but how it all works and how you keep yourself safe can be tough to balance.
Additionally, you may have heard some horror stories about romance scams and catfishing (when someone pretends to be someone else) that might have you rethinking the idea.
Today, we want to help to make things a little easier for you. By learning about the potential dangers that are out there, how to spot them, and how to avoid them, you can make the experience of finding love later in life an enjoyable and safer one.
In this article, we’re going to talk about romance scams. We’ll talk about what a romance scam is, why they are so effective, how to spot one, and what you can do to avoid one.
What is a Romance Scam?
A romance scam is when a bad actor uses the guise of a romantic relationship to manipulate their victim into doing something they want, generally sending money to the scammer.
Romance scams take on all shapes and sizes but the most common involve a scammer building a relationship with a victim online, finding excuses not to meet in person or do a video call, and then having an emergency situation where the scammer needs money that they ask the victim for.
In 2023, victims in the U.S. reported $956,039,740 in romance scam losses (nearly a billion dollars). Data also says that as few as 5% of people actually report these crimes, making the real total more likely close to $20 billion.
Why are Romance Scams so Effective
There are several reasons romance scams are so effective. First, the scammers are generally quite talented. Most have scammed hundreds, if not thousands, of people before, and they know exactly what to do and what to say to get what they want. Many are trained by other scammers and often work in networks where they can share tips and tricks.
Second, romance scammers prey on those who may not be the most technologically sound. As a senior, chances are high you don’t have as much experience with technology as the younger generations. Scammers know this and will use that to their advantage.
Third, these scammers use the dirtiest trick of all—your emotions. They build up a genuine connection with you, make you feel loved, and take their time to get you to believe that love is in the air before springing their trap. It’s a long con, and it’s sadly very effective, even on the smartest of victims.
Here’s some good news, though.
The number one way to combat romance scams is through education. By learning how these scams work, what they look like, and how to avoid them, you can empower yourself to be a safe online single in the digital space. We’re going to help.
Here is everything we want to share with you about romance scams.
How to Spot a Romance Scam
The first key to avoiding a romance scam is spotting it. The problem? Most romance scammers aren’t going to send you a message that says, “Hi! I’m a romance scammer.” Instead, you’re going to have to look for signs that may indicate something might be wrong.
We’re going to share some of these indicators with you now.
One big disclaimer—just because you see one of these indicators or even a few of them doesn’t necessarily mean it’s 100% a romance scam. Many of these are generalizations that just mean it’s more likely than not it may be a romance scam. Look for patterns. Look for multiple indicators.
If you see something, be on guard. But, you don’t have to just run from anyone and everyone that checks one of these boxes.
- Many romance scams start oversees. Broken English on their profile or in their messages is often seen with romance scams. (Realize that many people who are new to the country may not have the best English, so don’t use this as an indicator by itself).
- Someone pushes emotional intensity very fast, talking about love, soulmates, or a future together early on. It’s great to be into someone, but if it feels fast, it may be a red flag.
- Avoiding video or phone calls or always having an excuse why they can’t meet (both in person and via phone/video calls). The majority of romance scams involve impersonating someone different than you see in their photos. If they refuse to get on video or meet in person, this should be a huge red flag, one that can stand on its own.
- Someone who claims to be in the military or working overseas. While there are real people in the military and who work overseas, this is a common job romance scammers use because it gives them easy reasons why they can’t meet or talk. You’ll also see jobs like international business consultant, oil rig worker, engineer, etc.
- They want to move the conversation off of the dating app quickly. Scammers know dating apps have ways of flagging conversations that could be dangerous. If they can get you off the app quickly, the safeguards go away.
- A mismatch in their grammar or phrasing with their level of education. If someone is college educated or is a high-level professional but can’t put together a sentence, that’s a red flag.
- Things don’t add up or change frequently. If their story always seems to change or seems far-fetched, that can be a red flag. Often, romance scammers seem to always have the right thing to say, which may seem great, but isn’t realistic. Even the best matched couple will have things that don’t always perfectly line up.
- They discourage you from sharing your relationship with others. Many of these scammers know you are easier to target in isolation. They may have clever reasons for this (like let’s surprise them for Christmas), so be wary of that.
These are some of the red flags to look for that could signal you may be having a conversation with a romance scammer. Again, there are instances where people who are not scammers might meet some of these criteria, but being safe and on alert when you spot any of these is never a bad thing.
How to Avoid and Combat Romance Scams Effectively
Spotting potential dangers is a powerful way to stop and combat romance scams. However, it’s not the only thing you can do to protect yourself. Here are some very practical tips that can help to keep you safe. We highly recommend bookmarking this page so you can review these regularly as sometimes they slip from your mind, especially when emotions are flowing.
1. Never send money or give out your banking information, no matter what.
The goal of 99% of romance scams is to separate you from your money. The scammer can do a lot to make this happen, but they still need you to do a few things to set the scam into motion.
The best way to protect yourself from romance scams is to have a hard and fast rule that you will NEVER send money, gift cards, banking information, or anything to someone that you haven’t actually met in person. Even then, there are few reasons you should be sending money to someone you are dating.
Most people who have fallen victim to a romance scam understand and even had this rule. The problem is that once a scammer starts to build your trust, the rules can feel less important. When you start to feel closer to them, it doesn’t feel like you’re sending money to a stranger. When someone you care about needs help, you have the desire to help them.
This is what the scammers are counting on.
They will say things like:
- I want to video chat but my computer broke and I don’t have enough money to fix it.
- I want to come visit you but I don’t have enough money for the ticket.
- I just found out I’m really sick and I need to find the money to pay for my treatment.
- My dog is sick and I have to go away for a while to try and earn the money to save him.
- I have a big inheritance coming and I just need to find some money to pay the fees to unlock it.
- I have an amazing investment opportunity that I can probably get you in on because you’re basically family and I love you.
These are just a few examples. The only way to truly protect yourself is every time they ask, no matter what the reason, say, “I’d love to help you, but I don’t have the extra money to send.” If they keep pressing, that’s an even bigger red flag.
2. Don’t click on links or download anything that is sent to you.
Sometimes, romance scammers have ways of getting access to your accounts through malicious software. The good news is they really can’t just put the software on your computer or phone. They require you to take an action to get it there.
Often, this involves you clicking a link or downloading a file they send you.
Never click a link or download a file that someone sends you online.
It may seem harmless, but you never know what is happening behind the scenes.
Here are a few ways to protect yourself here:
- If it’s a link, search for whatever the link goes to yourself online. Get there without clicking the link.
- If it’s a file, don’t download it.
- If it’s a picture file, ask them to save it and show it to you in person when you meet.
Be very careful because it’s easy to forget this in the heat of the moment, especially when what they send you is something you’re really interested in.
3. Always have a video call with someone or meet them in person before you share more personal information.
This is the single biggest tip we can share to help protect yourself from romance scams.
You should always be safe and protect your personal information, but this is especially true with someone you haven’t met in person before or even seen on a video call. As we mentioned, the majority of romance scammers will use stolen photos of someone else in their scam. This means that it’s impossible for them to get on a video chat with you as that person.
This provides an incredible way to see if they are who they say they are.
Our recommendation is that within the first two weeks of talking to someone, have a video call or meet in person. If they are not able to do this or always have an excuse as to why they can’t, you’re much safer ending that conversation and moving on.
The longer you talk with someone who is a skilled scammer, the more of an opportunity they have to influence your behavior to do something you normally wouldn’t do.
4. If you’re confused, ask for help.
You didn’t grow up with technology. It’s all new and moves fast. It’s okay and understandable that you wouldn’t understand how it all works.
Remember, the scammers count on this.
The best thing you can do if you’re ever confused, worried, or not sure about something is ask for help from someone with more experience. Tell them what’s going on and ask if it seems normal. Often, a neutral set of trained eyes will be able to help you spot a potential problem way better than you might be able to.
5. Trust your well-earned intuition, not your emotions.
Lastly, you’ve been through a lot in life and have learned a lot. Your body is trained to spot things that don’t seem right. If you feel like something is off, listen to that. Don’t ignore it because your emotions say that something special could be happening.
Romance scammers know that seniors are often lonelier and feel like they have a shorter timeframe to find love. They leverage this to move the scams along quicker and get you to take the action they want faster.
Trust your intuition and don’t let your emotions steer you away from logic.
Healthy Framework Team
Source link