During a recent interview, Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley said that America had “never been a racist country.” The Onion asked Americans why our history has always been color-blind, and this is what they said.
Humor
Americans Explain Why The U.S. Has Never Been A Racist Country
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Harold Lucas, Retired
“If we’re so racist, you’d think someone would’ve committed a racist act by now.”
Ashley Moreno, Chef
“Thomas Jefferson wrote that ‘all men are created equal’ and never did anything else as far as I know.”
Bridget Tate, Homemaker
“Show me one book that says otherwise. Or several. In list form, please. No particular reason.”
Paul Gruber, Warehouse Manager
“America is not a racist country, but a federation of racist states.”
Bianca Mir, Truck Driver
“Have you ever met a slave? Didn’t think so.”
Teddy Bryant, Lifeguard
“I’ve never faced any discrimination for being 3% Cherokee.”
Marty Gilman, Sales Associate
“This so-called racist nation is the same one that gave Black Americans their own exclusive water fountains.”
Patricia Wayne, Personal Chef
“Why else would Martin Luther King so eloquently say that racism was a fiction and we should get on with our lives?”
Lily Rhodes, Bank Teller
“I think this 90-second PragerU cartoon can explain the concept better than me or anyone else.”
Susan Combs, Teacher
“How many times do I have to cite very selective lines from the Constitution before people understand this?”
Charles Hampton, Park Ranger
“America has always been a land of opportunity for all different types of land-owning white men.”
Angelo Townsend, Barista
“Does the United States discriminate against non-white people? Sure. But is it racist? Nah, probably not.”
Rory Bond, Optician
“It’s not racism when it’s accidental, which is what slavery, Jim Crow, and every modern hate crime are.”
Rachel O’Hara, Bartender
“All egalitarian societies begin with mass genocide.”
Rod Richards, Pilot
“My great-grandfather loved his slaves.”
Bianca Underwood, Meteorologist
“Most of our mass shooters target very diverse crowds of innocent people.”
Sarah Fowler, Travel Agent
“We gave them jobs, didn’t we?”
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