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Throughout the season, we’ll be posting press box food spread rankings for each of the Philadelphia Eagles’ road games. This is probably of no interest to you if you’re a sane human being, and, well, I don’t care. I’m doing this anyway.
If you’re fake-appalled by a sportswriter playfully complaining about free food, shut up, weenie. Please note that we’ll have the most recent press box reviews at the top.
Eagles at Buccaneers, Week 4
For the third straight year, the Eagles played a hot-as-hell September game in Tampa. In past years, I’ve walked a mile or two to the stadium, which proved to be a big, sweaty mistake. This year, I finally wised up and got an Uber.
Upon your arrival to the stadium, media are greeted to the following elevator.
If I didn’t know that is an NFL team’s logo, I would never get in an elevator with that painted on the outside.
Anyway, because the Eagles have had so many games in Tampa the last few years, I have come to know what to expect from the food spread, which is consistently very good. Upon my arrival bright and early (I arrived around 9:30 a.m.), they already have a bunch of food options available.
Fresh salad and fixins:
That’s just all empty vitamins. Pass.
They also had some breakfast options, like French toast, breakfast potatoes, bacon, and scrambled eggs.
Multiple people complained that the scrambled eggs were runny. I didn’t have any. Brooks Kubena of The Athletic commented that the bacon was the best he’d ever had, aside from his grandmother’s.
The Bucs also served pretzel bites bright and early. They had three varieties:
- Cinnamon sugar
- Garlic parmesan
- Salted
Here’s one of each:
The cinnamon and garlic pretzels weren’t very good. The salted ones were fine. I do appreciate the pretzel bite approach, so you can monitor your pretzel intake, as opposed to committing to a much bigger pretzel.
But most importantly, the Bucs had ice cream available bright and early, and with a bunch of topping options, plus additional assorted candies.
Did I treat myself to some soft serve ice cream and candy at 10 a.m.? You bet your ass I did.
That’s my candy salad. Starburst, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, and a Kit Kat on a bed of Skittles.
Again, all of the above was served super early in the morning. And then sometime around noon, the Bucs brought a lot more food, this time lunch options.
They had a beef carving station, with mac and cheese:
And they also had hot dogs, chips and Cuban sandwiches. The always astute Olivia Reiner of The Philadelphia Inquirer noted, “A lot of meat.”
Eliot Shorr-Parks of 94.1 WIP has said in the past that the Cuban sandwiches are the best item in any press box, league-wide.
The Cuban sandwiches are good, but that’s a terrible take. Kubena might have gone a little overboard on the bacon take, too, for that matter.
And, always, the Bucs had Bananas Foster at halftime.
Because the Eagles have played in Tampa every year so frequently in recent years, and because I had already had two cups of soft serve ice cream, I skipped the Bananas Foster. But there’s something to be said for having a weird-but-cool press box staple, so kudos to the Bucs for that.
Grade: As we note each year when we review the Bucs’ spread, The Athletic blatantly ripped off my food spread review bit in 2020, and somehow ranked the Bucs’ spread the best in the NFL. It’s a good spread, with a lot of options, and the halftime Bananas Foster is a cool touch. But a bunch of their offerings are just OK, while a spread like Dallas’, for example, is high quality across the board.
Still, I’m a sucker for soft serve ice cream, so anyone who serves it is going to grade out favorably. B+.
Eagles at Chiefs, Week 2
Arrowhead Stadium is right next to Kauffman Stadium, where the Kansas City Royals play, not unlike the Philadelphia sports complex. Like in Philly, there is a massive parking lot surrounding the two stadiums, and people are cooking food everywhere. The entire outside area smells like delicious burning animals. You enter the stadium hungry if you’re a media guy/gal, at least if you’re into cooked meat.
The Chiefs’ spread:
• Arugula Pear Salad: Spring mix, sliced pear, goat cheese, toasted walnuts, lemon vinaigrette.
Personally, I’m a big arugula guy, (a) because it’s good, but more importantly (b) because I like to say, “Arugula… it’s a veg-eh-ta-bull,” like Steve Martin in My Blue Heaven.
• Farro Salad: Dried cranberry, shaved fennel, orange zest, olive oil.
I’m unaware of any Steve Martin movies referencing farro.
• Slow roasted pork shoulder: I think they actually served pork bellies initially, not pork shoulder. The pork bellies (I think?):
Some of those pieces were really fatty, but the ones that weren’t were pretty good. And oh hey, in a similar way that I like how Steve Martin says “arugula,” I like the way Dan Aykroyd says “Pork bellies… hmmmmm,” in Trading Places.
The Chiefs later served pork shoulder:
That was just OK. It certainly wasn’t what you’d hope for in a great BBQ town like Kansas City.
• Baked ziti
That cheese was kinda gross.
• Garlic roasted fingerling potatoes
They weren’t good.
• Sauteed broccolini
• Chicken tenders
• “Build your own KC dogs” and “Build your own Philly dogs.”
I’ve never heard of a “Philly dog.” But here’s what they came up with for each:
- KC dog: Burnt ends, KC BBQ sauce, crispy onions, dill pickle relish
- Philly dog: Cheese sauce, sauteed onions and peppers, cherry pepper relish
So basically, the “Philly dog” had common toppings found on cheesesteaks. Again, never heard of that. Whatever, I didn’t touch either of them.
• Tiramisu bread pudding: Espresso custard, mascarpone, brioche cubes, dark chocolate sauce.
But the star of the Chiefs’ food spread was the candy selection they had in their vertical canisters. M&M’s, Skittles, Reese’s Pieces, Sour Patch Kids, and gummy bears.
When you spun the wheel for the M&M’s, Skittles, and Reese’s Pieces, they flowed like a waterfall. When you spun the wheel for the gummy bears, they plopped out one at a time. So that was kinda fun too, in a weird way. It’s never a good sign when the best thing about a food spread is the candy. Unfortunately, the candy ran out quickly, and it wasn’t replaced. They lost points for that.
Grade: This spread reminded me a little of the Titans’ spread years ago, in that the Titans and Chiefs both play in great BBQ towns, but the BBQ in the press box was disappointing. C.
Eagles at Jets, Preseason Week 3
During the first quarter of the Eagles’ second preseason game against the Cleveland Browns, I started to feel some stomach pains. I planned to tough it out, and hoped they would pass. Unfortunately, they got worse, and it became clear to me that I was going to vomit.
In the interest of saving the two Eagles beats who sit to my left (Dave Zangaro) and right (Tim McManus) from being vomited upon — and, well, also because it was a preseason game — I just got the hell out of there. I raced home, thankfully in time to have a proper regurgitation session in the comfort of my own bathroom.
I continued to feel awful the rest of that day and night, but kinda felt fine the next day. I have no idea if it was some sort of viral bug or something ate, but it was not fun, even if it was short-lived.
Anyway, I only tell the above story because it was on my mind heading into the Eagles’ next preseason game, against the Jets. Would they serve something that would cause another knockout punch?
I got in line, and… oh God…
Come on.
But you know what? I come to play, friends. I ate (some of) that terrible cheesesteak.
Was my ingestion of the above cheesesteak heroic? Comparable to the Michael Jordan flu game, or Kirk Gibson’s Game 1 World Series home run when he could barely walk? That’s for the sports historians to decide. 🤷♂️
My eating feats aside, a note to all other catering companies around the NFL — please, for the love of God, stop serving cheesesteaks because a Philly team is in town. Your likelihood of failure is like 99.5%. Just do whatever it is that you do. If we’re in Seattle, serve up some lattes. If we’re in New Orleans, let’s try some gumbo. If we’re in Kansas City, how about some burnt ends? Don’t give me some bobo cheesesteak that is certain to make me hate myself.
The cheesesteak aside, the Jets served some burgers.
Pass.
They also had some chicken sandwiches, and other cold cuts.
Those were actually pretty good!
At halftime, the Jets went right back to testing my intestinal fortitude with a trio of mini hot dogs, chicken fingers, and soft pretzels. (And again, like with the cheesesteaks above, stop with the soft pretzels.)
All of that 👆 was as awful as it looks.
The only saving grace of the Jets’ spread — well, aside from the chicken sandwiches above — was that they had a small freezer with assorted ice cream bars.
Every press box should have an ice cream option, and a freezer with some Choco Tacos is as easy as it gets. Plug it in, and fill it up.
Grade: I’ll be extra generous because it was only a preseason game. C-.
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Jimmy Kempski
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