The internet has urged a woman to change her birthday plans after she revealed she was feeling unreasonable for asking her friends to pay almost $200 for a weekend trip.
In a post shared on Mumsnet on Wednesday, under the username TigerLilly33, the woman explained that she’s turning 40 next year, as is her best friend, and that the two are planning a special weekend trip for their birthday celebrations.
They initially talked about going away with their partners, just the four of them, but their plans have now evolved into looking at cottages that accommodate about 16 people and asking the rest of their friends to join them on the trip.
She said: “We’ve seen one we really like and it would work out at £170 [about $195] per person for a weekend stay. My bestie thinks this is reasonable but my argument is, yes it’s an ok price if you’re choosing to go away but I worry it’s a lot to ask people to pay to attend someone’s birthday and they will feel obliged to pay it when everyone is already struggling.”
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While the woman feels uncomfortable about asking her friends to pay so much, her bestie believes it’s a fair price and that their friends will have time to save for it.
The United States Census Bureau says that the U.S. poverty rate is currently at 12.8 percent. And, according to Statista, about 37.93 million people across the country are living in poverty.
Dr. Bahjat Balbous, a psychiatrist at Euromed Clinic Dubai, told Newsweek that big occasions such as weddings, birthdays, bachelorette parties and baby showers can be a source of trepidation, and this is truer than ever, given the cost-of-living crisis that is affecting so many people, and sensitivity is key in this particular scenario.
“While you cannot take the choice away from your friends about whether or not they can afford to go on a trip to celebrate your joint birthdays, you can send a diplomatically worded invite out, which indicates you really want to do this trip but that if people cannot come, you will not be offended in the slightest. Do not mention the financial aspect in the invite as this may cause offense and embarrassment to your friends, and they may act indignantly as a result.”
According to Dr. Balbous, she should also consider hosting a family-oriented picnic somewhere local, as this will allow the friends who may not be able to come on the trip, to still enjoy the celebration and mark this milestone together.
The “Am I Being Unreasonable” poll, with over 1,600 votes, established that the poster is not being unreasonable to question her friend’s plans, with 91 percent of voters agreeing.
One user, ABJ100, commented: “[You are not being unreasonable], please don’t put this idea forward. I would decline something like this. Even though I could afford it, I would rather spend the money on a meal and gift for my friend. I wouldn’t give up a weekend and then find childcare on top of that. No thanks.”
And HotToddyColdSauvignon pointed out: “No. You and bestie want to go away with your partners – your choice. Expecting people to pay, use up their weekends, find childcare… ‘just’ to celebrate your birthday… I wouldn’t go. You’re right to put out feelers on this OP- I’d be speaking to bestie asap and shutting this down.”
Another user, MrsJamieDornan, said: “It really bugs me when people do this for their birthdays. If everyone had a weekend away costing that much, plus food and booze… if you want to celebrate with your friends invite them to a party or dinner.”
And AffIt said: “Only you know the financial situation of your friendship group, but at £170 per person / £340 per couple plus contribution to food and drink, travel, childcare if required etc, that’s probably going to work out at around £5-600 per couple, and that’s a heck of a lot of money for a weekend break. I don’t deny that it sounds fun, but I think it’s probably a bit much of an ask for most people ATM (unless all your friends are hedge fund managers).”
Newsweek wasn’t able to verify the details of the case.
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