Why Positive People Succeed with Online Dating

Online dating can be challenging, and as a dating coach with nearly 30 years of experience, I’ve heard all the frustrations: exhaustion, doubt, time consumption, and the feeling of scarcity when it comes to finding great partners. Despite these hurdles, I’m hopeful because I see/hear success stories weekly. Remember, it only takes one connection to change everything. Here’s why positivity plays a crucial role in succeeding with online dating and how it’s in your grasp:

1. Forget Finding “The One” and Just Have Fun

Approaching online dating with the mindset of having fun rather than urgently seeking “the one” can significantly reduce pressure and anxiety. By focusing on enjoying the process and staying open-minded, you can be more “you” and relaxed, which often leads to better connections.

2. Don’t Become Obsessed with Your Dating App

To prevent burnout, limit your dating site/app usage. I advise my clients to go online only three times a week for 30 minutes each session. This way, online dating remains a part-time activity rather than a full-time job, helping you maintain a balanced life and enthusiasm for the process.

3. Acknowledge Dating Fatigue and Take Breaks

I’m a big believer in this!  It’s essential to recognize when you’re feeling fatigued and to take breaks accordingly. Taking 2-4 weeks off can help you recover and return to online dating refreshed and with a positive mindset. The subscription fees for sites/apps are a small price to pay for your mental well-being.

You know the karma thing?   The more you put out in the world the more you get back?  It’s true.  Exploring new activities can energize your life and increase your happiness. Whether it’s picking up a new sport like pickleball, taking a class, or joining a Meet-Up group, stepping out of your routine can expose you to new people and experiences, improving your dating life.

5. Concentrate on What You Can Control

Focus on aspects you can control, —how you spend your time and who you choose to date. Being selective (but open!) and strategic can make your dating experience more fun.   I’m a big believer in dating strategy!

6. Don’t Take It Personally

What?  I know, it’s hard not to take it personally.  I agree.  It’s easy to get disheartened when a date doesn’t follow up or you send five messages and get no responses, but dwelling on it wastes valuable time and energy. Instead, remember there are many potential matches out there who will appreciate you.  And my famous mantra: It only takes one.  Again, I know—hard to believe until it happens—and it does.  I see it every single week.

7. Don’t Make Dating Your Whole Life

Maintain a balanced life by having various activities and hobbies. This not only keeps you interesting but also ensures that your happiness and self-worth are not solely dependent on your dating success.

8. Lower Your Expectations for First Dates

My best advice here:  Go into each date with zero expectations.  Am I being negative?  No.  This prevents you from becoming overly excited and potentially disappointed.  A phone call or text exchange is not a substitute for a real date. 

Persistence is key. While taking breaks is healthy, giving up entirely can rob you of potential success. Many of my clients have met their partners after numerous dates, so perseverance pays off.  And guess where people lose the most with online dating?  Giving up in the first month.   Give it three months—but again, don’t make it your life.

Avoid the trap of assuming one good date means you’ve found “the one.” Continue dating multiple people until you and a partner mutually decide to focus on each other. This ensures that you make a well-informed decision about your relationships and don’t just jump into the first one.

Online dating can be exhausting and time-consuming, but maintaining a positive outlook and using the right strategies can make a huge difference. By managing expectations, setting boundaries, trying new things, and not giving up, you can improve your chances of finding terrific lasting relationships. I do think my clients who are married or in serious relationships mostly have this trait in common: a positive outlook. And, that’s 65% of them.