Why Feminism? Because Stalking Victims Need Protection, the Gender Pension Gap Needs Fixing, and Enough Jokes Already About Big Boobs?

Well, yes. Those would be a pretty decent start towards explaining why actually.

Here’s why I’m deliberately developing a ‘feminist toolkit,’ and seeking out short talking points like these to add to it.

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes. Photo by Cristine Enero on Unsplash.

A few years ago, at a department dinner at my university, a coworker asked me what feminism was, and why it was even needed.

Honestly, I was too stunned to even answer.

Not because I didn’t have an answer. It was because he was clearly being genuine, not just sealioning. I was just so shocked that someone in their late-50s, and so well-educated, would need to even ask at all.

Suddenly, the typical one-liners felt completely insufficient.

Stammering to reply at all then, I was saved by our meals arriving, our conversation mutually forgotten. But I remembered it again last summer while casually listening to a random episode of the BBC Woman’s Hour podcast, realizing any one of its short segments on those title topics would have sufficed to start explaining “why.” Ever since, I’ve been mentally storing and seeking out these and many anecdotes, factoids, and stories like them, every day finding both more of a need for them and more of a responsibility to use them.

The need is because I’ve been really putting myself out there professionally, socially, and romantically in the past two years. Mostly, I’ve been loving it. But this sort of thing keeps happening:

In his work in the city Sammy found himself among Republicans for the first time in his life. Nothing in his background or higher education had conditioned him to expect that anyone but a bandit, sociopath, or ignoramus would ever want to be a Republican. But these coworkers weren’t ignorant, and they were not bandits or sociopaths.

Chapter 8, “Time,” in Closing Time by Jospeh Heller (1994)

The responsibility is because, as mentioned in my last post, the Korean manosphere, for one, has a very real and growing influence. Ignoring them, dismissing them, writing blogposts that they won’t read, are not working to counter that. Rather, a political gender divide continues to grow globally, and is especially wide in Korea.

I also feel a responsibility because I recently listened to a (2017) podcast episode about conservative intellectuals by The Point Magazine, in which co-editor Jon Baskin stresses the need for engagement:

“…where[as] on the left, they think these aren’t real ideas, they’re so obviously ridiculous that no-one can even believe them…they must just be there to bale power, you know, power dynamics or privilege. And you know, I think we take it as…besides just a matter of sort of honesty, intellectual honesty, we take it as a matter of political responsibility to try and actually meet these ideas. It seems to me the more politically responsible thing to do is to actually meet these ideas which obviously are convincing to many people, and take them as arguments and treat them as such.”

(From 6:50.)

And I feel even more of a responsibility because I’ve mingled and networked enough that I’ve reached a tipping point. That now, I don’t just abstractly know, but also feel my wide range of privileges—male, cishet, White, native English-speaking, middle-aged—working to ensure I’m more likely to be listened to. And, crucially, much more likely to be listened to over a drink in a bar, with someone with shared interested or some other connection, than randomly read by them.

No, it’s not like I’m going to take advantage to proselytize at every cocktail party I’m invited to. Nor be taken advantage of by people who had no intention of listening. But when opportunities for genuine dialog are offered, how to make the most of them?

“Okay, but this 2023 study of Norwegians found no sexual double-standards for long-term relationships.”

“…”

“And that Insta had links to 4 more studies that came to similar conclusions.”

“Interesting. I’ll have to read them. But although there’s absolutely no excuse for anyone slut-shaming anyone, you know there used to be legit evolutionary reasons for both men and especially women to want to restrain female promiscuity, right? And, just got to say, Korean women are still too scared to go to gynecologists for vital health checks for fear being labelled sexually active. And in 20+ years, there’s only been a handful of ads in Korea that portray women as sexually assertive too. And looking for those is kinda my thing. So, yeah, for sure, I will read those studies, I swear. But not going to lie, I’m already a little dubious about their methodology and results.

“Huh, I guess you have you have a point about the gynecologists. I walked into a skincare clinic once, and ended up in a gyno hidden inside instead, and got kicked out. Crazy!”

“I know, right? Hey, cool jacket by the way. Where’d you get it?”

Woman texting friend on her phone: “WTF did I just listen to???”

(Hey, I can dream.) Photo by Antenna on Unsplash.

• Professor Neil — Excellent at responding to the sort of ‘self-evident’ truths about women and so on presented by the manosphere, and quickly ripping them to shreds.

• Will Hitchins — Like Professor Neil, but funnier and in Australian.

• Macken Murphy —“Macken Murphy is able to condense vast chunks of information into engaging and digestible episodes.” (The New York Times) Focusing on dating advice, attractiveness, and relationships through an evolutionary perspective, ironically Murphy first came to my attention through his poor communication skills though, my jaw dropping during an episode of the Sisyphus 55 podcast at how eerily similar his speaking style was to my own, and realizing just how convoluted I can sound. But he’s vastly improved since then, making him a perfect role model for me personally. And he’s especially good at shutting down the incels etc. that unfortunately gravitate towards science-based speakers, selectively going through their work to find rational, ‘scientific’ justifications for their misogyny.

• Follow the River North, formerly based in Korea at I’m no Picasso — E. the baker in rural Texas may be very surprised to be included here. But feminism suffuses whatever she writes, and, just in case she doesn’t already know, I also consider her to be one of the most frugal and direct yet also most moving writers I’ve ever encountered—whatever she writes about, she always packs a punch. If you haven’t already, make sure you all subscribe to her SubStack newsletter.

• Alexander — Description: “MSc Cognitive and Behavioral Neuroscience. Research interests in attractiveness & dating. YT – alex.datepsych.” Pinned post: “Redpillers and blackpillers seething as some of their golden cows get knocked down with data. Had a very good interview with Connor Tomlinson here.” Enough said.

• Ibagua Kihanovief — In my own words, discovered through her “handy riposte to anyone who claims that feminism is unnecessary in Korea,” whom I’ve already sung the praises of here. All of her work is in Korean, but she often includes English translations.

• Professor Michael Flood “Researcher on men, masculinities, gender, and violence prevention. Educator and advocate. Tweets my own. I strive for content-rich and evidence-based tweeting,” and great at respectfully responding to, interacting with, and ultimately shutting down the sorts of people and opinions I’m increasingly encountering myself.

• thetinmen — “”Widening perspectives around men. Uncomfortable conversations and ugly truths; the unpopular other half of gender equality, and men’s mental health.” The old me would hesitate to include them, as most of what they post I disagree with. But like Sammy said, they’re not the “bandits, sociopaths, or ignoramuses” you’d expect. And while I think many of their messages are ultimately flawed, they aren’t easily dismissed, and are well-presented and put together.

Brazenly learning tips and tricks from them to win alt-right friends and influence incels may sound a little calculating, especially if said alt-right friends and incels read this later, but to me it’s still fundamentally all about just learning communication skills. And besides which, strategizing and weaponizing those skills is what the alt-right already does:

And after all that, here finally are the descriptions and times of those segments of that BBC Woman’s Hour episode. Sorry not sorry that just posting a link seemed seemed insufficient, and I hope you and your future conversation partner likewise get inspired and talking by them, wherever you are on the political spectrum. Enjoy!

From 1:20-19:25:

“A woman who was stalked by her husband and then placed into witness protection with a new identity to escape him, says she feels like she’s the one being punished. She’s complained to the police about the way her case was handled after being told she failed an assessment and was no longer being supported by them in her new life. She spoke to our reporter Melanie Abbott, and says she felt completely cut adrift. We hear her story of how she had to uproot her two children and start a new life with a new job in a new town, while her husband is free to live wherever he likes. Academic Rachael Wheatley from the university of Derby tells Anita how she is training police to be better at dealing with stalkers and how victims need better support.”

From 19:25-29:35:

“A new report by the Trade Union Congress has highlighted a gender pension gap between what men and women are living on in retirement. The estimate it’s currently running at 40.5%, which is more than double the current gender pay gap. Nuala talks to Nikki Pound from the TUC and financial expert Sarah Pennells Consumer finance specialist at Royal London – pensions insurance provider about the issues facing women and possible solutions.”

And from 35:15 to 45:50:

“Writer and Podcaster Jackie Adedeji speaks to Nuala about her new Channel 4 documentary UNTOLD: My Big Boobs, a look into the impacts of having big boobs and the rise in breast reduction surgery. Sarah Ditum also joins to discuss the cultural trends of breasts through the years.”

(Alas, the linked video can’t be watched in Korea. Sigh. But for a change, it’s not the Korean government’s fault—the video is only available in the UK.)

Related Posts:

If you reside in South Korea, you can donate via wire transfer: Turnbull James Edward (Kookmin Bank/국민은행, 563401-01-214324)