Do you ever turn to music in times of grief or heartache? What song or songs do you put on when you want to get into your feelings? How have they helped you through difficult moments?
In “How Sad Love Songs Tap Into the Chaos of Dating,” Sadiba Hasan writes about how several recent melancholy ballads, including SZA’s “SOS,” Miley Cyrus’s “Flowers” and Olivia Rodrigo’s “Vampire,” have helped daters deal with heartbreak:
Sylka Feliciano, 23, was experiencing relationship issues when “SOS” came out. Ms. Feliciano, a student at the California Institute of the Arts, was writing a paper when the album dropped, and she listened to the album on Apple Music. She then played it on repeat for days.
“I was crying multiple times a day, every single day, for months,” Ms. Feliciano said. Ultimately she determined that her relationship wasn’t meeting her needs, she said, and she broke up with her partner a few weeks later.
Sad love songs can also articulate feelings that help people connect better with their emotions. Jerusalem Truth, a 24-year-old writer in Brooklyn, said SZA’s song “I Hate You” was “affirming in a really necessary way,” because she had always felt she had to handle breakups gracefully. Hearing the song was cathartic and helped her realize it is OK to be angry.
“It’s like, No, I hate you,” she said. “I am upset and I’m pissed.’”
Austin Spero, a 26-year-old social media manager in Manhattan, said sad music helps him feel less alone. His most streamed song of 2023 was “Flowers”; “Vampire” was in his top 10.
He recalled the first time he listened to “Vampire”: He was arguing over text with a man he had broken up with. “In that moment, I felt so vindicated,” Mr. Spero said. “I felt so angry, and I felt empowered to feel confident in my decisions.”
But sometimes, listening to sad love songs can feel too … sad.
A number of studies, including one published in the Journal of Popular Music Studies, have found that songs have become sadder over the past decades both lyrically (in terms of the emotions being conveyed) and musically (by incorporating slower tempos, minor keys and other acoustic elements that are indicative of sadness).
When Ms. Truth was recently stood up on a date, she said she resisted the urge to tap into disappointment through music. “Am I going to put on my SZA and heighten those feelings in myself?” she said. “Or am I going to seek out positive reinforcement?”
Students 13 and older in the United States and Britain, and 16 and older elsewhere, are invited to comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public and may appear in print.
Natalie Proulx
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