What Are Love Languages and Why Are They Important?

How Do You Like To Receive Love? How Do You Like To Show Love? 

These questions are essential, not only for romantic relationships but also for platonic relationships. Not everyone communicates love and care in the same way; likewise, people prefer receiving love and care differently as well. Additionally, your love language can change over time as you grow and develop more into yourself and continue to explore different relationships.

The five love languages are five different ways of expressing and receiving love and care. The concept of love languages was developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. While I am aware of the controversy surrounding Mr. Chapman and his beliefs, I believe that love languages are real and essential parts of any relationship. Everyone has a hierarchy for them. So let me break them down for you.

1. Words of Affirmation:

This simply means what your partner, friend, or family member has to say about you, and to you speaks volumes. It is focused on the importance of verbal expression. People who have words of affirmation as their primary love language are highly aware of how powerful and beautiful words can be. People with this love language show their loved one’s affection through terms of endearment. A tip is to make sure you communicate frequently and share heartfelt statements. My absolute favorite thing is writing love letters or thank you notes. Your loved one will appreciate this gesture so much.

2. Acts of Service:

My personal favorite as of late. It is feeling adoration by the things your partner, friend, or family member does. An act of service is the physical expression of a thoughtful gesture. When you pay attention to things your partner, friend, or family member says they don’t enjoy doing or don’t have time for and take it on for them, this will show them you pay close attention to their needs and are willing to make their life a little easier. A note, try to anticipate their needs, be hyper-vigilant, listen to their complaints, and most importantly always follow through on your commitments.

3. Physical Touch:

Exactly what it says, thriving on the sensation of touch. Something as simple as handholding can make them feel desired and loved. Give them lots of hugs and focus on nonsexual forms of touching. They simply want to be close to you.

4. Receiving Gifts:

This one gets a lot of flak, but I think it is because people perceive it in the wrong way. It’s about effort and thoughtfulness. People with this love language treasure not only the gift itself but also the time and effort the gift-giver put into it. When you take the time to pick out a gift specifically for them, it tells them you know them. People with this love language can often remember every little gift they have received from their loved ones because it makes such an impact on them. The point is not the price tag. The point is to convey care, a sense of knowing them well, and the fact that you’re thinking about them through what you give. Be attentive to the things they like and don’t like, personalize the gifts, and be creative.

5. Quality Time:

Those with this love language want to feel cherished and prioritized. They view time as a priceless gift they want to give and receive in relationships. Not only set aside the time but also be intentional about how you are spending that time. Schedule regular date nights or outings, engage in quality conversations, and make sure you stay in the moment.

I hope this helps you strengthen the relationships in your life. Here’s a quiz if you want to learn exactly the ranking of your love languages.

If you’re seeking to strengthen your relationship and build a deeper connection with your partner, consider couples counseling with Vanessa Clairjeune, LMSW. Vanessa brings a compassionate and insightful approach to therapy, helping couples navigate challenges, improve communication, and rediscover the love and understanding that brought them together. Whether you’re facing specific issues or simply want to enhance your relationship, Vanessa is here to guide you on a path toward healing and growth.

About the Author:

Vanessa Clairjeune holds a Master’s in Social Work from the University of Houston and dual bachelor’s degrees in Forensic Psychology and Human Services and Community Justice from John Jay College of Criminal Justice in NYC. She integrates a somatic and mindfulness approach into her practice, complemented by techniques like DBT, Internal Family Systems, bibliotherapy, and trauma-conscious yoga, for which she holds a 300-hour certification.

Vanessa’s diverse experience spans substance abuse outpatient clinics, MD Anderson Cancer Center, and student outreach at the University of Houston. Her commitment to holistic well-being encompasses substance abuse, chronic illness, life transitions, LGBTQIA experiences, trauma, infertility, and maternal mental health, all while fostering a therapeutic environment where vulnerability becomes resilience and pain transforms into growth.

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