The FBI has uncovered a plot by two low-level members of the highly extremist group, The Proud Boys, who were going to steal Gov. “Shitface” Abbott’s million dollar wheelchair and throw it in the Gulf of Mexico.
Federal agents Clive P. Trailwood and Logan F. Havenhaus apprehended the two thugs as they sat in a booth at a local McDonalds in Austin.
The two had the plans for the wheelchair robbery written on a yellow page from a legal pad tablet.
When the two punk perps saw the two FBI agents they threw their Big Macs at the agents and tried to run out the side door, but an octogenarian old lady saw what was happening and she tossed her walker in front of the exit door and the agents were able to catch up to the two assholes and taser the shit out of them (literally). ■