TW: pregnancy termination
Good morning. I’ve posted a couple times before about helping a refugee friend of mine obtain an abortion, and I wanted to update the hive, especially in light of last week’s court decisions.
I “adopted” a refugee family shortly after they arrived in the US last fall. (For those wondering, they are legal refugees approved by USCIS with green cards.) The father and mother are devoted, loving parents to 5 wonderful children, ages 2-12. They were surprised to learn last fall that they were expecting another baby. They are in dire financial straits as they work to get their feet under them in a new, foreign land. They arrived here with only what fit in a few suitcases and their financial resources exhausted from travel. The old adage about not having two nickels to rub together applies to this family for sure.
At the 22 week ultrasound, they discovered that the baby had severe, life-limiting defects. If circumstances were better, perhaps they could have met the child’s lifelong mental and physical needs, but not while they’re teetering on the edge of poverty with 5 other children.
Here’s what I’ve learned in this sad process:
1. Even doctors don’t know what our abortion laws are. The OB who did the ultrasound said there are only 3 states that will perform abortions this late, and that the closest one to us is Kansas. We’re in NoVa and DC does them up to 31 weeks. (I’m somewhat suspicious as to whether the doctor was trying to steer them toward keeping the pregnancy.)
2. Late abortions are expensive. This procedure was $10,800.
3. But a spectacular network of grants – provided by donations from people like the women on this board – made it possible for this family to afford it. The National Abortion Hotline provided all the funding for this.
4. The Brigid Alliance provided free accommodations. Even though we live just 30 minutes from the clinic, it’s important in case of emergency that we stayed right beside the clinic for this 2-day procedure. The hotel next door is $250/night and the Brigid Alliance paid for that and for parking. As more women have to travel for these procedures as red states outlaw them, the Brigid Alliance’s funding will be even more needed for airfare, rental cars, taxis, etc.
5. Virginia Medicaid will pay for abortions in cases of a) rape or incest b) life of the mother c) “incapacitating physical deformity or mental deficiency as certified by a physician.” The defects of this baby did not rise to this statutory level. Your state may vary.
6. The DC clinic that treated my friend recently opened a newly enlarged office as nice as any spa I’ve ever been to. The staff is caring and supportive. They said the new clinic more than doubled in size compared to the previous one as more women are traveling to them for the procedure. In fact, my friend had to wait 3 weeks for an opening because they were booked – pushing her pregnancy to an advanced 26 weeks.
7. “Late-term abortions” is a loaded phrase. I’m deeply religious myself and had thought in the past that maybe the 15-week bans, etc, being discussed wouldn’t be so bad. But seeing this heartbreaking situation up close – and knowing that this family had no way of knowing about these defects until an ultrasound past the dates being discussed by some politicians – has settled my views on the matter.
8. Unrelated to the above, our immigration and social services systems are a wreck. We can and must do better.
Thank all of you who make donations that help women afford these procedures. Thank you from me, thank you from the family. This is one of the hardest chapters in their lives, and at least they didn’t have a financial burden. Thank you so very much. Thank you.
PS – thank you to the two Muslim posters who volunteered to contact liberal clerics re: prayers for the baby’s burial. The parents decided to go with a smaller complement of prayers and pray-ers than would normally be used, and the small circle of friends supporting this family can meet that need.
PPS – we were fortunate to find a local charity that pays for the funerals of stillborn, miscarried, and (in limited circumstances) aborted babies. Their baby will be buried Friday in a beautiful, peaceful cemetery.
Elizabeth
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