TAMPA BAY, Florida – (Sports Satire) – The Sports Bet Gazette is reporting that the wife of Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady has told him that she is thinking of filing for adivorce.
Zorro La Bamba with SBG has learned that Tom’s wife, Brazilian model Gisele Bundchen, has told him that if he does not quit football and very soon, she will take the kids and HALF of his billions and move back to her native Brazil, quicker than it takes two fleas to fuck.
When asked why she would want her extremely successful husband to quit the game that he loves so passionately, she replied, “I want Tommy to be able to take me dancing in Paris, and hiking up to the Himalayas, and snow skiing in the Alps, and boinking down in Cancun, and if he gets hit by one of those volcano-looking, 350 plus pound defensive linemen, he could end up looking flatter than a piece of sandpaper.”