Games get a lot of tat attached to them to bump that bottom line—boring t-shirts, $45 posters for unreleased games, the works. Sometimes you’ll get diamonds in the rough that genuinely give you something cool, but there’s a secret third option between tat and genuine novelty: Ordinary things executed with such perfect marketing fiat that you’ve just gotta throw your hands up and say shoot, you got me.
Such is the case with these two bottles of probably-okay wine—announced back in February (thanks, SiliconEra) the buzz around these finely-aged draughts of existential dread only kicked up recently on Twitter, going viral to the tune of 69,000 likes.
Honestly, while $80 is a little pricey for some wine—you do also get a nice glass, and the novelty of knowing that both bottles were aged by listening to the game’s gorgeous soundtrack on loop. They’re even themed, too, with different cardinal beverages for 2B and 9S, who of course had bespoke selections of music scientifically infused into their molecular structure, because we’re already forcing wine to listen to game OSTs. You’ve gotta commit to the bit.
I would now invite you to imagine me as one of the little machine life forms you meet at Pascal’s Village with a precious tuxedo on, presenting the bottles in a fancy restaurant somewhere. You don’t have to, but it would make me happy.
This beautifully-blooming, rufescent red entitled 2B has been given the understanding that all things will rot by being made to listen to The Sound of the End, Rebirth & Hope, Crumbling Lines (Ver1.1a), Girl’s Memories, and lest we forget, Weight of the World/English Version (Ver1.1a).
If that’s not to your taste, its twinned and delectable cherry sibling has been infused with a blind hatred for machines like myself with an audio bath of the songs Widespread Disease, City Ruins—Rays of Light, Faltering Prayer—Dawn Breeze, Copied City (Ver1.1a) and, to make sure the notes of malaise pair with the 2B, Weight of the World/English Version (Ver1.1a) also. If neither beverage is to your liking, you may cut me in half with a giant sword.
Honestly, the idea behind these things is just the right amount of stupid to be worth doing. Yes, it’s some less-than-value wine, and we just have to take Onkyo Direct’s word that they were actually aged to music, but the joke is so funny that I’m going to choose to believe it anyway. Besides, I need something to drink while wondering if we’ll actually get another Nier game, or whether Yoko Taro’s just pulling our leg again.