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Tag: Vivian Bricker

  • Building a Family on the Foundation of God

    Building a Family on the Foundation of God

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    When I was a child, my family was not built upon God but upon the world. As nice as it would’ve been to grow up with a deep knowledge of God and what He says about me, it simply didn’t happen this way. Sadly, many people across the world have the same childhood.

    This can impact us in many ways, such as struggling to know our worth and never hearing the gospel in an understandable way. It wasn’t until I was in college that I finally heard the gospel and accepted Jesus as my Savior. Without going to the Bible college I went to, I might have never placed faith in Jesus. I certainly wasn’t going to learn about Jesus at home, which scares me to think about.

    I think of all the people who never had the chance to go to a Bible college or hear the gospel elsewhere. This is a sad reality and one we as believers must take to heart. We need to do all we can to help others hear the gospel in a meaningful and relatable way. For parents, this can start at home and is found in building a family on the foundation of God.

    Teaching Your Children About God

    If we are going to build our family on God, we have to teach our children about Him. As I mentioned above, I had little to no knowledge about the Bible or God. This negatively impacted my life in many ways. I am more than thankful that I know Him now; however, I wish I had known Him sooner. If my family had been built upon God, it would have saved me much pain and hurt as I developed into an adult and determined where my true identity was rooted. 

    This is why it is vital to build our own families on God. Through teaching your children about God, it will lay a foundation for their future. Even if your children are younger, they can listen to teachings about God. Start with shorter Bible stories and grow into larger ones as they get older. If your children are already older, you can help them get more involved with personal Bible time and share the gospel with them through age-appropriate conversation.

    It is important to share the gospel with your children, especially when they are old enough to understand the severity of sin, how they are a sinner in need of a Savior, and the saving grace of Jesus. Children who are below a certain age have no possible way of understanding the gospel, but it’s never too early for them to learn. Just as we place importance on introducing them to their shapes, colors, and ABCs, it’s all the more important that we introduce them to child-appropriate songs, picture books, and arts and crafts that share the truth of Christ’s sacrifice. 

    We should encourage our children to learn more about Jesus, but it’s vital to understand that we don’t need to force them to place faith in Him. This defeats the purpose of them coming to know Him freely. Instead of pushing them into a declaration of faith, we need to be more patient and allow them to make the decision themselves. Just because our children have not placed faith in Jesus by the age of ten doesn’t mean they will never place faith in Him. Let the Holy Spirit work in your child at His pace. After all, He knows what’s best for your child, even more than you do!

    Remember, we are looking for a genuine conversion—not a forced or coerced conversion. Anything forced isn’t genuine and of the heart and will wither and fade from their lives. Give your child room and space to make their own personal decision. Simply teach them about the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit as well as the Bible. This will lay a solid foundation for their knowledge of God and help them truly understand the gospel. 

    Implementing the Teachings of the Bible in Your Life

    Building a family on God cannot be done apart from modeling biblical teachings in our lives. We need to model love, kindness, and forgiveness in our daily actions (Ephesians 4:32). Instead of embittering our children, we need to build them up (Colossians 3:21). In everything we do, we need to extend Jesus’ love in our actions and words. This will help our children see a biblical approach to life and how content and hopeful the family is because we follow God. 

    As Christians, a natural outpouring of our faith should be seen in the way we treat others, and this includes our families. Instead of being hateful, hurtful, or harmful to our children or spouse, we are loving, caring, and compassionate. Children can pick up on when we are not caring or interested in them. Try avoiding this mistake as it will cause your children to lose heart. If Mom and Dad don’t care about them, they will believe God doesn’t care either.

    This is why we need to implement the Bible in our lives. If the Bible says to be kind, caring, loving, forgiving, and compassionate, then this is what we must do. Parenting comes with its own challenges, yet we should never take our frustrations out on our children. Of course, no parent is perfect, but we should be a true example of saying sorry, asking for forgiveness, and repenting of our mistakes. 

    Sharing the Importance of Following God

    Once our children see how important God and the Bible are in our own lives, they will recognize the importance of following God. If your children have placed faith in Jesus, they will want to start following Him in a more intentional way just like Mom and Dad do. However, if your child has not placed faith in Jesus, you can still share the importance of following Him through your conversations and actions.

    These attributes naturally cause your children to become more interested in the Lord. Instead of viewing Him as a “made-up” person or a “character,” they will start to see Him for who He is: the Lord Jesus Christ, who died for our sins (John 3:16-17). As you show your children mercy and grace, they will begin to see God as merciful and gracious. As you show faith, they will understand the beauty of believing in what they can’t see. With time, your children will want to learn more about following God and obeying Him in their own lives. By seeing how joy-filled Mom and Dad are by following God, they will also be excited to start following Him.

    Building your family on God will take time and be sprinkled with trial and error, but your persistence in faith will come to fruition. A family built upon God is a powerful, enemy-scaring family, who delights in God’s law and love. It gives God great joy to know that His children are walking in truth, loving their children, and teaching them about Him. Your efforts and dedication to the Lord never go unnoticed.

    Keep following God in your personal life and seek to build your family upon Him in everything you do. If building your family on God is a struggle right now, turn to God in prayer and ask for His help. Ask God to help your family be built upon Him and His Word. Acknowledge your dependence on Him and petition for Him to give you divine guidance into what you should do. He will give you instruction, wisdom, and comfort as you build your family on Him. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Geber86

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • A Letter to the Christian Woman Who Was Destroyed by Her Parents

    A Letter to the Christian Woman Who Was Destroyed by Her Parents

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    Many of us grow up in families where our parents do not treat us very well. We are emotionally abused; however, we are not physically abused. Due to not being physically abused, many people do not take our concerns seriously because our “safety was never at risk.” If a person undergoes any type of abuse, it is damaging and painful. If a person was not physically abused, that does not mean they did not undergo trauma or lasting pain.

    Emotional abuse is just as dangerous and harmful as physical abuse. While some people might argue with me, they cannot understand the pain unless they have actually gone through emotional abuse themselves. As someone who has gone through emotional abuse by my parents, I can share that it is extremely painful and traumatizing and has affected my life in the worst ways possible. Instead of being in a home of love and safety, I was constantly afraid of who was going to yell at me, get upset with me, or insult me. 

    I love both of my parents; however, I am not sure that they ever loved me because their actions and words showed the exact opposite. Rather than having parents who supported me in my struggles, my parents demonized me, yelled at me, and seemed to hate me. 

    From the trauma of my teenage years, I had to seek therapy as an adult. Through therapy, I have learned how to process these traumatic experiences. Part of processing these experiences is grieving the relationship I wanted to have with my parents. By taking time to grieve, I have been able to move forward in the healing process, and I now can help others who are going through similar situations. 

    If you are finding yourself in a similar place, know that there is help out there. Through therapy, turning to God, and support from other believers, you can live an abundant life (John 10:10). Life is yours for the taking, and there is no room for the pain of the past to hold you back any longer. 

    All of Your Pain Is Valid

    Before we move forward, I want you to know that all of your pain is valid. Being emotionally abused and destroyed by your parents is extremely painful. I have likened my own pain to feeling as though you are being swallowed by the ocean. Each time my parents would get mad at me or say a hurtful word, I wanted to allow the giant sea waves to engulf me. In this way, I could finally escape.

    I want you to know that feeling angry, hurt, and even bitter is understandable. We’re human. There is no timeline as to when you will heal from this pain, but friend, rest in the knowledge that peace is possible. Lasting peace is found in the Lord (John 14:27). As I have been processing my pain, I have seen that God is all I need. My mother and father have forsaken me, but the Lord receives me (Psalm 27:10). The Lord will receive you too, welcoming you with open arms. 

    As you are healing from the hurt inflicted by your parents, you will benefit from added resources like therapy. Christian therapy is ideal; however, if there are no Christian therapists in your area, a regular therapist should be able to help too. Therapy is beneficial to healing from emotional abuse as it gives us a safe place to express our feelings, share them, and seek out help. Much of my own healing has been through therapy, and I cannot recommend it enough. 

    Through therapy, you can learn how to replace the hurtful words of your parents with the truth of the Bible. Whenever you are tempted to dwell on a hurtful comment, a manipulative statement, or an insult, choose to turn to God. Open up your Bible, reflect on what God says, and allow it to change your heart. Choose to listen to God instead of your parents. He is the One who loves you with a perfect love and wants the best for your life. 

    Our Parents’ Non-Existent Love Versus God’s Unconditional Love

    As children, we normally build our parents up to be untouchable. They are our biggest heroes until they hurt us one day. After this first hurt, it seems to start a domino effect where we grow up understanding just how imperfect our parents are. My parents have both said hurtful words to me, which will never be forgotten. While I have forgiven them, I will never forget these words and the pain they have caused me. 

    Due to my parents’ emotional abuse, I developed self-hate, low self-esteem, and a negative self-image. Each of these things created the perfect storm for the development of depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. I have not truly recovered from any of these mental health concerns, and to be honest, I’m not sure if I ever will. If your parents convince you that you are unlovable, not worthy, and not valuable, how then can you ever expect to feel good about yourself?

    I have often posed the question, “If my own parents don’t love me, who will?” Maybe you have also battled with this question. Personally, it has kept me up more nights than I would like to admit. The good news is that God loves us (John 3:16). Even if our parents don’t love us, God does, and His love is unshakable. The love He has for us will never be broken. 

    The Apostle Paul tells us, “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:37-39). This means that nothing can separate us from the love of God, which is found in Jesus Christ.

    Our parents may have made us feel unlovable, unworthy, and not valuable, but we are lovable, worthy, and valuable because God tells us we are. Our parents have failed us, yet God never will. Choose to reflect on God’s love instead of your parents’ love. Once you can start doing this, everything will pale in comparison to the fulfillment and acceptance you receive from God. 

    Learning to Let Go and Trust God with the Future 

    Part of moving forward is letting go and forgiving our parents. Forgiveness is hard, yet it is something that God wants us to do (Ephesians 4:32). We already have to carry around the pain of our past. We don’t need to force ourselves to carry grudges against our parents too. Give all of the pain, hurt, and unforgiveness over to God. He will give you lasting relief and healing.

    This is what I discovered must be done because the longer I held onto the pain, the more it controlled me. Once we can let go and give matters over to God, we can move forward with the future God has for us. 

    As soon as we are truly moving forward in God’s plans for our lives, we will see how much our parents were wrong about us. We are lovable, and many people will find great joy in our presence. There will be people who love us and will want to support us in our healing journey. Through the love of friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, and a partner, God will help us to know we are loved. Never do we need to doubt the measures He will go to help us know we are loved by Him. 

    Look to the Lord today and allow Him to heal your broken heart (Psalm 147:3). Your parents might have destroyed you, but this is not the end of your story. It is only the beginning. There will be struggles along the way, but you can trust God. He loves you far beyond measure. As a beloved child of God, you can trust Him with your future. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Romolo Tavani

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • Can You Marry the Wrong Person?

    Can You Marry the Wrong Person?

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    After a rough spot in marriage, it is common to feel as though you may have married the wrong person. Once you see the way they handle conflicts or how they get irritable after a long day, it is easy to think you vowed yourself to a person you don’t even know. 

    Although this is a hard question to come to terms with, most married people have asked this question to themselves after they have been married. Varying from the first few months of marriage to a few years in, I have had many friends wonder if they made the wrong decision when they chose their spouse. 

    Now, if you are married to someone and they are abusing you in any way, you do need to leave. In this case, you can be assured you did marry the wrong person. This is not the person God wants for you. He wants you to marry someone who loves you as He loves the Church (Ephesians 5:21-32). If your spouse is abusing you, whether emotionally, physically, or sexually, it is time to leave and file divorce papers. 

    However, if you are just going through a rough patch in your marriage, it does not mean you have married the wrong person. All of us are fallen and we all fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). This means that we all do bad things, and this includes our spouse. It can be hurtful when our spouse forgets something important to us or when they get frustrated after a long day at work, but these things alone do not mean that we married the wrong person. 

    Did I Ruin God’s Will for My Life?

    As mentioned, just because your spouse messes up sometimes and has emotional problems that they need to deal with doesn’t mean you have married the wrong person. Most of the time when someone is worried about marrying the wrong person, it is because they think they have ruined God’s will for their life. Know that this is not true and you are exactly where God wants you to be. Your spouse still loves you despite their forgetfulness, emotional struggles, or distress after a long work day. 

    Many of us think that our spouses are perfect. As women, we especially have a habit of building our husbands up in a way that makes them untouchable. Unfortunately, our husbands are not perfect. They are fallen sinners just like us. Since they are sinners and we are sinners, it is not surprising that we run into problems. Thankfully, we are not left alone in our struggles and troubles. 

    We can turn to God when we are having trouble in our marriage and lean on Him for support. Start praying for each other and consider doing Christian marriage counseling if you think it will be beneficial. If you and your spouse are having a hard time communicating and working through issues, Christian marriage counseling could be the perfect thing for your marriage. You don’t have to wait for something detrimental to happen, like infidelity, to start Christian marriage counseling—you can start now and begin working through present issues that pertain to your marriage. 

    Your spouse is your spouse—he is not a knight in shining armor. He has faults and flaws just as we all do. Remember this when you are thinking you have married the wrong person. Sometimes it can be helpful if we self-reflect too. Rather than passing the blame on our spouse, we need to look at our own faults and flaws. 

    Once we can do this, we will start to show more grace. Maybe your spouse has a bad habit of not communicating their needs properly. Instead of getting upset with them, talk matters out with them and help them learn how to communicate their needs better with you. Once again, this is also a great opportunity to get started with Christian marriage counseling. Christian marriage counseling can do wonders for your marriage and help you know that you have, indeed, married the right person. There just might be a few communication issues getting in the way. 

    How Can I Be Sure I Married the Right Person?

    In addition to seeking out Christian marriage counseling, you can also turn to God with your concerns. He always needs to be the first One we turn to. God has a way of showing you all the wonderful reasons you married your spouse when you are doubtful. Maybe it is his smile, the way he makes you laugh, or the way he makes you feel safe. Reflect on the reasons you married your spouse and all the ways they have been there for you and supported you. 

    When you married your spouse, you were certain he or she was the one. Wives, if you are doubtful of your husband now, think about all the things you love about him. Husbands, if you are doubtful of your wife, reflect on all the things you love about her. Doing this practice daily can help you show more grace to your spouse and ensure you clear up any doubts in your mind. 

    Despite the false reality being presented on social media, nobody’s marriage is perfect. Everyone has their own struggles and troubles when it comes to marriage. This is because we live in a fallen world and, sadly, even our spouses can hurt our feelings or behave immaturely. Rather than allowing these wounds to stay open and fester, talk matters over with your spouse. In other words, if they have hurt your feelings, find a respectful way to tell them your concerns upfront. 

    It is much better to talk about problems rather than suppressing them. Be open with your spouse and this will help cultivate a better marriage rooted in honesty. God wants you to communicate with your spouse and continue to cultivate your marriage. Your marriage is built upon God, which can help give you strength when the days are hard.

    Is it Even Possible to Marry the Wrong Person?

    While it is possible to marry the wrong person, it is not likely unless your spouse is abusing you or being unfaithful to you. If any of these willfully deceitful and manipulative things are happening, it’s best to reassess the situation. However, if your spouse is just showing a few errors in their life or a few areas of struggle, it just means we live in a fallen world and our spouse isn’t perfect. 

    It is hard to come to this realization, but the sooner we realize our spouse is flawed, the sooner it will help our marriages become stronger. You and your spouse can improve your marriage by pushing each other to follow Jesus more in your everyday life. Through encouraging and building each other up, your marriage will grow as you will both depend more on God. 

    Marriage takes hard work, energy, and effort. Sadly, marriage is not happily ever after because that would mean it was simple. In order to have a beautiful marriage, both spouses have to be willing to put in the work. This means that you and your spouse will consistently search out ways to better follow Jesus and extend His love in your marriage. There will be days when you will be angry or frustrated with your spouse, but you have to choose compassion and grace.

    Lean on support from the Lord and go to Him in prayer. Allow Him to help you and give you guidance for the future. You did not marry the wrong person just because you are having difficulties now. In a few years, you will look back and see how you and your spouse have grown in your marriage. While marriage will still be difficult at times, you will be better equipped to work through the problems with the help of God. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • The Tragedy of Realizing People Can Be Mean, Christian or Not

    The Tragedy of Realizing People Can Be Mean, Christian or Not

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    If we are honest, most people we come across in life are not very nice people. I first came to this conclusion when I was a young child. Being picked on and bullied, I quickly realized that many people are mean for no reason. While my parents came up with plenty of ideas as to why people were mean, none of them were true or relevant to my situation. Long story short, many people are mean just because they are mean. 

    There are mean people in the world because we live in a sinful, fallen world. Everyone sins and falls short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). By living in the fallen world, we encounter people who are driven by anger, frustration, hurt, and bitterness. Rather than being kind, they make us feel bad about ourselves. Mean people are never fun to be around because they only hurt us. 

    If you are someone who is known to be mean, it is time to step away from this identity. Never should a person say a Christian is mean. As Christians, we are Jesus’ lights to the world. How will we shine brightly for Him if we are being darkness ourselves? Instead of being mean, choose kindness. This is what God wants all people to do, especially those who claim to follow Him. 

    The Lasting Pain of Being Hurt

    When someone is mean to us, it hurts. Depending on who the person is, it might hurt more so than a stranger. Many people I used to know were very mean to me, even though I considered them friends. I think I considered them friends because I really wanted to have friends. Now, in retrospect, as I am older, I know they were not my real friends. 

    Friends would never be mean to you. Never would they say hurtful comments, belittle you, or make fun of you. Friends are supposed to build you up, not tear you down. If you have been the victim of bullying, know that you are not alone. It can really hurt to know that your friends are not actually your friends and that you are better off without them. Fake friends don’t deserve your time or presence, though. 

    If you are hurt by someone who is just a stranger, know that your pain is valid too. Just the other day I was at a doctor’s appointment and a woman in the waiting room scowled at me as if I was the devil himself. This made me feel awful about myself, and I went out of my way to distance myself from this woman. Maybe you have encountered someone just like this. You did nothing to warrant the hateful glares, yet the person still shot them at you. 

    This was not nice of them, but as you already know, there are a lot of mean people in the world. The popular trend today that promotes the idea that all people are relatively good is not biblical. All people are evil from the moment they are conceived (Psalm 51:5). We are born into sin and only through the grace of Jesus can we be saved. 

    From the time we are children of God, we become more aware of the evil around us. We see people who are mean for no reason, yet it is still hard not to take it personally. Similarly, many Christians are the ones who are mean, even to their own brothers and sisters in Christ. This should not be; however, if you have even encountered this, know you are not alone. Some of the meanest people I’ve known are people who identify as Christians. 

    Whether they are true Christians or not, I do not know. What I do know is that as an individual Christian, I would never do anything purposely to be mean to someone else. I know how it feels when someone is mean to you, and I never want to inflict that same pain on anybody else. Are we always going to be perfect and treat everyone with flawless love? No. However, as believers, we shouldn’t want to be mean to anyone. Our motivations and intentions should be rooted in Christ’s love. We should want to extend Jesus in our actions. If we fail to do this, we are doing a disservice to the Lord. 

    Living in a Fallen World 

    As mentioned earlier, we are living in a fallen world, and this is why we encounter mean people. Sadly, within pop culture and schooling, mean people are deemed as “cool.” Think of who the popular people were at your schools. It’s often those who tear others down and build a fear-based popularity. This is a sad reality; however, it is not something we should ignore. Popularity should never be “earned” through anger, fear, and manipulation.

    Everyone becomes so afraid of them that they just keep allowing them to run the school, the event, or even the workplace. Unfortunately, despite being adults, we see the same trends in adulthood. The bullies and the mean kids never grew up. Instead of allowing this behavior to continue, we must speak up for those who cannot speak up for themselves. We must speak up for ourselves too. Mean people only have power over us if we let them. 

    We do not have to give them the satisfaction of hurting us. Instead, we can address their mean behavior and call them out for it. As adults, we need to behave better, period. Nobody should be mean to someone just because they look different, talk differently, or do things differently than someone else. There needs to be kindness, compassion, and grace extended to all people. This is the only way that we can actually shine the light of Jesus in our lives. 

    While it is true that we are living in a fallen world, it does not mean we have to live as the world does. In fact, as believers, we should be living in opposition to the sinful world. The world says meanness is how you get what you want, but the Bible says the right thing to do is to be kind, caring, and loving (Matthew 22:39; Ephesians 4:32). Are we going to follow the practices of the world or are we going to follow our Savior? This vital question can help us move forward in curtailing the hate that continues in the world. 

    Choosing to Forgive

    If you are someone who has been hurt by a mean person, it’s important to forgive them. It’s true that they probably don’t deserve your forgiveness, and they probably never apologized, but God still wants you to forgive them (Matthew 6:14). After all, we don’t deserve God’s forgiveness, but we are called to extend this same grace to others. This can be hard, yet it is something we must do. Holding onto unforgiveness, hate, and anger will only hurt us. If we truly want to move forward, we must forgive the people who hurt us. 

    Forgiving the person means you are giving the situation over to Jesus. It doesn’t mean that what they did is okay, nor does it mean that what they did is forgotten. Rather, it means you are turning the situation over to God. He can handle it best, and He can carry any of the emotions you are experiencing. He hates that there are mean people in the world, but He promises us a future where there will only be genuinely kind people, His followers rejoicing in heaven (Revelation 21). 

    This future promise will be fulfilled in the New Heaven and New Earth. Never will anyone be mean to one another ever again. There will only be happiness, love, and joy. When people are mean to you in this life, look forward to the day that all evil will be destroyed. It will happen in the future, and it is a sure promise. Reflect on this truth when mean people get you down.  

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/bunditinay

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • A Christian’s Stance on Bullying

    A Christian’s Stance on Bullying

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    As someone who was bullied in middle school, I am well aware of the negative effects of bullying and how it can affect a person’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Bullying needs to end because it only causes harm to the person who is being bullied—no good comes from tearing someone else down, even if it builds a bully’s false sense of ego. Despite it being impossible to say bullying will be eradicated from society anytime soon, it’s vital that Christians stand up against this hurtful behavior. In everything we do, we need to glorify God in our actions and He would never stand for bullying.

    The way Christians must respond to bullying is by taking a bold stand against it. It is terrible that bullying still exists in the modern day; however, it is something that is in existence because of sin (and has only been enhanced thanks to today’s technology). As long as sin is in the world, bullying will continue. I mentioned above that I encountered bullying in middle school. I was bullied in the sixth grade and this caused my mother to take me out of public school. My older sisters were also bullied in public school in previous years so my mother also took them out of public school and homeschooled them too.

    I was bullied because of my appearance and my weight. The latter was one of the many factors that caused me to develop anorexia. My thought pattern consisted of thinking that if I lost weight, nobody could make fun of me anymore, nor could they bully me. Though this line of logic was obviously wrong, it’s hard to change the mind of a preteen teenager.

    Thankfully, being homeschooled got rid of the bullying, but I’m not sure how much worse the bullying could have gotten if I had stayed in public school. If you were bullied at school, or any other point in life, know that what the bully did to you was wrong. They had no right to hurt you in that way, nor did they have any right to cause you pain. Oftentimes, we feel it is our fault for being bullied because we make ourselves an “easy target,” but this isn’t true because no one deserves to be ridiculed. 

    There is an excessive need for bullying to stop. Even though I’m not in school anymore, there is still bullying going on in public schools, private schools, colleges, and in the real world. Sadly, there is no timeline for bullying as even adults bully others in the workplace and relationships. As Christians, we need to do all we can to help cease bullying, or at the very least take a stance against it in our personal lives.

    If you have been bullied or someone close to you has been bullied, you know how much you want justice to prevail and for the bully to be held accountable for their actions. This is why we shouldn’t sit on the sidelines any longer. We must stand against bullying in our words and actions. This means that we cannot sit idle or believe it is just a children’s game when it comes to bullying. As mentioned, full adults can be bullies (and are often the grown-up versions of the kids who bullied us in school). 

    What Would Jesus Do?

    When discussing how we as Christians should respond, we need to look at the example of Jesus. While it is true that Jesus teaches us to turn the other cheek, it doesn’t mean He says it’s okay for people to walk all over us. Rather, Jesus wants us to stand up for our safety and the well-being of others. If we see someone being bullied, Jesus wants us to come to their side and help them. In the same way, if we are being bullied, we don’t need to turn a deaf ear. If someone is bullying you now, you need to notify a parent, a teacher, or a boss. Tell someone in an authority position what is going on so you have them as support. 

    If it is a legal matter, such as being harassed or bullied on the streets, notify the police. Over the past year, I have had to fill out more police reports than I can count. On my daily walk, I’ve been having teenage boys drive by in cars screaming at me and looping back several times to blow their horns and scream at me more. It’s very stressful and scary, to say the least. Despite being an adult, I still face bullying.

    In these situations, we have to think of what Jesus would do. While Jesus would show mercy and forgiveness, He also wants justice to prevail. If someone is bullying a person and hurting them, justice requires that the wrongdoer pay for their actions. God is a God of justice and He wants to see justice given to those who have been hurt. If you are someone who has been bullied or is experiencing bullying right now, know that justice will prevail. Inform everyone of the bullying. Bullies want to make us feel alone or without hope, but this isn’t true. We have hope in God and in the people God has placed in our lives.

    Don’t keep silent. Use your voice and speak up. Don’t be afraid to tell the police, the principal, or your boss about the bullying that is going on. If you are someone who knows their loved one is being bullied, speak up for them. Tell an authority figure what is going on because nothing will change if nothing is said. 

    Our voices are weapons, and we can use them for good. We have to tell authority figures about what is going on in order for the bullying to stop. As I have done with contacting the police and filling out police reports, you can do the same. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself or to speak up for others. If you don’t do anything, the bullying will only continue. If you speak up and say something to an authority figure, they will be able to make the bully stop or even remove them from the situation altogether. 

    What Can We Do As Christians

    As Christians, there is much we can do. God wants the bullying to stop, and He can give you the strength to speak up for yourself and others. God has also protected you in many ways from bullies, both in the spiritual and physical world, you haven’t noticed yet. He is always watching over you, and He will keep you safe.

    This is something we all need to remind ourselves when we are faced with bullies. Even though our bullies might look big and intimidating, they are only humans like us. God is more powerful and more strong than any bully. We can always count on God to have our backs, and He will give us the victory. Just as David defeated Goliath, the Lord will help us defeat the Goliaths in our lives (1 Samuel 17:50-53). 

    The first step to doing this is to speak up and talk to someone about it. It might be scary at first, but understand that talking to an authority figure will help the bullying stop. As Christians, we need to do all we can to stop bullying and make sure that we know what to do when it personally affects us. Through educating ourselves and others on bullying, we will be able to help more people who have been affected by bullying. Not to mention, we could also help prevent many people from ever being bullied in the first place. As Christians, we are to be the hands and feet of Jesus to the world, which often looks like doing everything we can to stop bullying. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty-Motortion

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • A Marriage Checklist for Christians

    A Marriage Checklist for Christians

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    If you are dating or engaged, thoughts about marriage are bound to pass through your mind. It’s good to ask questions about whether or not you are ready. Take your time thinking about them because they will help you considerably. Most importantly, talk with God about your thoughts and be honest with Him. It’s okay if you don’t feel ready for marriage right away or unsure if you’re with “the one.” Take your time and see where God leads. 

    Read through this checklist to ensure you’re doing all you can to follow God’s lead in marriage:

    Are You Consulting God? 

    Consulting with God is the best thing to do when you are unsure about whether you are ready or not for marriage. Marriage is a huge step and something that should not be taken lightly. Marriage is a sacred covenant before the eyes of God. Once you are married to someone, you both become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). As we can see, this is a huge commitment and one that endures throughout our lives. 

    This is why you must make sure you really know a person and want to spend your life with them. Divorce is only biblical if your spouse is unfaithful to you or abuses you (Matthew 5:32). Abuse goes against God’s design for marriage as detailed by the Apostle Paul (Ephesians 5:22-33). You shouldn’t divorce someone just because you are tired of them or you aren’t attracted to them anymore. Keep this in mind when you are considering marriage because it is a lifelong commitment and can be hard in certain seasons.

    Go to God with all of your worries, fears, and concerns. If you are unsure about marriage right now, tell God about it. If you are really excited to get married right now, tell God about that too. It is normal to feel nervous and scared at times to take this next big step, but it is also important to know that if you are marrying the right person you should feel safe and secure with them. If you are having doubts, it is important to bring them up to the Lord.

    Ask the Lord to help you figure out whether you are ready for marriage or not. He will use the Word to help point you in the right direction. If you are ready for marriage and are with the right person, it will be made known to you. However, if it is too soon for you to get married or if you are with the wrong person, God will also make that known to you. God wants you to be happy and sometimes that means waiting a little bit longer. 

    This does not mean you have to end things with your partner; however, it does mean maybe you should take things a bit slower. If you have only recently met, it might be best to wait a little while longer before you start talking about marriage. However, if you have been dating for a while and truly know each other, love each other, and are willing to commit to each other, then it’s good to go ahead and start thinking about marriage. God will give you clarity if you ask Him. 

    Are You Talking with Trusted Believers and Heeding Their Advice? 

    It’s also important to talk with other trusted believers when you are trying to answer the question of whether you are ready for marriage or not. They can be a great unbiased resource to help point you in the right direction. Not only this, but they will also be able to pray for you and ask God to make His will known to you. Trusted believers will be able to help you answer these hard questions, and if they are truly your friends, they won’t be afraid to give you their honest opinions.

    If you are relatively young, know that marriage is not a race. Trusted Christians in your life will also help remind you of this truth. If you are a teenager, know that it might be best to wait a few years before you decide to get married. It’s wise to wait and truly know the person before you commit your life to them. While many people might see this as restrictive, it is extremely helpful. Take your time and don’t feel like you have to marry the first person you meet. 

    Consult with trusted believers and listen to their input. Be open-minded and do not allow pride to get in the way of truly hearing them out. Older and wiser Christians will be able to help you in ways that your own thoughts cannot. You have to be willing to listen to them and truly think about what they are telling you. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it should not be something that is rushed into.  

    Are You Being Open with Your Partner? 

    In order to know if you are ready for marriage, you need to be open with your partner. If you are engaged and are having doubts, be open with them about it. Maybe you are worried about something in their past or you are afraid of something in your own past. If you are already engaged, this should be a sign that your partner really cares about you and wants to spend their life with you. If you know their love is unwavering, you shouldn’t be afraid to share your worries and concerns.

    Don’t downplay this or make this less important than it is. If you are going to marry them, they should be a Christian, which means they should treat you and love you as Jesus treats and loves the Church. If the person you are dating or engaged to is not a believer, then it is time to end the relationship.

    Is the Person a Christian Who Loves Jesus? 

    The Bible is clear that marriage should only be between one male believer and one female believer. As a Christian, you are commanded not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14). I mention this point because there are many Christians who marry unbelievers, and their marriages are broken because both people aren’t built upon God. If your marriage is not built upon God, it will fall.

    You need to marry a believer because only a Christian will be able to lead you in the Lord, love you as Jesus loves the Church, and truly want the best for you as you grow in your relationship with the Lord. An unbeliever will not be able to help you grow in your walk with Christ nor will they love you as Jesus loves the Church. Choose to only date believers, and this will ensure you are marrying someone you are truly compatible with in life, love, and faith. 

    Marriage is a beautiful thing and it gives you the opportunity to serve Christ through your marriage. Consult God, talk with other trusted believers, and be open with your significant other. Between all these things, you will be able to know if you are ready for marriage. 

    Photo Credit: ©Sandy Millar/Unsplash

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • Is There Any Way to Repair a Broken Relationship?

    Is There Any Way to Repair a Broken Relationship?

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    Broken relationships are hard to manage. After a relationship has ended, it can be nearly impossible to repair. Many relationships might never be fully repaired, but complete healing is possible for others. It can take time and hard work, but if we really want to restore a relationship, we will put in the effort. We can see the greatest broken relationship repaired through the Lord coming down from Heaven to save us from our sins, redeem us, and repair our broken relationship with Him.

    A Repaired Relationship with God

    God repaired our broken relationship with Him by sending His Son to die for our sins. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating the forbidden fruit, and sin came into the world. Ever since this time, humankind’s relationship with God has been broken. It is not repaired unless a person places faith in Jesus by believing He died for their sins, was buried, and rose again (1 Corinthians 15:1-4). The way to a repaired relationship with Jesus has been opened by Jesus dying for our sins, but it is up to us as individuals to accept it.

    The Lord went to great lengths to repair our relationship with the Father. Jesus is God Himself, the second member of the Trinity. This tells us God Himself left Heaven in order to save us from our sins and fix the relationship that we broke in the first place. As we can see, Jesus loves us deeply. He would not have gone to such extreme measures unless He truly wanted to repair our relationship with the Father.

    If you have not placed faith in Jesus yet, you have a broken relationship with Him. Unless you place faith in Him and accept Him as your Savior and Lord, you will continue to be separated from Him. While the decision is ultimately up to you, it is the most important decision you will make in your entire life. Many of us think picking out a college or career path is the most critical decision we will ever make, but this is not true. The most important decision you will ever make is if you choose to place faith in Jesus or not.

    Choosing your college or career path is important, but they do not impact your eternity. The only thing that affects your eternity is whether or not you placed faith in Jesus. The world tries to trick us into thinking other things are more important, but this is a tactic of Satan. Instead of always focusing on the present, try to look forward. Think about eternity and reflect on the truth that your fate is in your hands. Jesus came down from Heaven to repair our broken relationship with the Father, but it is up to us to accept this gift.

    Repairing Relationships with Others

    When talking about broken relationships, it is also essential to discuss the topic of repairing relationships with others. Maybe you and a friend had a falling out, you and your significant other are going through a hard time, or you are having family issues. Any of these things is enough to cause you pain, stress, and anxiety. Instead of ignoring the issue, try to address it. If you want to repair the relationship, it means you care about the person and are willing to put in effort to be close with each other again.

    If you have a broken relationship with a friend, discuss it with them. Don’t text them because that will give them an easy way just to ignore you. Call them, and if they don’t answer, leave a voicemail. If possible, schedule a time to meet in person and talk about what went wrong in the friendship. If you did something wrong, apologize and mean it. If you are giving a fake apology, your friend will be able to tell, which will only worsen things.

    Talk things out and truly listen to their side of the situation. It could be you did something to hurt them. Give them a chance to share their feelings, and do not pass judgment on them. If you really want to repair a relationship with a loved one, you will make the effort and take the incentive to do hard things. The same is true for a broken relationship with a significant other or a family member. Talk with them, allow them to express their feelings, and take the time to put in the effort.

    Your relationship might not be fixed overnight, but with time, effort, and energy, the relationship could be stronger than ever in the future. There is also the chance that the individual you are trying to fix things with will not want to see or talk to you. If this is true for you, respect their decision. Give them time, and don’t push them. They will let you know if they want to talk with you in the future.

    Working on a Relationship with Yourself

    Lastly, it is also important to work on a relationship with yourself. It could be you have a negative view of yourself or you are consumed with self-hate. This is not a healthy relationship with yourself. You should not hate yourself or have a bad view of yourself. God created you wonderfully and beautifully (Psalm 139:13-16).

    If you have a bad relationship with yourself, now is the perfect time to work on fostering a better view of yourself. Our relationships with ourselves can be one of the hardest ones we will encounter because most of us are not very nice to ourselves. Instead of being kind to ourselves, as we would to a friend, we tear down ourselves and say mean things to ourselves. This is something we have to stop doing if we are going to start having a better relationship with ourselves.

    Having a bad relationship with ourselves can manifest in mental health issues and physical health issues. Instead of allowing your mental health or physical health to take a hit, try to start working on your relationship with yourself today. Start being kinder to yourself and catch yourself before you say something mean to yourself. We tend to be our own worst critic, but we will have to let go of this if we are going to heal our relationship with ourselves.

    Many people might view this as cliche; however, it is very important to cultivate a healthy view and a healthy relationship with yourself. As mentioned, if you continue to be mean to yourself and say hurtful things to yourself, it will start impacting your actions. Thoughts such as “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not pretty enough,” and “I’m too (fill in the blank)” will only leave you feeling terrible.

    These thoughts will lead you to action in the attempt to make these thoughts go away. If you have a bad relationship with yourself, no matter what you do, you will still think poorly of yourself. The problem is not with you, your body, your appearance, or your personality. The problem is the bad thoughts that you are feeding into. Choose to talk back to them and replace them with what God says.

    It will take time and effort, just like any other relationship, but it is worth it. You will always be you, which is why having a healthy relationship with yourself is important. Choosing to work on improving your relationship with yourself will benefit you in every area of life. You might even find that your relationship with God and others improves when you start working on having a better relationship with yourself.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/milan2099

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • Embracing Rejection and Learning to Let it Go

    Embracing Rejection and Learning to Let it Go

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    “I’m sorry, you are simply not what we are looking for.” Another letter of rejection from an organization I was applying for. Day after day, letters of rejection came in from various jobs that I had applied for. Doubt, fear, and self-hate filled my heart as I read each email.

    Dealing with rejection is hard. Most of us have had at least one rejection in our lifetime. Whether that be rejection from a job, a partner, or a friend, we have all been rejected at some point in time.

    Recently, I have been facing rejection at every turn. Despite being told the job market is doing well right now, I have not been able to land a full-time position.

    This, coupled with personal issues and bad reviews on my writing, has led me to go into a bout of depression. While not everyone deals with rejection the same way, everyone’s experience is valid.

    Some people can bounce back more easily, and others cannot. If you are someone like me and it tends to take more time to bounce back, don’t give yourself a hard time.

    All of us process rejection at different rates. Processing it fast is not bad, nor is it bad to process it slower. Give yourself grace during this time and allow yourself to feel your feelings.

    Sadly, many Christian communities demonize feelings, especially sadness and sorrow. None of these emotions are sinful. Feel your feelings and process the rejection in your own time.

    The Burn of Rejection

    At the time we are rejected, it feels like someone is cauterizing our hearts. This is especially true if it was a job you really wanted or a person you truly wanted to be with. When we are rejected by a job employer, a partner, or a friend, it can make our self-worth suffer. Instead of feeling confident, we will feel we are not good enough or inadequate in some way.

    If you are also someone seeking out full-time employment and have been receiving letters of rejection, it can make you feel discouraged. I know this has certainly been true for myself. Being rejected makes one feel like they are a failure, will never be good enough, and are not worthy. All of these things can hurt our self-esteem and self-image.

    If you are dealing with rejection and feeling discouraged because of it, know that the right opportunity will show up. Be encouraged. Know that the Lord will work everything out in conformity with His will (Romans 8:28).

    It would be nice to know the exact timing of when this will happen, but sadly, I do not have the answers. I share with you the same thing I have been telling myself: God is in control, and you can trust Him.

    The Bible tells us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

    As this Bible verse tells us, we need to trust in the Lord. We don’t need to try to take matters into our own hands. Wait on the Lord and trust that deliverance will come. Whether you are waiting on a job offer or for the right person to come along, keep on trusting in the Lord.

    Living with Rejection

    After we have received the letter of rejection, our partner ended things with us, or we had a falling out with our friend, we have to begin the process of living with rejection. Living a life without rejection would be ideal, but sadly, this is not possible.

    We live in a fallen world and part of living in a fallen world is having to live with rejection. There will be times that we will be rejected, discouraged, and hopeless. However, there will also be times of great joy, encouragement, and hope.

    When you are crestfallen due to much rejection, reflect on God and all of the joyous times He has blessed you with. Take a few minutes to reflect on a few good things in your life. These things don’t have to be going on right now — rather it can be things in your past.

    As an example, recently I have been reflecting on the beautiful blessings God has given me in the forms of a beautiful sunny day, the peaceful rain, and the comfort of a familiar book.

    Although none of these things technically fix my feelings of rejection, they do help me distract myself from the pain. Sometimes, we have to distract ourselves until we are ready to deal with the pain.

    There are stages to embracing rejection and not allowing it to affect you, but they do take time. Some days you might feel more ready to face the rejection head on and other days you might feel like distracting yourself. Whatever helps you best right now is the route you should take.

    Accepting Rejection and Moving Forward

    Once we are ready to accept the rejection and move forward, we can start taking the proper steps. Accepting the rejection might come faster than you think. Normalize not being praised or rewarded at every corner. Allow yourself to accept both the good and the bad.

    Even though we may have been rejected does not mean we are not good enough. The Lord loves us as we are. We will face many rejections throughout our life, but God always accepts us. In other people’s eyes, we might be seen as rejected. However, in God’s eyes we are seen as loved, accepted, and chosen.

    If we are not able to accept rejection and learn to let it go, it will make us suffer in many ways. We have to remember that most people do not care about our feelings. They are not going to be afraid to say hurtful comments to us. While we cannot control what they say or do, we can control how we respond.

    The Bible tells us, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Colossians 4:6). And this is exactly what I chose to do.

    We can accept negative feedback, rejection, and hurtful words while also remaining a light for Jesus. The Lord wants us to conduct ourselves in a holy and honorable way (1 Peter 1:16).

    Even if others do not treat us kindly, God still wants us to be kind to them. Rejection can make us grow angry and hateful, but we must not feed into these feelings. We need to turn to the Lord and allow Him to help us accept the rejection and move forward.

    Nothing is too difficult for God. He is our Father and desires to give us comfort. Rejection will never be pleasant, but it doesn’t give us an excuse to also be mean back.

    We have to choose kindness even when nobody else does. Be kind to all people, even those who have rejected you. Don’t hold grudges against the people who have rejected you. Holding grudges against people will only hurt us.

    Give all of your hurt, pain, and rejection over to God. He will remind you that you are loved, chosen, and accepted (1 John 3:1; John 15:13; 1 Peter 1:2; Ephesians 1:6-7).

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Chinnapong

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • Practical Ways to Love Someone with PTSD

    Practical Ways to Love Someone with PTSD

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    PTSD is the abbreviation for post-traumatic stress disorder. There is also another form of PTSD known as CPTSD. This stands for complex post-traumatic stress disorder. There are many people across the world who either struggle with PTSD or CPTSD. The former is more linked with war veterans; however, the latter is more connected with those who have undergone repeated traumatic experiences, such as being abused as a child, sexually abused by a partner, or verbally abused by a caregiver.

    While CPTSD has not been officially recognized by the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), it is a very real mental health disorder. The DSM is not fully correct in many of its diagnoses; therefore, it is best not to rely on this as the sole indicator of someone’s diagnosis. As an example, the DSM has recently added narcissistic personality disorder as a mental health condition when it is not technically a disorder. If someone is a narcissist, it is because of sin—not because of a disorder.

    It is funny how they will add narcissistic personality disorder as a mental health disorder when they won’t add disorders such as CPTSD. Similarly, the DSM also invalidates those with eating disorders since they base the diagnosis on weight rather than behaviors. As we can see, the DSM is not the best place to go when trying to find help with a proper diagnosis or how to get better from your mental health concerns. Instead, it is better to be knowledgeable about these things from your own research and from real help from doctors who care.

    Helping Someone With PTSD/C-PTSD

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/AsiaVision

    The best things you can do to help your loved one with PTSD or CPTSD are to be knowledgeable about the disorder, actively listen, and be there for them. There will be days when it is really hard for them, which will show in your relationship with them. If your parent, friend, or spouse is struggling with PTSD or CPTSD, know that the disorder can cause them to have some symptoms that can change the way they interact with you. Remember that your loved one has gone through something traumatic, and it cannot be fixed overnight. It might take many years or even a lifetime for someone to make progress in healing from their traumatic experiences.

    Be patient with them and extend grace to them. PTSD and CPTSD can cause a variety of symptoms, such as flashbacks, nightmares, unwanted memories, difficulty expressing emotions, emotional withdrawal, feeling bad about themselves, feeling unworthy, dissociation, depression, anger, anxiety, being easily startled, and suicidal ideation. Your loved one struggling with PTSD or CPTSD needs you to be caring, understanding, and there for them even when it is hard. Each of these symptoms can come upon them unexpectedly and cause them significant distress. It is not all in their heads, nor is it something they can stop from happening.

    If you want to be there for your loved one, listen to them without judgment. Be okay with just sitting beside them and listening. It is alright if you don’t know what to say to help. Often, just listening to and being there for them is more than enough. If they ask for your help, advice, or thoughts, be encouraging and helpful. Validate their feelings and reassure them of your love for them. This can go a long way for them and help them not feel as alone in their struggles.

    Don’t Take Things Personally

    Another thing you can do to help your loved one with PTSD or CPTSD is to not take things personally. Due to flashbacks, feelings of unworthiness, anger, and nightmares, many individuals struggling with PTSD or CPTSD can take it out on their loved ones or say something that might hurt them. Additionally, if your loved one went through abuse that was related to a partner, it might be hard to listen to them say positive things about their abuser. Understand that this is part of trauma bonding, especially if they have CPTSD. This happens often for those who were mentally, physically, emotionally, or sexually abused.

    Those who have traditional PTSD might not experience trauma bonding; however, if your loved one has CPTSD, it is best to be aware of trauma bonding, especially if you are dating, engaged, or married to someone with CPTSD. Understand that although they may still have feelings for their abuser, it is not based on love or mutual love. Your partner may have loved them, but their abuser did not. A person who truly loves another person would never abuse them in any form or in any way. This can be hard for those with CPTSD to understand or accept; try your best not to take things personally when they talk about their abuser in a positive way.

    Remember that they have chosen to be with you, and this means a lot. Fears of them leaving or returning to their abuser can creep into your mind, and it might happen, but try to do your best always to remind your loved one that you love them, care about them, and want to help them in the best ways you know how. Even if your loved one does return to the abuser, know that it was nothing you did. CPTSD is very complicated, and it can be challenging for the person struggling with it to fully understand their own feelings. Choose to continue to be there for them because you love them.

    Taking Care of Yourself

    Lastly, you can help your loved one with PTSD or CPTSD by taking care of yourself. While this might sound cliche, it is very important. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to care for your loved one. Most likely, you are going through some struggles of your own. Maybe you are feeling insecure in your relationship, or you are going through depression, anxiety, or another personal issue. Remember to take care of yourself and engage in proper self-care. Self-care doesn’t have to be bubble baths or taking yourself out on a shopping spree.

    Instead, self-care can be going for a walk, listening to music, or reading. Any of these things can help you rest and relax for a little bit. It is important not to let your entire life be drained, especially if you are a caregiver of a child or an adolescent who has PTSD or CPTSD. Allow yourself time to have self-care, and do not neglect taking a day off when you need time away. If you are in a relationship with someone with PTSD or CPTSD, also remember to take time to do things you enjoy and get your mind off things that might have been hurtful or said in a way that your partner didn’t mean.

    Whether your loved one struggles with PTSD or CPTSD, it is important to get them the help they need, as well as you need to take care of yourself. If your loved one is not interested in seeking help right now, continue to pray for them and be there for them. Encourage them to seek out professional help, but don’t be pushy. If you are pushy, it could push them away from ever seeking help and possibly from talking with you about it ever again.

    Be kind, considerate, and validating of their feelings. Those who struggle with PTSD or CPTSD are not prone to share their feelings or their past experiences with just anyone. They have shared their feelings and past traumatic experiences with you for a reason. They trust you. Don’t abuse this trust.

    Keep being there for them, listen to them, and love them. While it can be hard at times, continue to do your best to be there for them. Above all, remember your loved one is the same person you have always known and adored. Underneath the pain and traumatic experiences, they are still someone who is your best friend, your sibling, your parent, or your partner.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Hispanolistic

    Vivian BrickerVivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • Debunking the Myth That All Bachelors in Their 30s and 40s Are Immature

    Debunking the Myth That All Bachelors in Their 30s and 40s Are Immature

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    There is a common myth that all single men in their thirties and forties are immature. While this is a common belief, it is not true. In some cases, it may be true, but one should not be dogmatic in saying that all single men who are in their thirties and forties are immature. This is a statement that cannot be backed up with truth because it is not based on any solid foundation. 

    Rather, people try to claim single men within this age range are immature because they are not married. It is important to note that just because a person is not married does not mean they are immature. In the same way, just because a person is married does not mean they are mature. It is incorrect to define a person’s maturity based on whether they are married or not.

    Instead of judging men based on their marital status, you need to look at them as individuals. You do not know the reason behind why they are bachelors in their thirties and forties. It could be they have dedicated their life to following Jesus, haven’t found anyone they truly love yet, or have other focuses in life. Therefore, it is important to debunk the myth that all bachelors in their thirties and forties are immature.

    Measuring Maturity 

    Measuring maturity by a person’s marital status is not wise. As mentioned, being married or not is not a measuring rod for a person’s maturity levels. If anything, bachelors in their thirties and forties may be more mature than you think. Many people believe that bachelors are selfish and only care about themselves, but this is not true. There are many reasons why a single man may choose to stay single. 

    Oftentimes it is their maturity that helps them choose to be unmarried. Within the Christian community, there is a false belief that marriage is the end goal or the ultimate form of happiness. This is not true as our goal as Christians needs to be helping other people come to know Christ and maturing in our own walk with God. Not everyone will get married, but it does not make them any less of a person. 

    If a bachelor chooses to stay unmarried, the Apostle Paul actually says this is better (1 Corinthians 7:25-40). Tragically, many Christians are distorting the Word of God by condemning those who choose to stay single. There is absolutely nothing wrong with staying single for a male or female. If a Christian decides in their heart to stay unmarried and chooses to spend their time focused on God, this is a noble thing. Never should other Christians condemn individuals who choose to stay unmarried. Even the term “bachelor” can be seen as derogatory. 

    Reasons to Stay Unmarried

    It is also important to note that there are many reasons why a man may choose to stay unmarried, even if he is in his thirties or forties. As mentioned earlier, it could be because he is choosing to dedicate his life to following Jesus, hasn’t found the one, or is choosing to spend time bettering himself. While many people might see these things as selfish, they are not. Sadly, men tend to be seen as “lazy,” “selfish,” or “immature” for not being married, but these aren’t blanket statements to apply to all men. 

    Rather, it is important to look at the individual and not pass judgment on them. You never know why a person chooses to stay unmarried unless you truly know them and they open up to you. Even if you may personally believe everyone should get married does not mean that this is what everyone else believes. In fact, it is not even what God says. 

    Nowhere in the Bible do we see God promising marriage to all people. Marriage is a gift, but singleness is also a gift. Unfortunately, within Christian culture, people do not tend to treat singleness as a gift. Instead, they treat it as a great tragedy or something that should be avoided at all costs. This is not a healthy way to think nor is it biblical. Whether a person gets married or not, they can still live a life to the glory of God. A person doesn’t have to be married to follow God, serve Him, or glorify Him in their actions. 

    It could also be someone stays unmarried because they have gone through a bad breakup in the past or they might even be divorced. Due to their bad relationships in the past, they might feel unsafe opening up to someone again. It could be that they still love the person that ended things with them or they are trying to heal from the wounds. Nonetheless, do not judge someone’s maturity or morality based on their marital status. It is not wise and will only lead to pushing this person away from the community of believers. 

    Do Not Pass Judgment 

    The Lord tells us plainly to not judge others (Matthew 7:1). Judging others is not within our responsibility. Judgment is God’s responsibility. He will judge everyone in accordance with His perfect rule. Rather than choosing to pass judgment on men who stay single in their thirties and forties, we need to encourage them to live their lives for the glory of God. Being single does not count you out for living the abundant life that Jesus died for (John 10:10).

    If you have been in the habit of looking down on men who are unmarried, try to change the narrative. Look at the man individually and see how he is living. Is he kind? Is he living to the glory of God? Is he trying his best to help others know Jesus? If you find he is doing all of these things, there is no reason to think badly of him or to think he is immature. Rather, he is just a man who has chosen to remain single.

    Choosing to remain single is a personal decision. It does not have to be approved by people. Whether a person gets married or stays single, they can still live their lives to the glory of God. The Lord looks at our hearts (1 Samuel 16:7)—he does not look at our marital status. If you are a single man in your thirties or forties, know that God will do wonderful things with your life and your singleness. 

    Oftentimes, Christian singles can do the most for God because they are worried about pleasing the Lord rather than pleasing a spouse (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). Therefore, there is nothing immature about this. Living for God, dedicating all of your time to the Lord, and helping others come to know Him are all very mature things to do. There is beauty in marriage and there is also beauty in singleness. 

    Instead of trying to say one is better or more mature, we need to see married couples and singles as equals. In no way is one more superior than the other. As believers, we are to live in unity with one another, but we cannot do this if there are believers condemning other believers because they have chosen not to be married or have not gotten married by a certain age. There needs to be unity within the family of believers or there will only be disorder. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Andrey Maximenko

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • Can I Be Happy as a Single Christian?

    Can I Be Happy as a Single Christian?

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    There are disagreements within the Christian community over the matter of which is better—being married or being single. The Bible tells us that each is a good option (1 Corinthians 7:1-40). Those who are married should not condemn those who are not married, and those who are single should not condemn those who are married. With that being said, many individuals are still concerned if they can be happy as single Christians. While it is true the Bible says both are good, holy, and pleasing to the Lord, there is still the question of whether a Christian can be happy if they never get married.

    If you are a single Christian, know that this gives you the opportunity to be completely devoted to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32-34). Being completely devoted to the Lord is a beautiful thing because it means you have your eyes fully set upon Christ. This will allow you to grow and mature in your faith in ways that others cannot. Married couples are concerned about pleasing each other; however, single Christians are most concerned about serving the Lord.

    Serving the Lord brings an individual much joy and happiness. By worshiping and serving the Lord, you are doing what God created you to do. There is a misnomer circulating the world that you are somehow less of a person if you are not married. This could not be further from the truth. The seminary I attended briefly taught this incorrect view and it left a lasting impact on individuals. If you have been told this or made to feel this way, know it is not true.

    Being a single Christian does not make you any less of a person. You are completely loved and cherished by God. He says you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-16). Nowhere in the Bible are we told that marriage is superior to singleness. While it is true God says that it is not good for man to be alone, a single Christian is never really alone. There are many other trusted Christian individuals one can lean on and receive help from in their time of need. 

    Leaning on Other Single Friends 

    This is why it is important for you to lean on other single Christian friends when you are feeling down. This is not to say all single Christians feel this way because many do not. Singleness is a gift and something that should be cherished; however, it is not unrealistic to say many Christians do not want to stay single forever. Remember the truth that whether this is a season of singleness or if you will stay single for your entire life, it is all working out for your good (Romans 8:28).

    This can be hard for the single Christian woman who sees all of her friends getting married while she hasn’t ever dated or for the single Christian man who feels as though there is something wrong with him whenever he asks a woman out on a date and the woman says no. If you are going through one of these things, know that singleness is nothing to be ashamed of. You might feel like the odd one out, but remember the truth that God doesn’t make mistakes, and you will be able to have a more devoted relationship with Him through your singleness.

    Talking with your single Christian friends can also help if you have a strong desire to date or get married. They will be able to help you process these feelings and desires. It would be especially helpful if these individuals were older Christians who are seasoned in knowing what it means to be single and committed to someone. By talking to them, you will be able to see the joy in their eyes and feel the happiness that they radiate, whether married or not. 

    Your Worth Is Not Tied to Your Relationship Status 

    It is also worthwhile to mention that to be happy as a single Christian, you have to stop tying your worth to your relationship status. It doesn’t matter if you are single or married—you are seen as beloved in the eyes of God. God does not think more highly of people who are married compared to those who are single and vice versa. The idea that your worth is tied to your relationship status comes from unbiblical teachings. 

    Your worth is found in Christ alone. This is reason enough to rejoice. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone nor do you have to explain yourself to anyone. As a single Christian, you are 100% worthy. You are worthy because of Jesus. In the same way, married couples are 100% worthy because of Jesus. A person’s worth is not tied to their relationship status, but rather, it is found in Christ.

    Joy in Singleness 

    With all of these facts in mind, there is no reason not to be happy as a single Christian. Just because you are single does not mean you are missing out on anything. There is a beauty in singleness and a blessing to behold. You will be able to spend devoted time with the Lord and allow Him to lead every step of your life. Do not let others look down on you or view you as “incomplete” if you are not married. You are complete in Christ just as you are.

    Whether you are single for a few years before God brings the right person into your life or you are single for the rest of your life, know that there is nothing wrong with singleness. The idea that there is something “bad” or “wrong” with being single doesn’t come from God. Instead, it comes from the idea that everyone has to be married. Not every individual Christian will get married in their lifetime, and that is okay.

    There will be many single Christians who never marry, and we need to normalize it. It is completely okay and biblical to remain unmarried. You could choose to remain single because you want to devote yourself to serving God, or you could find yourself to be single because this is what God has planned for your life. The important thing to remember is that you are worthy, loved, and cherished by God. Even if you may never marry does not mean you will be miserable.

    Consider this: many people who are married are miserable. Their spouses leave them, cheat on them, or are abusive to them. As we can see, a life of singleness is nothing to be afraid of. Both singleness and marriage pose their own problems. Regardless, by being single, your entire focus is on the Lord, and He will never leave.

    Marriage is difficult, and it is not for every person. Films, television shows, and music all try to make it out to be a walk in the park, but it isn’t. If you ask any married couple, they probably have their own issues. Just because someone is married doesn’t mean they are happy all the time. In the same way, just because you are single doesn’t mean you will be miserable all the time. Within marriage and singleness, there will both be times of despair and happiness. 

    Therefore, yes, you can be happy as a single Christian. There is nothing wrong with being a single Christian. You will be able to serve God more fully and faithfully. Being single is a gift and nothing to be ashamed of. There will be times of sorrow, grief, and despair, but there will also be times of happiness, joy, and smiles. The same goes for married individuals. As we can see, you can be happy whether you are married or single—it’s all about focusing on Jesus. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Prostock-Studio

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.



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  • 5 Lies Women Believe about Their Roles in Marriage

    5 Lies Women Believe about Their Roles in Marriage

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    Within marriage, many women believe lies about their role. Some women believe their role is not as superior to their husband’s role as well as some women believe in an incorrect view of submission.

    The word “submission” can raise tension in most rooms; however, from a biblical perspective and a biblical approach, this word should not cause tension to rise.

    Instead, God created a marriage between a man and a woman unique. Each has its own roles, but they do not compete — they complement.

    It is important to reflect on these truths rather than rejecting them. Women do not need to believe lies about their role in marriage. Moreover, women do not need to believe any lie the world tries to tell us.

    The world tends to target women to make them feel inferior, which is a tactic of the devil. Women are not inferior in any form or any fashion. The Bible tells us we are all equal, both men and women (Galatians 3:28).

    1. Women Are Inferior

    One lie that women believe about their role in marriage is that they are inferior. Due to the patriarchy, many women are taught from a young age that they are inferior, and this goes into adulthood, which goes into marriage.

    Sadly, many churches teach this incorrect view and treat men as superior. Nowhere in the Bible does God say men are superior to women. Both men and women are equal, and both are made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27).

    Women are not inferior. While the world has come a long way, there is still a long way to go, especially among Christian communities. Women should not be treated as “lesser than” or the “weaker partner.”

    In truth, women are equal to men, and they are not weaker. Women are responsible for carrying babies as well as delivering them. This takes much strength, endurance, and perseverance. Nobody should view women as inferior because it is not true, and it is not biblical.

    Jesus loves women, and during His earthly ministry, He went out to them. He did not treat them as inferior, nor did He ignore them. 

    Christian communities today need to take special note of this. They are not acting in accordance with the Bible when they treat women as inferior. In the same way, husbands do not need to treat their wives as inferior because they are equal to them.

    2. Submit to Everything

    A second lie women believe about their role in marriage is that they have to submit to everything. This is not true, as women do not need to submit to everything their husbands say. They are only required to obey if it is in accordance with the Bible.

    If your husband tells you to do something that goes against the Bible, you are not obligated to do it. If your husband is ever verbally, mentally, physically, or sexually abusive to you, know you can leave him and file for divorce.

    God does not call you to stay in a marriage where you are being abused. Sadly, many men used the aspect of submission to be abusive toward their wives. This happens a lot within Christian communities, and it is something that needs to be spoken about more.

    Women do not need to submit to individuals who are hurting them, and husbands shouldn’t be abusing their wives in the first place. Rather, there needs to be mutual love, respect, and compassion between a husband and a wife.

    If you ever feel unsafe in your marriage, you need to reach out to someone. Reach out to a friend, a parent, or a therapist. Any of these people will be able to help you and provide you with the safety you need.

    Don’t think you have to stay in every and any situation. Instead, know when it is time to step out and understand what God actually says concerning marriage. Never does God tell a woman to stay with a man who is abusive, possessive, and misusing Bible verses against her.

    3. Endure Anything

    A third lie women believe about their role in marriage is that they are to endure anything. Similar to submitting to everything, women are not expected to endure anything from their husbands.

    Even though you married this man, it does not mean you are bound to stay with him no matter what. You are not to endure insults, threats, or physical abuse. God does not endorse this kind of relationship. Rather, He condemns it.

    A husband is supposed to love his wife and care for her as his own body (Ephesians 5:28). As one can see, there is no room for abuse or for a woman to endure every hurtful word thrown at her.

    Marriage is supposed to be a beautiful thing to reflect Christ and the church to the world. This is not being done if a husband makes his wife endure his terrors.

    Sadly, many men can become possessive over their wives, and their wives can become figuratively and literally a punching bag for them. Don’t allow yourself to remain in this situation. You need to get out, notify the police, and stay with trusted friends or family.

    4. Not As Important

    The fourth lie women believe about their role in marriage is that they are not as important as their husbands. This could not be further from the truth, as women are equally as important as men.

    Nowhere in the Bible do we see God saying husbands are more important than their wives. Rather, we see that their roles complement each other.

    Only when these roles are being fulfilled do we see a reflection of Jesus and the church. We see this through the love a husband has for his wife and how he protects, loves, and cares for her.

    As the woman in the relationship, you need to know that you are just as important as your husband. Both you and your husband are responsible for showing Christ to the lost world.

    You have to work as a team and build each other up. This cannot be done if you believe you are not as important as your husband. Your husband is important, but he is not more important than you. Both you and your husband are equally important and equally loved by God.

    5. Your Purpose in Life

    A fifth lie women believe about their roles in marriage is their purpose in life. Many women believe their role within marriage is to just be a wife and to have children.

    The old saying, “pregnant and barefoot,” didn’t come from nowhere, as many women think this is their entire life sentence.

    If you are married, know that your entire life is not found in your husband, your marriage, or your children. Your entire life and your eternity if found in Christ. Don’t lose your purpose in church rules or in legalistic teachings.

    A woman’s purpose in life is not to get married and have children. Rather, her purpose is to serve Christ and help others come to know Him (Matthew 28:18-20).

    Women are equally responsible for taking part in the Great Commission. While there is nothing wrong with getting married and having children, it is not a woman’s sole purpose in life. Rather, it is just an aspect of it for some women.

    For further reading:

    5 Lies Women Believe about Their Place in the Family

    5 Lies Women Believe about Their Roles in the Church

    What Is the Biblical Definition of Marriage?

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Sam Edwards

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    Related Podcast Resource: 5 Ways to C.O.V.E.R. Your Marriage in Prayer

    One of the most important things you can do for your marriage is to pray for your marriage. Learning communication skills, conflict resolution techniques and intimacy hacks are great. However, if you’re leaving your marriage uncovered by failing to pray for your spouse and your marriage, it will always be vulnerable to attacks. Prayer is an essential guiding tool to get you and your spouse on the same page and create unity in your marriage. In this episode of Real Relationship Talk, Dana Che shares her acronym C.O.V.E.R., which teaches you how to specifically pray for your marriage. To listen, just click the play button below:

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: Signs You Married for the Wrong Reasons

    Click here to read the full article.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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  • 5 Boundaries to Set with Toxic Parents

    5 Boundaries to Set with Toxic Parents

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    Setting boundaries with toxic parents can be very difficult; however, it is not impossible. If you struggle with toxic parents, you know how damaging their interactions can be.

    As nice as it would be if all of our parents were supportive, caring, and loving, the reality is that not all of our parents are like this. For many individuals, our parents are toxic, and they are not helpful in the growth of our lives.

    If you have toxic parents, know you are not alone. There are many people across the world who also have toxic parents, and it can make your entire life toxic.

    Whether you live away from your parents or you are still living under their roof, there are still many things you can do to protect your own well-being.

    Here are five boundaries to set with toxic parents.

    1. Don’t Invalidate My Pain

    One boundary to set with toxic parents is that they don’t need to invalidate your pain. Parents who are toxic have a way of invalidating their children’s pain.

    Many parents have the false view that their children are “overly emotional” or see things from a different perspective.

    This is not true, especially if you are a teen, preteen, or an adult. Even as children, we can see when our pain is being invalidated, or a parent tells us to “just grow up.”

    While we still love our parents, it’s hard to ignore when they invalidate our pain. I shared my struggles with my mom about my anorexia and depression, but she never really understood my pain.

    Rather than walking beside me and encouraging me, she only tore me down. I love my mom, and I always will, but this was a flaw on her behalf. I’m not sure if she just could not understand these feelings or if it was something she was never capable of doing.

    If your parents have ever invalidated your pain, know that I see you. Not only this, but know that God sees you as well. He sees all of your pain, and He wants to carry it for you.

    When you set this boundary with your parents, they might not take it well, but it is something you need to stand by. 

    Even if they do not honor your boundary, know that you can still keep reinforcing it. If they won’t honor your boundary, it is best to just change the topic to something less stressful.

    2. I Need Time Alone

    A second boundary to set with toxic parents is that you need time alone. Everyone needs time alone, including yourself. It is okay to set this boundary with your toxic parents, especially during the holidays.

    During the holidays, we are normally around our parents more often, and this can cause tensions to grow fast. Instead of allowing yourself to be overcome with anxiety and stress, set down the boundary ahead of time that you need time alone.

    Don’t give your parents any time to object to your boundaries. Instead, tell them that you need time to just be by yourself and to be away from everyone. Take a walk, stay in your room for a while, or watch a movie by yourself.

    Despite your parents being toxic, it does not mean that they should not allow you to have some self-care time by yourself. If they are rude about it, respond as the Lord would. This can be hard, but it is what you must do.

    3. Respect My Decisions Just as I Respect Yours

    A third boundary to set with toxic parents is for them to respect your decisions just as you respect theirs. Parents have a way of wanting to helicopter over our lives and toxic parents will use this as a way to micromanage your life.

    This can feel overwhelming and suffocating at times. Don’t allow yourself to experience this anymore. Set the boundary that they need to respect your decisions just as you respect their decisions.

    Most of us have seen our parents make some poor choices throughout their lives, but we never judge them for it. Rather, we are supportive and help as best as we can. In the same way, our parents need to do the same.

    They need to respect you and your decisions without passing judgment. If they cannot adhere to this boundary, you need to convey to them that you might not be able to spend much time with them anymore.

    All relationships are built upon respect and if your parents don’t respect you, they are going to have a hard time being kind to you when you make a decision that they don’t agree with.

    When you set the boundary with your parents that they need to respect you just as you respect them, you can tell them that they don’t have to agree or accept your decision, but they need to respect it.

    Toxic parents are not normally respectful; however, this is a boundary you need to set down. If they don’t honor it, consider removing yourself from the situation.

    4. If You Have Nothing Nice to Say, Don’t Say Anything at All

    A fourth boundary to set with toxic parents is if they have nothing nice to say, they don’t need to say anything at all. Our parents can be our worst critics. They make unnecessary remarks about our jobs, our life decisions, and our appearance.

    Most of the time, these remarks are not kind or helpful. In order to prevent yourself from hearing any more of these hurtful comments, you need to establish the boundary that if they don’t have anything nice to say, they don’t need to say anything at all.

    I had a friend who recently went home for the holidays, and her mother made many insensitive comments about her body. This caused my friend to have many negative emotions and struggles in her relationship with her body.

    As healthy-minded people, we can see how damaging this remark is; however, my friend’s mom probably didn’t even think about it.

    This is why it is crucial to establish this boundary ahead of time. Even our parents do not have the right to critique us or make us feel bad about ourselves.

    5. Don’t Comment on How I Am Living My Life

    A fifth boundary to set with toxic parents is to tell them that they don’t need to comment on how you are living your life. Since your parents are toxic, they are not going to give you good advice.

    If they were healthy-minded parents, it would be great to hear their feedback and what they think is best, but since your parents are toxic, they are not going to have anything helpful to say.

    Therefore, it is best to establish a boundary so that they don’t need to comment on how you are living your life.

    If you are living your life to the glory of God, there is no reason for anyone to say anything bad. We all sin and mess up, but there is no reason for a toxic parent to condemn us for something that God has forgiven.

    The Lord loves you, and He will give you direction in your life. Your toxic parents will not be much help in the way you should live your life, but you can use them as an example of how you do not want to live.

    Toxic parents are extremely unhappy with themselves. They become bitter and judgmental because of the lack of love in their hearts. Rather than being hateful and angry, they need to open their hearts to love.

    You can’t do this on your own, but you can pray for them. Even if they do not change, keep on praying for them. You still love your parents, and you hope that one day they could be the parents you need.

    For further reading:

    How to Set Boundaries and Still Live Wild and Free

    5 Biblical Boundaries to Set with Others

    How Do We Show Love to Toxic People?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/evgenyatamanenko

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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  • The Beauty of New Friends

    The Beauty of New Friends

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    When we are growing up, we often think our friends from elementary school will be our best friends forever. As we get older and go to different schools, we tend to drift away and lose contact with each other. Even though this happens and it is sad, it gives us the opportunity to make new friends. No matter what stage of life we are in, there are many opportunities to make new friends. It is difficult to make friends as adults, but it is not impossible.

    There is beauty in making new friends. In fact, you might make some of your best and closest friends in your latter days of life. Personally, as an adult now, I have found it hard to make new friends; however, new friends have a way of coming into my life. If you want to try to find some new friends, walk around a new neighborhood, go to a different coffeeshop, or go to a church function at a different church than you normally go to. All of these things can help you make new friends.

    Being Thankful for New Friends

    When you make new friends, it makes you very thankful. I recently made a few new friends in a neighborhood I started walking in about a year ago. Despite only knowing these individuals for a short period of time, they have been some of the kindest and caring people I have ever known. They truly care about me, which is something that is unusual for me. They are faithful followers of Christ, and it is good to know there are others out there who still follow Christ. 

    It can be discouraging at times when our longtime friends don’t have time for us or they are busy with their own lives. This is why we need to have many friends and soak in all the beauty of new friends. Just because you are making new friends does not mean you are somehow forgetting your friends from a long time ago. Rather, new friends are friends that you can talk to about other subjects and get a fresh perspective on things. Especially if you make friends with wiser Christians, it can help you grow in your relationship with Christ.

    It will also challenge your walk with Christ because your new friend might be more encouraging in your relationship with God. Not many of my friends in the past have talked to me much about Jesus though we are all Christians; however, the new friends I have made talk to me about Jesus all the time and all the things God has been teaching them in the Bible. This is beautiful to see as it is hard to find individuals who are so devoted to the Lord and are excited to learn more about Him. 

    A Wiser Word

    Making new friends will also give you the opportunity to hear wiser words from your friends. When you make new friends with other believers, they will be able to help disciple you through the Bible and through their own life experiences. In one of my undergrad classes, one of my professors spoke about the importance of always being discipled by an older Christian and always discipling a younger Christian. In this way, you as an individual Christian are always being discipled as well as discipling others. 

    Never underestimate how much new friends can help you as you walk with the Lord. They can help you and share previous experiences of their lives to warn you of going down a different path. As believers, we always need to be focusing on the Lord and following Him; however, sometimes the worries of this life pull our eyes away from Jesus. Your new Christian friends will be able to help point you back to Jesus when you are feeling weary or lost. They will be there as a source of support and guidance when you are struggling in life or in your faith. 

    Not Being Alone in Your Walk with God

    Not only will new Christian friends be able to help you in your walk with God, but they will also help you know that you are not alone in your walk with God. It can be easy to think we are alone in this life. We look around us and it can feel as though there are no Christians in the world. While this isn’t true, it can feel really real at times. If anything, it can feel as though the Christians are in hiding and are too afraid to stand up for the Lord. By making new friends, you have the opportunity to build a great friendship with a mature Christian who will be able to help you not feel as alone.

    Feeling alone is all too common for most of us in the present day, but it is not true. We are never alone because God is with us (Joshua 1:9; Isaiah 41:10). God is always on our side and He will never walk away from us. Our Christian friends will also help us not feel alone because they will be there in our time of need. If you struggle with depression, anxiety, or another co-occurring disorder, you know how hard it can be to not feel alone even if you are surrounded by people. 

    Maybe you feel lost, alone, and hopeless even in a crowd of people. By having a few close friends, such as your new friends, it can help you feel found, seen, and full of hope. One individual friend who goes out of their way for you can leave you with a heart of fullness and contentment. True friends make you feel seen and loved. This is the beauty of friendships because God never intended for us to walk this life alone. He knows we need help from other believers and He wants us to go to them when we are in need.

    We can always go to God and we should, but God also wants us to talk with others. We should not neglect either part of it because the Lord wants us to come to Him, pour our hearts out to Him, and tell Him everything as well as He wants us to go to our Christian friends for support. This world is too difficult to walk through on our own. The Lord wants us to be in fellowship with Him as well as other believers and have people we can rely on. Without trusted friends, the world can feel really lonely and scary. With God and our trusted Christian friends, the world feels less lonely and not as scary. 

    If you have recently made new friends, continue to develop a friendship with them. Spend time with them and listen to their wise words. If you are trying to look for new friends, try to go somewhere new or somewhere you know other Christians will be. It can seem impossible to make new friends at times, but there are many wonderful people out there to meet—you just have to find them. Having a true friend is a beautiful thing and by making new friends, you might find a friend that will last a lifetime.

    While we are to be a friend to everyone, there are friends we are closer to than others. These are the friends who help us the most with our walk with Christ, and they can call us out when we are doing wrong. If you don’t presently have a friend who helps you in your walk with Christ, try to seek out a new friend today. There are Christians across the world who would love to be your friend. They too are in search of a friend because true friends are hard to find. When you find a true friend who will help you in your walk with Christ, it is a beautiful thing.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images 

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • The Importance of Being a Genuine Friend

    The Importance of Being a Genuine Friend

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    Being a genuine friend is very important. As Christians, we should be genuine friends to others, yet we have all been around those who do not seem sincere friends, or maybe we ourselves have not been genuine friends. The best way to have a friend is to be a friend to others.

    Jesus wants us to be friends with all people, yet even Jesus had the inner three of Peter, James, and John (Mark 5:37). The importance of being a genuine friend cannot be stressed enough; therefore, we are going to be discussing the importance of being a genuine friend.

    Being a Genuine Friend

    In order to have a friend, you have to be a friend. We have to be willing to invest in our friendships and be genuine with them. Fake friends are not true friends, and they can be toxic to our own mental health.

    I have personally had many fake friends, who were not genuine, and they made me question myself, my worth, and my identity in Christ. If a friend ever causes you to question your own worth or your identity in Christ, you are not under any obligation to remain in the friendship.

    The Lord does not want you to be involved in unhealthy friendships that will inflict pain, sin, or brokenness in your relationship with Him. If you have personally experienced fake friends, know that not all people will be fake friends.

    Sadly, even Christians can be fake friends. As much as I hate to say this, it is true. Many of the Christian friends I had were not genuine and would talk about me behind my back, make me feel bad about myself, and start rumors about me.

    If you know this is going on in your life, you need to cut ties with these “friends.” They are not your true friends. Do not assume that just because a person is a Christian that it automatically means they are a great friend.

    We normally can trust our gut feelings to help us decipher who our true friends are. Also, spending time with them and having deep conversations are great ways to be able to discover real, genuine friends.

    Many Christians believe Christians cannot be friends with unbelievers, but that is not true. While it is true that Christians should not marry unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14), the Bible never tells us that we cannot make friends with unbelievers.

    In fact, Christians should extend friendship to unbelievers to help them come to know Christ and simply to be genuine, caring friends. If an unbeliever can tell a Christian is not being genuine, it’s going to lead them away from Christ.

    As Christians, we are Jesus’ lights of the world, and we are the visible manifestation of Jesus’ love for the world (Matthew 5:14-16). If unbelievers view Christ’s followers as being insincere in their friendships, what will they think about Christ?

    They will view Him as being insincere and not genuine. As we can see, this does a great disservice to Christ because we should extend His genuine friendship, love, and kindness — not a fake smile.

    Trust me, unbelievers and believers alike can see through those who are not genuine friends. This is why it is vital that we are genuine friends who care about those around us, believers and unbelievers alike.

    Honesty and Trust

    A crucial aspect of being a genuine friend is found in the foundation of honesty and trust. All relationships need to be founded on trust. If an individual is only a friend to someone simply just to appear “nice” or “friendly,” others will be able to see through the fake smile and fake attitude.

    We have to be honest in our approach to others and truly care about others. In addition to honesty, we need to be able to show that we can be trusted. Genuine friendships cannot be formed apart from trust.

    We are not going to willingly commit to a friendship if the friendship is not built on trust. Therefore, in our friendships, we need to extend honesty and show ourselves to be trustworthy.

    Loving Others

    Jesus tells us directly, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35).

    The Lord also tells us, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31).

    From these passages of Scripture, Jesus tells us the importance of loving others. This is crucial for friendships — that we love one another as Jesus loves us. Love is not a feeling but rather a choice.

    When we choose to love our friends, we look out for their own interests, encourage them, and help them in their walk with the Lord. As Paul tells us, we need to be consistently building up each other in the Lord (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

    Loving others is the hallmark of the Christian walk, as this is how others will know that we are followers of Christ. In our genuine friendships, we need to extend love, support, and encouragement.

    The world has polluted and overused the word “love” to the point that it has a distorted meaning. Loving others means putting another person’s needs above your own.

    Jesus showed us the ultimate demonstration of His love for us by dying on the cross to redeem us from our sins (John 3:16-17).

    Because of Jesus’ sacrifice, all people can receive salvation by placing faith in Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection. What is a better way to be a true, genuine friend than to share the message of the gospel and live it out in your everyday life?

    Loving others is crucial to being a genuine friend because you are caring about the needs of the other person over your own.

    This is important to do in our own lives as the Bible tells us, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4).

    New Beginnings

    Being a genuine friend is extremely important in our modern-day society, where fake friends come in waves. It is easy to be trapped in the cycle of fake friends, but it takes courage to step out of the cycle and truly find genuine friends.

    As stated, we have to be a friend in order to have friends. True, genuine friends care about others and extend Jesus’ love, kindness, and forgiveness. When we are genuine friends, others will migrate to us because they know we love Christ and truly love others.

    If you have struggled with fake friends or feel like you have not been a genuine friend to others, there are steps you can take to improve your friendships. If you have struggled with fake friends, know that your past experience with fake friends does not mean that all people are like this.

    There are true friends out there, though they are hard to find. On the other side of the spectrum, if you have found that you have not been a genuine friend in the past, rest in the knowledge that you can start new today.

    Extend Jesus’ love, kindness, and forgiveness to others, and try to be a genuine friend to others. As Christians, we have the help of the Holy Spirit to help us, guide us, and direct us. There is a new start with Jesus, including starting over in our friendships.

    For further reading:

    What Does the Bible Say about Choosing Friends?

    5 Proverbs for Friends When They Disagree

    A Godly Friendship Revealed Through Jonathan in the Bible

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/SeventyFour

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    LISTEN: Being Complete in Jesus (Understanding Matthew 5:21-48)

    Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: 10 Sins Christians Downplay (and Why They’re So Destructive)

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    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

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  • Why Can’t I Ever Fit In?

    Why Can’t I Ever Fit In?

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    Many of us struggled to fit in at school, but not many of us as adults talk about not being able to fit in. Unfortunately for many of us, we never “fit in” with any sort of friend group.

    Maybe we tried to fit in with certain friend groups, only to find out that we have nothing in common with them.

    This can be disappointing, and it can also really hurt our feelings. It is at these times that we can ponder the question, “Why can’t I ever fit in?”

    You Are Unique

    “I don’t have the right name or the right looks, but I have twice the heart” (“Just One Yesterday,” Fall Out Boy).

    I understand the pain of feeling as though you never belong or fit in with anyone. This can be hurtful and cause you to have feelings of low self-worth or low self-esteem.

    If you have experienced any of these bad feelings due to not fitting in, know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are uniquely you. There is no one like you in the entire world. God created you with a specific purpose in mind that only you can fulfill.

    The Bible tells us, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalm 139:13-14).

    As this Bible verse tells us, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Other versions of the Bible translate “fearfully” to be “remarkably made” (Holman Christian Standard Bible).

    The latter can be seen as a more accurate translation and one that helps us better understand how special we are to God.

    Think of this truth when you are feeling bad about not fitting in. God created you remarkably and wonderfully. Maybe you were never meant to fit in, and that’s a good thing.

    I remember being in elementary school, middle school, and college, hoping I would fit in with one of the groups. Maybe you also yearned to somehow fit in, yet it always was out of reach for you.

    It wasn’t until these past few months, upon reflecting on the desire to fit in, that I discovered it was never a bad thing that I didn’t fit in. While we all aspire to be in a friend group or to fit in with the artsy, musical, or sports friend groups, maybe the best thing for us is to not fit in.

    Through not fitting in, we can actually discover the things that truly matter to us and shape us into the people we become.

    Experience with Bullying — A Different Perspective

    As mentioned, I never really fit in with the different groups in schools or in college. A particularly difficult time for me was middle school.

    During sixth grade, I was relentlessly bullied at a school, and it caused me to be homeschooled for the rest of middle school and high school. It wasn’t until college that I was once again exposed to friend groups, who I thought would truly be lasting friends.

    I used to always associate bullying with something negative as it contributed to me developing an eating disorder and depression; however, recently, I have been able to see it in a more positive way.

    Bullying is always negative, yet we can choose to look at the ways it hurt us, or we can look at how we grew from the experience.

    If I had never been bullied in sixth grade, I would have never been homeschooled, and if I never went to homeschool, I would have never found myself at the Christian college I attended for undergrad.

    If I never attended this Christian college, I wouldn’t have heard the gospel for the first time and accepted Jesus as my Savior and Lord. Therefore, bullying was a terrible thing, yet it ultimately led me to know Jesus and place faith in Him.

    It can be challenging to see the positives in the negative, yet I encourage you to do this concerning something difficult in your own life. Try to see the good that was the result of the bad thing.

    It won’t happen overnight, as it took me over a decade to see the positive result of the bullying I endured. This isn’t to invalidate any of your pain because all of your feelings are valid and important.

    This is just challenging you to try to see the good that came out of a bad situation. To see what the negative thing took from you, but to also see what it gave you.

    I also learned the important lesson that maybe it’s okay not to fit in with those around you. Maybe those of us who never fit in are beautiful, wonderful, and remarkably made just as we are, even though our peers never felt that way about us or even grown adults we are around now.

    What if God never created you to fit in, but to stand out and to make a difference for His Kingdom? We should never want to blend in with the world to the point that others cannot see Christ in us.

    Rather than seeing Christ, they would just see another person living according to the world, claiming to be a Christian.

    Family of God

    God hasn’t called us to be a part of the world, but to be set apart from the world (John 15:19). It is true that none of us can escape living in the world, yet we can do all we can to prevent ourselves from becoming just like the world.

    God doesn’t want us to just become one other person in suburbia. He called us out of everyone to be His own child and to follow Him. God has divinely chosen you and has declared you as His child. There is nothing greater than knowing that you belong to the family of God.

    You might have never fit in with anyone, but you do fit in with the family of God. In fact, the family of God loves you just as you are and welcomes you with open arms.

    Fitting in with people in school, at work, or in social settings might be something you will always yearn for, but try to rest in the peace that you belong to God, and you are part of His family. You are always wanted, loved, and cared about in the family of God and by God Himself.

    If you are feeling especially alone today or you are feeling as though you don’t fit in, don’t allow it to get you down. Turn back to the Lord and rest in the knowledge of knowing that you belong to His family.

    Never will God turn you away and never will you not belong in His family. Once you are part of the family of God, you are eternally part of the family of God. You always fit in here, and God will always be by your side.

    I understand how much it can hurt to not fit in, but know that there is nothing wrong with you. If people cannot appreciate you in all of your uniqueness, that is their problem.

    Sadly, many people can be snobby or judgmental if you don’t fit the mold, they have cast. God didn’t create you with a mold — rather, He made you uniquely you and He never makes mistakes. You are always welcomed and always belong to the family of God.

    For further reading:

    Why Is it So Hard to Find Real Friends?

    How to Be Wise When Choosing Your Friends

    What Is Authentic Love?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/skynesher

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    Related podcast:

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    Read the full article here!

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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  • 5 Ways to Add Sunshine to Someone’s Life

    5 Ways to Add Sunshine to Someone’s Life

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    All of us need a little bit of sunshine in our lives each day. Oftentimes, we think we cannot add sunshine into someone’s life unless we are also happy, full of joy, and beaming.

    This isn’t true, as we can often add sunshine into other people’s lives while we are struggling with something ourselves. As someone who struggles with depression, I can still add sunshine to someone’s life even if I might feel like a storm cloud, and you can, too.

    1. Grab a Coffee or Tea with Them

    One way to add sunshine into someone’s life is to take them out for coffee or tea. This small gesture can make your friend feel appreciated and cared about. Most people enjoy coffee or tea and by spending time with them, you will be adding some sunshine into their life.

    Even just having a small conversation with them as you enjoy your beverages can make a world of difference to someone.

    Even if your friend doesn’t appear to be struggling, it doesn’t mean they aren’t. It could be that they are hiding their feelings and emotions for the purpose of not feeling like a burden. Your friend is your friend for a reason, and it is good to be there for them.

    In fact, since you are their friend, you should be able to tell when they are feeling down or need some encouragement in their life.

    Whenever you notice a change in their tone, a gap in between your messages, or them becoming more distant, it is time to add a little sunshine to their life and reach out to them.

    2. Plan an Event to Do with Them

    A second way to add sunshine to someone’s life is to plan an event to do with them. This can be anything from taking a walk around a park or going to see a movie. Whatever your friend enjoys or likes to do is what you should consider doing.

    Since you are seeking to add sunshine to their life, avoid picking something that only you want to do. Be selfless and choose to do something that interests them.

    Maybe your friend enjoys painting, then take them to an art center or paint a picture with them. It could be that your friend enjoys reading. Take them to a bookstore or start a book club with them.

    All of these small acts of sunshine can really brighten your friend’s day and know that they are cared about. If you choose to do the opposite and avoid planning an event with them or spending time with them, it could make them feel even more down or as though they don’t matter.

    3. Have a Real Conversation with Them

    A third way to add sunshine to someone’s life is to have a real conversation with them. What I mean by this is that you need to have a raw conversation and be genuine in your feelings. Avoid small talk and choose to talk about the things that matter.

    If your friend is struggling, it is highly possible they have a lot of things they want to talk about. It is best to let them talk and truly listen to them. Don’t minimize their feelings and don’t act as though their emotions are invalid.

    The worst thing you could do is invalidate the feelings of your friend. This will only cause them to become more distant from you or choose to keep you on the surface level.

    Once you have been placed on the surface level, it can be hard for your friend to let you back in again. Since they saw you minimized and invalidated their feelings, they are not going to be open to sharing their feelings again.

    As human beings, we tend to only share our deep feelings with those who care. If someone proves to us that our feelings don’t matter, we are not going to make the same mistake again of sharing our feelings with them.

    For many people, this one-time instance of someone minimizing and invalidating their feelings could cause them to continue to push down their emotions. It can be hard to deal with emotions as an individual once we start pushing them down and burying them deep.

    4. Buy Them a Gift

    A fourth way to add sunshine to someone’s life is to buy them a gift. Some people might feel really cared about and loved when someone buys them a gift. Especially for those who have the love language of gifts, it can really make their day by gifting them with a present.

    When you choose a present for them, think uniquely. Don’t get them something that is basic, such as a water bottle or a pair of slippers. If you are truly their friend, you should know what kind of things they like and what interests them.

    Maybe if your friend loves dolphins, buy them a plush dolphin, a notebook with dolphins on it, or a necklace that has a dolphin design on it. When you pick out something that is unique to them, it can make them feel much more cared about and add sunshine to their life.

    If you wanted, you could also include a handwritten note to brighten their day attached to their gift. This will be going the extra mile and will help them feel even more cared about.

    As the person trying to bring sunshine into someone’s life, this can really help them and bring them out of a dark place.

    5. Be There for Them

    A fifth way to add sunshine to someone’s life is to be there for them. When I say to be there for them, I mean truly be there for them. Don’t just sit there and not pay attention to what they are saying.

    Be intentional about listening and making sure your friend knows that they matter. Even if you might have had a long day, give your full attention to your friend and be there for them.

    Listen to them and let them know through your words as well as your actions that you are there for them. If you are fake or don’t truly mean what you are saying, your friend will be able to tell.

    Most people can tell when someone is only pretending to care about them. Being there for them means being there during the good and the bad times. It is often during the bad times that your friends need you the most.

    You can add a ray of sunshine into your friend’s day by genuinely being there for them. Call them, send them a text, or meet them in person. Go out of your way to show them that they matter to you.

    True friends are there for each other and they don’t see brightening their day as an inconvenience. If you are having a hard time allotting time for your friend, it could be you are not being a good friend to them.

    If this is true, work on being a real friend and then try to start bringing sunshine into their day. One has to earn trust with their friend before they can start brightening their day.

    In time, your friend will be able to see that you care for them, and they will appreciate you going the extra mile to make them smile. Be there for them truly, and you are sure to be a source of sunshine in their day.

    For further reading:

    o-celebrate-your-loved-ones.html”>5 Ways to Celebrate Your Loved Ones

    Prayer for Friends: Pray for Strength and Healing of Friends

    How to Be Wise When Choosing Your Friends

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/eclipse_images

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    Related podcast:

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    So when sin is not being confronted, or even viewed as sin at all, it’s time to address it with the hope of gently helping to restore believers caught in its web. Here are 10 sins that often go overlooked in Christian community.

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    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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  • 4 Signs You Are Bitter

    4 Signs You Are Bitter

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    Being bitter is something I am familiar with, more than I would like to admit. Becoming bitter and remaining bitter are extremely common in our lifetimes. Somebody does us wrong and we feel bitter towards them. Maybe they really hurt our feelings or made us feel bad about ourselves. These are but two reasons why a person could become bitter. In actuality, there are an unlimited number of reasons why a person could become bitter, and it can negatively impact mental health, relationships, and even one’s spiritual walk with Christ. 

    1. You’re Unwilling to Forgive

    One sign that you are bitter is if you’re unwilling to forgive. As someone who struggles with bitterness, I have a hard time forgiving others. This could be partly due to the way I was brought up; however, I recognize it is my fault also. Growing up, whenever I would do something wrong and apologize, I was taught that if I was truly sorry I wouldn’t have done the hurtful thing in the first place. While this line of thought has some credibility, it is impossible to think we are never going to make a mistake again.

    The sad truth is that we all hurt others and others will hurt us. It is part of living in a sinful world. God didn’t intend the world to be like this; however, once sin entered the world, it changed all of this. We now live in a world where others will hurt us and often, it will be hurt inflicted by loved ones. All of us have been hurt by someone close to us at some point, and we have also hurt those who are close to us too. Forgiving someone for a hurt can be extremely hard, yet it is what God wants us to do.

    The Bible tells us we are to forgive others as God has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32). This can be a challenging teaching; however, the Bible doesn’t pull any punches. When it tells us that we are to forgive others as God has forgiven us, it means this is exactly what we must do. Maybe the person doesn’t deserve our forgiveness or maybe they never even asked for our forgiveness. Even if they don’t deserve our forgiveness and never ask it anyway, we are still to extend forgiveness.

    Forgiving them doesn’t mean what they did was okay nor does it mean it is forgotten. Rather, forgiveness means you are giving the situation over to God. In other words, you are giving God all of the hurt and pain you are feeling. He can help you carry this burden and fill your heart with peace. When you choose to forgive others, it will help stop bitterness from taking root in your heart. Holding onto unforgiveness will only hurt you; it will never hurt the other person as much as it hurts you. 

    2. You Are Irritable

    A second sign you are bitter is if you are irritable. Being bitter can cause you to have an extremely short temper. Instead of being able to work through issues logically and rationally, bitterness will cause you to become irritable with everyone. Maybe the person who planted the bitterness is long gone, but the hurt is still there. Holding onto this hurt and pain has only caused the bitterness to grow and deepen its roots in your heart.

    As a result, you have become much more irritable. Maybe your sibling, friend, or spouse has noticed your increasing irritability. Sometimes it can be hard for us to recognize our own irritability because our minds have a way of making us feel “in the right” for our own hate and bitterness toward someone. We have to re-train our brains to not dwell on bitterness, but rather, dwell on the things that are good (Philippians 4:8-9). When we think about the things that are good instead of the things that caused our bitterness, we will slowly be able to bring peace back into our lives.

    God doesn’t want us to live a life of bitterness and irritability. Irritability will only cause our loved ones to feel hurt and begin to drift away from us. We can’t control the things that happen to us, but we can control the way we respond to them. You are bitter for a reason, and this reason is completely valid. However, it is important you learn to let go of this bitterness in order for true healing to start. If you choose to continue holding onto the bitterness, it will only make you feel worse. 

    3. You Hurt Others More Easily 

    A third sign you are bitter is if you hurt others more easily. I know whenever I am feeling particularly bitter, I have a hard time controlling my emotions and it causes me to say things that hurt others. Rather than thinking through before I say what I want to say, I speak without a filter, and sometimes, this can be really hurtful. This is why it is important for us to let go of bitterness because it will only cause hurt for you as well as others in the long run.

    Hurting others more easily can destroy relationships and cause lasting damage. Bitterness fills up our hearts and can consume us from the inside out. We cannot allow bitterness to keep causing us more problems. It is vitally important that we weed out the bitterness in our hearts and replace it with love, forgiveness, and kindness. We might think our own personal bitterness doesn’t hurt anyone when it actually has hurt numerous loved ones in our lives.

    A word spoken out of turn or a hurtful remark can really hurt someone. When we allow bitterness to cause us to hurt others more easily, we are only inflicting harm. Bitterness has a way of causing not only the individual to feel miserable but also everyone around them. It is our responsibility as believers to let go of the bitterness because it serves us no purpose. All it does is cause even more pain in our lives. 

    4. Dwelling on Past Hurts 

    A fourth sign you are bitter is if you are dwelling on past hurts. I dwell on past hurts many times throughout the week. They show up in my mind and before I know it, I’m in a negative, downward spiral of bitterness. The rising bitterness in my heart demonstrates to me that I have never really moved past these hurts from long ago. As much as I would like to say that past hurts don’t hurt me anymore, they actually do and can cause bitterness to rise in my heart on any day of the week.

    Maybe this resonates with you and you’ve noticed how bitterness raises its ugly head after you remember a past hurt. The past hurt would only come to mind because you have not fully let it go. If you have noticed this to be true, try to give all of the hurt over to God. Ask Him to help you not dwell on these past hurts and to instead move forward in the healing process. God doesn’t want you to live a life of bitterness and pain. He wants you to have life and to have it to the fullest (John 10:10).

    The pain that you have in your heart is valid. Never should anyone invalidate your pain. For many of us, an invalidation of our pain causes us to develop bitterness in the first place. Don’t allow this to happen, even if others invalidate your pain. Your pain is valid, and God sees it. He knows your hurts and your scars. Not one of them is forgotten by Him. It’s time to put the armor down and give all the bitterness, past hurts, and past pains to God. He will help you truly move past bitterness. 

    Photo Credit: ©Thinkstock/Voyagerix

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • 6 Reasons to Leave a Narcissistic Friendship

    6 Reasons to Leave a Narcissistic Friendship

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    A third reason to leave a narcissistic friendship is because they have hurt you purposefully. Friends can hurt us at times, but they don’t purposely try to hurt us, cut us deep, or tear us down. We all mess up and slip up sometimes, but we never purposely try to hurt our friends. Narcissistic friendships, however, are bred with hurt feelings, and in a way, the narcissist can keep the other friend in an abusive friendship if they can convince you that you are the problem and deserve the way they speak to you or treat you.

    Narcissistic individuals are more prone to gaslight people, which is another reason why you need to end this friendship. True friends won’t purposely try to hurt you. Instead, they will try to help you and build you up. Nobody wants to be hurt by someone we care about and this is why it is important to not cultivate a further relationship with a narcissist. They will not return the same care, love, and respect that you give them, but if you allow yourself to be too synched with them, it can be nearly impossible to walk away from them.

    They will abuse your kindness and cause you issues along the road. Not to mention that being hurt by someone you considered a friend could cause lasting damage on your own well-being. Life’s too short to surround yourself with narcissistic friendships. Instead, invest your time in making new friends who will value you as an individual and will prioritize your friendship. 

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/fizkes

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  • Why Is Love Painful Sometimes?

    Why Is Love Painful Sometimes?

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    Love is a painful thing sometimes. While it is something beautiful, it can also be extremely painful. When we love someone, we have a special bond with them — a bond that isn’t easily broken. We love many people in our lives, such as siblings, parents, friends, and significant others, but nobody ever tells us how painful love can be.

    Loved ones will hurt us, and we will hurt them. It is inevitable and something that will continue to happen until we are with Christ.

    The Pain of Love

    “Don’t believe anyone Who tells you any different If it’s easy, if it’s fun Something’s missing” (“Love is Pain,” FINNEAS).

    Love is beautiful, yet it is something that can be really painful. It is because we love someone and care about them so much that it hurts. A loved one dies, a friendship ends, or we are rejected by our significant other. All of these things can hurt and break us inside.

    It hurts so much because we genuinely love and care about them. Real love isn’t letting someone do whatever they want. Rather, real love means doing the hard thing, such as having a difficult talk, addressing issues, and confronting problems.

    The modern world, social media, and television try to portray love in one way — that it is easy, effortless, and perfect. The only perfect, unconditional love that truly exists is the love God has for us. This love is known as agape love. 

    This type of love is only possessed by God, as we as humans cannot possess this type of love. Our love is often polluted by conditions, the way a person makes us feel, or whether they are nice to us or not. 

    Jesus commands us to love all people — even if they hurt us (Matthew 12:30-31). This is why love can be painful. Our loved ones can hurt us, but we still love them despite their actions because they are someone who means a great deal to us.

    I have been told many lies by family members, which has made me distrust people. Despite all the lies and hurt, I could never say I hated them because I don’t.

    All of the inflicted wounds, being talked down to, and invalidated feelings have hurt me, but it still doesn’t change that they are my family, and I care about them.

    Maybe you have noticed this in your own life. It could be a parent was mean or critical of you, but you still love them. In this way, you know the type of pain that is associated with love.

    When loved ones hurt us, it is more painful than a stranger on the street hurting us. Since we love them, when they hurt us, it feels as though our entire hearts are breaking. We often think, “How could my loved one do this to me? Don’t they know how much this hurts me?”

    The answer to these questions is sin. We live in a sinful world, and where there is sin, there is going to be hurt and pain. Sin entered the world in the Garden of Eden, and it will continue until God makes everything new.

    Hurting Others

    Part of why love is painful is also seen in how we hurt others. Upon reflecting on my own life, I, too, have hurt many people that I love. Throughout the process of recovery from my eating disorder, I have said many hurtful things, and I regret each of them.

    Even over the past few weeks, I have regretted many of my choices, words, and actions toward my loved ones. It’s painful how much we can destroy someone with a simple word or a simple action. It can break their heart and make them question everything.

    It is at these times that we need to apologize to our loved ones for hurting them. More often than not, we didn’t mean to hurt them.

    Sometimes I feel interactions with others would be easier if I could type it all out ahead of time and already know what will happen in order for me to be properly prepared.

    Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like this, and we have to live life in real time. We cannot go back in time either and fix our mistakes. Some mistakes can be easier to fix than others, yet some leave lasting wounds.

    Making Things Right

    Part of apologizing is making things right with a person, especially if you want to keep the relationship with the person. Making it right with someone includes apologizing, talking things out with them, and asking for ways that you can repair the relationship.

    Whether a friendship, a relationship with a sibling, or a romantic relationship has been severed by your actions, there are still ways you can restore a relationship with them.

    It might not be the same as it used to be; however, sometimes, after difficulties and pain, you might have a stronger relationship with your loved one.

    This will of course take time and effort, but if you truly want to repair a relationship with someone, it is not too much to ask.

    Trust and hearts could have been broken, and it could take time until your loved one feels ready to open up to you again. It is also important to remember that even if you want to repair the relationship, they might not feel ready, or they might not want to ever repair the relationship.

    This is a consequence of our actions, and we need to accept it. If a person doesn’t want to talk, see us, or repair the relationship, we don’t need to force them to, as it will only cause more pain.

    None of us can avoid pain from our loved ones nor can we avoid hurting others. This is because love is truly pain, and to love someone is opening up your heart to pain. You love them so much; therefore, when they hurt you, it hurts much more than someone else.

    In the same way, you also can hurt them and inflict the worst wounds on their heart. We need to be careful with our loved ones in our words, actions, and choices because, in a single day, we can lose them.

    If you have a broken relationship with a loved one and you want to make it right today, I encourage you to do so. If your loved one is willing to let you back into their lives, use this opportunity carefully.

    Understanding things might not be as they used to be, yet there is a possibility that your relationship with this person could become stronger. It will take work; however, if you truly want to repair the relationship, you will be willing to put in the effort.

    If your loved one chooses to end ties with you, accept this and turn to God. Our relationship with God will never end and we can always talk with Him about anything. The love others have for us might change, but the love He has for us will never change.

    We mess up and sin many times a day, yet His love for us never changes. We can always turn to Him, and He will welcome us with open arms. There is nothing in all creation that separates us from the love of God (Romans 8:31-39).

    For further re

    ading:

    What Is Love According to the Bible?

    What Is Authentic Love?

    Why Does Jealousy Not Belong in Love?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Anetlanda

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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