Tag: sexual relationship

11 Signs You Are The Pillow Princess In A Relationship %
Are you the star of a one-person show in your romantic escapades, wondering “Am I a pillow princess?” Welcome to the intriguing world of being a ‘pillow princess’, a slang that’s stirring up conversations in bed and beyond. In this deep dive, we’re peeling back the layers of being a pillow princess. Is it just about lying back and basking in the glow of receiving oral sex, or is there more to this story?

From the whispered corners of intimate encounters to the bold declarations in the light of day, we’re exploring the signs that specifically crown you as the reigning pillow princess in your relationship.

What Is A Pillow Princess?

A pillow princess, a phrase within the femme spectrum, not just referring to women, describes someone who typically enjoys receiving sexual pleasure, especially oral sex, without reciprocating. This pillow princess sex preference goes beyond traditional gender and sexual orientation and is not exclusive to women.

The term pillow princess, from the LGBTQIA+ community, helps identify a pillow prince (who can be a woman too), wanting to satisfy a pillow princess, whether a gay guy, a lesbian pillow princess, a bisexual woman, or a queer woman.
Some prefer to only please a pillow princess through oral sex, though the slang negatively labels someone as lazy for only wanting to receive oral sex. Here are some more demarcations:

Related Reading: How To Be A Better Lover – 11 Pro Tips By A Sex Therapist
- Pillow princesses vs submissives: Pillow princesses focus on receiving, while submissives follow their sexual partner’s lead
- Pillow princesses vs sexual bottoms: Sexual bottoms might enjoy pleasing their partners via oral sex but prefer being ‘on the bottom’ during sexual acts
Pillow princess sex can be enjoyed by anyone, and the term isn’t just limited to queer women, gay men, or lesbians. Straight men or their girlfriends can also embody this role.

If you are more inclined to receive sexual pleasure than to reciprocate, you are a pillow princess

What Does It Mean To Be A Pillow Princess?

If you’re wondering, “Am I a pillow princess?,” know that it’s not just about a physical preference, or about being a girl or being lazy. it can be deeply rooted in how one, particularly someone identifying as femme, experiences intimacy and vulnerability.

For some, this role can be a form of self-expression: a way to experience physical intimacy without the pressures of performance or reciprocation. It can be about feeling cherished and adored, and being the center of attention in a safe and consensual manner and not just specifically being ‘lazy.’

Are You A Pillow Princess In Your Relationship? Find Out

Does comfort reign supreme in your sexual encounters? If your idea of a wild night includes the perfect balance of being pampered and pleased, while your partner does all the work, you might already know the answer to the question “Am I a pillow princess?”

Let’s explore the 11 signs that might indicate you are a pillow princess, offering a deeper understanding of your role in intimacy:

Related Reading: Sexual Compatibility – Meaning, Importance And Signs

1. You have a me-first manifesto

In the realm of romance and risqué rendezvous, you observe that your focus is always on receiving pleasure. Steamy content? You’re absolutely uninterested in scenes where your on-screen alter ego is the giver. You only reach an orgasm while receiving pleasure.

2. Your presence is the present

Why work hard when your existence is enough to turn up the heat? You believe that consenting to sex is cute enough. You might also believe your partner is lucky to please a pillow princess. Satisfying a woman in bed is totally up his alley and you don’t need to do any work at all. It can be an assumption, or your partner might have communicated this.

3. You’re not mentally or emotionally involved

There’s a buffet of reasons why you might feel more like a spectator than a star player in your romantic encounters. A lack of emotional connection leaves you feeling mentally distant during these encounters. You might be as passive in your encounters as you are when you watch TV.

Related Reading: Foreplay: More Than Just a Warm-Up

4. The passive pattern

Your romantic résumé might reveal a trend: you’ve often been the passive partner. This could be due to a history of partners who were just fine taking the lead, being in control, and doing all the work. Over time, this can shape how you describe intimacy. You’ve heard that being passive is not just normal, but possibly even something that’s appreciated or expected in your relationships.

5. You’re learning the ropes of it

If leading the way in bed feels like uncharted territory, it’s natural to let your partner navigate while you just lie. But remember, every expert was once a beginner. A little heart-to-heart with your partner about likes and dislikes can be a game-changer.

6. You’re too tired to tango

You might be forever physically, mentally, or emotionally exhausted while engaging in sexual encounters. In these moments, there’s a good chance that you’d only like to receive sexual stimulation, wherein you kick back, relax, and enjoy the ride without the drive.

7. The ‘mind over mattress’ muddle

Dealing with performance anxiety in bed can be a real challenge. It’s often a mix of past feedback or personal insecurities that makes you hesitant to take the lead. When your partner steps in, it eases that pressure.

The key is to remember that intimacy is about connection and comfort, not perfection. Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial. It helps build confidence and understanding, allowing you to gradually overcome these anxieties.

8. The shadow of shame between the sheets

Old shadows of shame about sex can sneak in even if you think those stereotypical ideologies are wrong. Whether it’s about taking charge or just openly craving sexual pleasure, these remnants of reluctance can make you become shy and passive, which might be more common in a woman or a girl, due to social constraints and patriarchal views.

Related Reading: 21 Exotic Roleplay Ideas To Boost Naughtiness In Your Relationship

9. The comfort zone conundrum

Venturing into new territories can sometimes feel intimidating. The idea of experimenting outside your favorite positions, can bring a sense of apprehension. So, you’re probably inclined to hit the pause button at the first twinge of strain or soreness, preferring the familiar comfort of well-known paths.

10. You’re all about the horizontal hustle

You describe your favorite positions as the ones that keep you grounded. Missionary, spooning, or any position you get to lie in – as long as it involves lying down, you’re game.

A pillow princess’ favorite positions always involve lying down in their comfort zone

11. The toy story of solo play

In your solo escapades, you’re often lazy and it makes sense to you to opt for the shortcut of satisfaction — intimate gadgets over manual methods. It’s about maximizing pleasure with minimal effort, aligning perfectly with the pillow princess philosophy.

Remember, there’s no single ‘right’ way to navigate the waters of desire. What matters most is finding what brings you excitement and comfort in your own skin.

Related Reading: 7 Reasons Showering Together Is Great For Intimacy And How To Do It Right

Is It Bad To Be A Pillow Princess?

If your goal is to be less of a pillow princess, hold on! The concept is often shrouded in stigma and misconceptions, primarily due to traditional views on sexual reciprocity. However, the world of sexual stimulation is as varied as the colors of the rainbow, and being a pillow princess is just one hue in that spectrum.

It’s essential that both you and your partner are on the same page. If your partner revels in giving and you in receiving, it’s a match made for your kingdom! Remember, the slang ‘pillow princess’ was literally coined for those seeking to please a pillow princess.

How To Stop Being A Pillow Princess

If you want to be less of a pillow princess, consider starting with communicating with your partner. It’s about taking gradual steps to experiment with a more active role.

Gigi Engle, a sex & dating writer and a pillow princess advises “Get your dirty talk on point! Tell your boo how hot it makes you to see them being so dominant. Tell them how much you like whatever it is they’re doing to your body. Make it exciting!”

What Gigi Engle is implying is that it should be as much about them as it is about you (even though it’s really about you). Well, so how do you go about it? We’ll give you some tips:

Related Reading: Vanilla Relationship – Everything You Need To Know About
- Exploration expedition: To be less of a pillow princess is not about entirely giving up on your own pleasure. Embark on a tantalizing treasure hunt of your desires that include active play. It’s time to swap the royal pillows for a captain’s hat
- Sensual scholar: Books, spicy blogs, or even ancient text can prove to be a great sex educator in times of need. Knowledge is power, and pleasure too
- Words in the boudoir: Turn pillow talk into strategy sessions. Communicate with your partner as if you’re talking to a friend. What better than erotic talk that also makes your sex life better?
- Mindful mischief: Be present in your passionate pursuits. It’s about tuning into every touch and every sigh
- The advice of a sex educator: Sometimes, a little expertise can go a long way. A sex therapist or counselor can be a game changer for your intimate life
Exploring new dynamics in your sexual relationship can be a journey filled with discovery and growth in any sexual orientation. To be less of a pillow princess can be super fun too! It’s an opportunity to deepen your connection with your partner and explore new facets of your sexuality. Remember, change should always be approached with care, respect for boundaries, and an open mind.

FAQs

1. Do men like pillow princesses?

The preference for a pillow princess among men can be influenced by various factors, including personal sexual style, desire for control, and enjoyment derived from their partner’s pleasure. Some men may find the role of a pillow princess appealing, as it allows them to take a more dominant or active role in sexual encounters. On the other hand, some men may prefer a more balanced approach, where both partners actively participate and reciprocate. In some cultures, traditional gender roles might influence men to take on a more active role in sexual encounters, thereby potentially aligning with the pillow princess dynamic.

2. What is the male version of a pillow princess?

In sexual dynamics, the male equivalent of a pillow princess would be a man who predominantly enjoys receiving sexual pleasure, particularly oral sex, without a significant focus on reciprocating. This preference in men challenges traditional expectations of male sexuality, which often emphasize a more active or dominant role. It’s important to recognize that men, just like women, can have a wide range of sexual preferences and comfort levels, including a preference for a more passive or receptive role in sexual encounters. This understanding is crucial for acknowledging the diversity and complexity of human sexuality beyond traditional gender roles.

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February 26, 2024
Sexual Intimacy: Meaning, Benefits And Ways To Improve
In the realm of human connection, sexual intimacy stands as a potent catalyst, capable of transcending mere physicality and nurturing profound emotional bonds. Beyond mere pleasure, it entails fearlessly expressing our deepest desires, establishing a judgment-free haven for vulnerability, and embracing each other’s bodies. A robust sexual relationship acts as a conduit for transformation, nurturing acceptance, desire, and admiration, thereby forming the bedrock of a healthy partnership.

Once you understand sexual intimacy, meaning the importance of sex in a relationship, you’ll realize that sex undeniably plays a pivotal role in constructing enduring relationships. Let’s understand the importance of sexual intimacy in a relationship with insights from relationship and intimacy coach Shivanya Yogmayaa (internationally certified in the therapeutic modalities of EFT, NLP, CBT, REBT), who specializes in different forms of couples counseling.

What Is Sexual Intimacy?

Shivanya emphasizes that good physical intimacy in relationship is one of the most important factors because it makes you feel accepted, desired, and admired. It can also help balance your mental health. Sexual intimacy involves:
- Deep emotional connection: Sexual intimacy involves open expression of desires and fantasies, fostering a profound emotional bond beyond physical interactions
- Fearless expression: Partners communicate their sexual needs without judgment, creating an accepting and non-shameful space
- Vulnerability and healing: Intimacy nurtures vulnerability, allowing partners to address past traumas together, leading to mutual healing
- Mutual exploration: Understanding the difference between lovemaking vs sex is necessary here. Partners openly share their sexual desires, building a unique connection and a sense of admiration
- Lasting bond: Sexual intimacy is key in cementing and strengthening the bond between a couple and creating a strong, lasting relationship through trust, understanding, and fulfillment
Shivanya adds, “Sexual intimacy, meaning that you’re open to trying and exploring something new, makes both partners feel free to explore their fantasies. If there are any vulnerabilities involved, meaning if there’s been some past trauma related to sex in childhood or teenage years, they’re able to bear that in a comforting and non-judgemental space with their partner. They can talk about their triggers such as negative reactions or resistance when they’re touched.”

Related Reading: 11 Expert Tips On How To Increase Physical Intimacy In A Relationship

How Sexual Intimacy Impacts Relationships

Sexual intimacy serves as a potent adhesive for relationships, binding partners both emotionally and physically. It instills feelings of acceptance, desire, and contentment, cultivating a profound connection that fortifies their bond. According to a study, emotional and sexual aspects of intimacy in a romantic relationship are important markers of a couple’s relationship satisfaction. It’s not a sex vs intimacy scenario. Each presents a distinct yet interconnected aspect of relationships, but both are equally important.

Sexual intimacy improves relationship satisfaction

“Besides bringing various health benefits for both individuals, nurturing sexual intimacy helps a couple’s relationship flourish with heightened closeness, contentment, and a mutual sense of being cherished and wanted. A vibrant sexual life often translates to enhanced overall relationship satisfaction,” adds Shivanya. This fulfillment breeds confidence in one’s body and improves vitality, positively influencing interactions with others.

Both genders experience distinct sensations – women feel immersed in love, while men derive a sense of accomplishment from satisfying their partners. This shared fulfillment extends beyond the personal realm, influencing their interactions and even leadership capacities. Thus, emotional and sexual intimacy become catalysts for mutual prosperity and a healthy relationship.

Related Reading: 11 Confessions By Married People On Why They Stopped Having Sex

Benefits Of Sexual Intimacy

“Sex is like a lubricant that keeps the relationship moving like a well-oiled machine by enhancing the physical and emotional well-being of the partners equally,” explains Shivanya. It gives both partners the confidence that they can count on each other, making them feel secure in their relationship. Partners also feel like they have something to look forward to when they come together. When sexual intimacy is not fulfilling, the love, care, and touch too are not fulfilling. In such cases, both feel unsafe in the relationship.

When two people don’t feel safe in their relationship, they might not open up to each other. But in this case, physical touch can work as a love language. Sometimes, a loving touch speaks louder than words. By touching each other tenderly, partners can make each other feel safe and desired. It opens up space for a lot more in the relationship. The benefits of sexual intimacy go beyond the pleasurable aspects and also include:

1. Enhanced emotional bonding

Engaging in sexual intimacy fosters deeper closeness in a relationship between partners. The release of oxytocin, often referred to as the ‘love hormone’, during physically intimate moments promotes feelings of trust, affection, and attachment, reinforcing the emotional foundation of the relationship. You’ll feel closer to your romantic partner if you’re engaging in more intimate sex.

Related Reading: Sexless Marriage Effect On Husband – 9 Ways It Takes A Toll On Him

2. Stress reduction

Sexual intimacy can be a natural stress reliever. If you are in a sexless relationship, it affects stress levels in life. An intimate relationship triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s feel-good chemicals, which can help reduce stress and anxiety levels, leading to a sense of relaxation and overall well-being.

3. Improved sleep quality

Following moments of sexual intimacy, the body releases a hormone called prolactin, which is associated with feelings of relaxation and sleepiness. This can lead to improved sleep quality and overall restfulness, enhancing both partners’ physical and mental health.

4. Better immune system

There are several health benefits to having a good sex life. Studies suggest that engaging in regular sexual intimacy can enhance the immune system. It increases the production of immunoglobulin A (IgA), an antibody that helps protect the body against infections, making individuals less susceptible to illnesses. According to this research, sexually active women face a lower risk of cardiac events later in life.

5. Pain relief

The release of endorphins during sexual intimacy not only reduces stress but also acts as a natural pain reliever. These chemicals can help alleviate headaches, menstrual cramps, and other forms of physical discomfort.

Related Reading: You Want To Talk To Your Wife About Lack Of Intimacy? 8 Ways To Do It

6. Heightened self-esteem

A satisfying sexual connection with a partner can also help you feel better about yourself. But sexual rejection, on the other hand, can have the opposite effect. Shivanya says, “Positive sexual experiences and the sense of acceptance from one’s partner can significantly impact self-esteem and body image. Feeling desired and admired can lead to improved self-confidence and self-worth.”

7. Calorie burn

Sexual intimacy can be a form of physical exercise, burning calories and contributing to improved cardiovascular health. While it may not replace a regular workout routine, it can complement an active lifestyle.

8. Relationship satisfaction

A satisfying sexual connection often translates into overall relationship satisfaction. Open communication about desires and preferences fosters trust, understanding, and a shared sense of fulfillment, promoting a healthy and long-lasting partnership. It is one of the core values in a relationship. In long-term relationships, both partners must have enough physical contact and sexual pleasure. Without physical closeness, the health of the relationship will suffer.

Tips For Improving Sexual Intimacy

Sexual intimacy is a journey that requires effort, patience, and a willingness to grow together. By actively nurturing your connection and embracing vulnerability, you can create a fulfilling and passionate sexual relationship with your partner.

Improving sexual intimacy in a relationship requires openly communicating feelings with your partner, trust, and a willingness to explore and connect with your partner on a deeper level. Here are some tips to enhance sexual intimacy:

1. Communication is key

To ensure a successful marriage or relationship, talk openly and honestly with your partner about your desires, needs, and boundaries. Create a safe space where both of you feel comfortable expressing your thoughts and fantasies. Shivanya recommends the following tips for clear communication to improve your sexual experiences:
- Open dialogue: Foster better sexual intimacy through honest conversations about desires, boundaries, and fantasies
- Active listening: Deepen your connection by listening to your partner’s needs and preferences without judgment
- Non-verbal cues: Enhance intimacy by paying attention to body language and reactions, responding intuitively
- Timing and setting: Choose appropriate moments and comfortable settings for intimate discussions, ensuring both partners are relaxed
- Feedback loop: Regularly exchange feedback to refine and explore new experiences, nurturing a fulfilling and evolving connection
Related Reading: 7 Things No One Tells You About Married Sex

2. Prioritize emotional connection

Building emotional intimacy outside the bedroom strengthens the bond inside it. Engage in meaningful conversations, spend quality time together, and show affection and appreciation for each other regularly. Shivanya recommends sexual intimacy exercises like using intimacy cards. Games like these can help in opening up, especially when you’re a new couple. These playful cards dedicated to the sensuality and sexuality of both partners help even if one partner is very hesitant in expressing their wants and desires. Even non-sexual touch helps a lot in fostering this intimacy.

Intimacy begins outside the bedroom

3. Explore each other’s fantasies

For deeper sensual intimacy, it is important that both partners feel open and free. Be open to trying new things and exploring each other’s sexual fantasies. This can add excitement and novelty to your sexual experiences, deepening your connection. Whether your partner wishes to experiment with different approaches or use sex toys and aids to spice things up, indulge in their fantasies. That’s the key to improving physical intimacy in relationships.

Related Reading: Intimacy Anorexia, Causes, And Impact On Romantic Relationships – And Ways To Deal With It

4. Focus on foreplay

Spend time on foreplay to build anticipation and arousal. This can heighten pleasure and create a more fulfilling sexual relationship and physical intimacy for both partners. You can either try out some sexual intimacy exercises or try to fulfill each other’s sexual fantasies in bed.

Here are a few exercises that might help:
- Desire mapping: Each partner creates a list of their desires and fantasies separately. Both then share and discuss them openly to explore mutual interests
- Sensory exploration: Blindfold one partner and use various textures, temperatures, and sensations to heighten awareness and build trust
- Roleplay: Experiment with role-play scenarios, fostering new perspectives and igniting fresh passion
- Tantric breathing: Engage in synchronized breathing during intimacy to deepen emotional and physical connection, promoting a more intense experience
5. Be mindful and present

Sex and emotions are intricately linked and affect relationship intimacy deeply. Focus on the moment and be present during your intimate encounters. Emotional closeness is extremely important for a relationship to be successful. Eliminate distractions and allow yourself to fully engage in the experience. Take time to explore your partner’s body. This will also make it easier to resolve any sexual intimacy issues as and when they arrive.

Related Reading: 5 Ways Exercise And Fitness Improve Your Sex Drive

6. Take care of your health

Physical well-being plays a significant role in sexual intimacy. Sure, sex has several health benefits, but the converse is also true: being healthy is important for a good sex life. Here are a few tips to help you maintain good health:
- Regular exercise: Engage in physical activity to improve cardiovascular health, maintain weight, and boost overall energy, impacting sexual vitality positively. You can even try couples’ workouts for sexual intimacy to complement your fitness regimen
- Balanced diet: Consume nutrient-rich foods, such as fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains, promoting proper hormonal balance and circulation
- Adequate sleep: Prioritize quality sleep to enhance mood, reduce stress, and support healthy hormone production. This is crucial for sexual well-being
- Stress management: Practice relaxation techniques such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing to reduce stress levels that can hinder sexual function
- Open communication: Discuss health concerns with your partner and healthcare professionals, addressing any issues affecting sexual health promptly
7. Experiment with sensuality

There are several ways to deepen physical intimacy for enhanced physical closeness. Create an impromptu date night at home and explore sexual acts beyond intercourse, such as sensual massage, kissing, or taking a bath together. These activities can foster a deeper sense of intimacy and connection. Trying new things in the bedroom will make the intimate act more fulfilling and ensure mutual pleasure.

Related Reading: If You Really Want To Make Your Wife Happy Give Her Some Me Time

8. Seek professional help if needed

Issues related to sexual intimacy can arise at any time in any relationship, whether you’ve been together a long time or are still in the initial stage of dating. An unsatisfying sexual connection can take a toll on other aspects of the relationship, driving partners apart.

If you or your partner face challenges related to sexual intimacy, consider seeking guidance from a sex therapist or counselor. They can help you identify the root of the issue and equip you with the necessary tools to overcome it. If you’re looking for help, skilled and experienced sexual health experts on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.
Key Pointers

A fulfilling sex life helps improve mental health, and sexual health. The benefits of a good sex life can be seen clearly in healthy relationships

A good sex life can enhance feelings and improve personal relationships as well. Try out new and intimate sex positions to keep things interesting

Physical touch and physical closeness are important components of healthy relationships

Not connecting sexually with your partner can affect the relationship negatively

Sexual intimacy in marriage sometimes takes a backseat. Try to revive it through experimenting with your desires and kinks

If nothing else works, scheduling intimacy is also a good way of getting back on track
Sexual intimacy, a vital aspect of human connections, goes beyond physical pleasure, encompassing sexual affection and a range of intimate expressions that nurture relationships. If you’re still wondering, “Why is sex so important in a relationship?”, it is because, among other things, a healthy sexual relationship can improve the mental health of both sexual partners.

However, the effects of lack of intimacy in a relationship can be detrimental, leading to emotional distance and potential sexual dysfunction. By recognizing the significance of different types of intimacy and addressing sexual intimacy issues with care and understanding, couples can cultivate a deeper and more fulfilling bond, enhancing their relationship and overall quality of life.

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January 24, 2024
23 Huge Signs A Woman Is Attracted To You
I’ve often yelled at a friend fondly, “HOW are you unable to read the signs a woman is attracted to you? Look at her, she’s clearly throwing hints your way!” My friend’s dating life is filled with attempts at gauging interest from women. Watching him do that is a fascinating and irritating endeavor. But science shows some support to my friend, even though I want to shake him hard.

The above research on gender differences in emotion recognition has shown that women tend to be more perceptive to subtle, i.e. low intense or ambiguous, emotion cues. So, if you’re a guy, you do stand at a disadvantage and may not be able to easily spot the physical signs a woman is interested in you. I know how confusing it is; I’ve seen my friend spend hours on this romantic investigation. But today, you’re not alone. I’m here to help you all out.

How To Tell If A Woman Is Attracted To You

A user on Quora said, “It’s no surprise that girls are harder to read than guys. Especially when it comes to figuring out if they are interested in you. From body language cues, to what she does during conversations. Girls might be trying to drop hints about their feelings!”

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A woman’s attraction might manifest through an inclination to spend quality time with you or an eagerness to laugh at your jokes. Additionally, genuine interest in your life, opinions, and emotions can reveal a deeper level of attraction. It’s essential to approach these signs with sensitivity and context, as individual personalities and cultural differences can shape how attraction is expressed.

In a broader context, while verbal cues play a role, nonverbal communication often holds significant weight, like eye contact attraction, frequent smiling, or open body language, or touch. Though everyone expresses romantic or sexual interest differently, here’s an extensive list of 23 signs a woman is attracted to you:

1. Prolonged eye contact is a great indicator of a woman’s attraction to you

Most women make frequent eye contact to suggest interest and a desire for intimacy. The eyes are windows to one’s emotions, and lingering gazes convey a sense of vulnerability and openness.

Related Reading: Flirting With Your Eyes: 11 Moves That Almost Always Work

In the realm of attraction, prolonged or repeated eye contact goes beyond casual glances, communicating a silent invitation for emotional exploration. It’s a powerful yet subtle sign that can set the stage for a meaningful and potentially romantic relationship. This is why prolonged eye contact serves as one of the most obvious signs she wants you.

2. You seem to make her smile and laugh easily

A study states, “Laughter, particularly shared laughter, is an important indicator of romantic attraction between potential mates and is associated with relational quality, closeness, and support in established relationships.” Her frequent smiles and genuine laughter in your presence can be compelling indicators that a woman likes you.
- Smiling is a universal expression of happiness, and when directed toward someone specific, it signifies a positive emotional response
- Laughter, especially at your jokes, not only demonstrates a shared sense of humor but also reveals a desire to connect on a deeper, more personal level
- The joy expressed through these nonverbal cues suggests comfort and enjoyment in your company
- A woman’s laughter can be a genuine and involuntary response to feeling attracted, creating a bridge to camaraderie and an atmosphere of warmth and mutual understanding
3. There are plenty of body language signs of attraction

When a woman stands close to you, when a woman flips her hair to expose her neck, she might be trying to create sexual tension. The female body language speaks volumes about her attraction. Leaning in during conversation shows a desire to be closer, while maintained eye contact unveils a connection beyond words.

Mirroring your movements signals subconscious alignment, a yearning for rapport. Open and engaged body language reveals comfort, affirming potential romantic interest.

Related Reading: Expert-Backed Signs Of Male Body Language Attraction

4. She has changed something about her appearance

If she suddenly starts to wear heels, or wear the color you casually told her you liked, she is trying to impress you. When a woman makes a conscious effort to enhance her appearance before meeting you, it signifies a heightened level of interest. This deliberate gesture goes beyond routine grooming; it’s a subtle hint of attraction.

Whether it’s styling her hair, choosing a special outfit, or adding a touch of makeup, these adjustments convey an attempt to heighten her sex appeal and a desire to be noticed and appreciated by you. She is using her feminine attributes and she’s sending you signals that she’s sexually attracted to you.

5. She’s been making future plans with you in mind

How to know if a woman is attracted to you? See if she actively discusses future plans with you. This forward-looking stance transcends casual interactions, implying a shared vision for ongoing experiences. Her inclination to make joint plans communicates an earnest interest in a lasting connection.

Does she suggest weekend plans with you or to hang out after office hours? It could be an indicator that she likes you at work and envisions you as a meaningful part of her life.

6. If she’s flirting with you, it’s the clearest sign she wants to be with you

Flirting serves as one of the most obvious physical signs a woman is interested in you. The nuances of flirting become a vibrant language, signaling her openness to a romantic involvement or to tell you that she’s sexually interested.
- The playful banter, suggestive remarks, and subtle actions go beyond friendly exchanges, expressing a desire for a more profound connection
Related Reading: 21 Flirting Signs From A Woman You Never Knew About
- Through these flirtatious behaviors, she subtly communicates her sexual attraction or her pursuit of a romantic connection
- It’s a dynamic interplay that elevates the relationship from mere friendship to a realm charged with the anticipation of something more intimate
Flirting is one of the strongest and most obvious signs she wants you.

7. She’s comfortable being vulnerable with you

Brené Brown says in her book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, “I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. With that definition in mind, let’s think about love. Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can’t ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment’s notice – that’s vulnerability. Love is uncertain. It’s incredibly risky. And loving someone leaves us emotionally exposed”.

What we can deduce from this is:
- A woman’s willingness to express vulnerability signals a profound connection and potential attraction, because in most cases, being vulnerable with a man can be quite difficult for a woman
- Opening up emotionally indicates trust and comfort with you
- It’s a courageous act that hints at her growing feelings and the possibility of a meaningful romantic connection
- If she tells you personal stuff, lets you into her personal zone, doesn’t make you feel awkward about sharing your vulnerabilities with her either, she’s into you
8. She compliments you in the most meaningful ways

When a woman who’s been flirting with you genuinely compliments you too, it serves as a pretty clear sign of her attraction. Compliments extend beyond mere courtesy; they are a deliberate admiration for your attributes, whether they be physical, intellectual, or personal.

This authentic acknowledgment becomes her way of conveying positive emotions and genuine appreciation. After all, compliments act as a bridge between friendship and romantic interest, demonstrating her desire to make you feel noticed and valued.

Related Reading: 50 Compliments For Men That Make Them Happy

9. When a girl is curious about you, she loves listening to you actively

Most women’s attentive and engaged listening skills reveal more than interest; it hints at attraction. Here’s what showcases her desire for a profound understanding:
- Genuine focus
- Thoughtful replies
- Openness to your words
This heightened attentiveness speaks to a growing emotional connection, underscoring the importance she places on your exchanges. How to know if a girl likes you over text? Even if you connected through dating apps, her active listening, initiating conversation, and long replies are some of the signs a woman likes you through texts.

10. Playful teasing and touching? Yeah, she’s interested

These are potent signs she finds you attractive; these acts could even be a form of sexual conversation for many. Many women engage in light-hearted banter or teasing, signaling comfort and a shared sense of humor, often serving as a playful way to express affection.

Playful teasing and subtle touches might indicate that she’s feeling frisky… *wink wink*

Physical touches, even subtle ones like a gentle brush of the hand or a lingering hug, transcend mere friendliness, suggesting an unspoken desire for closeness. Playful interactions and tactile gestures establish a unique language of attraction, and sometimes make up for words that she might lack.

Related Reading: What Holding Hands Means To A Guy – 16 Interpretations

11. She has introduced you to friends and family

A woman introducing you to her friends and family signifies a desire to integrate you into her personal space and share the people she values most. It reflects a great level of commitment, indicating that she sees a potential future with you. By bringing you into her inner circle, she’s emphasizing the importance of your presence in her life.

12. Has she been jealous yet? If yes, she likes you

A woman expressing jealousy might be one of the many subconscious signs of attraction. If she shows signs of unease or envy when you engage with others, it could stem from a fear of romantic competition and a yearning for your attention.

While handling jealousy or dealing with a jealous partner delicately is crucial, acknowledging it as a sign suggests that she places significance on your relationship and may harbor deeper, unspoken feelings for you. Her emotional response hints at a desire for exclusivity between you two.

13. Things girls do when they like you: They ask personal questions and notice details about you

Women love to ask personal questions about your life when they’re attracted to you. They are curious about you, so it goes beyond casual conversation, indicating a desire to understand you on a more profound level. In a study, it was found that question-asking increased liking in a 15-minute conversation between two people, especially if these questions allow the recipient to talk about themselves.
- By seeking information about your life, she invests emotionally and also shows concern for your well-being
- Noticing and remembering intricate details, whether it’s a favorite book or a significant date, reflects attentiveness and an eagerness to make a connection meaningful
- Delving into your experiences, opinions, and aspirations serve as a pathway to building emotional intimacy with you
Thus, in the dance of attraction, the art of asking personal questions and paying attention to details become subtle signs of genuine interest and a potential romance.

14. Her consistent availability is a good sign that she’s into you

A woman’s consistent availability, whether in person or just emotionally, speaks volumes about her attraction. Making time for you and remaining easily reachable are a couple of signs of female attraction. Thus, by being consistently available, she is reflecting her desire for connection, highlighting the significance she attributes to your relationship and the depth of her feelings for you. She wants you to be able to trust her.

15. She’s there to give you support and encouragement

A woman consistently providing support and encouragement is a telling sign she’s attracted to you.

Related Reading: 55 Motivating Words Of Encouragement For A Man You Love During Hard Times
- She cheers you on and cheers you up
- She believes in your abilities and tells you about them when you lose faith in self
- She tries to enable a morally and verbally supportive environment where you can achieve growth in terms of career, individuality, family, finances, etc.
- She helps out in concrete ways too, and offers solutions
Her genuine interest in your aspirations and overall well-being reflects a deep emotional investment. She desires your fulfillment and success, underscoring a meaningful connection and romantic feelings.

A woman who wants you will try her best to encourage you and be supportive.

16. If she’s mirroring you, she’s interested in you

According to Science of People, mirroring is a nonverbal technique where a person copies the body language, vocal qualities, or attitude of another person. In the context of a woman’s attraction, mirroring is a nonverbal synchronization that indicates a subconscious desire to establish rapport.

If she unconsciously mimics your movements, it signifies:
- A deepening bond and romantic interest
- A silent language of affinity and an unspoken connection
- An attempt to bridge emotional distances for a more unified experience
17. Her communication with you is deep, layered, and personal

Her enthusiasm and openness in communication are important signs she finds you attractive. She actively engages in conversations, shares her thoughts, and respects your opinions.
- She chooses to engage in long, meaningful conversations beyond casual chit-chat
- She shares personal stories and opinions so you get to know her as she is
- She not only actively listens but remembers and references details from your conversations
18. She’s nervous around you

Her nervous demeanor is a revealing dance of emotions. These are silent admissions of a heightened state of awareness when you’re near. It’s not discomfort, but the manifestation of a desire to leave a good impression. This vulnerability adds authenticity to her language of attraction.

Other signs that she’s drawn to you:
- Fidgeting, blushing, or lip biting
- She might suddenly start talking more with you even though she’s shy around you
- She makes some kind of physical contact
- However nervously, she might want to sit close to you
Related Reading: Want To Make Someone Blush? Here Are 12 Adorable Ways!

19. When it comes to you, initiating contact comes naturally to her

A woman’s initiation of contact is an active pursuit, a clear sign of her attraction. Each message or call becomes a deliberate step toward establishing an emotional connection. This proactive engagement transcends mere communication; it’s an expression of her desire to be close, and to know more about your routine and life.

20. She respects your opinions openly as a mark of her affections

When a woman genuinely respects your opinions, it’s a significant sign of attraction. Her respect for your opinions transcends mere courtesy; it’s a genuine acknowledgment of your individuality. The attentive consideration she gives to your thoughts creates an atmosphere of mutual understanding, shared respect, and compatibility.

21. You can count on her to remember all the special dates

One of the things women do when they like you is remembering dates that are important to you (and to her). It’s not just about remembering; it’s a deliberate effort to acknowledge and celebrate significant milestones in your life. This thoughtful attention to detail validates you and reflects a desire for shared joy. Some examples of such behavior are:

Related Reading: 15 Relationship Milestones That Call For A Celebration
- Remembering your birthday and giving you a heartfelt wish or maybe even a small gift
- Remembering you have an important meeting or exam and wishing you luck
- Recalling the day you guys spent together doing something, even if it was something seemingly mundane
22. Genuine signs of female attraction: She creates shared rituals and inside jokes

Creating shared rituals and inside jokes is a subtle but powerful sign of attraction. Dr. John Gottman suggests couples commit to six hours a week together, which includes rituals for saying goodbye in the morning and reuniting at the end of the day. These rituals help couples reconnect when life gets in the way.

These personal experiences and exclusive moments, whether a personalized tradition or the same dumb jokes she likes to crack with you, cultivate a unique bond. This way, you also find common interests. They serve as a language that transcends words, signaling romantic feelings that bind two individuals in a shared world of fond affection.

23. Creating opportunities for alone time means that she wants you

A woman creating opportunities for alone time is an intentional journey into deeper connection. It’s a subtle invitation to explore the intimacy that blossoms when two people are together. Also, during this alone time with her, you might notice a few good signs of magnetic attraction between you:
- When a girl moves closer to you, she’s into you
- She is blushing when you flirt or touch her
- She’s shy when you’re together
Key Pointers

Deciphering a woman’s attraction can be a challenging feat. While verbal cues play a role, nonverbal signals often hold significant weight when you’re just starting to discover her feelings

Her prolonged eye contact, genuine laughter, and intentional touches are some of the signs a woman is attracted to you

The powerful yet subtle signs of her paying attention to details, initiating contact, and creating opportunities for alone time underscore a deep romantic or sexual attraction toward you
According to a user on Reddit, “If a girl is interested in you, it’ll be obvious and she’ll make things very easy.” You just have to keep paying attention as prolonged eye contact, genuine smiles, and playful touches become the brushstrokes of a burgeoning connection. From an open body language to the creation of shared rituals, all these collective gestures listed above paint a portrait of attraction, where emotional depth and potential romance intertwine in the hues of shared experiences.

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December 24, 2023
Understanding The Dynamics Of Short-Term Relationships
A friend, who’s knee-deep in the dating scene, told me recently that she’s been meeting up with many guys who only have short-term relationships. It’s perfect because she’s not ready for a serious relationship either. If you, too, are thinking of going on a date with someone who’s not looking to commit long-term, you need to understand the unique characteristics and challenges of a short-term relationship.

Recognizing the difference between short-term and long-term relationships is vital too. According to research, “At some point, romantic interest tends to plateau and decline in short-term relationships, while in long-term relationships, it continues to ascend and reaches a higher peak.”

Short-term relationships typically refer to the romantic or intimate relationships between two people that are not ‘intended’ to be long-lasting. Effective communication from the very beginning is crucial if you’re having a temporary relationship, though. Because while short-term relationships are typically less emotionally intense than long-term ones, a strong emotional connection can still develop.

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What Is A Short-Term Relationship?

Inherently time-limited, short-term relationships tend to prioritize the present moment rather than long-term planning. People have fun, explore shared interests, and experience intimacy without the pressure of building a future together. This is why, before diving into the complex emotions of short-term fun, you need to make sure that your potential partner is up for it.

These dynamics are very different from a friends-with-benefits situation. Here, you have a say in each other’s love lives as long as you’re with each other. It’s not a one-night stand either — The short period we’ve been referring to can’t be ‘that’ tiny. So how long is a short-term relationship? Short relationships vary in length as they could go on for weeks or a few months, maybe even a year.

Some of the basic characteristics of short-term relationships are:
- Limited duration
- Casual nature, but not necessarily
- Limited emotional investment and intimacy
- Lack of future planning
- Focus on enjoyment
- Less expectations
- May be a monogamous or polyamorous setting
This short-term fun can take various forms, such as casual dating, flings, or situations where both individuals are aware that the connection is not meant to be permanent (e.g., one of them has to leave the country in a few months). People engage in casual relationships for various reasons, including physical intimacy, exploring their own desires and preferences, seeking companionship or physical intimacy without a long-term partnership, or simply enjoying the present moment without planning for a future together.

It’s important to note that not all relationships are strictly categorized as either short-term or long-term, because some may start as temporary but evolve into long-term commitments, given the time frame and if both parties decide to continue and deepen their connection. This requires both the partners to be fully committed.

Related Reading: How To Connect With Your Partner On A Deeper Level – Expert Helps

What Are The Benefits Of Short-Term Dating?

Defining the benefits of a short-term relationship, a Quora user said, “The pros of a short-term relationship: No commitment! Do what you want, leave if you don’t like it. You are only there as long as it benefits you in the short-term, and if you ever change your mind, don’t like it anymore, find someone better, you are not tied to anything.”

Short-lived connections can offer many benefits depending on an individual’s goals, preferences, and circumstances. So either go for gals and guys who only have short-term relationships, or clear your intentions to your partner beforehand. You don’t wanna be a heartbreaker, do you? Here are some potential advantages of engaging in temporary relationships:

1. Exploration and self-discovery

Short-term dating allows individuals to explore different types of relationships and discover what they are looking for in a partner. It can help people better understand their own preferences, desires, relationship style, and boundaries in romantic relationships. Each short-term relationship can serve as a valuable learning experience.

2. Having a short-term relationship gives you flexibility

Such ephemeral relationships provide flexibility in terms of commitment and time allocation. Here are the benefits:
- They allow individuals to enjoy companionship, intimacy, and dating experiences without the pressure of a long-term commitment or the need to plan for a shared future
- Some individuals may not be ready or interested in a long-term commitment at a particular point in their lives owing to lack of emotional space for commitment
- A short-lived romance allows them to date without too many expectations and make their daily schedules without feeling guilty or pressured by their partner
Related Reading: Expectations In Relationships: The Right Way To Manage Them

3. Emotional and personal growth

Short-term dating can contribute to emotional growth and resilience. It allows individuals to navigate the complexities of relationships, handle breakups, and develop emotional maturity.

Personal and emotional growth should always be a priority.

4. Variety and enjoyment are guaranteed

Short relationships can offer variety and excitement in one’s dating life. Meeting different people and having diverse experiences can be enjoyable and fulfilling. But for a great experience, try to spend time with your partner, communicate, and most importantly, have safe sex.

Related Reading: 11 Types Of Casual Relationships That Exist

5. Reduced pressure adds to the short-term fun

Long-term relationships come with their share of stress and challenges. A few benefits of a brief romance:
- A temporary dating period can help individuals avoid some of the stress associated with maintaining a lasting partnership in front of family and friends as well as in their own lives
- Short-term dating involves less pressure to meet evolving compatibility needs of a partner
- This can lead to a more relaxed and enjoyable dating experience
6. Easier management of time and energy

Short-term dating can be a practical choice for people with busy schedules or other priorities. It allows them to manage their time and energy more efficiently. It can be a good choice for people who want to prioritize their personal goals, career, education, or other aspects of their life without the demands of a long-term relationship.

Related Reading: 5 Brutally Honest Truths About Long-Term Relationships

It’s important to note that the benefits of short-term dating can vary from person to person, and what may be advantageous for one individual may not be the same for another. Ultimately, the key is to be clear and honest with oneself and potential partners about one’s intentions and expectations in order to ensure a positive and respectful dating experience for all parties involved. However, before entering into a short-term dating situation, there are certain things you should know.

How To Know If A Short-Term Relationship Is Right For You?

Having a successful short-term relationship and to determine whether it is right for you involves self-reflection and considering your own goals, preferences, and circumstances. A Quora user suggested that the best way to gauge if a short-term partnership is right for you is to try it out. They said, “One way to find out is to explore and discover. This is what happens in a short-term relationship. Initially, the relationship may meet some short-term needs and desires. Over time other needs and desires may not be getting met and the relationship fizzles. So onto the next one.”

Short-term dating requires both the partners to be on the same page. Here are some steps to help you assess if a short-term relationship aligns with your needs:
- Introspect on your personal goals
  Ask yourself what you are looking for in a relationship at this stage in your life. Are you seeking companionship, casual dating, physical intimacy, or a serious, long-term commitment in the form of either monogamy or polyamory? Consider your short-term and long-term goals in both your personal life and career. How does a relationship fit into your overall life plan?
Related Reading: 9 Polyamorous Relationship Rules According To An Expert
- Reflect on your emotional readiness
  Assess your emotional readiness for a short-term relationship. Are you comfortable with the idea of a non-committal connection, or do you have a strong desire for a long-lasting partnership? Consider your past experiences with relationships. Have you had positive or negative experiences with a transitory dating period in the past?
- Communicate your intentions
  Be clear about your intentions and expectations when you start dating someone. Transparency is crucial in ensuring both you and your potential partner are on the same page regarding frequency of meet-ups, expectations regarding calls and messages, interactions with social circle, etc. Work on ways to improve communication.
One should always be clear of their intentions and communicate their needs and wants properly.
- Ask yourself why you’re seeking a short relationship
  Be honest about what you genuinely want and need in a relationship, even if it differs from societal expectations or what others may desire. Avoid entering a short-term relationship if it’s not aligned with your true desires, as it can lead to dissatisfaction and emotional turmoil.
- Evaluate compatibility
  Assess whether you and your potential partner share compatible goals and preferences. If one person is looking for a short-term relationship while the other desires a long-term partner, it will lead to complications.
Related Reading: 15 Signs Of Relationship Compatibility Between You And Your Partner
- Evaluate the timing
  Consider whether your current life circumstances and responsibilities allow for a short-term relationship. Are there any major life changes or commitments that could affect your ability to date casually?
- Seek support and advice
  Discuss your thoughts and concerns with trusted friends, family members, or a therapist. They can offer valuable insights and perspectives on your situation. Should you need it, skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.
- Monitor your feelings throughout the relationship
  Pay attention to your emotions as the relationship progresses. If you find yourself developing strong feelings and attachment, consider whether continuing a short-term relationship is still the right choice for you.
- Reassess as needed
  Periodically reevaluate your relationship and your own feelings. If your goals or feelings change, it’s important to communicate openly with your partner and make adjustments accordingly.
Ultimately, what is right for you in terms of a relationship will depend on your individual needs and circumstances. It’s essential to prioritize open communication, honesty, and self-awareness when deciding whether a short-term relationship aligns with your desires and goals. Remember that there is no one-size-fits-all answer, and your relationship preferences may evolve over time.

How To Have A Successful Short-Term Relationship?

A successful short-term relationship, like any relationship, requires certain considerations and practices to ensure that both you and your partner have a positive and fulfilling experience. One of the challenges in having a temporary relationship is the potential for mismatched expectations. If one person seeks a casual fling while the other hopes for something more serious, it can lead to difficulties and misunderstandings. One of the best ways to find a suitable short-term partner is taking the help of a dating app and writing a clear-cut bio. Here are some tips for having a successful short-term relationship:

1. Define expectations clearly

From the outset, communicate openly with your partner about your intentions and expectations. Be clear about the nature of the relationship and whether it’s intended to be short-term or casual. If you’re not sure about what you want, tell them. Let them decide if they still wish to be with you.

Related Reading: 12 Realistic Expectations In A Relationship

2. Choose a compatible partner

Select a partner who shares similar goals and desires for a short-term relationship. Compatibility in terms of values, interests, and lifestyle can contribute to a more enjoyable experience. Do not go for someone who wants lifelong commitment, and then try to convince them of the wonders of short-term partnerships.

3. Practice safe and consensual intimacy

If your short-term relationship involves physical intimacy, prioritize safe and consensual practices. Communicate openly about sexual health, use protection if needed, and respect each other’s boundaries and consent.

4. Communicate effectively

Maintain open and honest communication throughout the relationship. Discuss any concerns, feelings, or changes in expectations as they arise. Effective and regular communication can prevent misunderstandings and potential conflicts. Don’t assume, and don’t think they’ll read your mind. Talk it out. You can also try some couples communication exercises.

5. Set boundaries

Establish clear boundaries to ensure that both you and your partner feel comfortable and respected. Discuss boundaries related to communication, physical intimacy, and emotional involvement.

Related Reading: How To Set Dating Boundaries Early In Your Relationship

6. Be present in the moment

Embrace the present moment and enjoy the time you spend together without placing excessive focus on the future. Short-term relationships are often about enjoying each other’s company in the here and now.

You should try to stay in the moment and enjoy the time you’re having.

7. Avoid unrealistic expectations

Recognize that short-term relationship breakup is inevitable, and it’s important not to expect it to turn into a long-term commitment. Unrealistic expectations can lead to heartbreak.

8. Learn from the experience

Reflect on what you’ve learned from this brief relationship. Consider how it has contributed to your personal growth and understanding of your own desires and needs.

9. Be honest about your feelings

If your feelings change during the course of the short-term relationship, be honest with yourself and your partner. If the relationship is no longer fulfilling or aligned with your desires, communicate respectfully and consider ending it amicably.

Related Reading: How To End A Relationship On Good Terms

10. Be respectful and considerate

Treat your partner with respect and consideration, just as you would in any relationship. Respect their boundaries, feelings, and autonomy.

11. End things on good terms

If the time comes to end the short-term relationship, do so respectfully and with kindness. Ending on good terms can help both you and your partner move forward positively.

12. Practice self-care

Take care and prioritize self-care and well-being. Continue pursuing your personal goals, hobbies, and interests outside of the relationship.
Key Pointers

A short-term relationship is often used to describe a romantic or personal connection between two individuals that lasts only a short while and is not meant to last forever

How long is a short-term relationship? That’s up to you both. Short-term relationships are by their very nature time-limited and favor the ‘here and now’ above long-term planning

One of the major benefits of a short-term relationship is that both the partners don’t have to give commitment promises. They can end the relationship once they feel like it’s not working out

In order to ensure that you and your partner have a happy and meaningful experience, successful short-term relationships, like other relationships, require specific considerations and practices
Remember that the definition of a successful short-term relationship may vary from person to person. What matters most is that both you and your partner have a positive and respectful experience that aligns with your intentions and expectations. Communication and mutual respect are key factors in achieving success in any type of relationship, regardless of its duration.

FAQs

1. Are short-term relationships worth it?

It is a good option if someone is still exploring their interests and both the partners are willing to give it a shot. A short-term relationship breakup should be pre-decided at some point, if possible, so that it doesn’t cause emotional harm to anyone.

2. How long is the ‘short-term’ in a relationship?

It is up to your partner and you to decide. However, it usually lasts from a few months to a year. But if both partners agree to it, they can take it even further. It is possible to end it within a few weeks too, if either of the partners feels like the relationship no longer aligns with their lives anymore.

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November 26, 2023
They claimed their high school coach sexually abused them years ago. Now he’s in custody

Michael Guzman was a popular teacher at Woodrow Wilson High School in El Sereno around the turn of the century.

He taught history and coached the girls’ basketball team.

But more than two decades later — after he had moved on to different schools in different districts — Guzman, an assistant principal at Gabrielino High in San Gabriel, was arrested this month and charged with four counts of lewd acts on a child stemming from allegations from about 20 years ago, according to court documents and interviews with two of the alleged victims.

Though so much time has passed, the victims — Maria Barajas and Clarissa Vizcaino — who went to the Los Angeles Police Department decades after the alleged abuse said that the memories of their treatment at the hands of Guzman stuck with them, scarred them and sometimes caused ruptures in their adult relationships.

“I just kind of put it in this box and put it away for a long time,” said Barajas, who’s 42.

Guzman, 57, has denied in court papers having any sexual relationship with Barajas and Clarissa Vizcaino, 38, when they were underage. Neither Guzman nor his attorney in the civil suit immediately responded to a request for comment.

Barajas and Vizcaino said they were not close friends at Woodrow Wilson. They were different ages. Barajas was a senior on the varsity team coached by Guzman, while Vizcaino was a freshman on the junior varsity team, also coached by Guzman.

What they had in common was that they both played basketball and were allegedly favorites of Guzman. Barajas and Vizcaino claim that Guzman began to groom them when they were freshmen in high school, Barajas in 1995 and Vizcaino in 1998, eventually moving on from his relationship with Barajas and beginning a new one with Vizcaino.

Vizcaino said Guzman would have her come close to him in his office and put his cheek to her cheek or tell her how good she smelled even before they allegedly ever had sex.

“At that time, I had never had anyone be that affectionate with me. I had never had an actual real boyfriend or kissed anyone,” Vizcaino said.

Barajas said it was more than a year into them knowing each other before her relationship with Guzman allegedly turned sexual. One day in a car her sophomore year, he allegedly began rubbing her leg, she said. The two then began a sexual relationship that lasted through her senior year, Barajas claimed.

Barajas and Vizcaino both claim that Guzman began having sexually inappropriate interactions with them when they were between 14 and 15 years old, according to a lawsuit the duo filed in Los Angeles Superior Court in 2022.

Guzman was around 35 at the time of the misconduct, according to the lawsuit.

Michael Guzman, center, stands with the Woodrow Wilson High School girls’ basketball team. Standing in front of him is Clarissa Vizcaino.

(Ashley Pileika)

Vizcaino even kept a diary from 2000, when she was about 15 and in the midst of her alleged relationship with Guzman. She wrote about playing basketball with “Guzman” or “Guz” as she sometimes called him. One time, when she went to get water during practice, he followed her out and allegedly kissed her near the gym. She also took down sexually inappropriate comments that Guzman allegedly made to her at school.

A key part of the claims the women have made against the Los Angeles Unified School District in their lawsuit is that other staff at Woodrow Wilson knew or should have known about the alleged abuse that was taking place, but that they failed to do anything about it.

Guzman gave the girls rides alone in his car, which other teachers knew, according to the suit. He also once told Vizcaino that the principal at Woodrow Wilson knew about their sexual relationship but would not say anything because the principal had also had inappropriate sexual relationships on campus, the suit claims. The lawsuit also says that other coaches on the basketball team should have known what was going on.

“While we take all student matters seriously, Los Angeles Unified does not comment on pending or ongoing litigation,” said Elvia Perez Cano, an LAUSD spokesperson.

Woodrow Wilson High School in April 2022.

(Brian van der Brug / Los Angeles Times)

After Barajas and Vizcaino graduated, Guzman moved on and worked at other schools.

“An overarching objective of Maria and Clarissa in coming forward is to ensure what happened to them does not happen to others. The grooming, the trauma — the lifelong impact of child sexual abuse is real, and victims deserve justice,” said Ashley Pileika, an attorney for Barajas and Vizcaino. “We are grateful to the LAPD and [the L.A. County district attorney’s] office for prioritizing this case and the safety of children in the greater Los Angeles community.”

Before he ended up at Gabrielino, a public school in the San Gabriel Unified School District, Guzman worked in two other districts and at numerous different schools, according to an article about him in the Gabrielino school newspaper. Guzman worked in education for 30 years leading up to his arrest and had just started at Gabrielino this year.

“I am having a great time, learning the ins-and-outs of the school’s culture,” Guzman told a student reporter at Gabrielino this year.

The San Gabriel Unified School District said that Guzman was placed on unpaid administrative leave after the news of his arrest. The district said in a statement that it had no information suggesting that Guzman committed any misconduct while at Gabrielino.

“Hearing that a person entrusted to work with students may have committed a crime such as this is, of course, deeply troubling and disturbing, and our thoughts are with the alleged victim or victims in this case,” San Gabriel Unified School District Supt. Jim Symonds said in a statement shared with The Times.

Barajas and Vizcaino both said that their alleged experiences with Guzman have shaped who they are, especially in their romantic relationships.

“I feel like all my life I wanted to be a mom and to be married and I’m a 42-year-old single woman without children,” Barajas said. “I came to that realization, knowing how it’s because that history of mine has affected every decision I’ve ever made.”

Vizcaino also said that she struggled in romantic relationships and believes it has to do with Guzman.

“I wasn’t in a real relationship until my mid-20s because I was still waiting for him. Every relationship has been some sort of abusive or toxic,” she said.

It was not until May, seven months after they filed the lawsuit, that Vizcaino and Barajas went to the police.

When the police realized that Vizcaino still was able to contact Guzman, they set up a call where they hoped the former coach would admit to the conduct he was accused of, Vizcaino said. They called Guzman from the precinct and put him on speaker phone, Vizcaino said.

She said she asked pointed questions like, “Why did you have sex with me at school when I was 15?”

She said she told him she was angry. She asked him about specific incidents.

And while Guzman allegedly apologized repeatedly on the call, Vizcaino said it was not enough for the detective to make an immediate arrest.

“It was a clear confession to me. But the detective wanted more information,” she said.

It took six more months before Guzman was finally arrested Nov. 13. Three days later, he was released on bond.

Noah Goldberg

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November 23, 2023