Lashing out at my kids one day for a seemingly minor offense, they had had enough. “Why are you so angry all the time?” My son asked. “Yeah, Mom, you yell a lot.” This broke me. Growing up in a home where my mother yelled a lot, I often walked on eggshells, not knowing exactly what her mood would be.
I usually hid my true feelings and generally didn’t express myself for fear of rejection or her wrath. This moment with my kids confirmed I had become just like her. I went upstairs and wept. “God?” I asked. “Help me break this generational sin of approval and negativity. I don’t know how to stop hurting my kids with my words, but you do. Help me break this stronghold in my life.”
I went downstairs and apologized. From then on, I worked hard to make sure I tamed my tongue and ensured that they came home to a safe, loving environment. Since I came from a tumultuous home, I wasn’t sure how to do it. But with God’s help, I could change my attitude and become gentler in responding to them. After a while, I couldn’t remember the last time I yelled at my kids.
It’s easy to live what we learn. If we don’t have the skills to change our behavior, we will often become like the people we hate the most. While I’m the type of person who speaks her mind, it is not always good for me to say whatever comes to my mind. I need to weigh and discern which words should come out and which should not.
Here’s how I learned the art of taming my tongue:
Balancing Grace and Truth
As a writer, I find it interesting that Genesis begins with God speaking the world into existence. This demonstrates that God considers words a critical part of life. He could have created the earth with his hands and mind, but he chose to speak life into being with words.
In the same way, I need to choose between speaking life or death to the people I know. I don’t want to be the person who constantly criticizes others. I want to be the person who speaks the truth in love and strikes a good balance between grace and truth. Although this balance is difficult to find at times, I know that words are essential, and if I don’t build my words correctly, I can leave a slew of carnage in my wake.
Recognizing the Weight of Words
Just as my words are important, they also carry significant weight. This is especially true with the people I love. Because I’m known as someone they can go to for blatant truth, if I’m feeling bad about another situation, it’s easier for me to project my feelings onto someone else. That person is left not knowing why I was so harsh with them, and though it makes me feel better, it’s only for the short term. In the long run, I have strained my relationship with someone I care about.
While it is important not to sweep words under the rug, speaking words is equally important so that I can tell the truth—but with grace. For example, instead of, “You were so stupid. Why did you do that?” I can gently ask, “Did you ask someone to counsel you before you did that? That’s not God’s best for you.” Both sentences communicate my disappointment with the other’s actions. But the first one assassinates their character. The second allows me to speak the truth and challenge them to seek other people’s opinions before they do something they may regret later.
If I continue to attack someone’s character, it can leave them feeling worthless, and they will likely not want to seek my presence again. This hurts not only them but also me in the end.
Practicing a Gentle Response
Several Proverbs talk about taming the tongue. God considers this necessary if he chooses to have almost an entire book dedicated to it. Consider these words from Proverbs 10:11: “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence. Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
As Scripture suggests, when I am gracious and gentle with my words, they are sweet to others’ ears. However, when I’m harsh with others, I incite anger and possibly retaliation or revenge. Even if harsh words are “necessary,” they never yield healthy relationships.
Even when it is tempting to be harsh with someone after they’ve been harsh, I must choose to use my words wisely. As someone whose spiritual gift is wisdom, I need to use wisdom when it comes to my words. I need to choose my words carefully and speak to someone I feel can maturely handle a rebuke.
Building Others Up
Even when it feels good in the short-term, using harsh words with someone strains (or even severs) relationships. This causes me to go back and apologize and make the situation right. Although this is a lesson in humility, I must learn to never say those words in the first place. Just as we can sin or become more righteous each day, it is the same with our words. I can choose to use my words for good or for evil. I want to be someone who can speak the truth in love but also encourage often.
The best way I can balance this is to use my words to bless someone each day. Whether through a written note, e-mail, or text, I can highlight something I like about someone and send it to them. Funerals are when we wish we could have said things to people. I choose each day to bless someone with love before they go. This is an excellent way for me to use my tongue to build others up rather than tear others down.
Reconciling
Just as words have the power to sever or hinder relationships, they also can bring reconciliation. When I apologize to someone, I increase humility, rid myself of pride, and allow forgiveness to occur. When I am willing to work on a relationship by changing my words, I make room for the Spirit to work in my life. I can set an example for someone through kind words, but in my challenge to someone, I can choose to be gentle in that rebuke so they can receive it with love and can change.
We have the power to bring death or life to others. God chose to use words to breathe life into being. Through our words in prayer, we usher in the Holy Spirit and allow miracles to occur. The ability to speak will enable us to be tangible witnesses of Christ. If I choose to help those in need and only rebuke those whose motives I know and have discerned, I will be the example Christ has set to challenge and inspire hearts.
Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Hall of Faith encourages kids to understand God can be trusted. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.
The arrival of fall means the festive harvest and spooky season of Halloween is upon us, and there’s hardly a more popular occasion than to dress up for an event or date function with your significant other. Whether you’re into dressing up as classic ghouls or legacy characters, current pop-culture references, or enjoy coordinating twin Halloween costumes, there are plenty of fun things you can brainstorm with your partner to make you stand out. Let’s look at some of our favorite couples’ costume ideas.
Classic Halloween Costume Favorites
You can’t go wrong when showing up dressed as iconic Halloween characters, whether it’s classic spooky figures or traditional villains from the quintessential horror catalog. Here are a few of the most fun — bonus points for individual creativity, too.
Disclaimer: The imagery featured in this article was created or refined with the help of artificial intelligence (AI) tools. Although they strive to depict the content accurately, they may not perfectly capture real-life situations or precise details. These visuals are intended solely for illustrative purposes.
Vampires – The vampire is an iconic villain that requires a few simple elements such as a cape and fangs, but vampire couples costumes can also be customized to give couples the freedom to make it their own. Props like garlic earrings or a wooden stake also elevate the outfit.
Werewolves – Being that they’re part human and part beast, werewolf costumes for couples are easy to incorporate using your normal wardrobe, and there are plenty of ways to achieve a hairy look, from makeup to fake fur.
Witches – Couples witch costumes never go out of style since men can just go the warlock route, but those looking to go the extra mile sometimes see the man dressed as the broom or cauldron.
Skeletons – Skeleton costumes for couples are an easy and recognizable outfit that can be achieved simply through clothing design or can be as elaborate as you want with makeup and other props.
Ghosts – While perhaps the most common of all costumes, the ghost is a fairly basic concept that anyone can identify, and the idea that you can use anything from a sheet to other decorative garments means there’s also more anonymity.
Pumpkins – Dressing as two pumpkins from the patch can be a cute way to show others that you’re partners, and all you really need is to wear some orange and highlight a stem and leaf from your head.
Scarecrows – Both parties can get as creative as they like when designing their own scarecrow costume, which is not only an underrated choice, but one in which you can utilize your existing jeans and flannel wardrobe — but don’t forget the straw hats!
Generic Superhero Couples Costume
You don’t have to spend money on a branded costume to show your affinity for superheroes! A few simple DIY ideas that easily fit the bill include using spandex, capes, masks, and other signifying props or symbolism to help others know who you’re emulating. People will certainly notice if you put in the time and effort, but if you use the notable colors and coordinate your characters as a duo, it can be a real crowd-pleaser.
Trendy Pop Culture Costumes
There are tons of pop culture costumes that come and go with each Halloween season, but there are also many timeless options that are easily recognizable and resonate with all types of crowds. Below are just a few of our favorites.
Bonnie & Clyde – The infamous legacy of Bonnie and Clyde is still a famous costume choice for young lovers, but thankfully, in this instance, their role as robbers is just a guise. Just adorn yourself in garb from the Depression era and don a faux firearm.
Tarzan & Jane – If you’re looking to take a walk on the wild side, you can’t go wrong with a Tarzan and Jane pairing, especially if the man already has long hair and the woman owns a solid cheetah-print dress.
Cute and Fun Couple Costumes
Just because you feel pressured to wear something current doesn’t mean you have to. There are quite a few other generic costume ideas for Halloween that are immediate crowd-pleasers based on context alone.
Complementary Concept Costumes
Peanut Butter & Jelly – There’s hardly ever been a better combination, right? This works even better when you both dress in clothes as the colored spreads and then wear a bread costume on top. Posterboards are a perfect size.
Taco & Hot Sauce – While individually excellent on their own, hot sauce objectively makes tacos better, so it’s a match made in heaven that everyone can appreciate. While you may elect to buy these costumes, using cardboard boxes and paper bags can really show off your creativity.
Salt & Pepper – If you’re looking for a staple couples’ costume that clearly indicates you’re with your partner, look no further than the essential seasonings that make everything better. Chef hats and corresponding colored clothing work well enough.
Bread & Butter – As you can tell, bread costumes can be very versatile! If you’ve already done PB&J before, one person opting to dress as butter drives the point across just as well. You may just have to find some yellow pants.
Popcorn & Soda – If you’re both into movies and enjoy the snacks even more, popcorn and soda are two staple commodities that everyone enjoys at the theater. A large paper bag can actually work nicely for each of these.
Themed Character Duos
Angel & Devil – A little good, a little evil — the contrast alone makes people think your relationship is well-balanced, and these costumes can be fun to customize as well. As long as you have a corresponding headband, you’ll be just fine.
Bob Ross & Canvas – While a bit silly, the only better thing than dressing up as Bob Ross is if the other person represents his easel and canvas, which is bound to draw some laughs. Some posterboard makes a nice easel, and if you’re painting, make sure you have the right hair!
Classic Slinky – Relationships expand and contract like a slinky, so what better way than to be linked to your partner throughout your outing? It may be harder to walk, but people will understand your need to stretch out. If you go DIY, you might need to get creative with this one.
Quarterback & Football – The concept of dressing as an NFL quarterback is fairly common, but whether it’s the man or woman opting to take on the role of the football, that outfit takes the costume the extra mile. If you can wear a full brown outfit and add some tape for laces, you’re golden.
Sun & Moon – Are you and your significant other astrology fans or just enjoyers of the cosmos? Well, what more convincing way to show your symbiotic relationship than by portraying the sun and moon? Cutting cardboard into circles and spray paint is all you should need!
Twin and Sibling-Inspired Costumes
Twin costumes are continuously sought after by couples due to their mutual commitment requirements and distinguishability amongst the crowd. And while virtually any costume could technically have a twin, using characters that actually look identical or have twins in context makes a much more lasting impression.
Identical Twins and Sibling Themes
Here are some of the most common twin costumes for Halloween that you’ll typically see.
Thing 1 & Thing 2 – The consistency in this deliverance is what makes it work so well, and there’s simply no conflating who you are. Just dress in red and get some blue cotton candy-looking hair.
Hidden Sweaters – There are a ton of characters in the crowded picture series, and they all look the same! Grab your best red and white striped sweater, and you’re halfway there!
Brooklyn Plumbers – This classic twin pairing requires green, red, and some overalls, but to really drive the point home, make sure to wear a substantial mustache.
Pirates – The beauty of dressing as pirates on Halloween is that they all typically look the same. However, you can certainly add some detail to help you and a partner stand out from any other Buccaneers. Trousers, suspenders, unbuttoned shirts, and bandanas are all in session.
Pet-Inspired Costumes
Just about everyone loves animals, and dressing up as your favorite wild creature or even household pet is an evergreen way to show your love for our friends in the natural kingdom. Let’s take a look at some of the most tried and true animal-themed outfits worn each Halloween.
Animal Costumes for Singles and Couples
Dog & Cat – Whether it’s a generic costume or a representation of your personal pet, you can’t go wrong with a dog and cat duo. Some good ears and customized clothing give you creative freedom.
Gorilla & Banana – Arguably everyone’s favorite jungle and zoo animal, we all know how much gorillas love bananas, so dressing as these two shows your commitment to the chase. These costumes are usually easy to find.
Bear & Park Ranger – Are they friends or enemies? We’ll leave that to you to decide since these two entities are inextricably connected in one way or another. Dressing as a bear may be a bit tougher, though.
Fish in a Bowl – Dressing as a goldfish and then encasing yourself in a glass bowl is a comical way to show your appreciation for the most simple aquatic pet.
Buck & Doe – People have a fascination with these creatures since they’re found just about everywhere, and luckily, these costumes are fairly easy to put together with common clothing and makeup.
Bonding with a Match Over Halloween Costumes
When you’re in a relationship, it’s the little things like creative planning and attending events with your partner around Halloween that help you to bond on a deeper level. Building this type of connection is important, and what better way than to do so while being clever and innovative with your costume design. If you’re planning to attend a Halloween party or any other fall-themed function that calls for dressing up, try and coordinate with your partner to come up with a concept you both enjoy. At the end of the day, as long as you have fun together, that’s what matters most.
These couples’ Halloween costumes will make you laugh…and realize you shouldn’t have waited to the last minute to put yours together.
When words just aren’t enough.
Creepy landlords.
En route to Alice Cooper.
This is just precious.
Good, clean fun.
Extra nerdy.
Getting from point A to B has never been easier.
Khaleesi and Drogo share a tender moment near a bustling parking lot.
The news Ruth Langsford and Eamonn Holmes were set to divorce left many TV lovers open-mouthed earlier this year. Since their separation, the pair haven’t said much about why they parted ways.
Instead, Eamonn has been snapped enjoying a romantic getaway with his alleged new girlfriend, Katie Alexander and Ruth appears to be juggling her roles on Loose Women and QVC.
Although, Ruth seems to be distracted from the break-up, the star seemingly took a swipe at her ex on Loose Women this week – leaving the audience very amused.
Ruth and Eamonn were married for 14 years (Credit: ITV / Youtube / Loose Women)
Loose Women star Ruth Langsford ‘swipes’ at Eamonn Holmes
On the show on Tuesday, the panel discussed whether we should “hang on to old bits of tat” or get rid of them.
During this topic, Ruth chimed in and admitted she has recently done her own bit of decluttering.
Ruth cheekily remarked: “I’m throwing out a lot of stuff at the moment,” causing the audience to erupt into laughter and applause.
Beside her, a shocked but obviously amused Coleen Nolan also applauded her co-star.
For some reason, we don’t think Ruth was talking about antiques…
Ruth Langsford news
Perhaps as a sign of union with the father of her son, Ruth has continued to sport her wedding ring since the pair announced their split in May. Although the telly duo appear to be unreconcilable, Ruth has proven that her ties to Eamonn aren’t completely severed.
Eamonn showed off his reported new flame whilst attending TV star Hayley Sparkes’ wedding on Saturday. The pair were in the company of A Place in the Sun’sLaura Hamilton and even snapped a smitten selfie to show off their loved-up outing.
Eamonn Holmes appears to have moved on (Credit: GB News)
Regardless, Ruth appears unfazed in snaps shared by the MailOnline, where she can be seen leaving a hairdressing salon in west London on Tuesday.
It was here that Ruth was seen wearing her wedding ring in full view.
Ruth Langsford and Eamonn Holmes news
Despite this, Eamonn and Katie appear to be in it for the long run as a source close to Katie recently claimed the therapist is “in it for the long haul”.
Katie met Eamonn on social media in 2015. Their friendship was sparked after she commented on a post and it turned into a conversation.
This time last year, Eamonn attended a charity fundraising event in West Yorkshire and became a charitable patron. Katie had worked for the said charity as a therapist, according to reports.
Since Eamonn and Ruth’s split in May, it seems his and Katie’s relationship has turned romantic. They even enjoyed a cruise together last month.
Meanwhile, as reported by The Sun, Ruth has hired divorce lawyer Catherine Costley. Allegedly, Catherine seeks to end Ruth and Eamonn’s marriage with a financial settlement.
Neither Eamonn nor Katie have confirmed a relationship though.
Emily loves to write about the latest trending news, whether it’s reality TV chaos or Royal drama. She also has a passion for translating editorial content into share-worthy social media posts after spending two years as a social media manager and marketing executive.
We all like the idea of community, but do we know how to implement it? We know God created us to be in communion with Him and others. God Himself is a community of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The New Testament models community, and the modern church talks about it, but are we doing it?
For most, a community is defined as a safe place to be accepted and fully supported without friction. While this sounds ideal, it is impossible to achieve because everyone holds their own opinions on every topic in existence. After twelve years of intentionally studying the Bible, I concluded that God’s idea of community requires vulnerability, humility, and service to one another. And God’s opinions are the only ones I’m concerned about.
Galatians 6 has many good examples of community—I encourage you to read it. Galatians 6:2 (NLT) says, “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.”
While I understand the beauty and value of being in a community and sharing each other’s burdens, the appeal fades when I realize that vulnerability ensures pain. Humility requires giving more than we take, and service requires surrendering what we think we need. Submitting yourself to a life of service to the kingdom means you will be inconvenienced.
Beyond knowing that community requires vulnerability, humility, and service, we must know how to implement these characteristics; otherwise, they are empty words. James 5:16 (NLT) says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” To confess requires vulnerability and humility, and it’s there that we find results. How can we expect to grow and glorify God without confessing our struggles or sins?
Acts 2:42 (NLT) shares a picture of true community: “All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper), and to prayer.” Once these people accepted the gospel message, they started doing life together; they served one another. Today’s church slightly resembles this original church, but we have a long way to go. They modeled humility and service to one another by sharing food and resources. Living, traveling, and sharing your belongings with other people you just met implies vulnerability and trust that God will take care of you.
What Hinders Community in the Church
In forty-four years, I’ve seen something consistent in the church that hinders true community. We may have great discussions about being honest with our struggles or hardships, but there’s also a stiffness around its practicality.
Many times, after sharing a struggle or being honest about my emotions, I receive a message that says, “You’ll have to figure this out on your own.” People may offer to pray for me but may also look down on me because I need help. However, God says we will always need help because we aren’t Him. If we could break that cycle of shaming those who are brave enough to share their struggles, we’d begin to see true community.
When we encourage others to be honest with their struggles and then shame them for needing help, we send a very confusing message. I don’t think we intentionally do this, but maybe if we were aware, we could end the cycle.
We hinder our community when we choose pride over humility. No one likes to be humble. We want to shine, and we don’t want to be stepped on, but we are called to humility. God’s Word says that to follow Him we must be humble, and Jesus modeled humility even though He is God wrapped in flesh. (See James 4:10, Luke 14:11.) And Proverbs teaches that the humble gain wisdom and have the fear of the Lord (Prov. 11:2, 22:4). We want to have the fear of the Lord. If we don’t fear the Lord, we fear man; when we fear man, we make him our god.
“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.” Philippians 2:3-8 (NLT)
We hinder our community when we are inauthentic. Instead of being honest about our lives with Christ, we put up walls. We value our privacy, homes, and families. I know that I do, and it’s because that’s what’s been modeled to me my entire life. It’s difficult to break away from. Could I live the way the early church did? I hope so, but it would be a tough transition. I am willing, but a vital element of community is that it involves other people. So, are we willing to let go of what we know and live as the Church?
I’m the first to admit that while I can be vulnerable by sharing what’s going on in my life, I’m better at securing what I think I need to be safe and secure. Most of us excel at protecting ourselves, even if the effort is futile. We only think we are protecting ourselves with our material and emotional safeguards. The hard truth is that God’s plans have been in motion since the beginning of time, and our options are to fall in line and experience God’s blessings along the way or struggle on our own with nothing to show for it in the end.
We hinder our community when we choose selfishness. We live in a time of extreme selfishness. We call it self-care, protecting our peace, or human rights, and I get it. Life is painful. I understand why we turn inward and demand that others make us feel good. We live in a fallen world, which means we have many hurts. I agree that hurt people hurt people; that famous phrase hits the nail on the head. Jesus understands why we turn inward, too; He has seen it from the beginning, the fall of man. But just because He understands doesn’t mean He celebrates our choice.
Humility strengthens the Spirit, and you may even see God move miraculously. Even though God gives grace to the humble and opposes the proud (James 4:6), our blessing may not be as tangible as we like. It’s experienced when we live with a kingdom mindset, so it’s no wonder we don’t see others clamoring for humility. Our culture loves instant gratification, quick fixes, status, security, and power, but those things won’t last when Jesus returns. It’s better to practice humbling ourselves now to please God.
Why Is Community Important?
Community is important because it’s part of God’s design for us. He never wanted us to do life alone. We can go back to the beginning of creation and see that God intended us to do life with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
1 Corinthians 12:12-14 (NLT) tells us, “The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles, some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit.” It goes on to say that living as the Body of Christ creates harmony. Doesn’t that sound like a wonderful idea in our divided world?
Romans, Ephesians, Colossians, and Hebrews all refer to Christians as one body. Body parts stick together. The brain (Christ) tells us how to work, and when we listen, the body moves beautifully.
Living in a community as the Body of Christ requires a lot of surrender but so does following Jesus. I am thankful for the grace God has extended to us, and I’m not sure how many of us will succeed in living surrendered, humble, vulnerable lives serving Christ in the Kingdom, but I know we have to try. I know where to start, though. In communion with God in His Word. He’s laid the foundation, and all we need to do is take the time to study it and draw close to Him each day.
“Never make light of the king, even in your thoughts. And don’t make fun of the powerful, even in your own bedroom. For a little bird might deliver your message and tell them what you said.” Ecclesiastes 10:20 (NLT)
When I was in high school, name-calling was the rage. My mom had warned me about bullies, but I thought times had changed… that was until I, too, became a victim.
Whispers seemed to protrude through the walls I walked by, echoing secrets of those who had tread the same path before me. Most days, I hung my head low, shuffling from class to class as quickly as I could. Though their accusations were cruel, some made me stop and think.
I was used to being called “skinny,” a “twig,” a dog that needed “meat on my bones.” I was somehow mocked and yet praised for my intelligence; someone always wanted something from me, mainly help getting an ‘A’ on the next week’s assignment. Maybe those were compliments. To me, they felt like slaps across the face.
But one day, the words went a bit further. I was on my way to pick up fruit for a fundraiser I had participated in when I stumbled upon a new weighted word: Someone had written “Jew” across my order form.
While I was initially stunned, a smile erupted within my Spirit. My faith was evident, even in the face of judgment.If I was going to be bullied for something, let it be my unwavering faith in Jesus. I understood the power of standing firm in who I am, regardless of the whispers around me.
The weight of our words is powerful. They can hurt and they can build up. It’s a mystery that cursing and blessing can come from the same tongue (James 3:10). But these words, as hurtful as they once were, shaped my understanding of identity, faith, and the power of our speech.
Here are three truths when it comes to knowing the weight of our words:
1. The Impact of Words on Identity: You’re Not Who You Think You Are
In a recent conversation with my therapist, we dug up some deep-seated beliefs I’ve had about myself. Some of them stem back to these days of bullying, while others seem to have come from things I’ve bullied myself into believing. But friend, just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true.
It’s true that the more you think about something, the truer it becomes regardless of its validity. That’s just human nature. We believe what we tell ourselves and listen to. But this is all the more reason to be aware of these thoughts. Ecclesiastes 10:20 reminds us to not say bad things about other people, even within our minds or hearts. But what about the things we say to ourselves?
At the end of the day, we must remember that we are not our thoughts or others’ thoughts about us; we are who Christ says we are. Maybe like me, you struggle to read and believe reaffirming passages like Psalm 139:14. For years, I refused to acknowledge this passage because I didn’t feel like it was true. I knew it in my head, but my heart hadn’t caught up yet. Here’s the good news: God’s Word is infallible, and it remains the same regardless of whether you internalize it or not (Titus 1:2; 2 Peter 1:19).
Recently, I put Psalm 139:14 on my bathroom mirror. Every day, I see it and recite it not because I feel good about myself but because I believe in the power of God’s Word. It’s alive and active to help me believe and acknowledge God’s truth over time. It serves as a reminder that I’m not who I think I am, but I am who God says I am regardless of how I feel at that moment.
2. A Change in Perspective: Choosing Faith Over Fear
The second truth that the weight of our words has taught me is to adapt a change in perspective. Nothing is pleasant about being bullied, made fun of, or called names. I learned this the hard way in adulthood (because, newsflash, the criticism doesn’t stop when you grow older; there are just fewer repercussions for adults who bully). But changing how I view these hurtful words has changed me.
John 16:33 is a familiar passage to all of us when it comes to persecution and hardship. Jesus doesn’t promise an earthly world without these kinds of sufferings. But He does promise that His presence will be with us to the end. Learning to see our sufferings this way requires an eternal change of perspective. It doesn’t negate or minimize what we’re feeling here, but it helps us look beyond despite these turmoils.
The next time you’re faced with the weight of words, remember to choose faith over fear. Negativity and bullying present us with a choice: to succumb to hurt or to stand firm in our beliefs. Embracing our faith empowers us to rise above the words that aim to tear us down (2 Corinthians 10:5). Being proud of our identity as children of God can transform our perspective on adversity.
3. Be Mindful: Watch the Ripple of Your Words
Once we’ve realigned our thoughts with who Christ says we are and learned to stand firm in those truths, we must remember to watch our thoughts and tongues, the third truth that the weight of words has taught me. As much as I’d like to say I’ve never bullied anyone, I’m confident there have been times I’ve thought choice words about unkind people. Ecclesiastes reminds us this, too, is meaningless.
Just as others’ words can deeply impact us, we must be mindful of the words we speak about ourselves and others. Our private thoughts can have public consequences. God knows our every thought before we ever think them (Psalm 139:1-4), but we’re still responsible for what comes out of us.
If we want to change the weight of our words, it begins by speaking life, encouragement, and respect to ourselves and those around us. Not because it’s always easy, or we believe it, but because we know it’s the right thing to do. Want to transform the weight of your words? Here are some practical action steps you can take to implement this practice:
Practice Daily Affirmations. Begin every day with positive truths found in the Word, like Psalm 139:14 or 1 John 4:4. Reciting these daily affirmations will help reinforce your identity in Christ even if you don’t yet believe them. Speaking these truths aloud sets the tone for your day and allows God’s Word to penetrate the divide between flesh and spirit (Hebrews 4:12).
Choose Your Words Wisely. Whether you’re in high school, college, or adulthood, choosing to think before you speak is wise. If we’re honest, most of us find it easier to fly off the cuff and speak what’s on our minds than to pause, be patient, and reflect before responding. But choosing our words wisely has eternal benefits. It allows us to think about the choice of our words to value the weight of each one. Are these words life-giving, or are we saying them out of spite? Making a conscious effort to replace unkind words with thoughtful ones can not only benefit you but also those you engage with.
Pray for Transformation. As human beings, we have free will. But this free will is powered by the Spirit’s work within us to transform who we are and bring us from where we’ve once been. Seeking God’s guidance is one of the best ways to transform your heart, soul, and mind. It’s also the best way to transform the words that come out of you.
Proverbs 4:23 (ESV) says it this way: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” When we pray for God’s Spirit to transform us and the power of our words, we receive wisdom—wisdom to discern when to speak and when to listen, even and especially in speaking to and listening to ourselves.
Which practical action step will you try this week to transform the weight of your words?
Amber Ginter is a teacher-turned-author who loves Jesus, her husband Ben, and granola. Growing up Amber looked for faith and mental health resources and found none. Today, she offers hope for young Christians struggling with mental illness that goes beyond simply reading your Bible and praying more. Because you can love Jesus and still suffer from anxiety. You can download her top faith and mental health resources for free to help navigate books, podcasts, videos, and influencers from a faith lens perspective. Visit her website at amberginter.com.
Karen Brodkin, co-head of William Morris Endeavor (WME) Sports and executive vice president at Endeavor, oversees the representation of some of the biggest names in sports, spanning the NFL, NBA, MLB, tennis, golf, soccer, Olympic and action sports, and more. She’s closed hundreds of deals with partners across every distribution platform over the course of her 20-plus-year career.
Image Credit: Courtesy of WME Sports. Karen Brodkin.
However, Brodkin’s path to her current position “wasn’t a straight line,” she tells Entrepreneur, but “a winding road.”
Brodkin spent five years as an entertainment attorney at two Los Angeles-based firms before she joined FOX Sports Media Group, where she oversaw deals with the NFL, MLB, NBA, NASCAR and more as executive vice president of business and legal affairs.
“When you push away from the table, both sides have to feel [that] they got enough.”
Needless to say, Brodkin has learned a lot about the art of negotiation over the years — and has some time-tested tips for success.
First, do your homework before the meeting. “When we are working with the client, whether it’s with the incumbent partner or when we’re going to market, we always come in prepared,” Brodkin says.
Next, prioritize what you want to get out of the negotiation — and don’t forget to leave space for give and take. “I always say, ‘When you push away from the table, both sides have to feel [that] they got enough that they feel good about the deal,’” Brodkin explains.
That also means leaving a “win at all costs mentality behind,” according to Brodkin.
“We work with our clients to figure out what’s most important,” she adds. “And then you have to get into a back and forth with the other side where you have to be transparent: ‘This is what we really need. Tell me what you really need.’”
“I want to have a relationship with the other side of the table that was born before we were in the middle of this deal, where there’s trust, respect, transparency and, in the best case scenario, a friendship,” Brodkin says. “Sports is a relationship business. Some of these people have been in the business as long as I have, and they’re not going anywhere.”
“I wake up in the morning thinking about the WME Sports business unit, and I go to bed thinking about it.”
A commitment to fostering positive relationships also extends to Brodkin’s own team at WME Sports.
“I think about [how to manage my team effectively] every bit as much as I do about the dealmaking side,” Brodkin says. “I’m not looking for kudos. I have no judgment for how anybody else at this company or other companies leads. That’s what works for me: I wake up in the morning thinking about the WME Sports business unit, and I go to bed thinking about it.”
Brodkin strives to be an honest, accessible leader who isn’t afraid of hard conversations, keeps empathy at the fore and gets to know people on a personal level. She also aims to empower the members of her team.
“I don’t try to micromanage,” Brodkin explains. “I just want them to know that I’m there to be their sounding board, their safety net, the person that advocates for what they need or for them personally. But I’m never going to know as much as they know about their business.”
“We’re definitely open for business if other people want to hop on board.”
Brodkin says she’s proud of the culture she’s helped build at WME Sports—and some days, she even feels “like the chief culture officer of WME Sports.” She notes that a strong culture benefits not only employees but also clients.
Brodkin looks forward to expanding the WME Sports brand and seeing the organization’s young team members succeed.
“We have an unbelievable bench of young agents,” Brodkin says. “We’re definitely open for business if other people want to hop on board. I’m excited about where we are and excited about where we’re going. I’m not done yet. We’re not done yet.”
Star of Joan Sophie Turner appeared to have a fairy-tale marriage to Jonas Brothers singer Joe Jonas. However, since their divorce, things have proven to be quite the opposite.
After years of being considered “couple goals”, Sophie and Joe tied the knot in 2019. They also started a family, welcoming daughters Willa, four, and two-year-old Delphine. But by September 2023, things weren’t as they seemed after Joe filed for a divorce in Miami, Florida.
“The marriage between the parties is irretrievably broken,” the court docs stated. However, as time has gone on, more and more has risen to the surface about their relationship and acrimonious split.
Sophie and Joe announced their split in September last year (Credit: Splashnews.com)
Joan star Sophie Turner had ‘problems’ with Joe six months before split
Days before Sophie and Joe announced their split, TMZ claimed that they were expected to divorce. An inside source alleged that “Joe had his people contact and consult with at least two LA-area divorce lawyers and he is on the cusp of filing divorce docs to end his marriage to Sophie”. The same source also alleged that Sophie and Joe had been having “serious problems” for at least six months beforehand.
While on tour, fans noticed that Joe was not wearing his wedding band, causing further speculation that the rumours were true. However, on September 5, a day before the official divorce announcement, Joe shared a snapshot of himself on Instagram wearing the ring.
‘The marriage between the parties is irretrievably broken’
According to a report from Today, Joe filed for divorce on September 6. In the petition, it stated: “The marriage between the parties is irretrievably broken.” Joe also asked to split custody of their two daughters, with the petition revealing: “It is in the best interests of the minor children.”
The document also stated that Joe and Sophie signed a prenup before walking down the aisle.
“They were not separated, but they’ve been living separate lives for months,” a source told PEOPLE, adding that they “haven’t gotten along in a while, but they’re hoping to resolve this all amicably.
“As far as custody goes, this literally all just happened, so they’re figuring it out in real time. They did have a prenup. As a family, they were based in Florida. The kids were with him the last few months, traveling with him with family while he’s been on tour. Sophie’s been working in the UK.”
‘This is a united decision’
In a joint statement posted to Instagram on September 6, Joe and Sophie said: “After four wonderful years of marriage we have mutually decided to amicably end our marriage. There are many speculative narratives as to why but, truly this is a united decision.”
The pair said they “sincerely hope everyone can respect our wishes for privacy for us and our children”.
An inside source told Page Six that divorcing Game of Thrones star Sophie was the “last resort” for him.
“He never wanted to break up his family, but he had to take what he felt was the best course of action for his girls. An unhappy home isn’t a home, and the truth is that he and Sophie were going through it this year. There’s a lot of noise out there, but it wasn’t a straw-that-broke-the-camel’s-back situation like it’s being reported.”
The ‘ring cam’ was when Joe knew it was ‘all over’
Following their joint statement announcing their split, TMZ published an article about a “ring cam” that made Joe want to end everything.
“Joe had access to a ring cam that he said captured Sophie saying and/or doing something that made him realise the marriage was over,” the publication claimed.
Weeks later, Us Weekly claimed the cam caught Sophie speaking “somewhat negatively” about her ex-husband with a friend of hers. “It wasn’t anything more than that, but that was the final straw,” a source said.
Joe reportedly ‘refused’ to return his daughters back to Sophie (Credit: Splashnews.com)
Joe ‘refused’ to return his daughters’ passports to Sophie
After giving birth to their daughter Delphine, TMZ reported that Joe pressured Sophie to make public appearances she didn’t want to. Sources told the outlet that “Joe complained Sophie was MIA and felt she needed to get out more” when she chose to not attend another event.
Weeks later, Sophie filed legal documents that claimed Joe was “unlawfully keeping their children in New York City”. She wanted her two daughters to be “returned” to her in the UK.
According to the documents, Sophie and Joe had previously come to an agreement that England was going to be the “permanent home” for them and their daughters.
As Sophie was shooting a “very intense” time-consuming series, she reportedly agreed “with some hesitation” that Joe could have their daughters while he was on tour. However, the documents claim that Joe “refused to return the passports to the mother and refuses to send the children home to England with the mother” after they agreed he would.
Joe’s rep stepped in and told Page Six that Joe called the lawsuit a “harsh legal position” that went against the “amicable co-parenting setup” he believed they were both working on.
“Less than 24 hours later, Sophie advised that she wanted to take the children permanently to the UK. Thereafter, she demanded via this filing that Joe hand over the children’s passports so that she could take them out of the country immediately,” Joe’s rep added.
“Joe is seeking shared parenting with the kids so that they are raised by both their mother and father and is of course also okay with the kids being raised both in the US and the UK.”
In January, Sophie’s child abduction lawsuit against Joe was dismissed.
‘Sophie is open to the idea of dating again’
Nearly two months after Joe filed for divorce, Sophie was seen sharing a kiss with British aristocrat Peregrine Pearson.
In photos exclusively obtained by The Sun, Sophie and Peregrine “arrived together at the chauffeur pick-up location outside of [the Gare du Nord railway station]. It looked like they might have both come on the Eurostar from London.
“They stood there for a few minutes and were chatting and laughing a lot. He then took his hat off and leaned in to give her a big kiss. After the kiss they parted ways.”
A couple of days later, a source insisted Joe wasn’t “concerned” about Sophie’s dating life. They also claimed that dating was “not on his radar” at that time.
“Sophie is open to the idea of dating again,” another source claimed, alleging she was “keeping her options open”.
After much speculation, Sophie and Peregrine went Instagram official in September.
Following Sophie, Joe started dating actor Stormi Bree earlier this year. However, their relationship was short-lived.
Joan actor Sophie is now dating Peregrine Pearson (Credit: Splashnews.com)
Sophie Turner ‘hurt’ during the filming of Joan
Sophie said the aftermath of her divorce from the Sucker singer was “the worst few days of [her] life”.
“I remember I was on set, I was contracted to be on set for another two weeks, so I couldn’t leave. My kids were in the States and I couldn’t get to them because I had to finish Joan. And all these articles started coming out,” she revealed to British Vogue in May.
“It hurt because I really do completely torture myself over every move I make as a mother – mum guilt is so real!” Sophie continued. “I just kept having to say to myself, none of this is true. You are a good mum and you’ve never been a partier.”
Referring to the legal drama, she admitted that she “didn’t know if I was going to make it”. After calling her lawyer saying she wasn’t sure if she had the strength, Sophie realised she was doing it for her kids.
In May, Joe’s lawyers requested more time for negotiations as both Joe and Sophie’s custody case could face dismissal for “”ack of prosecution”.
Joe’s upcoming album is not putting anyone on ‘blast’
On October 18, Joe will release his new solo album, Music for People Who Believe in Love.
While telling Billboard the writing process was “therapeutic”, Joe also said it “was scary at times and also freeing”.
Joe has also insisted he will not be bashing his ex-wife in the songs. “I’m not trying to come for anyone on this album. I’m not trying to put stuff on blast. I have a beautiful life that I’m grateful for,” he said.
“I’ve got two beautiful kids,” he continued. “I’m a happy person, and the music needed to resemble that but also the journey to get here.”
In Psalm 145:4, we’re reminded that “generation after generation stand in awe of your work; each one tells the story of your mighty acts” (MSG). This passage encapsulates a timeless truth about the power of generational influence. Yet, in today’s world, where the gap between the older and younger generations seems wider than ever before, we’re often left wondering: how can we bridge this divide?
Here are five practical ways we can create a “now generation” — one where the wisdom of the past and the energized perspectives of the future unite to create a legacy of lasting ministry:
1. Model Consistency and Commitment
One of the greatest gifts the older generation can offer is to lead by example in consistency and commitment. While society is less concerned with commitment than ever before, our example of faithfulness and consistency is invaluable in raising our children. Just as Jesus’ parents were consistent in attending the Passover festival every year, the older generation can model what it looks like to stick with something — in faith, work, and relationships. Younger generations need to see examples of steady faithfulness to know that success, in any area, comes through persistent devotion to God and respect for others.
Practical Tip: If you’re part of the older generation, be intentional about sharing stories of your long-term commitments with younger people. Whether it’s how you maintained a career, stayed committed to your faith, or nurtured a relationship, showing the value of perseverance can inspire the next generation.
2. Lead by Example and Discipline with Love
The next generation often looks to their elders for guidance on navigating life’s challenges. Whether it’s at home, work or in community settings, the older generation should lead with love, wisdom and necessary discipline. Mary and Joseph guided Jesus to attend the Passover as an exemplary regimen. In the same way, parents and mentors today should lovingly exhort younger people to engage in meaningful activities and valuable disciplines, like consistently engaging in the life of the local church.
Practical Tip: Create opportunities for shared experiences where you can offer guidance, whether that’s working on a project together, attending church or mentoring a younger colleague. Be firm but fair, knowing your leadership can steer them in the right direction.
3. Listen to the Next Generation
Listening is one of the most important skills when bridging the generational gap. James 1:19 reminds us to be “quick to listen and slow to speak.” Younger generations often have fresh perspectives and innovative ideas, but they may feel dismissed if they aren’t given a voice. In the Bible, Jesus — at only 12 years old — was found sitting among religious leaders, listening, asking questions, and sharing insights. His example reminds us that the younger generation has valuable contributions to make.
Practical Tip: Make a conscious effort to ask younger people for their input on projects or ideas. Whether you’re a boss, parent or coach, create an environment where they feel heard and respected. Listening to their perspectives makes them feel valued and simultaneously teaches us new perspectives and considerations.
4. Challenge the Status Quo in a Biblical Way
For the younger generation, there’s power in asking “Why?” Just as Jesus questioned the religious leaders, it’s important to challenge norms and think critically about the ways in which things have historically been done. This is how innovation happens. As the younger generation seeks to learn and grow from the wisdom of the elder generations, they have the opportunity to also offer new insights and solutions from a fresh perspective of God’s Word that can and will change history for the better.
Practical Tip: If you’re part of the younger generation, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Whether it’s in your workplace, church or community, challenge practices that seem outdated or ineffective. For the older generation, be bold in your encouragement and mentorship, urging those younger individuals to challenge the status quo and think outside the box. Ultimately, we must all approach these conversations with respect, knowing that both generations have wisdom to share.
5. Work Together to Create a “Now Generation”
Our challenge today is to create a “now generation” — a united generation that transcends age, where both young and old come together to make a positive impact. When the wisdom, commitment, and guidance of older generations combines with the curiosity, energy, and innovation of younger ones, the result for the Kingdom of God is powerful. In Christ-centered love, both groups must be willing to learn from, respect, and submit to one another in areas where they have less experience or knowledge.
Practical Tip: Seek out opportunities for intergenerational collaboration. If you’re older, mentor or sponsor younger individuals in your community. If you’re younger, volunteer to help older generations with new technologies or innovative ideas. The key is mutual respect and a willingness to learn from one another.
Building a Better Future Together
In an era where division seems to be the default, we have a divinely unique opportunity to demonstrate unity across the generational spectrum. Whether you’re part of the older generation or the younger, I challenge you to step up. If you’re an elder, model commitment, teach work ethic, and share your wisdom. If you’re younger, dare to ask questions, challenge the norm, act in loving obedience, and set the tone for today’s culture. But above all, let’s listen to one another and work together to establish a legacy that reflects the heart of God. To build a culture that thrives, it’s time to embrace the power of a “now generation” — one that stands together to reflect God’s glory and tell His story to the world.
“… and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me—holy is his name. His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation.” Luke 1:47-50
For more than twenty years, Pastor Troy Gramling and his wife Stephanie have led Potential Church, a fast-growing church with more than 20,000 members at locations in the United States and Latin America. A former teacher and college basketball coach, Gramling is passionate about partnering with people to reach their God-given potential to impact the world for good. Gramling’s latest book, “Potential: The Uncontainable Power of God Within You” released on June 11, 2024.
After a gut-wrenching breakup, one of the biggest questions you might be left with is, Why? Why did they suddenly lose feelings?Why don’t they want to try to work things out? It can feel like you need answers in order to get “closure” — so you can move on and be okay again.
In the midst of so much pain, confusion, and sadness, it’s natural to crave clarification and validation from the person responsible for your broken heart, Terri Orbuch, a sociology professor and the author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship, says. “As human beings, we want answers to all of our questions in situations that don’t make sense,” Dr. Orbuch says. “So, we often assume that closure is necessary to resolve that curiosity and obsession once and for all.”
However, it really isn’t; you don’t actually need one last conversation or a detailed explanation to heal, and relying on someone else for that resolution is unhelpful for a few reasons. First, there usually isn’t a “right” or “perfect” answer to a question as complicated as, “Why did the relationship end?” Perhaps, like you, your ex isn’t sure when, why, or how everything went wrong, Dr. Orbuch says, or what specifically caused them to fall out of love. Remember, breakups are rarely straightforward, so the satisfying response you think you “need” to leave the past behind may not even exist.
But let’s say you are able to get a clear-cut answer like, “I need to focus on myself!” or “I’ve met someone else.” Even then, your heartbreak won’t suddenly become any easier to bear, Dr. Orbuch says. “Although a lot of people assume that closure will allow them to deal with the breakup better, it doesn’t help you cope with the pain and rejection,” she explains. Using the previous examples, you’ll still likely feel insecure, unwanted, and upset after learning that your ex chose to prioritise their own growth or explore other options. Simply put, an explanation alone won’t magically heal the emotional wounds of losing someone you love.
Most importantly though, depending on another person for your happiness (and giving them power over how and when you move on) will only delay your recovery process, according to Dr. Orbuch. Perhaps your ex doesn’t want to talk to you again, if seeing your face stirs up painful emotions they’d rather avoid. Or maybe they just have no interest in revisiting the past.
As tough as it is, no one (not even a significant other you dated for years) is obligated to provide the apology you’re hoping for. And again, even if they willingly give it, that won’t take your pain away — which is why you’re better off trying to find closure within yourself. “Your perception of why it ended is what is most important,” Dr. Orbuch reminds. So rather than waiting on your ex to tie the relationship up in a bow, she suggests examining the partnership more holistically and thinking about why, exactly, things didn’t work out.
“I wouldn’t recommend making a list of your ex’s faults, because that can lead to ruminating and get you stuck in a cycle of anger and frustration,” she says. Instead, you can start by reflecting (maybe in a journal) on why you, as a couple, weren’t compatible. Perhaps you had totally opposite communication styles (you’re reserved; they’re confrontational) or you wanted lots of children and they didn’t. Getting clear on the reason(s) you’re no longer together can help you realise (and accept) that you might not have been each other’s perfect match after all, Dr. Orbuch says.
Of course, facing this reality isn’t easy. It’ll probably take a lot of time, self-reflection, and tears to fully process a bad breakup. But ultimately, the only person who can offer that comforting, peaceful sense of closure you’re looking for is you.
Vicky was seen making her excuses as she left David and went off to contemplate their future (Credit: ITV)
My Mum, Your Dad star Vicky has ‘niggles’ about David
In Thursday’s episode of My Mum, Your Dad (September 26), Vicky was seen sharing her fears over continuing her romance with David. And, after a visit from Davina, excused herself saying she needed the loo, before ducking off to bed.
Her pal Jenny, who is dating Danny, went to find her. Going into the bedroom, she sensed something was up.
I’ve just got kind of niggles.
“Baby girl, what’s the matter?” Jenny asked. “I’m having last-minute niggles about everything,” Vicky said. “Okay,” Jenny replied.
“I think David is an amazing amazing guy,” she said, before revealing that, after talking to host Davina McCall and going “back and forth”, things seemed a “bit awkward” between herself and David.
“Speak to Angharad tomorrow,” Jenny urged. “Get her perspective as she’ll have seen everything and she’s not going to steer you off course, is she.”
“No,” said Vicky.
‘I’ve seen David go a little hot and cold with her’
The cameras then cut to the kids’ bunker and Angharad.
“What she thinks I’m going to think is obviously playing on my mother’s mind a little bit,” said Angharad. “I’ve obviously seen David go a little hot and cold with her and now she’s overthinking maybe about how the conversation is going to go tomorrow and what have I seen and if I would give my blessing to her and David.”
Vicky was then seen telling Jenny about her “niggles” again. “I’ve just got kind of niggles,” she said.
“They’re there. They’re there for a reason. Don’t ignore them,” Jenny warned her. “Certainly tomorrow have that conversation with your daughter, how you’re feeling.”
Vicky was brought to tears during the penultimate episode of the series (Credit: ITV)
‘She’s worried it’s not the right thing for me’
Speaking to camera in the show’s diary-style room, Vicky was seen breaking down in tears.
“I think I was thinking, oh gosh, maybe Angharad won’t give her blessing because she’s worried it’s not the right thing for me. Because Angharad knows me better than anybody else would.”
At the end of the episode, David was (finally) seen going in search of Vicky.
“I did notice you disappear and I was wondering where you were going to be,” he said, finding her in bed. “But don’t worry, you’re good,” he tried to reassure her. “No need to feel uneasy.”
However, a preview of tomorrow’s ep showed that it’s David who should be feeling uneasy.
‘How do you feel about my mother?’
Meeting with Angharad, before the ceremony to decide if she gives the couple her blessing, Vicky’s daughter is seen telling David: “I want somebody who’s sure of my mother, you know.
“How do you feel about my mother?” she is seen asking him.
She then heads to the diary-style room. “I do really like David, I think he’s a great guy,” she is seen saying. “But people can be great and you can really like someone but that doesn’t always mean they’re right for each other.”
The My Mum, Your Dad final is on tomorrow night (September 27) at 9pm on ITV1. Or you can watch the entire series on ITVX now.
In our journey through life, recovery, and growth, the people we surround ourselves with play a crucial role in shaping our mental health, our physical health, and our overall success and joy in life. Whether it’s the friends we call in times of need or the colleagues we interact with daily, our social circles significantly influence our lived experiences. The right connections can uplift and inspire us, while the wrong ones can drain our energy, impact our self-worth, and leave us wondering why we can’t get to where we want to be in life.
Navigating relationships can be challenging, especially when trying to balance supportive companionship with the need to protect ourselves from negativity. Understanding the types of people who positively impact our lives and those who might hinder our mental health is essential for fostering a fulfilling community life in recovery like our friends at Recovered On Purpose.
In this article, we’ll explore the three types of people you should actively seek out to enhance your life, as well as the three types you might consider distancing yourself from. By recognizing these dynamics, you can make more intentional choices about who to let into your life and how to nurture relationships that contribute to your overall happiness and growth.
The Three Types of People You Need Around You
1. The Supportive Encourager
Characteristics: Compassionate, empathetic, and positive.
Impact on Mental Health: A Supportive Encourager is a cornerstone of a healthy social circle. These individuals offer a listening ear, genuine validation, and an unwavering belief in your potential. Their support is not just about cheering you on; it’s about creating a safe space where you feel valued and understood, no matter what challenges you face.
Examples: Picture a friend who celebrates your victories, no matter how small, or a family member who listens attentively and offers comfort during tough times. Their positive reinforcement helps bolster your self-esteem and provides a strong foundation for resilience.
Why You Need Them: Having Supportive Encouragers around you can significantly enhance your mental well-being. They help you build self-confidence, reduce stress, and maintain a sense of optimism, knowing that you have people who genuinely care about your success and happiness.
What Are Your Relationship Needs?
Take our Relationship Attachment Style Quiz and find out.
Characteristics: Honest, constructive, and growth-oriented.
Impact on Mental Health: An Honest Challenger plays a crucial role in your personal development. This type of individual is not afraid to provide constructive feedback, offer a fresh perspective, or push you out of your comfort zone. Their honesty is rooted in a desire to see you grow and succeed, rather than to criticize for the sake of it.
Examples: Imagine a mentor who gives you candid feedback on your work performance or a friend who helps you see the areas where you can improve. Their challenges are meant to be motivating and are delivered with the intention of helping you achieve your best.
Why You Need Them: Honest Challengers are essential for growth. They help you recognize and address areas for improvement, fostering personal and professional development. By embracing their feedback, you can overcome obstacles and achieve your goals more effectively.
3. The Uplifting Inspirer
Characteristics: Motivational, enthusiastic, and optimistic.
Impact on Mental Health: The Uplifting Inspirer brings energy and positivity into your life. They are the individuals who inspire you with their enthusiasm and help you maintain a hopeful outlook, even during challenging times. Their presence can be a powerful motivator, encouraging you to pursue your passions and remain focused on your goals.
Examples: Consider a role model who shares their success stories and encourages you to chase your dreams or a colleague who injects enthusiasm into team projects, making work more enjoyable. Their inspiration can reignite your motivation and keep you aligned with your aspirations.
Why You Need Them: Surrounding yourself with Uplifting Inspirers helps you stay motivated and optimistic. Their positive influence can counterbalance setbacks and foster a sense of excitement about the future. They remind you that with the right mindset and effort, you can achieve your dreams.
The 3 Types of People To Avoid
1. The Negative Critic
Characteristics: Pessimistic, judgmental, and dismissive.
Impact on Mental Health: The Negative Critic can be detrimental to your mental well-being. This type of person often focuses on flaws and shortcomings rather than offering constructive feedback. Their constant negativity can erode your self-esteem, increase self-doubt, and create a toxic atmosphere where you feel undervalued and discouraged.
Examples: Think of someone who frequently undermines your achievements or dismisses your ideas with harsh criticism. Their remarks are often unhelpful and demoralizing, leaving you feeling disheartened and unsupported.
Why You Should Avoid Them: Constant exposure to negativity can significantly impact your mental health, leading to increased stress and lower self-worth. By distancing yourself from Negative Critics, you can protect your self-esteem and create a more positive and supportive environment.
2. The Drama Magnet
Characteristics: Overly dramatic, attention-seeking, and unreliable.
Examples: Consider someone who always seems to be involved in conflicts or who frequently creates dramatic situations that pull you into their chaos. Their tendency to seek attention through dramatic antics can overshadow your own needs and well-being.
Why You Should Avoid Them: Being around Drama Magnets can increase your stress levels and distract you from your own goals and well-being. By avoiding these individuals, you can maintain a more stable and peaceful environment, reducing unnecessary stress and focusing on what truly matters.
3. The Detached Enabler
Characteristics: Emotionally distant, passive, and disengaged.
Impact on Mental Health: The Detached Enabler can be problematic due to their emotional distance and lack of active support. This person tends to avoid addressing important issues and may be indifferent to your struggles. Their disengagement can leave you feeling isolated and unsupported, hindering your ability to address and overcome challenges effectively.
Examples: Imagine a friend who is consistently unavailable when you need support or a family member who remains indifferent to your emotional needs. Their detachment and lack of involvement can contribute to feelings of loneliness and neglect.
Why You Should Avoid Them: Engaging with Detached Enablers can exacerbate feelings of isolation and hinder your emotional recovery. By distancing yourself from individuals who do not offer meaningful support or connection, you can seek out more engaged and supportive relationships that contribute positively to your mental health.
Practical Tips for Managing Your Social Circle
1. Assessing Relationships
Evaluate Your Current Connections: Take some time to reflect on the people currently in your life. Consider how each person impacts your mental health and well-being. Are there individuals who consistently bring positivity and support, or are there those who seem to drain your energy or undermine your confidence?
Ask Yourself Key Questions: When evaluating relationships, ask yourself questions like: How does this person make me feel after we interact? Do they contribute to my growth or hold me back? Are they a source of support or stress?
Create a Relationship Inventory: Write down the key people in your life and categorize them based on their impact—Supportive Encouragers, Honest Challengers, Uplifting Inspirers, Negative Critics, Drama Magnets, and Detached Enablers. This visual representation can help you identify patterns and areas for improvement.
2. Setting Boundaries
Define Your Boundaries Clearly: Establish and communicate clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. This may involve limiting time spent with Negative Critics or Drama Magnets or setting specific times when you are available for support.
Practice Assertive Communication: When setting boundaries, use assertive but respectful language. For example, you might say, “I need to take a step back from this situation to focus on my own well-being” or “I prefer to discuss solutions rather than dwell on problems.”
Stick to Your Boundaries: Once established, it’s important to adhere to your boundaries consistently. This helps reinforce the limits you’ve set and prevents others from overstepping.
3. Cultivating Positive Connections
Seek Out Like-Minded Individuals: Engage in activities, groups, or communities that align with your interests and values. This increases your chances of meeting Supportive Encouragers and Uplifting Inspirers who share similar goals and outlooks.
Invest in Meaningful Relationships: Focus on deepening connections with people who positively impact your life. Spend quality time with them, engage in meaningful conversations, and show appreciation for their support and presence.
Be a Positive Influence: Strive to be the kind of person who exemplifies the qualities you value in others. Offer support, constructive feedback, and encouragement to those around you. By fostering a positive environment, you can attract and retain beneficial relationships.
Regularly Reevaluate Your Social Circle: Relationships evolve, and so do our needs and boundaries. Periodically reassess your social circle to ensure it continues to support your mental well-being and personal growth.
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The Best Social Circle For Growth
Navigating your social circle with intention is key to maintaining and improving your mental health. The people you surround yourself with can either uplift and inspire you or contribute to stress and negativity. By understanding the impact of different types of individuals, you can make more informed decisions about who to welcome into your life and who to keep at a distance.
Supportive Encouragers, Honest Challengers, and Uplifting Inspirers play crucial roles in fostering a positive and growth-oriented environment. Their influence can enhance your self-esteem, motivate you to achieve your goals, and provide the emotional support needed during challenging times. On the other hand, Negative Critics, Drama Magnets, and Detached Enablers can undermine your well-being, create unnecessary stress, and contribute to feelings of isolation.
By actively assessing your relationships, setting clear boundaries, and seeking out positive connections, you empower yourself to create a social circle, like your friends at Recovered On Purpose, that supports your mental health and personal growth. Remember, the quality of your relationships has a profound effect on your overall happiness and resilience.
As you reflect on your own social circle, take proactive steps to nurture relationships that enrich your life and consider distancing yourself from those that hinder your progress. Your mental health is a valuable priority, and cultivating a supportive and positive environment is a crucial step in your journey toward well-being.
Embrace the power of purposeful connections and continue to build a social circle that helps you thrive. Your journey towards a more fulfilling and balanced life starts with the relationships you choose to foster.
About The Author
Adam Vibe Gunton is an American author, speaker, and thought leader in addiction treatment and recovery. After overcoming homelessness and drug addiction, Adam found his life’s purpose in helping addicts find the same freedom he found.
As Founder and Executive Director of the 501(c)3 nonprofit, Recovered On Purpose, and Managing Partner of Behavioral Health Partners, Adam has helped thousands find freedom from addiction all over the world.
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10
One of my earliest memories of people-pleasing was around the age of four when my older cousin took me to one of her college classes. As she introduced me to her friends, I remember the intense feeling of wanting to be liked. It was as if I was center stage, putting on a performance in hopes of gaining their applause.
Fast forward fifty years and I still find myself getting caught in cycles of people pleasing. I’m more aware of it now, and better able to realign my thoughts, but the desire for acceptance is still a very real issue.
Sadly, our preoccupation with people’s approval hinders us from the freedom we have in Christ—the freedom to love and serve others. Often, we miss divine opportunities to pour into people because we are so consumed by what they think of us. This isn’t something we like to admit, but it’s true.
If you’re still people pleasing, here are a few things to do instead:
Remember Your Audience
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” Colossians 3:23 (ESV)
Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase, “Live for an audience of One.” When I think of this, I picture an auditorium with one person in the front row—Jesus. As I stand on the stage of my life, I have nothing to prove, nothing to perform. In fact, I envision welcoming Him onto the stage, allowing Him to be front and center.
Through Jesus, we have the acceptance we most desire, as Ephesians 1:3-6 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved” (NKJV).
My friends, we will never be more loved, accepted, or approved of than we already are. And because we live for an audience of One, we are free to share our gifts and talents without the need to perform. We don’t need the applause of man or the standing ovation of the world. We only need Jesus as center stage of our life.
A Prayer to Remember Your Audience:
Gracious God, when I’m tempted to perform for others, remind me that You are my audience of One. Please remain front and center in my life, keeping my gaze fixed on You. Thank You for loving me, choosing, me, and accepting me. I am blessed to live a life pleasing to You. In Jesus’ holy name, amen.
Remember Your True Desires
When trying to break the cycle of people-pleasing, it can be helpful to remember your true desires. What fulfills you most? What gives you peace and joy? I’m not talking about superficial desires that often involve man’s approval, but instead, your true desires that bring lasting fulfillment and contentment. For example:
-Spending more time with God through prayer, Bible study, and worship
-Loving your spouse openly and lavishly
-Cherishing time with your family, pouring into them as God leads
-Valuing people, making them feel seen and heard
-Serving the Body of Christ with your God-given talents
-Doing your work with excellence and integrity
-Taking good care of your temple—mind, heart, body, and spirit
By listing the most important things in life, you’re redirecting your thoughts away from self-centeredness to others-centeredness. Anytime you’re caught in a cycle of people-pleasing, you can remember what matters most and realign your focus.
A Prayer to Remember Your True Desires:
Heavenly Father, please help me stop chasing after superficial things. Remind me of what’s most important—loving You and others. Whenever I get caught in an unhealthy cycle of people-pleasing, redirect my thoughts back to Your will. I truly want to live to please You and serve others with the heart of Jesus. In His precious name, amen.
Remember Your Focus
“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Colossians 3:2
People-pleasing is often rooted in insecurity, and there’s a reason the word insecurity starts with the letters “i-n.” When we go through life with an inward focus, we lose sight of our God-given purpose. It’s like holding a pair of binoculars the wrong way, which causes our view to be narrow and limited.
In contrast, if we turn the lens upward, toward heavenly things, we see the world from a godly perspective. We yearn for the things of heaven instead of Earth’s fleeting achievements. Jesus taught His disciples to pray, “Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10) A kingdom perspective can work wonders in turning us away from people-pleasing and toward a life focused on pleasing God.
A Prayer to Remember Your Focus:
Lord, please turn my focus away from my insecurities, which so often lead to people-pleasing. Expand my view to see the wonderful future You have planned for all eternity. From a kingdom perspective, renew my purpose to serve others with the gifts and talents You’ve given me, storing up treasures in heaven. As Jesus taught us to pray, “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven,” I offer this prayer to You today, in Jesus’ holy name.
Get Rid of Doubt and Fear
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
From my experience, doubt and fear are the biggest culprits when it comes to people-pleasing. We doubt we’re capable enough, which leads to fear of failure, which leads to striving for man’s approval.
Recognizing what drives our people-pleasing tendencies is an important step towards lasting change. Here are a few helpful questions to ask yourself:
-Who am I afraid of disappointing right now?
-Am I doing this for recognition or because it’s the right thing to do?
-Would I still perform this act of service even if no one noticed?
-Am I doubtful people will accept me, or am I trusting my acceptance in Christ?
Removing doubt and fear is a huge step in the right direction. With the fear of man gone, and God’s peace in its place, we are free to interact with our families, friends, and coworkers with calm assurance of our acceptance in Christ.
A Prayer to Remove Doubt and Fear:
Gracious God, please help me recognize when I’m people-pleasing through doubt and fear. In those moments, help me stop and take a deep breath, remembering the assurance I have in Christ. He is my portion and my prize. In Him, I can do what You’ve called me to do without worry or fear. Thank You, Lord, for removing my anxiety and replacing it with Your peace. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Step into Christ-Confidence
“For they loved human praise more than praise from God.” John 12:42-43
There’s a big difference between self-confidence and Christ-confidence. The first includes continuously building ourselves up in order to feel worthy or successful. The second involves living from the victory Jesus achieved for us through His finished work on the cross.
My friends, it’s by His strength that we are empowered to live and move and breathe. So why do we consistently do things in our own strength, depending on others for acceptance and approval?
One definition of approval is the belief that someone is good or acceptable. The Christ-centered definition, however, is that we’re made good and acceptable through His righteousness. Wow. What a difference Christ-confidence can make!
1 Thessalonians 2:4 says, “We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.” This verse sums it up, doesn’t it? Our people-pleasing ways are brought into submission when we surrender our hearts to the King of Kings. He is our focus, our desire, and our devotion. All that we say and do is for Him and because of Him, and when we finally grasp this truth, people-pleasing will become a thing of the past.
A Prayer for Surrender:
Gracious Heavenly Father, I have spent far too many years seeking man’s approval, and I’m ready to step into a new way of doing things. I surrender myself to You now. Please turn my focus to heavenly things, reminding me this is not all there is. Please remove the doubt and fear that have held me hostage and replace them with Your peace. Help me step into Christ-confidence and the knowledge of who I am in Your Son. Let His finished work be my focus and the grace upon which I build my life. I pray these things in His precious and holy name, amen.
Third spaces are public, informal gathering spots — like cafes, parks, or community centers — where people can relax, socialize, and build connections outside of home and work. In a world increasingly dominated by digital interactions, these spaces play a vital role in fostering community and countering loneliness.
“Third spaces” refer to social environments that are separate from the two primary places where people spend most of their time: home (the first space) and work (the second space). These third spaces are informal, public gathering spots where people can socialize, relax, and build a sense of community.
Sociologist Ray Oldenburg first introduced the concept in his book The Great Good Place. He argued that third spaces are crucial for fostering social cohesion, civic engagement, and a sense of belonging. They serve as “neutral grounds” where people can engage in casual conversations and form social connections that they might not in other settings. Places like main streets, libraries, cafes, pubs, and community centers are essential to a functional society and can provide avenues for grassroots activism, community involvement, charity and volunteer work, and social support.
One of the most important features of “third spaces” is that they involve interacting with people outside of our typical social circle of family, friends, and coworkers. They introduce the possibility of new connections and new relationships. Other important qualities include easy accessibility, low cost, and an inviting atmosphere that encourages mingling and conversation.
As modern life has shifted more towards digital interaction, the role of physical third spaces has become a topic of renewed interest among psychologists and social scientists, especially in discussions about loneliness and community fragmentation. People are spending less time in third spaces than ever before; and with remote work becoming more common, many people don’t have much of a life outside of home anymore.
This general tendency has led to an increase in atomization, where individuals feel less and less connected to their local communities and society at large. This has far reaching consequences on health and well-being, as well as social trust, cooperation, and group cohesion.
Third spaces play an integral role when it comes to happiness and well-being on both an individual and social level. Let’s mention a few common examples and then explore more on what makes these spaces so important to a healthy social life.
Common examples of third spaces include:
Main streets and public squares
Cafes and coffee shops
Public libraries
Parks, nature preserves, beaches
Bars or pubs
Community centers
Bookstores
Churches and religious organizations
Local food markets
Music venues or dance clubs
Local sports leagues (bowling, basketball, baseball, etc.)
Shopping malls
Co-working spaces
Can you think of any other examples? What are some neutral places where various people can go to meet new people?
Ray Oldenburg argues that the increase of suburbanization and a “car-centric” society has decreased the use of third spaces and is one major cause behind our more atomized and individualistic world. Many adults living in suburbs have a long commute and a busy work schedule, so they rarely have time to spend outside of home or work. They live and sleep in their suburban homes, but they aren’t involved in their local communities in any meaningful way.
Modern living creates a fundamental disconnect between home, work, and community, which can lead to feelings of alienation and loneliness. Third spaces can be a social glue that ties these different aspects of our lives together into a meaningful whole.
As someone who grew up in Levittown, New York – one of the first mass-produced suburbs – I can relate to the feelings of atomization and not having many third spaces to hang out with friends during my childhood. The most frequent spots were typically shopping malls, bowling alleys, or parking lots, but there weren’t many other “public square”-type places where everyone could go on a weekend night. This made it difficult to build social connections or a sense of community outside of school.
In Robert Putnam’s classic book Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of the American Community, he documents the downfall of community feeling and social cohesion since the 1960s. Key factors behind this decline include changes in mobility and sprawl, family structure and time schedules, as well as technology and mass media. The rise of home entertainment including TVs, internet, and video games has made people less motivated to go to physical third spaces for leisure, socializing, or relaxation.
There are many factors that have led to the decline in community and the use of third spaces. It’s tempting to want to blame only one thing, but the problems we face in today’s world are complicated and multifaceted. There’s no quick or easy fix for improving the use of third spaces, but we can be more aware of the role they play in our daily lives.
Are Buses and Trains Third Spaces?
Public transportation such as buses and trains share some qualities with “third spaces,” such as being neutral ground that anyone in the community can access, a shared experience of commuting together, and the possibility of social connection with locals and strangers. However, these places are typically not seen as “third spaces” because their primary function is transportation and not social connection. The average person on commutes tends to withdraw and mind their own business, so these spaces aren’t very conducive to new conversation or forming new friendships (although it’s definitely possible).
Building Social Capital and Weak Ties
When you frequent any third space (such as a cafe, bar, church, or library), you naturally start to see familiar faces and build light social connections there.
This is what sociologists refer to as social capital, which is just an economic-centric term for relationships that we value, trust, and provide social support.
Third spaces help form casual relationships (or “weak ties”) that can lead to huge benefits. One common example is learning about a new job opportunity or a possible romantic interest through an acquaintance or friend of a friend.
Social capital can manifest itself in many small and hidden ways too.
When I lived in Brooklyn, I would go to the same bodega every morning for my coffee and breakfast sandwich. There were a couple times I was in a rush and forgot my wallet, but since the store owner knew me well and recognized me, he trusted me enough to let me pay next time. That may seem like a trivial thing, but it’s something that can only be accomplished with a minimal level of trust or social capital. If I were a completely random stranger I wouldn’t get that benefit.
Through third spaces, you begin to run into the same people, build a sense of familiarity and comfort, and start connecting with them on a level beyond random stranger, even just the act of seeing a familiar face and saying “Hi” can give a nice boost to your day (learn the power of “10 second” relationships).
Find a Healthy Dose of Third Spaces
No matter how introverted or extraverted you are, everyone needs a healthy dose of social interaction. Third spaces provide opportunities to meet new people, connect with a broader community, and expand our social circle. Often just finding one third space where you feel comfortable and connect with like-minded people can make a big difference in the quality of your social life. Find a third space that works best for you and make it a part of your daily, weekly, or monthly routine.
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It’s also key to have honest conversations with your sexual partners. “The burden shouldn’t be all one-sided,” says Dunne. “An open dialogue and sexual health transparency with whomever you choose to have sex with is vital if you want to completely remove those worries.”
How to talk about sexual health with your partners
Of course, having honest conversations about your sexual health is easier said than done. In fact, for many people, sitting down and talking about STIs and safe sex may feel downright intimidating – or even a little mood-killing.
Here are some tips on how to start prioritising openness in your sexual relationships:
If you’re using dating apps, include something about sexual health on your profile
“Sharing information that’s so personal, such as disclosing your sexual health status – especially on a dating app – can be scary and feel stigmatising, but to keep yourself and others safe, it’s important to be honest and open,” says Dunne.
She adds: “This doesn’t necessarily have to mean you share your actual status, but you can put something as simple as ‘sexual health advocate’ on your profile.”
Get clued up
Before you have a conversation, it’s important that you yourself are in the know when it comes to sexual health and practicing safe sex. Many people assume that sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) are only spread through certain sexual behaviours like having multiple partners, but that isn’t true. Most STIs are spread through sexual contact with an infected person, but some infections are transmitted in ways you may not expect. This includes kissing!
Keep the conversation light and easy
While it’s good to educate your matches, there’s a difference between disclosing and debating – try to keep it light and straightforward.
“Creating a safe space with a potential partner to talk about STIs will help remove the stigma and shame,” she says. “When discussing initially, refrain from going into too much detail – but keep it light, casual and easy. You don’t have to go into details about where you contracted any STIs, but it’s good to be open about your experiences, in order to expect the same in return.”
Try the tech
If conversations are feeling really awkward, there is another option. Sexual health sharing app Zults allows you to download your results and send them to your partner via a link, QR code or bluetooth, so you can avoid the question-and-answer session all together. Handy.
Remember, if your partner isn’t up for the conversation, they may not be the right partner for you
“Continuing a sexual relationship with someone who will not discuss their sexual health will ultimately come down to a personal decision,” says Dunne. “Make sure you are informed of the risks involved and always take steps to protect yourself.”
Despite life’s challenges and unknowns, I’m convinced that being a father is about being present, involved, and being the father God has called me to be.
The role of fathers in Christian parenting is multifaceted and profound. It’s a calling that requires strength and tenderness, wisdom and humility, and above all, an unwavering commitment to following Christ’s example.
1. The Spiritual Leader Guiding with Grace and Wisdom
When it comes to being a spiritual leader in the family, I’ll be the first to admit that it can feel like trying to navigate a ship through stormy waters—blindfolded. But here’s the thing: God doesn’t call the qualified; He qualifies the called. And boy, does He have a sense of humor about it!
I remember the first time I attempted to lead a family devotional. I had it all planned out—we’d read a Bible passage, discuss its meaning, and end with a beautiful prayer. Reality? My toddler was more interested in eating the Bible than reading it.
But you know what? We kept at it. Slowly but surely, those awkward family devotionals have become cherished moments of connection and growth. As fathers, we’re called to be the spiritual leaders of our households, guiding our families in the ways of the Lord. It’s a responsibility that can be overwhelming for us at times, but it’s also an incredible privilege.
The Bible gives us clear direction on this. Ephesians 6:4 says, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” This verse reminds us that our role isn’t to be dictators but nurturers of our children’s faith. We’re called to create an environment where our kids can experience God’s love and grow their understanding of Him.
Being a spiritual leader doesn’t mean we have all the answers. Some of the most powerful moments in my journey as a Christian father have been when I’ve admitted to my child that I don’t know everything, but I know the One who does. It’s about pointing our families towards Christ, even, and especially, when we feel inadequate.
2. The Protector Shielding with Love and Discipline
When I think about being a protector as a Christian father, I remember a time I tried to assemble a backyard playset for my kids. Armed with a set of instructions that might as well have been written in ancient Aramaic, surrounded by pieces of wood and hardware, I was determined to create a haven for my children to play. Six hours, three bandages, and one near-nervous breakdown later, I stood back to admire my handiwork—a structure that looked less like a playset and more like an abstract art installation.
But you know what? My kids loved it. Not because it was perfect, but because they knew I had poured my heart and a good portion of my sanity into creating something to keep them safe and happy. And isn’t that what being a protector is all about?
As Christian fathers, we’re called to protect our families not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. It’s a role that goes far beyond assembling playsets or checking for monsters under the bed (though those are important too!). We’re tasked with creating a safe environment where our children can grow, learn, and develop their faith.
The Bible speaks to this role in beautiful ways. Psalm 127:3-5 reminds us that our children are precious gifts from God, and it’s our job to protect and guide them like a skilled archer aiming his arrows.
But here’s the thing about being a protector—it’s not just about shielding our kids from harm. It’s about equipping them to face the world with confidence and faith. It’s about teaching them discernment, helping them understand right from wrong, and showing them how to stand firm in their beliefs even when the world pushes back.
I’ve learned that sometimes the best way to protect my children is to let them face challenges, standing nearby ready to catch them if they fall, but allowing them the freedom to grow and learn. It’s a delicate balance, much like trying to walk across a room covered in Lego bricks—it requires careful navigation and a willingness to endure a little pain for the greater good.
3. The Provider
When it comes to being a provider, as a Christian father, I’ve found that it’s like trying to juggle flaming torches while riding a unicycle—it requires balance, skill, and a healthy dose of faith. And just like that circus act, there’s always the risk of getting burned or falling flat on your face.
As Christian fathers, we’re called to be providers, but this role encompasses so much more than just bringing home a paycheck. Yes, meeting our family’s material needs is important. But here’s the thing: providing isn’t just about money and material possessions. It includes nourishing our children’s souls, feeding their minds with wisdom, and cultivating an environment where they can grow in faith and character. It’s about providing them a living example of what it means to follow Christ.
I’ve learned (often the hard way) that true provision is about balance. It’s about working hard to meet our family’s needs while also making time for the things that truly matter—family dinners, bedtime stories, impromptu dance parties in the living room, and heart-to-heart talks about life and faith.
Sometimes, being a provider means making sacrifices. Maybe it’s turning down a promotion that would mean less time with family or choosing a simpler lifestyle so we can invest more in our children’s spiritual growth. These decisions aren’t always easy, but they’re part of the sacred duty we have as Christian fathers.
4. The Teacher
I once tried to explain the concept of the Trinity to my 5-year-old. I thought I had it all figured out—I’d use the classic analogy of water existing as liquid, ice, and steam. Clever, right? Well, for the next week, he told everyone that God was like a popsicle that could melt and turn into a cloud—not exactly orthodox theology, but points to creativity, right?
This experience taught me an important lesson about being a teacher to my children: it’s not about having all the answers but encouraging an environment of curiosity, learning, and growth. As Christian fathers, we’re called to be the primary educators of our children, especially when it comes to matters of faith and character.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 instructs us, “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” This passage reminds us that teaching our children about God should be an ongoing, everyday process, deeply incorporated into our daily lives.
As fathers, we’re required to teach with our words and actions. Our kids are watching us, learning from how we handle stress, how we treat others, and how we prioritize our time. It’s a sobering thought. But it’s also an incredible opportunity to model what it means to live out our faith.
5. The Nurturer
Being a Christian father is not just about providing food, shelter, and discipline. It’s about creating an environment of love, understanding, and emotional intelligence. It’s about being the safe harbor our children can always return to, no matter how stormy life gets.
The Bible gives us a beautiful picture of God’s nurturing love in Psalm 103:13: “Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him.” This reminds us that our role as nurturers is a reflection of God’s own heart towards His children. We’re called to show compassion, comfort, encouragement, and love unconditionally.
But being a nurturer doesn’t always come naturally, especially for those who grew up in homes where emotions weren’t freely expressed. We must learn how to create an emotionally safe space for our children. This can be achieved by being okay with tears, not shying away from difficult conversations, and showing our kids that it’s alright to be vulnerable.
As Christian fathers, we have the incredible opportunity to model emotional intelligence for our children. This means being in touch with our own emotions, expressing them in healthy ways, and teaching our kids to do the same. It’s about showing them that real strength isn’t about suppressing feelings but about understanding and managing them.
Nurturing also involves celebrating our children’s unique qualities and helping them develop their God-given talents. It also requires seeing the potential in them, even when they can’t see it themselves.
As we wrap up, we must remember that this journey of fatherhood is as much about our growth as it is about our children’s. Each bedtime story read and each heart-to-heart conversation shapes us into the men God has called us to be.
The path of Christian fatherhood is not always easy, but it is infinitely rewarding. It’s a journey filled with laughter and tears, triumphs and challenges, moments of great wisdom, and moments of utter cluelessness. But through it all, we have the help and guidance of our Lord Jesus and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.
Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.
