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Tag: Relationships

  • Combining Finances and Responsibilities: A Complete Guide for Couples Merging Their Lives

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    Moving In Together: How to Combine Finances and Responsibilities

    You’re staring at the stack of bills on your kitchen counter—half yours, half theirs—and wondering how couples actually make this whole “shared life” thing work. Sound familiar?

    If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve recently discovered that combining two financial lives is more complex than anyone warned you about. 

    Most couples dive into shared living arrangements thinking love will figure out the logistics. But research shows that financial stress is one of the top predictors of relationship conflict. The good news? It can be managed effectively with the right approach. 

    Here’s What’s Really Happening When You Avoid the Money Talk

    When couples skip intentional financial planning, they often start making money decisions reactively rather than proactively. One person ends up paying more, resentment builds quietly, and suddenly you’re having heated discussions about takeout that are really about fairness, control, and shared values.

    Research shows that couples who have structured financial conversations early in cohabitation report higher relationship satisfaction over time. Why? Because they’ve created systems that honor both partners’ autonomy while building genuine partnership.

    The truth is, combining finances isn’t really about money. It’s about trust, communication, and creating a shared vision for your life together. Every conversation about who pays for what is actually a conversation about your values, your future, and how you want to show up for each other.

    What You Can Do Starting This Week

    Strategy 1: Have a Conversation About Financial Transparency

    Before you can build anything together, you need to know what you’re working with. This means having what might feel like an uncomfortable conversation about your complete financial picture.

    Try this: Set aside approximately two hours for a “financial transparency conversation.” Each partner should gather:

    • Current income and pay stubs
    • All debt balances and minimum payments
    • Savings and checking account balances
    • Credit scores
    • Monthly expenses

    Approach this as information gathering, not judgment. Remember, you’re on the same team now.

    Strategy 2: Create Your “Yours, Mine, and Ours” System

    One of the biggest mistakes couples make is thinking they have to choose between completely separate or completely joint finances. Many successful couples actually use a hybrid approach that maintains individual autonomy while building shared responsibility.

    Here’s how it works: Each partner contributes proportionally to shared expenses based on income, maintains individual accounts for personal spending, and builds joint savings for shared goals.

    For example: Anna makes $60,000, Tom makes $90,000. Their shared monthly expenses (rent, utilities, groceries, joint savings) total $3,000. Instead of splitting 50/50, they each contribute based on their income percentage—Anna pays $1,200 (40%) and Tom pays $1,800 (60%). This feels fair to both because it reflects their actual earning capacity.

    Starting this week: Calculate your proportional contributions to shared expenses. Determine what percentage of total household income each partner brings in, then apply that percentage to shared costs. The remaining money in your individual accounts? That’s yours to spend or save as you choose.

    Strategy 3: The Monthly Financial Check-in Ritual

    The couples who thrive financially don’t just set up systems, they maintain them. This means creating a regular time to review your finances together without it feeling like a business meeting.

    Try this: Schedule 30 minutes monthly to:

    • Review your joint budget and actual spending
    • Celebrate wins (stayed under budget, reached a savings goal)
    • Address any frustrations without blame
    • Adjust your system if something isn’t working
    • Dream together about your financial goals

    Make it a money date! Order takeout, pour wine, whatever helps you both feel relaxed and connected.

    The Truth About Managing Income Differences

    One thing that surprises many couples is how emotional income disparities can become. The higher earner might feel pressure to pay for everything, while the lower earner might feel guilty or less valued. Both responses are completely normal and both can damage your relationship if left unaddressed.

    Gottman research shows that conflict about money is rarely just about dollars and cents, it’s about the emotions, values, and dreams underneath. Couples who talk openly about how finances make them feel, not just about how to split bills, build stronger trust and partnership over time.

    Remember: your financial contribution isn’t just your paycheck. Maybe one partner handles all the budgeting and research, or takes on more household responsibilities, or brings other forms of value to the partnership. A successful financial merger honors all the ways partners contribute.

    When Money Gets Complicated

    Not everything will go smoothly, and that’s okay. What matters is how you handle the inevitable challenges:

    If one partner has significantly more debt: Approach it as a team problem to solve together, not a character flaw. Create a plan to repay debt that works for both of you.

    If spending styles clash: One person’s “necessary expense” is another’s “wasteful spending.” Consider setting individual spending allowances where neither partner has to justify purchases under a certain amount (maybe $50-100).

    If financial stress triggers old patterns: Money often brings up feelings about security, control, and worth that have nothing to do with your partner. When conversations get heated, pause and ask: “What am I really feeling right now? What do I need from you?”

    Your Path Forward

    Creating shared financial systems isn’t about losing your independence; it’s about building something stronger than either of you could create alone.

    When you’re ready, start with just one conversation this week. Pick the strategy that feels most doable right now—maybe it’s the transparency conversation, maybe it’s calculating proportional contributions, or maybe it’s simply scheduling your first monthly check-in.

    Small steps create lasting change. And every conversation you have about money is really a conversation about the life you’re building together.

    Remember: if financial conversations consistently escalate into conflict, consider working with a couples therapist who can help you navigate both the emotional and practical aspects of merging your lives. You don’t have to figure this out alone.

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    The Gottman Institute

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  • How To Maintain Individuality in Shared Spaces: Essential Tips and Strategies

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    You’re curled up on the couch you picked out together, but somehow it doesn’t feel quite like yours anymore. Your favorite reading corner has become the place where their gym bag lives, and you can’t remember the last time you spent a Saturday morning alone with your coffee and thoughts. Sound familiar?

    If you’re reading this while planning your big move-in or you’ve recently taken that beautiful, terrifying leap into shared living, you might be discovering something no one really prepares you for: learning how to be fully yourself while building a life with someone else. 

    Here’s the thing: maintaining your individuality isn’t about loving your partner less. It’s about loving yourself enough to stay whole while you grow together.

    According to Gottmans’ research, the strongest relationships are those where partners nurture both the ‘we’ of their relationship and the individuality of each person. Rather than losing themselves in the relationship, they honor each other’s personal goals, interests, and values. This balance between independence and togetherness creates trust, respect, and lasting intimacy.

    Understanding Why Your Individuality Matters More Than Ever

    When you first move in together, there’s this intoxicating feeling of “we’re building something beautiful.” And you are. But somewhere between choosing paint colors and figuring out whose coffee maker to keep, many people find themselves slowly adjusting, accommodating, and shrinking to fit into this new shared reality.

    The truth is, maintaining who you are isn’t just good for you, it’s essential for your relationship’s health. Think about what drew your partner to you in the first place. Was it your passion for photography? The way you light up talking about your book club? Your Tuesday yoga ritual that centers your entire week? Those aren’t obstacles to overcome in your shared life, they’re treasures to protect and nurture.

    Here’s what happens when we lose touch with our individual selves: we become anxious, resentful, or that dreaded word: codependent. We start looking to our partner to fill needs that only we can meet for ourselves. The relationship becomes heavy with expectations it was never meant to carry.

    But when you maintain your sense of self? You show up as the vibrant, interesting, growing person your partner fell in love with. You bring new energy, stories, and perspectives back to your shared space. You model what it looks like to be a whole person in love, rather than half a person looking for completion.

    The Challenges You’re Actually Facing (And Why They’re Normal)

    Let’s be honest about what you’re up against. Moving in together creates a perfect storm of identity challenges that no one talks about at your housewarming party.

    The Boundary Blur: Suddenly, everything feels shared. Your mornings, your evenings, your refrigerator space, even your thoughts. Without conscious effort, personal boundaries can dissolve faster than sugar in coffee. You might find yourself asking permission for things you used to just do, or feeling guilty about wanting time alone.

    The Suffocation Spiral: Even in the most loving relationships, constant togetherness can feel overwhelming. You might love your partner deeply and still sometimes feel like you can’t breathe in your own space. This isn’t a sign that anything’s wrong with your relationship—it’s a sign that you’re human.

    The Communication Freeze: Many people struggle to voice their needs for space or individuality because it feels selfish or like it might hurt their partner’s feelings. So instead of speaking up, they withdraw quietly, building internal resentment that eventually erupts in arguments about dishes or whose turn it is to take out the trash.

    What You Can Do Starting This Week

    Creating Physical and Emotional Boundaries That Honor You Both

    The first step isn’t dramatic, it’s creating small, sacred spaces that belong just to you. This doesn’t require a bigger apartment or a major renovation. It requires intention.

    Tonight, try this: Identify one space in your home that can be primarily yours. Maybe it’s a corner of the bedroom with your reading chair, maybe it’s the kitchen table on Sunday mornings, or maybe it’s the bathroom during your evening skincare routine. Communicate this gently to your partner: “I’m going to make this corner my little retreat space so I can read and recharge.”

    Notice the language there? It’s not “you can’t sit here” or “this is off-limits.” It’s “this helps me recharge so I can show up better for us.” Frame your needs in terms of what they give back to the relationship, because they do.

    Protecting Your Solo Time Like the Precious Resource It Is

    Your alone time isn’t selfish, it’s essential maintenance for your mental and emotional health. But here’s what many couples get wrong: they wait until they’re desperate for space and then it becomes an emergency conversation instead of a loving routine.

    Starting this week: Schedule your alone time like you would any other important appointment. Maybe it’s an hour every evening, maybe it’s Saturday mornings, maybe it’s one weeknight where you each do your own thing. The key is making it routine rather than reactive.

    Nurturing the Interests That Make You You

    Remember that photography class you loved? The hiking group that energized you? The volunteer work that gave you purpose? These aren’t hobbies to abandon for couple time, they’re parts of yourself to cultivate and protect.

    This month: Identify one interest or activity that you’ve let slide since moving in together. Make a plan to reintegrate it into your life. Your relationship will benefit from having a more fulfilled, interesting you in it.

    How to Talk About What You Need

    The conversation about personal space and individual needs doesn’t have to be a minefield. It’s all about framing and timing.

    Instead of: “You’re being clingy” (which creates defensiveness)
     Try: “I love spending time with you, and I also need some solo time to feel balanced. Can we figure out a rhythm that works for both of us?”

    The goal isn’t to create distance—it’s to create sustainable closeness. When you frame your needs in terms of what they bring to the relationship, your partner is much more likely to support them.

    Finding the Sweet Spot Between Together and Apart

    The strongest couples don’t spend every moment together. They create intentional rhythms of connection and independence that honor both their togetherness and their individual growth.

    Supporting Each Other’s Goals: True partnership means celebrating and supporting each other’s individual dreams, not just your shared ones. When your partner sees you pursuing your goals, it doesn’t threaten your relationship—it deepens their respect and attraction for you.

    Creating Dual Rituals: Build both couple rituals (Sunday morning coffee together) and individual rituals (your Thursday evening bath with a book). Both are sacred. Both strengthen your relationship in different ways.

    Privacy as a Gift, Not a Threat: You don’t have to share every thought, every friendship conversation, or every moment of your day to be close. Privacy allows you to maintain other important relationships and to have experiences that you can choose to share, or not.

    The Truth About Different Living Situations

    Whether you’re in a romantic partnership, sharing space with friends, or navigating a roommate situation, the principles remain the same: clear communication, respect for boundaries, and the understanding that everyone needs space to be themselves.

    In romantic relationships, the challenge often comes from the belief that love means wanting to spend every moment together. But mature love recognizes that two whole people create a stronger bond than two people trying to complete each other.

    What This Isn’t About

    Let’s clear up some misconceptions that might be holding you back from advocating for your needs:

    Maintaining individuality isn’t about building walls. It’s about maintaining healthy boundaries that allow both people to thrive. You’re not creating distance; you’re creating the space needed for sustainable closeness.

    Wanting alone time isn’t selfish. It’s self-aware. You’re taking responsibility for your own emotional well-being instead of expecting your partner to meet all your needs. That’s actually a gift to your relationship.

    Individual interests aren’t a threat to your partnership. They’re what keep you interesting! The goal isn’t to merge into one person; it’s to remain two fascinating people who choose to build a life together.

    Your Path Forward

    Moving in together is one of the most beautiful expressions of commitment two people can make. You’re saying, “I want to weave my daily life with yours.” But that doesn’t mean you stop being yourself. It means you bring your full, authentic self to this shared adventure.

    Every relationship has seasons, including seasons where you need more space and seasons where you crave more closeness. What matters is that you feel free to communicate these needs without fear, and that your partner responds with curiosity rather than defensiveness.

    The goal isn’t to live parallel lives under one roof, it’s to create an environment where both of you can flourish individually while building something beautiful together. You can love someone completely and still need time alone. You can be deeply committed and still pursue your own interests. You can share a space and still have a corner that belongs just to you.

    When you’re ready, start with one small step this week. Maybe it’s reclaiming that morning routine that centers you. Maybe it’s scheduling a solo coffee date with yourself. Maybe it’s simply having an honest conversation about what you both need to feel like yourselves in your shared space.

    Small steps create lasting change. And every boundary you communicate lovingly is actually an investment in the longevity and health of your relationship.

    Remember: if conversations about space and individuality consistently create conflict, consider talking with a couples therapist who can help you navigate both partners’ needs with compassion and understanding. Learning to be individuals together is a skill worth investing in.

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    The Gottman Institute

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  • Should I Stay or Should I Go? When Is the Right Time to Seek Divorce

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    Why Do Couples Divorce?

    Soft vs. Hard Reasons

    There are several commonly reported contributors to divorce. Research reported in the Journal of Divorce and Remarriage distinguishes between “soft” reasons –  not being able to talk to each other, high levels of conflict and arguing, feeling lonely within the relationship – and ‘“hard” reasons such as abuse, addiction and infidelity.  Despite what you may think, the big dealbreaker issues are not the most common causes. All too often the couples report a variation of the soft theme of  “we just grew apart”.  Another study looked at the role of perceived happiness and beliefs about romantic love in the divorce decision making process. The ephemeral concept of being “in love” versus feeling more general love for a partner influences respondents’ attitudes toward the possibility of divorce in the future, as does whether a person believes it is important to work at both love and happiness within a relationship.

    The Blame Game

    Not surprisingly, most of the people surveyed blamed their spouse for the divorce, not themselves. Now think about that. If I feel like I’ve “fallen out of love” with my partner and I believe this means we are not compatible and that my happiness lies elsewhere, I may end a relationship and suffer the often devastating consequences.

    What if, instead of taking this unexamined path, I were to learn that relationship fluctuations are natural and expected, that the bloom for lust and love do settle down, and that communication can be learned and the distance between us can be bridged? This is what I teach in my 12-week Become Passion couples program. Many of my couples tell me that they were filing for divorce and took my program as a last chance effort – and that they were shocked to realize how little they knew about the predictors of divorce and the prescription for long term relationship health. 

    Impact of Divorce

    Anyone who has been through a divorce or breakup of any committed romantic relationship knows the aftermath is rough. There is plenty of research detailing the dire effects of divorce, but all you really need to do is look at your friends and your own history. 

    There can be significant negative impacts on everything from physical and mental health to finances to the effect on your children, family and social circle and much more. While few people leave a major relationship lightly, too many may do it for the wrong reasons, or for reasons that are valid but can be changed.

    Now to be clear, sometimes a divorce is a wise solution to relationship troubles. I have no philosophical, moral, spiritual or clinical reason to be opposed to divorce – I myself was divorced two short years after the Mamma Mia wedding. But before you make a final decision, make sure to evaluate your motivations and consider the possibility that the two of you can create a more healthy and happy relationship together. This evaluation is very helpful whether or not or choose to stay or go, because clarity can help with your healing either way.

    Signs You Are in Trouble – But Change is Possible  

    Poor Communication

    No matter how hard you try, it feels like every conversation turns into an argument. You are walking on eggshells or, in Gottman terms, are caught in negative sentiment override. There is a lot of criticism and the other horsemen have taken up residence in your living room. When you do have a more reasonable discussion it feels like your partner doesn’t understand you, which leaves you feeling frustrated and alone.

    Loss of Connection

    You are living separate lives, stuck in what I call Marriage Inc. – where you run your household and family like a business but there is little or no “us”, just joint CEO’s making sure the mortgage gets paid and the kids get to school on time. There is little or no emotional connection, cuddling, or sexuality. It’s the dreaded “roommates  not lovers”. 

    Trust Betrayal

    Whether your trust has been betrayed by a big event like infidelity or discovering your partner has spent all of your carefully accumulated savings behind your back, or trust has been slowly worn down by a cumulation of broken promises, lack of trust is a major problem that must be addressed.

    If You’re Thinking of Leaving

    You probably ask yourself questions like: 

    “Should I get a divorce?”

    “How can I get emotional clarity about whether to stay or go?”

    “When is it time to let go of my relationship?”

    The Cycle of Thoughts and Emotions

    Perhaps you’ve been unhappy in your relationship for a long time. Maybe you feel like you are the only one lobbying for more. You don’t know whether to stay or go. You dream about future happiness, yet you know the emotional, financial and family toll that usually follows in the wake of divorce. This state of psychological ambivalence – feeling both pulled to stay AND pulled to leave – is extremely uncomfortable. Spending endless hours in a paralyzing cycle of pros and cons, fear and hope, doubt and temporary certainty is emotionally exhausting.

    You want to get away from this person you believe doesn’t give you what you desire, this person who disappoints you, takes you for granted, and frankly annoys or angers you on a daily basis. You don’t like who you’ve become – critical, negative, clingy and demanding. All too often it feels like the right decision is to leave.

    And yet…despite all these factors, leaving your relationship may not be the solution. It might surprise you to learn that the outcome does not always deliver the results you hope for. It is difficult to accurately quantify the percentage of partners who regret leaving a marriage, but a number of research surveys and studies indicate between 30-50% of respondents they feel they made a mistake and wish they’d tried harder to work things out. Why might that be?

    Regret

    For an interesting perspective on why so many people regret the decision to divorce we can look at the work of happiness researcher and Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert. After all, when we think about filing for divorce, we are at heart looking for a way to escape from unhappiness. We believe there are more negatives than positives in this relationship. We fantasize about a better future where we are either happy alone or are happy in a new, better, relationship (with a new, better person than the one we are with now).

    However, as Gilbert points out, we humans are lousy at predicting our future happiness. We imagine the future WILL be better than this, but we have no data and no way to know if that will be so. This sort of “future happiness bias” can lead us to make a major, life changing decision based on no real evidence. 

    Of course that doesn’t mean you should stay in an untenable situation. But given the regrets expressed by a significant percentage of divorced people – don’t rush into it. Consider the decision carefully and mindfully. It’s not as simple as getting rid of the person who you believe is causing your misery.  In my career, I’ve seen too many divorced individuals who left a marriage prematurely and unnecessarily – creating a permanent and devastating solution for a potentially temporary albeit very painful situation. I also see hundreds of couples each year that make major improvements by simply doing the work and getting the knowledge they need.

    How to Re-Evaluate

    If things are not going well, think about these questions:

    • Are you in a temporary crisis that may change? Will you feel differently when these feelings settle or are you certain this is the end of your relationship?
    • What are the best and worst things you feel will happen if you do stay together?
    • What are the best and worst things you feel will happen if you divorce?
    • What part do you play in the unhappiness of this marriage? Do you focus on making time for each other, planning romance, creating time for conversations? Are YOU being a great partner?
    • Are you willing to seek professional help? Will your partner participate? If they will not, are you willing to seek help on your own to facilitate the possibility that you can learn to approach them in a manner that engages them in the relationship process?

    Next Steps

    In two words? Get Help. You need to be able to understand your issues, explore the causes, work on communication and connection, and strengthen what I call your Passion Triangle –  three key areas couples need to strengthen if they want a great relationship. You can take my free starter course to learn more about these. By actively working on these three areas, couples can build a stronger foundation for their relationship and significantly reduce the risk of divorce.

    Take time. Slow down. You are likely in a stress crisis that may – or may not – be temporary. Because psychological ambivalence is so painful you may be tempted to resolve this ambivalence by making a firm decision. I encourage you to stay in the discomfort for a while longer while you evaluate your unique situation.

    Take into account that people regret their decisions and future happiness is not guaranteed and there is significant clinical evidence that deeply troubled relationships can recover. Our perceptions are not always reality. Sometimes a temporary separation can help.  That’s what Howard and Karen – the couple I speak about in the video – did. They used the time apart to get professional help, then to take my program and learn what they simply didn’t know. Today they are happier than they’ve been in decades, going on wonderful trips to Europe, joining me and the other couples from my programs in Mexico for a fabulous workshop and couples celebration this year, planning surprises for each other and generally living their life to the fullest. 

    That’s a huge improvement from throwing your wedding crowns into the sea.

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    Cheryl Fraser

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  • We checked, and these are the dating apps relationship experts recommend for over-50s

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    You do have to pay for OkCupid’s basic version to access unlimited likes, rewinds to do a double-take on someone you accidentally swiped past, and the ability to filter out deal-breakers. Upgrade to Premium if you want to see who’s liked you, to send three SuperLikes per week, and to view their answers to public questions.

    How to choose the right dating site:

    It would be foolish not to ask the experts for a step-by-step guide to finding love — or lust:

    “Spend some time exploring before jumping into be sure the apps and sites you’re considering fit your own goals. Ask around; check on Reddit. Where are people your age finding one another in your city?” says Dugan.

    Work out your ideal age range.

    Maybe you’re open to dating someone younger. In this case, take into account the minimum age that the platform allows and the demographic it typically attracts. Users on apps like Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble tend to be younger than those on OurTime, SilverSingles, or SeniorMatch —either by design (an age minimum) or branding.

    AKA try before you buy. “Always proceed slowly in opting for a paid subscription,” says Dugan. “A little low-tech, free engagement time will at least show you if the site has appropriate and appealing matches in your area. These sites and apps are great tools and can provide significant access.

    Try two to vary your experience and results.

    “Dating is a numbers game,” says Trombetti. “I like eHarmony and Match because of the volume of people on those sites.”

    They allow you to narrow down based on age, geography, goals, politics, religion, sexual orientation, and more. Looking for a committed long-term relationship or marriage? Match, eHarmony, Silver Singles, SeniorMatch, OurTime, Date My Age, and OkCupid are your best bets. Want to date more casually? Turn to Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge.

    This content originally appeared on GLAMOUR US.

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    Malia Griggs, Sophie Donovan

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  • Love Island USA Winner Amaya Papaya Says Bye-ya to Bryan

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    Photo: Ben Symons/Peacock via Getty Images

    It looks like the glass slipper broke on its way back from Fiji. Boo! Two days after the reunion aired, our Love Island USA winner, Amaya Espinal, confirmed that she and Bryan Arenales are no longer together. “After leaving the villa, it became very clear that we were on two different journeys,” she wrote on August 27. “Our visions didn’t align and relationships are suppose to be a team sport.” The confirmation comes just days after they unfollowed each other on Instagram. Later the same day, Amaya claims in a TikTok comment that Bryan broke up with her hours before he went to Miami “doing the exact things you told him hurts your feelings.”

    Despite being a fan favorite to everyone watching, Amaya Papaya had a difficult journey trying to find love in the villa; several people, like her former match Ace Greene, said that her affectionate pet names were too much for them. Eventually, Bryan defended her during a challenge, and they officially became a couple, splitting the $50,000 grand prize. At the reunion on August 25, Bryan addressed rumors he was cheating on Amaya at a club by saying that nothing happened besides him having a little too much fun pouring shots. Miss Papaya did leave us with one perfect Amaya-ism to give us a clue as to what happened between her and Bryan: “You don’t have to drink the whole sea to know it’s salty.”

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    Alejandra Gularte

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  • Is the Honeymoon Phase a Myth? Understanding Love’s Most Romanticized Stage

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    You know that moment when the butterflies in your stomach start to fade, and suddenly you’re wondering where all that initial magic went? Maybe you’re sitting across from your partner at dinner, and instead of hanging on their every word, you’re noticing how they chew. Sound familiar?

    The honeymoon phase has become a widely accepted narrative of relationships—that initial period where everything feels perfect and passionate love flows effortlessly. But what if this relationship stage is actually doing more harm than good?

    What Is the Honeymoon Phase?

    Origins and Definitions

    Historically, the honeymoon referred to a period after the wedding when newlyweds withdrew from social life — sometimes traveling, but often just spending private time together.

    The concept of the honeymoon phase originated from observing the intense emotions that mark the beginning of most romantic relationships. Relationship researchers define it as that early period—lasting anywhere from weeks, months to even a year or two- when couples experience heightened attraction, frequent physical affection, and what feels like perfect compatibility.

    It has been called “limerence” (coined by Dorothy Tennov in 1979), the first stage of love. She characterized it by physical symptoms (flushing, trembling, palpitations), excitement, intrusive thinking, obsession, fantasy, sexual excitement, and the fear of rejection.

    The cascade of hormones and neurotransmitters that your body produces including oxytocin and phenyleteylamine, a natural form of amphetamine result in a natural high. The elevated levels of dopamine can cause a feeling of euphoria along with poor judgement and impulse control issues.  

    Common Characteristics of the Honeymoon Period

    Emotional Signs

    Behavioral Signs

    Physical Signs

    Constant thoughts about partner

    Frequent texting/calling

    Increased energy levels

    Idealization of partner

    Prioritizing time together

    Enhanced physical attraction

    Intense euphoria

    Avoiding conflict

    Heightened sexual desire

    Fear of separation

    Mirroring behaviors

    Better sleep (when together)

    Most couples in this phase report feeling like they’ve found “the one”. Conflict seems nonexistent. Sex feels incredible. The future looks bright and uncomplicated.

    The problem? This intense phase of love creates a baseline that’s virtually impossible to maintain.

    Is the Honeymoon Phase a Myth or Reality?

    Scientific Research and Relationship Studies

    Research at the Gottman Institute shows that while the neurochemical rush of early love is very real, but it isn’t what determines the strength of a long-term relationship. In fact, many couples who thrive for decades together report never experiencing a stereotypical ‘honeymoon phase’ at all. What predicts lasting connection isn’t how the relationship starts, but how partners build friendship, manage conflict, and create shared meaning over time.

    Dr. Helen Fisher’s brain imaging studies show that passionate love activates the same reward circuits as cocaine addiction. The high is intense but temporary. The intensity of the initial phase is not what matters for long-term relationship success, but rather how couples navigate the transition to committed love.

    Long-term studies of couples show that starting out with the most intense ‘honeymoon’ feelings does not necessarily predict lasting happiness. In fact, couples who rely only on passion often struggle later, because they haven’t built the skills to manage everyday challenges like conflict, stress, and change. What sustains relationships over time isn’t the intensity of the beginning, but the ability to turn toward each other, communicate effectively, and build a strong foundation of friendship.

    Cultural and Media Influence on Romantic Expectations

    Think about every romantic movie you’ve ever seen. The couple meets, sparks fly, obstacles arise, and they live happily ever after. What you don’t see is the Tuesday night three years later when they’re arguing about whose turn it is to take out the trash.

    Our culture has mythologized the honeymoon stage to the point where many people believe it’s the “real” version of love. When that intensity naturally wanes, couples often panic, thinking something is fundamentally wrong.

    Social media makes this worse. We see curated snapshots of other people’s relationships— anniversary posts, vacation photos, romantic gestures—without seeing the ordinary moments or challenges that make up most real love and relationships.

    Psychological Perspectives on Early Relationship Euphoria

    From an evolutionary psychology standpoint, the honeymoon phase served an important purpose: it bonded pairs long enough to reproduce and protect offspring. But modern relationships need to last much longer than our ancestors’ did.

    The intensity of early romantic feelings can actually interfere with getting to know your partner as they really are. When you’re seeing someone through rose-colored glasses, you’re not noticing their actual flaws, communication patterns, or how they handle stress.

    Attachment theory helps explain why some people crave this intensity more than others. Those with anxious attachment styles often mistake the anxiety of uncertainty for passion, while those with avoidant styles might find the intensity overwhelming.

    Why Believing in the Honeymoon Phase Can Be Harmful

    Perpetuating Unrealistic Relationship Expectations

    This is the dangerous myth of the honeymoon phase: that intense, early feelings represent “true” love, and anything less means you’re settling.

    Here’s the truth: sustainable love looks different from the initial honeymoon period. It’s quieter but deeper. It’s choosing your partner on ordinary Tuesday mornings, not just when your heart is racing.

    When we expect relationships to maintain that early intensity, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Real love involves seeing your partner’s actual flaws and choosing them anyway. It’s built on trust, shared values, and weathering life’s inevitable storms together.

    Emotional Crash After the Phase Ends

    The post-honeymoon phase can feel devastating if you believe the myth. Couples often describe feeling like they’ve “fallen out of love” when really, they’re just transitioning to a different kind of connection.

    This transition often occurs somewhere between six months and two years, though it varies widely across couples. As dopamine activity in the brain’s reward circuits returns to baseline, the haze of early infatuation fades — and traits that once seemed charming may start to feel irritating. 

    Many couples panic at this point. They might:

    • Question their compatibility
    • Start looking for that “spark” elsewhere
    • Break up prematurely
    • Settle into resentful coexistence

    But this transition doesn’t mean the end of the relationship— it’s actually an opportunity to build something deeper.

    What Comes After the Honeymoon Phase?

    Transitioning to Committed Love

    Committed love isn’t about maintaining that initial high. It’s about building a partnership that can handle real life. This means:

    • Seeing each other clearly, flaws and all
    • Developing conflict resolution skills
    • Creating shared meaning and goals
    • Supporting each other through difficult times

    This stage might feel less exciting than the honeymoon phase, but it’s actually more stable and satisfying in the long run.

    Common Challenges Couples Face

    Challenge

    Why It Happens

    Growth Opportunity

    Increased conflict

    Partners show their real selves

    Learning to fight fairly

    Less frequent sex

    Novelty decreases

    Developing intentional intimacy

    Taking each other for granted

    Familiarity breeds complacency

    Practicing daily appreciation

    Power struggles

    Individual needs become clearer

    Negotiating and compromising

    These challenges aren’t signs that your relationship is failing—they’re normal parts of building a life together. The couples who thrive are those who develop skills to navigate these stages after the initial excitement.

    How to Sustain Love and Connection Long-Term

    Real, lasting connection isn’t about maintaining the honeymoon phase. It’s about intentionally building intimacy over time. Here’s what actually works:

    Turn toward each other daily. Notice your partner’s small bids for attention and respond positively. When they point out a cute dog on the street, look. When they share a work frustration, listen.

    Build trust through small actions. Keep your word and follow through consistently. If you say you’ll be home for dinner, be home for dinner. Trust is built in the little things, and each action tells your partner they matter.

    Create rituals of connection. This might be coffee together every morning, a weekly walk, or a daily check-in about your day. Small, consistent rituals matter more than grand gestures.

    Embrace the ordinary. The honeymoon phase is all about extraordinary moments. Committed love finds beauty in folding laundry together and comfortable silences.

    Debunking the Myth and Expert Insights

    Relationships That Defy the Phase

    Not every successful relationship starts with fireworks. Some couples begin as friends first. Others are just comfortable with each other from the beginning. They don’t begin with crazy passion but a solid friendship that led to them loving one another. This solid foundation is actually part of what builds a successful long term relationship and then allows you to deepen your connection over time.

    How Some Couples Keep the Spark Alive

    The couples who maintain connection over decades don’t do it by preserving the honeymoon phase—they do it by developing their connection and commitment to one another. There are small ways to create novelty and fun in a relationship. The spark is created together by choosing one another over and over again.

    These couples are open to emotional connection. They are vulnerable to their partners, and accept their partner’s emotions without judgment. They stay open and responsive to each other even during difficult times. This creates a different kind of intimacy than the honeymoon phase- a deeply fulfilling emotional intimacy. 

    Attachment Styles and Their Influence

    Our early attachment experiences strongly influence how we approach romantic love. People with secure attachment tend to move more smoothly from passionate love into the steadier rhythms of companionate love.

    Those with anxious attachment may find themselves chasing the intensity of the honeymoon phase, mistaking nervous energy for passion. When the spark cools, they may end relationships without realizing they are on the verge of a deeper stage of connection.

    By contrast, those with avoidant attachment might flip the script—believing that the absence of heightened emotions signals a “healthier” bond, when in reality it can reflect a tendency to sidestep emotional closeness.

    How to Build a Relationship That Lasts

    Communication and Conflict 

    During the honeymoon phase many couples avoid conflict entirely. But sustainable relationships need healthy conflict skills. This means:

    Learning to complain without criticism. Instead of “You never help around the house,” try “I feel overwhelmed by the housework and would love your help.”

    Taking breaks when emotions run high. If you notice yourself or your partner getting defensive, take a 20-minute break to calm down.

    Looking for the underlying need. Behind every complaint is a need for connection, understanding, or support. Try to address the need, not just the surface issue.

    Accepting influence from each other. Be willing to change your mind and let your partner influence your decisions.

    Shared Values and Long-Term Compatibility

    The honeymoon phase focuses on chemistry and attraction. But lasting relationships need deeper compatibility around:

    • Life goals and priorities
    • Communication styles
    • Conflict resolution approaches
    • Values around family, money, and career
    • Spiritual or philosophical beliefs

    This doesn’t mean you need to agree on everything. But you need enough common ground to build a shared life together.

    Surface Compatibility

    Deep Compatibility

    Similar interests

    Similar values

    Physical attraction

    Emotional connection

    Easy conversation

    Healthy conflict management

    Fun together

    Support during hard times

    The honeymoon phase can mask incompatibilities that become apparent later. Building a lasting relationship means honestly assessing both surface and deep compatibility.

    Conclusion: Is the Honeymoon Phase a Useful Concept?

    The honeymoon phase isn’t inherently harmful, but treating it as the defining feature of love is.

    While many relationships begin with intensity and passion, not all successful ones do. And for the ones that do, those feelings typically change over time. But this evolution is a natural progression, an opportunity to create something deeper and more meaningful.

    The idea of the honeymoon phase suggests that love is something that happens to you—a feeling you fall into and hopefully maintain. But real love is something you create together, day by day, choice by choice.

    Every relationship has stages. The honeymoon phase] might be the most talked about, but it’s not necessarily the most important. The quiet moments of choosing each other, the gentle care during illness, the trust built through thousands of small actions—these create love that lasts.

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    The Gottman Institute

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  • Has your platonic male friendship entered the girlfriend era?

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    While generations of love stories have focused on romantic love between straight men and women, Apple TV+’s Platonic is a love story of another kind – the platonic kind. The show centres around Sylvia and Will, former besties who meet again in adulthood and strike up their platonic friendship again. Now in its second season, the show explores how something as rare as a platonic friendship between a man and a woman can send society spiralling.

    In season 2, for instance, their friendship butts up against Will’s romantic relationship with overbearing fiancée Jenna. Sylvia finds that Will is pulling back from their friendship. As she puts it, whenever Will is in a serious romantic relationship, “things get screwy” between them. Is Jenna jealous? Probably a little. Does Will feel awkward being so close to Sylvia while he’s engaged to some else? Also possible. Whatever is going on here, it’s an all-too common phenomenon – having a platonic friendship with a straight guy as a straight woman is hard – and it’s even harder when that straight guy starts dating another woman. What do you do when your platonic guy friend enters his girlfriend era?

    Paul Sarkis

    First, it’s probably important to understand why we are, as a society, so uncomfortable with platonic friendships between straight men and women. For one thing, there’s the fact that decades of films and TV shows have taught us that it’s kind of impossible.

    Platonic is not the only fictional work to explore platonic friendships between men and women, but it is one of the first to present it as a functional dynamic rather than a stepping stone on the route to a romantic happy ending. Just take When Harry Met Sally, which saw Billy Crystal’s Harry trying to have a platonic friendship with Mg Ryan’s Sally – except, of course, the pair were secretly in love the whole time, they just didn’t know it. From the beginning of the film, Harry asserts that “men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.” He adds, “no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.”

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    Meg Walters

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  • 20 Essential Questions to Ask Before Moving In Together

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    You’ve been together for a while now, and it feels right. Really right. The sleepovers have become more frequent, you’ve got a drawer at their place, and you find yourself daydreaming about Sunday mornings together without the rush to get home. The question keeps surfacing in those quiet moments: Should we move in together?

    It’s exciting, isn’t it? But also terrifying. Because while your heart might be saying “absolutely,” there’s this little voice wondering if you’re truly ready for this next step.

    Research from Gottman and other relationship scientists shows that couples who have intentional conversations before moving in together are more likely to create strong, lasting partnerships. And it’s not just about the ‘big’ questions—it’s about the everyday realities that shape your shared life.

    Why It’s Crucial to Ask Questions Before Moving In Together

    Moving in together isn’t just about convenience or taking the next logical step. It’s about weaving two separate lives into one shared experience, and that requires more intention than you might think.

    Prevent Misunderstandings and Unclear Expectations

    Emma thought she and James were on the same page about everything. They’d been dating for eight months, spent almost every weekend together, and felt completely in sync. Then they moved in together, and suddenly everything felt different. She expected quiet mornings with coffee and conversation; he assumed they’d maintain their separate routines. She envisioned cooking dinner together; he was used to grabbing takeout on his way home from work.

    Sound familiar? These aren’t relationship dealbreakers, they’re simply unspoken expectations that became painful disappointments. The truth is that most of these conflicts are completely preventable when you take time to understand each other’s vision for shared life.

    Build a Strong Foundation for Your Relationship

    Our research consistently shows that couples who discuss practical matters before cohabiting report higher relationship satisfaction and lower stress levels in their first year of living together. When you know what to expect—from bill-paying to bathroom schedules—you can focus your energy on deepening your connection rather than navigating daily surprises.

    Think of these conversations as relationship insurance. You’re not planning for things to go wrong; you’re creating a roadmap for things to go right.

    Questions to Ask Before Moving in Together: Relationship Goals

    Before you start comparing apartment listings, take time to explore what this step means for both of you. These aren’t interrogation sessions—they’re opportunities to dream together and ensure you’re moving toward the same future.

    What Are Our Long-Term Relationship Expectations?

    “Where do you see us in two years?” might feel like a loaded question, but it’s actually a gift. Perhaps one person sees moving in together as a step toward marriage while the other sees it as a way to test the relationship.  Neither perspective is wrong, but understanding the differences will help adjust expectations and open communication about their hopes for the future.

    Tonight, try this: Share your honest feelings about what moving in together represents to you. Is it about deepening commitment, practical convenience, or exploring long-term compatibility? Listen without judgment as your partner shares their perspective.

    How Will Moving in Together Impact Our Relationship Dynamic?

    Right now, you probably put your best foot forward when you’re together. You tidy up before they come over, choose activities thoughtfully, and maintain some mystery about your daily routines. Living together changes all of that—and that’s actually wonderful, but it requires adjustment.

    Are We Both Ready for This Step?

    Readiness isn’t just about feeling excited, it’s about having the emotional bandwidth to navigate the challenges that come with merging lives. Are you both in stable places individually? Do you have the time and energy to invest in this transition?

    There’s no shame in saying “I love you deeply, and I’m not quite ready yet.”

    Financial Questions to Ask Before Moving in Together

    Money conversations can feel awkward, but they’re absolutely essential. Financial stress is one of the leading causes of relationship conflict, and most of it can be prevented with honest communication upfront.

    How Will We Split Expenses and Bills?

    Sophia and Ryan learned this lesson the hard way. They casually agreed to “split everything 50/50” without discussing what “everything” included. Did that mean rent, utilities, and groceries? What about streaming services, household supplies, or date nights? Three months in, they found themselves having tense conversations about who should pay for toilet paper.

    Here’s what works better: Create specific categories together. Many couples find success with a proportional approach based on income, while others prefer splitting fixed expenses equally and handling variable costs individually. The key is choosing what feels fair to both of you.

    What Are Our Financial Goals and Habits?

    This conversation goes deeper than just monthly expenses. Are you a saver or a spender? Do you budget carefully or spend more intuitively? What are your biggest financial goals for the next five years? 

    For most people there is a deeper meaning behind money. It can be helpful to understand what money means to you and to your partner to avoid future arguments. For some people, having money means freedom and independence, for others it means that you need to be responsible and save it for the future.

    Should We Have a Joint Bank Account or Keep Finances Separate?

    Many couples find success with a hybrid approach: maintaining individual accounts for personal expenses while contributing to a shared account for household costs. This provides both autonomy and collaboration.

    The most important thing isn’t which system you choose, it’s that you both feel comfortable and respected in whatever arrangement you create.

    Important Questions About Household Responsibilities

    This is where relationships often get tested. Not because anyone is unwilling to help, but because we all have different standards, habits, and assumptions about how households should run.

    How Will We Divide Chores and Household Tasks?

    Forget the outdated idea that chores should be divided by gender. Instead, think about your natural preferences, schedules, and strengths. Do you actually enjoy cooking but hate doing dishes? Does your partner find laundry meditative but avoid bathroom cleaning at all costs?

    Start with splitting up responsibilities by how much each person likes/minds doing them. Consider doing less desirable jobs together, and think of it as a time to connect!

    What Are Our Standards for Cleanliness and Organization?

    This conversation can prevent so many future frustrations. Are you someone who needs the bed made every morning, or are you comfortable with a more lived-in space? Do dishes need to be done immediately after eating, or is it fine to let them sit until the next day?

    Some people grow up in homes where everything has a designated place, while others are more relaxed about organization. Understanding this can help couples find a middle ground that honors both comfort levels.

    How Will We Handle Grocery Shopping and Meal Planning?

    Food is such a personal thing—how you shop, what you like to eat, how you approach cooking. Some couples love grocery shopping together and planning elaborate meals; others prefer to handle food more independently.

    Talk about your eating schedules, dietary preferences, and cooking abilities. Do you want to eat dinner together every night, or are you both comfortable with more flexible meal times? Will you food prep together? Does one person have dietary restrictions the other doesn’t have?

    Personal Space and Privacy Questions to Discuss

    Moving in together doesn’t mean you stop being individuals. In fact, maintaining your sense of self often strengthens your relationship.

    Do You Need Alone Time and Privacy?

    Do you recharge by being alone or gain energy from being around your partner? Neither need is wrong, but understanding each other’s requirements can prevent misunderstandings.

    Even in the most trusting relationships, everyone deserves some privacy. This might mean not reading each other’s texts, respecting closed doors, or having separate spaces for personal items. What matters most is that you both feel comfortable with whatever boundaries you establish together.

    What Are Our Boundaries for Shared and Personal Spaces?

    Will you have any spaces that belong primarily to one person? How will you handle guests in those spaces? What about work-from-home arrangements if one or both of you work remotely? These conversations help ensure that you both feel at home in your shared space.

    Questions About Lifestyle and Habits

    The little things matter more than you might think. These daily rhythms and habits will shape the texture of your shared life.

    What Are Our Sleep Schedules and Habits?

    Are you an early bird paired with a night owl? Do you like to keep the room cool or warm? Do either of you snore, toss and turn, or have specific bedtime routines?

    Some couples thrive sharing a bed every night; others sleep better with separate beds or even separate bedrooms. The key is honest communication about what you each need for good rest.

    How Do We Handle Guests and Social Activities at Home?

    How often do you like having friends over? Do you prefer planned gatherings or spontaneous visits? How much notice do you need before guests arrive? You might need to find a compromise if you are on opposite sides with these social interactions.

    Are There Lifestyle Habits or Routine Differences to Address?

    Do you exercise at home? Play music loudly? Take long baths? Work late into the evening? These aren’t necessarily problems, but they’re worth discussing so you can support each other’s needs.

    Communication and Conflict 

    Every couple faces disagreements. What matters is having healthy tools to work through them together.

    How Do We Approach and Manage Conflicts?

    Some people need to talk through problems immediately; others need time to process before discussing. We know that 69% of couples’ problems are perpetual, meaning they will never get solved. 

    What Communication Style Works Best for Us?

    Do you prefer regular relationship check-ins, or do you like to address things as they come up? How do you like to receive feedback? What helps you feel heard and understood? We recommend having regular check in times even when you talk about things when they arise. Carving out intentional time is a habit of successful couples.

    What Strategies Will We Use to Manage Stress Together?

    Life will be stressful sometimes. How can you support each other during difficult periods? What helps each of you feel better when you’re overwhelmed?

    Future Planning and Contingency Questions

    These conversations might feel heavy, but they’re actually expressions of love and respect for each other.

    What Are Our Expectations About Marriage and Family?

    You don’t need to have everything figured out, but it helps to understand each other’s general hopes and concerns about the future.

    How Will We Handle Major Life Transitions or Career Changes?

    What if one of you gets a job offer in another city? How would you handle a period of unemployment or a decision to go back to school?

    Do We Need a Contingency Plan If Things Don’t Work Out?

    This isn’t pessimistic—it’s practical. How would you handle the lease, shared expenses, or belongings if you decided to live separately again?

    Common Mistakes Couples Make When Moving In Together

    Learning from others’ experiences can help you avoid unnecessary stress and conflict.

    Sliding vs Deciding

    Some couples end up ‘sliding’ into cohabitation versus making an intentional decision to do so. This can happen out of convenience, for financial reasons, or from habit. However, when you end up living together in this way you bypass the intentional decision and related important conversations about it. These couples tend to have a higher risk of conflict and relationship dissatisfaction. 

    Neglecting Financial Transparency and Planning

    Money surprises are rarely pleasant ones. Complete honesty about debts, spending habits, and financial goals creates trust and prevents future conflict. Before you move in together, it is critical to decide how you will pay bills and cover expenses.

    Failing to Set Clear Expectations and Boundaries

    Assuming you’re on the same page about everything often leads to disappointment. Take time to discuss even the small details. Just because you are compatible does not mean your living habits are in sync. Again this does not mean anything negative about your relationship, it just means that these are areas that need to be discussed. 

    Tips for a Smooth Transition to Living Together

    Making this transition as smooth as possible sets you up for success in your shared life.

    Conducting a Trial Period or Short-Term Cohabitation

    Consider spending a week or two living together in one of your current places before making the official move. This can help you identify practical issues and adjust expectations.

    Creating a Joint Vision for Your Shared Home

    What kind of atmosphere do you want to create together? How do you want your home to feel when you walk through the door?

    Regularly Checking In and Adjusting as Needed

    Plan monthly conversations about how things are going. What’s working well? What needs adjustment? Treating your living arrangement as something you’re actively creating together helps you adapt and grow.

    Final Thoughts: Making the Decision to Move In Together

    Moving in together is one of the most hopeful acts two people can share. You’re choosing to trust each other with your daily realities, your authentic selves, and your shared future.

    Yes, it requires courage to have these conversations. But here’s what we know: couples who invest time in understanding each other’s needs, dreams, and concerns before moving in together don’t just survive the transition—they thrive in it.

    The relationship you’re building together is worth these thoughtful conversations. Every question you ask, every detail you discuss, every moment you spend understanding each other more deeply is an investment in the beautiful life you’re creating together.

    When you’re ready to take this step, you’ll know it not just in your heart, but in your confidence that you’ve built a strong foundation together. And that confidence will carry you through not just the moving boxes and new routines, but into the deeper intimacy and partnership that makes it all worthwhile.

    Take your time. Ask the questions. Dream together. Your shared life is waiting for you to create it intentionally.

     

    FAQs about Moving In Together

    How Soon Is Too Soon to Move In Together?

    There’s no magic timeline, but our research suggests that couples who wait until they’ve navigated at least one significant conflict and seen each other during stressful periods tend to have smoother transitions.

    What If We Discover Incompatibilities After Moving In?

    Remember that most practical incompatibilities can be worked through with patience and creativity. Focus on the underlying needs rather than the specific preferences.

    How Can We Maintain Romance After Cohabitation?

    Intentionality becomes even more important when you live together. Plan date nights, surprise each other, and continue creating new experiences together.What 

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    The Gottman Institute

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  • Alex Consani’s Declaration, “Being in a Relationship is Fun, But, Like, So Much Work,” Is Indicative of a Much Bigger Zeitgeist in Dating and Monogamy (RIP)

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    Although Amelia Dimoldenberg has had many guests on for Chicken Shop Date this year, among the most memorable still remains Alex Consani. Not just because she has the blasé “audacity” to say she’s from California so she doesn’t know geography (a.k.a. California is the only geography worth knowing in the U.S., or at all), but because, despite the overall “premise” of Chicken Shop Date (tongue-in-cheek or not) being about Dimoldenberg’s bid to find “true love”—or at least a “steady” someone—Consani disinterestedly declares, “Being in a relationship is fun, but, like, so much work.” 

    This statement might seem “innocuous”/intended to be “cute” enough, but it’s telling of something larger. Particularly amongst those in Consani’s generation (Z, in case you couldn’t guess). And that is, of course, that the pervasive sense of entitlement/a “me first” philosophy/narcissism in general has reached such a zenith that most people of “dating age” really don’t see the point. And besides that, why bother when everything is on demand at the touch of a button (or swipe of a screen)—dick and pussy included? Hence, Consani has effectively announced what has been quite evident for the past several years, which is that Gen Z, and even many beyond that generational boundary, are rejecting the notion of what a “conventional” relationship used to mean. And yes, to a certain extent, what Consani is saying isn’t exactly groundbreaking or “revolutionary.” In fact, Whoopi Goldberg already said it all with her 2016 quote, “I’m much happier on my own. I can spend as much time with somebody as I want to spend, but I’m not looking to be with somebody forever or live with someone. I don’t want somebody in my house.” 

    It was that final line in the quote that launched a thousand memes, with many of them including the text, “Whoopi Goldberg on Marriage: ‘I don’t want somebody in my house.’” Goldberg herself is a baby boomer, and her feelings about “needing” a man (or rather, not needing one) have also become increasingly common within a generation that represents one of the heights of what was once considered “traditional values.” But for an increasing majority of women, particularly those who are within a certain income tax bracket, the “point” of a relationship has only diminished in value over time. 

    Here, too, it can be argued that Candace Bushnell was the first modern “revolutionary” to put a spotlight on this reality in her “Sex and the City” column, writing, “For the first time in Manhattan history, many women in their thirties to early forties have as much money and power as men—or at least enough to feel like they don’t need a man, except for sex.” And no, that comment is certainly not specific to Manhattan. What’s more, it seems that, increasingly, men are scarcely “required” even for sex, what with the many advancements in the world of self-pleasure and fertility. Moreover, men most definitely have their pick of ways and means to get what they want out of a woman (ersatz or otherwise) without ever having to “date” her (see also: the rise of sex robots). 

    At another point in one of Bushnell’s columns, she quotes one of her friends saying, “Love means having to align yourself with another person, and what if that person turns out to be a liability?” To be sure, the number one way that a person can be a “liability” to someone else is financially. Think: romance scams. Then, of course, there’s a different kind of investment that occurs when one attempts being in a “traditional” relationship: an emotional one. 

    And when, often inevitably, that sense of emotional attachment/investment goes bust, it can leave the person who got more burned in the relationship kicking themselves for putting so much time and effort into nurturing something that didn’t “pan out.” Something that couldn’t last. Indeed, more and more, it appears as though younger generations are having the spell of “forever” broken not only by cold, hard reality, but the virtual absence of the same steady diet of rom-coms that were once fed to previous generations, including millennials. Without such propaganda to “promote the lie” anymore, it has become even more of a challenge to convince people that “true love” or “eternal love” is actually “a thing” and not a “capitalist conspiracy” (one that Beyoncé and Jay-Z are still working hard to sell). 

    To boot, someone like Consani is the epitome of what happens when a person grows up entirely on and with the internet. The concept of “real life” or ever being “turned off,” performance-wise, is, thus anathema. A concept that makes it even more difficult to fathom a person’s ability to ever get to know someone in a truly “real” (read: offline) context. In addition to this, there are some who posit that, despite Gen Z being the “loneliest” generation (again, blame the internet) and the one most likely to be single, it isn’t all doom and gloom with regard to the changing face of what a relationship means. As a “generational expert” commented to Newsweek, “[In the future], we’ll [probably] see more communal living, chosen families and alternative relationship structures that align with Gen Z’s values of autonomy and mutual respect. If older generations want to blame Gen Z for killing relationships, maybe they should ask themselves why young people don’t see relationships as a safe or beneficial investment anymore.” 

    Ah, that ugly term again: investment. A word that connotes just how much relationships have come to be seen more as work and less as something rewarding and romantic by sheer virtue of not having to be alone all the time. However, gone are the days when being alone was seen as an undeniable stigma (as further evidenced by the recent series finale of And Just Like That…). In truth, you’re probably more likely to be looked upon as a freakshow in the current climate for being in a committed, monogamous relationship than you would be for “flying solo.” The “work” of the former far outweighing the “fun” of it, as far as Consani’s kind is concerned. 

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • How Children Impact a Relationship: Struggles, Insights, and Strategies

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    That overwhelming exhaustion you feel at 2 AM when your baby won’t stop crying? The way you and your partner snap at each other over whose turn it is to change diapers? This is normal when you become new parents. 

    Drs. John and Julie Gottman’s research shows that relationships face significant challenges when children enter the picture. In fact, in their studies about 66% of couples experienced a decline in relationship satisfaction during the first three years after having a baby. Understanding how children impact a relationship is a critical factor in maintaining your relationship health once you have children. 

    The transition to becoming parents brings profound shifts that impact every aspect of your relationship. From sleep deprivation to shifting identities, from financial stress to communication breakdowns – these changes are normal, predictable, and most importantly, manageable.

    Emotional and Psychological Effects on Couples

    Changes in Emotional Intimacy After Having Kids

    The impact on emotional intimacy is profound. Couples often end up focusing more on coordinating tasks and responsibilities than being romantic partners. The deep conversations and spontaneous moments of connection seem to disappear as they just try to get through each day. 

    Dr. Gottman found that moms in particular tend to get very involved with the baby and are too fatigued to offer their partners much in the way of emotional connection. When you’re pouring all your emotional energy into caring for a child, there’s often little left for your partner. This is a natural response to the intense demands of parenting.

    Before Children

    After Children

    Deep conversations over dinner

    Quick check-ins between feedings

    Spontaneous affection

    Scheduled intimacy (if at all)

    Shared dreams and plans

    Focus on immediate needs

    Emotional availability

    Emotional exhaustion

    Sexual Intimacy

    With the intense demands of parenting and associated sleep deprivation, a couple’s sexual connection also suffers. When you find that you finally have a moment alone, all you want to do is take a nap. Research found that mothers’ sexual desire tended to drop considerably, normally staying low throughout the first year of baby’s life, particularly if she is nursing. As a result, the frequency of sex declines dramatically. 

    Parental Identity vs. Couple Identity

    Dr. Gottman’s research found that there is a significant shift in identity after the birth of a child.  Moms and dads both undergo enormous changes in identity—thinking of themselves not only as parents and partners, but as members of a greater family: friends, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters. Parents often find their values and goals in life changing along with this identity shift.

    One of the most challenging things about becoming parents is the identity shift. This fundamental change affects how you see yourself and how you relate to your partner.

    Mothers often experience this shift more intensely, especially in the early months. The biological and emotional demands of caring for a child can temporarily overshadow other aspects of identity, including being a partner in a romantic relationship.

    Common Relationship Struggles After Having Children

    Reduced Time for Each Other

    Time – that precious commodity – becomes scarce when children arrive. Couples who once spent evenings talking, watching movies, or simply being together now find themselves ships passing in the night.

    The impact is measurable. There’s empirical support for the general idea that couples with children have significantly less quality time together, which can negatively impact relationship satisfaction.

    But couples who are intentional about protecting small pockets of time together maintain stronger connections. Even 15 minutes of uninterrupted conversation each day can make a significant difference. This is a great time to introduce something Gottman calls the ‘stress reducing conversation.’ In his research he discovered that this daily conversation was a habit of  successful happy couples that stayed together.

    Sleep Deprivation and Irritability in Relationships

    Sleep deprivation isn’t just about feeling tired – it fundamentally changes how we process emotions and interact with others. When you’re running on three hours of interrupted sleep, your patience, empathy, and communication skills all suffer.

    Research shows that sleep deprivation undermines emotional well-being and relationship health. Tired individuals are more likely to misinterpret neutral comments as negative (Yoo et al., 2007), react with irritability (Haack & Mullington, 2005), struggle with emotional regulation (Goldstein & Walker, 2014), and feel less gratitude toward their partner (Gordon et al., 2012).

    The effect compounds when both partners are sleep-deprived, creating a cycle of miscommunication and resentment.

    Conflicts Over Parenting Styles

    Even couples who rarely argued before having children often find themselves in heated debates about parenting approaches. Should you let the baby cry it out? How much screen time is acceptable? These questions can create unexpected tension.

    Couples want to be better parents for their child than their own parents were with them. The stress of wanting to be good parents while figuring out what that means can put enormous pressure on a relationship. 

    Common Parenting Conflicts

    Underlying Issue

    Discipline approaches

    Different values and upbringings

    Sleep training methods

    Anxiety about child’s wellbeing

    Screen time limits

    Concerns about development

    Feeding choices

    Pressure to be “perfect” parent

    Financial Stress and Career Trade-offs

    The financial impact of children extends beyond diapers and daycare (although both are significant!) One parent may reduce work hours or leave their career entirely, creating both financial pressure and identity shifts that affect the relationship.

    Career sacrifices often fall disproportionately on mothers, which can create resentment and stress within the relationship. The partner who continues working full-time may feel pressure to be the sole provider, while the parent who steps back may feel isolated and undervalued.

    Gender Dynamics and Uneven Responsibilities

    Mental Load 

    The mental load – that invisible burden of remembering, planning, and organizing family life – often falls disproportionately on one parent. Mothers still carry a disproportionate share of childcare and household responsibilities. This work is often not recognized or acknowledged in the same way as work outside of the home. This creates a significant negative  impact on the relationship. This imbalance creates stress and resentment that can erode relationship satisfaction.

    Even in relationships where both partners work full-time, mothers typically handle more of the mental load of family management. The “second shift” – the work that happens after the workday ends – often falls primarily to women. 

    Parenting Fatigue

    Parenting fatigue usually begins with actual fatigue from lack of sleep and the constant demands of a baby. When you’re constantly making choices about feeding, sleeping, clothing, and caring for children, you may find yourself with no energy left for the decisions that matter to the relationship.

    How Fathers Experience Change Differently

    Fathers face their own unique challenges in the transition to parenthood. While mothers often experience immediate biological and social pressure to bond with their child, fathers may feel like outsiders in the early months, especially if their partner is breastfeeding. New dads can feel excluded and crowded out and are likely to respond by removing themselves from the situation. They often withdraw from the baby and from Mom, working more, while trying to avoid conflict which research indicates increases significantly in the year following the baby’s arrival, 

    Many fathers report feeling:

    • Uncertain about their role and contribution
    • Jealous of the mother-child bond
    • Pressure to be the primary provider
    • Isolation from other fathers going through similar experiences

    Understanding these different experiences helps couples support each other more effectively through the transition.

    Positive Ways Children Can Impact a Relationship

    Shared Purpose and Deeper Bond

    While children certainly challenge relationships, they can also strengthen them in profound ways. Couples who navigate parenthood successfully often report feeling more connected to their partner than ever before.

    Watching your partner become a parent– seeing their gentleness with your child, their fierce protectiveness, their midnight dedication – can deepen love and respect in unexpected ways. Many couples describe falling in love with their partner all over again as they witnessed them in this new role.

    The shared purpose of raising children creates a deeper connection. You become teammates working toward the most important goal possible: nurturing and guiding another human being.

    Increased Selflessness and Empathy

    Parenthood naturally expands your capacity for both selflessness and empathy. This growth doesn’t just benefit your child – it can enhance your relationship with your partner as well.

    Children invite couples to think beyond themselves and their immediate needs. This shift toward long-term thinking can strengthen relationship commitment and provide a sense of shared legacy that enhances marital satisfaction.

    Building a family together creates shared meaning that transcends individual desires. This sense of purpose can sustain couples through difficult periods and provide motivation to work through challenges rather than give up.

    How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship After Kids

    Prioritize Communication and Connection

    The most successful couples approach parenthood as a team. They communicate openly about their needs, fears, and expectations. They create systems for sharing responsibilities and checking in with each other regularly.

    Daily Connection Rituals:

    • 15-minute check-ins without phones
    • Express appreciation for one specific thing your partner did
    • Share one highlight and one challenge from your day
    • Ask “How can I support you tomorrow?”

    Set Aside Couple Time Regularly

    Protecting your relationship requires intentionality. Couples who maintain strong connections after children are deliberate about carving out time together, even in small doses.

    This doesn’t always mean elaborate date nights (though those help when possible). It might be:

    • Coffee together before the kids wake up
    • A walk around the block after dinner
    • Staying up an extra 30 minutes to talk
    • Texting throughout the day to stay connected

    Practice Gratitude and Show Appreciation

    In the exhaustion of parenting, it’s easy to focus on what’s not working. Successful couples make a point of noticing and appreciating what their partner does well.

    Small expressions of gratitude – “Thank you for handling bedtime so I could rest” or “I noticed how patient you were when she was crying” – can strengthen your connection and create positive dynamics in your relationship.

    How the Number of Children Affects Marital Satisfaction

    What Research Says About Family Size

    Multiple studies indicate that marital satisfaction tends to decline as the number of children increases, largely due to higher financial strain, less couple time, and increased stress. Relationship satisfaction then starts to rebound as children get more independent and leave home.

    The impact of children on the relationship varies significantly based on factors like:

    • Age gaps between children
    • Family resources and support systems
    • Couples’ communication skills
    • Individual parents’ coping abilities

    Cultural and Societal Influences

    Cultural expectations about family size, gender roles, and parenting styles significantly influence how children affect relationships. Couples navigating different cultural backgrounds may face additional challenges in deciding how many children to have and how to raise them.

    Impact Over Time and by Age of Children

    The relationship challenges change as children grow. The physical exhaustion of early parenthood gives way to different stressors – school pressures, social challenges, and eventually the bittersweet process of children becoming independent.

    Many couples find that their relationship goes through seasons. The early years with young children may be survival mode, but as kids become more independent, there’s opportunity to reconnect as partners.

    Common Patterns Across Different Families

    While every family is unique, certain patterns emerge in how children affect relationships:

    The First Year Challenge: Almost all couples struggle with the adjustment to parenthood in the first year. Sleep deprivation, identity shifts, and new responsibilities create stress regardless of how prepared you think you are.

    The Rediscovery Phase: Couples who work through early challenges often describe rediscovering each other as their children become more independent. They may find new depths to their relationship and appreciation for their partner.

    The Empty Nest Renewal: Many couples experience renewed relationship satisfaction when children leave home, provided they’ve maintained their connection throughout the parenting years.

    Final Thoughts: Navigating Parenthood as a Team

    The question isn’t whether children will impact your relationship – they absolutely will. The question is whether you’ll let those changes strengthen your bond or drive you apart.

    Couples who thrive in parenthood share common characteristics: they communicate openly about their needs and challenges, they work as a team rather than competitors, and they’re intentional about protecting their relationship even amid the chaos of raising children.

    The impact of children on relationships is profound, but it doesn’t have to be destructive. With understanding, communication, and commitment, parenthood can become not just something you survive together, but something that deepens your love and strengthens your partnership.

    Your relationship matters – not just for you, but for your children. When kids see their parents working as a loving team, they learn what healthy relationships look like. The work you do to strengthen your bond while raising children creates a legacy that extends far beyond your own marriage.

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    The Gottman Institute

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  • Why Get Married Today? 8 Reasons to Say ‘I Do’

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    You know that moment when you’re scrolling through social media and see another engagement announcement, and you find yourself wondering: Is marriage still worth it? Maybe you’re deeply in love with your partner but questioning whether a wedding ring really changes anything. Or perhaps friends and family keep asking when you’re getting married, and you’re not sure how to answer.

    In a world where couples live together for years without tying the knot, where divorce rates seem constantly debated, and where traditional relationship models are evolving, the decision to get married deserves thoughtful consideration.

    Not every couple chooses marriage, but research has shown that those who build a strong foundation of friendship, navigate conflict with care, and remain committed to one another tend to form a deep connection that offers lasting comfort and support. Marriage, at its heart, is more than a ceremony or legal contract—it’s a shared framework for partnership, one that can weather life’s challenges and fully embrace its joys.

    Understanding the Modern Context of Marriage

    Is Marriage Still Relevant in Today’s Society?

    The answer? It depends on who you ask. Relationships are deeply personal to the people who are in them.

    Modern marriage has evolved from a primarily economic or social arrangement to something much more personal and intentional. Today’s couples choose marriage as a way to commit to building a life together, sharing not just resources but dreams, challenges, and growth.

    Research consistently shows that married couples report higher levels of life satisfaction, better health, and more stability compared to their single counterparts. But it’s important to understand that these benefits come from the quality of the relationship, not just the legal status.

    Marriage vs. Cohabitation: What’s the Real Difference Today?

    The Commitment Factor: To some, marriage involves a public declaration of commitment that goes beyond personal feelings. It’s a promise made not just to each other, but to your community, your families, and yourselves that you’re in this for the long haul.

    Legal and Social Recognition: Marriage provides legal protections and social recognition that cohabitation may not. From hospital visitation rights to tax benefits, there’s no denying that there are legal benefits to tying the knot.

    Trends and Shifts in Marriage Attitudes

    Marriage today looks different than it did even a generation ago:

    • Later Marriage Age: People are waiting longer to marry, often bringing more life experience and self-awareness to their partnerships.
    • Equality Focus: Modern marriages emphasize partnership equality, with both spouses contributing to household management, childcare, and financial responsibilities.
    • Intentional Choice: Rather than following social expectations, today’s couples choose marriage deliberately, often after careful consideration and preparation.

    Why Get Married Today: 8 Powerful Reasons

    1. Deep Emotional Bond and Commitment

    When you make the commitment to marry each other, you’re not just saying “I love you”—you’re saying “I choose to keep loving you, even when it’s difficult.” There is more commitment to working on the relationship when times get tough because there is so much more at stake. And every relationship takes intentional work to be successful, so the challenging times are an opportunity to deepen connection.

    In a longitudinal study of 130 newlywed couples, Gottman found that commitment to the relationship—defined as a decision to invest in the relationship even during hard times—was one of the strongest predictors of marital stability and satisfaction over the years.

    2. Financial Advantages

    Marriage in the United States provides significant financial benefit that can impact your life in meaningful ways:

    • Joint tax filing (often resulting in tax savings)
    • Automatic inheritance rights
    • Social Security survivor benefits
    • Health insurance coverage options
    • Joint ownership of property and assets

    The reality is that these factors remove some of the financial pressures of today’s world and offer distinct advantages for married couples.

    3. Legal and Health Benefits

    In the United States there exists a bias towards married couples. They are afforded certain privileges that are more difficult for non married committed partners to access. Marriage provides crucial healthcare rights that unmarried partners often find harder to obtain:

    • Hospital visitation and medical decision-making rights
    • Access to partner’s health insurance
    • Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) benefits
    • Rights to medical information and treatment decisions

    4. Stronger Family Structure for Raising Children

    While you certainly don’t need to be married to be good parents, children can benefit from the stability that marriage can provide.

    Research has found that on average, children in households with married biological parents experience more stability (fewer household transitions) than those in cohabiting households, and that stability is linked to better outcomes for children.

    However, the benefits are strongly tied to relationship quality, not marriage status alone. Children in high-conflict marriages may fare worse than those raised by cooperative, separated parents.

    Brown et al., (2009) found that happily married couples with healthy communication and conflict resolution skills tend to stay together longer, providing more consistent family structure, as well as pool resources more effectively for children’s needs (Kenney, C.T. 2004).

    5. Long-Term Security and Stability

    In our uncertain world, marriage can provide a foundation of stability that helps you weather life’s inevitable storms.

    This security can potentially show up in these ways:

    • Emotional security: Knowing someone is committed to you through good times and bad
    • Financial security: Combined resources and shared financial planning
    • Social security: A built-in support system and advocate
    • Future security: Someone to grow old with and care for you

    6. Religious or Spiritual Fulfillment

    Across many religions, marriage is more than a legal union—it is a sacred covenant. It represents a lifelong commitment made before God, rooted in love, mutual respect, and shared purpose. Whether seen as a promise, duty, or spiritual partnership, marriage serves as a framework for deep connection, guiding couples to support one another through happiness and challenge. It can represent:

    • A sacred covenant blessed by your faith community
    • An opportunity to live out spiritual values of love, commitment, and service
    • A way to honor your religious traditions and values
    • A foundation for raising children within your faith tradition

    7. Tax and Estate Planning Advantages

    In some countries, marriage provides significant financial planning advantages that can benefit you throughout your lives and beyond:

    Benefit Type

    Marriage Advantage

    Tax Filing

    Joint filing often reduces overall tax burden

    Estate Planning

    Automatic inheritance rights, no estate tax between spouses

    Retirement Benefits

    Access to spouse’s Social Security and pension benefits

    Gift Tax

    Unlimited gifts between spouses without tax implications

    Property Rights

    Joint ownership and community property protections

    8. Psychological Wellbeing and Reduced Loneliness

    Research consistently shows…

    • People in high-quality, happy marriages report lower levels of depression and anxiety than those in unhappy marriages or those who are divorced.
    • High-quality marriages are linked to better immune functioning. 
    • High-quality marriages are associated with lower loneliness Hawkley, L.C., & Cacioppo, J.T. (2010)and greater social support, which are both important for mental and physical health.

    The key word here is “happily.” Marriage itself doesn’t guarantee these benefits, but a good marriage can significantly enhance your mental and physical health.

    Common Misconceptions About Marriage Today

    Marriage Is Just a Piece of Paper

    This is one of the most common misconceptions about marriage, and it misses the deeper significance of what that “piece of paper” represents.

    Yes, a marriage certificate is a legal document. But it’s also:

    • Legal protection for your partnership
    • A symbol of your choice to prioritize this relationship
    • A framework for building a shared life together

    Marriage Is Only for Religious People

    While many people choose to marry within a religious context, marriage is fundamentally a human institution that transcends religious boundaries.

    • Civil ceremonies can be deeply personal and significant
    • Many couples create their own rituals and traditions
    • The commitment and legal benefits remain the same regardless of religious involvement
    • You can honor your own values and beliefs within marriage, whether religious or not

    Marriage Doesn’t Work Anymore

    This misconception often stems from looking at divorce statistics without context.

    Here’s what the research actually shows:

    The key isn’t whether marriage “works”—it’s whether you and your partner are willing to do the work that makes marriage successful.

    When Marriage Might Not Be the Right Choice

    Avoid Marriage for the Wrong Reasons

    Marriage should be entered thoughtfully, not rushed into for the wrong reasons. Consider whether you might be considering marriage because of:

    External Pressure:

    • Family expectations or pressure
    • Cultural or social expectations
    • Feeling like you “should” be married by a certain age
    • Friends getting married around you

    Practical Convenience:

    • Health insurance benefits
    • Tax advantages
    • Easier living arrangements
    • Visa or immigration status

    Fear-Based Reasons:

    • Fear of being alone
    • Fear of losing your partner
    • Fear of missing out
    • Pressure from a partner threatening to leave

    While these factors might be considerations, they shouldn’t be your primary motivation for marriage.

    Signs You May Not Be Ready for Marriage

    Be honest with yourself about your readiness. You might want to wait if:

    • You’re hoping marriage will fix problems in your relationship
    • You haven’t had important conversations about future goals, finances, and values
    • You’re dealing with significant personal issues (addiction, untreated mental health challenges, major life transitions) that need attention first
    • You feel pressured into marriage rather than genuinely excited about it
    • You and your partner handle conflict very poorly and haven’t developed better communication skills
    • You have significant doubts about your compatibility or your partner’s character

    Remember: There’s no rush. Taking time to prepare for marriage is always better than rushing into it unprepared.

    How to Know If Marriage Is Right for You Today

    Checklist: Are You and Your Partner Marriage-Ready?

    Communication and Conflict Resolution:

    • You can discuss difficult topics without attacking each other
    • You both listen to understand, not just to respond
    • You repair well after arguments
    • You feel heard and respected by your partner

    Shared Values and Goals:

    • You agree on major life goals (children, career, lifestyle)
    • You share similar values about money, family, and priorities
    • You support each other’s individual dreams and goals
    • You both want marriage for positive reasons

    Individual Readiness:

    • You know yourself well and are comfortable with who you are
    • You can be happy and fulfilled as an individual
    • You choose your partner rather than feeling you need them
    • You’re prepared for the responsibilities of marriage

    Practical Considerations:

    • You’ve discussed finances openly and honestly
    • You’ve talked about household responsibilities and expectations
    • You’ve considered how you’ll handle extended family relationships
    • You’ve discussed your hopes and concerns about marriage

    Seeking Counseling or Guidance

    Consider pre-marital counseling or guidance if you:

    • Want to strengthen your communication skills
    • Have concerns or questions about your relationship
    • Come from very different backgrounds or families
    • Have experienced significant challenges in your relationship
    • Want to give your marriage a strong foundation

    Pre-marital counseling can help you:

    • Identify and address potential areas of conflict
    • Learn effective communication and conflict resolution skills
    • Clarify expectations and goals for marriage
    • Strengthen your emotional connection and intimacy

    Remember, seeking help before problems arise is a sign of wisdom, not weakness.

    Final Thoughts: Why Get Married Today?

    Marriage as a Modern Act of Love and Partnership

    In today’s world, choosing marriage is a powerful statement. It’s a way to say, “Despite all the challenges and uncertainties in life, I choose a life with you.”

    It’s not about following tradition for tradition’s sake. Marriage is about creating a partnership that honors both your individual identities and your shared dreams. It’s about choosing love not just as a feeling, but as a daily commitment to showing up for each other.

    Marriage is a deeply personal choice. For some, it’s the right path to deepen commitment and build a shared future. For others, love and partnership thrive outside of marriage—and that’s just as valid and beautiful. What matters most is that the relationship you build reflects your values, your vision, and your unique connection.

    Embracing a Fulfilling Future Together

    The question isn’t whether marriage is perfect—no relationship is. The question is whether you and your partner are ready to commit to growing together, supporting each other through life’s seasons, and building something meaningful together.

    If you’ve found someone who makes you want to be your best self, who shares your vision for the future, and who you can genuinely say you want to grow old with, then marriage might be one of the most beautiful adventures you’ll ever embark on.

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    The Gottman Institute

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  • New Survey Reveals Which U.S. States Have the Highest Dating Standards – and What Americans Want Most in a Partner

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    Love looks different in every state, but shared values, stability, and kindness top the list no matter where you live.


    NEW YORK, May 14, 2025 (Newswire.com)
    –
    A new nationwide survey from Ritani, a leading online jeweler specializing in engagement rings and fine jewelry, reveals how dating preferences differ across the United States – and which states have the most defined expectations when it comes to finding a partner.

    After surveying more than 2,400 adults from 48 states, Ritani’s team developed a Dating Standards Index to measure how particular residents are about their potential partners. The results show a fascinating glimpse into the modern dating mindset, from desired income levels to dealbreakers like tipping habits and sense of humor. Read more and see an infographic here: https://www.ritani.com/blogs/news/dating-standards-preferences-survey

    Top States with the Highest Dating Standards

    According to the data, Utah tops the list with the highest dating standards score, followed closely by California, New York, Maryland, and North Carolina. Respondents in these states reported being more selective about a wide range of partner qualities, from lifestyle alignment to long-term compatibility.

    “Utah’s ranking speaks to its strong emphasis on shared values, while residents in fast-paced states like California and New York appear to be more selective with how they spend their time,” said a spokesperson from Ritani.

    Conversely, South Carolina, Kentucky, North Dakota, Massachusetts, and West Virginia had the lowest scores, suggesting a more flexible or open approach to dating.

    What Americans Value Most in a Partner

    The study also uncovered national dating trends that highlight what matters most to people across the country:

    • Salary matters – but just barely: Americans prefer a partner who earns at least $50,184 annually, just above the national median wage.

    • Stability over flash: 46% of respondents say they prefer dating someone with a stable job, though 54% are flexible if work is inconsistent.

    • Education is not a dealbreaker: 8 in 10 are open to dating someone without a Bachelor’s degree.

    • Humor is everything: A whopping 79% say not having a sense of humor is a dealbreaker.

    • Fitness counts: 54% value physical fitness, but more for lifestyle compatibility than appearance.

    • Shared values matter: 70% say they wouldn’t date someone with very different political or social views.

    Other surprising dealbreakers include carrying significant debt (49%), not tipping well (47%), and lacking strong opinions (40%).

    Celebrating Love in All Its Forms

    “These results show that while preferences vary widely, the heart of modern dating is rooted in personality, shared values, and how someone shows up in the world,” the Ritani spokesperson added. “Whether you’re just starting to date or ready for something serious, finding someone who feels right is the most important standard of all.”

    As daters across the U.S. define what they want in a partner, Ritani continues to support love at every stage – from first sparks to proposals. When you’re ready for your next chapter, explore Ritani’s curated selection of engagement rings and fine jewelry designed to mark life’s most meaningful moments.

    Source: Ritani

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  • Find Your Spring Fling in Ownerly’s 2025 Top Cities for Singles

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    Small towns dominate the top spots, with Grantsville, Utah, leading the way-where singles enjoy a 40% lower cost of living than the national average.


    NEW YORK, March 17, 2025 (Newswire.com)
    –
    Ownerly, a leading home and property value estimation platform, has released a study identifying the best U.S. cities for singles in 2025. The analysis considered factors such as the single population, affordability, and the sex ratio to determine the top places for individuals to enjoy a solo life.

    Key Findings:

    • Grantsville, Utah ranks first, offering the tranquility of a small town close to Salt Lake City. The city has affordable housing and a growing population of young professionals attracted to the job market. For a single person, Grantsville is over 40% less expensive than the national average.

    • Clute, Texas, ranked second, has a growing job market and an affordable lifestyle. The living expenses are 14% lower than the national average, with housing being 48% cheaper. The city has also seen nearly 30% single population growth, creating a larger dating pool.

    • Washington Terrace, Utah, in third, has a balanced housing market, growing job opportunities in nearby Ogden, and nearly 20% single population growth. The dating scene thrives on community-driven events, like farmers’ markets and Ogden’s famous First Friday Art Stroll.

    Additional Insights:

    • Christian Mingle is widely used in Southern and Midwestern states, while Bumble and Tinder are popular in states with major metropolitan areas.

    • The cost of living, job prospects, and single population were crucial for the rankings. The top cities offer a lively social scene, a thriving job market, and affordable housing for single incomes.

    For the complete study, visit Ownerly’s 2025 Best Cities for Singles.

    Methodology

    Single population growth: We began by removing cities without an increase in their single population, then discarded any city where the number of singles was on the decline.

    Income growth assessment: Income growth was measured over a 5-year period and standardized for comparison.

    Housing affordability: We examined the proportion of mortgages that consume 35% or more of household income, using inversely standardized owner costs for this metric.

    Sex ratio: The best scores were given to cities where the ratio of men to women was nearly equal.

    Rent affordability: Rent-to-income ratio is critical so we started evaluating the proportion of renter income allocated to housing expenses.

    Median age comparison: Each city’s median age was scored against the national median to derive a normalized score.

    Home Value Growth: Property that grows in value over time is crucial so we analyzed across two time periods to measure real estate growth.

    Comprehensive final ranking: Cities were ranked based on individual ranking metrics and an overall ranking was determined by averaging all scores.

    Online Dating: Online dating is one of the most important aspects for singles so we analyzed the usage and the most searched online dating apps for each state.

    About Ownerly

    Ownerly provides homeowners, buyers and sellers with professional-grade home values used by real estate agents, banks and lenders. With Ownerly, users get important home sales insights and can track the value of their single most important investment-their home.

    For more information or press inquiries, contact Erin Kemp, (erin@ownerly.com).

    Source: Ownerly

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  • Best of 2024: Top Self-Improvement Articles, Worksheets, and Highlights

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    Celebrate 15 years at The Emotion Machine with our ‘Best of 2024’ roundup, featuring top articles and worksheets on psychology, personal growth, relationships, and philosophy — then get excited for another year of self-improvement!

    2024 marks the fifteenth year of self-improvement at The Emotion Machine, making it one of the oldest and largest independent psychology websites on the internet – with zero plans to stop or slow down anytime soon.

    If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that no matter the ups and downs we face over the year, a steady commitment to growth always pays off on a long enough timeline. Over the past 15 years, I’ve had many rewarding highs and devastating lows, but at the end of the day, I’m better off today than I was before — and that’s the truest measure of growth. It’s the benchmark I’ll continue to use as I move forward in life.

    This year, as always, we’ve explored a huge range of topics related to psychology and self-improvement: from practical tips for emotional regulation to in-depth movie reviews to social analyses about the current state of the world. A quick look at the list below shows that The Emotion Machine is far more than just your everyday self-help blog, it’s a vast resource dedicated to education and knowledge in all its forms.

    Without further ado, here are our best articles and worksheets of 2024!

    Articles

    Our best articles of the year, broken down by category.

    Psychology and Mental Health

    Emotions Are Weakness: 5 Maladaptive Beliefs That Lead to Emotional Dysfunction

    Why the belief that “emotions are weakness” leads to suppression and dysfunction — and why accepting and embracing emotions plays an important role in happiness, health, and well-being.

    Rumination vs. Savoring: The Neural Dynamics Between Positive and Negative Thinking

    The same brain regions handle both rumination (negative replay) and savoring (positive replay) — here’s how to use this part of your brain in a new and healthier way.

    6 Common Factors Behind All Successful Therapy

    What makes therapy effective? These universal factors are the foundation for success, no matter the approach.

    Good Will Hunting: A Masterclass in Therapy and Emotional Growth

    An in-depth, session-by-session breakdown of Good Will Hunting – widely regarded as one of the best depictions of therapy in film.

    Positive Psychology Tools Are Most Effective For Those Who Practice Long-Term

    New research highlights the importance of consistent practice for maximizing the benefits of psychology tools.

    How Aesthetic Chills Boost Feelings of Acceptance, Inspiration, and Meaning

    Discover the power of “aesthetic chills” (or “goosebumps”) and how this unique sensation enhances awe, inspiration, and personal growth.

    The Worldbuilding of Inside Out 2: New Emotions, Belief System, and a Sense of Self

    A closer look at how the sequel deepens its exploration of emotions, identity, and belief systems.

    2024 World Happiness Rankings: USA Falls Out of Top 20, Youngest Hit Hardest

    What this year’s happiness rankings reveal about global trends—and why young Americans are struggling most.

    Motivation and Personal Growth

    The Will to Improve: Bridging the Gap Between “Talk” and “Action”

    How to overcome inertia and turn intention into meaningful action.

    The Pebble In Your Shoe: Tiny Frustrations That Can Ruin Your Day

    Why small, unresolved annoyances can derail your entire mood. Here’s why it’s best to fix them now rather than later.

    Deathbed Motivation: The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

    Lessons from those at life’s end, inspiring you to live without regrets.

    What If: The Power of Hypotheticals and Counterfactual Thinking

    How exploring “what if” scenarios sharpens your thinking and decision-making.

    50+ Destructive Patterns That Scream Low Confidence and Insecurity

    A comprehensive guide to identifying common patterns of self-doubt.

    The Domino Effect of Overcoming Your Fears One At A Time

    Tackling fears incrementally to build unstoppable momentum.

    50+ Motivational Latin Proverbs to Elevate Your Thinking to New Levels

    Ancient wisdom to inspire modern self-improvement.

    My Biggest Goal of 2024

    Written at the start of the year, this piece explores the ambition, mindset, and strategy behind setting my biggest goal for 2024.

    Intermittent Fasting: The Mind-Body Benefits of Conscious Calorie Restriction

    Exploring the science and mental clarity behind intentional fasting.

    Relationships and Communication

    The Art of Rejection and Saying No: One of the Most Underrated Social Skills

    Master the delicate but essential skill of turning others down with grace and confidence.

    The Compliment Sandwich: How to Give Constructive Feedback That Sticks

    Deliver feedback that resonates by balancing honesty with encouragement.

    Social Bonding Through Movies: The Emotional Magic Behind Watching Films Together

    Why sharing films with others can forge deep emotional connections.

    The Power of Sincerity – And How to Stop Hiding Behind Sarcasm and Irony

    Unlock the strength of genuine communication by breaking free from sarcasm and pretense.

    Finding Meaning in Virtual Worlds: How Online Gaming and Digital Communities Can Transform Lives

    Discover how online spaces can cultivate real-life growth, meaning, and connection, as shown in the documentary The Remarkable Life of Ibelin.

    Third Spaces: The Building Blocks of A Healthy Community and Social Life

    Explore the social hubs that enrich our lives and strengthen our communities, outside of home and work.

    The Many Faces of Deception: Understanding the Different Types of Lying

    Learn how to recognize and identify the diverse ways people bend the truth.

    14 Powerful Genre-Bending Films That Explore Love in Unconventional Ways

    Films that redefine love and challenge how we think about relationships.

    The Narcissistic Culture of “Image” and Excessive Self-Monitoring

    How excessive self-monitoring is eroding confidence and authenticity in our social lives.

    Philosophy and Meaning

    A Lifelong Project: Staying True to Your Mission in a Quick Fix World

    The power of commitment is a rare resource in a culture obsessed with instant gratification.

    One Must Imagine Sisyphus Happy: Finding Meaning in Eternal Struggle

    An existential perspective on life’s inherent challenges and the quest to find meaning in them.

    Paradigm Shifts: A Complete Change in Worldview

    When you need to rethink everything you believe and let go of old ways of looking at the world.

    The Immovable Mind: Schopenhauer’s Daily Routine For 27 Years

    A case study on the unique and disciplined routine of the philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer.

    The Beggar’s Gift: An Opportunity to Be Good

    From a Buddhist perspective, begging monks perform a powerful service by allowing everyday people to do something good and accumulate positive karma.

    Trader vs. Hero Mindset: Why A Healthy Society Needs Both

    Understand the balance between self-interest and selflessness for a thriving community.

    Information Pollution: The Tragedy of the Commons and Well-Poisoning on the Internet

    How the overload of misinformation on the internet is eroding trust, intelligence, and sanity.

    Worksheets

    At the start of 2024, I pledged to create at least one new worksheet every month. By year’s end, I exceeded that goal, creating a total of 16 new worksheets, including:

    Relationships and Social Connection

    Social Support Database

    Past Relationships

    Social Anxiety Hierarchy

    Thank You Letter

    Relationship Reigniter

    Focus: Tools to improve relationships, enhance social skills, and build stronger connections with others.

    Emotional Mastery and Self-Reflection

    Master Your Negative Emotions

    Burn Away Negative Beliefs

    Failure Analyzer

    Positive vs. Negative Self: A Dialogue

    The Five Whys Exercise

    Focus: These worksheets are designed to help users process emotions, challenge limiting beliefs, and reflect deeply on their thoughts and actions.

    Goals, Habits, and Productivity

    Daily Routine

    Monthly Review Worksheet

    Mid-Year Reset Worksheet

    Mental Rehearsal

    Healthy Life Checklist

    Future Self Worksheet

    Focus: These worksheets help users structure their daily lives, track progress, and maintain a focus on long-term goals and habits.

    An Evergrowing Resource for Self-Improvement

    We now offer a total of 29 self-improvement worksheets, cementing our long-term commitment to providing practical, actionable advice. These worksheets are exclusively available to members — join today to gain full access to these transformative tools.


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    Steven Handel

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  • Good Will Hunting: A Masterclass in Therapy and Emotional Growth

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    Take a deep dive into the therapeutic relationship as illustrated in the classic film Good Will Hunting, where a defiant genius and a compassionate therapist confront pain, grief, and regret in an emotional journey that changes them both.

    Good Will Hunting (1997) is a widely acclaimed cinematic masterpiece, offering one of the most compelling depictions of therapy ever portrayed on screen — and it remains one of my personal favorite movies of all time.

    The main protagonist is Will Hunting (played by Matt Damon) who is portrayed as an underachieving genius who works a modest life as a janitor at the prestigious MIT. Despite his intelligence, he’s emotionally guarded and frequently gets into brawls and run-ins with the law. One day he solves a difficult math equation on a chalkboard and is then approached by professors and faculty to pursue his talents in mathematics, but first he has to see a therapist and work out his personal problems.

    Will’s journey into therapy begins reluctantly with a typical “I don’t need to see a shrink” attitude. But after a series of arrests and getting bailed out, he’s court-ordered to start seeing someone. He cycles through five therapists, including a hypnotist, antagonizing each one to the point that they refuse to work with him. Will’s sharp intellect and deep emotional defenses make it nearly impossible for anyone to break through and connect with him.

    Finally he meets Sean Maguire (played by Robin Williams), a compassionate but no-nonsense therapist with a rich life of experiences, including deep wounds from his past, and accumulated wisdom. This article breaks down their relationship, session by session, to explore how it evolved throughout the film and potential lessons we can takeaway from it.

    First Meeting: Tensions and Boundary Testing

    Will’s first meeting with Sean begins with his usual strategy of intellectual dominance and boundary testing.

    He scans Sean’s office, searching for things to criticize, and immediately targets his book collection. “You people baffle me. You spend all this money on beautiful, fancy books, and they’re the wrong f***ing books.” Sean, unfazed, spars back, standing his ground while playfully naming books he assumes Will has read.

    Things reach a climax in the scene when Will begins to mock a painting hanging on the wall, which hits a personal nerve for Sean regarding the grief and loss of his wife. Sean’s reaction is striking and unconventional. After listening patiently, he suddenly grabs Will by the throat and threatens him: “If you ever disrespect my wife again, I will end you.”

    While it’s an unethical move for a therapist, this unorthodoxy shows Will that he is not dealing with an ordinary therapy. Both Will and Sean share working class Irish backgrounds in the hard streets of Boston. Sean knows this language and he is willing to speak it if it’s the only way to get through to Will. Sean thus establishes himself as someone who understands Will’s world, where strength and confrontation often dominate.

    This moment lays the foundation for their relationship. Sean shows he’s human, not just a clinical professional, but also that he won’t be intimidated or dismissed by Will’s antics. It’s the first step in breaking down Will’s defenses.

    The Bench Scene: A Turning Point

    After their intense first meeting, Sean invites Will to a park, where he delivers one of the most memorable monologues in the film. Sean begins by admitting his vulnerability, sharing that Will’s comments about the painting kept him up all night and genuinely bothered him.

    By admitting Will’s comments hurt him, Sean shows he’s willing to show weakness, but then he sharply pivots to challenge Will directly, “But then you know what occurred to me? You’re just a kid. You don’t have the faintest idea what you’re talking about.”

    Sean goes on to explain that despite Will’s intellectual brilliance, he lacks lived experience. Sean shares personal moments that defined him — seeing the Sistine Chapel in person, being truly in love with someone, the scars of losing friends in war, and watching a loved one die of cancer. These deep experiences illustrate the limitations of knowledge without life. Sean’s speech is a blend of tough love and empathy, forcing Will to confront the gap between his intellectual defenses and his emotional reality.

    good will hunting bench

    The bench scene sets the tone for the remainder of their therapy. Sean acknowledges Will’s brilliance but challenges him to live beyond books and theories. Sean leaves the door open for Will to continue having sessions with him only if he is ready to truly open up.

    Second Therapy Session: Silence

    The next therapy session begins with complete silence as Sean and Will sit across from each other. After two emotionally charged meetings and still lingering tensions, neither is willing to be the first to reach out or break the quiet.

    The entire hour goes by and neither says a word. While this may feel like an unproductive session, this is another important moment in their relationship. The power of silence acts as a reset button in their relationship.

    Sometimes, simply sitting in the same room without confrontation (“sharing space”) can be a meaningful step toward healing. It allows both Sean and Will to recalibrate, setting the stage for a more productive dynamic moving forward.

    Third Therapy Session: Humor and Opening Up

    The silence stand-off continues into their third session, with each still not willing to budge or say the first word.

    Finally Will breaks the silence with a dirty joke, immediately breaking the tensions in the room and reinitiating conversation in a fun and light-hearted way. After they share a laugh, Will begins to open up about a girl he’s been dating recently. Will mentions how he worries the girl is “too perfect,” and that getting to know her more would just shatter that illusion. Sean wisely responds back, “That’s a super philosophy, that way you can go through your entire life without ever really getting to know anybody.”

    Sean opens up about his wife and the quirks behind their love, like her farting in her sleep and waking up the dog. After all these years, these are the little moments he remembers and cherishes about her. No one is “perfect,” and it’s often the imperfections that make someone special to us.

    good will hunting laugh

    Robin Williams improvised the story about his wife causing Matt Damon to genuinely burst out into laughter during this scene.


    After more light-hearted banter, Will turns the tables and ask why Sean never got remarried. Will firmly replies, “My wife is dead.” Then Will, always testing and challenging, uses one of Sean’s lines against him: “That’s a super philosophy, that way you can go through your entire life without ever really getting to know anybody.”

    Fourth Therapy Session: Love, Opportunities, and Regrets

    Now on much more amicable terms, Will opens up with an honest question, “Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you never met your wife?”

    Sean accepts that there’s been a lot of pain and suffering in his relationship, but he doesn’t regret any of it, because the good moments were worth it and he wouldn’t trade a single day with her through good or bad times. Will presses to learn more, “When did you know she was the one?”

    “October 21, 1975.”

    It was game six of the World Series, the biggest game in Red Sox history – and Sean slept on the sidewalk all night with friends to get tickets. He recalls the momentous occasion when the Red Sox hit a game-winning home run and everyone rushed the field.

    “Did you rush the field?”

    “Hell no, I wasn’t there. I was in a bar having a drink with my future wife.”

    The story illustrates how Sean knew his wife was the one when he was willing to miss the opportunity of a life-changing moment (being at a historical sporting event) for an even bigger life-changing moment (finding love and his future wife).

    Will is incredulous and yells at Sean for missing the game. He asks, “How did your friends let you get away with that?” And Will simply replies, “I just slid my ticket across the table and said, ‘Sorry guys, I gotta see about a girl.’”

    Fifth Therapy Session: Facing Potential and Values

    In this session, Will begins to ask deep questions about what he wants to do with the rest of his life and what are the best uses of his intelligence and talents.

    After a job interview with the NSA, Will goes into a diatribe about how his talents could be hypothetically used for catastrophic consequences, like overthrowing foreign governments, destabilizing entire countries, or getting his friends sent to fight some war overseas.

    Sean asks him directly, “What are you passionate about? What do you want?”

    They discuss the honor of work, including construction work and Will’s job as a janitor and the pride he takes in it, even though society may not view it as the most rewarding job in the world. Sean prods further asking why he chose to be a janitor at the most prestigious technical university in the world, and why he secretly finished math problems, highlighting that there may be something else driving Will.

    Sean asks again what Will wants to do with his life, and he deflects by joking that he wants to be a shepherd on his own plot of land away from the world. Sean isn’t willing to waste his time and decides to end the session early. Will has a final outburst before leaving, “You’re lecturing me on life? Look at you, you burnout!”

    This session reveals how Will is afraid of his potential and talents, including the responsibility that comes with them. “I didn’t ask to be born like this.” He feels safe continuing to live in his hometown, work his everyday job, and hangout with his childhood friends. He’s afraid to dream bigger. There may be something deeper driving Will’s thirst for knowledge, but he doesn’t know his core values and motivations, and doesn’t truly know himself or what he wants out of life.

    Sixth Therapy Session: “It’s Not Your Fault”

    The next therapy session begins with Sean uncovering more about Will’s painful past, particularly his life as an orphan and the physical abuse he endured with his foster parents. Sean reveals that he, too, grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father, forging another shared bond between them.

    As their conversation unfolds, Will correctly guesses that his final psychological report likely diagnoses him with “attachment issues” and a “fear of abandonment.” He acknowledges that these issues may have driven him to push his girlfriend away, leading to their recent breakup. When Sean gently asks if he wants to talk about it, Will declines.

    Sean then shifts the focus, holding onto the reports as he says, “I don’t know a lot. But you see this? All this shit? It’s not your fault.”

    At first, Will politely agrees, brushing off the comment, but Sean repeats the line: “It’s not your fault.” With each repetition, Will’s emotional defenses begin to crumble, and he cycles through a range of emotions—politeness, confusion, anger, and aggression—until the weight of Sean’s words fully sinks in. Overwhelmed, Will finally breaks down and cries, releasing years of suppressed pain and guilt.

    good will hunting

    In this profoundly cathartic moment, Sean embraces Will, offering the safe and empathetic connection that has been absent from Will’s life. It’s a turning point where Will confronts his past without blame or self-judgment, finally opening the door to acceptance and healing.

    Last Goodbye

    In their last meeting, Will thanks Sean for all of his help and shares the good news that he has accepted an exciting new job. Sean, in turn, reveals his plans to travel and explore life on his own terms. They exchange numbers to keep in touch, symbolizing the respect and connection they’ve built.

    This moment underscores that therapy is often a chapter in life that prepares individuals to continue their journeys independently. Both Will and Sean needed to say their goodbyes and go their separate ways to continue following their paths in life. Will has learned to face his fears and embrace his potential. Sean has rediscovered purpose and fulfillment through helping Will. Their goodbye is bittersweet but profound, a reminder that growth often requires letting go and moving forward.

    In the final scene, Will leaves a letter at Sean’s place that reads, “If the professor calls about that job, just tell him sorry—I had to go see about a girl.” This moment beautifully exemplifies Will’s newfound courage to follow his heart and take meaningful risks.

    Conclusion

    The therapeutic relationship between Sean and Will in Good Will Hunting is a masterclass in storytelling and psychology. Through humor, vulnerability, and mutual respect, Sean helps Will break through years of pain and fear, while Will reignites Sean’s passion for life. Their journey is a powerful testament to the transformative potential of therapy — and how creating a space of acceptance, healing, and growth can change lives.


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  • Finding Meaning in Virtual Worlds: How Online Gaming and Digital Communities Can Transform Lives

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    Virtual worlds and online gaming have become a new source of meaning, purpose, and belonging in today’s world, especially for those who struggle with loneliness, social anxiety, or physical disabilities. The new documentary The Remarkable Life of Ibelin shares the inspiring story of Mats Steen, a young Norwegian man with Duchenne muscular dystrophy, who built a meaningful life through the popular game World of Warcraft.

    The digital world is sometimes criticized for being a “shallow escape” from real life. However, for many it can be a reliable source of meaning, connection, and purpose—especially for those who may find it difficult to fulfill certain needs and values in their regular daily lives.

    The Remarkable Life of Ibelin

    The 2024 documentary The Remarkable Life of Ibelin is an insightful and heartfelt story on how people find real meaning, connection, and purpose through online gaming and virtual worlds.

    Mats Steen, a young Norwegian man living with Duchenne muscular dystrophy, found freedom and fulfillment through his digital persona, Ibelin, in the popular video game World of Warcraft. Mats’ physical limitations were significant, but in Azeroth, he experienced life without barriers.

    His parents only discovered the extent of his online relationships after his death, realizing that the world they thought was isolating had actually given Mats purpose and belonging. For eight years, Mats was an active member of the Starlight community, a guild within World of Warcraft that became like a family to him. Every evening, Mats would log in to talk, roleplay, and have fun with dozens of online friends. Throughout those years, he dedicated over 20,000 hours to the game and participated in conversations that filled more than 42,000 pages of chat logs.

    The documentary used these chat logs to recreate Ibelin’s life within the game, including sentimental and meaningful moments with his online friends Rumour and Reike. Viewers get to witness, through these virtual interactions, how Mats / Ibelin found a place where he was valued not for his physical abilities, but for his personality, humor, and kindness.

    Through this digital world, Mats was able to find a sense of purpose and belonging. As he says in the documentary, “Games are my sanctuary. I am safe here, feel valued and respected.”

    Finding Love and Romantic Fulfillment in Virtual Space

    Due to his physical condition, Mats struggled to find love and romance at school or among real life friends. However, through his virtual avatar Ibelin in the game, Mats was able to experience rare moments of romantic connection that he never thought possible. For once, he was able to connect with people just based on who they are on the inside; as Mats observed, “Everyone looks good in this world, so looks don’t matter, it’s about personality.”

    In World of Warcraft, Mats formed a romantic bond with a player known as Rumour. Their connection began with playful moments, like when Rumour stole his hat “just to see what happens,” and gradually grew into a deeper and more significant connection over time. One of the most memorable moments was their virtual kiss, which Mats described as, “The closest thing I’ve ever been to a crush my entire life.” Mats would give her digital gifts and flowers, and she reciprocated by drawing a real-life picture of their characters embracing—a gift Mats would hang in his room.

    Real-World Emotional Bonds

    These digital connections often spilled over into real lives and deep emotional bonds.

    One day, Rumour mysteriously disappeared from the game and stopped playing. Mats only later found out that her parents had taken her computer away due to her poor grades. This sudden disconnect deeply affected Rumour, whose real name was Lisette, and she began struggling with depression because she could no longer connect with her online friends. Mats, finding out about her pain, wrote a heartfelt letter to her parents, pleading with them to return her computer and emphasizing the value of the relationships she had formed in the digital world. His support helped Lisette during one of the most challenging periods she faced, showing how genuine and meaningful digital bonds can be, even outside of virtual spaces.

    Another one of his gaming friends, Xenia, known as Reike in the game, struggled to connect with her autistic son. Mats encouraged her to try gaming as a way to bridge the gap, and through World of Warcraft, Xenia was able to find new ways to communicate and bond with her son, including giving each other “virtual hugs,” which was a big deal because her son struggled with human touch in the real world. Xenia also said that her son could now share things with her that he normally couldn’t in person or face-to-face, improving their overall ability to communicate and connect through the shared experience of video games. 

    These are just a couple examples of how Mats’ digital relationships had significant, positive effects on the real lives of those around him, illustrating the powerful potential of online communities to bring about meaningful change.

    Opening Up About His Condition

    Mats took a long time to open up about his physical condition to the other members of Starlight. Feeling completely protected behind his virtual persona, Mats could ignore his material reality and didn’t have to worry about people showing him superficial pity or sympathy because of his illness. 

    This hesitation to open up and be vulnerable unfortunately led to some missed opportunities, including missed phone calls and video chats with his online friends. And during a real-life meetup and party for all the members of Starlight, Mats ended up being one of the few to not attend.

    Despite his fears of vulnerability, Mats eventually found the courage to open up as his illness progressed. He shared his fears of dying without meaning anything to anyone with Reike/Xenia, who reminded him of the profound impact he had made on her life and her son’s life. She then listed all the other people he had positively influenced, proving just how meaningful his presence had been over the years.

    Ibelin’s Funeral and Legacy

    After Mats’ death, the emotional weight of his digital connections became evident. When his parents announced his death on his blog, there was an outpouring of emails filled with love, sympathy, and support for Mats / Ibelin and his family. One email read, “What mattered to Mats was being able to spread joy in our lives. And stuff I learned from his example has changed the way I think about life. I hope that wherever he is, he knows that he’s remembered and treasured, and smiling right now.” Five of his online friends from multiple different countries attended his funeral, showing how deeply these connections extended outside of the virtual world. The Starlight community also organized their own virtual funeral for Ibelin, which has now become an annual tradition to honor his memory.

    Studies Supporting the Value of Online Gaming

    A well-known study (PDF) by Nick Yee (2006) identified three primary motivations for playing MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games), such as World of Warcraft. Each of these motivations can be seen in Mats’ experience as Ibelin:

    • Achievement: The drive to accomplish goals, gain recognition, and feel a sense of success. Mats fulfilled important roles within the game, like his ‘investigator job,’ which gave him a sense of duty and made him feel valued and respected as a member of the Starlight team.
    • Social Interaction: The desire to connect, build relationships, and be part of a community. Mats was an active member of the Starlight community, where he built meaningful friendships both online and offline, including his connections with Reike (Xenia) and Rumour (Lisette).
    • Immersion: The desire to lose oneself in a fantasy world and experience life through a completely new perspective. Mats immersed himself in his avatar Ibelin and the virtual world of Azeroth, finding freedom from his chronic illness and experiencing life in a way that was uniquely empowering and uplifting. 

    In another related study published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, researchers found that players often experience deep social connections within their gaming communities which can help alleviate feelings of loneliness and isolation, especially for those who struggle with social anxiety or shyness. And a study in Computers in Human Behavior indicated that the collaborative nature of online games encourages many pro-social attributes such as improved communication, trust, and shared purpose.

    All of these elements are evident in Mats’ story, where his participation in the Starlight community gave him a valued role within a group and elevated his sense of identity and self-worth – all of which are important pillars in building a meaningful life. For individuals facing challenges like physical disabilities or social anxiety, online games can provide an accessible way to fulfill essential psychological needs that may be harder to meet in the physical world.

    Feeling Like You Made a Difference Somewhere

    One of the most meaningful aspects of Mats’ journey as Ibelin was his desire to make a difference in the lives of others. Despite his fears of dying without leaving a mark, Mats’ impact was undeniable. Through his friendships with Rumour, Reike, and others, he provided emotional support, created lasting memories, and changed lives for the better. His story reminds us that feeling like we have made a difference — whether in the physical or digital world —is a fundamental human need that gives life purpose.

    The annual virtual memorials held by the Starlight community, the heartfelt emails his parents received, and the international attendance at his funeral are all powerful symbols of the difference Mats made. His story shows that creating a positive impact on others isn’t just about physical presence, but ultimately the energy you give to others.

    Conclusion

    The Remarkable Life of Ibelin invites us to reconsider how we view digital spaces and the potential they hold for providing meaning, connection, and purpose. The emotional weight of Mats’ story moved me deeply—I’ll admit that by the end of the documentary I was tearing up a little bit, but that shows how powerful “just digital” relationships can be and how inseparable they are from our broader reality. For Mats Steen, World of Warcraft was more than just a game—it was a lifeline, a place where he could be a stronger and more confident version of himself, find love and romantic connection, and support his friends in a real and tangible way. His story is a powerful reminder that behind every avatar is a real person, and that the connections we form online can be just as enriching and life-changing as those we form in the physical world.  

    If you’re looking for more insightful documentaries, check out my recommended list of documentaries here.



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    Steven Handel

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  • The Compliment Sandwich: How to Give Constructive Feedback That Sticks

    The Compliment Sandwich: How to Give Constructive Feedback That Sticks

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    Want to make your advice and feedback more digestible? Learn how to make a “Compliment Sandwich” to deliver constructive criticism in a more positive and motivating way.

    Have you ever struggled to share your thoughts with a colleague or friend without sounding too harsh? Being able to offer advice, feedback, and constructive input is an essential skill in both personal and professional environments. However, striking the right balance between positive reinforcement and helpful critique can be tricky.

    The “Compliment Sandwich” is one effective technique for delivering constructive criticism. It works by balancing both positive and negative comments, making it easier for the recipient to agree and act upon your suggestion. Here’s how it looks in action.

    What Is the Compliment Sandwich?

    The main goal of the “Compliment Sandwich” is to deliver criticism while maintaining a positive tone throughout the conversation.

    It involves three key parts:

    • Positive Opening (First Slice of Bread): Start with a genuine compliment or acknowledgment of something the person is doing well. This sets a positive tone and makes the recipient feel valued right away.
    • Constructive Critique (The Filling): Present the main feedback or critique in a clear, supportive way. This is the heart of the feedback where you address what needs improvement or adjustment.
    • Positive Closing (Second Slice of Bread): End with another positive or encouraging statement to reinforce your support and motivate the recipient. This leaves them feeling confident and balanced.

    Practical Applications and Examples

    Here are some hypothetical examples to show how the Compliment Sandwich works in practice. Remember, these aren’t scripts to follow word-for-word, just guidelines to inspire your own approach.

    1. Workplace Feedback

    Scenario: Addressing an employee’s inconsistent communication with the team.

    • Positive Opening: “I really appreciate the effort you put into your work and the unique insights you bring to our projects.”
    • Constructive Critique: “Lately, I’ve noticed some delays in team updates, which can make it harder for everyone to stay aligned and avoid miscommunication. Improving this will help the team function more smoothly.”
    • Positive Closing: “I look forward to seeing what you contribute to the team’s future success.”

    2. Teacher and Student

    Scenario: A teacher providing feedback on an essay.

    • Positive Opening: “Your thesis is engaging, and it’s clear you put a lot of thought into your argument.”
    • Constructive Critique: “To strengthen your essay, consider adding recent studies or relevant examples to support your ideas.”
    • Positive Closing: “You’re on the right track, I’m excited to see how this will evolve with the added research—I have no doubt it will be excellent!”

    3. Personal Relationships

    Scenario: Talking to a friend who tends to dominate conversations.

    • Positive Opening: “I always enjoy talking with you because you have so many great stories.”
    • Constructive Critique: “Sometimes I don’t get a chance to share my thoughts as much. It would mean a lot to me if we could balance our conversations a bit more.”
    • Positive Closing: “I love our chats and look forward to many more. Your energy makes them lively!”

    4. Coaching in Sports

    Scenario: A coach providing feedback on a player’s performance.

    • Positive Opening: “I love the energy and determination you bring to every game.”
    • Constructive Critique: “Your defensive positioning needs some improvement, I can help you work on that during practice this weekend.”
    • Positive Closing: “Keep up the hard work, and I know with some adjustments, you’ll be a better player all around.”

    Tips for Effectiveness

    • Be Genuine: Sincere compliments are essential to avoid feedback feeling manipulative. Always be truthful.
    • Learn to Find the Good: Practice recognizing positive traits in others. This makes it easier to offer genuine compliments and feedback.
    • Remember the Positivity Ratio: Aim for a 3:1 ratio of positive to critical feedback to maintain motivation and foster growth.
    • Share Good News: Inject positivity by sharing good news, which can have a “bless the messenger” effect, where people feel more positive towards a person delivering uplifting information. 
    • Adjust for Context: Tailor your feedback based on the recipient and situation. Some prefer gentle handling, while others want direct feedback.

    Limitations of the Compliment Sandwich

    The Compliment Sandwich has been widely used as a feedback tool, originating from management and communication training programs, typically in a corporate or organizational setting. Despite its popularity, it has drawbacks. One major criticism is that it can feel formulaic if used too often. When feedback follows the same pattern every time, it risks sounding insincere, reducing its effectiveness. The best feedback is organic and authentic. Use the Compliment Sandwich as a flexible guideline, not a rigid formula. Adapt your specific feedback based on the situation and the individual. Keep your communication fresh and spontaneous.

    Psychological Foundations: Priming and the Recency Effect

    The effectiveness of the Compliment Sandwich can be better understood through psychological principles like priming and the recency effect.

    Priming is about how an initial stimulus can influence how someone perceives a subsequent one. In this context, the initial positive statement can make someone more open to subsequent feedback. Starting with praise sets a receptive tone, reducing defensiveness when delivering constructive critique.

    The recency effect means people remember the last part of an experience most clearly. Ending feedback with a positive comment leverages this effect, leaving the recipient with a favorable impression and motivating them to act on the critique.

    The main takeaway? Start and end on a good note. It’s a simple yet powerful and scientifically-backed way to boost the effectiveness of your communication while maintaining truth and honesty.

    Conclusion

    The Compliment Sandwich can be an effective way to deliver balanced and constructive feedback when used thoughtfully. The key is to avoid being scripted and to ensure that your feedback is sincere and unrehearsed. Try using the Compliment Sandwich the next time you give feedback and see if it changes the way people respond to your feedback and suggestions.


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  • New Survey Reveals Americans’ Biggest Life Regrets | Entrepreneur

    New Survey Reveals Americans’ Biggest Life Regrets | Entrepreneur

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    Americans are more likely to regret the things they didn’t do than the things they have done.

    That’s according to a survey of 2,000 U.S. adults split evenly by generation, which found that only 11% of Americans don’t have regrets.

    Between not speaking up (40%), not visiting family or friends enough (36%) and not pursuing their dreams (35%), those missed opportunities add up.

    Related: Always Waiting for the Best Option Is Holding You Back. Here’s Why.

    In their lifetime, Americans average three missed chances to take a once-in-a-lifetime trip, four lost opportunities to ask their crush out and six instances of not having the perfect comeback in an argument.

    On the flip side, the top actions Americans regret include spending money or purchasing something (49%), fighting with friends or family (43%) and making an unnecessary comment (36%).

    Over the years, Americans also regret an average of five angry text messages and two break-ups.

    In fact, nearly one-third (32%) of baby boomers have a regret that spans three decades and still crosses their minds an average of three times per month.

    While millennials’ oldest regret is only about 11 years old, they average fretting about it almost once per week, more than any other generation.

    Related: The Top 5 Regrets of Mid-Career Professionals

    Conducted by Talker Research on behalf of Mucinex, results revealed that Americans are almost twice as likely to make bad decisions at night (41%) than in the morning (22%).

    Moreover, Americans also tend to regret something more at night (43%). Nighttime decisions such as not going to bed at a decent time (47%), eating too many snacks or too much food (36%) and arguing with a loved one (35%) are the most likely to negatively impact Americans the next morning.

    For Gen Zers, failing to do their nighttime routine (29%) or forgetting to turn on their alarm (22%) will almost always ensure morning distress.

    These poor choices not only cause regret but also put Americans in a bad mood (39%), leave them unable to tackle the day (29%) or even inhibit them from fulfilling the day’s responsibilities (20%).

    Related: 10 Horrible Habits You’re Doing Right Now That Are Draining Your Energy

    But what factors are contributing to these bad decisions? According to the results, being tired (40%), sick and desperate for relief (20%) or after a long night out (15%) are the most likely culprits.

    “We don’t make the best decisions when we’re sick or tired, especially at night,” says Albert So, marketing director of upper respiratory at Reckitt. “And while no one is going to get it right every single time, it’s important to have products you can rely on to help you make better decisions so you don’t wake up with regrets.”

    For all the bad decisions made and opportunities missed, 48% of Americans still agree with the common saying, “Never regret anything because, at one moment, it was exactly what you wanted.”

    This may be because almost two-thirds (64%) believe that their decision-making has gotten better as they’ve gotten older.

    Results also revealed that some “bad” decisions don’t always result in feelings of regret. Staying up late with friends (24%), quitting a job (23%), taking a chance on a new food (20%), moving somewhere new (17%) and going to a concert on a weeknight (10%) are all choices Americans consider to have been “worth it.”

    “Few things are worse than starting your day regretting a choice you made the night before, especially when you’re suffering from cold and flu symptoms and have a busy day ahead,” So says. “Feeling better starts with getting a good night’s sleep and making smart decisions before bed so you wake up feeling ready to go with no regrets.”

    Related: 10 Regrets Most Entrepreneurs Eventually Face

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    David James

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  • God’s Plan for Your Prodigal

    God’s Plan for Your Prodigal

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    Before my kids were born, I had an idealistic view of what parenting would be like. But it didn’t take long for my plans to be upended as the beautiful yet challenging adventure began. 

    What struck me most was the independence exerted by each of my kids, an independence that sometimes led them down compromising paths. For reasons I still ponder, I naively believed my children would be immune to compromise, especially when it came to matters of faith. I envisioned them navigating their walk with God with ease and certainty, never straying from His principles. 

    However, I’ve come to realize we’re all on our own journey, and for some, the road back to the Savior is long and difficult. Yet, I rest in the assurance that my family is held in the embrace of God’s sovereign plan. I trust that the Lord is at work, weaving His perfect will through our lives, including the lives of our prodigals.

    With each passing day, I’m learning to release my fears and failures to Him, reminding myself of His promises and the hope He offers. I cling to the belief that no matter how far they may wander, there is always a path back home.

    If you’re wondering what God’s plans might be for your prodigal, take comfort in these promising Scriptures.

    He Desires to Save Them

    “First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all, which is the testimony given at the proper time.” 1 Timothy 2:1-6 (ESV)

    I probably don’t need to ask this, but is your prodigal son or daughter included in your prayers? Are you diligently praying for them with thanksgiving in your heart? 

    I know how difficult it is to keep interceding when you don’t see the fruit of your petitions. But don’t grow weary! Galatians 6:9 spurs us on, saying, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Imagine the beautiful harvest of your child’s heart ready to receive Christ. What a wonderful day that will be! 

    I love the parable of the persistent widow when Jesus emphasized the importance of praying and never giving up. He said, “And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you he will see that they get justice, and quickly” (Luke 18:7-8). 

    My friends, we are free to call upon the Lord, day and night. He wants to hear our prayers and petitions. Jesus removed the veil so we could enter into God’s presence and tell Him everything.

    Draw near to God today, and let your desires be made known. Be persistent in prayer, believing in faith for your prodigal’s return.

    He Wants Their Eyes to Be Open

    “I am sending you to them to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.” Acts 26:17-18

    Paul’s miraculous conversion on the road to Damascus is one of the most comforting passages for parents of prodigals. From murderer to martyr, Paul’s life was transformed in an instant by a glorious encounter with Jesus.

    As we read Paul’s story, we see the great commission Jesus placed on his life. He was sent to open the eyes of the Gentiles, turn them from darkness to light, and deliver them from the power of Satan to God. Paul’s testimony is a powerful reminder that no one is too far gone to be captured by God’s love and redemption.

    All along, God’s plan has been to open people’s eyes to His free gift of salvation. We can trust Him to meet our prodigals right where they are, offering them new life in Christ. Let’s remember Paul’s Damascus journey with renewed hope for our loved ones. The Lord still speaks today, drawing people out of darkness and into His glorious light.

    He Seeks Them

    “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” Luke 19:10

    Does God keep pursuing us even when we run away? This is a serious question that requires a serious answer. For parents of prodigals, it’s tempting to assume our kids have gone too far, pushed too hard, or run too fast. But remember Isaiah 59:1, which says, “Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear.”

    In this post by Debbie McDaniel, she says, “Some days, we just need a reminder, that God is intimately involved in all that concerns us. Maybe we’ve been praying for something and still don’t see the answer. Maybe a door closed that we were really hoping would open. Maybe we’re battling discouragement and defeat, or we’re burdened for the lives of those we love…He knows. He cares.”

    My friends, we can absolutely trust God to keep pursuing our prodigals with His limitless love. The word of His mouth has the power to change even the most wayward heart. Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” 

    As you wait for your prodigal to return, pray the Scriptures aloud. Speak life and truth over them, believing God for greater things. Resist thoughts that they’ve run too far and remember no creature under heaven is hidden from God’s sight. He still seeks. He still saves.

    He Makes the Way Clear

    “If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.” Romans 10:9-10

    In one of my previous posts, Why Is There Only One Way to Heaven?, I share, “Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. His way is sure, and His path is open to all. What a divine blessing to be given the exact directions to eternity! There is no guesswork. There is no re-calculating the journey. Jesus paved the way once and for all.”

    Sadly, many prodigals feel they’re unworthy of salvation. If we were to take a poll, we’d likely hear answers such as:

    “I’m too lost.”

    “I’ll never be good enough.”

    “I can’t live up to God’s standards.”

    “It’s hopeless.”

    In contrast, Jesus made the way of salvation as clear as possible. God’s greatest plan for your prodigal is to save them. He loves them with an everlasting love and wants nothing more than for them to repent, believe, and be saved. You can trust Him every step of the way. Do you believe this today? 

    More Resources for Your Journey:

    10 Affirmations for the Parent of a Prodigal Child

    7 Prayers for Your Prodigal Child

    10 Reasons to Trust God with Your Prodigal Child

    Photo Credit: ©Halfpoint

    Jennifer Waddle is the author of several books, including Prayer WORRIER: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer, and is a regular contributor for LifeWay, Crosswalk, Abide, and Christians Care International. Jennifer’s online ministry is EncouragementMama.com where you can find her books and sign up for her weekly post, Discouragement Doesn’t Win. She resides with her family near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains—her favorite place on earth. 

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    Jennifer Waddle

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  • Vanessa Feltz on ex Ben’s response after she threw herself out of moving car upon discovering his infidelity

    Vanessa Feltz on ex Ben’s response after she threw herself out of moving car upon discovering his infidelity

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    Vanessa Feltz recently claimed her cheating ex Ben Ofoedu didn’t react when she threw herself out of a moving taxi after discovering his infidelity.

    In 2023, Vanessa revealed she had called it quits with Ben after 16 years together due to his cheating. The TV star – who is on Sunday Brunch today (October 27) – was left heartbroken by the singer when he slept with another woman on different occasions as well as messaging fans on social media.

    And according to Vanessa, a “shaking” Ben finally came clean about his infidelity while in a taxi together – and Vanessa ended up ‘jumping’ out of the moving vehicle.

    The pair split last year (Credit: SplashNews.com)

    Vanessa Feltz on learning Ben Ofoedu had cheated

    The news of Ben cheating was told to Vanessa by her daughters, Allegra and Saskia, after they received a tip-off. A shocked Vanessa then confronted Ben in a taxi, on the way to a party in London’s Waterloo.

    “He was stuttering – he wasn’t making sense,” she told OK! Magazine earlier this month.

    According to Vanessa, Ben eventually confessed to messaging another woman. Vanessa later found out it had been going on for at least a year.

    I assumed he’d stop the cab to see if I’d survived the leap. He didn’t.

    Ben’s confession rocked Vanessa’s world and she took a dramatic and drastic next step.

    She revealed: “I opened the door of the moving taxi and jumped. My coat was torn. Blood was seeping from a cut on my arm.”

    And according to Vanessa, Ben just carried on driving to the party. She said: “I assumed he’d stop the cab to see if I’d survived the leap. He didn’t.”

    Vanessa Feltz and Ben posing on a red carpet
    Vanessa confronted Ben while in a moving taxi (Credit: SplashNews.com)

    Ben Ofoedu ‘didn’t stop the cab’ after Vanessa Feltz jumped

    Vanessa then claimed that Ben mistakenly sent her several messages meant for the other woman. He then posted pictures on Instagram of him partying at a club.

    According to This Morning star Vanessa, she changed the locks of their home that night and has not seen him since.

    What’s more, the TV star has a brutal nickname for Ben that she refers to him as. The publication claimed that Vanessa calls him ‘One Hit Wonder’ (OHW), a reference to his band, Phats and Small and their song from 1999, Turn Around.

    Ben Ofoedu and new girlfriend

    Ben has since moved on with his new reality TV girlfriend. He met 33-year-old Precious Muir shortly after his split from Vanessa, and the two made it official in December 2023.

    Precious is best known as a contestant on season one of The Circle.

    Only three months later in March 2024, at a London Soho event, Ben was heard introducing Precious to multiple guests as “my soon-to-be wife”.

    Watch Vanessa on Sunday Brunch on Sunday (October 27) at 9:30am on Channel 4.

    Read more: Phillip Schofield warned reality TV is a ‘risk’ by This Morning star Vanessa Feltz

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    So what do you think of this story? You can leave us a comment on our Facebook page @EntertainmentDailyFix and let us know.

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    Joey Crutchley

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