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Tag: Relationships

  • Why Networking Is a Must for Successful Entrepreneurs | Entrepreneur

    Why Networking Is a Must for Successful Entrepreneurs | Entrepreneur

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    Despite its widespread recognition as a valuable tool for entrepreneurs, many individuals still struggle to use networking effectively. Starting and running a business can be both exhilarating and intimidating, and it’s easy for founders to get consumed by the day-to-day tasks of running their company. Personally, it wasn’t until I started dedicating time and effort to building my network that I realized the full potential of what my business could achieve.

    After devoting time to connecting with other entrepreneurs, I established valuable relationships with potential investors who believed in my business and provided the necessary support and funding to take it to the next level. I’m sure building a network of connections is not just an optional activity for entrepreneurs but a vital tool that can lead to new opportunities, partnerships, and growth. Here are some tips on organizing your network effectively and with minimal time consumption.

    Related: Want to Earn Trust? Don’t Break Any of These 4 Links in the Chain of Credibility.

    So, what can one get from networking?

    There is a specificity of networking among entrepreneurs – it appears to be much more effective. People in our community are often aware of the benefits that connection can bring and are more readily open to building mutually beneficial relationships, which is done by:

    1. Establishing valuable connections with potential investors. I list this opportunity as the most important because finding investments is indeed one of the most challenging tasks for an entrepreneur. The personal connection allows you to build relationships with individuals who can provide support much more effectively than reaching out to them as a “cold” audience.
    2. Expanding your knowledge and learning from other founders and professionals. Exchanging best practices with people who are not your direct competitors but are present in the same region as you are or have a similar type of business in another market provides you with precious insights. You can learn from their experiences, pick up new ideas, and stay up-to-date on industry trends.
    3. Gaining access to partnerships and collaborations. In the case of B2B, people are four times more likely to purchase a solution from someone they know themselves or their friends recommended. So being open to new connections may significantly broaden your business opportunities.
    4. Building your personal brand and increasing business exposure. Apart from helping you at the moment, establishing a connection with someone can be extremely beneficial for you later on. The chance of that is higher the more you show your expertise and interact. You never know what will happen with the person you once met at a conference — maybe they will launch a successful business or become famous someday.

    Without establishing connections, each of these actions might take much longer and be more challenging. But when you get to know the person who can help you, you will reach your goals almost naturally.

    Related: 3 Powerful Networking Strategies that Never Fail

    How to make networking most effective

    The main thing to understand about networking is that it’s a two-way street. To be truly effective, it must be mutually beneficial for both parties involved. It’s not enough to be confident when approaching others, which is probably the most common advice for those looking to master this skill. To make the most of your networking efforts, it’s important to focus on building strong relationships, which requires dedicated time and effort.

    So, when choosing who to network with, it’s important to consider what you can offer in return. Think about the skills and expertise you can share, and seek out individuals who you can help and who can help you. Building relationships based on mutual respect and a give-and-take mentality will result in stronger, more meaningful connections. For example, it’s a bad idea to start the connection by asking for help. Rather, I prefer to explain how I can help the person and why the relationship would be mutually beneficial.

    One way to build strong relationships is to dedicate time each week to focus specifically on helping others. For me, it’s two hours weekly, during which I interact with people exclusively to help them. For example, have lunch with an entrepreneur who contacts you on LinkedIn or participate in an event organized by someone you know.

    Of course, it’s impossible to contact everyone, so one should focus on the potential value they will get. If a person contacts you first, I suggest you create a set of rules to follow when thinking of them or not. Personally, I pay attention to the following:

    • The size of the business: Founders of early-stage startups will find business books more useful for themselves and are unlikely to help me in return.
    • The industry: As an EdTech entrepreneur, I usually agree to meet people within the industry. However, this approach may vary depending on your goals and amount of free time.

    Make it easier for you

    Networking can be challenging for entrepreneurs for a variety of reasons. Some may feel intimidated approaching new people, or some may find it ineffective. However, the most common challenge is that one may have limited time and resources to dedicate to networking activities, making it difficult to balance with other responsibilities. By following these tips, you can reap the benefits of investing in networking:

    1. Start by participating in industry events and conferences, even if you won’t be attending with the intention of networking. Taking part in them allows you to showcase your expertise and thought leadership in your respective industry. This can increase your exposure and help build your personal brand, which, in turn, affects your network pretty directly. When starting my business and drawing attention to it through public speeches, I underestimated its impact on networking. But then I found that many people who later helped me a lot came to me on their own.
    2. Practice with friends. If you’re feeling nervous about meeting new people, start by modeling networking with friends and family. We usually give the same advice to salespeople who are afraid to call their clients at first: this helps build their confidence and gives them a solid foundation to reach out to new contacts. I’m sure there is no book or simple rule that will help one overcome fear without practicing, even in an artificial environment.
    3. Utilize LinkedIn and other social media platforms. If you’re unable or prefer not to network in person, LinkedIn is a valuable resource for connecting with others in your field. First of all, it has the same effect on the industry: it’s a great platform to share your expertise. Many underestimate how powerful a connection on the platform can be: for example, it once allowed me to reach out and negotiate calls with all the largest EdTechs in India within just one week!
    4. Don’t underestimate other people’s connections. If you fail to reach a person, ask the people you know to recommend you or get to know them to connect you with your target person. For example, when I fail to reach a venture organization, I try to connect to representatives of their portfolio companies, provide suggestions, and then ask them to connect me with the organization. Guess what? This works extremely effectively, even if it’s just via LinkedIn.

    These easy techniques will help you utilize your time most effectively without investing too much effort.

    Related: 3 Steps to Make Networking Easier

    Never stop expanding your network.

    Networking is a critical tool for entrepreneurs looking to grow and succeed in their businesses. Only by investing time and effort into building strong relationships can you unlock the full potential of your business. The broader your network is, the more opportunities you gain, and the more time you have to find them. Starting may be challenging, but it will become natural eventually.

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    Roman Kumar Vyas

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  • The Wisdom of Women, an Interview with My Grandmother

    The Wisdom of Women, an Interview with My Grandmother

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    The Bible speaks very highly of wisdom. King Solomon sought it above all other things. But what exactly is wisdom? For the longest time, I thought wisdom was obtained by years spent on this earth. However, I have learned that while the time one spends on earth can add to their wisdom, a person’s experiences are what truly shift the pendulum from “smart” to “wise.” 

    My grandmother, Bonnie Sue (a.k.a. Maw Maw), met the Lord on Sunday night in February 1961. Since then, she has had many experiences at the feet of Jesus. Her biblical knowledge expands far beyond many scholars, and her conviction in God’s truth is what gives me hope for our world. 

    I think everyone could use some of Maw Maw’s wisdom, both biblical and non-biblical. Therefore, I sat down with her to share her nuggets of truth with you, dear reader:

    “What advice would you give women in their 20’s?” 

    Mawmaw quickly told me that women in their 20s needed to do three things. “Get all the education you can. Establish a foundation for a great future, and be independent.” While I was growing up, my Maw Maw always told me to fiercely pursue my education. She emphasized how learning a skill or obtaining a degree could ensure that a woman could succeed in a man’s world. 

    Secondly, women in their 20s should “Hold on to very high moral standards”. So often in today’s culture, women are encouraged to compromise their morality and modesty in order to succeed. Whether this success is climbing the corporate ladder, attracting the attention of men, or finding friends, Maw Maw wants to ensure that all women know that their worldly success and approval aren’t worth compromising morality. 

    Finally, Mawmaw wanted all 20-year-olds to “Enjoy life—you won’t ever be 20 again”. This beautiful and chaotic decade of your life is meant for you to make mistakes. You are not supposed to know what you are doing next. No matter how put-together another may look, no one has their life figured out before 30. So, enjoy being in a decade where you are allowed and expected to make mistakes, change your mind, and adventure. Enjoy and praise Jesus for your health and your youth. Your 20s are the most hectic and capable time of your life. Enjoy the season! 

    “What Advice Would You Give Women in Their 30’s?” 

    Let’s be real, your 30’s are the new 20’s. Now is the time to be the cute soccer mom, the independent CEO, the traveling junkie, or whatever else the Lord has led you to! I loved hearing Maw Maw talk about this stage of life. She themed this decade with stability and fierce womanhood. First, women in their 30’s, “Decide exactly what you want out of life and do it.” Yes, friend, it is that simple. Talk to the Lord, pick your path, and with Jesus’ hand in yours, run after it. If your 20’s were a mess, now you get to clean it up. Maybe life doesn’t look anything like what you wanted, so change it. You are still thinking about getting that degree? You still want to open that business? Honey, you aren’t getting any younger. Do. It. 

    Next, “Make plans for a family, if you desire a family”. Some women don’t seek motherhood; it is not a season that God has called them into. Some struggle with starting a family and are relying on their faith. Some are in the midst of four kids under the age of eight and are overwhelmed. Whomever you may be, Maw Maw and I want you to take a deep breath, say a long prayer, and make a plan. Plan how you will raise your children. Plan and pray for the household you want them to grow up in. 

    Last, “Start a financial security plan—an IRA or a CD.” Investing is not just for the rich. My grandparents set an exponential financial example. They did not idolize money, but they knew the value of a dollar. They used their financial blessings to invest in my and my sister’s future as well. 

    “What advice would you give women in their 40’s-50’s?”

    I have often heard that women in their 40’s-50’s begin to experience a mid-life crisis, prompting me to ask my Maw Maw how she navigated this life phase with grace, joy, and purpose. 

    “Start preparing for an empty nest.” My grandparents had two children who both flew from the nest in their 20’s. Maw Maw missed her children being at home, and as any mother, suffered a stage of grief that comes with your children paving their own path and leaving home. Therefore, she says that preparing for that stage of life can better aid in coping. Learning to let go when it’s time can be hard, but it also can be a time to rekindle the romance with your spouse, pick up a new hobby, or travel! 

    Women in this stage might also want to begin “planning for retirement.” Now, Maw Maw doesn’t just mean planning financially. Retirement is your time for it to be about you again. Life is no longer about climbing the ladder or getting a corporate promotion. You no longer have to pack a diaper bag or worry about soccer practice on the weekends. You can allow yourself to enjoy the life God has blessed you with comprehensively in this season of well-earned rest. 

    “Enjoy life because it flies after 40.” I think this is a piece of advice everyone could take from Maw Maw. Enjoy the time God has given you because it’s truly a gift. 

    2 Corinthians 9:8 reminds us of this when it says, “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” 

    “After 52 years of being married, how did you make it?”

    In typical Maw Maw fashion, she opened with a “joke.” “Well, be deaf, dumb, and blind.” She might be on to something here… But in all honesty, Maw Maw said that “You care more about each other’s feelings than your own” and “when you don’t like them, go sit down and read your Bible. God will tell you why you will like them.” 

    Marriage can seem to be a production in modern-day America with all the finances, filmography, and theatrics surrounding the event. Marriage can even seem like a social obligation to keep up with your inner circle or Instagram fans. Perhaps it’s a checklist item to appease the family or get the elderly church ladies off your back. Yet, Maw Maw and Pepa’s marriage outlasted any financial struggle, film, or social pressure I’ve ever seen, proving to be the real thing.

    Finally, I want to encourage you, reader, to go to the wise people God has placed in your life, just as I went to Maw Maw to ask for her wisdom on life, career choices, finances, and relationships. He has special people in your life for a reason. They have walked through valleys and mountains you have yet to experience, so listen to them, and take what they say to heart. 

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/fizkes

    Olivia Lauren is a graduate student passionate about Scripture, particularly the Book of Romans showcasing God’s grace. Outside her studies, she enjoys teaching her dog new tricks and finding quicker ways to silence the smoke alarm after trying a new recipe. 

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    Olivia Lauren

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  • How Social Media Impacts Christian Marriages, for Better or Worse

    How Social Media Impacts Christian Marriages, for Better or Worse

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    Whether we like it or not, social media has come to stay. And more importantly, it has become an integral part of our daily lives, providing various benefits ranging from improved communication to entertainment and networking, and possibly much more in the future. 

    However, it is increasingly clear that social media also has negative consequences for people and their relationships, particularly in the context of Christian marriages.

    Excessive social media use can lead to increased marital conflict and decreased marital satisfaction; some divorces are even caused by social media. There are numerous cases where social media has had a bad influence on marriages involving people from across the world. Nevertheless, it is essential to note that responsible and mindful use of social media can help mitigate these effects.

    While it is essential to be aware of the potential negative impacts of social media on Christian marriages and families, it is equally important to recognize the benefits social media offers in contemporary times.

    Importance of Social Media in Contemporary Times

    Social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram have changed how we communicate, obtain information, and connect with our surroundings.

    One of the biggest advantages of social media is its capacity to connect people from all over the world. This is impressive as it breaks down geographical barriers and boosts communication and collaboration around the world.

    Social media has also made it simpler for people to stay in touch with spouses, relatives, and friends who live or work far away, offering a sense of connection, community, and support that might otherwise be impossible.

    Social media can provide opportunities for learning, growth, and spiritual development in your relationship. 

    Platforms like YouTube and podcasts offer a wealth of resources for Christian couples seeking to deepen their understanding of the Bible and grow in their faith. Christian bloggers and influencers offer insights and inspiration that can help married couples live out their faith in practical ways. It can also provide valuable resources for seeking knowledge and understanding regarding ways to improve their relationship.

    Social media can be a powerful tool for sharing and spreading the gospel. Platforms like Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok offer opportunities for Christians to share their love stories online and give inspiration to others in new and creative ways. Also, by using hashtags and engaging with others, Christians can reach a wider audience and share the good news of Jesus Christ with people who might not otherwise have encountered it.

    Jesus Himself spoke to the importance of spreading the gospel, with Matthew 28:19-20 stating, “Go ye therefore and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost; teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you; and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” 

    With thoughtful and responsible use, social media can be a powerful tool for connection, growth, and positive change.

    Positive Impacts of Social Media on Christian Marriages

    It is necessary to recognize that social media, like any other tool, can have positive and negative implications for Christian marriages and families. 

    While certain potential dangers and pitfalls are associated with social media use, there are also many positive ways social media can benefit Christian relationships.

    Couples who share their relationship online by posting pictures and status updates about their partner could develop higher relationship satisfaction. Social media, if used decently, could also positively impact families and relationships, possibly by facilitating communication and creating shared online experiences.

    Since communication plays a vital role in keeping and boosting the longevity of a marriage, couples who use social media to stay connected and communicate during times of separation, such as during deployment or long-distance relationships, can stand a chance of achieving higher levels of marital satisfaction and lower levels of divorce. 

    I believe that social media can positively affect Christian marriages and families when used responsibly and with care. 

    By fostering connections and communication and providing opportunities for learning and growth, social media can help strengthen our relationships with our spouses, families, and God. Therefore, as we navigate the double-edged sword of social media, let us seek to use it for good and for the glory of God.

    Negative Impacts of Social Media on Christian Marriages 

    While social media can offer many benefits, including increased connectivity and access to information that can help your marriage blossom, it can also present many challenges and temptations that undermine the health and stability of your relationships with your spouse and children. 

    Let’s explore some key ways social media can negatively impact Christian marriages and families, drawing on examples and teachings from the Bible.

    Comparison and Envy 

    One of the most common negative impacts of social media on Christian marriages and families is the tendency to compare our lives and relationships to others online, leading to feelings of envy, inadequacy, and discontentment.

    This is often exacerbated by the highly curated and idealized images that many people present on social media, which can create unrealistic expectations and standards for ourselves and others.

    As the Apostle Paul warns in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “For we dare not make ourselves of the number or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves; but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” Instead, we are called to focus on the unique blessings and challenges of our lives and relationships and be content with what God has given us.

    Addiction and Distraction

    Social media can also be highly addictive and distracting, pulling us away from our responsibilities and relationships with our spouses and families. In many cases, social media use can become compulsive and interfere with our ability to be present and engaged in our daily lives and interactions with our loved ones.

    Ephesians 5:15-16 says, “See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.” We must be mindful of how we spend our time and prioritize our relationships with our spouses and families above social media.

    Infidelity and Temptation

    Social media can also present many opportunities for temptation and infidelity through direct messaging, communication with others, and exposure to sexually explicit or provocative content online. 

    This can erode trust, intimacy, and commitment in Christian marriages and lead to devastating consequences. But Jesus warns in Matthew 5:28, “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” 

    Therefore, as Christians, we must guard our hearts and minds against the temptations and distractions that social media can present and remain faithful and committed to our spouses.

    Conflict and Misunderstanding

    Social media can also contribute to conflict and misunderstanding in Christian marriages, especially when communication online is not clear, honest, and respectful. Misinterpretation, miscommunication, and even cyberbullying can undermine the trust, respect, and love essential to healthy relationships. 

    As Christians, we must be mindful of the potential negative impacts of social media on our marriages by remaining focused on our relationship with God and family. 

    We can navigate the challenges of social media and build strong, healthy, and loving marriages to the honor and glory of God.

    I believe that social media is a double-edged sword because, while it has the potential to bring couples together and help them build a strong and healthy relationship, it can also lead to conflicts and even destroy the relationship when misused.

    Like any other tool, social media can be used for good or evil. We should be mindful of how we use social media and consider how our online interactions can impact our relationships with others, including our spouses, families, and even God.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Ridofranz

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

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    Emmanuel Abimbola

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  • Child psychologist: The 6 most ‘extraordinary’ types of kids—and how parents can raise them to be successful

    Child psychologist: The 6 most ‘extraordinary’ types of kids—and how parents can raise them to be successful

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    Every parent is capable of raising happy, healthy and emotionally grounded kids. But many struggle along the way.

    In my two decades of experience as a child psychologist, I’ve found that when parents aren’t attuned to their child’s temperament and unique traits, they fail to honor and celebrate their kid’s authentic self.

    There are six most extraordinary and gifted types of kids. Your child may be more of one than the others, or a mix of all. Knowing their type will strengthen your relationship with each other and help them understand themselves better.

    1. The Anxious Exploder

    Anxious Exploders are often fussy, irritable and get triggered by the slightest thing.

    Their beauty is that they’re highly sensitive and porous. But this means they tend to absorb the anxiety around them. And what to do they do with all of it? They explode! 

    Parenting tip: Be grounded, firm and calm. If you become reactive, either in anger or anxiety, it can set off a tsunami of emotions.

    Praise them for their abilities to process their environment, but teach them to create the solace they need: “When you feel nervous, close your eyes and repeat to yourself, ‘I am safe, I am home, and I am going to be okay.’”

    2. The Hyperactive Explorer

    Hyperactive Explorers can’t sit still and are and never where you last left them.

    These kids are often labeled as “troublesome” by parents and teachers because they can be overwhelmingly active in their mind and body. But their superpower is that they are incredibly curious and engaged.

    Parenting tip: Hyperactive Explorers need to be honored and not shamed for their passionate spirit.

    Show them unconditional acceptance so that they can accept themselves in a world that may repeatedly shun them: “I admire you for your creativity and imagination. Your different ways of thinking can help you do amazing things.”

    3. The Overpleaser

    Overpleasers are like butter — soft and pliable, easy to mold and shape — and they are the perfect prey for parents who have a strong need for control.

    They fill in gaps, take over chores, and get gold stars. But because they’re eager to help, they often overstep and take over parental responsibilities, becoming the “parentified” adult in the home. 

    Parenting tip: Honor and teach them how to protect their boundaries.

    Remind them that their needs come first: “You are a giver, and you may encounter many who will keep taking from you. Remember that it’s okay to say ‘no.’”

    4. The Dreamer-Recluse

    Dreamer-Recluse kids tend to be shy and introverted, and can struggle with social and conversational skills.

    You may often catch them staring into space, doodling in their notebook, or spending so much time alone that you wonder if they’re even in the house.

    Parenting tip: Society may try to tell them they should be the opposite, that they should be more extroverted.

    Help them feel secure and highlight their strengths: “Don’t let people tell you how to be. Remember, those who are able to be by themselves are strong people. I admire you just the way you are.”

    5. The Rebel Nonconformist

    Rebel Nonconformists have the will of an ox. They won’t comply until they’re convinced it’s something they wish to do.

    I know how challenging these kids can be. My daughter, Maia, is a Rebel, and she has the type of confidence that makes her unafraid of authority.

    Parenting tip: These kids need to feel respected for their determination.

    Release control and judgment: “I love your ability to follow your own voice and not be influenced by popular opinions. However, don’t fight rules simply for the sake of fighting, or you will burn yourself out.”

    6. The Happy-Go-Lucky

    These kids are always laughing and in a good mood. They’re not fussy, demanding or bossy.

    The only downside is that they can be too relaxed and seem unmotivated. As a result, some parents may perceive them as not being ambitious enough.

    Parenting tip: What parents don’t realize is that Happy-Go-Lucky kids are actually the gurus of living in the present.

    Celebrate their positive approach to the world: “You always bring such peace and joy into every situation. Preserve this beat, because it’s a lost rhythm that more of the world need to adopt.”

    Dr. Shefali Tsabary, PhD, is a child psychologist and bestselling author of “The Parenting Map,” “The Conscious Parent,” and “The Awakened Family.” She received her PhD from Columbia University and is a wisdom teacher who integrates Eastern spirituality with Western psychology. An expert in family dynamics and relationships, she is also the founder of the Conscious Parenting Coaching Institute. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

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  • How Reframing Rejection Heals Our Hearts

    How Reframing Rejection Heals Our Hearts

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    Dismissed. Disregarded. Cast aside. These experiences sideline us from life and rob us of peace in our relationships. Words cut. Actions pierce. They steal life from us, yet there’s hope. God’s peace can still reign in the middle of a battle raging in our hearts when we grab onto God’s hand. It’s like the story of a little boy hanging onto a bigger boy’s hand as they raced to the cellar in the face of a tornado. The wind lifted the little boy into the air, but he gripped his cousin’s hand and made it to safety.

    When rejection blows into our life, it’s like we’re racing a tornado to safety. The pain of disregard sends our hearts into a tailspin, and we can get caught in the damage it causes. Our hearts rage with anger and bitterness. We spend far too much time mulling the conversation over in our heads, examining what we said and what they said. Our heart turns against us, and we entertain thoughts that indicate we deserve what we got because we’re not likable, and we shouldn’t expect any other kind of outcome. Finally, we accuse God of not preventing this, and we demand he does something.

    When we say yes to a personal relationship with God, he makes us new. It’s beautiful and wonderful, but at the same time, we still have old mindsets, habits, and default responses to the circumstances we encounter. Rejection strikes a destructive blow, and, in our pain, we reach for our old ways of responding to the heartache, which can lead to more destruction in our relationships with God, ourselves, and other people. Transformation takes time and a willingness to wade into the muddy waters of sifting the old patterns from the new way of thinking.

    Into the Mud
    Rejection is a three-pronged weapon that wounds three areas in our lives: our relationship with others, how we view ourselves, and our understanding of God. In our pain, we can wallow in the mud, splashing it all over others, or we can use it to create something. Like a potter who adds water to the clay to make mud to shape it into something beautiful, we can trust God to make something good out of something bad.

    The Israelites spent centuries making mud bricks for the Egyptians. They knew years of slavery and felt abandoned by God. Their place of rescue during Joseph’s leadership in Egypt became their place of rejection. Joseph stood second to Pharoah, and God made a way to avoid the famine by guiding them to Egypt. But eventually, the new Pharaohs forgot about Joseph and viewed the Israelites as a threat, so they sought to enslave them. God did not forsake the Israelites, and he made a way for them to be free. Rejection can make us feel abandoned, but God promises never to leave us or forsake us. When we turn to God, we can count on him to make a way for us too.

    Flip the Script
    Our default response to rejection is to fixate on the external event, turn our negative thoughts toward ourselves, and finally point an accusing finger at God. A new way to deal with disregard and rejection is to start with God. Reframing rejection involves bringing all our pain to him and dumping every negative thought and emotion into his lap. We come to him unedited and honest. Then he helps us sift through the thoughts and feelings, redirecting us to let go of the things that need letting go. This is how he uses them to bring us to another level of spiritual maturity.

    In Psalm 62:8, the Psalmist encourages us to express our hearts to God. “Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.” Our pain can pull us away from the very source of our comfort. When our hearts break, we can be tempted to gather the shards and carry them in our pockets, where they continue to cut us. But when we leave all the pieces at the feet of Jesus, he begins to put them back together again. We’re left with scars that tell a story of his gentle faithfulness.

    These scars become filled with his grace. I broke a decorative plate, and instead of throwing it away, I superglued it back together. The plate resumed its circular shape as the larger pieces came together. The smaller pieces were a bit trickier and messier, but this plate became a symbol of how God works in our life. His grace fills the cracks, and his mercy glues the pieces together again. In rejection experiences, our perception of ourselves can shatter, and the lack of forgiveness toward others can keep us broken. However, when we begin with God, we receive the grace and mercy to forgive and to keep our identity in Christ intact.

    Intern at Jesus’ Feet
    When Pharoah finally told the Israelites to go, they walked away from Egypt dressed for battle. They were finally set free! Imagine the bravado they felt as they carried off Egypt’s gold and silver. Yet, God knew them better than they knew themselves. He did not take them to their freedom through the most direct route. They may have been dressed for battle—weapons in hand and armor on—but they didn’t have the warrior’s mindset. God had set them free, but he took them to freedom via the desert.

    In our spiritual journeys, we face desert roads and impassable seas too. In our battles with consistent disregard and rejection, we can have all the equipment we need to fight the battles, like the Israelites, but not have the internal fortitude to face the battle. Interning at Jesus’ feet means we walk into the desert, trusting him with our hearts, including our pain over past disregard and the fear of future rejections—and practice faith, hope, and belief in what he says about us and accept his consistent presence.

    Crossing Our Red Sea
    Walking by faith starts with small steps toward God. We grow into our healing as we determine to let go of bitterness about past rejections along with the untruths we’ve believed for too long about God and how we perceive ourselves. Flipping the script on our default reactions to rejection is the first step we take. We can let rejection enslave us again, or we can fix our attention on the freedom in front of us.

    The Lord can use rejection experiences to restore, redirect, and refine us. At times, he uses them to point our feet in a different direction. Even in pain, we can trust him to lead us onward into a new future. Other times, rejection reveals areas in our lives that need refinement. Our transformation involves the renewal of our minds by rejecting thought processes and attitudes that don’t line up with God’s Word. Restoration comes when we surrender our broken hearts to him. He puts us together again and infuses us with greater amounts of his mercy and grace.

    The next time rejection shatters your life, pause before you respond. Take every broken piece to God, give him the ugly feelings and thoughts, and share your hurt and confusion with him. He will meet you in the mess and lead you to greater healing, trust, and freedom in him.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/interstid

    Jessica Van Roekel loves the upside-down life of following Jesus as she journeys to wholeness through brokenness. As an author, speaker, and worship leader, she uses her gifts and experiences to share God’s transformative power to rescue, restore, and renew. She longs for you to know that rejection doesn’t have to define or determine your future when placed in God’s healing hands. Find out more reframingrejectionbook.com You can connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • Lonely Grandpa Sends Tear-Jerking Text to His Granddaughter Asking Her to Sleepover

    Lonely Grandpa Sends Tear-Jerking Text to His Granddaughter Asking Her to Sleepover

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    This sweet viral video shows a lonely grandpa asking his granddaughter over for a sleepover and the plans that they end up making for the night.

    Megan Elizabeth is 29 years old, and she grew up in Illinois across the street from her grandparents. Her grandmother died of Alzheimer’s a few years ago, but her 92-year-old grandfather is still with us, although his health is declining.

    Recently, Megan’s grandfather texted her asking is she wanted to have a sleepover at his house. And she made a video that she shared on TikTok where she showed his heartwarming text messages.

    “Hi Megan it’s grandpa,” her grandfather wrote. “Would you like to come over and have a sleepover? I haven’t been feeling well and miss you. We can order food and watch a mystery show. Love, grandpa.”

    “Yes! I’ll be over around 7!” Megan replied. “Would you like me to get you something from the store or anything for dinner?”

    Lonely Grandpa Texts Granddaughter and Their Bond Is so Touching

    “Could you pick up applesauce?” her grandfather wrote back. “The cinnamon kind. And if you go somewhere with mash potatoes, I would like that because I have no teeth and can only eat soft things. Ha. Love you, Grandpa.”

    “Okay! I will see you soon,” she answered.

    “Thank you. You are my favorite granddaughter,” he wrote. But Megan made sure to point out that she was his only granddaughter.

    Then he followed up with more text: “Can you bring me strawberry ice cream too?”

    Later that night, Megan stopped by her grandpa’s house with all the goodies that he requested. And the pair had a nice evening together while they watched a show and ate some dinner. Then Megan’s grandfather got a bed made up for her and even woke up at 5:30 am to say goodbye to her before she left for work.

    “I am thankful for my grandpa and he will never understand how much love he truly has shown me,” shared Megan. “And more importantly, the love he showed my grandma while she was alive. I believe in love and loyalty because of this man. He is my hero.”

    What a sweet bond these two have! And it is simple moments like these that will forever be cherished. God bless the love between a granddaughter and her grandfather!

    Article originally published by GodUpdates. Used with permission.

    Photo courtesy: Tim Mossholder/Unsplash

    Video courtesy: ©Sunny Skyz Videos/©Meganelizabeth1016 on TikTok

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  • 10 Ways to Murder Your Marriage

    10 Ways to Murder Your Marriage

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    Sometimes we forget the early adventure of discovery in marriage—the “wow” factor when we want to know more and more about our partner and experience life together in new ways. We loved how a partner’s life complemented our own and made life seem better. But with the eventual daily-ness of life came a danger—sameness. The answer is never a new partner, but rather a new perspective and fresh wonder of the partner God gave us. 

    Here’s the problem: Predictability can be a good thing. We want to know what to expect from our partner. But we must be careful. Predictability—the ho-hum, everything’s the same routine—can also invite familiarity and boredom, a repeated reason cited for couples’ infidelity. Beware of leanness in the spirit of marriage. Make room for light-hearted, God-honoring moments—“planned” spontaneity! Set the stage for romance in fresh ways.

    Steward your calendar and block out time just for your spouse. Keep alive the little things that spark your relationship: date nights, attending a conference together, relaxing and recuperating together on vacations. Create time together to laugh, learn and love in God’s presence. Allow new adventures to unfold!

    Photo credit: ©Thinkstock/anyaberkut

    Dawn Wilson and her husband Bob live in Southern California. They have two married sons and three granddaughters. Dawn assists author and radio host Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth with research and works with various departments at Revive Our Hearts. She is the founder and director of Heart Choices Today, and also publishes LOL with God and Upgrade with Dawn and writes for Crosswalk.com. Dawn also travels with her husband in ministry with Pacesetter Global Outreach.

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  • A Legacy Worth Passing Down to Your Grandkids: Your Faith

    A Legacy Worth Passing Down to Your Grandkids: Your Faith

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    The simplest definition of legacy is something that is passed on. And as grandparents, we have the opportunity to pass on all kinds of things to our grandchildren. Whether it be happy memories, family heirlooms, or even our personality traits, our #1 legacy is our faith in Jesus.

    As we let His light shine through us, we’ll leave a legacy of faith, hope, and love – the greatest of these being love. And I don’t know about you, but I want to be remembered as someone who loved Jesus with all her heart, mind, soul, and strength.

    Here are four ways to leave your grandchildren a legacy of faith.

    Speak Often of the Savior

    As King David once penned, “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.” This is a wonderful prayer for grandparents as they seek to leave a legacy of faith.

    Sometimes, we feel like we can’t talk about Jesus for fear of offending others or being seen as fanatical, but how will they believe if they do not hear? The apostle Paul said it this way in Romans 10:14: “How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?”

    We don’t have to preach to our grandchildren, but we can often speak of the Savior and His love for them. We can also share our testimony – of how the Lord brought us to Himself. You never know what lasting impact this can have on your grandsons and granddaughters.

    Speak often about the Savior and tell of His wonderful deeds; then, trust that God will use your words to plant seeds in the hearts of your grandchildren.

    Make the Word of God Known

    Photo credit: ©Getty/Halfpoint

    Just as we are hesitant to talk about our faith, we are equally hesitant to share the Bible with our grandkids. Yet, it’s the Word of God that will not return void. As Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

    We can share specific Bible verses that relate to what our grandkids are going through. Whether it be a tough time at school or other issues, the Word of God has the answers for life!

    If you’re unsure where to start, I suggest returning to the beginning. Share the first few chapters of Genesis as a reminder that God is the Creator of everything. Emphasize that God made them in His image and has a divine purpose for them. Invite them to study the Bible with you, memorizing Scripture and learning more about God’s character.

    Remember, the Bible is more than just a book. It contains the very words of God and is powerful to move in people’s hearts. Make His Word known to your grandkids, and pray they will develop a hunger for His truth.

    Pray with Others in Specific Ways

    I think it’s safe to say that most of us pray for our grandkids regularly, but how many of us have a prayer team of people praying alongside us?

    Something powerful happens when you enlist others to pray specifically for you and your loved ones. Not only does a prayer network provide a sense of unity and camaraderie, but it also covers your family in much-needed intercession.

    I highly encourage you to call on 2-3 trusted friends to join you in specific prayers for your grandchildren. Address topics such as emotional, physical, and spiritual issues. Here are several specific things to pray for:

    -Their Heart: First and foremost, pray for your grandchildren’s salvation – that they will understand the gospel and follow Jesus all their days.

    -Their Mind: Ask God to fix their minds on Him and give them His peace.

    -Their Friendships: Pray for your grandchildren’s relationships and ask God to protect them from harmful people.

    -Their Education: Intercede for your grandchildren’s education, that God will provide a safe and healthy learning environment.

    -Their Safety: Ask the Lord to send His angels to guard your grandchildren and protect them from harm.

    Be Salt and Light

    In Matthew 5:13-16, Jesus said, “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

    Your example of faith is displayed through a life of devotion to Christ. It includes a heart of service to your family as salt and light. The more you invest in their little lives, the greater your impact will be.

    Here are specific ways to be salt and light:

    -Listen…really listen. Be a sounding board for your grandkids and take a genuine interest in their life. Chances are, they’ll grow to trust you as a safe person who always has their best in mind.

    -Find things to do together. This can include going to the park, hiking, painting, or cooking. The memories you make will be cherished for decades to come.

    -Be a voice of reason. You have a lot of experience and wisdom to share.

    -Walk by the Spirit, displaying His fruit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control will go a long way in ministering to your grandkids.

    Finally, leave a legacy of faith by walking the narrow path. While you cannot make your grandchildren believe in Jesus, you can show them what it looks like to walk in unity with the Savior. Your #1 legacy is your faith, and what a beautiful legacy it is!

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Tom Merton

    Jennifer WaddleJennifer Waddle is the author of several books, including Prayer WORRIER: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer, and is a regular contributor for LifeWay, Crosswalk, Abide, and Christians Care International. Jennifer’s online ministry is EncouragementMama.com where you can find her books and sign up for her weekly post, Discouragement Doesn’t Win. She resides with her family near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains—her favorite place on earth. 

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  • 5 Practical Ways to Set Boundaries

    5 Practical Ways to Set Boundaries

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    Doctor Henry Cloud and Doctor John Townsend wrote a book called Boundaries. In it, they help Christians understand that boundaries are a biblical and necessary way of living. It is important to make sure people do not take advantage of you and mistreat you simply because you are a Christian. This is true for both believers and non-believers. Some Christians believe simply staying silent or allowing other people to mistreat us and simply saying “that’s OK” in response is being gracious. It is only a form of cowardice that allowed us to avoid our responsibility to speak into each other’s lives so that we may be better people for it. There are five practical ways to set boundaries:Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/qunamax

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  • From Hurt to Healing: Mending and Strengthening Your Marriage

    From Hurt to Healing: Mending and Strengthening Your Marriage

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    I have seen firsthand how hurt and resentment can tear apart relationships, leaving lasting scars and pain. But I have also witnessed the healing and restoration that forgiveness can bring to relationships and families.

    To have a successful relationship, forgiveness is necessary. One of the most important aspects of a happy marriage and a lifetime of love is the ability to ask for and give forgiveness. By forgiving one another, couples can free themselves from the damaging hurt and guilt that prevent them from feeling close to one another. 

    People frequently confuse forgiveness with weakness and hold the view that by forgiving someone who has hurt you, you are endorsing or justifying their actions. But in a marriage, being able to forgive your spouse demonstrates that you are capable of having goodwill toward them. 

    Giving yourself and your spouse the type of future you both deserve, free from pain and resentment, is what forgiveness is all about. It involves making the decision to live a life free from the influence of others and without being controlled by unresolved hatred and animosity.

    You may go from feeling like a victim to being more empowered by practicing forgiveness, and this is essential for a happy and successful marriage. Your general health suffers when you harbor grudges and hatred. It overflows into every aspect of your existence. It affects how you view relationships. 

    No one is perfect; it’s a fact. We all make mistakes. Sometimes, we make mistakes more often than our partner.

    If you want to learn how to improve your relationships through the power of forgiveness, regardless of whether you are currently dealing with hurt in your marriage or family, this is for you. 

    So let’s get started and see how forgiveness may strengthen and repair our families and marriages.

    The Effects of Bitterness on Relationships and Families

    -Marriages and families can suffer from being unforgiving. We block intimacy and trust in our relationships when we are resentful and refuse to forgive.

    -Poor communication, distance, and even relationship dissolution can result from the hurt and hostility we harbor toward our partner.

    –Our health can be negatively impacted by resentment in both physical and emotional ways, which can result in stress, anxiety, and melancholy. Even our ability to eat, sleep, or carry out our regular activities may be impacted.

    –Families can become toxic when members can’t forgive one another, creating a feeling of abandonment, hatred, and estrangement. 

    –Resentment may make family members feel separated and alone, which would be detrimental to their emotional and psychological wellness. Grudges are ultimately harmful to the health and happiness of people, families, and society. 

    Thus, we must acknowledge the consequences of being unforgiving and try to promote healing and forgiveness in our interpersonal relationships.

    We are all aware of the joy and happiness that marriage and family life may bring.

    However, resentment can lead to pain and make it challenging to move on after being wronged by our spouse or family members.

    -It might be hard to let go of the pain and move on when we have been hurt by someone we love. We believe that the other party mistreated us and that they ought to be held accountable for it.

    –We might even believe that harboring our resentment and rage is okay. However, when we do so, it can cause a split in our relationships that can be challenging to mend.

    –We may be dishonest and closed off with our spouse or family members when we resent them. This could result in a breakdown in trust and communication, which would be detrimental to our relationships.

    –We are more inclined to lash out at our partner or family members over trivial or unimportant issues when we cannot forgive. And this will only result in more hurt and animosity, which makes it even harder to forgive. 

    The Transforming Power of Forgiveness

    Forgiveness is a powerful tool that can change our lives and relationships for the better. When we forgive, we release the hurt and resentment we’ve been holding onto and give ourselves permission to get better and go on.

    Some of the ways that forgiveness can improve our lives and relationships are as follows:

    It releases us from the weight of resentment and bitterness.

    When we harbor resentments, we bear a heavy load that can drain our energy and dominate our thoughts. But forgiveness frees us from this senseless weight and makes us feel lighter and free.

    It encourages mending and peacemaking in our marriage.

    Forgiveness allows for healing and reconciliation. It enables us to work together to improve our relationship and address the problems that contributed to the hurt.

    It improves our capacity for empathy and compassion.

    Forgiveness allows us to show compassion and empathy to others, especially those who have hurt us. Because to forgive, we must place ourselves in the position of the one who has wronged us and show them mercy and understanding. 

    Forgiveness promotes intimacy and connection.

    When we forgive and are forgiven, we develop a greater sense of intimacy in our relationships. We also grow a stronger sense of trust by being transparent and vulnerable with one another.

    It fosters development and evolution on a personal level.

    Forgiveness helps us develop and evolve positively on a personal level. As Christians, practicing forgiveness teaches us to own our mistakes and endeavor to become better people. As we work to improve as individuals and as relationship partners, it can foster personal growth and development.

    The Connection Between Forgiveness and Love

    Forgiveness and love are closely connected in our relationships. Love is the foundation of forgiveness, and forgiveness is an expression of love. 

    Here are some ways in which forgiveness and love are connected:

    Love is the motivation for forgiveness.

    We are called to forgive others out of love, just as God forgives us out of His love for us.  Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”  

    Forgiveness is a manifestation of love.

    It is a tangible expression of love, as it involves releasing the hurt and pain caused by others and extending grace and compassion towards them. “Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8  

    Love enables forgiveness to occur.

    Without love, it can be difficult to extend forgiveness to those who have hurt us. Love enables us to see the good in others and to extend mercy and grace toward them. Matthew 5:44 reminds us: “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

    Forgiveness is necessary for love to flourish.

    Resentment can create a barrier in our relationships and hinder the growth of love, while forgiveness allows us to let go of the past and move forward in love and compassion towards others. 1 Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

    Overcoming Resentment and Re-Establishing Trust 

    Our lives would not be the same without the love, support, and sense of belonging that marriage and family ties provide. But when conflicts and disagreements occur, anger can fester and eventually erode the trust that formerly existed between partners or family members. 

    When trust is betrayed, it can be challenging to mend the connection and return to how it was.

    To maintain positive and rewarding relationships in this situation, it is essential to create effective resentment management and trust-building tactics.

    Here are a few doable tactics that will assist you in overcoming anger and re-establishing trust in your marital and family ties:

    Acknowledge the hurt.

    If you are the one who caused the hurt brought on by the resentment, it is crucial to accept responsibility. This can be accomplished by expressing regret and offering an apology for the harm caused.

    Be open and honest in your communication.

    Restoring trust in a marriage or family requires open and honest communication. This entails being open to discussing the problems that have given rise to the resentment and hearing one another out.

    Exercise forgiveness.

    Overcoming animosity and rebuilding trust require forgiveness. It’s critical to be willing to let go of resentment and forgive the other person for their transgressions.

    Spend quality time together.

    Restoring trust in a marriage or family requires quality time spent together. This can involve doing things like going on dates, going for walks together, or just sitting down to talk and listen to each other.

    Seek professional assistance.

    If the anger and lack of trust are too ingrained to be handled on your own, it might be helpful to seek assistance from a professional. A therapist, counselor, or church pastor can assist families and couples in resolving their problems and improving communication.

    The Benefits of Forgiveness

    Any successful marriage or family relationship requires forgiveness. It is an incredible instrument that can mend relationships, reestablish trust, and heal scars. Families and couples can move ahead in their relationships with a renewed sense of optimism and understanding when they forgive one another.

    Forgiveness can lessen stress and worry. When families and couples forgive one another, they can put painful remarks and deeds behind them and concentrate on the good parts of their relationship. This may contribute to the development of a tranquil and harmonious environment.

    Forgiveness can improve the ties that bind families and couples together. When families and couples forgive one another, they can put the past hurt and resentment behind them and concentrate on the love and respect they share.

    It can facilitate better communication within a marriage or family. Family members and couples can communicate openly and honestly about their feelings and worries when they forgive one another. 

    This may contribute to fostering a more welcoming atmosphere, which will promote improved communication and understanding.

    Forgiveness can foster a happier attitude toward life. When families and couples forgive one another, they can put the hurt and resentment behind them and concentrate on the positive aspects of their relationship. This will bring a more optimistic attitude toward life and increase happiness and fulfillment.

    Any successful marital or family relationship requires forgiveness. It can lessen worry and tension, bolster the ties between partners and families, enhance communication, and cultivate a happier attitude toward life. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

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  • How Can the Church Be More Like a Family?

    How Can the Church Be More Like a Family?

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    One of my favorite aspects of being part of an active church is the fellowship that we experience when we get together. And, if I am honest, during those times that we are together for small groups or other events, one of my main enjoyments is eating good food!

    Of course, it is not just about the food itself; it is what eating together brings. Eating meals gives a group of people something physical to do (which is unifying in and of itself).

    It gives us something to enjoy together, which helps us build positive feelings and even memories, it disarms us so we can bring our guard down, and it works as an ice breaker to facilitate casual conversation.

    Most importantly, eating a meal with other Christians turns us more into the kind of family that God designed us to be for a few moments as we enjoy food that will hopefully lead to greater fellowship in the future.

    Because if you know what it is like to be in a healthy church or if you are familiar with the model of church that the New Testament gives us, you will know that the Church really is like a family.

    I was reminded of this reality recently when I was talking with a missionary friend of mine. As he described his church on the mission field in South America, he happily described a group of people that cared for each other, were affectionate toward one another, and that really wanted to be together.

    That is not only how Jesus wanted the church to be, but that is exactly how he started it — like a family!

    1. Remember That Jesus Valued Family

    He was born into a family with parents and siblings, and he lived with and participated with that family for most of his life. Then in the end, he loved his family so much that with one of his last breaths, as he hung on the cross, he made sure that his mom would be cared for (John 19:26-27).

    Jesus taught about the importance of family and marriage (the foundation of the family) as well. One of his most popular teachings can be found in Mark 10:6-9 when Jesus declared that:

    “…from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. ‘So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

    But Jesus did not just teach about the importance of family and marriage; he actively endorsed it to the point that his very first public appearance (after his somewhat-public baptism, of course) was at a wedding that he attended with his mother and disciples and where he performed his first miracle.

    And Jesus was not just a bystander at this wedding — he even got involved with “serving refreshments” (John 2).

    But then, in that same passage where Jesus gave his disciple John the responsibility of caring for his mother, we get a hint about the kind of family relationship that Jesus also had with his disciple because the writer uses the phrase “the disciple whom he loved” (John 19).

    This is because Jesus did not just focus on caring for his physical family, but he essentially welcomed all of his followers in and treated them like family, too.

    Mark tells the story that one time when Jesus was ministering to a crowd, and some people told him that his mother and brothers were outside, he responded with,

     “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother” (Mark 3:31-35).

    2. Treat the Church Like Jesus Treated His Disciples and Ministry

    As we read through the gospels, we find that at different times Jesus walked with them on trips, he road with them in boats, he reclined with them in homes, he attended feasts and celebrations together with them, he taught them lessons like a father teaches his children, he rescued them when they were in trouble, he allowed them to make mistakes and then used those experiences to teach them even more, and, my favorite part, he ate with them!

    God himself, in the flesh, took the time to sit down and share a meal with his disciples — and like we already mentioned — that is such a keyway that he treated them like family.

    One particular time when he did this is what we call the “Last Supper.” One important detail in Matthew 26:20-29 is that Jesus served the bread and wine to Judas Iscariot, who he knew was against him and that would soon betray him.

    This is a perfect illustration of how families even care for members who they do not get along with or that they are even more like enemies with. Another important detail is that Jesus said he would do this again… one day. We will come back to that in a minute.

    This family dynamic of Jesus’ ministry did not end with him.

    3. Resemble the First Church Who Treated Each Other Like Family

    Very soon after Jesus’ ascension back to heaven in Acts 2, the apostles gave the gospel to people from all over the world and invited them into the family of God — something that only the Jews thought they had claims to at the time.

    Then, as a result, the picture that we get of the First Church is nothing short of the kind of “utopian” society that other cults have tried to mimic.

    They loved to each other, meeting together regularly, and sharing resources in a way that makes even the tightest-nit family seem like sworn enemies! This is because the Gospel of Jesus brings people together like never before.

    Then later, the Apostle Paul taught about this family mentality by teaching the churches he started that we must not allow our differences to define us or divide us but seek unity and agreement (1 Corinthians 1).

    He taught in the “love chapter” that while faith and hope are important facets of our Christian faith, our love for one another is most important (1 Corinthians 13).

    Paul also used the analogy of the human body with its many, unique members — that each has different functions but all serve one another to describe how the church is to view itself and treat one another.

    This is important for us to study because the example of the First Church and Paul’s instructions to the churches he pastored “from a distance” gives us the standard for us today. One article that I recently read said that

    I“f we are intent on trusting Christ to work in us as we gather and open to being Christlike as we gather, then — whether it’s for a meal or a church service or a golf game or a playdate for the kids — we share in that beautiful fellowship. We were designed for this kind of fellowship, this kind of connection in Jesus, and we cannot find it anywhere but the body of Christ. This is what finding true belonging in the church looks like.”

    Lastly, the church “family” does not end here on earth.

    Heaven Will Be Like a Family

    Another important detail of Jesus’ Last Supper with his disciples in Matthew 26 that we mentioned earlier is that Jesus promised that in the end, after this current earth and heaven were said and done, he would again sit down with his followers and have a meal.

    But this time, there will be no doubt and betrayal mixed in! John prophesied in the Book of Revelation: “Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready” (Revelation 19:7).

    We get the impression from Luke that when Jesus returns for his “servants” (the Church) that “he will dress himself for service and have them recline at table, and he will come and serve them” (Luke 12:37).

    What a beautiful thought that Jesus will once again serve us who have been serving him. But this will not be because he “owes” us anything, but because we will have nothing to offer Jesus, who has everything.

    Then that same Jesus will welcome his children into a New Heaven and New Earth that he has “prepared as a bride adorned for her husband” (again — the family and marriage picture) (Revelation 21:1-4).

    One writer summed all of this up by saying that the end goal of “God’s work and mission has been and continues to be a reconciled, intimate relationship with a people, his children, and the Church.“

    The church is a family, not by blood, but by the Spirit.

    If more people saw the church as a family with her fellowship and flaws, then fewer would be leaving it. If more pastors and church leaders saw their church as a family, fewer would treat her like a job or abuse her.

    If more church members saw the church as a family, fewer would outsource the caring of each other to their pastor or deacons or the serving of one another to a paid employee.

    Christian — let us go the extra mile and not just expect our church to act like a family, but to do everything we can.

    For further reading:

    What Is the Meaning of the Body of Christ?

    God’s Blended Family

    What Is the Importance of Having a Spiritual Family?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/RyanJLane

    Robert Hampshire is a pastor, teacher, writer, and leader. He has been married to Rebecca since 2008 and has three children, Brooklyn, Bryson, and Abram. Robert attended North Greenville University in South Carolina for his undergraduate and Liberty University in Virginia for his Masters. He has served in a variety of roles as a worship pastor, youth pastor, family pastor, church planter, and now Pastor of Worship and Discipleship at Cheraw First Baptist Church in South Carolina. He furthers his ministry through his blog site, Faithful Thinking, and his YouTube channel. His life goal is to serve God and His Church by reaching the lost with the gospel, making devoted disciples, equipping and empowering others to go further in their faith and calling, and leading a culture of multiplication for the glory of God. Find out more about him here.

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  • Finding Peace After the Storm: Divorce, Healing, and Restoration

    Finding Peace After the Storm: Divorce, Healing, and Restoration

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    A divorce is a life-altering event that can leave you feeling lost, lonely, and emotionally drained. It can be a difficult and painful experience, causing confusion, anger, sadness, and even depression. Divorces happen for various reasons, like infidelity, financial issues, differences in priorities, goals, or values, physical or emotional abuse, and many other heartaches. However, finding peace and trying to heal after a divorce can help victims restore emotional balance and stability.

    Navigating loss on any level is challenging, but losing a meaningful relationship, particularly a spouse, can be emotionally devastating. Although society is more accepting of divorce, it still has terrible consequences for spouses, children, friends, and families of those involved. Divorces also have tremendous spiritual and emotional impacts on Christians. 

    Here are some of the consequences of divorce for Christians:

    1. Spiritual Consequences: Divorce can have significant spiritual consequences for Christians. Marriage is a sacred covenant between a man and a woman, and divorce goes against God’s plan for marriage. It can leave you feeling disconnected from God and harm your spiritual well-being.

    2. Emotional Challenges: It can be emotionally draining for Christians, especially given that they have been brought up with the belief that marriage is a lifelong commitment, as taught in Matthew 19:3-6: “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

    When Christians experience divorce, they can feel isolated, rejected, and ashamed. In some cases, this can lead to depression and anxiety.

    3. Impact on Children: Divorce has a profound impact on children. The affected children may struggle with guilt, confusion, and anger. They may even, over time, question their own faith and beliefs in God.

    4. Social Implications: Like everyone else, divorce can have social implications for Christians, especially if they are part of a close-knit Christian community. It can lead to social stigma, ostracism, and judgment from others.

    It is important to find peace after divorce to have sound, emotional well-being. We must, however, consider the following for true emotional peace after going through the trauma of a breakup in a marriage:

    Reading and Meditating on the Word of God 

    As Christians, we can heal from any kind of pain or heartbreak through our faith in God. Our ultimate consolation comes from listening to the voice of the Lord and meditating on His words. The Bible, which is the Word of God, is one of the mediums through which He provides us with guidance and comfort in times of trouble. 

    The Word of God reminds us that we are not alone and that God is always with us. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” 

    We are also reminded in God’s Word that even in our darkest moments, God is with us, offering comfort and support.

    Practicing True Forgiveness

    Another key to finding emotional peace after divorce is forgiveness. Forgiveness in this context is not only about letting go of anger and resentment towards our former spouse but also forgiving ourselves for any mistakes we may have made in the marriage. 

    Jesus teaches us to forgive others in the Lord’s Prayer. Matthew 6:12 says, “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” When we forgive, we release ourselves from the burden of negative emotions and open ourselves up to emotional healing and well-being.

    Seeking Support

    Seeking emotional support from friends, family, and professionals such as pastors or counselors is also helpful. 

    Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us that there is a time for everything, including a time to mourn and a time to heal: “To everything, there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” Therefore, when you find yourself struggling after a divorce, you must not conclude that it is the end of the road. 

    As a Christian, you must understand that you are going through this divorce for a reason God is quite aware of. And if the emotional pressure becomes unbearable, do not hesitate to seek help from your trusted and godly friends, family, or a spirit-filled pastor. These are the people God has planted in your life to act as a support and pillar to your faith in Him in difficult times. It also makes sense to approach a counselor if the need arises. 

    Never Underestimate the Power of Prayer

    Prayer is also essential in finding emotional well-being after a divorce. Prayer allows us to connect with God and express our deepest emotions and desires. 

    The book of Philippians teaches us that when we pray, God’s peace will guard our hearts and minds. Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Be careful for nothing; but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

    Healing yourself through prayers and meditating on the Word of God after going through the agony of divorce can help restore your relationship with God and help you find meaning and purpose in your life.

    The bottom line is that God does not take delight in divorce, and He is not happy with the impact of divorce on your spiritual health. 

    In Matthew 19:6, Jesus says, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Divorce can be a violation of God’s plan for marriage and have spiritual consequences.

    Take a Break to Create Better Relationships

    One significant reason you must try to find peace and heal after a divorce is to establish healthy relationships with family, friends, and potential romantic partners.

    In the aftermath of a divorce, it can be challenging to maintain peaceful relationships with those who were once close to you. However, trying to find peace and healing from the divorce can help you establish healthier relationships with others, even with those who were once involved in the divorce. Establishing healthy relationships with family members can be challenging after a divorce. Sometimes, your family members may even take sides or become distant from you or the parties involved in the breakup. However, finding peace can help you bridge the gap and rebuild relationships with loved ones.

    Improve Your Physical Health

    Divorce can have a significant impact on your physical health. The stress, anxiety, and emotional toll of divorce can manifest in physical symptoms such as headaches, fatigue, and muscle tension. Stress is a common response to the challenges of divorce. It can increase blood pressure, heart rate, and muscle tension. Chronic stress can also weaken the immune system, making you more susceptible to illness and disease. Finding peace after a divorce can help reduce stress levels and improve overall physical health.

    The emotional turmoil of divorce can make it difficult to get a good night’s sleep. A lack of sleep can have negative effects on your physical health, such as fatigue, irritability, and decreased cognitive function.

    Prepare Yourself for a New Beginning

    Finding peace after a divorce can be a transformative experience that allows you to let go of the past and embrace a new beginning. The Bible teaches us that God is a God of second chances and that through His love and grace, we can find new beginnings even in the most challenging circumstances. 

    One of the most powerful verses in the Bible that speaks of this truth is found in Isaiah 43:18-19: “Remember ye, not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”

    Work on Your Personal Growth

    Another strategy for healing, and why it is important to find peace after a divorce, is the opportunity for personal growth and development. 

    In Romans 8:28, we are told that “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” 

    Therefore, during difficult circumstances such as a divorce, God can use our experiences for our ultimate benefit and growth. For anyone going through a divorce, this means that there is an opportunity for personal growth and development. By focusing on the present moment and working towards a brighter future, you can develop new skills, talents, and interests and become stronger and more resilient.

    Conclusively, Christians need to remember that healing after a divorce is a process that takes time. But when you seek spiritual guidance through prayer, reading the Bible, practicing forgiveness and self-care, seeking support, and practicing patience and trust, you can find healing and restoration after a divorce. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Valentina Shilkina

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

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  • How Your Thoughts Might Be Sabotaging Your Relationships

    How Your Thoughts Might Be Sabotaging Your Relationships

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    Have you ever heard a new phrase, song, or saying for the first time, and then you start hearing it everywhere over the course of the next few days or weeks? Or maybe you notice a sleek red car drive by that you’ve never seen before, and then you start seeing it in every parking lot. Or perhaps you learn about a house style while watching HGTV, and the next thing you know, you spot it all over your city or town? Could there really be an increase of people buying that sleek red car you noticed or that new style of house – or are you just more aware of it now?

    This is a concept that we refer to in psychology as frequency bias or frequency illusion, and it can happen with pretty much anything. The fancy name for this is the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. And if you’ve never heard of it before, there’s a good chance you will after today (see what I did there?). The main idea of this phenomenon is that the frequency of those things is not actually increasing, but simply your awareness of them. And that awareness changes everything. 

    There’s so much happening around you in one particular 24-hour period that it’s impossible for your brain to absorb it all. But when you bring your attention to something, which is generally called selective attention, you begin to note that specific thing more often. Your brain now tunes into it!

    Looking for Patterns

    So, what if we could apply this frequency bias to our thoughts? What if we could increase our awareness and begin seeing and understanding our thoughts in ways we didn’t before? What if we could tune in to our thinking patterns rather than just defaulting to our usual? The incredible thing is that we can. 

    In order to identify patterns, we have to have something to work with. To do that, I want you to take a moment and write down five to ten negative thoughts you’ve had in the last week (write down even more if you can think of them). It could be negative thoughts you’ve had about yourself (I don’t have what it takes to do this!), negative thoughts about others (He doesn’t really care about me), or negative thoughts about a situation (This whole thing is hopeless!), Now, I want you to take a look at the things you wrote down and begin to read through them one at a time. 

    Are there any patterns or themes that begin to emerge? 

    Are there any themes that you tend to default to again and again and again? 

    Let’s try to isolate those today – because we’re trying to get to the root of why you think the way you do. And in order to do that, we need to see if we can find some patterns. 

    Philippians 4:8 reminds us, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” 

    The beautiful thing about this Scripture is that it permits us to change the pattern. It reminds us that we have the power and control to choose which thoughts we will tune into and meditate on throughout the day. So much of the Bible aligns with healthy psychology and counseling. God knows our tendency to default to the negative, so we’re being asked to make it a habit, a daily practice, to tune in to whatever is good, pure, true, and lovely. We’re being challenged to increase our awareness of the right thoughts and beliefs throughout the day and in life. We’re being challenged: don’t just default to your usual, mindless patterns; change the pattern. But to do that, we have to first stop and take note of our patterns, both the good and the bad, so that we can begin to change the way we think. We have to recognize our patterns if we want to replace them. And when we do that, it will begin to change everything because thought change leads to life change. 

    One of my clients, Hannah, came into our counseling session with her list of negative thoughts from a 24-hour period, and she came in with a list longer than she imagined she would. Here’s what it read:  

    I don’t fit in. 

    They’re just pretending to like me. 

    He’s just being nice because he feels sorry for me. 

    I can’t believe I yelled at the kids – I am the worst mom.

    If I don’t get it together, he will leave me. 

    They invited me out of pity but don’t really want me there. 

    I don’t have what it takes to get it done today. 

    And those were just some of the things she had on her list. When she actually faced her thoughts, she realized how consistently mean, degrading, negative, and unhealthy they were. When I asked her to see if she could find a pattern – she realized she was stuck in a spiral of thoughts with a theme of inadequacy. She was never good enough. Not in her personal life, not in her marriage, not in her friendships, not as a mom, a homemaker, or a businesswoman. Her thoughts always pointed out where she wasn’t measuring up, fixating on all that was lacking. Her thoughts were not only hurting her; they were hurting her relationships. Now that she recognized a theme to her negative thinking, she started seeing it in almost every aspect of her life. 

    Connecting the Dots 

    Why was Hannah caught in a cycle of toxic thinking? Why did she always feel like she wasn’t enough? Long ago, Hannah had begun defaulting to this way of thinking to try and make sense of why she was adopted. This wasn’t a conscious decision on her part because you have to understand she was really young at the time. But sometimes, our brain processes things for us – without our permission or awareness. It tries to make sense of the world around us, whether or not the interpretation it gives us is actually based on truth. False beliefs can start getting planted in our minds and hearts, ideas that we carry – and then if we don’t recognize them – beliefs that get lived out in our lives and our closest relationships. 

    For young Hannah, something inside of her needed to make sense of the fact that she was adopted. Even in the context of a loving, wonderful, compassionate family, there was no conversation about her adoption story. And without healthy discussions about her adoption process, she had to fill in the blanks for herself. In her young mind, the problem was either with her parents or with her. And it was less painful for her to believe that she was the problem than for her to believe that something was terribly wrong with her parents. There must be something they didn’t like about me. There must be something wrong with me. I must not have been what they wanted. I must not be good enough. This is where the seeds of her default thinking were planted, watered by the circumstances of life, and fertilized by more unhealthy thinking until she grew up learning to believe those thoughts and apply them to other areas of her life – including in her closest relationships. Consistent thoughts of inadequacy had become a part of her thought process without her awareness. 

    For Hannah to be freed from her default thinking, she needed a RESET. She began by recognizing her negative thoughts. And then, with the help of the counseling process, we began getting to the root of where those negative thoughts and beliefs started; facing and healing from some of those old wounds. But that alone wasn’t enough. Now she had to replace them with truth. It’s not enough to simply stop thinking negative thoughts; you have to go to the next step and begin thinking truthful thoughts. Replace them with truth, over and over again until something begins to change. Until YOU begin to change. Debra, are you saying that if I just think healthy thoughts enough, I’ll actually start believing them? That’s exactly what I’m saying. It took you many years to build up your default thinking, so don’t expect things to change overnight. But when you begin to fill your mind with truth, it begins to fill your life with truth. Things begin to change. 

    It may not seem like you’re doing much – repeating statements of truth instead of your negative default thinking, but when you begin replacing your negative thinking with truth, you’re changing the function of your brain. Every thought you think releases some sort of neurochemical. Negative thoughts release stress chemicals, and positive ones release feel-good chemicals. So, when you change your thoughts, it literally changes your brain. Your brain is neuroplastic, which means it’s malleable – it can change. You have the power to change how your brain works and, in turn, how you feel and what you do by changing your thoughts. 

    God made our brains, and He knows best the value and importance of thinking about what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. Philippians 4:8 is not just a sweet, sentimental verse in the Bible – it’s life or death. Because your thoughts have the power to seriously enhance your life, or to destroy your life completely. If you see the same stream of thinking coming back again, and again, and again – it’s time to own up to it and let the mental battle begin. Change your thought patterns, and you’ll change your life patterns. Change your life patterns – and you’ll change your relationship patterns.

    This article is adapted from one of 31 Practices in Debra Fileta’s new book Reset: Powerful habits to own your thoughts, understand your feelings, and change your life and is used with permission. Order your copy of Reset today!

    Photo credit: ©Reset/Debra Fileta

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Ildar Abulkhanov

    Debra Fileta is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books, including Choosing Marriage, True Love Dates, Love In Every Season, Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of the hotline-style Love + Relationships Podcast, answering listener questions about love, relationships, and mental and emotional health. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, or book an online session with her or someone from her team today!

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  • Do Christians Have to Get Married in a Church?

    Do Christians Have to Get Married in a Church?

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    Around the world, wedding ceremonies occur in various locations, from church buildings to local parks. In this post-pandemic time, destination weddings are still popular, and couples choose to invite their guests to a favorite locale, be it tropical or in view of a snow-capped mountain.

    Nontraditional? You bet. Biblically sanctioned? It depends.

    What Do Traditional Christian Weddings Look Like?

    Christian wedding customs have varied throughout history and largely depend on the culture where the ceremony occurs. Time-honored U.S. traditions include pre-wedding bridal showers and then simple or elaborate ceremonies in a church building or chapel. The celebrations have grown to include groom’s and couples’ showers to honor and equip the man and woman for married life.

    The wedding ceremony begins with music selected by the couple and is timed according to the arrival of the guests. Honored invitees (close friends and family members) are given front or near front row seating to witness the wedding. A clergyman or other officiate settles in the front center, facing the assembled guests, and the groom stands and faces the spectators in front of the clergyman and to his left (spectators’ right). Once the groom is in place, his groomsmen accompany the bridesmaids to the front of the sanctuary and separate at the front — the men go to the groom’s side and the bridesmaids go to the left, all facing the sanctuary. A special song begins (as chosen by the bride and groom) and the father of the bride accompanies his daughter to the waiting groom.

    The usual progression is the father gives his daughter to the groom by placing her right hand in the groom’s. The officiating minister then performs the ceremony, thereby marrying the couple and then presents them to the assemblage as, Mr. and Mrs. __________.

    A reception held after the wedding gives family and friends an informal way to honor and celebrate with the newly married couple. Receptions are either at the wedding venue itself or at a remote location.

    What Does the Bible Say about Weddings?

    As expected, the weddings mentioned in the Bible were Jewish, and without explicit details, we can glean the following:

    The father of the groom chose the bride for his son. The betrothal period (Deuteronomy 20:7) lasted up to a year and it was a covenant before consummation. The groom would make all preparations for the wedding day, and upon his father’s approval, the wedding feast day (which lasted up to seven days) commenced when the groom went for his bride and brought her back to the house he had prepared for them.

    Must a Christian Get Married in a Church?

    Herein lies the crux of the matter. A marriage between a man and a woman (as created by God), is a covenant, and vows made between the man and the woman are in the sight of God. Because God instituted marriage, it must conform to His guidelines and purposes.

    As such, a Christian couple is to:

    1. Make sure they are equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14). Both the man and woman are to be true Christians, that is, people who have surrendered to Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior according to the Gospel. And each is to pray about and for the spouse the Lord has for them.

    2. Meet and pray with their pastor for marriage counseling so there is a greater understanding of what a Christian marriage entails. Once their pastor approves based on what the Bible says, they can then move forward.

    3. Secure a marriage license from the authorities God has placed over us for our protection (Romans 13:1). In the sight of God and men, a man and a woman are joined in holy matrimony. This demonstrates the betrothed are endeavoring to keep themselves from every sort of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22), which a public declaration of their union in part assures (as far as being wedded under the law).

    4. Arrange for a date and a venue for the wedding ceremony to be performed by their pastor (or another Christian officiate). And be very discerning to make sure the pastor provides a biblical wedding ceremony. A solid Bible-teaching pastor will expect this and will probably give the couple a huge “Attaboy” for their care in making sure they are entering a covenant which glorifies the Lord.

    Whether the couple has their wedding in a church or somewhere else, the important factor is meeting all the criteria listed in the four points above. In marriage and in all of life, we are to honor the Lord (1 Corinthians 10:31). God established marriage when He created Eve as a suitable helper for Adam (Genesis 2:20). When a woman marries the man God has chosen for her, she is obeying the Lord in her submission to her husband as the spiritual head of their household, and each should honor the other as they love the Lord first (see Ephesians 5).

    We are the church, so true believers always get married “in” the church no matter the location of the ceremony (assuming a Christian couple would not choose a questionable site). Weddings performed in a church setting, however, have a special nature about them because it’s where the church gathers every week to worship the Lord. The sacred setting lends itself to the solemnity of the couple’s vows as they make their covenant to each other before the Lord. But to reiterate, it’s the hearts of the couple that matters as they come before God to pledge their love and loyalty until death separates them.

    A beautiful saying that exemplifies the vows as the rings are exchanged is, “Before God, I give you this ring as a sign of my vow, and I promise to honor you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

    Will There Be Weddings in Heaven?

    While our thoughts are on weddings and spouses, let’s look at what the Bible says will happen when we are in glory. 

    The Lord Jesus answers this question about marriage in heaven:

    “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven” (Matthew 22:29).

    “But those who are considered worthy to attain to that age and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage; for neither can they die anymore, for they are like angels, and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection” (Luke 20:35-36).

    Pastor Don Stewart adds, “Marriage, as we know it, is not necessary in heaven because there is no need for continuing the race. The number of people in heaven will not increase or decrease – it will remain the same. Believers will be married to Christ and have even deeper relationships than we have ever experienced on the earth.”

    Instead, believers from all earth’s ages will be married to Christ. “’Let us rejoice and exult and give Him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready; to her it has been granted to be clothed with fine linen, bright and pure’ – for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, ‘Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.’ And he said to me, ’These are true words of God’” (Revelation 19:7-9).

    A wedding is a beautiful affirmation of a Christian couple’s covenant to each other before the Lord. It should be a joyous event for everyone involved, no matter where the wedding ceremony takes place. When God is in the center of it all, He is sure to be glorified.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Rawpixel

    Lisa Loraine Baker is the multiple award-winning author of Someplace to be Somebody. She writes fiction and nonfiction. In addition to writing for the Salem Web Network, Lisa serves as a Word Weavers’ mentor and is part of a critique group. She also is a member of BRRC. Lisa and her husband, Stephen, a pastor, live in a small Ohio village with their crazy cat, Lewis. 

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  • The Blessing of Blessing Others

    The Blessing of Blessing Others

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    From an early age, Mom and Grandma taught me the importance of blessing others without getting something in return. Every week, or every other week without fail, we’d topple into the car, drive to town, and find random people to bless. 

    Sometimes, it was the homeless person standing outside our car window. Others, it was the man in need inside a nursing home. Most days, it was a friend, family, or stranger who simply needed to be cheered up. 

    As I grew, I took this habit with me. In high school, I’d leave notes for teachers and my closest friends. I made it my ambition to forego selfish desires and use any funds I had to purchase gifts for others. People generally didn’t understand it. Sometimes, neither did I. 

    When I reached college, I followed suit. The remarks I often received were striking. People started to question my motives and intentions. I felt hurt. Why couldn’t others understand that I wanted nothing from them? Why couldn’t others understand that I was just trying to represent Jesus in a dark world?

    Today, I often face the same remarks. 

    As a twenty-something adolescent, I’m enrolled in a program to become a full-time author. One of the perks of the coursework is that it focuses on building others up by blessing them. For the last 150 days, we’ve been challenged to bless without expecting anything in return. The results have been astounding. 

    What the Bible Says About Blessing Others

    But should I be shocked? Scripture tells us this: “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. People curse the one who hoards grain, but they pray God’s blessing on the one who is willing to sell” (Proverbs 11:25-16, NIV). 

    Matthew 25 takes this verse a step further in the parable of the three servants: 

    “Again, the Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a man going on a long trip. He called together his servants and entrusted his money to them while he was gone. He gave five bags of silver to one, two bags of silver to another, and one bag of silver to the last—dividing it in proportion to their abilities. He then left on his trip. “The servant who received the five bags of silver began to invest the money and earned five more. The servant with two bags of silver also went to work and earned two more. But the servant who received the one bag of silver dug a hole in the ground and hid the master’s money.”

    Notice that God gives each man a different amount of silver, but each is entrusted with something. God knew then and knows now what we can handle. But beyond what we’re given is what we do with what we’ve received.

    “After a long time, their master returned from his trip and called them to give an account of how they had used his money. The servant to whom he had entrusted the five bags of silver came forward with five more and said, ‘Master, you gave me five bags of silver to invest, and I have earned five more.’ “The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together! “The servant who had received the two bags of silver came forward and said, ‘Master, you gave me two bags of silver to invest, and I have earned two more.’ “The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’

    Would you have earned five more bags? Maybe even two? What about today? Do you give what you have been given? Do you use the gifts God’s given you to produce and reap more for His harvest? Or do you waste your gifts? Do you waste your time? Are you stingy with your money? Does your bank account define your heart? 

    “Then the servant with the one bag of silver came and said, ‘Master, I knew you were a harsh man, harvesting crops you didn’t plant and gathering crops you didn’t cultivate. I was afraid I would lose your money, so I hid it on the earth. Look, here is your money back.’ “But the master replied, ‘You wicked and lazy servant! If you knew I harvested crops I didn’t plant and gathered crops I didn’t cultivate, why didn’t you deposit my money in the bank? At least I could have gotten some interest on it.’ “Then he ordered, ‘Take the money from this servant and give it to the one with the ten bags of silver. To those who use well what they are given, even more, will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away. Now throw this useless servant into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth” (Matthew 25:14-30, NLT).

    While it’s an extensive passage, Scripture is clear. We, as Christians, are called to not only bless others with what we’ve been given but to use our gifts to turn people to the Kingdom of heaven. And how do we do this? By blessing others. In any way, shape, or form we can. As the Passion Translation interprets:

    While it’s an extensive passage, Scripture is clear. We, as Christians, are called to not only bless others with what we’ve been given but to use our gifts to turn people to the Kingdom of heaven. And how do we do this? By blessing others. In any way, shape, or form we see fit. As the Passion Translation interprets: 

    “Then the King will turn to those on his right and say, ‘You have a special place in my Father’s heart. Come and experience the full inheritance of the kingdom realm that has been destined for you from before the foundation of the world! For when you saw me hungry, you fed me. When you found me thirsty, you gave me a drink. When I had no place to stay, you invited me in, and when I was poorly clothed, you covered me. When I was sick, you tenderly cared for me, and when I was in prison you visited me.’ “Then the godly will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty and give you food and something to drink? When did we see you with no place to stay and invite you in? When did we see you poorly clothed and cover you? When did we see you sick and tenderly care for you, or in prison and visit you?’ “And the King will answer them, ‘Don’t you know? When you cared for one of the least of these, my little ones, my true brothers and sisters, you demonstrated love for me’” (Matthew 25:34-40, The Passion Translation). 

    Looking Back at Blessings

    Over the last 150 days, I’ve received countless emails from people who read my blogs. I’ve also received immense encouragement and affirmation from those who support me. 

    God has continually surprised and blessed me financially, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. Always in ways I didn’t see. Always in manners I would never expect. But He is faithful. 

    And really, I shouldn’t be surprised. Yet, here I am. Humbled and at a loss for words for how He continually provides for me. Because any good thing I do is Him. It’s His Spirit within me, and I will give all glory to God. 

    Blessing other people comes from Him. 

    And there is such a rich blessing in blessing others. 

    “Give generously and generous gifts will be given back to you, shaken down to make room for more. Abundant gifts will pour out upon you with such an overflowing measure that they will run over the top! The measurement of your generosity becomes the measurement of your return” (Luke 6:38, The Passion Translation).

    Let it be clear: We don’t give to receive. We give to become more like Jesus. We give to represent Him. And no matter how we give or what we choose to give, we are obeying the two most important commands: Love God and love others. 

    “So this is my command: Love each other deeply, as much as I have loved you. For the greatest love of all is a love that sacrifices all. And this great love is demonstrated when a person sacrifices his life for his friends” (John 15:12-14, The Passion Translation).  

    It will be judged by the world. 

    They will not understand it. 

    But give anyway.

    Bless anyway.

    And keep on giving. 

    Those who don’t get it don’t get Him.

    It’s our job to help them meet Him.

    Agape, Amber

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Ridofranz

    Amber Ginter is a young adult writer that currently works as an English teacher in Chillicothe, Ohio, and has a passionate desire to impact the world for Jesus through her love for writing, aesthetics, health/fitness, and ministry. Amber seeks to proclaim her love for Christ and the Gospel through her writing, aesthetic worship arts, and volunteer roles. She is enrolled in the YWW Author Conservatory to become a full-time author and is a featured writer for Crosswalk, ibelieve, Salem Web Network, The Rebelution, Daughter of Delight, Kallos, Anchored Passion, No Small Life, and Darling Magazine. In the past, she’s also contributed to Called Christian Writers, Southern Ohio Today News, Ohio Christian University, and The Circleville Herald. Visit her website at amberginter.com.

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    Amber Ginter

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  • What Should Christians Do When Church Leaders Gaslight Them?

    What Should Christians Do When Church Leaders Gaslight Them?

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    Church is messy. Christians sometimes do or say things that cause someone else to become offended. Christians who are offended by another church member should go through the process of Matthew 18 to resolve the dispute.

    But if that church member doesn’t listen, it’s important for the church member to go to a leader to have them intervene. It is equally as important to address the church leader if you have a concern with their moral conduct or theological views that they express either in public or private.

    However, leaders just like church members can lack the emotional maturity to take accountability for their actions.

    To save face or seek the approval of others, some gaslight these members into believing their concern is invalid or unnecessary. What is gaslighting, and what should a Christian do if a church leader gaslights them?

    Gaslighting is defined, according to Merriam-Webster, as “psychological manipulation of a person, usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one’s emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator.”

    Some examples of gaslighting might be:

    • Denial of behavior
    • Pretending conversations never happened
    • Words and actions do not match
    • Minimizing or ignoring behavior

    Leaders sometimes use gaslighting as a tool to wield their power against someone else or maintain power or authority. Although most Christians aren’t familiar with the term gaslighting, as it’s a term most counselors use, gaslighting is a form of abuse.

    It is an abuse of power, and it is also a form of mental abuse. What could Christians do if they feel a leader is gaslighting them?

    1. Confront Them Directly

    Even if the leader’s behavior is far from approachable, it is important to confront them directly. However, it is important to have a witness with you to make sure words are not twisted or manipulated to make you look like you’re wrong.

    Be clear in your complaint and express what they are doing and why they are doing it. Sometimes leaders don’t know what they’re doing. It is important for you and Christian to go and point that fold out to them.

    Matthew 18:15-17 says, “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

    2. Report Them to an Authority

    If he does not want to hear what you have to say, it is best to go to the authorities above them. If they are part of a denomination, most denominations have a leader or someone who is above them that oversees their church.

    Tell the overseer what is going on and provide evidence if necessary. If you can, keep your correspondence in writing so that you can provide this evidence to the overseer if necessary.

    If interactions are by phone, get permission to record the phone calls and then hand them over to the overseer as well.

    3. Leave the Church

    It may be best to leave the church entirely if you’ve gone through all the proper channels and no one addresses your concerns. Although it won’t help you recover from the abuse you’ve suffered, it’s always best to remove yourself from a toxic situation.

    You can let the leader know of your departure and the reasons behind it. Let them know to remove your membership if you are a member of the church.

    4. Seek Help

    Seek the help of a counselor to help you get past the emotional and psychological abuse. Although Romans 12:18 makes it clear that “if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone,” God never wants us to endure abusive people, words, or actions to make us question our own reality.

    God is the God of truth. If someone doesn’t listen to the truth, it is best for your overall well-being to leave the situation. The council is an unbiased opinion that can help you see the situation from a different perspective.

    They will be able to give you tips and strategies on how to deal with the negative emotions associated with the events. It will also give you advice on how to go through the process of forgiveness.

    Although you may not feel like forgiving someone based on their actions, we are commanded in Scripture to forgive others just as Christ has forgiven us. When we forgive someone, we release ourselves from the anger, and the hurt someone else’s actions cause us.

    We also give the other person the gift of the freedom Christ gave us through his death on the cross. Forgiveness not only releases the offender, but it also releases the offended as well.

    5. Don’t Gossip

    While it is tempting to gossip to other friends and family about the situation, especially those who are in that same church situation, don’t make the situation worse by gossiping. It only breeds dissension and disunity within the body.

    It will not help the situation, and although it may feel like it may make you feel better in the short term, it will only destroy relationships in the long term. Allow your friends to make the decision to either stay in the situation or leave.

    You don’t have to lie if friends ask you why you left, but you should never counsel them to leave simply because you’re disgruntled. God does not want us to resort to retaliatory measures to even the score.

    What Does This Mean?

    Gaslighting is a form of abuse that has been allowed (and even accepted) for many years. For Christians to become more self-aware and take the necessary steps to love themselves as Christ loves them but also to love the other person, they must establish firm boundaries and make sure gaslighting never happens again.

    It is important to point out this as soon as it is occurring so that the other person may be restored. If the leader chooses not to change their behavior or acknowledge their actions, it may be best to leave the situation altogether.

    Report them to the authorities above them and seek the necessary help you need to release yourself from the abuser and continue to walk in freedom as in Christ Jesus.

    For further reading:

    Who Holds Pastors Accountable?

    Why Do People Stop Going to Church?

    What Are Modern Examples of a ‘Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing’?

    What Does Matthew 18 Say about Conflict Resolution Within the Church?

    Why Is Shame Connected to the Church?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/ArtemisDiana

    Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

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    Michelle S. Lazurek

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  • 30 Easy Ways to Continue Encouraging Someone in a Prolonged Time of Suffering

    30 Easy Ways to Continue Encouraging Someone in a Prolonged Time of Suffering

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    When our Lord Jesus lived on this earth, He told His disciples to expect tribulation (John 16:33). He ended that sentence with a promise, “take heart; I have overcome the world.”

    There was no “if” in Jesus’ statement, therefore we know to expect trouble. When our times of trials and tribulation arrive, we cry out to God. We also ask our friends and family for support and encouragement. Sometimes tough times last a short season. Other times, a prolonged time of discouragement or illness catches a friend. They’ve received dozens of cards and flowers, but how can we continue to love on people who are suffering for an extended period?

    Maybe they are facing a long season of infertility or waiting on a job or relationship change, or a life-changing event looms on the horizon. Each time of suffering hurts, and when it’s extended, the hurting person often stops asking for help for fear they will “wear others out.”

    When able, they’ve been taken out for meals or have been given meals at home. How can we continue to help and cheer them?

    Following are thirty out-of-the-ordinary ways you can come alongside your friend or family member with the love of Christ. They range from free to a minimal cost. We’ll refer to the person as your friend throughout this article, even though it might be a family member. The list is in no particular order of importance, except this one: pray for them and with them.

    30 Ways to Encourage Someone in a Long Period of Suffering

    1. Write a poem about your friend and post it on a social media account. Make it about all their good qualities and nothing about their long-term suffering.

    2. Enlist a group of friends and have a “get well caroling” party at your beloved’s house (if possible).

    3. Buy a pack of flower seeds and all the items needed for your friend to plant seeds and watch them sprout in a sunny windowsill. Make a little plant marker with a Bible verse written on it.

    4. Grab some popcorn and your friend’s favorite movie and have a film night at her house.

    5. Borrow a telescope (even better if you own one) and take your friend somewhere to see God’s stars on a clear, moonless night (unless you want to gaze at the moon).

    6. Grab a photo of your friend and have a caricature artist draw a sweet rendition of your friend and present it to them as a gift.

    7. Gather a group of mutual friends and have each one make a poster exclaiming appropriate wishes and take a group photo for your friend.

    8. Compose a silly song using “garage band” or some other app and send it to the person you want to cheer up.

    9. If you live within a short drive of a body of water, and the weather is conducive, either rent a boat and/or have a “captain” take you both on a tour of the lake or ocean inlets.

    10. If your friend is able, take a trip to the local art museum.

    11. Bring your loved one to church with you.

    12. Head to the grocery store and get all the ingredients needed for your friend’s favorite meal. Then go over and prepare the meal and visit. (Laugh a lot, too).

    13. Write a little book and add your own drawings. Gift your friend with it. It doesn’t matter if you can write or draw; the fun is in what you come up with and the smiles and maybe laughter it brings.

    14. Is there a nearby nature trail you can visit? Pack a picnic lunch and take a leisurely walk.

    15. Go on a photo shoot at a local landmark and dress for the occasion. Have fun with it.

    16. This one’s easy for women, take your friend shopping, even if it’s just window-shopping.

    17. Invite other believers to join together and pray over the person who’s struggling.

    18. Spend a few hours at a nursing home with your friend and read to the residents.

    19. Attend a minor league baseball game together. The atmosphere at minor league games is family-oriented and fun.

    20. Go to a nursery and pick out some happy plants for indoors or to grow outside.

    21. Purchase and fill a bird feeder and place it in a spot your friend can see from inside or from a porch or deck.

    22. Gather three other friends and play some card games together.

    23. Make a list of encouraging podcasts and put the apps on your friend’s phone if they are unacquainted with them.

    24. Have a Bible study together on whatever you feel suits the need of your friend.

    25. Have other members of your church family write out prayers for your friend.

    26. Stitch or embroider a bookmark with a Bible verse.

    27. If one of you has a porch or deck, have a nice long visit. If it’s cold, bundle up and have hot cocoa. If it’s hot, get the iced tea glasses filled. Remember, you’re not there to “fix” things. Just listening is a huge, underutilized ministry that speaks volumes.

    28. Find lots of pictures of vacation spots your friend has always wanted to visit, or even share yours. Add funny anecdotes to make your friend laugh (and you will, too).

    29. Share a funny comic strip each day.

    30. Does your friend need a few repairs or any outside work done? Ask people from your church to help and take the group to their house to work and visit.

    10 Bible Verses to Encourage People in Trials

    Our culture is often called a garage-society. In days gone by, as we call them, people took walks and they were never short because others were out on their front porches and kids were playing in the yard (or on the street). A wave wasn’t enough; neighbors visited and shared stories and food! Today we enter our attached garages, get in our cars, open the door long enough to exit and off we go. Sometimes we even wave at a neighbor and sadly, we haven’t even met them. We just know they live in the third house down from us and they have a yellow dog. Often, people who are suffering go through it alone, partly because few people check on them and partly because a person doesn’t want to bother others with their ills.

    It takes effort, thought, and prayer for us as Christians to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:39). The command given by Jesus right before that is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (Matthew 22:37). How can we love our neighbors (and friends and family) without loving God first?

    Following are a few Bible verses to help you as you pray about how you can help a long-suffering person. It does not matter if the person is a Christian or not, for we are to love them. If you are ministering to an unbeliever, tell them why, and share the Gospel. It’s the best news they’ll ever hear!

    “I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD
    in the land of the living!

    Wait for the LORD;
    be strong, and let your heart take courage;
    wait for the LORD!”

    (Psalm 27:13-14).

    “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with My victorious right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).

    “I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

    “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

    “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us” (Romans 8:37).

    “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope” (Romans 15:13).

    “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3).

    “And they glorified God because of me” (Galatians 1:24).

    “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (Philippians 4:6).

    “I will never leave you or forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).

    I pray this list will help you as you minister to those in times of long-suffering. May our God of all hope bless your efforts. 

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/happy8790

    Lisa Loraine Baker is the multiple award-winning author of Someplace to be Somebody. She writes fiction and nonfiction. In addition to writing for the Salem Web Network, Lisa serves as a Word Weavers’ mentor and is part of a critique group. She also is a member of BRRC. Lisa and her husband, Stephen, a pastor, live in a small Ohio village with their crazy cat, Lewis. 

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    Lisa Loraine Baker

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  • What Does the Bible Say about Envy vs Jealousy?

    What Does the Bible Say about Envy vs Jealousy?

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    “O beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on.” This quote from Othello is one of the most famous mentions of jealousy personified. Jealousy and envy have motivated antagonists in many works of fiction. But what does the Bible say about envy vs. jealousy?

    There’s no surprise that envy is a big topic in the book of Proverbs. Some of King Solomon’s wisdom says:

    “Do not envy a violent man or choose any of his ways,” (Proverbs 3:31)

    “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” (Proverbs 14:30)

    But truthfully, envy goes back to the Garden of Eden. Meriam Webster defines envy as a feeling of discontent or covetousness about another’s advantages, success, possessions, etc.” That is exactly what Satan in the form of a snake played upon when he said, “you will surely not die…and you will be like God knowing good and evil.” (Genesis 3:4-5) Eve wanted to knowledge that God had, and that desire led to destruction.

    Envy raises its head again with Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:1-10). Cain’s anger when he does not receive God’s favor leads to wanting what Abel has received, leading to destructive consequences.

    Envy or covetousness even appears in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:17) and in the seven things God hates (Proverbs 6:16-19, the basis for the seven deadly sins).

    Where Does the Bible Talk about Jealousy?

    Jealousy appears throughout the Old and New Testaments, almost as often as envy does. It appears in verses like:

    – Galatians 5:20: “hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage….”

    – 1 Corinthians 11:2: “I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy.”

    – Romans 13:13: “debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy….”

    – Ezekiel 36:6: “in my jealous wrath because you have…”

    – Joshua 24:19: “He is a holy God; he is a jealous God.”

    – Exodus 20:5: “… for I, the Lord you God, am a Jealous God.”

    Hold up. Those last few verses referred to God being jealous. If God is holy and perfect, how can he be Jealous and not be in sin too? Many people have struggled with this idea of God’s being jealous, so can jealousy or envy ever be a good thing?

    Can Jealousy Ever Be a Good Thing?

    Jealousy can be good if its heart is for another person’s greater good, not focused on the self.

    2 Corinthians 11:2 says Paul is “jealous for you with a godly jealousy.” Paul uses the term godly jealousy because he desperately wants the joy and freedom from salvation in Christ. Because Paul knows that Jesus is the source of truth and life. Paul’s jealousy here is a deep longing for the good of the Corinthian church.

    The same longing and desire for our good is the type of jealousy God has for us.

    John Piper says this about God’s jealousy: since God is “infinitely wise and infinitely good, and knows what’s best for us. And suppose he is the greatest good in the universe, and he is the greatest joy, and he is the all-satisfying pleasure.” When verses like Exodus 20:5 and Joshua 24:19 say, “the Lord is a Jealous God.” It refers to God’s deep longing for us to know him and return to him because He is what can give us “… life and have it to the full.” (John 10:10)

    But what does it mean when the Bible says God’s “wrath and jealous anger”? (Ezekiel 16:38) How can jealous anger be good? Let’s take a moment and define anger. Anger, at its core, is an emotional response to something wrong done to us or someone else. Because we are made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27), we can feel emotions just like God can. The difference is that God cannot sin in his emotions. We can sin and often do. God’s anger, wrath, or indignation is always justified and always holy. Humanity’s anger, wrath, or indignation is rarely holy or justified.

    Take Jesus in the temple as an example. In Luke 19:45-48, Matthew 21:12-13, and Mark 11:12-25, Jesus goes to the Temple in Jerusalem. And he sees tax collectors and money changers taking advantage of the people who had come for the Passover to make a sacrifice to God. Jesus became angry and drove the money changers out of the temple. This anger was both justified because what those men were doing was immoral. Jesus’ anger was also holy because it was it wasn’t for Jesus’ glory or retribution.

    Dr. Thomas Constable’s commentary puts it this way, “Jesus’ literal housecleaning represented His authority as Messiah to clean up the corrupt nation of Israel. Verse 16, which is unique in Mark, shows the extent to which Jesus went in purifying the temple. By doing this, He was acting as a faithful servant of the LORD and demonstrating zeal for God’s honor.”

    Can Envy Ever Be a Good Thing?

    While jealousy has two sides, envy cannot be a good thing. Jealousy and envy can have a similar source of discontentment or injustice. But jealousy has an inward focus on inadequacy, and envy has an outward focus on the haves and have-nots of those around us.

    In a Daily Hope article, Rick Warren explains that envy is a heart problem. Any time you envy, you have gotten your worship misguided because envy is a form of worship. It says, “I desire that. I want that. I love that. I want to live for that.” That’s called worship. And any time that item is not God, it becomes an idol.”

    If you read the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:3-17) backward, it’s interesting to see that many of the first nine result from covetousness and envy, which is the final commandment.

    How Do We Separate Envy vs. Jealousy?

    In a Crosswalk article, Jessica Van Roekel says, “jealousy involves three people—the person feeling jealous about someone else because of a rival. Jealousy occurs in up to four settings: sibling rivalry, peer relationships, romance, and paranoia. False judgments, illogical deductions, and misinterpreted trivia feed it.” Jealousy at its heart is fear. Whether it is fear of losing someone, missing out, or not living up to a self-set standard.

    At the heart of envy is discontentment and a lack of appreciation for what we have. But envy doesn’t stop there; it becomes fertile soil for bitterness and resentment to grow. Jealousy might be the start. Envy is when something has taken root, creating an idol out of some goal or someone.

    How Do We Watch Out for Envy and Jealousy?

    In her discussion about envy and jealousy, Van Roekel further explains, “Jealousy worries that someone will take something away from us. Envy worries that we won’t ever gain what we long to have. We overcome worry when we shift from focusing on our lack to thinking about God’s abundance.”

    It comes down to choosing gratitude and trusting God. I know that sounds cliché. Still, if we can “take captive our thoughts and make them obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5), we would catch our thoughts and not “let the devil get a foothold” (Ephesians 4:27). Sometimes, that means being mindful of the music we listen to and the shows that we watch.

    When my husband and I were first married, money was tight, and I was unemployed. This was at the dawn of the home and garden cable TV shows. I found myself hooked to these homes and their magnificent transformations. Not all cable TV is inherently sinful, but I found it fed my discontent. I had a roof over my head, but it didn’t have shiplap or exposed beams. I had a kitchen to cook in, but laminate on the countertops. Then God was kind enough to convict me of my discontentment and jealousy of those “winning” on a TV show. I had been making an idol of my home’s appearance instead of being thankful for what God had provided. Not long after that, we got rid of cable. In our case, it allowed too much room for jealousy, resentment, and envy to grow. I found other activities and focused on having a grateful heart for what blessings God was providing.

    Alan Parr of the Beat says one way to combat envy and jealousy is to reject “the Happiness Lie.” To reject the idea that “if I only had what I see other people having, then and only then will I truly be happy.” The enemy uses this to keep us chasing after anything except God.

    Having a grateful heart is the first step to guarding against envy and jealousy from taking root in our hearts. Much of the book of Ecclesiastes describes Solomon’s observations about chasing the world’s wants for happiness. He concluded in Ecclesiastes 4:4, “Then I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors. But this, too, is meaningless—like chasing the wind.” Chasing after empty things is not the abundant life God wants to give us.

    Consider the parable of the Prodigal Son. The younger son chased the world and found himself eating with pigs until he returned home to his father in humility. While the younger son didn’t find himself worthy to sit at his father’s table, the father welcomed him home and threw a party for him. That is the God of the Bible. The welcoming father who celebrates his children coming home. That is someone you can put your trust in.

    Photo Credit: Getty Images/francescoch

    Valerie Fentress is the author of An Easter Bunny’s Tale and Beneath the Hood: a retelling woven with biblical truth. She aims to engage believers, especially kids, in the wonder and identity of who God is and who God made them to be. 

    You can find out more about Valerie, her books, and her blog at www.valeriefentress.com.

    This article is part of our Bible resource for understanding the significance and meaning of biblical phrases and ideas. Here are our most popular Bible articles to grow in your knowledge of God’s Word:

    Promises of God in the Bible
    Is “This Too Shall Pass” in the Bible?
    What Was the Ark of the Covenant?
    Top 10 Bible Stories for Kids

    “Iron Sharpens Iron” in Proverbs 27:17
    “Fearfully and Wonderfully Made” in Psalm 139
    “Be Still and Know That I am God” in Psalm 46:10
    “No Weapon Formed Against Me Shall Prosper” – Isaiah 54:17

    Listen to our podcast The Bible Never Said That. All of our episodes are available at LifeAudio.com.

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    Valerie Fentress

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  • 5 Subtle Signs You Are Judgmental

    5 Subtle Signs You Are Judgmental

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    A fourth subtle sign you are judgmental is if you hurt other people’s feelings. Being judgmental can be seen in many ways, such as looking at people in a negative way, laughing at others for the way they are dressed, or looking down on someone because of their zip code. All of these things hurt people, and if you are constantly hurting people’s feelings, you could be judgmental. If you are a believer, there is no reason for you to be judgmental of anyone. If anything, you should know better than to put someone down to elevate yourself. True believers who follow Jesus faithfully should never have the desire to purposely hurt others.

    When you hurt someone’s feelings, it will leave a lasting impact. You may hurt that person so severely that it could cause them to self-isolate or feel even worse about themselves. Hurting other people’s feelings and judging them is not right. God is not happy with these actions, and He will discipline you for these actions. It is never okay to hurt other people, nor is it okay to judge others. If you are aware of how you have been hurting others, turn to God, repent, and be intentional about never participating in judgment again. 

    5. People Don’t Feel Comfortable Sharing Important Things with You

    A fifth subtle sign you are judgmental is if people don’t feel comfortable sharing important things with you. For most of us, once a person is judgmental of us, we don’t really want to talk to them anymore, much less share important things with them. In order for people to want to share important things with you, they have to see you are trustworthy to share these things with. Individuals are not going to share important information with those who are judgmental, invalidate their pain, and are not happy for them when positive things happen in their lives. If you feel people are only keeping you at the surface level, it could be because you are judgmental.

    People stop sharing important things with judgmental people because all the judgmental person is going to do is make them feel bad and judge them. Why would anybody want to share important information with someone like that? We are only going to share important information with people who genuinely care about us and who are supportive. If you are judgmental, you can be guaranteed that individuals will not feel comfortable sharing important things with you.

    If you want to change and stop being judgmental, turn to God. Ask Him for His help, and He will be there. It will take time and a lot of work on your behalf, but it is possible. Each time you feel tempted to be judgmental, ask God to help you fight this feeling. In the same way, if you mess up and are judgmental, ask God for forgiveness and try again next time. If you are wanting to change and have recognized the subtle signs that you have been judgmental, then you are more likely to be able to work on this sin and start living better for God. 

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    Vivian Bricker

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  • 6 Secrets to a Joyful Marriage

    6 Secrets to a Joyful Marriage

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    Have you noticed how our culture isn’t good at sharing the beautiful beginnings of a marriage? In fact, practically every show or fairy tale that has been portrayed, since we were children, shares a sweet love story, yet ends with – “They lived happily ever after.” Talk about a confusing and mixed message. What does happily ever after even look like?

    Let’s first start with this nugget of truth… the world’s view of marriage vastly contradicts the view God holds for us when it comes to the sanctity and beautiful union found in a marriage. God isn’t aiming for us to live “happily ever after.” His vision is much greater than that! It is to grow us and conform us to be more like Jesus!

    Unfortunately, the beauty found in godly marriages has been suppressed in our society. Sadly, marriage has become somewhat of a joke, and in many cases, a marriage rich in love and on fire for God gets ridiculed or chastised. The modern TV shows love to poke fun at the roles of a husband and wife, downplaying the “real” design for our families. No wonder so many couples are searching for hope and the secret to joy!

    Friend, it isn’t hard to see that the beautiful foundation God laid out for our marriages is under brutal attack. So, hear me out; if you read no further, please understand this: marriage isn’t about living happily ever after. Because trust me, there will be times you aren’t actually happy. If you’re searching solely for happiness, you will be sorely disappointed.  

    However, if you search for a marriage filled with joy, you will find that peace and love come into your union as well. That’s because marriage isn’t about living happily ever after. It’s not even about you! It is about serving another before yourself. It’s also recognizing that marriage is a precious relationship where you are not yourself anymore but joined together with another to become one. Genesis 2:24 tells us that “a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

    The wedding day marks the beginning of a life that is to be cherished, respected, and filled with joy. That doesn’t mean God-fearing couples won’t face challenges or suffer hardships; in fact, they may be targeted the most. Satan loves to attack rich and beautiful marriages. But when a couple aims to stand firm in their faith, fights for their marriage, and seeks Jesus in all circumstances, they will find the secret to a loving and joy-filled marriage. They will also have a testimony worth sharing about just how good our God is!

    So, what is the secret to joy in a marriage? In short, joy is found in the sweet little moments. It’s tucked within those small acts of kindness or the unexpected gestures that go a long way. It’s a smile, a tender kiss, a subtle sentiment. It’s loving your spouse the way Jesus calls you to love them, even in the hard times, with grace and gentleness.

    There is much to be said about living “joyfully ever after!” So, let’s discover six little ways (or secrets) to having a joy-filled and holy matrimony:

    1. Have Fun Together

    “Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, ‘The Lord has done great things for them.’” Psalm 126:2

    Laughter is said to be good medicine, and I must agree with that sentiment. Laughter brings out endorphins that cause us to be in a good mood. You really can’t laugh and be angry, can you? 

    When was the last time you laughed, and I mean a good ‘ole hearty belly laugh, with your spouse? If it’s been too long, then time is of the essence. Begin today. If your marriage is a little flat in this area, then it’s okay to seek help. Join a couple that can see the lighter side of life or tune into a fun comedy skit. Tim Hawkins is our favorite comedian. He offers clean jokes and shares issues that we can all relate to, usually with a song or story. His skits on marriage are the best!

    2. Build Each Other Up

    Have you ever bragged about your spouse in front of your friends, family members, or at church? If not, now may be the time to start. Speak highly of them and watch their face light up when you do. Share, in all sincerity, how proud you are of them. Whether it be an accomplishment at work or how diligent they are in raising your children, showcase your spouse. 

    When you take time to build up your spouse and recognize the fruit of their efforts, those words go straight to their heart. Proverbs 16:24 tells us that “gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to our bones.”

    3. Be Servant-Hearted

    On weekends when we don’t have softball games to rush off to, my sweet hubby will bring me coffee while I am still in bed. Mind you, he first allows me to sleep in (which is heavenly with three children) and then wakes me up with the aroma of my favorite drink. Yes, please!

    Serving your spouse shows you deeply care about them and want to honor them with service. What do they love? What makes them tick? What is their love language, and how can you meet it? Simple acts of taking out the trash without being asked or rubbing feet while watching a movie all go a long way and raise that love thermometer. Let the joy abound!

    “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people.” Ephesians 6:7

    4. Notice the Little Things

    How easy it is to fall into ruts in our marriage, where we become so comfortable and complacent (or even selfish) that we forget our manners. We fail to notice the little things that our spouse does, not acknowledging or even offering a simple “thank you” or “how can I help?”. 

    Sigh. We’ve been there many times, actually. But, when we slip into the patterns of complacency, failing to notice the little things, those little things eventually add up to become big things. Before you know it, you’re heading down a not-so-good path, not really sure how you got there. 

    Small, little acts of kindness matter. So, take notice and let your sweet spouse know you see the fruits of their labor. Joy will be rekindled in no time.

    5. Greet Each Other Warmly

    “Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ.” 1 Peter 5:14

    There is something about a warm greeting that welcomes joy. We see numerous times throughout the Bible how people greeted one another with a warm embrace or kiss. This special greeting is still offered today, and while it may be used differently depending on culture or family traditions, a warm and loving greeting shows your other half that they were missed and you are glad to be back together!

    When our girls were little, they used to run up to my husband when we got home and swarm him with hugs and kisses. Now, he comes home, and most of them are doing homework or have friends over. The greetings aren’t as warm as they used to be now that they are teens. But… we still manage to do our best to show each other affection upon seeing one another after a long (or short) period of time.

    6. Embrace Your Roles

    There is a beautiful role that a husband and wife play in a marriage, specifically designed by our Creator. God created a husband to lovingly lead and protect his family (Ephesians 5:25), while He created a wife to provide and nurture her family, being her husband’s helper (Genesis 2:18). Both play a crucial role in raising a family. And when a husband and wife honor those roles, becoming a team and a united front, the image of a faithful family emerges! 

    A truly joyful marriage is one that seeks to honor Christ and use their designed roles to love their spouse in a beautiful way. Cultivating joy in our marriage is allowing our spouse to be the man or woman God is calling them to be. When a man cherishes his wife and strives to protect her, then she, in return, will respect him and give him the desires of his heart. God has a precious purpose for our marriage and created this sacred union to not only grow closer together and seek joy but to grow closer to Him and live in peace.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/PeopleImages

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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    Alicia Searl

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