You act like a couple but you’re unsure whether you can give it that label? This “Am I In A Situationship Quiz” is here to the rescue! Created by a relationship counselor with a Master’s degree in psychology and extensive experience figuring out the complexities of modern love, this quiz delves into the murky waters of the situationship.
Ever questioned the difference between a situationship vs relationship or wondered “are we more than friends?” Earlier, the choice was between friendship and romance and there was no in-between. It was also a given that every romantic relationship is exclusive. Things are far more complicated now leaving many of us confused. A situationship can feel like a confusing mix of a casual relationship and an undefined relationship. Are you experiencing dating confusion and wondering if your connection is built for the long haul, or simply a temporary fling?
This quiz isn’t about judgment – it’s about understanding. Let’s explore your situation through these 10 questions and help you figure out what’s going on.
Questions
1. How would you describe your current relationship status?
Official and committed
Just hanging out
It’s complicated
2. How often do you communicate with your partner?
Regularly
It changes from situation to situation
We communicate irregularly
3. Have you discussed defining the relationship with your partner?
Pursuing an accelerated BSN program impacts both the student and their loved ones. These online courses, rigorous and intensive, require a blend of time and emotional dedication. This mingling of professional goals and personal circumstances invites a complex challenge that might affect relationships positively or negatively.
Striking A Balance Between Studying And Personal Life
Imagine balancing exam preparations with helping your child with their homework or crafting a presentation while planning a family meal. Such instances are typical for students in online nursing programs who juggle educational obligations with family duties. Efficient time management becomes crucial. Establishing a specific and practical schedule aids in wisely splitting attention between academic and family needs. Clear communication also plays a vital role; sharing your scheduling constraints with family members sets a foundation for realistic expectations and necessary support.
Finding this balance isn’t always instinctive; it often requires a conscious effort to prioritize and delegate. Students might need to relinquish some household responsibilities or social commitments to carve out sufficient study time. It’s a process of give and take where open dialogue with family members is essential to reaching sustainable equilibrium. By approaching this challenge as a team, families can grow closer and foster a supportive environment conducive to academic success. Success hinges on a wide range of factors, which include,
1. The role of support systems in intensive learning
For nursing students immersed in the fast-paced learning of this vast subject matter, partner support can be transformative. This support extends beyond emotional encouragement to practical help, like managing more home duties or ensuring quiet times for study. This kind of backing not only alleviates academic stress but also fortifies the relationship through a nurturing cycle of mutual respect and appreciation. Celebrating academic progress together can further strengthen family bonds, underscoring the shared investment in the student’s goals.
Beyond the immediate family, extended family and friends can also offer invaluable support. They might provide childcare during intensive study periods, drop off meals, or simply lend a listening ear. This extended network can alleviate pressure on the immediate family unit, allowing the students to focus on their studies. Accepting this help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and can make the difference between burnout and success.
2. Positive adaptations in family dynamics
Engaging with an online nursing program often introduces new routines for the family, serving as a potential growth catalyst. Families might gain new insights into the demands of healthcare professions, increasing their respect for the field. Moreover, children who watch their parents diligently pursue further education learn the value of hard work and dedication. This dynamic, while challenging, creates an opportunity for enriching family development.
Alongside these benefits, pursuing an online nursing degree can also introduce positive lifestyle changes for the entire family. As the student learns about health and wellness, they may implement healthier habits at home, like nutritious eating and regular exercise. These changes can have a ripple effect, improving the overall well-being of the family unit. Additionally, as family members take on new roles to support the student, they may discover new skills and interests, leading to personal growth.
Despite the possible isolation of online education, it presents unique ways to connect deeply with peers. Virtual study groups, forums, and regular video calls help foster a community atmosphere. Such connections provide crucial peer support in a challenging field like nursing. Engaging with peers who share the pressures of an accelerated BSN program can enhance both academic success and emotional well-being.
These online interactions often translate into a strong professional network post-graduation. The bonds forged during intensive study periods can lead to job referrals, professional advice, and ongoing support throughout one’s nursing career. Moreover, these connections can provide a sense of belonging and validation, which is especially important in a challenging and emotionally demanding field like nursing.
Keeping a healthy equilibrium between work, study, and personal life is like juggling numerous responsibilities simultaneously. Success lies in thoughtful planning and setting priorities. Students need to allocate time for personal care, pursuing hobbies, or relaxation methods to unwind. Utilizing university resources like counseling and mental health services is also advisable for effectively dealing with stress. In this challenging yet enriching journey, every effort made to maintain balance positively impacts the student and their relationships.
An online nursing program can significantly reshape a professional trajectory and deepen personal relationships, making the complex journey worthwhile for many. Maintaining balance also involves setting boundaries. Students need to communicate their needs clearly, whether it’s uninterrupted study time or a night off from household duties. Family members, in turn, need to respect these boundaries. It’s a delicate dance that requires patience, understanding, and flexibility from all involved. When done right, it can lead to a stronger, more resilient family unit.
This age of endless swiping on dating apps and social media overload has given rise to numerous fluid relationship variations, one of which is situationship. If you find yourself in one, it’s critical to know how to end a situationship with grace and without hurt because impermanence is the defining feature of such fluid connections.
In this article, we delve deeper into the concept of a situationship and offer tried-and-tested tips on walking away from one, with insights from relationship expert and counselor Dhriti Bhavsar (Master’s in Clinical Psychology), who specializes in relationship, breakup, and LGBTQ counseling.
What Is A Situationship And How To Know You’re In One?
What exactly is a situationship? This question may have baffled you at least once in your life. This is exactly what a Reddit thread too aims to explore. One Reddit user had a simple answer to the question. They defined situationship as, “Anything more than a friendship and less than a relationship,” adding, “The main factor is a lack of exclusivity.” And we agree. The whole idea of a situationship is rooted in fluidity and the fleeting nature of relationships. But how does a person know if they’re in a situationship?
There will be tell-tale signs that you’re in a situationship
How to know if you’re in a situationship
Now that we have the answer to “What is a situationship?”, are you confused about whether you’re in one? What are the sure-shot signs that you may not be in love or your so-called friendship may actually be a situationship? According to Dhriti, these are a few telling signs you’re in a situationship:
No label: Dhriti says, “One of the sure-shot signs of a situationship is not having a clear label on the relationship.” So, you may not have any fixed obligations toward each other
No clear communication: Do you see no concrete future plans yet? Dhriti says, “If neither person involved has clearly spoken about the terms or future of the relationship, it could very well be a situationship. People in committed relationships are bound to plan long-term.”
Lack of commitment: One clear sign of a situationship is when you have zero commitment toward each other. Dhriti says, “In such cases, the people involved in the relationship are free to date other people.”
No set boundaries: A situationship may have unclear or shifting boundaries. Dhriti explains, “Not knowing what is okay in the relationship, or how much you can ask for or expect from the relationship, is a dangerous place and hints that it’s not a relationship but a situationship.”
No emotions: Limited emotional intimacy and lack of vulnerability are both signs of a situationship. Dhriti says, “There may be certain things you just don’t share with each other, and that’s normal. But if your entire relationship is about hiding your true feelings or not giving each other the chance to be emotionally vulnerable, it is definitely a situationship. After all, if you’re in a committed relationship, it can’t survive on surface-level involvement.”
No certainty: Feeling stuck in the relationship is another major sign of a situationship. Dhriti says, “Being unsure of what the other person wants from it, or where they want to take it, is a sign that yours isn’t a relationship but a situationship.”
Being in a situationship, by definition, means that you’re not together for the long haul. So, as you wade into this undefined territory of relationships, it’s only wise to go in armed with the knowledge of how to end a situationship. You see, the truth is, no matter how well we can compartmentalize our relationships and label them according to our whims, we are, in the end, humans with real emotions and feelings. And because we aren’t robots, neither can our relationships be robotic. So, if you don’t know how to get out of a situationship, it may leave you emotionally fraught.
To elaborate on the pain of ending a situationship, here’s an example of how traumatic it was for a Reddit user: “I (27F) have been in a “serious” situationship for nearly 7 months with a (26M). We had a talk about exclusivity and agreed that we only had feelings for each other, but he was hesitant to fully commit to a relationship for a number of reasons. I stupidly believed I could change his mind over time. Even typing that out makes me feel like a fool, because I know I should be pursuing someone who has no doubts about how much they want to be with me. As someone who has been stuck in several situationships in the past, I desperately need some words of comfort to get through ending it. I know it’s the right thing to do, but the heartache is unbearable.”
To help you deal with such pain, Dhriti has collated a few tips. So, here’s how to move on from a situationship gracefully and without hurting either party:
If you often wonder how to get over a situationship, well, Dhriti says, “It’s absolutely necessary for both partners to stop being in denial and accept the fact that they are both hurt that the situationship is about to end.” And we agree. The first step to deal with any pain is to acknowledge your emotions, no matter how negative they are.
2. Jot down your needs
If you’re clueless about how to move on from a situationship, Dhriti advises, “You should take time to introspect and identify your needs and expectations in the relationship.” There should be absolute clarity about:
One take on how to get out of a situationship is having a clear conversation. As with all other issues in relationships, there’s no alternative to a clear heart-to-heart talk. So, Dhriti advises, “Communicate clearly with your partner about your needs and expectations. Be accepting of the other person’s needs and expectations as well.”
4. Don’t be desperate for a relationship
Just as getting over a situationship is important, so is not clinging on to just about anything to help you move on. It’s crucial to understand that getting out of a situationship does not always mean getting into a relationship. Dhriti says, “Sometimes, it’s better to walk away from someone who can’t provide what you need, rather than waiting for them to change and growing resentful of yourself and them in the process.”
The answer to how to get over a situationship lies in prioritizing self-care and personal growth. Dhriti says, “To get over any type of situationship, remember one little thing: you should focus on filling your own cup before you pour into someone else’s.” Here are some ways in which you can do just that:
Splurge on a spa day
Groom yourself and deck up
Spend a day with your best friends
Go for a solo trip
Eat healthy
Exercise daily
Focus on hobbies you love, such as dance, pottery, gardening, or music
6. Set healthy boundaries
Here’s another take on how to move on from a situationship, and this one’s probably one of the most important tips to deal with a situation like this: setting boundaries. Dhriti says, “You must have clear boundaries in place if you’re serious about getting over someone with whom you were in a situationship. Boundaries help you manage your expectations and see the other person for who they are, not through the lens of who you want them to be.” Knowing when to walk away and realizing when your boundaries aren’t respected are also important.
Dhriti says, “If there are any fears surrounding abandonment and rejection popping up, which are keeping you stuck in this situationship, look at where they’re stemming from. Then orient yourself to your current reality.” To deal with such situations, you may also consult a counselor or therapist and consider going into therapy. If you’re looking for professional help, Bonobology’s counseling services are here for you.
8. Keep in touch with your social network
When trying to figure out how to get over a situationship and deal with the loneliness that follows, find support from friends and trusted individuals who know you through and through. Dhriti says, “Having social support during such trying times makes them much more bearable than going through such phases all by yourself.”
9. Stay optimistic
Dhriti says, “It’s important to stay optimistic regarding relationships and not let your experiences with one situationship define how you feel about relationships going forward. Each relationship will be unique, with its own unique challenges.” So, be prepared to face new relationships with confidence, without giving in to pessimism or cynicism.
Dhriti says, “Remember to be patient with yourself and your partner. It can be challenging to navigate your way out of a situationship.” Don’t rush into anything. What’s equally important is that you don’t end up:
11. Decide if your situationship can materialize into something more
Yes, getting over a situationship and moving forward is not child’s play. So, before ending things for good, think over the possibilities of getting back together and taking things to the next level. It’s crucial that you have clarity about whether you wish to leave or stay. In case you think you have a good partner and would like to give it a shot long-term, don’t hesitate to do so.
Dhriti says, “Be willing to invest in the relationship if you want to take it forward. You will have to work on building trust and friendship within the relationship, prioritize open communication, and give enough time and energy into the relationship.”
At the same time, knowing when to walk away is also important. So, don’t force yourself to do either.
Key Pointers
What is a situationship? A situationship is a new-age relationship concept, which explains a situation when two people are not exactly in a relationship but share a bond that’s more than friendship
Some signs of a situationship are lack of labels, lack of emotional involvement, no set boundaries, etc.
Do you have no idea how to get over a situationship? A few tips on how to end a situationship gracefully are: acknowledging your feelings, being patient, jotting down what’s required in the relationship, and staying optimistic
Ending a situationship — an ‘almost a relationship’ connection — can be just as hard as ending any other relationship. Nonetheless, it’s always better to walk away from half-hearted connections such as dead-end situationships that don’t bring you peace of mind or happiness.
We hope our article helped you know more about situationships and their signs. And we also hope you’re no longer struggling to figure out how to end a situationship. Remember, you can always decide to put in extra effort and stay back, but what you need to decide is whether that decision is coming from your core or due to the need for some external validation. After all, knowing when to walk away is equally important.
FAQs
1. How do you know when to end a situationship?
You know it’s time to end a situationship when it’s causing you emotional turmoil and anxiety instead of bringing you joy. You should let go when you want something long-term and concrete instead of a situationship with no labels.
2. How long can a situationship last?
A situationship can last as long as the two parties involved want to make it last. But more often than not, situationships are short-lived, as they don’t offer much in terms of emotional connection or attachment.
In a fast-paced world, balancing personal relationships and educational goals can be tough. However, comprehensive online programs, such as those from Rockhurst University, help couples support each other’s career aspirations while also addressing potential mental health issues that may arise during the learning process. This blend of learning and partnership nurtures mutual respect and support and offers financial benefits to the family.
Role Of Online Degrees In Strengthening Relationships
In this day and age, you don’t necessarily have to step out of the comfort of your home to pursue your dreams. For those in committed, long-term relationships this can be a huge blessing. Here’s why:
1. Flexibility in online learning
One significant advantage of online education is flexibility. It allows learners to arrange their study time around family commitments. For example, in a family where one partner has demanding work hours, online programs allow the other partner to adjust their study schedule to manage family life effectively. Learning from home also means that couples, especially those with children, can share responsibilities, which strengthens family bonds.
The asynchronous nature of online learning allows students to access course materials, lectures, and discussions at their convenience. This flexibility is particularly beneficial for couples juggling multiple responsibilities. By having the freedom to study during their most productive hours, whether early in the morning or late at night, students can ensure they dedicate quality time to both their education and their relationships. This adaptability reduces stress and potential conflicts that may arise from rigid schedules, fostering a more harmonious home environment.
Online learning not only accelerates professional growth but also enhances personal development. Advancing one’s education through online courses at institutions like Rockhurst can improve emotional intelligence, benefiting relationship dynamics. Understanding and managing personal emotions contribute to healthier relationships. Besides, pursuing educational opportunities demonstrates a commitment to lifelong learning and adaptability, valuable traits in any relationship.
Pursuing an online degree together can also be a bonding experience for couples. As they navigate the challenges and triumphs of their educational journey, partners can provide emotional support, encouragement, and motivation to each other. Celebrating milestones, such as completing a difficult course or achieving a high grade, can bring couples closer and create a sense of shared accomplishment. This mutual understanding and appreciation for each other’s efforts can deepen the emotional connection and strengthen the foundation of the relationship.
The nursing profession is often demanding, limiting personal time. Rockhurst University’s online nursing programs specifically cater to these challenges by providing flexible, considerate learning paths. This approach allows students to balance professional advancement with family needs, ensuring they remain engaged in their personal lives and maintain relationship harmony.
Online nursing programs at Rockhurst University offer specialized resources and support services tailored to the unique needs of nursing professionals. These may include access to mentorship programs, networking opportunities, and career guidance. By leveraging these resources, nursing students can not only enhance their skills and knowledge but also find strategies to maintain a healthy work-life balance. This comprehensive support system empowers nurses to thrive in their careers while nurturing meaningful personal relationships.
4. Advancing careers without sacrificing family time
Often, people are forced to choose between career growth and family. Online degrees eliminate this dilemma through their inherent flexibility and convenience. They integrate seamlessly into personal lives, allowing students to study during a child’s naptime or after bedtime. This way, pursuing higher education doesn’t compromise family responsibilities.
Moreover, online learning allows couples to save time and money that would otherwise be spent on commuting to a traditional campus. This extra time can be invested in quality family activities, such as family dinners, game nights, or weekend outings. By eliminating the need to be physically present in a classroom, online degrees enable students to be more present and engaged in their personal lives, strengthening the bonds with their loved ones. This balance between career advancement and family time is crucial for maintaining long-lasting, healthy relationships.
5. Supportive educational communities
Rockhurst University enhances its online programs with a strong support network. This academically and emotionally supportive environment helps students manage the balance between education and personal lives. The community offers counseling services, peer interactions, and a sense of belonging, providing relief when the workload becomes intense. This network fosters personal relationships through shared educational experiences and support.
Enhancing education through institutions like Rockhurst University not only advances professional careers but also enriches personal lives. For many, improving their educational status while nurturing personal relationships makes the journey enriching and fulfilling.
In addition to the support provided by the educational institution, online learners can also benefit from the understanding and encouragement of their partners. When both individuals in a relationship recognize the importance of personal growth and educational pursuits, they are more likely to create a supportive home environment. This may involve taking on additional household responsibilities, providing emotional support during challenging periods, or simply offering words of encouragement. By fostering a supportive and understanding atmosphere at home, couples can thrive in their educational endeavors while strengthening their relationship.
Imagine this: Your partner cheated on you with a coworker. You came to know about it much later. They claim that they ended the affair but needed to come clean. And beg for your forgiveness. But you still can’t come to terms with the situation. You keep wondering should you forgive a cheater? Can you, really? Is it weak to forgive someone for cheating? How does one decide when to walk away after infidelity? Are you confused about the equation between cheating and forgiveness?
Well, there are no easy or straightforward answers to these questions. You see, cheating can be of many sorts, emotional or sexual, for instance. The impact of cheating on a relationship can depend on its nature, to a large extent. Factors like the state of your own relationship, how much you have at stake, and your partner’s remorse for betraying your trust also determine whether or not forgiveness after infidelity is an appropriate choice.
What’s important is to know whether you’re ready to forgive and go back to your partner or move on without them. In this article, we will get a low-down on the pros and cons of forgiving a cheating partner and the factors to consider while forgiving a cheater. With the help of our expert relationship counselor Ruchi Ruuh (Postgraduate Diploma in Counseling Psychology), we’ll also look into a few tips to deal with such a situation. So, if you’re wrestling with the dilemma, “Can you forgive someone who cheated on you?”, let’s begin…
Cheating And Forgiveness: Pros And Cons To Consider
Well, before we dig deeper into the answers to the question, how do you forgive someone for cheating, let’s begin by the impact of cheating on the betrayed partner. Ruchi says, “Cheating, be it financial, emotional, or sexual, brings in an emotionally charged reaction. The one who’s cheated on becomes very confused, trying to grapple with the betrayal, hurt, and trauma. Plus, their self-esteem goes for a toss.”
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Thinking about forgiveness after infidelity can be hard. While there may be a desire to forgive one’s partner, especially if it has been a long-term relationship, there’s also a desire to protect oneself from harm. Ruchi feels, “Cheating and forgiveness aren’t a good match. When you’re trying to determine should you forgive a cheater, it’s important to remember that there’s no need to rush the process. One should let forgiveness come at its own pace.” She also points out the pros and cons to consider when contemplating forgiveness after infidelity:
Pros of forgiving a cheater
Cons of forgiving a cheater
2. One of the possible advantages of forgiving a cheater can be an opportunity for trust-building and of strengthening communication. While partners go through tension, forgiving offers an avenue to repair the relationship and understand what it needs
1. Forgiving can always be a risk, as there’s no guarantee that the cheater will change their ways and not cheat again. When someone’s trying to rebuild the relationship, another case of cheating may lead to further hurt and betrayal
2. One of the possible advantages of forgiving a cheater can be an opportunity for trust-building and strengthening communication. While partners go through tension, forgiving offers an avenue to repair the relationship and understand what it needs
2. A lot of people don’t forgive their cheating partners because they don’t want to be emotionally vulnerable in front of the very person who’s hurt them. The fear of being hurt makes them avoid talking about their weaknesses
3. It can lead to personal growth. Forgiving a cheater also allows for introspection and a greater awareness of your own needs. The compassionate and empathetic experience can also lead to spiritual growth. Those who had been ignoring themselves before start investing in their own growth when they decide to forgive their cheating partners
3. There’s always scope for loss of self-respect. When someone is rushing to forgive their cheating spouse, it may be an act of betrayal to themselves. So, while they forgive or pretend to forgive their cheating partners, on many occasions, they don’t actually forgive and feel inadequate within.
4. When you let go of the grudges and resentment, the conflict dissipates, and harmony seeps in.
Now, forgiving a repeated offender may not be a good thing, but if your partner genuinely is trying to make amends and is apologetic, it may be a good decision to forgive and reduce the conflict
4. Forgiving doesn’t erase the root cause. Without acknowledging the real issues, or sitting down, talking, and resolving them, forgiveness has no meaning.
For instance, if someone cheated because they weren’t feeling emotionally supported at home, forgiveness after your partner’s infidelity alone is not enough to bring the relationship back on track
Should You Forgive A Cheater? 8 Factors To Consider
Is it weak to forgive someone for cheating? How do you forgive someone for cheating if you’re sure they will cheat again? Is your relationship worth saving? And how can you forgive a cheater if they’re a long-term spouse? More importantly, should you? Here’s what a Reddit user had to say about whether they would forgive a cheater, “In a long-term relationship, yes. Sh*t happens and sometimes communication breaks down. But I’m not gonna walk away from a 12-year relationship if she’s willing to cop to it and wants to talk about how to fix it.”
So, if you’re still undecided on whether to forgive your cheating spouse and are confused about how to go about it, read on. And before we get to the tips on forgiving a cheater, first let’s find out what factors you should consider before you decide to let go of the hurt and betrayal and embrace harmony. Ruchi helps us with a few factors that one should think over before answering the question, should you forgive a cheater? So, if you’re wondering when to walk away after infidelity and when to hold on, or are confused about how to forgive a cheating partner, read on:
Taking back a cheater needs a lot of thought. Is it a financial, sexual, or emotional betrayal that your partner has put you through? Ruchi says, “It’s crucial to note your definition of somebody disrespecting your boundaries of fidelity and gauge the damage realistically.” So, instead of getting swayed by an apology, try and weigh the extent of the harm done and then proceed. This is exactly what to do when your partner cheats on you.
2. Is the apology genuine?
How can you forgive a cheater who’s not true to their intentions? Ruchi says, “In order to be forgiven, your partner has to be genuinely remorseful. Forgive them only if they’re committed to changing their behavior and are taking responsibility in the relationship.” Here’s what you should not tolerate:
They make you feel bad about your reactions
They gaslight you into believing you misunderstood them
They put the blame on you
There’s no true willingness to change their ways
Before you forgive a cheater, you need to check if they’re genuinely apologetic
3. Their cheating history
So, should you stay with a cheater? It’s very important to consider the history of cheating behavior if you’re considering making the relationship work. Ruchi says, one should ask the following questions:
Does your partner have a consistent pattern of cheating on you?
Is this a one-time mistake?
Have you always ended up forgiving them in the past?
She adds, “If cheating on you is part of a larger pattern, it needs to be understood that it’s time to let go.” Can you forgive a cheater who is habituated to cheating? Definitely, not!
A lot of people withdraw into a shell after a cheating incident. But what they don’t realize is that forgiving in such cases requires a lot of healthy communication. Ruchi says, “Partners need to have a lot of information on each other to decide whether to stay or move on.
“For instance, how the cheating incident has impacted the romantic relationship between the two of you. One must understand that feeling comfortable with each other is a very important part of forgiveness. You will need to understand their point of view and make them understand yours. This however doesn’t mean that you should let complacency rule the relationship.”
5. Do you have a solid support system?
Ruchi says, “Your friends, family, and relationship therapists can help you a lot in dealing with your partner’s infidelity.” Should you stay with a cheater? The answer isn’t simple. In fact, forgiveness, in such cases, shouldn’t be rushed. One should be able to take into consideration multiple points of view (that of your close friends or your counselor) to reach a decision.
At times, you should trust your gut feeling. Ruchi says, “You will eventually know when to forgive them when you listen to the emotional and physical responses in our system.” Ask yourself if it’s right or wrong or if you’re ready to forgive at all. This is what to do when your partner cheats on you.
7. Are there healthy boundaries in your romantic relationship?
Ruchi says, “Healthy boundaries are very important and should be a crucial factor in your decision of whether to forgive your partner.” For instance:
If you’ve asked them for time away, to focus on yourself, meet other people, and focus on self-care, and they’re not ready to give you that, consider not forgiving them
If they’re coaxing you into forgiveness, that too is a red flag
Cheaters often come back (call it cheaters’ karma) but are still not respectful of your needs. That again is a situation where you shouldn’t forgive them
Taking back a cheater needs a lot of introspection. Ruchi says, “It’s important to reflect on your own feelings, needs, and values.” So, ask yourself questions, such as:
What does this forgiveness mean to you?
What are your expectations from this act of forgiveness?
Are you extending your values or compromising on your moral compass by forgiving them?
Taking back a cheater is tough
For instance, one of my friends, Trish, was shocked to learn about her husband’s emotional affair with a coworker. They had no sexual contact, not even sexting, but often exchanged normal messages about their lives, at odd hours. While Trish’s value system said this was a major act of cheating, as she valued emotional loyalty, her husband believed this wasn’t a big deal. So, their values clashed. Forgiveness in such a situation isn’t the best bet.
How To Forgive A Cheating Partner: 7 Expert-Backed Tips
So, you’ve decided you wish to forgive your cheating spouse. But the big question now is how. Forgiveness doesn’t come easy in the wake of infidelity. On this, a Reddit user has a very simple logic, “I wish I could tell you how to forgive, but I don’t know the answer. Just remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean staying with or forgetting — forgiveness is powerful for yourself, that way you stop holding on to the anger and resentment. I forgave my husband the first time and moved forward, though things were never the same. 6 years later, he did it again but way worse.”
As you can see, the road to forgiveness after infidelity can be fraught with doubts, insecurities, and the fear of having to live through the same nightmare again. However, if you do wish to walk this road and give your relationship another chance, there are ways of forgiving a cheating spouse truly. Ruchi helps us with 7 actionable tips on how to forgive a cheating partner:
1. Feel your emotions
So, how do you forgive someone for cheating? Ruchi advises, “Allow yourself to feel and process the range of negative emotions, be it anger, sadness, or dejection. Ignoring those feelings is a huge mistake and can get in the way of your decision to forgive your cheating partner.” This is because sorting your emotions out is the first thing you should do before making such a major decision of mending your broken relationship.
To process your emotions, you can try:
Journaling
Talking
Opting for therapy
To forgive a cheater, you need to process your negative emotions
2. Engage in honest communication
So, can you forgive someone who cheated on you? Definitely, yes. But you need to be able to communicate with them, honestly and openly. Ruchi feels, “Fearless and open communication is the best tip to go through this extremely difficult phase of forgiving after cheating.” So, you can talk about:
How it impacted you
What you need to do to move on
Where your partner is in terms of moving on
What are your goals, values, and perspectives, and where they clash with your partner’s
How do you forgive someone for cheating if they don’t care about how you feel? Forgiveness is only helpful if it helps you feel more respected and valued. Ruchi says, “The only way forgiving a cheater can make you feel good is if your boundaries are respected. You need to communicate clear and healthy boundaries if you think the relationship is worth fighting for.”
Here’s what some boundaries look like:
Setting the standards of communication: Make it clear that they need to respond to your calls and texts, and be available for a healthy conversation when needed
Being clear about the level of transparency: Make it clear if you want them to stop texting their exes or random strangers on social media. Share passwords or social media messages, if needed
Arriving at a mutually agreed-upon definition of fidelity: What’s your definition of fidelity and what do you consider cheating as? Is that what your partner thinks too? Talk and set some boundaries
4. Seek professional help
Rebuilding trust is a key component of deciphering how to forgive a cheating partner. However, it’s not easy, especially if you’re doing it by yourself. That’s why seeking professional help and going into therapy is always the best option when you’re clueless about how to forgive a cheating spouse and are worried about your mental health.
Ruchi says, “A neutral third party, especially a professional relationship therapist or counselor, can always offer valuable insight if you’re wondering how to forgive a cheating partner. Apart from the support, they offer a safe space to gain perspective during the healing process. So, go ahead and opt for couples counseling.” So, if you need help working through the blow of infidelity and finding a path to forgiveness, don’t hesitate to reach out to Bonobology’s counseling services.
5. Focus on the present
Yes, we get it! It’s hard to move on from a cheating incident and let go of the past. How long does it take to forgive someone for cheating? Months, or maybe years! Thoughts may keep coming back to you. What if you face a similar situation again? To counter this, Ruchi advises, “If you’re planning to forgive your partner, focus on the present and make an effort to move forward together, without dwelling on the past. That’s the only way this is going to work.”
6. Practice self-care
Ruchi says, “A lot of times, people give up things they enjoy when they feel betrayed in a relationship. But healthy emotional and physical well-being is very important if you wish to forgive your partner.” So, try these tips of self-care and self-discovery:
Exercise
Hang out with friends
Take up a new hobby or practice one you had forgotten about
Take long walks
Go on a holiday
Most importantly, do whatever makes you feel good about yourself and understand yourself better, helps you take care of your mental health, or speeds up the forgiveness process. This way, you’ll be able to go through challenges effectively.
7. Be patient
How long does it take to forgive someone for cheating? Ruchi says, “The healing process isn’t linear. It takes years and sometimes, even a lifetime, for people to forgive their cheating partners. At times, they can’t even forgive completely.” So, remember, forgiveness takes time and patience. Don’t rush. Be gentle and heal at your own pace. Don’t shame or pressure yourself. Honor your own pace of forgiving.
Key Pointers
Some pros of forgiving a cheater are personal growth, release of the emotional burden, and the opportunity to build a healthy relationship
Some cons of forgiving a cheater include a lack of guarantee that it won’t happen again, the emotional vulnerability of the cheated partner, and the scope for loss of self-esteem
Should you forgive a cheater? Some factors to consider when deciding if you should forgive a cheater are your feelings, the genuineness of the apology, and your support system
Some tips to forgive a cheating partner are establishing boundaries, practicing self-care, and being patient
Though cheating and forgiveness aren’t the best pair, we hope you now know the answers to questions such as, “Can you forgive a cheater?” If you’re experiencing infidelity, remember, at the end of the day, what matters is whether you’re fine with your decision of forgiving your cheating spouse and if you’re ready to rebuild trust. Nobody else, neither your friends nor your therapist, can decide it for you because you know yourself the best.
So, go ahead, make that call! But make sure you aren’t putting up with abuse or bad behavior. This is when to walk away after infidelity. Reach out to people who can help. And don’t hesitate to end things if you’ve reached a dead end. We hope this article helped you decide if you should let go or forgive your partner. Either way, here’s to moving forward.
Picture this: you’ve just found out that your husband cheated on you with his coworker while you were pregnant last year. And you’re down in the dumps, trying to salvage what remains of your relationship. You’re hurt and devastated. One moment you feel like forgiving your husband and making peace with the situation, while the next, you feel like cutting ties with him and teaching him a lesson for having an affair behind your back. It’s totally normal to feel clueless about what to do and how to find peace after being cheated on!
And you’ve come to the right place if you’re going through such turmoil. In this article, we will look at the effects of being cheated on and will find out how you can deal with this situation. Relationship counselor Dhriti Bhavsar (Master’s degree in Psychology, with specialization in Clinical Psychology), who is an expert in relationship, breakup, and LGBTQ counseling, will help us explore ways to make peace with being cheated on. So, should you forgive a cheater? Well, let’s delve deeper to understand…
So, what does being cheated on feel like? And how hard can it get for people who still love their cheating spouse or partner? Does it make a man feel emasculated? How does a woman feel after being cheated on? Here’s what a Reddit user has to say about his experience: “I’ve been cast as the husband that his wife cheated on him and left for another man. I didn’t want to play this part, but here I am, cast as the lead. Everything is washed out and grey, if I could sleep all day I would. I dread getting up, it always starts with the reality of the situation, the intrusive thoughts and images. Infidelity takes a great toll on the betrayed, I marvel at those that can rebuild and move on.”
Before we explore how to find peace after being cheated on, let’s find out how cheating affects those at the receiving end. Our expert Dhriti has enumerated a few effects of being cheated on, based on her interactions with her clients. Here they go:
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1. It lowers self-esteem
Being cheated on lowers the self-esteem of a person to a great extent. Dhriti says, “You may find yourself questioning what you lacked or did wrong in the relationship, eventually leading to questioning your self-worth.” So, in such cases, you may start doubting:
Your commitment to the relationship
Your looks
Your intelligence
Your sexual prowess
Your financial status
This is how infidelity affects a woman as well as a man.
2. It alters your ability to trust
So, how does a woman feel after being cheated on? What does a man go through when he is cheated on? Dhriti says, “Being cheated on makes you question not just your partner but your own judgment too (and even of other people around you). You begin wondering, “If the one person I trusted so much could do this to me, how can I trust others to not do the same thing?” It also breaks you completely to know that your trust was taken advantage of. And you may deal with the fear of being cheated on again.”
So, you may end up becoming a bitter person, with no ability to trust someone. Besides, mental health issues such as anxiety and cheating go hand in hand. So, you may go through extreme triggers after being cheated on whenever you face a situation where you need to trust someone.
Dhriti believes, “When someone cheats on you, there is a sense of unfairness over something so painful happening to you. And that naturally leads to resentment toward the person causing that pain (and also toward yourself, for giving them the power to cause you pain). Eventually, it turns to bitterness and is manifested as a mix of anger and deep sadness, the two most common effects of being cheated on.
And we agree that this is how infidelity affects a woman or a man. A Reddit user had a similar experience: “I want to get past the bitterness/anger that sits in me from finding out some of his infidelities. But I think it is the unknown of how many infidelities he has and whatnot that fuels the anger/bitterness that sits inside me like burning embers waiting to take flame again. I hate being angry. It is so tiring.”
4. You’re thrown into uncertainty
One of the worst effects of the pain of infidelity is that the partner who’s been cheated on is pushed into uncertainty. Dhriti explains, “You lose the security and safety that you once felt with your partner. You go from knowing what tomorrow will look like and planning for it, to suddenly having no idea, not knowing what to do or expect.” This can deal a massive blow to your future plans. So, you may have been:
Studies have shown time and again how breakups are hard and almost always lead to negative thoughts and a feeling of going through real physical pain. And in case you’ve separated from your spouse after being cheated on, the feeling is exactly the same.
Dhriti says, “We’re hardwired for attachment, and losing this attachment is often extremely painful because our brain reacts to this pain in a similar way to how it reacts to physical pain. It’s a loss of connection, attachment, validation, and security. These triggers after being cheated on cause a lot of psychological pain.”
9 Therapist-Recommended Tips On How To Find Peace After Being Cheated On
So, now that you know how being cheated on feels like and what repercussions it can have, are you wondering how to find peace after being cheated on? And should you forgive a cheater? And what happens after the initial shock wears off?
Here’s how a Reddit user explains she got over being cheated on: “…there were heartbreaks in my past from cheating, leaving me for others, and even violence, that I never thought in a million years I would ever get over. But I did. And it faded over time. What helps me is researching WHY people cheat, and realizing the issue is within THEM. It’s not about the other person being better or more suited, or about you not being enough. Heck, a lot of times the person who is cheated on is better objectively in so many ways compared to the one their partner cheats with. I know it’s not great to compare, but sometimes it does help to see that.”
Everyone’s way of coping with a blow as severe as infidelity can be different. There’s no one-size-fits-all mantra that works for all when it comes to figuring out how to deal with being cheated on. There isn’t any magic potion either. What works for one person may not work for another. However, adopting certain healthy practices to work through the pain can help. Dhriti offers us nine such tips that help you make headway in your quest to figure out how to find peace after being cheated on:
1. Allow yourself to experience all your negative emotions
Dhriti feels, “It’s crucial to express freely whatever negative thoughts or emotions are coming up for you, in a safe space and in a healthy manner. Many people suffer unnecessarily because they believe they “should” be feeling a certain way and not how they’re actually feeling. Well, every emotion carries meaning, so lean into your emotions rather than running away from them.”
Healing after being cheated on is never easy
While you may be encouraged by friends or relatives to shove your emotions under the carpet, do give yourself the time and space to feel all that you’re feeling. Give yourself permission to feel angry, feel sad, feel embarrassed. This will help you take the first step toward figuring out how to find peace after being cheated on.
2. Set boundaries
If you’re still clueless about how to deal with being cheated on, this can be a great solution. Before you decide on the ‘should you forgive a cheater’ question, work on setting firm boundaries. Dhriti says, “It’s important to recognize your needs and boundaries and then firmly establish them with your partner.” Forgiving a cheater also requires you to let them know what you’re not okay with. This is how to deal with being cheated on if you wish to continue the relationship:
You can set a boundary for personal space, asking to stay in separate rooms or away from each other till you come to a resolution
You can ask for complete clarity or closure, asking them to explain why they did what they did before you take a step forward
You can ask for great transparency in the relationship, letting your partner know you won’t accept any more lies and secrets
It’s very natural in these troubled times to blame yourself for:
Not being good in bed
Not decking up to look good
Not listening to their rants
You can end up blaming yourself and indulging in negative self-talk for your partner’s cheating ways. Dhriti says, “Avoid falling into the spiral of blaming yourself. It is likely that there were already trust issues in the relationship before the cheating partner inflicted the pain of infidelity on their partner. It’s important to differentiate between taking accountability for some issue and taking blame for the cheating.” Remember, cheating is a choice.
4. Don’t rush into making a decision
Forgiving a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend is not easy and it certainly won’t happen overnight. So, remember, there’s no need for you to make a decision right away. If you’re still wondering, “Should I stay with a cheater or leave?”, Dhriti advises, “Avoid making a decision in haste, or out of anger or fear. Give yourself some time to process your emotions before you take your next step.” This way, you’ll also be able to find the root cause of this infidelity, which, in turn, makes it easier to decipher how to find peace after being cheated on.
Healing after being cheated on may not be easy but spending time with your inner circle helps you a lot in this phase. Dhriti says, “It’s absolutely necessary to have a social support system around you. This should include people who make you feel safe and cared for. It could also be your internal support system: things and activities that bring you joy, fulfillment, and connection. So, go ahead and:
Talk to your best friend or your family
Go for a rejuvenating solo trip or take a trip with your besties
Hit the gym or take up a hobby, such as painting, sports, or gardening
Read the latest book by your favorite author
6. Reach out for professional help
If all else fails, reach out to a professional therapist or relationship counselor. Dhriti says, “A licensed therapist can help you target the specific areas that prevent moving on and make healing after a breakup due to infidelity easy for you. They can work through the pain in a healthy and effective manner.”
Be aware that mental health ailments like anxiety and cheating go hand in hand. Sometimes, people even slip into depression after being cheated on. That’s why it’s vital to prioritize looking after your mental health. You can consider going into couples therapy or opt for individual therapy. If you are considering getting help, don’t hesitate to reach out to Bonobology’s counseling services.
7. Be mindful of what gnaws at your self-worth
Dhriti says, “Your partner’s infidelity says more about them than about you. It is important to preserve your sense of self-worth and not fret about what people will think of you.” There are chances that you may suffer from post-infidelity stress disorder, so it’s crucial that you don’t internalize the cheating. Instead of giving in to that little voice in your head that says you’re responsible for this, shut it down by being strong. This is one of the main steps if you’re wondering how to find peace after being cheated on.
forgiving a cheater
8. Let go
It’s important to be able to let go of certain things, whether you’re forgiving a cheater or moving away from the relationship. If your partner cheated on you remorselessly, try letting it go and focus on yourself instead. Dhriti suggests, “Work toward acceptance and letting go. Be patient with yourself in this process and remember that letting go is a choice you make for the sake of your own peace. It is not something you owe to someone. If you don’t feel ready for it, you don’t need to force it. However, acceptance of the event is crucial in order for you to move on from it.”
Before going ahead with forgiving someone who cheated, a lot of inner work is required. Remember to take care of your own self. Healing after being cheated on takes a lot of self-care. Dhriti says, “Personal development and self-care activities are absolutely necessary at this stage, especially when you don’t want to indulge in them. Ironically, it is when we don’t feel like taking care of ourselves when we need self-care the most.” She suggests a few ways of coping with the triggers after being cheated on, and they include taking care of:
Basic physiological needs: Get enough sleep and follow a healthy and balanced diet. Avoid junk food or emotional eating
Safety and security needs: Make sure you’re staying at a safe place. Move out of your home if you feel you aren’t comfortable staying with a cheater or you feel you’re being engulfed by depression after being cheated on
Belongingness needs: Make sure you establish connections with others around you
What To Do When You Get Cheated On — Stay Or Leave?
So, now that you know how to find peace after being cheated on, we’ll come to your next question, “Should you forgive a cheater?” More importantly, do relationships work after cheating? Dhriti believes, “The decision of staying with a cheater or leaving after a relationship is a deeply personal one. That is because every relationship is unique, as are the people that make up that relationship. Hence, there is no prescribed right or wrong answer to this question.”
However, she thinks you need to consider a few things before you make the decision regarding what to do when you get cheated on. So, ask yourself these questions if you’re wondering, “Should I stay with a cheater?”
Is your partner remorseful for their actions and genuine in their apologies?
Is your partner able to take accountability for their actions?
Do you feel that you have it in you to trust them again? Or will the fear of being cheated on always loom large?
What will it take in order for you to recover?
Can your partner provide what you need to get back in the relationship or will your bond turn into a more toxic relationship?
To help you with making a mature and well-informed decision, we’ve collated some points to highlight the pros and cons of both staying with a cheater and leaving.
The pros and cons of staying
Forgiving someone who cheated on you mercilessly is not going to be easy. But you should weigh both the pros and cons in this case:
The pros of staying
The cons of staying
You’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you tried.
It will take a lot of work, time, and patience to overcome this. Rebuilding trust is not easy.
Your relationship can come out stronger on the other end of this, with both of you understanding yourselves and each other better.
You might continue to have doubts for a very long time to come.
In some cases, couples can emerge stronger from the blow of infidelity
It can lead to a dip in self-esteem if not handled carefully.
The pros and cons of leaving
If you think the answer to, “Do relationships work after cheating?”, is a resounding ‘no’ and are thinking of leaving your cheating spouse, well, here are some pros and cons of such a decision:
The pros of leaving
The cons of leaving
You regain self-respect. Leaving such a toxic relationship sends a very clear message about what you will not tolerate
You may go through emotional turmoil. There can be a lot of grief, pain, and doubt that comes with ending a relationship, despite how good or bad it was.
You have the freedom to explore other options and invest time and energy in yourself.
There’s uncertainty about your future, and where to go from here can cause you more pain.
You get to focus on personal growth, as you learn to heal by yourself.
You end up second-guessing and are engulfed by a sense of loneliness.
You may have practical concerns, such as financial issues, co-parenting concerns, societal or religious pressures, and the problem of having similar social circles.
Key Pointers
Some of the effects of being cheated on are low self-esteem, uncertainty, and mental pain
A few therapist-recommended tips to deal with this situation are avoiding self-blame, setting boundaries, consulting licensed therapists and going for couples counseling, and relying on your support system
One needs to weigh the pros and cons of both the options of staying or leaving the relationship
Now that you’ve read our article, we hope you’ve gained valuable insights into the effects of being cheated on, the ways to deal with being cheated on, and the pros and cons of staying or leaving a relationship after being cheated on. Remember, it’s easy to blame a situation and quit, but it takes guts to stay back and rebuild trust.
With that being said, it is also crucial to take note of any sense of disrespect or toxicity within the relationship. Once you feel your relationship is beyond repair, feel free to disengage. Get into a new relationship, if need be. But do it out of your own free will. Moving forward is necessary for your growth and peace.
Can a relationship survive without intimacy? Well, imagine this: You’ve been in a long-term romantic relationship and now the spark has fizzled out. You can’t even connect in bedYou hardly even hug or cuddle and end up having no sex for days and you often wonder, “How long is too long without sex in a relationship?”
Sounds familiar? In this article, we offer you clarity on the dynamics of sexual intimacy and explore scenarios where people end up in sexless marriages or relationships for various reasons. With insights from sexologist Dr. Vishal Gor, who specializes in treating sexual dysfunction, we’ll delve deeper into the ‘no sex in relationship anymore’ issue and also look at a few tips to fix the effects of not having sex. So, if you’re one of those who often wonder, “Why won’t my husband have sex with me?”, or complain, “My wife never wants sex”, read on…
How Often Should A Couple Have Sex?
Often, we’re perplexed about the number of times a couple should have sex. So, does a couple need to have sex daily to make their relationship work? My friend, Ashley, once called me up, frustrated that her husband and she hadn’t had sex in weeks and that he would often cite work pressure to avoid having sex with her. She said, “There’s no sex in our relationship anymore! I am so exhausted. It’s like he has no desire for sex.”
Soon, she even started suspecting him of having an affair. This led me to think, “How long is too long without sex in a relationship?” and more importantly, “How often should a couple have sex for a relationship to survive?”
Dr. Gor says, “There is no fixed or right answer to this, as it depends on several factors. And there’s no one-size-fits-all number that can state how often a couple should have sex. What works for one couple may not work for another.” But some factors that dictate how often couples have sex are:
Age: With age, sexual frequency between couples can lessen. However, it will be a generalization to think all couples have less sex after a certain age
Lifestyle: With the pressure of the hustle culture looming large, people may get busy with their jobs or chores. Late nights at work or the strain of raising kids may take its toll on the sex lives of couples
Libido or sex drive: Various factors, such as medical issues or performance anxiety, can prevent couples from having regular sex or result in low libido/sex drive and no desire for sex
Dr. Gor, however, maintains, “In my interactions with clients, I have found that young couples have sex at least once or twice per week, while older couples have sex once a month, or twice at the most.” A 2017 Kinsey Institute study also says the same thing. It states that “…people between the ages of 18 and 29 do it twice a week.”
A similar study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior stated that married or live-in couples were having sex once a week. So, before you complain, “My wife never wants sex” or lose sleep over the thought, “Why won’t my husband have sex with me?”, think again! You may not be doing that badly.
Sex is extremely important in a relationship
How Long Is Too Long Without Sex In A Relationship?
In a study by the University of Chicago, it was proved that couples who had sex once every week were the happiest. However, the happiness quotient didn’t increase with the sexual frequency beyond once a week. As in, couples who had sex more than once a week weren’t happier than those having it just once a week.
This probably proves that the answer to how long is too long without sex in a relationship is also perhaps subjective and varies from couple to couple. Dr. Gor too agrees and says, “The answer to this depends on partners and their personal reasons. Most couples believe no sex for 6 months in relationship is too much, especially if they’re committed to each other.”
However, some couples may forgo sexual pleasure to stay in different cities and earn a better income. But others may not be able to live without making love even for a week. This is because sexual satisfaction is relative. So, while you will often find some women wondering, “Why won’t my husband have sex with me?”, or men who lose their cool over the ‘wife never wants sex’ scenario, others may be happy with their sexless relationships for years.
Why Is Sex Important In A Relationship?
Now, we’re not saying sex is the only thing that matters in a long-term romantic relationship. Of course, trust, compatibility, and an intimate connection are prime factors that help sustain a long-term relationship, but sex is the magic ingredient that adds that extra zing to the relationship and keeps it alive. So, if you’re caught in a ‘no sex in relationship anymore’ scenario and feel discontentment over it, you aren’t completely wrong.
Here’s what a Reddit user had to say about the importance of sex in her life, “I’m probably in the minority for women to say this, but sex is incredibly important in my life. I am a very sexual person, I enjoy sharing my body with others and most of all I crave the pleasure that comes from sex. Masturbation is a regular part of my life even as a sexually active person, but it wouldn’t be enough for me to get by for long periods of time without sex. I need the physical connection with someone, casual or otherwise.”
So, why is sex important in a relationship? Does it have any scientific benefits? Here’s what Dr. Gor thinks makes sex an absolute necessity in relationships:
1. Sex is good for boosting immunity
Studies have shown that people who have sex once or twice a week have better immune systems than those who don’t. In fact, apparently, sex alters the level of an antigen that protects us from ailments such as cold and flu. This is very similar to kissing bringing in health benefits.
2. Sex plays a major role in improving sleep patterns
Now, this has a lot to do with the hormones released during sex. Studies have shown that sex helps the body release hormones such as oxytocin and dopamine, which eventually lead to relaxation and better sleep.
Research has proved that good sex helps relieve stress and even rids you of relationship anxiety. Apart from lowering blood pressure, sex also helps reduce risks of heart disease and stroke.
4. Sex intensifies the emotional attachment
Dr. Gor says, “Regular sex is a basic requirement for a healthy relationship, as it brings in more relationship satisfaction. It also improves the trust quotient between couples.” Sex helps partners connect emotionally. The cuddling and love hormone, oxytocin, which is associated with physical intimacy and sex, strengthens bonds between couples. This is exactly why we tend to miss our partners when they’re not around.
Dr. Gor also says, “Sex is a major factor that contributes to a spike in self-esteem levels in people.” So, regular sex brings with it increased confidence levels and makes people perform better at work and other social spheres. It works wonders for those with low self-esteem.
Effects Of Not Having Sex
Do you think you’re getting enough sex? Or do you feel you could do much better or are craving more sex? Are you wondering what not having sex in a relationship can do to your mind and body? Well, just as sex has quite a few scientifically proven advantages, be it in a new relationship or an old one, a clear lack of sex can wreak havoc on your body and cause psychological issues. So, how does this ‘no sex in relationship anymore’ scenario affect you?
Sharing his experience of a sexless relationship, a Reddit user says, “I currently live with my GF of 2+ years and since moving in with each other last year, our sex life has really suffered. We are still extremely physical and cuddly but she started to frequently refuse my more sexual advances. I soon just stopped trying to initiate sex spontaneously because being denied constantly was making me feel really sad and emasculated.” This perhaps also answers the question, why is sex important in a relationship?
Dr. Gor details a few such effects of lack of sex in marriage:
Easy irritability: Lack of regular sex in relationships can make people irritable. Such people tend to become angered easily
Anxiety: Not having sex in a relationship also means less ‘feel good’ hormones in your body, which leads to a heightened level of anxiety
Depression: Just as sex can lead to an ego boost, a significant lack of sex can lead to depression. Worse still, you may be burned under peer pressure to just have sex for the sake of it, without enjoying your intimate moments
Sexual dysfunction:Research has proved that infrequent sex is often associated with erectile dysfunction in men. Lack of sex in relationships can also make women fear painful intercourse when they do have sex after long intervals
Relationship problems: If the sexual dynamic between married couples is affected adversely, it may even lead the couple to divorce. After all, not fulfilling a partner’s sexual needs does amount to legitimate grounds for divorce
The effects of lack of sex in marriage can be far-reaching
How To Deal With Lack Of Intimacy In A Relationship
Now that you have an answer to your burning question, how long is too long without sex in a relationship? You’re also aware of the ill effects of lack of sex in marriage and the pros of having sex regularly. Let’s address the next big concern: how does one deal with a lack of intimacy in relationship?
Since relationships are complex and unique, there is no fixed formula to address the issue of lack of affection, intimacy, or sexual desire. That said, according to Dr. Gor, there are a few ways that can prove effective in dealing with this issue in most situations. He recommends:
1. Find out the root cause and address it
On how to fix a lack of intimacy in relationships, Dr. Gor says, “It’s important to go through your partner’s detailed history to find out the cause of the ‘no sexual relationship’ situation. And then, one should treat any physical or psychological health issues related to it.” So, in such cases, make sure you note if there’s:
A medical issue, such as erectile dysfunction, that’s affecting your sex life
Some past relationship trauma, such as sexual abuse or painful sex with an ex
2. Encourage open communication
Dr. Gor advises, “Communication between partners is very important to resolve issues related to lack of sex in relationships.” Nobody knows you better than your partner in bed. So, open up and have a healthy discussion on what’s preventing the two of you from having sex. There’s no alternative to open communication.
Often, the ‘no sexual relationship’ scenario is due to a lack of emotional intimacy. This could be due to various reasons such as work pressure or the burden of household chores and responsibilities. Dr. Gor says, “It’s crucial to address this lack of emotional closeness and focus on improving it if there’s no desire for sex in either partner.” This is one of the best ways to fix the lack of intimacy in relationships.
4. Consult a certified sex therapist
Lastly, if all else fails, you should definitely consult a professional counselor or a certified sex therapist. After all, mental health is of prime importance, especially in such cases. Dr. Gor says, “Couples counseling and individual therapy can both work wonders in such cases.” And if you’re looking for help, Bonobology’s counseling services are at your disposal.
Key Pointers
How long is too long without sex in a relationship? While there’s no definite answer, most happy couples have sex once a week
Younger couples have sexual intercourse about once a week, while older couples have sex once a month
Sex is important in a relationship because it improves sleep quality, it boosts immunity, and it intensifies emotional connection
The effects of not having sex in a relationship include irritability, depression, and relationship issues
To deal with a lack of intimacy in relationships, find out the root cause, encourage communication, and opt for couples counseling
For an average adult, sex isn’t the be-all-and-end-all in a relationship, but it’s definitely a major component of every healthy relationship. We hope we’ve been able to help you ascertain what makes for a healthy sex life. We also hope that after reading this article, you’re no longer searching for the answer to how long is too long without sex in a relationship and have found a solution to the eternal ‘no sexual relationship’ scenario.
Though our suggestions may work for the majority of couples, remember, at the end of the day, it’s you and your partner who decide what’s ‘perfectly normal’ in bed and what’s not. So, don’t be pressured to believe having sex a certain number of times will make your marriage perfect. Just like wanting sex isn’t bad, not wanting it doesn’t make you a villain either. And can a relationship survive without intimacy? Well, though sex is a necessity, a good marriage also depends on mutual trust, loyalty, and compatibility. So, go ahead and make the most of it.
Have you ever questioned your own sanity after an argument with your partner? You might be confused whether it was you that caused the fight to escalate or them. Perhaps you even said some insulting things you’re not proud of. However, this is not necessarily a sign that you’re narcissistic. Narcissists often twist situations to make themselves appear blameless, leaving their victims feeling confused and questioning their own reality. This phenomenon, known as narcissistic trauma, can leave lasting emotional scars.
This quiz, developed by a therapist with a Master’s degree in psychology, can help you explore whether you might be exhibiting narcissistic tendencies or experiencing the damaging effects of being in a relationship with someone who does. The quiz delves into common characteristics of both narcissism and victims of narcissistic abuse symptoms.
James and I had a really strong relationship. We were together for five years and did everything together. We shared secrets, and made each other laugh. Whenever I was down, James was there to lift me up. We went on traveling adventures, watched movies, and just enjoyed each other’s company. But then, I found out James was cheating on me. It felt like my heart shattered into a million pieces. We had to break up because I couldn’t trust him anymore. Even though it’s over between us, why can’t I can’t stop thinking about him? Memories of our time together keep flooding back, and it’s hard to move on. I miss the good times we had, but I know I deserve better.
It’s completely understandable that you’re struggling to move on after such a significant betrayal. Your relationship with James was deeply meaningful, filled with shared experiences, laughter, and support. The discovery of his infidelity has left you heartbroken and grappling with conflicting emotions.
It’s natural to find yourself reminiscing about the happy moments you shared together, even amidst the pain of betrayal. Memories have a way of resurfacing, especially when they’re tied to strong emotions and meaningful experiences.
However, it’s important to acknowledge that while those memories hold value, they’re just one part of the picture. The betrayal and loss you’ve experienced are also significant realities that deserve recognition.
Moving forward, focus on nurturing yourself and your own well-being. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and the trust that was broken. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can offer comfort and understanding during this difficult time.
Remember that healing takes time, and it’s okay to take things one day at a time. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the ups and downs of the healing process. Eventually, as you continue to prioritize your own happiness and self-care, you’ll find the strength to let go of the past and open yourself up to new possibilities for love and fulfillment.
The first and foremost step is building acceptance around the fact that you can’t have them. Without that acceptance, everything else you try will not get you the results you seek. A few things to keep in mind:
1. Not being wanted by someone does not define your worth, value or lovability. People’s choices have more to do with them than you. 2. Limit contact with them. You won’t be able to move on if you continue to stay in constant contact. 3. Focus on yourself. Make your life fuller, more satisfying and prove to yourself that your life is great with or without this person in it. 4. Pour into building emotionally fulfilling connections in life which aren’t romantic in nature. We often expect a partner to fulfill all these needs of belongingness for us, but that is not a fair or realistic way of looking at it. 5. Be careful not to idealize this person. Remember, they have flaws like anyone else. 6. Be kind and patient with yourself. 7. Celebrate any progress you make!
2. how to get over him when he has moved on?
It is going to take time, so be patient with yourself. And allow yourself to feel everything that is coming up for you. Don’t try to suppress or run away from any emotion, no matter how painful and unpleasant. Emotions demand to be felt and you will only be able to move on once you’ve processed them.
Limit contact and build certain boundaries which protect your well-being. You know stalking their social media is only going to make you feel worse. There’s no easy way around this. You will have to resist the urge to reach out or stalk them, if you want to move on.
Shift your focus inwards. Prioritize self care, especially when you don’t want to. That is when you need it most. Make your life richer and fuller, find sources of fulfillment, belongingness and satisfaction that don’t come from romantic relationships.
Don’t shy away from seeking help and support as and when you need it. You don’t need to overcome everything by yourself.
3. why is no contact so hard?
No contact is difficult primarily due to the emotional attachment, being habituated or used to the presence of this person, hope for reconciliation and a fear of loneliness. The good news is that all of these fears and concerns can be worked through. In other words, the pain you experience from no contact is temporary and this will benefit you in the long run. Allow yourself to process all the emotions that come up, be kind and patient with yourself and remember why you’re doing this in the first place. It will get easier.
I was once in a situationship, long before Gen-Zers had a term for it. It was the most exhilarating and also the most emotionally draining romantic experience of my life. While I loved the idea of coloring outside the lines of a typical relationship, things got messy once feelings got thrown into the mix and we were no longer on the same page about the purpose of our arrangement. In the process, I lost a good friend. So, trust me when I say situationship rules matter.
If you find yourself in a similar state and are not clear about what to do in a situationship, find yourself caught up in the situationship vs relationship dilemma, or are unsure about how to define a situationship you have going on with someone, I’ve got you covered.
In consultations with relationship expert and counselor Dhriti Bhavsar (Master’s in Clinical Psychology), who specializes in relationship, breakup, and LGBTQ counseling, I’ll touch upon all there is to know about a situationship and setting some ground rules to navigate it without getting hurt. Let’s begin by understanding what is a situationship all about.
What Is A Situationship?
So, what is a situationship? If you turn to the dictionary to define situationship, here’s what you’ll find: “a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established”. Now, what does not “formal” or “established” mean? In simpler terms, a situationship means a casual and fluid romantic and/or sexual relationship between two people, with no commitment or expectations.
To define situationship, Dhriti says, “An absence of labels and conversations about the future are the tell-tale markers of a situationship.” Along similar lines, a Reddit user says, “When you end up consistently seeing someone like they are your significant other but are noncommittal and refuse to take the leap to solidify an actual relationship.”
Now, on a surface level, a situationship may seem a lot like any other casual, undefined intimate connection like a no-strings-attached relationship or a friends-with-benefits arrangement. However, there is a distinct difference. In other undefined connections like NSA or FwB relationships, there is clarity on terms of engagement. In a situationship, things tend to get more muddled. That’s why situationship vs relationship dilemma is far too common. If you’re in such an undefined intimate connection, the first order of business to navigate it successfully is to identify if it amounts to a situationship.
How do you know if you are in a situationship
A situationship is fluid
Since a situationship can closely resemble so many other forms of casual relationships, it is imperative to know for sure if you’ve landed yourself in one. As Dhriti says, “Not knowing what to expect from a relationship or what is acceptable and what’s not can be a dangerous and confusing place to be in.” So, how do you know if you are in a situationship? Here are some clear signs to watch out for:
You behave like romantic partners but there has been no define-the-relationship conversation
You have both agreed to keep things casual
You don’t make long-term plans involving each other. Your plans focus on the next meetup, next hookup, or at best, what you’d be doing a couple of weeks later
Either one or both of you are hooking up with or dating other people
You aren’t integrated into each other’s lives — for example, you haven’t met each other’s family or friends
Sex is likely the centric part of your relationship
There is no consistency in your communication patterns — you may text back and forth for days, spend weekends together, and then go without any contact for days
You may talk to each other with ease about a lot of topics, but steer clear of deep, meaningful conversations about emotions, vulnerabilities, and of course, the future
There is little to no emotional intimacy in the relationship
You haven’t made any promises to each other
You don’t expect your situationship partner to show up for you in your time of need and they feel no obligation to do so — and vice versa
Your conversations are carefully crafted so as not to “ruin” what you have
Even if you have been together a significant amount of time — in my case, for instance, the situationship last eight months — you haven’t crossed any relationship milestones
The thought of “where is this going” makes you feel anxious and uneasy
15 Non-Negotiable Situationship Rules – Follow These To Protect Yourself
As may be clear from these indicators of a situationship, a connection of this sort comes with a lot of gray areas. To be able to navigate these muddied waters, you need some situationship rules to protect yourself emotionally. Take it from me, I didn’t think much of rules and boundaries, and chose to just go with the flow — as is the wont of 20-somethings who think they can conquer the worlds — and ended up falling in love with my situationship partner. He, on the other hand, was nowhere close to being emotionally invested.
My feelings led me to go along with a lot of things I wasn’t comfortable with, say yes when I wanted to say no, and put up with being treated in ways that left me hurt because I was holding on to hope that if I just gave it time, he’d begin to feel the same way about me. That obviously didn’t happen but I ended up in a broken heart. Apparently, my experience isn’t isolated.
If scores of Reddit threads on situationships are any indicator, in this casual, dynamic, undefined “relationship”, one person always catches feelings and gets hurt in the process. As this Reddit user says, “A situationship is the least “casual” of casual relationships, you basically get all the perks of a relationship which includes going on dates, sleeping together, enjoying each other’s company, staying over at the other’s but without the titles of boyfriend/girlfriend, or expectation it will turn into a proper committed relationship where you end up saying you love each other and build a future together. I don’t recommend ever getting into one, someone is always more invested in one person than the other, just ends in heartbreak and confusion.”
That’s why my situationship advice to you would be to always focus on and prioritize yourself. Here are 15 situationship rules that will help you do just that:
1. Keep it fun and light
What is a situationship if not a casual relationship with no labels and obligations? As Dhriti says, “In a situationship, any conversations about the future are off limits. The focus is on the here and now.” So, if the focus is not the here and now, why not make the most of it? Keep things light and playful, enjoy the present, and don’t get invested in the idea of a shared future.
Weighing in the situationship vs relationship difference, a Reddit user says, “You date each other like you’re in a relationship, but you’re not exclusive. Most of the time, it ends badly because one person will always want more than the other one.” If there is one recurring theme that you may have noticed so far, it’s that there is a very real chance of catching feelings even if you’re unofficially dating.
So, it’s important to check in with yourself from time to time and assess how you feel toward the person you’re in a situationship with. If you do find yourself catching feelings or falling head over heels in love, it’s time to figure out how to get out of a situationship. Don’t stick around, hoping, and wondering, “Can a situationship turn into a relationship?” More often than not, it does not.
Be in tune with your feelings
3. Prioritize yourself
Wondering what to do in a situationship to protect yourself and avoid getting hurt? Make a conscious effort to focus on and prioritize yourself in this connection. Identify why got into a situationship,
Was it for sex?
Or to enjoy the perks of a casual relationship minus the baggage of expectations and commitment?
Not losing focus on your needs will help you prioritize them over that of your partner as well as the relationship itself.
4. Don’t hesitate to vocalize your needs
Speaking of needs, don’t hesitate to be vocal and assertive about yours. Dhriti advises, “Communicate your needs in a situationship clearly, and at the same time, be open to accepting your partner’s needs.” This requires healthy communication on the part of both partners. So, don’t shy away from having a sit-down about what this situationship means to both of you, what you seek from it, and how you intend to go about fulfilling these needs. In doing so, discuss:
Finding a middle ground where there is a mismatch in needs
While it’s normal for situationship partners to not communicate consistently or even offer explanations about periods of absence, don’t let this norm become an excuse for your partner to walk all over you and your schedule or treat you badly. My situationship partner, for instance, would go incommunicado for days and then show up at my door when his schedule cleared up, expecting me to drop everything to hang out with him.
In hindsight, I feel that his sense of entitlement was emboldened by my lack of willingness to say no. Don’t let that happen to you. One of the most vital situationship rules is to always respect your schedule and time so that your partner will too. Here is what you can do:
Discuss when you’d be available to each other
While it’s okay to make impromptu plans once in a while (remember, the idea of a situationship is to have fun), don’t let it become the norm
If your partner disregards your schedule, stand up for yourself
6. Make space for other important relationships in your life
Wondering what to do in a situationship to protect yourself? Here is a piece of situationship advice that can help you find the answer: make sure your entire life doesn’t revolve around this casual, fleeting connection, no matter how good it feels. Nurture space in the connection to nurture other important relationships with friends, coworkers, and family. Leading a well-rounded life is key to not letting a situationship become larger than life.
15 Non-Negotiable Situationship Rules
7. Don’t be afraid to explore
One of the basic situationship rules is that there is no commitment or expectation of exclusivity — unless there has been an explicit conversation about the latter. So don’t hold yourself back from dating or talking to other people. Now, I’m not saying that you absolutely have to date other people. But if someone interesting comes along and you feel like exploring what it could lead to, don’t hold yourself back on account of your situationship. Remember, you’re not in a relationship. At the same time, be mindful of the rules of dating multiple people to protect yourself.
8. Follow the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy
Talking about situationship rules, Dhriti says, “There may be certain things you don’t share with each other, and that’s perfectly normal.” One such thing that I can think of is each other’s experiences with dating or hooking up with other people.
No matter how much you tell yourself that your situationship arrangement is completely casual or how devoid of romantic feelings it may be, there is just no way to know for sure how you or your partner may feel about and react to details of the other person’s dating escapades. As far as that goes, stick to the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy.
Dhriti says, “In a situationship, the entire connection between two people hinges on hiding true feelings and steering clear of any emotional vulnerability. It’s the only way a surface-level involvement can remain just that.” So, naturally, a valuable piece of situationship advice would be to steer clear of letting your guard down in front of your partner.
Don’t tell about your hopes and fears
Don’t discuss past traumas and emotional wounds
Refrain from trading childhood stories
Leave past loves and heartbreak out of the conversation
These are just the kinds of things that pave the way for emotional intimacy in a relationship. Once there is emotional intimacy, romantic feelings are not far behind.
10. Don’t consider them your plus-one
To protect yourself from the risk of falling for your situationship partner, and being left wishfully wondering, “Can a situationship turn into a relationship?”, make sure you don’t have any relationship-like expectations. For instance, expecting your situationship partner to be your plus one to weddings, high school reunions, or even parties.
Doing so indicates that you’ve begun to view them as an integral part of your life, and that goes against the very basic situationship rules of keeping things transient and casual.
11. Discuss whether you want to go public, don’t assume
In a typical relationship, there is the expectation of making things public once both partners commit to each other and there is clarity on how they see their future together. Couples announce being together to their friends, post on social media, attend social events together, and so on.
However, that’s not how it necessarily goes in a situationship. My situationship partner, for instance, didn’t want any of his friends to know that we were a thing. So, one of the important situationship rules is to always discuss whether you want to tell people about your arrangement. To avoid stepping on any toes, never assume.
12. Introducing family and friends may be a no-go
I remember my situationship partner once calling me up to say that he was on his way to pick me up. I was hanging out with friends, so I asked him to take a detour to my location. When he showed up, I insisted that he join us for a drink before we went out. While he did come in and chatted my friends up, he wasn’t pleased that I had taken the liberty to do that. The night was a bust and he became somewhat distant afterwards.
Based on my experience, my situationship advice to you would be to avoid introducing your partner to your friends and family. It just places a lot of pressure and leaves unsaid expectations hanging over a fragile connection, and doesn’t play out well.
13. Set firm boundaries
One of the most critical elements that can help you navigate a situationship successfully is setting boundaries early. Right from the get-go, be clear about what you want from this connection, and let your partner know what’s acceptable and what’s not.
Dhriti agrees, and says, “Boundaries help manage expectations, which is exceedingly important in a situationship. They also help you see the other person for who they really are and not through a colored lens of who you want them to be.” Besides, if and when you get to the point of figuring out how to get out of a situationship, these boundaries will make it easier to cut the cord.
14. Enjoy it while it lasts
In adhering to all the situationship rules I have laid out for you, don’t forget to have fun with your situationship partner and savor this unusual relationship while it lasts. As long as you don’t let feelings into the mix and feel comfortable and secure with the person you’re with, a situationship can be an immensely fun ride. Make the most of it.
A situationship is by definition fleeting in nature. After a point, you will find yourself at a crossroads, where you’re either wondering how to get out of a situationship or can a situationship turn into a relationship. Now, the way forward really depends on both people involved. If the romantic feelings are mutual, a situationship can materialize into something more. For that to happen,
Dhriti advises, “You have to be willing to invest in the relationship, work on building trust, talk about things like commitment and future, and prioritize open communication.” However, more often than not, the end of a situationship is not this idealistic, and people end up parting ways. Either way, know that a situationship cannot last forever. It will either grow into something more or wither away.
Key Pointers
A situationship is a romantic and/or sexual relationship between two people sans any labels, commitment, or expectations
An agreement to keep things casual, no long-term plans, no involvement in each other’s lives, and focus on the here and now are some signs you’re in a situationship
If you find yourself in one, it’s important to navigate it skillfully to avoid getting hurt
Keep it fun and light, being in touch with your feelings, prioritizing yourself, setting boundaries, and being prepared to let go when the connection has run its course are some ways you can do that
Situationship rules can vary depending on the people involved and their circumstances. For instance, for some, staying over at a situationship partner’s place can be a non-started whereas, for others, even taking weekend trips together may be acceptable. While you can establish ground rules that work well for you, make sure you follow these basic ones to make this experience fun and enjoyable rather than an emotionally harrowing ride.
Juhi and I have been together for 6 years. However, we have been arguing with each other daily. We argue about minor things like food preferences or even about what we should watch on tv. And sometimes we argue about major things like her helping her friends and family financially even though we are both saving up money for our personal lives and dreams. Although we love each other, I sometimes feel like there is a growing emotional distance between both of us. Sometimes, when we argue, it feels like she wants to hurt me. She says will poke at things she knows I am sensitive about. These arguments are affecting our intimacy levels too and sometimes I feel like we don’t even trust each other. How can I make my girlfriend love me again? I just want things to be the way they were earlier. The arguments are not only becoming an emotional distress for us both, they are now spilling to our family and loved ones too. What can I do?
Answer
Constant or frequent arguments in a relationship chip away at the connection and safety that partners experience with each other. Not only does it add to your stress, but it prolongs the experience of draining emotions such as disappointment, anger, sadness, etc. Naturally, this lack of safety, connection and shared positive emotions leads to distance in the relationship.
A few things to keep in mind about conflict:
Partners often get caught up in proving themselves right and the other wrong. It’s important to remember that there is no objectively true experience here. While both you and your partner may have experienced the same event, your experience and understanding of that event will be unique, and can be diametrically opposite. Repeat to yourself: two things can be true at the same time.
A lot of these arguments can seem like they’re happening over small, pointless things. When it feels like the response to a given situation is an overreaction, it is safe to assume that the actual problem is not what appears on the surface. A couple arguing over the correct way to cook rice isn’t really arguing about the rice, but the feeling that both experience of the other not validating their experience. Notice the underlying problem. What is this argument really about?
Couples often keep a score board of fights they “won”, wherein one partner was proven right, while the other apologized. If you want a healthy, loving relationship, throw this scoreboard out the window. What’s more important – your relationship or being right?
Notice the patterns in your conflict. Often, your partner will do something that really triggers you, and vice versa. Once you begin to notice them, trace them back to their origin. Chances are, you’re projecting how you felt back then onto the current situation. It helps to ask, “What about my partner makes me respond like this?”
You need to balance out negative interactions with your partner with positive ones. Make an effort to spend quality time together.
Normalize taking time outs from aggravating conversations, but remember to promise to get back to discussing the topic when you have calmed down. Make sure your partner doesn’t feel abandoned in the middle of conflict.
Remember that it is both of you vs the problem and not you vs your partner.
Don’t disrespect or harshly criticize your partner in front of others. Such tactics of humiliation may stroke your ego for the moment, but are disastrous for your relationship. Imagine how deeply hurt and betrayed it would feel to know someone you love bad-mouthed you.
Criticism is often a disguised wish. We criticize things when we wish they were different. Notice the wish you are trying to convey, change your words accordingly, and say that. It makes a world of difference.
FAQs
1. How to make my girlfriend love me again?
The most important thing here is to rebuild safety and connection in the relationship. That requires: 1. Emotional vulnerability 2. Not using your partner’s vulnerability as an opportunity to hurt them 3. Spending quality time together 4. Appreciating your partner for everything they do 5. Addressing and making peace with difference of opinion
2. Why is my girlfriend always mad at me?
If anyone seems to alwaysbe mad at you, not just your girlfriend, they likely have a strong underlying concern which has not been properly addressed. Your girlfriend might have repeatedly complained to you about the same thing over and over again, and maybe no change followed through
3. How to fix things with your girlfriend?
Give it time and be patient with her and yourself If you want things to change between you, things will have to change within both of you Apologising is not beneath you, and neither is modifying your behavior so that you don’t hurt your partner, or vice versa While you work on repairing things between you two, it’s important to simultaneously work on building good memories and feelings. This is what gives your relationship the strength to last through difficult times
David and I have been together for four years, but his actions have caused me a lot of emotional pain. Despite this, I find myself unable to let go. He often dismisses my feelings, making me feel insignificant. He frequently criticizes me, leaving me feeling insecure and unworthy. David has a tendency to ignore me when I need support, leaving me feeling isolated and alone. Despite these hurtful experiences, I still feel deeply attached to him, and I don’t understand why. I want to be able to leave the relationship but I can’t get myself to. Can you help me understand why I’m struggling to let go of this relationship, despite the pain David has caused me? Why am I so attached to someone who hurt me?
Answer:
This is a fairly common concern people come into therapy with – not being able to let go of someone who has hurt them, and continues to hurt them, despite wanting to. This something I share with a lot of my clients, that being with someone like that often comes with a lot of shame. Perhaps you have friends who keep telling you, “Just break up with them!” or, “You need to love yourself enough to walk away from this.” Such statements, though well-intentioned, often carry a lot of judgement. Which often makes it difficult for the person stuck in a bad relationship that much harder to open up to their friends about.
The first order of business here is to release yourself from shame. It is not easy to walk away from someone you love, even when they hurt you. This does not make you weak, or any less worthy of respect. There are several reasons why walking away from such a relationship is so difficult:
You are waiting and desperately hoping for them to change. There must have been good parts in your relationship. No relationship is all good or all bad. You could be holding onto the good, giving multiple second chances in the hopes that maybe this time around, it will be different. After all, hope is stubborn and doesn’t leave easily.
You want to believe that he is better than this, and maybe he has been in the past. All humans hold this deeply subconscious belief that bad things can’t happen to them. It’s what gives us the courage to go through life, even when our safety is not guaranteed. This brings about an urge to deny how bad it really is in your relationship, and how poorly you’re being treated. You may be accepting it intellectually, but not emotionally.
A part of you might believe that you deserve being treated this way, or that it is okay for you to be treated this way. Of course, you don’t want to, but that doesn’t alter your belief. It might benefit to check in on your self-esteem and work on raising it. As the quote goes, “We accept the love we think we deserve.”
The known evil is less terrifying than the unknown. You know what to expect in your relationship. Perhaps, you can even predict your partner’s responses. But there is safety in this familiarity – you know what it is and how it is going to be. Breaking up would mean throwing yourself into the unknown, which hold possibilities of being better and worse. Just a gentle reminder, that fear often lies to us, and we often suffer more in our heads than we do in reality.
Perhaps your partner is good at breadcrumbing you with affection. Treating you well once in a while, just enough to keep that hope in you alive, that things could be better. This is a very common technique used in emotional manipulation. Keep your eyes peeled for it, and avoid falling into the trap.
Lastly, its also possible that you somewhere feel responsible for your partner’s happiness and improvement. Maybe you took on this relationship thinking that love could change him. I’m sure you know this, but it really isn’t your responsibility to make sure others are happy, or to make sure they grow and heal. Your primary responsibility is towards yourself.
In parting, I would just like to tell you that you don’t need the attachment to go away in order to leave someone. Sometimes, to protect yourself, you leave someone even when you love them still. You cannot always reason with your attachment, but you can make a choice for yourself which keeps you physically, mentally and emotionally safe.
FAQs
1. Why do I still have feelings for someone who hurt me?
There are many reasons why you could have feelings for someone who hurt you: 1. You’re hoping they can change 2. You remember the good times with this person and wish to go back to that 3. Your feelings linger from when this person treated you well 4. You’re forgiving of their actions because you might believe it’s okay for them to treat you in this manner 5. You’re scared of the possibility of not having feelings for them
2. How do I stop thinking about someone who hurt me?
1. Give it time. Its important to be kind and patient with yourself, the way you would be with a child. 2.Spend time on creating pockets of joy in your day. These little bursts of happiness can give you enough to get you through 3. Invest in yourself. Do something for yourself that you always wanted to do. Show yourself what the right way of being loved is 4. Work on raising your self-esteem, and detach your self-worth from how others treat you 5. Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself 6. Consider taking therapy or counseling
3. Why do I keep going back to someone who hurts me
We often keep going back to the same situation, despite knowing the answer, because we want it to be different so badly. Hope is stubborn, and it is this hope that brings us back to them.
Has that ring on your finger started to feel like a handcuff? If you feel your husband’s actions have shifted from caring to controlling, you’ve come to the right place. This controlling husband quiz, created by a relationship counselor with a master’s degree in psychology, will help you spot red flags in your marriage.
As spouses, we naturally want what’s best for our partners, so it’s normal to offer opinions and input about their lives. This is why when your husband tries to control you, you might convince yourself he’s doing it for your own good. However, this is a form of emotional abuse. Healthy communication in marriage looks different and doesn’t leave you feeling micromanaged.
Read through the 10 controlling behaviors in the quiz and see how many your husband exhibits. Answer the questions as honestly as possible. Remember, this control issues test is designed to help you understand your situation and work towards a solution
Questions
He stops you from meeting certain friends, or throws a tantrum any time you meet these friends
Often
Rarely
Never
He tells you how to dress and forces you to change if he doesn’t approve of your outfit
Often
Rarely
Never
How often does he get upset when you make plans without him?
Often
Rarely
Never
He becomes jealous of anyone you spend time with
Often
Rarely
Never
He makes you feel guilty for choosing to spend time with your family
Often
Rarely
Never
He asks to go through your phone and social media accounts
Often
Rarely
Never
He respects your privacy and alone time
Often
Rarely
Never
How often do the two of you fight because your husband doesn’t trust you?
Often
Rarely
Never
He blames you for all the problems in your relationship
Often
Rarely
Never
How often does your husband criticise your appearance, opinions, and you in general?
“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny,” said legendary athlete and bestselling author Steve Maraboli. And he was right. But how do you stop loving someone so suddenly? Well, though we talk about detaching emotionally very often, it’s easier said than done. When you find yourself at that crossroads, how to emotionally let go of someone you love becomes a burning concern.
So, if you’re wondering how to let him go or let her go, fret not. In this article, we’ll tell you all about how to unlove someone you love the most. With insights from California-based psychiatrist and cognitive behavior therapist Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in Psychiatry), who specializes in counseling for separation and divorce, breakup and dating, and premarital compatibility issues, we will delve deeper into the signs it’s time to let go, the reasons it’s difficult to do so, and 11 tips to get over someone.
Signs It’s Time To Let Go Of Someone
Before we come to the question of how to emotionally let go of someone you love, let’s focus on the signs you need to walk away. Most of us like to be in long-term relationships — something we can rely on. We want our relationships to be like strong pillars, supporting our lives. We want them to be with us through every odd storm. But is that the case all the time? Well, not all are lucky to have such relationships, and more often than not, we need to voluntarily let some people go, either for our own good or theirs or merely because of the circumstances. This leaves us wondering how to unlove someone you love the most.
Dr. Batra says, “Sometimes, people think that just because they are in a relationship, they have to keep it going. Watch out for the signs, which might indicate otherwise and you’ll see when it’s time to let go of someone, particularly in a romantic relationship.” She thus helps us with 7 signs that help us realize that it’s time to let go of someone:
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1. Lack of respect
So, how do you stop loving someone you once couldn’t live without? Dr. Batra says, “We know it’s time to let someone go when respect seems to be lost in the relationship.” Now, respect can mean different things to different people. For some, it may be the respect that a partner shows toward their career choices, dress sense, or interests. For others, it may be something as simple as sharing household workload equally.
This is what a Reddit user had to say on what disrespect meant to her in a relationship: “If someone walks past the dishes 6 times a day without touching them, don’t believe them if they say they didn’t notice. That’s an adult (one hopes) who is aware that they need clean plates and forks and probably doesn’t believe in fairies. They’ve just decided it’s a better use of your time than theirs.”
2. Lack of trust
Another major sign that it’s time to let go of someone is when there’s no trust left in the relationship. A Reddit user shares his pain of not being trusted enough by his partner and how he decided it was time to let her go: “Essentially, she doesn’t trust or believe things that I say. I’ve noticed it in a lot of different forms, like not believing that I’m at work when I say I am, thinking that I’m talking to other girls behind her back, or thinking that I could get off work early to hang out with her, but just choosing not to, etc.”
Now, lack of trust itself can stem from a lot of issues, such as:
Lack of regular communication
Sneaky behavior, such as hiding your phone from your partner
Blatant flirting (even of the harmless variety)
Past instances of cheating
3. When lies have taken over
How do you stop loving someone so abruptly? Well, a relationship survives on honesty, and when lies take over, there’s enough reason to let go of your partner. A study on the impact of lies in relationships proved that “real lies were found to be the most serious type of lie having malicious intentions, negative consequences, be more self-serving, zero truthfulness, and considered unacceptable.” And this study took into consideration all types of lies, including white lies that didn’t have any serious impact. So, what are some such lies that may be a sign that it’s time to let go of someone? Well, they can be lies about:
Their job or financial status: This could be done in a bid to try and appear richer than they are
A health issue: There could be a terminal illness or any mental health condition that they have hidden or not told you about. This may be a lie of omission
Their relationship status: They may have hidden a past marriage or another partner
4. When you’re in a draining or harmful relationship
To those confused about when to let go of a relationship, Dr. Batra says, “You know it’s time to let go of a relationship if there’s more drain than rejuvenation in it.” And we totally think she’s right. Relationships work only when they’re energizing you or supporting you, not when they’re drawing every ounce of energy that you have. So, what are some examples of draining relationships? Here are a few:
If you’re the one who ends up doing most of the household chores
If you end up being financially drained trying to cater to your partner’s luxuries and whims
When you have no self-esteem left in a relationship, that’s when you know it’s time to let go. It’s also one of the most prominent stages of falling out of love. So, such a scenario can arise when:
You are constantly abused, be it verbally, physically, or emotionally
You are ridiculed in front of your friends or theirs
Your opinion is not asked for when big decisions are made
6. Both your priorities have changed
So, are you wondering when to let go of a relationship? Here is a clear indicator to look out for — growing apart. With time, people change and so do their interests and priorities. While some people may stick to their old selves, most evolve. You know it’s time to let go of your relationship when both your priorities don’t align anymore. This can look something like the following:
Your partner may wish to stay back in their hometown while you wish to move abroad for work
You may place value on hustle – a corporate job, a luxury car, a plush apartment, etc., but your partner may wish to live a laid-back life, running a café in the hills
One of the indicative stages of falling out of love is when there’s an excess of negative emotions. Dr. Batra says, “When negative emotions, like anger and jealousy, have taken over, you know it’s probably time to let go.” In such cases, there can be regular arguments in the relationship about who’s right, anger at one partner for not giving enough to the relationship, and jealousy of a partner’s success. This is one of the oft-repeated answers to the question: “How do you stop loving someone so suddenly?”
Letting Go Of Someone You Love — Why Is It So Hard?
Do you often find yourself wondering, “How can I move on from the person I once loved so dearly?” Well, this is perfectly fine and natural. Dr. Batra says, “When one gets into a romantic relationship, a lot of exchange takes place. Several barriers are lowered and healthy boundaries are expanded to unhealthy levels. A romantic partner is the one person with whom an individual goes that extra mile. Sometimes, it’s like putting all your eggs in one basket. That is why letting go seems hard.” Here are a few reasons why letting go of someone may be hard, though necessary:
1. You’ve invested time in this person
Dr. Batra feels, “It’s extremely tough for a person to leave a relationship that they’ve invested a significant amount of time in.” And we agree. People often find it hard to split with long-term partners or even file for a divorce on legitimate grounds if they’ve been together for 10 or 20 years. It makes you think the time you’ve spent with them will go to waste.
There will be tell-tale signs it’s time to let go of someone
2. You’ve adjusted a lot
Another reason why letting go of someone and moving forward is hard is because you may have adjusted or changed yourself a lot just to be with that person. So, you may have:
Left a job to turn into a homemaker for this person
Turned vegan from a non-vegetarian just to adjust to their lifestyle
Changed your religion to cater to their religious views
So, you may feel that your personality is not intertwined with theirs and you don’t know who you are without this relationship. The idea of leaving the person now may affect your emotional health.
3. You have mutual friends
Dr. Batra says, “You’ll find it quite difficult to let go of a partner if your friend or social circles are intersecting.” This is how it may affect you:
Your friends may take sides, and you may end up losing a few common friends
You may find it awkward to visit social events that have common friends attending
Your partner may end up revealing your personal issues and secrets to your common friends, often blaming you
This is why you probably ask yourself repeatedly, “How can I move on from my partner so easily?”
A lot of times, we end up being used to a partner’s toxic or negative ways and means, without even realizing it. In such cases, learning to let go is difficult. Dr. Batra says, “You may find it tough to emotionally let go of a person when you’re conditioned to them. So, happy memories may hit you often. You may be reminded of vacations, anniversaries, or bringing up kids together. So, you may feel comfortable with the status quo. This may also make you wonder, “How can I move on from my love so quickly?”
Here’s what a Reddit user had to say about the same: “After you’ve been with someone for a while, it becomes comfortable. Even if it’s toxic and unhealthy, it’s still comfortable and familiar. It’s a whole lot less depressing to focus on the good things instead of the bad things.”
5. You may have FOMO (the fear of missing out)
Dr. Batra says, “In many cases, I’ve found my clients ending up with FOMO and thinking they might be wrong about their romantic partners.” In such cases, people may hold on to their toxic relationships in the hope that their partners might turn around and change their ways someday. They fear that they will be missing out on the evolved versions of their partners if they leave them. So, this is why you probably can’t make up your mind about walking away from someone you love.
Letting go of someone you love can be very hard
Therapist Shares Tips On How To Emotionally Let Go Of Someone You Love
So, now that you have a clear idea of the signs that it’s time to let go of someone and why such a decision may seem hard for you, are you looking out for some tips to get over someone? Are you always wondering, “How can I get over someone with grace and without hurting them?”
Well, you see, letting go requires detaching emotionally and making a decision based on reason rather than emotions. And though it may be tough initially and may make you wonder, “How can I move on?”, in the long run, it may turn out to be the best relationship decision you’ve ever made, as it will free you of unhealthy and unrealistic expectations and boost your self-esteem.
Dr. Batra shares 11 tips on walking away from someone you love with grace in this section. So, let’s not waste any more time and dive straight into the art of letting go and moving on. Here are the tips on how to unlove someone you love the most:
Dr. Batra thinks, “It’s extremely important for you to know exactly why you’re letting them go. This is for your own clarity and it will act as a reminder that you’ve made the best decision.” So, here’s how to go about it:
Write these reasons down in a journal, so that you remember them later
Stick to your decision and don’t waver
2. Make an action plan
If you’re clueless about how to move on from a relationship, well, making an action plan is necessary. In case you’ve already invested a lot, be it emotionally, physically, or financially, in the relationship, it may be a tough decision to stay apart. For instance, you may have kids to take care of or a house to manage.
Dr. Batra suggests, “Recognize the life you will have after you let go. This is absolutely necessary if you’re always asking yourself, “How can I get over someone? So, start working toward that life now.” For instance:
If you need a divorce, make arrangements with a lawyer for a legitimate alimony
If you need financial support, start looking for a job or other avenues to earn before leaving them
If you’re wondering how to stay away from someone you love without hurting them, the answer is: by being respectful. Dr. Batra advises, “If you’re still learning to let go, it’s very important that you maintain respect when you communicate with your partner about ending the relationship. It shows you can let go gracefully and without spite.” So, make sure:
You don’t gaslight them
There’s no abusive language used
You don’t ridicule them or make sarcastic comments
You don’t start a blame game
4. Be mindful
Being mindful is one of the most significant steps in learning to let go. Dr. Batra suggests, “Recognize what you are going to gain and lose in this process. Be mindful of what is to come and what you should expect.” So, you may gain your independence or self-respect back after letting go and moving on from a toxic partner, but you may end up losing a long-term bond, your common friends, or a plush house that you shared. You should be able to weigh the pros and cons and make a well-informed decision. This is how to emotionally let go of someone you love, in case you’re always asking yourself, “How can I get over someone?”
The best way to deal with letting go and moving on is to accept the hurt. Dr. Batra suggests, “Accept that pain is inevitable while grieving a relationship and you will be emotional about it.” So, instead of going into denial mode, where you’re always smiling or sharing ‘be positive’ motivational quotes on social media, try and do a reality check. Own your emotions and accept that you’re sad. Only then will you find peace.
6. Reach out to others
Spending time with others is how to move on from a relationship effectively. When going through an emotional roller-coaster, it’s crucial to get in touch with your friends (or one best friend), family members, and other well-wishers, such as like-minded people in a support group. Dr. Batra says, “Reach out to those who are your support and stress busters. You need these people now more than ever, especially if you’ve been going through post-infidelity stress after being cheated on and have finally been able to let go. In any case, your other relationships shouldn’t have ever been pushed to the back burner.”
My friend, Alice, was down in the dumps when she decided to let go of her boyfriend of 8 years after he cheated on her with a coworker. In fact, for weeks before breaking up, she wondered how to let him go without making it bitter. After she broke up, another friend and I decided to cheer her up, and we would take turns calling her up every day and checking on her. We also made sure she got out of her house and would arrange get-togethers every weekend for a couple of months, till we were sure she was over him.
7. Look for positivity
If you’re clueless about how to stay away from someone you love, try looking for positivity. Dr. Batra feels, “It’s imperative, in these times, to look at everything else in your life that’s still good and still beautiful. A positive attitude always helps.” So, if you love the cool breeze that brushes your face when you go out to jog every morning, go jogging more often. If you like the fragrance of the flowers that adorn your houseplant, water the plant more often. If you love playing the guitar or reading, do it more often. Remember that you’re still whole and beautiful by yourself.
8. Engage in charity
Dr. Batra says, “In these tough times, you can engage in something beyond yourself so that you can get your mind away from your own woes. Charity, for example, helps a lot.” So, here’s what you can do:
Rejuvenating the brain is very important as you try to ascertain how to emotionally let go of someone you love. Dr. Batra suggests, “Indulge in learning something new if you’re grieving a breakup or the end of a relationship. Anything. It could be a hobby or something you have no idea about but always wanted to try. Such new activities stimulate new brain cells.”
So, here’s what you can do if you’re wondering how to let him go or let her go without making a mess:
Join a Zumba or fitness class
Take up a hobby you once loved, such as pottery, music, or painting
Learn a new activity that you’ve never tried before
10. Learn from your mistakes
Addressing the dilemma of how to emotionally let go of someone you love, Dr. Batra suggests, “Introspect and think about things that you could have done differently. And forgive yourself too.” While we agree, we would also like to state that it’s equally important not to blame yourself for the split. Remember, adjustments in a marriage or a relationship can be made from both ends. So, while it’s fine to be aware of your flaws, make sure you don’t feel guilty for ending the difficult relationship. This could be the answer to how to move on from a relationship with grace.
If even after trying everything to cope with this situation, you still feel helpless, try consulting a mental health professional. Dr. Batra says, “I know you can manage and you have friends and family to guide you, but seeking professional help is always a better idea, as experts are trained to help you cope emotionally and make the process seamless. Yes, you may face some tough questions, but it will be worth it.” If you need any help, Bonobology’s counseling services are here for you.
Key Pointers
Some signs it’s time to let go of someone are: a draining or unhealthy relationship, lies, lack of trust, and lack of respect
It’s often hard to let go of someone you love because: you may have adjusted to their ways, you may have common friends, and you’re used to them
Wondering how to emotionally let go of someone you love? Well, to let go of someone emotionally, you can make an action plan, be respectful, reach out to others, and consult a mental health professional
So, we hope we’ve been able to resolve all your queries about emotionally letting go of someone you love. You see, relationships don’t operate on on-off switches. It’s also not as easy to forget someone as it is to suggest detaching yourself.
But if a connection has turned toxic and if all you can see is a dead end, it’s better to be safe than sorry. And there’s no point in grieving a relationship that you feel is impossible to fix. Remember, a relationship is also about you and your desires and feelings. So, you are a whole being by yourself. Now that you know how to move on from a relationship, go ahead and let go of anything that limits you as soon as you feel ready. Look for healthier connections and a new relationship! Make new memories!
How can you tell if your fiancé is cheating? This isn’t typically a question you expect to be grappling with when you’re engaged to the man of your dreams. There you are neck-deep in planning mode, scouring venues, looking for dresses, finalizing décor and menu, but something begins to feel off.
Perhaps, your fiancé doesn’t seem as invested in your shared future as he used to be. Or, there is an emotional distance in the relationship. Or maybe, you can’t quite put a finger on why but your gut instinct is telling you, you’re dealing with a cheating fiancé. This unshakable feeling can bring you to a strong crossroads.
On the one hand, there are all your hopes and dreams. On the other, the abject reality of your fiancé cheating on you. No matter how hard you try, you can’t walk down the rosy road unless you have gotten to the bottom of your suspicions. To that end, we bring this lowdown on the red flags of cheating your fiancé may be displaying.
How Can You Tell If Your Fiancé Is Cheating — Pay Attention To These 15 Signs
“My fiancé is cheating on me.” This is a realization that sets you up for a world of pain and hurt. The fact that the man you loved, respected, and trusted so deeply that you wanted to spend your life with him chose to betray you can be a shattering blow that can leave you feeling upended. On the other hand, being accused of infidelity when innocent can be extremely hurtful for your partner and can seriously dent your relationship.
That’s why it’s critical to be doubly sure of what it is you’re dealing with before confronting your fiancé and straight up asking, “Are you cheating on me?” So, how can you tell if your fiancé is cheating on you? We bring you 15 signs that will confirm or assuage your suspicions with near certainty:
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1. There are times you can’t reach your fiancé
Unexplained absence is the first warning sign of cheating in relationships. While you and your partner don’t have to (and shouldn’t) be joined at the hip at all times, in a serious relationship that is headed for marriage, it’s only natural to be in touch throughout the day.
However, if suddenly, there are times you can’t reach your fiancé or don’t know of their whereabouts, it could be an indicator of your fiancé cheating on you. The red flags of cheating in this can be:
Having no idea about where your fiancé is
Being unable to reach them on the phone
Your partner ignoring inquiries about their whereabouts
This behavior becomes a pattern that repeats cyclically
2. His schedule has become unpredictable
A fiancé cheating on you would need to clear up time in their schedule for their transgressions. That would require a change in their schedule. Now, if your fiancé were to go out at the same time every week to meet his affair partner, it would raise questions.
To avoid that, your cheating partner may want to mix things up. The best way of doing that is to keep his schedule unpredictable. If your fiancé’s day went like clockwork in the past but now you just don’t know what his schedule would look like, it could be a cover for spending time with his affair partner. This is one of the oldest cheating techniques to avoid getting caught. Here is what an unpredictable schedule may look like:
Putting in late nights at work
Making impromptu plans with friends
‘Forgetting’ to tell you about a weekend engagement till the last minute
Crashing at a friend’s place after a night of partying
How can you tell if your fiancé is cheating? Remember, cheating in relationships takes a toll not just on the betrayed partner but also on the betrayer. After all, it’s not easy to balance two relationships or sleep around on the sly while keeping the appearance of a happy relationship with the primary partner. This may make a cheating fiancé irritable.
This rather subtle shift is what led my friend Mandy to the “my fiancé is cheating on me” realization. Her fiancé, Jake, has been a cool-headed, Zen guy for as long as we’ve known him. However, just weeks into their engagement, he started snapping at Mandy often and seemed irritable whenever he was around her.
The behavior didn’t make sense to her at all. So, she started digging around and discovered that Jake had been having an affair with a coworker since before their engagement. She dumped her cheating fiancé promptly. While the road to recovery from this grueling heartbreak was tough, Mandy says she is better off without him.
4. Inexplicable changes in your sex life
Different people can offer different answers to what is cheating in a relationship. However, if there is one form of cheating that remains absolutely unambiguous it is sexual infidelity. If your partner has been sleeping with someone else, it will reflect in the changes in your sex life. These can include,
A decreased interest in sex
A heightened sex drive
A change in sexual behaviors wants, and desires
If there are no other factors to explain these changes, the way your partner behaves in your intimate moments could amount to physical signs of infidelity.
5. A changed relationship with the phone points to your fiancé cheating on you
Suspicious phone behavior is a sign of cheating
It’s no secret that in this day and age, one doesn’t have to step out of their home to cheat on a partner. A smartphone and internet connectivity is all it takes to carry out a full-blown affair right under your nose. A fiancé cheating on you will invariably use his phone to stay connected to his affair partner and this will lead to some unmistakable cell phone cheating signs.
If you’re wondering how to catch your partner cheating, pay attention to the changes in phone habits. Here are a few tell-tale indicators to look out for:
Changing the phone password often or password-protecting certain apps
Keeping the phone face down
Keeping the phone angled away from you
Spending way too much time texting
Stepping out to attend certain phone calls
Spending an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom with the phone
6. Evasive body language is among the physical signs of infidelity
A cheating partner will be wary of getting caught and this will reflect in their body language around you, especially when they see you after a rendezvous with their affair partner/person they’re cheating with. Since you know your fiancé well, it should be hard to spot these physical signs of infidelity:
Not making eye contact
Avoiding hugging you
Shying away from greeting you with a kiss
Being shifty and on edge
These behaviors may prompt you to ask, “Are you cheating on me?” However, I recommend that you wait until you’ve figured out how to prove infidelity before you have that conversation.
No matter how slick the cheating methods, infidelity invariably takes a toll on the emotional intimacy between a couple. An unfaithful partner will not be able to connect with you the same way he did before. If you are wondering, how can you tell if your fiancé is cheating, pay attention to the emotional connection between you two.
If your fiancé has suddenly started acting emotionally distant and aloof, it is one of the clearest red flags of cheating. A Reddit user who was pregnant when she found out that her fiancé had been cheating on her also experienced this emotional distance in her relationship. “I noticed he was first off like two weeks ago after we came home from my friend’s place after hanging out. He seemed distant but I just chalked it up to him being tired, but then he continued to be a little distant.
“When I got into our home the kitchen hadn’t been cleaned from what was obviously a romantic dinner and when I got to the bedroom the sheets were a mess and a woman’s lingerie was on the floor by the door. And his pants and their shoes were in the hallway very obviously hastily taken off on the way to our shared bedroom, our shared bed, our shared everything, and OUR sacred place.”
15 signs your fiancé is cheating on you
8. Fun and banter seem to have vanished from your relationship
The toll of a partner’s cheating methods is felt deeply in the dynamics of the relationship. If your fiancé is cheating on you, he will struggle to connect with you like before. As a result, you may notice that fun and banter in the relationship seem to be depleting. Here is what it may look like:
He doesn’t laugh the same way when you crack a running inside joke
Those days when you’d have pillow fights and then peel over with laughter are a thing of the past
He doesn’t fight with you over the last slice of pizza or the remote
There are no pillow talks about everything and nothing
You don’t spend lazy weekend afternoons joking, laughing and talking
Instead, perhaps, your fiancé now spends all his time on his phone or mindlessly binge-watching stuff on the internet. Even when you try to engage with him, you’re met with disinterest or a hostile attitude.
At a time when you’re planning a wedding, it’s only natural that you’d both save up and direct resources toward the big day and your life together. However, if your fiancé’s finances begin to look shaky without any apparent reason, it could be one of the undeniable red flags of cheating.
After all, infidelity costs money — booking hotel rooms, going out on dates, buying presents, and so on. So if you’re wondering how to catch your partner cheating, paying attention to his finances may be a good starting point. Here is what to look out for:
Frequent cash withdrawals
Bank statement
Credit cards or bank accounts kept hidden from you
Dipping into savings to meet expenses
10. He starts needing a lot of personal space
How can you tell if your fiancé is cheating? A sudden need for space is among the behaviors that signal infidelity. If your fiancé has a new romantic interest, he’d want to spend more and more time with her — such is the nature of a blooming romance. The only way he can do that is by being away from you. That’s why, a sudden need for space in the relationship. Now, there is nothing wrong with needing personal space but if your partner suddenly requires too much of it, it’s a cause for concern.
My cousin, Ishika, who moved to Boston to live with the man she was engaged to learned this the hard way. “Amay was a doting partner for as long as we were in a long-distance relationship and could only spend a couple of weeks together at a time. Despite the distance and the different time zones, he made an effort to stay connected. We’d have virtual dates, call each other several times a day, and text as often as possible.
“However, after I moved in, his attitude changed completely. He’d get annoyed by the things he once found adorable and constantly told me to leave him alone. It felt bizarre at first, but now that I know my fiancé is cheating on me and has a parallel relationship going with a married woman he can’t be with, it’s all starting to make so much sense,” she says.
11. Your fiancé gets defensive if asked questions about their changed behavior
Picture this: Determined to figure out how to prove infidelity and get your fiancé to admit to his cheating ways, you decide to ask him questions about the changes you have been noticing in his behavior. However, you just cannot manage to get a straight answer from him. Instead, he gets defensive and responds with counter-questions like,
Why is that important?
Why do you want to know?
Why are we talking about it now?
Do you not trust me?
We’re getting married. Is this the level of trust you have in me?
Gaslighting a partner into thinking that they’re crazy to even suspect infidelity is one of the classic cheating techniques used to get away with one’s transgressions. If your fiancé resorts to it, they may not just be guilty of cheating but also manipulating you.
12. Criticism and judgment have replaced love and affection in your relationship
His attitude toward you will change
How can you tell if your fiancé is cheating, you wonder? Forget looking for sneaky cheating techniques or tangible proof, you can pick up the scent of infidelity in your relationship from your partner’s attitude toward you.
Has your loving and affectionate fiancé suddenly become critical of you?
Does he find faults with everything you do?
Do you find it hard to recall when was the last time he appreciated something you did?
Is he always making snide remarks about your appearance, career, and life choices?
This shift in his attitude could be because he has fallen into the comparison trap. Just like a child enamored by a new toy, perhaps, he, too, is so taken by his new romantic interest that everything you do pales in comparison.
13. He doesn’t talk about the future as enthusiastically
The “my fiancé is cheating on me” realization may begin to dawn on you if along with other signs, he no longer seems excited by the prospect of your shared future together. If your fiancé has another sexual partner or is emotionally invested in someone else, it’s only natural that the idea of spending his life with you won’t bring him joy.
Remember the widely popular interview clip from then Prince Charles and Princess Diana’s engagement interview. In response to the reporter’s question Charles says, “Whatever ‘in love’ means.” Well, we all know how that panned out and why. When there is another woman in your fiancé’s life, it’s no wonder the idea of a future with you will make him feel trapped or stifled rather than enthusiastic and joyous.
If you have been wondering, “How can you tell if your fiancé is cheating?”, notice how he talks about your upcoming wedding. If the burden of planning the entire thing has fallen squarely on your shoulders and your fiancé couldn’t be any more bothered by the details than he’d be if he were attending a stranger’s wedding, there is a distinct possibility that he has checked out emotionally.
The presence of another woman is one of the most plausible explanations as to why a man who proposed to you would suddenly seem so uninterested in his upcoming nuptials.
15. You feel he is second-guessing his decision to marry you
Cheating in relationships alters the couples’ connection at a very fundamental level. In light of it, it’d be no surprise if your cheating fiancé begins to rethink marrying you. He may,
Yes, this could be the result of pre-wedding jitters. But when accompanied by other signs your fiancé is cheating on you, this is a pretty solid indicator that your suspicions might be true.
How To Deal With A Fiancé Cheating On You
If you can relate to all or most of the signs listed above, there is no point racking your brains over how to catch your partner cheating. While you may not have any substantive proof, these signs all but confirm your suspicions. I’m sorry that you find yourself in this position because there is no easy way out of this. Coming to terms with the fact that your fiancé has been cheating on you can be heartbreaking, devastating, and absolutely crushing.
Upon discovering that her fiancé was cheating on her with her best friend, a Reddit user had this to say: “Even thinking about it my heart is breaking, I feel like I’ve been gaslit for years and I feel like I’m going crazy, We get married in a week from now and I feel like I’ve been wasting my time and I don’t know what to do.”
I can imagine you share her agony and confusion about where to go from here. To help you make sense of your confounding emotions, here are a few tips on dealing with a fiancé cheating on you:
Gather proof: First of all, no matter how relatable you find these signs of a cheating fiancé, don’t go by just these or your gut feeling. Even if both are spot-on, it gives your fiancé a chance to gaslight you and get away with his transgressions. So, before you do anything else, gather tangible proof of his infidelity
Have a conversation: Once you have proof, go ahead and ask the question you’ve been dying to: are you cheating on me? Give your fiancé a chance to explain himself and put forth his side. As hard as it may be, listen patiently and talk calmly. If you need to, take some time to process the blow of being cheated on before you confront your fiancé. No good can come of a conversation if tempers are flaring and you’re both just yelling and screaming at one another
Decide what you want: Based on the nature of the infidelity, your fiancé’s response upon being confronted, your emotional and financial state, and any other relevant factors, decide whether you want to stay and give your cheating fiancé another chance or move on
Seek help: Irrespective of what you decide, you will need help to work through the emotional turmoil of being cheated on. I strongly recommend seeking professional help. Depending on whether you choose to stay with your fiancé or part ways, this can be either couples therapy or individual counseling. A skilled mental health professional can help you acknowledge your emotional wounds and deal with them the right way. If you’re considering getting help, Bonobology’s counseling services are here for you
Focus on healing and self-care: To recover from the trauma of being cheated on, you need to prioritize yourself. Above all else, focus on healing and practice self-care. This can be in the form of journaling, exploring new hobbies, following your passions, or learning to put yourself and your needs first
Key Pointers
Your fiancé cheating on you is devastating but if you feel something is off, it’s worth looking into
So, how can you tell if your fiancé is cheating? Physical and emotional unavailability, lack of interest in the wedding and your life together, and changes in patterns of sexual intimacy are some signs to look out for
If you spot the signs of a cheating fiancé, dig deeper and amass some tangible proof before confronting him
Recovering from the blow of infidelity isn’t easy. Give yourself time to decide what you want to do next
Whatever you decide, make sure to prioritize self-care and healing. Consider getting professional help to work through your emotional wounds
I hope you now have adequate insight into how can you tell if your fiancé is cheating on you and what to do if your worst fears come true. Dealing with the blow of infidelity is never easy but you can get through it. Just take it one day at a time.
Every bride-to-be knows what an exciting and exhilarating experience it is to put together a wedding of her dreams. A pivotal part of making the process easier and the wedding day that much more dazzling are your bridesmaids. Not only do they see you through the most stressful moments of wedding planning but also add elegance and charm to the wedding party, not to mention, taking on the crucial role of keeping you comfortable and your nerves calm.
Naturally, you’d want such an important part of your journey toward marital bliss to be highlighted and recognized on the big day. One way of doing that is choosing the most exquisite dresses for your bridesmaids. When we think of bridesmaid dresses, satin comes up as a natural frontrunner for choice of fabric. But why is satin such a popular choice? And is it right for you? Let’s find out
The popularity of satin bridesmaid dresses
Satin bridesmaid dresses have surged in popularity, thanks to their timeless elegance and versatile appeal. Here’s why they’ve become a top choice:
Luxurious aesthetic: The smooth texture and subtle sheen of this fabric exude luxury, elevating the overall look of bridal parties
Flattering fit: The fabric drapes gracefully, flattering diverse body types and ensuring bridesmaids feel confident and comfortable
Practicality: This free-flowing fabric is resistant to wrinkles, making it ideal for maintaining a sophisticated look throughout the long wedding festivities, right from the ceremony to reception
Timelessness: It’s a classic choice that has stood the test of time while other trendy fabrics come and go
Versatility: Styling options with satin are limited only by your imagination. This versatile fabric can be used to craft the most versatile and stunning designs, right from traditional floor-length gowns to modern midi styles
The timeless elegance of satin bridesmaid dresses can hardly be questioned. But what makes it so? Well, there are a host of reasons why the satin fabric and bridesmaid dresses are a match made in heaven. They range from the luxurious texture and subtle sheen of the fabric to its ability to flatter diverse body types, and resist wrinkles. Besides, satin dresses fit right into a variety of themes, vibes, and styles, ranging from formal and traditional to chic and modern.
Characteristics of satin fabric
Before we delve into the intricacies of satin dresses for bridesmaids and how to zero-in on the perfect fit and style, let’s take a closer look at what makes this fabric such a timeless classic.
Characteristics of satin fabric
What is satin?
Satin is a lustrous fabric known for its smooth texture and glossy surface. It is created using a weaving technique that produces a shiny front side and a dull backside. Typically made from silk, polyester, or a blend of both, satin has a luxurious feel and appearance.
Its tightly woven fibers give it a fluid drape, making it ideal for elegant garments like evening gowns, lingerie, and of course, bridesmaid dresses. Satin’s versatility and timeless allure have cemented its status as a staple in the world of fashion and textile production.
The satin fabric can be cut in several different ways, each offering an equally flattering fit and drape:
Bias cut: Cutting satin on the bias enhances its drape and fluidity, accentuating curves while minimizing bulk
Princess seams: Incorporating princess seams creates a tailored silhouette, flattering the body’s natural contours
Gathered or draped details: Utilizing gathers or draping techniques adds texture and interest, enhancing the fabric’s luxurious appeal
Careful pattern placement: Strategic pattern placement can highlight or disguise certain areas, optimizing the garment’s overall flattery
Smooth seams and finishes: Employing techniques like French seams or rolled hems maintains the fabric’s smooth surface, ensuring a polished and professional finish
Matching Satin Bridesmaid Dresses
Silhouette
Satin fabric lends itself to a variety of flattering silhouettes such as:
A-Line: The A-line silhouette flares gently from the waist, creating a flattering shape
Sheath: Sleek and form-fitting, the sheath silhouette accentuates curves while maintaining a sophisticated, streamlined look
Ball gown: Perfect for formal occasions, the ball gown silhouette features a fitted bodice and voluminous skirt, exuding romance and grandeur
Fit and flare: Combining the elegance of a sheath with the drama of a ball gown, the fit and flare silhouette hugs the body before flaring out at the hips, creating a stunning hourglass effect
The trends in satin dresses often reflect a blend of timeless elegance with modern sophistication:
Slip dresses: Effortlessly chic, slip dresses in satin offer a minimalist aesthetic with delicate straps and fluid silhouettes
Wrap styles: Satin wrap dresses are gaining popularity, featuring flattering waist ties and asymmetrical hemlines for a touch of contemporary flair
Bold colors: Vibrant hues like emerald green, rich burgundy, and deep navy are trending, adding a bold and luxurious statement to satin garments
Texture play: Textured satin, such as hammered or jacquard satin, introduces visual interest and dimension to dresses, elevating their appeal with subtle yet striking details
Matching Satin Bridesmaid Dresses
Matching satin bridesmaid dresses has been a popular trend in bridal fashion. One of the key reasons why it has been the go-to choice for dazzling bridesmaids to put their best forward for the bride-to-be is the versatility and pliability of this fabric, which allows weaving in an element of cohesion and uniformity while also retaining a touch of individuality.
For instance, choosing similar styles or varying shades from a specific color palette allows each bridesmaid to express their individuality while maintaining a cohesive look. Whether in classic neutrals or contemporary jewel tones, matching satin bridesmaid dresses create a polished aesthetic that accentuates the appeal of the entire ceremony.
Basic principles for selecting matching satin dresses for bridesmaids
Selecting matching satin dresses for bridesmaids revolves around two fundamental principles — cohesion and individuality. Cohesion ensures a harmony with the overall theme and creates a unified aesthetic. Individuality empowers bridesmaids to select styles that flatter their body types and suit their personal preferences. Striking this balance is crucial for ensuring that while a bride’s image manifests perfectly on her wedding day, each member of the Team Bride feels confident and resplendent in their chosen attire. Here are some considerations to be mindful of in order to strike that balance:
Selecting the right accessories to complement matching satin dresses is a vital part of the process. Here are the key considerations for accessorizing satin bridesmaid dresses the right way:
Choose accessories in hues that complement the dresses
Work with subtle embellishments like pearls or crystals add elegance without overpowering the dress
Lean in favor of versatile accessories like dainty necklaces, stud earrings, and bracelets can be chosen based on the style of the dress.
Hairstyle
The way you style your hair can make or break a look. That’s why bridesmaids must carefully choose hairstyling options keeping in mind the following:
Dress necklines: Opt for hairstyles that accentuate the neckline of the dresses. Now, this can mean choosing updos or half-up styles for high-neck dresses, or flowing locks or side-swept styles for strapless or sweetheart necklines
Accessories: Choose a hairstyle keeping in mind any hair accessories that are part of the ensemble, such as tiaras, hairpins, or floral crowns
Hair texture: Take into account the natural texture and length of hair to select styles that brings out your face
Matching the wedding theme
Aligning matching satin dresses with the wedding theme brings out the element of harmony even more. Here are some tips on matching satin bridesmaid dresses with the overall wedding theme:
Color palette: Choose shades that complement the overall color scheme of the wedding
Style: Select dress styles that reflect the vibe of the wedding theme, whether it’s classic and traditional or modern and trendy
Detailing: Choose details such as embellishments or textures based on the wedding decor and venue
Personalizing matching bridesmaid satin dresses is vital to ensure some of the most important people in the wedding party are comfortable and at ease. Here are some way to achieve that:
Offer alterations to ensure each bridesmaid’s dress fits perfectly
Encourage bridesmaids to accessorize with items that reflect their personal taste
Make room for custom embellishments or alterations
Work with a selection of shades within the chosen color palette to accommodate different skin tones and personal preferences
Tips for buying satin bridesmaid dresses
Tips for buying satin bridesmaid dresses
When buying satin bridesmaid dresses, the following factors can ensure a seamless shopping experience
Style: Give the bridesmaids freedom to choose dress styles that flatter their body types, of course, working within the parameters of the wedding theme
Price: Discuss and set a budget for bridesmaid dresses so that no one feels an unnecessary pinch in the pocket on account of being in your bridal party. When setting a budget, factor in additional costs for alterations and accessories. Then, look for retailers or designers offering discounts or promotions to maximize savings without compromising quality
Timing: Start shopping for bridesmaid dresses early to allow time for fittings, alterations, and delivery. Coordinate with bridesmaids to accommodate their schedules and preferences while ensuring dresses are ordered well in time to avoid any last-minute panic
Choosing the perfect bridesmaid dresses can be an elaborate, often taxing, process. But with clarity of vision, being in sync with your bridesmaids, and choosing a fabric like satin that you just can’t go wrong with, you can check this item off your wedding to-do list rather seamlessly.
