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  • I Spent $85 to Eat Breakfast With Santa

    I Spent $85 to Eat Breakfast With Santa

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    For all of my life, I thought eating breakfast with Santa was totally normal. Every year, he would come to my church in western New York and sit in the corner of the reception hall for a few hours. (Sometimes, he was played by my dad or my cousin Frank.) The kids would eat pancakes and drink hot chocolate in his presence and work up their courage. Whenever they felt ready, they could meet the big guy and discuss whatever they needed to. And then they would get a candy cane.

    Random adult members of the congregation sometimes joined too, usually because they knew the man under the beard and had no complaint with a hot breakfast. It was all very casual. So I didn’t think it would be a big deal when I mentioned to my mother this year that my favorite minor-league baseball team, the Brooklyn Cyclones, was planning to hold a breakfast-with-Santa event at their stadium in Coney Island and that I intended to go. She is a woman who has, to this day, never conceded to me or my siblings that Santa does not exist (he finally left us a retirement note last year). I thought she would appreciate this and say something like “Fun!” Instead, she looked at me with concern and said, “It’s really not appropriate to go to that without children.”

    Really? It’s not inappropriate to go to the Brooklyn Cyclones’ stadium at other times without children, but as soon as Santa gets there, I’m banned? I found myself polling friends and people at work about whether it was okay for me to go, and then I received a second surprise: Many people in my life hadn’t heard of breakfast with Santa at all. “Maybe it’s a Rust Belt or northern thing?” one suggested. Pancakes and Santa? A regional thing? A regional thing and only for children?

    I contacted a Santa Claus expert—Jacqueline Woolley, a psychology professor at the University of Texas at Austin, who was at the time preparing for an academic conference about Santa—in hopes of finding some backup. She had never heard of breakfast with Santa. “When you mentioned it, I looked online and apparently it’s been around for many years,” she told me.

    It has, all over the country, and I love it. But I’m now experiencing a small personal crisis. I don’t think I’m what one of my friends called a “Christmas adult,” a seasonal version of the so-called Disney adults who are obsessed with the Magic Kingdom. I think I’m just a woman who enjoys a special little outing at Christmastime. So, I decided to go to breakfast with Santa by myself this year in defiance of all those closest to me. The idea was to revisit a childhood tradition with the mind of a grown-up to see if it held up—and to see if partaking felt “inappropriate.” (The idea was also: pancakes on The Atlantic’s dime.) Could a case be made for breakfast with Santa, not just for children but for everyone?

    To maximize the intensity of the experience, I picked the breakfast with Santa on the sixth floor of Macy’s, the famous department store in Midtown Manhattan—arguably the birthplace of the modern concept of interacting one-on-one with Santa Claus (and of the set of Miracle on 34th Street, a charming but ultimately evil movie about manipulating your mother into leaving a gorgeous Manhattan apartment to move to Long Island). Breakfast would be $75—or $85 if I wanted a seat by the windows, which I did. I got an 8:30 a.m. reservation on Saturday.

    One thing I couldn’t consider in so many words as a kid was the fact that Santa is an adult, a stranger, and a celebrity. Most people, if they’re normal, aren’t comfortable walking into a new room and immediately approaching someone like that with the goal of asking them for something. The idea of the breakfast is that you get a longer festive experience, plenty of time to adjust to your surroundings and to the task at hand before executing it. “Santa is not just a stranger,” the child psychologist and writer Cara Goodwin pointed out when I posed this to her. From the perspective of a child, he’s also a stranger who is potentially judging them.

    Goodwin takes her own kids to a breakfast with Santa at a hotel in Charlottesville, Virginia. “Even if they’re not excited to meet Santa, you can say, ‘Okay, well, we’re going to have pancakes.’ That could be something they are motivated to do.” Then, while they’re eating their pancakes, Santa is just kind of walking around, so they get a chance to see him before they have to talk with him. This should take off some of the pressure, though the strategy is not without risk, obviously: If a kid is already starting to wonder whether Santa is real, they may find it suspicious that Santa is eating breakfast with them at a random hotel in Virginia.

    This wouldn’t be an issue for me, because, if the real Santa were going to have breakfast somewhere, the Macy’s in New York City would actually make sense. But thinking about the pancakes did help me get out the door. To avoid seeming overzealous, I wore a black turtleneck and an ankle-length brown skirt—one of the drearier outfits that has ever been worn to a breakfast with Santa. On the way to Manhattan, I watched a YouTube video of a previous breakfast with Santa at Macy’s to see if anybody was eating alone. The answer was no.

    I was seated, naturally, in between two families with young children. A little girl to my right, who was wearing the same red dress as her sister (classic) was trying to eat the whole ball of butter from the middle of the table (also classic). Three beautiful carolers in chic little white jackets, red gloves, and full stage makeup came over to sing “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” to our table cluster. They were great. I thought they must be among the hardest-working women in New York City show business, just singing their way from one end of the Macy’s dining room to the other, then back again, then back again.

    I was sorting through a generously full basket of mini pastries in the middle of my table when a woman in a suit came over and leaned down to my seated level. “Are you ready to meet Santa?” she asked me. I’m so glad she phrased it that way. “To meet Santa?” I said, stupidly. “No, actually, I’m not quite ready yet.” A few minutes later, a waiter brought me some coffee and asked, “Have you seen Santa yet?” I respected everybody’s commitment to talking with me about Santa as if he were real and actually there, even though there weren’t any children close enough to hear our conversation.

    “Even if you’re not Christian, we’re all pretending that Santa Claus is a real person,” Thalia Goldstein, an associate professor at George Mason University who co-authored a 2016 study with Woolley on belief in Santa Claus, told me. (There is a rich body of academic research on the psychology of Santa Claus, going back to at least the 1970s.) Goldstein referred to Santa Claus as a type of “cultural pretend play” that both kids and adults engage in. Like the professionals at Macy’s, she argued, everyone makes casual reference to Santa as a basic fact of the world. (This reminded me that, when I texted a friend to ask if she would go to breakfast with Santa with me, she didn’t say, “No, Santa Claus isn’t real.” She said, “Unfortunately, I can’t interact with Santa.”) (Because she’s Jewish.)

    “We as adults enjoy the tradition as well,” Woolley agreed when I repeated Goldstein’s point to her. Then I said that I had naturally been wary of coming off as an eccentric by attending breakfast with Santa alone. (The worst part about defying your mother is, of course, the possibility that she might be right.) There’s a thin but bright line between the totally acceptable behavior of referring casually to Santa as if he’s real—or implying that he is, by, for example, hanging a stocking on the mantel in your apartment—and the much more concerning act of appearing sincerely unable to give him up (“Christmas adults”). Woolley confessed that she had once been asked—as a Santa Claus expert with an impressive academic affiliation—to appear in a Macy’s ad campaign promoting belief in Santa Claus. They just wanted her to say “I believe in Santa Claus,” but she told them no. “I couldn’t make myself do that,” she said. She didn’t want to lie on TV, which seemed weirder than lying to her own children.

    Lucky for me, I wasn’t on television. Also, nobody really cares what you’re doing, almost ever, and I was enjoying myself. After my pancakes and my mimosa and my two coffees and my four or five Tater Tots and my two pieces of sausage and my bites of scrambled eggs and my tiny yogurt parfait, I was full and ready to meet Santa. I had only three minutes left in my allotted one hour at breakfast, so I flagged down my waiter and asked if it was too late. He went to find a manager. I did some nervous texting. Finally, the woman in the suit came back for me and led me over to Santa’s corner. “Have fun,” she said, not rudely, as she deposited me in line. “Are you the next family?” a woman dressed as an elf asked. (They treated me like an entire family of four the whole time I was there, which was why I was served so much food.)

    Santa and I had a warm and brief interaction. We took a photo together. He asked what I wanted for Christmas, and I said, “Oh, world peace,” to which he replied, “You have to find that within your heart.” This made no sense, but it was just right. I had a new Christmas memory: an irrational conversation with a guy in a fake beard who might have been younger than me, whose presence nevertheless added a whisper of magic to the experience of otherwise normal breakfast food and an otherwise dreary December day.

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    Kaitlyn Tiffany

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  • Why Can’t I Stop Rooting for a God-Awful Basketball Team?

    Why Can’t I Stop Rooting for a God-Awful Basketball Team?

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    When I attended a Washington Wizards open practice at D.C.’s Capital One Arena earlier this month, the focus was more on spectator entertainment than Rocky-style workouts. The season opener was a week away, and the players ran drills at half speed and engaged in silly skills competitions for fans, including a basketball version of Connect Four. But as a lifelong Wiz devotee, I was having an awestruck, love-you-man moment. Here I was posing for a photo with Phil freakin Chenier. Franchise royalty. My childhood idol. Back in the 1970s, when Chenier was draining jumpers and sporting a Richard Pryor mustache, the team routinely chased titles. These days? Not so much.

    Being an NBA fan who loves the Wizards is a little like being a foodie who adores turnips: It just doesn’t make sense. Since the 2000–01 season, only the Knicks and Timberwolves have lost more games. The franchise last advanced beyond the second round of the playoffs in 1979 (back when they were called the Bullets), and they’ve missed the playoffs 16 of the past 25 years. We fans have endured 40-plus years of frustration and disappointment, mainly from the typical issues—bad defense, bad draft picks, bad trades—but sometimes from … weirder ones: One All-Star player was charged with a gun felony involving a teammate, and another was once suspended without pay for being overweight. It’s all #SoWizards, to use a Twitter hashtag.

    And yet, I made it out to the open practice with a few hundred fans on a Tuesday night, wearing a Wizards T-shirt and feeling the faint, irrational warmth of preseason hope. Anyone can root for a winner. That’s easy. Last season, the NFL teams with the top-selling merchandise were the Cowboys, 49ers, Patriots, Steelers, and Chiefs. Each team finished with a winning record. In Philadelphia, the currently undefeated Eagles and the World Series–bound Phillies have generated a 20 percent or more increase in business for local restaurants, sports bars, and memorabilia stores.

    But rooting for the middling Wizards takes guts at best and is downright masochism at worst. Still, even though the team is more likely to bring me agony than elation, I can’t fathom supporting any other franchise. The same is surely true of my fellow Wizards fans—and many fans of other perennial losers (hey, the Detroit Lions somehow still have fans). So why do we stay hooked?

    My Wizards fandom began in the D.C. suburbs in the ’70s, when I was a Bullets-crazed kid devouring box scores on the sports page, shooting jumpers on a backyard dirt court, and pretending to be Chenier. I was 12 when the Bullets paraded down Pennsylvania Avenue to celebrate their only title, and the subsequent 44 years have brought lots of bad memories: Last season, the Wizards somehow blew a 35-point lead against the L.A. Clippers. The worst part? I wasn’t surprised.

    Recent pain should feel stronger than childhood joy, I would think—even for fans like me, whose support was passed down geographically. But these deep, die-hard roots can influence our adult behavior. “Early learning is incredibly powerful and hard to erase,” Chris Crandall, a psychology professor at the University of Kansas who has studied fan allegiance, told me. The team’s success 50 years ago may have boosted my childhood loyalty, Crandall explained, and their subsequent failures did not remove it. A new attitude (“Wow, these guys stink”) essentially “lays over the old one, but the old one is still there,” Crandall said. “And it’s very difficult to get rid of it.”

    I’m at least old enough to remember the team’s lone championship. The top memory for Wizards fans in their 30s is probably John Wall’s dramatic game-winning three-pointer in Game 6 of the Eastern Conference semifinals. The Wizards, of course, then lost Game 7. But one reason fans stick around is the perverse pride they have in their fandom, Edward Hirt, a professor at the University of Indiana who has studied sports-fan psychology, told me. Rooting for the Lakers or the Dallas Cowboys is like wearing khakis: You hardly stand out in a crowd. Loving the Wizards gives me a defiant sense of individuality. “Do you want to be like everybody else, or do you want to be different?” Hirt said. “The answer is neither. We want to be a little bit of both. We like feeling like we belong, but we don’t want to be seen as a clone of everybody else, either.”

    Supporting a loser satisfies both of those desires. I can commune with fellow fans at a sports bar or game, but when I walk through an airport, even in D.C., I’m often the only guy wearing a Wizards cap. And honestly, I like that. My Wiz fandom, Andrew Billings, a sports-media professor at the University of Alabama, told me, sends a message to the world: “How loyal am I? I root for the Washington Wizards.” (Which, let’s be real, would be a great T-shirt). In a 2015 study of students from seven universities, football fans were 55 percent less likely to wear team apparel following a defeat compared with a win. But those who do are making a statement: I’m not a fair-weather fan; I’m dedicated and trustworthy.

    Those noble qualities explain why fans of lousy teams despise fair-weather fans, Hirt added. Bandwagon fans skip the suffering but embrace the glory. If the Wizards somehow reached the NBA Finals this year, I’d be both thrilled and infuriated by the mobs of rapturous fans at downtown watch parties. Where were these bandwagon yahoos in 2001, when the team finished 19–63?

    But maybe winning matters less than we think—even for die-hard fans who react to each loss with a primal scream. In one 2019 study, fans of a college football team felt a two-day rise in self-esteem after a victory. But self-esteem levels didn’t drop significantly among losing fans. One of the reasons: Even if your team loses, you can raise your self-esteem simply by commiserating with friends, Billings, a co-author, said.

    Yes, suffering sucks, but suffering together has some upsides. It can be a social glue that intensifies bonds with the team and fellow fans. “Going through this hardship with your sports team makes you much more likely to stick with them,” Omri Gillath, a psychology professor at the University of Kansas, told me. Fans don’t just bask in reflected glory, or BIRG, as psychologists call it; they also BIRF—bask in reflected failure. “It’s about having a community of people that understand you and like the same thing that you do,” Gillath said.

    Last season, a friend and I attended the Wizards’ home finale, and they got shellacked by the equally lousy Knicks. But my friend and I enjoyed laughs over pregame beers. We made sarcastic comments as the Wiz turned a 10–0 lead into a 22-point deficit. I bought an end-of-the-season discounted T-shirt at the team store. Listening to Knicks fans hoot about their victory was annoying, but we had fun. And we bonded.

    But rooting for a losing team may be a dying phenomenon. Sports betting and streaming have made sports more solitary and less tied to where you live—undercutting some of the reasons fans endure their god-awful teams. “Geographic loyalty is particularly powerful for older generations, partly because they weren’t nearly as mobile with their jobs or their careers as younger people are,” Billings said. “I live in Alabama. If I wanted to be a Golden State Warriors fan, I could access all 82 of their regular-season games in a way that was not possible for older generations when they built their fandom.” Younger fans may also be more likely to follow a single player than a particular team, Billings believes.

    Let’s be clear: Winning is way better than losing. A 2013 study found that on the Monday after NFL games, fans of losing teams were more likely to consume saturated fats and sugars compared with fans of winning teams. But I truly believe—and maybe this is loser talk—that my decades of Wizards fandom have made me a better human. I have well-developed coping skills. My friends and I are like Statler and Waldorf, the crusty hecklers on The Muppet Show: We manage head-smacking losses with well-timed quips. I don’t get too elated after a victory—although victories mean more when they’re rare—or too down after a defeat. Hell, maybe it’s even made me more empathetic to people’s challenges. After all, most of us in life can relate more like the constantly struggling Wizards than the trophy-hoisting Warriors.

    Even though I know better, I’m optimistic this season won’t be a #SoWizards year. Maybe the team will jell. Maybe the young players will develop. Maybe the veterans will stay healthy. Or, you know, maybe not. A struggling sports franchise, I’ve decided, is like your idiot brother or jackass uncle. Despite all their obvious flaws, you still love them. And so I’ll cherish disco-era Bullets memories, celebrate the unexpected victories, cling to foolish hope, and brace myself for the worst. If they miss the playoffs—again—well, there’s always next year.

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    Ken Budd

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  • You’ve Probably Seen Yourself in Your Memories

    You’ve Probably Seen Yourself in Your Memories

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    Pick a memory. It could be as recent as breakfast or as distant as your first day of kindergarten. What matters is that you can really visualize it. Hold the image in your mind.

    Now consider: Do you see the scene through your own eyes, as you did at the time? Or do you see yourself in it, as if you’re watching a character in a movie? Do you see it, in other words, from a first-person or a third-person perspective? Usually, we associate this kind of distinction with storytelling and fiction-writing. But like a story, every visual memory has its own implicit vantage point. All seeing is seeing from somewhere. And sometimes, in memories, that somewhere is not where you actually were at the time.

    This fact is strange, even unsettling. It cuts against our most basic understanding of memory as a simple record of experience. For a long time, psychologists and neuroscientists did not pay this fact much attention. That has changed in recent years, and as the amount of research on the role of perspective has multiplied, so too have its potential implications. Memory perspective, it turns out, is tied up in criminal justice, implicit bias, and post-traumatic stress disorder. At the deepest level, it helps us make sense of who we are.

    The distinction between first- and third-person memories dates back at least as far as Sigmund Freud, who first commented on it near the end of the 19th century. Not for another 80 years, though, did the first empirical studies begin fleshing out the specifics of memory perspective. And it was only in the 2000s that the field really started picking up steam. What those early studies found was that third-person memories were far less unusual than once thought. The phenomenon is associated with a number of mental disorders, such as depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia, but it is not merely a symptom of pathology; even among healthy people, it is quite common.

    Just how common is tricky to quantify. Peggy St. Jacques, a psychology professor at the University of Alberta who studies perspective in memory, told me that roughly 90 percent of people report having at least one third-person memory. For the average person, St. Jacques estimates, on the basis of her research, that about a quarter of memories from the past five years are third-person. (At least a couple of papers have found that women tend to have more third-person memories than men do, but a third study turned up no statistically significant difference; on the whole, research on possible demographic disparities is scant.) In certain rare cases, people may have only third-person memories. As you try to recall your own, be warned that things can get confusing fast. Perhaps you can call to mind early-childhood scenes that you picture from a third-person perspective. But it’s hard to know whether these are genuine memories translated from the first person to the third person, or third-person scenes constructed from stories or photographs. To some people, third-person memories are second nature; to others, they sound like science fiction.

    Why any given memory gets recalled from one perspective rather than the other is the result of a whole bunch of intersecting factors. People are more likely to remember experiences in which they felt anxious or self-conscious—say, when they gave a presentation in front of a crowd—in the third person, St. Jacques told me. This makes sense: When you’re imagining how you look through an audience’s eyes in the moment, you’re more likely to see yourself through their eyes at the time of recall. Researchers have also repeatedly found that the older a memory is, the more likely you are to recall it from the third person. This, too, is fairly intuitive: If first-person recollection is the ability to adopt the position—and inhabit the experience—of your former self, then naturally you’ll have more trouble seeing the world the way you did as a 6 year old than the way you did last week. The tendency for older memories to be translated into the third person may also have to do with the fact that the more distant the memory is, the less detail you’ll likely have, and the less detail you have, the less likely you are to be able to reassume the vantage point from which you originally witnessed the scene, David Rubin, a Duke University psychology professor who has published dozens of papers on autobiographical memory, told me.

    Less intuitive, perhaps, is the reverse: People are able to recall a scene in greater detail when they’re asked to take a first-person perspective than when they’re asked to take a third-person perspective. “Sometimes in a courtroom, an eyewitness to a holdup might be asked to recall what happened from the perspective of the clerk,” St. Jacques told me. But if her research is any indication, such tactics may blur rather than sharpen the witness’s memory. “Our research suggests that might actually be more likely to make the memory less vivid, make the eyewitness less likely to remember the specifics.”

    Even without an examiner’s instructions, such an eyewitness might be predisposed to recall the robbery in the third person: Researchers have found that people often translate traumatic or emotionally charged memories out of the first person. This may be because first-person memories tend to elicit stronger emotional reactions at the time of recall, and by taking a third-person perspective, we can distance ourselves from the painful experience, Angelina Sutin, a psychologist at Florida State University, told me. It may also be a function of the information at our disposal. In charged situations, Rubin said, people tend to zero in on the object of their anger or fear. Take the bank-robbery scenario: The police “want the teller to describe the person who’s robbing them, and instead he describes in great detail the barrel of the gun pointed at his head.” He can’t remember much beyond that. And so, lacking the information necessary to situate himself in his original perspective, he floats.

    This distancing effect has some fairly mind-bending potential applications, none more so, perhaps, than to the problem of near-death experiences. For many years, philosophers and psychologists have documented instances of people reporting that, in moments of trauma, they felt as though they were floating outside—usually above—their body. Rubin points out, however, that such reports are not in-the-moment descriptions but after-the-fact accounts. So he has a controversial idea: What in retrospect seems like an out-of-body experience may in fact be only the trauma-induced translation of a first-person memory into a third-person memory, one so compelling that it deceives you into thinking the experience itself occurred in the third person. The recaller, in this theory, is like a person peering through a convex window, mistaking a distortion of the glass for a distortion of the world.

    Traumatic dissociations are dramatic but by no means isolated cases of what Rubin calls the “constructive nature of the world.” In a 2019 review article on memory perspective, St. Jacques noted that shifting your vantage and fabricating an entirely new scene rely on the same mental processes occurring in the same regions of the brain. So similar are recollecting the past and projecting into the future that some psychologists lump them into a single category: “mental time travel.” Both are acts of construction. The distinction between memory and imagination blurs.

    At some level, people generally understand this, but rarely do we get so incontrovertible an example as with third-person memories. If you and a friend try to recall the decor at the restaurant where you got dinner last month, you might find that you disagree on certain points. You think the wallpaper was green, your friend thinks blue, one of you is wrong, and you’re both sure you’re right. With third-person memories, though, you know the memory is distorted, because you could not possibly have been looking at yourself at the time. If, without even realizing it, you can change something so central as the perspective from which you view a memory, how confident can you really be in any of the memory’s details?

    In this way, third-person memories are sort of terrifying. But shifts in perspective are more than mere deficiencies of memory. In her lab at Ohio State University, the psychologist Lisa Libby is investigating the relationship between memory perspective and identity—that is, the way shifts in our memory play a role in how we make sense of who we are. In one experiment, Libby asked a group of female undergraduates whether they were interested in STEM. The students then participated in a science activity, some in a version designed to be engaging, others in a version designed to be boring. Afterward, when she surveyed the undergrads about how they’d found the exercise, she instructed some to recall it from a first-person perspective and others from a third-person perspective. The first-person group’s answers corresponded to how interesting the task really was; the third-person group’s corresponded to whether they’d said they liked STEM in the initial survey.

    Libby’s takeaway: Each type of memory seems to have its own function. “One way to think about the two perspectives is that they help you represent … two different components of who you are as a person,” Libby told me. Remembering an event from a first-person perspective puts you in an experiential frame of mind. It helps you recall how you felt in the moment. Remembering an event from a third-person perspective puts you in a more narrative frame of mind. It helps you contextualize your experience by bringing it in line with your prior beliefs and fitting it into a coherent story. Memory is the—or at least a—raw material of identity; perspective is a tool we use to mold it.

    Maybe the most interesting thing about all of this is what it suggests about the human proclivity for narrative. When we shift our memories from one perspective to another, we are, often without even realizing it, shaping and reshaping our experience into a story, rendering chaos into coherence. The narrative impulse, it seems, runs even deeper than we generally acknowledge. It is not merely a quirk of culture or a chance outgrowth of modern life. It’s a fact of psychology, hardwired into the human mind.

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    Jacob Stern

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