Tag: Principles

It’s Time to Begin Again: 3 Uncomfortable Frameworks That Will Make Your New Year More Meaningful [Audio Essay + Article]
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Each January, this strategy offers a reset: a way to refocus and set the tone for the year ahead. What you take from it evolves each time, shaped by where you are and what you need most right now.

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How to Start Again Without Starting Over

Andrew hosts a short audio essay with a direct promise: to help you reset and re-orient when starting something new or returning after drift. The piece is organized around three frameworks, one for getting unstuck when you realize you’ve fallen off your last intention, one built on four ancient guiding principles for clarifying what matters to you, and one offering a troubleshooting lens for staying on course as you move forward.

There’s always talk of resolutions and life changes at the start of the year. For many, the holidays are a prime time to drift off course, whether it’s with fitness goals, creative projects, or career plans. Family gatherings, endless shopping, and the Q4 sprint can drain any energy you might have had for long-term ambitions.

And let’s be honest, once-a-year holiday meals tend to win out over calorie counting.

Now it’s January, and the “New year, new me” chorus begins.

Alongside it comes a rising tide of scorn. Cynics are quick to write off resolutions, predicting most will be abandoned by February. Gym regulars complain about the newcomers crowding the squat racks. Then there are those who pride themselves on recalibrating year-round, dismissing the idea of a calendar-defined reset with an air of superiority.

The tradition of making New Year’s resolutions goes back nearly 4,000 years to the Babylonians, who used the start of the year to make promises to their gods. Over time, those promises were made to the gods in our head as practice of self-improvement.

The flip of the calendar is a reminder to pause and refocus. A moment to take stock of what truly matters.

New Years Reflection = Meditation

Reflecting on a new year isn’t so different from meditation. Mindfulness meditation, for instance, asks you to focus on your breath. Distractions will creep in…sometimes immediately. The key is noticing when you’ve wandered off and gently bringing your attention back.

Some use guided apps like Waking Up, other traditions use the sound of a gong. Either way, the goal is the same: to create moments that prompt you to check if you’ve become distracted and help you refocus.

But just like meditation, in life it’s easy to come to and realize, oh wow, I’ve been distracted from what’s important, for like, a long time. In both situations it can be incredibly disheartening and frustrating. “I’ve tried to make goals before, and look, I got nowhere with them. What’s the point?”

To do this is to miss the point of the process.

The following 3 frameworks will serve as the mindset for determining what will create a fulfilling life for you and result in meaningful change. Over the course of the Begin Again series, we’ll build on that mindset with tools and new ways of thinking.

Framework 1:
Resilience Can Be Effortless – When You Get Away from Your Goals & Habits, “Simply…Begin Again”

Meditation teachers like Sam Harris and Joseph Goldstein offer a simple tip for moments when you’ve lost focus: don’t dwell on the frustration or waste time beating yourself up. Just refocus your attention and begin again.

This idea also applies to daily life and New Year goal-setting. Realizing you’ve veered off course, whether with fitness, nutrition, or just your daily to-do list, can feel discouraging. But embracing the operating procedure of “just begin again” shifts the perspective, helping you reconnect with what matters and move forward.

It’s a practice rooted in resilience, recognizing that personal growth isn’t linear. Progress comes with distractions and setbacks, but each one is a chance to start fresh. As Harris puts it, this process is about letting go of the past and returning to the present.

But even when you wake up from distraction, how do you determine what’s important? Or what if you’re not emotionally connected to what you’re focusing on? What if you lack the drive to formulate what changes you want to make?

→ Have you downloaded our end of year reflection free printable workbook? It’s fantastic to do any time if you’ve never done an exercise like that. It will provide a lot of clarity, and our free workbook makes the process simple and straightforward.

Framework 2:
The Centuries Old Ground Rules for Change

When it comes to defining what matters and building meaningful change, starting with a set of foundational principles can make all the difference. An ancient Tibetan practice called Lojong, or “Mind Training,” offers a framework worth considering.

At the heart of Lojong are the “Four Preliminaries.” Despite the name, these ideas are anything but basic. They’re foundational: providing a clear, unflinching view of reality that helps ground future decisions about what truly matters.

These principles offer a refreshingly honest lens for shaping the changes you want to make this year. Reinterpreted through a modern, secular perspective, they can serve as guiding tenets for your goals and priorities moving forward.

First Preliminary: It’s Incomprehensible That You Even Exist

It’s easy to let life’s demands like work obligations, family routines, and cultural expectations pull you into autopilot, letting the flow of daily tasks define what your life is or could be.

But consider the staggering odds of your existence. Among the billions who came before you and the countless who will follow, the chance that life’s building blocks formed into you is almost unfathomable. In a universe where matter can neither be created nor destroyed, the atoms that make up your body could have become anything else: a cluster of space dust, a rodent scurrying through the Pleistocene, or my monstera plant that never stood a chance.

Yet, here you are: the result of an inconceivable culmination of billions of years of cosmic events. Literally everything that has ever happened in the universe had to happen just as it did for you to find yourself right here, reading this, probably on your phone, while using the bathroom.

And since matter isn’t destroyed, after you’re gone, parts of you may end up as space gas, a rodent, or some other writer’s dead plant. You’re here, in the face of improbable odds, only temporarily.

→ As we begin again, refocusing from distraction, the initial Lojong preliminary reminds us to get out of the flow of the apathy river prompted by the essential question: “What will I do with this rare human life?”

Second Preliminary: You’re Going to Die, Stop Ignoring It

Humans are wired in a weird way: we go through life acting as if death is something that happens to other people. We have a knack for sticking our fingers in our ears and going “lalalalalala” when it comes to thinking about our guaranteed death. It’s an uncomfortable, even taboo subject, one we all, culturally and individually, avoid.

Each of us will face our mortality, and how much time we have left can never be known. This second preliminary serves as a flag boldly planted proclaiming the impermanence of everything. Anything that can die, will die.

To suggest thinking about this could easily be described as morbid in our culture and that only drives home the point. Your inevitable death is science, not bad luck. Just because you feel uncomfortable when you think about it, doesn’t make avoiding it helpful.

Facing the reality of death unveils insights and benefits that transcend the fear or avoidance it often instills. As we grasp the impermanence of everything, including our own bodies, it becomes clear that excess money, possessions, and even the companionship of friends cannot provide solace when we inevitably face our death.

Think of the way a looming deadline can jolt you into action, surprising you with how much you can accomplish when time feels scarce. Embracing mortality works the same way. Understanding how little time we really have can bring urgency to the present, turning idle moments into opportunities.

Unfortunately for many people this acceptance only comes at the end of life, reflecting on how life could have been lived, if only they could have understood what’s at stake: One day, it will be the last day.

→ You can embrace this in every moment, from here on.

Third Preliminary: Your Actions – or Inactions – Have Consequences

In pop culture, karma often gets miscast as some mystical force, a cosmic referee ensuring bad deeds get punished. But at its core, karma is simply the law of cause and effect, a reminder that what you do (or don’t do) shapes the reality you’ll face later.

As a framework for starting again, this preliminary reinforces an obvious but often overlooked truth: your future self will live in the world created by your actions today. Joining a gym or starting a business won’t guarantee success, but between the version of you who tries and the one who doesn’t, only one has a shot at the outcome they’re after.

The same logic applies to self-sabotaging thoughts. No matter how real or convincing they may feel, they don’t excuse inaction. The truth is simple: inaction only leads to outcomes dictated by inaction.

→ If there’s something you want to change, no one else can set the wheels in motion for you. The third preliminary calls this out plainly: you are the cause that creates the effect.

Fourth Preliminary: Dedicating Your Life to Only Material Goals is Unfulfilling

When we hear about goals in modern media, they often revolve around familiar aspirations: launching a business to amass wealth, climbing the corporate ladder to secure a prestigious position, purchasing a home that exudes pride and investment potential, or getting shredded to be more attractive to potential partners.

The fourth preliminary challenges us to look deeper. While these aspirations aren’t inherently wrong, they can’t stand alone. Pursuing possessions, status, or validation as the ultimate aim creates a never-ending loop of desire and fleeting fulfillment.

And you’ve experienced this in your own life, I’m sure. The car at 17 that would just change EVERYTHING. The first big job with the first “big” paycheck that ended up being a slog 12 months in. The one partner you were sure was the one, but ended up…not so much. Or after you realized upgrading to the new camera didn’t magically make you take more photos after the first week (ask me how i know). As life goes on, the fourth preliminary becomes all but obvious: we chase things with a primal misunderstanding that the reward they offer when we get them is laughably short.

It’s not that we shouldn’t aspire to things or get excited about things we want.

As we refocus, it’s essential to embrace that while it’s acceptable to set goals that yield these outcomes, they alone will not break the desire-fulfillment cycle.

→ Think of the emptiness of short-term pleasures, such as binge-watching TV shows or indulging in excessive eating. Focusing only on superficial goals like wealth, status, and image across a lifetime create the same result.

Framework 3:
Rethink Your Entire Approach with First Principles

Now that we’ve let go of ego and embraced a clean slate, it’s time to focus not just on the why behind our goals, but the how. Enter first principles thinking, a concept rooted in philosophy and championed by figures like Aristotle and, more recently, tech leaders.

At its core, first principles thinking breaks complex, sometimes unknowable, problems down into their most basic truths, allowing for innovative solutions that aren’t constrained by conventional approaches.

In business, this method has led to breakthroughs by abandoning traditional practices and reconstructing problems from the ground up.

A well-known example is the office building plagued by complaints about slow elevators during peak hours. The building owners initially considered costly upgrades or replacements, but structural constraints made that impractical.

Instead, they simplified the problem:
- People are upset because the wait feels too long.
- The speed of the elevator cannot be changed.
With this clarity, the solution turned out to be both simple and affordable. Mirrors and televisions were added to the lobby, providing distractions like news, sports, and reflections. The wait times didn’t change, but the complaints stopped entirely.

The real issue wasn’t the speed of the elevators, it was the riders’ awareness of waiting.

This same approach can transform personal goals. Instead of defaulting to old methods that never quite worked for fitness, relationships, or career growth, break your goals down to their most fundamental truths. Start fresh and build strategies that address the real problem, not just the symptoms.

→ Ask yourself, “What is the true purpose behind this goal? What do I know is true and what am I actually trying to achieve?”

Over the course of the Begin Again series, we will be exploring tools and strategies that will help to begin again and refocus on what is actually important to you, using the ideas of these 3 frameworks as a foundation for dramatic and meaningful direction:
- Simply begin again: When you realize you’ve become distracted from your habits or goals, don’t get demotivated. Clear your head and begin again.
- All decisions and brainstorming should reflect the four preliminaries:
  
  Your life is unfathomably rare, make use of it.
  
  You will die. Your life is shorter than it seems, act with a sense of urgency while you still can.
  
  The universal law of cause and effect. If you want change, you must take continual action.
  
  Fulfillment is not possible from buying things or being seen as important alone. Don’t forget to anchor your ambitions to things that are not based on acquiring money, things, or status.
- Don’t just blindly continue on a path that may not be working. Break your ambitions, goals, or problems down to their base ideas and create previously unknown, innovative solutions using first principles thinking.
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Andrew Snavely

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January 9, 2026
This Superman Movie Was a Disaster But It Said More Than You Think

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What if one of the goofiest Superman films actually held the clearest blueprint for what to do when you’ve lost your way?

Superman III doesn’t top many Best Of superhero movie lists.

The first Superman basically created the genre. The second one kept it going. The third? Starts with a slapstick street scene that feels like a rejected Pink Panther gag reel and gives Richard Pryor as a computer genius sidekick more screen time than the man of steel.

It’s a mess. But somehow, weirdly, it’s also one of the most unintentionally wise superhero films about losing your way and getting back on track.

I grew up a huge Superman fan and watched all the movies endlessly. Superman III was always my least favorite, except for one scene that stuck with me as a kid (more on that later). But rewatching it as an adult, this ridiculous sequel ended up cementing an idea I first heard in mindfulness meditation. I use it constantly. Every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. Especially when I’m trying and failing to stay on track.

If you’ve ever tried to meditate, you know the struggle. You sit down, try to focus, and come to seven minutes later realizing you’ve been thinking the whole time and getting frustrated.

When you’re learning to meditate, the instruction is simple. Don’t dwell on the distraction or the frustration. When you’ve lost your focus, just notice it and begin again.

It doesn’t need to be heavy.

You don’t need to lean into shame or frustration or that sense of messing up before you’re allowed to continue toward what you’re trying to do. That principle of beginning again has been really influential in my life outside of meditation.

I’m very hard on myself. Constantly feeling like I’m not achieving or doing or creating or accomplishing what I think I want to. Before begin again, I’d do everything you’re not supposed to do when you realize you’re distracted. I’d beat myself up. And under the surface, I think I believed that was necessary to change my behavior.

But what I realized from that meditation instruction is that not only is that not true, it’s the opposite of what you’re trying to do.

If you’re trying to stay motivated, and you realize you’ve gotten off track, beating yourself up and spiraling into not-good-enough thinking doesn’t move you forward. It just keeps you stuck.

What’s wild is that, as ridiculous as it is, Superman III role models this perfectly.

If it’s been a while since you’ve seen Superman III, here’s the gist:

Pryor plays Gus Gorman, a down-and-out guy who lands a job at a major corporation run by a ruthless CEO obsessed with power and money. Gus learns computers, notices fractions of pennies disappearing when paychecks are calculated, and writes a little code to pocket those tiny amounts. He ends up with a huge check, something Office Space famously copied years later.

When his scheme is discovered, he’s blackmailed into villainous plots, including creating synthetic kryptonite designed to destroy Superman.

But when they analyze what kryptonite is made of, there’s a small percentage the computer can’t identify. “Unknown compound.”

Gus, under pressure and trying to finish the job, looks at a pack of cigarettes, sees the word “tar” on the label, and uses that for the unknown part.

The kryptonite still looks the same. When they give it to Superman, it doesn’t seem to hurt him. They’re confused and think it didn’t work. But soon we discover it’s changing him.

That’s what I thought as a kid, simply that Superman becomes evil.

Watching it as an adult, I see he becomes untethered from what makes him good.

What follows is this slow collapse into pettiness and selfishness. Superman indulges cravings. He ignores responsibility. He flirts with Lana Lang instead of running toward danger.

He vandalizes landmarks for fun, like straightening the leaning Tower of Pisa. He blows out the Olympic torch during a relay. There’s a bar scene where he gets drunk and flicks peanuts into a mirror. He slams into an oil tanker just to impress a woman, causing a spill and helping the villain.

And here’s what I never noticed: after the bad kryptonite shows up, Clark Kent disappears.

As a kid, I didn’t care. Clark was always the slow part before the cape and the lasers. I often fast forwarded through the other Clark parts.

But here, his absence is the point.

Clark Kent is the part of Superman that wants to do the right thing. Smallville values. The old-fashioned stuff. Grounded and humble.

Without him, Superman is just raw power. And that’s where it gets interesting.

Power without values becomes reckless. Values without power don’t go anywhere. They just worry and overthink and freeze.

That shows up in real life too.

You want to help a friend who’s struggling. But you don’t know the perfect thing to say, so you say nothing.

You want to start working out. You research the perfect plan, obsess over protein ratios, read five conflicting articles on what the science says, and never end up going.

You mess up, and instead of doing something about it, you get stuck in your head.

That’s what I tend to do. Spiral and replay everything I did wrong. And stay stuck.

Which brings me to my favorite scene in Superman III.

The junkyard scene

After a big portion of the movie of watching Superman just go straight off the rails, the tension comes to a head in the film’s most awesome, but head scratching scene.

Superman crash lands in a junkyard and physically splits into two beings. Dark Superman, the embodiment of selfish, unchecked power, and Clark Kent, the voice of morality and values.

In the gritty, chaotic scene of a junkyard, the two halves fight in a literal and symbolic battle for control.

I can’t help but picture the studio pitch meeting where the writer lays out a grand epic in the style of a Greek myth, getting shut down by the bean counters until the writer reluctantly agrees to create a significant, comedic role for then stand up powerhouse Richard Pryor in favor of salvaging the Greek hero’s journey.

And the mash up of these two promises is why this movie is just so wild.

Superman III pitch Meeting

In any case. At first, Clark is easily overpowered. He’s thrown into piles of scrap metal and crushed under debris.

Clark doesn’t yell or pound his chest, but as the symbol of our values, he keeps getting back up, even though Superman’s power just keeps flinging him like a rag doll across the junkyard.

All of this symbolizes how our values can feel overwhelmed when faced with unchecked impulses and outside forces, but Clark slowly finds his strength. He stands back up, grapples with his darker self. And finally gains the upper hand by choking Dark Superman into submission.

As a kid, I thought Clark somehow killed Dark Superman, and with him gone, got his powers back.

But as an adult (who, if it’s not already obvious, studied film in college and loves making a lot out of nothing), I see now this scene doesn’t show him destroying a part of himself.

He’s reclaiming and reintegrating it.

When Clark rips open his shirt to reveal the Superman emblem, it’s an iconic visual declaration that his power and values are back in alignment.

The fact that a major Hollywood superhero movie in the infancy of the genre had a full on symbolic fight scene with the main character, literally fighting the head trash of his mental demons–in a junkyard arena no less–is crazy to me.

The movie didn’t really work out, but you got to respect the attempt.

Superman’s journey here illustrates that even the most powerful person on earth sometimes gets distracted from their values in ways that we would have never thought possible. After reintegrating, Superman doesn’t wallow in guilt over his mistakes or beat himself up for how far he strayed.

He flies back to the leaning tower of Pisa and returns it to its iconic slant. He goes back to the oil tanker and uses his super breath, laser vision and strength to force the oil that he has spilled back into the tanker and weld it shut to the amazement of the crew. And he goes to take on the evil supervillain and the now out of control killer robot machine that they’ve created.

Instead of being consumed by remorse, he moves forward with ownership, addressing the harm he caused with humility and purpose.

This approach mirrors the teaching of mindfulness. When we stray from who we want to be, the most important thing isn’t dwelling on how we’ve messed up. It’s immediately returning to what matters and taking steps to act with integrity now.

Don’t misread this as suggesting that people shouldn’t apologize or be held accountable for their actions. We’re planting a flag between productive accountability and the paralyzing spiral of guilt and self-criticism. Marinating in internal shame doesn’t prove you care. The focus is on righting the ship, not sinking with it.

We think beating ourselves up is how we stay on track. If we are hard enough on ourselves, we will finally change. We picture ourselves as Clark in the junkyard, standing up for what is right and fighting our way back to who we want to be.

But most of the time, it is the opposite.

That voice in your head replaying what you did wrong, saying you are not disciplined enough, not present enough, not good enough is not Clark doing battle.

That is Dark Superman taunting Clark that he’s not strong enough.

And the more we listen, the more we forget who is actually trying to get back up.

Everyone loses focus. Everyone drifts from who they’re trying to be. The question is what you do when you realize it.

Maybe you’ve been snapping at your kid or partner. Maybe you’ve been numbing out at night and telling yourself it’s fine, even though part of you knows it’s not. Maybe you’ve spent months scrolling instead of being present with the people or parts of your life that matter to you.

Whatever it is, you don’t fix it by dwelling on it or pretending it’s not happening.

You have to realign your values and your power and simply

begin again.

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Andrew Snavely

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July 12, 2025
A Dad’s Summer Guide to Staying Sane When The Kids are Home

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When summer break turns your home into a whirlwind of endless energy and constant chatter, finding sanity as a dad becomes an art form.

My youngest daughter, Everly, shook me awake this morning at six. I figured she’d had a bad dream, but when I rolled over and said, “What is it baby?” She answered, “I have two interesting animal facts.” Splendid.

Usually during the summer, we keep Ev in daycare two days a week so that I can get stuff done around the house since I’m off. But since she’s headed into first grade, daycare wasn’t an option, and we missed the sign up for summer camp. My step daughter goes to camp; my oldest, Izzy, is with me half of the time and with her mom the other half. But Everly, she’s been my daily companion this summer. Guys, I’m exhausted. Nonetheless, after ten years of fatherhood and six weeks of daily summer hangouts with my littlest, here are a few lessons I’ve picked up for when I’m feeling a bit of kid overload.

Get Out of the House

I’m a homebody. I would always rather be home, working on some kind of project, than going out and spending money (the home project will inevitably cost enough). Even as a kid, I was fine being at home most summer days; I mean, someone had to watch Jerry Springer. But Everly isn’t a sit-still kind of kid; she’s a mover and a shaker, and trying to force her to just hang out at home makes for a miserable time for both of us.

That doesn’t mean we go do something big every day; the zoo isn’t cheap. But I’ve come to see the value in getting out of the house, even for a quick trip. A milkshake date only really costs me about ten bucks, but it feels like a big deal to Ev. We can talk, laugh, catch up on how she’s feeling about going into first grade. And while she won’t remember the content of these conversations, she’ll undoubtedly remember that we had them.

Remember Your Kids Are Kids

When I was little, my mom had a little book called Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff by Dr. Richard Carlson. I remember reading the book and coming to a chapter called “See the Innocence.” The idea, as I recall, was to stop assuming the worst in people (especially kids) and try to see their intentions as good, or at the very least, innocent. As a kid I thought, he’s right: I don’t understand why people get frustrated with their kids.

As a dad, I get it now. Everly is a lot: She has boundless energy, little interest in doing anything alone, and she talks incessantly. She’s also six-years-old and doesn’t have a malicious bone in her body. Yesterday I put a subwoofer in my car. My wife was off work, so I finally had a few hours that I could tackle a project alone.

As I was heating up a few wires with the soldering iron, Everly came out to the garage and said, “Hey dad!” startling the hell out of me, and bringing me within a centimeter of burning myself. At that moment, I wanted to scream. I needed time alone; I was working, and she knew I didn’t want any interruptions.

When I turned around to unleash my fury, I saw her holding a gatorade with a post-it note stuck to it that said “My dad.” She knew I was hot, and she was bringing me a drink. Her intentions were innocent and good, and in that moment, she was more excited to see me and do something for me than to leave me alone (even if that’s what I’d wanted). I had to recalibrate all of that negative energy into gratitude, put on a smile, and thank her.

Your Kids Aren’t You

The older you get, the more you appreciate the quiet. With three kids, my house stays pretty loud, and most of the time, I’m fine with it. After the girls go to bed, Katie and I will often sit on the front porch and read or just listen to the dull purr of the hummingbirds flying to our feeders.

With Everly, there is no quiet. If she’s awake, she’s talking or singing – to herself, to me, to the dog, to the cat, to the stink bug walking along the window sill, to her Barbies. She’s usually not talking about anything in particular; in fact, half the time she’s just narrating her life. I love how happy she is, but I don’t always want to hear a song about pouring a bowl of cereal. Annnnd theeen I spillllled some of my miiiiiillllk on the couuuunnnttterrr.

Last week Everly had been talking and singing for about forty minutes straight – no breaks. I couldn’t take it. I needed a few minutes of quiet, and I lost my patience. I didn’t yell, but I did that dad voice that’s quieter than a yell but louder than talking (Dads know what I’m talking about). It went something like this:

“Ev, you have to stop. Honey, daddy loves when you sing, but I just can’t take it anymore. I even went out to the porch to sit for a few, and you followed me out and kept singing. Seriously, you have to be ok with a little bit of silence sometimes. You can’t narrate your entire life and literally never stop making noise.”

She started to tear up.

“But daddy,” she said, “that’s how I’m made.”

In six words, Everly was able to articulate what I felt like I’d spent my entire childhood trying to say to my own dad.

I scooped her up, gave her a big hug and kiss, and I told her that I loved how she was made. I explained that we’re all made differently, and that I’m a person who likes quiet sometimes. We talked about it being ok for dad to need some quiet, and how I’ll do a better job of communicating that before I reach a boiling point.

Everly is my kid, but she’s not me. I can teach her that there are appropriate times for singing, for talking, for somersaults and cartwheels, and I can embrace who she is in the process.

The Time is Fleeting

I know we all know this, and I don’t mean to sound overly sentimental. But it feels like fifteen minutes ago that I was pushing Everly in a stroller, changing her diapers, feeding her from a bottle. And now she’s six. Tomorrow, she’ll be eight, and next week, she’ll be going to college. I can’t make every day an adventure, but when I go to bed at night, I want to feel like I gave it my all as a dad.

To be clear, you still need time for yourself. It’s ok to go to the gym, a concert, put the subwoofer in your car, take a no-kid trip with your spouse. I’m not the dad who thinks if you’re not spending every moment with your kid, then you’re failing them. But when you are with your kid, put your phone away, snuggle them and look them in the eye when they’re talking. Do what you can to make these minutes valuable.

Kids have little concept of time (and no concept of how quickly it passes), which means it’s up to us to make the time count and find ways to freeze moments so they may be seared into ours and our kids’ memories. I made a Gmail account for Everly when she was born, and I send her emails with stories about milestones she’s reached as a kid or funny things she says or does. It’s easy, fast, and will one day show her how much I valued this time we’ve had together.

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Mike Henson

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August 7, 2024
This Surprising Truth Will 10X Your Personal Growth
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Most guys have personal growth backward – and you might have focused on the wrong thing all this time, too.

We’ve all been unhappy with where we are in life, business, or our relationships.

And in a good, old-fashioned manly manner, we try to fix the problem.

This usually means:
- Work harder
- Talk to your partner
- Try a new, exciting hobby
These are a great start, but they have one problem in common.

They’re external fixes.

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” – Dalai Lama

We do what we’ve learned – work harder, get better at flirting, buy a new car…

And it helps – for a short while.

Sooner or later, you fall back into the same old patterns like a rigged Roulette wheel. I know because I’ve experienced it many times.

I got a new partner but fought the same fights. I started a new business but faced the same problems. I bought new stuff but felt the same emptiness.

Why does this happen – and how do we stop the cycle and finally grow to a new level?

This Is Why You’re Stuck On The Same Level

If you experience the same issues repeatedly, it has one simple reason.

You’re still the same person.

Now, I know what you might think.

“I’m not the same person as ten years ago! I’ve changed! I’m much older, more experienced, my life is completely different.”

Yes, I agree with you. Your life is different – on the outside, just like mine was.

I sold everything and traveled the world for three years. I quit a prestigious graduate program to start blogging online. I changed my surroundings like Kim Kardashian lip fillers.

Yet, I still carried the same beliefs, emotions, and perspectives – and this created the same life experience.

Endless hustle. Toxic relationships. Never feeling enough.

Until I finally did what I should’ve done long ago.

I looked on the inside.

What Really Determines What You Get From Life

Most people have personal growth backward.

They work their butt off to create the life they want – but their core beliefs always pull them back.

They follow strategy after strategy, set up fancy systems, and follow the super secret relationship hacks.

There’s nothing wrong with it, but you have to understand that the external world conforms to your internal world, not the other way around.

In simple terms:

What you believe, you create and experience.

Your brain is a goal-achieving machine. The universe responds to the energy you send out. If you combine both, it makes it easy to see that:
- If you believe you aren’t worthy of true, unconditional love, you’ll attract people who confirm this belief.
- If you believe you have to grind your butt off and can’t take time off, you’ll create endless hustle.
- If you believe you need more to be happy and aren’t worthy with what you have right now, nothing will ever be enough.
And if you believe the opposite, you will create the opposite.

I have seen it in my clients and myself countless times.

The person you are creates the life you experience – on every level.

“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” – James Allen

The external is just a mirror of the internal. The optimist and the pessimist will look at the same event and see two completely different things. Glass half full. Glass half empty. Glass with Vodka (if you’re Russian.)

This means that if you want true, lasting, fundamental, through-the-roof personal growth, there’s only one thing to do.

Change your identity.

This 3-Step Process Will Help You Jump To The Next Level

Changing your identity is insanely powerful because it takes care of everything else.
- You won’t have to micromanage your social interactions if you are charismatic and socially confident.
- A great, healthy relationship will naturally happen if you heal old wounds and become the most amazing version of yourself.
- You will experience financial abundance if you focus on what you have and what you can do and stop focusing on a lack of resources.
This isn’t some woo-woo hippie stuff.

It’s simple cause and effect. Look at all the successful athletes, the big visionaries who changed the world, and the everyday people who made their dreams happen.

They believed in their desired reality on the inside before they experienced it on the outside.

They became a version of themselves who already had what they wanted so it’s only natural that what they wanted followed.

And you can do the same – here’s how to shift your identity quickly:

Let go of your limiting beliefs

Repeated thoughts become beliefs.

When these beliefs tie you to your current reality, they limit you.
- “Making money is hard”
- “All women are irrational, emotional, etc.”
- “I have to work my butt off to get XYZ”
Like a ship that sets sail for the next harbor, you have to loosen the lines and hoist the anchor that keeps you stuck in your current reality.

Use these questions as starting points:
- “What do I believe about the thing I want and myself regarding it?” (e.g. I’m not good at making money, I always attract these kinds of people, I can’t this and that…”)
- Where does this belief come from and is it necessarily true?
- What evidence do I have for the contrary?
- What’s a better belief that serves me more?
Take some time to journal on these.

What you think, you believe.

What you believe, you create.

What you create, you experience.

Start feeling like you already have what you want

Thought alone is a good start.

It helps you set the route to the harbor of your new identity.

But to steer your ship, you need to look at your emotions – they’re like the rudder adjusting your course.

Feelings are the bridge between body and mind.

If you feel stressed, it creates more anxious thoughts and causes your body to tense up, making you more likely to act out of scarcity and fear.

If you feel relaxed, you create happy thoughts and make your body feel bliss, making it more likely to act out of abundance and inspiration.

So, ask yourself:
- How would I feel if I had already achieved the thing I want?
Envision this experience. Close your eyes and step into that version of yourself. Feel it.

What you feel, you become.

Take aligned action

Actions drive results.

But most people fall victim to the classic “when… then” fallacy.
- “When my wife acts right, I’ll be more understanding and calm.”
- “When I have more money, I’ll tip better and worry less about cash.”
- “When I see results at the gym, I’ll double down on it and eat healthy, too.”
That’s like saying “When we get our ship to the next harbor, we’ll set sail and start rowing.”

Instead, act like the version of yourself who already has what you want.
- How would you deal with money if you were wealthy already? How would you spend, invest, save, and earn?
- How would you show up in your relationship if you were the most amazing, understanding, loving, and supportive husband and had an equally amazing wife already?
- How would you go through your life if you were already happy, free of worry, and at peace?
You don’t need to blow your retirement savings on a Ferrari. Your millionaire self wouldn’t break his bank with an out-of-budget mansion, either.

It’s about the energy and motivation your actions come from – e.g. “I buy the healthy, expensive food because it’s an investment in myself.”

This is how you align yourself with your new reality, in everything you do.

Internal change creates external results.

Wrap-Up to Help You 10X Your Personal Growth

You’re probably familiar with Thomas Jefferson’s quote:

“If you want what you never had, you have to do what you’ve never done.”

Today, you have the chance to understand it on a much deeper level.

It’s not just about doing new things.

It’s about leaving your old patterns behind because they created your current reality.

Instead, start thinking, feeling, and acting like the person who already has what you want.

This will boost your personal growth and massively improve your results for three reasons.

1. You will no longer repeat the same patterns that got you into your current situation.

2. You will walk your own path, one that is focused on creating the reality you want.

3. What you believe, you create and experience. Your beliefs shape your reality.

Thoughts. Feelings. Actions.

They are in your control.

Stop responding to your reality.

Create it instead.
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Moreno Zugaro

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July 10, 2024
5 Promises Every Modern Guy Should Make to Himself

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Staying true to yourself will get you what you want, but it won’t always be easy.

Between the stress of adulthood, the challenge of our careers, and all the trials and tribulations that existence throws at us, it can be difficult to forge our own way. Instead of charging into the rough waves we might start taking the path of least resistance, one that inevitably leads us further and further from the direction we’re supposed to be heading. It can be tough to stay on track.

Tough, but not impossible.

When we’re feeling lost in life, these are the five critical commitments that can help us reorient on things that truly matter and the people we want to become:

1. Promise To Set Time Aside For Reflection

As much as we might like to think of ourselves as a simple people, the truth of the matter is that every last one of us is a tangled mess of experiences, instincts, hopes, fears, and passions. At any given second there are a thousand competing thoughts and feelings flashing through our minds, shaping and directing our every waking moment.

In spite of that (hell, because of that) most of us simply stumble through life without ever knowing why we feel what we feel or do what we do. We’ll dig through the trash to double-check the baking instructions on a box of chicken strips, but when it comes to figuring out this funny thing called “existence” we simply look away and hope for the best.

It never works.

“We do not learn from experience… we learn from reflecting on experience.” – John Dewey

Make no mistake – one of the single best promises we’ll ever commit to is routinely setting aside for reflection on who we are and what we’re all about. This might come in the form of morning meditation or it might mean that we journal on a daily basis, or dedicate a few days out of the year to contemplation. The “how” isn’t important – what’s critical is that we try.

How to Journal +14 Journal Prompts to Get Started

Deliberately setting aside time for unpacking our thoughts and feelings gives us the all-important opportunity to truly understand ourselves – both the things that propel us forward and the things that hold us back. When we’re able to objectively dissect our worries and fears, we’ll find just where they’re coming from and how we can start to overcome them. Even just having a more complete picture can help us pitch to a job or more effectively build and maintain relationships. It gives us a stronger sense of what our weaknesses are, and how we can keep from sabotaging ourselves.

We can’t progress towards our best self until we know who that is. It’s as simple as that.

2. Promise To Be Prepared For Opportunity Before It Comes

Life doesn’t always go the way we’d like. It’s not a steady ascent, it’s not a rollercoaster of highs and lows. While those will all hopefully be included, more often than not, we’ll find ourselves simply coasting. It won’t be a crisis, but our situations certainly will be less than everything we’d hope.

We might be working jobs that pay the bills while we wait for the dream position to open. We might be swiping our way through a host of dating apps, waiting for the right person to like us back. We might wander through our days, hoping for the chance to chase down some purse-snatcher or rescue a kitten from a burning building or single-handedly defeat a rival dojo.

It’s easy to daydream about these things, but what if the perfect opportunity were to actually happen?

If our ideal job were to open up right now, would we be qualified for it? If the perfect person were to cross paths with us, would we be seen at our most charming and handsome? If that building down the street were to explode into flames, would we be fit enough and fast enough to react?

Be honest.

The reality is that when we’re spinning our wheels, it’s easy to take our eyes off the prize. Sure, we might spend our hours fantasizing about how awesome it would be to be living the dream, but in doing so, we might trick ourselves into think that’s all it is – a dream. If those perfect opportunities do arise, we’re too rusty from inaction to capitalize on them – or even recognize them – and we might even try telling ourselves that isn’t something we ever wanted to begin with.

That’s not just a defeat – that’s a betrayal.

“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.” – Michael Jordan

We can’t always get what we want, but we have to promise ourselves that we won’t be so fearful of disappointment that we’ll try. Lost in the doldrums, we have to commit to preparing ourselves in whatever way will make us most ready – whether that means training our bodies, sharpening our minds, building up funds, or prepping ourselves to take charge during a crisis. Remember: there is nothing in this world quite so agonizing as the four little words “it could have been.”

3. Promise To Challenge Your Concept Of Masculinity

If we were to picture the manliest of men, what image might pop into our heads?

Perhaps some calloused, grizzled lumberjack-type. Perhaps a towering, muscle-bound figure with a piercing stare and a voice that’d make James Earl Jones sound like a soprano. Maybe he’s killed more men than Rambo. Maybe he’s seduced more women than James Bond. Maybe he’s a detached, emotionless machine who takes what he wants when he wants and never bothers with “sorry” or “please.” Maybe he’s brash and loud. Or maybe he never says anything at all.

If that image, or something like it, is what we imagine when we think of masculinity, then that’s the image we need to promise ourselves we’ll reconsider. So long as we measure ourselves against it, we’ll never be free to become our best and most-authentic self. Which is the absolute manliest thing you can do, regardless of what that looks like.

In spite of our steps away from the cold-blooded action heroes of the 80s, almost all of us have some downright poisonous ideas of what men should be. That’s not to say that the average Primer reader or even the average guy is a raging “alpha-male” dick, only that even the best of us is susceptible.

Without ever meaning to, many of us may be pressured to conform to some depressingly limited model for what a man can be.

How do we escape that? Just as with self-reflection, we’re going to need to promise ourselves that we’ll regularly review and challenge our concept of what actually makes the man. We’ll need to expose ourselves to skills, abilities, and viewpoints that might not have even been on our radar. This is about challenging the very way we perceive and handle emotions.

Or the way we don’t handle emotions.

Truth is, somewhere along the line people started mistaking being stoic for being borderline sociopathic. Emotions – the critical component that makes humans so effective and dynamic – have managed to get cast as the enemy of logic and reason, instead of as a complementary tool.

The response many guys have is to attempt to suppress emotions entirely. Of course, we can hide our feelings, but we can’t help but feel them, and rather than grant us any sense of self-mastery, we wind up becoming the guy shrieking in the middle of a little league game or having a stroke in an Arby’s drive-through.

Repressing emotions doesn’t give us control, it gives the illusion of control. It’s a kind of self-inflicted illiteracy – a pointless handicap we give ourselves that keeps us from being healthy and self-actualized. In the words of master carpenter, writer, actor, and actual badass Nick Offerman (who became a household name for his masterful satire of underdeveloped masculinity):

“Crying at something that moves you to joy or sadness is just as manly as chopping down a tree or punching out a bad guy… If you live your life openly with your emotions, that’s a more manly stance than burying them.” – Nick Offerman

4. Promise To Walk Away When It’s Time

This, perhaps more than any of the other recommendation here, is going to be tough to follow through on. As counterintuitive as it might at first sound, giving up can be one of the most difficult things.

It’s easy – far too easy – to get so caught up in the struggles of everyday life that we lose track of what we were fighting for to being with. Maybe we put up with a miserable job by telling ourselves that it’s to fund our long-term goals. The boss is a sadist and the clients are abusive, but we’re doing it to support us and the people and things we care about. That’s fine if it works, but more likely than not, we’ll find ourselves coming home so utterly burned out that we barely have energy to meet our basic needs, let alone pursue our actual interests .

Or maybe we’re in a relationship which even at its best didn’t fulfill us, or one that’s run its natural course. Or perhaps one that used to be good, but has lost its healthiness, helpfulness, and fulfillment as life changes (be it us, them, or our needs and values).

The hard part about walking away from relationships is two-fold. First, it can feel like an upending experience. Sure, the relationship isn’t great but the fear of change may seem worse than just trying to ignore the things that make it a bad relationship. But that’s a pretty sad and terrible reason to stay in a relationship, and one that is definitely unsustainable over time.

Second, in our culture we’re told a lot of stories of struggling marriages that are on the brink of divorce, but get salvaged at the last possible second through hard work. And that does happen, and there are people who should do that with life-changing results.

But there are also times when ending a relationship is the right thing – and that’s just as life-changing. The hard part is knowing which situation you’re in. But try to trust yourself. Do the work.

There’s nothing wrong with sweating and struggling for the things we’re passionate about. Suffering just for the sake of suffering? Or worse, suffering because it feels easier than trying to change? That’s another matter altogether.

For the sake of our own sanity, we need to promise ourselves that we won’t be too proud to quit something that’s lost all meaning. And not just for ourselves, but for others as well. Don’t waste someone’s time in a relationship because you don’t have the nerve to break it off. Don’t squat in a position that you despise but someone else might thrive in. There’s no defeat in walking away from something unwinnable to you.

5. Promise To Try Again When You Screw Up

More than anything else, our success with these resolutions is going to hinge on mastery of this final promise: to get over ourselves when we fail.

And we will fail.

For all our best efforts and noble intentions, we will eventually fall short of the standards we set for ourselves. And you know what? That’s ok. Failure is a fact of life – our job is to make sure that it doesn’t destroy our ability to try again.

That might sound melodramatic, but the simple truth is that many people see the world in all-or-nothing terms. Someone might resolve to jog every day, but when they do eventually skip, they’ll figure “So much for that perfect streak – better luck next year.” But what’s keeping that person from running tomorrow, Or the next day, Or the day after that?

The problem here is with that single, insidious word: “perfect.” Vain creatures that we are, we care more about being flawless execution than about making real strides towards our goals. The end result is that we don’t push ourselves beyond the bounds of our comfort zones for fear of confirming what we always suspected – that we’re only human. Even in the rare instances where we do, we give up when we’re not immediate experts. We try comforting ourselves by saying “Well I’m just not athletic/artistic/ /charismatic/business-minded, etc.” or some other lie that we imagine will free us from responsibility.

We’d rather wall ourselves off from an entire aspect of existence than dare admit that we’ve got room to improve.

Much like the problem of not walking away, this issue has its roots in a warped sense of pride – one that bases self-esteem not in the presence of accomplishment but in the absence of failure.

Of course, all this offers is a false sense of security. The world’s a tough place. Whether we like it or not we’re eventually going to encounter embarrassment or failure – it might as well be in the service of something that actually helps us grow.

“You can always edit a bad page. You can’t edit a blank page.” – Jodi Picoult

Even a stumble counts as progress if it’s towards the right direction.

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Gordon Brown

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June 5, 2024
Begin Again Series: How to Journal – The One Thing That Can Change Everything

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How to Journal

The good news is, there is no right or wrong way to journal. Like getting exercise, prayer, or meditating what matters is only that your process works for you and doesn’t keep you from doing it. If the process is prohibitive, review the first principles framework in the Begin Again intro.

Types of Journaling

“Journaling” isn’t defined by a specific method, like “exercising,” there are many styles that can suit different goals or preferences.

The best part about journaling is your practice does not have to be the same every day. You can focus on emotional intelligence one day, creative stream of conscious the next, and gratitude after that. Or, you may prefer creating some kind of consistent format, where each session you identify what you’ve been feeling, thinking, something you’re grateful for, and respond to a short prompt.

Here are a few prominent forms a journaling practice can take:

Stream of Conscious Journaling

Stream of consciousness journaling, exemplified by “Morning Pages” from Julia Cameron’s “The Artist’s Way,” involves writing down thoughts as they naturally occur, without editing or filtering. This technique, often done first thing in the morning and with a goal of simply filling 3 pages without a focus on quality, is known for enhancing creativity and self-awareness in daily life by providing an unstructured space for spontaneous expression.

Diary Journaling

Diary journaling is a more time-based form of journaling, typically focused on documenting daily events, thoughts, or feelings. Unlike stream of consciousness journaling, it is a recounting of the day’s happenings and reflecting on them. This method is valuable for memory keeping, self-reflection, and tracking thinking over time.

Prompt-guided Journaling

Prompt-guided journaling begins by writing responses to specific prompts or questions. Unlike free-form journaling, it directs your focus to particular topics, ideas, or self-reflections. This method is particularly helpful for exploring specific aspects of your life, emotions, or values that you may not think to write about (or want to write about) on your own. See my 14 journal prompts below to get started.

Gratitude Journaling

Gratitude journaling is regularly writing down things you’re grateful for, with the goal of fostering a positive mindset. This practice is often recommended for boosting mental well-being, especially for overcoming a sense of negatively or helplessness. By focusing on smaller and more abstract things you’re grateful for over time versus large and obvious things, this practice can infiltrate your everyday life, allowing you to be happier and more at peace with day-to-day experiences.

Reflective Journaling

Reflective journaling involves writing about personal experiences, thoughts, and feelings with a focus on introspection and analysis. To do this, you reflect on specific feelings or events, interpret their significance, and consider how they impact your beliefs and future actions. This style of journaling encourages a deeper understanding of oneself and is often used for personal development and problem-solving.

This can be a routine practice that feeds into a larger, structured end of year reflection like I do. It can also be more philosophy or values based, my article The 12 Reasons People Don’t Have What They Want is almost verbatim from a random, unexpected journal entry.

Vision Journaling

Vision journaling is a forward-looking form of journaling where you articulate and explore your future aspirations, goals, and dreams through writing. It differs from traditional diary-style journaling by focusing specifically on envisioning and planning for the future. In this practice, you write about your desired outcomes in various aspects of life, such as career, personal growth, relationships, or hobbies. This method serves as a powerful tool for discerning intentions, clarifying goals, and mapping out steps to achieve them. By regularly engaging in vision journaling, you create a written manifestation of your aspirations, helping to keep you motivated and focused on your long-term objectives.

Bullet Journaling

In contrast to long-form prose, bullet journaling is a popular organizational method that involves using bullets to log tasks, events, and notes in a concise, structured manner. It’s a customizable system that combines planning, tracking, and reflection, often enhanced with creative elements like layout designs, doodles or calligraphy. This method is known for its efficiency and flexibility in helping manage daily life and long-term goals. Read How to Bullet Journal.

Decision Journaling

A decision journal is a tool that helps individuals improve their decision-making by recording and analyzing their current decisions. It helps to prevent hindsight bias, encourages self-awareness, and provides a feedback loop for better decision-making. The key components of a decision journal include recording the situation, problem statement, variables, complications, alternatives considered, expected outcomes, and personal feelings during the decision-making process. Read more about how to create a decision journal.

Dreamlining

Dreamlining, as conceptualized by Tim Ferriss, is a goal-setting method that blends vision-setting with specific timelines. It involves listing your deepest desires or goals, assigning them 6 to 12-month timelines, and breaking them down into actionable steps. This technique encourages a focus on personal aspirations over societal norms, aiming to transform distant dreams into achievable objectives within set time frames.

Habit Tracking Journaling

This is a method focused on recording and monitoring daily habits to build self-awareness and achieve personal goals. It often involves keeping a structured journal where you track the consistency of various habits, such as exercise, diet, or meditation as well as the daily factors that influence whether you meet or miss your habits. This technique helps in identifying patterns, fostering discipline, and measuring progress over time.

Affirmation Journaling

Affirmation journaling primarily aims to counteract negative self-talk by focusing on positive statements about yourself. This practice helps in reprogramming the mind to adopt a more positive and empowering belief system, combating self-doubt and reinforcing self-worth and confidence.

Creative Journaling

Creative journaling is an unstructured practice where you express yourself through various creative mediums such as short stories, lyrics, or drawings. This form of journaling fosters creativity and self-expression.

Things to Write in a Journal

For our generation in particular, this can be an especially tough habit to break. In a world where everyone’s online, it’s a daily battle just to stand out as an individual against the anonymous masses. We’re used to branding ourselves. We’re used to self-promoting. We’re used to relentlessly maintaining a pristine persona and assuming that everything we ever do will be permanently recorded. And that’s all the more reason for us to have a refuge from that.

The more we’re able to let go of that urge and explore ourselves uncritically, the more effective this discipline will become. Fundamentally, journaling gives us a place to be honest with ourselves while simultaneously training us to be more honest.

When we’re switching from one mask to another, it can be dangerously easy to lose track of the real us, and journaling gives us a chance to truly examine our own lives and grapple with the people we are.

Read our article for more tips on making journaling easy.

Write Everything

And anything.

To do lists. Deepest, darkest fears. Epiphanies. Insights. Questions. Things you like and dislike about the Batman universe. Our journals aren’t supposed to be a record of our thoughts but rather a place to figure out what those thoughts are.

Every one of us is a twisted jumble of impulses, instincts, insights, irrational fears, and Ghostbusters trivia. These pages are where we’re going to untangle what we’re thinking and feeling, and that’s only going to happen by letting ourselves spill out everything (again everything) onto the page.

In a world where it feels like everyone’s watching (or equally terrifying – like no one’s watching), it can be strangely difficult for us to truly see ourselves. Journaling not only helps us discover that, but allows us to ultimately become the people we actually are. Whether you’ve been on the road a while or if you’re just starting out on your journey, every one of us could benefit from the tried-and-tested practice of logging our distance.

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Ella White

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January 9, 2024
It's Time to Begin Again
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Start the year strong with our new series, beginning with a foundation of 3 frameworks that will change everything.

There’s always talk of resolutions and life change this time of year. For many of us, the holidays represent the annual peak of veering off course whether it’s health, a side project, or career-trajectory related.

Family functions and gift gathering and the barreling corporate train toward the end of Q4 don’t leave a lot emotional energy for nice-to-have future goals. Plus, lots of great food you don’t get the rest of the year can take priority over weight watching.

But now it’s January: “New year, new me.”

Inevitably, with all the talk of resolutions, there’s been increasing scorn of the yearly revamp. The pessimistic naysayers dismiss resolution-goers as dreamers who will be off course by February. They commiserate with the other regulars at the gym about all the new people and how hard it is to get a squat rack now.

What bothers me more about the negativity surrounding resolutions is the dedicated and diligent among us, who sneer, “I don’t wait for New Years to recalibrate.”

The tradition of New Year’s resolutions, originating about 4,000 years ago with the Babylonians, has evolved from religious promises to gods into modern secular commitments focused on self-improvement.

The cycling of the calendar is used as a reminder to recollect oneself and refocus on whats important.

New Years Reflection = Meditation

On a different scale, this is exactly the same as the introspective and restorative practice of meditation. In mindfulness meditation, for instance, you sit and attempt to focus on your breath. You will inevitably start thinking, maybe even immediately. But when you realize that you’re distracted you return your focus to the breath.

Some people may use a guided meditation app like Headspace while others make use of timed gongs, but the purpose is the same: To use an outside voice or sound as a reminder to check if you’ve become distracted. If you have, refocus on the breath.

But just like meditation, in life it’s easy to come to and realize, oh wow, I’ve been distracted from what’s important, for like, a long time. In both situations it can be incredibly disheartening and frustrating. “I’ve tried to make goals before, and look, I got nowhere with them. What’s the point?”

To do this is to miss the point of the process.

The following 3 frameworks will serve as the mindset for determining what will create a fulfilling life for you and result in meaningful change. Over the next week, we’ll highlight practical tools and methods that can help you rediscover what’s truly important to you.

When You Get Away from Your Goals & Habits, “Simply…Begin Again”

Prominent meditation teachers like Sam Harris and Joseph Goldstein offer a tip for when we get distracted: Release the disappointment or frustration, don’t chastise yourself or give up – simply refocus your attention on what’s important and begin again:

This meditative wisdom can be a powerful tool for our New Year restarts for our goals and ambitions. Instead of succumbing to disappointment when we realize we’ve strayed from our fitness, nutrition, or other personal goals, the mantra of “just begin again” encourages us to refocus. It’s a call to realign with what truly matters, not the fleeting emotions of disappointment or past failures.

This approach values resilience over perfection. It acknowledges that the path to personal change is not linear but inherently filled with ebbs and flows. By adopting the practice of “beginning again,” we foster a mindset that embraces every distracted moment as a new opportunity, a fresh start to recommit to what’s important, as Harris says, that is “free from the past.”

But even when you wake up from distraction, how do you determine what’s important? Or what if you’re not emotionally connected to what you’re focusing on? What if you lack the drive to formulate what changes you want to make?

The Centuries Old Ground Rules for Change

Establishing a set of founding principles can be incredibly helpful when it comes to defining what’s truly important in your life and creating lasting and meaningful change. An ancient Tibetan practice called Lojong, which translates to “Mind Training,” offers a profound perspective on this.

Lojong begins with what are known as the “Four Preliminaries.” They are ‘preliminary’ not because they are less important or basic, on the contrary, they are the core principles everything is based on.

The tenets of the Four Preliminaries establish a brutally honest baseline of the reality we all live in and can serve as a sobering perspective as we begin again this year and decide on the types of changes that would be most meaningful to us individually.

Here is a new vision of each, in a modern secular approach for making positive change. Embrace these as the core principles your goals will be based on.

First Preliminary: Reconnect to The Preciousness of Human Life

It is easy to fall into a river of apathy, letting the tasks of our work, our family obligations, and cultural expectations dictate our life. To let the natural flow of life to define what our life is or could be.

Amidst billions of humans who have lived before us and countless more who will follow, the mathematical infinitesimal rarity of life forming into the highly specific and unique combination that became You is staggering.

In a universe where matter can neither be created or destroyed, the building blocks constituting your body could have coalesced into anything else—space gas, a primitive rodent on the bottom of the food chain 50,000 years ago, or my monstera plant that never stood a chance.

And since matter isn’t destroyed, after you’re gone, parts of you may end up as space gas, a rodent, or some other writer’s dead plant. You’re here, in the face of improbable odds, only temporarily.

→ As we begin again, refocusing from distraction, the initial Lojong preliminary reminds us to get out of the flow of the apathy river prompted by the essential question: “What will I do with this rare human life?”

Second Preliminary: You are Going to Die, Guaranteed

Humans are wired in a weird way—we all start our lives with an unspoken assumption that the pain and death others experience are distant specters, while we remain immune.

We have a knack for sticking our fingers in our ears and going “lalalalalala” when it comes to thinking about our guaranteed death. It’s an uncomfortable, even taboo subject, one we all, culturally and individually, avoid.

But the truth is undeniable: Each of us will face our mortality, and how much time we have left can never be known.

This second preliminary serves as a flag boldly planted proclaiming the impermanence of everything. Anything that can die, will die.

Facing the reality of death unveils insights and benefits that transcend the fear it often instills. As we grasp the impermanence of everything, including our own bodies, it becomes clear that excess money, possessions, and even the companionship of friends cannot provide solace when we inevitably face our death.

But paradoxically, this isn’t meant to cast a shadow of hopelessness; but instead illuminates the significance of this, and every future, moment.

Have you ever put a project off to the last minute, having a fraction of the time you thought you’d have, only to be impressed with just how much you got done in so little time? A realistic sense of just how little time we have can do the same for your life.

Coming to terms with the inescapable nature of our mortality becomes a potent motivator.

Unfortunately for many people this acceptance only comes at the end of life, reflecting on how life could have been lived, if only they could have understood what’s at stake: One day, it will be the last day.

→ You can embrace this in every moment, from here on.

Third Preliminary: Your Actions – or Inactions – Have Consequences

Karma as it’s thrown around in our culture is often misrepresented as an ominous, mystical cosmic justice system that will punish you if you do a bad thing.

Karma, in its essence, is the principle of cause and effect.

As a foundation to beginning again, it’s an acknowledgment that our actions or inactions will shape the reality in which our future selves will exist.

Starting your own business or joining a gym for the first time will not guarantee you achieve your desired outcome. Between the two versions of yourself—one who makes an effort and the other who doesn’t—the possibility of success exists only for the one who tries.

Regardless of how “real” any self-sabotaging thoughts may seem, the third preliminary sets in stone an inarguable truth: If you don’t take action, you will only end up with outcomes that can result from inaction.

→ If there’s a change you want to make, only you can initiate the cause that results in that effect.

Fouth Preliminary: Dedicating Your Life to Only Worldly Goals is Unfulfilling

When we hear about goals in modern media, they often revolve around familiar aspirations: launching a business to amass wealth, climbing the corporate ladder to secure a prestigious position, purchasing a home that exudes pride and investment potential, or getting shredded to be more attractive to potential partners.

However, as we begin again, the fourth preliminary reminds us that our goals should not be solely centered around attaining desirable possessions or status and self-worth.

As we refocus, it’s essential to embrace that while it’s acceptable to set goals that yield such outcomes, they alone will not break the desire-fulfillment cycle.

→ Think of the emptiness of short-term pleasures, such as binge-watching TV shows or indulging in excessive eating. Focusing only on superficial goals like wealth, status, and image across a lifetime create the same result.

Rethink Your Entire Approach with First Principles

Now that we’ve dropped our ego and embraced a fresh restart, with some sobering reminders about the reality of life, we move to the final framework that centers not only on the why, but the how.

First principles thinking, a popular business concept rooted in philosophy and popularized by figures like Aristotle and more recently Elon Musk, involves breaking down complex problems into their most basic elements and then reassembling them from the ground up for a holistic, previously unknown solution.

In business, first principles thinking is used to innovate and solve problems in a radically original way. Instead of following the usual methods or traditional industry practices, leaders and entrepreneurs deconstruct ideas to their basest elements. They then rebuild these ideas from scratch, leading to innovative solutions and strategies, not encumbered by the problems of existing ones.

A classic example of this was the wait time in an office elevator lobby. The office goers were constantly complaining about how long it took the elevator to arrive with how many people needed to get up and down during peak hours.

The building owners looked into upgrading or replacing the elevator system but due to the limitations of the building design and the estimated cost, it was clear that wasn’t feasible.

So the problem was reduced to its basest parts to find a solution:
- People are angry because they have to wait too long for the elevator.
- The speed of the elevator cannot be changed.
That may seem like an impossible problem to solve, but the solution was ultimately super easy and affordable.

Instead of solving the riders’ annoyance at the long wait time, the building owners installed large mirrors and televisions with the news, sports, and other content of interest.

The elevator speed did not change – but the complaints about the wait time completely stopped. The building couldn’t solve the riders’ perceived problem (the elevator speed), but they could make the actual problem (their awareness of waiting) go away.

As we begin again, don’t just restart the same old process you’ve been using for your goals, fitness habits, or relationships that may not have ever been able to solve the problem.

Apply first principles thinking to your personal goals and resolutions by stripping down your goals to their most fundamental truths and reflect on new ways that may solve the problem in a more frictionless way.

→ Ask yourself, “What is the true purpose behind this goal? What do I know is true and what am I actually trying to achieve?”

Over the next couple of weeks, we will be exploring tools and strategies that will help to begin again and refocus on what is actually important to you, using the ideas of these 3 frameworks as a foundation for dramatic and meaningful direction:
- Simply begin again: If you realize you’ve become distracted from your habits or goals, don’t get demotivated. Clear your head and begin again.
- All decisions and brainstorming should reflect the four preliminaries:
  
  Your life is unfathomably rare, make use of it
  
  You will die. Your life is shorter than it seems, act with a sense of urgency while you still can
  
  The universal law of cause and effect. If you want change, you must take continual action.
  
  Fulfillment is not possible from buying things or being seen as important alone. Don’t forget to anchor your ambitions to things that are not based on acquiring money, things, or status.
- Don’t just blindly continue on a path that may not be working. Break your ambitions, goals, or problems down to their base ideas and create previously unknown, innovative solutions using first principles thinking.
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Andrew Snavely

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January 5, 2024
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Sara Hermellin is an artist based in Paris.

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Luke Plunkett

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