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  • The Importance of Being a Genuine Friend

    The Importance of Being a Genuine Friend

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    Being a genuine friend is very important. As Christians, we should be genuine friends to others, yet we have all been around those who do not seem sincere friends, or maybe we ourselves have not been genuine friends. The best way to have a friend is to be a friend to others.

    Jesus wants us to be friends with all people, yet even Jesus had the inner three of Peter, James, and John (Mark 5:37). The importance of being a genuine friend cannot be stressed enough; therefore, we are going to be discussing the importance of being a genuine friend.

    Being a Genuine Friend

    In order to have a friend, you have to be a friend. We have to be willing to invest in our friendships and be genuine with them. Fake friends are not true friends, and they can be toxic to our own mental health.

    I have personally had many fake friends, who were not genuine, and they made me question myself, my worth, and my identity in Christ. If a friend ever causes you to question your own worth or your identity in Christ, you are not under any obligation to remain in the friendship.

    The Lord does not want you to be involved in unhealthy friendships that will inflict pain, sin, or brokenness in your relationship with Him. If you have personally experienced fake friends, know that not all people will be fake friends.

    Sadly, even Christians can be fake friends. As much as I hate to say this, it is true. Many of the Christian friends I had were not genuine and would talk about me behind my back, make me feel bad about myself, and start rumors about me.

    If you know this is going on in your life, you need to cut ties with these “friends.” They are not your true friends. Do not assume that just because a person is a Christian that it automatically means they are a great friend.

    We normally can trust our gut feelings to help us decipher who our true friends are. Also, spending time with them and having deep conversations are great ways to be able to discover real, genuine friends.

    Many Christians believe Christians cannot be friends with unbelievers, but that is not true. While it is true that Christians should not marry unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14), the Bible never tells us that we cannot make friends with unbelievers.

    In fact, Christians should extend friendship to unbelievers to help them come to know Christ and simply to be genuine, caring friends. If an unbeliever can tell a Christian is not being genuine, it’s going to lead them away from Christ.

    As Christians, we are Jesus’ lights of the world, and we are the visible manifestation of Jesus’ love for the world (Matthew 5:14-16). If unbelievers view Christ’s followers as being insincere in their friendships, what will they think about Christ?

    They will view Him as being insincere and not genuine. As we can see, this does a great disservice to Christ because we should extend His genuine friendship, love, and kindness — not a fake smile.

    Trust me, unbelievers and believers alike can see through those who are not genuine friends. This is why it is vital that we are genuine friends who care about those around us, believers and unbelievers alike.

    Honesty and Trust

    A crucial aspect of being a genuine friend is found in the foundation of honesty and trust. All relationships need to be founded on trust. If an individual is only a friend to someone simply just to appear “nice” or “friendly,” others will be able to see through the fake smile and fake attitude.

    We have to be honest in our approach to others and truly care about others. In addition to honesty, we need to be able to show that we can be trusted. Genuine friendships cannot be formed apart from trust.

    We are not going to willingly commit to a friendship if the friendship is not built on trust. Therefore, in our friendships, we need to extend honesty and show ourselves to be trustworthy.

    Loving Others

    Jesus tells us directly, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35).

    The Lord also tells us, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31).

    From these passages of Scripture, Jesus tells us the importance of loving others. This is crucial for friendships — that we love one another as Jesus loves us. Love is not a feeling but rather a choice.

    When we choose to love our friends, we look out for their own interests, encourage them, and help them in their walk with the Lord. As Paul tells us, we need to be consistently building up each other in the Lord (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

    Loving others is the hallmark of the Christian walk, as this is how others will know that we are followers of Christ. In our genuine friendships, we need to extend love, support, and encouragement.

    The world has polluted and overused the word “love” to the point that it has a distorted meaning. Loving others means putting another person’s needs above your own.

    Jesus showed us the ultimate demonstration of His love for us by dying on the cross to redeem us from our sins (John 3:16-17).

    Because of Jesus’ sacrifice, all people can receive salvation by placing faith in Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection. What is a better way to be a true, genuine friend than to share the message of the gospel and live it out in your everyday life?

    Loving others is crucial to being a genuine friend because you are caring about the needs of the other person over your own.

    This is important to do in our own lives as the Bible tells us, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4).

    New Beginnings

    Being a genuine friend is extremely important in our modern-day society, where fake friends come in waves. It is easy to be trapped in the cycle of fake friends, but it takes courage to step out of the cycle and truly find genuine friends.

    As stated, we have to be a friend in order to have friends. True, genuine friends care about others and extend Jesus’ love, kindness, and forgiveness. When we are genuine friends, others will migrate to us because they know we love Christ and truly love others.

    If you have struggled with fake friends or feel like you have not been a genuine friend to others, there are steps you can take to improve your friendships. If you have struggled with fake friends, know that your past experience with fake friends does not mean that all people are like this.

    There are true friends out there, though they are hard to find. On the other side of the spectrum, if you have found that you have not been a genuine friend in the past, rest in the knowledge that you can start new today.

    Extend Jesus’ love, kindness, and forgiveness to others, and try to be a genuine friend to others. As Christians, we have the help of the Holy Spirit to help us, guide us, and direct us. There is a new start with Jesus, including starting over in our friendships.

    For further reading:

    What Does the Bible Say about Choosing Friends?

    5 Proverbs for Friends When They Disagree

    A Godly Friendship Revealed Through Jonathan in the Bible

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/SeventyFour

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    LISTEN: Being Complete in Jesus (Understanding Matthew 5:21-48)

    Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: 10 Sins Christians Downplay (and Why They’re So Destructive)

    Stock Footage & Music Courtesy of Soundstripe.com Thumbnail by Getty Images

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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    Vivian Bricker

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  • Why Can’t I Ever Fit In?

    Why Can’t I Ever Fit In?

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    Many of us struggled to fit in at school, but not many of us as adults talk about not being able to fit in. Unfortunately for many of us, we never “fit in” with any sort of friend group.

    Maybe we tried to fit in with certain friend groups, only to find out that we have nothing in common with them.

    This can be disappointing, and it can also really hurt our feelings. It is at these times that we can ponder the question, “Why can’t I ever fit in?”

    You Are Unique

    “I don’t have the right name or the right looks, but I have twice the heart” (“Just One Yesterday,” Fall Out Boy).

    I understand the pain of feeling as though you never belong or fit in with anyone. This can be hurtful and cause you to have feelings of low self-worth or low self-esteem.

    If you have experienced any of these bad feelings due to not fitting in, know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are uniquely you. There is no one like you in the entire world. God created you with a specific purpose in mind that only you can fulfill.

    The Bible tells us, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalm 139:13-14).

    As this Bible verse tells us, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Other versions of the Bible translate “fearfully” to be “remarkably made” (Holman Christian Standard Bible).

    The latter can be seen as a more accurate translation and one that helps us better understand how special we are to God.

    Think of this truth when you are feeling bad about not fitting in. God created you remarkably and wonderfully. Maybe you were never meant to fit in, and that’s a good thing.

    I remember being in elementary school, middle school, and college, hoping I would fit in with one of the groups. Maybe you also yearned to somehow fit in, yet it always was out of reach for you.

    It wasn’t until these past few months, upon reflecting on the desire to fit in, that I discovered it was never a bad thing that I didn’t fit in. While we all aspire to be in a friend group or to fit in with the artsy, musical, or sports friend groups, maybe the best thing for us is to not fit in.

    Through not fitting in, we can actually discover the things that truly matter to us and shape us into the people we become.

    Experience with Bullying — A Different Perspective

    As mentioned, I never really fit in with the different groups in schools or in college. A particularly difficult time for me was middle school.

    During sixth grade, I was relentlessly bullied at a school, and it caused me to be homeschooled for the rest of middle school and high school. It wasn’t until college that I was once again exposed to friend groups, who I thought would truly be lasting friends.

    I used to always associate bullying with something negative as it contributed to me developing an eating disorder and depression; however, recently, I have been able to see it in a more positive way.

    Bullying is always negative, yet we can choose to look at the ways it hurt us, or we can look at how we grew from the experience.

    If I had never been bullied in sixth grade, I would have never been homeschooled, and if I never went to homeschool, I would have never found myself at the Christian college I attended for undergrad.

    If I never attended this Christian college, I wouldn’t have heard the gospel for the first time and accepted Jesus as my Savior and Lord. Therefore, bullying was a terrible thing, yet it ultimately led me to know Jesus and place faith in Him.

    It can be challenging to see the positives in the negative, yet I encourage you to do this concerning something difficult in your own life. Try to see the good that was the result of the bad thing.

    It won’t happen overnight, as it took me over a decade to see the positive result of the bullying I endured. This isn’t to invalidate any of your pain because all of your feelings are valid and important.

    This is just challenging you to try to see the good that came out of a bad situation. To see what the negative thing took from you, but to also see what it gave you.

    I also learned the important lesson that maybe it’s okay not to fit in with those around you. Maybe those of us who never fit in are beautiful, wonderful, and remarkably made just as we are, even though our peers never felt that way about us or even grown adults we are around now.

    What if God never created you to fit in, but to stand out and to make a difference for His Kingdom? We should never want to blend in with the world to the point that others cannot see Christ in us.

    Rather than seeing Christ, they would just see another person living according to the world, claiming to be a Christian.

    Family of God

    God hasn’t called us to be a part of the world, but to be set apart from the world (John 15:19). It is true that none of us can escape living in the world, yet we can do all we can to prevent ourselves from becoming just like the world.

    God doesn’t want us to just become one other person in suburbia. He called us out of everyone to be His own child and to follow Him. God has divinely chosen you and has declared you as His child. There is nothing greater than knowing that you belong to the family of God.

    You might have never fit in with anyone, but you do fit in with the family of God. In fact, the family of God loves you just as you are and welcomes you with open arms.

    Fitting in with people in school, at work, or in social settings might be something you will always yearn for, but try to rest in the peace that you belong to God, and you are part of His family. You are always wanted, loved, and cared about in the family of God and by God Himself.

    If you are feeling especially alone today or you are feeling as though you don’t fit in, don’t allow it to get you down. Turn back to the Lord and rest in the knowledge of knowing that you belong to His family.

    Never will God turn you away and never will you not belong in His family. Once you are part of the family of God, you are eternally part of the family of God. You always fit in here, and God will always be by your side.

    I understand how much it can hurt to not fit in, but know that there is nothing wrong with you. If people cannot appreciate you in all of your uniqueness, that is their problem.

    Sadly, many people can be snobby or judgmental if you don’t fit the mold, they have cast. God didn’t create you with a mold — rather, He made you uniquely you and He never makes mistakes. You are always welcomed and always belong to the family of God.

    For further reading:

    Why Is it So Hard to Find Real Friends?

    How to Be Wise When Choosing Your Friends

    What Is Authentic Love?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/skynesher

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    Related podcast:

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    Read the full article here!

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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    Vivian Bricker

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  • Doin’ It With Ease! Keke Wyatt Says Being A Mother Of 11 Kids Is ‘Actually Not Hard At All’

    Doin’ It With Ease! Keke Wyatt Says Being A Mother Of 11 Kids Is ‘Actually Not Hard At All’

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    Keke Wyatt is opening up about being a mother of 11 children — that’s right, 11 children. As The Shade Room previously reported, Wyatt welcomed her youngest child, Ke’Zyah Jean Darring, in May 2022.

    RELATED: Keke Wyatt Opens Up About Possibly Expanding Her Family Following Her Eleventh Child: ‘Never Say Never’

    Keke Wyatt Shares How She Gets Her “One-On-One Time” With Each Of Her 11 Children

    The 41-year-old R&B singer spoke exclusively with US Weekly for an interview published Friday. During the conversation, Wyatt explained that juggling life and responsibilities as a mother of 11 is “not hard at all.”

    Contrary to popular belief, Wyatt has seamlessly curated a schedule for spending valued time with all of her children.

    “It actually is not hard at all,” the singer told the outlet. “So if I have to go to the store, I’ll take one with me, and that’s our time. Or if I’m going to the studio to record, I’ll take one, whoever’s asking to go. I just do it like that, and I get my one-on-one time in.”

    The Singer Opens Up About Her Youngest Son & His Impact On Her Older Children

    During the interview, Wyatt also spoke about caring for her youngest child, Ke’Zyah Jean. As The Shade Room previously reported, the 1-year-old was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called Trisomy 13 before his birth.

    According to the Cleveland Clinic, the condition affects how one’s “face, brain, and heart develop, along with several other internal organs.”

    Wyatt explained that her family is “very grateful” for the toddler and loves him “just the way he is.” Additionally, the singer shared gratitude and praise for her older children’s outlook toward their youngest sibling.

    “We are very grateful, and we love him just the way he is. We don’t want him any other way,” Wyatt explained to US Weekly. “It’s so beautiful to sit back and watch how they just love on him. And it’s almost as if there’s nothing different about him to them. I feel very honored that the Lord showed me how to raise children to be those types of people.”

    Keke Wyatt Shared Her Present Thoughts On Continuing To Expand Her Family

    According to US Weekly, Wyatt shares her four eldest children with her ex-husband, Rahmat Morton, four children with ex-husband Michael Jamar Ford, and her three youngest children with her current husband, Zackariah Darring.

    When asked for her thoughts on continuing to expand her family, Wyatt remains open.

    “I thought it was complete at 10, and here’s 11. So I don’t know,” the 41-year-old admitted. “I can say yes and then look up, and now we got 12. I don’t know, I’ll just say that.”

    As The Shade Room reported, Wyatt echoed similar sentiments when asked the same question on an episode of TV One’s ‘Uncensored’ aired last year. Check out her thoughts below!

    RELATED: One Mo’?! KeKe Wyatt Says She Would Have Another Child (Video)

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    Jadriena Solomon

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  • 5 Mistakes I Made in My First Year of Marriage

    5 Mistakes I Made in My First Year of Marriage

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    My husband, Gene and I sat across the dinner table of friends whom we recently met. While we waited for dessert, the topic of anniversaries came up. 

    “And how long have you been married,” the wife asked me.

    “Forty years,” I said proudly.

    “Well, not quite, “Gene said, “more like 39.” He chuckled. “We don’t count that first year.”

    I wanted to elbow him for being so uncomfortably honest. They were, after all, new friends. But he was so right. We wanted to erase that first year of our marriage from the memory book of life.

    But we couldn’t. Those memories linger like the smell of burnt toast. That happily ever-after didn’t even last through the honeymoon. So what happened? How did that beautiful bride dressed in white, depicting purity, and that handsome man, looking like a prince waiting for me at the altar, change so drastically? 

    What was even more drastic was our disappointment. We walked down the aisle with dreams and hopes. But the problem was they were framed in unrealistic expectations. We smiled at the photographer’s prompting and cut the wedding cake, relishing in each moment… unaware of what awaited us once the wedding turned into marriage. 

    And sadly, we turned into a real-life illustration of the beauty and the beast. Both of us counted on the beauty of marriage. But instead, the beast of discord settled in our one-bedroom apartment with royal blue carpeting.

    Blushing a bit, I admit these are the five mistakes I made even before I could use the Crockpot we received as a wedding gift.

    1. Finances and its Control

    I came from Bolivia, where poverty was a way of life. My parents were frugal, guarding every penny. Gene came from a relaxed approach to finances. In his home, items were bought even when they weren’t urgently needed. In my effort to guard our income, I asked Gene to account for each dollar he spent. He resisted, indignation flaring up by my questioning. And rather than appreciate my self-assigned task of paying the bills, he resented it instead.

    2. Time Spent with Friends

    We were a couple now. I expected our free time to be with each other or other couples. For me, girlfriend time was limited to small chunks of time. Therefore, when he took long hours to get home after a racquetball session with his fraternity brothers, I didn’t welcome him home with hugs. Instead, I made it known I was to come first before friends or other social commitments. My mistake was to make Gene my source of happy moments and pleasant feelings.

    3. TV Watching 

    Silly, I know. While dating, we watched anything at all as long as we were together. But to my surprise, our tastes were different. I liked romantic programs that were light and fun. He preferred the action-packed flicks. But as we tried to accommodate each other, resentment had already been simmering inside. I anticipated him to love me enough to say, “Sure, honey, I know you don’t like detective movies; let’s watch a romance story instead.”

    4. Cleaning the Apartment

    Gene worked toward his college degree, and since I worked full-time, I assumed he should help keep the apartment clean. I requested to have shoes, empty soda cans, paper plates, etc. to be out of the living room and put away where they belonged. He saw nothing wrong with leaving the cleaning to weekends. Resentment grew in me. My mistake was to put a clean, tidy apartment above harmony and peace.

    5. Time with Parents

    Gene loved my mom’s cooking. And heading to my parents for Sunday dinners would be a logical thing to do. But when he decided that we would skip a Sunday or two, I was puzzled. Why would he pass up an enjoyable time with my family and delight in my mom’s cooking? He didn’t have an explanation. And my mistake was to challenge his reasoning rather than to try to compromise.

    And so, during that first year, dissatisfaction, disappointment, and discouragement were served at every meal. It was clear to me we weren’t a match. The differences outnumbered intimate moments. And misunderstandings, arguments, and slammed doors screamed, “You made a big mistake.”

    So why did I stay? One, because we had made a commitment before God. And two, because divorce this soon, with no concrete reason, would’ve been an embarrassing event for all.

    But what was even more embarrassing was admitting what I brought with me to the marriage. On that wedding day, some commented that I looked radiant. But they didn’t know that underneath that flowing white dress, I wore a black slip of fear.

    Fear was at the bottom of all. I was afraid happiness wouldn’t show up if we were in debt. I vowed not to have a messy house as I feared it would be a reflection of me as a wife. I was afraid if Gene didn’t spend quality moments with me instead of his friends, I wouldn’t be first in his life. And if he didn’t agree to stay connected with my family, I’d be unhappy.

    In the midst of that fear, happiness showed up when God spoke to my heart through the Bible. I had no reason to fear, worry, or be insecure. God was first my spouse, my divine Father, who would meet my needs and make me whole.

    Time has swept by since that truth settled in me. And like Gene took out the trash, I took fear out of me. There were lessons learned. Pride put aside. And insecurities corrected. 

    God corrected my perception of marriage. He transformed my thinking—I married Gene; I didn’t marry my expectations. And now, 40 years later, when we dine with friends, we learn they too struggled at various stages of their marriage. Good to know we’re not alone.

    Our house still isn’t spotless; Gene and I choose certain TV shows we enjoy together. He spends time with our adult sons at basketball games, and I shop with girlfriends. We invite both extended families to our home. And we tithe to ensure financial freedom.

    But the most beautiful freedom came when I chose to love Gene without fear, without conditions, and without unrealistic expectations. 

    Janet Perez Eckles is an inspirational speaker before English and Spanish-speaking audiences. She’s a radio host and the author of four books, including Simply Salsa: Dancing Without Fear at God’s Fiesta, where she helps thousands learn to celebrate life and find joy by conquering fear. www.janetperezeckles.com

    Publication date: September 21, 2016

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

    Read more about what the Bible says about marriage in our Marriage Guide that walks through many hot topics surrounding marriage today in light of God’s Word.

    Related podcast:

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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    Click here to read the full article.

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  • I loved my dress. My fiancé’s ominous reaction was a warning sign

    I loved my dress. My fiancé’s ominous reaction was a warning sign

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    When I was newly engaged in 1986, my grandfather sent a Christmas gift of cash. I knew just what to do with it. There was a strapless, red sequined dress with a chiffon ruffled skirt in the window of a Santa Monica boutique that I’d been eyeing for weeks.

    After working my way up from receptionist after film school, I became the west coast production manager for a commercial and music video company on the legendary Sunset Boulevard. For a girl from Ohio, I was living the dream. This dress was my destiny. It was sexy and sparkly and sophisticated–everything I always wanted to be.

    Unfortunately, my salary barely covered my rent-controlled apartment by the beach and the big-shouldered suits that camouflaged my figure at work. No way could I afford such Madonna-inspired splendor. But thanks to my grandfather, I could swing it for Christmas.

    Leslie Lehr pictured on a lifeguard stand (L) and with her ex-husband (R).
    Leslie Lehr

    My grandfather, A. L. Levine, was a big art collector. The Picasso and Botero in his Palm Beach cottage were destined for the Metropolitan Museum of Art, for the Atrium that now bears his name. And this dress was art!

    I decided to splurge on it and surprise my fiancé before a big New Year’s Eve party. I curled my long hair and layered on lipstick. I was so excited that my hands shook as I zipped up my dress. I felt like a balloon filled to bursting. “Ready?” I called.

    When I tiptoed into the living room and twirled around, my fiancé shook his head. “I hate sequins,” he said. I blinked in confusion. I loved sequins. I planned to wear them to get an Oscar one day. How could he not understand this was the real me?

    I kept the dress on, but the bubble had burst. We’d met at work in Hollywood, so he saw plenty of sequins. He thought they were tacky. But I didn’t feel tacky; I just didn’t feel as beautiful as before.

    At the party, when my fiancé went off to chat with some friends, other men approached. They disagreed with my fiancé; my dress was a hit. I tried to enjoy their compliments, but they didn’t count. I had pledged my heart.

    If only I’d paid more attention. When I left to work freelance and started getting screen credits, my husband was proud. He still had more money, though, and that mattered more. When my first novel won an award, he took a job out of the country and couldn’t join me to collect it. He liked me best in my bathroom. He took photos of me baking Christmas cookies with our daughters. Or, rather, decorating them; I used Slice N Bake dough. For another book, I was interviewed on the CNN morning news. He didn’t wake the girls to watch. And somehow, he forgot to record it. I buried the dress deeper and deeper in the closet.

    A decade later, my sister asked me to wear the dress to take pictures for her photography class at USC. My husband was happy to help. I dug out the dress and my sister got an A. We sent a copy to my grandfather, who loved it. By now, it was a period piece from the 1980’s. But I never wore that dress again in public. I hung the picture in the hallway and admired it through the glass.

    Later, I turned a bedroom into my office. I stored my red dress in the closet with extra supplies. One night, when my husband was home between freelance film jobs, I was on a roll. I kept writing past six, which was when he usually expected dinner.

    Then I heard him shouting for me from the kitchen. I turned off the computer and ran in, ready to take over. He turned around from the sink and punched me. “It was an accident,” he said. He didn’t see me standing there. He was an ex-Marine. Had he meant to hit me, I’d be “out cold.”

    That was true, I thought, as I lay on the floor where I fell. That’s where the girls found me.

    I hid in my office for a few days until the bruising went down, where I came across my dress again in the storage closet. My swollen lip matched the dress for a week. My husband never hit me again, but the party was over.

    Five years after that incident, we finally divorced. I should have seen it coming–seen the bright color like a stop sign, a cautionary tale. It’s still my favorite dress–the shiny sequins and the fluffy skirt–and I can still zip it up. There are no tags now to tell who made it, but if there were, I would thank the designer.

    But its exuberant appearance is not the only reason why I love the dress. Instead, I keep the dress close as inspiration; every once in a while, I try it on and twirl. The very sight of it makes me smile.

    When I look at it now, this dress is more than a red stop sign. This dress reminds me of that girl who wanted so much out of life–and now she’s got it. It reminds me of who I wanted to be, and who I am.

    Leslie Lehr is the prize-winning author of the pop culture memoir, A Boob’s Life: How America’s Obsession Shaped Me — and You, exploring the challenge of women today in navigating a new path between sexy and sacred. She is the Novel Consultant for Truby’s Writers Studio, a judge for the WFWA debut novel contest, and a member of PEN, the Authors Guild, WGA, Women In Film, the ACLU, and The Women’s Leadership Council of LA.

    All views expressed in this article are the author’s own.

    Do you have a unique experience or personal story to share? Email the My Turn team at myturn@newsweek.com.

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  • 5 Ways to Stop a Fight in Marriage Before it Starts

    5 Ways to Stop a Fight in Marriage Before it Starts

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    Let’s face it: when you are married, it seems like a conflict is always lurking around, waiting to pounce on you and your spouse. When you are done with one, another one springs up unexpectedly around the corner, making you feel as if you are trapped in a vicious cycle. Conflict in marriage is normal and inevitable. Marriage is a union of two different people with varying personalities, perspectives, beliefs, and values.

    Healthy conflict resolution can foster a deeper friendship between spouses, trigger growth, inspire creativity, and improve communication. On the other hand, unhealthy conflict resolution drives a wedge between spouses and is often a breeding ground for resentment. Do you and your spouse get embroiled in heated fights that leave both of you licking your wounds for weeks on end? Perhaps your fights involve name-calling, shaming, or even violence. They leave both of you reeking of bitterness, and you want nothing to do with each other for weeks.

    Paul urged Timothy not to have anything to do with foolish arguments because they produce quarrels. He added that the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, and not resentful (2 Timothy 2:23-24). Conflict should be resolved amicably and respectfully to be constructive within marriage. Endless quarrels where spouses attack and put each other down only produce resentment, snuffing out the unity God ordained in marriage. Two cannot walk together unless they are agreed (Amos 3:3).

    Did you know you can snuff out a fight with your spouse before it even rears its ugly head? Paul urged believers to walk circumspectly, not as unwise but as wise (Ephesians 5:15). You can apply godly wisdom and arrest destructive squabbles in their tracks before they spiral out of control. Here are four thoughts to consider.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/gorodenkoff

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  • 6 Dating Lies to Unlearn

    6 Dating Lies to Unlearn

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    For years, maybe even decades, the belief that dating isn’t biblical has been taught for many reasons. One reason being that dating is strongly associated with pre-marital sex, and fornication is a sin. Also, many believers are taught to engage in courtships. Courtships include different stages of getting to know someone with the intention of getting married. However, to reach the courtship stage, you must spend time with the person you are involved with. What other way do you get to know someone you’re romantically attracted to and interested in than to date them? The notion of dating being unbiblical is one that’s been taught and learned because dating is considered an activity of the world, and it is not found in the Bible. However, the idea of courtships isn’t found in the Bible either. So, with this news, what does a believer with a romantic interest in someone do? How do believers get to know someone they’re interested in without stepping outside of the realms of the Bible? The answer is simple, pray and ask God what steps to take to get to know someone you are interested in and follow His guidance. Interaction with believers, humans, is natural. In fact, believers need each other to survive. How we interact with each other determines what relationships are developed. Asking God for guidance with everyone we encounter will help believers remain on the right path while meeting and engaging with the right and wrong people.

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  • 10 Ways to Stop Cliques in Your Church

    10 Ways to Stop Cliques in Your Church

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    My friend felt a nervous excitement when she signed up for the church women’s retreat — alone. It wasn’t easy to do, but she reasoned that spending a weekend with other Christian women would allow her to meet badly needed friends and integrate more quickly into the life of her new church.

    Her confidence was short-lived. After Friday night dinner, she walked alone to the auditorium as other women strolled with friends, their happy chatter a reminder that she was an outsider. Oh well, at least I’ll get a good seat, she thought, trying to stay positive in an uncomfortable situation. She walked toward the front and was shocked to see every seat taken, saved by the Bibles that women had placed there before dinner. She moved further back, only to find the same thing. The only seat open was a corner one on the very last row.

    Every Bible on every chair seemed to scream, “You aren’t welcome here. We already have friends, and you aren’t one of them”. 

    Of course, this was not the intent. Still, it was a memory she never forgot.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/LittleBee80

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  • Is Marriage Meant to Be Hard Work?

    Is Marriage Meant to Be Hard Work?

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    “Marriage is work”! Does that statement strike a chord with you? Do you feel as if you breezed through dating and courtship only to hit a bump in the road in marriage? If you do, you are not alone. Many couples opine that there’s a stark difference between marriage and dating. In marriage, they realize that they need to exert mental and physical effort to keep the wheels of their marriage turning. What came so easily and naturally during dating seems to have morphed into work. Hard work. What exactly changed? Did God design marriage as hard work?

    My best friend in high school and I had vowed to be best friends forever. We both could not envision life without each other. We vowed to keep in touch and climb mountains if necessary just to keep our friendship ablaze. Needless to say, we lost touch when we joined different colleges and only reconnected through Facebook eons later. Left unattended, our friendship wilted faster than we could say “best friend.” There’s not a single relationship on the face of the earth that can thrive without the input of the parties involved. Constant communication, physical meetings, and support during tough times are some of the demands of friendships.

    Couples feel as if they glided through courtship and dating because the relationship was mainly fueled by romantic love. This made relating with your partner feel effortless. But let’s be honest: romantic love grinds to a halt at some point. Your heart eventually stops racing, and you cease getting breathless when your macho man or damsel walks into the room. As such, your spouse won’t automatically feel loved and appreciated until they see your loving gestures. Your relationship is no longer driven by romantic love but by intentional love, aka work.

    So yes, as a husband, you will need to listen to your wife’s winding tales, show her affection, and date her regularly. As a wife, you will need to prioritize sexual intimacy, respect his decisions, and compliment him. You will need to do things that don’t come naturally to you just to enthuse your partner. You will need to put in some work because marriage is indeed work.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/People Images

    2. It’s Part of Your Christian Walk

    We do not merely glide through our walk with Christ. Although salvation is a free gift of God, we must do our part to maintain our fellowship with God. Paul urged the Phillipian church to work out their salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2: 12). Peter also asked the church to be diligent to make their call and election sure (2 Peter 1:10). Although Christ finished His redemptive work at the cross, we have to stay connected to Him through prayer, reading His word and fellowship with other believers. He asks us to draw near to Him so He can draw near us. In other words, He asks us to put in the work.

    Part of this work for married couples will include tending your relationship with your spouse. Your life as a married person is not compartmentalized. Everything you do, whether you eat or drink, should bring glory to God (1 Corinthians 10:31). Jesus taught that the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, soul, and with all your mind, and the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. Your spouse is your “nearest” neighbor, and God commands that you love them as yourself. To accomplish that, you will definitely need to put in a lot of work.

    3. God Has Set a High Standard for Marriage

    God has a template for how couples should conduct their marriages. He uses the relationship between Christ and the church as the template. Wives are to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord, and husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:22-28). Quite frankly, living out this template in marriage is no mean feat. As a wife, you may wonder why you need to submit to a flawed human being. As a husband, you may not feel like your wife deserves the kind of sacrificial love Paul talks about. Living in step with this template requires you to deny yourself and die to your flesh. And that’s work. Hard work.

    4. Every Gift Has Responsibilities

    Couple on couch family conflict discussion arguing

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PixelsEffect

    Paul wished that all men were like himself – single. He, however, acknowledged that each person had his gift. He had the gift of singlehood, while others had the gift of marriage. He advised those who could not exercise self-control to go ahead and marry(1 Corinthians 7:7-9). 

    “But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord -how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world-how he may please his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-33).

    In the passage above, Paul doesn’t mince his words. He wishes everyone was without care like him. Here, he is referring to the responsibility that comes with being either a wife or husband. Paul, being unmarried, cared only about pleasing the Lord. But for his married counterparts? They did not have the luxury of being “carefree.” They had to think about how to please their spouses.

    Paul’s message here is that choosing to get married is consciously taking on more responsibilities into your life. And to whom much is given, from him much will be required (Luke 12:48). If you are married, roll up your sleeves and do the work that comes with the blessing you enjoy.

    Older married couple happy on couch

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/kupicoo

    5. God Wants to Build Your Marriage

    “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.” (Psalm 127:1).

    As we have rightfully observed, marriage takes work from both spouses. However, all your labor in marriage will be in vain without God. You and your spouse cannot have a thriving marriage without God at the center. Millions of people across the globe have tried to build great marriages on their own, but their efforts have gone belly-up. We are to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding. We are to acknowledge Him in all our ways, and He promises to make our paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6). Your marriage can only be made straight when you acknowledge God in all your dealings. Without Him, all your labor in marriage will be in vain.

    King Solomon observed that only by God’s wisdom can a house be built and understanding be established (Proverbs 24:3). God wants couples to build their marriages only through the wisdom He provides through His Word. He wants couples to be like the wise man who built his house on the rock. When the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on the house; it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock (Mathew 7:24-25).

    So yes, marriage takes work, but when we follow the wisdom in God’s Word, we build formidable marriages that glorify God.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/bernardbodo

    Crosswalk Writer Keren KanyagoKeren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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  • When to Care and When Not to As Christians

    When to Care and When Not to As Christians

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    When should we care, and when should we not? As a Christian, this question can feel delicate and confusing at times. The Bible tells us over and over again to express care for those around us. We see commandments to love, to share the Gospel, and even to admonish other believers. But what exactly does the Bible say about people who don’t want to be cared for or people who want to continue making the same mistakes no matter how much you want to help?

    There’s a certain older lady I know who’s Christian and has a transgender coworker. The coworker leans on her perceived identity and demands that others affirm her. Entitlement has led her to be ignored and ostracized at work. No one wants conflict or to offend. Despite the behaviors, the older lady wanted to show love to this coworker, realizing by just the transgender status alone that the woman was hurting deep within her soul. Despite having a desire to help, the coworker ended up getting the older woman in trouble with HR – an issue of misgendering, I was told.

    While the lady told me she didn’t care what the coworker did, the fact that she shared with me unsolicited told me that she was hurt. I would be, too. You show love to someone who obviously lacks in that department, and then they turn around and stab you in the back. They put you and your job in jeopardy. Do you continue to show how much you care, or do you stop altogether?

    We all encounter this question in one way or another. That could come in the form of helping someone overcome addiction whilst seeing and doubting their desire to be clean or trying to encourage someone who is bent on being cynical no matter what positive things occur.

    When should we care, and when should we not?

    Among other passages, the Bible has a couple of verses that can help us find clarity on the topic.

    “Don’t answer a fool according to his foolishness or you’ll be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his foolishness or he’ll become wise in his own eyes.” (Proverbs 26:4-5)

    Based on these two verses and a general understanding of the Bible and how Jesus operated, we can conclude two things. First, we should always care about other people. At least in the general sense, imitating God’s love for them. We should have some concern about their health, their salvation, and general well-being. Secondly, we should not always care about such issues as offending someone, not when our motivations are in the right place.

    Finding the balance requires some tact. There is always a time to care, but there are also times when we should not care. Let’s explore that balance and figure out what caring and not caring should look like in our lives.

    Understand Why You Care

    In order to properly serve the people in your life, you will benefit them and yourself by understanding your motivations. Ask yourself why you care (or don’t). Scripture says that we love because God first loved us (1 John 4:19). God made us all in His image and planned our lives before a single one began (Psalm 139:16). When we see God as being the author of other people’s lives, not just our own, we tend to see them in a different light. We don’t want to leave them to our sins because, like God, we care.

    If you’re the sort of person who doesn’t care about anyone who doesn’t affect your life, then you’re not seeing them as God does. That’s wrong.

    God is not asking us to get emotionally invested in everyone we come across. That’s impossible. But we can show everyone we come across God’s love by acknowledging their humanity and wanting what’s best for them, even if we are not involved in that process.

    Do You Care More Than They Do?

    One justifiable reason to not care, or to care less, is when you want what’s best for a person more than they want it for themselves. Whatever the circumstances, do you care more about the situation or the relationship than they do? That’s a valuable question when deciding whether or not to take a step back.

    There’s a guy I’ve tried supporting on a number of occasions. He’s an elderly man who has not been able to find (or hold) a job in five years. Aside from listening to his anecdotes, I’ve bought him groceries, assisted him with applying for jobs, and especially tried to encourage him to change his perspective. His heart remains hardened, and his cynicism is as strong as ever. He insists that life is against him. Yet, he spends hours during the day not applying to jobs, but reading the newspaper.

    How can someone so destitute waste so much time?

    Caring more than the other person doesn’t necessarily mean we should not care at all, but we should draw a line somewhere so that we don’t overexert ourselves.

    Set Boundaries

    Caring requires boundaries. While we are called to love as God loves, we are not called to love them in a way that ruins us. Nor are we called to love everyone deeply. This is where you have to seek God for discernment. He wants us to carry one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). A difficult relationship or circumstance is no excuse to give up and stop caring. However, we need to know what is a healthy and realistic amount of difficulty. We should not default to our own understanding or the supposed wisdom of others either. God and His infinite wisdom. Caring too much can, at worst, jeopardize our faith and health. Care too little, and we are not representing Christ for that person. The bottom line is that you should care about the other person; the question is how much and how will that care be shown.

    To Offend or Not Offend

    Offending people does not make you un-Christian. Read Scripture enough, and you will see that Jesus offended plenty of people. That’s why they wanted Him dead. Being Christian in modern America is enough reason to offend someone nowadays. That being said, there are plenty of occasions where offending is not only justified but good. If someone is being rude and they are unaware, tell them. That may hurt their feelings, but we benefit from being corrected. The same applies to how we discipline children or how we call out anyone for behavior that is problematic. Offending people is good, so long as your motivations are coming from a good place. Do you offend because you are trying to help the other person grow or for some other reason?

    Pray for the Person

    We can’t always take a hands-on approach to caring for people. There’s only so much bandwidth any of us possesses and only so many places we can throw our energy in a day. However, when we are hands-off with a person, we can always show our care through prayer. We aren’t always able to help people change, especially when we don’t know them well. On the contrary, God does know them well, and He is acutely aware of where they can grow and how they should go about doing so. Take your cares to Him. 

    Conclusion

    We should care about people. Jesus did. Scripture tells us to. But we shouldn’t care too much to the point of idolization, nor too little to the point of not adhering to our faith. There’s definitely a balance to strike, but all in all, certain things we care about or not, but we should always care about people.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Sanja Radin 

    Aaron D’Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes work to iBelieve, Crosswalk, and supports various clients through the platform Upwork. He’s an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status quo. Check out his short story “Serenity.”

    LISTEN: Being Complete in Jesus (Understanding Matthew 5:21-48)

    Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: 10 Sins Christians Downplay (and Why They’re So Destructive)

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  • 21 Creative Ways to Celebrate Your Wedding Anniversary

    21 Creative Ways to Celebrate Your Wedding Anniversary

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    “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10

    Next month will be twenty-one years since I said, “I do” to my tall, spiky-haired blonde, blue-eyed heartthrob. Twenty-one years! That just seems so crazy to me. It still feels like yesterday, standing in a flower-draped gazebo on a windy day before family and friends pledging our love. 

    How did we get here? How quickly the time went by!

    As I reflect on years of the past and the sweet and special ways we have celebrated our love, from the monumental anniversaries to the mini celebrations, I must admit that God has richly blessed us. We have been fortunate enough to take some nice little getaways or head out to a romantic dinner. Thanks to the help of my parents, we took a trip to Hawaii for our ten-year wedding anniversary and renewed our vows on the beach. It was truly amazing and marked memories that will last a lifetime!

    This past year for our twentieth year we had high hopes of venturing outside of the States to experience the romance of Paris. A place I had dreamed about since I was a little girl. We had been saving up for this trip for quite some time and made a promise that for our twentieth we would do whatever we could to celebrate such a monumental wedding anniversary. But, then life happened, and due to unforeseen challenges and tragedy that literally brought us to our knees with grief, those plans were put on stand-by. It’s still a dream and God willing it may happen, one day.

    Throughout the years, we’ve had many highs and lows when it comes to celebrating our union, and we just try to make the best of it. There have been times that we have celebrated holding hands at a softball field watching our daughter, to times we have cuddled up to watch a movie, popping in a pizza at 10 o’clock at night. In other words, our anniversary celebrations haven’t always been so grand. But, we do our best to acknowledge the season that we are in and honor the vows we took to one another, aiming to recognize the blessing of another year together.

    How Will You Celebrate Your Wedding Anniversary?

    Well, if you and your sweetie have that special day coming up, let’s discover some fun and simply sweet ways to honor your love and celebrate. It doesn’t always have to be a lavish trip or dining at an elegant restaurant. While those are nice and lovely gestures, there are so many creative ways that can fit within your budget and your family’s needs, while still fanning the flame of your marriage.  

    Below is a list of twenty-one ways (yes twenty-one) to celebrate your special day. Some ideas are fairly lavish, while others are a little lower-key, but, it’s just a starting point to get your wheels turning. It’s also fun to plan these things together, as it builds anticipation. So, open your heart to your spouse and see what strikes their fancy, then go! Go and celebrate!

    Rejuvenate with a Stay-cation. When you can’t venture too far, a staycation may be the perfect option. Reconnect and enjoy a romantic getaway close to home that won’t break the bank yet gives you time to let the stress of life go. 

    Take a Cooking Class. Spice up your love by taking a cooking class. There is something simply romantic about preparing a meal together that forces closeness and brings excitement to try new flavorful recipes.

    Book a Couple’s Spa. Ahhhh. Melt your cares away with a side-by-side couples massage. Let the aromas and release of everyday stress welcome in peace and tranquility.

    Take a Road Trip. Family trips are fun, but when you travel with just your spouse, it opens up a segway to just enjoy each other’s company, and really focus on your marriage. 

    Go on a Romantic Picnic. What’s sweeter than taking a picnic basket and blanket to a local park and enjoying a beautiful day – together? Yeah, I can’t think of too many things better than that either.

    Renew Your Vows. This is usually saved for those milestone anniversaries but can be done any time really. Reclaiming your love is always important, and there are so many ways this can be done. You can share the special moment with family or friends or simply say your vows just the two of you. But do what speaks to your heart and what will capture the essence of your love story.

    This verse is one you may want to share: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

    Take a Dancing Class. Dancing is a great way to draw in and get close to one another. It also provides ample space for fun and laughter.

    Go to a Comedy Show. Laughter really is the best medicine, right? Some great Christian comedians to check out are Tim Hawkins, Jeff Allen, Leanne Morgan, Taylor Mason, or John Crist. 

    Remember that “a cheerful heart is good medicine.” Proverbs 17:22

    Check out a Local Museum. Whether you are a history buff or into the arts, explore new things and find something that speaks to you both, then go check it out! 

    Recreate Your First Date. I simply love this one! We have tried this a few times, and now the place where we met is no longer there, but it is still fun to take a trip back in time and go down memory lane. It opens up great dialogue and brings back those tender feelings. 

    Write Each Other Love Letters. This simply sweet way to honor your marriage allows you to be both romantic and vulnerable. Two things that are needed in a marriage. Share your whole heart with your spouse and watch the sparks fly.

    Sip up at a Wine or Coffee Tasting. Visit a winery or coffee shop and take a class to find what you enjoy and what meets your preferences. Toasting to your marriage while savoring your palate and tastebuds may rekindle the romance in your marriage.

    As Ecclesiastes 8:15 says, “Enjoy life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad.”  

    Play a Round of Putt-putt. Looking for more adventure and fun? Try your hand at a round of putt-putt. Let this bring out your playful side and maybe even add a little competition too.

    Check out a Quaint B&B. A bed and breakfast are a great alternative to your average hotel. Not only do they usually have more of a personal flair while providing a delicious breakfast in the morning, but they tend to be pretty cost-effective as well. Bonus!

    Replay Your Wedding Day. Bring out the scrapbooks, photo albums, and videos, and then… just reminisce. Share and talk about all those special memories that were created on your very special day.

    Get Out on the Water. Get a kayak, go on a boat ride, or take a dinner cruise, but get out on the water and explore its one-of-a-kind beauty. 

    Visit an Arcade. Tap into your inner child and hit up a local arcade and see who the real “gamer” is! This is always a fun way to see who is truly more competitive.

    Go to a Drive-in Movie. There are several drive-ins across the country, but if you can’t locate one nearby, check out a theater that does dinner and a movie. They always seem to offer a fun and different experience.

    Get Artsy. Take a fun painting class. Many places offer painting classes just for couples, so go on a double date or get to meet some new friends! Then bring home a personalized pretty picture to hang on your wall.

    Get Out in Nature. Get off the beaten path and go explore a hiking trail or nature park that is nearby. Let it draw you closer together while seeing all the beauty and goodness of God’s creation.

    Rent a Cool Car and Drive. Take that cool convertible out for a spin with “your date” and let the good times roll! Literally!

    Well, there you have it, my friends! Twenty-one creative ways to celebrate your marriage. May these merely be a springboard to go off of as you find ways to celebrate your love in a unique way that reigns in your love story. May God richly bless you both as you grow more deeply in love and have many, many more years celebrating together. Happy Anniversary!

    “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

    Photo Credit: ©Andre Hunter/Unsplash

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • Ways to Serve Your Hubby

    Ways to Serve Your Hubby

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    “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24

    This popular, and often misunderstood, verse found in Ephesians unveils the beautiful image of a bride serving and deeply loving her groom. There are two key takeaways to this message that Paul so eloquently shares with the church in Ephesus. The first being that a godly marriage is all about submitting to Christ and seeking His way. The second being that we are called to recognize our husband as leader by taking on a Christ-like servant’s heart.

    So, what does a godly marriage look like? Love and service! God designed marriage so we would serve one another in order to grow closer to Him (Ephesians 5:21)! The truth is a husband needs certain things that only his wife can supply, and vice versa. That’s because God created us to complement one another. And, when we do serve our spouse, we essentially share God’s love and exemplify Christ. 

    1 Corinthians 13 so beautifully states, “love is patient, love is kind…It protects, trusts, hopes, and always preserves. Love never fails!” Serving others pretty much follows suit. Service comes from a heart of longing to love your husband with patience, kindness, striving to protect him, trust him, and find hope in your marriage. When spouses serve one another, maybe even going to such lengths as to outdo each other in service, marriages thrive!

    On that note, let’s unpack some ways to do just that and find some sweet and meaningful ways to serve your hubby:

    Tap into His Love Language

    More than likely, you have heard about the five love languages, developed by Gary Chapman. It’s basically the five different ways we give and like to receive love, which include: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, and physical touch. If we want to serve our hubby’s well, it’s important to get in tune with his love language (while also understanding our own). While we all need a little of all of these types of love, there are generally a few that stand out for each of us.

    My husband is big on quality time, and I am a physical touch kind of girl, so many nights we just talk on the coach after our daughters go to bed and touch base about our day. He’ll often rub my feet, and it’s a great way we actively serve one another.

    Think about your dear hubby and what love language he receives well. Then try a few of these ways to minister to his heart.

    If he is a words of affirmation guy, try saying a few of these “terms of endearment”:

    -“I trust you.”

    -“Thank you for providing for us.”

    -“You are a good man.”

    -“You make me a better woman.”

    -“I appreciate all that you do” (and name those things).

    If he craves quality time, try being more intentional about your time together.

    -Go on routine date nights.

    -Play and laugh together.

    -Actively listen.

    -Try a hobby together.

    -Cook together.

    If he likes you to perform acts of service, then be mindful of your everyday tasks.

    -Do his laundry.

    -Clean his workspace.

    -Make him coffee in the morning.

    -Wash his car.

    -Make his favorite meal.

    If he enjoys receiving gifts, remember it is the thought that truly counts.

    -Create things from the heart such as a photobook, scrapbook, or collage.

    -Remember special dates and give a card or sweet sentiment.

    -Have lunch delivered to him at work.

    -Get his favorite snacks at the store.

    -Have a special place for mementos from your travels or special events.

    If he likes physical touch, be sure to express your love in physical ways.

    -Hug him tight when he comes home from work.

    -Rub his back after a long day.

    -Snuggle up close during a movie.

    -Be playful by nuzzling his neck or combing your fingers through his hair.

    -Hold his hand.

    Get in His Head

    There is a beautiful and wonderful way that God created a man and a woman, especially when it comes to living in harmony with one another. However, we can so easily take things for granted and quickly gloss over the fact that a man is more physically inclined, while a woman tends to lean more into her emotions. And, yes that may be more or less true, but without a clearer understanding of how God views a man and woman, we are missing the mark.

    It’s obvious that men and women are different. But, if we really want to be the wives God is calling us to be, we must learn to understand the way God created our man! God’s design for manhood is simple, and it is called out in 1 Corinthians 16:13, when Paul says to be watchful, stand firm in your faith, “act like men,” and be strong!

    It’s not hard to see that our culture today is afraid of God-fearing men, and rightfully so. That’s because they have a God that goes before them, stands beside them, and urges them to walk with faithful steps filled with passion and courage! Their mission is to lead and protect their family! They were initially created that way by a purposeful God!

    What does this mean for us? We can serve our husbands by tapping into our emotions and getting into his head. In a good way, might I add. Start by praying for him and asking God to help your husband be the man he was designed to be. Then, with love, speak kindness, goodness, and respectfully proclaim strength over his mind to resist the schemes of this world and to stand firm in his faith. Because friend, faith-filled men are in a battle like we’ve never seen before. They need us to be on their side and gently (and tenderly) remind them that God made them to be strong and we truly appreciate that side of them!

    Feed His Soul

    My husband was raised by his grandmother, and so growing up, he didn’t miss a meal. Food was his love language – ha! When we met, I wasn’t the greatest cook, and let’s just say we had a few mishaps even well into our first few years of marriage. There were quite a few take-out menus stuck to our fridge, and the pizza deliver guy knew us by name. But, over time, I realized that food really spoke to my guy, and I needed to feed his soul. So, I called his grandmother, got some of her “famous” recipes, and found new ways to cook.

    All that to say, we must find what feeds our hubby’s soul, and do so with a happy heart and positive attitude. Tap into his needs, and then do your best to meet them. If you are unsure what his needs are, then ask. It’s really that simple. If he doesn’t know or is unsure how to communicate them to you, start with a simple act of kindness or a thoughtful gesture. Cook his favorite meal or grab his hand and ask him about his day. 

    I know the scoreboard may want to come out here, as your inner needs declare, “What has he done for me lately?” And, I get it, trust me. However, if we shift our mindset and realize that when we serve (and give), it often grows into something beautiful. Remember that marriage is an act of obedience to God. We serve our husbands because we are called to and in doing so we are being chiseled to be more like Christ. 

    Touch His Heart

    It is said that most men aren’t mushy-gushy, meaning they don’t really know how to tap into their emotional side. However, I would beg to differ. While it may not be every man’s strong suit, when they are around those they feel genuinely comfortable with and deeply love, they tend to let their guard down. 

    That means as our relationships grow, our men become a little more transparent and vulnerable with us. However, that in mind, as wives, we must honor and respect this place and handle it with care. What I mean by that is, when we damage this part of his heart, it can cause so much pain for his manhood. Let me provide you with a personal example. When my husband and I were first married, he threw out his back running on a men’s football team for his work. I tried to be there (at first) by rubbing icy hot on his back and talking sweetly to him. That allowed him to open up and share a few insecurities with me. I should have respected him and just kept nursing him to health. Instead…I laughed. His silence told me everything. I still feel bad about that!

    Ladies, we must realize that “tapping into his heart” is not going to come quite as naturally for him as it does for us. So, take it as a distinct privilege and honor when he does share and decides to open up about his feelings. Then take it as an opportunity to serve him by listening attentively, respecting him, and extending love.

    My Prayer for Your Marriage

    Lord, I lift up the marriages that have said those solemn vows and made a covenant with You. I ask that You bless their union and keep them safe from the schemes of the evil one. Please help them seek You on how to live as a faithful husband and wife, truly embracing the nature of Your beautiful design for a man and woman. Grant each of them sweet and special ways to serve one another so they can grow in their marriage and, more importantly, grow closer to You. I ask this in Your Holy Name. Amen.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Sam Edwards

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • 3 Signs You Need to Call Off Your Engagement

    3 Signs You Need to Call Off Your Engagement

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    Yes. You read that correctly. In our day and age, it is sad I must call this to the carpet, but it is regretfully true that many people get married (and even stay married for that fact) for reasons that are not motivated by love. Of all the ingredients a marriage needs to be successful, one that cannot be left out is love.

    We know 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV) teaches us all about love: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

    Is this the kind of love reflected in your relationship with your potential future spouse?

    Some people marry for comfort, convenience, or companionship. But none of those should be the primary motivating factor. If the fruit of love is not being demonstrated in your relationship as an unmarried couple, then perhaps your relationship’s foundation needs some work before marriage. More concerning, if you are in a relationship with someone who treats you oppositely to what is outlined in the above passage in 1 Corinthians 13, you may not be in an emotionally healthy relationship.

    Abuse in any form is unacceptable treatment, and it does not honor the principles of God’s love.

    If you are in a loveless relationship now, why would you set yourself up to experience that for a lifetime? John 3:16 reminds us God so loved the world that He gave us Jesus, the greatest gift and ultimate expression of love. If you do not know the love of God through your partner, then something is fundamentally wrong in the relationship.

    Love gives; it does not take away from who God has created you to be. Love elevates; it does not oppress and stifle your growth. Love celebrates; it does not suffocate or demean another child of God. Your fiancé should love and support you first as a sister or brother in Christ Jesus. Although love is sacrificial, it cannot be sacrificed in your relationship while engaged. Otherwise, you set your future marriage up for failure before it ever begins.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

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  • 6 Keys to Resolving Conflict

    6 Keys to Resolving Conflict

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    We read in the Bible that “Keeping away from strife is an honor for man, but any fool will quarrel.” (Proverbs 20:3). Though challenging, it’s clear that resolving conflict is biblical. So, what can we learn from the Scriptures to help us?

    Someone has said that the best definition of conflict is this: two people. When two people are involved, conflict is inevitable somewhere down the road. Married couples, families, teammates, workmates, neighbors, friends – we’re all going to encounter conflict in our relationships. Now, the goal of life is not to live conflict-free. The goal is to resolve conflict in a godly way. So, I want to share six important biblical keys to remember when facing conflict. 

    Seek Wise Counsel

    In times of conflict, seeking wise counsel from trusted friends, family members, or a mentor is essential. Share your struggles with someone, a third party who can offer guidance and support. It’s often an outside perspective that can shed light on a situation and provide a calming influence. Proverbs 15:21 reminds us, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors, they succeed.” 

    Take the High Road

    Proverbs 26:4-5 says, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. Answer a fool as his folly deserves, lest he be wise in his own eyes.” When you’re in conflict, refrain from attacking a person’s character. Don’t become disrespectful and condescending. Don’t threaten, and don’t interrupt. Honor the Lord in the manner in which you conduct yourself. Take the high road when you’re in a conflict. 

    Be Quick with Forgiveness

    We learn in Proverbs 10:12 that “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.” Be quick to grant forgiveness when you’re wronged and seek forgiveness when you are in the wrong. Don’t delay when it comes to forgiving. 

    Look for a Win-Win Scenario

    The goal in conflict resolution is not win-lose, where I win and you lose. No, it is for both sides to win, unless the conflict revolves around a clear biblical principle that cannot be compromised. A win-win is certainly favorable, with both sides feeling respected, heard, and validated. 

    Don’t Get Discouraged

    Life is filled with conflicts, and Jesus calls us to be peacemakers, not peacekeepers. What’s the difference? Peacekeepers avoid conflict at all costs, but peacemakers deal with difficult issues to enjoy real peace. As one man told me concerning his business partner, “Sometimes we have to go through the tunnel of turmoil to get to the tunnel of love.” 

    Guard against Pride and Anger

    Proverbs 13:10 says, “Pride leads to conflict.” Now, when our pride is wounded, we can easily lash out at the other person. And when you feel that anger rising up within you, do a quick inventory to see if this is coming from wounded pride. If so, hold your tongue. Step away from the conflict until your emotions settle down. Remember, God is opposed to the proud but gives grace to the humble. 

    Anger is especially challenging, so I want to dive deeper into how we can manage this human emotion. We know from Proverbs 16:32 that “He who is slow to anger, is better than the mighty and he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city.” So, I want to share three important lessons on the subject of anger. 

    Understand the Subject of Anger

    Proverbs 14:29 tells us, “He who is slow to anger, has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered, exalts folly.” Most people don’t understand anger very well. Not all anger is wrong or sinful. If we watch the news and see horrible injustices taking place or wickedness displayed before our eyes involving children or the defenseless, we should get angry. This is called righteous indignation. It’s right to be angry about these things. God gets angry about these things. But righteous indignation is not the anger that gets us into trouble. Unrighteous indignation brings strife into our marriages, families, and relationships. 

    Understand the Root of Anger

    The Lord asked Cain in Genesis, “Why are you so angry?” Unrighteous anger boils up when things don’t go our way when we have expectations that don’t get met. You’re running late and get stuck in traffic, or your computer dies, losing all your work. When those things happen, we tend to blow our tops. Cain was angry because God did not accept his sacrifice. Unrighteous anger also boils up when we get hurt emotionally. Every hurt always turns to anger. It’s the other side of the same coin. Every angry person you meet is a hurting person. And we’ve all heard that hurting people hurt people. 

    Understand How to Control Anger

    First, we must give all our expectations to God when things don’t go our way. Just cast your cares upon him and consider it all joy, as James tells us in chapter one. Refuse to blow a fuse over whatever is happening that’s making you mad. Just say, “Okay, Lord, you’ve got this; I give it to you, and I will put it in the joy column.” 

    Then, give all your hurt feelings to the Lord. Psalm 62:8 says, “Trust in Him at all times.” Pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us. We all have hurts, so give those hurts to the Lord. Don’t keep those bottled up in your heart. Pour them out to him and let God bring healing. 

    Finally, we must truly forgive all those who have hurt us. I know that’s a tall order, but if God can forgive us of all our many sins, then he can enable us to forgive from the heart those people who have hurt us. Forgiving those who hurt you is letting the captive go free, only to find that the captive was you. 

    If you put these six keys into practice in your life and your interpersonal conflicts, you will be amazed at the change in outcome. We want to be doers of the Word, not just hearers who delude ourselves. Consider these things, put them into practice in our lives, and trust God amid conflict, knowing He’s at work. We need to be soft clay in the hands of the Master so He can mold us into the person He wants us to be.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Andrii Yalanskyi 

    Dr. Jeff Schreve is Pastor of First Baptist Church, Texarkana, Texas, and the founder of From His Heart Ministries. He is a passionate communicator of the Scriptures whose love for the Lord and love for people comes out in every sermon he preaches. He can be heard hosting American Family Radio’s “Real Truth for Today” and Pray.com’s “Weekly Wisdom with Jeff Schreve,” from which this piece is taken.

    LISTEN: Being Complete in Jesus (Understanding Matthew 5:21-48)

    Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: 10 Sins Christians Downplay (and Why They’re So Destructive)

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  • 5 Practical Ways to Initiate Deeper Spiritual Friendships

    5 Practical Ways to Initiate Deeper Spiritual Friendships

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    We all want deep, godly friendships like Jonathan and David had, who were so close that the Bible tells us their souls were knit together! (1 Sam 18:1). But two big obstacles stand in the way: awkwardness and time constraints.

    You might find you have the time to invest in people around you, but bringing up God just doesn’t feel natural. If you do have people in your life that you feel comfortable sharing vulnerably with, it can be difficult to find the time. Or you might be running up against both obstacles in your life–and hard.

    Friendships where you both are genuinely helping each other to find strength in God take time to form, and there’s no shame in not being there yet. But the fact we live in this day and age actually does afford us some upsides, and with the technology and vast resources available to us, there are many ways we can initiate getting deeper in our friendships.

    I have been lucky enough to have put most of these tips into action just in the last few months, and the fruit of it in my friendships and walk with God has been so sweet. The majority of my close friendships happen to be long-distance, which has meant I’ve had to get creative with staying in touch with my friends in a meaningful way. I wanted to do more than just catch up with them every few months–I wanted to continue learning from each other as we walk with God.

    At the same time, the small ministry I am a part of at my church has been growing in their intentionality too, so I am stealing a few of their ideas as well. Wonderful things happen when people are committed to growing in their relationships with God together!

    These tips could apply to one-on-one relationships, small groups, or your whole ministry. Read over each one and pray for God to show you opportunities to put them into practice. You might be surprised who is interested in doing one or more of these with you, and God will surely move!

    1. Listen to and Discuss a Podcast Series Together

    I put my favorite tip up top because I have found this to be so effective in my life. What you do is this: Pick a specific podcast series or topic to find podcasts on, pitch it to a friend, small group, or ministry group, and agree to listen to an episode once a week or once every other week (virtually is just great).

    Of course, you could meet more or less often than that–but I wouldn’t recommend going more than two weeks without meeting for the sake of momentum. And you don’t have to necessarily listen to the podcast at the same time as each other unless you want to.

    I think the reason this tip works so well is because it is fairly low-lift for both parties and because there are so many options available. Podcasts are free; you can listen to them while you are working out, doing chores, or doing other life things, and they are absolutely rich with points of discussion.

    There are literally hundreds of spiritual podcasts to choose from, but my favorites to discuss are The Bible Project, The BEMA Podcast, and Wild at Heart.

    All three of the above options have series dedicated to different themes, so you can agree to meet just for those 3-5 episodes, or what have you. This way, no one feels like they HAVE to commit to something long term, but can grow in a concentrated way for a short period of time.

    It might be so mutually beneficial, though, that you’ll want to keep going!

    Recently, one of my best friends and I went through the Bible Project’s series about generosity because we’ve both been struggling with feeling abundance in our life. It was so helpful to process what was both encouraging and challenging from what we were learning. And because we met every week, we could see how the material applied to our lives in fresh ways.

    2. Read a Daily Devotional Together

    There’s nothing more helpful to build a new habit than to have some accountability. Reading a daily devotional is a goal for many Christians, but it doesn’t have to be done alone. Whether it’s a physical book or a digital series you are going through, having someone to talk to about what you’re reading can not only help you to do it to begin with, but make your study so much richer and your friendship that much deeper.

    I would recommend YouVersion’s Bible app. This isn’t just a Bible app, but a devotional app as well! They have so many plans to choose from, including options for shorter and longer reading plans.

    You can pick a 3-day devotional to read with a friend, text about what you’re getting out of it each day, and if it’s helping you both, pick a longer one. You could study out a particular topic, like anxiety, or a particular Bible study, like a Gospel book.

    This app even has a setting where you can invite friends to do the devotional with you and send reminders to read! Pick a topic, study it out, and either discuss your findings every day or at the end of the series.

    Last Christmas, my women’s small group wasn’t feeling very merry and joyful like we felt we were supposed to be feeling, so we picked a series about the hope that baby Jesus brought with him. It was a special experience we all still talk about to this day!

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Finn Hafemann 

    3. Read a Spiritual Book Together

    This is similar to the devotional tip but more long-term. Books can take months to go through, especially if you’re just discussing one chapter a week–but that can be such a great thing. This longer time gives all of you a chance to see deep change happen and have more opportunities to walk together as friends.

    Many Christian books have a workbook attached to them, like Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. They come up with discussion questions for you, so no one is burdened. It’s just up to you to decide how many pages to read, how often you want to meet, and how you want to do it.

    My out-of-town friend and I are reading through a book about wholeness right now, and it could not have come at a better time. We read a chapter or two, Facetime each other every Sunday night, and process what we got out of it and what we want to keep focusing on. I can feel our friendship deepen already as we truly walk with each other as sisters in Christ.

    4. Study Out a Difficult Topic Together

    The Bible isn’t black and white, as much as we may want to pretend it is. That means there are big, huge gray areas that affect our daily spirituality without clear answers.

    Big topics like gender roles, homosexuality, and social injustice are topics that are so vast and so volatile that it can be overwhelming to study out on your own. Part of me wonders if God did this on purpose so that we would have to rely on each other to wrestle and come to conclusions!

    If you or people you know are struggling with a hot-button topic like these, see if they would be willing to discuss it with you. It isn’t about changing anybody’s mind or pushing an agenda, but rather about engaging in scripture the way it was meant to be – together!

    My ministry is currently studying out homosexuality together. We’ve been meeting once every other week or so, eating a meal together, and then going through scriptures where homosexuality is mentioned. We research the culture in which it was written and share our own personal beliefs and experiences. And it has been so wonderful!

    Even if we all come to different conclusions or no conclusion at all, we can have confidence that the Spirit worked in us as a group to bring closeness and revelation of scripture. It has taken a lot of courage and vulnerability to go here as a ministry, but we’re all better for it.

    5. Play Relational Bingo

    As cheesy as this idea may sound, it was actually so encouraging for my ministry to do together this past month. The idea is this:

    Everyone gets a “bingo” card with various challenges on it to foster spiritual depth. The challenges can be things like “Text someone an encouraging scripture,” “Host a meal,” “Open up about a current struggle,” or “Go for a prayer walk with someone.” Have the people in your ministry come up with the challenges together and mark them off as they go. 

    Whoever the first person is to get “Bingo!” by marking off challenges on their card, wins! The prize could be anything from bragging rights to a free meal.

    If you want your small group or ministry to grow in relational depth, this is such a fun way to start it.

    For my ministry, this game didn’t turn everyone into best friends in two weeks. But it did give us reasons to get together with new people, reminders to think of others when we read our Bibles, and ideas of how to build one another up. If nothing else, it was just encouraging to see everyone on board towards a common goal.

    I hope these ideas spark something in you. Become a really good listener and open your ears to opportunities to intentionally grow in something with someone. Not everyone can make the time at every stage of life, but God will provide exactly who you need! And with all of the amazing resources out there, you will certainly find something to help you grow. The Holy Spirit is good that way. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/pixelheadphoto 

    Kelly-Jayne McGlynn is a former editor at Crosswalk.com. She sees the act of expression, whether through writing or art, as a way to co-create with God and experience him deeper. Check out her handmade earrings on Instagram and her website for more of her thoughts on connecting with God through creative endeavors.

    LISTEN: Being Complete in Jesus (Understanding Matthew 5:21-48)

    Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: 10 Sins Christians Downplay (and Why They’re So Destructive)

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  • 5 Prayers for a Broken Family

    5 Prayers for a Broken Family

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    Growing up, children and adults alike marveled at my household. Three children and two parents married for decades. What I didn’t realize until later in life was that having both parents in the house was once the norm. These days, such households are the exception.

    Over 20 million children in America come from fatherless homes. Depending on where you live, that number can be as high as 60%. The older I become, the clearer I see the effect of fatherless homes, and not just fatherless homes, but broken homes.

    Parents who don’t get along. Children who don’t get along with their parents. There are children who don’t keep in touch with their parents, out of choice. Others who don’t like, even hate their parents. Young kids with their faces stuck on screens and chasing false identities. The divorce rate is high, and so many children are born out of wedlock that many of them don’t see a purpose to marriage.

    Certainly, there’s a lot of pain and suffering going on in the world today. How much of this pain traces back to the home, to our broken families?

    Hurt people hurt people, as the adage goes. The full truth is that we’re all hurting in one way or another. Each of us carries some degree of brokenness (Romans 3:23).

    We will never be perfect people on this side of life, but we can strive to be better. Our families will never be immaculate, but we can work to improve them. And when we can’t control a circumstance, or a person, or many people, we can and always should pray. Here are 5 prayers for a broken family.

    Prayer for an End to Conflict

    Lord,

    My family and I have been caught up in conflict for far too long and for so many reasons. I don’t remember when our problems started. 

    We can’t get together anymore without someone saying or doing something that offends another, even on holidays. I’m saddened by all of this and afraid that there will never be an end to the conflict.

    So, I come before you now, eagerly asking you to soften our hearts, to help us make amends with one another. I pray that we would strive to embody the grace and forgiveness that you have toward us. Give us kind words and gentle hearts. Show us a better way to interact. Help us end the conflict.

    We’ve bickered for so long, but conflict doesn’t have to last forever. I pray that it won’t. Help us embrace a godly love much like the father did the prodigal son. With the hurtful past behind us, we can move forward in a healthier and united future.

    Amen.

    Prayer for Reconciliation

    Heavenly Father,

    With all that’s going on in the world, conflict within the family feels like an unnecessary problem added to all the things happening. We can, however, reconcile, but we don’t see a need. Everybody wants to be right, and at times, even me. Lord, I pray to you with a request to soften our hearts. Remind us of the importance of forgiveness. A grudge is a burden, one that we carry and remind ourselves of constantly. But when we choose forgiveness, we let go of the burden and choose to embrace your way of living instead. Please help us to see your way as the better way. Help us to trade words of cruelty for words of affirmation and trade resentment for reconciliation.

    Your way is better.

    Thank you, Lord. Amen.

    Prayer for Forgiveness

    Lord,

    If we could tally all of our sins over the years, the number would exceed anything that we imagine. The number would cause us to grieve and feel shame. The number would damn us to Hell, and yet you chose to forgive us.

    I thank you for the forgiveness afforded to us through Jesus, but I would be a liar if I claimed to forgive just as easily.

    Lord, my family is embroiled in animosity and even in the moments when we aren’t, the tension is palpable. We don’t like each other, and the reason is that we have not chosen to forgive. Too often do we act like forgiving is the end of the world. We would much rather have revenge than let something go.

    I’m sorry, God. I ask that you forgive me and my family. Help us to get right with you, and then get right with one another. Forgiveness is the way to living life without the need for retaliation, to living life joyfully with family.

    Help us to forgive and become more like your Son.

    In Jesus’ name. Amen.

    God,

    We can’t erase the past. I can’t. My family can’t. But we do have control over today and how we walk into our future. Lord, I ask that whatever hurt was done in the past, we would choose to forgive one another. We can’t erase the hurt, but you can heal us. Please any and all of our broken relationships. Take our family’s broken pieces and make us whole again. And as we come back together, I pray that our love will be stronger than ever before.

    Thank you for hearing my prayer. Amen.

    Prayer for Gratitude

    Lord,

    I thank you for the family that I have. Thank you for the good times and the bad, the times when I was able to serve them, and the times when I was served. I thank you for the best memory and the worst, the moments of laughter and the times when we couldn’t help but cry.

    I may not always see eye to eye with my family, but I recognize the blessing in my life that is family. I recognize that not everyone has a father, a mother, a sister, a brother, a cousin, and so on. And so, I am grateful for those that I do have, the moments we do share.

    Thank you for being a part of our lives even when we chose not to recognize you. Even when we still do.

    I pray that as we move forward into our future, day by day, you would draw us not just closer to one another but to you. And as we draw near, help us to love one another more and more in a way that you have shown.

    In Jesus’ name. Amen.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Valentina Shilkina

    Aaron D’Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes work to iBelieve, Crosswalk, and supports various clients through the platform Upwork. He’s an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status quo. Check out his short story “Serenity.”

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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    This article is part of our Prayer resource meant to inspire and encourage your prayer life when you face uncertain times. Visit our most popular prayers if you are wondering how to pray or what to pray. Remember, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us and God knows your heart even if you can’t find the words to pray.

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  • What I’ve Learned from a Broken Friendship

    What I’ve Learned from a Broken Friendship

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    We’ve all had difficult friendships in our lives we’ve had to break off. I’ve had a few friendships in my life where the relationship became so toxic that I had no choice but to terminate the relationship. As kids, we’re so eager to make friends. When we get to be adults, it becomes even more difficult because sometimes people do and say things that cause us to distrust them. When we don’t trust people, it’s difficult to build a friendship. 

    I have been in a situation where friends from church lied and betrayed us. We wanted to continue being friends with them, but the lies and the betrayal just hurt too much, and the wounds were way too deep to continue the friendship. Given the mistrust that formed in the relationship, we severed the friendship. 

    If you find you’re in a toxic friendship with someone and you’re in the process of breaking it off, here are some things I’ve learned about a broken friendship: 

    Trust Is Lost

    First, once trust is lost the relationship is severed–You cannot have a friendship based on mistrust or betrayal. Although God calls us to forgive them, it doesn’t mean we can maintain or restart the friendship. Repentance would have to be at the heart of the friendship being restored. Although it’s true God can do anything in our lives, including reconcile friendships, the reality is both parties must accept responsibility and repent of behavior for a relationship to continue in a healthy way. Jesus calls us to forgive those who have hurt us, but he does not want us to enter into the same friendship again so those people will hurt us once more. We are to be good stewards of everything, including our hearts. 

    Based on Equal Effort

    Second, friendships are based on equal effort–If you find that your friendship is one where you give way more than you receive, it may be time to break off that friendship. While it’s important to sacrificially give to everyone in your life, friendships are the catalyst for deep fellowship, intimacy, and connection. If any of those things are not present, the relationship cannot continue. If after your broken friendship, you feel you can no longer continue the relationship it is okay to grieve and move on. Take some time to heal before pursuing another friendship. A person who only takes and never gives is being reckless with your emotions. God does not want us to become entangled with another person’s sins. Protect yourself when you can and strive to move on so you can receive the benefit of the human connection you need. 

    However, people don’t always do grief well. When we experience any type of loss, it’s tempting to cover our deep wounds and say, “It’s okay, Jesus is my true Friend,” or “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Although the statements may be true, it’s not an excuse for not grieving your loss. Any friendship you lose is subject to sadness and grief. All those emotions are normal, but it’s important not to stuff them away but to express them openly. If necessary, consult the help of a professional to help you process the grief. A counselor may have some practical strategies for you to process and accept the situation before moving into another relationship. Allow him to help you brainstorm strategies so you can grieve your loss. This is not only important for your spiritual health to grieve that relationship but also not take that baggage with you into future friendships. 

    Ghosting Isn’t Friendship

    Third, a friend that ghosts you is not your friend at all–I’ve had friends who, when asked to meet up again, aren’t truthful. Instead of telling me directly that they don’t want to meet anymore, they simply don’t respond at all. Too often in Christian churches, we mistake cowardice for grace. Instead of talking openly about our feelings, we cover them up even though we’ve never fully processed the wound. If someone avoids or ghosts you, they were never really your friend in the first place. You deserve friends who love you and are willing to go through the hard times–both good and bad. People who don’t have the maturity to talk to you directly are not being gracious; they’re being cowardly. 

    Look at Job

    Fourth, look at the example of Job–Job believed he had friends who would love him unconditionally. Instead, they told him all the ways he must have been sinning to receive God’s wrath. This caused Job not only to be in physical pain but also emotional and mental pain. Sometimes breaking up from a friendship, although painful, maybe in your best interest. People who simply cover things over with platitudes are not mature enough for friendship. 

    It’s important to surround yourself with wise people who understand Scripture and know the grace of Jesus. It’s also important to treat everyone the same way you would want to be treated. Therefore, we should speak openly and directly to everyone and if there’s a conflict, do whatever we can to resolve it. Matthew 18 gives us a good guideline for what we should do in this conflict. If we have an issue with someone, go to them directly and point that out. This is a way not to resolve conflict but rather to point out their sin for the good of the church. If the person doesn’t want to hear it, bring someone along to mediate the issue so that both can speak honestly about their feelings. Sometimes a misunderstanding occurs, and a friendship is lost because of a misunderstanding. Verify the facts and make sure you know the whole story from both perspectives. If the person doesn’t want to continue the friendship, it’s best to simply cut it off. 

    It’s not easy to break up our friendship but there’s hope in knowing Christ will never leave us alone. In the dark days of feeling alone after a broken friendship, Jesus wants to meet our needs. Jesus knows what it is like to lose friendships, especially after Peter betrayed him by denying his involvement with Jesus. Allow him to heal you spiritually through the gift of the Holy Spirit, allowing him to transform you into a Christ-like character through these friendships. Consider what you’re gaining rather than what you’re losing. A friend who doesn’t treat you as a friend, takes more than they give, and is someone you cannot trust cannot be your friend anymore. In the end, you’ve lost your friendship, but you will gain spiritual renewal, restoration, and the ability to move forward in freedom. Freedom is a great gift from God, and he gives it despite loss and brokenness. Jesus wants us to have friends, but he also wants us to put Jesus first. Jesus would never allow someone to treat him in a poor way or undermine his authority. 

    Any friend who is selfish or untrustworthy is truly not a friend. It’s not easy to cut off the friendship, but in the end, it will afford you more freedom than you’ve ever felt before. Then you can move on and invest in other friendships that may be rich and rewarding experiences for your life. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Alexey M

    Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

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    Michelle S. Lazurek

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  • How to Build a Marriage That Goes the Distance: My Top 3 Game-Changing Pillars

    How to Build a Marriage That Goes the Distance: My Top 3 Game-Changing Pillars

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    We said “I do” over 16 years ago. Wow! That’s crazy to write out. In our wedding photos, you see a 20-something couple grinning ear-to-ear, clueless about the tests, trials, and triumphs ahead.

    Now in our late-30s with five kids under 10, you can imagine all that our marriage has been through. But we’ve also laughed hard and loved deeply. We once were two, and now we’re a family woven together.

    Along the way, we’ve learned a few unexpected secrets to building a marriage that goes the distance. These pillars keep us grounded when storms hit, united in our purpose, and willing to daily choose “us.”

    I want to share them with you today. If you’re dreaming of a marriage that stands strong for the long haul, read on.

    When I was a brand-new husband, I imagined that our marriage was going to be full of passion and excitement and that those feelings would simply last forever.

    But we quickly found out just how untrue that was. Marriage has seasons of struggle and times that will test your commitment. As reality set in, I had to anchor to something more.

    I discovered that marriage is far more than a legal contract or piece of paper. According to the Bible, the covenant of marriage is sacred because it involves not just us but God.

    We stood before God and promised faithfulness, service, and love until death do us part. Our union is exclusive and permanent. We became one flesh in a bond and promise before God.

    This covenant perspective changed everything. During times when feelings faded or circumstances crushed dreams, we could still say: “But God, we made a vow, and we need you to help us keep it.” Clinging to this truth stabilized us when storms hit.

    We had to rely fully on God’s power to glue us back together, humble ourselves, and move forward in unity. And He has been so faithful to do that again and again!

    2. Embrace Your Shared Purpose for Greater Impact

    Early on, we saw marriage as being mostly about us. We wanted to feel happy, satisfied, and loved in the relationship. When things got rocky, I thought, “This marriage isn’t working. Why, Lord?”

    Slowly, God opened my eyes to the truth that marriage isn’t ultimately about my feelings or “what I get out of it.” Marriage is a ministry meant to reflect the love of Christ!

    We are called to lay down our lives for each other and love each other without condition and out of love for Christ. Our union is meant to serve as a light and blessing to others.

    Embracing this shared purpose changed our entire outlook. We started asking, “How can we honor God and point people to him through our marriage?”

    Instead of tearing each other down during conflict, we build each other up in love. We parent our kids with wisdom and grace so that they grow to follow Jesus. We open our hearts and home to welcome others.

    United in vision, we now weather hardship not just for our sake but for the sake of witnessing God’s faithfulness to the world. Our trials have a purpose in glorifying Him!

    3. Offer Your Spouse a Willing Heart

    Let’s be real: some days, your heart wants to shut down. Resentment, exhaustion, and disappointment can brew just below the surface.

    During those times, we have two options:

    • Stay stubborn, cold, and self-protective.
    • Soften our hearts, let go of “rights,” and freely give love.

    The second option might sound nearly impossible when you’re hurt or worn thin. But over the years, I’ve learned that willingness is essential for intimacy, communication, and sacrifice.

    Here are some ways to offer a willing heart:

    • Initiate meaningful conversations even when it’s not easy.
    • Fight the temptation to stonewall during a conflict.
    • Pursue physical connection joyfully, even on tired nights.
    • Accept imperfect apologies and let go of petty offenses.
    • Surrender your schedule and priorities when your spouse really needs you.

    I constantly have to check my heart. Will I embrace opportunities to love, listen, and be present? Or do resentment and stubbornness shut me down?

    Pursuing willingness doesn’t mean being a doormat. You can still set healthy boundaries! But it does mean bearing each other’s burdens, forgiving quickly, and giving your best even when you don’t feel like it.

    The more you exercise willingness, the easier it becomes. You reap exponential blessings in your bond.

    Lasting Love Is Possible

    If you’re navigating difficult seasons or feel like giving up, take heart: it is possible to build a marriage that stands the test of time. God desires to use your union for His glory!

    When you anchor to Him as your rock and refuge, you gain perspective. The storms still rage, but you have a secure foundation.

    I urge you to reject hopelessness and cynicism. Your sweetest victories, most overcoming testimonies, and deepest intimacy are still ahead.

    Commit to covenant, seek purpose, and choose willing love. One day, you’ll look back in awe of how the Lord sustained you through it all.

    Here’s to marriages built to last!

    For further reading:

    Building a Strong Marriage: How Humility Leads to Unity and Safety

    How to Pray for Your Wife: 6 Prayers Influenced by How Jesus Prayed for His Church

    Christian Community: The Secret Ingredient for a Stronger Marriage

    Building a Strong Foundation: 6 Divine Callings for Every Marriage

    How to Pray for Your Husband: 8 Specific Areas to Pray Over Your Husband

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/fizkes

    Aaron and Jennifer Smith recognize the beauty and power of how God designed every marriage unique. We are passionate about encouraging couples to set their eyes on God while boldly asking the question, “God, what can our marriage do for you?” In our books, we share personal stories of failure and victory from our own marriage while pointing to the wisdom in God’s Holy Word. We have been married for over 16 years and are currently raising five young children, and we are no strangers to the enemy’s attack on marriage. We hope to equip you to be prepared, inspired, and encouraged to live boldly, chasing after God’s purposes together. Ever since we got married, we have purposed to serve God and build His kingdom together. We blog, write books, and host a weekly podcast urging couples to say yes to God and to be used by God for His extraordinary purposes.

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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    Click here to read the full article.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

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  • Dear Widow, it’s Okay to Let Yourself Love Again

    Dear Widow, it’s Okay to Let Yourself Love Again

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    Losing a spouse is the most stressful event in a woman’s life, with divorce and moving trailing close behind.

    A widow does not just experience the loss of her husband but also her way of life. She may lose friends, financial security, companionship, parental support, sexual intimacy, plans for the future, etc. The list is long and devastating. Essentially, a widow is forced to rebuild a life from scratch.

    She is often faced with deep personal reflection and is journeying to find a new way of life. When a widow comes to a place in her grief where she may be able to open her heart to someone new, she is often faced with scrutiny and judgment from those around her.

    When my husband passed, I felt like I was living in a fishbowl as everyone around me watched my grief and was on the edge of their seats, waiting for my next move. Will she start dating? How long will it take for her to move on?

    There is one thing for sure. A widow never gets over her late spouse. She will heal and begin to envision a life without him, but that does not mean she stops loving him.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/kupicoo

    When I started dating, I faced many judgments from those who didn’t understand that I could open my heart to someone new but still love my late spouse. I often liken it to having a second child. You don’t push out your first child to make room for another. Your heart simply expands to make room for another baby in your life. It is the same with a widow getting remarried. She can place her late spouse in a different space in her heart. This takes time, intentionality, and many tears, but it is possible.

    I prayed for the hearts of those around me to expand and accept the changes in my life, even as it made them wildly uncomfortable.

    I had to intentionally let my late husband sit in a different space. After a decade, he is safely in my heart as my best friend and the father of my children. I no longer think of him romantically, and that is okay. I have been remarried for nearly nine years, and we have had to walk down many rough roads.

    My new husband has learned to be patient with my unpredictable emotions when anniversaries roll around. He has had to process a lot within himself as a second husband and allow space for my late spouse to reside in our home in a small way.

    When I remarried, I had two small boys. They were crushed when they lost their daddy but were excited to welcome a new man. Their little hearts hurt then, and they still do now, but we have healed miraculously. I understand that it can be more complex if you have older children, as getting remarried may be less well received. This may take more time to be accepted, and the guilt may take over, but if the Lord is leading a widow, He will support her.

    If you know a widow and are struggling with her life choices, give her grace. She is only trying to rebuild a life that was shattered. She is not aiming to harm anyone or cause more heartache; she is simply trying to live.

    Older senior woman thinking remarriage grief mourning

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/RgStudio

    Dear Widow,

    I am sorry for your loss. Losing a spouse guts you to the core and threatens everything you ever thought about life and everything you ever thought about yourself.

    When you are ready to find love again, you may experience deep guilt. You may feel like you are cheating on your husband and breaking your vows. Those are all normal feelings. Embrace them, accept them as usual, and push through them. Ignore the judgment coming from all the voices around you. Your choice to get remarried is between you, God, your new spouse, and no one else.

    Lift us your desire to be married again to Jesus and follow Him in His leading.

    Biblically, it is a good thing for a widow to remarry. We read in 1 Timothy 5:14, “So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.” When your husband passes, you have fulfilled your vows until death do you part. You are free to love love again and free to marry again. Take a deep breath and rest in this truth.

    God has a special place in his heart for you as a widow and is profoundly concerned for you.

    God is “a father of the fatherless, a defender of widows…in his holy habitation.” (Psalm 68:5) Jesus cared for his widowed mother and condemned those who exploited widows.

    Getting remarried after the death of a spouse can be complex and challenging. You will be bringing grief into a new marriage. There will be situations that arise that are difficult for your new spouse, especially on anniversary days or when a memory triggers you.

    But it is all okay. It is possible to walk the narrow roads of remarriage with Jesus. He will be with you to help you navigate the rough waters and use them to bring you and your new spouse closer together.

    Remember to keep God in the center of your marriage. Allow space for grief and memories to live in your home. Talk about your spouse, especially if your children lost a father. Expect to face guilt for loving again, but know that no matter how you lost your spouse or whether or not he gave you a blessing to love again, you are in a blessed space when you choose to walk down the aisle again.

    It’s all okay. God knows the inner workings of your heart and your grief and will help you every step of the way.

    It may seem unfair that you have to deal with the world watching you and making you feel guilty about your decisions, but that is, unfortunately, the life of a widow. God is keenly aware of the intricacies and hears your prayers for help. I pray blessings over you, sweet Widow. It is brave to love again. It is courageous to open up your heart.

    “Draw near to Jesus, and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8

    Related Content:

    9 Things to Know about a Widow’s Grief

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

    Heidi Vegh is a writer, speaker, and ministry leader living in Gig Harbor, WA. She is a remarried mother of four, navigating the blended family life after the loss of her first husband to cancer in 2013. She longs to use her writing as a way to encourage others who have experienced loss and guide them on the road to healing. She contributes to her blog found at www.mrsheidivegh.com , sharing stories and devotionals of faith stemming from her loss and healing, mothering, and her blended and complex family. She graduated from Southern New Hampshire University with a degree in Creative Writing and English and is working on her first book. Heidi is the Women’s Ministry Director at Gig Harbor Foursquare and has a deep heart for sharing Jesus with women and encouraging them in their faith walk. When she is not writing she loves to travel, read, craft, and experiment in the kitchen. Visit her Facebook and Instagram (@mrsheidivegh) to learn more.

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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    If you are currently grieving, here are five prayers for your grieving heart.

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  • Creative Mother-Daughter Date Ideas for Fall

    Creative Mother-Daughter Date Ideas for Fall

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    Hey there, are you a girl momma too? Well, welcome to the club! As a mom of three daughters, I am always on the hunt for fun ideas and special ways to spend time with each of my girls. Now that I have two teens, let’s just say that this momma has to get a little (or a lot) creative. And let me tell you – I am so thankful it is fall! Bring on the harvest festivals and many mother/daughter date ideas. Yahoo!

    Yep, I really do love fall! There is just something truly special about this time of year. It’s as if the whisper of the wind and the glow from this sweet season waft in with an open invitation to spend time with those we dearly love! As cute scarecrows and plump pumpkins make their debut once again, they carry a warm welcome that declares, “Come on in, get cozy, and soak it all in – the sights, the smells, and all the fall flavors.”

    So, maybe, like me, you are ready to relish this season and create some lasting memories with your precious daughter, but you need some ideas. Well, my sweet “girl momma” friend, you have come to the right place. Below, you will find merely a few ideas to get you started. Whether you have a sweet little miss or an adoring adult, there is something to meet every momma and daughter. But let me assure you, nothing is too crazy or costly, as this is more of a means to bond with your sweet girl, keeping it simple yet fun! At the same time, realize that taking some time (even briefly) for a festive fall mother/daughter date will cultivate your relationship and be so worth it!

    And now, without further ado, here we go, my friends; let’s step into fall together with our dear daughters and enjoy the moments and the glorious gifts this season has to offer!

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/AzmanL

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    Alicia Searl

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