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  • What Does Spiritual Leadership in Marriage Look Like?

    What Does Spiritual Leadership in Marriage Look Like?

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    Our God is orderly. He created our world, ordered the hours, days, months, and seasons. God was intentional about His design of everything. He left us His guidebook, so we know how to order our days.

    In His design, He ordained the beautiful thing we call a family. (Genesis 2:18-25) He created order within marriage and assigned roles to family members. In this article, we will look at spiritual leadership’s role and why it is important.

    What Does the Bible Say About Spiritual Leadership?

    Let’s look at a couple of verses in the Bible to guide us on this topic.

    Ephesians 5:22 states, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.”

    Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 11:3, “But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and head of the women is man, and the head of the Christ is God.”

    Lastly, Colossians 3:18-19 says, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

    The Bible says the man should lead his wife. That doesn’t mean he has more value than his wife. Dale Partridge, Pastor and founder of Relearn church, uses the phrase, “equal value, different role.” Men and women have equal value in God’s eyes, yet a different role to fulfill.

    Marriage is a partnership. A healthy, thriving couple seeking God values each other’s strengths and input. A godly biblical leader seeks advice from his trusted council. The purpose of marriage is to glorify God and have an opportunity to exhibit how Christ loves the church. The Bible clearly states the man should be leading the house. If we look to Jesus as our model, a true leader exhibits humility, compassion, love, forgiveness, protection, provision, gentleness, and more. That said, no husband will lead their wife or family perfectly because we are all sinners, and they are not Jesus.

    What Does Spiritual Leadership Look Like?

    I think some people have a misunderstanding of what spiritual leadership looks like. They envision a power hunger husband bossing around his wife and kids. This is the opposite of true spiritual leadership. A man leading his family biblically is about being in a right relationship with the Lord. It’s about the husband reading his Bible, humbly seeking the Lord in all that he does. Most importantly, it’s a man fearing the Lord. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” (Proverbs 9:10)

    A godly man knows he is accountable for his wife and kids when he gets to heaven. He is responsible for teaching them, guiding them, making wise decisions, serving them, and loving them well. He is to protect them at all costs. When you understand this correctly, it’s a massive responsibility God has put on the head of the house. It’s a huge honor and a task with great importance that men need to take seriously. A man seeking the Lord through reading the Bible and prayer will be convicted and led by the Lord. “I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.” (Proverbs 8:18)

    A husband who is leading his marriage strives to be a good communicator. He values his wife’s opinion, serves her, and prays for her. He serves her not because she deserves it but rather because that’s the role God assigned to him. If you look to the Bible for an example of spiritual leadership, I think of Abraham, who led his wife on a journey trusting in God for every need. God blessed their family because of Abraham’s great faith.

    Men and Their Role in Spiritual Leadership

    As discussed above, husbands have an instrumental role in leading their wives. I realize that stepping up to this role is challenging, exhausting, and doesn’t come with many short-term rewards. This job requires steadfastness, persistence, and God’s strength and wisdom. Regardless of the difficulty, this world desperately needs men to step into their role as the spiritual leader of their marriage and family. A marriage and a family need leadership. If the husband doesn’t step up, the spouse will fill the role and remain out of order until the positions are reoriented.

    This happened in our own house. Before my husband and I truly understood our roles, I was constantly vying for leadership in our home. It’s a natural fleshly desire to want to take over leadership, especially as a strong-willed, independent woman. Our house has run more smoothly and peacefully as my husband and I continually seek the Lord and better understand our roles. When you stay within God’s design for marriage, things don’t always work out perfectly, but there is an unexplainable harmony, a beautiful dance that occurs.

    Men who are sitting back, letting others lead their wives and families, need to take the reins. Yes, it will mean more work and responsibility, but it’s a job that’s been assigned to them by our Heavenly Father. This job is of utmost importance, and it’s a job they’ve been created to fulfill. Genesis 2 defines the man’s role to work and keep. A godly man provides stability and security that is needed in his home. He nurtures the heart and the mind of his wife and children. If every man and dad knew how impactful their role is, our world might be a different place.

    Photo credit: ©Unsplash/Ben White

    Why Is Spiritual Leadership Important in Marriage?

    A ship sails aimlessly about without a captain, a classroom turns to chaos without a teacher, and a company needs a CEO to make final decisions. A married couple and a family need a leader. They need a guide who is seeking the Lord’s guidance in this sinful world. “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go.” (Psalm 32:8)

    Spiritual leaders guide and direct the ship. They look out for potential danger ahead. They make sure everyone aboard is safe, and their needs are met. If trouble arises (as it always does), they develop a plan to solve the problem. They take advice from their shipmates and constantly provide encouragement. They develop the best route to get to their destination. They ensure the ship stays on course and are responsible for everyone getting safely to their destination.

    Sally Clarkson has a quote pertinent to this topic, “In the absence of biblical conviction, people will go the way of culture.” Meaning, if a couple is not actively working to have the right relationship with the Lord, their decisions will be heavily influenced by culture. By not deciding to lead your marriage actively, you are deciding to let others lead your house by default.

    A solid biblical leader will not take their role for granted or boast about their knowledge. Instead, they will model the ultimate servant leader Jesus and make sure He is aboard the ship. They will acknowledge their shortcomings, repent, and ask for help.

    How Can a Wife Support Her Husband in Spiritual Leadership?

    How can a wife support her husband as he leads their family? Or, if your husband is not stepping into this role, what can you do?

    The Bible says in Proverbs 21:9, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Based on this verse, a wife cannot nag, coerce, or argue her way to force her husband to spiritually lead them. Only God can change hearts, but there are a few things a wife can do. The first is prayer. The word pray is used 313 times in the King James Bible. Psalms 37:4 tells us, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Pray a specific Scripture for your husband’s heart to be turned to Jesus every day. I am talking about consistent, heart-felt prayers you say for years.

    I have been praying Isaiah 11:2-5 for my husband for over five years. I take God’s words and insert my husband’s name to personalize the prayer. “May the Spirit of the Lord rest on Jonathan, give him a Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, a Spirit of counsel and of might, the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the Lord – that he will delight in the fear of the Lord.”

    Photo credit: ©Pexels/Luis Quintero

    You can encourage your husband to be in groups and build relationships with other solid Christian men, preferably an older man who has experience with marriage and family. Let him speak truth into your husband. Pray your husband’s ears and heart are open to this man’s advice. You can model healthy habits by reading your Bible and having your prayer time.

    Respect goes a long way in a marriage, especially with men. If you are frustrated with his lack of leadership, lovingly communicate your desires, but respect him regardless. Give him time to grow into this role. The culture doesn’t teach men how to spiritually lead; if anything, the opposite. Be patient with him, and never stop praying!

    A husband seeking God and truly leading his wife and children biblically is a beautiful thing. The house is in order. “He rewards those who earnestly seek him.” (Hebrews 11:6) The role of a spiritual leader is a critical one, and it’s being attacked by culture. In today’s climate, men are backing down from the job for many good reasons, but the Christian community is paying the price. We need husbands accepting and committed to the role God designed for them. We need them leading their wives and children. We need husbands fearing less in what others think of them and fearing more in the Lord.

    Photo credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Carolyn Horlings

    Katie Kennedy headshotKatie T. Kennedy lives in Richmond, VA. She is married to a wonderful husband Jonathan and they have three girls. She is a writer, blogger, and employee of the family business. After a mid-life spiritual transformation, she discovered her love of writing. She loves to travel, read, be in nature, cook, and dream.  She would love to connect with you online at www.katietkennedy.com, Instagram or Facebook.

    Related podcast:

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    Read the full article here!

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    Katie T. Kennedy

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  • Setting Goals for a Good Year of Marriage

    Setting Goals for a Good Year of Marriage

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    Resolutions are rarely kept past 30 days, but goals can be life changing. More than good intentions, goals help you put in place concrete steps to create a different life, and a different kind of love. Goals are simply dreams with deadlines. So take some time to dream together!

    If life feels too hectic to sit and write goals for your future, as a couple or family—  take goal setting on the road! While you are both in your car, have the non-driver interview the other and write down some goals for the coming year that will make your love stronger and last longer.(We offer a “Your Best Year Ever” goal planning sheet that can walk your through goal setting set by step at www.Love-wise.com) This may lead to some deeper, richer, or more lively discussions, so it might take a few sessions to work your way through the questions. Enjoy the forward movement!  

    Here is a sampling of a few questions to fine-tune your life, your marriage or family life:  

    • As you look at the year ahead, what is the most important issue or goal you have on your heart for the coming year for yourself?
    • As you look at the year ahead what is the most important issue or goal you have on your heart for the coming year for our marriage?
    • As you look at the year ahead what is the most important issue or goal you have on your heart for the coming year for our family?  
    • What adjustments on the home front would make reaching these desires easier?
    • How are you planning to grow yourself
      -Spiritually?
      -Physically?
      -Emotionally?
      -Socially?
      -Academically or in your career?

    What can I do to help you? (Each answer this for the other.)

    • Can we write these desires into tangible measurable goals? (Write below.)
    • Can we create a personal motto, family or marriage motto for the year? (We detail this in our book 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make)

    We like to create a theme for the year too. One couple we know selected “Think Young” for a year in their mid 40’s. One of our friends who were drifting apart made theirs’ “Love again in 2010”—and guess what? They went from the brink of divorce to a vibrant and strong loving marriage before the Thanksgiving holiday.

    • Do you have a verse for the year that captures what you think God is saying to your heart? (To find a verse, select a few keywords and place them into the word search on www.Biblegateway.com or Logos Bible software, and you’ll get a list of verses to select from.)

    Samples of “The Verse for the Year” we have used in the past to motivate forward movement:

    2013: With a goal of becoming stronger in all areas

    “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

    This year both Bill and I selected the same word (STRONGER), the same verse Joshua 1:9, and the same motto for the year (“Stay Strong”). All year, all our choices were made with one question in mind, “Will this make me/us stronger?” The outcome was we got stronger as a couple physically, financially, and our ministry and family were strengthened as we checked off goals.

    2008: With a goal of becoming a better leader publicly and privately

    “Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to him” (2 Corinthians 5:9 NASB).

    My one question that provided focus was, “Is this pleasing God?”

    See if each of you can come up with a verse that will motivate you personally in a way that will case positive impact on your love and life together. We then memorize the verse and meditate on it daily. Try to create a singular question that can serve as a focusing lens for life.

    The key to success is not just voicing your goals, but go back to your Outlook or personal planner system and place time to actually DO your goals into your scheduling. We also place a date to review our progress every three to four months.

    The final secret to success is to reward yourselves and celebrate every possible victory all along the path. If your goal is to argue less, then the first day you go all day without a fight, celebrate it! If your goal is to save money, plan ways to pat yourselves in the back that don’t cost: share a sunset moment, walk along the beach or in the park holding hands. Make it a goal to list off five ways you can celebrate each other as you make progress in your goal to stay in love. A long-lasting love is just a couple who have made it their goal to go one more day in love and invested the time and effort to pull it off—one day at a time. 

    Pam and Bill Farrel are the authors of 40 books including their newest: 7 Simple Skills for Success for Men. For more information on goal setting, we have a few books available with goal information in them: Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti or 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make or download a goal setting sheet at www.Love-Wise.com 

    Publication date: December 31, 2014

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Ippei Naoi

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    Pam and Bill Farrel

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  • Naomi Osaka Thanks Fans For Their ‘Patience’ Ahead Of Tennis Return

    Naomi Osaka Thanks Fans For Their ‘Patience’ Ahead Of Tennis Return

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    The four-time Grand Slam singles champion, who welcomed a baby girl in July, hasn’t competed in a tournament since September 2022.

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  • The Bike Crash – Oh Sweet Basil

    The Bike Crash – Oh Sweet Basil

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    I had this feeling just pulsing in me to take Grayson on a bike ride. I cannot even explain how important it felt. So after cleaning the church we headed home and I told Grayson to grab his bike.

    He was ecstatic!!!

    And I’m telling you, I was full of love and peace and it felt so right that I was actually very ponderous about what in the world I was feeling.

    My bike was in the storage unit but Cade had gotten for me before leaving town but had forgotten my helmet. I had the thought that I should be wearing one (though the angle I got I still would have been beat up but more on that later) but I decided it was just a loop around the block so Grayson threw his on and off we went.

    I Should Have Listened

    As we came around the cul-de-sac, I had the thought, no I should spend time with him. So I motioned to cross the street and we’d go on the walking trail. I could see a little slope from the road to the trail and I had a flat out thought to walk my bike down it. Immediately I rolled my eyes at myself as if I was being wimpy as it was so tiny, and continued forward. Just as I got to the edge I could see that it wasn’t a slope but a little ledge of asphalt and instead of grass that section had loose gravel.

    I knew it before it happened.

    The tire snagged the broken up asphalt and then skidded through the loose gravel, unable to grip the ground and as much as I tried to save it the bike spun out to the side and launched me forward.

    I cannot stop replaying, like an old VHS on rewind, my face about to slam straight into the concrete.

    I felt my teeth immediately.

    They were no longer where they should be.

    “Mom, Are You OK?”

    And as I lifted my head to assess the damage I my brain was whirring with the worst. Feeling the blood everywhere and the dirt and the reality of hard concrete under me, both helping me feel secure and pulsing as the enemy that crushed me I felt as though the bones in my face had shattered and my lips had been ripped from my mouth.

    And then I heard the softness of a familiar voice behind me…

    “Mom!!! Are you ok?!”

    I rolled over and started to sit up, absolutely certain I’d just crushed every bone in my right hand and my face…

    What are the Chances?

    The day before my accident a little girl down the road had come to play with Grayson for the first time. I grabbed her dad’s number just in case, we chatted for a bit and then I carried on with my life.

    What are the chances?

    I had just watched my face hurl into the asphalt and was slowly pushing myself up from the pavement to look myself over. I glanced up and saw a man walking calmly but pointedly across the street to me. He had a smile on his face and concern in his eyes as he squatted down and said, “Hey, you ok?”

    What are the chances that a dad we’ve seen at the bus stop would officially get to know me just the day before?

    What are the chances that because of his background he would have seen plenty of bloodied up faces and wasn’t the slightest bit worked up about me?

    Lifting me to my feet he walked me across the road, back to our neighborhood and said, “how are you feeling?” Just as a wave of nausea hit.

    I told him I thought I was going to be sick and he very calmly sat me day and instructed me to put my head between my knees and began breathing with me.

    No Coincidence

    A familiar face brought me more peace and assurance than a stranger could have.

    No, we didn’t know each other well, but there was no coincidence that in my time of need my heart was known so well by a kind Father above that I was cared for by someone I knew.

    He began to assess the damage, carefully and gently checking my nose and hands, asking if I could move my fingers and if anything hurt.

    I couldn’t and it did. Oh it did!!

    Some would say it was a coincidence that Jordan was passing by, but we know better than that…

    And then I heard a car door fly open and the frantic shout, “oh my gosh, Mom!!!!!”

    My Daughter

    Peyton was supposed to be at a baseball game. In fact, I had just texted her, not knowing she was still in the basement to let her know I’d gone on a bike ride with G.

    And the game was in the opposite direction we had gone on our bikes so imagine my surprise when I heard her voice.

    My head shot up in bewilderment, “what was she doing here?!”

    I’ll never forget the look on her face- sheer terror. Her eyes were wide and she was running to me as if she could cross the street in one leap.

    Jordan asked who this girl was and I told her it was my daughter. Just saying those words lit my heart up. It was my daughter, my family was with me.

    The ER

    With blood dripping into my mouth I mumbled, “I’m ok.”

    But once a stubborn teen, always a stubborn teen.

    “Oh my gosh, Mom. No, you’re not!”

    I looked back down and noticed the torn flesh on my left hand and the blood smeared across my palm as she crouched down beside me.

    Ok, maybe she was right.

    “I’m calling Dad in Idaho, come on.”

    I stood up and Jordan and Peyton walked me to the backseat of her car. My hands burst into excruciating pain and my knees started to tremble. Whatever shock had been there was wearing off and I was feeling it all… especially those front teeth hanging backwards in my mouth like a little kid on the swing set about to burst forwards, legs projecting them up into the clouds.

    I wanted the dentist.
    I needed a dentist.
    And the doctor.
    My voice broke through her fog of fear as I said, “you need to take me to the dentist.”

    But the ER won, and I imagine both were equally important. There’s only a short time to move teeth back, that much I knew, but brain bleeds need help too.

    “Were You Wearing a Helmet?”

    Even as I sit at soccer tryouts I see two girls ride up into the park without helmets. My heart is teetering on the edge of panic, it’s not worth the false freedom to flee the safety of the rules.

    That was the first question the ER doctor asked when I told him what happened, “Were you wearing a helmet?”

    Superman

    I laid in the hospital chair, tears silently streaming into my ears completely prepared to just breathe deep and accept whatever happened.

    My friends and family all began praying because they knew this was my one thing. The one fear I’ve had my entire life, breaking my teeth. My one thing!! 😭

    While I was at the hospital Cade, who was in Boise was calling around to find someone to help with my teeth. In fact, he is secretly Superman. From the moment this began, he had called ahead and completed all paperwork at the hospital, gotten my darling sister-in-law to come take the kids as Grayson was very shook up, amongst a million other things.

    Dentist’s Office

    As soon as I was released we dashed to the dentist who immediately began numbing my upper mouth.

    ⭐️ Important information! We’ve since learned that timing is KEY for teeth and it’s an oral surgeon you should head to first if possible.

    Listen, I’m not at all trying to be dramatic, but it was traumatic to lie there, everything hurting and all alone with my head pressed into the stomach of an unfamiliar dentist who grabbed my teeth and used all the strength he had to try shoving my teeth back into place. And that’s where today’s post and those falling tears began.

    I will spare you the details and instead fast forward a few days…the day I was so anxious for but knew had to happen.

    I went back to the dentist who informed me the teeth had died. And now we move forward with what I desperately didn’t want to face, fixing this mess.

    Oral Surgeon and Endodontist

    The next day I headed off to the oral surgeon and then on to the endodontist. We will deal with moving teeth later as my biggest concern is not letting anything slip by that should be addressed. Especially since my jaw and bite feels off and the teeth are greying so quickly.

    I’m learning a lot.

    Like admitting that even though my right hand doesn’t look bad the pain and lack of mobility is a clear sign that it’s I hired in the inside. A real symbolic lesson for me to remember that people can be the same and to help and treat them gently is the only way to heal.

    We All Have a Part to Play in Healing Wounds

    Now, I don’t know if I’ve been living under a rock and you all already know about @silverceuticals but my dear friend, Shay (@icecream.foodie) sent me this nano silver magic and I don’t feel the need to say one thing other than look at the pictures for yourselves (SilverCeuticals has actually been so kind to offer our readers a 25% discount on some of their products! Click here!). I am shocked and truly beyond grateful that she was inspired to send me something to heal me.

    We all have a part to play in healing wounds, sometimes it’s literally physically and Shay did just that for me.

    I pray the rest of my doctors will be able to help with the rest.

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    Sweet Basil

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  • Raising Responsible Parents: Guiding Your Adult Children in Parenthood

    Raising Responsible Parents: Guiding Your Adult Children in Parenthood

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    As seasoned parents who have weathered the storms and reveled in the joys of raising children, we find ourselves positioned to impart the wisdom garnered through our journey. Our role as experienced parents goes beyond mere advice; it includes a nurturing presence, a beacon of support, and a wellspring of shared experiences. 

    It also includes teaching and guiding them in matters of faith and righteous living. 

    Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” Responsible parenthood involves the consistent and intentional transmission of values throughout various aspects of daily life.

    In building responsible parenthood in our adult children, our experiences become the compass that guides them, nurturing a legacy of love, resilience, and unwavering commitment to the sacred duty of parenting.

    The Changing Dynamics

    As we go through parenting, a significant shift occurs when our children transition into adulthood and take on the profound responsibility of parenthood. This demands a subtle yet crucial recognition: our role evolves from being the primary caretaker to becoming a steadfast supporter and guide. 

    This transition is not a relinquishment of our responsibility but a metamorphosis into a role that seamlessly integrates our wisdom and support into our adult children’s parenting journey. It’s a paradigm shift that calls for a delicate balance between offering guidance and allowing them the autonomy to shape their unique parenting paths.

    The journey of guiding adult children into parenthood is a significant expedition marked by challenges and successes. The challenges are many, from navigating the complexities of modern parenting philosophies to addressing the ever-changing landscape of societal expectations. 

    Yet, intertwined with these challenges are the joys of witnessing the growth of a new family, the triumphs of overcoming obstacles, and the shared moments of laughter and love. 

    Practical Tips for Guiding Adult Children in Parenthood

    Navigating the intricate path of guiding our adult children in their journey of parenthood requires a thoughtful and supportive approach. Here are some practical tips that can serve as guiding lights in this meaningful endeavor:

    1. Allow open dialogue on parenting philosophies. 

    Encourage an environment where open dialogue thrives. Recognize that each family is unique, with its own set of values, traditions, and dynamics. Emphasize the importance of adapting advice to suit their family structure. This promotes a sense of flexibility and respect for diverse approaches to parenting, allowing for more personalized and effective guidance.

    2. Encourage a supportive environment.

    Create an atmosphere where your availability for advice is evident, yet it remains non-intrusive. Offer your wisdom as a resource rather than an imposition, creating a space where your adult children feel comfortable seeking guidance when needed, knowing it comes from a place of genuine support rather than judgment.

    Strike a delicate balance between providing support and allowing autonomy. While your experience can offer valuable insights, respect the independence of your adult children in making their parenting decisions. This balance ensures they feel empowered to navigate their unique journey while benefiting from your wisdom.

    3. Emphasize the value of learning from mistakes.

    Make your adult children acknowledge the inherent challenges that come with parenthood. Engage them in candid conversations about the realities of parenting, sharing your own experiences of overcoming difficulties. This openness sets the stage for a realistic understanding of the journey, preparing them for the joys and tribulations that come with raising a family.

    Instill in them the understanding that mistakes are inherent in any journey, including parenthood. Encourage resilience by emphasizing the importance of learning and growing through experiences. Share stories of how challenges, when approached with resilience, can become stepping stones to personal and familial growth. This will ultimately create in them a mindset that views setbacks as opportunities for development.

    4. Embrace continuous learning and adaptability.

    Advocate for a culture of continuous learning within the family. Encourage reading, attending parenting workshops, and staying informed about evolving parenting trends. This commitment to ongoing education will enrich their collective knowledge base and promote an environment where growth and adaptability are valued.

    Remind your adult children that parenting is an ever-evolving journey. Teach them to cultivate flexibility in their approaches, emphasizing the importance of adapting strategies based on the changing needs of their children and the evolving dynamics of family life. This adaptability ensures a dynamic and responsive parenting style that aligns with the evolving nature of family dynamics.

    5. Nurture connection through quality time.

    Recognize the importance of spending quality time with both your grandchildren and adult children. Nurturing familial bonds through shared experiences creates a foundation of trust and mutual understanding. Whether it’s through family outings, dinners, or simple gatherings, quality time fosters a connection that goes beyond the realm of advice, reinforcing the familial support system.

    Encourage the establishment of family traditions and rituals. These contribute to a sense of identity continuity and provide a framework for building lasting memories. Shared traditions create a sense of stability and belonging, becoming touchpoints that strengthen the family unit.

    6. Instill the importance of self-care.

    Remind adult children of the significance of self-care amidst the demands of parenthood. Encourage the cultivation of personal well-being through practices such as mindfulness, exercise, and adequate rest. Emphasize that a nurtured caregiver is better equipped to provide effective and compassionate parenting.

    Lead by example in prioritizing self-care. Demonstrate the value of balance by showcasing your commitment to maintaining your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. This serves as a powerful illustration of the positive impact that self-care can have on both the individual and the family unit.

    7. Leverage technology for support.

    Introduce the benefits of leveraging technology to access parenting resources. There is a plethora of parenting apps and online communities that provide valuable insights, parenting tips, and a sense of community. Guide them toward reliable platforms that align with their parenting philosophies.

    Highlight the potential of virtual support networks. In the digital age, connecting with other parents through online forums and social media can offer a sense of camaraderie. Encourage the exploration of these platforms for shared experiences, advice, and a sense of community.

    8. Encourage intergenerational wisdom-sharing.

    Create opportunities for intergenerational conversations within the family. Encourage the sharing of parenting experiences not only between you and your adult children but also among different generations. This exchange of wisdom fosters a rich collection of insights, blending traditional values with contemporary perspectives.

    Emphasize the importance of valuing the wisdom of elders, including grandparents and great-grandparents. Their experiences, often rooted in a different era, can provide unique perspectives on parenting that enrich the family narrative. Facilitate avenues for these individuals to share their stories and insights with the younger generations.

    The goal here is to create a holistic framework that encompasses not only practical parenting advice but also nurtures the emotional, spiritual, and social dimensions of the familial journey. Each of these tips serves as guidance and support for your adult children as they navigate the terrain of parenthood.

    Nurturing a Legacy of Responsible Parenthood

    We must also imbibe in them the fortitude to adhere to responsible parenting. The seeds of responsible parenting, sown with intentionality and care, possess the transformative power to shape not just the character of our own children but to imprint upon the collective consciousness of our descendants a legacy woven with threads of empathy, resilience, and unwavering commitment to the well-being of the familial unit.

    It is a recognition that the actions and choices we make in guiding our adult children today reflect into the future, influencing the ethos of families yet unborn. In understanding this, the weight of our role as stewards of responsible parenthood takes on a higher significance—a sacred duty that transcends the boundaries of our immediate familial space.

    We must, however, implore not only the wisdom garnered from our own experiences but also advocate for a commitment to continuous learning and growth—a commitment that stands as a beacon, illuminating the path toward an ever-evolving understanding of the intricacies of parenthood. 

    This commitment to learning is not confined to the academic realm but extends into the heart of familial interactions, where each interaction becomes a lesson, each challenge an opportunity for growth, and each joy a testament to the rewards of resilient and responsible parenting.

    Why It’s Important to Raise Responsible Parent 

    Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This highlights the impact of early guidance and the responsibility of parents to instill values that withstand the tests of adulthood and parenthood.

    The need for parental guidance during the transition to adulthood and parenthood is even more apparent in the modern era, which is characterized by quick changes in society and shifting family dynamics. The Apostle Paul’s counsel in Ephesians 6:4 reinforces this need, urging fathers to “bring [their children] up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The call to nurture and admonish implies an active and intentional role in guiding our adult children, not just in their spiritual journey but also in the practical aspects of parenthood.

    The challenges of contemporary society, with its myriad distractions and shifting cultural landscapes, make the role of parental guidance indispensable. As adult children journey through the complexities of parenthood, they encounter a barrage of influences that may not align with godly principles. Therefore, providing them with guidance firmly rooted in the unchanging Word of God becomes a compass, directing them through the stormy seas of conflicting ideologies and societal norms.

    Consider the example of Timothy in the New Testament, whose faith was nurtured and strengthened by the guidance of his mother Eunice and grandmother Lois (2 Timothy 1:5). This intergenerational transmission of faith and wisdom exemplifies the lasting impact of parental guidance on the spiritual heritage of families.

    Guiding adult children into parenthood is not only about imparting rules but also about modeling a Christ-centered life. The words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 11:1 say, “Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ.” As parents, our lives become living epistles, and our guidance serves as a roadmap for our adult children to follow in the footsteps of Christ in their journey of parenthood.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/DGLimages

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

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  • Paris Hilton On Why She Chose Surrogacy For Her Children

    Paris Hilton On Why She Chose Surrogacy For Her Children

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    Surprise, Paris Hilton has another baby! Hilton and husband Carter Reum revealed last week that they’d welcomed daughter London Marilyn Hilton Reum via surrogate, promoting son Phoenix to big brother status at the age of 10 months old.

    In a new interview with Romper, Hilton revealed why she’d kept her family planning under wraps – even to her own relatives. They introduced baby London to the extended Hilton clan as a Thanksgiving surprise.

    “My life has been so public, so out there. I didn’t want my son coming into this world with any negative energy,” Hilton told Romper of keeping Phoenix’s imminent arrival quiet. “I’m really happy I did it that way, just for Carter and I to have that journey together without the outside world chirping in.”

    The hotel heiress and lifestyle figure calls her family “the cutesy crew,” and said that she dreamed of having a daughter.

    “I always imagined my mini-me, putting her in little dresses and all the mommy-and-me things we could do together,” she said. “Just having my little best friend.”

    Her mother, Kathy Hilton, and sister Nicky Hilton both knew that London was on the way, but not when. The public was kept in the dark on both pregnancies, as Hilton didn’t slow her public schedule. She feared childbirth due to her past, she said, prompting the help of a surrogate for both children.

    “I just have so much PTSD from what I went through as a teenager,” Hilton said. She has written in the past of sexual abuse and medical trauma that she experienced at a boarding school in Utah as a teen. “If I’m in a doctor’s office, I get a shot, anything, I will literally have a panic attack and I can’t breathe. I just knew that would not be healthy for me or the baby, growing inside of someone who has such high anxiety.”

    She says she’ll probably be “really strict,” which may surprise some due to her past as a club fixture alongside the likes of Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears.

    “It’s a scary world out there, especially today. I’m just terrified when they become teenagers,” she said. She said she’d be happy to never set foot in a club again, and would keep the kids far away from the entertainment industry if she has any say at all.

    “I’m hoping that they want to be scientists,” she said of her ambitions for London and Phoenix.

    Hilton calls this stage of life her “mom era.”

    “This is my best era yet,” she said. The 42-year-old sees the about-face from her past antics, and she loves it.

    “I used to look at my friends who’d be like, ‘Oh, I have to go home to my kids and my husband,’ like, ‘You’re so lame. This is so fun. I can’t imagine being like that,’” she said. “Now I’m one of those boring people, and I couldn’t be happier. I couldn’t imagine it any other way.”

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    Kase Wickman

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  • 6 Ways to Deal with Unmet Expectations in Marriage

    6 Ways to Deal with Unmet Expectations in Marriage

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    I had a set of idyllic dreams of what our marriage would look like before I got hitched. For instance, I envisioned that my husband and I would always wind down our days together. Perhaps we would savor the sunset, have dinner together and then cozy up on the couch. However, my husband often works late, and by the time he gets home, the sunset is long gone, and the day has been swallowed up by night. He is also often exhausted and hungry. All he needs at that moment is a hot bath and a meal.

    Over time, I have learned to take this and several other unmet expectations in my stride. But this wasn’t always the case. Earlier on in my marriage, I would blow a gasket whenever I felt my spouse was falling short of my expectations. I would huff and puff, demanding that he acts or behaves in a certain way. Sometimes he would indulge me, giving in to pressure, but other times he would not. Eventually, we would both get entangled in a web of resentment.

    Because we all get married to fellow human beings with their fair share of flaws and weaknesses, it goes without saying that we have to contend with unmet expectations. Our spouses are far from perfect. They may try their best, but they are still incapable of meeting all our needs and attending to all our whims. It may feel like you are getting the short end of the stick as you come face to face with this reality.

    Unmet expectations can spark resentment and frustration. This article will help you put things in perspective as you deal with unmet expectations in your marriage.

    1. Be Realistic

    Let’s be honest; sometimes, we expect too much from our spouses. For instance, a husband may expect his wife to always be in the mood for intimacy, maintain her body size even after becoming a mother, and keep a clean home at all times. A wife, on the other hand, may expect that her knight in shining armor will always be at hand to listen to her rumblings, organize weekly date nights without fail, and spend all his free time with her.

    And while both of you need to do all it takes to love each other and meet each other’s needs, don’t forget that you are limited. You are bound to fall short of each other’s expectations. Additionally, men and women often have very different needs. What you may consider a priority in your marriage may seem like a non-issue to your spouse. They have to learn your needs and master your love language over time. As they do that, they may stumble and falter. You need to be patient with them and give them the benefit of the doubt.

    2. Separate the Wheat From the Chaff

    It’s important to exercise sobriety where unmet expectations are concerned. Not all unmet expectations should be shrugged off. Some are indeed “deal breakers” and should not be swept under the rug. For example, we expect our spouses to be faithful to us. When that expectation is not met, and one spouse is involved in adultery, the offended spouse should not chalk it up to “unmet expectations.”

    Adultery is a harmful vice in a marriage that often requires therapy for the couple to find healing. But some other unfulfilled expectations are not deal breakers. For instance, if your spouse irritates you because they don’t pick up after themselves, that is something you can easily shrug off because it does not significantly threaten the health of your marriage.

    As such, couples should separate the chaff from the wheat while dealing with unmet expectations. If the issue at hand majorly concerns personality differences and does not threaten the heart of the marriage, then the offended spouse can choose to overlook it.

    3. Accept Your Spouse’s Weaknesses

    “With all lowliness and gentleness, with long-suffering, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)

    Part of the reason your spouse will not meet all your expectations is that, just like you, they have various weaknesses. Scripture tells us that we all stumble in many ways (James 3:2). None of us are perfect. Perhaps your spouse’s weakness is forgetting important dates or procrastinating. However, that doesn’t mean that they are an awful person or that they don’t mean well. It just shows that they are human.

    It helps to study your partner and note their weaknesses so that you are not too gutted when they fall short. As their companion, you could also help them work on their weaknesses instead of judging them and taking offense. Remember that forgiveness is a daily component of a healthy marriage—rise above obsessing over your spouse’s weaknesses and learn to bear with them in love.

    4. Uphold Clear Communication

    I know the importance of clear communication firsthand because it has revolutionized my marriage. Earlier on, I used to hold on to grudges, expecting my husband to read my mind and figure out what was making me grumpy. Your guess is as good as mine – never once did he have an idea of the issue at hand. I quickly realized this tactic didn’t work and tossed it out the window. I learned to instead clearly communicate my grievances.

    Clear communication will help you cope with unmet expectations. Perhaps your spouse has a good reason why they acted the way they did, but you will never know until you get talking. Clear communication helps weed out misunderstanding, increases marital satisfaction, and spells out expectations. It also fosters respect and trust, which leads to greater emotional intimacy. Every time you choose to communicate with your spouse instead of sweeping issues under the rug, you give your marriage a new lease on life.

    5. Connect with Other Couples

    “A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire, he rages against all wise judgment.” (Proverbs 18:1).

    “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25).

    Connecting regularly with other couples helps you appreciate your spouse. As you interact with other couples, you are likely to notice that they, too, have their disputes and weaknesses. This helps you put your relationship into perspective and makes you feel better about your marriage. It helps you realize that you are not the only one facing some bumps in the road in your pursuit of a great marriage. Many other couples are walking the same path.

    Besides that, connecting with other couples gives you new ideas and perspectives, rekindles your passion, injects fun into your marriage, keeps you accountable, and fosters a stronger marriage. Remember that as iron sharpens iron, so does a man sharpen the countenance of his friend (Proverbs 27:17).

    6. Do Not Compare Your Spouse

    Yes, you are feeling awfully discontent in your marriage as you deal with a flurry of unmet expectations. But. Do not go down the rabbit hole of comparing your spouse to others because it may be the last straw that breaks the camel’s back. Comparing your spouse will usher you into a path of no return as you elevate other people above your spouse. Even the good attributes that your spouse possesses will soon fizzle out in your eyes.

    Instead, choose to bear with their weaknesses, communicate clearly and empathize with them. This will go a long way in helping you handle unmet expectations.

    Related Resource: Listen to The Real Relationship Talk Podcast!

    Dana Che is the founder of Thrive Relationships, where she serves as a marriage and relationship coach and host of the Real Relationship Talk podcast. Dana’s mission is singular: to help people thrive in their relationships with the Lord and with each other. Listen to her episode on Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage by clicking the play button below:

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/People Images

    Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.

    LISTEN: Overcoming Fear in Marriage

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: Signs You Married for the Wrong Reasons

    Click here to read the full article.

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  • Learning to Receive

    Learning to Receive

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    “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.” Ephesians 1:3

    Most women I know are excellent givers, but not always good at receiving. As I ponder this, I wonder if it’s because of how God created us as helpers for our husbands, companions to our coworkers and friends, and even nurses for our kids when they’re sick.

    It comes natural for us to serve our families, contribute to our workplaces, and give of ourselves until we have nothing left to give. Yet, learning to receive is vitally important to our health and growth. It’s part of who we were created to be – to receive every blessing we’ve been given through Christ Jesus.

    If you’re an excellent giver but struggle to receive, I pray this post is of great encouragement to you. It is possible to receive with a joyful mindset, open hands of faith, and a heart of gratitude. 

    It Starts with Belief

    When we read the verse in Acts 20:35 that says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive,” we might assume Paul is telling the early church that receiving is bad. However, in the context of the entire chapter, we see that Paul is talking about covetousness and how he avoided this issue by working to supply what was needed for himself and his companions. 

    What we believe about receiving matters greatly. If we have the mindset that we must always give, serve, and help but never get, be served, or be helped, we’re going to run ourselves ragged and miss out on the blessings around us.

    Many times, I’ve witnessed my mom or mother-in-law busy in the kitchen while the rest of the family is enjoying time together. Usually, with a bit of coaxing, I’m able to get them to stop and join the fellowship, but it’s apparent their natural tendency is to serve.

    In Psalm 34:8, David said, “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes. refuge in Him.” This passage invites us to partake of the Lord’s goodness and take refuge in Him. It doesn’t once mention giving, but instead, receiving.

    Learning to receive starts with belief – the belief that God gives good gifts to His children and wants us to accept them with joy and thanksgiving. Pray and ask the Lord to change your mindset around “receiving” and begin to embrace the amazing blessings He pours out to you.

    Here are more helpful resources for your journey:

    Why Does the Book of Acts Say It’s Better to Give Than Receive?

    A Prayer for Changing the Way You Think

    15 Things to Do If You Need a Change in Perspective

    It Requires Humility

    It can feel awkward when someone gives us a compliment or word of affirmation, especially when we’re not good at receiving. Our tendency might be to say things like, “Oh, it’s nothing, really,” or “If only you knew the real me!” But what could happen if we humbly received the kind words of others with sincerity and gratitude? Imagine how their words of affirmation would continue to bless us instead of being instantly dismissed and forgotten.

    In the ESV, Proverbs 22:4 says, “The reward for humility and fear of the Lord is riches and honor and life.” This verse first emphasizes humility, but it also highlights the riches, honor, and reward we receive when we are humble before God.

    Learning to receive requires humility – the kind of humility that accepts things from others with genuine appreciation. Instead of glossing over the act of kindness, or receiving it flippantly, we are intentional about pausing long enough to realize the graciousness of others and the blessings of God.

    This isn’t always easy, but the more we practice humbly accepting what others give with a simple and sincere “Thank you,” the better we’ll get at receiving. So, the next time you’re offered a compliment or unexpected act of kindness, pause for a moment before you respond. Look the person in the eye and let them know you truly appreciate them. 

    Here are more helpful resources for your journey:

    What is Humility? Bible Meaning and Importance for Christians

    Why We Need to Learn to Take Compliments Well

    The Grace and Greatness of True Humility

    It Takes Practice

    Learning to receive well isn’t going to happen overnight, but, fortunately, there are many times throughout the year when we can practice it. Holidays, celebrations, work gatherings, church settings… all of these provide opportunities to not only serve others but receive from them as well. This can be in the form of:

    -Tangible gifts

    -Awards and promotions

    -Verbal compliments 

    -Help with projects or tasks

    -Wisdom, counsel, and guidance

    In each scenario, we can learn to receive graciously without false guilt or false humility. Yes, it takes practice, but just like anything else, the more we do it the better we get at it. At your next gathering, be intentional about receiving. Don’t let compliments slide. Don’t downplay the promotion. Don’t reject the help people offer. Be willing to receive what others are more than willing to give. Before long, you’ll be an expert giver and receiver!

    Here are more helpful resources for your journey:

    6 Ways to Seek Wise Counsel in Your Life

    What James 1:17 Means By ‘Every Good and Perfect Gift’ is from Above’

    It Grows with Gratitude

    It might seem counterintuitive to give more in order to receive more, but when it comes to gratitude, that’s exactly how it works. In fact, have you ever prayed with open hands, waiting in eager expectation for what God has for you that day? 

    This is a simple habit to incorporate into your personal time with the Lord, and as you do, you’ll find yourself growing in gratitude for His abundant blessings. With anticipation, you’ll seek His truth, His will, and His way and learn to receive the spiritual blessings He’s already given you according to Ephesians 1:3.

    Remember, the Lord is a Giver – He’s the Giver of life, love, and limitless grace. That means, as His daughters, we are to be receivers of His abundant life, eternal love, and endless grace. When we view receiving from this perspective, it will become wonderful and joyful for us. And the more lavish we are in gratefulness and praise to our good, good Father, the more eager we will be to receive daily gifts from Him.

    It was John Wesley who said, “Thanksgiving is inseparable from true prayer; it is almost essentially connected with it. One who always prays is ever giving praise, whether in ease or pain, both for prosperity and for the greatest adversity. He blesses God for all things, looks on them as coming from Him, and receives them for His sake.”

    Let’s learn to receive as we grow in our gratitude to the God who loves us and blesses us with every good thing. Let’s practice receiving with sincerity and pause. And let’s humbly accept the kindness others offer by believing in the goodness of both giving and receiving with joy.

    Here are more helpful resources for your journey:

    4 Ways Gratitude Can Change Your Mindset

    There’s a Good Reason for Gratitude

    The Attitude of Gratitude

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Tom Merton

    Jennifer Waddle is the author of several books, including Prayer WORRIER: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer, and is a regular contributor for LifeWay, Crosswalk, Abide, and Christians Care International. Jennifer’s online ministry is EncouragementMama.com where you can find her books and sign up for her weekly post, Discouragement Doesn’t Win. She resides with her family near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains—her favorite place on earth. 

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  • Motherhood penalty laid bare: From co-workers comparing pregnant colleagues to broken race cars to senior women ‘hazing’ other moms

    Motherhood penalty laid bare: From co-workers comparing pregnant colleagues to broken race cars to senior women ‘hazing’ other moms

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    When Alicia Iveson joined the advertising agency world, she thought she was about to enjoy the young, progressive culture it’s famed for. “I was confronted with the exact opposite—just really archaic behaviors.”

    Iveson could feel the sense of judgment (complete with actual “eye rolls”) coming from her coworkers as she left the office promptly to pick up her child from nursery. She even recalls being forced to join a regular team call during her child’s bathtime to avoid being ‘named and shamed’ for missing it.

    “I wasn’t able to spend any quality time with my son because I always felt guilty,” she says, adding that juggling the demands of motherhood and her employer ended up with her dropping the laptop in the bath. 

    “I was never present to the point that my son would really actively shut down my laptop or tell me to get off the phone,” she adds. “When they’re starting to notice that at only two or three years old, it’s pretty horrific.”

    It was at that point that Iveson knew that enough was enough. She is just one of a quarter of a million working mothers in the U.K. alone to quit their jobs because of “outdated and toxic attitudes around motherhood”, according to equal rights charity the Fawcett Society. 

    This phenomenon is called the motherhood penalty whereby women are incorrectly prescribed as less aspirational because of their motherhood status and overlooked for promotions. 

    Ultimately it leaves many working moms forced to choose between being consigned to low-paying jobs with little opportunity for growth or leaving the workforce altogether.

    On average, the Fawcett Society found that as a result of this prejudice mothers with two children earn 26% less than women without children. Fathers, on the other hand, see their earnings rise. 

    Sadly but unsurprisingly, this issue extends beyond British soil: Women around the world from France to the United States and Hong Kong told Fortune that they were asked to hide their baby bump from investors, pressured back to the office soon after giving birth and even outright told “mothers don’t succeed here”.

    Women are wary of warning signs

    Just insinuating you may one day have children is enough to be consigned to the “mommy track”. Lauren Tetenbaum, a lawyer-turned-social worker, told Fortune, adding that mothers are “aware of the motherhood penalty” before they even become mothers. 

    “They’re afraid in the U.S. to inquire about what the parental leave policies are at a company. They are afraid to ask about childcare benefits when they’re interviewing for a role,” Tetenbaum says. “It’s this unspoken secret that if they ask about it, even if they’re seeking information, they’ll be discriminated against.”

    Iveson echoes that she saw warning signs of a toxic attitude around motherhood well before her baby was born. She recalls a coworker watching in horror while she progressively became slower as her pregnancy progressed.  

    “He said after a meeting that it was like watching his favorite race car breakdown,” she says. 

    Meanwhile, the 40 workers on a team call where a senior leader was mocking a working mom’s phased return calling her “effectively f–king pointless” seemed to reflect a similar, unwelcoming attitude. 

    Valerie Mocker of the careers consultancy Wingwomen echoes that any sniff of an outdated attitude towards working mothers is enough to make women leave an organization—whether or not they have children.

    “Businesses wonder why do we not have more women at the top? Why do women seem to just leak out? One reason I see on a daily basis for the leaky pipeline is women witnessing the motherhood penalty,” Mocker warns. 

    Pandemic gains risk being erased

    The world of work has changed—or at least, many would have hoped it has. Women increasingly have a seat at the top table of firms and the pandemic gave people an insight into what it’s like juggling childcare and work while nurseries and schools were closed. 

    “There were so many things that we’ve learned from that around the need for flexibility, particularly around the fact that you can still do the job, but it doesn’t have to be within the nine-to-five framework,” Iveson says. 

    Sara Madera, a certified career coach who works with working moms says return-to-office mandates are a big worry among “close to 100%” of her clients.

    “Not having to commute has helped mums feel like they were on top of it—whether it’s the small tasks at home or being available—and feel more successful,”  Madera adds. “So the idea of losing that is really frightening.”

    The lack of flexibility across the board is already leaving working mothers with limited career options; According to Fawcett’s research, over a third of mothers could advance their careers but they are stuck in their current job due to the flexibility it provides. 

    As firms demand workers return to the office, working moms (who are often the lower-earning parent) will disproportionately have to weigh up whether they can afford to pay more for childcare—or take a step back in their careers.

    Plus, although much of the anger around offices returning to more traditional times is often directed at male bosses of a certain generation, in Iveson’s experience “women who didn’t have children” were almost equally to blame.

    “They had the strongest point of view around it needing to be a bit more of a level playing field, almost like ‘why should you be treated special because you have a child type’ mentality.”

    With the corporate world built by and for men, she says that women with “alpha” personalities are filling in the shoes at the top—and so even firms that are spearheaded by female leaders aren’t inherently inclusive for women with children.

    “Even with women who do have children because they’re of the hazing mindset of, ‘I went through it, it was really crappy, and I never saw my child, that’s just how it is and I’m going to demand the same from you,’” Tetenbaum agrees.

    Working moms are turning to entrepreneurship 

    Despite assumptions that pregnant women and mothers are less interested in career progression, Fawcett’s research found that most working moms remained just as ambitious after a baby—and nearly half became more ambitious.

    It perhaps explains why, in response to their career aspirations being overlooked, working moms are taking matters into their own hands—and becoming their own bosses.

    Now, Iveson is the co-founder and CEO at Hijinks Collective, an advertising agency with YouTube and the Royal Navy among its clients. “I’ve got more fire in my belly than I had, not the least because I’m not doing it for myself, but it’s also for myself and my son,” she says.

    Meanwhile, Tetenbaum, Madera, and Mocker all claim to have gone self-employed as a direct result of the motherhood penalty. Research echoes that “mompreneurs” are on the rise, with the pandemic highlighting for many women just how much more they could get done with control over their own schedule.

    Running your own business is by no means an easy feat—but for the women that Fortune spoke to it’s enabling them to be more present in both the proverbial boardroom and the playroom.

    “Not everyone can leave the corporate workforce and be an entrepreneur. But I will say that, once I did, what I was seeking in terms of flexibility and really sort of acting as a grown-up—and what I mean by that is not being on someone’s schedule and being infantilized about signing in at a certain time—sealed the deal,” Tetenbaum says. 

    “There are still times when I have to work in the evenings but that’s okay. I can take a break in the afternoons and spend time with my kids when they come home from school,” echoes Madera. “I don’t have to ask somebody to do that and get that approval or feel like I’m asking for too much—I have the ownership of that.”

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    Orianna Rosa Royle

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  • Sacred Surrogacy Announces 2023 Surrogacy Info Night and Women’s Circle in Winnipeg

    Sacred Surrogacy Announces 2023 Surrogacy Info Night and Women’s Circle in Winnipeg

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    Sacred Surrogacy will be hosting an Empowering Surrogacy Community Night in Winnipeg, Manitoba, for Surrogate Mothers


    WINNIPEG, Manitoba, November 23, 2023 (Newswire.com)
    –
    Sacred Surrogacy, a leading surrogacy program in Canada, dedicated to facilitating the journey of intended parents and surrogates, is thrilled to announce an upcoming event in Winnipeg on December 12, 2023. The event, comprising an engaging Information Night and a Women’s Circle, aims to provide valuable insights into the world of surrogacy and foster a supportive community for women considering or involved in the surrogacy process. 

    Event Details: 

    Date: December 12th 

    Time: Information Night: 6:00 p.m.-6:30 p.m.; Women’s Circle: 6:30-8:00 p.m. 

    The Information Night will include experienced surrogates and representatives from Sacred Surrogacy. Attendees will hear personal stories and have a chance to ask questions of Surrogates from their community. 

    Following the Information Night, the Women’s Circle will bring together women who have embarked on their surrogacy journeys or are considering becoming surrogates. This intimate gathering aims to create a safe space for sharing experiences, offering support, and fostering connections with like-minded individuals who understand the unique challenges and joys associated with motherhood. It will be an evening of empowerment, encouragement, and solidarity. 

    “We are excited to host this special event in Winnipeg,” said Alana Wagg, a representative from Sacred Surrogacy. “At Sacred Surrogacy, we believe in the transformative power of surrogacy and the incredible strength of women coming together to support one another. This event will serve as an invaluable resource for those seeking information, guidance, and a sense of community throughout their surrogacy journeys.” 

    Whether you are ready to become a surrogate, or simply interested in learning more about the process, Sacred Surrogacy’s Information Night and Women’s Circle promises to be an enlightening and inspiring event. 

    Spaces for the event are limited, and interested individuals are encouraged to secure their spots promptly. To register or learn more about Sacred Surrogacy and the event, please visit the Eventbrite Registration Page. 

    About Sacred Surrogacy: 

    Sacred Surrogacy is a leading surrogacy program dedicated to helping individuals and couples achieve their dreams of parenthood. With a team of compassionate professionals and an unwavering commitment to ethical practices, Sacred Surrogacy provides comprehensive support and guidance throughout the surrogacy journey. They prioritize the physical, emotional, and legal well-being of all parties involved, fostering a positive and empowering experience for everyone. 

    Source: Sacred Surrogacy

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  • Restore the Peace After an Awful Marital Argument

    Restore the Peace After an Awful Marital Argument

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    The milk frother is working again! I didn’t replace the batteries, but I know exactly who did. If you love milk in your coffee and you have never tried a milk frother, I suggest you look into it right now. It could be just what you need to save your marriage! Ok, maybe not really, but it may be a great peace offering. 

    Let me start with this, my husband is a coffee snob – literally. He drinks that goodness with no extra fluff (unlike my cup which is filled with seasonal syrups and almond milk). He sips on his strictly black coffee and adamantly declares anything else is just added nonsense. He is a simple, minimalist type of guy, and honestly, I love him for that. 

    So, how did a simple coffee thingamajig (a.k.a. coffee frother) save our marriage? Well, let’s start with a story:

    A few weeks ago, our marriage was tested in a mighty big way. As much as I love my hubby, the “like him” part was on the low end of my wife barometer. Truth be told, the past year and a half has been extremely hard, and we’ve often found ourselves just going through the motions to get by – one day at a time. 

    Unfortunately, this made a perfect path for the enemy to weasel his way right into our home, our family, and within the sacred confines of our marriage. Grr. It all began after our teen disobeyed our boundaries again, leaving us both flustered, frustrated, and severely disappointed. Maybe it was the straw that broke the camel’s back or the fact that we were both running on empty.

    Needless to say, this situation put a huge damper and strain on our marriage. So, after my oldest and I exchanged some rather harsh words, I plopped down angrily on the couch and felt the heat of my husband’s side-eye. And well, let me tell you – that was all I needed to take the bait and feed my frenzy of fury. 

    I could have just gone on to bed (which I have done in the past), woke up refreshed, and then hugged my dear hubby, saying something along the lines of, “We’ve got this.” But… I didn’t. I let the enemy win by getting his big ‘ole ugly foot in the way, adding unneeded and unnecessary fuel to the fire!

    My not-so-Proverbs-31 wife reaction landed us in a place of tension for quite a few days. We were sort of cordial, I guess, but it was most certainly forced. The greetings, sweet smiles, and loving gestures were fake (almost demeaning) and not at all genuine. 

    That is until I picked up the frother… and it was working. My husband’s peace offering. I hadn’t been using it because I was too lazy to change out the batteries, yet there it was – working, almost as if to say, “We’ve got this. We will work this out.”

    A few tears slipped into my coffee that day, but it just got me thinking, we can’t be the only couple that has these awful marital arguments, can we? After all, parenting is hard, jobs are draining, and life is plain, downright challenging at times – all this and more can eventually take a toll on any marriage. 

    Ever been there?

    If so, how can we restore the peace in our marriages after a not-too-pretty argument? Well, as much as I wish I had all the answers, I know Who does! Let’s see how God ministers to our hearts during a marital conflict.

    Take Time to Cool Down

    Some of the best advice we got when we were a younger couple was to get a kitchen timer and keep it handy. This couple, who must have been our current age now (yikes, time really flies), told us that when they got into a heated argument, they took the time to “cool down.” Meaning that they set an actual timer as a visual reminder that they would not allow an argument to linger and hover for more time than necessary. During that time, they would pray and seek God’s discernment on how to handle the situation. It also prohibited them from letting a heated discussion go any further, which generally leads to hasty retorts and harsh words (Ephesians 4:29).

    Now, I realize with small children, this may be hard to do, but once you complete your parental responsibilities, and the little ones are in bed, or you have time throughout your day, set the timer, then each of you step away and pray. You can go for a long walk or take a drive too, just to cool off, clear your head, and seek wisdom (James 1:5). Then rejoin after that timer goes off and share your heart while striving to be open and receiving what your spouse has to say.

    Identify the Real Issue

    Many times, arguments form from an accumulation of things. It’s not just one thing. It’s those little things that build up, and build up, and build up – then bam! Just like that, one comment is said, or a snarky look is given, and that’s it – game on! But, wait! Hold on just a moment. Maybe before we even let it get to that point, we start by recognizing the stumbling blocks before they even take place (Matthew 18:15). 

    Is it the demands of parenting, the housework that is piling up, the stress in your jobs, or other activities? Maybe it’s the lack of trust as boundaries or lines are being crossed, or it’s several little foxes that have gotten into your vineyard (Song of Solomon 2:15). Friend, we must protect our marriages and guard them against all the brutal attacks this world will continually throw at them. We must also realize that Christian marriages are not jaded by this! In fact, the enemy has his evil eye on faithful marriages that love God; they are his prime target!

    So, it is so important that we identify the potential threats, call them out, and pray out loud over our marriage. Start in your bedroom as you proclaim Scriptures over your bed, sanctuary, and safe place that is meant to bring passion and restore love in your union. Invite God into your marriage and cast out all evil. We cannot let the deceiver get a foothold!

    Be Quick to Apologize

    This sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? But why is it so hard? Sigh. I will admit that I am not generally quick to apologize. In fact, arguments emotionally drain me, so much so, that I have been known to fall asleep shortly after we have one. You can imagine this slightly irritates my hubby, who really likes to fix problems as soon as they come up.

    While Ephesians 4:26 may tell us not to let the sun go down on our anger, oftentimes, we misunderstand this verse, and pausing for a while may be the best thing we can do. It’s the bitterness that this passage is referring to, so that is what we should keep in mind. Paul tells us that anger is not necessarily wrong or sinful when it is controlled. Yet, when we let it fester and long for vengeance, this leads to sinful thoughts and actions. As believers, there should be issues that are offensive to our God and should stoke righteous anger. When the enemy is tampering with our marriage, that is most certainly a time to be angry – with the enemy!

    That being said, when we take a moment to cool down (or rest for the night), we realize we are both dealing with outside pressures that are trying to sabotage what God joined together. This should move us to be angry about the enemy trying to strip us of joy, peace, and love. The easy fix is to simply say, “I’m sorry….”

    A heartfelt and sincere apology can go a long way in your marriage (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Start with simply saying, “I’m sorry.” Then, add to it what you are sorry for and validate the feelings of your spouse.

    Extend a Simple Peace Offering

    As you may already be well aware, these heated marital situations can take a bit of time to restore and reclaim peace. It may take hours, days, or even weeks. Maybe you have been dealing with tension for a while now. Sometimes we need outside help from a professional to get us through hard and trying seasons. Recognize the season you and your spouse are in and take the steps needed to head toward healing. 

    However, we mustn’t disregard the peace and joy that can come from simple gestures of kindness (Ephesians 4:32). When we take the time to truly think about our spouse and their needs and extend forgiveness, something truly beautiful can happen. We allow God to move in our hearts and repair the wounds acquired. 

    So, whether it’s replacing batteries in a milk frother or making him a cup of coffee the way he likes it and bringing it to him in bed, do something that shows you are extending forgiveness and welcoming peace. Other simply sweet gestures include writing a touching note, extending a hug, making his favorite meal, or speaking his love language.

    I’ll end with this, sweet sister, my simple words of encouragement for you – you are not alone. It can often feel like that after an intense and ugly argument, but God is with you, He is rooting for you, and He deeply cares for the sanctity of your marriage. Let Him lead and guide you, as you place your trust in Him. 

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/gorodenkoff

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

    LISTEN: Overcoming Fear in Marriage

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: Signs You Married for the Wrong Reasons

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  • How Do We Honor Our Father and Mother if They Were Abusive?

    How Do We Honor Our Father and Mother if They Were Abusive?

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    As a parent, there are some parts of the scriptures that I have taught my children, despite the nagging going on in my own heart. Over the years, it has come up from time to time, even though I tried to push it down.

    Honor Your Father and Mother

    As believers, my husband and I have done our best to raise our children with a biblical worldview, trying to represent the Lord in the way we love and protect them. 

    For many of our friends and people we go to church with, I would say they also strive to parent in very much the same way. For the most part, it has been easy not just to teach that concept to our kids, but for them to see it modeled in the lives of those around us.

    If I am honest, though, there has always been something in the back of my heart and mind when I have spoken those words. 

    What does it mean to honor a father and mother that didn’t represent Christ? How do we, as believers, uphold the commandment that is in both the Old and New Testaments while trying to figure out how to heal from the painful parts of our past?

    I think for many years, I sat with this tension, allowing the enemy to speak shame and guilt into my life. More than once, I allowed those feelings to push me into situations that left me with more pain than when I started. 

    While I knew God wanted me to break the chains of abuse in my family, I also couldn’t reconcile how I could do that, while also holding the tension of trying to honor my parents when they clearly were not living for the Lord. 

    As I took that tension and pain to the Lord, He revealed some things to me that I think may also be helpful for you.

    1. We Need to Read Through the Lens of What We Know about Jesus

    Jesus said a lot about abuse, how to treat people, and what it means to represent Him well. The intention of the command to honor your parents included the assumption that those parents were themselves submitted to the Lord. 

    If someone is submitted to the Lord, then there really is no problem with honor. The problems come when someone demands honor while not first honoring Christ themselves. Jesus does not ever condone abuse. 

    His heart is for those who are broken to be restored, for captives to be freed, and for our human relationships to represent His love as we serve others. We also see Jesus throughout the New Testament exhibit and teach good boundaries. 

    2. The Best Way We Can Honor Our Parents Is to Surrender Them to the Lord

    Ultimately, we can never change our parents, as much as we may want to. The one who can?  Jesus. If we have parents who are not safe emotionally, spiritually, or physically, then the best way we can honor them is to surrender them to the Lord. 

    We can honor them from a distance by praying for them. Sometimes, it takes the loss of a relationship before someone realizes that they need to change. It may take losing a relationship with a child for someone to seek Jesus for their own healing. 

    3. Our Biblical Obligation Is to Protect Our Children

    As we grow spiritually, we start to heal from the things the enemy has tried to use in our lives to keep us bound. Part of that healing means we have to parent our own children differently than how we were raised. 

    That is part of the process of breaking the “generational curses” that have plagued some of our families. Addictions, abuse, mental illness, etc. are all ways that the enemy has impacted generations of families. 

    While it can be difficult, we have a biblical responsibility to protect our children, sometimes from our own parents. This may mean keeping our distance, and not allowing some of the same things that affected us to affect them.

    None of this is easy. There are people who may not understand. Sometimes people who don’t come from abusive homes may have damaging advice, even if it is well-meaning. 

    The key? Leaning into our relationship with the Lord and listening to the counsel of the Holy Spirit. That is the only way we can effectively navigate these tricky relationships. 

    As we continue to surrender our parents to the Lord, the hope is that He will change their hearts in a way that only He can. And until He does? We can remember that we are not alone. God is not just our Father, but He is a good Father.

    And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty (2 Corinthians 6:18).

    Rachael Groll is a missionary, a podcaster, and the author of She Hears: Learning to Listen to Jesus. You can listen to more about Matthew 15 on the Hearing Jesus Podcast: 

    Read more from Rachael at SHEHEARS.ORG

    For further reading:

    How Long Do We Have to Honor Our Parents?

    What Should We Say to Victims of Abuse?

    5 Biblical Boundaries to Set with Others

    3 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries Between Yourself and Toxic People

    5 Prayers for Parents with Alzheimer’s

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/PIKSEL

    Rachael Groll is a missionary, a podcaster, and the author of She Hears: Learning to Listen to Jesus. You can listen to more about Matthew 10 on the Hearing Jesus Podcast, What to Do When Others Reject the Gospel: A Devotional Bible Study on Matthew 10:7-15. Read more from Rachael at SHEHEARS.ORG

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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  • How to Love and Support Your Spouse When They Are Grieving

    How to Love and Support Your Spouse When They Are Grieving

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    Grief is something that most of us experience intensely at least once in our lifetimes. For some of us, grief washes over our lives repeatedly. In some ways, grief is one of the most personal experiences we can go through. Each loss settles into our souls differently, and we respond to our pain uniquely. And yet grief is so universal to all of creation that, in some ways, it can powerfully bind us together.

    After experiencing a number of losses, I observed a pattern in my grief process. It didn’t particularly matter, in my case, what the loss was; if it was significant enough to cause grief, I processed it with certain patterns.

    My husband has also been through a significant number of tragic losses. I’ve walked these “valleys of the shadow of death” with him. More than anything, I wished I could create a grief-lifter-type recipe for just the right TLC. It is agonizing to watch your spouse or child have the wind knocked from them in grief. And for some losses, the grieving process is painstakingly long.

    As a pastor’s wife, there is much ministry devoted to grief. Not necessarily formal grief ministry, but the hours of listening and prayer that are consumed with the grieving process others experience are significant. And again, I’ve wished for the formula to relieve these dear hearts from the crushing weight of grief.

    I don’t have any foolproof recipes for the right way to comfort people, but I have found some common ways to offer comfort.

    In English, the word “comfort” breaks down into Latin roots quite beautifully. Com comes from the root con, which means with. Fort comes from the Latin fortis, meaning strong. True comfort means that we go through something with another person to make them stronger. I think understanding that we weren’t meant to “fix” someone else’s grief is one of the first, best ways to comfort them. We just need to be with them in their pain. The act of being with our spouse is most powerful.

    As a wife, I have sometimes sought to “be with” my husband in more smothering than helpful ways. For some husbands, that approach might have been just what they needed. But my husband needs space to grieve. So, being “with” him is sometimes more of an emotional and spiritual reality than a practical/physical one. Supporting him as he took the time he needed to pray and process was more the kind of comfort he needed than me arranging extra time or activities for us to do together. Telling him in a note that I was praying for him and that I saw all he was carrying on his heart was more “with” him in the sense of supporting him than going for a walk on the beach to hash out a disappointing loss or memories of a deceased relative. More than doing or talking through things together, he needed to know I was with him through my expressions of support.

    For each spouse, the best way to offer “togetherness” in grief differs. And it is possible this will change for each grief your spouse walks through. The way I grieved my grandmother’s passing was different than the way I grieved our miscarriage. So, the kind of support and “with-ness” I needed from my husband was different.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/ Hispanolistic

    While there can be specific needs for each grief we process, there can also be similarities. As a wife, I have found it helpful to look for the broader commonalities in the ways I express my support.

    Regardless of the loss, I know my man’s need for space to process means it isn’t the time to overbook the schedule or start a major house repair/project. He needs room to breathe. Giving him that space and time expresses my support for him.

    Yet, a different spouse might need support because they work with their hands to process their grief, and they are going to need the time, financial resources, and support to dive into a project. The project might eat up their family time, make a mess all over, and require more funding than expected.

    The thing about being married is that as our spouse’s partner in life, we get to learn what they need and try to be part of the process with them. We can offer “with-ness” that no one else really can because God mysteriously makes us one with our spouse.

    A big part of learning to comfort my husband through his grief has been observing him to understand what does and doesn’t bless him in his moments of grief (rather than simply giving him large doses of what I think he needs).

    When our young son wants to help, I tell him the first rule of helping is to listen to what a person needs. So often, we rush in to lift a burden but sometimes make more of a mess than help. Comfort is the same. We must listen and observe our spouse before rushing in with our prescription for the pain.

    The second point of comfort is based on the Hebrew definition of the word. In Hebrew, the word for comfort is sometimes translated as rest. Rest is a form of relief and, thus, a form of comfort. Processing grief is exhausting. There are moments you are emotionally running as hard and fast as you can, moments you are fighting, moments you feel like you’ve been emotionally and spiritually doggie paddling in the middle of the ocean for as long as you can remember. Grief will require rest along the way so it can be processed.

    An elderly man looking sadly at a picture frame

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/DGLimages

    What rests your spouse’s heart? This is another one of those observe-and-listen kinds of support we can give our beloved—no formulas, but still a necessary ingredient.

    My husband rests when he doesn’t have to do anything. He rests with extra sleep. He recharges in quiet moments of solitude and stillness. Rest is simpler for him than for me. I rest on a hike in the mountains. I relax while doing something with my hands that is simple enough to be successful but challenging enough to be fulfilling once done. I rest in sweet fellowship with an intimate circle of family or friends.

    Regardless of how you or your spouse rest, it is necessary for the grieving process, and learning how to support times of true and deep rest for your spouse is an important part of helping them through this valley.

    The last point, and perhaps the easiest to implement, comes from the verse at the start of this article – comfort through God’s Word. As a younger Christian, I often tried to apply God’s Word like a salve to the pain I saw others experiencing. After all, it has and is the best healing balm for my hurts. But in my eagerness to help, I frequently applied scriptures at the “wrong” moment, in less than helpful ways, or passages that did not end up being the blessing I intended. However, God hears our hearts through prayer, and He is able to apply His healing Word at just the right moment, in just the right way. So I began praying Scriptures of comfort, rest, hope, healing, and relief over those I loved who were walking the valley of grief. His Word revives us in our affliction, but it isn’t always the right thing for us to pour God’s Word over a grieving heart. It can come across as cliche and even terribly hurtful for someone to quote Romans 8:28 at us when we are grieving. But it is always right to ask God to work the good out for our spouse or loved ones in ways that are clear to them, in ways that bring peace and closure to this pain in their heart, etc.

    Two years ago, our church lost our very dearly loved associate pastor. He left this life through the painful doors of a paralyzing lymphoma. I have watched people leave this world in all manner of ways, but his passing (just as his living) overflowed so powerfully with God’s grace. In the last few weeks of his days here with us, unbeknownst to us, God orchestrated a marathon of prayer warriors. I started to realize it in our home, but after his passing, I saw a glimpse of what God did for our brother through the prayers of many others as well. My husband was deeply devoted to praying for his dearest friend and ministry partner. He prayed at all hours. But the moment he would fall asleep, I would wake up and feel so strongly the need to pray for our brother and his wife. I had this sort of picture in my head that it was like the moment you run alongside someone in a relay race. We were running next to him; this was his long marathon to finish, but each of us had a short sprint to simultaneously run next to him, praying, encouraging, comforting, and cheering him on through our fervent prayers. We all know how loudly the Lord’s voice must have echoed over heaven’s courts when our brother came into glory, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Comfort, relief, and even rest were needed in the last stretch of his race. And God moved so many of us to pray His Word and strength over our brother. We often think of praying for the grief of those who have lost a loved one, but there can be much personal grief as we transition from this life to the next for a variety of reasons. And I watched as God called a host of believers to the side of our associate pastor in prayer for the last stretch of his well-run race.

    There hasn’t been a loss in our family, friends, or church life where I haven’t prayed God’s words over those grieving. And in each loss, in some little way or another, they shared how God comforted them, describing it in the specific ways I’d been praying. Combining God’s Word and prayer for our loved ones who are grieving is a vital ministry of comfort.

    How much more ought we pray God’s words of comfort over our spouse? There is something precious and unique about the powerful prayers of a husband or wife. When the storm clouds of grief darken our view of our spouse or strain the desired sense of unity between us, prayer connects our hearts. And it is sometimes the best and only gift of comfort we can give to them amid profound grief.

    If you or your spouse are experiencing grief right now, contact us for a set of Scripture Prayer Cards to help you get started praying God’s Word for comfort over your spouse.

    Related: 

    Grief, Gratitude, and Coping with Loss on Thanksgiving

    8 Types of Unrecognized Grief and the Importance of Processing it with God

    How to Help Your Spouse Grieve

    How to Survive the First Year of Grieving a Loved One

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/milan2099

    April Motl is a pastor’s wife, homeschool mom, and women’s ministry director. When she’s not waist-deep in the joys and jobs of motherhood, being a wife, and serving at church, she writes and teaches for women. You can find more encouraging resources from April here and here. 

    LISTEN: How to Grieve Well

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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  • 3 Ways to Know if You Are Trapped in a Cycle of People Pleasing

    3 Ways to Know if You Are Trapped in a Cycle of People Pleasing

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    Most Sunday mornings, I love going to church. I grab a cup of hazelnut coffee from the lobby and settle in near the front row.

    I grow from the sermons. I enjoy the assortment of worship opportunities — from acoustic guitar hymns to modern songs that include a spoken word poet.

    Most of all, I’m grateful for the people who make up the congregation, each uniquely made in God’s image.

    1. You Tell White Lies to Make Others Happy

    One Sunday morning, I found myself wanting to break free from that place and run as far as my legs would take me. What caused me to want to escape the spiritual family I adore so much?

    It was when my pastor made an assertion smack-dab in the middle of a sermon I was rather enjoying, completely wrecking me. It was this: People pleasers often lie.

    Suddenly, no longer was I a face in a crowd, sweetly sipping my creamy, hot beverage and taking notes in my whimsical journal.

    I felt as if one of the spotlights that hung from the ceiling — normally fixated on the stage — had suddenly drop-swiveled directly toward me, placing my bright red face in portrait mode.

    I imagined everyone giving me a side glance, surely knowing that Pastor Justin was referring to me.

    That morning, I had to concede in my heart that my pastor was right. People pleasers often lie in order to make others happy. And I was one fantastic fibber.

    Oh, I had good reasons for my less-than-straightforward speech. Sometimes, I slightly twisted the truth so I wouldn’t hurt someone’s feelings when asked for my opinion.

    Other times, I failed to be honest because I was afraid my response might upset a friend or coworker.

    2. You Avoid Confrontation

    Still, in other situations, I outright lied just to avoid a confrontation with someone over a political or other hot-topic issue.

    And I also admit there were times I only told half the truth, conveniently leaving parts out. However, as I often tell my children, “A half-truth is still a whole lie.”

    At the root of all these varied forms of dishonesty is this commonality: I lied to please someone else and due to this, I’d become trapped in a cycle of people-pleasing.

    However, all this twisting, shading, fibbing, and half-truth telling certainly does not please the only One who matters — the Lord.

    In Colossians 3:9, the Apostle Paul urges believers, “And stop lying to each other. You have given up your old way of life with its habits” (CEV). Deceit is associated with our behavior before we become followers of Christ.

    It is not something designed to be a character quality of those who’ve responded to the gospel and become believers.

    The original Greek word for the English phrase “have given up” (v. 9) is the verb apekduomai. It means to strip something completely and emphatically off yourself, to throw something far away. This action is to be performed by the person who is being untruthful.

    Elsewhere in Scripture, we are told to hold two seemingly opposite actions in tension as we interact with others — to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).

    I find often we perform only one of those actions while leaving the other behind, depending on our personality types.

    3. You Don’t Know How to Respond

    Either we bark out the truth in an unloving manner or we falsely assume that the only loving thing to do is not to tell the truth at all.

    Thankfully, I know from experience that God can empower us to stop the cycle of people-pleasing. We can learn to roll our truths in a blanket of love — remembering it is God we seek to please, not others.

    Biblical Love

    Let’s learn to retrain our brains, not thinking “What do they want me to say?” but instead praying “Lord, help me to speak the truth in love.”

    For further reading:

    How to Set Boundaries and Still Live Wild and Free

    What Is Authentic Love?

    5 Biblical Boundaries to Set with Others

    What Temperature Does Our Love Need to Be?

    How Are We to Be the ‘Sweet Aroma of Christ’?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/ipopba

    Karen Ehman is a New York Times bestselling author, a Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker, a contributing writer for Encouragement for Today online devotions, and a teacher in the First 5 Bible study app which has over 2 million daily users. She has written 19 books and Bible studies including Keep It Shut: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Say Nothing at All and the 2020 ECPA devotional book of the year Settle My Soul: 100 Quiet Moments to Meet with Jesus. She is a Cum Laude graduate of Spring Arbor University with a major in Social Science. Karen has been featured on TODAY Parenting, Redbook.com, Foxnews.com, Crosswalk.com, and YouVersion.com, and is a monthly columnist for HomeLife Magazine. Her passion is to help women live their priorities as they reflect the gospel to a watching world. 

    She is married to her college sweetheart, Todd, and is the mother of six children—three biological and three in-laws by marriage—although she forgets which ones are which. Karen enjoys collecting vintage Pyrex kitchenware, cheering for the Detroit Tigers, and spending her days feeding the many people who gather around her mid-century dining table to process life and enjoy her county fair blue-ribbon winning cooking. You can find more about her here.

    LISTEN: Being Complete in Jesus (Understanding Matthew 5:21-48)

    Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: 10 Sins Christians Downplay (and Why They’re So Destructive)

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    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

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  • What Does the Bible Have to Say about Marriage Problems?

    What Does the Bible Have to Say about Marriage Problems?

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    Marriage is one of the most life-influencing relationships you will ever have. That’s why after you decide to receive Christ as your savior, the person you decide to marry is the next most important decision you will ever make in this life.

    Being in a strong marriage can propel you. Being in a terrible marriage can destroy you. Some people never recover from the horrors of being in an awful marriage. However, regardless of how great the relationship may be, there can be moments when you will have marriage problems. Some of these problems are more severe than others and can stretch the limits of your marital commitment.

    Nevertheless, if two people commit themselves to the Lord and each other, they can overcome any marriage problem. If a challenging situation should arise in your marriage, then what does the Bible say about marriage problems? In case you were wondering, there is a lot you can learn from the Bible about dealing with marriage problems.

    Who Are Some People in the Bible Who Experience Marriage Problems?

    There are different marital issues we see in the Bible. Sometimes, the problem was obvious; in others, not as much. Here are some people we know in the Bible that experienced marriage problems.

    Abraham and Sarah: The Problem of Trusting God

    The Bible commends Abraham for his faith, and rightfully so. Yet, despite his faith, there were moments when he and Sarah failed to trust God. On two occasions, Abraham identified Sarah as his sister (Genesis 12, 20). The Bible describes Sarah as a beautiful woman. On one occasion, when they were in Egypt, Abraham was afraid they would kill him but let her live because she was so beautiful (Genesis 12:11). His solution was to say Sarah was his sister. By the way, this happened after he had received the promise from God; Abraham still had his issues even after he began following God.

    Abraham wasn’t the only one to suggest ideas that created problems. Later, we see Sarah giving her servant Hagar to Abraham to have a child with. It had been 13 years after God promised a great legacy with numerous children, and they did not have any. So, they tried to help God along—but as the story about Hagar and her son, Ishmael, shows, it did not solve anything. Abraham and Sarah were people of faith, but they were human. They had moments where they did not trust God or where they hurt each other.

    Potiphar and his Wife: The Problem of Adultery

    We know that Potiphar’s wife frequently tried to get Joseph to have sex with her (Genesis 39). We don’t know if there was a deeper issue that motivated this. Regardless, she had no problem committing adultery in her marriage.

    Elkanah and Hannah: The Problem of Missed Desires

    This couple is mentioned in 1 Samuel and are the parents of the prophet Samuel. Though Elkanah loved his wife, he missed the deep desire Hannah had within her to have children. He overlooked this and thought his love for her could overshadow this desire (1 Samuel 1:8).

    Each of these stories shows a different marriage problem. Just as sometimes the problem was obvious, sometimes the solution was obvious. Other times, the problem and the solution were complex. Each story teaches us at least one clear lesson: marriage is an intimate relationship that can cause great pain or great joy.

    What Does the Bible Say Make Marriage Problems So Damaging?

    One reason marriage problems are so devastating is they can affect every area of your life. When you are having marriage problems, it can affect your work life, home life, and friendships. If children are involved, it most likely will spill over to them too.

    Some people have marriage problems so challenging they even look forward to being out of the home. Those moments become a temporary escape from their situation. That’s why it is crucial to choose who you marry carefully and prayerfully and not take it lightly. Listen to this proverb that highlights the challenge of marriage problems.

    “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” (Proverbs 21:9)

    Marriage is the joining of two people into one union, both physically and spiritually. That’s why marriage problems that threaten this union are so dangerous. When marriages break beyond repair, it is like tearing apart two intertwined lives.

    What Advice Does the Bible Give for Handling Marriage Problems?

    There is a wealth of advice you can find throughout the Bible about how to handle marriage problems. There are far too many to fit into one article, but let me share three. Even doing these three things will go a long way to helping you address any problem in your marriage.

    1. Talk less and listen more

    “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19)

    When there is a problem, there can be a tendency to want to find an immediate solution. However, sometimes, before you get to the solution, you need to make sure you understand the problem. This is where listening will help. You have probably heard the old saying God gave us two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak. If you will listen to understand what your spouse is trying to say to you, it will transform your marriage.

    2. Don’t let things that trouble you linger

    “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” (Ephesians 4:26)

    Silence can be devastating in a marriage if one spouse is unwilling to share some of their frustrations with the other spouse. If you are around someone long enough, there will be something they say or do that you may not like or even annoy you (yes, this happens in the best of marriages). You must share these things, especially if they make you angry. Holding them in only drives a wedge between you and your spouse. In addition, it is unfair to the other spouse if they don’t know something they are doing is bothering you. By identifying it, you give them the ability to fix it.

    3. Forgive quickly

    “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

    No marital relationship can survive without forgiveness. In every marriage, there will be a moment where you do something that offends or hurts your spouse, even if you didn’t intend to. When that occurs, two things must happen. One person must apologize, and the other party must forgive. If either person neglects these steps, the marriage moves toward failure. Imagine if God stopped forgiving you. That would be the end of your relationship. A marital relationship (or any relationship) is no different.

    How Does the Bible Advise to Keep Marriage Problems From Happening?

    Solving marriage problems after they begin is one thing. Preventing them from happening is a better option. Thankfully, the Bible offers advice on how to keep marriage problems from happening. Again, the Bible says a lot, but let me limit it to three.

    1. Be willing to have honest conversations

    “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” (Ephesians 4:25)

    The best thing you can do in your marriage is to speak honestly to each other. You will not always like what your partner says, but it can help prevent potential problems. Honest talk should not be meanspirited, but it should be authentic. Yes, the truth may sometimes hurt (me and my wife can attest to this). However, it can prevent future marriage problems from developing.

    2. Don’t Keep Records of Wrongdoings

    “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:5)

    Your marriage must be a safe space to have honest communication. Part of the communication could involve asking for forgiveness. When this happens, forgiveness should be the end of bringing up that issue. As challenging as it may be, make it a point not to hold that issue against your partner. When you let go of the record, you treat your spouse like God.

    3. Be willing to seek help if you need it

    “Where there is no [wise, intelligent] guidance, the people fall [and go off course like a ship without a helm], But in the abundance of [wise and godly] counselors there is victory.” (Proverbs 11:14)

    For most people, we are learning how to build our marriages while we are in them. This means there may be times when you need help. That is okay. There is nothing wrong with getting counsel, especially if you see a potential issue that could develop in your marriage. Taking preventative measures has the potential to save you a lot of future heartaches.

    Final Thought on the Bible’s Advice about Marriage Problems

    I pray you will have a long, happy, and prosperous marriage if you are married. Just know it will not be without its challenges along the way. When you hit those bumps, remember what the Bible says about marriage problems. It has a wealth of knowledge, and regardless of the problem, there is an answer to help you.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/gorodenkoff

    Clarence L. Haynes Jr. is a speaker, Bible teacher, and co-founder of The Bible Study Club.  He is the author of The Pursuit of Purpose which will help you understand how God leads you into his will. He has also just released his new book The Pursuit of Victory: How To Conquer Your Greatest Challenges and Win In Your Christian Life. Do you want to go deeper in your walk with the Lord but can’t seem to overcome the stuff that keeps getting in the way? This book will teach you how to put the pieces together so you can live a victorious Christian life and finally become the man or woman of God that you truly desire to be. To learn more about his ministry please visit clarencehaynes.com. 

    LISTEN: Being Complete in Jesus (Understanding Matthew 5:21-48)

    Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: 10 Sins Christians Downplay (and Why They’re So Destructive)

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  • Prayers for the Friend Who Is Lost or Drifted Away from God

    Prayers for the Friend Who Is Lost or Drifted Away from God

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    The last couple of summers I have hosted a teen Bible study where we have opened The Word and saturated ourselves with a certain book or took a detour into a topical study. More recently, a few of these sweet teens have been inquiring about the end times and asked to pick my brain about it. While I don’t claim to have the most knowledge on the subject, I still invited them over. We all sat around my messy kitchen table as we flipped through Scriptures together to gleam and learn what God’s Word had to say. 

    As I was talking to a few of these sweet young ladies and munching on snacks (which is deemed necessary when talking to teens), a question came up that sent a glaringly loud signal penetrating my own heart.

    “How should we pray for our lost friends?”

    Her concerned eyes locked with mine and her sincere and genuine inquiry made me pause before I could muster up an answer. Let me clarify by saying I have known this particular young lady since she was a tiny tot, and her soft heart for showing God’s love to others is awe-inspiring. Yet she was asking me how to reach her friends who seemed lost and showed signs of slowly drifting away from God. It just got me thinking about how often I pray for my own friends who waver in their faith. And, sadly the answer to that is… not enough!

    Honestly, I cannot stress this enough – the enemy is on full-blown attack, and he is after our children, our marriages, our family, and our friends. His mission is to destroy the lives of the faithful, making them turn away from God. He wants to tempt, tantalize, and slowly torture them, bringing on confusion and lies wrapped in sweet eye candy. He is stealing away their heart for knowledge based on Truth and replacing it with deception. He is basically luring them in to tear them down. 

    Unfortunately, as much as we may want to step in and stop it, gently coaxing our loved ones back to the Truth, aiming to get them to ultimately seek God, it’s not so easy. When the liar has a stranglehold on a friend, they may build up walls of resentment towards you, turn inward, or altogether shut you out! In that case, we need to bring out our most powerful weapon – prayer.

    Will you join me in praying for those dear friends who have lost their way? Maybe they have drifted away from their faith, have conformed to the sinful patterns of the world, or have allowed the enemy to speak so loudly that they are beginning to believe the lies. 

    Now… I invite you to take a mental picture of that lost friend right now. Do you see them? Good. Now, bring that dear and beloved friend to Jesus, and let’s unleash our greatest weapon. The power of our prayers!

    A Prayer to Hear and Receive Truth

    Father God, I am so grateful that You are a good and faithful Father (2 Timothy 2:13). You tell us in your Word that even if we are faithless, You remain steadfast and faithful. That gives me so much comfort because I come to You today with a heavy heart. My dear friend, (name), is so desperately lost and hopeless. She has hardened her heart to the truth of Your Word, becoming blind to Your goodness, mercy, and grace, unwilling to hear and receive the richness of Your amazing love. Lord, I ask that You step in and touch her heart in a mighty way, as only You can. Rekindle the flames of faith and ignite the Holy Spirit within her so she can rely on You when the world is clamoring for her attention. I ask this in Your Holy name. Amen.

    A Prayer to Feel the Presence of God

    O Lord, You have such a tender and beautiful way in which You meet with your beloved daughters. Your love is so great, so deep, and so wide that it never ceases to amaze me (Psalm 36:5-7). In saying that, I lift up my friend, (name). She desperately needs to feel the warmth and peace that comes from Your radiating presence. I pray that she turns to You and finds a safe place and source of refuge from the trouble and alignments of this brutal and messy world (Psalm 46:1). Lord, I ask that You draw close and provide ways for her to feel Your precious presence. Give her moments to seek quiet and still moments to minister to her heart. Amen. 

    A Prayer for Faithful Fellowship

    Jesus, You are so very good to us and our closest ally and friend. Your compassion and love never fail, which is why I humbly lift up my dear sister who is in need of that tender reminder. She has pushed You away and is rejecting You in this season of her life. I pray that You please remove unhealthy or unsafe relationships and replace them with faithful friends who will draw her back to You. Lord, help me be the faithful friend she needs and speak with love, truth, and grace (James 5:16). I pray that in time she finds a place of worship or a community of faithful women she can trust to walk alongside her and grow her faith. Amen.

    A Prayer for Repentance

    Thank you, God, for Your abundant mercy and grace. You are so very good to us and constantly seek after us time and time again (Luke 15:3-7). I come to You with a grieving heart for my friend who has stumbled into self-indulgence and wandered away from the flock. She has sadly embraced the world and is chasing after the tantalizing ways of the flesh. So, Lord, I come to You with a heart of sorrow and conviction. I ask that You forgive me where I have failed and lost sight of Your precious Truth, as I know I have also entertained the lies of the enemy. Yet, as I fight my own battles, I also give You my heart filled with sorrow for my friend. Lord, please soften her heart and allow the Holy Spirit to do a great work in her life, convicting her of any sin. Bring about a desire to change and turn to walk in the goodness of Your ways. I pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

    A Prayer to Fall Deeply Back in Love with Jesus

    Faithful Father, thank You for Your unfailing and unconditional love. As I lift up my precious friend, (name), I ask that You would draw close and reveal Yourself to her in a mighty and powerful way. I want so badly for her to fall back into the goodness of Your love and experience the abundant life only You can offer her. You tell us that You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6). Inspire my friend to seek the goodness of Your ways by quenching her thirst with the refreshment of Your Word and a desire to live a life that honors You. I earnestly pray that she falls deeply in love with You as You reclaim all her heart, all her soul, all her mind, and all her strength (Mark 12:30-31). I ask this in Your precious name. Amen.

    My Prayer for You

    Lord, I hand over the sweet daughter who is laying eyes on this today, lovingly lifting up her beloved friend. While You know the intricate details of this situation and the intimate nature of each of their hearts, I pray a special blessing over their friendship. I pray that You intervene, restoring any hurt and heartache that comes with a friend whose faith is wavering. I pray that You offer wisdom and discernment on how to approach such fragile topics and that the words and actions she shares with her friend are offered and displayed with Your love, truth, and grace. Lord, please give this dear daughter of Yours the encouragement she needs to be a light to her friend. I pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty-AntonioGuillem

    Amber Ginter is a teacher, author, blogger, and mental health activist who resides in the beautiful mountains and cornfields of Ohio. She loves Jesus, granola, singing, reading, dancing, running, her husband Ben, and participating in all things active. She’s currently enrolled in the Author Conservatory Program and plans to pitch her book: Mental Health and the Modern Day Church for Young Adults, soon. Visit her website at amberginter.com.

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  • Tips to Show Christlike Love to Even the Most Difficult Family Members

    Tips to Show Christlike Love to Even the Most Difficult Family Members

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    The saying goes you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. Nothing is closer to the truth when it comes to living with difficult family members.

    The Bible is filled with countless examples of family members at odds with each other: Jacob and Laban, Joseph and his brothers, Abraham and Sarah, and even the first family, Adam and Eve and their children, Cain and Abel.

    Challenges with families are nothing new. They can lead to awkward holiday dinners, spats over juvenile things, and maybe even being completely estranged from one another. But God didn’t bring family members together for them to only fight with each other, but to grow with one another; and sometimes it is to grow through the pain caused by a family member.

    There are ways to handle difficult family members in a Christian manner, seeking more to exemplify the love of Christ than letting pride, shame, or hurt get the best of you. Armed with Scripture verses, stories of warring biblical figures, and tactics to lessen difficult situations before they start (or get worse), you can be a godly witness to your family members, even if they aren’t to you.

    Equip Yourself with Scripture

    Nothing can be solved or achieved if you are not ready to battle against the enemy holding your family’s souls captive. Envy, anger, indifference and hostility are all weapons of the enemy, Satan.

    The best way to prepare yourself for handling your family with God’s grace and strength is to keep in your heart and mind Scripture verses that pertain to God’s peace during the storms of life (which includes family). Here are some to keep in mind for situations involving your challenging family members.

    Psalm 27:1: “The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?”

    1 Peter 5:7: “Casting all your cares on Him, for He cares for you.”

    Romans 3:23: “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”

    Hebrews 12:14: “Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

    Isaiah 41:10: “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

    Prepare Yourself before Encountering Difficult Family Situations

    Almost everyone can attest to having some issue with family, from full-on arguments every time you see one another, to feeling victimized by a family member’s gossip or high standards, to sometimes being completely abandoned by family during crucial times.

    Instead of believing this will always be the way you will interact with your challenging family members, take some necessary precautions that might help alleviate current or future issues with them.

    1) Remember, hurt people hurt others

    You may wonder why particular family members seem so hard to spend time with. But because it’s family, you probably know history of them that might explain their behavior. Your family member could be dealing with a past hurt or wrong that has manifested in how they behave toward you or others. Though that doesn’t excuse how they act toward you, it should give clarity to the situation and make you realize you may only be the recipient, not the culprit, of their hurt.

    2) Be mindful of triggers for fights and discomfort

    Does your family member not approve of your spouse, or your job, or how you raise your children? Do fights seem to happen over meals or if alcohol is involved? Think about what causes your family to become difficult or abusive or when gossip seems to start up. Remind yourself of those triggers (conversations, activities, situations) so you can make strategies to avoid them when possible.

    3) Read Bible stories about family squabbles

    If it helps, know that there are stories in the Bible of people who experienced far harsher treatment from family members than you have. Consider the story of Jacob and his father-in-law Laban (Gen. 29). Though Jacob worked seven years for the hand of Laban’s daughter, Rachel, Laban tricked Jacob and had him marry his oldest daughter, Leah, instead. Then Laban forced him to work another seven years in order to marry Rachel. So, keep in mind that whatever family drama you may be experiencing, others in Scripture have also faced.

    4) God sees more in you than your family member

    Words and actions can still sting, even if they come from someone dealing with unresolved hurt or pain. When what your family says about you or how they make you feel comes rearing its ugly head, remind yourself that God sees you differently. He sees potential, love, and growth in you, the image of Himself with talents and skills uniquely created in you.

    What to Do When Facing Difficult Family Members

    Sometimes you can prepare all you want for encountering your difficult family members, but they might pull a rabbit of their hats in the form of an awkward situation, or maybe their interactions are more personal that day than previously. What do you do to avoid acting out in a way that you may not like?

    1) Maintain your calm

    It isn’t easy when your family member says something to you that hurts or treats their dog better than you, but before you lash out at them with words or fists, take a breath. If you need to excuse yourself outside or to the bathroom, do so to get a grip on your anger, calm down, and maybe say a quick prayer to God for wisdom. Don’t make a bad situation worse, even if you feel justified in your actions.

    2) Douse them with kindness

    What better way to stifle an argument than with kindness? You could compliment your family member in some way (there has to be something), change the conversation to something more pleasant, or maybe simply say, “Thank you for sharing. I will pray on this and seek God’s direction.” Kindness can stop a harsh word in its tracks.

    3) Take a stand, but as Christ would do

    Maybe the time has come for you to take a stand against the unnecessary treatment from your difficult family member, whether it is directed at you or someone else in your family. Who better to look to for taking a stand than Christ? Christ was regularly met with confrontation from others who should have been His godly brothers and sisters, but instead of acting out in anger and bitterness, He spoke with love and God’s truth. He didn’t let the words of the Sanhedrin or unbelievers (or even believers) get the best of Him, but stood firm in God’s Word and didn’t agree just to fall in line.

    The same could be said for us, as the time might come for you to let your difficult family member know that their words and/or actions have hurt you over the years and you would appreciate the behavior to stop. Maybe this presents an opportunity for you to talk with your family member away from others, to ask if you could pray for them, or to just reveal more of your heart in what God is telling you.

    Probably God has orchestrated this moment because it is time for your family member to face their hurt and start their healing process.

    If the situation gets worse and none of these tactics work with your family member, don’t be afraid to set up boundaries to ensure that you and your immediate family don’t continually feel hurt. It might mean avoiding certain situations where the issues could be worse, or maybe speaking with other family members to see if there could be space (family interference) so you don’t miss out on family memories just because of that family member.

    Don’t Give Up

    Living with difficult family members is not an easy feat and can make it hard to represent Christ to this person. However, God doesn’t want you to experience repeated ridicule or hurt just because it is someone related to you through blood or marriage.

    What would help most is to take steps before and during time with your family members to not only stay calm and collected, but to also display God’s love to someone who may need it more than they know. Keeping God’s Word in your mind and taking steps to mentally prepare for facing your family member are ways you can offer Christlike love to your challenging family member.

    Healing takes time, especially between family members, but God doesn’t give up on people and neither should you.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Valentina Shilkina

    Blair Parke is a freelance writer for BibleStudyTools.com and freelance book editor who wrote her first book, “Empty Hands Made Full,” in 2021 about her journey through infertility with her husband. She previously worked for eight years with Xulon Press as an editor. A graduate of Stetson University with a bachelor’s in communications, Blair previously worked as a writer/editor for several local magazines in the Central Florida area, including Celebration Independent and Lake Magazine and currently writes for the Southwest Orlando Bulletin. She’s usually found with a book in her hand or enjoying quality time with her husband Jeremy and dog Molly. You can order her book at Christian Author Bookstore – Xulon Press Publishing and visit her website at Parkeplaceediting.

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  • 3 Ways to Have Healthy Spiritual Lives Outside Your Marriage

    3 Ways to Have Healthy Spiritual Lives Outside Your Marriage

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    Married couples share so much of their lives together, as they should. It is a blessing to have a life-long partner you can encounter shared experiences with of all God has given us in this life. Even though being spiritually connected to each other is vitally important to a healthy marriage, so is maintaining healthy spiritual lives as individuals. Having a love for God gives the marriage a common interest and focus. Nevertheless, it is the responsibility of each individual to cultivate their relationship with God, aside from seeking God as a couple and desiring a healthy marriage.

    In his letter to the church at Philippi, Paul admonishes the believers to work out their own salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). We can never become so focused on any one area or relationship in our lives that it overshadows our ability to remain devoted in maintaining our relationship with God. When our fellowship with God is out of alignment, so will all other relationships in our lives be out of balance. The biggest, best gift you can offer your spouse is the fruit you consistently bear from a flourishing relationship with Christ. The overflow of a rich, fulfilling relationship with the Lord reaps a harvest of blessings in your marriage that pays exponential dividends.

    Here are some tips to consider as you intentionally build healthy spiritual lives as individuals.

    1. Practice the Spiritual Discipline of Solitude Daily

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    Just as important as it is for you and your spouse to have uninterrupted time alone with each other, it is just as valuable that you have uninterrupted time alone with God each day. Jesus’ example of practicing solitude is recorded throughout the Gospels, as He models for us the necessity of spending intimate time with the Father. In Matthew 14:23 (KJV) it says, “And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone.”

    Another example of Jesus retreating to commune with God is found in Luke 5:16 (KJV), which tells us, “And he withdrew himself into the wilderness, and prayed.” Being alone in the presence of God is vital to our continued spiritual growth and formation.

    Even if we could realistically be with our spouse 24 hours a day, seven days a week, it is not a healthy idea. We need to spend time alone with our Creator because the more we cultivate our relationship with God, the more we become who we were created to be and manifest the glory of God revealed through our lives. We learn more about ourselves when we commune with God, and He teaches us more about Him. This strengthens and prepares us to show up as the best version of ourselves in all other relationships, especially in our marriage.

    There is a satisfaction we can only experience in the presence of God. When we create opportunities to celebrate being alone with God, our spirit is renewed, and our soul finds rest that cannot be known with any other. If practicing solitude with God is not part of your daily routine, I encourage you to incorporate it. Morning, noon, or night – it does not matter the time of day you choose – just be sure to carve out time you can intentionally be with Jesus.

    2. Participate in Spiritual Engagement Apart From Your Spouse

    It’s true. Couples who pray together stay together. So do couples that make Bible reading and study time together a spiritual resource for their marriage. However, praying and studying the Bible with others apart from your spouse also contributes to maintaining healthy spiritual lives as individuals.

    Sharing in community with other believers provides support and encouragement to keep progressing in your relationship with God. For example, if you are a woman desiring to be a godly wife, being in a community with other women who share the same desire can benefit your marriage as you engage spiritually with each other. Other women can provide accountability, honesty, and motivation in a different way than when engaging with your husband.

    Proverbs 27:17 (NIV) reminds us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” If the only person we partner with along our spiritual journey is our spouse, then we will not enjoy the advantage of being sharpened in multiple practices by multiple people God places along our paths. Joining a small group, having a prayer partner, and attending a conference with people other than your spouse are excellent ways for us to continue developing our relationship with God.

    3. Serve in the Area of Ministry God Has Called You to Serve in His Kingdom

    church people small group friends meeting

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    When you get married, there will be unique opportunities God allows for you and your spouse to serve others in ministry as a team. Maybe you will go on a mission trip together, volunteer in a food pantry, or advocate for seniors or youth ministry initiatives. Marriage allows for a beautiful, unified effort in sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ. However, if God has placed something on your heart that your spouse does not have an interest in, you should still pursue it.

    If God gave you a passion to serve in a particular area of ministry before you married, that passion will not likely go away just because you are no longer single. How you serve may need to be tailored to fit your new context of one who is no longer unmarried, but it does not mean you cannot continue to serve in a way that esteems God, brings you joy, and strengthens your spiritual walk with the Lord.

    Serving in ministry is a privilege. It is an honor to serve God through serving His people. Although we pour out to others, through this process, God often pours back into us. As our relationship with God is impacted positively, we gain the advantage of fostering healthy spiritual lives as individuals.

    We have been saved by grace for God’s holy purposes. 2 Timothy 1:9 (NIV) says, “He has saved us and called us to a holy life – not because of anything we have done but because of his own purposes and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,” Our purpose is connected to God’s providence. God does not change His mind about our calling once we marry. Marriage can very well be a part of the plan. But if a couple does not share the same ministry callings, assignments, or passions, it is okay for them to serve in those areas of ministry as individuals.

    We continue to grow in God as we fulfill our God-ordained purposes. This is crucial to our ongoing personal development as healthy individuals with healthy spiritual lives. A supportive spouse will appreciate their partner committing to follow God’s plan for their life and be their biggest cheerleader.

    One sure way to have a thriving marriage is to have a thriving spiritual life as an individual. Whole, healthy couples serve each other from the overflow of their thriving relationship with God. We glorify God most when we make seeking Him our first priority and primary focus above all else in our lives.

    Photo credit: Unsplash/Kelly Sikkema

    Crosswalk Writer Patrice BurrellChampioning women to live authentically and pursue God passionately, Patrice Burrell is called to lead others to the grace of God, rooted in the truth of scripture.  She is an author, life coach, and worship leader who loves practicing the presence of God through a lifestyle anchored in spiritual disciplines.  As a Bible teacher and preacher, she exhorts women to remember their true identity is defined in Christ, not culture.  When not serving at her local church with the small groups and singles’ ministries, Patrice enjoys visiting local Orlando attractions, reading books while sitting along the beach, and finding unique ways to explore her writing creativity.  You can connect with Patrice on her blog, Warrior Woman Blog, on social media in her Facebook community, Warrior Women, and @patriceburrellministries on Facebook and Instagram.  Patrice is excited about her new book release, Living My Best Life: Embracing God’s Gift of Living Full and Single.  It is a six-session Bible study designed especially for single women.  You can also check out her debut book, Warrior Slay, a devotional book on the power of worship and prayer.

    LISTEN: Overcoming Fear in Marriage

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: Signs You Married for the Wrong Reasons

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  • How to Keep Holiday Stress from Sabotaging Your Marriage

    How to Keep Holiday Stress from Sabotaging Your Marriage

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    Between Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year, you’re crazy busy. And if you’re married, that might mean the holidays take priority over your spouse for two months of the year.

    It’s easy to fall into that trap. But the last thing you want is for the holidays to sabotage your marriage. And since this time of year is notoriously stressful and hectic, keeping an open line of communication with your spouse from Thanksgiving to New Year’s is more important than ever.

    You both want what is best for your family—and each other. But when you’re trying to schedule Christmas parties, order gifts for your kids, and get the house ready for your visiting in-laws, you might forget your spouse is actually your teammate.

    But here’s the thing: You’re going to have a better, happier holiday if you make sure to prioritize your marriage during the holiday madness. Your family and your relationship with your spouse will be better if both of you are on the same page and working together—instead of running in opposite directions.

    Here are three specific things you and your spouse can do right now to keep your marriage in perspective . . . and keep the seasonal stress at a minimum during this busy time of year.

    1. Set realistic holiday expectations.

    Sit down with your spouse and set realistic holiday expectations for your family this year. The keyword here is realistic. You don’t have to say yes to every party or attend every extended family gathering. Don’t feel like you have to try to cram everything in. If that means something has to give, so be it. Letting some things go this time of year will help you both keep your sanity . . . and actually enjoy the holidays.

    Here are some questions to consider: How are we going to split our time between each of our families? What are our priorities this year? How many Christmas parties are we going to attend? Then, once you have a plan, stick to it!

    2. Decide how much you’re going to spend on gifts.

    Determine how much you want to spend on each other and the kids. A simple rule of thumb for holiday giving is to stick to four gifts: something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read. This sets expectations and helps you (and your kids) focus on the real reason of the season instead of concentrating on how many presents are under the tree.

    And because giving is the most fun you will ever have with money, discuss budgeting some extra money for random acts of kindness. Maybe you can spend $50 to fill up a stranger’s gas tank, leave a gift in the mailbox for your mailman, or give an offering to a specific ministry that is near and dear to your heart.

    3. Schedule weekly date nights.

    It’s easy to get caught up in holiday chaos and not make time for your spouse. But that’s a slippery slope. You need to prioritize quality time together. Going solo on a regular basis—and especially during the holidays—will leave you feeling like you’re running on empty. But quality couple time will remind you both you’re in this together and can depend on one another to pick up the slack. And that’ll fill up each of your tanks better than anything else.

    Related: 7 Ways to Love Your Spouse During the Christmas Chaos

    So commit to a weekly date night throughout December. Sit down together and pick out four nights for the month. Write them all down and stick to it. This intentional time together is just as important, if not more important, as buying milk and cookies for Santa or getting the guest room ready for your out-of-town visitors. And no, the company Christmas party doesn’t count as date night.

    Having these conversations with your spouse will keep you on the same page and remind you both you’re in this together. You’re going to be less stressed if you know you’re working with the same goals in mind. That frees you to enjoy the holidays rather than stress about how you’re going to get everything done.

    And keep this in mind: You don’t have to do it all. You can make the holidays memorable without making them perfect . . . and that’s perfectly okay.

    Fund those holiday date nights or boost your Christmas budget! Enter the Making Futures Bright $100,000 Giveaway! At Ramsey Solutions, we are changing lives this Christmas by giving away $100,000 worth of cash and prizes! Enter daily for your chance to win!

    This article originally appeared on Stewardship.com. Used with permission.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Polina Lebed

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    Stewardship.com Team

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  • 7 Prayers to Lift Up Your Husband

    7 Prayers to Lift Up Your Husband

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    One of the most powerful ways we can fight for our marriages is by praying over them! Our husbands need our support not only as their warrior-helpers in our homes as we navigate our daily lives, but they also need us on their side when it comes to spiritual matters. The Bible tells us that our prayers are powerful and effective! God hears us and if we want to see our families thrive, we need to keep them lifted up in prayer to the Lord.

    John 15:7 says, “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” What dreams do we have for our marriages? Write them down and then bring them to God in prayer. Do we wish to grow old with our husbands? Do we need God’s help to overcome constant conflict that easily bubbles to the surface in our relationships? Is a miracle necessary to help us overcome broken promises?

    Nothing is impossible with God! God is able to heal our brokenness when we are willing to surrender our lives over to him. Even if we aren’t struggling, we need God’s help to stay the course for a lifetime! Let’s commit to lifting our husbands in prayer to God daily. One thing is certain, we need God’s help to love each other well.

    Here are a few prayers to get you started, as you take time to lift your husband up in prayer:

    1. A Prayer That Your Husband’s Relationship with God Would Grow

    The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:15)

    Father, I pray that my husband will have an intimate relationship with you! Let him live secure in his identity as a child of God. Graciously remind him that his sins are forgiven and that you have adopted him as your own. Thank you for loving him. Amen.

    2. A Prayer That God’s Agenda Would Come First in Your Husband’s Life

    He will always give you all you need from day to day if you will make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. (Luke 12:31-33)

    God, I ask that you direct the path and steps of my husband. I pray that he would be obedient to your will for his life and would allow your agenda to come first in his life! Remind him that when we follow you, we don’t have to worry! You will provide all that we need for our lives when we make Kingdom living our primary pursuit. Lead him with clarity and guide him as he makes decisions. Have your way in his life and help me to be a good partner to him. Amen.

    3. A Prayer for God’s Blessings on Your Husband’s Life

    Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request. (1 Chronicles 4:10)

    Father, I pray that You would bless my husband with more than he needs so he can bless others. I ask for more provision for his life. That you would equip him to give generously to others and meet their practical needs in Your Name. Give him greater spiritual gifting so that he can strengthen the church and can be more effective in the Kingdom of God. I ask that you would grant him an abundance of wisdom and discernment so he can point others to You. Help him to live with gratitude for all the many ways you have blessed his life. Allow him to stay focused on using what You’ve given him to serve others. Amen.

    4. A Prayer of Protection for Your Husband

    But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one. (2 Thessalonians 3:3)

    God, as my husband walks out the purpose that You have ordained for his life I pray that You would stop any and every evil attack of the enemy against him. Protect his body, mind, emotions. Don’t let the enemy get a foothold in his life. I trust that the One that lives in him is greater than the one who is in the world, so we do not have to live in fear. I thank you for your protection in his life and in our home. Amen.

    5. A Prayer for Your Husband to Grow in Wisdom

    If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. (James 1:5)

    God, I pray that my husband will grow in wisdom. Give him the strength to follow you first in a world that may not understand God’s way. Speak to his heart about what the wise next right step is for his life and for the future of our family. Help him to see past the distractions that are thrown at us and be able to follow your narrow way. Silence the voices of confusion, discouragement, distraction, or temptation that would want to entrap him in folly. Help him to trust you and follow you for all of his days. Amen.

    6. A Prayer of Thanks for Your Husband

    Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 5:20)

    God, I thank you for the gift of marriage that you have given me! I am so thankful that you have given me a partner who is committed to walk alongside me in this life. I thank you for my husband’s many unique talents, the many ways he serves me and our family, and the love that he offers me as his wife. I pray that you would help me to remain joyful in our marriage, appreciating the union that God has placed me in. Stop me from allowing comparison, bitterness, busyness, or selfishness get in the way of me enjoying the man God has given me to love for all of my days. I thank you for our home, our love, and the life you have given us to share. Amen.

    7. A Prayer for My Husband to Live Joyfully

    Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. (Philippians 4:4)

    Lord, I ask that you would help my husband to find joy in this season of his life. I pray that even in the midst of trials, stress, uncertainty, chaos, pain, loss, and hurt that your joy would be present in his life. Would he have a full and unwavering understanding of the joy of salvation. Would the fruits of the spirit be visible in the way he lives his life. Equip him with your joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control so he would be a blessing to others. Strengthen him with your joy in the good seasons and the bad seasons. Amen.

    Romans 8:31 says, “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” When God is on our side, no challenge that life brings our way is too big for us to handle. Our marriages take three entities to thrive: a husband, wife, and the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us!

    Truly, there is no way I would still be married without God’s grace at work in our life! If it was up to me I would be hopelessly overcome by my own failures and sin. God’s goodness has carried us through the past 14 years and it is the only hope we have to make it together for a lifetime. Seek God for your spouse in every season. When God is invited into our lives, we can have hope even in the bleaker seasons.

    Photo Credit: © Getty Images/Goran13 

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

    This article is part of our Prayer resource meant to inspire and encourage your prayer life when you face uncertain times. Visit our most popular prayers if you are wondering how to pray or what to pray. Remember, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us, and God knows your heart even if you can’t find the words to pray.

    Serenity Prayer
    The Lord’s Prayer
    Prayer for Peace
    Morning Prayers
    Good Night Prayers

    Prayer for Healing
    Prayer for Protection
    Prayer for God’s Help
    Prayer for Anxiety
    Prayer for Strength

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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    Amanda Idleman

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