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Tag: money issues

  • How to break free from a scarcity mindset and build financial confidence – MoneySense

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    An emotional, fear-based response, a financial scarcity mindset often sends people down a rabbit hole of overthinking, instilling beliefs that they will never have enough money to live comfortably and that they will always be stuck in some form of financial turmoil. This mindset can harm one’s long-term financial wellbeing and quality of life, experts say. 

    Why your money mindset might be holding you back

    “The mindset plays a very big role in keeping people stuck in the financial situation they’re in,”  said Jeri Bittorf, a financial wellness co-ordinator with Resolve Counselling Services Canada. Bittorf said she frequently encounters clients who have a scarcity mindset in her line of work. Sometimes, people hold onto fears that they will never be able to earn more or reduce their expenses, and their situation will never get better. 

    That emotional response usually comes from some sort of trauma around money, said Kalee Boisvert, a financial adviser at Raymond James Ltd. It could stem from childhood experiences, such as growing up poor, but it can also be established later in life from a perceived lack of resources, or by hearing stories of people around you unable to pay their rent or afford groceries, Boisvert said.

    “Sometimes, this money scarcity has come from stories that people have heard and almost taken on as their own or the fear of that,” she said.

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    Boisvert picks up on red flags of a scarcity mindset among her clients when she hears comments such as: “I’m terrible with money; I’m scared that I’ll never be able to retire; I should be doing a better job or should be doing more.” That’s “money scarcity mindset working in the background,” she said.

    Boisvert said the mindset can lead to confidence and self-worth issues, which eventually spill into everyday life decisions about jobs, partners you choose or the residence you choose to live in.

    Understanding your money past is key to changing your financial future

    Bittorf said it’s important to get to the root cause of this mindset, and that journaling plays an important role in unpacking patterns and beliefs around money. “I have them start at, like, the earliest ages of memory, around five years old,” she said. 

    Bittorf uses prompt questions about financial security growing up such as if their parents talked about money, whether they experienced financial arguments at home and if they fit in financially at school. “I want them to be thinking about all of those things because those are going to influence the decisions you make now, even if you don’t realize it,” she said.

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    Sometimes, Bittorf encourages her clients to create vision boards about what they’re passionate about and what their future selves look like with an abundance mindset. That creates an excitement to pursue those plans. “If they were to get out of this life situation, what are the goals?” she would ask clients.

    Building abundance through mindful money habits

    While unpacking financial patterns is foundational, Bittorf said it comes down to real steps, such as setting up a budget, tracking money and breaking up broader financial goals into smaller, actionable steps. That also means making some tough decisions, such as cutting out expenses where needed or changing jobs. “You know you’re strong enough to do that. And there’s a lot of support out there,” Bittorf said.

    For Boisvert, breaking out of the scarcity mindset has been a conscious effort in her own personal journey. If she had not broken free from this mindset growing up, she thinks her response to money would’ve been to save and put everything away instead of aligning her spending to what she really cares about.

    “Knowing that I grew up with the scarcity mindset that I had to really work hard to overcome, when I talk to (my daughter) about money, I just say money is a tool and it’s a tool that helps us achieve things,” Boisvert said.

    For those stuck in the cycle, she suggested separating facts from fiction and practising gratitude. “If you’re feeling this fear and dread, and you’re looking at the numbers and you have the money to pay the bills and the rent, then it’s just about giving yourself a reminder, ‘Well, right now I am safe. Is this an old story coming up for me?’” Boisvert said.

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  • Is This A Deal Breaker For You

    Is This A Deal Breaker For You

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    Is This A Deal Breaker For You?

    You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by clicking here.

    He has such a cute face, doesn’t he?

    His name is Levi and he loves to nap snuggled up next to me.

    I absolutely love and adore Levi but for some, he could be a dating Deal Breaker.

    What exactly is a dating Deal Breaker? 

    These are the qualities a man either has or comes with that you can’t tolerate in your life.

    Men also have Deal Breakers when it comes to dating you.

    But, the difference between the sexes is men honor their Deal Breakers.

    You’ll see this when a man is in a relationship with a woman for years and years, yet he won’t marry her.

    In his mind, she has a Deal Breaker that isn’t suitable for marriage.

    We as women have a tendency not to honor our Deal Breakers when it comes to men.

    We think with a little work and a lot of love, we can change him and all will be well in our world.

    This just isn’t true.

    Men don’t change unless they want to change.

    But you might say, I love him so much.

    If this is the case, and he has one of your Deal Breakers, you aren’t honoring yourself and you will be settling.

    Many women choose to settle.

    Why?

    Because they’re afraid no one out there is as good as this man – a man who has one of their Deal Breakers going on in his life.

    This is an illusion. Your mind is playing tricks on you.  All it does is take you to a place of scarcity when it comes to men.

    With our age group leading the pack with the highest divorce rate these days, there is actually an abundance of men out there for you to date.

    All you have to do is go to a mainstream dating websites (click here for some of my favorites) and you’ll see thousands of men right in your area looking for a woman just like you if you’re willing to give him a chance.

    Now, let’s take a moment and talk about some common Deal Breakers worth thinking about.

    • Pets – If you have a beloved Levi or Fluffy in your life, then you’ll want a man who’ll treasure your “baby” as you do.
    • Children –  With adult children or minors, where will you fit in the family equation? And if they are minor children, are you willing to deal with the teenage years again, especially if your kids are now adults?
    • Smokers – I once had a boyfriend who’d take himself outside in all kinds of weather for a smoke.

    He’d stand outside my garage door and puff away, then he’d come in and wash his face before getting near me.

    That was love to him.  For me, it became a major DEAL BREAKER for future relationships.

    • Religion – Do you need a man in your life who can share your religious beliefs, going to church or temple with you on a regular basis?
    • Alcohol use  – Are members of Alcoholics Anonymous okay for you to date? Or do you want someone you can share a glass of wine with at the end of the day?
    • Differences in sexual behavior – Whether it’s a full-blown Fifty Shades of Grey relationship you desire, or sex once a year on your birthday.
    • Money issues and differences – Do you want him to pay for everything?  Or can he be financially responsible for just his side?

    Take some time to clear your head and really think about the specifics of your Deal Breakers and what each one really means to you.

    I guarantee whatever Deal Breakers you skip over now… will become major conflicts in your relationship at a later date.

    So it’s better to know what your Deal Breakers are and whether he has them before you get too far into a new relationship.

    While you’re thinking about it, why don’t you take a few moments and write your own Deal Breaker list.

    As you get to know a man, refer back to this list to see if he has the qualities it takes to be with you.

    And remember, if a healthy long-term relationship is what you really desire in your life, then you’ll want to choose a man who doesn’t have the Deal Breakers you’ve put on your list.

    Believing in you!

    Believing in You!

    Lisa


    P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50

    #1: Get a copy of my book The Winning Dating Formula on Amazon



    Where I will walk you through a step-by-step breakdown of the exact tools and strategies you need for attracting the right man into your life — Click here

    #2: Join the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group

    It’s our Facebook community where you can connect with me and a community of women ready to support you on your journey for finding love after 50 — Click here

    #3: Find the Right Dating Site for you

    Check out some of my favorites —  Click here

    #4: Work with me 1-on-1 or in my Group Program



    If you are interested in learning more about how I can help, you can click here to answer a few quick questions and schedule a call.

    I would love to learn more about your dating journey, understand where you might be stuck, and give you a personalized step-by-step blueprint to attract the right man. And maybe even talk about how we can work together.


    Copyright© 2024 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.

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    Aurelija Guerraea

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  • Hina Khan on how to escape habits that get in the way of success – MoneySense

    Hina Khan on how to escape habits that get in the way of success – MoneySense

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    Who are your money heroes?

    My money hero is my dear friend Bob Proctor. I met him in 2014, and—because we lived in the same city—we became friends. He became one of my greatest mentors. The celebrated self-help author and lecturer, who had only one month of high-school education, taught me so much about money. I understood what money truly is, the law of compensation and so much more. 

    The law of compensation has three parts: the need for what you do, your ability to do it and the difficulty there is in replacing you. The part that an individual needs to focus on is the second part: your ability to do it, and getting better at what you do. This is why I tell people it is important to get your reps in. I am forever learning and growing and getting more effective at what I do.

    How do you like to spend your free time? 

    I have changed my relationship to time and I don’t think of having “free time.” I think in terms of activities and being present. For example, I love writing on the weekend. Some may look at that and say I should not be working on the weekend. But for me, it doesn’t feel like that. It is simply time. We all get the same amount, and it can’t be managed. We can manage our activities, and that is what I focus on. I have a lot of space in my calendar that might be considered free time but I don’t look at it that way. So, I have no need to fill it.

    Perhaps it is like this: All of my time is free time. I have the freedom to choose how I will spend the time.

    If money were no object, what would you be doing right now?

    I am so grateful to say I would be doing exactly what I am doing now. Every week, Monday to Friday, I run The Rise calls. These calls are from 6 a.m. to 7 a.m. EST. We start with writing our goal and then some teaching. These calls create a peak state for my clients, which they then carry with them throughout the day.

    When I talk about a peak state, I mean they are connected to their goal and what they want to create. It is not about working hard; it is the opposite. They are focused to they can create their day based on the clarity of their goal and it fuels them for the day. They have order in their mind. They are not starting the day in a reactive state.

    I often say my clients get more done by 10 a.m. than most people do in an eight-hour day. When you control your mornings, you control your day. And that is one of the reasons our clients are incredibly successful. Regardless of my finances, I would be setting my alarm to do these calls.

    What was your first memory about money?

    This is such a great question. I think my early memories around money were that it caused tension. It was a source of conflict in our home. I think that created a belief that money was not good, that it led to conflict, that it created complications and could damage relationships. The impact that had was in my revenue. Raising prices and receiving money used to be difficult for me. And that is not a great thing when you are an entrepreneur.

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  • Ellyce Fulmore is putting the personal back into personal finance – MoneySense

    Ellyce Fulmore is putting the personal back into personal finance – MoneySense

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    What was the biggest money lesson you learned as an adult? 

    The understanding of how big a role your identity plays in your finances. Finance is deeply personal and intersectional, and your money is directly impacted by aspects of your identity such as privilege, race, gender, sexual orientation, mental health, disability, systems of oppression and more. The identities you hold will impact how you view, understand, spend and approach your money. 

    I didn’t fully understand this until I came out as queer and was diagnosed with ADHD. These realizations helped me make sense of a lot of my money behaviours and challenges. For example, I struggled with impulse spending for years, and ended up with $15,000 of high-interest debt because of that. I felt so ashamed of this debt, but I didn’t know that having ADHD makes me four times more likely to impulse spend than someone without ADHD. By understanding who you are, the privilege you hold and/or barriers you face, your lived experience and your trauma, you can begin to change your relationship with money and create a financial plan that makes sense for your life.

    Learning this lesson is what inspired me to write a book and start my financial literacy company, Queerd Co., where our approach to financial literacy goes beyond the conventional, giving folks permission to be full human beings—not just numbers on a spreadsheet. At Queerd Co., our goal is financial equity, and every course we create, resource we recommend, space we hold and discussions we lead will aim to take a shame-free and identity-based approach to money.

    What’s the best money advice you’ve ever received?

    That your financial situation is not your fault, and the shame you feel around money is not solely your shame to carry. I learned this inside of the Trauma of Money certification program, where we spent time examining and unpacking the idea of shame and responsibility when it comes to our money. The reality is that many of us inherit money trauma and learn our financial behaviours and habits from our caregivers. We also have to consider the government policies, financial institutions, and larger societal systems such as capitalism, and how those play a role in the decisions we make and the financial challenges we are subjected to. In the Trauma of Money, we were taught to ask ourselves, “Whose shame is this?” to help call attention to the fact that some of the shame we feel has been placed upon us, despite it not being our shame to carry. This advice really helped me reframe the way I felt about my past financial decisions.

    What’s the worst money advice you’ve ever received?

    I tell this story in chapter 1 of my book, which is all about finding safe spaces: The first time I went to talk to a financial advisor at the bank, the advisor made a misogynistic comment along the lines of, “When you have a husband, he will take care of this for you.” This was his response when I tried to ask questions about some financial terms he had briefly mentioned. This was horrible advice because: a) it was misogynistic; and b) it was encouraging me to not be in control of my own financial situation. I cannot stress enough how important it is to have financial autonomy, even within a marriage. If you ever find yourself in an abusive relationship, having access to your own money will give you the freedom to leave.

    Would you rather receive a large sum of money all at once or a smaller amount regularly for life? 

    It would depend on the amount. If the smaller amount was enough to cover my monthly expenses, then I would choose that option, because it would give me the immense privilege of never again stressing about paying my bills. It would also take a lot of pressure off my business and allow me to explore more creative pursuits. But if the amount wasn’t enough to cover my bills, then I’d prefer the lump sum. I could actually make more money from the lump sum in the long term by investing it, but the first example would be a better decision emotionally. 

    What do you think is the most underrated financial advice?

    Gamify your finances. This is great advice for almost everyone, but especially for anyone who is neurodivergent. If you can make managing your money fun and enjoyable, you’ll be more likely to actually keep up with it, and have greater success with reaching your goals.

    What is the biggest misconception people have about growing money?

    That being “good with money” and building wealth is just a math game, and that all you need to do is manipulate the numbers—it’s so much more than that. Creating the perfect spreadsheet, debt repayment plan or investment strategy will never address the root of your money issues. We’ve been taught that if we follow the formulaic system for success, we will be wealthy and happy. But there’s no magic formula for success, because everyone’s lived experience, values, goals and definitions of wealth are different.

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  • Flow state vs. cash flow: Make better money decisions by discovering your flow state – MoneySense

    Flow state vs. cash flow: Make better money decisions by discovering your flow state – MoneySense

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    • Emotion regulation: Engaging deeply in an enjoyable activity boosts your mood and generates positive emotions, which in turn strengthens your ability to manage stress and navigate difficult emotions. It helps maintain emotional balance, which is beneficial when making investment and spending decisions. Being calm means you’re less likely to react impulsively with your money, leading to fewer costly mistakes. This emotional steadiness leads to thoughtful financial choices.
    • Fulfillment and happiness: Flow can bring enjoyment to what you’re doing, making the activity rewarding. Csikszentmihalyi’s research indicates that flow can contribute to increased happiness and overall life contentment. Budgeting to have more of these moments can lead to lasting life satisfaction.

    How money can make you happy

    You’ve likely heard that money is a tool. While that’s true, using money as a tool for happiness can be challenging. We attach so many emotions and meanings to money that it can be hard to separate them. However, that shouldn’t deter us from using money to mindfully invest in engaging, joyful activities and experiences that create moments of flow.

    How to use flow for a better relationship with money

    A musician I know named Greg says he’s always been grounded by music. He was born deaf, and a successful surgery at the age of two unlocked sound for him. He has embraced music ever since. By his early 20s, Greg had learned to sing, write music and play the guitar. He performed at local gigs and on international stages. Yet, as he became more and more successful, accomplishing the stardom he always thought would make him happy, he felt drained by his music label’s relentless push for commercial hits, which diminished his drive for creating artful and meaningful music. 

    Greg went to Hawaii for a year-long reprieve and rediscovered flow in music. He looked back at his “best” performances, where he felt deep flow states, and recognized that it didn’t happen at sold-out shows. Instead of pursuing commercial success, he focused on making music at private workshops, writing songs for people, and performing at wellness and yoga festivals.

    Now, more than 20 years later, Greg’s life is filled with flow moments that involve his music. In Hawaii, he built a life with meaning and purpose. It’s no longer about chasing success, money and big hits. 

    His new life comes with challenges, of course, especially when it comes to finances. And when I asked Greg if he would change anything, he responded with a big smile: “Would I like more money? Sure, but I wouldn’t change a thing. My [happiness] bank account is through the roof. I have a great life.”

    How to invest in self-care and flow states

    The takeaways from Greg’s example and Csikszentmihalyi’s research are to integrate more flow states into our lives (and ultimately our finances) by doing the following steps:

    1. Write out the activities you find flow in. What are you doing when you feel in the zone? What captures your full attention? List the activities and think about how to prioritize them in your life.
    2. Budget for flow moments. Dedicate money to these activities you truly love. Think of it as investing in your well-being. Cut out activities you’re doing just because you think you should be doing them. 
    3. Be smart with your self-care choices. Balance flow with your need for financial security—they’re not mutually exclusive. Don’t risk essential expenses for flow states. However, you can still evaluate your expenses (housing, transportation, food, etc.) to discover ways to decrease those costs.
    4. Don’t do it alone. Sharing your flow experiences with others can deepen them. Can you join or create a group aligned with your interests?
    5. Reflect and adjust. Just like you do with your annual budget or investing portfolio, regularly check in on your flows. Reassess how your spending affects your ability to achieve flow. Be flexible and reasonable, and adjust as needed.

    Why should you care about flow? If you care about your money, you will

    When reflecting on our lives, we hope that when our time on this Earth is over, we can say, “I did it. I lived a good life.” Of course, a “good life” doesn’t mean it was easy—life is always full of challenges, obstacles and setbacks. But scientific research shows that the more we invest in our well-being, the more resilience we have during challenging times. Flow states offer us emotional regulation and life satisfaction.

    By intentionally spending time and money on areas in our life that bring flow and happiness, perhaps we can experience not just how money makes the world go around, but also how we can use it to sing and dance a little more. 

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    Shaun Maslyk, CFP

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