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  • 3 Lessons in Love from the Author of ‘Amazing Grace’

    3 Lessons in Love from the Author of ‘Amazing Grace’

    John Newton is known as the author of Amazing Grace. Newton was always astounded by the grace he received. Towards the end of his life he said “Although my memory’s fading, I remember two things very clearly; I am a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior.”

    The dearest love in the heart of Newton was the Lord Jesus. But there was another great love that Newton sometimes feared was a rival to his affection for Christ. That rival was his sweet Polly—also known as Mary Catlett and the would-be wife of John Newton. This is their love story.

    Love At First Sight? 

    It is rather doubtful that John Newton and Mary (Polly) Catlett had feelings of love at first sight. Rather, it’s far more likely that they were fighting over a beloved toy. Elizabeth Newton and Elizabeth Catlett, best friends, had joked that perhaps the then 6-year-old John might Mary the then 3-year-old Polly. Yet even the faintest hopes of their union would seem to have been an impossibility when John’s mother died a year later, and young John was sent off to boarding school.

    It would be almost a decade later that the two would “meet.” And on this occasion, at least for John, it was love at first sight. As one biographer wrote: “Almost at first sight of this girl, then under fourteen years of age, he was impressed with such an affection for her as appears to have equaled all that the writers of romance have imagined.”[1]

    Just as Gilligan’s “three hour tour” turned into three seasons of television, so also did the smitten Newton’s quick visit turn into a three week stay. Though he was so overtaken by Polly that he mentally replanned his entire life, the young girl was unable to return those affections. And Newton was compelled to serve in the British Navy.

    It would be four years that John was away at sea. Though he kept his love for Polly alive, those four years had hardened and shaped Newton into a rebellious and vulgar sailor. Though he would now reject any notion of God, he still had a heart for this young lady who captivated him years prior. As Newton would tell it:

    “I soon lost,” says he, “all sense of religion and became deaf to the remonstrances of conscience and prudence: but my regard for her was always the same, and I may, perhaps, venture to say, that none of the scenes of misery and wickedness I afterward experienced ever banished her a single hour together from my waking thoughts for the seven following years.”[2]

    But soon, his affections would be transformed by another.

    Newton’s Fateful Voyage

    While on a slave trading voyage, Newton the sailor was caught in a violent storm. And it was here that for the first time in many years Newton prayed. He was not entirely changed at this point, but it began the first seeds of a deep heart change Newton would experience.

    John, who had been corresponding through Polly’s aunt, met some great disappointment. He believed himself unworthy of Polly and decided to break it off. Finances were also an issue. He knew he could not provide the financial stability that the Catlett’s would need to see in order to entrust their beloved Mary to him. His sensibilities, having been somewhat reformed by this storm and now meeting this new discouragement, John decided to end the romance.

    Unbeknownst to him, though, his father and the Catlett family had already arranged an engagement between the two. There was only one sticking point—Polly. What would she think of this arrangement? Newton was unsure and often found himself tongue-tied around her. He wrote her by letter to see if she felt the same about him. When she responded, though cautiously, that she shared at least some affection, John was over the moon.

    Newton continued his time on a slave ship, hoping to earn a solid living so he could propose marriage. It is difficult to say whether Newton had been actually converted at this point. He doesn’t develop evangelical views until a few years later. But by 1753, we know that his heart was indeed captured by another—the Lord Jesus. He wrote to his, now wife Polly, “I wish to limit my passion within those bounds which God has appointed.”

    A Happy Marriage

    On February 1, 1750, John Newton and Mary (Polly) Catlett were united in marriage. They would remain together until 1790, when Polly died of breast cancer. Their affections for one another were deep. In 1793, to honor her, John published two volumes of letters that he had sent to Mary throughout their marriage.

    They understood that their marriage was a gift from God. Newton once wrote to his wife:

    For, when I take up my pen, and begin to consider what I shall say, I am led to think of the goodness of God, who has made you mine, and given me a heart to value you. Thus my love to you, and my gratitude to him, cannot be separated. And, as you are so good to prize my affection, by finding it thus accompanied, you may be assured of its being unalterable. All other love that is not thus connected with a dependence upon God must be precarious. To this want I attribute many unhappy marriages. I believe many persons fall from their hopes of satisfaction in that state, by degrees insensible to themselves; and a secret change, or alienation of mind from each other takes place before they are well aware of it; till, in time, they proceed to such lengths as they would once have judged impossible.[3]

    Newton believed that their happy marriage was a direct result of their love for Christ. It became the immovable foundation for their love for one another. This love continued through all of their years. Newton wrote in 1770: “I can remember when the sun seemed to shine in vain, and the whole creation appeared as a blank if you were from me. Not that I love you less. The intercourse of many successive years has endeared you more and more to my heart.”[4]

    This love endured through many years of ministry. In 1764, John Newton became rector of the Church at Olney. It was during this time that he developed a friendship with William Cowper. Cowper was often depressed and suicidal and would require almost constant supervision by the Newtons. During this time as pastor of Olney, Newton’s fame grew as his Authentic Narrative was published.

    He kept this post in Olney until 1779, when the couple moved to London. This provided far more luxury and comfort but perhaps even more busyness. From Olney and throughout his ministry in London, John was very busy, and this would have likely added some strain to their message—but their dedication to one another and the cause of Christ sustained them. Newton did not take the path of many fellow ministers during the time, who seemed to have all but abandoned their families. Newton remained dedicated to Polly.

    They also endured much familial heartbreak. Mary was often gone taking care of her ailing parents and siblings. Also, though the couple never had their own children, they did adopt two of their nieces, Betsy Catlett and Eliza Cunningham. In 1774, they took in Betsy, who would outlive both the Newtons. Eliza came to the Newton’s when she was gravely ill at the age of 12. They took her in as her own until she sadly died in 1785.

    It would be five years later that Polly would succumb to breast cancer. Upon her death, Newton wrote:

    When I was sure she was gone, I took off her ring, according to her repeated injunction, and put it upon my own finger. I then kneeled down, with the servants who were in the room, and returned the Lord my unfeigned thanks for her deliverance and her peaceful dismission.

    How wonderful must be the moment after death! What a transition did she then experience! She was instantly freed from sin, and all its attendant sorrows, and, I trust, instantly admitted to join the heavenly choir. That moment was remarkable to me, likewise. It removed from me the chief object which made another day or hour of life, as to my own personal concern, desirable. At the same time, it set me free from a weight of painful feelings and anxieties, under which nothing short of a divine power could have so long supported me.[5]

    Newton was certainly grief-stricken, but it didn’t impact his ministry. He continued on in all of his ministry the next day. He even preached at Polly’s funeral. Many critiqued him for this, but his resolve here was connected to the entire pattern of their marriage. He loved Polly deeply. But he also understood that she was a gift to him from God. He held her in proper place and so he was able to hold her well.

    Their love story is a beautiful reminder of the depth of Christian love. But it’s also a picture of Christ’s love for the church. It motivates us to love others deeply but to keep our affections proper so we can love people well. This kind of love flows from Christ.

    Photo Credit: © Getty Images/carton_king

    [1] John Newton, Richard Cecil, The Works of the John Newton, vol. 1 (London: Hamilton, Adams & Co., 1824), 6.
    [2] John Newton, Richard Cecil, The Works of the John Newton, vol. 1 (London: Hamilton, Adams & Co., 1824), 6.
    [3] John Newton and Richard Cecil, The Works of John Newton, vol. 5 (London: Hamilton, Adams & Co., 1824), 394–395.
    [4] John Newton and Richard Cecil, The Works of John Newton, vol. 5 (London: Hamilton, Adams & Co., 1824), 564.
    [5] John Newton and Richard Cecil, The Works of John Newton, vol. 5 (London: Hamilton, Adams & Co., 1824), 621.

    Mike Leake is husband to Nikki and father to Isaiah and Hannah. He is also the lead pastor at Calvary of Neosho, MO. Mike is the author of Torn to Heal and Jesus Is All You Need. His writing home is http://mikeleake.net and you can connect with him on Twitter @mikeleake. Mike has a new writing project at Proverbs4Today.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com.

    Mike Leake

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  • 7 Real-World Ways to Love Your Enemies

    7 Real-World Ways to Love Your Enemies

    May those that love us, love us, and for those that don’t love us, may God turn their hearts, and if he can’t turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles so we know them by their limping.

    I’m not sure if that’s exactly what Jesus had in mind when he talked about praying for our enemies and blessing those who persecute us. In Matthew 5:43-45, he said it this way: 

    “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” 

    Do we go the cynical way of praying for those who persecute us by turning to imprecatory prayers? Can we simply say that we “love our enemies,” “bless their hearts,” and then move on?

    Or is Jesus calling us to something different here? What are real-world ways that we can love our enemies?

    Here are seven ways we can love our enemies.

    1. Pray for Them

    This might not seem like a “real world” way to love your enemy, but this is the first step to truly loving those we might deem an enemy. Jesus explicitly tells us to pray for those who persecute us.

    When he says this, he doesn’t mean to pray for their destruction or find your favorite imprecatory prayer to recite. Instead, we see Jesus modeling this for us when he prays that God would forgive those who are crucifying Him.

    It’s hard to pray for someone and loathe them at the same time. It’s difficult to harbor ill feelings and wish ill will against someone as you are taking them before the throne room of God. Yes, they might have hurt you.

    Yes, we might be entirely the victim. And yes, praying for them might mean praying for their repentance, and it might mean praying for the exposure of their sin. But even in these, we are not praying vindictively, and we are praying that the Lord will bless them.

    2. Be Genuinely Respectful and Represent Them Accurately

    One of my favorite television shows is the classic The Dick Van Dyke Show. In one particular episode, both Rob (Dick Van Dyke) and Laura (Mary Tyler Moore) tell their friend about a fight they had last night.

    In each instance, the one telling the story is the hero, and the other is a scoundrel. It’s humorous because we know our own temptation to present our “enemy” in the worst light possible and to then present ourselves as charming and innocent as a dove.

    One way to truly love our opponents is to represent them accurately. It is the respectful thing to do. I think of this when engaging in online discussions.

    Am I representing them in a way in which they might be proud to own? If I tell others of their position, would they be willing to say, “Yes, that is exactly my position?” Am I finding the best arguments for their position or for their cause?

    We love our enemies by doing this — and it’s hard to do this. It’s much easier to make them monsters. Or maybe they truly are monstrous. In such cases, it can feel as if we’re defending evil by casting them in the best light possible.

    But in reality, we want to see the truth stand. Being people of truth by portraying our opponent in the best light possible may actually be the means God uses to expose the darker side of things (and this, too, would be for their greater good).

    3. Look for Common Ground

    If you’re into politics, think of your political “enemy” for a moment. Do they desire happiness? Do they want to see their family healthy, happy, and secure? Do they want to make friends, have good relationships, live in peace, and have hope for a brighter future?

    Probably. At the end of the day, your “enemy” on the other side has the same basic desires that you have. The difference is that you have opposing strategies for acquiring those. And sometimes you have even dissimilar definitions of those desires.

    This little exercise, though, shows that we often have much in common. One of the ways to love our enemy is to find common ground. That’s part of what you see in Matthew 5.

    God causes the rain and the sun to shine on both believers and unbelievers. There is common grace, and because of this, there is common ground. We can build from common ground.

    4. Keep from Bitterness

    I am a little hesitant to include this one because this statement is often used by abusers to DARVO their victims and community. DARVO is an abusive strategy to deny, attack, and reverse the victim and offender.

    This would look like someone sinning against another person, deeply wounding them, and then making the narrative about that person’s awful response (bitterness) towards the perpetrator.

    Telling people to stop being bitter has been an effective tactic that abusers use to move the conversation away from their sin.

    While this is true, Scripture is also true. Bitterness really does poison us. We really should sever the root of bitterness (Hebrews 12:14-15). One of the most damaging things about spiritual abuse is that truths are hijacked for sordid ends.

    Abusive people can use good tools to accomplish wrong ends. It’s true that we should try to keep our hearts from bitterness — and doing this is a way of practicing love towards our enemies.

    Bitterness is a way of cutting off hope from the one who has sinned against us. It’s giving up hope that the other person might change. It is forever confining them in the prison of their guilt.

    Yes, they need to repent. And yes, that repentance ought to happen before we start talking about reconciliation. But I should be aware of the danger of bitterness creeping into my own heart.

    5. Proclaim the Gospel to Them

    The best way to love someone is to share Christ with them. But doing this also impacts our own hearts towards our enemy.

    When we think of them through the grid of creation-fall-redemption-glory or God-man-Christ-response it changes the way we view them.

    We begin to see them as God sees them. This will absolutely wreck my own definitions of “enemy.”

    Oddly enough, there is a passive-aggressive way we could proclaim the gospel to someone. We could distance ourselves and take a cold posture. Kind of like saying, “Help them, Jesus, because I can’t stand them.”

    This is far from how the New Testament paints our task of being ministers of reconciliation. Our hearts should be broken, and we should long to see their redemption, pleading with them to grab hold of Christ.

    6. Listen to Their Story

    Another way to love our enemies is to simply listen to them. Take an interest in their life. Hear their story. Let them speak. Why are they passionate about the things they are passionate about? What unique brokenness do they have in their life?

    For one, this can help us gain a new perspective. But simply listening to someone else’s story can be incredibly diffusing. Doing this also will help me see them in a new light.

    And as I do this, I can better love and serve them because I will know their unique strengths and challenges. What if “be quick to listen and slow to speak” is not only counsel for our loved ones but also for our enemies?

    7. Highlight the Imago Dei

    Every person is created in the image of God. This means that there are things that we can encourage in the life of anyone — even our greatest enemies. What if we view others through the lens of hope instead of hatred?

    What if rather than making a list of all the things, which I disapprove about another person, I made a list of all the ways in which I can see the fingerprint of God on their life? What would happen if I was intentionally encouraging in those areas?

    Understanding that every person is made in the image of God helps me to see people as they actually are. Our battle is not against flesh and blood. My “enemy” probably isn’t actually my enemy.

    And even if they have made themselves my enemy, or they have made themselves the enemy of Christ, it is a store of a broken and marred image. God’s glory is being shattered in their life. When I think of it this way it changes the way I interact with them.

    Find where you see the image of God in their life and highlight it. 

    For further reading:

    ristian-life/what-does-it-mean-to-love-your-enemies.html”>What Does it Mean to ‘Love Your Enemies’?

    Why Are We Told to Love Our Enemies in the Bible?

    What Does it Mean to Pray for Your Enemies?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/PeopleImages

    Mike Leake is husband to Nikki and father to Isaiah and Hannah. He is also the lead pastor at Calvary of Neosho, MO. Mike is the author of Torn to Heal and Jesus Is All You Need. His writing home is http://mikeleake.net and you can connect with him on Twitter @mikeleake.
    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com.

    Mike Leake

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  • Is It True That Gentleness Gets Nothing Done?

    Is It True That Gentleness Gets Nothing Done?

    In the Greek version of the Old Testament, the LXX, the word prautes appears 12 times, and 11 times in the New Testament. Here is a sample of their uses.

    In the OT it’s often translated humble—as in Psalm 24:9, 33:3, 75:10, 146:6, and 149:4. In most of these instances it is used to indicate the one who will be “taught by the LORD,” is “lifted up by the LORD,” who will be “adorned with salvation” and “saved.” The word was also used to describe the meekness of Moses in Numbers 12:3, and in Psalm 36:11 it is the meek who will inherit the earth.

    Prautes is also used to translate a different Hebrew word that is often translated “the poor.” This is the case in Job 24:4, Isaiah 26:6, Zechariah 9:9, and Zephaniah 3:12. Just as with “the humble” we see that God is working to defend and rescue “the poor.” The word can also be used to translate another Hebrew word that refers to things like enduring hardship (Psalm 132:1), toil and trouble (Psalm 89:10). And once again the Lord is working for their rescue.

    In the New Testament, the word does not appear in the Gospels or Acts – though it does appear in root form in Matthew 5:5 to describe Jesus. The word is most frequently used by Paul, James, and Peter. 2 Corinthians 10:1 uses the meekness and gentleness (kindness) of Christ as an example for his own pattern. This is similar language to what Paul used in 1 Corinthians 4:21, when he contrasts gentleness with coming to them “with a rod.”

    In Galatians, Ephesians, and Colossians the word is used in lists – combined with things like humility – as virtues and graces. In Galatians it is a mark of being led by the Spirit and it is shown as an example of walking in step with the Spirit in Galatians 6:1. When we attempt to restore someone caught in sin, we are to do it “in a spirit of gentleness.” In 2 Timothy and in Titus, gentleness is to mark the Christian leader. When correcting opponents, it should be done with gentleness. And as we engage others we should avoid quarreling with them but should instead have “perfect courtesy” toward all people. This is similar to how Peter uses the word (1 Peter 3:16).

    James contrasts gentleness with “filthiness and rampant wickedness.” It is the mark of being one of wisdom. The one who is truly wise and who has received the “implanted word” will be marked by gentleness.

    The less common word, epieikes, is used in Paul’s pastoral letters, as well as in James and 1 Peter. It is used similarly to prautes but is more of an opposite of violence. It seems to be synonymous with being a good person. When someone considers someone to have the quality of epiekes, they would say that this is a pleasurable person to be around.

    In sum, the Scriptures show God as a kind and gentle leader. And God in Christ is exemplified by the gentleness with which he labored among others. Therefore, as followers of Jesus we are called to exhibit this character trait in our own lives. And it is to those who are gentle and meek who will inherit the earth—the gentle are the ones who receive God’s rescue.

    Click here to read more verses about gentleness.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Oleksandr Yakoniuk

    Mike Leake

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  • How Does the Bible Guide Us through Conflict Resolution?

    How Does the Bible Guide Us through Conflict Resolution?

    I must confess a bit of reticence here in answering this question. I say that because there are abusive structures and systems which use “biblical conflict resolution” to harm survivors. The principles outlined in Matthew 18 can be used to browbeat those who have been victimized and to force mock forgiveness upon those who are perpetually wounded.

    But God does tell us about conflict resolution. The place where biblical reconciliation always begins is in the gospel of Jesus Christ. We can only pursue true and lasting God-honoring reconciliation with one another if we have been first reconciled to God. All reconciliation must begin here.

    James 4:1-2 tells us where our battle with conflict resides. David Powlison explains well:

    “One of the joys of biblical ministry comes when you are able to turn on the lights in another person’s dark room … I have yet to meet a couple locked in hostility (and the accompanying fear, self-pity, hurt, self-righteousness) who really understood and reckoned with their motives. James 4:1-3 teaches that cravings underlie conflicts. Why do you fight? It’s not “because my wife/husband…” – it’s because of something about you. Couples who see what rules them – cravings for affection, attention, power, vindication, control, comfort, a hassle-free life – can repent and find God’s grace made real to them, and then learn how to make peace.”

    This helps us to first reckon with our own role in any conflict that we might have. Matthew 7:3-5 makes it clear that in any conflict we do well to suspect and inspect ourselves first.

    Disclaimer: When we are talking about run of the mill sin against one another or when the balance of power is pretty much equal, this is sound advice. It’s probably not a good question to ask, though, if you’ve been victimized. As an example, if someone has been sexually assaulted, it’s irresponsible and harmful to ask questions about personal responsibility.

    The same is true of places like Matthew 18. That is a tremendous verse for walking through interpersonal conflicts. It helps us to know how to pursue reconciliation if we’ve been the one offended. As a general rule, when we are the ones who have been sinned against, we should walk through these steps, seek and pray for the repentance of the offender, and respond accordingly.

    But it is inappropriate to use Matthew 18 as a cudgel against someone who is in an abusive relationship. Matthew 18 is not intended to outline the steps a wife should take if her husband is abusing her. We do not get to rebuke her for “not going to him first.”

    Yes, the Bible outlines how to resolve conflict. But we must consider the general principle that there is a conflict that we are supposed to never make peace with and that is the conflict with sin. Whenever we use biblical principles of conflict to harm those who are vulnerable, we are making peace with sin and placing ourselves at enmity with God. There is much the Bible says about conflict and we do well to consider the whole picture.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/phototechno

    Mike Leake

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