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Tag: Megan Moore

  • Are You Looking for Approval from People?

    Are You Looking for Approval from People?

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    The trap of seeking our self-worth in something, anything, outside of the Lord is one that we all fall into at one time or another. The lure of success and popularity is strong. The desire to be part of a group, to fit in, to be recognized as special sinks its claws into us at a young age and rarely lets go. As believers, we know that our value is in who God says we are – His children (Galatians 3:26, John 1:12) – but we may still get caught up in the cycle of looking for approval from others. When we find ourselves in this unhealthy and sinful pattern, we need to take steps to change our behavior. 

    We can be blind to our own faults, so we must test our thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:15) and behaviors to determine if we are focused on the approval of the Lord or the approval from others. Each of us must allow the Holy Spirit to guide us and correct us as needed (John 16:13). The way that you seek approval will look differently from how I seek approval, so we each have to be alert for individual indications that we are headed down this negative path. Keep an eye out for some of these “red flags” that may be signs that you are looking for approval from the wrong source: 

    When we repeatedly check for how many “likes” and comments our posts receive, we may be seeking approval from people. 

    When we sacrifice personal time to get a project done early just to please our supervisor, we may be seeking approval from people. 

    When we repeatedly look for reassurance from our friends and family that they think our choices are good ones, we may be seeking approval from people. 

    When we fish for compliments and are jealous when we hear others be complimented, we may be seeking approval from people. 

    When an acquaintance makes inappropriate jokes and we stay silent but feel ashamed, we may be seeking approval from people. 

    What Does the Bible Say?

    The Bible is clear that we are to seek our approval from God and not from people. Our Lord’s view of us is what matters, and He defines our worth. People are flawed and sinful and fickle. We will constantly be searching if we are looking for approval from man, but God, who does not change (Malachi 3:6, NIV), loves us fully. So much so that He sent His only Son to die for us. What other approval could we need?! Many Bible verses speak clearly on this topic, leaving no doubt that our worth is defined by our Heavenly Father, and seeking praise from people is not the path the Lord has for us. 

    “How can you believe, when you receive glory from one another and do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?” (John 5:44, NIV).

    “Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on Him God the Father has placed His seal of approval” (John 6:27, NIV). 

    “Peter and the other apostles replied: ‘We must obey God rather than human beings!’” (Acts 5:29, NIV).

    “Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain” (1 Corinthians 15:58, NIV).

    “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Colossians 3:17, NIV). 

    “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving” (Colossians 3:23-24, NIV).

    “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10, NIV). 

    “Serve wholeheartedly as if you were serving the Lord, not people” (Ephesians 6:7, NIV). 

    “On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts” (1 Thessalonians 2:4, NIV).

    “We were not looking for praise from people, not from you or anyone else, even though as apostles of Christ we could have asserted our authority” (1 Thessalonians 2:6, NIV).

    What to Do About It?

    Now that we have identified some of the ways that we might be seeking approval from others and we understand what the Bible clearly says about it, we can take steps to eliminate this behavior. There are three main things we can do to grow closer to the Lord as we work to please Him and not people:

    Recognize

    To make changes, we must recognize the situations where we need the most help. We may need to bring in an accountability partner, remove social media from our phones, or make sure we pray immediately after receiving feedback or a compliment to offer our praise to the Lord and ground ourselves in the truth of His Word. As we grow in recognition of the areas in which we struggle the most, we can also begin to take preventive steps before specific situations arise to decrease the likelihood of falling into the approval trap. 

    Repent

    After we recognize the areas where we are seeking approval from others, we need to repent. Begin by admitting it to the Lord, knowing that He offers forgiveness (1 John 1:9, NIV). Then ask Him for help to get out of the alluring trap of desiring praise from others. We know that the Lord is our help (Psalm 121:2, NIV) and will provide what we ask of Him (Matthew 7:7, NIV, John 14:13-14, NIV). While we may continue to be tempted to find our self-worth in what others say about us, we know that God always provides us a way to endure our temptations (1 Corinthians 10:13, NIV) so pray to Him and ask Him to provide a way out!

    Read

    Intentionally begin your day by reading the Bible. Starting the day off with the Lord puts us on the right track from the beginning. When we have connected with God before anyone else, we are prioritizing Him and His view of us. Keeping the Lord first in your life will help you to seek His approval only. Reading some of the verses listed here can be a great reminder. Writing and displaying these biblical affirmations and truths where you will regularly see them is an easy way to take in the Word. Perhaps you want to put Post-it notes on your bathroom mirror or a small chalkboard next to the coffee pot. However you approach it, read biblical reminders of what God thinks about you and feel His love in your life! His approval of you, which has already been given, is the only approval that matters!

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/fizkes

    Megan Moore is a military spouse and mom of 3 (through birth and adoption). A speech-language pathologist by training, she now spends her time moving around the country every couple of years. She is passionate about special needs, adoption, and ice cream.

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  • What the Book of Proverbs Has Taught Me About Friendship

    What the Book of Proverbs Has Taught Me About Friendship

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    The book of Proverbs is considered one of the wisdom books of the Bible. Full of many wise sayings that can be applied to various situations throughout life, the guidance of the Proverbs teaches us to seek wisdom. Wisdom is personified as a lady. The Lord gives wisdom (Proverbs 2:6, NIV), and He has woven it into the fabric of the universe. Wisdom is available to us, and we are commanded to seek her out. We find wisdom when we revere the One True God. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Proverbs 9:10, NIV), and the rewards of living a wise life are great. “For through wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life. If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you” (Proverbs 9:11-12, NIV). 

    Proverbs teaches us to seek God’s wisdom, be disciplined, be humble, love others, protect our hearts, work hard, and control our words. There are also numerous sayings about the value of friendship and how to be a good friend. By reading and applying these Proverbs, we can learn how to be a friend and how to choose friends. It is important to note the difference between those we are friendly with and our true friends. While everyone is our neighbor and we should show kindness and mercy to all, friendship is deeper. A friend is someone we trust and love on an intimate level. As we read the Proverbs to learn about what makes a good friend, we must also consider if we are acting out the advice. Am I a good friend? Am I kind? Loyal? Patient? Do I use my words for good? Am I easily angered? How can I use the wisdom found in Proverbs to be a better friend myself?

    Words Matter

    Many of the sayings in Proverbs, whether they are directly about friendship or not, emphasize how much words matter. We know that the way we speak represents who we really are. “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Luke 6:45, NIV). Therefore, the way our friends speak shows us what is happening in their hearts. 

    Words can be helpful. “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24, NIV). Words can be hurtful. “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much” (Proverbs 20:19, NIV). Knowing when to restrain from using words is important. “Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense, but the one who has understanding holds their tongue” (Proverbs 11:12, NIV).

    Encouragement Matters

    In seeking wisdom to guide words, a good friend offers encouragement in our challenging times, which lightens the burden and brings joy. Proverbs 27:9 (NIV) says, “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice” while Proverbs 12:25 (NIV) tells us that “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.”

    Listening Matters

    There are many Proverbs that guide us on how to use our words for good and not for harm, but listening is perhaps even more important to a friendship. Really hearing what friends are saying and trying to understand opens the door to true relationships and the opportunity for encouragement or guidance as needed. “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions” (Proverbs 18:2, NIV).

    Loyalty Matters

    We may only need a few true, deep friendships in our lives, but loyalty is highly important in those relationships. Backstabbing and unreliability have no place in a friendship. Knowing that you can count on someone to be there when you need them is a sign of a true friendship. In fact, that kind of relationship goes beyond friendship and looks more like family. “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity” (Proverbs 17:17, NIV). “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24, NIV). 

    Trustworthiness Matters

    We should be able to trust our friends with our thoughts and fears and stresses and dreams. When I share something from my heart with a friend, I know that she will hold it with tenderness and not tell others. I trust her to speak truth to me and tell me things that may even be hard to hear. Trust is the backbone of relationships. “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret” (Proverbs 11:13, NIV). 

    Patience Matters

    Relationships, even the closest of friends, can test our patience at times, but we need to surround ourselves with friends who do not lose their temper easily. Having patient friends not only makes for a more enjoyable experience with them, but it also protects us from joining in negative ways. An easily angered person can quickly pull us into their anger, whereas a patient person bears with us and encourages us to have more patience ourselves. “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared” (Proverbs 22:24-25, NIV).

    Kindness Matters

    Friends are people who can speak the truth while still being kind. What they say may hurt, but it is not mean. A true friend’s kindness and love will not let you continue on a path that is dangerous or sinful. They will be able to humbly listen when you speak truth to them as well. People who are quick to anger do not demonstrate the kindness needed for an honest friendship. “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses” (Proverbs 27:6, NIV). Kind friends look out for their friends and protect their relationships. “An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels” (Proverbs 18:1, NIV). 

    Generosity Matters

    We never want to take advantage of a friend or wear them down, but a generous friend is a good friend to have. Whether she is generous with her time or other resources, she will be refreshing to our souls and will reap a reward herself. “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed” (Proverbs 11:25. NIV).  

    Lifestyle Matters

    Our friends may not live exactly the same way that we do, but it is important that they are pursuing the path of God’s wisdom alongside us. The more we associate with wise, godly friends, the wiser and godlier we become. Good friends lift up one another in truth and love.  

    “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20, NIV). 

    Friendship Matters

    Ultimately, the Book of Proverbs has taught me that friendship matters to God. We were created to be in relationships with others, and He gives us friends as a blessing in our lives. There are several examples of friendship throughout the Bible- Jesus and His disciples, David and Jonathan, Job and his friends. Friendship is a gift from God and makes us better people. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17, NIV). May God bless your life with good friends, and may you be a good friend to those around you.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

    Megan Moore is a military spouse and mom of 3 (through birth and adoption). A speech-language pathologist by training, she now spends her time moving around the country every couple of years. She is passionate about special needs, adoption, and ice cream.

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  • Wives, Submit to Your Husbands

    Wives, Submit to Your Husbands

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    It’s a word that often makes us feel icky- submit. We’ve been led to believe submitting to our husbands makes us weaker or less valuable. The Merriam-Webster definition of submit is: “to yield oneself to the authority or will of another; surrender” or “to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another.” Christian submission has nothing to do with the weaker sex. It has nothing to do with traditional gender roles. It has nothing to do with complementarianism versus egalitarianism. We could have a lengthy conversation about those ideas, and I’m sure it would be a lively and passionate discussion. But this is about the written word of God telling wives to submit to their husbands. 

    It is important to note that the passage on submission begins with Ephesians 5:21, telling everyone to “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” It is not only wives who are to respect and listen to their husbands’ opinions and ideas, and thoughts, but all of us, as children of God, are to submit to each other as we recognize we are each made in God’s image.

    Cultural Expectations

    As with many parts of the Bible, it is important to know some of the cultural implications of the time. Most societies at the time Paul wrote that women should submit to their husbands did, indeed, expect wives to submit to their husband’s authority. While different areas defined what submission looked like differently, Paul suggests continuing the tradition of wives submitting. In a chapter full of advice on how to live a Godly life, Paul writes 

    “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-24, NIV).

    Merriam-Webster defines “submit” as “to yield oneself to the authority or will of another; to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another.” As wives, submitting to our husbands means showing respect for his authority as the leader of the family. It means listening to his opinions without criticism and allowing him to make choices with our full support. It does not mean that he is the only one who gets a say in decisions. Submission is more about respect, support, and encouragement than about being a doormat. As we submit to our husbands, we also must remember how important their role is. As head of the household, our husbands have an enormous responsibility, and they are being guided in how to treat us, as well. 

    Husbands

    After the guidance for wives to submit to their husbands, Paul goes on, with a longer message, to instruct husbands on how to treat their wives. He writes in Ephesians 5:25-33, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” More succinctly, Paul writes to the Colossians, 

    “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:19, NIV). 

    It is important to note that we, as wives are not the only ones called to action. We are not to let our husbands use verses about submission against us. Men are to love their wives. Submitting to your husband does not pave the path to abuse. Submission is a mutually beneficial relationship in which each person is called to treat the other in a loving and respectful way. 

    Christ-like Submission

    We are to be like Jesus, and Jesus submitted more than we will ever be expected to. Jesus submitted by sacrificing His residence in heaven and coming to earth to live as a limited human. He submitted to death on a cross because of His love for us. We can become more like Jesus when we submit to one another. We can also live a life of freedom when we submit. James 4:7 tells us, 

    “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Submitting to God not only enriches our lives with His blessings but also builds a discipline that can help us resist the devil in times of temptation. 

    It may not be our natural inclination to submit to others, but it is a skill that can be improved through prayer and practice. James 3:17 tells us that “the wisdom that comes from heaven is, first of all, pure; then peace-loving, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial, and sincere.” This wisdom, which is submissive, can be obtained only from God. How? “Ask, and it will be given to you” (Matthew 7:7, NIV). God wants to give us good things! When we ask Him, seek Him, and spend time with Him in prayer and in His word, we will be rewarded with wisdom from Him, and this wisdom will help us in our relationships. Having trouble wrapping your brain around what it really looks like to submit to your husband? Ask God to teach you! Not sure that you can step back and let your husband lead? Ask God to help you! Don’t respect your husband enough to submit to him? Ask God to change your attitude, your relationship, and your outlook! The Lord wants to help us. He wants us in marriages that are thriving and healthy, and happy. Tell God your fears and concerns about submission, and listen to where He leads you. If your husband is not a believer and is not leading the family in the way you think it should be led, continue to pray for him but also remember that you are accountable to the Lord for how you treat your husband. 1 Peter 3:1-2 says 

    “Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the Word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” 

    Our relationships grow stronger and more Godly when we submit to one another with mutual respect, and we may just win over souls for the Kingdom while we are at it. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/LaylaBird

    Megan Moore is a military spouse and mom of 3 (through birth and adoption). A speech-language pathologist by training, she now spends her time moving around the country every couple of years. She is passionate about special needs, adoption, and ice cream.

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  • Making Friends As An Adult

    Making Friends As An Adult

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    I have moved eight times as a military spouse in the last fifteen years. I have become skilled at being a Navy wife. I know how to purge, pack, and research new areas. I have all the school enrollment paperwork organized, can find a church home within the first month, and have ways to discover all the best restaurants. I have made friends in every single location, and I cry every time we have to move away. But, even with all of that, it is scary. It is stressful. Every time we move, I experience all the toddler tantrum feelings of “But I don’t want to!”

    I get it. Meeting people is intimidating. Plus, it’s hard. Our schedules are full, our walls are up, and we are all just so tired. Maybe you are new to an area or have lived there for years. Either way, if you are looking to make friends, I have learned a few things with all the opportunities I have had to make new friends. Take a deep breath. Some of this might make you cringe with nervousness and yell, “But I don’t want to!” I know; I’ve been there. But like we tell those toddlers throwing tantrums- sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do. Sometimes the best things in life are really hard. Sometimes, those hard things are completely worth it. 

    Go First 

    The absolute best thing I think you can do to make friends is to go first. People are lonely and want to connect, but most of us are too nervous to take the first step. It’s like there are rooms full of people who want to make friends, but everyone is too intimidated to make the first move, so we all remain in this loneliness. Be the one to put yourself out there and maybe look like a fool. Other people will be so, so thankful that you did. You will be so, so thankful that you did. Smile, introduce yourself, and start asking questions. We all love to talk about ourselves, and listening is the best way to get to know someone, so ask questions and be genuinely interested in the answers. I cannot tell you how many friends I have made by being willing to approach someone to say ‘hello.’ It is super hard, but also really quite easy.  

    I admit, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns, though. I have had my fair share of strikeouts. Some people don’t want to connect or clash with my personality. That can hurt or be embarrassing. That’s when we take a deep breath, remind ourselves we are children of the one true God, and accept that while we didn’t get a friend out of the interaction, we did get a story. In my experience, the interactions will be positive most of the time. 

    Unplug

    Take your air pods out of your ears and put away your phone. Stop scrolling social media when potential friends surround you. When we are open to connection, we are more likely to connect. A fantastic place to make friends is at your kids’ events. Other parents are also looking for friends, and if you are both in the same place, that means there is some shared interest or at least a shared schedule. Talk to other parents while you sit at practices. Host a cookout for the team. Don’t have kids involved in activities? No worries! I bet you have your own times when you could unplug and connect with others. Maybe chat with someone you always see at the gym instead of listening to music. Perhaps sit with a coworker for lunch rather than listen to a podcast. Look at the times you are closing yourself to others by focusing on technology and making adjustments. Others will likely follow your lead and put away their devices when they realize the human connection is available because that’s what we crave.

    Join Something

    Follow your interests! Search online for groups you might like. Many areas have groups for different stages of life, like motherhood or retired groups, or gatherings based on interests like running, geocaching, or knitting. You will likely find helpful groups for specific situations like grief or adoption support. While having a similar interest does not guarantee a friendship, it does offer a good starting place. Surrounding yourself with a large number of people, you are bound to find someone you connect with. Going into your first meeting with a new group will likely be intimidating, but jumping in is sometimes the only way to get involved. You can do hard things, friend! Remember, everyone has been new to the group at some point. And once you are settled in the group, be on the lookout for new people! Remember what it was like to show up that first time, Making people feel welcome is another great way to meet new friends. 

    Start Something 

    Can’t find a group that fits your needs? Start your own! Use word of mouth or social media to spread the message. When I was homeschooling my children, our town did not have a regular playdate for homeschoolers. There were plenty of field trips and the occasional park day, but I needed a regularly scheduled event to plan our schooling around. So, I talked to the staff at my church and posted on the local homeschool page that we would have a weekly playdate in the church’s children’s room. We brought out toys from the classrooms and let the kids play while the moms chatted. Almost every week, someone new came in slightly intimidated, and returned week after week. Some people even started going to church there! I made friends, my kids made friends, and other moms made friends, too. If you don’t have children or just sitting around talking doesn’t interest you, come up with your own ideas. Maybe you form a group that picks up trash at local parks or a book club or meets weekly at the pickleball courts. Whatever you are into, invite others along! 

    Serve

    Volunteering is a great way to connect with like-minded people. There are plenty of opportunities to volunteer at either church or in the community. When you regularly give back, not only will you be making a difference and feel good, but you will also have the chance to meet new people. Many volunteer opportunities involve lots of talking, so you can really get to know someone when you serve alongside them. You can hold babies in the nursery on Sunday mornings, sort clothes at donation centers, serve lunch at the local soup kitchen, play with animals at a shelter, or take a mission trip with your church. Think about how you would be interested in serving and find a way to get involved in that area. There is a good chance you will make friends who care about that thing, too!

    Photo Credit :©iStock/Getty Images Plus/SeventyFour 

    Megan Moore is a military spouse and mom of 3 (through birth and adoption). A speech-language pathologist by training, she now spends her time moving around the country every couple of years. She is passionate about special needs, adoption, and ice cream.

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  • Do I Really Have to Hate My Mother and Father to Love Jesus?

    Do I Really Have to Hate My Mother and Father to Love Jesus?

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    The Bible is full of history and wisdom needed to guide our lives. But some sections of the Bible are confusing and, if we don’t understand the context, concerning. Am I really supposed to hate my family? Taken at face value, Jesus plainly told us that we must hate not only our mothers and fathers but our entire family and ourselves. In Luke 14:26, He says, “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.” That seems awfully harsh and even makes me question Jesus. Why would the embodiment of Love itself tell us to hate so many people? Does He really mean it?

    We have to recognize that Jesus sometimes spoke in hyperbole, which exaggerated statements not meant to be taken literally. You and I speak in hyperbole often. My children, who refuse to wear coats, shout, “I’m freezing!” As dinnertime approaches, I say, “I’m starving!” When my husband comes home from a rough day at work, he says, “I had the worst day.” All of these are exaggerations that make the point we are seeking without being the absolute facts. 

    Jesus sometimes spoke in hyperbole in His parables. In Matthew 5:29-30, Jesus says, “If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” Shortly after, He commands us to, “Be perfect…as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). Later, He tells His followers, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God” (Matthew 19:24). Jesus offended many people when He “said to them, ‘Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you” (John 6:53). 

    All of these are examples of Jesus using hyperbole to make His point. While not to be taken literally, these statements are examples of the bigger picture, the truth that Jesus is always pointing us to–that He is better than anything we could ever imagine, and the sacrifices that we must make in this short life are nothing compared to the beauty of eternal life with Him. Jesus’ hyperbole reminds us that earning our salvation is impossible and that “it is by grace you have been saved, through faith…not by works” (Ephesians 2:8-9). 

    Love

    Knowing that Jesus used hyperbole, how can we know what He meant in Luke 14:26? The best way to interpret Scripture is with Scripture. We compare the information we have to the overall theme of the Bible. If something goes against the Bible, it is not true. When we look at one verse, we do not have the full picture. Yes, Luke 14:26 tells us to hate our mother and father, but while considering the use of hyperbole, we must compare that to the numerous verses that tell us to love others:

    “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12

    “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.” (1 John 4:20)

    “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39)

    “Each of you must respect your mother and father…” (Leviticus 19:3)

    “Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.” (Proverbs 23:22) 

    “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” (Colossians 3:20)

    “But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this pleasing to God.” (1 Timothy 5:4)

    “Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.” (Exodus 21:17) 

    Considering all of these verses, and many more throughout the Bible, that speak of loving others and ourselves, it is clear that God prioritizes love and wants us to respect our parents. (Of course, this does not mean subjecting yourself to abuse. If you have a difficult or dangerous relationship with a family member, you can love them from afar through prayer to keep yourself safe.) So why did Jesus tell us to hate?

    What Does It Mean?

    When Jesus tells us to hate our mother and father, He is using hyperbole to speak to a bigger point. One of the Ten Commandments is “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). When God says, “No,” He means it. Not even our mother or father shall be a god before Him. We should not treat ourselves as a god before Him. Jesus does not want us to hate our family; He clearly wants us to care for them. But He absolutely does not want us to worship anyone over Him. 

    The Bible speaks of physical idols that people created, but an idol can be anything that we worship or esteem above God. When we admire something more than God, then we have created an idol. In respecting and loving others, we must ensure they do not come before God. If what my mom thinks of me is more important than what God thinks of me, then I have made my mom an idol. If spending time with my dad is my priority over spending time with the Lord, then I have made my dad an idol. 

    When Jesus was asked to name the greatest commandment, He replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37). When He said to hate our mother and father, He meant in comparison to our love for him. No one, not our selfish desires or even our parents, should get in the way of our love for the Lord. To be His disciples, we must be willing to have boundaries with others and always put the Lord first. 

    How can we care for our families and still put the Lord first? In all your love and serving or “whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord” (Colossians 3:23). When you seek the Lord first, the Holy Spirit works to help you “flee from idolatry” (1 Corinthians 10:14). It may seem impossible, “but not with God; all things are possible with God” (Mark 10:27). Continue to honor your parents, care for your family, be kind to your siblings, and love yourself. But do not let anyone come before the Lord your God.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Aaron Amat

    Megan Moore is a military spouse and mom of 3 (through birth and adoption). A speech-language pathologist by training, she now spends her time moving around the country every couple of years. She is passionate about special needs, adoption, and ice cream.

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  • 7 Inexpensive Ways to Encourage Your Friend

    7 Inexpensive Ways to Encourage Your Friend

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    We all experience seasons of feeling discouraged. We go through difficult situations, or something unexpected happens. We know that hard times are just part of life, and we know that Jesus is victorious in the end (John 16:33), but sometimes, we still feel stuck in the here and now. When we have a friend who is in need of encouragement, we are called to support that friend in a godly way. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to “encourage one another and build each other up,” and Hebrews 3:13 says, “encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘today.’” We aren’t to let people take advantage of us—Jesus modeled good boundaries—but when a friend needs some healthy encouragement, we can be the ones to offer it. 

    Don’t let the fear of saying the wrong thing keep you from reaching out. Friends need to know that you care and that you are available. The willingness to be involved while a friend is going through a difficult season is what counts. You don’t have to get it all right or know what to do, but you do have to try. Avoidance for fear of doing the wrong thing unnecessarily destroys relationships. Be willing to be the one to go first, admit that you don’t know what is best to do, and keep showing love. Pay attention to what your friend says, needs, and responds well to. When you reach out in love, you truly can’t do it wrong. “Love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). 

    Here are some inexpensive or free ways to encourage a friend: 

    1. Cards or Letters

    In a world of technology, we have begun to forget the power of the handwritten card. The joy and encouragement you can so easily bring to someone by sending them a piece of handwritten mail is a hundredfold the effort it takes to complete the task. When an encouraging note from a friend is mixed in with the bills and junk mail, the impact is felt in the soul. “Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body” (Proverbs 16:24, NLT).

    2. Texts

    In addition to handwritten notes, a quick text to let a friend know you are thinking of her is always welcome. You do not have to solve all of her problems or be able to fix her pain. You just have to be a friend, and “a friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17). A text as simple as “Thinking about you and praying for you today” or “Hope today is a good one!” can put a smile on her face. If you have a funny story to share or an encouraging Bible verse, text your friends, and it will let them know they are loved. 

    3. Talk and Walk

    It has been proven that exercise impacts mood. Our bodies and our minds benefit from exercise and fresh air. If possible, take a walk outside. If outside isn’t an option, find an indoor place. You could try a gym or even an indoor mall. If walking doesn’t work, you can find a low-impact exercise inside the house– yoga or simple arm movements. Get creative. Most of us can find some way to move our bodies. When we exercise, we are not only caring for our physical component but our emotional one as well. Our moods improve, and we can often think through things with a new perspective. If you have a friend who needs a little pick-me-up, offer to talk a walk with her and see the benefits pour in. You don’t even have to discuss the issue at hand for a nice, long walk to help her with that issue. Just being with a friend can be an encouragement in itself. Not every meeting has to be a problem-solving one. A lovely conversation about anything can relieve stress about something else. “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up” (Proverbs 12:25). 

    4. Homemade Gift

    If you are crafty, a homemade gift can be a beautiful way to encourage a friend. Taking the time to create something from your own heart and talent shows how deeply you care about a person. Perhaps you paint or draw or write poetry. Maybe you make your own jewelry or cross stitch or create handmade cards. Whatever your talent, friends will feel loved and cared for when you make something for them.  

    I, for one, do not possess many creative talents. But I have a deep passion for feeding people. When a friend is grieving, discouraged, confused, or just going through a difficult time, you can rest assured that I will bring a meal. It may not be fancy, but it will be intentional. There is a good chance that I doubled the meal I was making for my own family, and it is a guarantee that I thought of you and prayed for you as I cooked. When my family adopted our son with special needs, we were blessed for weeks by friends’ bringing us dinner. It was a very difficult time of transition, but I felt so loved by all of the people who fed us. My older kids and I still say, “Life is good when people bring you meals.” Bonus points when dessert is included!

    5. Ask 

    Sometimes we don’t know what to do to lift up a friend. You are allowed to ask when you don’t know. Just remember that asking “how can I help?” is often overwhelming to someone going through a hard time. She is trying to process so much that she can’t even think about giving you guidance on how to help. A better option is to tell her what you are going to do and then give her choices: 

    “I am going to bring you dinner. Would you like it on Tuesday or Friday?” 

    “I will take the dog for a walk tomorrow. Is morning or afternoon better?”

    “I’m heading to the grocery store. You can text me a list, or I can pick up a few things for dinner.” 

    “Would it be more helpful if I took your kids to the park for the afternoon or washed your laundry?”

    6. Speak Encouraging Words/Praise

    The Bible is full of verses to encourage us, and we can use Scripture to encourage others. We can speak these words to our friends when they are in need of encouragement during challenging times. We should also speak God’s Word to ourselves to remind our souls of God’s great love and eternal presence. Here are some of my favorite encouraging verses: 

    “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

    “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

    “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

    “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.” Psalm 34:4-7

    “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

    7. Prayer

    May we never forget that in every situation, we have direct access to the Creator of the universe, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Savior of the world. Prayer is effective. Prayer changes hearts and minds and situations. Whatever you do to directly encourage your friend, do all of it with a prayerful heart, and watch God work. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/DMEPhotography

    Megan Moore is a military spouse and mom of 3 (through birth and adoption). A speech-language pathologist by training, she now spends her time moving around the country every couple of years. She is passionate about special needs, adoption, and ice cream.

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  • Sitting Together in Hard Times

    Sitting Together in Hard Times

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    We will all experience challenging times in life. Jesus Himself told us that “in this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33). We have all likely known someone helpful and comforting to have around when we go through those challenging times, and we have all likely known someone who makes the situation harder, despite their intentions. Praying is always good. Bringing a meal or helping with schedules are great tangible ways to care for others. But what about just sitting with someone in their time of need? How can we ensure that we are the type of person who helps others? Who doesn’t make things more difficult? Who provides true comfort and empathy rather than empty words? The way that we are to treat each other during hard times can be summed up in one Bible verse: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15).

    A Time for Everything

    Often, we want to just make things better, easier, and more understandable. We try to heal wounds that are too fresh to be healed and give explanations to events that may never be understood this side of heaven. We want to avoid the uncomfortable pain and lack of explanation. Platitudes such as “Everything happens for a reason” invoke eye-rolls because they gloss over the pain of being human. It is ok to hurt, to mourn, and to grieve. It’s ok to just say to someone, “I’m sorry you are experiencing this,” or “This is just so terrible.” Ecclesiastes 3 tells us that “there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: …a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,…a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,…a time to be silent and a time to speak….” Like Romans 12:15 says, when a friend is mourning, it is time for us to mourn with them.

    Job’s Friends

    The book of Job is often the first place we look when we want to discuss suffering. Job’s friends started on the right track to help him in his pain. “When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.  When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads.  Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him because they saw how great his suffering was” Job 2:11-13). What a beautiful friendship! They showed up and mourned together. They were hurt for their friend, and they loved him simply by being by his side. 

    But then they started talking. They gave lengthy speeches telling Job that he must have done something wrong, attempting to explain God’s actions. This provided no comfort at all to Job. In fact, it upset him even more. In Job 16:2-5, Job responds to his friends, “I have heard many things like these; you are miserable comforters, all of you! Will your long-winded speeches never end? What ails you that you keep on arguing? I also could speak like you, if you were in my place; I could make fine speeches against you and shake my head at you. But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief.” 

    Not only did their words cause more hurt to Job, but in trying to provide answers on behalf of God, they were just wrong. As the Lord said, in Job 42:7 “to Eliphaz the Temanite, ‘I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about Me, as my servant Job has.” We do not know the inner workings of the spiritual realm. We do not know why terrible things happen other than that we live in a fallen world. We don’t have to know it all because God does! “Of the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable His judgments, and His paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been His counselor?” (Romans 11:33-34). We should not offer words of explanation on God’s behalf because we are not capable of such knowledge. “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity” (Proverbs 21:23). 

    What to Do 

    When we do not know what to say to our friends or what to pray about their situation, we take comfort in the knowledge that these circumstances are not a surprise to God and not beyond His almighty power. Romans 8:26 guides us in how to pray, telling us that “the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” Sitting quietly with someone provides more comfort than empty words. The power of silence and stillness are sprinkled throughout Scripture. “The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still” (Exodus 14:14). “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). “The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues” (Proverbs 17:27-28). The Lord appeared to Elijah in a gentle whisper (1 Kings 19:11-13).

    While we do not need to fill the space with lengthy speeches or attempted explanations, or empty platitudes, we can rest in the truth that we are equipped to provide comfort. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-6). 

    The Good Samaritan 

    In Luke 10:25-37, we read the story of the good Samaritan. Jesus tells a story of a man walking along the road when he was robbed, beaten, and left for dead. A couple of people see him on the side of the road and just keep going about their business. Then a man from Samaria takes pity on him. “He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him” (v. 34).

    This dramatic example of caring for someone supports what John writes in 1 John 3:18: “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech, but in action and in truth.” When the time comes for us to love others through their challenging times, may we be people who “carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). May we be people who love with fewer words and more actions. 

    Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Remi Walle

    Megan Moore is a military spouse and mom of 3 (through birth and adoption). A speech-language pathologist by training, she now spends her time moving around the country every couple of years. She is passionate about special needs, adoption, and ice cream.

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