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Tag: Luisa Collopy

  • What Happened to Our Families?

    What Happened to Our Families?

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    A mother blurted out this question: “How much do you think should I get paid as a caregiver for my son?” Confused, the person she was talking to asked for clarification, and this was her response: “Well, my adult son still lives with me and does not really have a good paycheck. I am saddled with bills and need more money to help pay for them.” 

    Psalm 127:3 says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.” Two words stand out to describe the value of children: heritage and reward. First, the word heritage denotes an inheritance or a portion of value. Second, the word reward means something given in recognition of a service or an achievement. And the giver of this heritage and reward, our children, is the Lord—a blessing indeed!

    The Israelites experienced a baby boom—God’s inheritance and reward to His people—so much that they became a threat to the Egyptians. And no matter how badly the Egyptians treated the Israelites, God divinely increased them. And to put a stop to this population explosion and bring their numbers down, Pharaoh ordered the Hebrew midwives, Shiphrah and Puah, to kill any male child born by throwing them into the Nile. But the midwives disobeyed Pharaoh for they were God-fearing women—and God dealt well with them by rewarding them with their own families. “And the people multiplied and grew very strong” (Read Exodus 1). By the time they left Egypt for the great exodus, there were “six hundred thousand men on foot, besides women and children” (12:37). 

    The Blessing of a Family

    Deuteronomy 28 opens with the blessings that the Lord provides. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that the verses included the gift of children to the Israelites. Moses said, “And if you faithfully obey the voice of the LORD your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth…Blessed shall be the fruit of your womb…And the LORD shall make you abound in prosperity, in the fruit of your womb…” (vv.1, 4a, 11ab). 

    Going back to the very beginning, the creation, God gave the first multiplication assignment to Adam and Eve. He said, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it…” (Genesis 1:28). We read it next after God destroyed the Earth, when He commanded Noah and his sons to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth” (Genesis 9:1). To Abraham, God promised, “You shall be the father of a multitude of nations…I will make you exceedingly fruitful…” (Genesis 17:4,6). 

    Perhaps one of the most prolific fathers was Jacob, Abraham’s grandson, with his 12 sons—shepherds by profession. Out of Jacob came the 12 tribes, God’s chosen people, the fulfilment of God’s promise to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. They tasted and saw God’s goodness as He led them to the promised land, Canaan, the land flowing with milk and honey and fruits—grapes, pomegranates, and figs. 

    Fashioned after His image, God’s people became producers of humankind—the blessing! 

    Family Is the Most Important Community

    In biblical times—and way beyond those times—it was customary to keep living with your family as a community. It made sense when Moses was teaching the Israelites how to love God with all of their heart, soul, and might, and how important it was for the parents to teach this to their children. He said, “[You] shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise” (Deuteronomy 6:7). They were together 24/7.

    As children turned to adults, they owned their own habitations but lived in very close proximity. They had fellowship and shared meals. This was proven by Esau asking his brother Jacob to serve him his red lentil stew (Genesis 25:30). And when Isaac was weak and dying, Isaac requested his son Esau to prepare the delicious food that he loved—and Esau didn’t hesitate to go out to the field and hunt game to prepare it (Genesis 27:3-4). 

    When three of his oldest brothers followed Saul to fight the Philistines, David was ordered by his father Jesse to run an important errand for him. “Take to your brothers an ephah of this parched grain, and these ten loaves, and carry them quickly to the camp for your brothers” (1 Samuel 17:17).

    It wasn’t hard for the fathers to turn over the reins to their sons. They didn’t have to force them to learn their trades. It was expected that they would take over and handle the business and family affairs. They grew up in it, with hands-on experience. Brothers Simon and Andrew and brothers James and John were all fishermen like their fathers until Jesus called them (Matthew 4:18-22). 

    Siblings Lazarus, Martha, and Mary got along well, sharing not just the same home but close friendships with Jesus and His followers, often extending hospitality to them (Luke 10:38-42).

    Where Are We as a Family Today?

    Obviously, there is value to a child, or the mother would not have asked how much money she could get for continuing to care for her adult son. However, her words revealed much about her worldly thoughts and feelings: she didn’t see a way out of her parenting responsibility, and it was causing her financial hardship.

    We like to blame the economy, inflation—the list goes on—that the seemingly best-laid plan is to have maybe just one or two children, or none, because of the nightmare of rising costs. Most parents want to plan the length of their stay in the workplace, build that nest egg for retirement, and relax. Modern values have pulled us into thinking that children are more of an inconvenience, especially when they reach 18 and still don’t make plans to move out and venture on their own. This delicate situation of wanting to stay longer at home can be easily solved by finding jobs and paying rent, being more like a roommate rather than family—or the ultimatum of kicking them out.  They can’t seem to wait for the day to come when they will be empty nesters, that it’s best to put a deadline on how long their children should live at home.

    How did we end up with this bizarre mindset that we see children more as liabilities—the money drainers—instead of assets—the gift from the Lord, our inheritance and reward? We see how most of them are unprepared to face the challenges of the world, uncertain of what they want to do with their lives, and still stuck in their self-discovery phase. No wonder they can’t and don’t want to leave the security of their rooms! We, parents, should admit that we just don’t want to deal with handling their needs at a certain point as they mean the interruption of our own. And we wonder why we have so many prodigal and failing adult children!

    Are we ever going to be ready to embrace how incredible our children can be and how they are God’s heritage and reward to us? The more we admit what a blessing they are to us, the more they will become one. And the more we diligently teach them about God’s Word, the wiser they will become. Then we can be certain that they are able to continue the cycle of blessing, producing generations of children who are obedient to God’s commandments, prosperous, and living a fulfilled life.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/aldomurillo

    Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!

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  • Don’t Add to the Noise

    Don’t Add to the Noise

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    Jackie just gave birth to her son, and she didn’t feel too good about herself. All she wanted to do was stay in bed. She didn’t even want to care for her newborn baby. She was going through postpartum depression, or “baby blues,” a common medical condition associated with pregnancy.

    For three months, Jackie felt sad and lonely. She often cried and talked about her doubts about caring for her new baby. Her husband and in-laws quietly listened to her, allowing her to cry and unburden herself, while they cared for her and her baby. Although still feeling the baby blues, Jackie finally talked herself into going back to her church. Sensing her inner struggle, the women at the church decided to quietly sit with her and hold her hand. No one added to the noise in her head with their words of comfort and wisdom!

    However, Sin Can Be on Our Lips, Even When We Try to Help

    The story of Job is a perfect example of someone “hard pressed on every side” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9) When God allowed Satan to test Job’s godly character, Satan’s first attack was to kill all his children and take away his property (Job 1:1-19). Despite the loss, especially the death of all his children, Job acknowledged God’s authority over his life. He “tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong” (1:20-22). 

    But Satan wanted more, so God permitted him to test Job again, with the condition to spare his life. This time, Satan struck him with “loathsome sores from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head” (Job 2:7). Again, Job never complained to God about his condition, even after his wife prodded him with these words: “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die” (v.9).

    We have many choice words to say in our desperate moments. Claiming our intimacy with God, we spill our guts, including our frustration and anger in our situation, bringing all to God in prayer. But we tremble in our doubts, not sure if God really cares for us or sees and hears us to take us out of our pits. 

    In Job 3, we see Job speaking to God about his troubles and why it would have been better for him to have died at birth: “I am not at ease, nor am I quiet; I have no rest, but trouble comes” (v.26). In his struggling with God, he started to lose hope. “Therefore I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul” (7:11). 

    We also have many choice words to say to others’ desperate moments. Just like Job’s wife, we want the sufferer to admit to some hidden offense or wrongdoing. In chapter 8, Bildad, one of Job’s friends, decided to give him some conscience-pricking words to jog his memory of any possible hidden offense to God: “Can papyrus grow where there is no marsh? Can reeds flourish where there is no water? While yet in flower and not cut down, they wither before any other plant. Such are the paths of all who forget God; the hope of the godless shall perish” (8:11-13). In short, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.” Surely, something wrong was done; hence, the suffering.

    Or we spout holiness with assurances of God’s promises, spoken when the sufferer is currently walking in “the valley of the shadow of death” and grappling with God’s goodness in the situation (Psalm 23). There is sometimes no listening power for the sufferer.

    Don’t Add to the Noise of the Suffering

    Jackie may have had choice words in her desperate moments, but the people who surrounded her didn’t add to the noise in her head. In the beginning, Job’s three friends did the same. “Now when Job’s three friends heard of all the evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place… They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him. And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great” (vv.11-13).

    First, how many of us will be around for someone? We often make assurances that we will stand alongside our friends in times of need. But how many times do we really make good on our commitment? Job’s friends made an appointment to be there for him. 

    Second, are we sensitive enough to see the situation and wise enough to change our plan of action? We like to attack a problem, so we arm ourselves with our go-to verses and prayers. But Job’s friends recognized his condition from afar, so much so that it made them grieve. They decided to mourn for him.

    Third, are we willing to be still and offer quiet comfort and sympathy? Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know I am God.” Can we be still and let our suffering friend know that we are walking alongside him or her without even opening our mouths? Perhaps in the silence, we can focus on lifting our friend up in prayer. 

    Years after Jackie’s postpartum depression, a friend called her. The woman was a young mother of three. Her husband left her. Jackie talked to her husband and asked if they could stay with her friend. For seven days, they lived with Jackie’s friend and children. Jackie allowed her friend to grieve and talk while she was the quiet, listening presence. No sound came out of Jackie’s mouth. Jackie’s friend healed from her loss and grief and cannot thank her enough for what she did. 

    Don’t Add Noise to Your Own Suffering

    Job’s friends eventually turned oout to be miserable comforters to him, accusing him of wickedness and unrighteousness for his suffering. They were unable to restrain themselves from speaking. And Job did the same, questioning God for an answer to his suffering. 

    When God answered Job, he had to promise silence. “I have spoken once, and I will not answer; twice, but I will proceed no further” (Job 40:5). Job repented for his actions and acknowledged God’s majesty, and said, “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted… I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you” (42:2,5). 

    The Apostle Paul said, “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:7-9). 

    And just like Job, we will go through many forms of suffering. We will get hit. We will get knocked down. But we can get up! As believers in Christ, we too have the power of the Holy Spirit living in us. He will give us the strength to overcome difficulties so that we are not overwhelmed and destroyed or feel desperate and alone. 

    God’s answer will come, but only when we learn to turn off the noise and keep ourselves from creating more noise so we can refocus our attention on God, remembering that Jesus is our certainty. Proverbs 17:27 says, “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.”

    Now, be still and remain quiet in your suffering, and know God is at work! Then, see God’s hand of delivery and restoration. Just like He did for Job, it will be more than you can imagine!

    Photo Credit: ©Bogomil Mihaylov/Unsplash

    Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!

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  • How True Repentance Brings Sweet Reunions

    How True Repentance Brings Sweet Reunions

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    It seems like a whirlwind romance! He picked her up at the airport and took her to his home as a first-time guest. They stayed up all night, catching up on life and sharing memories. They talked about what was to come, grand plans for the future.

    Sounds like a movie or a novel’s plot, right? But this story is about a brother and a sister who live in different states and have grown far apart over the years. With their late dad’s voice running constantly through their minds, saying, “Make sure that you pursue a relationship with your siblings!” they decided to make good on their promise to do so. 

    Cruising for Bruising and Brokenness

    “Bruised” and “broken”—these two words are often associated with trauma or injury, normally when someone sustains a fall or has an accident. Bruising happens when you damage your small blood vessels, with the color changing from dark to light as it starts fading or healing. A broken bone’s telltale signs can include bruising, often marked with pain. It’s intense at times and can include possible deformity or limited range of motion.

    We often describe relationships as bruised or broken—or both. Someone experiences trauma, also known as relational abuse. Mistreatment—either physical, emotional, or mental—begins to cause adverse responses such as anxiety, feelings of shame, and guilt. As the abuser or victim (or both) downplays the circumstance, sweeping it under the rug, the bruising and brokenness intensify over time. It is sometimes difficult to fully recover from this type of injury, but not impossible.

    A Parable of Brokenness

    In the Gospel of Luke, we have the Parable of the Prodigal Son: “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living” (15:11-13).

    How often do you hear of a son or a daughter asking for his inheritance before the parent is ready to give it to him or her? And how often do you hear a parent granting his or her child’s request without so much as saying, “I am not even dead yet and you are already collecting! What if I don’t want to give you anything?”

    But the father in Jesus’ parable did exactly the unexpected. He divided his property between his two children and gave his younger son his share. He didn’t question his son’s motivation or have any wise words such as, “Don’t squander what I worked hard for!” He didn’t even advise, “I hope you use your inheritance as an investment for a healthy financial future.” 

    The son packed up and left, enjoying the wealth he could personally control. However, he destroyed himself, living the high life.

    How much bruising and brokenness happened in this family? First, we have the father. He had to deal with the younger son’s request of giving his inheritance earlier than necessary. It must have broken his heart for his younger son’s choice to live a life without accountability! As for the younger son? He got his free pass! He couldn’t care less about hurting anyone’s feelings. He left to pursue his own path, leaving his family with a broken heart!

    “Choices Have Consequences”

    “And when [the younger son] had spent everything, a famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his field to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything” (Luke 15:14-16).

    We have heard the saying, “Choices have consequences.” Here we are in the story of when the younger son already lost all his inheritance from his irresponsible lifestyle. And his life took an even harder turn with a famine. He knew he had fallen into a deep pit when the pigs on his job site were fed better than him. His undignified life and miserable state were sure signs of his brokenness.

    But let’s go back to the opening story of the brother and sister. We can surmise that their choice not to pursue a relationship for many years was an easy one for them. After all, they live in different states. “Out of sight, out of mind!” as the saying goes. When the sister would visit their father, it was about a father-daughter moment, not a family gathering. The lackadaisical attitude on the brother’s part was perceived to be him not wanting a relationship with her. And since there was no real communication between them, there was no bond established. This might sound like a relational blunder that could be shrugged off… but what if the sister didn’t know Christ and the brother did? This creates new stakes in the importance of maintaining healthy relationships.

    We are often participants—consciously or not—in bruising and breaking events, either excusing ourselves from responsibility for our shortcomings that impact others or allowing others to inflict their questionable and problematic behaviors on us. So how do we recover from trauma and move on?

    A Sweet Reunion

    “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.” And he arose and came to his father” (Luke 15:17-19).

    A wake-up call! Admitting to himself that he, the younger son, was not in good shape, his decision to go back to his father’s house and to ask for his father’s forgiveness were his first steps to recovery from his self-inflicted trauma. In his honest and humble reflection, he didn’t feel worthy to be his father’s son, a man who should enjoy the riches his father still owns. He was willing to be treated as a servant. He knew he was at the bottom of the totem pole.

    “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him… The father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate” (Luke 15:20, 22-23).

    Yes, reunions should be times of celebration! The pettiness and foolishness of the past should be set aside. But, just like the younger son’s heartfelt realization, we should see ourselves for who we truly are, especially in the sight of God. We should not discount the fact that forgiveness is important, asking for it to right the wrongs inflicted on others and granting it to ourselves so we can heal from our own bruises and brokenness. 

    The brother and sister celebrated their restored relationship, just like the father and his son in the parable. The sister said, “Amidst the chaos, I am thankful for your prayer and for welcoming me into your home.” The brother said, “I am thankful to the Lord that I was able to pray and lead you to Christ! That is the best gift we share today—our faith in Jesus!”

    As the psalmist said, “[God] heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (147:3). Let’s not walk around in pain, limping from our brokenness. It’s good to be reunited with loved ones—and with our Creator!

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes

    Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!

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  • Mean Girls Have Been Around for a Long Time

    Mean Girls Have Been Around for a Long Time

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    I saw the trailer for Mean Girls being promoted. Twenty years after its original release, it is now a musical adaptation promising to be a production extravaganza with easy-to-remember tunes and spectacular choreography. It got me thinking that we do have a fascination with mean girls, the popular bullies who make life miserable for others.

    People have contradicting feelings toward mean girls. Just think of the Mean Girls movie set on a campus. The stereotypical mean girls are the cheerleaders, walking around in their cute uniforms. They are the high school’s team spirit generators. Many admire them, but many hate them too. They are admired because they usually are good-looking. They have the power to get what they want and even influence some administrators. But they also make life difficult for the underdogs.  

    In a 2018 article she wrote in Psychology Today, Katie Hurley said, “The ‘mean girl’ narrative is so ingrained in our culture that many consider it a ‘rite of passage’ of sorts when it comes to surviving girlhood.” That means one must grin and bear the existence of and maltreatment by these power-tripping girls and pray they get out alive! And if you suffer from poor mental health from constant bullying, well, you can seek treatment to “get over it.”

    Kirsten was the guest speaker at a women’s event. She admitted to exhibiting mean girl behavior in the past. She said, “I created pain in others!” This aggression resulted from losing her mom when she was only 12. Unable to properly process her grief from her loss, and without a mother to guide her to womanhood, she started watching how other young girls and women behaved. Her young mind was impressed by the beautiful, popular, mean girls at school. They got the best of everything and everyone. She decided that becoming one of them was her key to happiness. No one needed to know that she was in pain. She would cause the pain!

    “There’s a complex web of insecurity, anxiety, and conditioned attitudes that underlies the mean girl stereotype,” a Newport Academy article said. This means the power-tripping mean girl is basically like any other teenager—an immature individual going through self-esteem issues. There’s a lot of growing up and navigation happening within this person’s body, physically, emotionally, mentally, and socially. And left to her own whims and fantasies, she can choose to be part of the “queen bee” group and make life a living nightmare for someone else to mask her own difficulties. 

    The Mean Girls of the Bible

    As Solomon says, “There is nothing new under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 1:9). Mean girls have been in existence for thousands of years. Some of them have grown into women, yet never learned to shed their ugly behavior to do the right thing. Let’s look at some of them.

    “Ahab the son of Omri reigned over Israel in Samaria twenty-two years. And Ahab the son of Omri did evil in the sight of the Lord, more than all who were before him. And as if it had been a light thing for him to walk in the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, he took for his wife Jezebel the daughter of Ethbaal king of the Sidonians, and went and served Baal and worshiped him. He erected an altar for Baal in the house of Baal, which he built in Samaria. And Ahab made an Asherah. Ahab did more to provoke the Lord, the God of Israel, to anger than all the kings of Israel before him” (1 Kings 16:29-33). 

    Here’s Ahab, who was influenced by his wife, Jezebel, to turn away from the One True God of Israel to become an idolater. Knowing how much God hated graven images and their worship, Ahab provoked his own King.

    Enter Elijah, God’s prophet, who came to Ahab to let him know that God spoke of a drought. During the dry years and while Elijah was away, Jezebel had killed most of God’s prophets except for the 100 hidden away by Obadiah (a man who feared the Lord and oversaw Ahab’s household) in caves.

    In the third year of the drought, there was an “accidental” meeting between Obadiah and Elijah. Elijah, again, was bringing the Word of God to Ahab. This was the message: “You have abandoned the commandments of the Lord and followed the Baals. Now therefore send and gather all Israel to me at Mount Carmel, and the 450 prophets of Baal and the 400 prophets of Asherah, who eat at Jezebel’s table” (1 Kings 18:18-19). 

    God made it known who He was and that Elijah was His mouthpiece through a miraculous battle. And all the prophets of Baal were slaughtered by Elijah:

    “Ahab told Jezebel all that Elijah had done, and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, ‘So may the gods do to me and more also, if I do not make your life as the life of one of them by this time tomorrow.’ Then [Elijah] was afraid, and he arose and ran for his life…” (1 Kings 19:1-3). 

    Perhaps cowering in fear of Jezebel’s wrath, Ahab decided that it was best to break the bad news of the slaying of Baal’s prophets to his mean-spirited wife to stir up her anger. Then, there’s Elijah who allowed a bully’s message to extinguish the fire of God’s victory. He succumbed to becoming a mean girl’s emotional and mental hostage.

    Then there’s Herodias and her daughter’s story. They used their influence to send someone to die.

    “For Herod had seized John and bound him and put him in prison for the sake of Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife, because John had been saying to him, ‘It is not lawful for you to have her.’ And though he wanted to put him to death, he feared the people, because they held him to be a prophet. But when Herod’s birthday came, the daughter of Herodias danced before the company and pleased Herod, so that he promised with an oath to give her whatever she might ask. Prompted by her mother, she said, ‘Give me the head of John the Baptist here on a platter.’ And the king was sorry, but because of his oaths and his guests he commanded it to be given. He sent had John beheaded in prison, and his head was brought on a platter and given to the girl, and she brought it to her mother.” Matthew 14:3-11

    An adulterous relationship was confronted by John and the involved parties didn’t like the message. The mean girls’ team of mother and daughter worked together to execute a perfect death plan. “Off with John’s head!” was the special request to the king. And then there was no more voice of righteousness to convict Herod and Herodias of their affair.

    Evil Begets Evil!

    Why is it so important to be the top dog? Kirsten, the guest speaker, said she used to scope out the room to find the current reigning “queen” and strategically planned her fall. Kirsten needed to be the alpha female and did everything in her power to make it happen!

    A mean girl’s desire to control everything begins when her life is in chaos! Jezebel’s prophets of Baal were dead, and she needed to punish Elijah for this. Herodias didn’t want to be reminded of her sin, so she needed to remove John from the picture. James said, “Sin when it is fully grown brings forth death” (1:15).

    Let’s wake up and see the truth! Mean girls are not worth emulating, even if they are portrayed as the popular people in society and are sometimes celebrated on TV, film, and social media! Mean girl motivations are wrong, and they need to be corrected before they destroy others. Just think of the influence of Jezebel to her husband and Herodias to her daughter. Not good at all! 

    The Apostle Paul said, “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful to even speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, ‘Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you’” (Ephesians 5:11-14).

    In the end, mean girls will also destroy themselves. Just watch the ending of the Mean Girls movie, if you get the chance. The Apostle Paul encourages us to “look carefully then how [we] walk, not as unwise but as wise!” while there is still time (Ephesians 5:15).

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/MangoStar_Studio

    Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!

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  • Love Is Easier on Paper

    Love Is Easier on Paper

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    Our women’s group decided to pick a book on love for our Bible study, but what we thought would be very easy for us to breeze through turned out to be a challenge and required a lot of soul-searching. 

    We discussed love in action and our examples mostly centered on marriage and family relationships. Not one of us cringed at the thought of serving our families. We cleaned our homes, cooked meals, supervised the kids in their homework, and watched their games until we all became empty nesters. We talked about how we show patience towards our husbands and our children, how we give counsel, and constantly extend forgiveness and overlook hurt feelings. 

    All those things seemed to fall within the confines of how God shows His love for us. We know He takes pleasure in taking care of our needs. We know He warns and protects us from danger, even from our own foolishness, so we don’t get hurt. We know He graciously forgives our sins—and this part we like the most!

    But the nitty-gritty of love started to get harder with Jesus’ new command. He said, “Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples” (John 13:34-35). Before Jesus spoke of the new command, He just washed and dried their feet and talked about servanthood. Jesus, their Lord and Teacher, did not hesitate to do this lowly task. Even Peter was hesitant to have Jesus wash his feet. 

    Jesus also talked about a betrayer, someone sitting at their table. They were surprised but didn’t really understand how one of them could be spoken as such. They lived together and did everything together for the last three years. They were tied to the hip! How can Jesus speak of such a person? 

    Jesus never pointed a finger at Judas and gave him a scolding. Instead, He said to all of them, including Judas, that “this fulfills the Scripture that says, ‘The one who eats my food has turned against me’” (v. 18). He knew this was going to happen; yet He did not withhold the Word of God from and sharing meals with Judas. Even when Jesus saw Judas standing with the Roman soldiers and Temple guards to arrest Him, He didn’t say anything to Judas to guilt trip him. He continued to love him.

    Love Is an Example

    Love is easier on paper! But Jesus said to “prove to the world that [we] are [His] disciples” (John 13:35). First, we’re encouraged to reach out and welcome our brothers and sisters in Christ…quirks and all! The Apostle Paul said, “Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory” (Romans 15:7). Think of the “noisy, attention-seeking” member of your church. The woman who “loves to hear her voice” at gatherings. The “righteous one” who sits in the corner because there is dancing. Paul would not have addressed the loving acceptance of fellow believers and reminded us how Jesus accepted each one of us if this wasn’t an issue.

    Love Is a Refusal to Abuse and Manipulate

    Second, we must “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). What was happening among the Ephesian believers then is still happening today. Preceding that forgiveness reminder, Paul said, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice” (v. 31). How did we turn into emotional abusers and torturers? Where is the joy in lying about someone and desiring to destroy that person? How did we become so angry and bitter at someone, at life, that we cannot see the beauty in anything? And we all claim to love Jesus yet walk around as emotional and psychological manipulators!    

    Love Is a Reconciliation

    Third, we are told to reconcile with one another. We got stumped with this instruction again. How do we restore a relationship with someone who does not want it? What if it’s you who does not want to be in a relationship with someone again? It doesn’t matter what you want or what the other wants! Jesus said, “But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment… Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:22-24). 

    Think of the number of times you exchanged heated words with your spouse or your child while you were preparing for church. You all got in the car, but everyone was avoiding looking into each other’s eyes, and some were seething with anger. The tension was so thick. Were you really prepared to worship and listen to the Word of God? 

    Fourth, we are to remember that we are one, a community, the fellowship of Christ. Paul reminded us that believers in Christ should put away falsehood and should be able to “speak the truth” with one another (Ephesians 4:25). He went on to say, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as first the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (v. 29). We sometimes say we have forgiven but won’t let go of the pain. In our still-desperate state of clinging to self-preservation, we continue to practice self-righteousness and restart the cycle of tearing up the person we claim to have forgiven. We lie again to protect ourselves. And in so doing, we say words that disrespect the other, hoping to lift our own honor. Remember that God knows and sees our hearts and He hears every word we say. He is our judge!

    Knowing that God pursues us with His everlasting love should encourage us to love others well. He has given us every single spiritual tool we need to make it happen, including sending His Son to teach and model love for us. Yes, everything is possible with Christ. 

    Yes, love is easier on paper… only if left to us.

    Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/john_jennings

    Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!

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  • What True Friendships Mean

    What True Friendships Mean

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    If you go through your social media connections, how many people do you really know? Ten percent? Fifty percent? All? It’s already been proven by research that we have taken the meaning of “friendships” out of context. And with the increase of loneliness despite thousands of connections, we know that we are not building true friendships.

    But even outside of social media, we misinterpret friendships. Watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills—one of my guilty pleasures—is a classic example. The women hang out, party, and go on vacations together. Yet, they start peeling away at their conversations to backstab and trash-talk one another. Sometimes, they even like to confront one another publicly either for an admission of the truth or a lie. Shouldn’t friends speak privately first—and without badgering—to chat about serious matters or concerns? 

    Here’s one encounter between Kyle and Sutton. Sutton confronts Kyle with these words: “There’s something wrong with your life. You’re not drinking. Why? Is there a problem? Did you drink too much?” While still reeling from Sutton’s harsh words, Kyle admitted that she felt depressed after drinking in the past. So, she committed herself to lifestyle changes including exercise and refraining from alcohol. But Kyle’s response wasn’t acceptable to Sutton. It was still suspect to Sutton, so she talked about the non-drinking situation of Kyle to their other friends, making it an issue. Should a true friend be upset if you stop drinking? Shouldn’t a friend celebrate and give you a high five as you focus on your health journey?

    David and Jonathan

    Enough about the housewives’ world! Let’s explore the famous friendship of David and Jonathan from 1 Samuel. Here we read of David and Jonathan’s encounter following David defeating Goliath. King Saul was getting to know David, and Jonathan was there. “As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1 Samuel 18:1). Surprisingly, the instant connection came from Jonathan, who could have been jealous of David’s victory. Instead, when Saul decided to have David stay in their home, “Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt” (vv. 3-4).

    Have you ever “clicked” with someone you just met? It’s like you have known this person all your life and have a deep understanding of each other! Perhaps you like the same movie or the same author or the same food—same interests that it’s weird. Whatever it is, you are just drawn to each other.

    Their Friendship at the Next Level

    Well, Jonathan took this instant connection to the next level. Short of making a blood compact, he decided to seal the friendship with David by honoring him with his robe. As the son of a king, Jonathan’s robe meant he was giving David a privileged rank. David was no longer just a shepherd meant only for the fields. He has been promoted to nobility, to sit at the king’s table. Remember the time when Joseph became the vizier of the pharaoh: “the king removed from his finger the ring engraved with the royal seal and put it on Joseph’s finger. He put a fine linen robe on him, and placed a gold chain around his neck” (Genesis 41:42). 

    Second, King Saul dressed David in his own armor before he fought Goliath. But David didn’t feel comfortable wearing it, saying, “I cannot go with these, for I have not tested them” (1 Samuel 17:39). So, when David faced Goliath, he was donned only in his normal clothes, not wearing armor nor a helmet nor a coat of steel. David even replaced the sword with his usual staff, the one he carried while taking care of the sheep. Jonathan, a military man himself, dressed David with his own battle-worn combat utilities as part of their covenant. They became comrades-in-arms, military brothers. 

    This beautiful picture of armor dressing was also vividly drawn for us by the Apostle Paul. He began with, “Finally, build up your strength in union with the Lord and by means of his mighty power. Put on all the armor that God gives you, so that you will be able to stand up against the Devil’s evil tricks” (Ephesians 6:10-11). Did you notice the passage first mentioned “in union with the Lord” before “put on all the armor that God gives you”? God is asking, “Are you one with me?” And if our answer is “Yes!”, then it’s game time! Dress yourself in full gear! (You can read Ephesians 6:14-17 to learn about the full armor of God.)

    Their Friendship Tested

    This unity, the friendship, between David and Jonathan will be tested by King Saul, when the king sought to kill David out of jealousy for all David’s victory. Jonathan should have been jealous of David’s winning streak for he was also in the king’s army. But he wasn’t. Instead, Jonathan delivered the warning to David: “Saul my father seeks to kill you. Therefore, be on your guard in the morning. Stay in a secret place and hide yourself. And I will go and stand beside my father in the field where you are, and I will speak to my father about you. And if I learn anything I will tell you” (1 Samuel 19:2-3). Jonathan didn’t throw David under the bus but kept his word to protect David from the evil plan of his own father!

    How many times have we been caught forgetting ourselves from gossiping about our own friends, even the first to throw fiery darts? How could we not stop ourselves from saying mean things, like “I can’t believe that ______ looks so old and haggard!” or “Do you know that ______ just told me that ____ and her husband are on the brink of divorce?”, to others? Do we realize that we are excited to relay juicy tidbits to others? Yet we, the trusted ones, intentionally betray private conversations. Sadly, the ones we share the gossip with become powerless to stop us from malicious talks because they, too enjoy, hearing the news and adding fodder to the gossip.

    What kind of friends do we have? Are they worth keeping around because they truly care about us? Are we positive they will hold our hands when our lives are in shambles and walk with us until we can do so on our own again? Will they have our backs when someone starts talking and digging up dirt about us, saying “No! This is not right!”? If so, we are blessed! Ask yourself if your friends are blessed to have you as well. 

    “Some friendships do not last, but some friends are more loyal than brothers,” says Proverbs 18:24. True friendships offer loyalty and support, just like what the Bible described as “knit to the soul.” They are rare to find, so treasure them!

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/MangoStar_Studio

    Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!

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  • There Are Two Sides to Family Relationships

    There Are Two Sides to Family Relationships

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    Scene 1: A father expresses his final wishes in his will. Unfortunately, the oldest son, the executor, had little desire to honor it, causing trouble in the family. His thinking? Their father is no longer around to witness any of this. He is in command.

    Scene 2: A mother has been cut off by her married son because she likes to express her opinion on all matters. Her thinking? She is a vocal person and should be allowed to speak her mind. She does not really care about the effects of her opinion.

    How many families have been broken because of upsetting statements and nonsensical arguments? Too many to count, that the Bible even includes how we need to treat each other as a family unit. Writing to the Ephesians, the Apostle Paul said, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and your mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (6:1-4). This same passage was also brought to the Colossians by Paul, highlighting the fact that wherever families are, there will be an ongoing battle between parents and children.

    Very often, we only see one side of the coin—and it’s dependent on what role we are playing in the family relationship. If you are the parent, you always think you have the most important role in the family and your children better show you respect. It doesn’t matter what you say or do that may be contrary and divisive. What matters is your authority is encompassing no matter the age of your children.

    If you are the child—an adult one, too—you are also looking for respect. You are all grown, an independent individual—perhaps even with a family of your own—and you need to live your own life without being told how to. You don’t need your parents to interfere with every move you make, nor do you want your dad or your mom throwing in their two cents’ worth.

    Parents’ Responsibility

    Parents do have the explicit responsibility of raising a child from birth to teens. And this is not just about providing the basic physical needs of food, clothing, and shelter. It also includes caring for the emotional and spiritual well-being of the child. God provided parenting as a special stewardship, so it’s most important to honor this role. As parents, we should desire to “train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). The idea of nurturing discipline is for our sons and daughters to listen and be attentive to our instructions (Proverbs 4:1) and to remember our teachings (Proverbs 3:1) not just today, but for always. 

    As parents, we need to understand that child-rearing patterns will also change along with child development. As Scripture says, “For everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil” (Hebrews 5:13-14). We need to help our children dig deeper into their faith, allowing them the opportunity to fully understand, embrace, and live out their own personal relationships with Christ; not just mimic our modeled faith.

    Children’s Responsibility

    A child is also instructed to value parental discipline. Several times in Proverbs 4, we read of the result of listening and remembering parents’ instructions: you will “live” (v.4) and “the years of your life may be many” (v.10). These instructions are meant to set up boundaries to prevent a child from going down the wrong path and to avoid evil. How many times have we heard of a child, even at a young middle-school age, start wandering away to walk the wide road of darkness? There are many who have experienced juvenile detention, been put in foster homes, or have died because of disobedience.

    Family relationships are indeed complex. Sometimes they are hard to navigate because of some difficult characters within the family unit. A dominating parent may force his or her opinion on the children without a care about the effect of such. The black sheep or prodigal child may increase the stress level of everyone; sometimes, even causing a physical illness such as a heart attack. Some may claim authenticity with words such as “This is who I am!” or “I don’t care how you feel because this is how I feel!” that even the empathy “welcome mat” is worn out and needs to be thrown away. There may not be any respectful conversation left to have, where everyone is hoping to keep conflict at bay by learning how to behave and focus on healthy communication.

    Navigating Family Relationships God’s Way

    A family with a strong spiritual well-being will have more success because of the desire to have a positive outlook on life, recognizing that the parent-child relationship is also transforming. The parents of these adult children lean on accepting the “letting go and letting God” phase, but parental support is available when needed. In the same way, adult children can fully embark on their independent lives knowing that parental encouragement is, likewise, available.

    Balancing family roles will be easier if we remember to “honor our father and mother” and “do not provoke our children to anger.” We don’t need to be heavy-handed in our discipline nor use intimidation to solicit a certain response or behavior. We know that nothing good will come out of bullying, only resistance and rebellion. In the same way, there is no need to be disrespectful and impatient towards parents, especially as they age. It is good to show appreciation and affection for them, explaining in a positive manner how responsibilities and decision-making for adult children are now an important facet of one’s own life.

    Family relationships are important. As we constantly upgrade and freshen up our homes, we need to make changes in how we handle our relationships, giving each other the chance to change and become the persons God designed us to be. It is best to avoid stress in our relationships and frustrating each other by deliberately saying or doing things that are triggering and annoying. Let’s stay away from insults and degrading comments that hurt all of us.

    It’s time for us to value our families! Let’s set aside family drama and share the love of God with one another instead.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Thomas Barwick

    Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!

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