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Tag: inspirational

  • Why Do We Need Community?

    Why Do We Need Community?

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    Isolating has always been a temptation for me. Even in my faith, I’ve attempted to follow Jesus with minimal dependence on others while avoiding sharing my struggles and fears. But living the Christian life in isolation doesn’t work for long. 

    Why can’t I seek God on my own and please Him? Why is community essential to following Christ?

    What Is Community?

    Community can be defined as “A feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.” For Christians, it’s sharing our sorrows and joys while living authentically by allowing others to see our weaknesses and our strengths. It’s confessing our sins to one another and praying for each other. Christian community involves seeking God and worshiping Him together.

    Community Is a Reflection of God

    We’ll never be able to fully comprehend God, but we know He is “three in one,” called the Trinity. When creating man, “God said, ‘Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness’…So God created mankind in his own image” (Genesis 1:26-27 NIV). God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit worked together in creation.

    The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have always been in community, united as one. When Jesus was on Earth, He cried out in prayer for us: “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us” (John 17:20-21 NIV). God wants us to experience the joy of harmony as He does.

    Paul, a New Testament missionary, wrote “May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all” (2 Corinthians 13:14 NIV). These three always operate as One. They are a picture of the unity God desires for all believers.

    Jesus Christ Modeled Community

    Jesus came to Earth to live perfectly, die as a sacrifice for all sin, and then rise again, conquering death forever. He was the only One who could save us: He had to do that alone. But He ministered in community. Many followed Him, but He called twelve special disciples to be His apostles. They were continually together as He taught them and prepared them for ministry after His return to heaven. 

    Jesus told His disciples, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35 NIV). He gave this command multiple times. 

    When the disciples weren’t with Jesus, He sent them out in pairs to minister to people: “Calling the Twelve to Him, He began to send them out two by two…” (Mark 6:7a NIV). God does use us as individuals, and sometimes we serve alone, but He intends that we minister in community.

    Community Provides a Place for Sharing Burdens and Finding Healing

    King Solomon of Old Testament times wisely wrote, “Pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up” (Ecclesiastes 4:10b NIV). Everyone faces times of hardship, pain, and sorrow. Having to go through those times alone can magnify the pain and leave us feeling hopeless. 

    We need others to pick us up, hold our hands, or sit quietly with us in our pain. In the Christian community, it’s powerful to see people circling someone who has experienced loss or illness. When someone is there to help us carry our burdens, the weight is lifted from our shoulders. At those times, we can rest knowing we’re not alone.

    I remember a time when a dear friend was in an explosion in her garage. After hurrying to the emergency room to check on her, I discovered at least a dozen people from our church there. We circled on the lawn to pray as a helicopter took her to a larger city for care. That is community.

    When writing to encourage believers in Galatia, Paul exhorted, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2 NIV). Christians are called to help each other with our struggles and difficulties. God never intended for us to walk alone. 

    We’re encouraged by the Lord’s brother, James, to “confess our sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16 NIV). Instead of feeling like we need to hide our sins and weaknesses in our Christian fellowship, we should be able to confess, pray for each other, and find freedom. Of course, this needs to take place with a group of believers we know and trust. But keeping our struggles and sins in the dark also keeps us bound to them. 

    King Solomon of Old Testament times, known for his wisdom, wrote this proverb: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity” (Proverbs 17:17 NIV). Our brothers and sisters in Christ are there to help us in hard times.

    Community Provides Mutual Encouragement

    Paul continually sent out letters of encouragement to New Testament believers. When writing to those in Rome, he expressed, “I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong—that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith” (Romans 1:11-12 NIV). Sharing our faith gives comfort to others.

    King Solomon also wrote, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17 NIV). As much as our prideful selves believe we can operate alone, we need others to sharpen us or we become dull and discouraged. 

    Meeting regularly isn’t just a rule to follow. We come together not only to worship our Lord but also because we need each other. Scripture urges, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV).

    Being part of a small group is emphasized in my church. These groups meet weekly to study, pray, and do life together. For some years I’d resisted joining one for various reasons. But God recently orchestrated events, and I was suddenly in a life group again. After a couple of weeks, I realized the gift He had given me. Mine is a group of women who are there for each other, praying, encouraging, caring, listening, and understanding. Community is a gift God wants to give.

    Community Is More Effective Than Isolation

    Paul labeled all believers as “the Body of Christ”. He compared us to a human body, saying, “For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others” (Romans 12:4-5 NIV). We need everyone’s gifts working together to fulfill God’s purpose for us on earth. God has given me spiritual gifts, but not every gift. Encouraging and serving others is the goal.

    Speaking of believers as a body, Paul taught, “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I don’t need you!’ and the head cannot say to the feet, ‘I don’t need you!’…there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it” (1 Corinthians 12:21,25-26 NIV). We’re all part of the Body of Christ and are called to unity.

    After Pentecost, when God sent the Holy Spirit as a gift to believers, the church enjoyed a time of great unity. Paul recorded, “All the believers were together and had everything in common…And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved” (Acts 2:44-47 NIV). Working together is the most effective way to serve God.

    Community Glorifies God

    Seeking to operate independently is the opposite of what God wants for His people. His call is for unity within community. Paul expressed this so beautifully: “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 15:5-6 NIV). God desires that, as one, we would focus on glorifying Him.  

    Paul continues with this advice: “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God” (Romans 15:7 NIV). We must put aside our differences to love each other and work in unity for His glory. 

    How Do I Find Community?

    -Seek a local church with strong Bible teaching where the gospel of Jesus Christ is taught.

    -Go with an open heart and mind, willing to reach out to others.

    -Look for small groups to participate in, such as Bible studies, life groups, or service-oriented groups. 

    -Pray and ask God to send at least one close friend.

    -Share your real self with others.

    -Be a friend.

    -Remember that building relationships takes time.

    -Join in with what the church has to offer.

    -Invite someone to study the Bible with you, be a prayer partner, or meet weekly to encourage each other.

    -Be open to service opportunities. Take meals to those in need. Help in a food pantry. Volunteer with kids or youth. 

    Overall, love others. One of my favorite Scriptures says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8 NIV). When we love others, we accept, forgive, and offer grace. In humility, we seek what is good for those we love. Enjoy the gift of community.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/pondsaksit

    Susan Aken writes devotions and articles for Wholly Loved Ministries, is an Oklahoma native who’s lived in Nebraska since 1987 and has been in public education for over thirty years. She and her husband have one son and a wonderful daughter-in-law. Besides writing she has a passion for special needs and prayer ministries. She enjoys time with family, reading, photography, movies, walking in nature, and a nice cup of tea. She believes life is a journey and we’re all in different places. Jesus is everything to her and it’s all about grace. Visit her at susanaken53.wordpress.com or on Facebook.

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    Susan Aken

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  • How Can Exhausted Parents Create Time for Their Relationship?

    How Can Exhausted Parents Create Time for Their Relationship?

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    Parents, especially those with small children, can have difficulty making time for their spouses. Children need a lot of our physical time when they are babies because we need to care for them. When they get older, that time shifts from physical care to taking them to activities, often after a long hard day’s work. Parents frequently come home exhausted after a long day, unable to spend the quality time they need. When parents go too long without time, they can find themselves exhausted, finding that they are emotionally and physically distant from each other.

    But there’s hope. Parents can find time to invest in their relationship. Here are some ways how to do that:

    Small Moments Matter

    When people start dating, they often dedicate an evening or even a whole weekend to each other. However, that simply may not be possible with young (or even older) children. However, make the small moments count. Spend up to half an hour together eating dinner alone. Feed the kids, then send them off to do an age-appropriate activity. Have dinner alone and discuss your day. Debrief about how things are going. Don’t lose sight of emotions and little things that may be getting bottled up and need to be discussed. Often, idle chitchat such as, “How was your day?” leads to bigger discussions about important aspects of the relationship that need to be healed. If dinner is not an option, have dessert in bed or together on the couch after the kids go to bed. Turn the television off and seek to focus on each other. Because it’s easy to want to turn the TV on and vegetate, avoiding taking the time is easy. However, when we take the time to shut off our phones and screens, we will find we have more time than we once believed we did.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/SrdjanPav

    Hire a Sitter

    Although hiring a babysitter may financially strain a young parent’s budget, it’s vital to keep the marriage strong. Enlist the help of parents or grandparents if necessary to help watch the children. Seek to have a night out at least once a month. Even if spouses can’t afford a big night out, get ice cream, get your favorite take-out, or simply take a walk. The time spent together is more important than what the activity is.

    Seek to designate a small portion of the paycheck each week (or month) toward hiring a sitter. Set that money aside in a jar or an envelope. Strive not to spend it. Use that money as an investment in the marriage and in the future. This will give parents something to look forward to and give their relationship the emotional investment it requires.

    Put God First

    For Christians, we seek to put God first. However, it’s easy to crowd God out in our overpacked world. We often see time together for simply doing an activity or something fun. While this may be true, the most essential thing that needs to happen is to pray together. A couple that prays together is more than likely to stay together. Don’t dismiss the power of prayer. Ask each other what they could be praying for each other. This will help keep the lines of communication open and let each spouse know they are important to the other. It is easy for one spouse to talk about their day but not take the time to invest in the other. Prayer becomes more about other people than it does about themselves. Ask God to be the center of their relationship and to make time for each other with God as often as possible.

    Make Chores Fun

    Happy couple family parents in kitchen with baby kissing

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund

    Another aspect of being a parent is owning a home. Although it’s exciting to own a home, it is also important that they complete household chores. This may come at the end of an already over-packed week. Exhausted parents seek to prioritize these chores because they seem the most important. However, as kids get older and leave the home, it won’t be the amount of laundry folded or the number of dishes that got washed. The most important thing that will be remembered is how much time was spent together. Leave the dirty dishes in the sink and keep the laundry in the dryer for one more day. Invest the time to merely sit and talk and not be distracted by screens or other things that may take away from being present in the moment with your spouse.

    Resolve Arguments

    Sometimes, parents don’t want to invest time in each other because of conflict. Different personalities may clash when both parties handle conflict differently. Some people like to sweep it under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist. Others explode, dealing with the conflict head-on. It is important to deal with the conflict directly and nip it in the bud. When anger and resentment go unchecked, it can be the nail in the coffin of a marriage. Make sure there is no residual anger or arguments between the two of you. If there is, sacrifice some time and seek to resolve the conflict. It is necessary not only for your health but also for the health of your marriage.

    Speak the Love Language

    Don’t discount your spouse’s love language. According to Doctor Gary Chapman, the five love languages are acts of service, quality time, gifts, physical affection, and words of affirmation. Be sure to discover which love language your spouse speaks the most. Seek to speak that language to them each day. Even if time is limited, take a few small moments out of the day to speak that love language. Perhaps it’s a text saying how much you love your spouse. Maybe it’s a bouquet of flowers purchased at the store before coming home from work. No matter how you choose to show this love language, be sure to speak it daily. Do so with no strings attached. No spouse likes to feel as if they need to reciprocate that love language. They want to feel loved and appreciated simply for being who they are, not for what they can do for you. When both parties seek to speak each other’s love language and carve out little moments throughout the day to show each other they love each other, it will be easier for them to carve out time to emotionally invest in their relationship.

    For spouses with kids, balancing quality time with work is difficult. However, the years of being a loving couple are rewarding even if they sacrifice much of our time. Be sure to invest in your relationship in as many ways as possible while sacrificing time, money, and other resources. Spouses who emotionally invest in their relationship may find that as the kids grow up and move away, their relationship is stronger than ever. When they take the time to invest while the kids are still at home, they set a good example for the kids in understanding that their spouse and their relationship come first; a healthy marriage is the key to good parenting.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Antonio_Diaz

    Writer Michelle LazurekMichelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

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    Michelle S. Lazurek

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  • Embracing Rejection and Learning to Let it Go

    Embracing Rejection and Learning to Let it Go

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    “I’m sorry, you are simply not what we are looking for.” Another letter of rejection from an organization I was applying for. Day after day, letters of rejection came in from various jobs that I had applied for. Doubt, fear, and self-hate filled my heart as I read each email.

    Dealing with rejection is hard. Most of us have had at least one rejection in our lifetime. Whether that be rejection from a job, a partner, or a friend, we have all been rejected at some point in time.

    Recently, I have been facing rejection at every turn. Despite being told the job market is doing well right now, I have not been able to land a full-time position.

    This, coupled with personal issues and bad reviews on my writing, has led me to go into a bout of depression. While not everyone deals with rejection the same way, everyone’s experience is valid.

    Some people can bounce back more easily, and others cannot. If you are someone like me and it tends to take more time to bounce back, don’t give yourself a hard time.

    All of us process rejection at different rates. Processing it fast is not bad, nor is it bad to process it slower. Give yourself grace during this time and allow yourself to feel your feelings.

    Sadly, many Christian communities demonize feelings, especially sadness and sorrow. None of these emotions are sinful. Feel your feelings and process the rejection in your own time.

    The Burn of Rejection

    At the time we are rejected, it feels like someone is cauterizing our hearts. This is especially true if it was a job you really wanted or a person you truly wanted to be with. When we are rejected by a job employer, a partner, or a friend, it can make our self-worth suffer. Instead of feeling confident, we will feel we are not good enough or inadequate in some way.

    If you are also someone seeking out full-time employment and have been receiving letters of rejection, it can make you feel discouraged. I know this has certainly been true for myself. Being rejected makes one feel like they are a failure, will never be good enough, and are not worthy. All of these things can hurt our self-esteem and self-image.

    If you are dealing with rejection and feeling discouraged because of it, know that the right opportunity will show up. Be encouraged. Know that the Lord will work everything out in conformity with His will (Romans 8:28).

    It would be nice to know the exact timing of when this will happen, but sadly, I do not have the answers. I share with you the same thing I have been telling myself: God is in control, and you can trust Him.

    The Bible tells us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

    As this Bible verse tells us, we need to trust in the Lord. We don’t need to try to take matters into our own hands. Wait on the Lord and trust that deliverance will come. Whether you are waiting on a job offer or for the right person to come along, keep on trusting in the Lord.

    Living with Rejection

    After we have received the letter of rejection, our partner ended things with us, or we had a falling out with our friend, we have to begin the process of living with rejection. Living a life without rejection would be ideal, but sadly, this is not possible.

    We live in a fallen world and part of living in a fallen world is having to live with rejection. There will be times that we will be rejected, discouraged, and hopeless. However, there will also be times of great joy, encouragement, and hope.

    When you are crestfallen due to much rejection, reflect on God and all of the joyous times He has blessed you with. Take a few minutes to reflect on a few good things in your life. These things don’t have to be going on right now — rather it can be things in your past.

    As an example, recently I have been reflecting on the beautiful blessings God has given me in the forms of a beautiful sunny day, the peaceful rain, and the comfort of a familiar book.

    Although none of these things technically fix my feelings of rejection, they do help me distract myself from the pain. Sometimes, we have to distract ourselves until we are ready to deal with the pain.

    There are stages to embracing rejection and not allowing it to affect you, but they do take time. Some days you might feel more ready to face the rejection head on and other days you might feel like distracting yourself. Whatever helps you best right now is the route you should take.

    Accepting Rejection and Moving Forward

    Once we are ready to accept the rejection and move forward, we can start taking the proper steps. Accepting the rejection might come faster than you think. Normalize not being praised or rewarded at every corner. Allow yourself to accept both the good and the bad.

    Even though we may have been rejected does not mean we are not good enough. The Lord loves us as we are. We will face many rejections throughout our life, but God always accepts us. In other people’s eyes, we might be seen as rejected. However, in God’s eyes we are seen as loved, accepted, and chosen.

    If we are not able to accept rejection and learn to let it go, it will make us suffer in many ways. We have to remember that most people do not care about our feelings. They are not going to be afraid to say hurtful comments to us. While we cannot control what they say or do, we can control how we respond.

    The Bible tells us, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Colossians 4:6). And this is exactly what I chose to do.

    We can accept negative feedback, rejection, and hurtful words while also remaining a light for Jesus. The Lord wants us to conduct ourselves in a holy and honorable way (1 Peter 1:16).

    Even if others do not treat us kindly, God still wants us to be kind to them. Rejection can make us grow angry and hateful, but we must not feed into these feelings. We need to turn to the Lord and allow Him to help us accept the rejection and move forward.

    Nothing is too difficult for God. He is our Father and desires to give us comfort. Rejection will never be pleasant, but it doesn’t give us an excuse to also be mean back.

    We have to choose kindness even when nobody else does. Be kind to all people, even those who have rejected you. Don’t hold grudges against the people who have rejected you. Holding grudges against people will only hurt us.

    Give all of your hurt, pain, and rejection over to God. He will remind you that you are loved, chosen, and accepted (1 John 3:1; John 15:13; 1 Peter 1:2; Ephesians 1:6-7).

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Chinnapong

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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    Vivian Bricker

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  • ‘Field of Dreams’ turns 35 and we’d be remiss if we didn’t highlight the cast then vs. now

    ‘Field of Dreams’ turns 35 and we’d be remiss if we didn’t highlight the cast then vs. now

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    Field of Dreams was released on April, 21st 1989. The film will celebrate its 35th anniversary this year. That’s over three decades of being the greatest baseball movie ever made. There, I said it. It’s got everything. Drama, fantasy, comedy, time-travel. My apologies to The Sandlot…I still love you.

    Maybe it’s because my dad and I both cherish baseball as a sport. When I was little he loaded up our minivan and took me and my stepbrother on a roadtrip from Pennsylvania all the way to Dyersville, Iowa just so we could hit balls at the real Field of Dreams. It’s an experience I’ll never forget.

    We wanted to revisit this movie and the iconic cast who made it what it is today. Please, enjoy!

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    Zach Nading

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  • Finding Purpose and Joy Again as a Widower

    Finding Purpose and Joy Again as a Widower

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    Mr. Harris, our friendly next-door neighbor, was a sunshine on our street. Always with a wave and a warm hello, he’d stop to chat about the weather or our weekend plans. Then tragedy struck. 

    One morning, news of a car accident spread through the neighborhood. It was his wife, a vibrant woman, who was so loving and caring. Her passing was a shock that left us all numb.

    But for poor Mr. Harris, the world shattered. A familiar emptiness began to seep into our once lively street corner. We’d see him leave for work, his shoulders slumped, the twinkle gone from his eyes. The man who’d always been so active in the church, leading the choir with gusto, barely mustered a smile during services. The grief was palpable, a heavy cloak wrapped tightly around him.

    Weeks turned into months, and the toll on Mr. Harris became evident. He lost weight, his attitude towards life changed, and the spring in his step dwindled. This was a far cry from the upbeat man we knew, and it hurt to see him like that.

    Mr. Harris was drowning in grief, a man who had genuinely made people happy. This made me realize how unprepared we are for loss a lot of the time, especially when it comes to dealing with life on our own after decades of marriage.

    May this piece serve as a lighthouse for people in similar dark places, a guide for finding purpose again, and a glimmer of hope even in the middle of suffering.

    The Pain of Losing a Wife

    Losing a spouse is one of life’s most profound and heart-wrenching experiences. As widowers, you are thrust into a journey of grief and loss that can feel overwhelming and all-encompassing. 

    The pain of losing a beloved wife leaves an indelible mark on your heart, challenging you to navigate a new reality without the person who was once your partner, confidante, and best friend.

    In the words of C.S. Lewis, himself a widower: “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” These words, I’m sure, would resonate deeply with anyone who has experienced the profound loss of a spouse. Grief can indeed feel like a constant companion, casting a shadow over even the brightest moments of your life.

    Yet, amid our sorrow, there is hope. Despite the pain, there is a path forward—a path that leads to finding purpose and joy again, even amid your grief. 

    Understanding Grief through a Christian Lens

    In your grief, it is essential to turn to the comfort offered by Scripture. The Bible offers profound insights into the nature of grief and loss, providing solace and hope to those mourning.

    Psalm 34:18 says, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” These words remind us that even in our darkest moments of despair, God is near. He sees our pain, hears our cries, and offers His unfailing love and compassion to sustain us. This verse also assures us that we are not alone in our grief; God walks beside us, offering comfort and healing to our broken hearts.

    Jesus Himself experienced profound grief at the death of His friend Lazarus, even though He knew that He would raise him from the dead (John 11:35). Grief is not a sign of weakness but of the depth of our love and the reality of our loss.

    Faith is also crucial in navigating the journey of grief; it sustains us during the darkest moments, reminding us of God’s promises and His presence with us. Through prayer, meditation on Scripture, and fellowship with other believers, you will find strength and comfort to face each day with hope and resilience.

    Also, you can take comfort in knowing that your grief is not the end of the story. Through our faith in Christ, we have the assurance of eternal life and the promise of ultimate restoration. 

    While the pain of losing a wife may never completely disappear, you can find hope in the knowledge that, one day, we will be reunited with our loved ones in the presence of God, where there will be no more tears or sorrow (Revelation 21:4).

    Dealing With Common Emotions Experienced by Widowers

    Grief: Grief is a natural response to the loss of a spouse, encompassing feelings of sadness, longing, and emptiness. But turn to God in prayer and seek comfort in His promises. 

    Remember that God is close to the brokenhearted and offers solace to those who mourn. Matthew 5:4 says, “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.”

    The loss of a spouse often leaves one feeling profoundly alone. Suddenly, the companionship and intimacy that once defined your life are gone, leaving a void that can feel insurmountable. Loneliness can be particularly severe during moments of solitude or when faced with reminders of your wife’s absence. 

    However, it is best to find companionship and support in God’s presence and through the community of fellow believers. Lean on the promise that God will never leave us nor forsake us. Hebrews 13:5 reminds us: “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” 

    Confusion: Losing a spouse can also leave one feeling disoriented and bewildered, unsure of how to navigate this new reality. We may even find ourselves grappling with existential questions about the meaning of life and the purpose of our suffering. 

    For someone who’s just lost his wife, confusion can arise from the practical challenges of adjusting to life without her, such as managing household responsibilities or making important decisions alone. In moments of confusion, it is helpful to seek clarity and guidance through prayer and meditation on the Word of God and His promise to direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).

    Anger: You may feel frustrated or resentful towards God, others, or yourself. You may also experience feelings of resentment towards your circumstances or your late wife for leaving you behind. 

    Acknowledge and process these feelings of anger in healthy ways rather than suppressing or denying them.

    However, you should strive to express your emotions honestly and openly to God in prayer, knowing that He can handle your anger. Seek His peace and cultivate a heart of compassion and love.

    Ephesians 4:31-32 reminds us: “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice; and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

    Fear: The loss of a spouse can evoke feelings of fear and anxiety about the future—the fear of being alone, facing life’s challenges without your partner, or of what the future holds for your kids. 

    However, trust in God’s providence and sovereignty because He is in control of all things. By surrendering your fears to God in prayer and seeking His guidance and protection, you can find courage and peace to face the unknown with confidence.

    Rediscovering Joy in Everyday Moments

    While happiness is often dependent on external circumstances and fleeting moments of pleasure, joy is deeper and more enduring. Joy is a spiritual sense of contentment and fulfillment that transcends the ups and downs of life. It is a state of being rooted in faith and gratitude rather than in temporary pleasures or material possessions.

    In the context of grief, rediscovering joy does not mean that you will always feel happy or that your pain will disappear overnight. Instead, it means finding moments of peace, hope, and connection amidst the sorrow. It means recognizing the beauty and goodness that still exist in the world, even amid your grief.

    One common misconception about joy after the loss of a spouse is that it is somehow disrespectful to the memory of our loved ones. Some may feel guilty for experiencing moments of joy, fearing that it diminishes the significance of their loss or implies that they have moved on too quickly. 

    However, joy and grief are not mutually exclusive. It is possible to honor the memory of our spouse while still finding moments of joy in our lives.

    Another misconception is that joy can only be found in grand gestures or extraordinary experiences. In reality, joy often comes from the simplest of moments—a shared meal with loved ones, a walk in nature, or a quiet moment of reflection. 

    By embracing these everyday moments and finding gratitude in the small things, we can cultivate a deeper sense of joy that sustains us through the darkest times.

    Ultimately, rediscovering joy after the loss of a spouse is a journey—one that requires patience, resilience, and faith. It means allowing yourself to feel a wide range of emotions, including sadness and grief, while also remaining open to moments of joy and hope. 

    As Psalm 30:5 reminds us, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Even in your darkest moments, there is always the promise of joy on the horizon, waiting to be rediscovered in the everyday moments of life.

    How to Rekindle Joy in Your Daily Life

    1. Engage in Meaningful Activities: Finding joy in your daily life often involves engaging in activities that bring fulfillment and purpose. Whether by volunteering for a cause you’re passionate about, pursuing a hobby or creative outlet, or spending time in nature, investing your time and energy in meaningful activities can uplift your spirits and bring a sense of fulfillment. 

    These activities provide a welcome distraction from grief and offer opportunities for personal growth and connection with others.

    2. Connect with Others in the Community and Fellowship: Community and fellowship play a crucial role in cultivating joy after the loss of a spouse. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends, family members, and fellow believers can provide a sense of belonging and companionship during these difficult times. 

    Whether by joining a support group for widowers, participating in church activities, or simply spending time with loved ones, connecting with others who understand your journey can bring comfort, laughter, and a renewed sense of hope.

    3. Invest in Things You Love and Are Passionate About. Rediscovering joy also involves investing in activities and interests that bring you joy. Prioritizing self-care and self-expression is essential for maintaining emotional well-being. 

    By dedicating time and energy to things that bring you joy, you can nourish your soul and cultivate a sense of purpose and satisfaction in your daily life.

    4. Be thankful: Take time each day to reflect on God’s blessings in your life, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant they can be. Keep a gratitude journal where you write down things you’re thankful for daily. This will help shift your focus from what you’ve lost to what you still have. 

    By adopting an attitude of gratitude, you can cultivate a sense of contentment and joy that transcends your circumstances.

    5. Embrace Moments of Beauty and Wonder: In your moments of grief, remain open to moments of beauty and wonder in the world around you. 

    Whether by watching a sunrise, admiring a work of art, or savoring a delicious meal, allowing yourself to experience moments of joy and awe can uplift your spirits and remind you of the goodness that still exists in the world. 

    To every widower who may be struggling, I want you to know that you are not alone. Amid your pain and sorrow, there is hope. Though the road may seem long and the burden heavy, you have the strength through Christ to persevere. 

    Take comfort in knowing that God sees your tears, hears your prayers, and holds you close to His heart. Lean on God in your moments of weakness, for He is your refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1).

    May you find peace amid your pain, strength amid your weakness, and hope amid your despair. You are loved, you are valued, and you are not alone.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/OSTILL

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

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  • Don’t Add to the Noise

    Don’t Add to the Noise

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    Jackie just gave birth to her son, and she didn’t feel too good about herself. All she wanted to do was stay in bed. She didn’t even want to care for her newborn baby. She was going through postpartum depression, or “baby blues,” a common medical condition associated with pregnancy.

    For three months, Jackie felt sad and lonely. She often cried and talked about her doubts about caring for her new baby. Her husband and in-laws quietly listened to her, allowing her to cry and unburden herself, while they cared for her and her baby. Although still feeling the baby blues, Jackie finally talked herself into going back to her church. Sensing her inner struggle, the women at the church decided to quietly sit with her and hold her hand. No one added to the noise in her head with their words of comfort and wisdom!

    However, Sin Can Be on Our Lips, Even When We Try to Help

    The story of Job is a perfect example of someone “hard pressed on every side” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9) When God allowed Satan to test Job’s godly character, Satan’s first attack was to kill all his children and take away his property (Job 1:1-19). Despite the loss, especially the death of all his children, Job acknowledged God’s authority over his life. He “tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong” (1:20-22). 

    But Satan wanted more, so God permitted him to test Job again, with the condition to spare his life. This time, Satan struck him with “loathsome sores from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head” (Job 2:7). Again, Job never complained to God about his condition, even after his wife prodded him with these words: “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die” (v.9).

    We have many choice words to say in our desperate moments. Claiming our intimacy with God, we spill our guts, including our frustration and anger in our situation, bringing all to God in prayer. But we tremble in our doubts, not sure if God really cares for us or sees and hears us to take us out of our pits. 

    In Job 3, we see Job speaking to God about his troubles and why it would have been better for him to have died at birth: “I am not at ease, nor am I quiet; I have no rest, but trouble comes” (v.26). In his struggling with God, he started to lose hope. “Therefore I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul” (7:11). 

    We also have many choice words to say to others’ desperate moments. Just like Job’s wife, we want the sufferer to admit to some hidden offense or wrongdoing. In chapter 8, Bildad, one of Job’s friends, decided to give him some conscience-pricking words to jog his memory of any possible hidden offense to God: “Can papyrus grow where there is no marsh? Can reeds flourish where there is no water? While yet in flower and not cut down, they wither before any other plant. Such are the paths of all who forget God; the hope of the godless shall perish” (8:11-13). In short, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.” Surely, something wrong was done; hence, the suffering.

    Or we spout holiness with assurances of God’s promises, spoken when the sufferer is currently walking in “the valley of the shadow of death” and grappling with God’s goodness in the situation (Psalm 23). There is sometimes no listening power for the sufferer.

    Don’t Add to the Noise of the Suffering

    Jackie may have had choice words in her desperate moments, but the people who surrounded her didn’t add to the noise in her head. In the beginning, Job’s three friends did the same. “Now when Job’s three friends heard of all the evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place… They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him. And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great” (vv.11-13).

    First, how many of us will be around for someone? We often make assurances that we will stand alongside our friends in times of need. But how many times do we really make good on our commitment? Job’s friends made an appointment to be there for him. 

    Second, are we sensitive enough to see the situation and wise enough to change our plan of action? We like to attack a problem, so we arm ourselves with our go-to verses and prayers. But Job’s friends recognized his condition from afar, so much so that it made them grieve. They decided to mourn for him.

    Third, are we willing to be still and offer quiet comfort and sympathy? Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know I am God.” Can we be still and let our suffering friend know that we are walking alongside him or her without even opening our mouths? Perhaps in the silence, we can focus on lifting our friend up in prayer. 

    Years after Jackie’s postpartum depression, a friend called her. The woman was a young mother of three. Her husband left her. Jackie talked to her husband and asked if they could stay with her friend. For seven days, they lived with Jackie’s friend and children. Jackie allowed her friend to grieve and talk while she was the quiet, listening presence. No sound came out of Jackie’s mouth. Jackie’s friend healed from her loss and grief and cannot thank her enough for what she did. 

    Don’t Add Noise to Your Own Suffering

    Job’s friends eventually turned oout to be miserable comforters to him, accusing him of wickedness and unrighteousness for his suffering. They were unable to restrain themselves from speaking. And Job did the same, questioning God for an answer to his suffering. 

    When God answered Job, he had to promise silence. “I have spoken once, and I will not answer; twice, but I will proceed no further” (Job 40:5). Job repented for his actions and acknowledged God’s majesty, and said, “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted… I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you” (42:2,5). 

    The Apostle Paul said, “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:7-9). 

    And just like Job, we will go through many forms of suffering. We will get hit. We will get knocked down. But we can get up! As believers in Christ, we too have the power of the Holy Spirit living in us. He will give us the strength to overcome difficulties so that we are not overwhelmed and destroyed or feel desperate and alone. 

    God’s answer will come, but only when we learn to turn off the noise and keep ourselves from creating more noise so we can refocus our attention on God, remembering that Jesus is our certainty. Proverbs 17:27 says, “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.”

    Now, be still and remain quiet in your suffering, and know God is at work! Then, see God’s hand of delivery and restoration. Just like He did for Job, it will be more than you can imagine!

    Photo Credit: ©Bogomil Mihaylov/Unsplash

    Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!

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  • How Does a Friend Love at All Times?

    How Does a Friend Love at All Times?

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    Do you have a friend? Maybe you have lots of friends. Some you can call acquaintances, but many of us are blessed with friends who are “closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). These are the people with whom we can share our most cherished dreams, as well as our deepest disappointments. These are the people we love and trust, and we would do just about anything for them.

    Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times. And a brother is born for adversity.” What does this verse mean?

    Who Wrote This Proverb and to Whom?

    The book of Proverbs is, in essence, a collection of wise sayings throughout thirty-one chapters. King Solomon almost exclusively penned the book, but chapters thirty and thirty-one were written by Agur, and King Lemuel, respectively (see Proverbs 1:1, 30:1, and 31:1). Proverbs are short and concise, and they illustrate enduring truth and insight.

    In Proverbs 1:4, we are introduced to its purpose and general audience, “to give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth.” Proverbs 1:8 shows us the specific audience as Solomon states, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.”

    What Does This Proverb Mean?

    What we gather from Solomon’s words throughout Proverbs is that consequences are conditional on the student’s (son’s) decision to abide by the instruction. There are commands and also “words to the wise” within the Proverbs. Proverbs 2:1-5 tells us that if the hearer receives the teacher’s words and attends to wisdom and understanding, then he will “understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.” This condition aids our understanding of the verse which says a friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity.

    We are shown the difference here between a friend and a brother. A loving friend is an unceasing source of that love. A sibling may or may not be as close, yet shows up in times of trouble. Therefore, friends are constant and a brother, while present in a time of calamity, is not always available.

    What Is a Friend, and in What Way Does a Friend Love?

    Let’s define the word friend. First we need to remember that being a friend is a choice, while being a brother is not. Being born into a family doesn’t necessarily make siblings friends (as so many of us can attest).

    According to Logos’ William J. Ireland, Jr., “friendship may be simple association (Genesis 38:12; 2 Samuel 15:37) or loving companionship, the most recognizable example being that between David and Saul’s son, Jonathan (1 Samuel 18:1, 3; 20:17; 2 Samuel 1:26).”

    The Bible uses the word love in four main ways:

    Agape is an unconditional, everlasting, and sacrificial love. When Scripture tells us of God’s love for us (John 3:16, 1 John 3:1, e.g.), it’s agape (perfect) love. So too is a husband’s love for his wife (and a wife’s for her husband).

    Storge is described as familial love.

    Eros is romantic love between a husband and his wife (and a wife and her husband).

    Phileo is a love between close friends.

    People in general tend to involve their friends in all aspects of their lives. In this sense, a friend is prepared for what may happen in another friend’s life. This is not always so with families. When we “leave the nest,” so to speak, it’s usual to become independent of our parents and siblings. We cling to friends who have common interests, cheering for each other in successes and coming alongside when failures occur.

    A true Christian friend loves by:

    – Praying

    – Being available 24/7

    – Listening (Families, who “knew us when,” lean toward solving our problems before we finish speaking)

    – Being open and vulnerable and allowing the same

    – Understanding when solitary time is needed by their friend

    – Staying in contact

    – Doing all he or she can to help/support their friend as they grow in the grace and knowledge of Christ

    – Celebrating our successes

    – Grieving our losses

    – Gently correcting us

    – Accepting correction

    The list is long, and more can be added, but this is a good starting point. Jesus added weight to our understanding of what a true friend is when He said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Isn’t that the ultimate love, and isn’t that what Jesus did for us? (see John 3:16)

    Solomon continues his discourse on good character versus evil and foolish people. The maxims may seem random, but when they are measured together, there exists a theme. The overarching purpose of this book is teaching a person (a youth, a son) what living in wisdom looks like. Solomon asked the Lord for wisdom (1 Kings 3:5-15), and the book of Proverbs is a result of what the Lord gave him.

    What About When Our Friends Annoy Us?

    Annoyance is inevitable in any relationship, even the most loving. We are selfish by nature and even though as Christians we are new creations in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), sanctification is an ongoing process. We won’t be the best, most loving friend until glory, because we are still sinners. And sinners can and do annoy others, because, well, we want what we want.

    Realizing all of this, however, we are to be conformed to Christ. Whether we are annoying or are annoyed by others, we must react with Christlike patience, gentleness, and all the other fruit of the Spirit as outlined in Galatians 5:22-23. The best way to love your friend is to love the Lord first, and then your friend(s) (Luke 10:27).

    How Can a Friend Lovingly Correct When We Need That?

    Sometimes we discover our friend has erred in some way. It could be a theological error or it could be an action done by a friend that either has or might affect themselves and/or others. If another person shares a problem about/with your friend, the best course of action is to always ask your friend for their side of the account. Remember to go to them with an open and soft heart, yet having prayed for discernment. Listen and – if the situation warrants a correction based on your friend’s confession of wrongdoing – answer with grace and love. Always seek their best.

    If a friend comes to you and admits a sin, the first thing to do is pray silently for the Lord’s help. Tell your friend you love them and want to support and help them through this time. Ask them if they have first confessed to the Lord and repented of their actions. If they haven’t, you can pray with them. They may need your help with prayer especially if it’s the first time this has happened to them. Then remind them of 1 John 1:9, that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just. He will forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

    In no way should you place yourself in a lofty position because the Bible tells us to be humble and to consider others as more significant than ourselves (Philippians 2:3).

    Of course, we would expect the same from a friend if we are in the wrong.

    Friendship with Unbelievers

    Believing friends are a treasure. But what about friendship with unbelievers? By all means, enjoy friendships with people who do not know the Lord, but be careful not to conform to their world (Romans 12:2). As you should every day, put on your full spiritual armor (Ephesians 6:13-18) before heading out to socialize with an unsaved friend. Interacting with people who do not love the Lord gives us the opportunity as God’s ambassadors to share the Gospel with them (2 Corinthians 5:20). Make the best use of your time with believing and unbelieving friends, for the days are evil (Ephesians 5:16).

    A Prayer for a Believing Friend

    Lord Jesus,

    I thank You for my friend, _________. She is such an example to me as she loves You above all else and reflects Christ by how she loves me. I pray, Father, for Your will in her life, that she would always seek Your face and abide in our Lord Jesus. Help me to be the kind of friend You have created me to be, always praying for her and modeling a sacrificial life. All this I pray for Your glory and for our good,

    Amen.

    A Prayer for an Unbelieving Friend

    Father God,

    You have placed this friend in my life for a reason. I know, Father, that I am to be a clear and godly reflection of my Lord, Jesus Christ. Help me to do that well, so when my friend sees me, she would want to know why I love as I do. If it’s Your will, Lord, please use me to bring her to Your saving grace. This is not my doing, but it’s all by You and for You. It’s my joy to be Your child. I pray the same for my friend. I thank You and pray in Jesus’ name,

    Amen.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/PeopleImages

    Lisa Loraine Baker is the multiple award-winning author of Someplace to be Somebody. She writes fiction and nonfiction. In addition to writing for the Salem Web Network, Lisa serves as a Word Weavers’ mentor and is part of a critique group. She also is a member of BRRC. Lisa and her husband, Stephen, a pastor, live in a small Ohio village with their crazy cat, Lewis. 

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  • Practical Ways to Love Someone with PTSD

    Practical Ways to Love Someone with PTSD

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    PTSD is the abbreviation for post-traumatic stress disorder. There is also another form of PTSD known as CPTSD. This stands for complex post-traumatic stress disorder. There are many people across the world who either struggle with PTSD or CPTSD. The former is more linked with war veterans; however, the latter is more connected with those who have undergone repeated traumatic experiences, such as being abused as a child, sexually abused by a partner, or verbally abused by a caregiver.

    While CPTSD has not been officially recognized by the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), it is a very real mental health disorder. The DSM is not fully correct in many of its diagnoses; therefore, it is best not to rely on this as the sole indicator of someone’s diagnosis. As an example, the DSM has recently added narcissistic personality disorder as a mental health condition when it is not technically a disorder. If someone is a narcissist, it is because of sin—not because of a disorder.

    It is funny how they will add narcissistic personality disorder as a mental health disorder when they won’t add disorders such as CPTSD. Similarly, the DSM also invalidates those with eating disorders since they base the diagnosis on weight rather than behaviors. As we can see, the DSM is not the best place to go when trying to find help with a proper diagnosis or how to get better from your mental health concerns. Instead, it is better to be knowledgeable about these things from your own research and from real help from doctors who care.

    Helping Someone With PTSD/C-PTSD

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/AsiaVision

    The best things you can do to help your loved one with PTSD or CPTSD are to be knowledgeable about the disorder, actively listen, and be there for them. There will be days when it is really hard for them, which will show in your relationship with them. If your parent, friend, or spouse is struggling with PTSD or CPTSD, know that the disorder can cause them to have some symptoms that can change the way they interact with you. Remember that your loved one has gone through something traumatic, and it cannot be fixed overnight. It might take many years or even a lifetime for someone to make progress in healing from their traumatic experiences.

    Be patient with them and extend grace to them. PTSD and CPTSD can cause a variety of symptoms, such as flashbacks, nightmares, unwanted memories, difficulty expressing emotions, emotional withdrawal, feeling bad about themselves, feeling unworthy, dissociation, depression, anger, anxiety, being easily startled, and suicidal ideation. Your loved one struggling with PTSD or CPTSD needs you to be caring, understanding, and there for them even when it is hard. Each of these symptoms can come upon them unexpectedly and cause them significant distress. It is not all in their heads, nor is it something they can stop from happening.

    If you want to be there for your loved one, listen to them without judgment. Be okay with just sitting beside them and listening. It is alright if you don’t know what to say to help. Often, just listening to and being there for them is more than enough. If they ask for your help, advice, or thoughts, be encouraging and helpful. Validate their feelings and reassure them of your love for them. This can go a long way for them and help them not feel as alone in their struggles.

    Don’t Take Things Personally

    Another thing you can do to help your loved one with PTSD or CPTSD is to not take things personally. Due to flashbacks, feelings of unworthiness, anger, and nightmares, many individuals struggling with PTSD or CPTSD can take it out on their loved ones or say something that might hurt them. Additionally, if your loved one went through abuse that was related to a partner, it might be hard to listen to them say positive things about their abuser. Understand that this is part of trauma bonding, especially if they have CPTSD. This happens often for those who were mentally, physically, emotionally, or sexually abused.

    Those who have traditional PTSD might not experience trauma bonding; however, if your loved one has CPTSD, it is best to be aware of trauma bonding, especially if you are dating, engaged, or married to someone with CPTSD. Understand that although they may still have feelings for their abuser, it is not based on love or mutual love. Your partner may have loved them, but their abuser did not. A person who truly loves another person would never abuse them in any form or in any way. This can be hard for those with CPTSD to understand or accept; try your best not to take things personally when they talk about their abuser in a positive way.

    Remember that they have chosen to be with you, and this means a lot. Fears of them leaving or returning to their abuser can creep into your mind, and it might happen, but try to do your best always to remind your loved one that you love them, care about them, and want to help them in the best ways you know how. Even if your loved one does return to the abuser, know that it was nothing you did. CPTSD is very complicated, and it can be challenging for the person struggling with it to fully understand their own feelings. Choose to continue to be there for them because you love them.

    Taking Care of Yourself

    Lastly, you can help your loved one with PTSD or CPTSD by taking care of yourself. While this might sound cliche, it is very important. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to care for your loved one. Most likely, you are going through some struggles of your own. Maybe you are feeling insecure in your relationship, or you are going through depression, anxiety, or another personal issue. Remember to take care of yourself and engage in proper self-care. Self-care doesn’t have to be bubble baths or taking yourself out on a shopping spree.

    Instead, self-care can be going for a walk, listening to music, or reading. Any of these things can help you rest and relax for a little bit. It is important not to let your entire life be drained, especially if you are a caregiver of a child or an adolescent who has PTSD or CPTSD. Allow yourself time to have self-care, and do not neglect taking a day off when you need time away. If you are in a relationship with someone with PTSD or CPTSD, also remember to take time to do things you enjoy and get your mind off things that might have been hurtful or said in a way that your partner didn’t mean.

    Whether your loved one struggles with PTSD or CPTSD, it is important to get them the help they need, as well as you need to take care of yourself. If your loved one is not interested in seeking help right now, continue to pray for them and be there for them. Encourage them to seek out professional help, but don’t be pushy. If you are pushy, it could push them away from ever seeking help and possibly from talking with you about it ever again.

    Be kind, considerate, and validating of their feelings. Those who struggle with PTSD or CPTSD are not prone to share their feelings or their past experiences with just anyone. They have shared their feelings and past traumatic experiences with you for a reason. They trust you. Don’t abuse this trust.

    Keep being there for them, listen to them, and love them. While it can be hard at times, continue to do your best to be there for them. Above all, remember your loved one is the same person you have always known and adored. Underneath the pain and traumatic experiences, they are still someone who is your best friend, your sibling, your parent, or your partner.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Hispanolistic

    Vivian BrickerVivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • 21 Amazing Reasons God Created Grandparents

    21 Amazing Reasons God Created Grandparents

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    Grandparents are one of the best things that God created. They bring so much love into our lives and they love our families. Still, God didn’t just create them to spoil our kids. Grandparents have a unique role in the lives of our families and God has created them for some amazing reasons.

    They take joy in their grandchildren and love them no matter what. This doesn’t mean that they approve of everything they do, and most will say something if they don’t, but overall, they love their grandchildren. Also, they always love their adult children and are there for them.

    2. They Anchor the Family

    Grandparents can be the glue that holds families together. When people become parents, they often focus on the immediate members of their families, including their spouse or partner and their other children if they have them.

    They also focus on the immediate needs of their families. However, grandparents help anchor us to where we came from and the legacy of our families.

    3. They Are a Support System

    Grandparents are one of the best support systems we have. They are always there no matter what is going on in our lives with a listening ear or shoulder to cry on.

    4. They Have Wisdom

    With their years of lived experiences, grandparents hold a lot of wisdom to impart to younger generations. Listening to their advice and stories enriches our lives and teaches us what to do in certain situations.

    5. Passing on the Legacy

    Through their stories and advice, grandparents pass on the legacy of our families from generation to generation. This means we will never forget where we came from.

    6. To Teach Us Things

    Our grandparents have many things to teach us and not just about life. They can also teach us to do things like how to cook, bake, sew, change a tire, etc. If your grandparent offers to teach you something, take them up on it. You may need to know how to do it in the future.

    7. Prayer Warriors for Us

    Grandparents are always happy to share their faith and pray for us in any situation. They will always go to God boldly on our behalf, and we can be assured of that.

    8. Prayer Warriors with Us

    Our grandparents are also glad to stand with us in prayer for our situation and for other people’s situations. They have spent many years praying and talking to the Lord about going to war in prayer for other people.

    9. Teach Us about Faith

    Our grandparents may be the first ones to teach us about faith. They do this by taking us to church when we are young, buying us our first Bibles, and taking us to Sunday school.

    10. Model the Christian Life

    They are great at modeling the Christian life for future generations. This includes studying the Bible at home, praying, attending services, loving our neighbors, practicing forgiveness, and helping others.

    11. Tough Love

    Our grandparents, being raised in a different era, are more inclined to employ tough love on our children. Instead of coddling children like is usual in today’s parenting age, they choose to discipline the child, which is also love and teaching right from wrong.

    After all, Proverbs 13:24 says: “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.”

    12. Lessons about Life

    Our grandparents teach us fantastic lessons about life. Some of these lessons may include if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all, or good things don’t come easy.

    They will be the first to tell us that life may not always go as planned and that we will learn a lot from it, but to still be glad we have breath in our lungs to live it.

    13. To See the Best in Us

    Grandparents always see the best in us, even when we don’t see it in ourselves. They are our champions and our cheerleaders, and that makes all the difference.

    Hearing their encouragement and knowing that they see the good things in us makes all the negativity we may hear disappear.

    14. Model Good Adult Relationships

    The relationship between grandparents and their children should teach children what a good adult relationship looks like. The foundation should always be mutual respect, honesty, and love.

    However, sometimes adults have disagreements, and this will teach children that even good relationships hit rough spots sometimes, but people get through it and move on.

    15. Spoil Their Grandchildren

    Let’s face it, one of the best things grandparents are good at is spoiling their grandchildren. It’s ingrained in them; they love being able to do things for their grandchildren that they couldn’t do for their kids.

    This can include buying them things, taking them places, and having experiences with them to make memories.

    16. Give Undivided Attention

    We always get our grandparent’s undivided attention when we visit, which helps strengthen our bond with them. They love seeing us and hearing about what is going on in our lives and in our kids’ lives.

    17. Second Chances

    Because grandparents are so forgiving, they are often ready to give people in their lives second chances. They know that not forgiving someone is not healthy. In a society where people crucify others for their mistakes, we can learn a lot about forgiveness from our relatives. 

    18. Teach Manners

    Manners have become a lost art in our society, but when our grandparents were young, there were certain ways you acted and ways you didn’t. The role of grandparents is to instill manners in their grandchildren and teach them how to act.

    19. Having Fun

    Spending time with our grandparents is always a fun experience. Whether it’s sharing stories, doing a puzzle, playing board games, or watching a favorite show or movie together, there’s never a dull moment. An amazing way to stay connected to our families is through grandparents.

    20. Grandparents Are a Blessing

    Those fortunate enough to still have their grandparents around should relish their presence. The older people in our lives are blessings to us and our families. They are a source of family history, comfort and support, love, wisdom, and faith.

    They are the pillars of our families and where we came from. We love them, our children love them, and yes, even our pets love them. My boxer dog loved my grandfather on my dad’s side. We should love them and be a blessing to them just as much as they are to us.

    21. Grandparents Help Us

    Our grandparents help us in so many ways, like giving advice, being there to support us, going to war for us in prayer, and watching our children sometimes when we need them to. They love to help their family members and spend time with them every chance they get.

    We serve an amazing God who created so many amazing people to share our lives with. Take some time today and think about how your grandparents have helped you and your children throughout the years.

    Think about all the things they have imparted to your family and what a difference that they make. Then, take some time to call them, text them, email them, or go visit them to say thank you for all the ways they have enriched your life. You will make their day with your appreciation.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Edwin Tan

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    Carrie Lowrance

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  • A tip of the thinking cap to all the awesome teachers out there! (32 Photos)

    A tip of the thinking cap to all the awesome teachers out there! (32 Photos)

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    My dad, brother, sister-in-law, and wife are all teachers, so my opinion on how amazing they are might be a tad bit biased. So don’t take my word for it, just check out what other people have to say about the incredible teachers and professors in their lives.

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    Stephen

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  • 4 Biblical Promises to Cling to for a Struggling Marriage

    4 Biblical Promises to Cling to for a Struggling Marriage

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    1 John 4:17 tells us, “And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.” What stands out in this passage is that as we go about our lives, God is perfecting our ability to love! Loving God and loving others is a journey. We are born with a sin nature that steals our ability to love one another with God’s perfect love. Once we invite Jesus into our lives, we begin to learn a new way to live! One marked by abundant grace, radical forgiveness, and constant growth. 

    I’ve been marinating on this truth because the idea that I’ve failed to love my husband well has weighed heavily on me. Guilt and shame have held me in a sort of purgatory. My pride told me that I should be better than I am. I should not fail in these certain sorts of ways, which held me back from accepting God’s grace. The truth is I am a sinner, and the only way I ever love well is when Christ’s love lives through me. Each day I am growing in his perfect love. Falling short is not a failure; it’s a chance to accept God’s grace and grow in a new way. 

    Thanks to God’s goodness, I have the strength to show up in my marriage again. Open my heart even though it’s been hurt and also has done some hurting. I am able to sit in that counseling session another time because we are still on the journey. The love God has given us is still growing more perfect. I haven’t exhausted all my chances because God’s grace still lives on. He is still rooting for us and willing to teach us more about His freedom and forgiveness. His love for us won’t fail; that’s the promise He makes to us all. 

    Have you felt hopeless, wondering if you’ve hurt the one your soul loves too many times? I’ve been there too. I’ve sat stuck in shame that said I’m breaking my home because something is so broken beyond repair in me. But I stayed, even when I wanted to go. I’ve leaned into God’s promises, and hope is replacing the despair that lived inside of me. 

    Here are some promises for your marriage you can cling to when you feel the only hope that your union will remain together is that God will do a miracle! 

    1. Love Covers Sin

    1 Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Sin breaks things that God designed to stay together. Sin in marriage drives a wedge between your one flesh. It tugs at your heart and sells you the lie that the grass is greener elsewhere. It invites evil photos into your bedroom. It tells you that you’re worth more and should no longer put up with your imperfect partner. It lies and is the killer of love. 

    But God’s love is greater than our sin! God has given us the victory! Sometimes we can see the sin that gets in the way of our love and feel so very defeated. God promises us that his love is greater than our failings. When we invite him into the dark with us, he finds the light switch and turns on the lights. He shows us the way out, a way marked by grace, and radical forgiveness. God promises that his love is able to cover our sins when we both call out for God’s help in our marriages.

    2. By Grace, We Can Approach Jesus

    Hebrews 4:16 says, “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” God invites us to confidently approach his throne of grace! Wow, what an image. His mercy is available to us when we are feeling overwhelmed by our emotional and relational needs; all we have to do is ask for it. 

    God promises to offer us the grace we need when we are in a time of need. Nothing is impossible with Christ! Do not give up hope for your marriage before going to God’s throne of grace and interceding for your relationship. God’s helping spirit is able to do above and beyond all we could think or imagine. 

    3. God Gives Us the Grace to Forgive

    Mark 11:25 says, “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” To make a marriage work, we have to be willing to offer one million apologies and forgive one million and one times. At times forgiveness and saying sorry again can feel nearly impossible! The weight of the failures we bring to our relationships can get crushingly heavy. Yet, God promises that if we pray and forgive, he also will forgive us. Forgiveness is a great gift He gives us, the chance to try again each day. It’s the tool we use to grow in our love. 

    4. God Walks with Us

    John 15:14-15 says, “You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing, but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” Jesus was called Immanuel, meaning God with us. He told his disciples they were more than his followers or servants; they were his friends. God walks with us on this marriage journey. He strengthens us along the way. 

    When we feel weak, unsure, and out of ideas, God is there with us. In moments I’ve felt out of strength in my marriage, I’ve learned to go to God. To ask him to walk with me and show me his ways. To change our hearts towards one another and heal our hurts. He always shows us the next step forward. 

    When we are struggling, it’s important to seek God and others for wisdom. If you are in an abusive situation, God never desires you to stay. He wants you to find help, health, and safety. We have to trust Him with each season of our lives together. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages 

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

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    Amanda Idleman

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  • When Should Christians Seek Divorce?

    When Should Christians Seek Divorce?

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    Divorce is typically not the end most couples have in mind when they walk down the aisle, though nearly half of all first marriages are said to end in divorce.

    Today, we live in a society where it can be relatively easy to get married and then, for almost any reason, get divorced. In some states in America, it can take a few days to a month to file and finalize a divorce, while other states have a far longer and more complex process.

    Christians, however, typically do not enter a marriage covenant lightly — nor do they attempt to end one without serious forethought and very good reason. Yet many who are contemplating divorce struggle with whether they can or should do so. They worry they will be kicked out of their church for getting divorced, or they are subjected to extreme pressure to stay together in spite of serious, even dangerous, circumstances.

    Many of us have heard “God hates divorce,” a sentence that comes from Malachi 2:16, one of the Old Testament prophetic books. Some translations state this directly, though others only imply it, and it comes from a passage where God is speaking to his prophet about the woeful state of marital relations among the Israelites of that day. While debate exists about whether that sentence even appears in the original Hebrew manuscripts of God’s Holy Word, God does express disappointment about and dislike of divorce.

    And we know divorce is not what God intended when he created man and woman and gave them to each other to be “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

    This begs the question: What does the Bible say about divorce? What did Jesus say about divorce? And when should Christians seek divorce, if at all?

    Let’s take a look at what Scripture tells us about divorce.

    What Is Divorce?

    A divorce is the process of terminating a marriage. Typically, the dissolution of marriage is a decree issued by a court under the rule of law in that country or state.

    The word “divorce” also appears throughout the Bible with seemingly the same meaning. Its first mention comes in Leviticus 21 and 22, and there are mentions throughout the Old Testament, both in the Torah and the books of major and minor prophets, as well as throughout the New Testament.

    The Old Testament was written in Hebrew, and the Hebrew word for “divorced” is garas, also meaning banished, expelled, driven out, or cast aside. The Hebrew word for “divorce” is salah, meaning to send out or send away, let go (as in a marriage relationship), release, or thrust out. Another word, kerithuth, means the official divorce decree, something in writing.

    In Greek, the language of the New Testament, the word for divorce is apolyo (send away or release) or apostasion (certificate of divorce). Another word for this is aphiemi, meaning cancel, let go, desert, or abandon.

    Divorce in those days typically meant that the law (both God’s law and human law) allowed for a marriage relationship to be cancelled or terminated and the woman could be released or sent away. The Bible doesn’t specify precise terms of this “cancellation,” such as whether the woman would have any rights or monetary protection or on what grounds this could occur, but we do know it did occur.

    When and Why Did Divorce Originate?

    As with most issues discussed in the Old Testament, divorce was included in Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy because God cared for his people and wanted to be sure his people were fairly treated. He knew sometimes marriages did not work, and he wanted to make sure his people understood fair treatment of others was important to him. He wanted to ensure divorced women could reenter their father’s homes and have protection and a family once more (Leviticus 22), but that divorced women were not considered proper spouses for priests (Leviticus 21).

    Much later, in Matthew 19, Jesus explained that divorce was not God’s original intent for men and women but rather a solution God offered because of the people’s stubborn and obstinate hearts. As he noted, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning” (Matthew 19:8).

    Clearly, divorce is not God’s preference or something he likes, but rather something he permitted as a way to provide for his people who were suffering.

    What Did God Say about Divorce?

    Beyond establishing laws about divorce, God also said a few things about divorce.

    First, he spoke about it in a relatively negative way, implying divorce occurs when a man “dislikes” his wife or she becomes “displeasing” to him (Deuteronomy 24:1-4).

    To the prophet Jeremiah, God expressed displeasure about his people’s fickle hearts, equating it with divorce and therefore implying his distaste for divorce. As he said, “I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries” (Jeremiah 3:8).

    In the Book of Malachi, we find the strongest Old Testament expression about divorce. God expressed displeasure in this book about the many ways his people were going astray and displeasing him. In addition to faulty sacrifices, withholding tithes, marrying women who worshipped false gods, and being generally disrespectful to the Lord, the people were getting divorced without proper grounds. In the Torah, God specified the people could get divorced for adultery (Deuteronomy 24:1) or abuse (Exodus 21:10-11). Yet now, men were divorcing without good reason, and God was not happy about this.

    As God said, “Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. ‘The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful” (Malachi 2:15-16).

    What Did Jesus Say about Divorce?

    God also spoke through his son, Jesus. We know Jesus, as the Word that became flesh (John 1:14), is also God, part of the holy trinity — Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, three in one.

    And Jesus had strong words about divorce.

    In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, “makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32).

    Later, when questioned by the Pharisees, Jesus talks about how marriage between a man and a woman was God’s plan at the beginning, as two became united as one flesh. “Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate,” Jesus said (Matthew 19:6).

    He further added, expressing displeasure about divorce on improper grounds, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9).

    It’s important to note that the Greek word translated here as “sexual immorality” is porneia, and it includes more than sexual immorality but also spiritual immorality, fornication, greed, lust, and other improper marital intimacy. Therefore, scholars also agree this word applies to spousal abuse.

    So bottom line: Unless it’s for reasons of abuse, adultery, or other marital immoralities and perversions, Jesus is saying that divorce is wrong.

    When Should Christians Seek Divorce?

    But it’s also important to note that people in adulterous, immoral, abusive, or otherwise improper marriages are not stuck and condemned to a lifetime of cruel suffering.

    God is a loving Father, and he allows divorce when people are in terrible situations like this. While he acknowledges this is not his preference, and that he prefers a man and woman to join as one flesh, when this union is perverted, corrupted, or distorted in some way, he allows divorce as a protective measure.

    Therefore, a woman or man who is experiencing abuse, adultery, or other wrongful marital situations may free themselves from the bonds of this union.

    What about Remarriage?

    Jesus has harsh words about remarriage: “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Luke 16:18).

    When his disciples note that perhaps it’s better not to marry in the first place, Jesus says, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. … The one who can accept this should accept it.”

    Read more about this important question here: What Does the Bible Say about Remarriage?

    What if the Divorce or Remarriage is Not Considered “Proper”?

    Of course, sometimes Christians find themselves in situations where they are divorced yet there was no porneia, no improper marital circumstances. Sometimes, they divorce simply because they have fallen out of love or for some other reason they know to be not in line with the Lord’s provision or liking.

    Other times, they have divorced and remarried and now — maybe even years later — they find themselves convicted that perhaps they behaved sinfully in one or the other area.

    If this is the case, as with any other conviction of sin, a person should repent wholeheartedly, then devote themselves to living in accordance with God’s will from now on. That is, they should not seek to dissolve the new marriage but rather commit themselves wholly to the union and strive not to sin again.

    And for those who divorced and remarried before they came to Christ, the important thing is to understand that from now on, they are to live in accordance with the will of the Lord. For instance, in the early church, circumcision was a big controversy. Many insisted new converts should be circumcised, yet this was not a typical cultural practice for many Greeks and others and quite off-putting for many. The apostles determined we are saved through God’s grace alone.

    As the apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:20, “Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.”

    Just as with the issue of circumcision, those who are remarried can rest in the knowledge that God understands and accepts us as we are — so long as we strive to repent and follow his commands from here on out.

    As Jesus told the adulterous woman in John 8:11, “Go and sin no more.”

    Remember: God loves us. His original plan is perfect and holy. But even when we go astray, we are welcomed into his kingdom when we repent and believe.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Martin Barraud

    Jessica Brodie is an award-winning Christian novelist, journalist, editor, blogger, and writing coach and the recipient of the 2018 American Christian Fiction Writers Genesis Award for her novel, The Memory Garden. She is also the editor of the South Carolina United Methodist Advocate, the oldest newspaper in Methodism. Her newest release is an Advent daily devotional for those seeking true closeness with God, which you can find at https://www.jessicabrodie.com/advent. Learn more about Jessica’s fiction and read her faith blog at http://jessicabrodie.com. She has a weekly YouTube devotional and podcast. You can also connect with her on Facebook,Twitter, and more. She’s also produced a free eBook, A God-Centered Life: 10 Faith-Based Practices When You’re Feeling Anxious, Grumpy, or Stressed

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    Jessica Brodie

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  • 3 Ways to Find Healing After Divorce

    3 Ways to Find Healing After Divorce

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    It is amazing to me how God divinely orchestrates our path. At just the right time, in just the right place, He has a way of arranging encounters with just the right people. This has been my experience throughout my writing journey with this topic of finding healing after divorce. I have been entrusted with opportunities I consider “God winks” to share my testimony of finding healing after my own divorce in conversations with women who are currently going through a divorce or are newly divorced.

    I know the devastation of divorce. I understand the hurt and pain that cannot be articulated with words. I also bear witness to the fact that God can make beauty from ashes. When we are open to releasing our fragile hearts back to God, in exchange, we receive healing accompanied by joy, restoration, peace, and hope.

    We read these words of comfort from Isaiah 61:3 (NLV): “To those who have sorrow in Zion I will give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes. I will give them the oil of joy instead of sorrow, and a spirit of praise instead of a spirit of no hope. Then they will be called oaks that are right with God, planted by the Lord, that He may be honored.”

    When you are in the thicket of loss, grief, and ashes, imagining that any beauty can emerge can be difficult. After all, no two people ever enter a marriage with the goal of getting a divorce. Despite the varying dynamics that may test the relationship’s solidity, the intention is always to have a marriage that endures the test of time. When divorce occurs, it can literally feel as if you are grieving the death of a person who is no longer physically present with you.

    Yet, God is always with us. God is always present in our lives. God always cares about what concerns us. Never far removed, but as the psalmist in Psalm 46:1 (ESV) reminds us, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” We can cling to the fact that God promises never to leave or forsake us, no matter what life throws at us. And yes, even the reality of divorce.

    Sweet friend, I want you to take heart today in the all-sufficiency of Jesus. May this moment be your reminder you are still God’s beloved. He still has a plan for your life, and it is beautiful. God can redeem all things, even the trauma of divorce. There is healing after the havoc it reeks. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy always comes in the morning (see Psalm 30:5). The sun will shine again in your world. You will live again, laugh again, and maybe even love again. By God’s grace, you will know what it means to authentically smile from the inside out. And just maybe, you will also genuinely shed happy tears of joy and gratitude as you realize God wastes nothing.

    As I reflect upon being “single again” for twenty years now, I can testify without reservation that Ecclesiastes 3:11 is true: “He has made everything beautiful in its time…” I am living proof that God has a wonderful way of making all things new and causing everything to work together for our good and His marvelous glory. If you find yourself navigating the torrential waters of divorce, look to Jesus – not other substitutes or distractions – but look to Jesus. He promises to be your peace amid the storm. I am praying for your healing because I know God to be a healer in my life. Divorce is not too big, hard, or complicated for God to handle. Give yourself grace, patience, and kindness daily as you walk through your healing. Rest in the confidence that God has got you in His hands. You remain in His grip, and He will not let you go.

    I am honored to share some application that has helped me, and I sincerely pray it will be a blessing to you too. Here are three practical ways you can participate in your healing process as you journey through and navigate the aftermath of divorce.

    1. Take Time for Yourself

    Photo credit: ©shironosov

    You need time to slow down and process. Allow yourself to adjust your pace in this new season and simplify your lifestyle. You need time to acknowledge your feelings (hurt, anger, resentment, betrayal, disappointment, rage, etc.) to yourself and God. And by the way, God is big enough to handle your most real, raw feelings.

    You need time to be alone with your thoughts and not be flooded with the opinions or expectations of others. Part of processing involves self-reflection and evaluating what you did wrong as a spouse, not just your partner. We must be willing to be honest about how we contributed to the condition of the failed marriage and own it. A real assessment will involve transparency regarding what we could have or should have done differently and what lessons we are learning so that we will not repeat them again.

    As you take time for yourself, do not fall for the enemy’s deceit that influences you to turn away from God. Instead, run to God! Choose to be better, not bitter. Divorce calls vulnerability to the surface, but we must call upon the name of the Lord to rescue us. When we turn to God, He is faithful to strengthen and deliver us.

    Psalm 18:1-2 (NKJV) tells us, “I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” 

    Taking time for yourself is not about living on your own terms but living intentionally with complete dependence upon and trust in your God. He will never cease to be our Savior and Lord. Nevertheless, we must remain open (heart and mind) and yield to the leadership of the Holy Spirit that desires to guide us and help us every step of the way.

    2. Seek Godly Support

    person in counseling, should christians get psychiatric counseling

    Photo credit: Getty Images/StockRocket

    Although taking time for yourself is essential, it does not mean living in isolation. We all need community, especially when going through a tough time. Divorce is a significant life change that impacts every part of you – present and future. Having the right spiritual influences through pastoral counseling, Christian counseling, divorce care support groups, divorce small group Bible studies, and trusted Godly friends and mentors will make all the difference as you go through one of the hardest moments of your life. The people God connects us to through these various influences are often instrumental in our healing. They are the vessels God uses to facilitate our healing in one regard or another.

    Embrace the people who are positioned to walk this road with you. Those God has connected you to will truly love you throughout your healing process by speaking the truth to you in love. They will have a heart of compassion and empathy for your unique circumstances. They will be sensitive to the Spirit of God and allow their words and actions to be saturated with grace and wisdom. They will be the hands and feet of Jesus that demonstrate His heart for you. They will help to bring perspective and remind you, “This too shall pass.” Embrace your God-ordained tribe (or find your people) that will push you through and cheer you on to the other side of your victory.

    3. Wait to Date

    As tempting as it may be, wait before you start dating again. Yes, you will feel lonely after divorce; this is normal. When you integrate your life with another person over any length of time, it feels odd not having someone else around. However, loneliness should not be a motivating factor that leads you to begin dating again.

    In my book, Living My Best Life, a major theme throughout is learning how to embrace God’s gift of singleness. Even when divorce is not something you initiate or desire, once your reality, we have to consider God has a purpose in allowing us to experience being single again. It is easy to lose ourselves or our identity in a marriage. Being single challenges us to seek solace in God alone and find completion in who we are in Him, not our marital status. This is truly a gift to be appreciated and enjoyed.

    I do not recommend starting to date until you have successfully gone through Christian counseling. Focus instead on recalibrating your relationship with God and grounding yourself in Him. Remember, God still has specific assignments that are part of your destiny here on earth. A divorce does not get to cancel out your purpose. You are not damaged goods somehow disqualified because of a divorce. You have a bright future and a beautiful life promised to you right now.

    There are gifts, talents, and abilities God has bestowed upon you that the world needs. So, take this time to fall in love with Jesus all over again, rediscover your God-given purpose, and follow hard after God. Then, when the time comes, your potential love will find you pursuing God, which will be his cue to pursue you.

    You can’t rush ready, and you can’t rush healing. Divorce does not mean you have lost time to make up. You are still on God’s divine calendar. You are not second class or second best, so do not be tricked that you need to jump into a relationship or settle because, somehow, you are running out of time now.

    All of those are lies the devil will try to appeal to you. But you must remember, everything will happen according to God’s perfect will for you. Just let it happen in God’s way. You do not have to manipulate or help God out. Entrust Him with your process, and God will bring it all to pass at the appointed time. God makes all things well with and for us. He heals us so that we are whole. Trust God every step of the way.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Mindful Media

    Crosswalk Writer Patrice BurrellPatrice Burrell Grant is called to lead others to the grace of God, rooted in the truth of Scripture. Championing women to live authentically and pursue God passionately, she is a life coach, speaker, and worship leader who loves the presence of God. She desires to live a lifestyle anchored in spiritual disciplines while cheering on other women to do the same. As a Bible teacher and preacher, she exhorts women to remember their true identity is defined in Christ, not culture. You can connect with Patrice on her blog, Warrior Woman Blog; on social media in her Facebook community, Warrior Women; and on Facebook and Instagram. Patrice is the author of  Warrior Slay, a devotional book on the power of worship and prayer, and Living My Best Life, a Bible study for single women. Soon to be released, her latest work, Be Still My Soul, is a devotional book about cultivating the spiritual disciplines of silence and solitude through daily prayer journaling. Visit Patrice’s website @  www.patriceburrell.com to connect with her and receive weekly encouragement in Christian living.

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    Patrice Burrell Grant

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  • 3 Types of Friends You Need

    3 Types of Friends You Need

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    Is there anything sweeter than a soul-refreshing friendship? You know the one you can randomly meet up with at a coffee shop, spill your guts, and then receive a warm and understanding hug. Then you have the mom who gives you encouragement and helpful advice when you’re in the trenches of a truly disheartening and difficult season of motherhood. 

    Ahh, sweet friendships. We all need them, right? And yes, we need to be those friends as well. But maybe questions flood your heart. Questions like: What kinds of friend should I truly be searching for? Are there different kinds of friends for various seasons of my life? Does that essentially mean I must change as well?

    Well, my sweet friend, is it okay that I call you that? I know we haven’t officially met, but I have a keen feeling that if I met you over a warm cup of coffee we’d somehow just click. That’s because if you are here (at iBelieve), you are my kind of gal. All that aside, let’s be honest for just a minute, shall we?

    I have had all those questions mentioned above about friendships as well, and more. That’s because relationships with other women aren’t always so cut and dry. Friendships can be tricky and not so easy to navigate. Our emotions and hearts get invested, and we can spend a lot of time with these girls. And sadly, sometimes hurt happens. 

    While people move, some change, and others just aren’t your cup of tea (and that’s okay), there are those who bring on friction, cause confusion, and may bring you to question if they are the “right” kind of friend.

    So, how do we find and keep friends who truly are what the Bible calls “sweet friendships” (Proverbs 27:9)? You know, the sweet friend who doesn’t just “get you” but comes alongside you to love, encourage, and hold you accountable. Not only that but she leads you to grow in your faith and love the Lord with all your heart! 

    Sis, no matter what season you are in, whether you are a single girlie or a mom of college kiddos, there are three types of friends you need (and need to be), starting right now!

    1. The Mentor Friend

    Think the Titus 2 woman. Every woman needs an older (and wiser) faith-filled woman to lean on. The one who has “been there and done that” and can share her pearls of wisdom all while encouraging you to be the woman, wife, and mother God is calling you to be. 

    In Titus 2, 1 Timothy, and 2 Timothy, Paul is giving instructions to the church leaders on how to “train” a younger group of men and women. His message is still loud and clear today, as it is to insinuate that elderly God-fearing women in the church need to lay out an example for the next generation of women.

    These lovely ladies can provide valuable insight on how to stay faithful, be of sober-mind, and remain steadfast under trials while showing characteristics of dignity, self-resect, and godly submission in every aspect of our lives.

    Who wouldn’t want a friend like this? Better yet, who wouldn’t want to be this kind of friend to another?

    As faithful women, we are all called to seek wise counsel in the form of a mentor, as well as be mentors, especially within the Body of Christ (1 Timothy 4:12, 2 Timothy 2:2). As we seek to hold one another up in Christ, with a mindset to shape the next generation, we have the ability to gain some of the sweetest friendships we will ever know all while growing more and more like Christ. 

    2. The Memory-Maker Friend

    Oh, the simply sweet memory-maker friend. As the name implies, a memory-making friend is the one you meet up with and “make memories.” This is your peer, the one who is in the thick of the season you are in, right beside you, cheering you on as if also trying to motivate herself (1 Thessalonians 5:11). You can laugh, cry, scream, vent, and overshare with this girl. She gets it because she is living it too!

    Text this girl to meet at the park in five minutes, she’s there. Chat on the phone in the closet during nap time, she’ll listen. She’s got your back and you’ve got hers. You can go out to the movies and giggle over the cheesy plot or get away for a weekend and have the time of your life. This friend is pretty amazing!

    The truth is that God created us to be relational beings and to be able to do this life together in a relatable and special way. He made friendship for us to commune and fellowship, so when we get together with these dear friends, we reap the benefits tenfold (1 John 1:7, Acts 2:42). Praise God for that!

    That said, these friendships must be built on mutual trust and respect, otherwise tension can ensue, and negative feelings can unravel, creating devastating consequences (Proverbs 16:28). While these friends sadly can come and go in and out of our lives for various reasons, we must treasure the time we have with these dear sisters. All in all, just be the kind of friend you seek and treat these beauties like the real gems that they truly are (Luke 6:31)!

    3. The Meaningful Friend

    This is the well-meaning friend who ever so sweetly tells it like it is. This friend will see your blind spots and be sure to let you know. However, behind her words is a heart of pure gold as she strives to serve and love others through servanthood.

    Need a meal after the new little bundle arrives, she’s got you covered. Have a prayer request, she’s on it! She’ll basically be the one to drop everything she is doing and graciously serve you with an open mind and soft heart. She’s there, always dependable, and her love for Jesus is outwardly evident. 

    A meaningful friend will encourage you by using her own gifts and talents all while supporting and pointing out your beautiful gifts, talents, and attributes. In other words, she wants you to be the best version of yourself and deeply cares about your heart. What a rare thing these days!

    Meanwhile, the most beautiful thing about this friend is her ability to use compassion as a base to develop a relationship. She is quick to show vulnerability, invests time and energy, and is genuine in her approach. This friend is simply lovely inside and out and is intentional, often befriending the lonely and lost.

    So, what type of friends are in your life? Better yet, what type of friend are you?

    A Prayer for Your Friendship

    Lord, thank you for the gift of friendship. Help us look to You and model the example in which You lay out for us in Your Word on how to be a good friend. We want to be a friend who is trustworthy and shows respect and honor to our fellow sisters in Christ. Allow us to find wise friends to learn and grow from while also sharing wisdom when prompted. Give us those dear friends to make memories with and help us be meaningful friends who choose to see the needs of others, serving them with a heart of compassion. We are so thankful that you created us for fellowship and that we can come to You first with a raw and real heart, sharing what we need. Give us hearts to be the kind of friend You want and need us to be. Amen.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Lyndon Stratford

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • How True Repentance Brings Sweet Reunions

    How True Repentance Brings Sweet Reunions

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    It seems like a whirlwind romance! He picked her up at the airport and took her to his home as a first-time guest. They stayed up all night, catching up on life and sharing memories. They talked about what was to come, grand plans for the future.

    Sounds like a movie or a novel’s plot, right? But this story is about a brother and a sister who live in different states and have grown far apart over the years. With their late dad’s voice running constantly through their minds, saying, “Make sure that you pursue a relationship with your siblings!” they decided to make good on their promise to do so. 

    Cruising for Bruising and Brokenness

    “Bruised” and “broken”—these two words are often associated with trauma or injury, normally when someone sustains a fall or has an accident. Bruising happens when you damage your small blood vessels, with the color changing from dark to light as it starts fading or healing. A broken bone’s telltale signs can include bruising, often marked with pain. It’s intense at times and can include possible deformity or limited range of motion.

    We often describe relationships as bruised or broken—or both. Someone experiences trauma, also known as relational abuse. Mistreatment—either physical, emotional, or mental—begins to cause adverse responses such as anxiety, feelings of shame, and guilt. As the abuser or victim (or both) downplays the circumstance, sweeping it under the rug, the bruising and brokenness intensify over time. It is sometimes difficult to fully recover from this type of injury, but not impossible.

    A Parable of Brokenness

    In the Gospel of Luke, we have the Parable of the Prodigal Son: “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living” (15:11-13).

    How often do you hear of a son or a daughter asking for his inheritance before the parent is ready to give it to him or her? And how often do you hear a parent granting his or her child’s request without so much as saying, “I am not even dead yet and you are already collecting! What if I don’t want to give you anything?”

    But the father in Jesus’ parable did exactly the unexpected. He divided his property between his two children and gave his younger son his share. He didn’t question his son’s motivation or have any wise words such as, “Don’t squander what I worked hard for!” He didn’t even advise, “I hope you use your inheritance as an investment for a healthy financial future.” 

    The son packed up and left, enjoying the wealth he could personally control. However, he destroyed himself, living the high life.

    How much bruising and brokenness happened in this family? First, we have the father. He had to deal with the younger son’s request of giving his inheritance earlier than necessary. It must have broken his heart for his younger son’s choice to live a life without accountability! As for the younger son? He got his free pass! He couldn’t care less about hurting anyone’s feelings. He left to pursue his own path, leaving his family with a broken heart!

    “Choices Have Consequences”

    “And when [the younger son] had spent everything, a famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his field to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything” (Luke 15:14-16).

    We have heard the saying, “Choices have consequences.” Here we are in the story of when the younger son already lost all his inheritance from his irresponsible lifestyle. And his life took an even harder turn with a famine. He knew he had fallen into a deep pit when the pigs on his job site were fed better than him. His undignified life and miserable state were sure signs of his brokenness.

    But let’s go back to the opening story of the brother and sister. We can surmise that their choice not to pursue a relationship for many years was an easy one for them. After all, they live in different states. “Out of sight, out of mind!” as the saying goes. When the sister would visit their father, it was about a father-daughter moment, not a family gathering. The lackadaisical attitude on the brother’s part was perceived to be him not wanting a relationship with her. And since there was no real communication between them, there was no bond established. This might sound like a relational blunder that could be shrugged off… but what if the sister didn’t know Christ and the brother did? This creates new stakes in the importance of maintaining healthy relationships.

    We are often participants—consciously or not—in bruising and breaking events, either excusing ourselves from responsibility for our shortcomings that impact others or allowing others to inflict their questionable and problematic behaviors on us. So how do we recover from trauma and move on?

    A Sweet Reunion

    “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.” And he arose and came to his father” (Luke 15:17-19).

    A wake-up call! Admitting to himself that he, the younger son, was not in good shape, his decision to go back to his father’s house and to ask for his father’s forgiveness were his first steps to recovery from his self-inflicted trauma. In his honest and humble reflection, he didn’t feel worthy to be his father’s son, a man who should enjoy the riches his father still owns. He was willing to be treated as a servant. He knew he was at the bottom of the totem pole.

    “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him… The father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate” (Luke 15:20, 22-23).

    Yes, reunions should be times of celebration! The pettiness and foolishness of the past should be set aside. But, just like the younger son’s heartfelt realization, we should see ourselves for who we truly are, especially in the sight of God. We should not discount the fact that forgiveness is important, asking for it to right the wrongs inflicted on others and granting it to ourselves so we can heal from our own bruises and brokenness. 

    The brother and sister celebrated their restored relationship, just like the father and his son in the parable. The sister said, “Amidst the chaos, I am thankful for your prayer and for welcoming me into your home.” The brother said, “I am thankful to the Lord that I was able to pray and lead you to Christ! That is the best gift we share today—our faith in Jesus!”

    As the psalmist said, “[God] heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (147:3). Let’s not walk around in pain, limping from our brokenness. It’s good to be reunited with loved ones—and with our Creator!

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes

    Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!

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  • How Should Believers Navigate Prenuptial Agreements?

    How Should Believers Navigate Prenuptial Agreements?

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    Getting engaged is a pivotal moment in a couple’s lives and comes with much excitement and anticipation. However, this glorious moment can be shattered when one says, “’ I’ll say, ‘I do,’ ‘til prenup do us part?”  It doesn’t really have a nice ring to it. So, what is a prenup, and how should we go about this highly controversial topic as believers?

    The history of the prenuptial agreement (prenup) dates back to ancient Egyptian times and was often used as a means to care for a widowed woman. According to Brodie Friedman, marital and family law attorneys, these contracts were written up to protect the wealth and property that came from both the bride and groom’s family. Due to prearranged marriages then, a bride was given away with a dowry, and a groom was to pay her family to marry her. This nuptial agreement was designed to ensure that she would have rights to wealth and property if her husband passed away.

    Fast-forward to today. These nuptial agreements have since faced some skepticism but have become rather commonplace since the laws on divorce began to change in the early 1950s (Wikipedia). Now, we see a different evolution of what marital agreements entail, as a prenup states how money, possessions, and assets are to be divided in the unlikely event that a couple part ways and proceeds with a divorce.

    This “agreement” not only comes with a pretty bad connotation nowadays but can stir up distrust and mixed feelings, especially among Christian couples. Rightfully so, as believers, we hold to the notion that a marriage is meant to be a life-long venture, sacred and holy under God (Mark 10:8-12). That said, putting a prenup in place would cheapen the most favored human relationships, deeming it more like a contract than a covenant (Matthew 5:32). 

    However, it may be worth questioning whether there is ever a rare or certain case in which a prenup might be warranted. According to Focus on the Family, “blended families and already-started business ventures can create unique financial situations that need to be addressed with explicit care. A prenuptial agreement could be a wise way to avoid future financial and legal headaches, particularly where extended family is involved.” There was also mention of going into a marriage with significant financial debt or extreme assets where a prenup may be worth considering.

    We must recognize that we live in a fallen world riddled by tragedy, and unfortunately, divorce is a part of that. However, when a couple goes into a marriage with a mindset of the possibility of it “not working out,” the motives are already way off base. The truth of the matter is that God’s design for a marriage is to bring two of His beloved children together and make them one flesh (Genesis 2:24). This sacred union is to be valued as a commitment to life (Ecclesiastes 9:9). 

    Husbands are called to love and lead their wives, giving themselves up for her, while wives are to honor and respect their husband’s role and submit to him being the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7-9). Each brings a beautiful role into a marriage, holding equal value but different and unique qualities that are required to make a marriage based on faithfulness and devotion while being rich in love (Ephesians 5:22-31).

    Christian couples should enter a marriage by seeking to honor and glorify God’s design for marriage and enter their union equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). When each spouse says “I do” to honor and submit to God first and foremost, then submit to one another in marriage as Christ did the church (Ephesians 5:21), that is the only agreement needed.

    Father, we thank You for the precious gift You give us in marriage. Please help us see our fiancés and future spouses as You do – as a beloved child and priceless treasure. Help us honor Your perfect design for marriage and live in a purposeful way that glorifies You together. Amen.

    Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Edmond Dantès

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • Don’t Have Close Friends? Consider This

    Don’t Have Close Friends? Consider This

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    I feel as though I’m prying. Maybe it’s because there’s a stigma around loneliness, even if this condition is something of an epidemic. About 1 in 3 Americans reported feeling lonely in a recent survey. 

    Loneliness means we’re journeying through life solo. In the words of the Bible, loneliness hits probably because we lack a friend “who is as [precious to us as] our own souls” (Deuteronomy 13:6, AMP). 

    As precious to us as our own souls? Whoa! What a tall order.

    Few relationships would fit. Can you classify coworkers and acquaintances as “friends who are like your soul mates” (ISV) when all you do is chat about casual things with them? 

    Here’s why the question I asked at the beginning is worth considering. I attended the 2024 Christian Association for Psychological Studies (CAPS) conference and learned about a sobering study on the well-being of pastors and their spouses. These researchers discovered pastors who had more close friends also endorsed fewer depression symptoms. They felt more satisfied in ministry. 

    Granted, pastors are unique. Their leadership role sets them apart from the rest of the church. However, this position’s endless demands often intrude into the pastors’ personal lives and impact their families, further pressuring them, which explains their need for close confidantes.

    But the need for true friends isn’t limited to just clergy. God created all humans to be relational beings. And so, it makes sense for all of us to need a trusted friend. Whether you lead a Fortune 500 company, a tribe of young humans still at home, or are somewhere in between, even if your life is relatively drama-free, you’ll still benefit from having an ally.

    Friendship increases life satisfaction. In contrast, loners have been found to be twice as likely to die prematurely. Research shows baring your heart to a buddy can lower blood pressure during stressful situations.

    But how do we find that kind of friend? 

    Here are three ideas:

    1. Old Friends

    Did you meet someone who then became a close friend earlier in life? Cherish that friendship. Work through any rift that might have ripped you two apart in the course of time. Old friendships—that is, connections we made while we were younger—offer a richness that can be missing from those fostered in adulthood. 

    As Scripture says, “never abandon a friend” (Proverbs 27:10, NLT). Don’t discard an old friendship in the face of quarrels.

    But friendships, obviously, fall under the umbrella of relationships, and conflicts within relationships are notoriously tricky to resolve. So, if you feel stumped by the schism between you and your friend, email me your dilemma. The Ask Dr. Audrey’s Advice Column might offer the balm you need to soothe the cracks in your friendship.

    If there is no squabble separating you from your old friends, wonderful. I’m happy for you. Still, please don’t take your pals for granted. Keep working on your friendships. Whether it’s a quick “miss you!” text or a heartfelt video chat, cherish your friends. Let them know how appreciative you are of them.

    2. Risk a “Yes”

    Remember the conference I told you about earlier? I presented on—what else?—Internal Family System (IFS), my favorite therapy modality. Afterward, while browsing the book tables, I ran into one of the people who attended my workshop. We chatted about IFS before she dropped an unexpected question: “Would you like to come to my birthday party?”

    I didn’t know this lady. At all. Plus, the party was at the hotel where the conference was held. Because I stayed at a different property—and the forecast called for rain for the rest of the day—RSVP-ing yes might have meant being drenched as I walked to the party and back.

    There were many reasons to beg off, but I’m so glad I risked a “yes”!

    I didn’t know it then, but my agreement unlocked a roomful of joy. The birthday party ended up feeling like a clean comedy show. As a present for the birthday girl, every guest was supposed to share two truths and a lie while the group guessed the lie. Because some were expert storytellers, stories about squirrels and singing captivated us while others crafted creative jabs and poked innocent fun as more stories flowed.

    The evening erupted into one raucous laughter after another.

    But how does my experience affect you?

    The next time the chance to socialize arises, risk a yes. Pray and confirm it with God first, of course, but unless you feel a clear “no” from the Almighty, lean on your yes. 

    You might make a few friends that way.

    3. Initiate 

    May I indulge you with one more story from the eventful party? This one originated from the birthday girl herself. These parties, she explained, started because her birthday used to be lonely. No friend was around to celebrate her happy day.

    “Why don’t you invite a few people out and treat them to a nice meal?” her husband advised. “Not McDonald’s.”

    She listened to his advice and gained a group of close friends as a result.

    Let’s apply this concept to you.

    If you lack true friends, volunteer yourself to be one. No need to wait until someone offers you the gift of friendship. Instead, initiate the process. Stretch your comfort zone and get to know others. Be generous in spending your time with them. Buy them a Christmas gift. Surprise them with a gift card for their birthday. 

    Keep nourishing that new friendship until it won’t be that new anymore, and before you realize it, you’ll have a close friend to share life with.

    Take it from the party I attended. One reason it felt special was because the guests kept showing up at the same conference, and the same birthday party, for years. By the time I arrived, the bond between them—and the birthday girl—had been clearly established.  

    It Takes One

    There is a flicker of hope arising from the research on pastors I cited earlier. Whether it’s them or their spouses, the researchers discovered it took having only one friend to improve the lives of these study participants. 

    Imagine that! We don’t need to have a close friend in every state to improve our welfare. It only takes one. 

    Scripture confirms that friendship isn’t about quantity but quality. “A person of too many friends comes to ruin,” warns Proverbs 18:24 (NASB). 

    Moral of the story?

    If you’re an extrovert, don’t let your natural ability to socialize backfire. Collecting an impressive number of contacts is great, but advance only the right persons into your inner circle. “Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Don’t let those you call friends corrupt your decisions regarding God or life in general.

    And if you’re an introvert, endure the discomfort that comes with reaching out to make new friends. Extroverts might rate this kind of activity as less nerve-wracking than you, but that’s okay. Scale down the effort if you need to. You only need one good friend, remember?

    No matter your tendency, and whether the friendships you’re working on are quite old or brand new, cultivate them. Check in on your friends. Forgive. 

    And now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to plot out my two truths and one lie. 

    My new friend’s next birthday party awaits!

    Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Elle Hughes

    Audrey Davidheiser, PhD is a California licensed psychologist, certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist, and IFSI-approved clinical consultant. After founding and directing a counseling center for the Los Angeles Dream Center, she now devotes her practice to survivors of trauma—including spiritual abuse. If you need her advice, visit her on www.aimforbreakthrough.com and Instagram @DrAudreyD.

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  • 8 Ways to Impact Your Grandchildren

    8 Ways to Impact Your Grandchildren

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    My oldest grandson just entered his last year of elementary school. The years have whizzed by in a flurry of sweet and sometimes salty photographs, each representing an opportunity to spend time with this blonde bundle of energy, who will become a full-fledged man in what seems a nanosecond. He would like my use of the word nanosecond, as it is so much more interesting than the word “second” and much more current than the expression “in the blink of an eye.”

    It has been said, “grandparents are a delightful blend of laughter, caring deeds, wonderful stories, and love.” I hope that my grandchildren would agree!

    As Christians, our view of how we choose to engage in the lives of our grandchildren can be guided fully by our faith, our deep desire to fulfill the call of Scripture to love others well, and by our strong desire to leave a legacy of God’s “righteousness with our children’s children,” Psalm 103:17. Let me share with you eight wise ways that you can have a rich and lasting impact on your grandchildren.

    1. Overflow With Unconditional Love

    Grandparents have a unique opportunity to be honest with themselves regarding the missteps that they may have made as parents, while aligning with the Psalmist in declaring, “Search me, O God, and know my heart” Psalm 139:23-24. In doing so, grandparents can move forward humbly and boldly in caring for their grandchildren with a truly Christ-informed mindset of love that is unconditional. Such love values grace over judgment, shuns comparison, and sees each individual grandchild as beautifully unique and made in the image of God.

    2. Lead a Healthy Lifestyle

    Four to five mornings a week, I stand in the downstairs powder room with my not-quite-four-year-old granddaughter and listen to Mickey Mouse sing the brush your teeth song. As I put toothpaste on her toothbrush this morning, she handed me my toothbrush. She stood on my little step stool, and the two of us made our teeth sparkle. We have all heard the phrase, “More is caught than taught.” Whether getting out and taking walks together or snacking on berries and juicy summer watermelon, healthy behavior catches on. It has the added potential benefit of grandma and papa being around for a long time!

    3. Be Present and Available

    It goes without saying that any truly good relationship has a foundation of ongoing and consistent interaction. One author calls this “the power of being there.” For grandparents who live near their grandchildren, this may take the shape of assisting with after-school care, a special weekend date, or simply showing up for special school programs and extra-curricular activities.

    Some crucial keys to significant grandparent-grandchild interactions are as follows: 1. Check-in with parents to clear outings and activities. 2. Always show up and be where you say you’ll be. 3. Focus on your grandchild in a loving and supportive manner. This is the present in being present!

    4. Be Intentional

    Even if your grand’s live far away, and you only have the opportunity to visit in person once a year or so, you still can create a present and meaningful relationship through intentional, planned visits that will focus on time with them. Throughout the year, caring deeds such as phone calls, FaceTime, handwritten letters, and thoughtful small gifts continue to move forward the connection you seek to build. A postcard from a trip you have gone on or a photograph can be a fun way to connect. You can even try being pen pals with your grandchild. Whatever your circumstance, the goal is to be intentional in building a strong, loving connection that will impact your grandchild throughout their lifetime.

    5. Have Fun!

    The beauty of fun is that it is just plain a good time. A grandparent, who is a blend of part laughter and part love, starts with a sense of play, allows for a pinch of silliness, and adds a whole lot of imagination. Counselor and pastor Charles Shedd noted, “Grandparents are, without a doubt, some of the world’s best educators.” It is amazing how we can share hobbies, a love of reading or nature skills, and all sorts of wisdom and wonder when we mix it with a generous portion of fun-having. Consider what your grandchildren already enjoy, and learn about it. Let them teach you a thing or two as well, or look for creative ways to present what you love and invite them into new learning worlds full of delight.

    6. Stay Relevant

    Two of the greatest missteps a grandparent can make in their relationship with their grandchild are losing their sense of what it was like to be young and scoffing at the changes or new trends that come along with each generation. As the older generation, we may want to imbue the younger ones we love with certain ideals and traditions. We may feel confused and dismayed when our well-meaning lessons fall on deaf ears. Remembering that we, too, were once the generation questioning traditions, and embracing new ideas, can help us to build common ground with our grandchildren. Ask questions, be curious about new technology and paradigms, and be willing to try something new when possible. Listen well without judgment, and seek to understand rather than point to the way things used to be. I am not suggesting you shrug off your faith or family values, but rather that you listen and love well in order to honor their interests and actively example your faith.

    7. Tell Your Story

    “Young people need something stable to hang on to – a culture connection, a sense of their own past, a hope for their future. Most of all they need what grandparents can give them.” Pastor J. Kesler

    Every grandparent has a story that has been written on their life by the hand of a loving and purposeful God. There are flawed parts that perhaps can only be shared carefully and with great wisdom when speaking to young hearts, but among these, there is tale after tale of redemption, kindness, and hope. All of these are part of the history that can be laced with humility and passed down to our descendants. These wonderful stories can unfold naturally as you enjoy a meal together, walk in the neighborhood, or drive to an outing. You can also share bits of history in notes and letters or even in a more formal legacy journal.

    8. Love Jesus by Example

    Psalm 92:14 encourages the older Christians to continue to bear fruit and stay fresh and green as they maintain relationships and righteousness through Jesus Christ. This Psalm creates a vivid word picture of a valuable life that leads others to God simply through a flourishing vitality in their faith. As grandparents, we may not always have the opportunity to share our faith verbally with our grandchildren, and if we do, it should always be supported by the actions of our daily life. As noted previously, godly grandparents can impact their grandchildren through an unconditional love that reflects well how God loves them and us. Grandparents can actively live out their faith in the day-to-day, seeking to exemplify a growing faith in God integrated into all aspects of life. It may be a simple prayer for travel safety as we evidence our reliance on and hope in God.

    Grandparents who value prayer for the powerful gift it is can become legacy-makers, deeply impacting the lives of their grandchildren through diligently praying for their grandchildren, and they can love them with biblical words of affirmation and blessing over their lives. Almost daily, as I buckle my youngest granddaughter into her car seat, I remind her that she is a gift from God. My oldest grandson often hears the words, “You are a fine young man of God.”  

    Billy Graham once noted, “The greatest legacy one can pass on to one’s grandchildren is not money or other material things accumulated in one’s life, but rather a legacy of character and faith.”

    Within every grandparent is a great well of impact potential to influence the generations that come after with grace and truth. We can be not simply grandparents but also mentors, trusted allies, a place of safety, an inspiration to seek God, and a warm, delightful example of love and laughter. These are the makings of character and faith and the wise ways you can have a rich and lasting impact on your grandchildren.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Maryna Andriichenko

    Stacey Monaco has been speaking and writing since her first unpublished children’s book in the fifth grade. Her journey as a writer has taken her from the depths of blue water exploration, to the simplicity of crafting words to encourage and educate in the areas of loss, legacy, leadership, and living life passionately with purpose. Stacey received her Masters Degree in Christian Ministry and Leadership from Talbot School of Theology, and has worked in many roles from slinging coffee to pastoring women. To find more on living the Christian life with intention, head over to her website at StaceyMonaco.com.

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  • How Should Christians View the ‘Tradwife’ Trend?

    How Should Christians View the ‘Tradwife’ Trend?

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    The trendy “tradwife” movement. What’s this all about, really? The term trad wife, which denotes the view of a traditional wife with traditional values, was originally displayed about six years ago when several millennial and zoomer housewives took to social media and showcased their idealistic, domesticated lifestyles. 

    These young ladies began to glamorize the iconic All-American 1950s woman as they posted pictures donning the classic fit and flare dress with attached apron and pump high highs. Whether they are placing meals on the table for their family with a glistening smile, vacuuming their immaculate homes, or greeting their husbands at the end of the day with a passionate kiss, the message is to showcase traditional gender roles and the culture of that nostalgic time era. In the time when men were the sole breadwinners and providers, women stayed home and were caretakers.

    According to Estee Williams, a 25-year-old trad wife and TikTok influencer who inspires women how to cook, clean, and maintain beauty for their husbands, “a tradwife submits to her husband and serves her family. This concept is not degrading or considered to be of lesser value than him. This is more common with traditional Christians.” Many of her recent videos share how to find a masculine man and dish out advice for high school girls who are questioning and eager to learn more about her “old school” lifestyle.

    @esteecwilliams What it means to be a Tradwife. #fyp #tradwife #homemaking #housewife #traditional #tradwifecontroversy #womenschoice ♬ Music Instrument – Gerhard Siagian

    While this concept continues to grow and gain momentum on nearly every social media platform, gaining traction, it is apparent that a younger generation of women is seeking men who will lead, provide, and protect them (Ephesians 5: 25-33). However, this movement hasn’t come without a spark of controversy, even among the faith-based circles.

    How should we respond to this tradwife movement through a Biblical lens?

    The phenomenon of a traditional, simpler, and older way of life is nothing new. After all, it’s the cycle of life as families pass down their traditions to their children. It is common for children to take on some of those customs and part ways with others, maybe starting something new. This is where we see old-fashioned ethics and new terms like “trad wife” come into play. 

    However, these homemade definitions are not synonymous with the Biblical housewife portrayed in Proverbs 31 or Titus 2. Where the tradwife focuses on some Biblical views, it completely misses the mark on others. While there are distinct gender roles noted in God’s Word, we are all called to submit to Christ, first and foremost (James 4:7), and then to one another in marriage (Ephesians 5:21).

    Where a tradwife focuses on outward appearances and the authority of her husband, Biblical womanhood encourages marriage to be rooted in faith and glorify God – together. Marriage is a servanthood where a husband is called to love his wife as Christ did the church, and a wife is called to submit to her husband so that he can lead in confidence. There is mutual love, respect, and honor (Ephesians 5:21-33). 

    The Proverbs 31 woman seeks after God’s heart (Mark 12:30), embraces her role as mother and wife, cares for her feminine beauty (1 Peter 3:3-4), is a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:6-8), serves with a gracious heart, and walks with purpose, seeking God’s will and way for her life. This could mean working in or outside of the home.

    Titus 2 is generally an older (wiser) woman who is portrayed as a role model and mentor for young ladies, training them to trust God and walk in obedience. They share the real meaning behind submission, which is to walk with dignity and grace, honoring God’s design for marriage and encouraging young wives to serve and love their husbands and families with compassion.

    Like with any cultural trend, we need to be careful not to be swept away by all its enticing and enamoring effects and choose to seek God’s will and way for our lives by digging into His Word and seeking Truth. The beauty of God’s Word is that it never changes (Psalm 119:89, Isaiah 40:8, Malachi 3:6). In a world that is forever evolving, His Word remains the same. We can count on that—it’s a promise!

    Photo Courtesy: ©Getty Images/Alexandra Girard
    Video Courtesy: esteecwilliams via TikTok

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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    Alicia Searl

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  • Why People Pleasing Is Not What God Wants for You

    Why People Pleasing Is Not What God Wants for You

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    Have you noticed the influx of media marketing lately? Post after post offers seminars or curriculum to help you “be the best you” that you can be because you deserve to live your dreams or change the world with your passion.

    Am I the only one who feels pangs of anxiety when I look over these posts? There is almost a subliminal message that says:

    • You aren’t good enough. 
    • You need to try harder. 
    • Everyone else is resolving to do better.
    • You had better keep up the pace.

    I don’t know about you, but the very idea of these accusations sends me looking for a paper bag to breathe into.

    When I start to feel overwhelmed by a barrage of “shoulda, woulda, coulda” thinking, I have learned it’s time to stop the voice in my head. 

    I don’t know about you, but comparing myself to others is exhausting. Yet, being a middle child and a born people-pleaser, my natural default is to compare myself to those more motivated than me. And when I do that I lose––every time.

    Lose what? I’m glad you asked. 

    Living for the approval of others is never a worthy goal. Let’s face it; people pleasing is a moving target. We’ve all heard “You can’t please all the people all the time,” so if you’re a people pleaser, you will exhaust yourself trying to measure up to everyone else’s standard for success.

    When you bow to the standard of others, you’ll also lose peace of mind. Because you will constantly compare yourself to how others are doing, or change your goals based on the comments of others. 

    So, what can you do? For me freedom from people pleasing came in a number of ways. First and foremost was when I surrendered my life to Jesus as my Lord and Savior because the Spirit of God gave me new life in Christ. 

    Once enslaved to my trespasses and sins, I found God set me free. By the power of His indwelling Spirit, God’s peace began to rule in my heart and mind in Christ Jesus (see Romans 6 and Philippians 4:7).

    When I realized that God created me for His glory and not my own, I learned the most important person to please was the Lord my God. Wow––what a relief!

    No longer did I need to seek the approval of others. 

    The only standard I had to live up to was the one Jesus called me to in relationship with Him.

    So what is that standard? 

    In Mark 12:30-31, the religious leaders asked Jesus what was the priority of life. Jesus’ response was two-fold:

    1. Love God with all of your being.
    2. Love others.

    Now, don’t be tempted to simplify this statement to mean, “God doesn’t care about my sin; all that matters is love.” Because the truth is, if you’re loving God with your whole being, then the evidence of that love is your desire to walk in obedience to His commands. 

    Jesus said, “If you love me you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15). So, there’s no way around it. If you’re going to please God alone then your love for Him will cause you to walk in obedience to Him.

    The second part of Jesus’ response in Mark 12 was to love others as we love ourselves. Here’s the interesting part of that statement. We cannot love others in the selfless way God commands until we are living in love with Jesus. Because when we love Him properly, what spills out of us is His selfless love for others.

    When you live to know and love the Lord and His love spills out of your life onto those around you, you will have learned the secret to breaking free of people-pleasing.

    You see, as you draw near to God, He promises to draw near to you. And the closer you walk to Jesus, the more clearly you will have the mind of Christ to discern what He would have you do with your life––rather than comparing yourself to what others are doing with their lives (see James 4:8, 1 Corinthians 2:16).

    There is nothing wrong with looking ahead to set some God-driven goals. You would be wise to daily spend quiet time alone with the Lord to seek His will for your life.

    But more important than setting goals is the time you spend with Jesus. Because time with Him through prayer, Bible Study, and waiting in His presence is the secret to living the life you were meant to live.  

    And when you resolve to live in His presence, you will find the key to freedom from people pleasing.

    Rhonda Stoppe is a pastor’s wife, speaker, and author. As the NO REGRETS WOMAN, Rhonda has more than 20 years experience of helping women live life with no regrets. Through humor, and honest communication, she helps women build NO REGRETS LIVES by applying sound teaching from Scripture. Rhonda appears on radio programs, speaks at women’s events, MOPs, and homeschool conventions throughout the nation. Rhonda Stoppe’s book Moms Raising Sons to be Men is mentoring thousands of moms to guide sons toward a no-regrets life. Her new book If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy: And Other Myths Wives Believe is helping countless women build no-regrets marriages. 

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund

    Publication date: January 16, 2017

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    Rhonda Stoppe

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