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Tag: inspirational

  • 8 Ways to Make Your Wife Feel Seen and Appreciated

    8 Ways to Make Your Wife Feel Seen and Appreciated

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    Feeling seen is a universal human need. We all desire connection, purpose, and to be known. Marriage is one of the primary places we long to be noticed. I don’t think that wanting to be wanted by your partner ever stops. We all want our love to keep going and growing. Yet, staying present and engaged with our spouse can feel tough as life becomes more full. Marriage tends to get pushed down the mental list of things we attend to as our plates get heavier with jobs, kids, hobbies, obligations, and more!

    As Christ-followers, married couples are called to love and respect one another (Ephesians 5:33). That requires a level of uncommon intentionality in our marriages. We have to fight to keep our lover, partner, friend, and spouse at the top of the growing priority list. Sometimes what is even more challenging than prioritizing each other is forgiving each other. As the years add up, so can offenses. Even the most innocent miscommunication can sow seeds of distrust over time. We have to be radically willing to keep open and forgiving hearts toward our spouses. This commitment to grace is the best way to feel seen by each other. The second our walls go up, the ability to love each other for who we are, imperfections, and all is impeded.

    Practically being there for each other is the best way to appreciate each other. Here are a few simple ways you can be present for your wife so she feels seen and appreciated:

    1. Make Time to Be Together

    Wives often carry a lot of the burden of planning for our families. We coordinate our kids’ school schedules, sports, our work demands, and then if we have time, we often are the ones tasked with carving out time for our marriage too. Take some of this off her plate and plan time for you to be together. This can be as simple as putting the kids to bed early so you have some quality evening hangout time available or as elaborate as planning a trip away together! Showing her that you want to be together to make memories and connect shows her that she matters to you.

    2. Pray with Her

    So many things come up in our lives that feel heavy! Help her carry the burdens you see weighing her down by coming alongside her in prayer. Take time to actually stop and pray aloud with her so she can hear you call out to God on her behalf. This step of spiritual leadership for your marriage will be praised, and she will know you see her heart and doing your part to care for it.

    3. Invest in Her

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund

    Invest thought into making her feel special! This could be a special gift that you know she will love, a note that expresses your affection for her, or an act of service that makes her day a little easier. Serving her by knowing her and then responding with things you know she will love is one of the most magical ways to make your wife feel seen and appreciated.

    4. Listen to Her

    Lots of us women like to talk! We want to explore all our feelings and share them, at least with the people that are closest to us. Husbands, it’s your job to hear her. Hear when she’s upset, listen when she expresses a need for help, and encourage her when she feels defeated. Make space for her and just be willing to listen when she needs you. You don’t have to fix things; you just have to be with her while she processes everything.

    5. Appreciate Her

    Husband kissing wifes head

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/PeopleImages

    Each one of us has unique gifts and callings. Take the time to know what your wife does best and praise her for her work. If she is an amazing leader at work, affirm that gift in her. If she is serving your family at home, let her know her efforts matter to you. When you see her invest in her friends or church, let her know that she is making a difference. You are called to be her cheerleader! Praise her as God uses her daily to bless others.

    6. Forgive Her

    Sometimes we can become jaded towards each other. We have to break down the walls of hurt and choose to see each other with God’s heart of love. Your spouse will never love you perfectly but she is perfectly loved by God. You are called to forgive and cherish her at her best and worst. Don’t hold her failures against her. Offer her grace when you could justify bitterness. This is the best gift you could ever give her!

    7. Serve Her

    cute couple husband bringing wife breakfast in bed sick

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

    Ultimately one of the main ways marriage refines us is that it gives us daily practice in putting the needs of others in front of our own. We are called to “serve one another in love” (Galatians 5:13) as believers. Marriage is one of the primary places we get the opportunity to offer our service. Notice this is loving service, not eye-rolling, or I’ll get to it when I can service. We should be eager to be at our wife’s side, helping her manage our homes and shared lives together. If there are dishes in the sink, start washing them. If there are diapers to be changed, grab the wipes and wrangle those littles onto the floor. Be present and willing to get the crew settled in when bedtime comes around. If there are meals to be prepped, cleaned, or planned, ask how to help. Don’t just assume that she’s got it. Be willing to see and serve her every day.

    8. Share with Her

    Interestingly appreciating someone does not just look like being selfless. Sometimes our own seemingly “selfish” reliance on another helps them know they are trusted and loved. Often men struggle to articulate how they are feeling. They may not want to “burden” their wives with their struggles, but marriage is meant to look like a shared life. Sharing happens when we open up and let our partner into even the toughest moments of our lives. Sharing your needs communicates value and trust to your partner. Independence builds a wall in your marriage that limits the amount of intimacy you can experience as a couple. Let her into your world. Make her a central part of your life, and she will know you value her.

    Married life is an opportunity to radically share God’s love with another flawed human. You’ll never get it perfect, but continuing to pursue each other despite your imperfections is how we make our unions last. Take time to see each other in every season, and the joy you share will abound over the years!

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Anchiy

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

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    Amanda Idleman

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  • The Importance of Having a Faith Strong Enough to Be Passed Down

    The Importance of Having a Faith Strong Enough to Be Passed Down

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    The great weapons and shields of Lord of the Rings were passed down through the generations to be used in various battles against the forces of evil. Frodo wore Mithril and his sword, Sting, passed down from Bilbo. Aragorn held Andúril, Isildur’s sword, and Boromir’s own weapon had been inherited, though its history was not as infamous. Even the ring was an inheritance of sorts. The protagonists’ items (not the ring) were practical, and they were valuable enough to be passed down, cared for, treasured. 

    Even Andúril, associated with both the victory and the failure of men, though broken, was reforged at the right time. These items of war remind me of Paul’s armor, built out of faith and trust in the Word of God (Ephesians 6). I started thinking about inheritance, what I treasure, and how much I trust the power of the Word of God. I started to think about our disposable culture and the trends in Christianity that come and go.

    My Relics from Family

    The only thing I coveted of my mother’s was a cookbook so worn out that my father threw it away which saddened me greatly. There was no way to make it work anymore, I guess because I had loved it so much that it fell apart.

    But most things I own can be and will be replaced, far too easily I think. There is very little I would grieve to lose in a fire–mostly items my children made for me, or pictures of them (when they still posed for the camera). These are keepsakes their own children will wish to see if they are anything like every child I have ever met, and like I was as a child.

    Yes, most of what I own is disposable. It’s not made to last. I would be ashamed to pass it down, even my jewelry. Much of what I wear is so cheap it falls apart before I lose any of it (which is inevitable, and a good reason for me not to buy gold).

    The most important inheritance I have received, and the best thing I will leave behind is my testimony. My faith. The best legacy I inherited from my mother’s family was their deep, rich faith in God. This trickled through the many cracks and gaping holes in my parents’ unbelief. This is also what I hope to leave behind me.

    My Inheritance from God

    As treasures go, it’s nothing to show at parties or itemize on an insurance form. My most treasured possession is not an item to hold, but a belief. A certainty. It’s my faith in Christ; that he is who he says he is and, thus, I can trust his assertions about who I am also. I have good reason to believe that he is coming back, even though I might not see that day until after I am in the ground.

    “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us” (2 Corinthians 4:7). For many years I valued the jar of clay. Sometimes I still do, but the paint is definitely fading. My jar is old-fashioned but not old enough to be a valuable antique.

    Nowadays, though: would it get a new paint job? I suspect my jar of clay would be added to a heap of garage sale rubbish and either sold for 25 cents or given away at the end of the day. The contents of that jar are invisible to the naked eye, except to the eye that is open to the real treasures inside that vessel. It’s the Spirit living inside of me.

    When I drift away, this isn’t because the Spirit needs a facelift. He is the same all the time, but I need to change. Followers of the real, true gospel didn’t have to give it a new look, a fresh coat of pain, or LED lights to make it shinier or more popular. Christ was and always will be the “author and perfector of our faith” (Hebrews 12:2). He embodies the gospel, and he is perfect.

    Antiques Fraud and Faith

    Can there be such a thing as Christian beliefs which come and go, like fads in furniture and home appliances? Not real Christian beliefs–they are described as such but don’t actually align with the gospel.

    There always has been and always will be the threat of false teachers. Some kind of faith is always popular and acceptable in society–the kind that doesn’t have to explain itself and isn’t terribly challenging. Faith in some universal but powerless being who does not require submission to his authority is all the rage, or so it seems, at least among those who consider themselves in any way “spiritual.” That’s not new.

    People like the idea of a god who is happy to make us wealthy and healthy, someone to get angry at when life goes wrong but doesn’t want us to suffer. He is a non-intrusive sort of god who lets us do our own thing and answers to us rather than the other way around.

    By the time I die, the prevailing trends in faith will be equally lacking in clarity, direction, or truth. They will fall apart under close examination the way all of these unfinished faiths have done.

    Their advocates and leaders will look glossy and speak convincingly in a way, which they think is more satisfying, unifying, and inclusive than the Biblical gospel. But it’s all or nothing with God; a compromise is worthless; balsa wood compared with the solid oak of our Triune God.

    “Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters” (Matthew 12:30). Those faiths are like art fraud: scrape away just a little and you see that the paint is fresh, and it’s not quite the right hue for what Titian had at his disposal. The light is a little wrong. Shadows are pointing in the wrong direction or absent entirely. The picture lacks depth.

    Wise and seasoned art dealers can spot a fake because they know the real thing so well, no fraud can get past them. So it is with the Gospel.

    Either it is the real deal or it’s a fake; there can be only one truth, and Christ proclaimed that he would not share the throne with anyone. Karma looks a little bit like the gospel, “because faith without works is dead” (James 2:26), but we are not saved by those works; we do the works because we are saved and becoming more like Christ. We want to serve him.

    Reincarnation sounds something like the resurrection, but it’s not. The Lord was bodily brought back from the dead, not as something else but with his former body only not dead. So will it be with us. Believers will be raised from the dead, but not as better or worse versions of ourselves based on how we lived our lives. Not as slugs, and not as divine winged creatures.

    Why Am I So Convinced of This?

    I’m not a textual scholar or an antique dealer, but I obviously love words. There is something about a story that either holds together and rings true or does not. The four Gospels are far too real to be anything but the truth as far as I’m concerned.

    There is unity within the narrative, but a lot of flawed humanity about the people within the story (except Christ). He never wavers from his purpose or his ways. He is so good, and so unflinching in his purpose and obedience to the Lord.

    Christ is not afraid to be unpopular; to say hard things; and yet he does so lovingly. Everything his Word tells us to do, Christ did; he went before us. “The Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head” (Luke 9:58).

    He and the disciples were poor. He was real. He wasn’t even a rock star in his own day. Christ would be betrayed, rejected, and threatened for three straight years before losing his life in one of the most agonizing ways of human devising. Jesus’ disciples died or were exiled for their faith (with one obvious exception), and not just the initial 12.

    Early believers would have scoffed at prosperity proponents. So would many martyrs who came after them. And why would Christ or any of his followers go through so much in order to stand firm in their faith in a God who was distant, didn’t really know them, and who would always leave them wondering if they were in karmic credit or debt?

    They saw the real God, in the flesh, and they were changed. They didn’t give Christ all their money. They just followed him in doing good.

    No Need for a Tune-Up

    My point is my Christian faith is derived from an eternal truth. The Bible is its certificate of provenance. It’s an antique, but it’s as good and true today as it always has been.

    My faith has nicks and scrapes all over it, just like any well-made, well-used f

    orm of defense and weaponry. Reject it all you want, but ask yourself, “Can I rest my weight on my beliefs when dark stuff goes down? Is this a shiny red dollar-store crutch that’ll crack under any actual pressure, or a scratched but solid stick of oak that appears to have been used to cross the Red Sea in the time of Moses?”

    I’ll take the ugly stick, thank you, and the people who see it for what it is will cherish my stick.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/aldomurillo

    Candice Lucey is a freelance writer from British Columbia, Canada, where she lives with her family. Find out more about her here.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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    Candice Lucey

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  • 3 Ways Christians Can Choose Meekness Instead of Resentment

    3 Ways Christians Can Choose Meekness Instead of Resentment

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    Pastors love to lead the sheep to pasture, but we know — better than anyone — that sometimes the sheep can bite. One Sunday morning, after I preached on the Parable of the Sower, a congregant approached me, spitting out angry words.

    He found my preaching “too intellectual” and thought that I wasn’t addressing “real issues.” I’m thankful that we reconciled, but not before I realized how quickly resentment can metastasize.

    Of course, such resentment is in no way confined to the church. Our society has witnessed an ugly spike in such reactions in recent years, particularly since COVID and all the related social challenges.

    A recent study found that resentment is on the rise, with many people feeling victimized by a variety of factors, including politics, social injustice, and personal slights.

    In fact, the study found that nearly half of Americans feel as if they are walking on eggshells around others to avoid causing offense.

    What Is Resentment?

    Resentment is a persistent feeling of bitterness, indignation, or anger toward someone who has wronged us. It is a natural response to injustice or mistreatment.

    But if left unchecked, it can lead to a toxic and destructive cycle of revenge. The current climate of resentment poses a significant challenge to our social fabric and spiritual health.

    Sometimes such resentment metastasizes into a form of bitterness that doesn’t allow for the possibility of repentance and reconciliation. It was Nietzsche who developed this notion in his political psychology.

    Using the French word ressentiment, which includes the idea of anger, envy, hate, rage, and revenge, he explained how someone who lives with bitter animosity, which cannot be expressed publicly for fear of recrimination, becomes accustomed to manipulating his or her opponents with a passive-aggressive guilt trip.

    In such a supercharged political and social moment in which Christians sometimes find themselves on opposite sides and who believe the stakes are life and death (and sometimes they are), how should we proceed?

    1. Read What Jesus said about Meekness in the Bible

    How can we provide a consistent kingdom witness on critical issues while pointing friends and fellow citizens to Christ and the gospel?

    I would like to suggest that Jesus’ words in the Beatitudes can help. In fact, they are the only viable way forward:

    “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:5).

    This is the central impulse of the Beatitudes — “Blessed are the poor in spirit … the merciful … the pure in heart … the peacemakers … those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake” — the counterintuitive kingdom that inexorably aligns our affections with the rhythms of heaven.

    Here we find the “blessed” life that God intends for his people — not just in the future, but here and now. On earth as it is in heaven.

    But God’s reign is closer than we think. In the crucified and risen King, the two realms now overlap — a holy ground that is simultaneously mundane and heavenly, temporal and eternal.

    It is a quality that Jesus modeled in his life and ministry and one that he calls his followers to emulate. Meekness is at the center of this calling.

    2. Serve God and Others with Meekness

    The quality of meekness, as taught by Jesus, must not be confused with passivity or weakness. Rather, it is strength under control, a willingness to submit to God’s will and to serve others.

    It is a disposition, says Thomas Watson, that emulates the patient and sensitive example of Jesus expressed in 1 Peter 2:23: “When he was reviled, he reviled not again.” Such meekness is displayed not when the sailing is smooth but when interpersonal storms rise.

    When I think of interpersonal storms, I think of Jackie Robinson’s experience. The first African American to play in Major League Baseball, Robinson faced intense hostility and discrimination.

    Branch Rickey, president and general manager of the Brooklyn Dodgers, wanted to break the color barrier in professional baseball. He chose Robinson, an outstanding player in the Negro Leagues who had excelled in four sports while at UCLA.

    In their initial meeting, Rickey warned Robinson that he would face opposition from teammates, vituperative fans, and even opposing pitchers who might knock him down with a fastball.

    Rickey asked Robinson if he could endure all the harassment without losing his cool. It was a serious question. Robinson was competitive, strong, and aggressive. It wasn’t natural for him to back down from anything.

    Foreshadowing the courage of Rosa Parks, he had nearly been court-marshaled for refusing to move to the back of the bus during his military service. Yet Robinson responded to Rickey in the affirmative, a heroic resolution that broke baseball’s ugly color barrier.

    One of Robinson’s teammates, pitcher Lee Pfund, was among the few who befriended him. In an interview I conducted with Pfund a few years ago, he suggested that Robinson’s earnest faith is a crucial part of his story.

    “What I found most inspiring,” Pfund said, “was the way Jackie looked specifically to Christ as his example…Never in all my years with him on and off the field did I see him lose his cool.”

    The gentle strength of meekness was on display for all to see, a meekness that ultimately changed the world.

    3. Practice Meekness Everyday

    Such meekness, of course, doesn’t come naturally, whether we are facing a disgruntled parishioner after the Sunday sermon or standing against societal injustice.

    Meekness requires not just the knowledge of what is right but the wisdom and willingness to be led by the Spirit into the paths of peace.

    In this fraught historical moment, with battles raging on virtually every front, let’s find inspiration in the example of Jackie Robinson and, ultimately, the One who said, “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.”

    For more examination on the Beatitudes and Jesus’s Counterintuitive Promises, check out Chris Castaldo’s newest book, The Upside Down Kingdom: Wisdom for Life from the Beatitudes.

    For further reading:

    How Is it That the Meek Shall Inherit the Earth?

    /why-did-jesus-give-believers-the-beatitudes.html”>Why Did Jesus Give Believers the Beatitudes?

    How Is Meekness a Fruit of the Spirit?

    What Does the Beatitude ‘Blessed Are the Merciful’ Mean?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/praetorianphoto

    Chris CastaldoChris Castaldo, Ph.D. is the lead pastor of New Covenant Church in Naperville, Illinois, and author of the recently released book, The Upside Down Kingdom, from Crossway.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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    Chris Castaldo, Ph.D.

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  • 6 Reasons to Leave a Narcissistic Friendship

    6 Reasons to Leave a Narcissistic Friendship

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    A third reason to leave a narcissistic friendship is because they have hurt you purposefully. Friends can hurt us at times, but they don’t purposely try to hurt us, cut us deep, or tear us down. We all mess up and slip up sometimes, but we never purposely try to hurt our friends. Narcissistic friendships, however, are bred with hurt feelings, and in a way, the narcissist can keep the other friend in an abusive friendship if they can convince you that you are the problem and deserve the way they speak to you or treat you.

    Narcissistic individuals are more prone to gaslight people, which is another reason why you need to end this friendship. True friends won’t purposely try to hurt you. Instead, they will try to help you and build you up. Nobody wants to be hurt by someone we care about and this is why it is important to not cultivate a further relationship with a narcissist. They will not return the same care, love, and respect that you give them, but if you allow yourself to be too synched with them, it can be nearly impossible to walk away from them.

    They will abuse your kindness and cause you issues along the road. Not to mention that being hurt by someone you considered a friend could cause lasting damage on your own well-being. Life’s too short to surround yourself with narcissistic friendships. Instead, invest your time in making new friends who will value you as an individual and will prioritize your friendship. 

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/fizkes

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    Vivian Bricker

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  • 5 Things to Do While You’re Engaged

    5 Things to Do While You’re Engaged

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    Once you’re engaged, it’s time to plan the wedding. But in between deciding on a florist and hiring a caterer, there are some other important, more soul-focused things you should add to your pre-wedding to-do list. Let’s take a look at five things you should do while you’re engaged:Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

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    Olivia Lauren

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  • Why Is Love Painful Sometimes?

    Why Is Love Painful Sometimes?

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    Love is a painful thing sometimes. While it is something beautiful, it can also be extremely painful. When we love someone, we have a special bond with them — a bond that isn’t easily broken. We love many people in our lives, such as siblings, parents, friends, and significant others, but nobody ever tells us how painful love can be.

    Loved ones will hurt us, and we will hurt them. It is inevitable and something that will continue to happen until we are with Christ.

    The Pain of Love

    “Don’t believe anyone Who tells you any different If it’s easy, if it’s fun Something’s missing” (“Love is Pain,” FINNEAS).

    Love is beautiful, yet it is something that can be really painful. It is because we love someone and care about them so much that it hurts. A loved one dies, a friendship ends, or we are rejected by our significant other. All of these things can hurt and break us inside.

    It hurts so much because we genuinely love and care about them. Real love isn’t letting someone do whatever they want. Rather, real love means doing the hard thing, such as having a difficult talk, addressing issues, and confronting problems.

    The modern world, social media, and television try to portray love in one way — that it is easy, effortless, and perfect. The only perfect, unconditional love that truly exists is the love God has for us. This love is known as agape love. 

    This type of love is only possessed by God, as we as humans cannot possess this type of love. Our love is often polluted by conditions, the way a person makes us feel, or whether they are nice to us or not. 

    Jesus commands us to love all people — even if they hurt us (Matthew 12:30-31). This is why love can be painful. Our loved ones can hurt us, but we still love them despite their actions because they are someone who means a great deal to us.

    I have been told many lies by family members, which has made me distrust people. Despite all the lies and hurt, I could never say I hated them because I don’t.

    All of the inflicted wounds, being talked down to, and invalidated feelings have hurt me, but it still doesn’t change that they are my family, and I care about them.

    Maybe you have noticed this in your own life. It could be a parent was mean or critical of you, but you still love them. In this way, you know the type of pain that is associated with love.

    When loved ones hurt us, it is more painful than a stranger on the street hurting us. Since we love them, when they hurt us, it feels as though our entire hearts are breaking. We often think, “How could my loved one do this to me? Don’t they know how much this hurts me?”

    The answer to these questions is sin. We live in a sinful world, and where there is sin, there is going to be hurt and pain. Sin entered the world in the Garden of Eden, and it will continue until God makes everything new.

    Hurting Others

    Part of why love is painful is also seen in how we hurt others. Upon reflecting on my own life, I, too, have hurt many people that I love. Throughout the process of recovery from my eating disorder, I have said many hurtful things, and I regret each of them.

    Even over the past few weeks, I have regretted many of my choices, words, and actions toward my loved ones. It’s painful how much we can destroy someone with a simple word or a simple action. It can break their heart and make them question everything.

    It is at these times that we need to apologize to our loved ones for hurting them. More often than not, we didn’t mean to hurt them.

    Sometimes I feel interactions with others would be easier if I could type it all out ahead of time and already know what will happen in order for me to be properly prepared.

    Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like this, and we have to live life in real time. We cannot go back in time either and fix our mistakes. Some mistakes can be easier to fix than others, yet some leave lasting wounds.

    Making Things Right

    Part of apologizing is making things right with a person, especially if you want to keep the relationship with the person. Making it right with someone includes apologizing, talking things out with them, and asking for ways that you can repair the relationship.

    Whether a friendship, a relationship with a sibling, or a romantic relationship has been severed by your actions, there are still ways you can restore a relationship with them.

    It might not be the same as it used to be; however, sometimes, after difficulties and pain, you might have a stronger relationship with your loved one.

    This will of course take time and effort, but if you truly want to repair a relationship with someone, it is not too much to ask.

    Trust and hearts could have been broken, and it could take time until your loved one feels ready to open up to you again. It is also important to remember that even if you want to repair the relationship, they might not feel ready, or they might not want to ever repair the relationship.

    This is a consequence of our actions, and we need to accept it. If a person doesn’t want to talk, see us, or repair the relationship, we don’t need to force them to, as it will only cause more pain.

    None of us can avoid pain from our loved ones nor can we avoid hurting others. This is because love is truly pain, and to love someone is opening up your heart to pain. You love them so much; therefore, when they hurt you, it hurts much more than someone else.

    In the same way, you also can hurt them and inflict the worst wounds on their heart. We need to be careful with our loved ones in our words, actions, and choices because, in a single day, we can lose them.

    If you have a broken relationship with a loved one and you want to make it right today, I encourage you to do so. If your loved one is willing to let you back into their lives, use this opportunity carefully.

    Understanding things might not be as they used to be, yet there is a possibility that your relationship with this person could become stronger. It will take work; however, if you truly want to repair the relationship, you will be willing to put in the effort.

    If your loved one chooses to end ties with you, accept this and turn to God. Our relationship with God will never end and we can always talk with Him about anything. The love others have for us might change, but the love He has for us will never change.

    We mess up and sin many times a day, yet His love for us never changes. We can always turn to Him, and He will welcome us with open arms. There is nothing in all creation that separates us from the love of God (Romans 8:31-39).

    For further re

    ading:

    What Is Love According to the Bible?

    What Is Authentic Love?

    Why Does Jealousy Not Belong in Love?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Anetlanda

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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    Vivian Bricker

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  • 5 Biblical Boundaries to Set with Others

    5 Biblical Boundaries to Set with Others

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    Since going to therapy, I have learned the practice of setting boundaries with others. While not everyone will respect your boundaries, it is still important to make your boundaries known. Many people believe boundaries cannot be biblical, but they actually can be.

    In fact, most boundaries can be seen as biblical because they draw from biblical concepts and practices. Here are five biblical boundaries to set with others.

    1. Don’t Lie to Me

    The Bible tells us clearly not to lie to each other (Colossians 3:9-10). Lying breaks trust, and where trust has been broken, a relationship cannot grow. Whenever you are building a friendship or a romantic relationship, it is perfectly okay and biblical to set this boundary in place.

    While many of us think honesty should be a given, it is not always a given. There are people who will lie or tell us only what we want to hear rather than telling us the truth.

    Honesty is always the best policy, and this is true for our relationships too. By setting this boundary with those around you, they will be made aware of how important honesty is to you.

    For me personally, honesty is something that is really important and something that I need in every relationship in my life.

    Due to being lied to throughout my childhood and teenage years as well as in my adult years, I need truth in relationships. You too might find this true because telling the truth is something that we all need and something that we all value in a person.

    2. Don’t Treat Me Poorly

    A second biblical boundary to set with others is to tell them not to treat you poorly. Sadly, many people will make you feel bad about yourself. I have had many “friends” who made me feel bad about myself, to the point that I would be crying for days.

    As someone who has been treated poorly by others, it is important for all people to set this boundary in their own lives. You are valued, loved, and cared about just as you are (Psalm 139:13-16).

    You deserve to be surrounded by people who support you, encourage you, and make you feel good about yourself.

    If you set this boundary early in your relationship with someone else, they will know that treating you badly is not an option and that you won’t stay their friend if they treat you in a negative way.

    Unfortunately, I have often stayed friends with people even if they have treated me badly, and it is something I won’t do ever again. It only made me feel worse about myself and damaged my mental health even more.

    3. Don’t Say Curse Words

    A third biblical boundary you can set in place is to not say curse words. Saying curse words is a bad habit to pick up, and it is something we shouldn’t do.

    Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

    This passage spoken of by Paul is completely true, as we should never let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths. Instead, we need to build up others in our words.

    Curse words would fall under the category of unwholesome words. Never have curse words built anyone up.

    Rather, they are meant to hurt others or to express frustration. Also, curse words can easily rub off on us, and we will find ourselves echoing the words we hear from other people in our lives.

    If someone close to us says curse words, we, too, will be more prone to use them in our everyday talk. Setting up the biblical boundary to not say curse words will help us in our relationship with that person, but it will also help us in a way that the curse words won’t rub off on us.

    4. Respect My Space

    A fourth biblical boundary to set in place is to respect your space. In the modern day and age, it can be hard to get some space. As the youngest of three girls, I understand how hard it can be to have your own space.

    Since I grew up with relatively no space for myself, I have now become more aware of setting down the boundary that I need my space, and others need to respect my space.

    Maybe this sounds familiar to you, and you also are in need of some space. It is biblical to set this boundary down because all of us need our space and others should be respectful of our space.

    If someone refuses to respect your space, you have the right to tell them again. If they still are not respectful of your space, you have the right to get someone else involved, such as an authority figure, or to just leave the situation.

    As mentioned, even though we set boundaries doesn’t mean they will always be respected. This is a sad reality; however, it helps us to know that the people who don’t respect our boundaries are the ones who will probably not stick around to be our friends.

    5. Don’t Force Me to Do Something I Don’t Want To

    A fifth biblical boundary to set up is to ask others to not force you to do something you don’t want to do. As someone who struggles with negative body image and anorexia, I have asked many of my friends not to comment on my body, the weight I gain or lose, or the food that I eat.

    In this process, I have also set the boundary that I don’t want them to force me to do something I don’t want to do, such as to eat something that is too scary for me at the moment or to tell me I need to lose or gain weight.

    For me, this is a personal boundary that is going to help my mental health, and maybe it can help yours, also.

    Even if you don’t have body image issues or an eating disorder, you can still use the overall boundary of telling people not to force you to do something you don’t want to do. This can be extremely helpful in friendships and in relationships.

    Someone who truly cares about you and loves you won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. As mentioned, my example is only one of thousands that could be utilized under this boundary. You know your own limits, and I’m sure you can also utilize this boundary in your everyday life.

    Look over this list and see if there are any boundaries you want to keep with you. Write them down on a notepad or copy and paste them on a document.

    You can also be creative in your boundaries and craft your own. As an individual human with your own individual needs, you, too, will have your own personal boundaries to set with others.

    Make sure your boundaries are biblical and are supported by the Word. Boundaries that wouldn’t be supported would be anything legalistic or something that directly goes against the Bible.

    As a Christian, you are capable of setting your own boundaries, and you are worthy of having them respected. If someone doesn’t respect your boundary, you have the right to pull away from your relationship with them and seek out people who will respect your boundaries.

    For further rea

    ding:

    How Do We Show Love to Toxic People?

    What Do I Do When Friends Hurt Me?

    How Can I Guard My Heart?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/PeopleImages

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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    Vivian Bricker

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  • 24 Creative Date Night Ideas to Try with Your Spouse

    24 Creative Date Night Ideas to Try with Your Spouse

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    Our lives are busy with work, kids, and other responsibilities. It is easy to become disconnected from our significant other amid all kinds of distractions. Some couples work opposite schedules, while others are distracted by taking the kids to ballet, football, and karate. Singles can fall into this trap, too, with their boyfriend or girlfriend. In a world of constant motion, it is easy to let relationships and connections get put on the back burner.

    I have heard therapists on television and married couples I know stress how vital dating is. Especially when you are married. Having weekly or at least monthly dates with your spouse is important. This keeps the spark in your relationship and your marriage strong. Still, you may be thinking, “It’s been so long since we’ve been on a date, I wouldn’t know what we should do.” You may even say, “We go on a date every week, but it’s hard coming up with something different to do.” For the singles out there, this is for you too. Look at these date ideas and get your creative juices flowing.

    Fun Date Ideas

    1. Be a Kid Again

    Spend some time doing something you loved as a kid. This could be anything from playing with play dough, finger painting, or making homemade slime.

    2. Relax with Nature

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Solovyova

    Go for a bike ride or on a hike and enjoy what God created for us. Breathe in the fresh air, bask in the sunlight, and enjoy the sound of birds chirping and animals enjoying their habitat.

    3. Dance the Night Away

    Either go out dancing or take dancing lessons together. This is a great way to get some exercise and be exposed to all kinds of music and types of dancing. You can learn anything from how to waltz to salsa dancing to the tango.

    4. Go Swimming

    Cute happy couple walking on beach date

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Anchiy

    Do some research and go swimming somewhere other than in a pool. There may be a natural beach nearby or a creek you can swim in.

    5. Go to an Amusement Park

    Get your adrenaline running while riding a roller coaster and enjoy some great food.

    6. Open Mic Night

    Find an open mic night in your area at a library, bookstore, or club and listen to people read their poetry and other works of literature.

    Romantic Dates

    7. Make Dinner Together

    Cute happy married couple in kitchen cooking

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/simonapilolla

    Pick out a recipe that is too expensive to eat at a restaurant and make it at home. Put out your best dishes and dress up as if you were going out.

    8. Laugh It Up

    Go to a comedy club or see a recent comedy at the movie theater. Laughter is the best medicine, after all.

    9. Spa Day

    Dad and daughter having a relaxing spa day together

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Halfpoint Images

    Book a couple’s day for a massage, mani/pedi, or facial. It’s relaxing and important for both people to look and feel their best. Not comfortable going to a spa? Research services that will come to your home.

    10. Get Out of Town

    Spend the weekend away or travel to a new city a few hours out to explore. The change of scenery will do you good.

    11. Ride in a Hot-Air Balloon

    If you have the funds (and aren’t afraid of heights), go up in a hot-air balloon for a few hours. You can enjoy each other’s company while floating in the sky.

    At-Home Date Night Ideas

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/monkeybusinessimages

    12. Couple’s Playlist

    Make a playlist for each other and discuss the meaning of each song and how the lyrics remind you of each other.

    13. Dessert Competition

    Each of you make a dessert and decide who made the best one. You can decide by categories like most chocolate, creamiest, and melt in your mouth.

    14. Bookathon

    Chances are you and your significant other read very different genres in books. Take turns reading to each other out loud from your favorite books. You could also read poetry or a children’s book together to escape.

    15. Pajama Party

    Get comfy and spend all night watching movies or bingeing your favorite television series. Get snacks you wouldn’t normally have, like gourmet ice cream, pretzels, or high-end wine.

    16. Listen to a Podcast

    If each of you loves podcasts, choose an episode from one of each of your favorites and talk about it afterward.

    Specific Interest Dates

    17. Go to an Animal Shelter or Cat Cafe

    Do you both love animals? Volunteer at an animal shelter on a Saturday afternoon or just look. Cat cafes are also popular; you pay a fee and can go in and visit with 15-20 cats of all ages. Another idea is volunteering with an animal rescue group in your local area.

    18. Browse a Bookstore

    Happy couple on date at bookstore

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Studio4

    Instead of going to the chain bookstores, research local, independent bookstores in your area. Used bookstores are great for finding hard-to-find or rare books. They have great sales too. For example, a used bookstore I used to go to would have sales where every book was a dollar on a Saturday. Talk about book-lover heaven!

    19. Go to a Local Sports Game

    Go to a local baseball, hockey, or football game.

    20. Enjoy Some Music

    Research and see if any local artists are having a concert in the area. You don’t have to go to a big-name show to enjoy some exceptional talent. Local artists often play in clubs, outside venues, and sometimes at wineries.

    21. Go to a Candy Store or Ice Cream Parlor

    If one or both of you have a sweet tooth, see if there is a local retro candy store or an old-fashioned ice cream parlor near you. In the town I used to live near, there was an old-fashioned candy store/ice cream parlor in the square downtown. Next door was a store that sold flavored popcorn and old-fashioned bottled sodas. Yum!

    22. Escape Reality

    Go to a VR (Virtual Reality) Lounge or an escape room and have some fun spending some time in another dimension, so to speak.

    23. Take a Cooking or Baking Class Together

    happy couple cooking together in kitchen

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/South_agency

    If food is your thing, take a cooking or baking class together. Even better, see if you can find a place where you can make x amount of meals to take home and freeze. There was a place in the next town over where I used to live. Learning how to cook and having dinner for the next few nights? Sounds like a winner to me.

    24. Go to an Expo or Show

    You can find expos for all kinds of things. They set an expo up in a building with vendors around specific things like pets, boating, fishing, etc. Another option is to see if there is an animal show going on. We used to go to the cat show in Peoria, Illinois, every year. We recently had an exotic pet expo that featured reptiles, guinea pigs, ferrets, rabbits, etc.

    There are endless possibilities for dating ideas. Sometimes you have to be a little creative and innovative. The next time you go on a date, keep these ideas in mind or plan something specific according to your own interests. Your significant other will love it no matter what.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Maria Korneeva

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    Carrie Lowrance

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  • What Godly Grandparents Should Tell Their Grandchildren

    What Godly Grandparents Should Tell Their Grandchildren

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    Rhonda Stoppe is the NO REGRETS WOMAN. With more than 30 years experience of helping women build no-regrets lives. I could have listened to Rhonda talk all night, is what women say about Rhonda’s enthusiastic, humorous, transparent teaching and zeal as an evangelist. She’s committed to fulfilling the Titus 2:4 commission by mentoring, teaching, and writing books that are inspiring, grounded in Scripture, and easy to read––like you’re visiting with a friend over coffee. 

    Rhonda is the author of 6 books and appears on numerous radio programs, including Focus on the Family, Family Life Today and Dr. James Dobson’s FamilyTalk, & hosts The No Regrets Hour. Her new podcast, Old Ladies Know Stuff, just launched. She’s an evangelist and speaker at women’s events, College Women’s Chapel, Pastor’s Wives Conferences, MOPs and Homeschool Conventions. Sharing the gospel at her NoRegretsWoman Conference is her sweet spot. Rhonda is a regular contributor for Crosswalk and many other magazines. Rhonda ministers alongside her husband Steve, who for 20 years has pastored First Baptist Church of Patterson, California. They live out their own Real Life Romance writing books and speaking at their No Regrets Marriage Conferences, but their favorite ministry is their family. They have four grown children and ten grandchildren. To learn more about Rhonda’s speaking topics, watch her teaching, and book Rhonda for your next event, visit: NoRegretsWoman.com. 

    Instagram: @RhondaStoppe Twitter: @RhondaStoppe FB Page: Rhonda Stoppe No Regrets Woman YouTube: Rhonda Stoppe No Regrets Woman

    Bonus:  Watch & Share this video of Rhonda Stoppe sharing the gospel message

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  • 7 Signs You Might Be the Narcissist in Your Relationship

    7 Signs You Might Be the Narcissist in Your Relationship

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    A fifth sign you are the narcissist in your relationship is if you have to always be right. (This is something that gets on my nerves with narcissists.) They never admit when they are wrong, and they always have to be right. It gets to the point that you have to just tell them they are right in order for them to stop complaining about the issue. If you have found that you always have to be right, you might be struggling with narcissism. 

    You don’t always have to be right. In fact, none of us are right all the time. Within our relationships, people around us will be able to help us grow and learn more. However, if we take the mindset that we are always right, we are going to cause much more harm in our relationships. It could even cause us to lose a relationship with someone close to us. Rather than allowing this to happen, recognize and accept that it is okay not to always be right because none of us are. 

    6. You Don’t Value the Other Person/People in Your Relationship

    A sixth sign you are the narcissist in your relationship is if you don’t value the other person or people in your relationship. This can be seen by you not caring enough to return their calls, meet up with them, or try to fix a past hurt. The people in your relationships will see this and be able to tell that you don’t actually care about them. This can hurt them and cause them to distance themselves from you. 

    In order to change, you are going to have to start valuing the people you are in a relationship with. In the matter of your friendships, reach out to them, talk with them, and build a stronger relationship with them. As in the case of family members, talk about past memories, correct any past hurts, and strive to spend more time with them. For romantic relationships, show up for them, be there for them, and consider their own opinions concerning the relationship. People appreciate when you truly value them.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/OSTILL

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    Vivian Bricker

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  • Preparing Your Child for Christian Dating

    Preparing Your Child for Christian Dating

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    Guided by God’s love and wisdom, as Christian parents, we sow the seeds of faith, purity, and discernment in our adult children’s hearts, preparing them to embrace the beauty of dating life as a sacred journey where Christ remains at the center of every step, every decision, and every destined union.

    As our children grow older, they begin to step into the exciting world of relationships, and as faithful parents, we want to equip them with the best guidance possible. In this crazy modern dating scene, it’s easy for our kids to get lost amidst the distractions of the world. That’s where we come in—as their anchors, pointing them toward Christ-centered dating.

    Dating as a Christian isn’t just about finding a cute partner or having a good time (though those things can be part of it!). It’s about aligning our children’s hearts with God’s will and teaching them to seek relationships that reflect His love and grace. 

    One verse that really captures this idea is 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion has light with darkness?” This verse urges us to encourage our kids to seek partners who share their faith for a solid foundation rooted in Christ.

    Dealing with the Challenges of Modern Dating Culture

    It’s no secret that the world has taken dating and relationships to a whole new level. With the rise of technology and social media, our kids are exposed to a myriad of influences and expectations that can be overwhelming.

    One of the biggest hurdles we face as Christian parents is the pressure to conform to societal norms. The world promotes a “hookup culture” that encourages casual and often meaningless relationships. But as believers, we know that God’s plan for relationships is so much more profound and purposeful.

    In 1 John 2:15-16, we’re reminded, “Love not the world, nor the things that are in the world. If any man loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life is not of the Father, but is of the world.” As we guide our children through the maze of modern dating, we must teach them to guard their hearts against worldly desires and stay rooted in Christ’s love.

    The prevalence of online dating and dating apps adds another layer of complexity. While technology can be a tool for connection, it can also lead to superficial and sometimes unsafe encounters. As parents, we should encourage our children to be cautious and discerning when using these platforms, always remembering to seek God’s guidance.

    Also, there’s the challenge of premarital intimacy. The world often views physical relationships as casual and unattached, but God’s design is for intimacy to be reserved for marriage. 1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us, “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body, but he that commits fornication sinneth against his own body.” We must have open conversations with our children about the importance of purity and the long-term consequences of disregarding God’s plan.

    Laying the Foundation: Instilling Christian Values

    Laying the foundation for our children’s dating journey starts with instilling godly values that will guide them throughout life. As parents, we play a vital role in shaping their understanding of relationships and dating, and one of the key aspects is establishing open communication.

    We must create an environment where our children feel comfortable discussing their thoughts, questions, and concerns about relationships. By keeping the lines of communication open, we can listen to their perspectives, address their doubts, and offer guidance without judgment. So, let’s be patient listeners and approachable confidants, ensuring that they know they can rely on us for honest and understanding conversations.

    We should regularly share with our children the biblical principles of love, purity, and respect found in passages like Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it,” which exemplifies the selfless and sacrificial love that should characterize relationships. Additionally, passages like 1 Timothy 4:12 teach them to “be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity,” emphasizing the importance of purity and godly conduct in relationships. By grounding our teachings in God’s Word, we provide them with a solid framework for building healthy and God-honoring relationships.

    As our children embark on their dating journey, we want them to understand that their relationship with God is the ultimate foundation. Encouraging them to cultivate a personal walk with God through prayer, reading the Bible, and participating in fellowship helps them develop a deeper understanding of God’s will for their lives. Psalm 37:4 reminds us, “Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” When they prioritize their relationship with God, their desires align with His, leading to more purposeful and fulfilling dating experiences.

    Setting Standards and Boundaries

    As parents guiding our children through the intricacies of dating life, setting clear boundaries based on biblical principles is paramount. We must not shy away from discussing the importance of upholding God’s standards in their relationships. Proverbs 22:28 states, “Remove not the ancient landmark, which thy fathers have set,” reminding us to uphold the timeless values found in God’s Word as our foundation.

    Defining dating boundaries begins with discussing the purpose of dating itself. It’s not merely a casual pastime but a journey with the potential for marriage in mind. By encouraging our children to approach dating with a purposeful mindset, they can navigate relationships more responsibly and intentionally.

    We must teach our children to honor God by reserving physical intimacy for marriage and guarding their hearts and bodies against impurity.

    As parents, we play a pivotal role in modeling healthy relationships for our children. Our own marriage serves as a powerful example of love, respect, and commitment. 

    Our actions and words should align with the biblical principles we teach. By demonstrating humility, forgiveness, and grace in our interactions with each other, we show our children the true essence of a Christ-centered relationship. They learn how to handle conflicts, extend forgiveness, and prioritize the well-being of their partners.

    Discernment in Dating: Encouraging Wise Choices

    When it comes to dating, one of the most critical aspects we can teach our children is discernment—the ability to see beyond the surface and evaluate the true character of a potential partner. Proverbs 31:30 reminds us, “Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.” Our children need to recognize that appearances can be deceiving and that true beauty lies in a heart that fears the Lord and embodies godly virtues.

    By emphasizing the importance of character over appearance, we equip our children to look for qualities such as kindness, humility, honesty, and integrity in a partner. Proverbs 11:22 advises, “As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.” We want them to see the value of inner beauty and the importance of a partner who exemplifies godly wisdom and discretion.

    Encouraging our children to seek partners with strong character can protect them from falling into superficial and potentially harmful relationships. Proverbs 22:24-25 cautions, “Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways and get a snare to thy soul.” By teaching discernment, we empower our children to make wise choices in their dating lives, leading to more fulfilling and meaningful connections.

    Also, as Christian parents, we know the significance of shared faith and spiritual compatibility in a relationship. 2 Corinthians 6:14 reminds us, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” Encouraging our children to seek partners who share their faith ensures a strong foundation for a Christ-centered relationship.

    We must explain that shared faith goes beyond attending the same church or having similar religious backgrounds. It involves having a deep and genuine relationship with God with shared values and a common commitment to following His Word. Amos 3:3 asks, “Can two walk together unless they are agreed upon?” By prioritizing shared faith, our children can avoid the potential conflicts and struggles that arise when values and beliefs don’t align.

    In a world where secular influences may challenge their convictions, our children need to understand the importance of spiritual compatibility. Proverbs 27:17 encourages, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” When two individuals grow together in their faith, they can strengthen and support each other in their spiritual journey, deepening their bond with God and each other.

    Encouraging Patience and Trust in God’s Timing

    It is essential to encourage our children to exercise patience and trust in God’s perfect timing for their love lives. As Christian parents, we understand the significance of their surrendering their desires to God and embracing His plan for their romantic relationships.

    Proverbs 3:5-6 implores us, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” As parents, we must consistently remind our children to place their trust in God’s unfailing wisdom and sovereign plan for their love lives. Encouraging them to surrender their desires and fears to God allows them to release the burden of finding a partner on their own and instead rely on His guidance.

    By trusting in God’s plan, our children can find comfort in knowing that He has a beautiful story unfolding for them, one that surpasses anything they could have planned for themselves. Reminding them of God’s faithfulness in the past and how He has guided their journey so far can strengthen their faith and resolve to patiently wait on His perfect timing.

    Our children’s dating lives, when guided by God’s Word and empowered by prayer, become a beautiful dance orchestrated by the Creator Himself. Let’s equip them with the tools they need, offering support, wisdom, and love as they prepare for a Christ-centered marriage that glorifies God and blesses their lives.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Motortion

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

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  • Does the Bible Really Say to Save a Marriage at All Costs?

    Does the Bible Really Say to Save a Marriage at All Costs?

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    A popular subject in the modern day within Christian culture is the topic of saving marriage at all costs. What this means is that many people believe you have to save your marriage — no matter what.

    Whether your spouse is unfaithful to you, abuses you, or hurts you, you still must stay in your marriage and “save it.” As someone who grew up in a home where my parents had a bad relationship, sometimes the best thing to do is for the marriage to end rather than to stick it out.

    Reasons for Divorce

    Before anyone shames you for considering getting a divorce, know that divorce is biblical under certain circumstances. The first circumstance that it is permissible to get a divorce is if your spouse is unfaithful to you.

    If they are unfaithful to you, you are under no obligation to remain married. It is true you can work through couples therapy and try to work to repair your relationship; however, leaving the marriage is also a biblical option.

    The second circumstance that it is biblical to get a divorce is if your spouse abuses you physically, emotionally, or verbally. This goes against Paul’s teaching of marriage in Ephesians 5:22-33.

    If your spouse is abusing you in any way, you are permitted to get a divorce and leave the marriage. Nowhere in the Bible are we told to save our marriage when it is beyond repair.

    If your spouse has become abusive, you are under no obligation to stay. In fact, you need to get out as fast as possible because if they are physically abusive toward you, they could badly hurt you or cause you to go to the hospital.

    Never feel it is unwarranted to leave your marriage in these circumstances. God doesn’t want you to stay in a relationship where you are being hurt in any shape or form. Marriage is a sacred covenant before God and both the man and woman made vows to love their spouse.

    Your spouse is breaking their vow if they are unfaithful to you or abuse you. You are not required to stay or try to “save” your marriage when it is in this condition. Sometimes the bravest thing to do is to leave.

    Identity in Christ

    Oftentimes many people view they have lost their identity as a wife once they are divorced. While this can be a painful reality, they need to know that their worth is not tied together with being a wife.

    Within Christian culture, it is often taught that a woman’s purpose is to get married and have a family. If she does this, she is “living within the will of God.”

    This couldn’t be more inaccurate because single women who never get married and never have children can equally be living within the will of God.

    Due to the unbiblical principles that have been placed upon women within Christian culture, women often feel they lose their identity once they are divorced, or they feel they will lose their identity as soon as they start thinking about divorce.

    If you are worried about losing your entire identity if you don’t “save” your marriage, know that your worth and value don’t change based on whether or not you are married. If you are single, married, or divorced, your value never changes.

    Moreover, your identity in Christ is your utmost identity — not your relationship identity. Nobody has a superior identity based on their relationship identity because the only identity that matters for eternity is our identity in Christ.

    Marriage as an Idol

    Sadly, many individuals treat marriage as an idol, and this can cause them to have even more difficulty stepping away from a marriage when things go bad.

    This can cause the woman or man to continue to stick it out because they have turned marriage into an idol. The Bible is clear that we should not have any idols as this is idolatry.

    The Prophet Jonah spoke these wise words as he was inside the belly of a huge fish, “Those who cling to worthless idols turn away from God’s love for them” (Jonah 2:8). As Jonah says in this verse, those who turn to idols are turning away from God’s love.

    In the same way, many people turn away from God’s love for them because of their idol — marriage.

    Although they could leave the marriage and experience the life of love God wants for them, they choose to stay in the marriage because it has become their idol, their utmost top priority, and the thing they want more than anything.

    It is as though they are holding onto their marriage for dear life when it is only a bomb that could go off in their hands.

    God wants to take away this bomb, but they won’t let Him because they have an infatuation for marriage — even to the point when it becomes detrimental to their own well-being.

    If you are in a situation such as this, know that marriage does not need to be an idol in your life. Marriage is a beautiful thing; however, it is only beautiful if both the husband and wife are treating each other correctly.

    What Does This Mean?

    If your spouse has hurt you, abused you, or was unfaithful to you, know that there is great bravery and great freedom in leaving the marriage.

    Christian culture might tell you otherwise, but we need to turn to the Bible rather than our friends at church who have been drenched in Christian culture since the time they were children.

    What the Bible tells us is the most important, and what it says is that a person can get divorced if their spouse is unfaithful to them or abuses them in any way. The Bible also tells us that our identity is in Christ; therefore, if we leave our marriage, it does change our worth in God’s eyes.

    Our biggest identity is found in the Lord, and this should be the identity we place above everything else. Never should we place marriage as being more important than God.

    This leads us to the truth that we don’t need to idolize anything, including marriage. Christian culture idolizes marriage to an unhealthy level, which can make it difficult for spouses to leave marriages when things go wrong.

    Don’t stay silent on these issues, and don’t try to stick it out. It is not good to claim that it is biblical to save the marriage at all costs.

    For the Bible to say that you must save marriage at all costs, it would be saying that marriage is the most important thing in our lives, and it’s not.

    The most important thing in our lives is our relationship with Jesus Christ. Our identity is found in Him, and salvation is found in no one else.

    The Lord doesn’t want us to stay in unhealthy marriages because it will only cause us problems and impair our relationship with Him. He wants us to have an abundant life, and sometimes this might mean ending a marriage when your spouse is unfaithful to you or hurts you.

    Never does God say you have to stay in these relationships, nor does He tell you to try to save your marriage. Your most important relationship is the relationship you have with God — not your spouse.

    For further reading:

    m/wiki/marriage/when-is-a-marriage-too-late-to-save.html”>When Is a Marriage Too Late to Save?

    What Are Biblical Reasons for Divorce?

    When Is it Okay for Christians to Consider Divorce?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/ilona titova

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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  • How Do I Biblically Deal with Betrayal?

    How Do I Biblically Deal with Betrayal?

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    Betrayal is something that is difficult for any of us to deal with. Often, it is those who are closest to us who betray us, and it can feel terrible. If you have been betrayed, you know the pain, hurt, and distrust that now has filled your heart.

    It is hard to let go and move on after a betrayal, but if we don’t move past the betrayal, it will only hurt us. It is at times such as these when we need to know how to biblically deal with betrayal.

    Being Betrayed

    “Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger. The person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger” (“Miss Missing You,” Fall Out Boy).

    Being betrayed hurts us, and it can permanently affect how we see the person who betrayed us. If you are reading this article, it is likely that you have been betrayed, and you want to know how to deal with it in a biblically correct way.

    First, you need to recognize that all of your feelings and emotions are valid. All of the pain, hurt, and distrust you are feeling are valid. Never beat yourself up over feeling these emotions because they are normal emotions to feel after being betrayed by someone.

    Being betrayed by someone close to you can also give you trust issues in the future, and it can significantly impact your relationships with others in the future.

    After you have validated your feelings, turn to God in prayer. Tell Him how you are feeling after the betrayal, and ask Him to give you the peace that only He can provide. Jesus knows exactly what it is like to be betrayed.

    The Lord was betrayed by Judas, who was one of His 12 disciples. Jesus knew Judas was going to betray Him, yet Jesus always treated Judas kindly. After Judas betrayed Jesus, we notice that Jesus doesn’t retaliate.

    Since Jesus is God in the flesh, He could have done anything. He could have struck Judas dead at that moment or made him fall down in unbearable agony, but He didn’t.

    In fact, never are we told that Jesus pronounces anything negative against Judas. Judas later feels remorse over what he has done, and he hangs himself (Matthew 27).

    Just as Jesus didn’t try to “get even” or hurt Judas, neither should we. Instead, we need to repay cursing with blessing. Rather than trying to hurt the person who betrayed us, we should pray for them.

    When praying for them, it is okay to tell God again about the pain they caused us, but we shouldn’t pray for anything negative to happen to them. God won’t answer prayers such as these.

    We need to pray for them and ask God to help them not do these things again in the future. While they have permanently broken our trust, we should pray that they can build more lasting relationships with others by stopping the bad habit of betrayal.

    Betrayal can tear down an entire relationship in a matter of minutes, and it is something that someone needs to stay away from throughout their life. Just as it is not good to be betrayed, we should never betray others.

    Avoiding Betrayal

    Part of being a good friend, partner, or spouse is not betraying those close to us. If a person betrays someone, their trust is broken, and that trust may never be repaired.

    As a not-too-serious example, my grandma used to feel betrayed by her parents because they told her Santa Claus was real when she was little, only to be told when she was a bit older that he wasn’t real.

    For many people, this might not seem like a big deal, but for my grandma, it was a huge deal. She felt betrayed by her parents because they had lied to her. Due to the betrayal that she felt, she never told my mom Santa was real in order not to betray her.

    While this is a more lighthearted example of betrayal, there are more heavy examples of betrayal that could be shown. Betrayal in the sense that a friend broke your trust when you trusted them with something important or a partner betrays you by being unfaithful to you.

    All of these things can break our trust and change our relationship with the person who betrayed us. This can be extremely devastating and traumatic because this person was someone close to us, someone we trusted, and someone we thought we could count on.

    Even though being betrayed is something terrible and something I hope nobody would have to go through, we have to prepare ourselves in the event that betrayal will happen. If we get betrayed, we need to respond in a biblical manner by following Jesus’ example when Judas betrayed him.

    Rather than seeking out revenge or getting even with Judas, the Lord turned the other cheek and trusted all judgment to the Father. In the same way, we need to forgive the person that betrayed us and not seek out any harm to them.

    When we forgive them, it doesn’t mean what they did is okay. Rather, what it means is that we are giving the situation over to God. We are choosing not to allow the situation to eat us alive — we are choosing to trust God with the outcome.

    It can be hard to do this; however, this is the first step to moving past the betrayal. If this step takes you some time, know that it is okay. It is okay to grieve and to take your time as you are recovering from the betrayal.

    Your relationship with the person who betrayed you may never be repaired; however, you don’t have to spend your life hating the person. God doesn’t want us to hate anyone, including those who hurt us.

    We are to love all people because this is what the Lord commands (John 15:12-13). You can love this person and still not like them for what they did to you. Choose to forgive and give the situation over to God. It does you no good to allow betrayal to ruin your entire life.

    If you allow betrayal to fill your entire heart and soul, it will only consume you. It will take up your entire life, and you will never be able to move past the hurt. It is best to forgive and move forward in your life.

    Granted, you may never have the same relationship with the person who betrayed you as you did before, but you don’t need to hold yourself back from making new friends or building new relationships.

    What Does This Mean?

    Staying in a state of betrayal will only lead you to depression and a state of mistrust for all people. The person who betrayed you broke your trust, but not everyone will do this. There will be people who value your trust and won’t break it with you.

    If you are walking through a season of betrayal today, give it over to God. True healing cannot be found apart from giving it over to the Lord.

    It can be hard, and it will be a long process, yet you can always count on God. As you heal and move forward, God will be walking beside you every step of the way (Psalm 23). Some days might be better than others but try your best to focus on the Lord in this season.

    For further reading:

    >

    How Do We Pray for Those Who Hurt Us?

    Why Do My Loved Ones Hurt Me?

    How Do We Show Love to Toxic People?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/FG Trade Latin

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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  • What Does the Bible Say about Marriage Problems?

    What Does the Bible Say about Marriage Problems?

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    Marriage problems are common in the modern day. Sadly, no marriage is perfect, which is why problems are bound to happen. Marriage is supposed to be a reflection of Jesus and the Church to the world, and this shows us how important marriage is in the eyes of God. With this in mind, it is important to know what the Bible says about marriage problems.

    Many of our friends and family members might try to give us advice about marriage problems, but the best person to go to is God.

    He knows all things, and since He created marriage, we can trust Him to give us the best advice. Even if you feel like your marriage is ending and you don’t want it to, God can give you hope.

    Problems in Marriage

    Ephesians 4:26 tells us, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” While this can apply to any relationship, it can also apply to a marriage.

    When a man and a woman are married, it is important that they do not go to sleep while still being upset with each other. This will only cause problems and strife within the marriage. Rather than allowing the sun to go down when you are angry, address the problem.

    Communication is crucial in marriage because it is the only way you will be able to fully know your spouse. If things are going wrong and you have an argument, don’t remain angry. Even if it is late, talk about the issue with your spouse. Your spouse loves you and wants the best for you.

    Never be afraid to share your feelings with your spouse — even the hard feelings, such as anger, frustration, or bitterness. God has made you and your spouse one from the moment of marriage, and you now have a responsibility to be there for each other even in times of anger.

    Instead of going to sleep angry at your spouse, tell them your feelings. Once you have openly talked about the issue and why you are upset, you can work forward to a solution. Maybe you were angry because your spouse didn’t clean the dishes or take out the garbage.

    Vocalize this concern to them. Maybe it’s a more major issue, such as you are afraid your spouse is cheating on you. Whatever the reason for your anger and frustration, talk about it with your spouse and work toward a solution.

    You Are on the Same Team

    As mentioned, from the time you are married to each other, you become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Since you are now one flesh, each spouse should deeply care, cherish, and love each other. With this in mind, you need to remember that you and your spouse are on the same team.

    The only one who is trying to upset your marriage is Satan. The enemy wants to destroy your marriage, but you don’t have to let him. Rather, be a team with your spouse and give the devil no opportunity to break into your marriage.

    Marriage problems are going to happen because there is sin in the world. All of us are sinners, and we all fall short (Romans 3:23). Since we are all sinners, we can all be tempted at one point or another.

    As either the wife or the husband, you can be tempted by a coworker, a website, or someone from your past. You are married to your spouse, and you must stay faithful to them.

    When you made your vows, you made them before your spouse and God. These are weighty vows because they should never be broken.

    The only times a marriage should end in divorce is because of sexual immorality or an abusive relationship. If the problems in your marriage are that your spouse cheated on you or they are abusing you, know that it is biblical to leave the relationship.

    God doesn’t command you to stay in a relationship like this. Rather, He wants you to be loved, cherished, and feel cared for.

    When you are having difficulties in your marriage, don’t forget you are on the same team. You have been made one flesh with your spouse, and you are forever bound to one another. Don’t allow arguments to cause rifts in your relationship.

    Just as you forgive others in your life, you also have to learn to forgive your spouse. The Bible tells us we are to forgive others just as in Christ God forgave us (Ephesians 4:32). There will be times of difficulties and hardships because nobody says marriage is easy.

    Marriage is a journey and an opportunity for growth. It’s not always going to be a walk in the park, just as no relationship is always easy. You work through the hard parts with your spouse in order for your relationship to grow stronger and for you to grow closer to your spouse.

    The more you are able to work through your problems in a biblical way, the stronger your bond with your spouse will become. Your bond with God will also grow stronger because you will be leaning on Him.

    Turning to God

    This might sound basic; however, it is often overlooked. We must never forget to turn to God when we are having marriage problems. Marriage problems will happen in your relationship, but you can work through them.

    Pray to God about them and pour your heart out to Him. He cares about all of your feelings, and He doesn’t want to see your marriage end. God created marriage, and He created it to be long-lasting.

    Through turning to God, He will be able to give you comfort, direction, and guidance. As you turn to Him, don’t forget to read the Bible and hear what He is trying to tell you. Your marriage difficulty might be ongoing, but God wants to help you resolve the issue.

    He doesn’t want you and your spouse to constantly be at odds with each other. God wants you and your spouse to love each other just as He loves the church. There shouldn’t be any bad feelings between the husband and the wife.

    When you feel as though nothing is helping you get past your marriage difficulties, it is okay to seek out Christian marriage counseling. There is nothing wrong with seeking out help from a therapist.

    A Christian therapist will be able to help you rebuild your relationship with your spouse and work through your issues.

    With a Christian therapist, he or she will be able to involve God in the process as well when you are working through your marriage difficulties. Never be afraid to ask for professional help because we all need it sometimes.

    You might be surprised as to how much marriage counseling could benefit your marriage. By being equipped with the Word of God, applying what it says, going to God in prayer, and seeking marriage counseling, you will be able to work through your issues.

    This is of course including the fact that your spouse also wants to work on the issues. If your spouse has treated you poorly or hurt you, know that it is also okay to leave the relationship. Bring all of these matters before the Lord, and He will give you guidance and support.

    For further reading:

    lly-say-to-save-a-marriage-at-all-costs.html”>Does the Bible Really Say to Save a Marriage at All Costs?

    When Is a Marriage Too Late to Save?

    When Is it Okay for Christians to Consider Divorce?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/PeopleImages

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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  • When Is it Really Time to Get a Divorce?

    When Is it Really Time to Get a Divorce?

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    Some Bible versions simply say, “God hates divorce!” While other translations do a better job explaining what God was meaning. “‘The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the Lord Almighty” (NIV; Emphasis mine).

    God hates divorce is not the end of this divorce discussion. It doesn’t give us enough information or any context behind why God is saying this. And it certainly doesn’t tell us when it’s time for a person to divorce, so it should not be the only verse that is looked at when considering a divorce.

    When a Christian is contemplating a divorce, what are we to do with such a message? Many times there is no clear answer about when you should stay married and when you should file for divorce.

    But we can allow several other verses to show us the life God wants us to live, plus allow the Holy Spirit to guide us in making the right direction given our circumstances.

    Biblical Reasons to Get a Divorce

    Let’s get the obvious signs out of the way of adultery and/or abandonment. As stated in the verses below, these are times that have clear signs that it’s time for divorce–especially if a spouse refuses to come back and/or won’t leave the affair partner.

    “But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” –1 Corinthians 7:15

    “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” –Matthew 5:32

    But…what if your situation doesn’t fit into these categories?

    • What if I’m not married to an unbelieving spouse who has abandoned me?
    • What if there has been no adultery?
    • What if the affair was years ago and church elders suggested forgiveness, grace, and mercy instead of talking about or allowing either party to think about divorce? Can I divorce, now, if I just can’t let go of that pain?

    We are all fallible human beings with a heart that wants to see marriages survive. But sometimes, that’s just not possible.

    Lives are messy. And our lives don’t fit into these nice little definitions of what to do when this or that happens.

    Divorce has to be an option in other circumstances because not allowing divorce as an option, we keep a person trapped in an unsafe and abusive marriage. So let’s look into reasons that are still biblical, but just not laid out as cleary.

    Physical abuse is another sign that most people would agree should be an option if the abuser refuses to get help for the abuse problem and stop the abusive behavior. But what about emotional abuse?

    Emotional abuse is harder to spot than physical abuse, but is just as legitimate and harmful.

    Here are some ways emotional or psychological abuse can manifest, which may mean it’s time for the couple to divorce. Here are 4 signs of emotional abuse in marriage.

    1. Every Conversation Turns to Anger

    If you feel like any conversation about change, about your feelings, or what would improve the marriage turns angry, rage-filled, and you walk away feeling to blame for even opening your mouth, you could be married to an emotionally immature person or an emotional abuser.

    A counselor or coach who specializes in domestic abuse and abuse recovery or a domestic violence shelter can help you understand if you are in an abusive marriage.

    Although marriage counseling might help you recognize this pattern, if all you’re learning in marriage counseling is how to not “set this person off” then it isn’t really helping.

    This is not your doing; it’s not normal. Non-abusive people assert themselves and ask questions to understand another person’s perspective even during conflict. Your counselor or coach can help you find the words to set boundaries and invite your spouse into getting help for themselves to figure out why they often react angrily in conversations with you.

    If they refuse, then you can work on figuring out your next steps, so you can live a life of peace.

    “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.” —Proverbs 22:24-25

    2. Your Spouse Always Leaving You Feeling Confused and Blamed

    Confusion is not from God; peace is (1 Corinthians 14:33). God wants us all to live a life of peace, not confusion and chaos all the time.

    Peace and marriage go hand in hand; you can’t have one without the other. When there is so much confusion in your life about your marriage, the relationship you have with your spouse, and how you’re being treated, you don’t have a peaceful marriage.

    Life with a toxic person, abuser, or a narcissist is like living on an emotional roller coaster.

    Narcissists love to create unstableness in their relationships; keeping you unable keeps them in control.

    Of course you’d be confused all of the time. Any normal person would be. One minute everything is fine and the next they’re exploding, rageful, and threatening a divorce because you asked them to take out the trash or to come to the table for dinner.

    You can’t be expected to change someone else or lower your self-worth to fit into everything they need you to be. It might be time to consider your next steps.

    Again, invite them into healing for their own life and then do what you need to do to live a peaceful life without all this stress and confusion.

    “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” –Romans 12:18

    3. You’re Constantly Left Feeling Lonely, and Your Spouse Isolates Your Relationships 

    There are people in this world that are just not emotionally available to other people at their stage in life. Some may be able to have a great marriage because they understand this about themselves and allow the other person to find an emotional connection with other people.

    But if your spouse expects you to be their everything but refuses to be emotionally available for you or worse forbids you from connecting with others for emotional support, then divorce might need to be considered.

    This person is robbing you of the connection and emotional intimacy we all need. To be seen, heard, and understood.

    Yes, we should get everything from God first and people second, but humans were created for emotional connection with other humans–physical intimacy is just not enough.

    When it’s not safe to ask your spouse for quality time and emotional connection, you may need to get out to feel less alone in this world. Many divorced people feel more connection, more peace, and less alone after their divorce because of the lack of those things in their marriage.

    4. You Feel Trapped and Utterly Helpless

    I often get emails from ladies who tell me all the medications they are on just to stay married to their angry and controlling spouse. They ask what others should they try, what programs or therapy I’d suggest for them to go through, and prayers to pray, so they don’t have to divorce their unresponsive husbands.

    That’s not what God intended marriage to look like! And you’re kids are watching.

    (Side note: This also goes for both sexes. Also, needing medication for your mental health is one thing; needing it to “keep yourself sane” in a hostile environment is another).

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes

    Shouldn’t We Pray and Hope for Change?

    Of course, there is nothing wrong with praying and having hope for change in another person. We know that God can do anything.

    At the same time, we have to be realistic and set up our own lives in a healthy way. If change doesn’t happen what are the options?

    How long do you wait? What if you’ve been married for 10 or 20 years, and every year is just another year like that last? After you’ve invited your spouse into healing and they reject that and blame you, separation and divorce should be the next option.

    “When the sentence for a crime is not quickly carried out, people’s hearts are filled with schemes to do wrong.” –Ecclesiastes 8:11

    I believe when we put too much hope in saving a marriage that is not salvageable it’s like watching someone in Hospice fighting for their life but not letting them go. Yes, we can hope and pray for a miracle but that doesn’t mean we keep them alive once they are gone. Marriages get to that point as well.

    Many Christians might say there is always hope for a marriage to survive; it’s a promise “for life” as long as you’re both still breathing. But as was my case, sometimes it gets to the point that you’re beating a dead horse that was long dead.

    I just couldn’t be the only one always doing the work on myself and the marriage, praying and hoping while walking on eggshells, and watching the cycles repeat over and over again. If I kept holding onto hope that something was going to change, that’s the definition of insanity right? It does drive you crazy to spend decades hoping for change when there has never been any and no responsibility has been taken.

    Instead, I just continued to take the blame and sacrificing myself, even my walk with God, to save a dead marriage.

    Now, for the most part, my life is peaceful; when I don’t have to speak to people who enjoy being angry, blaming me, and causing chaos without feeling guilty about it.

    I can honestly say I’m thankful I let go and accepted the divorce option. I love a thriving life with God in the center.

    Who Gets to Decide If You Divorce?

    The decision to divorce is a personal decision. No one can make that decision for you unless your spouse is forcing it.

    Seek help from educated people helpers like counselors, abuse experts, Christian mentors, and pastors, as long as they are not telling you exactly what you need to do.

    They should help you make the best decision for your life and future.

    God’s Grace for the Divorced

    God cares for people; for souls. God wants all humans to live a life of peace.

    He wants us to thrive, not merely survive or suffer. God hates what divorce does to the person who’s experiencing physical or emotional violence, the spouse who’s being cheated on, or the one who was abandoned by their partner. He hates that another human would put their spouse in this kind of position; instead of protecting them from that environment.

    But when He sees His children suffering so deeply, He allows for divorce to protect that person from future harm.

    “Do not take advantage of the widow or the fatherless. If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry. My anger will be aroused, and I will kill you with the sword; your wives will become widows and your children fatherless.” –Exodus 22:23

    Related Resource: Listen to our FREE podcast, Reframed: The Power of Perspective. In each episode, Carley provides practical techniques for identifying and reframing negative thinking patterns. Listen to an episode below, and check out all of our episodes on LifeAudio.com.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/LiountmilaKorelidou

    Jen GriceJen Grice is a divorce coach and author of the books, You Can Survive Divorce and Your Restoration Journey about recovery and redemption after divorce. After her own unwanted divorce in 2013, Jen started a ministry to encourage and empower Christian women to not only survive but thrive after divorce caused by adultery, abuse, or abandonment. You can learn more about her ministry at JenGrice.com. Jen can also be found on YouTube talking about preparing for and divorcing a narcissist. And her books can be found at B&N or on Amazon.

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  • 5 Ways to Use Loving Words with Your Spouse

    5 Ways to Use Loving Words with Your Spouse

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    We all respond favorably to a word aptly spoken. Scripture, in fact, says these words are like “apples of gold in settings of silver.” (Proverbs 25: 11) 

    Most of us are, in fact, desperate for a kind word and a soft and gentle response. We have enough abrupt encounters during the day that a word, aptly spoken, is healing balm to a fragile psyche. 

    Throughout the day we interact with many people, sometimes careful to choose our words wisely and other times insensitive to the needs of others. When we are thoughtless, the result can be very damaging. 

    “My husband shoots from the hip,” Marcia told me during a recent Marriage Intensive. “When I have annoyed him, he lets me know it, in not so nice terms.” 

    “How do you respond?” I asked, curious about whether she set healthy boundaries or reacted in an unhealthy way herself. 

    “I usually say something I regret,” she said sadly. “I don’t like the person I’m becoming.” 

    “What do you mean?” I asked. 

    “I have always been one to be diplomatic, choosing my words carefully. I believe in holding my tongue and in being kind and compassionate. However, the last few years Vince and I have lost respect for each other. I’m ashamed of how I talk to him and certainly don’t like the way he talks to me.” 

    Vince and Marcia have slipped into some bad habits. Because “emotions are contagious,” Marcia speaks to Vince in a manner similar to how he has started talking to her. They will need to become much more mindful of these patterns before they have an even more detrimental impact. 

    Working with them as a couple, I taught them to become much more sensitive to how their words landed. I encouraged them to watch, look and listen to how their words impacted their mate and take responsibility for making positive changes. 

    Here are a few of the suggestions I gave to them, encouraging you to consider using them as well: 

    First, notice the impact of your words. You cannot change what you don’t see and accept. We all have “blind spots,” and it is up to us to become aware of our patterns and the impact of our words. Ask for feedback on how you speak to your mate and the impact of your words. 

    Second, take responsibility for helpful and hurtful words. Take responsibility for not only helpful words but hurtful words. No one makes you respond the way you do. You alone are responsible for choosing the words you do. Choose to lead the way in setting the emotional tone in your marriage. 

    Third, choose words that build up your mate. Words aptly spoken can have a powerful impact on the emotional tone in your marriage. You can have a profound impact on your mate’s self-esteem, not to mention the degree of love felt and expressed in your marriage. 

    Fourth, give honest feedback to your mate about their words. Again, we cannot change what we cannot see and own. We cannot read other’s minds and must give and receive honest feedback for change to occur. While it may be a bit threatening at first, practice giving honest feedback in a caring way. Create safety so that your mate can give honest feedback.   

    Finally, agree together to have your relationship filled with loving words. Make a commitment with your mate to fill your marriage with loving, kind words. Agree to use encouragement rather than criticism when asking for the changes you want. This is your marriage and you both are responsible for making it the marriage of your dreams. 

    Are you sharing words aptly spoken, or do you need to change how you and your mate speak to each other. I’d like to hear from you. Please read more about strategies for emotional growth and explore more about my Marriage Intensives at www.MarriageRecoveryCenter.com. Send comments to me at drdavid@marriagerecoverycenter.com 

    Dr. David B. Hawkins is the Director of The Marriage Recovery Center near Seattle, Washington where he lives with his wife, Christie. If you would like to learn more about his work, please go to his website, www.marriagerecoverycenter.com. 

    Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Anthony Tran

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  • 10 Things Your Husband Hates about Church

    10 Things Your Husband Hates about Church

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    I bet you thought your husband preferred a quick sermon and then an exit for lunch. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard men complain about lengthy singing and limited sermons.  One man told me, “If they could do four less songs and give the pastor that extra time to teach, I’d be good.” 

    We all have different tastes, and yes, worship is important. But worship is not limited to music and song. The teaching of the Word is as much a part of worship as the songs, special music, and offering. If your church has a pastor who is a great expositor of the Word, your husband wants to hear him teach, not just taste hors d’oeuvres, but never get to the main meal. Encourage your husband to write it on his “attendance card” that he’d like to hear more of the Word and it may not only get him closer to liking church a little more, but it will be music to his pastor’s ears. 

     

    Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker and award-winning writer who helps women and couples find strength for the soul. She is the author of several books including When Women Walk Alone, When a Woman Inspires Her Husband and When Couples Walk Together, which she co-wrote with her pastor/husband, Hugh. For more information and free resources to strengthen your soul, marriage, or parenting, see her website: www.StrengthForTheSoul.com.

    Photo credit: ©Thinkstock/Highwaystarz-Photography

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    Cindi McMenamin

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  • 10 Warning Signs of Narcissistic Manipulation

    10 Warning Signs of Narcissistic Manipulation

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    A hallmark of healthy relationships is a sense of mutuality. God designed each of us in his image, and we each reflect various aspects of his image. We need each other to experience more of God in our lives.

    Relationships with narcissistic manipulation aren’t really relationships. There is a lack of respect and honor for each person as a uniquely and wonderfully designed creation of God. Holding a position of authority comes with a responsibility to serve well. A leader should be about the best interest of the people they serve and the group’s mission. Narcissistic leaders are about themselves above other people.

    A lack of mutuality through narcissistic manipulation may look like; dominating conversations, demanding their way, making unilateral decisions that others must follow, ignoring feedback or helpful criticism, exploiting resources for personal gain, and shaming others. These are evidence of not valuing another person as the person God designed them to be.

    9. Lack of Freedom

    Another hallmark of honoring relationships is the freedom for individuals to manage their lives. I call this self-stewardship and soul stewardship, and it includes personal responsibility for your gifts, beliefs, thoughts, attitudes, and more. In narcissistic manipulation, a victim experiences denial, condemning, and dismissive encounters that fuel a sense that they cannot trust themselves. As a result, victims feel responsible for doing what others say, not responsible for developing who they are and making their own decisions about what to do.

    10. Increased Fear of Doing Something Wrong or Bad

    As we look at these warning signals, one thing to remember is that narcissistic traits are not about one-time events. This type of manipulation is experienced over time. Patterns reveal something beyond mistakes or poor judgment.

    As the patterns continue, you may feel confused and unsure about what’s happening or why something feels off. You may also notice an increased fear that you will do something wrong or bad. You may fear the consequences for not saying or doing the things the manipulator expects you to do. You may also fear withheld affection, rejection, judgment, minimization of your position or personhood, blame, or angry reactions.

    In Summary

    Narcissistic manipulation occurs in Christian churches, homes, and relationships. Because many believers seek to do good for God, self-focused individuals who use concepts of God and goodness for personal gain cause others harm. 

    Reflecting on these signals may mean you notice patterns that have affected you. If so, I’m praying for you to find the resources you need for healing & recovery.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Vasyl Dolmatov 

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    Jolene Underwood

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  • Jesus, a True Friend

    Jesus, a True Friend

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    “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:15

    My pillowcase was wet again from tears. Middle school felt harder than it should have been. If I did not have to go “get an education,” I would not step foot back into that hallway of seventh grade again. What would tomorrow hold? What would the girls whisper about me then? What part of my physical appearance or personality would get laughed at this time? If only someone would be a true friend. 

    Some of these girls had claimed to be my friends in years past, but all of a sudden, the tables turned. Even if they did not directly pick at me, their silence in the moments of humiliation spoke loud and clear to me. “God, thank you that You are my friend.” I would cry out to Him. “Jesus, even though no one is my true friend, thank You that You are.” I would beg, “Help me to have at least one good friend who loves you.” 

    I couldn’t understand all of the ins and outs of hormones, comparison, and competition back then. To this day I feel for the genuine struggles and difficulties young people face when it comes to bullying and mistreatment. They are just trying to get through their studies to get an education, and it can be so hard. Now, they have social media on top of it all. 

    Jesus Provides God-honoring Friendships

    Two years after my prayers, God answered in full. Along came Avery. I met her in 9th grade. We couldn’t be more different. Avery loved reading, but I loved music. Avery was introverted, and I was extroverted. Avery loved soccer, but I loved cheerleading. However, the two of us realized that we shared that same Jesus and both had the same prayer request of a true friend years before meeting. 

    Fast-forward to 16 years later of friendship. We went through high school together, ended up choosing the same college and rooming together, were in each other’s weddings, and stay in touch regularly now while living on other ends of the country. We work at friendship like ours. We value the trust and the depth. We thank God for each other’s viewpoints and wisdom in our life struggles. We do not have to put on a show or perform; we are fully ourselves. We pray for one another and share in the good things and the hard things. We both learned early on that Jesus was the model friend, and by His grace, we would learn from Him and desire to live by His example in our friendship. 

    The truth is that I have not always been a perfect friend to others. I too have been the “mean girl,” the gossip, the bully, or the selfish one. However, what Jesus has taught me is that He is the true friend we are all seeking. People will fail us, and every friend we make on this earth will let us down at some point or another (and we will them). However, Christ never fails us. He taught me from a young age that He was the one I was looking for to fulfill my deepest desire for a true friend. 

    Navigating Adult Friendships

    In adulthood, this looks different. No, we may not be going to school anymore, but clicks form around socio-economic groups, common interests, careers, parenting methods, fashion styles, and more. Maybe you have moved to a new town and are praying for just one good friend. God hears this. We can actively trust Him by praying and taking the kind of steps to be a good friend in hopes to build relationships with others that honor Christ and bless people around us. 

    Jesus could have easily put us on the level of servants. We are, in fact, His servants. However, He calls us friends. He has shared all of Himself and held nothing back from us. He is the real deal. There is no two-faced Jesus. There is nothing chameleon-like about Him. What you see is what you get. He tells the truth 100%. What a gift of a friend! He is trustworthy every time. He is fully loving and fully dependable. 

    In seasons when we feel as if no one is there for us, we can be reminded that we do, indeed, have the best friend anyone could ever want in life. Jesus is a friend to all believers. We can celebrate this today by praying to live by His Spirit to be a friend like Him. 

    Jesus, thank You for being our true friend. Thank You for loving us well. Please forgive us when we fall short as friends to You and others. Help us to identify ways that we can live by Your Spirit to be better friends to those around us. Give us eyes to seek out friendship with others like You have sought us. Help us to praise You for the sweet friendships that You have entrusted to us. Amen. 

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/SeventyFour

    Emma Danzey’s mission in life stems from Ephesians 3:20-21, inspiring young women to embrace the extraordinary. One of her greatest joys is to journey with the Lord in His Scriptures. She is wife to Drew for over two years and mom to baby Graham. Drew and Emma serve with Upstate CRU college ministry in South Carolina. Emma is an avid writer for Salem Web Network and provides articles on the Bible, life questions, and on the Christian lifestyle. Her article on Interracial Marriage was the number 1 viewed article on Crosswalk for the year 2021. All the glory to the Lord! She had the joy of hosting Her Many Hats podcast where she explored the many roles that women play while serving One God. Most recently, Emma has released her first Bible Study Book, Wildflower: Blooming Through Singleness.

    Emma enjoys singing/songwriting, fitness classes, trying new recipes, home makeover shows, and drinking tea! During her ministry career, Emma recorded two worship EP albums, founded and led Polished Conference Ministries, ran the Refined Magazine, and served in music education for early childhood. Emma also had the privilege of having been a national spokesperson for Mukti Mission based out of India. Mukti has been working to restore shattered lives in India for over 120 years. You can view her articles through her blog at emmadanzey.wordpress.com and check out her Bible Study videos on Instagram @Emmadanzey.

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    Emma Danzey

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  • 3 Tips for Your First Month of Marriage

    3 Tips for Your First Month of Marriage

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    About a month ago, Ben and I got married under the bliss of sheltered trees and blazing sun. The day was magical and whimsical, the things they talk about in movies. But in the blink of an eye, almost an entire month has already passed and I’m in awe. One, at how quickly the time has passed, and two, what the Lord is teaching me through this process. 

    In a humble attempt, I’d like to say that I’m no expert on marriage or how my marriage in particular will turn out. I only know what I’ve lived for the last thirty days. That’s my experience, just as your own experience would be particular to you. But to those of you who just tied the knot like me, I want you to know three tips that I’ve found valuable over the last few weeks. In hopes that maybe they’ll help you, and in hopes that they will continue to grow and prosper within me. 

    1. Communication Is Everything

    When Ben and I first started dating many years ago, my Grandma Memo always told me, “Communication is everything.” Glancing between her and my Papa, I knew she was right. They’d married as high school sweethearts, and if anyone could make it to 84 and look as young and in love as them, I’d better start taking my lessons now. 

    Growing up, my mom’s grandparents were my second set of parents. And though I’ve moved out and now live on my own, I still consider them with that high esteem. Not only do they exude wisdom and honor, but they truly illustrate the love, knowledge, experience, and faithfulness that Scripture writes about in Proverbs 16:31 (NLT): “Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life.” 

    But beyond the godly life and excellence, my grandparents illustrate, it’s the honor they give and serve one another with that inspires me the most. Because for them, “Communication is everything,” and they truly live that out. 

    During the last thirty days, I can say with ease that marriage has been both what I expected and what I didn’t. Although I’m sure scholars will argue I’m wading honeymoon phase waters, I’d like to think that after five years of dating, Ben and I aren’t crazy surprised by the challenges that have come our way. 

    By emphasizing the value of communication, both my husband and I know that our problems will have a significantly higher probability of being resolved. And as our marital counselor has noted, marriage is about navigating and living with all the conflict that often has no solution. 

    Communication in marriage, I’ve learned, is less about being right, and more about taking the time to listen. So, when Ben and I start to discuss or communicate something sticky, we each make it a priority to listen to hear, not listen to respond. 

    Proverbs 18:13 (NLT) supports this point well, noting it’s shameful to speak without really hearing first: “Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.”

    “Communication is everything” is valid not always because of what is said but because of what is heard. And if we strive to hear our spouse when they speak, rather than immediately correcting, trampling, rebuking, or ignoring their concerns, we will reap a far better reward. One that isn’t rooted in prideful ambitions of “being right,” but in what James 1:19 calls being “slow to speak,” and “quick to listen.”

    2. Remember to Laugh

    In the early stages of our dating relationship, Ben and I often struggled to have fun. Not because we weren’t capable or compatible, but because it was hard for two serious-about-life individuals to remember to let loose and have fun. 

    I wish I could say since marriage this wasn’t an issue for us, but if I’m honest, this is something we’ve continued to make a goal to improve continually. And Ecclesiastes 8:15-17 reminds me of this often: “So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun. In my search for wisdom and in my observation of people’s burdens here on earth, I discovered that there is ceaseless activity, day and night. I realized that no one can discover everything God is doing under the sun. Not even the wisest people discover everything, no matter what they claim” (Ecclesiastes 8:15-17, NLT).

    As work-driven individuals, both Ben and I have struggled in different ways to “Lighten up, Lucy,” a phrase my mom used to tell me as a teenager, and quite frankly, still uses often. Psalm 127:2 always convicts me of this: “It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones” (Psalm 127:2, NLT). 

    Nevertheless, Ben and I have made strides toward living a more laughter-filled, joyous life. And not because it sounds good or fun, but because we know God wants us to enjoy this beautiful life He’s blessed us with. Not only enjoying one another but basking in the presence of this thing called life we’re called to live. 

    Laughter is good medicine for the soul. And while it won’t cure everything, it might just bring what you need to your marriage. Proverbs 17:22: “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength” (NLT). 

    3. Pray Through the Struggles

    It would be naive for me to write this post without mentioning that your first month of marriage may include some bumps and hiccups along the way. Because the fact of the matter is, that’s honestly just reality. Getting used to living with a member of the opposite sex for the first time in your life can be overwhelming. Guys aren’t like girls, and girls aren’t like guys! And for me, this has probably been the biggest adjustment in my life. 

    But no matter what challenges have come our way, Ben and I have not only committed to communicating and laughing with each other and the Lord, but we’re committed to praying through the struggles as they come. 

    When Ben and I were in pre-engagement counseling, our awesome teachers told us to catch the little foxes and pray often. Song of Solomon 2:15 references this: “Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming” (NLT). The Passion Translation writes it this way: “You must catch the troubling foxes, those sly little foxes that hinder our relationship. For they raid our budding vineyard of love to ruin what I’ve planted within you. Will you catch them and remove them for me? We will do it together” (Song of Solomon 2:15).

    The reason I love the reminder to pray and catch these little foxes isn’t because it’s cool or sounds like a good idea, but because they stem from biblical advice. And biblical advice is always right. 

    As Christians, we’re told to never stop praying (1 Thessalonians 5:17). This doesn’t end when we enter into a covenant called marriage. And it certainly doesn’t end when things like sickness and mental health come knocking on our doors. 

    Just a day after Ben and I got married, we got a taste of what it means to pray through the struggle. Through sickness and in health, Ben helped me through chronic pain and anxiety, and I helped him through OCD spurts and questions. It wasn’t always pretty but it was certainly always prayerful. 

    If I’m sure of anything from the past month, it’s that marriage doesn’t solve all our problems or take away our pain. In some ways, it exasperates it when we learn to hold not only our sufferings but also our spouse’s. But that also means we get to share in and hold their joys.

    I still know relatively little about marriage. After all, I’m a married woman of almost thirty days! But I’m learning, growing, and praying through the process. And I hope you’ll join me.

    Agape, Amber 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Ridofranz

    Amber Ginter is a young adult writer that currently works as an English teacher in Chillicothe, Ohio, and has a passionate desire to impact the world for Jesus through her love for writing, aesthetics, health/fitness, and ministry. Amber seeks to proclaim her love for Christ and the Gospel through her writing, aesthetic worship arts, and volunteer roles. She is enrolled in the YWW Author Conservatory to become a full-time author and is a featured writer for Crosswalk, ibelieve, Salem Web Network, The Rebelution, Daughter of Delight, Kallos, Anchored Passion, No Small Life, and Darling Magazine. In the past, she’s also contributed to Called Christian Writers, Southern Ohio Today News, Ohio Christian University, and The Circleville Herald. Visit her website at amberginter.com.

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    Amber Ginter

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