ReportWire

Tag: healthy relationships

  • Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style: Signs & How to Fix It

    Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style: Signs & How to Fix It

    [ad_1]

    There are some of us who crave a love connection. But the second it gets a little too real for our comfort, we run for the hills. Then, we do it all again with the next person.

    The cycle is real—and it’s called fearful-avoidant attachment.

    The thing is, it’s a lot more common than many of us realize. And if you’ve found yourself defaulting to this attachment style, understanding the what, why, and how can be the key to healthier, happier relationships.

    What Is a Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style?

    A fearful-avoidant attachment style is one of the four attachment styles that describes those who show inconsistent behaviors and have trust issues. Relationship-wise, it’s when you yearn for intimacy but are also wary of getting hurt. This push-pull tendency can lead to unpredictable and often tumultuous partnerships.

    It’s a lot like Will Hunting from Good Will Hunting. Or Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. Both crave connection and affection, but they sabotage their relationships by pushing Skylar and Mr. Big, respectively, away.

    This internal conflict between desire and fear can be a real head-scratcher. But it highlights a core struggle for many of us: balancing intimacy with self-preservation. 

    What causes it?

    According to psychologist John Bowlby’s attachment theory, a fearful-avoidant attachment style (also referred to as disorganized) is one of the four adult attachment styles—the other three being anxious, avoidant, and secure.

    This particular commitment-phobic one stems from childhood with inconsistent caregiving. It’s likely that emotional needs were sometimes met and other times ignored or met with fear-inducing responses.

    The fact of the matter is, research shows that children who experience abuse, neglect, or unpredictable caregiving are more likely to develop a fearful-avoidant attachment style. And what it teaches is that relationships are inherently unsafe.

    As you transition into adulthood, you may distrust relationships, believing that your partner will inevitably hurt or abandon you. So what are you likely to do? Keep people at a distance.

    What’s more, if you have relationships that mirror your childhood experiences of unpredictability and fear, it can just reinforce these insecure attachment patterns. And despite hoping and wishing for that “happily ever after” kind of love, you may subconsciously sabotage your chances of forming any sort of stable and healthy bond.

    So whether you see yourself in Will’s struggle to accept love or Carrie’s fear of commitment, there are always ways to transform how you relate to others. And this can pave the way for more fulfilling and secure relationships.

    10 Signs of Fearful-Avoidant Attachment 

    Recognizing the signs of any patterns is always a healthy step toward breaking the cycle. The thing is, most of us feel victimized by the patterns that continuously show up, according to Katherine Woodward Thomas, the author of the best-seller Calling in The One and trainer of the Mindvalley Quest of the same name.

    “When you begin to see your own part clearly and how you, yourself, are almost setting other people up to play out these painful stories again and again,” she explains, “you finally access the choice to do it differently.”

    So to do so, here are fearful-avoidant attachment signs you’ll want to look out for:

    1. Send mixed signals to your partner.
    2. Fear of getting too close to others.
    3. Emotional intimacy is a struggle, and you often keep your feelings hidden.
    4. Actions can be unpredictable—sometimes warm and loving, other times distant and cold.
    5. Feel anxious about your relationships.
    6. Difficulty trusting others.
    7. Self-sabotage, such as picking fights or avoiding commitment.
    8. Struggle with feelings of unworthiness and doubt your ability to be loved.
    9. Have intense emotional reactions to perceived slights or threats in your relationships.
    10. Ending relationships can be particularly painful and confusing, often leaving you feeling lost and devastated.

    Remember that these signs are adaptive responses to your early environment. While it may not be your responsibility how you were raised, you are responsible now, as an adult, to take this awareness, step away from self-abandonment, and develop more secure attachment patterns.

    A man hugging a woman

    How to Heal the Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style

    “If you’ve been struggling in love, I assure you it’s not because there’s anything wrong with you,” says Katherine. Rather, what we want out of love in this day and age are things we “simply did not learn in the homes that we were raised in.”

    That includes, as the best-selling author points out, evolving our level of consciousness as well as our maturity to the point where we can manifest our soul ties and maintain the love we long to create.

    So when it comes to how to fix fearful-avoidant attachment, there are steps you can take to rewrite your relationship story. Here’s where you can start:

    1. Identify your patterns

    Let’s say you meet someone exciting. Dates are fun, and there’s a spark. But as things seem to get more and more serious, you start picking fights, canceling plans, or—Heaven forbid—ghosting. 

    You, then, might find a way to squeeze yourself back in after a while or move on to another person. And as you feel yourself getting emotionally invested, you repeat the same cycle of pushing them away.

    This is a pattern.

    More often than not, many of us look at habitual behaviors like this as something that happens to us. However, Katherine suggests “to not only see them clearly but also to begin to see yourself as the person who is actually perpetuating them.”

    For example, if you always end up with narcissistic partners, ask yourself if you tend to deflect attention away from yourself or prioritize others’ needs over your own.

    When you’re able to see these patterns clearly, you can interrupt the unconscious ways you show up and start making different choices.

    Remember, it’s not about blame or shame, but about becoming a curious observer of your own behavior.

    2. Evolve toxic relationships

    A relationship where you show up with your fearful-avoidant attachment style is one where it’s toxic, not only for the person you’re dating but also for you. It’s a relationship where, as Katherine would put it, “you have shown up as a dimmed-down version of yourself.”

    “As much as we think that we can just get rid of ‘toxic people,’ the truth is, is that it’s not really their toxicity that’s hurting us the most,” she adds. “It’s how toxic we become in relationship to them that’s actually the most destructive to us.” 

    So what can you do to evolve from avoidant style to love style?

    Katherine suggests acknowledging the ways you react out of fear and self-protection. This takes some practice—be honest about your feelings and needs, even if it feels uncomfortable.

    Reflect on how your behaviors mirror your relationship with yourself. This may require you to set some healthy boundaries so you can work on yourself without feeling anxiety, obligation, or guilt.

    3. Name your false identity beliefs

    False identity beliefs are deep-seated narratives that limit what’s possible for you in love. They can make you feel unworthy, unwanted, or doomed to repeat disappointing patterns.

    For example, you might believe “I am not wanted,” “Everyone always leaves me,” or “I am cursed in love.” By doing so, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy, where you unconsciously behave in ways that generate evidence for these stories.

    “No matter how many vision boards we might create or how many affirmations we might say, no matter how many years one might spend on their therapist’s couch,” Katherine points out, “until you actually see your story clearly and wake up to the truth of who you are and start living from that center, you’re pretty much going to be doomed to continually, unconsciously repeat old disappointing patterns.”

    Once you identify these beliefs, shift to the strongest part of yourself. Reflect on your current strengths and resources that you didn’t have when you were younger. This shift helps you see that you are no longer that vulnerable child but a capable and worthy adult.

    Dating Someone With a Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style

    It’s one thing to be that person with this style of attachment. It’s another when you’re dating a fearful-avoidant attachment person.

    Their actions can be downright confusing and frustrating. However, short of throwing in the towel, you can learn how to navigate complexities with some… let’s call them “relationship hacks.” 

    Here are a few that can strengthen your relationship and create a deeper connection:

    • Your partner’s behaviors aren’t about you. It’ll take patience and understanding on your end to put up with their push-pull dynamic. But by doing so, you can help them feel safe and secure.
    • Encourage open and honest conversations about your feelings and needs. Creating a safe space for your partner to express their fears and anxieties without judgment can help build trust and reduce their fear of vulnerability.
    • Set healthy boundaries so you can prevent feeling overwhelmed or neglected. This’ll also help your partner understand what behaviors are acceptable and which are not.
    • Support your partner if they’re seeking professional help. Therapy can be a valuable tool for them to understand and heal their attachment wounds.
    • Practice self-care because, let’s be real, dating someone with this style can be emotionally demanding. So put on the oxygen mask on yourself first before you help others.

    The reality is, you may not be the reason your partner behaves the way they do. But what you can do to help them through this childhood trauma is to be a prime example of how to show up in the world.

    As Katherine says, “Change can not just happen to you. It can only happen through you, and through the different choices that you begin making, and the different actions that you begin taking.”

    Let Your Change Do the Talking

    It’s true that love belongs to all of us. However, not all of us know how to love.

    That’s the great thing about Mindvalley’s Calling in The One Quest with Katherine Woodward Thomas: It helps you reshape your beliefs about love, heal from past relationships, and attract a fulfilling, lasting romance.

    Just like Will. Just like Carrie. And just like Clara Stickney, a musician and music teacher from Portland, Maine, U.S.A., who testified:

    “Following the guidance of [Katherine’s] course helped me to heal from a significant heartbreak and led me to the most incredibly loving romantic relationship. I have so much gratitude for it every day.”

    The great thing is, when you sign up for a free Mindvalley account, you can get a sneak peek at the first few lessons of Katherine’s Quest, among others.

    Love doesn’t have to be complicated. It just has to be intentional, and that starts with a click in the Mindvalley direction.

    Welcome in.

    [ad_2]

    Tatiana Azman

    Source link

  • Dan Savage Explains Monogamish Relationships

    Dan Savage Explains Monogamish Relationships

    [ad_1]

    “Monogamish” might sound like a typo at first glance, a quirky misspelling of “monogamous.” But the term, coined by sex advice columnist and relationship expert Dan Savage, offers a distinct twist on the traditional mode.

    While monogamy is more on complete emotional and physical exclusivity with your partner, a monogamish relationship allows for a bit more wiggle room.

    That’s the beauty of it, though. It’s the perfect blend of commitment and exploration, and it can offer a fresh take on intimacy for the modern couple.

    So if you’re looking for a more modern approach to love or to reignite the flame in your relationship, monogamish might just be what you need.

    What Is a Monogamish Relationship?

    The “monogomish” definition is essentially monogamy with a little “-ish” to it. The meaning refers to a relationship that is mostly monogamous but allows for some level of sexual activity outside the partnership.

    What does the Dan Savage himself say about “monogamish”? Using him and his husband as an example, here’s how Dan puts it: “What monogamish kind of communicates is, you know, we are pair-bonded partners sexually into each other; we have a vibrant sexual relationship with each other, but we allow for attraction to others.”

    Think of it as a spectrum. On one end sits traditional monogamy, with zero tolerance for emotional or physical intimacy outside the relationship. On the other end lies the vast openness of ethical non-monogamy, where multiple romantic partners are a possibility.

    And monogamish? It carves out a sweet spot in the middle that allows you the exclusivity with the openness to explore desires and fantasies. You could flirt, attend erotic events, or even consume sensual content together—as long as it’s consensual between you and your partner.

    Because that’s the key, right? Communication. Especially with 60% of couples citing infidelity as the reason for divorce, ensuring you both know what’s okay and what’s not okay can be the thing that makes or breaks your relationship.

    Monogamish vs. Open Relationship

    Both love styles share a desire to move beyond the exclusivity of traditional monogamy. But it begs the question: What does it mean to be in a monogamish relationship versus an open one?

    With the former, there are occasional exceptions where you or your partner would be able to explore intimacy externally.

    It’s like that one episode of Friends where Joey finds out that his father has been seeing a woman who’s not Mrs. Tribbiani. It turns out, Mrs. Tribbiani knows about the affair but is okay with it as long as he’s still giving her the love and attention she desires. This is monogamish in a nutshell.

    An open relationship, on the other hand, focuses less on exclusivity. Instead, there’s more freedom for you or your partner to pursue other romantic and sexual relationships—this is usually under the agreement that it’s consensual non-monogamy (CNM). 

    King Louis XIV of France in Canal+’s Versailles, for instance, is a perfect example. He has multiple romances going on at one time, as does his wife, Marie-Thérèse of Spain.

    Regardless of whether you’re more open to one or the other, the bottom line is, knowing the differences between the two can help you determine what you and your partner are comfortable with relationship-wise.

    A loving couple looking at each other

    5 Expert-Backed Tips for Making Monogamish Work

    This relationship style can be an eye-opening experience. However, it’s not without its complexity.

    So how can you make it work? Here are a few monogamish relationship hacks you can keep in mind:

    1. Use the GGG

    GGG is another of Dan’s infamous terms, and it stands for “good, giving, and game.” 

    “It is what I think we should be for our lovers,” he explains during a stage talk at Mindvalley’s A-Fest 2017 in Ibiza. “And what we have a right to expect our lovers to be for us.”

    The concept suggests you should be…

    • Good in bed,
    • Give equal time and pleasure to your partner, and
    • Game for anything (within reason).

    Being GGG means actively caring for your partner’s sexual satisfaction and respecting your agreed-upon boundaries

    Think of it as a team effort. You’re working together to keep the spark alive in your monogamish relationship. And even though some outside experiences might be allowed, the focus is still on keeping your relationship strong and fulfilling for both of you.

    2. Know the “price of admission”

    Picture this: You pay for a thrilling roller coaster ride. While you’re on it, you complain the whole time about the price. 

    It’s the same in relationships, according to Dan. There will be things you have to accept about your partner, a kind of “price of admission” for being with them.

    “You’re not going to get everything you want,” he says. But you gain the joy of being with “The One.” 

    For example, maybe your partner leaves dirty dishes around. Initially, you might nag them to clean up. But eventually, you might decide it’s a small price to pay for a happy relationship.

    It’s a compromise, so to speak. As Dan points out, “You have to decide for yourself: ‘Is that a price submission I’m willing to pay to be in this relationship?’”

    3. Use the four magic words

    It’s no secret that healthy relationships rely on open communication. Research shows that good communication can lead to more satisfaction, and high satisfaction can lead to better communication.

    This is especially important when it comes to intimacy. So what does Dan suggest? Using the four magic words: What are you into?

    This approach is part of what Neelam Verma, a conscious dating expert and trainer of Mindvalley’s Finding Love with Integrity Dating Quest, calls “conscious conversations.” 

    “It’s when you speak from a place of honesty, authenticity, transparency, and intentionality,” she explains. “You don’t communicate from a place of fear, judgment, scarcity, or assumptions.”

    By expressing your needs and listening openly to your partner’s, you can build trust and understanding. This fosters a healthy foundation for intimacy and prevents the formation of trauma bonds, which can arise from secrecy, manipulation, or unmet needs.

    So, four words: What are you into? Simple. Straightforward. Powerful.

    4. Step away from toxic energy

    “Energy is powerful, and it gets entangled with those that we emotionally and physically connect with,” says Neelam. And when it comes to monogamish settings, you tend to get entangled with more than your partner, which means you’re more open to all kinds of energy, even toxic ones.

    “When you’re surrounded by unhealthy relationships and situations, you drain yourself of your life force, your energy,” adds the founder of Integrity Dating. That’s why she highly recommends breaking up with toxic energy, removing harmful influences and behaviors that disrupt the harmony of your relationship.

    This could involve setting boundaries with external partners who threaten the primary relationship’s stability. It also means avoiding gaslighting, jealousy, or possessiveness.

    This practice helps maintain a healthy emotional environment where both you and your partner feel secure and supported, no matter what external activities may be going on.

    5. Be the love of your life

    “We all desire love and a partner who accepts us for who we are, and we know that relationships are about unconditional love,” Neelam points out. “But many of us have never learned that it’s about unconditional love for ourselves first.”

    Look at it this way: You can’t truly give love unless you have a full cup to pour from. By prioritizing self-love, you fill your cup with happiness, worthiness, and strong boundaries. You radiate confidence and self-respect.

    This releases the pressure of looking for someone to make you happy. And dating? It becomes a place where two souls are connecting, growing, and evolving together instead of completing each other.

    How Do I Know If a Monogamish Relationship Is Right for Me?

    There’s a unique blend of emotional intimacy and exploration when you’re monogamish. But is it the right fit for you?

    Here are some questions to consider:

    1. Do you value emotional exclusivity?
    2. Are you curious about exploring desires outside of the relationship?
    3. Can you openly communicate boundaries?
    4. Are you comfortable navigating potential jealousy?
    5. Are you willing to put in the effort?

    Take time to answer these questions honestly. It’ll help you determine if this relationship style aligns with your values and desires.

    FAQ

    Is monogamish the same as polyamory?

    While both share some openness, there’s a key difference:

    • Monogamish prioritizes a primary partner but allows explorations outside the relationship with clear boundaries and open communication. The emotional connection remains primarily with your main squeeze.
    • Polyamory involves having multiple romantic relationships, all with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Love and emotional intimacy can be shared with several partners.

    Ultimately, the choice between the two depends on what your relationship goals are.

    How can I deal with jealousy in a monogamish relationship?

    Jealousy is bound to strike up in any kind of relationship, including monogamish ones. After all, we’re only humans.

    Handling this kind of reactive emotion begins with knowing yourself and talking openly. When you feel jealous, notice those feelings and talk to your partner calmly. Avoid blaming them.

    By sharing how you honestly feel, you can both understand each other better and find comfort. Also, agreeing on rules that make both of you feel safe can help keep that green monster in check.

    How do I communicate about boundaries in a monogamish relationship?

    Boundaries are not meant to restrict or control. It’s there to help create a safe and enjoyable space for exploration within your committed relationship.

    Here’s how you can express yours:

    • Use “I” statements to express your needs and feelings. For example, “I feel uncomfortable when…” That’s way more constructive than “You shouldn’t be…”
    • Listen actively to your partner’s perspective. Acknowledge their feelings and concerns without judgment.
    • Be open and honest about what kind of exploration feels comfortable for both of you. This could include types of activities, frequency, and communication preferences.
    • Renegotiate your needs and desires, which may evolve over time, and make adjustments as needed through open and honest communication.

    Remember: By communicating openly and respectfully, you can establish clear boundaries that work for both of you.

    Love Deeper, Connect Stronger

    Love is a great purpose to have in life. However, as Neelam Verma points out, “We can only love each other to the extent that we love ourselves.”

    That’s the basis of her Quest, Finding Love with Integrity Dating, at Mindvalley. It goes beyond swiping and superficiality; instead, it guides you to build confidence and attract amazing partners, discover your true desires and stop settling, and learn to communicate for deeper connections.

    That’s exactly what Matthew Cook, a content web developer from Mullumbimby, Australia, learned:

    “Having experienced considerable periods of being single because of the lack of availability of someone with the right values and lifestyle choices and being put down for choosing integrity. It feels good to be supported and positively visualize and affirm the presence of a partner with integrity.”

    When you sign up for a free Mindvalley account, you can access the first few lessons of Neelam’s Quest.

    It’ll be the start of a beautiful journey. And it’s going to be worth it.

    Welcome in.

    [ad_2]

    Tatiana Azman

    Source link

  • Ethical Non-Monogamy: The What & the How of ENM

    Ethical Non-Monogamy: The What & the How of ENM

    [ad_1]

    Rom-coms have long fueled our fantasies of what the gold standard for relationships is—monogamy. Nick and Rachel from Crazy Rich Asians, Jonathan and Sarah from Serendipity, Danny and Sandy from Grease…

    Lately, though, there’s been a growing murmur of a different kind of love story. It’s consensual, intimate, and breaks free from the traditional mold. 

    It’s called ethical non-monogamy (ENM). 

    For those seeking honesty, communication, and open love, ENM offers a fresh perspective, redefining what relationships can look like. 

    What Is Ethical Non-Monogamy?

    The meaning of “ethical non-monogamy” is where there are more than two people involved in a consensual relationship, be it romantic or sexual. The key word here is ethical.

    There’s a spectrum within ENM, meaning different relationships may cater to different desires. For instance, some might choose to have multiple romantic relationships at once, while others might choose open relationships, where romantic love is exclusive to one partner but casual flings are permitted.

    This concept isn’t entirely far-fetched. In fact, a 2023 YouGov poll found that 45% of Americans would rather have some form of non-monogamy.

    Keep in mind that ENM is, in a way, different from relationship anarchy (RA). RA takes a more radical approach, rejecting even the structures often found in ENM, like prioritizing certain relationships or defining boundaries around emotional intimacy.

    Why ethical non-monogamy is on the rise

    “Dating today has become more confusing than ever,” explains Neelam Verma, a conscious dating expert and trainer of Mindvalley’s Finding Love with Integrity Dating Quest. “We’re swiping endlessly without truly connecting from the heart.”

    And so, there’s a shift happening in the way we view romantic relationships. Being in an ethical non-monogamy relationship, according to a 2023 scoping review analyzing over 200 studies on the topic, is gaining traction—and for many reasons:

    • Dissatisfaction with traditional relationship models. For some, it might not fulfill the emotional and sexual needs of everyone.
    • Greater emphasis on communication and emotional connection, which can lead to stronger and more open relationships.
    • Exploration of sexuality and romantic desires outside the confines of monogamy.
    • Shifting societal attitudes with more open conversations about sex and relationships.
    • The desire for a wider circle of emotional support and companionship.

    It might not be the most conventional way of seeking connections. But the fact of the matter is, ENM offers a path for those seeking alternatives to traditional relationship structures.

    Is ethical non-monogamy cheating?

    At first glance, ethical non-monogamy might look like cheating. However, it’s fundamentally different.

    Cheating in a monogamous relationship involves breaking trust and violating agreed-upon boundaries; this often happens through secrecy and deception. In contrast, though, ENM is based on open communication, honesty, and consent from all partners involved.

    However, the latter can still involve blurred lines if communication breaks down or boundaries are not respected. For example, if someone in an ENM relationship hides a new partner or violates previously agreed-upon rules, that in and of itself can be considered cheating.

    Types of ENM Relationships

    Chances are, you’ve heard of the terms “polyamory,” “open relationship,” and so on. But what’s the difference between ethical non-monogamy vs. polyamory or ethical non-monogamy vs. an open relationship?

    Simply, polyamorous and open relationships fall under the umbrella term of “ethical non-monogamy.” However, not all ethical non-monogamy relationships are polyamorous or open.

    Here a closer look at some common types of relationships that fall under ENM:

    Polyamory 

    Polyamory involves having multiple romantic and sexual partners with everyone’s consent. This can take many forms: a triad (three people in a relationship), a quad (four people), or a network of interconnected partners.

    It’s like in Woody Allen’s Vicky Cristina Barcelona, where two women and a man (and later, his ex) explore the dynamics of this kind of relationship.

    Leanne Yau, a polyamory educator and sex-positive influencer, explains in a YouTube video that there’s “more of a focus on, kind of, emotional intimate connections like romantic connections.”

    Open relationships 

    Ever seen the comedy Hall Pass with Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis? Essentially, what happens is that their characters get a one-week “hall pass” from their marriages, which allows them to engage in extramarital affairs.

    It’s the kind of ENM relationship that often focuses on sexual exploration outside the primary couple. It’s what’s commonly known as a fling, which really requires a whole level of honesty and freedom.

    However, not all these relationships are the same. There might be rules around what kind of contact is acceptable, or it might be entirely open-ended.

    Monogamish 

    Monogamish is primarily based on monogamy, but with occasional forays into non-monogamy (with negotiation and consent, of course). This could be a couple who decides to explore swinging or other forms of consensual non-monogamy on a limited basis.

    For example, in the movie The Freebie, Darren and Annie are in a stagnant marriage. While the premise revolves around a one-time agreement rather than an ongoing non-monogamy, they do agree to an evening of freedom.

    Polygamy

    There’s a major difference when it comes to ethical non-monogamy vs. polygamy. Unlike the other relationship structures, polygamy involves marriage to multiple partners.

    The TV series Big Love highlights a great example of this—a polygamist family in Utah. Bill Henrickson juggles relationships with his three wives, Barb, Nicki, and Margene, while navigating the challenges of their religious beliefs clashing with modern life.

    (It’s important to note that polygamy is illegal in most places and can come with complex social and legal issues.)

    Common Challenges In Ethical Non-Monogamy Relationships

    While there are plus points, ENM isn’t without its challenges. Here are a few that people have faced:

    • Jealousy remains a significant hurdle for many, even within well-established guidelines. Managing these emotions requires constant communication and reassurance among everyone involved.
    • Time management is another common issue because balancing multiple relationships means dividing one’s time and attention. This can lead to partners feeling neglected or undervalued, so it’s crucial to check in frequently with your partner(s) to ensure their needs are being met.
    • Legal and societal recognition can also pose problems because many laws and cultural norms are designed around monogamous marriage. This can affect everything from parenting rights to hospital visitation and financial arrangements.

    No doubt, ENM comes with an emotional landscape, but it doesn’t differ that much from that of monogamy, according to Hakeem (not his real name), who was in a polyamorous relationship for about half a year.

    “You don’t just assume things,” he explains. “You always discuss things, like ‘what are you okay with?’ [and] ‘what are you not okay with?’”

    So if you’re considering being in one, it’s important to remember that it requires a certain level of maturity and self-awareness.

    People in an ethical-non-monogamy relationship

    Is Ethical Non-Monogamy Right for Me?

    Ethical non-monogamy isn’t for everyone. Hakeem, for instance, didn’t set out to be in this kind of relationship. It just so happened that the person he was dating was in a polyamorous one.

    “This is a person I enjoyed being with,” he adds. “This is the kind of relationship that they had, and I wanted to be with them, so I leaned into it.”

    If you’re open to considering it, here are a few things that you may want to keep in mind:

    • Think about your views on love and relationships. Do you see love as limitless, something that can be shared with more than one person?
    • Consider your communication skills. This relationship requires honest, open conversations about feelings and boundaries. Are you comfortable discussing your emotions and needs clearly?
    • Reflect on how you handle jealousy and sharing. ENM challenges traditional views of possessiveness in relationships, so you’ll need to be open to growth and be able to manage feelings of jealousy constructively.
    • Think about your time and energy because managing multiple relationships can be demanding (albeit rewarding). So ask yourself if you’re able to devote time and emotional energy to more than one partner.

    If any of these points raise concerns, it may be worthwhile to explore other relationship styles. Ultimately, the right choice is the one that aligns best with your individual needs and values.

    How to Practice Ethical Non-Monogamy

    “We all desire love and a partner who accepts us for who we are,” states Neelam. “We know that relationships are about unconditional love, but many of us have never learned that it’s about unconditional love for ourselves first.”

    That’s the premise of her Quest on Mindvalley. And while it’s a cornerstone for monogamous relationships, it can also be one for anyone considering getting into an ethical non-monogamy relationship. 

    Here are a few dating tips to keep in mind if you choose to do so:

    1. Look inward

    Self-love—that’s the foundation of any healthy relationship. It involves a sincere awareness of your needs, desires, boundaries, and even fears.

    Reflect on what each ENM relationship style means to you and how it aligns with your beliefs. For instance, if you identify as pansexual or bisexual, consider how this profound connection can coexist within a non-monogamous context.

    With this level of self-awareness, you ensure that your relationships are not only enriching but also in harmony with your true self.

    2. Be in integrity

    “To be in integrity means to be whole and complete within yourself and in alignment with your truth,” explains Neelam. “It’s where your beliefs, thoughts, words, and actions are congruent, and you show up honest.”

    Why’s this important? By committing to integrity, you ensure that all relationships are built on a foundation of trust and respect. You’re also able to discuss openly what each relationship means to you and how you envision them fitting into your life

     This clarity prevents misunderstandings and ensures that everyone’s expectations align, fostering a nurturing environment for love to grow.

    3. Envision your ideal partner(s)

    Imagine the qualities you desire in your partners, considering how they will interact with the dynamics of a non-monogamous relationship. Think about traits that promote a harmonious relationship environment, like openness, understanding, and respect for boundaries.

    Don’t just focus on what you want from them; also consider what you can offer. As Neelam advises, you just need to be you. “Only then,” she says, “can you truly attract a like-minded partner and create a meaningful connection.”

    So reflect on whether your current self aligns with the partner you wish to attract. If discrepancies arise, identify areas for personal growth.

    4. Indulge in conscious conversations

    Conscious conversations are when you “express your truth, desires, and tensions, and standards early on, and you set the stage for a deep, profound, and meaningful conversation,” as Neelam explains. You ask important questions early on, and because you’re able to do so, you find yourself navigating challenging conversations with ease.

    This kind of openness can lead to conscious relationships. And this is where people come together, learn each other’s love styles, and “co-create a beautiful and fulfilling relationship.”

    5. Open up to vulnerability

    Vulnerability allows for deeper emotional connections between you and your partner(s). It involves sharing your fears, hopes, and dreams. 

    As Neelam points out, “true connection happens in the space of vulnerability.”

    In doing so, you invite your partner(s) to understand your inner world more profoundly, which can strengthen the bonds between you. Recognize moments when you might be shielding your true feelings due to fear of judgment or rejection, and gently challenge yourself to share more openly.

    6. Break up with toxic energy

    “Since we’re vibrational beings, we attract things on the same frequency that we’re emitting,” Neelam explains. And in ENM relationships, you’re not only surrounding yourself with one person but with multiple.

    So, one person (or more) can bring down the vibe. And you may end up draining yourself of energy because of it.

    That’s why it’s important to establish boundaries that protect your well-being and promote growth. If you feel that there’s strife or negativity with any of your partners, consider minimizing contact or ending things to make space for more fulfilling interactions.

    7. Deepen your connection with spiritual sex

    ENM relationships often involve sex. And because it’s usually with multiple partners, it’s important to maintain a sacred approach to it.

    Spiritual sex, as Neelam calls it.

    So ask yourself these questions:

    • What does it mean to share your body and energy with someone?
    • What does it mean to be in a position to co-create with another human?
    • Do you want to date just to be entertained?
    • Are you ready for a conscious relationship, and do you want to date to be loved?

    “By looking at sex as sacred, you’ll change how you approach dating forever,” she says. “Not only will it make you consider who you’re partnering with, but also why you’re partnering with them.”

    Love Deeper, Connect Stronger

    No matter which type of ethical non-monogamy relationship you choose to be in, understand that genuine connections start with you. That’s what you’ll uncover in Neelam Verma’s Finding Love with Integrity Dating Quest on Mindvalley.

    When you sign up for a Mindvalley account, you have access to the first few lessons—for free. That’ll give you a taste of what Marzia Ludin, a civil engineering technician from Maple Ridge, Canada, means when she says, 

    “I was always questioning myself that ‘Why do I attract people and relationships that are not worthy and I don’t deserve them?’… Today, I learned that we can only love others to the [extent that] we love ourselves. This has been changing my life in all aspects.”

    That’s what it means to date with integrity. And that’s what it means to love.

    Welcome in.

    [ad_2]

    Tatiana Azman

    Source link

  • How to Use Words of Affirmation (+ 30 Tips & Examples)

    How to Use Words of Affirmation (+ 30 Tips & Examples)

    [ad_1]

    Think of a time when someone said something to you that turned that frown upside down. It could be a simple one like “I appreciate you.” Or one that’s more complex, like “I’m grateful to you for supporting me through this difficult time.”

    That’s how words of affirmation, especially in love relationships, can truly make a person feel seen, valued, and loved. It’s so simple. Yet so profound.

    As Donna Eden, a well-known energy medicine expert, points out in her The Energies of Love Quest on Mindvalley, “it also keeps you on the alert for what you truly appreciate in the everyday flow of your lives together.”

    What Are Words of Affirmation?

    More than just compliments or flattery, praise, encouragement, and compliments can be the golden ticket to your partner’s heart. It’s one way to tell them that you see them, value them, and care about them—that’s the “words of affirmation” meaning, in a nutshell.

    It’s so impactful, in fact, that psychologist Dr. Gary Chapman listed it as one of the five love languages (the other four being acts of service, physical touch, quality time, and gifts).

    People who thrive on words of affirmation often feel the love when their partner appreciates them for their personality traits like kindness, humor, or intelligence. What’s more, they might even feel validated by how they make their partner feel—”I feel safe when I’m with you” or “You always make me laugh.”

    Sharing positive affirmations can act as a shield against stress, leading to better conflict resolution. Not only that, but, incredibly, these words trigger reward pathways in the brain, much like receiving money.

    On the flip side, however, the absence of these affirmations can be deafening. If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, the lack of them might leave them feeling unappreciated or even insecure.

    How to find out your love language

    Some people naturally gravitate towards positive communication. Others might find expressing or receiving compliments awkward.

    So figuring out your (and your partner’s) love language can be a game-changer for your relationship. 

    Here are three simple ways to find out if words of affirmation are yours:

    • Think about what makes you feel most loved. Does a heartfelt compliment make your day, or do you crave quality time spent together?
    • Consider your communication style. Do you naturally express affection verbally, or do you prefer acts of service?
    • Take a quiz. There are plenty available online, like The Love Language® Quiz created by Dr. Chapman, to discover how you and your partner feel most loved and appreciated. Alternatively, you can take the Mindvalley Love Styles Quiz so you can better understand your comfort level with closeness, independence, and vulnerability in relationships.

    Share your discoveries with each other. It’s a great way to open new paths to deeper intimacy and connection.

    Benefits of Using Words of Affirmation

    “Regularly delivering appreciations is powerfully affirming for your partner,” says Donna. And she’s got a great point.

    According to neuroscientist Andrew Newberg, the author of Words Can Change Your Brain, language holds surprising power. For one, positive words like “peace” or “love” have a way of influencing our moods and perceptions. And for two, his research suggests these words may even trigger genetic changes throughout the body, potentially reducing stress levels.

    In addition to that, a study published in PLoS One found that those who expressed love in the way that their partner liked saw greater satisfaction—both in their relationships and their sex lives.

    It can boost self-esteem and self-confidence and create a more positive and supportive environment. As a matter of fact, research shows that receiving affirmations activates brain regions associated with self-worth and motivation. And that makes them an incredibly powerful tool for personal growth.

    30 Words of Affirmation Examples to Get You Started

    Beyond romantic relationships, children, friends, and even colleagues can benefit from receiving validation. Heck, even words of affirmation to self can be good for your psyche.

    So if you’re looking for ways to effectively communicate them to those around you (or yourself), here are some examples that may help:

    To your partner

    1. “I appreciate all you do for us.”
    2. “Your love makes me a better person.”
    3. “I’m grateful for your support through tough times.”
    4. “Seeing you smile brightens my day.”
    5. “Your passion for your hobbies inspires me.”
    6. “You look fantastic today.”
    7. “I love how you always surprise me.”
    8. “Thank you for listening to me patiently.”
    9. “I love spending quality time with you, no matter what we do.”
    10. “I feel so safe and secure with you.”

    To your child

    1. “You’re so thoughtful.”
    2. “I’m amazed by your curiosity.”
    3. “Your ideas are incredible.”
    4. “You make me proud every day.”
    5. “I love how you help your friends.”
    6. “Your laughter is my favorite sound.”
    7. “You’re so strong and capable.”
    8. “I appreciate your kindness.”
    9. “I love your creativity! Keep exploring your artistic side.”
    10. “Thank you for helping out around the house. It makes a big difference.”

    To yourself

    1. “I’m capable and resilient.”
    2. “I’m proud of my progress.”
    3. “Happiness and love are things I deserve.”
    4. “I forgive myself and learn from mistakes.”
    5. “I honor my needs and feelings.”
    6. “My unique talents and abilities are a gift.”
    7. “I have the courage to face challenges and keep growing.”
    8. “Love and happiness are mine to experience.”
    9. “I’m learning to accept myself, flaws and all.”
    10. “I am enough.”
    A couple talking to each other

    How to Give Words of Affirmation

    Showering your loved ones with compliments might seem straightforward, but there’s a knack for making this form of emotional support truly impactful.

    Here are some suggestions on how you can go about it:

    • Be specific. Generic compliments like “you look nice” can fall flat. Instead, highlight something specific you admire, like “Wow! You’re WEARING that dress!”
    • Be sincere. Empty flattery can feel disingenuous. Make sure your compliments come from the heart and reflect your genuine feelings.
    • Focus on the positive. Even when the going gets tough, find something to affirm. This can help shift the focus from the problem to the solution.
    • Tailor it to them. Consider your partner’s personality. Some people might enjoy public praise, while others prefer something more private.
    • Be timely. Don’t wait for a special occasion to express appreciation. Acknowledge their efforts and positive qualities in the moment.
    • Change it up. Don’t get stuck in a rut with the same compliments. Find different ways to express your appreciation.
    • Actions speak louder than words. Sometimes, pair your words with a small gesture, like a hug or a helping hand.
    • Consistency, consistency, consistency. When you make it a regular part of your conversations, Donna explains that it trains you “to keep yourself attuned for what you truly appreciate about one another in a way that helps the love between you to blossom.”

    What to Avoid

    While you may have the very best of intentions, there can be times when compliments or encouragement backfire. Here are a few pitfalls to avoid:

    • Empty flattery. “You’re the best!” might sound good, but it lacks substance.
    • Using words of affirmation as a weapon, like withholding compliments as punishment or doling them out like rewards.
    • Focusing solely on physical appearance. Sure, “You’re gorgeous!” can perk up anyone’s day, but focus more on personality traits and achievements for a more lasting impact.
    • Negating affirmations with a “but” afterward, like “You cooked a delicious dinner, but maybe next time we can try a different recipe.”
    • Overdoing it to the point where it loses meaning. A constant barrage of compliments can feel overwhelming or even manipulative.
    • Using backhanded compliments, like “You cleaned the kitchen, and it actually looks good this time!”

    Remember, as Dr. Chapman, says, “Words of affirmation are simply true statements affirming the worth of another person.” That’s coming from the creator of The Five Love Languages himself.

    So avoid falling into the traps mentioned above. Instead, focus on genuine compliments that celebrate the unique qualities and contributions of those you love.

    Love Deeper, Connect Stronger

    Words of affirmation are a powerful tool, for sure. But the reality is, they’re just one piece of the puzzle.

    Relationship experts at Mindvalley like Donna Eden and her husband, David Feinstein, Ph.D., can help you unlock the secrets to deeper connection and communication in your relationships. 

    The great thing is, you can take advantage of the free lessons from their Mindvalley Quest, The Energies of Love. It’s filled with powerful techniques and insights to…

    • Deeply understand each other,
    • Feel heard, respected, and appreciated,
    • Interpret and work with each other’s unique energetic patterns, and
    • Resolve any conflict, as you return to a state of sublime energetic harmony with each other.

    As Donna says, “Love is everything it’s cracked up to be… It really is worth fighting for, worth being brave for, risking everything for.” But if you don’t take that chance, “you risk even more.”

    Welcome in.

    [ad_2]

    Tatiana Azman

    Source link

  • Weaponized Incompetence: What Is It & How to Deal With It

    Weaponized Incompetence: What Is It & How to Deal With It

    [ad_1]

    There’s nothing more frustrating (it’s in the top ten, at least) than asking for a little help, and the response you get back is a shrug, a puzzled look, and a mumbled “I don’t know how to do that.” 

    That, in a nutshell, is weaponized incompetence. It’s a clever tactic, really, where avoiding chores and tasks turns into an art form. One that’s less about not knowing and more about pretending to be clueless to sidestep responsibilities.

    “All long-term partnerships go through disappointment,” says Donna Eden, an energy medicine expert and trainer of The Energies of Love Quest. “They go through anger, and emotional riffs, and worse.”

    But the thing is, if you’ve got someone “playing dumb” with you at home or in the office, it might be time to learn how to turn the tables on this frustrating behavior. 

    What Is Weaponized Incompetence?

    Look up the “weaponized incompetence” meaning, and you’re sure to find a not-so-secret code for when someone deliberately acts helpless or bungles tasks to avoid responsibility or manipulate you into doing them. Also known as strategic incompetence, it’s one heck of a passive-aggressive behavior.

    While it might seem like harmless laziness, it can wreak havoc on your relationship. And it can leave you feeling resentful and undervalued.

    What’s more, evidence shows that relationships are more likely to end where the housework is unbalanced, particularly when the woman of the house takes on more. Even in the office, one study found that employees who feel their workload is fair are more satisfied with their jobs.

    Although weaponized incompetence can be a form of emotional warfare, the person using it might not even realize they’re doing it. They might even genuinely believe they’re not good at certain tasks, or they might be hoping to avoid feeling obligated to do chores they find tedious.

    But the effect is the same: It creates an uneven workload and leaves you feeling like you’re shouldering most of the burden.

    Weaponized incompetence vs. learned helplessness

    There’s a similarity between weaponized incompetence and learned helplessness: both end up not doing tasks. However, the reasons behind them are quite different.

    • Weaponized incompetence: The person knows how to do the task but chooses not to. Their goal is to manipulate you, not express genuine helplessness.
    • Learned helplessness: This is a psychological condition where someone repeatedly experiences negative outcomes and stops trying, believing their efforts are futile.

    What does that look like? If your partner struggles with a new task and genuinely wants to learn, that’s learned helplessness. But if they play the ignorance card, especially if they’ve done it before, that’s weaponized incompetence.

    Signs and Examples

    In what ways can this deliberate avoidance of tasks manifest itself? There are some common signs, plus weaponized incompetence examples, to watch out for:

    • They suddenly (and conveniently) “forget” things. Birthdays, anniversaries, or parent-teacher meetings tend to slip their minds, but they never miss a sports game or a night out with friends. “I’m just bad with dates” becomes a get-out-of-jail-free card.
    • They have selective competence, excelling at tasks they enjoy but fumbling at the ones they don’t. Like only washing the plates and cups but leaving the pots and pans in the sink. “Pots and pans just aren’t my thing,” they shrug, leaving the sink in a pile of chaos.
    • They always seem to misunderstand you. “I thought this is what you wanted,” they say with a bewildered look. And no matter how meticulously you explain how you want something done, they consistently misinterpret or “forget” crucial details, leading to subpar results.
    • They use the ol’ guilt trip play, completing tasks poorly and then playing the victim, so you end up feeling guilty for asking. They might “accidentally” shrink your favorite shirt in the dryer and claim, “But… I followed the instructions,” eyes wide with innocence. They look so genuinely upset that you find yourself becoming the people-pleaser and comforting them, doll-sized shirt forgotten.

    Passive-aggressive people, like those who use weaponized incompetence, tend to have a hard time overtly expressing anger, according to Dr. Laura Berman, a well-known relationship therapist and trainer of Mindvalley’s Quantum Love: The Blueprint for Extraordinary Relationships Quest. So they do so more…well, passive aggressively.

    So if you want any chance of transforming your relationship, love or work-wise, recognizing these patterns of manipulation is crucial.

    Who Uses It the Most and Why?

    There’s no gender bias when it comes to weaponized incompetence. However, research suggests that it shows up more where traditional gender roles exist.

    A Pew Research Center study found that women in heterosexual relationships “pick up a heavier load when it comes to household chores and caregiving responsibilities.” This imbalance can cause resentment on the part of women, which, then, may lead some men to use this sneaky tactic to avoid additional chores.

    With that being said, it’s also important to remember that anyone, regardless of their gender, may resort to weaponized incompetence. It could be out of laziness, a desire to maintain control, or that they simply get out of uncomfortable conversations about whatever tasks are at hand.

    The thing is, though, that the key to conflict management and balancing out the dynamics is to understand the “why” behind the behavior. 

    Colleagues with their hands in their pockets dealing with weaponized incompetence in an office

    How to Deal With Weaponized Incompetence: 3 Tips From Relationship Experts

    Just because you’re dealing with such passive-aggressive behavior doesn’t mean you have to be a martyr to the mess. 

    As Donna says, “If your relationship is not going well at the moment, know this is not only normal; it is one of those inconvenient opportunities to deepen your relationship.”

    So whether it’s weaponized incompetence in the workplace or at home, here are three expert-backed tips to get you through to the other side.

    1. Disarm your stress reactions

    No doubt, arguments, especially about household chores or work tasks, can trigger even the most patient of people. This is because our brains are wired with the fight-or-flight response that kicks in during stressful situations. And while it’s meant to keep us safe from danger, it can hurt our relationships.

    So how do you disarm these primal instincts so that you can communicate more effectively? Donna has some tips:

    • Recognize when you’re reacting out of instinct rather than logic. Does a simple chore discussion turn into a full-blown argument? This might be a sign of your primal response taking control.
    • Use the Triple Warmer Smoothie, a technique that involves gentle touches and movements on specific pressure points. This’ll essentially signal to your body that you’re safe and there’s no need for a fight-or-flight response.
    • Have empathy for the other person. Remember, they might also be experiencing their own primal instincts during disagreements.

    If your husband (or wife) uses weaponized incompetence as a primal panic reaction, taking it personally misses the point, according to Donna. “Rather than becoming defensive and fighting or fleeing, compassion is the medicine your relationship needs at that moment.”

    2. Set a clear and positive intention for your conversation

    Communication is key when frustrations over undone chores or tasks bubble up. But setting a positive intention is equally important.

    This’ll help steer the conversation towards solutions rather than blame. Here’s how to use this powerful tool:

    • Think about what you truly want from your relationship, such as greater understanding, patience, or more shared moments of fun. Consider how these desires align with your and your partner’s love languages—whether it’s words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch.
    • Share these intentions with your partner. “Your stated intention can be focused more on yourself, on your relationship, or on both,” says Donna. But the most important thing is, when you both know what the other is aiming for, it makes it easier to support each other.
    • Use reminders to keep your intentions at the front of your mind. This could be a note on the fridge, a daily alarm on your phone, or a simple bracelet that reminds you of your commitment. 

    One major thing to keep in mind is to be flexible. Life throws curveballs, and what you intended at the start of the year might not fit later on. It’s okay to adjust your intentions as you both grow and change.

    3. Take responsibility for your own part

    You’ve likely heard the phrase, “It takes two to tango.” And in any relationship dynamic, even one with weaponized incompetence, it can help to focus on taking responsibility for your own part.

    This doesn’t mean excusing the other person’s passive-aggressive behavior, oh no. Rather, it acknowledges that conflicts often involve contributions from both sides. 

    The fact of the matter is, when you point the finger and get stuck in a “victim-villain-hero” cycle (feeling helpless, attacking, or rescuing), it’s hard to find solutions. And when you’re so convinced you’re right and they’re wrong, it can lead to feelings of victimhood, blame, and a constant struggle for control.

    So, how do you break free? Dr. Berman suggests self-reflection. 

    “When you catch yourself wanting to roll your eyes over something your partner says or does,” she says, “the idea is to stop and ask yourself, ‘Huh, why is this resonating with me in this way? What is my reaction telling me about me?’”

    This allows you to understand what triggers you and what your boundaries are, and to take responsibility for your part. As a result, you can break the cycle of your people-pleasing tendencies and move towards a healthier, more balanced relationship.

    Love Deeper, Connect Stronger

    Recognizing patterns like weaponized incompetence or other challenging traits in your relationship can be the first step toward profound change.

    With Mindvalley’s unique programs, such as Donna Eden’s The Energies of Love Quest and Dr. Laura Berman’s Quantum Love: The Blueprint for Extraordinary Relationships Quest, you’re invited to explore the depths of connection and communication.

    The great thing is, these courses offer free classes on enhancing relationships—be it love or work. And they equip you with the tools and techniques to deeply understand each other, feel heard and appreciated, and navigate through conflicts to find your way back to energetic harmony and quantum love.

    Welcome in.

    [ad_2]

    Tatiana Azman

    Source link

  • Why Katherine Woodward Thomas Is the Fairy Godmother of Love

    Why Katherine Woodward Thomas Is the Fairy Godmother of Love

    [ad_1]

    Love. It’s the four-letter word that has the power to dress us up in a big white gown and ride to the ball in a pumpkin-turned-carriage, hearts overflowing with giddy butterflies. But the same flame that ignites passion can leave us scorched, hearts bruised and tears stained.

    The thing with love is, it exists “to the extent that you give it away,” as Katherine Woodward Thomas, a renowned relationship expert, points out in an episode of The Mindvalley Show with Vishen.

    So, is love a fleeting high ‘til the stroke of midnight or a foundation for a lasting connection? This is the question at the heart of Katherine’s work, becoming the key to attracting love that endures. 

    Watch the full 32-minute episode:

    Ep #030 | How to Summon Your Soulmate (Attract and Keep the Love You Deserve)

    Who Is Katherine Woodward Thomas?

    Chances are, you’ve heard the name “Katherine Woodward Thomas” in association with the now-famous term “conscious uncoupling.” What you may not know about her is that she’s also a licensed marriage and family therapist and best-selling author of Calling in “The One.” Her Mindvalley programs (of the same name as well as Conscious Uncoupling) have impacted more than 110,000 students.

    But beyond these titles, Katherine serves another important role: the modern-day fairy godmother of love.

    Why? With her background, she doesn’t just wear a cape and wave a magic wand, expecting everything to fall into place (although she’d probably rock at it). Instead, she draws from her own love-lost, love-found experiences and professional expertise. 

    “I was accomplished in other areas,” Katherine says. “But the one area of my life that was not working consistently was relationships.”

    Through her journey of transformation, she’s found the tools, wisdom, and insights needed to help people invite love into their lives. 

    “I think a lot of us are trying to figure out our romantic lives by digging in the past,” she adds. However, when you’re up to creating a miracle like calling in “the one,” then action needs to take place to bridge the gap between where you’re at now and where you want to be.

    Don’t be mistaken, though; her approach is far from superficial. Katherine leads you through self-discovery, healing, and genuine connection. By encouraging you to embrace every part of yourself, she helps you recognize your worth and the love you deserve, setting yourself up for genuine relationships to find their way to you.

    The fact of the matter is, finding love in this life can sometimes feel as elusive as a perfect fit for a glass slipper. Katherine, as your fairy godmother, can help you turn your fairytale dreams into reality.

    Why Love Matters, According to Science

    In every tale, even Cinderella’s, the quest for connection lies at the heart. Science, much like fairy godmothers, has its own magic to reveal why:

    • Love and belonging. Falling in love activates the brain’s reward system, flooding it with chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and norepinephrine. These create feelings of pleasure, euphoria, and attachment, motivating us to bond with our partner.
    • Love and physical health. Strong social connections, like those of romantic love, can lead to better physical health outcomes. People in happy relationships tend to have lower blood pressure, stronger immune systems, and faster healing rates.

    These are some of the many benefits, and there’s no doubt that this adoration enriches lives the world over on a deeper level.

    As Katherine says, “Love belongs to all of us.” And finding that love in a compatible partner—like the prince in Cinderella—can be such a rewarding experience.

    Katherine Woodward Thomas’ 4 Love Insights On How to Find Your Soulmate

    It takes courage to open up your heart to love. But while it can be scary, it’s so worth it.

    Here are four pieces of advice Katherine shares that can give your love life the bibbidi-bobbidi-boo it needs and can help you find your soulmate.

    1. Be clear with your intentions

    “The first thing that you want to do when you want to manifest a miracle in your love life is you start from the future you’re committed to creating,” Katherine advises.

    Don’t make it a predictable one like “I want to be in love.” Instead, set clear, specific intentions about the kind of partner you want to attract, the kind of relationship you want to cultivate, and even when it’s going to happen.

    Here’s an example: “I’m going to be in a mutually empowering, mutually honoring and respectful, thriving, flourishing love relationship by the end of this year.”

    It’s a little like WWCD (what would Cinderella do?). If she hadn’t been clear about her desire to attend the ball and dance with the prince, she wouldn’t have received the help from her fairy godmother to make her dream a reality.

    The point of it is to really go for the gold, as the relationship expert explains. Why? Because in doing so, you’re not just hoping to find love; you’re going to want a future that’s “going to inspire you to rise.”

    2. Complete the past

    To move forward, you must first let go of the past. Unfortunately, as Katherine points out, “a lot of us are actually kind of anchored into the past.”

    So, how do you get yourself out of this hole? Well, it’s not about dwelling on past loving relationships, that’s for sure. Instead, it’s about understanding and releasing them.

    Here are Katherine’s suggestions:

    • Identify lingering resentment. Ask yourself if you still feel like a victim of past relationships. This might indicate you haven’t acknowledged your own role.
    • Take responsibility (even the subtle kind). Maybe you didn’t communicate your needs or set boundaries. Taking responsibility empowers you.
    • Notice unconscious agreements. Did you make a vow to never be hurt again or stay loyal to someone who hurt you? Release these self-limiting promises.
    • Cleanse unhealthy relationships. Are you stuck in draining dynamics? Consider setting boundaries or expressing long-held truths to clear the air.

    This healing passage frees you from the chains of past resentments and pains. And it clears the path for you to head to the ball…er, manifest love.

    3. Uncover your core love beliefs

    Your beliefs about love often come from deep down and can stop you from attracting love. This step involves looking inside yourself and changing these deep-seated beliefs.

    Katherine suggests a unique way to do this:

    Close your eyes, think about the patterns that keep happening in your love life, and notice how these make you feel.

    Ask yourself, “What am I telling myself about me?” Often, you’ll find beliefs like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not wanted.” These ideas usually start at a young age, based on things that happened to you.

    The key is to talk to these parts of yourself with kindness and remind them that these old beliefs aren’t true. By doing this, you start to see yourself in a new light.

    The thing is, this change is powerful. It not only changes how you view yourself but also how others see you.

    4. Live the love life you dream of

    The big idea here is to live as if your ideal love already exists. “It’s like a dream,” as Cinderella says, “a wonderful dream come true.”

    While wanting love before might’ve felt like longing for something out of reach, when you truly believe in conscious loving, these feelings can transform.

    “Once you awaken to ‘Oh yeah, I’m committed to creating this; I can have this; I have the power to manifest this,’ now desire becomes something that we play with,” explains Katherine. So instead of shying away from what you want, you learn to embrace your desires fully.

    She encourages you to think deeply about what you really want from this kind of adoration and from your partner. Imagine the joy, the support, and the soul ties you wish to experience.

    Do you see yourself sharing laughter, having deep conversations, or simply feeling cherished? Feel these desires vividly, using all your senses.

    Then, ask yourself, “What steps can I take today to bring this vision to life?” It might be something small, like joining a new class, or something big, like starting a journey toward parenthood. This is about aligning your actions with your heart’s true desires.

    By doing this, you’re not just waiting for love. No, no. You’re actively inviting it into your life. 

    Katherine Woodward Thomas, trainer of Mindvalley’s Calling in “The One” Quest, and her husband

    Love Deeper, Connect Stronger

    If there’s one quest we’re all on in this life, it’s that of love. Even in fairy tales, though, walking this path means embracing all the possibilities.

    “Following the guidance of [Katherine Woodward Thomas’] course helped me to heal from a significant heartbreak and led me to the most incredibly loving romantic relationship,” says Clara Stickney, a musician and Mindvalley Member from the U.S. “I have so much gratitude for it every day.”

    And like her, you, too, can learn to heal past wounds and open your heart to the future in Katherine’s Mindvalley Quest, Calling in “The One.” Her approach isn’t just about finding just anyone; it’s about calling for love—the kind with the profound bond you deserve. Glass slippers, optional.

    Welcome in.

    [ad_2]

    Tatiana Azman

    Source link

  • Relationship Goals: How to Set Them With Your Partner (+ Examples)

    Relationship Goals: How to Set Them With Your Partner (+ Examples)

    [ad_1]

    There’s Jim and Pam from The Office, forever fueling water cooler gossip with their undeniable chemistry. There’s Eleonor and Nick from Crazy Rich Asians, their whirlwind romance defying societal expectations. And let’s not forget Gomez and Morticia from The Addams Family, reminding us that even the spookiest love stories can be filled with passion and devotion. 

    Pop culture often bombards us with images of relationship goals that inspire us and show different ways love can grow and flourish. But what exactly makes a relationship goal-worthy? Is it the grand gestures, the everyday acts of love, or the deep, unwavering understanding between two people?

    As Jon Butcher, the founder of Lifebook, says, “Missy and I learned a long time ago that true love is way more than just experiencing emotion for a while. We’ve got to cultivate the ability to love as an action.”

    So whether you’re in the early stages of a new romance or in a long-standing partnership, there’s always room to set meaningful goals and enhance your connection. 

    What Are Relationship Goals?

    Relationship goals are the cornerstone of a thriving partnership. They’re the roadmap that guides you and your partner toward your future aspirations, dreams, and intentions together.

    “We made a conscious decision early on to create an incredible love affair that would last a lifetime,” says Jon of his union with Missy Butcher, his wife and also the founder of Lifebook. 

    And setting goals like theirs sets you up for a healthier, stronger bond that grows over time.

    Why are they important?

    Having goals in a relationship brings direction and purpose. They foster mutual understanding, respect, and support. 

    Research even shows couples feel a sense of shared purpose, have strong communication, and feel closer to each other—all key ingredients for a happy and healthy relationship. One such study, in fact, found that higher levels of satisfaction and intimacy in partnerships occur when couples set and pursue shared goals. 

    For instance, looking at Jon and Missy, they thought deeply about what it would take to build the kind of relationship they loved. 

    “We defined exactly what it would look like in every area,” Jon explains. Physically, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, sexually, no holds barred for these two.

    When it comes down to it, a relationship without goals is like driving without a destination. You don’t know where you’re going or why you’re even heading in that direction.

    5 Tips On How to Set Relationship Goals

    So where can you start? Here are five handy tips from Jon and Missy you can take to create common goals between you and your partner:

    1. Communicate openly

    Communication is the lifeline of a relationship. Unfortunately, many of us falter in this area. As the saying goes, “The biggest communication problem is, we don’t listen to understand; we listen to reply.”

    The thing is, one of the predictors of happiness in a relationship, according to a 2023 study published in Current Psychology, is listening receptively, truly hearing your partner’s feelings without judgment. While expressing what you want is important, it’s equally important to truly listen to your partner’s wants and needs as well.

    So start with an honest conversation about what you both want. This could include your individual goals, dreams, and aspirations… You can even use the 12 life categories of Lifebook as a starting point.

    Understanding each other’s values, passions, and desires lays the groundwork for crafting meaningful shared goals.

    2. Create shared goals

    The beauty of relationship goals lies in the synergy they create. 

    So start by identifying your unique personal goals and aspirations, be they travel, finances, or what you want to do professionally. Then, come together and see how you can combine them into a shared vision for your future together.

    For example, if you both crave adventure, your goal could be saving for a dream vacation every other year or planning weekend getaways to explore new places. Or, let’s say, you both prioritize financial security. You could set a goal of creating a joint budget or working towards early retirement together.

    A partnership is a collaboration, of course. And bringing your goals together creates this sense of “we’re in this together.”

    3. Be realistic (and specific)

    A vacation to the Maldives, that house on Martha’s Vineyard, or a private plane—these ambitious relationship goals are definitely exciting. However, it’s important to make sure they’re also achievable within your current circumstances. 

    Consider your time constraints, financial resources, and overall life situation. For example, if you and your partner have been dreaming of a month-long backpacking trip across Europe but don’t currently have the means for it, then a more realistic starting point would be to take a weekend getaway to a nearby city.

    Additionally, be specific. Instead of a vague desire for “more quality time,” aim for a date every Saturday night or dedicate an hour each evening to technology-free conversation.

    Remember: The goal is to create a sense of progress and celebrate your victories along the way. Setting achievable, clear intentions will help you stay motivated and avoid any disappointments that come with unreachable ones.

    4. Make a plan

    Big, ambitious relationship goals can be exciting, but they can also feel overwhelming. The trick? Break them down into smaller, more manageable action steps.

    For example, if your ultimate dream is a complete home renovation, a great first step might be researching contractors and setting a realistic budget. Next, you could create sub-goals for specific rooms, like choosing paint colors or selecting furniture. This way, instead of feeling paralyzed by the big picture, take it one small step at a time.

    Many goal-setting templates are available online. They can be a helpful tool for outlining the specific steps you need to take to get you and your partner where you want to be.

    5. Review regularly

    Just like any journey, keeping goals on track requires regular check-ins. How are you doing? How close are you to your goal? Are there any blockers?

    You can schedule dedicated time to discuss your progress, celebrate your victories, no matter how small, and address any challenges you might be facing. 

    Having these conversations with your partner will hold you both accountable and ensure you’re on the same page as you navigate life together. 

    Jon and Missy Butcher, trainers of Mindvalley’s Lifebook Quest

    15 Examples of Relationship Goals

    What are some relationship goals examples, you ask? Here are a handful that act as a springboard to keep your spark sparking.

    Goals to improve intimacy

    1. Weekly date nights. Dedicate time each week to reconnect and reignite the spark. You can step out of your comfort zone and do what the other person likes to do, or explore something new altogether.
    1. Physical affection. Prioritize small gestures like holding hands or hugging daily. Physical touch releases feel-good hormones like oxytocin, which strengthens your emotional bond and deepens intimacy.
    1. Share secrets. Create a safe space for sharing your deepest thoughts and fears. Remember to unplug so you can enjoy uninterrupted, quality time.
    1. Explore new activities together, whether it’s salsa dancing, pottery making, or something more related to sex and sensuality. This approach aligns perfectly with your goals for relationship romance, keeping things exciting and fostering a sense of accomplishment.
    1. Create a shared ritual. Having a “thing” that’s just between you two can strengthen your connection. It could be anything from a morning coffee ritual to going to the gym together.

    Goals to improve communication

    1. Daily (or weekly) check-ins. Take time every day (or week) to share your highs and lows, experiences and feelings. This creates a safe space for open communication and allows you to navigate any challenges together as a team.
    1. Practice active listening. Put away distractions, make eye contact, and really listen. Active listening fosters a sense of being heard and understood, strengthening your communication bond.
    1. Learn each other’s love language. Understanding your partner’s way of expressing and receiving love allows you to communicate your love more effectively.
    1. Embrace “I” statements. When you want to express your concerns, it’s advisable to use these statements to avoid accusatory language. For example, “I feel hurt when…” is more constructive than “You always…”
    1. Express gratitude. Regularly acknowledge and appreciate each other’s efforts and qualities. This act might be simple and small, but it nurtures positivity and strengthens your emotional connection.

    Long-distance relationship goals

    1. Regular video calls. Distance doesn’t have to diminish the fun and connection you share. Schedule consistent times for video chats to stay visually connected.
    1. Use technology for good. Send each other funny memes, inspiring quotes, or simply drop a quick text to express your love for them.
    1. Love letters (the old-fashioned way). There’s something special about receiving a handwritten note in the mail. So write each other heartfelt letters or postcards expressing your love and longing.
    1. Send care packages. Surprise your partner with a thoughtful care package filled with small tokens of your affection. You can include photos, handwritten notes, or their favorite snacks.
    1. Plan future adventures. Plan a dream trip together for when you can finally reunite. This shared long-term goal keeps the spark alive and gives you something to look forward to.

    How to Achieve Relationship Goals

    Goal-setting is one thing. But now, how do you translate those dreams into reality?

    Here are some ways to keep you on track and celebrate your victories along the way:

    1. Build a supportive environment with openness and vulnerability. If one of your goals is to improve communication, for instance, establish a “no-interruption” rule during discussions.
    1. Celebrate small wins. Manage to have a date night every week this month? Give yourselves a high-five! Acknowledging these small achievements keeps motivation high and makes the journey enjoyable.
    1. Stay flexible and adapt. The reality is, life happens, and your life goals, together and individually, may need to be adjusted. Be prepared to reevaluate and modify your goals as needed.
    1. Practice patience and understanding. If progress is slower than expected, remind yourselves of the bigger picture and the benefits of staying the course.
    1. Seek external guidance when needed. Don’t hesitate to seek guidance from a counselor or a coach, especially if you’re facing challenges in achieving certain goals.

    The bottom line is, the foundation of a healthy relationship is devotion. “It’s devoting yourself,” says Missy. “Each one of us devoted ourselves to go into this relationship to make a new thing.”

    Love Deeper, Connect Stronger

    Building a relationship you love takes effort. But the rewards? They’re immeasurable.

    As Jon says, “Extraordinary love relationships require extraordinary people.” So if you want to dive deeper into how you can be one, head to Mindvalley’s Lifebook Quest with Jon and Missy Butcher. 

    It’s a powerful roadmap to personal growth, designed to help you become the best version of yourself—for you and your partner.

    Welcome in.

    [ad_2]

    Tatiana Azman

    Source link

  • Soul Ties: Meaning, Signs & How to Break Them

    Soul Ties: Meaning, Signs & How to Break Them

    [ad_1]

    If there’s one thing social media does well, it sets obscure topics ablaze. And the one currently trending on TikTok? Soul ties.

    This concept, shrouded in mystery and tinged with a touch of the metaphysical, has sparked endless questions and ignited curiosity. But beyond the online buzz lies a deeper truth: soul ties can have a huge impact on your relationships and personal growth. 

    And when you start to understand this complex bond, you’ll learn to identify whether it’s good or bad for you and take the steps to open yourself up to the possibility of a fulfilling, lasting love.

    What Are Soul Ties?

    Soul ties are profound, spiritual connections between you and another person. Oftentimes, you feel an unexplainable bond, like your hearts are intertwined, and separation seems impossible.

    Dr. Laura Berman, a well-known relationship therapist and trainer of Mindvalley’s Quantum Love: The Blueprint for Extraordinary Relationships Quest, explains that in quantum physics, matching someone or something else’s energetic frequency is called entrainment.

    “Our bodies,” she says, “hold an energetic frequency that is affected by and affecting everyone and everything around us.”

    They can be positive and create profound relationships that foster empathy, understanding, and mutual support. It’s like Noah and Ally from The Notebook. Or even the kinship between Harry, Ron, and Hermione in the Harry Potter series.

    However, where there’s a positive, there must be a negative—and soul ties, as social media points out, can lean toward the dark side when the relationship becomes imbalanced or unhealthy. Unresolved conflict, emotional manipulation, or even sudden endings can create a tangled mess in the energetic cord.

    Think Star Wars’ Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader, for instance, or Black Swan’s Nina Sayers and her rival ballerina Lily.

    How are soul ties formed?

    These energetic connections can arise from romantic relationships, close friendships, familial bonds, or even brief but powerful encounters.

    But what causes soul ties? Think back to a profound life event you shared with someone. Or a time when you were able to be vulnerable and open in ways you’d never been before. These moments create emotional imprints, binding you to the person who shared those experiences with you.

    Positive soul ties can stem from deep love, shared experiences, or profound moments of intimacy. The negative ones, on the other hand, can come from experiences like trauma, codependency, or even intense arguments.

    But what these ties are a reflection of is the human need for connection and belonging—an innate desire to be understood and valued.

    Soul ties vs. twin flames

    Both are about deep connections between two people. However, the soul ties meaning is distinct from that of twin flames. Here’s where they differ:

    Soul Ties Twin Flames
    Nature Energetic connection formed through shared experiences Two halves of one soul reunited
    Number of Connections Can have multiple soul ties throughout life Believed to have only one twin flame
    Intensity Varies depending on the relationship Extremely intense and transformative
    Purpose Can be for growth, learning, or even karmic balance To help each other reach their highest potential
    Relationship Dynamic Can be romantic, platonic, or familial Typically romantic, with a strong spiritual component
    Healthy vs. Unhealthy Both healthy and toxic soul ties exist Believe to be a divinely ordained connection (healthy)

    In essence, soul ties are more about shared experiences and emotional bonds. Twin flames, on the other hand, are a more spiritual concept with a deeper soul connection.

    The Dangers of Having a Soul Tie

    “Toxic ties cost us, and they cost us big time,” says Katherine Woodward Thomas, a licensed marriage and family therapist, best-selling author, and trainer of Mindvalley’s Conscious Uncoupling Quest. 

    Here’s how this kind of energetic bond can hold you back:

    • You feel emotionally drained after interacting with someone you have a negative connection with. This emotional drain can stem from unresolved issues or energetic imbalances within the connection.
    • You feel stuck in the past. You might find yourself constantly comparing new partners to your ex or feeling unable to fully detach and invest in the present. And this can make it difficult to move forward and create new, healthy relationships. 
    • You feel an unhealthy dependence on the other person for emotional support or validation, much like a karmic relationship that no longer serves you. This codependency can hinder your personal growth and prevent you from developing healthy boundaries in other relationships.
    • You feel like you’ve lost your identity and lost sight of your own desires and needs, becoming overly focused on the other person. This can lead to a struggle to define yourself outside of the relationship.
    • You feel negatively influenced. Sometimes, soul ties can be formed with people who exhibit unhealthy behaviors or harbor negativity. This negativity can seep into your own energy field, affecting your thoughts, emotions, and actions.

    These are just some potential dangers; not everyone experiences negative effects from this kind of spiritual connection. However, if you find yourself resonating with these points, it might be a sign that you have some soul ties to address and release for your own emotional well-being.

    10 Signs You Have a Soul Tie

    Here are some key indicators on how to know if you have soul ties or not:

    1. Intense emotional connection, one that goes beyond the surface level. It’s like you understand each other without words.
    1. Difficulty moving on after a relationship ends, or you constantly think about the person.
    1. Inexplicable mood swings because your emotions seem tied to this person. Their highs and lows dramatically affect you, even when they’re not around.
    1. Frequent dreams or thoughts appear about them throughout the day, even in mundane moments.
    1. Sense of familiarity right from the start, like a soulmate. It’s as if you’ve known them for a long time.
    1. Telepathic feelings, where you can sense their emotions or thoughts.
    1. Physical responses like heart racing, butterflies in your stomach, or a sense of calmness triggered by their presence or even the thought of them.
    1. Impact on decision-making. Their opinions and thoughts significantly influence your decisions, sometimes even more than your own.
    1. Shared pain or joy as if it were your own, showing a deep empathetic connection.
    1. Reluctance to form new relationships, as if a part of you is still tied to them.

    Recognizing these signs can help you understand the nature of your connections, whether they’re positive or negative.

    How to Break From a Soul Tie: 5 Steps You Can Take to Heal & Move On

    If you suspect you have a soul tie that’s holding you back, particularly a toxic relationship, there are steps you can take to release it and move forward. 

    If you are operating under the illusion that you can continue to hold on to people who you know are not good for you and still create an extraordinary life filled with love and fulfillment, then you are fooling yourself. —… Click To Tweet

    Here are a few ways to break from a soul tie:

    1. Acknowledge and accept

    The first step to any kind of recovery is acknowledging there’s a problem.

    That doesn’t mean dwelling on the past, though. Rather, it’s recognizing that there’s an energetic cord between you and that other person, and it’s impacting your present for the worse. It’s much like seeing a weed in your garden; you can choose to remove it and make space for beautiful new flowers.

    As Katherine advises, “Until you are able to see yourself living the life that you truly want, it will be difficult for you to create it.”

    2. Forgive and release

    Anger, resentment, or guilt—these are things that can keep the soul tie tethered. That’s why forgiveness is such a powerful action.

    What’s more, studies have found that it leads to a decrease in anger, anxiety, and depression while also fostering feelings of compassion and well-being. 

    Katherine suggests noticing the judgments that you’ve had towards yourself and your former partner. Notice if the things you thought were supposed to go differently from how they actually have gone. Now, she adds, “See if you can make conscious the standards to which you’ve been holding yourself and others accountable.”

    By letting go of all that negativity, you weaken the energetic hold of the soul tie and free yourself to create healthier emotional connections.

    3. Cut the cord (using visualization)

    Visualization is powerful because it allows you to train your mind to see and experience desired outcomes, influencing your thoughts, emotions, and even your energetic state.

    Dr. Berman explains, “When you imagine things as if they’re happening right here, right now, in this present moment, in first person, your brain and your body cannot tell the difference between reality and rehearsal.”

    So first, find a quiet space where you can relax and close your eyes. And then, imagine yourself cutting the energetic cord connecting you to the other person. You can visualize a white light severing the connection, or picture yourself detaching with love and compassion.

    4. Set boundaries

    “A boundary is where you end and another person begins,” explains Neelam Verma, the founder of Integrity Dating and trainer of Mindvalley’s Finding Love with Integrity Dating Quest. So if you still have contact with the person, establishing clear ones is crucial. 

    What ways can you do so?

    Limiting your communication to specific times or topics is one way. You can also establish physical boundaries, like avoiding certain places you know they frequent. On social media, consider unfollowing or even blocking them if necessary.

    Remember, boundaries are about protecting your emotional well-being, and you have the right to say no to interactions that drain your energy.

    5. Self-care practices

    The process of getting over someone you love also means focusing on nurturing your well-being. Taking care of yourself strengthens your own energy field and helps you detach from unhealthy connections.

    Focus on self-love and activities that nurture your well-being through meditation, journaling, spending time in nature, or pursuing hobbies you enjoy.

    Neelam also suggests affirmations and mantras, which are great ways to reprogram your subconscious mind and break free from negative patterns associated with the soul tie. Here are a few mantras she shares on her Mindvalley Quest:

    • My heart is open to giving and receiving love.
    • I’m ready to surrender to a lover who will truly see me and love me.
    • I’m deeply connected to my feelings, and I express them freely. 
    • I choose to honor myself mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually.
    • I love myself completely. I am divine. I am worthy of love.

    Frequently Asked Questions About Soul Ties

    The world of soul ties is multifaceted, so it’s common that there’ll be some lingering questions. Explore these frequently asked questions to help you better navigate them on your journey towards healthier connections.

    Are soul ties real?

    The concept of energetic connections between souls is a core belief in some spiritual traditions. It’s a way to explain karmic lessons, past-life connections, or the deep bonds you form with other individuals.

    Scientifically speaking, however, there’s no concrete evidence to prove the existence of soul ties as energetic connections. With that being said, there are related concepts like mirror neurons, limbic resonance, and attachment theory that may offer scientific insights to understand the emotional experiences associated with soul ties.

    What are the types of soul ties?

    There aren’t any universally agreed-upon categories. However, the following four are commonly discussed types of soul ties:

    • Romantic that’s formed through intense emotional bonds in romantic relationships. These can be positive (like soulmates) or negative (toxic exes you can’t seem to let go of). For instance, Marshall and Lily in How I Met Your Mother.
    • Platonic, which are deep connections with friends or family members that go beyond the typical. These can be incredibly supportive, but can also become imbalanced if boundaries aren’t maintained. This is like Lorelai and Rory in Gilmore Girls.
    • Karmic, which is believed to be related to past-life experiences or lessons. These connections can be challenging, but offer opportunities for growth and resolution. Charlie and Nicole from the movie Marriage Story are a perfect example.
    • Spiritual that’s formed through shared spiritual beliefs or practices. These can be uplifting and provide a sense of belonging to a like-minded community. One example is Joe Gardner and 22 in Pixar’s Soul.

    Can you have a soul tie with a friend?

    Most definitely. You can share a deep emotional connection with anyone, and that includes friends.

    These bonds can be incredibly supportive and enriching. But keep in mind that unhealthy friendships can also drain your energy.

    So pay attention to how you feel after you interact with friends—with healthy soul ties, you feel uplifted; with toxic ones, you might feel depleted.

    Find Your Spiritual Superpower

    Social media may help bring awareness to soul ties and such. But if you want to know how to navigate these connections and cultivate healthier relationships, Katherine Woodward Thomas, a world-renowned relationship expert, offers a powerful program called Conscious Uncoupling on Mindvalley. 

    Under her guidance, it can equip you with the tools to release unhealthy soul ties, heal from past relationships, and attract fulfilling connections that support your emotional well-being.

    Welcome in.

    [ad_2]

    Tatiana Azman

    Source link

  • Healthy Relationships: Assessing the Emotional Safety | LoveAndLifeToolBox

    Healthy Relationships: Assessing the Emotional Safety | LoveAndLifeToolBox

    [ad_1]

    Couples seek relationship counseling for numerous reasons.  No matter what issues they present to therapy with, it often can be boiled down to a problem with the emotional safety in their relationship.  The most hostile, distant or disengaged couples are not the only ones who can be challenged with a lack of emotional safety.  Those who minimize their feelings or are conflict avoidant can often ultimately be the most at risk.  Often the presenting problems that couples go to therapy for, are actually symptoms of a lack of emotional safety in their relationship.

    “Emotional safety” encompass important elements.  It exists when both partners feel:

    • respected 
    • they can trust each other
    • prioritized
    • heard
    • understood
    • validated
    • empathized with
    • loved

    If you’ve been struggling to communicate, are easily brought to conflict, have disconnected and are sweeping feelings under the rug, it’s important to do a deeper level check on the status of your relationship.  These are all often signs of distress. 

    Do a quick mini-assessment on your own relationship by asking yourself how you feel, on a scale of 1-10, in each of the following areas.

    Respect: How respected do you feel by each other? People who report low levels of respect often experience criticism, judgment or neglect.  Perhaps your partner makes important decisions without you.

    Trust:  Are you clear your partner will not betray you?  Betrayal can include physical and emotional trust violations.  It can also feel like they don’t truly have your back in other ways.  Questions around whether you can trust your partner can lead to insecurity about the relationship and impact your self esteem.

    Prioritized: How much do you each feel prioritized by each other?  People who don’t feel prioritized can start to wonder if they matter to the other.  Perhaps your partner spends a lot of time with others or doesn’t take your requests or needs seriously.

    Feeling Heard: How much do you feel heard by each other? Those who don’t feel heard can feel ignored or minimized.  It can feel like your partner doesn’t care what you think you feel, which can be painful and over time build resentment.

    Understood: How much do you feel understood by each other? People with low levels of understanding from the other report frustration around their partner not taking the time to truly know them.  You might feel like your partner doesn’t care to understand.  The end result of this can be loneliness in the relationship.

    Validation: How much do you feel validated by each other? Low levels of validation are problematic to any relationship in that one or both don’t experience their partner acknowledging their emotions.  Even if you don’t understand why your partner feels a certain way, it’s important to validate their experience.

    Empathy: How much do you feel empathy from each other? A relationship that lacks empathy is particularly challenging as it’s experienced as an even lower level of care or concern for each other’s feelings.  Your partner may be clear something is painful for you yet behave as if they don’t care.  Experiencing a lack of empathy by someone who is supposed to be there for you is a deeply painful experience.

    Love: How much do you feel loved by each other? Couples who report low levels of feeling loved by the other can reach a state of hopelessness.  Believing your partner doesn’t love you can be the assumption that is made from deficiencies in all of the above.

    A lot of lower numbers in this exercise indicates some deficiencies in your emotional safety.  It’s also important to reflect upon how you’re showing up in the relationship.

    The piece 7 Ways to Create Emotional Safety in Your Relationship in PsychCentral.com sums it up well:

    Emotional safety also goes both ways. When you feel emotionally safe and reveal your true self, it opens the door for your partner to do the same. And when both people in a relationship feel secure, it provides a safe environment where a deeper and more loving connection can form.

    If you’re concerned that the level of emotional safety in your relationship is in trouble, try talking to your partner about this.  If he/she is willing, have them look at this mini-assessment themselves.  Explain that this is a significant issue that if left unchecked can literally lead to the end of your relationship.  If needed, consider couples counseling to help navigate through as it can be tricky. You might benefit from a deeper exploration into your dynamic, why it exists and learning tools to make changes.  Family of origin work can be an important piece of this.

    [ad_2]

    Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

    Source link