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Tag: Euphoriants

  • Study Finds Daily Marijuana Use Outpaces Alcohol In U.S.

    Study Finds Daily Marijuana Use Outpaces Alcohol In U.S.

    A study based on the National Survey on Drug Use and Health found that more people in the United States use marijuana daily than alcohol, with 17.7 million people reporting using pot daily or nearly every day. What do you think? 

    “With good time-management, there’s room for both.”

    Wyatt Brezinski, Wakeboard Calibrator

    “Makes sense. Weed never made me piss my pants on a mechanical bull.”

    Yvonne Caughran, Tantric Psychiatrist

    “That’s okay. I didn’t get into alcoholism because I thought it was trendy.”

    Herschel Pennucci, unemployed

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  • Conservatives Explain Why The U.S. Should Invade Mexico

    Conservatives Explain Why The U.S. Should Invade Mexico

    “Right now it’s illegal for me to take clippings from the protected Mexican wildlife, but if I enlisted, passed boot camp in record time, was immediately deployed to the front lines, somehow survived, and went AWOL, I could probably sneak a few rare varieties of saguaro back, which would finally impress the other guys in my local cactus-growing group.”

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  • Cocaine Found At White House

    Cocaine Found At White House

    The Secret Service confirmed that testing showed an unidentified white substance found in the White House during a routine search is cocaine, with the investigation into how it got there still ongoing. What do you think?

    “The fair thing to do now is distribute it equally to all Americans.”

    Colton Kemper, Number Deducer

    “To be fair, cocaine was a prescription medicine when Biden was young.”

    Dakota Gilbert, Amateur Clairvoyant

    “If it doesn’t send a Black person to jail, does it even count as drugs?”

    Miguel Badillo, Cheese Ager

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