[ad_1]
Humans are going back to the Moon! NASA’s Artemis program is going to send a bunch of astronauts to the Lunar surface in the coming years, initially for Moon business, but later to start work on the eventual journey to Mars. It’s exciting stuff, but as this art series shows, it can’t hurt to pack a few extra pieces of…
[ad_2]
Luke Plunkett
Source link
[ad_1]
ANTAKYA, TURKEY—Adding previously unknown context to the biblical story of Easter, the text of a newly discovered first-century papyrus scroll released to the public Thursday suggests that Jesus hid out in His tomb for a few extra days while an abuse scandal within His ministry blew over. “If I can just cool My heels for three days or so, people will move on to other things and forget about this,” Jesus is recorded as saying in the text, which is written in the same Koine Greek as the gospels and which describes allegations of child sexual abuse among the 12 apostles that surfaced shortly before what the Bible describes as the death and resurrection of Christ. “Someone will cover this up, and I’ll rise again. This is really bad, though. The scroll listing all the victims is, like, 20 feet long. Seriously, how did so many of My disciples turn out to be pedophiles?” The account went on to include several drafts of a statement Jesus attempted to prepare that would acknowledge what had happened without implying He had any knowledge of it.
[ad_2]
[ad_1]
THE HEAVENS—With smoke and the acrid smell of charred cherubim filling the skies, celestial sources confirmed Wednesday that the Lord God Almighty accidentally burned down heaven this morning when His malfunctioning curling iron started an electrical fire. “I was just putting some nice, loose beach waves in My hair when that piece of shit started sparking, and before I knew it, the towels, the curtains, and the entire Promised Land went up in flames,” said God, whose hair was only half-curled, adding that He was tempted to smite the manufacturers of the cheap curling iron He bought from Shein. “It was so embarrassing when the firefighters showed up, and there I was standing outside the Pearly Gates like an idiot in my bathrobe. On top of everything else, I had 40 or 50 billion eternal souls in there that were burnt to a crisp and can’t be replaced. Some Everlasting Kingdom this turned out to be, huh?” God added that until He could find a new home on high from which to gaze upon His creation, He’d probably just crash with His old buddy Satan down in hell.
[ad_2]